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Metapost: COTW + cute kid = fun!

Hey everyone, do you know what time it is? That’s right … it’s COMMENT OF THE WEEK TIME!

“‘I came east to help cousin Lu Ann, but I had selfish reasons too, Aristotle.’ Yikes. I just realized the guy’s name really is ‘Aristotle.’ I thought Ruby was just being sarcastic. You know, like: My life in Dallas wasn’t going so well, Einstein. I needed a change of scene, Copernicus. Maybe permanently, assface.” –SmartPeopleOnIce

And the runners-up — extra hilarious, this week.

“It occurs to me that Slylock Fox isn’t so much doing good detective work here as being the douchebag who shouts out how the magician performs his trick. ‘Count Weirdly said that his assistant had dirty ears, and pulled out a shiny quarter to prove it. Slylock suspects the quarter didn’t come from behind the assistant’s ear. How did Weirdly do it?’” –posiduck

“Dawn can seek ultimate revenge by seducing Vera’s alcoholic brother and spending his vast fortune. Or she can just walk over and throw lye in Vera’s face. It’s her call.” –Anonymous

“Prof. Aristotle comes out of hiding to take the weak member of the herd. ‘Hey, you must be feeling lonely and far from home … let me cull you.’” –Frank Parsnip

“That ‘child,’ with its grim, resigned expression and a head ringed with the same dark matter as Les’s, looks less like an adopted orphan or even the product of an ill-advised spree of sperm shopping on the part of Bull, but rather a long-lost elder sister of Les’s who’s been run through a dryer until she’s suitable to play out these two men’s forbidden, androgenetic fantasies. She looks like she’s already calculating the best time to slip outside for a smoke.” –SecretMargo

“I strongly suspect that Mr. Wilson has, on a regular but gradual basis for the past decade or so, spiked his wife’s baked goods, inevitably mooched by Dennis, with either strong sedatives or hallucinogens, or both. Thus why he’s not at all worked up about Dennis and smilingly shoos him out. George Wilson is finally master of his own fate, and if the price to pay is the neighbor kid turning into a spaced out lei-wearing stoner before he’s even 10, so be it.” –Andrew Leal

“If ever there were a couple that did not suggest a sexual attraction or emotional connection, it would be these two. And in a world populated with Garys, Alans, and whatever-the-hell-his-name-is-Margo-is-about-to-kills, the standard for this sort of thing is already pretty darn low.” –A New Day

“I hate to break it to Dawn, but in the first panel Drew’s paper has her rock beat.” –Inspector Dim

“[Drew]‘s one tactical opportunity to avoid severe damage to his effeminate features is to run behind Vera and let her take the pulping while he makes a frenzied break for the car. Elsewise he may as well drop into a fetal position and shriek until help arrives, half anticipating the usual shamed look on his father’s face upon seeing his son having been pummeled by a berserk waif in a pink blouse.” –Sunny Mel Blatherscythe

“Nobody needs saving from rain and floods like aquatic waterfowl do.” –Jym

“Men and women are totally different, but their crotches look exactly the same.” –Lisa Simpson

“I think this Sunday’s MT should be on ducks. Ordinary ducks like Shirley, but with unusual and little-known facts like ‘Ducks can swim’ and ‘Ducks can have more than one nest’ and ‘There are too many damn ducks in the world already, and they’re infringing on corporate development, so kill all the ducks you see.’” –Concrete Queen

“YEAH BABY! A TECHNOLOGY JOKE! Technology’s always funny, right? I’m going to make a comic where it’s nothing but a young person saying ‘iPod’ to an older person all day. And I’ll win the hearts of millions.” –Cheeky Wee Monkeys

“Drew, on the other hand, might be in for a rough time. There’s actually some hidden potential for drama in this story, as Mary will have to decide whether her sexless ‘relationship’ with his dad should affect Drew’s punishment for the crime of Not Taking Advice. Will being Jeff’s son let Drew get out of this with nothing worse than losing both his incredibly easy co-ed girlfriend and his ponytailed office-drone inamorata and sitting through the mandatory finger-pointing parade of platitudes? Or will the silver-haired she-beast demand more from him?” –Trilobite

I should add that I have no idea which comic the next-to-last comment, about technology jokes, is referring to, but it’s really pretty much always a timely observation.

Also! Many of you have successfully purchased Bob Weber Jr.-designed Cassandra Cat items from the Comics Curmudgeon store. But do any of you look as adorable in them as the daughter of faithful reader Klipper?

“My wife and I discussed whether the Cassandra Cat onesie would be appropriate for our 10-month old daughter, Zoe. Unfortunately this was after I’d bought it. Ultimately we decided that she has no idea what she’s wearing — if she had her druthers she’d run around naked and covered in poo — and this can’t be any worse than the multitude of pink kittens and bunnies and crap that she has to wear every time we visit the relative that bought her the outfit. And if she does somehow understand it, the Cassandra logo will only influence her to become a strong woman who cuts the balls off disrespectful or otherwise predatory men … and I’m ok with that.” He adds that he also bought an Right Fist O’ Justice magnet, “suitable for all ages.”

Anyway, tons of you purchased Cassandrawear, and while surely none of you look as cute as little Zoe, you should totally send in your pictures anyway.

Finally, would a week be complete if we didn’t give didn’t give thanks to our advertisers? Definitely not!

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100 responses to “Metapost: COTW + cute kid = fun!”

  1. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 23rd, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    Congrats COTW winner and runners-up! I await more Cassandra Cat pictures with bated breath.

  2. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 23rd, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Where’s everyone else?

  3. commodorejohn
    September 23rd, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    If this is how Klipper raises his daughter, she’s gonna make some geeky guy very happy someday.

    Besides, it’s not even remotely as lewd as Bratz.

  4. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 23rd, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Zoe is adorable. And very stylish in her Cassandra tee shirt.

    Congrats to the COTWers. I love getting a chance to laugh at the comments I missed the first time, and to laugh again at the comments I remember.

  5. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 23rd, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    Yay! First!

    Okay, then, fifth, because I got a bit to say here. I’ve been waiting for a potentially long-lived thread to say it in.

    And what I want to say is, you can’t go home again.

    We’re always looking for the next big thing, looking forward while looking back. What will be this year’s Aldomania? we wonder. Well, sadly, the answer is, nothing. There will never be such a combination of awesomely awful dialogue, goofy character design and out-of-nowhere death and mayhem again. Especially not matched up with such worldwide media interest.

    But I’m all right with that. Let Aldomania be what it was. Don’t try to cheapen it by looking for the next one.

    Just as there will never be another Aldomania, there will never be another Head-Bashing Tyler, with its combination of stupid plotting, impossible anatomy, photographic mockery and, yes, a commemorative doll. A real, working, head-bashing DOLL.

    And no throwaway character will ever again capture the hearts of Curmudgeonites everywhere like Gail Martin, who so thoroughly wove herself into our musical memories that she inspired her own Wiki page.

    No, Dr. Drew’s Amazing Imploding Threeway will never reach the upper levels of the Aldosphere. Shirley the Duck can’t match the sheer insanity of “DUCKS ARE EVERYWHERE!” Busty Rusty can’t equal the awesomeness of Shibari Master Cedric. And no future T-shirt, EVER, will come anywhere close to the sexy, sexy sexiness of Cassandra Cat as Ursula Andress.

    And I’m okay with that.

    Each generation has its own milestones. Just as a Baby Boomer can never sufficiently explain to his children why Woodstock is not kinda like the Vans Warped Tour, those of us who became Curmudgeons after Aldomania can only understand its impact on an intellectual level. We can’t feel it as only someone who was there can.

    But I’m OK with that. I’ll always have Cassandra, and Gretchen, and Gail. And though none of them are exactly the same as Aldo, they don’t have to be, because nobody will ever surpass them in my heart, either.

  6. True Fable
    September 23rd, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    #5 Spectacular Spider-Brick – you broke the Applause-O-Meter, Brick! Well put indeed.

    And congratulations to the COTW nominees and winner! Those be some damn fine & funny quotes!

    I’m still snacking on leftover Sunday snark, like barbeque ribs that still have a little meat on them. I’m pacing myself because we still have Margo’s inevitable rage to deal with as well as Mary’s inevitable smörgåsbord of platitudes to mock. Come on, Mary! I want to see that finger POINT; I want those non-Botoxed forehead wrinkles to WAVE!

  7. Minnie
    September 23rd, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    Zoe you are beautiful!

  8. Anna Nimity
    September 23rd, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone see FOOB today? Ew, ew, ew! John, put on a shirt, PLEASE!!!! (Perhaps this is a little dig at the soon-to-be-ex-hubby?) Panel #2 is especially gruesome. (Dictionary definition of “gruesome” — “causing repulsion or horror.” Yep, that just about sums it up…scratch that butt, John Boy.)

  9. Weasel Boy
    September 23rd, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to SmartPeopleOnIce and runners up. Excellent week all around.

  10. Buck Ripsnort
    September 23rd, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to COTWers and also-rans. And Look out, Klipper– That kid has the beginnings of a FW Smirk already!

  11. Rusty
    September 23rd, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    I must own up to the anonymous post about Dawn and the lye; I cleared out all my internet cookies in a sudden urger to clean up my computer and wasn’t logged in when posting. Yay me.

  12. Tweeks_Coffee
    September 23rd, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    I think the best thing about that Rex Morgan panel is how Niki actually looks concerned there. It’s like he knows what the word means, he’s just checking to make sure that’s what Rex actually said. Then Rex, in an amazing display of mental aptitude, quickly shoots for the far more pedestrian definition of the word. Of course this all happens right before they enter what’s no doubt a sleazy, pay-by-the-hour hotel.

  13. Inspector Dim
    September 23rd, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    Wheee! Float ride!

    Meanwhile, my homemade death clock says that this is the week that Lisa hits her expiration date. She’ll be wheeled out into the park to look at the leaves falling from the trees, when suddenly, DALEKS!


    Zap! And that’s the end of her!

    …Sigh. I can dream.

  14. Dingo
    September 23rd, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    posiduck’s standing-at-the-aisle groomsman/bridesmaid entry reminded me of one of my favorite jokes that appeared on “A Prairie Home Companion” in a joke show:

    A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show: “Look, it’s not the same hat” “Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table” “Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?” The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: “OK, I give up. Where’s the boat?”

  15. Trotzenbonnie
    September 23rd, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    #5 – SSB
    What? You mean we won’t look back with the same fondness on the Summer of Prolonged, Painful Death? There won’t be a look-alike contest for Mudges who want to replicate Lisa’s final smirk, frozen forever in time by rigor mortis? No mash-ups or mini-videos of sad-sack Les to the tune of ‘Alone Again Naturally’?

    Damn! You’re absolutely right.

  16. Lou Shumaker
    September 23rd, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    Dam, Google is quick. I was trying to trace the technology comment, and the search led me back to this post. Apparently, someone over there’s as bored as I am.

  17. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 23rd, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to SPOI and all the other folks on the float. Kudos also to Klipper on producing such an adorable daughter.

    Re A3G: Maybe Margo isn’t hearing Eric and Tearface at all. Maybe she’s got the same “Kill! Kill!” voices going on in her head that Satchel talked about this morning. Of course, the practical difference is nil.

  18. The Avocado Avenger
    September 23rd, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    Congratz everyone, especially SmartPeopleOnIce, for one of the funniest comments I’ve seen on here in a long time.

  19. Jack Parsons
    September 23rd, 2007 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    When I want to blow something up, my favorite weapon is an old bomb that’s been rusting away somewhere with the explosive slowly degrading into either dirt or something wildly sensitive like old TNT.

    Especially in the world’s wide-open arms bazaar that is the USA.

    If this has already been done, sorry. The volume is now so high that I can’t read anymore. This board desperately needs voting.

  20. Mibbitmaker
    September 23rd, 2007 at 11:23 pm [Reply]



    Sure it’s funny now… but just wait until they take turns bloviating! Then you’ll be sorry. We’ll all be sorry!
    (I’m sorry.)
    (My, what a sorry comment!)

  21. Loopina
    September 23rd, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Sunday lateness:
    Lynn, thank you so much! You make me proud to be single. I won’t be waking up to some ugly, smelly loaf of fat every day for 40 years. At least, not the same one every day.

  22. Girl Reporter
    September 23rd, 2007 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    Dear #5 Mr. Spider Brick,

    Sir, no, I’m sorry, but this doesn’t sit well with me for some reason.

    Some reason I can’t quite articulate at this late hour. But it might have something to do with the fact that I’m of a weird half-generation that followed the trailing end of the Boomers by a couple steps, but can’t quite kid myself I’m young enough to be an X.

    Many times in my life, I’ve heard from the people who got to the fun just before me “you should have been here five years ago – it was GREAT, but it will never be the same”.

    Casual sex
    Recreational drugs
    Jobs with the promise of lifetime employment

    All used up, ruined or proved as Bad Things That Can Kill You.

    Please don’t stifle the future with nostalgia.

    I admire you, and I mean this in the most loving, positive way.

    Besides, Brenda Starr gets tied up about once per story line and it’s good every time. It’s a leit motif.

  23. Adam-12
    September 23rd, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: what is Rex doing with his hand in the 4th panel? I believe that gesture represents “put your testicles riiiight here”.

  24. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 23rd, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of nostalgia, I once overheard a young person talking about the 1994 25th anniversary Woodstock festival — as opposed to the 1999 30th anniversary one — and they referred to the 1994 festival as “the original Woodstock”.

  25. A New Day
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    Conversation that just just place in my home:
    Me: Hey, cool! One of my comments got a runner up spot on the funny Comments of the Week post!
    My non comics obsessed, but very supportive, spouse: Really? What was it?
    Me, realizing what I’d just gotten myself into: Uh, well, you can see it, but you won’t get it.
    Spouse: Well, just let me see it.
    (Pause, in which he reads my A3G rant)
    Spouse: You’re right, I don’t get it.
    Me: Well, you see, all the men in this strip are like cardboard, and the only interesting character is Margo, and she’s about to kill one of them. And then this other guy is their neighbor, and this is a cousin or something, and it’s like they are supposed to have all this sexual tension but obviously they don’t…
    (Long Pause in which I start showing him archive pictures of Alan and Gary)
    (Moment in which I realize that Spouse’s eyes have glazed over).
    Me: … and, well, it’s not really worth explaining. But thank you for asking to read it.
    Spouse (relieved): o.k., well, way to go, anyway.

    It’s nice for couples to have separate interests, right?

    Anyway, many congratulations to SmartPeopleOnIce and all the others – I was laughing out loud through pretty much the whole list.

  26. odinthor
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    NYer Caption Contest

    1. “Well, my wife solved my incontinence problem…”

    2. “Yes, as it happens, I do always use protection.”

    3. “Huh? This isn’t what the manual meant by ‘Now hit the space bar’?”

    4. “The owner wanted me to spice up my rendition of ‘Fly Me to the Moon’!”

    5. “Did you know that your nose looks exactly like the florp of a Gneezel from Astra-3? And do you know what that does to me…buddy…?”

  27. SecretMargo
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    22: Girl Reporter: Oh, I don’t know. I kind of read it as the opposite of nostalgia — we don’t know what the future will bring, so why not be open to it in all its weirdness instead of comparing it for good or bad to past phenomena? Who could have predicted The Summer of Gail? Or the Voluptuous Horror of Tyler’s Self-Braining? Isn’t it the Girl Scouts who sing about making new friends and keeping the old? Aldo is silver; Dawn is gold.

    Please don’t think too much about why I know a Girl Scout song off the top of my head.

    Also: Yay me! Floater Pride! And congrats SPOI! And Inspector Dim: I giggled like a gremlin as I read it again for the first time.

  28. Uncle Lumpy
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    #5 SSB #22 Girl Reporter –

    Now is not just the best time, it’s the only tiime.

  29. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    The only tiime to play Wii?

  30. SecretMargo
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    29: I thought we all agreed to call it “life.” Or maybe “liife.”

  31. Helena Handbasket
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    NYer caption contest: I can’t come up with much, but…

    “I hear they mix their drinks pretty strong.”

    “I ordered the ‘Atomic Fireball’.”

    and from Mr. Handbasket:

    “Oh, no reason. By the way, what time is it?”

  32. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    31. Helena. I liked Mr. Handbaskets’ best, but I thought your second one was also funny. Send it in right away, because they pick the first three entries.

  33. Poteet
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    Yay SPOI! And to all the other float riders, congratulations!

    # 5 — I arrived when Aldomania was already well underway. So I was part of the thrilling conclusion, but I missed the beginning. And I always felt somewhat deprived because I missed the famous “More zippers, mule!” episode of A3G. And as long as we’re bringing up the dear departed days of yore, I don’t expect any adorable MT animal (and definitely not Shirley) to ever match the beloved bewildered Molly, The Best Bear In The World.

  34. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    NYer contest:

    I’m visiting my nuclear family.

  35. Helena Handbasket
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    And for the second time in a week, Dr. Drew’s rock hard erection is showing.

  36. TB Tabby
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    According to today’s Pluggers, everyone is either a Plugger or an alcoholic.

  37. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    5. SSB and 33. Poteet. The comics are the gift that keeps on giving. Sure, there may never be another Molly, or Aldo, or zipper mule, or self-clubbing Tyler, or Gail Martin, but damn, something equally wacky will tickle our fancy and hilarity will ensue.

  38. Mibbitmaker
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]


    9CL: Men callous fools: check! Women cold, cruel and unforgiving: check! 9CL, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, and thanks loads, Thorax, without whom everything would be really great.

    A3G: “Eric’s flat“? Where are they, England?

    BBailey: They’re going batshit loopy again, aren’t they?

    DT: Using dopey, washed-up Cold Wariors to do the dirty work? That al-Quaida will stop at nothing!

    FOOB: I’d forgotten back c. 1979 when the I-hate-TV crowd resorted to terrorism. Leave all the blowing up stuff up to the 2007 DT retrocommies, Gramps.

    FW: Depress-Death-Death-Death-Dying-Die, Cha-cha-cha…!

    GF: Gotta love the “WeZL WaR” (with the lines above the vowels)!

    GT: “Ayyuuh, I surrender, George! I surrender, George! Jus’ don’t make them reporters talk to me, George! Wi’ya, George?”

    HotC: “I dunno… how do you spell ‘Principal’s Office’, Heart?”

    OBH: “…plus,Mom… They….talk to me…!”

    Ghost-Who-Aw-Screw-It: I dunno, Phantom, maybe you’ve been elected dictator-for-life and nobody’s told you yet.

    R&R: “…Now let me get some sleep. Eli’s coming, and I want to be ready. (*sigh*) Mama told me not to come, he said in black and white. But he’s a liar, so he’ll make it and it’ll be joy to the world! …. Rover? …How can I work ‘Shambala’ into this?” “Red, go to sleep.”

  39. SecretMargo
    September 24th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    MW: Cliff! Cliff! Cliff! Cliiiff!!!

    37: Exactly. I can’t wait ’til we get all nostalgic for the isopodic recreation of Dawn confronting Drew. Oh wait…*sniff…I already am!

    And now back to the future:

    Cliff! Cliff! Cliff! CLIFF!!!

  40. Poteet
    September 24th, 2007 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    # 37 — Brown-eyed Girl, you are quite right, of course. And I could be wrong about MT — who knows what baby otter or bun-rab or itty-bitty chickadee MT might appear next. Meanwhile, since Steve Canyon has apparently been saved from an entanglement worse than death, I bid adieu to you late-night Mudges. Snark on!

  41. Poteet
    September 24th, 2007 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    # 40 — Sorry about the extra “MT.” It’s bedtime for Bonzo.

  42. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 24th, 2007 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    35. HH ewww.

    9CL Diane kicks Francis (Yea! Kick him AGAIN).

    MW. Dawn slaps Drew

    RMMD. Heather brains Peter

    A3G. Margo ( ? ) Eric

    Oh boy oh boy oh boy! What violence will this week bring?

    Speaking of RMMD, I’ve gone from amused to uncomfortable with the not-so-subtext here. I think the authors are trying to squick us out. Maybe it’s aversion therapy; after this, we’ll run screaming at the suggestion that there is anything gay about Rex. CANOE!

  43. Skulking on the Outskirts
    September 24th, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    Just want to say to Klipper: awww, she’s adorable! And it occurs to me to wonder how many parent/child posters there are on this blog, besides Rainbyrd and Huntingbyrd. (Or do you two spell it ‘bird’? I forget.)

    Been too tired to keep up with all the posts lately. Fall is closing in, and while it’s my favorite time of year, it still makes me sleepy. Residual hibernation instinct, perhaps? Hmm, that might explain why my pants seem to have gotten a little snugger since the last laundry day. Anyhoo, I won’t be here for the next couple of days, and I just know there’s going to be eighty zillion posts when I get back. Jeez, I wish this blog came with condensed summaries for each post. (I can hear Josh screaming now: “Like I don’t have enough to do already?! Are you nuts?!”) Sorry Josh, just messing with you! :>)

  44. CrabbyGenes
    September 24th, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    Okay, am I the only one who laughed at the Monday Mary Worth because Drew looks like he’s contemplating his own giant erection?

  45. CrabbyGenes
    September 24th, 2007 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    Monday Mark Trail: “THANK YOU, FELLOWS!” ???

    Dear Jack Elrod,
    In modern-day, normal-speed, informal English, this would translate as: “Thanks, Guys!” or “Thanks, Fellas!”

    Please make a note of that.

    And buy yourself a new ESL textbook. Yours seems to be way out of date.

  46. Trilobite
    September 24th, 2007 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    #44 CrabbyGenes wrote:

    Okay, am I the only one who laughed at the Monday Mary Worth because Drew looks like he’s contemplating his own giant erection?

    Combined with the dialogue (“What a mess I made of things!”), that second panel does make it seem like Drew may have decided to take matters into his own hands now that both Dawn and Vera have dumped him…and it’s left him feeling a bit ashamed, and maybe also worried (in the consult-a-doctor-if-the-condition-persists-for-more-than-four-hours sense).

    It might not be the filthiest Mary Worth yet, but it’s definitely a contender.

  47. The Avocado Avenger
    September 24th, 2007 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    #44 CrabbyGenes – No. No, you’re not. Heh.

    RMMD: “I’m the big and you’re the little.” Ooh, so close, Rex. The proper terms are “top” and “bottom”, but you’ll get the hang of it soon enough. Practice makes perfect!

  48. Foolster41
    September 24th, 2007 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    Wow. havn’t checked in a while.

    MW: Cars and booze, come on cars and booze!
    RMMD out of context: Darn it, you got me curious now, and I can’t find it anywhere. Anyone know where I can see it? (The Chron doesn’t cover Sundays)
    FC: She says it like it’s some big newsflash. The term is “Special”. Jeffy is very very very “special”.

  49. Foolster41
    September 24th, 2007 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    I knew i forgot one.
    Marmaduke: was I the only one who read the caption through the first time thinking the “father” referred here was Marmaduke?

  50. Trilobite
    September 24th, 2007 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    I had to peek at Monday’s comics, even though I knew I would regret it:

    Beetle Bailey: Sarge and Beetle apparently used the old Army Desert Survival Manual with the chapter on identifying important natural resources as peyote, jimsonweed, “magic” mushrooms, cane toads…

    Dick Tracy: I can’t wait to see what happens in Tuesday’s comic. Perhaps Gretchen will seize the package from her grandfather, gloat about how she can complete her mission with this old bomb as soon as she sets the fuse, and then run off. And maybe the Baron will mention something about having already set the fuse. And then on Wednesday, she can tell the Baron that she’s taking the old bomb and will set the fuse on it in order to complete her mission, and he can mumble that the fuse is already set! Why, by Friday, we might find out that the package that the Baron is carrying is an old bomb, and that even though Gretchen just seized it, it won’t do her any good because he’s already set the fuse!


    It pains me to point out another gaping plot hole in Dick Tracy, and not just because there are more holes than plot at this point…but since we’ve established that the Baron never actually had a chip in him (and that in fact it is Gretchen who has the chip), how exactly was the Baron “programmed” to find anything? Wouldn’t Gretchen have to be the one who was programmed? For god’s sake, why didn’t that stupid helicopter just crash on top of him and explode? You are a cruel man, Dick Locher; a cruel, forgetful, obnoxiously repetitive man.

    Funky Winkerbean: This is one of the least-welcome panty shots in comics history. Good call, Batiuk — this storyline is definitely improved by knowing that in addition to dying and being unable to stand or walk on her own, Lisa also needs to wear adult diapers. Les’s smirk and the weak, unfunny non-joke are just the delicate icing atop this four-layer crap-cake of a comic strip.

    Judge Parker: Oh, narration box, how could you betray me? You tell me “After Rusty’s slip of the tongue, Sam tries hard to pin her down!”, but all that happens in today’s comic strip is Rusty walking away while Sam talks at her. No tongue-slipping, no pinning down, nothing. I’m hereby revoking your innuendo license until you learn how to use it properly.

    Phantom: “But why are they doing this?” is pretty much the motto of this comic strip.

  51. Foolster41
    September 24th, 2007 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    Heh. Apparently I wasn’t, I just read some of the earlier comics that I had skipped. :P

  52. The Avocado Avenger
    September 24th, 2007 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    #48 and #49, Foolster: You can get some of the comics here at the Chronical Comics Time Tunnel: (change the date at the top if you need.)

    And I think we’re all hoping for a booze & cars kind of ending to this MW story. A3G, though, I hope has a more Jim Thompson kind of ending.

  53. Les
    September 24th, 2007 at 5:06 am [Reply]

    Smirky Cancerbean: Ok, there are little moments of humor in life all the time, even when folks are dying of cancer and surreal moments of hilarity and depressing jokes and all of that. And the dialog in today’s strip is certainly reasonable, including the humor. But why is Les smirking when he walks in the room? It’s like he had been saving up that joke, knew he was going to have a chance to use it, and smiles broadly in self-satisfied joy when he gets a chance to deliver it.

    All I can think is that it’s a really deep, obscure point. Lisa is dying, but Les is dead inside already.

  54. Mel
    September 24th, 2007 at 5:20 am [Reply]

    “What a mess I’ve made of things…only a horrible accident resulting in amnesia and a disfiguring scar followed by an inappropriate doctor/patient relationship can make things right!”

  55. Mel
    September 24th, 2007 at 5:31 am [Reply]

    Homer where were you?

    Animal lovers read at your own risk…

  56. Mel
    September 24th, 2007 at 5:33 am [Reply]

    Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  57. John C Fremont
    September 24th, 2007 at 5:35 am [Reply]

    RMMD – So Rex and Niki can’t go fishing unless they pass an interview?

  58. Mel
    September 24th, 2007 at 5:41 am [Reply]

    You can’t be a pocket fisherman without a pocket fisherman license. And for that you need to pass an interview…followed by an oral exam.
    Tip veal, try waitress!

  59. Godzooky
    September 24th, 2007 at 6:19 am [Reply]

    #55 Mel: The link you posted gets redirected to a registration page. Registration’s free, but here’s an alternative link:

    (And, animal lovers, Mel wasn’t kidding with that warning.)

  60. Mel
    September 24th, 2007 at 6:30 am [Reply]

    Thanks, Godzooky!
    And RE the story itself…hope that guy gets his ass fined among other things — maybe community service at public park cleaning up goose crap.

  61. smacky
    September 24th, 2007 at 6:37 am [Reply]

    DT: Based on the placement of the Washington Monument in the background, I would guess Gretchen is about to run up the steps of the national headquarters of the Daughters of the American Revolution and plant her bomb. What in the heck does she have against them? “I’ll teach them to have a display of Amish quilts!”

  62. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 24th, 2007 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    Girl Reporter @ 22: *sigh* Yeah, I kinda had the feeling I was rambling incoherently there. But it seems I must have been rambling more incoherently than usual, because most of the responses have been people saying “I disagree, I think that x” where “x” is exactly the point I was trying and failing to make.

    BrownEyedGirl @ 37 made the point I was trying to make much more succinctly:

    The comics are the gift that keeps on giving. Sure, there may never be another Molly, or Aldo, or zipper mule, or self-clubbing Tyler, or Gail Martin, but damn, something equally wacky will tickle our fancy and hilarity will ensue.

    I wasn’t lamenting the fact that Aldomania will never come again. I was saying that even though there will never be another Aldomania, something that’s just as awesome in a completely different and unexpected way will come along instead.

  63. Inspector Dim
    September 24th, 2007 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    AHHHH! Spider-Man is LOOKING at me!

  64. Inspector Dim
    September 24th, 2007 at 7:02 am [Reply]

    Hardened by his miserable life with an abusive mother, Thomas twists the knife when his wife admits to her crippling despair.

    Actually, this is one of the only times I’ve seen a Momma character have an emotion beyond irritation and hurt. Tina actually looks wistful in the first panel, and resigned in the second. Thomas has the gall to be annoyed by the fact that his sad wife isn’t cheered up by the prospect of football every Sunday.

  65. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 24th, 2007 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    I like the meta-ness of today’s Blondie. It’s like they’re admitting that the ancient comic strips have an uneasy relationship with the current year of 2007. Surely the Bumsteads or the Flagstons or the Lodges don’t really live in the same era as Lindsay Lohan or 1 gigahertz CPUs.

    And the premise of today’s strip rings true to me. Who takes their TV to a repairman anymore? Granted, I’ve had two roommates who were electrical engineers, so they would actually open up a TV and replace a part, but yeah, cheap electronics have changed the way a lot of us do things.

  66. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 24th, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    9CL: Yeah, he deserved that. But we, the readers, deserved a higher kick. Or a shorter skirt.

    A3G: <voice="Kosh"> And so, it begins. </voice>

    Archie: AND now, the AJGLU3000 WILL demonSTRATE the inappropriate use OF emphasis to set UP a weak punchLINE.

    BB: Peyote grows in the desert, doesn’t it?

    Crock: And with that, the very first experiment in “stand-up comics” fell flat.

    GT: Meanwhile, chained to the wall in the Oakwood Tech dungeon, Cully Vale steadfastly refuses to reveal Milford’s coaching secrets, unaware they’ve already been revealed in the school paper.

    MW: All that needs be said has been said.

    OBH: Actually, Ruthie’s talking about the gang members who ran her initiation. You never forget your first train! (Don’t think too hard about “Big Girl.”)

    Pluggers: Or, maybe you’re just not a raging drunk. Ever think of that?

    RMMD: “A few more things, Niki… Never look a ‘big’ in the eye, speak only when you are spoken to, and when you do, end every sentence with ‘Sir’ or ‘Master’!”

    S-M: Why you lookin’ at us, Web-head? You think we can read your thought bubbles? Whaddya think you are, Garfield?

    Zits: Mark this day on your calendars. For one brief, shining moment, in panel 1, Connie had normal-shaped breasts.

  67. smacky
    September 24th, 2007 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    # 50: Well said, Trilobite. Sometimes you get Abbey or June in a tight sweater, sometimes you get Clovia in a one-piece, and sometimes the week starts with a gratuitous panty shot of a woman with cancer who will be dead in a week. Batiuk is really targeting a specific fetish group here, isn’t he?

    FC: Is Billy on his knees? When did he shrink to 2 feet tall? If the stupidity of the question determined the child’s height, these kids would have disappeared into the shag years ago.

  68. Inspector Dim
    September 24th, 2007 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    #65 Skullturf,

    I have seen TV repair shops that are still somehow in operation. They are like tiny shop-sized time machines, and I bet the wall behind the counter has a Blondie strip from 1957 taped up on it.

    I have never seen a single person, including a repairman, in one. I also suspect that if confronted with a 72″ plasma TV, they’d have no idea what to do. Where, they’d think, do the vacuum tubes go on something so flat?

  69. Inspector Dim
    September 24th, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    “Vera… what a mess I made of things. …And what the hell are those turd-shaped rocks doing there? Weird. It’s like they’re the eggs of some sort of giant hideous insect. Speaking of which, I better go tell Mary she was right after all. Then to drown the pain with booze. Sigh.”

  70. Godzooky
    September 24th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    #50 Trilobite re: the DT time loop: Might help to keep DT’s theme song in mind.

  71. Godzooky
    September 24th, 2007 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    MW: Other guys settle for woodies, Drew gets stone-ys, though his latest has apparently left a mess on the ground.

  72. SatanicMechanic
    September 24th, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Luann: Hey, Brads got himself a pretty good wife there!

  73. Big Sims
    September 24th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    Klipper – Zoe is beautiful!

    Congrats to SmartPeopleOnIce and all the runners-uppers!

    I’m off to the beach for a week for the dreaded Big Sims family reunion. Wish me luck, and have pity on those of us with no internet, I’ll have 3500+ comments to pour through when I return!

    Oh yeah, and the comics too. Always with the comics around here…

  74. Calico
    September 24th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Congrats to all COTW-ers! They ARE especially funny this time around.

    MW – but to whom does the other rock-penis belong?

    RM – “Now remember, Niki – I’m the topper, you’re the bottom. If you’re a good boy, we can switch occasionally.”

    SlyFox – throw ‘em both overboard, Sly, and keep the treasure for yourself, or give it all to Cassie as a declaration of your lust love for her.

  75. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 24th, 2007 at 8:17 am [Reply]


    9CL: A little confusion here. Is she mad, or is this some hot Chickweed foreplay?

    RMMD: “Remember, I’m the airplane and you’re the hangar.”

    TDIET: Here’s a wild idea, Lardbutt, or whatever your name is. For one night, maybe you can change the channel by hand. Yes, the hand, it’s from the olden days. Ask Scaduto about it.

    H&J: Oh, goodie. Will Herb and Jamaal be doing more golf jokes? We so rarely see those in the comics pages.

    H&L: From the look on his face, you’d think she had said, “What would I do with a well hung Danish tennis instructor?”

    JP: He’s right, red. Flattery won’t succeed where cleavage failed.

    Momma: Physics question. How the hell does NotFrancis’ wife stand up?

    GA: Given that donkey-driven vendors have essentially disappeared since 1930, Skeezix is talking to either a hallucination or his imminent death. Can either help him with Fireball?

    Phantom: See Mr Low Profile riding through an at-least midsized city on a white steed.

    SFx: Wise King Slyomon sees two otter women fighting over a newborn baby. How does the sage leader settle the question of maternity?

    6C: “By the way, how did you enjoy the salmon mousse?

    DtM: “Ah, Mr and Mrs Mitchell. I see the Lord has blessed you with an, ahem, special child.”

    A3G: Finally, just in time, Margo comes out with her Crawford-perfect delivery. Just out of curiosity, how high up is that balcony?

    MW: “I feel like guzzling a pint of Wild Turkey and driving over a cliff. But, sigh, Vera was my ride.”

    Archie: Yeah, never say tackle near Moose. He’s got tinnitis and he’ll think you said “straddle.”

  76. The Divine O’F
    September 24th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Whew! I hope to have a chance to at least skim the hundreds of comments that have sprung up like mushrooms while I watched tv and slept. However, in the meantime,

    Congratulations to all the hilarious COTW writers, and

    JOSH: your commentary two yesterthreads ago: I agree about the art in Dick Tracy. It is very interesting, once you get past the horror. I have said before and still believe that it is inspired by Matisse or possibly Japanese woodcuts. Of course the storylines are another matter, as you point out. I think they may be inspired by really some bad B-adventure novel that has been torn apart, randomly photocopied, thrown into the air, and then randomly reassembled.

  77. Dennis Jimenez
    September 24th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    A3G – Eric has a brunette sandwich.

    DtM – The old Dennis would have said something like, “I’ll bet you want me to smoke your pole, huh reverend.”

    FBoFW – This must have been when grampa Jim first grew some balls – little did he know they’d appear on his chin.

    MW – Ah, the mark of the cad darkens his visage.

    RMMD – OMG (BTW – my spell check suggests rammed and reamed for RMMD)

    S4th – Oh Ted, just let Sal’s mom ream you once with the strap-on, and get it over with – do it for Sal and Hil.

    Luann – TJ eagerly awaits camel toe Brad. But where’s Dirk – they’re gonna need a bull – or maybe Sally’s mom.

    Pluggers – As if plugger and wino where mutually exclusive categories – I’ll bet if you did a Venn diagram, you’d only need one circle.

    JP – I wish I got the Sunday JP – I missed Rusty’s slippery tongue stuff.

    FC – Santa is an atheist communist – and an anagram for Satan – according to focus on the family circus.

  78. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 24th, 2007 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    #77 Dennis Jimenez,
    You’ve got a smart spell-check.

  79. Little Guy
    September 24th, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Candorville: Okay, I’m calling it now.

    The reason why Rozanne doesn’t want Susan (or any one of Lemont’ friends) to see the baby is that the baby is obviously not his.

    How obvious? The baby is Eurasian.

    George Takei has a better chance on being the father than Lemont.

    In fact, I’m not so sure it’s Roxanne’s either.

    With that reveal, Lemont would pass Peter Parker as the most guilt-ridden pushover character in the funnies.

  80. Calico
    September 24th, 2007 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    #77 – JP – Unfortunately, so did Sam.

  81. Wanders
    September 24th, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    MW: Holy Cow. I know it’s been said already, but Holy Cow. I’d make some sort of off-color comment about Drew and the smallish horses at Clifton Stables, but all I can really say is Holy Cow. What was Giella thinking? Wait… I don’t want to know.

  82. Fightin Vague Shape
    September 24th, 2007 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    FW: All I can say is, thank God Lisa’s wearing underwear.

    MT: The motivations in this story line are about as flimsy as those in an episode of Hannah Montana.

    TDIET: Of course you’re a %*?!! You’re in a They’ll Do It Every Time Cartoon!

    GA: More than anything, this storyline is demonstrating that time in Gasoline Alley has truly passed poor Mr. Skeezix by. And considering how time in the universe has passed by time in Gasoline Alley, that’s really saying something.

  83. Tweeks_Coffee
    September 24th, 2007 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    A3G: I have a feeling this is about to be one of the more violent scenes to occur in the comics.
    Archie: Christ, speaking of cozy…
    DtM: That’s a pretty bold black and white plaid blazer that Henry’s wearing there.
    DT: So how is he supposed to be programmed to do something? Is there, like, a chip in his head or something? I really don’t know exactly what Gretchen’s up to. I’m sure I’ll be told in excruciating detail over the next couple weeks, though. Of course first we’ll see Gretchen blown to smithereens.
    FW: Gratuitous panty shot! Wait…wait, no…bad.
    GT: I wonder what kind of exercise Cully is doing there. Is that supposed to be some kind of jumping jack?
    MW: Didn’t the bridge that Vera drive over sunday have a road underneath it? Not only that, Drew was up in a pasture, now he’s down in a ditch. Or is he watching her drive over an entire series of bridges?
    RMMD: “You got that? Okay, so just remember your lines and we can wrap this up quickly and get to the real fun.”
    SFx: I figured Slylock would’ve just accused them of stealing and promptly taken it away. You know, as much of a penchant as Slylock has for showing up even when nobody’s calling him, I’m beginning to think he’s responsible for all this crime. Then he comes up with some line of BS to blame someone else and the cops unquestioningly oblige. At least that’s the only explanation I can come up with for everything in this strip.

  84. Jamus The Bartender
    September 24th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    “My wife and I discussed whether the Cassandra Cat onesie would be appropriate for our 10-month old daughter, Zoe. Unfortunately this was after I’d bought it. Ultimately we decided that she has no idea what she’s wearing — if she had her druthers she’d run around naked and covered in poo — and this can’t be any worse than the multitude of pink kittens and bunnies and crap that she has to wear every time we visit the relative that bought her the outfit. And if she does somehow understand it, the Cassandra logo will only influence her to become a strong woman who cuts the balls off disrespectful or otherwise predatory men … and I’m ok with that.”

    Klipper, long as she doesn’t sell their furniture in the middle of the night, i’m all good with that.

  85. AtomicDog
    September 24th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Hagar – Here we get lip from the Vikings who are carrying wooden swords.

  86. will
    September 24th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Can someone please post the link for the all-in-one chron comic page maker? I need to revamp my set (Baldo’s getting on my nerves, to say nothing of 9CL).


  87. Calico
    September 24th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke from a couple of threads ago –
    Can we really be certain that is a cigar in Marm’s mouth?
    Now go lick your owner’s faces, you big ol’ sweetie!

    #85 – I think the pretzel analogy works better when we apply it either to Rex and Niki, or perhaps to Drew. Sword not included.

  88. Dennis Jimenez
    September 24th, 2007 at 9:25 am [Reply]

  89. Jamus The Bartender
    September 24th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    75.9CL: A little bit of both,I think Ben. I hear wedding bells….

  90. Weasel Boy
    September 24th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    GT, Panel two: I’m saying a silent prayer thanks that this guy is drawn only from the waist up.

  91. Uncle Lumpy
    September 24th, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    86 will –

    Behold Dean’s build-your-own!

  92. Gold-Digging Nanny
    September 24th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Hah! What you poor COTWers don’t seem to realize is that the float this week is drawn by … isopods! Mwuhahahaha!

  93. Chyron HR
    September 24th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley – Free favors? Paying favors? Gee, this sounds a lot like the discussion that Fatso had with the chopper pilot. Is the old man planning to drop a meteor on Fireball?

    Rex Morgan – Bigs? Littles? Gee, this sounds a lot like gay code words. Is Rex planning to “drop a meteor” on Niki?

  94. will
    September 24th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Thanks, Uncle Lumpy!

  95. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 24th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Woah. Yay me! And congrats to the other snarky floaters (floatees?). I got a double happy out of Concrete Queen’s duck advice.

    As Elvis Costello once wrote:

    If they had a king of fools then I would wear that crown
    And you can all die laughing, ’cause I’d wear it proudly

  96. Anonymous
    September 24th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    SPOI – You know this world is killing you – well FBoFW is killing you, anyway.

  97. Klipper
    September 24th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Thanks Everyone for all the cuteness comments. We think she’s pretty cute too. And Commodore John, I hope someday she does make a geeky guy very happy!

  98. Jym
    September 24th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    =v= Thanks for correcting my typo. I were mortified.

  99. Cheeky Wee Monkeys
    September 24th, 2007 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    I was referring to that FBOFW comic where Meredith brought a remote control to bed. I realise she’s probably playing around more than anything, but I’m too cold-hearted to retract that statement.

    Besides, someone should introduce her to dreamcatchers. They’re prettier.

  100. Cheeky Wee Monkeys
    September 24th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    And that is a damn cute kid. Almost makes me want to have kids, but I promised the Canadian government not to ever spread my DNA.

Comments are closed for this post.