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Seven sentences about five cartoons

Dick Tracy, 10/23/07

Tess is trying to trick Dick into killing himself. In panel one, she is lulling him into complacency by flaunting her ass.

(UPDATE: Er, I read “sleeping bag” as “sleeping pills” for some reason. Oops. Still flaunting her ass, though.)

Herb and Jamaal, 10/23/07

As noted by several faithful readers, Jamaal is making sweet love to Herb right there behind the counter of their restaurant. I defy you to tell me that something different is happening in the final panel.

Marmaduke, 10/23/07

Marmaduke is going to eat some children.

Momma, 10/23/07

Momma is a pimp.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 10/23/07

People are surprised to discover that poison is poisonous, apparently.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 23, 2007 at 07:11 pm and is filed under Dick Tracy, Herb and Jamaal, Marmaduke, Momma, They'll Do It Every Time.

368 responses to “Seven sentences about five cartoons”

Ukulele Ike
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

I have to repeat an earlier comment….how the hell does one make charity cash by sleeping in a haunted house? Do folks make book on what hour the ghosts rip the shit out of you?
Tweeks_Coffee
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

H&J: Maybe they’re… well, they could be… uhm, what if… Never mind, I got nothing. That third panel really does it too, when you see them turn to look at each other.
Ukulele Ike
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

As to Rex Organ: I’m unsure as to how the two of them will make a “sandwich.” Unless they bring in a pair of grizzly bears (or convicts) for the Wonder bread, making Niki the liverwurst, and Rex the gooey, creamy mayo.
Uncle Lumpy
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

TDIET:

“No Name,
No Address,
Somewhere, U.S.A.”

An anonymous contribution, because you know Dow Chemical won’t take this lying down!
CaptainColonel
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

So my sister’s friend “writes” these “comics” for her local Zine called “Wangs on Marmaduke.” Pretty much all he does is draw a *ahem* you know, on Marmaduke. It seems simple at first glance but it really makes the comic 50 times funnier (or funny period) and today’s Marmaduke is a good example of why.
katherine
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

Why do I feel like we’re in for a Dick Tracy/Scooby Doo crossover? A bloody, gruesome DT/SD crossover, which is of course the best kind.
Tweeks_Coffee
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

DT: I do have to wonder how Tess got plastic surgery in the middle of this conversation. I mean, yesterday she had a pig nose, but now she looks fairly normal. In fact, she looks so normal that she’s actually out of place in Dick Tracy. I’m sure that illusion will be shattered soon enough once her stubby fingers are revealed again.
Moon Mullins
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

See, Herb and Jamaal know how to make each other happy without ten weeks of innuendo.

Are you listening, Rex and Nikki?
Spotted HØrse
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

Friendly and mild blitherings regarding Chloe the Cat, Krazy Kat and willethompson, bats :[, gh, and NinaPetrovna can be found yesterthread.

Go NorCal meetup!
MustacheMike
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

I liked the “Marmaduke Explained” comment for today:

Marmaduke is flying.
Anna Nimity
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

5. We must, MUST see “Wangs on Marmaduke.” Simply imagining it gave me my biggest laugh of the day. Is it on line?
Weaselboy
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

Momma: Chief surgeon at a major hospital? Is that near the local university?
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

Re TDIET:

“Spider poison is people poison?”

–Homer Simpson
Hostrauser
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

Has anyone every seen Marmaduke drawn with teeth? His jowls are always fluttering like a kite as he dashes anywhere, and I have to assume a veritable sea of drool is being held back solely by drag air pressure caused by his movement. I get the feeling that the only day-care children who need to be afraid are those who have not completed their swimming lessons.
Rusty
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

So Herb is a catcher and Jamaal a pitcher, eh? A World Series tribute.

Do they nominally work in a restaurant?
Jamus The Bartender
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

Part One
It was a rainy evening at Number Four Privet Drive, the location
of a new outlet of the PanWizard/Muggle Broadcasting Network. The
smell of chocolate and cherry smoke from Bertie Botts brand
cigarettes was thick in the air. This was the first thing the petite
blonde from California, late of a town called Sunnydale noticed as
she walked in the main lobby. Word had it one of the owner’s of the
station,and it’s most popular announcer, bought the house from it’s previous
Muggle owner for a song. Which was suprising as said owner grew up
in the house and hated every minute of it.
A small,green witch who smelled of cigar smoke and whiskey, who sat at reception was right on the job.”What can I do for ya, skinny?”
“Buffy Summers to see Harry Potter?”
The witch smirked. “He’s got a show goin’ on, so he can’t see ya right now…but it’s wrappin’ up in a few…you can go in then.” She took a drag on her cigar, which was NOT manufactured by the Bertie Botts Company.
The blonde sat down and thumbed through a dog-eared editon of
the Daily Prophet-Sentinel, with headlines like”Sons of Voldemort
support group censure Potter for defamation of character”
and “Biblemen accused of abuse at Platform 9 3/4″. All the while
listening to the call in radio show from the lobby
speakers…”So…what you are telling me is that Voldemort is alive
and well and working in Cleveland as a waitress? Thank you sir….we
wait all night for calls like these….”
It sounded like the DJ was wrapping up his show, so the tiny
blonde took a chance and silently walked in the door of the
studio…as she did, the bearded, unkempt announcer looked up with a
smirk, “We have a special suprise for you folks….looks like the
infamous slayer, Buffy Summers, has deigned to join us tonight…”
At this the tiny blonde smirked and displayed her middle finger
in Harry Potter’s direction.
After answering a few questions about vampires and is Angel,
former CEO of Wolfram, Hart, and Peterson, really cute in real life, Harry segued into the “Mallard Fillmore Freedom And Drinkin’ Show”, and
got down to the business at hand.
“So….are you still gonna be a part of this?”Buffy
asked, “Moneypenny and the others at the UN need to know…”
“You know I am…but you know this won’t be easy,”Harry
responded while cleaning up the coffee cups and ashtrays…”Ever
since the…”unification” of the Muggle and Wizarding worlds, since
Volemort died…plus those bloody books by Rowling…”
“You don’t have to tell me…those Biblemen the President
commisioned as a “faith-based response to the forces of darkness and
terrorism”…his words, not mine…have been getting in the Slayers
and Watchers hair for months…”Buffy let out an exasperated sigh, “I
dunno…this does sound a little crazy, doesn’t it?”
“Crazy is our specialty, remember? C’mon…”Harry said as he
escorted Buffy out the door, “It’s time to show you the new ride. Broom Hilda. Get off your fat arse. We’re going to America, what in hell do I pay you for?”
Broom Hilda spit out her cigar in a spitoon and followed the two.
Later on, after a ride in the Wizarding Bus…only a Wizarding
bus in name, usually the thing was filled with muggle wizard geeks
hoping to get a look at the now grown up boy wizard…not a chance of
that, as Harry had taken steps to alter his appearance whenever he
went out in public…today he decided to appear as comic strip icon Andy Capp.
After some bumps , hairpin turns,and close calls with barmen to whom Andy owed a lot of money, the pair arrived at an all
but deserted Victoria station.”Not too may Biblemen on duty here,
glad to say…”Harry noted as he opened up his revised Marauder’s
Map…touched a small red spot on the map ,after which, the old
Hogwarts Express came roaring into view.
“So …no one really uses this anymore? How do the wizard kids
get to Hogwarts now?”Buffy enquired as they boarded the train.
“Mostly by portkey or the floo network. Shame really, the
train was always my favorite part of the new school year. But wizard kids
are far from safe now…so its the floo, the portkeys, or
nothing.”Harry responded as he nodded to Hilda, who hobbled to the front train engine.”So…where is our next stop?”
Buffy wrinkled her brow,”Um…Townsville…then
Philadelphia…but…I thought we’d be going to Heathrow first…”
“No need…”Harry said with a small grin as he murmured into a
speaking tube as the train lurched forward a few feet…and began
sailing into the air!
“The Weasleys once figured if they could make their Ford Anglia
or whatever it was fly with charmed car parts, how much harder could
it be to do the same with a train? Pumpkin juice?” Harry said,
holding up a pitcher.
Jamus The Bartender
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

16. Oh, the above is called “League For The New Millenium.”
I need to edit better…
Rusty
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

I defy anyone to find a more poorly-drawn strip than Momma. Even Cathy Guisewaite can draw circular objects.
Kumquat
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that Herb and Jamaal smirk like that while making love; smirking is pretty much their default facial expression. But it’s so much more unsettling in this context.
commodorejohn
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

#18 Rusty – No, no, believe it or not, there is a worse-drawn strip than Momma. I can’t remember the title, but it was discussed at some point around the time I started posting here, about a year ago. It’s sort of like TIDET or Pluggers in that it takes reader submissions, but the art is closer to Slylock Fox, if Slylock Fox were drawn by a blind orangutan. The idea is that people send in their cartoon ideas to the cartoonist, who then changes one or two miniscule details, draws it (presumably by flinging feces at a piece of posterboard,) and then rambles on at length about how he “improved” on their idea. It is, without any exaggeration, the very worst art I have ever seen, and I include in the statement the time I stumbled onto some 13-year-old furry’s Sonic The Hedgehog fanart by accident.
Uncle Balustrade
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

I dunno; I want to live in a house like the one pictured in panel three of DT. I’m becoming more and more like Ignatius Reilly.
the opoponax
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

Are there really 13 year old furries?

That’s frightening.
firegoat
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

well Sylvia is pretty hideously drawn….. but yet I admit to justing
Lizardmess
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

H&J: Hey, did you hear latest news about the man in those popular books about magic? Let’s do that.
Lizardmess
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

H&J: Hey, did you hear the latest news about the man in those popular books about magic? Let’s do that.
commodorejohn
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

#24 Lizardmess – Oh man. COTW, just for the fact that it could actually be a line from Herb & Jamaal. The obsessive genericness, the gayness…it’s all there.
Fred P.
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

You know, I suspect my whole life would have turned out differently- not necessarily better, but certainly differently- if my parents always introduced me using the adjective “single”. I’m also pretty sure my life would have turned out differently if one of my parents was a two foot tall midget of indeterminate gender.
Non Compost Mentos
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

SecretMargo (#213 yesterthread), I had a feeling that it might have been you who recommended Grotesque, and I vaguely remembered you saying something about knowing the translator. Way cool. I taught English for two years at Osaka University, and Kirino’s novel really threw a light on some of the less-beautiful aspects of Japan that I’d only had brief glimpses of. I can’t recall any recent novels that have had me quite so completely engrossed even though virtually every character was perfectly despicable (but in a good literary way, if you know what I mean).

I’m also guessing that Kirino may present a more realistic depiction of the rigid social hierarchy of Japanese high schools than another monumental work that I recently rented, Ikki Tousen.
SecretMargo
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

“Improve upon the silence” is the best euphemism for anal sex since “Ok, I’ll show you how to fly fish…you teach me text messaging!”
Muffaroo [Lonesome Kip W]
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

TDIET – Anonymous, eh? Why, anybody could have written that… I mean… I did! I wrote that! Yeah, that’s the ticket! I wrote it along with my wife, Morgan Fairchild… with whom I’ve slept! Yeah, that’s it, all right!

commodorejohn @25 – I sort of liked Lizardness @23 better, myself. It seems more… I don’t know… authentic! But that’s just me. Either way, it’s good.
alamo
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

i think h & j are checkin’ the stools on both sides of the counter.
Big Sims
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

#21 Uncle Balustrade –
Ignatius Reilly lived in a beat down old shotgun off Calhoun St. Tiny, dilapidated, but tiny. The house featured in Tick Dracy looks like an old Vic. Also dilapidated, but much larger than the house Ignatius shared with his mum in one of my favorite books.
Big Sims
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

#30 alamo –
Ew… Now I’ll think twice if either one of them offers to ‘push my stool in’ at the Diner.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

#18 Rusty — I understand what you’re saying, but I’m not sure I would necessarily single out Momma as the worst drawn strip ever. I mean, it’s horrendously sloppy, but I maintain it’s still possible to tell that Mell Lazarus used to know how to draw, and even though today he probably churns his strip out in about six minutes tops, I honestly think that the strip Momma retains some vague lingering clues about good design. Mell Lazarus, by now, has developed a good intuitive sense of how to arrange things on a page.

By the way, was it somebody here who said Mell Lazarus must have stolen an “L” from Bil Keane?
Rusty
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

#33: Well, I took a look around at stuff like Crock and the Quigmans, and I just can’t find it. There is never a sense of perspective, simple right angles on things like furniture never come together, and the characters themselves are just hideous. And you get the same sideways look/full body shot in every single strip.
SecretMargo
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

27: Kirino loves unsympathetic yet compelling characters. Grotesque is pretty extreme in that regard, though, even for her.

Does the cover blurb/advertising mention the fact that it’s loosely based on a real-life incident? A Nepali man was arrested for killing a woman who apparently worked all day at a relatively high-paying job as an “Office Lady” and turned tricks at night. It became a media sensation that exploited the two lurid aspects of the story: the idea of undocumented, dangerous foreigners (especially from the Asian continent) infesting Japan, and the paradox of a woman who seemed to “have it all” yet turned to prostitution. (a very partisan but nonetheless informative article by a Japanese author who believes the Nepali man is innocent: http://www.nepalitimes.com/issue/189/Nation/9779). Kirino likes to take these real-life incidents and change their particulars and spin the core issues into these wide-ranging, fictional societal critiques. Out is based in part on this incident.

Well, anyway, I’m glad a tip of mine paid off. Yay literature!
dyslexic dog
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

**So Alma M of Vienna wants to offer her special “inspiration” to Mr. Mike.

**And, as far as H & J, who’s the little and who’s the big? Just asking.
ElSanto
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

Even without the final panel, that is still one of the gayest Herb & Jamaal comic strips ever.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
The Avocado Avenger
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

#1 Uke Ike – I suspect people who stay in the house get pledges. It’s probably like overnight jail stays for charity, but has been changed to a haunted house, for that all-important Halloween effect. Knowing DT and other strips that do something “neat” for Halloween, this storyline will run well into the new year.

Of course, the purpose of being “arrested” for charity is to raise money when people “bail you out” with donations.
NinaPetrovna
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

#9 Spotted Horse (can’t do the awesome Scandinavian o)… Gah! Of course I followed the link. Every time there’s more to hate! For a “writer,” Michael’s got some terrible grammar– comma splices everywhere! On the other hand, if you’ve been lurking at this site for long enough, everything sounds dirty, and on that note I submit the following heartfelt sentiments from his latest letter for your enjoyment:
“The glimpse became a giant opening… It has been, for me a lifetime of intimate contact with wonderful people- most of whom I’ll never meet.” That’s unpleasant even if you read it straight.
Poteet
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

DT — A dozen sleeping bags, a dozen bottles of water, a dozen “town celebrities,” a single ancient malfunctioning toilet, and Dick Tracy. What a fun evening. Myself, I’d rather leap headfirst down a smokestack.
Poteet
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

# 39 — NinaPetrovna, thanks for the great quote! BWAHAHA!

On second thought, eww.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

I guess there are different kinds of ugly. I’ll grant that Momma is one of the most careless, hurried, and slipshod strips out there, along with Crock and possibly Marmaduke. But Momma still has a certain… dare I say “bold cuteness”? I don’t know. It’s at least a different kind of ugly from something like Close to Home, which I don’t even read for fear it will give me nightmares.
Hysterical Woman
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

So no clothes at this Haunted House? Swinging!
Fred P.
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

I don’t know how I haven’t noticed this before, but evidently Rex Morgan MD has a vanity license plate reading “DOC-1″. I find this factoid infinitely more interesting than Rex’s perfunctory come-on and Niki’s bored acquiescence. People, these guys are just going through the motions! Try as I might, I just can’t believe that this affair will go anywhere. I- I never thought I’d say this, but Rex Morgan MD just doesn’t seem that exciting lately!
alamo
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

doc = down on cock
Josh
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

Skullturf/Rusty #43 and preceeding — I hesitate to say this because it’s all speculation on my part (admittedly baesd on my keen observation), and it’s kind of mean, but I think the reason that the art in Momma and Crock is so bad is because the artists are very old and are working without assistants. If you look at their earlier work you can sort of see how it has devolved. Age sort of exaggerates a lot of things about a cartoonist’s work. It isn’t always bad — for instance, I will admit that I actually kind of like the current weird, loopy vibe to Marmaduke’s art, which has gotten much stranger and lumpier over the years. But Momma and Crock have just gotten crabbed and shoddy, in my opinion.

Josh
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

Okay, here’s my question about Momma. Mister Big Shot Chief Surgeon there follows his mother like a toy poodle, can’t talk to girls, and rocks a straw boater. How long do you figure he’ll last in New York? My guess is he’ll be getting a nice up-close look at his hospital’s ER pretty soon.
Nik
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

You made my day with that Herb and Jamaal thing. I’m still laughing. Oh Lord. You rock so much.
dyslexic dog
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

…then there are the budding young cartoonists, patiently waiting for their big break.
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

#24 Lizardmess,
I had to think about your comment for a spell, but I laughed heartily once all the pieces fell in place. And no I don’t mean Jamaal’s “piece.”
Buck Ripsnort
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

No, no– I get this DT plotline now. Dick and the other HA! “celebs” will stay in the house, and civilians will bid for the chance to “haunt” them. Of course, with Dick there’ll be a lot more ghosts and skeletons than anyone ever intended (Darn it, Tracy! You were just supposed to remove the mask, not boil that man’s skin off!”).
rhymes with puck
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

MW: Let me tell you how much Drew regrets what he did. He really regrets it. He regrets it so much he, ummm, really really regrets it and you have no idea how much he regrets it. Did I mention that he regrets it?

Luann: Since when does throwing a sock on a plastic jack-o-lantern qualify as “making a door ornament”? I just threw my socks on the couch but I’m not claiming that they are throw pillows.

FW: I can’t wait to see how many people have died in the last 10 years.

JP: She may have just been humiliated, but in the last panel it is clear that it is either really cold or Red is pretty excited.

GT: In Goshen, all the cool coaches wear bowling shirts to school.

MF: That was totally the best drawing of a colon I’ve seen in the comics in a long time.
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

#202 yesterthread gh,
Those captions are all so good I have trouble choosing. I wish funny was their guide.
Dingo
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

Are there any curmudgeonistas in eastern Pennsylvania? I have a job interview on November 16 at Kutztown University to be an instructor there (full-time) starting in the spring. Thought I’d take an extra day and see Independence Hall in Philadelphia and get an authentic cheesesteak. Might be nice to meet some ‘mudgeons for a mixer.
Niall
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

20 commodorejohn: last sentence: ow! Now that is a stinging indictment! And I have seen those “art” pieces, myself…

22. opoponax: don’t worry, a furry fan is not automatically a sexual one. It’s just Sonic fanart, but of the really badly-traced variety, then they just change colours and declare them “brand new characters”… ugh. Some make dozens of these.

34. Skullturf: I agree with you. At least we can tell a) these are human beings, b) where they are in relation to each other, and c) what they are saying and basic cues about their reactions. The whole may not make sense, but that’s never really been a prerequisite to appear on the funnies page – otherwise this blog would not exist!

47. Josh: I agree about age and no assistants. Isn’t the median age for strip cartoonists approaching 60 now? It’s slowly going down with the children of some cartoonists, but that may not be enough.

50. dog: You know, I’ll give it some dues as 1) the joke, while stupid, is clearly presented and setup, and 2) the colouring actually helps the image. Therefore, this is better than what I can do and I can’t mock it that much as an up-and-coming effort.
Hysterical Woman
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

Luann: Is it just me or has the tongue in that Halloween ornament gotten longer?
Uncle Lumpy
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

Dingo -

Pat’s and Geno’s are warring cheesesteak providers, located right next to one another. You must try both, choose, and shun the lesser forever.
queek
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

37: That would make Mike one of the “god knows how many between”
Virginia
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

I just want to say, the second panel of Luann is one of the more frightening images ever. TJ and Brad would make great Jack O’Lantern models, nothing else.

And I did not leave off a word there. Nothing else.
In Light Syrup
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

#5
Joe Mathlete attempts to accomplish a similar feat by drawing a nipple on Ziggy’s nose.
Brian Disco Snell
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

I’m not sure of the wisdom of doing a Halloween DIck Tracy storyline: at the pace this strip moves, it will likely be Christmas before Dick even gets to the haunted house.
Angie
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

With Momma, I have to agree that “Major Hospital” sounds like it’s next to “Local University”. This leads me to believe that her son isn’t even a doctor- “chief surgeon at a major hospital” is probably “towel boy at a nursing home two towns over.” What if he’s not even her son, and just using him to one-up Momma and trap Marylou into her web of lies and surgical tape?
Virginia
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

Wait wait–actually, i should have taken a moment to ask the great question–Who would make a better pimp, Mary Worth or Momma? True, Momma is pushier, but her wares are strictly limited to her children, whereas Mary has the whole young, single community of Charterstone to work with. Actually, I guess it’s checkmate.
fishmorgjp
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

Say, is Dick Tracy having a storyline like the film House on Haunted Hill? (The original with Vincent Price, not the overcooked remake.) Are a bunch of folks being offered a great deal of money if they survive a night in the haunted house? They’ll be locked in, with no escape, and everyone gets a gun as a party favor! Look out for the acid vat in the cellar!!
dyslexic dog
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

#56, 50 – Niall:

Know what? You nailed it. That’s not too shabby of a comic after all, and I actually cracked a positive smirk at the stupid baboon humor.

The future is looking bright!
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

55 Dingo & 58 UL: No clue about Philadelphia – but two things. One, I can attest that Dingo is a true gentleman and only made a pass at me once, when I was looking anyway, and that despite the fact that my chocolate malt weirdly made me feel really really woozy and weak and I somehow woke up in my car with my trousers around my ankles. Also: if you go to Geno’s, say a few words in Spanish just to see what happens. (This makes sense only if I’m remembering my news items right.)
Pansy Yokum
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

Actually, “Major Hospital” is the teaching facility of the medical school of “Local University”.
Lynny M
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

I love creating innuendo about many improper things: Star Trek TNG, e-surance commercials, even the comics. Nikki and Rex? Yes. Beetle and Sarge? Yes. “The Bumboat”? Yes.

Margo’s toaster bagel? Yes.

Herb & Jamall, however, needs no imagination. In fact, taking the illustration and the captions together, there is no possible alternative but homoeroticism. Which is fine for me, but I bet social conservatives raised eyebrows all over America today.

Well, we all did. Nevermind.
AhClem
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

To various people from a couple of yesterthreads ago -
I went out and rented My Favorite Year last night. It struck me as a very well-crafted film with a lot of subtlety. Like most Firesign Theater stuff, it will take more than one viewing to pick up all the little pieces. I can see why so many in the ‘Mudge community enjoy it.
Blue Knight
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

43: I couldn’t agree more. Momma may not have the most anatomically correct people, but that doesn’t hurt it any.

That said, I cordially submit Boston and Shaun for worst comic art.

While not drawn with the recklessly surreal abandon of, say, Momma, it’s just… bad… and it only emphasizes the almost otherworldly awfulness of the comic in question.

Take a stroll through the archives, if you dare.

Or, if you’d prefer to retain your sanity, and spare yourself the vore, Something Awful did a good job of dissecting it.
Twinkytoo
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

DOC = dirty old coot
Reynard Noir.
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

Why are mothers in Momma all little gremlin things? It’s as if the mothers are all one species and the kids are all another. Does childbirth in this strip involve some kind of transmogrification process? Is the mother’s torso excised and reconstituted into the infant body of her child? Or are the labor pains simply so extreme that they actually telescope the entire body downward as the child is expelled?
Canaduck
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

…I’m desperately, desperately trying to read H&J in a non-sexual manner. Desperately. And I’ve got nothing. Without the gay sex angle, this comic is basically about a guy…going over and sitting down next to another guy…stretched over for four panels. And there’s no way that’s possible.
Forthillrox
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

Why do I think Dick Tracy is going to find Skeezix and Fireball in the cellar of the haunted house digging to break into a place for beer? This situation would probably fit quite naturally since the only thing closer to an actual acid trip than a Gasoline Alley storyline is a Dick Tracy storyline.

Somebody needs to tell Momma’s friend’s Single Son, the Doctor that it isn’t 1923 anymore and, outside of political conventions, campaign hats are out of style.
True Fable
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

# 70 AhClem – I’m glad you liked it! I got it out and watched it that afternoon and laughed all through it, even though I knew what would happen. I agree that multiple viewings are necessary because there’s just so much in the details. :-)
Forthillrox
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

The following is a correction to my previous post (75): Momma’s friend’s Single Son, the Doctor is wearing a skimmer hat, not a campaign hat. It’s still not 1923 and it is still not in style any more.

As a former state park ranger who wore a campaign hat to work every day, I should have known this.
SecretMargo
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

67: Gadge: You are.
suziederkins
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

H&J – Aside from the discreet framing and blissful facial expressions, I would like to direct your attention to Jamaal’s (thats the tall one, right?) nose. Maybe he turned his face a little towards Herb, but I urge you to mull over the possibility that Jamaal has a penis on his face, or maybe that his penis and nose are in conjunction. And while we’re mulling, why not ponder what Herb did with that spatula he’s holding in the first panel.
shane shiner
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

“Can spray for bugs”? You’re fucking kidding me.
jaybrrd
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

Have the writers for Scooby Doo taken over Dick Tracy? Honestly, I can’t see how this story line is going to pan out without a) being incredibly boring or b) having the owner of the amusement park next door dress up like a ghost and scaring the governor because he wants the land for expansion.
Trotzenbonnie
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

Holy Crap! Brad Anderson was born four years BEFORE Al Scaduto. And he still draws all of his own stuff. You go, Brad. But I really think you should make Dottie get a mammarygram. She’s looking a bit lumpy.
left of the pyle
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

Drop kick? Back massage? Taking an optimal position to get a grip on the foreign object lodged in Herb’s rectum? Love means never having to say “could you extract this lightbulb from my ass?”
left of the pyle
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

Did y’all see this real life article about the Foobiverse?

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ent/5236066.html
Brown-eyed Girl
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

80. H&J. I think it’s sweet, especially with the sexual interpretation. The affection these guys feel for each other comes through, no matter what they are actually doing in the last panel. Of course, I don’t read H&J unless Josh comments on it, so my interpretation isn’t cluttered by details like continuity or character development.
cymek_nine
October 24th, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

Herb and Jamaal: “I wish I could quit you.”
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
October 24th, 2007 at 12:14 am [Reply]

Re: Yesterthread

“Bob Weber Jr. says:

October 23rd, 2007 at 11:52 am
In other news … keep an eye on My Cage. A familiar detective, mouse, police officers and one “bad” kitty cat find their way to McGuffin, Inc.”

Yep. that’s right. ‘My Cage’ will be guest doing a crossover with the cast of….’Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse’!!!!

MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!! >:D

Just kidding. But how good would a CC and MM guest shot in ‘My Cage’ be?

Actually…forget that, how good would a Slylock Fox/Courageous Cat x-over be?!?!?!?!?!

(NERDGASM!!!)
Joe Btfsplk
October 24th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

Herb and Jamaal - #79 suziederkins beat me to commenting on the nose thing. The camera angle toward Jamal’s (again, that’s the tall one, right?) face doesn’t change, at least not nearly enough to account for the catastrophic alteration in the shape of his nose. Maybe it elongates whenever Herb is near, the way Bilbo’s ears twitch whenever the Sackville-Bagginses are around. The strip is funnier if you draw a SPROINNGGG!! sound effect into panel 3.
Frank Parsnip
October 24th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

MW: Did Drew lie about unfinished business? Sure it was an omission, but as I may recall, their first date consisted of them eating dinner together while Vera protested how a busy career gal like her had no time to do anything. If her high heels hadn’t caught on a pelican dropping or something, she wouldn’t have fallen into his arms and they wouldn’t have kissed. And did she really expect him to give full disclosure along the lines of: “Before you and I have the first spark of romance, let me pour something on the embers in the form of this extensive explanation that I’m also seeing a college student who lives in Charterstone with her toadlike dad. Dawn Weston is her name, and I’ve been fooling around with her because her skunklike two-toned hair goes right to one of my three main fetishes.”

A3G: Well, if you consider stripping for money “Texas-style” and the trailers of old men to respectively count as a job and a home, then, yes, Ruby did have a job and a home there. I do wish we could see more of Ruby’s outfit — the monochrome dark turquioise number she’s wearing is hard to evaluate when we can’t see the cowboy boots underneath. Without a scratch-and-sniff feature, we also can’t tell whether she did follow Margo’s shower-time suggestion that she “aim lower” with the nozzle.

Beatle Bailey: One presumes this is much the way that Bushian cabinet meetings on the Iraq war are conducted. “All those who say ‘nay’ to our plan to use National Guardsmen to transfer the California wildfires to Iraq, please speak now.” (sound of crickets chirping)

DtM: Ultimately, only A3G’s Ruby will be able to tame Dennis.

Foob: Mark Trail likes sticking around in his faded ice-cream-man outfit to eavesdrop on the tender moments of fat people with head injuries. In panel 3, he gives us Amelie-style goo-goo eyes — now that he’s re-set up Homer and not-duck-Shirley, he’ll run about Paris doing other good deeds.

RMMD: “That sound of rushing water is either the river we’re trying to get to, or else a bear pissing. Go check it out, Niki…”

Slylock Fox: True or False: 1) Rhino horn is widely believed to have aphrodesiac properties in many Asian societies that will pay a bundle of money to poachers. 2) Despite their reputation for ferocity, Rhinos have notoriously bad eyesight and, if the wind is blowing the right way, you can snipe them with a high-powered rifle. 3) The best way to get rhino horns across international borders is by bribing game and customs officials. 4) The best current prices for smuggled rhino horn are in South Korea.

Single & Looking: Given how everybody in this strip always has their enormous mouths all the way open while they speak with lots of exclamation marks, it would be nice if he’d just take that trash bag and jam it down into that koala.

Jugs Parker: Sam, you’re wondering what happend to Busty’s self-respect? You’re really asking that of a woman who to all appearances is wearing an outfit made up of artfully applied latex paint? However, Sam ought to watch himself. If she rubs her long hair against those enormous rubber balloons, he could be facing the wrath of THE SHOCKER!!
Poteet
October 24th, 2007 at 12:30 am [Reply]

10/24 –

DT — Oh geeeeeeez, here we go again with the DT geologic-era pacing. By the time the local celebrities actually snuggle into their sleeping bags in Haunted Mansion, the only unreal visitor they’ll be awaiting will be Santa Claus.

RMMD — Do ya think the noise might be the escaped felons? Do ya do ya? If so, I’d like to put in a request for them to drown Niki and then shoot Rex.

MW — I have finally figured out what all those weird extended gestures mean. The denizens of MW are practicing beginning Tai Chi, very badly. I know this because I am now taking beginning Tai Chi and practicing it very badly myself.

MT — I hope that Shirley the Transgendered Duck and all her blue ducklings will be invited to Homer’s remarriage. They’ll fit right in.
Poteet
October 24th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Foob — This tragic breakup makes about as much sense as the original tragic breakup of Liz ‘n Anthony years ago. Which means…groan.
Frank Parsnip
October 24th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Oops. Wrote “Foob” but meant to type “Mark Trail”. Easy mistake to make … I bet that April and Gerald will get together in 20 years because that’s how Lynn Johnston’s mind works. And when they get together it’s because Gerald will go to extraordinary efforts to protect a sheepdog and its nest, located conveniently under “Farley’s Tree”. After the sheepdog eggs hatch, he’ll consecutively save the eggs from a raging, flooding river and then from some hungry northern pike, walleye or walrus. I’m a little weak on my Canadian fauna, but bear with me — sheepdogs are very cute when they peck through the shells for the first time.
Poteet
October 24th, 2007 at 12:37 am [Reply]

When Hagar the Horrible makes very gloomy sense, it’s definitely time for bed. Adieu, merry snarkers.
bats :[
October 24th, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

Humpty-humpday funnies (well, aside from H&J):

MT: Mark thinks the story’s going to have a happy ending? Is Shirley going to give Homer a massage?

MW: good heavens, I think we’ve found someone to out-bitchy Mary, and her name is Vera! Elegant and meaningless hand gestures, too!
(Dingo, is it possible for you to have Mary slap some sense into the girl?)

RMMD: mmm, mmm…sandwiches hot off the dusty, grimy hood. Good eatin’!
And speaking of good eatin’, yeah, Niki, do what Rex says…go take a look through back through the trees, then close your eyes and count to ten, slowly…

S4th: I’d give Ted a bright, shiny quarter if he’d pop Sally’s mom in the chops. Actually, I’ll give him the quarter if he can make his ultimatum stick. The woman is toxic.

Pluggers: dammit! You leave my bed linens out of this!

FOOB: but of course!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1722735182/
Dick, the Doorbell
October 24th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

JUTS PARKER: Rusty’s earwax leak looks serious. She should get to Dr. Drew’s office pronto.
Poteet
October 24th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

# 89 — F.P., per your Slylock comments, I read recently that a few unlucky endangered species with body parts that are sold in Asia to supposedly increase virility are getting something of a reprieve thanks to Viagra. Yay.
Broken Skittles
October 24th, 2007 at 12:45 am [Reply]

Re: 84, left of the pyle

I think this quote from the article is especially interesting:

“In particular, she intends to focus on the strip’s younger and elder characters instead of on Elly and John. The younger characters include Michael Patterson, Elly and John’s son, and Michael’s wife, Deanna; and Michael’s sister Elizabeth, who is exploring a relationship with childhood beau Anthony Caine.”

April is apparently not a character in the foobiverse.
NinaPetrovna
October 24th, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

TDIET: I have to say, I like today’s variation on “the Urge.”

RMMD: Panel one’s lovingly detailed ass-cleft makes it look as if Red is wearing a, what do you call those things, like a leotard or something. The spandex diametrical opposite of a hot dress. Which gives sort of a cute spin to the crack about her self respect in panel 3.
NinaPetrovna
October 24th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

Oh, dear, not RMMD at all but Judge Parker. Sorry. It’s late, and I have trouble telling them apart at the best of times.
Trilobite
October 24th, 2007 at 1:24 am [Reply]

The beginning of the week on the comics page didn’t do much for me, but Wednesday’s comics have a few points of interest:

A3G: Ruby puts on “the dullest outfit” she’s got, and ends up looking like Tommie’s mom. No surprises there, I guess.

Gil Thorp: You know, any other coach would look at least a tiny bit upset that his team is getting trounced 10-0, even without Beardy McAnonymous blathering some unsolicited random commentary in his ear. But not Coach Thorp! Gil’s so accustomed to loss that he just watches his team getting their asses handed to them, and his only visible reaction is the beatific half-smile of a guy who’s thinking about how much he likes waffles.

Judge Parker: Sam’s kind of scary when he disapproves of someone that strongly. Frowning, half-hidden by the shadows, hair mysteriously poofed out into a ’70s feathered mane…it’s almost frightening enough to make you forget about Rusty’s phenomenal ass in that first panel.

Mary Worth: Nice jacket, Vera. Maybe you and the other Jets can go beat up Drew after your rumble with the Sharks tonight.

The Inescapable Horror that is FBoFW: Aw, Gerald, don’t be sad. April’s a Patterson, and you were her first boyfriend — of course it’s not the end of you two as a couple! Hell, the only way you’re not going to end up abandoning your dreams of a music career and marrying her is if the long-awaited time freeze finally happens and we never see you or April again. So, uh, cross your fingers and hope for that, I guess.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
October 24th, 2007 at 1:24 am [Reply]

I read this blog every day, and I quite honestly don’t know the difference between Rex Morgan, Mark Trail, Mary Worth, and Judge Parker. It’s all one big crazy soap-opera-comic blur.
ElSanto
October 24th, 2007 at 1:30 am [Reply]

Today’s Herb & Jamaal: OK, we’re out of the homoerotic territory, be we’re back to the awkward non-references. This is one of the best. “Hey, Herb, I got the the new DVD of that best selling novel!” Yup, some book based on some movie.

And yes, the strip does print the word “the” twice. Nice job, editors.
Frank Parsnip
October 24th, 2007 at 1:38 am [Reply]

NinaPetrovna: Yes, in RMMD, it’s only Rex who’s paying close attention to the ass clefts.

Poteet: I always thought it funny when coworkers would tell me how their spouse was “ripped off” when buying deer horn or some other awful crap, telling me the details of how gullible their spouse was in paying too much. I thought the “gullible” part started with simply being in the market for this crap.
Helena Handbasket
October 24th, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]

#1 Ukelele Ike: I think people sponsor them per hour that they are brave enough to remain in the house, or something.
off-model
October 24th, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

MT: “I think this story is going to have a happy ending!” Mark Trail exclaims with a knowing grin on his face.
He glances over his shoulder. The doorway frames Shirley as she bends over Homer, her hands working their way under the hospital blanket.
“A happy ending indeed!” He then tilts his head and winks at his ever-faithful Jack Elrod ball.
Big Sims
October 24th, 2007 at 1:52 am [Reply]

Hey Ruby! You spend all your time dressing and dating the neighbors and hogging the shower. You sleep on the couch, ostensibly you’re looking after LuAnn – do you even know where she is? Now you’re trading barbs with Margo? Pack sand Tex, get lost. I tire of you.
Big Sims
October 24th, 2007 at 2:09 am [Reply]

“I have plenty of time to scream.” Loopina, Oct 2007

I scream into my pillow. All night. I scream inside my head. All day.
Teacher says I have a hearing problem. Of course I can’t hear them. I’m screaming!
I scream in the car, I scream on the bus. I screamed when that sweet boy Jeffery touched me. A loud scream. A short scream. Like an explosion.
I have plenty of time to scream. I’m screaming right now.
TB Tabby
October 24th, 2007 at 2:24 am [Reply]

Baldo: Pitos are just like Sniglets, except they’re not funny.

BStarr: He has a motorcycle AND a parrot?! Best. Publisher. EVAR.

Crankshaft: What, muggers don’t rob the elderly? Since when?

Lio: Is this why Phillippe thinks everyone has a chainsaw except him?

MC: Dr. Otter looks familiar…did his daughter go to Camp Firstbasawassa with What’s Her Face?

MT: I don’t care what kind of ending this story has, as long as it ENDS!

NAoQV: Adult Charlie Brown’s facial hair disappears when he yells! A trick of the light?
Mibbitmaker
October 24th, 2007 at 2:29 am [Reply]

10/24:

A3G: Yesterday’s clothes one-up backfires, even Ruby thinks it’s dull, so yesterday’s Ruby point is retracted. Today, Margo goes for the ol’ “witty GO HOME!” play. MASterfully done! Margo’s ahead of the game 2-1! WHAT* a week so far! (* sportscaster talk, not MT talk)

S4th: I don’t care if she does use our snark against him. GO, Ted!! GO Ted!!…

BBailey: Ghostwritten by Wiley Miller.

S-M: Interesting revelation plotline smothered in its crib. I hate you, Stan & Larry.

Cranky: Cranky: “…That’s right, just put it aw–Wh-what are you doing with the pepp—AAUUUGHHH! AAAAAAAUUUUGHHHHHH!! My EEEYYYEEEES!!!!!!!!!…

Drabble: Panel 3: Wouldn’t it be either cool or scary if that wasn’t movement; his head just looked like that? YIKES!

Buckets: “Hey… waitaminnit! … He’s been listening to my ‘Let It Bleed’ album without permission again!”
Brown-eyed Girl
October 24th, 2007 at 2:38 am [Reply]

FOOB makes no sense, even for FOOB. Ok, it’s very late, so maybe I’m missing the obvious. Why does April not wanting a career as a musician mean she and Gerald can’t be a couple? I think the speech balloons are pointing in the wrong direction.

MW. Vera is still a psycho, but Mary is an idiot: “What Drew did is unacceptable, but he really cares about you so you should accept it.” Bleh.
Red Greenback
October 24th, 2007 at 2:53 am [Reply]

Archie: Here are photos I’m sending to Betty’s Blog for the Halloween dealy— http://www.flickr.com/photos/15356105@N06/1724074642/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/15356105@N06/1724075492/in/photostream/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/15356105@N06/1724073728/in/photostream/
Wish me luck!
Big Sims
October 24th, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

#109 Mibbitmaker
Yeah I noticed that too in Crankshaft.
Purse snatchings and muggings don’t happen to the elderly, so throw out your non-lethal weapon.
Frank Parsnip
October 24th, 2007 at 3:44 am [Reply]

BigSims (106): I think my milk just ran out of my nose with that. This enormous saftig-but-jowly beast helps to disprove the Texan notion that bigger is better. Hey, and when she goes crawling back to Dallas, she can take Aristotle Assapopoulos with her.
Krohmdohm
October 24th, 2007 at 4:22 am [Reply]

#111 Red. Go get ‘em . It’s my understanding (and I can’t believe that I read Betty’s Blog) that the blog reader’s will vote on the best costume. I’m going to register multiple times in an attempt to throw the contest your way and encourage all Mudgeons to do the same.
Baldo: I don’t understand these “pito” things at all but I DO appreciate Sergios expression in the last panel.
GA: For the love of GOD , I’ll buy them boobs a beer just to trade “chug chug chug” for “dig dig dig”
True Fable
October 24th, 2007 at 4:39 am [Reply]

Cathy(MustDie) Just what is Cathy’s problem today? Is she just mad because someone is actually counting calories as She is supposed to, but obviously doesn’t? I hope she splits her pants right in the dead center of her assback.
C’haft Sad that I’m not surprised that this is coming from a maleficent old piss-ant. Typical that this wheezing tub of shit just asumes that older women don’t get mugged or raped simply because of their age.
Curtis I know the dialogue makes a good argument and I agree with him, but for the life of me I just can’t take a man with a cucumber-shaped noggin seriously.
FBoFW This just doesn’t make sense. WTF is Lynn’s problem?People with ambition are destined to live lonely, unloved lives so they may as well not even try to cultivate a relationship as they struggle with the ladder to success?

Dear Lynnie Baby,
Ah my little Canadian Corrosive, are you trying to force one of your hard-won life lessons down our throats? Or are you trying to piss us off with your inability to come up with fresh plotlines so you turn to recycling Lizardbreath’s whole fucked-up lifestory into April’s new reality?
Or are you just a dumbass?
You’re going to have to do better than that to win over the Fable, baby; successful women who don’t even let a minor fictional character have ambition is too selfish to be trusted with the Earth-shaking Love at my disposal. The fact that you only heap big fat steaming piles of effortless success on Saint Michael puts the icing on the Cake of You Suck Air, my little blue-eyed banshee.

Truman A. Fable
Not for You
True Fable
October 24th, 2007 at 4:47 am [Reply]

S4th The best Sally Forth so far! Not only does Ted FINALLY grow a pair of balls and tells MIL to hit the road, but she notices and makes mention of his tiny hands in panel two. !!! That’s what WE have been pointing out all along, he has tiny tiny hands! Of course, we don’t have to worry about such an exchange never happening again since this IS Sally Forth, and MIL will likely be there for another week or two.
But, Good for you, Ted. Good for you.
True Fable
October 24th, 2007 at 4:58 am [Reply]

MT Well, gee, Mark; it’s not as if this happy ending wasn’t telegraphed to us WEEKS ago. But that’s okay, just go out to the construction site and punch a random hairy face for old times’ sake.
MW Panel One: Vera goes into her windup…and.. Panel Two: “sssSTOP! In the name of love/ before you break my heart/ think it oh-o-ver…”
Pluggers Pluggers are obviously singles. *raises hand, will crawl between mismatched sheets later today. Unless I can find someone with matched ones* ;-)
JP Sam is slowly being devoured by the Dark Side. “Come, young Padewan; I shall easily substitute your emotionless countenance into Hayden Christianson’s acting range.”
dreadedcandiru2
October 24th, 2007 at 5:18 am [Reply]

#108: TB Tabby — Cranky’s not saying that old people don’t get mugged. He’s saying he doesn’t care. After all, his hatred is universal.

#115: True Fable — It’s even worse than her attempt to convert April into Liz’s Mini-Me: it’s her vaunted research in action. Having watched every ‘Mean Girls’-like movie ever made, Lynn sincerely believes that the student body of a modern high school is divided into castes whose boundaries must be respected. Professional Musician Gerald CANNOT date Amateur Musician April if he wishes to maintain his lofty status. This means that after the concert he must excise the rest of them from his life and associate with His Kind: Rebecca-with-an-H.
monsieurjohn
October 24th, 2007 at 5:24 am [Reply]

Aha! Shirley the duck and Shirley the human-person are both transgendered, and that’s the real reason for Homer’s affection for the duck version. Just check out panel two today if you need any proof. At least he’ll get a happy ending out of it.
Saluki
October 24th, 2007 at 6:01 am [Reply]

10/24/07

GF: HaHa, Bucky’s giving an example of right wing humor.

Clear Blue Water: OK, what’s a “porn loop” and how does a person get stuck in one? Just asking.

Curtis: Check out the signs on the wall. No “bikini cuts” ant Gunther’s.

FW: Oh yeah, what ever happened to Lisa? She hasn’t been in the strip for a while.

Luann: Wow, Toni is really a guy! Didn’t see that coming.

MT: So no one get’s punched in this storyline?

Shaft: Never ever insult a woman with pepper spray.
True Fable
October 24th, 2007 at 6:13 am [Reply]

# 119 monsieurjohn – Nothing wrong with transgenders, especially if one looks like Julie Andrews in Victor/ Victoria. Unfortunately, neither Shirley the Duck nor Shirley the Truck look anything like Ms. Andrews.

:-)
The Avocado Avenger
October 24th, 2007 at 6:19 am [Reply]

#108 TB Tabby – I don’t think “Crankshaft” was going for the “mugging” angle so much as the “assault” angle. It’s playing on the heinous stereotype that only young and pretty women get assaulted. At best, he’s saying that an old woman is so undesirable (because she’s old) that she is now completely safe from attack of any kind.

It’s horrible. Fuck you, Tom Batiuk. You’re a loathsome, pus-filled sack of worthlessness and I’m fucking sick and tired of people praising you when you manage to not be an offensive shit for a few moments. You have the bloody gall to act like your Lisa storyline (and the Wally storyline) were to create awareness, yet you undermine the dangers women in our culture face just for a bad joke in a half-rate comic strip most people never heard of?

Excuse me. I must chew my own foot off in anger.
Angry Beaver
October 24th, 2007 at 6:24 am [Reply]

I have to admit this week in ‘Shirley and Son’ (no not the duck) its breaking my heart!! If anything happens to Larry the dog, I’ll quit reading it.
Angry Beaver
October 24th, 2007 at 6:35 am [Reply]

116- I totally agree!! I’m ready for a Bitch slap from Ted!
smacky
October 24th, 2007 at 6:36 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: Haha, men only attack women for sex and you’re old. No one will attack you!

Tell that to the 84-year-old woman in DC: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/05/11/AR2006051100999.html

Isn’t it weird that this is basically a joke about rape and an old man telling a woman she’s undesirable? No wonder she looks pissed!
smacky
October 24th, 2007 at 6:38 am [Reply]

Oops, and there I go echoing at least five people’s comments from the last two hours. Yeah, F Tom!
Keg of Curd
October 24th, 2007 at 6:44 am [Reply]

“Hey, Herb, do you want to try the popular new sex move described by a famous therapist in that bestselling book?”
smacky
October 24th, 2007 at 6:50 am [Reply]

#100 Trilobite said

it’s almost frightening enough to make you forget about Rusty’s phenomenal ass in that first panel.

Not even a butler with a luger telling me to strip would erase the memory of Rusty’s ass.
Inspector Dim
October 24th, 2007 at 6:50 am [Reply]

S-M: “Still think he’s Spider-Man, Jonah?”

Yes! Yes, God damn it! Because “I heard Spider-Man is gonna be here” is the lamest excuse for coming back to New York ever! And how, exactly, did he hear that when he arrived back in New York at the same time as that superhero that he can’t possibly be?

I’ve said it before: Peter Parker is so lucky that he’s surrounded by unobservant idiots.
Inspector Dim
October 24th, 2007 at 6:53 am [Reply]

FOOB: This is confusing and makes no sense. April’s quitting the what, now? Who’s that guy breaking up with her again? Why is his nose like that? I’m going to go read Garfield instead. Yeah, I know. He’s been watching TV all week and making dumb comments about it. But at least it makes sense, and I know who the fat cat on the easy chair is.
willethompson
October 24th, 2007 at 6:55 am [Reply]

JP: Rusty, getting ready to molt out of that dress and presenting herself like a TriDelt who has just discovered Jello Shooters, gives her old flame a peek at the pass between the Grand Tetons and pleads in a nolo contendere whisper of surrender, “C’mon, Sam! Are you saying you’ve never crossed the line?”

Not the one for heterosexuality, evidently. Sam has principles!
Godzooky
October 24th, 2007 at 7:13 am [Reply]

S-M: On Thursday, after delivering the non sequitur argument that he deserves a raise because his wife is a movie star, Peter Parker takes his leave. Friday, in costume, he swings by JJJ’s window. What’s he doing back in JJJ’s office today?

As #129 Inspector Dim notes, it’s bad enough that Peter’s excuse for the N.Y. return is lame. It’s inexcusable that two supposedly professional newspapermen don’t call him on “I heard he was coming here.” Heard from who? When? Where were you a few minutes ago? And why are you wearing a different jacket and shirt (plain jacket, crew neck shirt vs. striped jacket, collar shirt) than when you first stepped out of the office?

Why do I even bother?
Bathless Groggins
October 24th, 2007 at 7:17 am [Reply]

Speaking of bad drawing . . . I finally realized why Mary Worth always creeps me out: It looks just like a realistic continuity strip that you would see someone reading in a realistic continuity strip.
John C Fremont
October 24th, 2007 at 7:18 am [Reply]

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with Rusty Duncan’s ass, but after seeing those magnificent T’s on display, I guess I was expecting more from her A. Something big.

And how about that Sam Driver? Lecturing poor Rusty about morals while once again slipping over to The Dark Side, just like John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band. But I kid the evil attorney.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
October 24th, 2007 at 7:29 am [Reply]

A.D.: Ants got…. plasma screens?! What kind of world IS this?! It’s a madhouse, I tell you! A MADHOUSE!!!

Blondie: I would so watch “Are You Smarter than Geraldo?”. Once.

C’Shaft: Egad, this is as hateful as everyone said it was going to be. I can’t possibly make a funny comment about this.

DtM: Dennis is checking to be sure that the tether he plans to tie to his babysitter’s neck is short enough so she won’t be able to reach the door or the phone. And his parents are, apparently, OK with that.

(WT)DT: Something tells me that Mayor Headstrong and Governor Smart are actually neither. Judging from his expression in panel 3, even Dick thinks these names are ridiculous. Or maybe he’s just in pain from bending his elbow back above his shoulder like that.

FC: Or you can listen for their ragged, terrified breathing. Oh, wait, no, that’s not hide-’n-seek, that’s home invasion. Sorry.

GT: Who’s the Teen Wolf?

H&J: “Hey, Herb, I got the the new DVD of that bestselling novel!” “Brokeback Mountain?” “Yeah, want to re-enact it?”

JP: Rex’s word balloon goes behind Rusty’s arm in panel 1. Are word balloons physical objects in Baretto’s world?

Big Dog: This caption makes no sense. Some suggested captions that make more sense than this one:
“Are you kidding? With the economy today?”
“We all experience love, and we all experience loss. Who are we to say we would know one without the other?”
“The blue ring of concept eclipses the praxis of weltschmertz.”
“I’m sorry, Minister, we’re all out of sponge!”
“Christ, what an asshole!”

MC: Wow. The Golden Otter has to make a living in between Kwanzaas somehow, I guess. Maybe Curtis’ holiday saga this year can be all about the blessings of black-market OxyContin.

Phantom: Was it really necessary to spread Tendai’s drawings over every horizontal surface in the doctor’s office? Couldn’t she have just as easily leafed through a neatly stapled stack of them?

RMMBLA: “You head off into the woods all by yourself. I’m sure nothing bad could possibly happen to you! I’ll just be over here relieving myself.”

SL: “Fin-Quotin’ Sherman” for the win!
banana
October 24th, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

MW: Vera – still enraged at Dr. Corey the Younger – throws a ninja star out Mary’s living room window and straight into … Dawn Weston’s skull!
Or maybe she’s waiting for her pet falcon to come in for a landing. I haven’t finished my coffee yet, so I’m just not sure!
(PS, I’ve been reading this site for about a year but am newish to commenting. Thanks for the daily giggles, everyone!)
Weaselboy
October 24th, 2007 at 7:45 am [Reply]

I’ve got to join in on today’s Crankshaft bashing. This one wasn’t just stupid, it actually offended me.
gleeb
October 24th, 2007 at 7:51 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: I guess Batiuk used up his compassion on Spunky Cancerwoman.

Curtis: Why no, Mr Pinhead Barber. If there was anything with a whiff of Judaism about it, it’s not so long ago that folks were studiously silent about it.

Judge Parker: Well, she hasn’t got her self respect hidden about her person. You’d be able to see it through that dress.

Rex Morgan: Rex cleverly maneuvers himself behind Niki. Run, kid, run!
dimestore lipstick
October 24th, 2007 at 8:04 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: Vera displays cutting-edge sass (circa 1992) by accompanying her remarks with the classic “Talk to the Hand” gesture.
Tweeks_Coffee
October 24th, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

A3G: Margo’s in all out bitch mode now. Ruby’s about to learn an important lesson; Never fuck with Margo.
DT: Where is Mayor Headstrong, exactly? A prison cell?
FOOB: Echoing what several others have said; why can’t they be a couple? It’s not like Gerald is leaving town tonight. Of course we know they can’t be a couple because Gerald could be a success and we certainly can’t have April be involved in that. It still makes no sense in the strip, though.
GT: That’s the most amazing field goal I’ve ever seen. It appears that the kicker was actually below the goal posts and kicked it up and back to go through the uprights. You’re toast Milford, just forfeit now.
Heathcliff: My God, she has no arms! She just has a serving tray, apparently, bolted to her abdomen!
MT: No! No happy endings! Happy endings don’t result in people getting punched! So I guess this is the end of Homer’s tale. Tomorrow Mark will return home for all of three minutes before jetting off to his next adventure.
MW: In today’s episode of Styling Tips by Vera; Why putting a huge lamp on your coffee table makes perfect sense. Plus, we’ll continue to explore the benefits of perfectly color matching everything you own.
S4th: Go Ted!
SL: Love Fin-Quotin’ Sherman
John C Fremont
October 24th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

I’ve been thinking a lot about what Athena said yesterday (#69, yesterthread) about Vera Shields, Drew Cory and Dawn Weston. (Some people spend a lot of time thinking about health care and the situation in Iraq. Some spend a lot of time thinking about Britney Spears and that one American Idol guy. I spend my time ruminating over off-the-cuff comments from this site. Hey, I have my priorities.) Anyway, Athena is absolutely right, damn it! Drew never told Vera he was dating her exclusively, so what’s her problem? Sheesh!

My point is, I now realize that I HATE VERA’S GUTS! I want the absolute worst for her, which probably means spending her life with that damned Drew Cory! Whiny, spoiled rich brat. Die, you self-centered bitch! (Okay, that last line was a bit harsh, but it’s already written – so let it be done.)

There. I feel better now. And now to find another random comment to fixate upon for another day…
willethompson
October 24th, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

re: H&J: I’m a bad widdle boy… (somewhere in between SFW and NSFW…)
Jamus The Bartender
October 24th, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

134. Oh, John, Rusty has a beautiful ass. Baretto knows ladies’ hinders, let me tell ya.
Nice, curvy, sweet ass that Jamus likes to squeeze…
* sound of Jamus getting hit by frying pan*
Oh, hi Cassandra, I didn’t see you come in….
Chert the Chort
October 24th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

Holy Crap.

I would never gloat over someone’s marital problems, not even Lynn Johnsons… but damn. Damn.

Her husband leaves her after all these years and she’s somehow NOT gonna pick that scab in her strip? No, no no, I don’t think so. And since daddy dentist is based on real life daddy dentist, well, the parallels are just spooky. Sine strips are turned in weeks ahead of time, it will take a little time for this to show up in the writing, but come ON, there is no way it won’t show up. No way. Her real life has been fodder for her strip all these years, she can’t bail on us now.

I am a little confused, though. Does this mean the freeze will still happen, but not quite the same way? Huh? Or, in Canadian, “eh?”
Chert the Chort
October 24th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

#142 – Oh, by the way? Nasty. Do another one!
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 24th, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

10/24

DtM: The tux is prompting Henry to try some James Bond one-liners. They don’t fit either.

C-Shaft: Yes, it’s that inimitable Ed Crankshaft charm. The fact that his joke translates to “Who the hell would want to rape you, you dried up old bag,” tells you pretty much all you need to know.

MT: If Mark keeps talking to himself with his face frozen in an Norm Macdonald smirk, he may get to know the psych wing pretty well.

BC: Ants have developed a miniaturized Xbox and flatscreen TV. Can anything stop them now?

FC: Hey, no giving hints to “it.” Even sexist ones.

H&J: “The new DVD of that bestselling novel”? I love that DVD!

MW: Mary disagrees with Vera, but is impressed with her fierce tae kwon do.

Archie: “Hey, I’m visiting your daughter and I need to push something into a hole. Your choice, old man.”

Momma: “I’m over 90 and I’ve never been with a woman. You look like your close enough.”
Note to self. This pickup line, while appealingly desperate, does not seem to work.

Lockhorns: Leroy is going toward the light. His grandfather must be calling.

DT: The mayor is jovial in that “Snuffy Smith” kinda way. Yeah, I’m sure he’ll last the night with Dick Tracy.

SFx: The rhino must be relieved that the monkey is throwing something non-fecal.

GT: Milford should really have a better win-loss ratio, seeing as they have Jesus on the coaching staff.
Chert the Chort
October 24th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

Oh, and I forgot one last thing before I head out the door:

Let me add my voice. Fuck Tom Batiuk.
The Mutt
October 24th, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u51/The_Mutt_pics/Bueno.jpg
Gabe
October 24th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

MT: Everyone seems disappointed there’s no punching, but I remind you that there WAS PUNCHING at the mid point of this plotline as opposed to the climax. Mark always punches someone, just not always at the end. Gotta mix it up sometimes.

C’Shaft: Echoing everyone here. Fuck you, Batuik.

SF: Hell yeah.

Sherman’s Lagoon: Fin quotin’ Sherman FTW! I demand he substitute a future “Finger Quotin’ Margo” edition.
Gabacho
October 24th, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

Sally Forth – Ted, today you are a man.

There is nothing that say “virility” like an unemployed, tiny handed househusband giving an empty ultimatum to a homeless, bitter old lady.

Mary Worth – I think maybe, possibly, Vera might still have a tiny crush on the Drewmeister. She does seem to go on about him, doesn’t she?

Or else she’s a complete, raving psycho who doesn’t understand that two dates is not exactly an engagement.

Apartment 3G – Oh, Ruby. There’s so much that’s wrong here – the dress made from the shower curtain and bath math, the matching wash cloth hair ornament, the fact that you moved in without telling anybody.

What disappoints me the most is that I thought you could stand against Margo. But one cutting remark from Margo caused your blouse to disappear in panel 3. You’re just like the rest of them – weak and easily thwarted.

But Margo has some connections at a very nice offshore manufacturing facility. Perhaps she could get you a job now that you have proven yourself unworthy.
indrifan
October 24th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

67 Gadge Cubic: yes, Geno’s is the Cheesesteak place in the news. I can’t say too much about it here because I think it would land me in the cockpit.
55 Dingo: I am a lurking Philly Curminion. I’m stage managing a show that weekend but would love to meet up with you and/or other CCers during daylight hours. Shall I post something in the meetups forum? I think I will.
Lake Eerie
October 24th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

Crankshaft – hope I’m not over-snarking anyone, especially since I haven’t even commented in days, but …
Does anyone think this had an opportunity for humor? Say, the missing third panel where Los maces Crankshaft?
Of course, being maced is unpleasant, but it’s certainly more pleasant than dying of cancer, and much funnier than rape.
teenchy
October 24th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

GF: Conley has beaten the cow arc into ground beef. Was it ever funny?
Keg of Curd
October 24th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

I see somebody already mentioned Heathcliff, but fixating on a small background detail misses the more central (and IMO entirely awesome) fact that the title character – a cat – is wearing an enormous football helmet auspiciously emblazoned with the sole word HAM.

Auspicious, because there just happens to be a platter of ham coming into the room (unnaturally attached, as noted, to Ma Nutmeg’s midsection) – and one would hardly want to tackle a ham without one’s enormous HAM helmet at the ready.

(For some reason, I’m quite happy to give Heathcliff’s creators allowance for completely implausible behaviors, whereas the same thing in Marmaduke annoys me to no end. A stoic, almost zen-like cat having an inexplicable HAM helmet is awesome; a big misshapen dog buying an whacko-perspective dumptruck full of bones is fucking stupid. Get back to the none-too-subtle bestiality jokes, Marmaduke; know your limits.)
dimestore lipstick
October 24th, 2007 at 9:25 am [Reply]

FOOB: Wanting different things is a reason to break up when you’re 30, not when you’re 16. April has told Gerald that she doesn’t want a musician’s lifestyle, and Gerald has deduced that since he does, they have no future together.
The problem is that although they have a perfectly good present together, Lynn’s particularly narrow heteronormative imperative for her core characters drives this strip, and so it is time for the wench to pair off and be mated, grow a pair of saddlebags and start pushin’ out the Patterspawn.

And re: Crankshaft? Eff you, Batuik. You goddam putz. I know your main character is supposed to be an Archie Bunker-esque ignoramous, but keee-rist! It is NOT about sex. Rape is about power, control, anger and hate. And the victims are young and old, large and small, “pretty” and “ugly”, rich and poor.
God, how I despise you and your bitter, evil, misanthropic, misogynistic, sociopathic old frontman, Ed Crankshaft.
commodorejohn
October 24th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

9CL – The couple that pontificates together, stays together.

A3G – It’s not good enough for Margo that Ruby’s planning to get a job and move out – she wants Ruby out of the city altogether. You do not horn in on Magee’s territory.

A.D. – Oh come on, they’re not even trying to make this look like B.C. anymore.

DT – Please, please, please let Governor Smart be Don Adams…also, note Dick’s look of almost teary-eyed pride. A charity event featuring political and law enforcement figures in a haunted house…yes, this is America, by God!

FOOB – WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? So, completely out of left field, it’s suddenly not going to work because Gerald wants to be a professional musician and April doesn’t? What, is there something magical about professional musicians that makes them only able to love other professional musicians? Bullshit. I don’t know what Lynn has against the music industry, but if she didn’t want April together with a *gasp* musician, she, as the author, could have not set her up with one in the first place, and thus avoided giving a huge middle finger to professional musicians like this. It’s either sloppily written or horribly rude, and either way it makes me sick.

JP – Yowza.

MF – Relevance and competent satire in Mallard Fillmore!? I have to go lie down until the world stops spinning; I’ll be back in a few.

MT – Best. Final. Panel. Ever.

MW – There’s something wrong about Vera in the first panel, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Also, disco-dancing. It’s inevitable in Charterstone.

Pluggers – I’m a Plugger.

RMMD – Ooh, a mayonnaise-and-Coke sandwich! My favorite!

SF – Man, this is great.
Lake Eerie
October 24th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

55 Dingo – good luck! That used to be my neck of the woods. Alas, I’m on the other side of the state now (i.e. five miles from Lake Erie, hence my clever name)

67 & 151 – To my knowledge, Geno’s has the edge on Pat’s (which offers Cheese Whiz … bleah), though I never really frequented either. Geno’s has/had the sign directing folks to order in English, but just a few key phrases are need (”One wit’” for instance).
Damn, I miss cheesesteaks, though the chicken wings here are quite tasty. I can be such a plugger with junk food
Non Compost Mentos
October 24th, 2007 at 9:28 am [Reply]

RMMBLA: I know, someone else has already mentioned it, but the current plotline really is heading creepily into Flannery O’Connor territory. Only with Rex, I’m afraid it may turn into “A Hard Man is Good to Find.”
kevin
October 24th, 2007 at 9:38 am [Reply]

Yes, Josh, as someone who frequents the steam room at a (mostly) gay gym in NYC, I agree with your evaluation of Herb and Jamal wholeheartedly. They are most definitely getting each other off.
Fightin Vague Shape
October 24th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

GA: You’re not thirsty? That’s the reason you come up with for not breaking into a bar/liquor store and stealing beer? How about “I’m not a fucking kleptomaniac, you insane monkey turd”?

GT: Some men can pull off a bearded look. Most can’t. If just one person takes that point, then this strip won’t have been in vain.

MT (#120): Maybe tomorrow they’ll combine the two great things about this comic–punching and animals–in what I believe is termed a “donkey punch.”
Professor Fate
October 24th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

FOOB: Thank you for watching this episode of non-sequitur Theater – Additional dialgoue follows:

G: Bread is often sliced
A: The marsh can give off an unpleasent odor in the spring
G: The sound of a violin can often grate
A: we were in love now we are butter tarts
G: Sailing against the wind requires the boat to use the procdure called tacking
A: I have a cabbage

And so on. After some more of this – there is a montage of gruesome deaths followed bya scene where Anthony in the gimp suit does something unspeakable to the cabbage while Liz recites random lines of the poetry of Lewis Carrol in a bad socttish accent.

Then the world blows up.

FW: That has to be a new plaque – there’s no mustache on it.
Keg of Curd
October 24th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

#157, I generally argue against the proposition of matters of taste as if they were objective facts, but in this case, as a matter of objective fact, “whiz wit” is the one and only acceptable order. Anything else might as well be a ham and swiss at Arby’s, for it is not a true steak in any sense.
Tracey
October 24th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

I’m kind of digging the outfits Ruby’s sporting in A3G. Who knew that Rose Marie could rock such a cool clothing line? Sally Rogers rules!
Trotzenbonnie
October 24th, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

Good morning, everyone. Ahhhhh! And what a beautiful morning it is. A little coffee and the comics – the best way to start the day…..

….I just read today’s Crankshaft and, at first, I didn’t get the punchline. But, after another cup of joe, by George, I think I’ve got it. The old lady is 68 and because she’s on a fixed income muggers will probably ignore the few measly ducats rattling around in her purse so she can ditch the pepper spray. Am I right? That’s what it means, right? It couldn’t possible be funny or even chuckle-inducing for any OTHER reason, RIGHT?

Please tell me I’m right or I’ll have to switch to something with a little more ‘caffeine’.
D'oh
October 24th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

142 williethompson (somewhere in between SFW and NSFW…). The original panel in the paper was NSFW.

Was that done on purpose?, and doesn’t somebody look at these things before print?

(the link was great by the way)
The Divine O’F
October 24th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

A bit of rare, ill-tempered snark from The Divine One:

Pibgorn: Like Poteet, I am officially through with this meretricious pile of artistically-drawn bull crap.

I?GT: I guess I just haven’t been paying enough attention to this one lately. I realize that I have NO IDEA whatsoever what is going on. There’s something about a kid with only one leg, and another kid who is a mass murderer, right? And the kid with one leg is the new kicker on the team? With the mass murderer holding the ball for him? And something about chain saws? Oh, never mind. I think I’ll just go hit myself on the back of my head with a stick.

MT: Awwww…. But with no villain to subdue, how will Mark satisfy his hair-punching-off lust? When we next see Cherry and Rusty will they be bald?
Rob
October 24th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

My first try at this-

Crankshaft- My god this was awful, I would make a “what’s next a joke about (BLANK)” comment but I can’t think of anything worse then a “you’re too old to be raped” joke. Congrats on setting the record for most offensive joke ever in the funnies.

Apartment 3G- Granted I’m a guy who knows nothing about fashion but is a green shirt with a green jacket really in right now.

BC- A family after my own heart, they own absolutely nothing other than a video game system and a giant screen TV.

Dennis the Menace- Is that a bullet hole in his cowboy hat, looks like Mr. Wilson is a bad shot.

Dick Tracy- All I can say about the second panel is: Greatest. Facial. Expresion. Ever.

Gasoline Alley- Love it, I’m not going to particpate in your robbery, not because its wrong but because I’m not interested in what your stealing.

Hagar the Horrible- I think Eddie wanted to take the question mark off his I love you.

Heathcliff- HAHAHAHA, wait I don’t get it.

Judge Parker- Is he really asking the girl in the lowest cut top she could find about self respect.

Luann- Two guys living together making plans to lure young children into their house, nothing wrong with that.

Mark Trail- This story is going to have a happy ending…as soon as I punch that fish.

Marvin- I’m hard pressed to think of a worse job then being the person who gets to change a line of dirty diapers.
SatanicMechanic
October 24th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

I’m not sure who exactly C-shaft’s lady friend, Lois, is, but if she’s hanging ’round with HIM she probably does need that pepper spray.
Buck Fuffalo
October 24th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

Mallard Fillmore: A sign of the end of days—for once, I liked the strip.

Judge Parker: That dress is sprayed across Red’s ass so tightly that there ought to be visible panty lines. And there aren’t. Which means . . . oh dear Lord, yes. My fantasy life has been dialed up another notch. Barreto, we love you.

Rex Morgan: gotta admire the sinister shadows on Rex’s face in panel three.
Trotzenbonnie
October 24th, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

Uh oh. I shouldn’t have shared Crankshit with Mr T. He is hopping mad (Really. He just bounced from the kitchen to the dining room spilling his coffee all over my clean floors, dammit!) and he just left in a big huff to go fly his whirlygig.
His parting words were, ‘Maybe the strip will get Batiyuk a medal from ‘Take Back the Night’ – for Asshole of the Year.’

That’s my man!
SatanicMechanic
October 24th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

Oops, I didn’t see all those other comments. I guess I shouldve said that since Lois was CREATED BY TOM BATUIK THE SADIST she’d need the pepper spray.
Poteet
October 24th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

# 103 — Frank, I definitely agree with you. And when thousands of endangered animals are illegally killed and sold because of penis-related mythology (and other medical mythology), it makes me a little crazy. In this case, I say “Viva Viagra” and am grateful I don’t have to sing it like those guys on TV:-).
Poteet
October 24th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

# 164 — Trotz, you and I both know what Batiuk really means, and he deserves a good dose of pepper spray right in his puss. Mr. T is right.
Gal Friday
October 24th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

DT: “Sleeping bag and a bottle of water”–C’mon, we all know Dick will be packing some serious heat here.
odinthor
October 24th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

170. Trotzenbonnie. — Wait a minute. Is “go fly his whirlygig” the same as “take a walk with an old friend”?
queek
October 24th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

GT: a week after being benched, Joey Harrington, with beard, is an assistant coach in Milford. And you thought you had it bad with the Lions!

JP: some A to go with the T! yay!

Blondie: relevant AND funny? I need to lie down.

Zits: bwa-ha^7.

HtH: I thought the buzz phrase was “I Got Mine?”

RwO: “meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup.”

MC: The Mustelidae Anti-Defamation League will be in touch, Mr Power.
Trotzenbonnie
October 24th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

#175 – odinthor
Only if ‘take walk with an old friend’ means strolling down the street without wearing any pants.
odinthor
October 24th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

177. Trotzenbonnie. — Whew. Well, then–that’s o.k.!
Al
October 24th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

MW: Why is Vera wearing shoulder pads under her blouse?

GF: Communist, flatulent bovines… you’d think that Bucky could be the one to get Gore and Bush together on this whole global warming thing.

FBoFW Coffee Talk: seems like the editors either hate Lynn lately or have been on vacation.

FBoFW and Crankshaft — All I have to say is , WTF!!!!!
Lettuce
October 24th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

I get it, Gerald. You’re a starfucker. I’m with ya, buddy. April ain’t got the moxie, an’ you want a dame with pipes to spare and rocket packs on her toes. We know where this is headed, and trust me bub — it’s a better world. You’ll never find yourself huddled outside Becky’s house with balls bluer than Papa Smurf, waiting for a cab to take you back to the suburban tract house purgatory that eats at your very soul like Osedax worms picking flesh off whale bones. Kiss Apes farewell, man. Hollywood is lousy with tail calling out for a drummer from Canada who truly knows how to rock the shit out of a mall telethon for slow kids. You’ve been on the stage with Rebecca man, and there’s no going back. Aint nothin’ out there, including that sandbag of pouty Patterson lips, gonna hold back the approaching tsunami of your fame.

Although, it should be noted, in 5 years or so, you’ll be back with a porn moustache and a suitcase of regrets… because, Gerald, you pathetic naif, you can leave Foobland for work, you can leave Foobland for family, you can leave Foobland for vasty dreams attained– but unless you leave Foobland with a scarlet letter for infidelity — you’re not really going anywhere.
Ribinin
October 24th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

JP: No Sam, an attorney would never mislead anyone intentionally.

Of course that depends on the precise definition of “mislead”. It is not the attorney’s fault of people don’t read contracts carefully.
Dingo
October 24th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Herb and Jamaal, have such looks of glee
F-U-C-K-I-N-G
First comes love
Then disparage
Then Rex wife wants them to clean the garage!
Anonymous
October 24th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

dimestore lipstick wrote:

The problem is that although they have a perfectly good present together, Lynn’s particularly narrow heteronormative imperative for her core characters drives this strip, and so it is time for the wench to pair off and be mated, grow a pair of saddlebags and start pushin’ out the Patterspawn.

–Could happen. Remember Chip on MY THREE SONS?
MonkeyHawk
October 24th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

I have utmost respect for the College of Curmudgeons for not sinking to the level of Drummer Jokes in response to Apwil’s confidence in whatshisname’s future as a professional musician.

You know, like

How do you get a drummer off your porch?
– Pay him for the pizza

Or

What’s the difference between a pizza and a drummer?
– A pizza can feed a family of four.

et al…
SecretMargo
October 24th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

173, et al.: Ooooh, that strip is so awful. So I decided to create a stink, and sent the following letter to my favourite feminist blog, “Feministing”:

——————

Hello,

I wouldn’t normally contact people about something I saw in the comics pages (that’s what Comics Curmudgeon is for, after all), but today’s edition of Crankshaft is offensive in a way that I believe should garner attention from outside the comics-obsessed circles within which such complaints usually cycle.

Here is a link to the comic in question:

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20071024&name=Crankshaft

To me, this comic implies two equaly vile lies about rape: that elderly women need not fear being attacked, and that rape victims are chosen because of their “attractiveness.” I don’t really see how one can read this any other way (I’ve tried). The least offensive take on it, the one that was probably intended, is “Elderly women are ridiculously unattractive, even to sexual predators. Stop kidding yourselves,” which also seems rather offensive.

I can’t really believe that one of the most prominent cartoonists in America (Tom Batiuk, who also writes Funky Winkerbean; this is a spin-off — Empty Nest : Golden Girls :: Crankshaft : Funky Winkerbean) not only wrote this, but that his syndicate and editors allowed it to run.
———–

Anyway, if this pisses you off like it does me (and, for the record, as much the cancer storyline, etc., also made me angry, I would never, ever have written to an outside party to try to generate public censure about it. This goes beyond “dissatisfied with an artist’s execution of his vision” and into a whole different realm of ick for me), I suggest you pick an input-friendly news outlet of your choice and make a kindly suggestion for a news item.

And dude, my grandmother is pretty hot at 87, if I do say so myself. Suck on my shaft, Cranky.
cheech wizard
October 24th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

Pibgorn: See what happens when you tie up a wood fairy in multidimensional limbo for several days without access to femine hygiene products?
boojum
October 24th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

186. cheech wizard :

“See what happens when you tie up a wood fairy in multidimensional limbo for several days without access to feminine hygiene products?”

I ask you: Where else — I mean, in the WORLD — would you be able to write, or read, such a sentence?

Dayum, I love this site!
drunken monkey
October 24th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

How could you miss the clear sexual proposition being flung at Dick Tracy? Obviously, ’sleeping bag’ is street slang for a box of condoms and ‘bottle of water’ means vat of lube.
True Fable
October 24th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

# 185 SecretMargo – Well put. I hope this results in a fire being lit under Batiuk’s ass, preferably with a torch accompanied by pitchforks.
Gal Friday
October 24th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Why would any syndicate run that ‘Shaft strip???!!!
Buck Ripsnort
October 24th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

How to save C-Shaft: Only if tomorrow’s strip reveals the potential mugger/rapists to be– Herb & Jamal!
See? Now CRANK has to worry about— ah screw it. Somebody mace Batiuk, please.
Sans Sense
October 24th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

RMMD: Rex’s “spidey senses” are tingling so he sends Niki “the human shield” to investigate. Nice going “Big”.

Blondie: Whoa. Used to be I read Blondie for the…well…quite frankly, for the chicks. Now it has almost made me chortle twice in a week. What’s up?

#185: SecretMargo – I agree 100% Crankshaft is just plain offensive today. Ignorant and offensive.
Dingo
October 24th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

That cat ‘Shaft is a bad mutha…
commodorejohn
October 24th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

#155 dimestore lipstick – Ooh, well put. Send that off to Coffe Stalk, will ya?
Sans Sense
October 24th, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

JP: Judging from the skinsuit Rusty’s wearing I’d say her self-respect was alive and well!
True Fable
October 24th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Pibgorn I think from now on I may have to refer to this strip as Expressway Car Wreck because as horrible as the scene is to view sometimes, I just can’t bring myself NOT to look. Ah, the ever-optimistic Fable, hoping that Brooke will come to his senses and return to the happy land where a wood fairy is busy learning about everyday human life, while she also tries to seduce a man who went to the Captain Tony Nelson school of “I know I have a magical person hot for me, but I want to make it on my own in life” (which is obviously BULLSHIT.) But no, Brooke wants to continue to do the S&M bondage and freakishly ugly little guest girl thing and I’m about to call it quits. Yes, I tell myself that but so far I haven’t done it, simply because I want to see just what the hell he’s trying to do with this persistent piece of shit storyline.
Gabe
October 24th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

Monkeyhawk: What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend?

A: Homeless!
Niall
October 24th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

It’s Bumps Day (i.e. Buxley day)!

A3G: Oh SNAP! I’d think that was enough to accord a point to Margo, but from Rudy’s devestated look, I call this now a tie – 2-2! I’m tempted, though, to give Rudy a half-point for recognising that her outfit is ugly. THis shows self-acumen that’s sorely lacking in general in this and other soap strips.

Blondie: Oh for the sweet love of holy entertainment, don’t give the Networks ideas!!!

Curtis: I readf this strip on the internet, and it appears in newspapers, giving it a powerful ironic punch. Of sorts.

DtM: Not true Menace material, but it does show promise. The parents will come back to a naked, bound and newly-branded babysitter, and then it’s gonna be cowgirl time!

(..did I just write that??)

FC: “…then just hide in the bushes and watch. and learn.” And thus, little Billy introduced another friend to the mysteries of the Gender Differences, up-close.

(yeek, my mind’s bad today…)

H&L: Now watch Mr Sunbeam get to a smaller and smaller point around the ant… until it goes out in a Poof of flames!

(I think I should stay away from other people today…)

MT: You mean this story is going to have an ending at all after two months?? Rejoice!! Party at my place! I’ll bring the chocolates! (And why did Mark sneak back in the room? Voyeur!)

MW: Oh SNAP again! Did Vera just serve The Biddy??? Will we be looking at a mangled corpse with a red-stained ponytail by Friday? This can’t end well!

MC: Now that is a skeezy medical practitioner.

Phantom: Judging fom the number of stripes I see, I can well understand what kind of obsession the parents are worried about…

RM: I still marvel at all the intricate yet useless work the colouring monkeys end up doing; even the cola can has its lines lovingly, painstakingly re-rendered in red for no reason. Also: Rex: “…I’ll be right behind you.” Niki: (*gulp.. that’s what I’m afraid of… please be gentle!*)

MW: The funniest part is how this is just so naturally setting-up that famed crossover with PBS… yet of course was written months ago.

SFx: Oh god. I’m so dreadfully sorry, Mr Weber, my mind is being perverted today and I’m not even going to say what I see.

SM: Typical self-centred newyorkite. To them “East” can only be NY, and “West” can only be LA. No other cities exist in the land, not worth their attention anyway. Also: SpiderMan is a dick!

TDIET: Okay, this one I’ll honestly give as being really close to home. Except I was a child, and no, I never really did do a thorough job cleaning, despite my mom’s slightly obsessive compulsions on the matter. Now I have a rather elastic definition of “clean”, often for ill…

Archie: That haggard look of unbelief on Archie mimics my own: this was funny!! How did it happen? Archie got perfectly served by Mr Lodge who used a fantastic opening that sounded natural! Did someone actually fix the AJGLU3000? Note: Jughead wasn’t fazed. He’s constantly high. Nothing fazes him.

DT: Holy frigging shit! That sheer amount of unalloyed joviality in panel 2 is freakishly freaky! It has no place in this strip – unless it means everyone will die! And Dick either achieves Nirvana at the thought, or is passing gas.

GF: Okay, enough. Let the cows come home. Please.

Lazy cat: Is this still lines from Manos? Is it public domain now? ANd how lazy can you get as a cartoonist to sink this low, even for Garfield?

Shoe: That Bird Extra knows what’s coming – Shoe is about to get a sizzling plate in his lap, and he can forget any make-up sex from Roz for a long, long time.

(my mind, it is blown today… gah!)
queek
October 24th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

What do you call a guy that hangs around with musicians?

A drummer!

*crickets*
JamesinMaine
October 24th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

MT: To make Mark’s closing line redundantly sexual, I’d like to see it delivered in fortune cookie style: “I think this story is going to have a happy ending…BETWEEN THE SHEETS!” Wink, wink!
Ghost Riders in the Foob
October 24th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

Meanwhile, in an obscure corner, Monty has the definitive origin story of Michael Patterfoob and Weed’s talisman Ned.
Gabe
October 24th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

Nial: No, not a line from Manos, this is apparently a vampire movie. Yesterday’s wasn’t either, but it was very similar to something that could have came out of Manos.
Paperback Rifler
October 24th, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

If it’s bottom-of-the-barrel snark you’re seeking, I’ve got lots!

Gasoline Alley: Oh, come on, Skeezix! Now’s the perfect time to use the old “put this shovel to good use” gag from Blazing Saddles! (. . . Send wire . . . main office . . . tell them I said ‘ow.’ Gotcha.)

Herb & Jamaal: Okay, so going back a bit, it looks like unseemly things could be happening just out of frame with increasing frequency, at least if the entries for October 19 and 20 are any indication. Having said that, then is something like that happening in today’s fourth panel? Something about waist-high, perhaps? Well, maybe there isn’t; but thanks to you guys, I’ll never be able to look at this strip the same way again, which is fine since it’s really difficult to appreciate it in a purely unironic fashion anyway.

Judge Parker: Jeez, with all this talk about “principles” and “self-respect,” they’re never going to get down to any Herb & Jamaal-style shenanigans! Oh well. Even though nothing will come of it, I’m still glad that we’ve gotten to see all sides of Red’s formidable “body of evidence.”

Marmaduke: Whoa! Marm is mauling some old lady, and his owner guy is powerless to stop it! Well, a dog’s gotta eat, y’know.

Heathcliff: So this has been discussed upthread a bit, but I really don’t understand the joke here. Is it that Heathcliff is wearing an oversized helmet because he’s going to seize the dinner ham by any means necessary, up to and including high-impact headbutting? Is it because he wants to take some precautions since he knows, after all, that ham is not at all kosher? Or perhaps he needs the helmet because he is so gaga over pork products that he habitually expresses his joie de porc via some out-of-control, rock’n'roll headbanging, maybe to his own version of “Suzy Is a Headbanger” by the Ramones:

Ooh-whee! Eat another ham for me!
Ooh-whee! Eat another ham for me!

Can’t stop, stop that cat;
He don’t give a damn.
He really really don’t care how he
Gets his daily ham.

Heathcliff is a ham eater,
And that’s no baloney.
Eat another ham for me;
Ooh, ooh-whee!
Ooh, ooh-whee . . .

Ham eater! Ham eater!
Ham eater! Ham eater!

(Apologies to the Ramones, ham fanciers, and everybody everywhere.)
Epicurus
October 24th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

Curtis: I’m not really a big fan of Curtis, but I did like the signs in the barber shop today. “Hairdye-25 cents. Good Hairdye-$5.00″

I really think that was funnier than the strip.
boojum
October 24th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

158 Non Compost Mentos –

Yes! More Flannery O’Connor story lines, please!

Tomorrow, Niki heads for the river and disappears. Fiday, Rex hears a single gunshot. By Saturday, the Misfit comes strolling back over the hill, wearing this totally cool black T-shirt with a lightning bolt on it. It’s a little tight…

Although, I must admit, my money was on Batiyuck to be the first to incorporate the line, “It ain’t ne real pleasure in life, Bobby Lee, ‘cept killin’ somebody or doin’ some meanness to him.”
Scrog
October 24th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

Drool!

A couple of threads ago Spider Brick: The comics MBTI is awesome, and, unlike the regular MBTI, you actually have a chance on getting a bimodal distribution on those axes. (Except maybe ugly-pretty.)

Blondie has pretty funny for the last two weeks, actually. One can hope that it’s permanently turning the corner out of “solidly amusing if it sticks to its niche, which it always does” (like the Lockhorns and Heathcliff) into “funny.”
boojum
October 24th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

GAH!! “. . .ain’t NO real pleasure. . . .”

Frigging Preview
Dariaclone
October 24th, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

#185. SecretMargo: Thanks so much. That’s a righteous rant. I’ll see what else I can do to help raise a stir.
The Divine O’F
October 24th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

185 Secret Margo: Excellent rant! And I’m glad you sent it (hopefully, without the last paragraph). Thanks for defending the honor of us youth-challenged babes (as well as for pointing out a disgusting ageist and sexist bit of bullshit).
Mountain Mama
October 24th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

You know, I was going to say that Batuik really did do a decent job with the last couple of weeks of FW. He didn’t totally crap out on the aftermath of Lisa’s death.

And then I saw today’s Crankshaft.

Har har, Batiuk. I take it all back. You suck.
Tweeks_Coffee
October 24th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

#154, #203 Re: Heathcliff: Yeah, it made no sense today. That’s why I ended up focusing on the odd detail of the missing arms. I don’t know if it’s bizarre enough to be funny or if it’s just flat-out bizarre. Either way, I’d just rather avoid it altogether, lest I start thinking about Heathcliff too hard.
SecretMargo
October 24th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

208: Yes, do!

209: Hee! No, only the parts between the dotted lines were sent, of course.
Sans Sense
October 24th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

Heathcliff today is really quite simple. From our angle we cannot see that his helmet actually says “HAMAS” making the strip much more of an anti-semitic political statement than a joke. Not that any of us thought there was a joke to be found in Heathcliff.
Gabe
October 24th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

I don’t know if there’s a joke per se in today’s Heathcliff, but it did make me laugh.
HBGlord
October 24th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft: The main problem i have is that while it is highly plausible and true to character that ‘Shaft would have such a disgusting and antiquated view of what triggers sexual assault, this strip is not a public-service-announcement about educating seniors on the reality of rape using an uninformed man as a foil. It’s allegedly entertainment! This is a good example of Batiuk taking his real-life-based concept for his strips and handling things without an iota of finesse but with a tanker truck’s load of insensitivity.

What’s most disappointing is that Crankshaft gets the last word and that Lois doesn’t get to test the full axis movement of her replacement hip joint.
Sans Sense
October 24th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft could redeem itself if Lois hoses that old bastard down with a liberal application of pepper spray.
SecretMargo
October 24th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

‘SHAFT UPDATE: Feministing apparently agreed with me:

http://feministing.com/archives/007973.html

I hope Batiuk gets a ton of bad PR from this, I really do. He deserves it, regardless of any Winkershenanigans.
dreadedcandiru2
October 24th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

Given that Lynn Johnston seems likely to pair April off with a ‘redeemed’ Jeremy Jones and Batiuk’s belief that the sexual assault of the elderly is a great big joke, I wonder if the time hasn’t come to build a Home for Wayward Cartoonists. These people have clear psychological problems and should be placed in custody for their own good as well as that of society. Just don’t give them any art supplies.
parkyakarkus
October 24th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

Re: the following fellow c’mudgeons–
#22: oh, my god, wait’ll you check out “Crush!Yiff!Destroy!” online. The nightmare awaits you…
#41: …and Don Knotts will be stumbling around the web-strewn corner any minute, now…
#57:–and why shouldn’t it be longer?
#116: Ha! Ahahaha! Foolish mortal? Do you really think Ted has any chance against Loviatar, goddess of hurt, and maiden of pain?
Never teh Bride
October 24th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

Today April learns that the only way any man will ever love her is if she embraces every single one of her interests as her own.
AMC
October 24th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

MT – what is really happening in Mark Trail is that a vastly superior race of space aliens is using a vat-created human “Shirley” to lure Homer away from the hospital so that they can safely level it to build a fly saucer repair center.

The original plan was to just laser the whole area into a hot pool of slag.

But when the soft hearted alien-foreman heard the laser idea, his response was: “Shirley, you jest!”.
Joe Btfsplk
October 24th, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy – I don’t think the look on Tracy’s face is either pride or joy; I believe it’s more of a wry, rueful smile of resignation. He’s been shanghaied into a charity gig. In a drafty, leaky old abandoned house. For an entire night. With just a sleeping bag and water. Oh, and now Headstrong and Smart will be keeping him company! It just keeps getting better and better! His life is being swept along by a tide of circumstances beyond his control, and he’s surrendering to the absurdity.
Keg of Curd
October 24th, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

How can you look at a cat in a HAM helmet and ask where the joke is? It’s like looking at the ocean and wondering where’s the water? Is it hiding between the waves, or what?
Bitter Scribe
October 24th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

Momma is not a pimp. Momma is an insulting stereotype directed against older Jewish women. That is far, far worse than being a pimp.
Bitter Scribe
October 24th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

#220: Yes! If you reverse the last panel of FBOFW, it makes much more sense: “We won’t be a band, but we can still be a couple.”
Dariaclone
October 24th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

#217. Congrats on the first round of activism. I imagine we’ll see the other feminist blogs pick up the story soon. I love the feminist blogosphere. The first comment over there is heart-wrenching.

I’m off to submit a comment through the FW site.
Dariaclone
October 24th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

#226. Whatever I said there made no sense.

I blame the my cold.
bats :[
October 24th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

180. Lettuce: I think this would make a swell contribution’s to Coffee Talk’s “The FOOB character I’d most like to talk to/write to/name my dog after”. Please submit it!
Niall
October 24th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

111. Red Greenback: If those photos were intented to be scary, they WORKED! Gyaahhh!! I’ve no idea what they are supposed to be, but the pose, the hair (the hair!!) and everything, makes it.. I don’t have words. Other than you did a fantastic job at whatever you tried, and I do applaud the care of everything: costuming, lighting, framing, and posing. I’d still give it a wide berth at a dance floor, no offence intended. :)

121. True Fable: “Shirley the duck and Shirley the Truck” nearly made me gag in repressed laughter. Beautiful.

122. Avenger: Yeah, I wasn’t reading Crankshaft much, spent the weird Midnight Car Accident and continued reading – but today wasn’t even worth a comment, and I’ll continue to ignore it from now on, as I do FW and Foob.

160. Fightin Vague shape: at work there is a nice tallish, thin young man of about 23 who thinks he can grow a beard, and has done so. It resembles the GT one very closely (just a little less hirsute). Today he showed up in, I kid you not, a matching brown corduroy pants-and-jacket outfit. Right out of the 70s. Sometimes I despair for the younger generation…

All, on Cshaft: in honour of the actual pronunciation of Batiuk’s name, may I suggest an alternative insult: “Bah-Sick!”?

170. Trotzenbonnie: Should some of us write Letters to the Editor to the papers running the strip, denouncing it and using it as leverage to get it out? I’d say that would be a worthwhile campaign after this. And definitely get Take Back the Night and other worthwhile organisations to chime in.

…wait, I see SecretMargo is wayyyy ahead of me in 185. That’s what I get for writing as I read. Good!
…and 217: wow, work makes me happily dépassé! Bravo!

And the comments on Pibgorn make me want to not see it. I won’t give it the bandwidth.

200. JamesinMaine: I learned it as “in bed” which is exactly what is going on behind Mark – holy.. wow, suddenly today’s strip became close to awesome.
Allie Cat
October 24th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

Today’s Crankshaft didn’t bother me from an ageism standpoint – it’s not as though women of ANY age want to be attacked.

It bothered me because it makes light of women trying to protect themselves from harm.

And I just don’t think assault is funny. Whether it happens to men, women, young people or old.

I hope he catches hell for this.
Poteet
October 24th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

# 166 — Divine, after vowing “no more,” I had finally decided to revisit Pibgorn about once a month, catch up all at once, do whatever loud obscene venting felt necessary in the privacy of my computer room, and then forget about it for another month. But your post reminded me that I haven’t even thought about reading Pibgorn for several days. I might be able to go cold turkey after all. We’ll see.
This Just In
October 24th, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

Can we all just see this April/Gerald thing for what it might be?

Hope!

With all the WTF comments on here, none of us could have predicted this recent turn of events which means Liz and Granthony aren’t inevitable!

Stop. Laughing. At me.
SecretMargo
October 24th, 2007 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

Niall: Thanks, but you’re hardly passé. If you suscribe to a newspaper that ran it, write to its editor! If you don’t, write to another blog that would care! Write something through the Funkyportal on his site! I am but a small SecretMargo, but a chorus of voices on this kind of issue will attract actual attention. Which, as I said before, he deserves for this casually sexist, ageist, misinformed bullsaturn.

(ps to dariaclone: I thought you made sense! Am I missing something?)

Allie Cat: This little vignette indexes so many yucky assumptions that it is hard to pick out exactly what is so angering about it. But you’ve put your finger on one of the most salient, indeed. It’s actually Batiuk/Ayers who are making it into a gender issue by focusing on her age, etc. Like most “feminist” issues, it is one that concerns everyone, regardless of gender, coded as a referendum on a woman’s appearance. Bleccccchh.
Poteet
October 24th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

# 231 — And by “my computer room” I mean “my incredibly messy basement.” Let’s not kid ourselves, Poteet.
Islamorada Girl
October 24th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

My name is Mary Worth; look upon my sumo-weight, world class meddling, trying to get a Panty Shields heiress back together with the Doogie Howser MD who dissed her, see it work! And despair, you mere busybodies, despair! For I am the Great and Powerful Meddler! Manipulator of All People, who are as Play Dough in my age spotted hands. . . Bwha-ha-ha-hack, cough – - Ah,shit.

Is there any place to sit down around here? I’m all out of breath. That meddlin’ just takes it right out of me anymore. . .
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
October 24th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

(WT)DT: It is going to be so awesome when a gang of revenge-bent criminals finds out Dick Tracy is in a haunted house with a bunch of high-value potential hostages, and Dick has to kill them with nothing but his meaty Vienna Sausage fingers. Know what would be even more awesome than that? If it were a “lock-in” event and the fire department mixed up the house with the one they were supposed to use for a practice burn.

I wonder if all the other local <fin-quote> “celebrities” </fin-quote> lined up for this event are also going to have such blatant label names as Gov. Smart and Mayor Headstrong. “Hi, Dick, I’m radio talk show host Speeks Bluntly, and this is Prof. Libby Weenie. Just wanted to tell you we both hate your tie.” “Uh, sorry Mr. Tracy, actually, I, uh, never said anything like…” “Hah! Typical mush-mouthed, ivory-tower academic, am I right, Dick? Say, anyone ever tell you your wife has a hell of an ass?”
Artist formerly known as Ben
October 24th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

#171 SatanicMechanic,
If Batiuk is maced by one of his own characters, it will be a surreal form of poetic justice.
Sans Sense
October 24th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

I do believe Vera is about to execute a vicious backhand slap to our dear Ms. Worth. This is the slapfest we’ve been waiting for!
Dariaclone
October 24th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

#233. SecretMargo. I guess it made sense, just seemed like a collection of sentences rather than an actual paragraph thought.

But thanks again for taking the lead and creating a fuss!

Is there a list of papers that carries Crankshaft? I would like to write to a local paper, but I don’t want to write someone who doesn’t actually carry it. (And of course, I only read the paper on-line and comics at the Chron…)
Reedzilla
October 24th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

On today’s MW:

It looks to me like Vera finally snapped and tried to serve a little of her patented bitchslap action to Mary. The old meddler is too wily to be caught with her Depends down, though…from the looks of things, she sunk into the ground and friggin popped back up behind Vera, Raiden-style. Next panel would have been her slowly raising a hand showing that she’s holding a dripping, still-beating heart as Vera crumples to the floor.
boojum
October 24th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

Here’s my email to the folks at Batiuk’s syndicate:

———

To Whom It May Concern — assuming anyone is concerned:

I was shocked to read today’s Crankshaft in my morning paper. Tom Batiuck has proven himself to be insensitive in the past, but today’s strip is a new low. Yes, I understand that he is depicting a fictional character, and that the cartoonist’s opinions may not necessarily — blah, blah, blah. But the attitude of today’s strip is hateful and demeaning to women of all ages. What’s more, its message is dangerous: that rapists attack women because they are young and desirable, and that rape is somehow thus the victim’s own fault.

If you’re keeping score, it might interest you to know that I am a man — a man who has a wife, a mother, a mother-in-law, a daughter, a sister, two sisters-in-law, a number of aunts and female cousins, and many more women friends and co-workers. ALL of them deserve an apology from Batiuck — and from you, who allowed this strip to run.

It should run in tomorrow’s newspapers and online outlets, in place of the regularly scheduled Crankshaft strip.

And it should be the last Crankshaft strip that you publish, in any form.

———-

I’d, uh, set this off by the quote-thingy, but I don’t know how. *sigh*

Every time I post a message, Josh taunts me: “If you are HTML-savvy…”
boojum
October 24th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

241 (me) –

Yes, I know I misspelled Batiuk’s name in the email. I did it on purpose, in the unlikely event he ever sees any of these.

Stupid f**ker.
Brick Bradford
October 24th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Blondie:I actually thought “Are You Smarter than Geraldo?” was a kickass idea for a show.

So, if it’s ten years later in Funky, is Wally still in Iraq?
AtomicDog
October 24th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

102 – Reminds me of “Attack Of the the Eye Creatures.”
boojum
October 24th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

239 dariaclone: You can email the syndicate at

kfs-public-relations@hearst.com

The King Features Syndicate site might have list of newspapers.
The Divine O’F
October 24th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

Poteet: We can help each other! We can be each others’ sponsor! I just don’t want to have to look at that thing anymore!

I-Girl re MW: BWAHAHAHA!
Jamus The Bartender
October 24th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

185. Can I meet your grandmother, Secretmargo :) ?
Anonymous
October 24th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

Why I agree that Crankshaft was very very very stupid and ignorant I get a little peeved when people would try to prevent me from reading it. If you feel offended and insulted (and I DO understand why) write to the author. To try and have it censored in a newspaper is, to me anyway, equally offensive. I am a grownup. Let me read it and make my own decision.
Keg of Curd
October 24th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

The famous 4th panel of H&J has an almost universal ability to make the strip better…
Big Sims
October 24th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

Secret Margo –
I really hope you started something here. I’ve hated Crankshaft (and Funky for that matter) quite publicly here for years and today’s C-shaft really freaked me out. And I agree with Alley Cat, it’s mainly a protection issue. The elderly are completely disregarded in C-shaft world (and our country) – remember the nursing home strips?
It was really early this morning so I didn’t really get a chance to say it right, but non-leathal protection is a fine tool for old folks; it’s not expensive, coveted by gangsters, nor are the effects catastrophic if it misfires. Hang on to your “ten men in a can” (as we call it in the USCG). Aw hell, buy a new one Lois, empty this one into Ed’s face.

PS – The implication that only ‘hot chicks’ get raped is way way too creepy for me to process. What planet is Batuik from? Remember – we don’t know what we want, HE knows what we want.
Saluki
October 24th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

I haven’t read Rose is Rose for a long time. When did she get so, um, I guess the word is….fat?
Rainbird
October 24th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

250 Big Sims Thank you. I read that strip and felt the same thing. Where does he get off saying anyone doesn’t need to proect themselves. Sheesh.
Rainbird
October 24th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

251 Saluki That is Rose’s mother, who, for some reason, has driven her caravan over to their house and has been hanging out ever since.
Sans Sense
October 24th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

#248. Anonymous – I agree. Censure do not censor.
Big Sims
October 24th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

Um…
I should have said ;
(pepper spray) is NOT (generally) coveted and / or traded by gangsters.
SecretMargo
October 24th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

248: I understand what you mean, and I basically agree. I decided to raise a “stink” because I do feel that this strip deserves some kind of response that forces those involved (which include editors and syndicate functionaries) to think about the specific set of assumptions that led to this particular strip passing the “smell test.” I don’t actually think Crankshaft should be pulled over it, but if the spectre of that threat leads to those involved thinking about the issue more seriously than they would otherwise, then…I’ll take it.

I’m not trying to curtail free speech; I’m trying to counter some offensive speech that was freely shared with my some of my own, through the insitutional avenues available to me.
Rob
October 24th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

Man how do you think Rose’s husband feels knowing what his wife will look like in a few years.
AMC
October 24th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft – Perhaps because I always suspect that the black helicopters on the grass knolls are there to distract us from the real danger from the Trilateral Commission….

If Batiuk is trying to raise his I-can-do-serious-issues profile (as many suspect he was doing in Funky Winkerbean) to win the top comic award (whatever it’s called): Can’t the Crankshaft strip today be a setup for Ed’s education on this issue?

Yes, it would be boring, didactic, interminable, ham-handed – see, Moore, Lisa – but it would not be sexist or offensive as an opening to deal with the issue of the prevelance of that kind of attitude.

On the other hand, if that was a one-shot “joke” panel: Bombs Away.

We’ll probably know tomorrow which one it is.
Sans Sense
October 24th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

Is there any strip more tedious and worthless than “Rose is Rose”? At least the “Love is…” puttis were naked.
Allie Cat
October 24th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

Here’s the letter I sent to the syndicate:

I just wanted to let someone know how terribly offensive I thought the Crankshaft dated 10/24/07 is.

To assume that an attacker would not mess with a woman simply because she’s older, and ostensibly therefore less appealing is completely wrong. And I mean wrong both as incorrect and inappropriate.

Assault isn’t generally about attraction, it’s about power. And to make light of it in this way only shows ignorance. I know the point of the Crankshaft character is that he’s a blowhard who isn’t always well informed – but there’s a difference in screwing up the phrase “Hail Mary Pass” and saying, “Ha, ha – you’re so old and unattractive you couldn’t even get action from a rapist”.

That this “funny” made it into the papers tells me that editors either aren’t reading, or just plain don’t care.

But I care, and I wanted you to know that I’m not amused.

END OF LETTER TO KFS

As to the anon who said we shouldn’t let the papers censor this stuff – I agree – but chances are, they won’t – that’s reserved mostly for Doonesbury. I just want them to re-evaluate who they’re re-signing contracts with year after year, and maybe not let the funnies run on auto-pilot.
SecretMargo
October 24th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

254: Or, you know, Sans Sense’s three-word version. Heh.
Saluki
October 24th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

#257 Rob.

If I were you I would be very careful about insulting ~~fat~~ big women today ;)
Lake Eerie
October 24th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

257 Rob – I can’t believe I have knowledge to answer this, but Rose’s husband wants his wife to gain that sort of weight and has on numerous occasions encouraged her to do so.
It would be quite refreshing, say, if it were funny. Though I think it does qualify as cute.
Sans Sense
October 24th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

261. SecretMargo – 4 words… butwho’scountinganyway?
Niall
October 24th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

248 Anonymous: Actually, that’s a good point. There is a line to not cross. The problem of course is that we have very little chance to write to the authors for a syndicate, because it’s a syndicate. (And it makes sense that such a collection of similar creative types be represented by a central agency.)

So if I write (no local papers carry the strip), it will be to voice my profound displeasure at the strip, and the worst I can say is that I won’t read it anymore. That is all the power I have.

Of course, if a newspaper gets a hint that a strip is no longer popular, they might look at something more to its readers’ taste on the next round of renewals to the syndicate, and I certainly wouldn’t miss it.

Sometimes, some attitudes change with time, and people who held certain attitudes that were considered “normal” might find themselves in the unenviable position of being maligned for their views if they keep to their principles. This cuts both ways, of course, and is therefore a thorny issue to approach with some caution. I commend 248. Anonymous for reminding me of the larger picture.

(I seem to be shooting more from the hip today than usual, as my list of snarks at 198 shows, and may need to retreat for the rest of the day…)
Sal Paradise
October 24th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

DtM : A degree in babysitting will still net you more jobs than one in art history.
dyslexic dog
October 24th, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

“You can probably stop carrying the pepper spray…
and start protecting yourself with this Stun Master™ Telescopic Stun Baton!!
Happy birthday, Lois.”
Uncle Lumpy
October 24th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

#241 boojum –

<blockquote>What you want to say, including any leading or following spaces</blockquote>
rich
October 24th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

PBS: I love that he said “a people”!
Dingo
October 24th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

In regard to Rose is Rose, every pound her husband gains is a little more of him to love. I’d let that man dance naked to Diana Krall songs in my bedroom… or mud room! Grrrrrrrr…
Hank
October 24th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

My God, but today’s Dick Tracy is beautiful. The sparse, unnatural, dialogue, the bizarre expressions. It’s like an illustrated beat poem or David Lynch dream sequence. Seriously. I love it.
Jim
October 24th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

Oh good lord… first Batuik kills off a young mother, then he casually jokes about rape. He seems to be turning into Bill Hicks.
Gold-Digging Nanny
October 24th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

Re: Crankshaft and “censorship”:

It’s only censorship if the government doesn’t allow you to run something. If a newspaper decides not to run something because it doesn’t pass the smell test, or the breakfast rule, or some other guideline of that sort, it’s not censorship — it’s an editorial decision. A business decision. And readers — the newspaper’s customers — have every right to give their input into whether running something was a good editorial decision or not. It’s called knowing what your readers want. Speaking of which, Big Sims, your P.S. in 250 was all kinds of creepy…. Gah!

I left a comment on another feminist blog by an Idaho woman; hopefully she’ll do something.
Niall
October 24th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

…yes, 254 says it so much better. Thank you.

Okay, I’ll ask: what’s this Hail Mary Pass thing? I saw a strip making a reference of some sort, then some comments, and I’ve no clue… enlighten me, o mudgeons.
MonkeyHawk
October 24th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

Several years ago my elderly aunt was brutally and repeatedly raped in her home.

What appalled me about today’s Crankshaft was Batiuk/Ayers’ ignorance that rape is not a sex crime; rape is a violent crime. Sex is the weapon.

Not being “sexy” is not a defense.

I’m a red-blooded a heterosexual male and I’m willing to admit having my share of sexual fantasies, enough so to relize when I or my friends revert to 8th Grade mode and think or say, “I’d like to f*ck her,” we’re really saying, “I’d like it if she’d want to f*ck me.” Like that’s gonna happen much anymore.

And I admit to having a borderline sick sense of humor. I grew up on Lenny Bruce records. I’ve written my share of sick jokes. I even wrote an Auchwitz joke once, but in a context I, anyway, thought was funny. If it isn’t funny, sick humor is just sick.

They might, just might, have saved today’s Crankshaft by having whatshername (Lois?) spray his eyes with cayane pepper spray. But as it ran, it was crap. Comics diarrhea.
Gabe
October 24th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

Rose’s husband’s name is Jimbo.
Dariaclone
October 24th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

#248. Anonymous. I think my efforts (everyone’s may be different) was to raise awareness of the offensiveness of the statement. Sometimes people (cough, cough, Batiuk) don’t even realize that what they are saying is sexist/offensive, etc. It’s about awareness of the issue and raising the artists’ conscienceness to prevent his from encouraging such stereotypes in the future.
Lake Eerie
October 24th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

274 Niall – A Haily Mary is an American football term for a desperate pass heaved at the end zone, something that apparently has only a prayer of succeeding.
SecretMargo
October 24th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

258: Feministing’s comment section is having this same debate. Not being able to predict the future makes this kind of thing hard (see also: SecretMargo going ballistic over what looked like the begining of an elder abuse storyline that turned out to be a sassy nurse gag series that was just dropped with no fanfare). Crankshaft seems to be structured like most “gag” strips with recurring characters: weeks devoted to exploring the “humour” of one set-up or other (the ‘Shaft talks to the teevee, the ‘Shaft insults his daughter [in-law?], the ‘Shaft destroys the house as he tries to fix it up, etc.). Everything, including physics, is subordinate to the set-up and the payoff, after which Batiuk moves on without denouement, unlike in Funky.

Basically, I would be very surprised if this issue gets addressed at all; I sense that it’s just part of “The ‘Shaft gets snarked on by the women in his life, and then snarks back” theme week. Hopefully I’m wrong!

But honestly, we’ve been conditioned to see Crankshaft as a series of self-contained gags, not a soap opera (his house seems mysteriously fixed after he broke the windows out with his ladder, etc.), and as such, I feel entitled to respond as if this was self-contained, too.

MonkeyHawk: I’m so sorry for your aunt. That’s terrible.
Lake Eerie
October 24th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

278 me – Hail Mary, not Haily Mary.
The latter would be a meddler caught in a bad storm
Perky Bird
October 24th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

#278 Lake Eerie–

And doesn’t a successful Hail Mary Pass result in the Immaculate Reception?

(Or is only that one really famous reception referred to by that name?)
Rob
October 24th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

I’m not really sure how it could be anything other than self contained. What would the next strip be, if its an elderly lady being raped to prove a point thats pushing things way to far for the comics. If its just the other character pointing out the flaws of his logic that seems very hamfisted and again not really appropriate for the comics.

Bottom line to me is that at least for today it is self contained and setting up a joke (again even if it goes on its in there today for this joke) by using misinformation about rape and assualt and that is just wrong.
Anonymous
October 24th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

#279

I remember Shaft running a series where he gave the kids on his bus a scholarship. Also a plot line about his son in law’s mother.
Lake Eerie
October 24th, 2007 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

281 Perky Bird – actually, the Immaculate Reception was just one famous occurrence with Steelers receiver Franco Harris.

Some Hail Mary passes have been successful, like the one Boston College’s Doug Flutie threw against USC (can’t remember the specific circumstances, but it’s often shown on clip shows)
Jim
October 24th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

#275: Monkeyhawk, you’ve forced me to admit it. I have a bit of a sick sense of humor myself. I really find the joke about Jesus’ last words on the cross being “Peter, I can see your house from up here,” kind of funny. (I’m Catholic, so hopefully I don’t go to hell for liking that joke.) But there are some topics that I really don’t think should be treated in a joking manner: rape, child abuse, abortion, ect. You don’t know how many pages I’ve ripped out of my joke books because they contain disgusting “dead baby” jokes. Who finds those funny?
AMC
October 24th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

#279 – SecretMargo – Maybe.

But, let’s look at the other evidence too.

I believe this strip got run in every paper, at least I didn’t hear anything about any editor picking it off as too offensive for the comics page.

What are the odds that no editor saw that strip and said, “WTF? We’re not running this.”

Of course, a comics page editor would have the rest of the week’s strips in front of him or her, to answer their initial concerns….

Also, what has Batiuk been doing lately? He’s been having his back slapped and ego stroked by women’s groups that have an interest in the issue of breast cancer. That being the case, what are the odds of someone suggesting he might consider doing a piece on violence against women/age-ism in Crankshaft?

I’d just hate to see Batiuk yank the chains of Mudges and the feminist blogosphere, set everyone a-barking, and then use the uproar to further publicize his “look at me, I’m a serious artist” agenda. And he’ll make the point that he’s not responding to the negative public response, because he completed the follow-up strips well in advance of the publication of the offending strip.

I think there is a serious risk that we’re getting played here.
Dariaclone
October 24th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

Yep, there is the is a chance this is a consciousness-raising story. Of course, one of the things that would bother me about this construct is that not everyone read comics on a regular basis, so something that appears self-contained, if it corrected the next day, will appear so to the casual readers (as well as those of us who occasionally get upset about things).
Rob
October 24th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

What you say makes sense AMC, but really what kind of follow up would there be? I just can’t think of any possible way to follow this up.
Al
October 24th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

257 — RiR — actually, Jimbo is looking forward to the day Rose looks like her mother. No, I’m not making this up.
Uncle Lumpy
October 24th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

#288 Rob –

Lady gets menaced, Cranky sees it from the bus and helps but is chastened. Take two days, max.
MonkeyHawk
October 24th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

#284 — Lake Eerie:

Not to get into theology (for those of you who worship the Church of Football), but the Immaculate Reception wasn’t, canonically speaking, a “Hail Mary” pass.

Franco Harris just happened to be in the right place at the right time after a long pass downfield was deflected, and carried it to paydirt.

Doug Flutie’s Hail Mary really solidifed the term, perhaps due to Boston College being a Catholic school. On the last play of the game (against Miami, not USC, btw) Flutie scrambled away from the defense long enough for his receivers to run halfway down the field and threw as far as he could. I always wonder why people don’t remember the guy who actually caught the pass.

Gerard Phelan, welcome to the College of Curmudgeons Useless Trivia Hall of Fame!
SecretMargo
October 24th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

286: Well, I guess it’s a risk I’m willing to take. As I said before, my goal is not getting Crankshaft pulled or “winning” something against The Hated Batiuk. If he is “playing” us, well, great! I would love to be proven wrong, or have the message of this strip mitigated by later ones.

I think responding on the same day allows us to register our response to something that is meted out to us in daily installments, and that response is based on what we see before us. That’s all we have because that’s all we’re given. And the fact that it passed by all those editors is all the more reason to say something.

290: Hopefully you’re right, UL! I still think the whole thing is icky, though, even with that possibility.
Lake Eerie
October 24th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

291 Monkeyhawk – I know. I had no intention of implying that the IC was a Hail Mary, rather than a specific incident.
But thanks for correcting the USC vs. Miami – just didn’t feel like looking it up!

Speaking of theology, as a former Philadelphian, I can assure those who worship Football that God is not, in fact, on Philadelphia’s side. You’d think we had thrown snowballs at His Son, rather than at Santa.

My apologies for taking the topic so far afield! I will close with this one
Al
October 24th, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

284 — The circumstance was that both defenses were so totally helpless that Flutie ended up begging his coach to let the other team score with enough time for him to get on the field.

291 — And, if you are a Raiders fan, not only was the IR not a Hail Mary (though Bradshaw did end up seeing a bright light and some dead relatives), it wasn’t even a LEGAL play at the time. Neither here, nor there…

IIRC, the 1st nationally televised famous HMP was one that Roger Staubach threw for the Cowboys.
Jordan
October 24th, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

I don’t think I’ve ever said “What the hell?” in my entire life.

But when I saw Herb & Jamaal (or maybe we have to refer to it as Herb/Jamaal now), that’s what I said without hesitation.

Congrats, Bentley.
Big Sims
October 24th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

10 years flash forward, frozen in time, glacial time, 3 day break-up, 15 day fallout, 45 day lunches, goobered time is all part of the comics. But, our CC time is a little skewed too. A Comic (term used very loosely in Batiuk’s case) writes his strip months in advance, and then goes an does whatever it is Comics do in their off time -golf I’d reckon. The paper runs the strip. We read the strip, flip out and post 300+ comments. Then the next day gets printed as if we hadn’t said a word and the cycle continues. So how can Batiuk pull out of this one? Is tomorrow’s gag (again loosely employed term) going to be Ed Crankshaft offering his 1911 Colt 45 Service Revolver to Lois, complete with jokes about stopping power and her need to buy a larger purse? Lame and misguided advice, but nevertheless somewhat empowering so I’d have to let it slide as the worst set-up for a PSA ever and leave it at that.
Or, is this a one off gag?
If so I totally agree with AMC #258 – bombs away!

PS to my #250 PS and a note to Gold-Digging Nanny. You don’t remember when Batiuk said that to his detractors about the Lisa/Cancer story-line? I thought it particularly arrogant of him.
Jamus The Bartender
October 24th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

Damn. In the middle of all this controversy, football, and Rose’s mom, it behooves me to post Chapter Two of
THE LEAGUE OF THE NEW MILLENIUM
Harry had the flying Hogwart’s Express radio turned to the Pan Wizard/Muggle broadcasting network for the “Mallard Fillmore Freedom And Drinkin’ Show”.
“M’kay. So.”
“Close to …well, about a decade ago, it’s revealed to the world that all those nice stories we read about the wizard Harry Potter, and the evil, nasty Voldemort, and Dumbledore…who was a little light in the loafers, if you know what I mean, and I think you do…are all true.”
“Leading to the revelation, and subsequent unification of the “wizard” and “muggle” worlds. “Muggles” are what wizards call good, hard working, NORMAL Americans like you and me, folks. Oh, and you normal Brits, too, eh wot? I apologize for leaving you out.”
“ANY-way…”
“It was all ‘good in the hood’ at first…trade relations between the ‘wizard’ and ‘muggle’ worlds proliferated….hey, normal kids could have broomsticks and Bertie Botts Beans. What a concept. ”
“But…what about the numbers of Hogwarts, Durmstrang and Beauxbatons graduates helping the Coalition Of The Willing fight our War On Terror? OH, THAT’S RIGHT, THERE ARE NONE.”
“No wizards willing to help us. They’ll take our muggle money, but have you seen a single wizard helping in Iraq?”
“Something’s wrong folks. NOW, rumor has it that HP is allying himself with the legendary Slayer who helped destroy a Southern California town a few years back…to what purpose …no one can say…”
“Hilda, turn that damn thing down, it’s distracting.” Harry said to Broom Hilda, his assistant.
It was a….very different sensation, Buffy thought to herself,
flying at twelve thousand feet in British airspace in the former
Hogwarts Express. As she took a sip of the pumpkin juice Harry had
very thoughtfully provided, she asked him, “So….when was it for
you?”
“When was what?” he asked.
“The first day you realized you were different?”
“Hmm…guess it was the first time I turned a teacher’s hair
blue…it wasn’t something I wanted to think about too
much….No…really, it was when Hagrid visited me that first time we
were locked up in the cabin off of Dover.”
“Really? The letters didn’t do it for you?”
“No..not so much….i mean, they could have been a prank,
couldn’t they? Anyway…how about you?”
Buffy pursed her lips and thought a minute. “Amery High,
freshman year. When Merrick first showed up” The memory drew a
small tear…or looked like it would. “Then, next thing, I burned
down the gym…and it was off to Sunnydale…and the rest is history.”
Hilda came hobbling in from the engine room. “Reaching American airspace in a hurry , boss. Is it gonna be Townsville, or Philly first?”
Harry thought a
minute. “Best be safe and make it…” All of a sudden, the skies
outside the window grew dark, blotting out the sun.
Harry, Buffy and Hilda went to the windows to be
confronted with the sight of a platoon of United States funded
Biblemen astride flying atomic horses,carrying what looked like
lightsabers. The Biblemen were dressed in kevlar armor designed to
resemble the Batman costume Michael Keaton wore, but with a glowing
cross on the chest.
“Oops.” Buffy said.
“I’ll be fucked,” Hilda muttered.
“Here’s the ironic part….Uncle Vernon sold drills to the
Wolfram, Hart and Peterson outfit to make those.”Harry said.
“Attention, flying train. You are tresspassing on American
airspace. According to the anti-magical terrorist protocols , unless
you identify yourselves immediately, you will be blown out of the
sky. God bless you.”
The occupants of the train looked at one another
nervously…”Relax gang,”Buffy said as she brought out a white cell
phone with what looked like a cartoon smiley face and a red nose…”I
got it covered….” She hit the button and spoke into the
reciever,”Hi Girls…I know it must be past your bedtime, but if you
would converge on my coordinates…this is red codage.”

End of Chapter Two
Heh
“Peter, I can see your house from here. ”
That’s pretty damn funny.
MonkeyHawk
October 24th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

#285 — Jim:

I, too, like the, “Peter, I can see your house from up here” joke.

But my favorite crucifixion joke is when the Centurion says, “Hey, mister. We’ve just got one nail left. Can ya cross your legs?”

I’m not Catholic, but if Calvary humor is damnedable, I’ll be in Hell waiting for you.

I’m not sure I agree there are topics universally off-limits for humor. But it damned well better be funny.

And funny sometimes is shocking. I remember the first dead baby joke I heard, back in 3rd Grade or so, about bowling balls and pitchforks. It was so shocking, the non sequitur was funny. The jillion or so dead baby jokes that followed never paid off.

Remember the “Chee-Chee” joke? “But first, Chee-Chee” was about anal rape. I never thought it was all that funny, but a lot of people did. And the set-up (”What could possibly be worse than anal rape?”) made the joke work in some manner.

When I was a kid, there were “Mommy, Mommy” jokes, that mostly centered on child abuse. (This was a long long time ago, before child abuse became popular.)

“Mommy, Mommy! I’m running around in circles!”
– “Shut up or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor.”

I don’t remember (or, perhaps, have purposely forgotten) any abortion jokes. But I do remember an early-on AIDS joke from the era when that strange disease seemed to be limited to gays and Hatians.

What’s the worst part of AIDS? Admitting to your Mom that you’re Hatian. That joke positively rocked in 1980. A gay guy told it to me.

One of the old rules is “Comedy is tragedy plus time.” And in comedy, timing is everything.

My aunt who was victimized had spent much of her life in an alcoholic haze. She finally sobered up and flourished. The first time she spoke to her AA group after the crime, she joked, “And I got sober for this?!”

Humor is a great healer. Even sick jokes have their place and time. But they gotta be funny.

And there’s nothing less funny than talking about what makes something funny. So I’ll bail out of this thread. Sorry for being so long-winded.
Gold-Digging Nanny
October 24th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

296 Big Sims — I remembered all right, and thought it was arrogant too. Just thought the fact that you quoted it in this context was both very clever and very ew. :)
Big Sims
October 24th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

MonkeyHawk:
Before you hustle – my brother used to say that humor is like a duck. If you open it up and examine it, it dies.
I always liked that for some reason.
Quack… Ahhhh!
Little Guy
October 24th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

284, 291: What makes Dougie’s toss (yay BC) so incredible is that it wa about 10-15 yards behind the line of scrimmage — making it a 60+ yard toss — against a driving rain. The ball went through three defenders, and ended up in Phelan’s hands as he fell back in the end zone.

Crankshaft: Maybe she’s going to deal with Comcast.

No love for JP Red Butt Cleavage? For shame!
The Divine O’F
October 24th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

257 Rob: I stopped reading Rose a few months ago after it got so boring, but as others have posted, in earlier strips it was established that Jimbo LOVES LOVES LOVES big fat woman and often tries to fatten Rose up. There are also thought balloons of Jimbo’s hopes for his future Rose that look just like her momma. Rose, of course, is totally appalled by the idea.

298 Monkeyhawk: >>My aunt who was victimized had spent much of her life in an alcoholic haze. She finally sobered up and flourished. The first time she spoke to her AA group after the crime, she joked, “And I got sober for this?!”
The Divine O’F
October 24th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

Monkeyhawk: somehow my last sentence got lost. It was: I LOVE your aunt!
boojum
October 24th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

Sorry, everyone! While I’ve been away, SecretMargo and Niall and a host of others have been taking the heat for appearing to censor The Shaft. I’m afraid, though, that one line in my comment at 241 may be to blame. I apologize to Anonymous and anyone else I might have offended. I’m not really for censorship, either; thought should be free, presumably across its full spectrum. I DO sometimes worry that we get the public entertainment we deserve, and the public consequences that go along with it. But I overstated my case, and I’m sorry.

Long ago, I made the only valid response to what seems to be Batiuk’s hateful view of the world. I stopped reading his work, except occasionally when this site brought it to my mind. I think this morning’s strip infuriated me so because Batiuk is so obviously basking in the glow of being The Comic Writer Who’s Sensitive to Women’s Issues (a reputation I feel he hardly deserves), and then he comes up with this. The disconnect is jarring, to say the least.

Rest easy, gentle Mudgeons. I have a feeling the artistic integrity and nobility of soul that are Crankshaft will be with us a long time.
boojum
October 24th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

Drat! Meant to say “…the only valid protest against Batiuk’s view of the world.”

I’m going off to eat worms.
Gagott68
October 24th, 2007 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

As painfully tedious and drawn-out as it will inevitably become, I’m actually hoping that Crankshaft is setting up a series were Ed is educated about sexual assault. Gawd, is it possible to actually write the foregoing sentence relative to the funnies? Yecch.
dimestore lipstick
October 24th, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

There is a very real possibility that this is the beginning of some kind of “The Shaft gets his consciousness raised” storyline. In fact, based on Batuik’s Lisa storylines in FW, it is probable.

But there is nothing wrong with letting the syndicate and newspapers know that we think he is very, very bad at it.
The Ghost of Jarrod
October 24th, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

thought should be free, presumably across its full spectrum. I DO sometimes worry that we get the public entertainment we deserve, and the public consequences that go along with it.

Tom Bat-suck has an absolute, ironclad right to draw Crankshaft.

He does not have the right to get paid for it.

He is selling a product. I don’t think Crankshaft books should be pulled from the libraries, and I don’t think that newspapers should have to pull the strip, but I certainly would be in favor of pulling the strip if I owned a newspaper.

I’m giving him ’til tomorrow–he can redeem himself, if it starts a discussion of why rape isn’t a sex crime. Or possibly, if it does the Great Leap Forward along with Funky Cancercancer and ‘Shaft is dead.

Either way.
Burning Prairie
October 24th, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

Hey, Josh, you got a link over at Feminsting. I know Funky Cancerbean takes a lot of heat here, but is the guy who raises awareness about breast cancer the same doofus who thinks little old ladies don’t become crime victims?
MJ1066
October 24th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

Ouch. The Crankshaft “You shouldn’t be scared of being raped” strip hit close to home for me. I had to change from one junior high school to another in seventh grade because some of my male schoolmates were constantly threatening to rape me. Then I had to change schools again at the end of tenth grade because some of my schoolmates (and one girl in particular) wouldn’t stop expressing their compassion for the would-be rapists that I “so cruelly abandoned without any warning” in seventh grade. See post #180 on the September 27 “Thursday Quickies” strip if you want to read all the gory details.
MJ1066
October 24th, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

Before I learned that Tom Batiuk’s surname rhymed with “attic,” I used to think that it was pronounced “batty yuck.” I think that “batty yuck” is actually the more appropriate pronunciation. His ideas are batty, and his recent strips make me say “Yuck!”
etho
October 24th, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

I hate to admit, I actually kind of liked Blondie today. Overall, it’s one of the worst offenders in the pointless comic zombiism trend (second only to Peanuts Classics, in my view) and todays central joke actually isn’t very clever. “HAHA! TV is not creative!” Whatever.

But “Are you smarter than Geraldo?” Awesome. I would totally watch that show, on the condition that the only contestants would be randomly selected college students that probably would win. The fact that someone in the Blondie sweatshop came up with that is the best thing that comic has ever given us.

I’ll add another voice to the “Crankshaft is fucking sick” chorus as well. Man, todays Crankshaft is fucking sick. Fuck you Tom Batuik.

As for FOOB: What the hell? April and Gerald were a couple? I had no idea. I thought they just tried to fuck that one time and failed.

LuAnn: I hate this strip more than anything in the world. I hate this strip more than I hate Nazis. This strip is worse than Hitler. Godwin’s Law is now officially invoked.

Today’s strip is particularly bad. Didn’t we just get out of several weeks of “TJ has a harebrained scheme that get’s Brad into trouble?” Are we starting that all over again? Really? Doesn’t LuAnn need to fight with her friends or look at MySpace or read magazines or any of the other thrilling activities that make up this strip? Sigh.
Burning Prairie
October 24th, 2007 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

You know, I’d be willing to bet that at Crankshaft’s age, his prostate is fairly enlarged. One shift kick to the ‘taint and Lois could take him down for a good long time.
Vince M
October 24th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

300: And I always say that analyzing humor is like analyzing an onion by peeling its layers – before long you’re crying and your fingers stink.
The Ghost of Jarrod
October 24th, 2007 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

Hey, Josh, you got a link over at Feminsting. I know Funky Cancerbean takes a lot of heat here, but is the guy who raises awareness about breast cancer the same doofus who thinks little old ladies don’t become crime victims?

Yes, if you call having a character die an agonizing death because of a plot contrivance “raising awareness.”
Fred P.
October 24th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

Oh, sure, Batuik is using this stunningly obtuse strip as a lead-in for a positive message tomorrow.

There was a Funky Gotohellbatuik strip a few months back, where Wally or whoever the fuck it is out in Iraq is out on patrol, finds some bomb or something, and yells “I.E.D.!!” as the bomb explodes in the final frame, thereby presumably ending Wally’s military career. Although I’d like to think this quick exit saved us from having to endure the months of bathos we endured when Lisa checked out, the strip was patently offensive to those with loved ones serving overseas. If the Letters to the Editor page in the Dogpatch is anything to go by.

What purpose did this insensitive cartoon serve in the larger context of the Winkerverse? Was it a lead-in to a thoughful examination of the sacrifices the members of our military are being called on to make? No, it turned out Wally wasn’t really blown up at all- he was only playing a VIDEO GAME in which Video Wally got blown up! Oh, the laughs! Pretty frickin funny, there, Batuik, I bet all those anxious mothers and fathers of active-duty soldiers got a big kick out of that one! Asshole.

So, I don’t reckon Batuik intends to use this latest occurence of jackassery as a springboard to anything which could possibly redeem it.

Verdict? Not funny, Tom. Sure, there’s a “gag” in this strip. But gag in the sense of “nausea bordering on vomit”, not gag in the sense of “joke”.
The Ghost of Jarrod
October 24th, 2007 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

TJ has a harebrained scheme that get’s Brad into trouble?

I really do wish they’d just skip to the TJ/Brad sex. If nothing else, they make a more attractive couple than Brad and Toni Daytona, and remember, I’m saying this as a heterosexual male….
Burning Prairie
October 24th, 2007 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

MJ1066- is that a reference to the Norman Invasion, you history geek, you. Read your previous post and felt the same way, nice of ol’ dad to wait until his daughter was comatose and dying to admit he was a jerk. Sorry to read about your school experiences. There is always an element of “blame the victim” in sexual harrassment/assualt/rape cases.
MJ1066
October 24th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

318: Yes, it is. I’m a “geek” for all things medieval (literature, language, history, art, philosophy, etc.)
Jim
October 24th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

#298: Never heard the Centurion joke, MH. That’s a good one. Tell me, are you familiar with this little gem?

Why was John F. Kennedy dropped from his school’s boxing team?

He couldn’t take a shot to the head.

…. what? Too soon?
Gold-Digging Nanny
October 24th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

Late again … sorry … so I’ll try to make it an extra good one. Here’s Tuesday’s Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny!

1) You’ll note that both dogs’ noses are the same color as their fur. The dog on the left was cross-bred with a chameleon and was blending in with the ecru-colored walls inside the house to sneak up on the other cat. The dog on the right was dipped into a vat of ecru-colored paint in step 18 of an elaborate Rube Goldberg mechanism. When the dog was given his unfortunate bath, paint slopped out of the sides of the tub, causing the cat, who was on his way to get to an open can of tuna, slip and bump into a spring-loaded mechanism that opened a pair of pincers, releasing a helium-filled balloon which, as it rose, bumped the underside of a toy racetrack, releasing the toy cars stationed at the top, which raced to the bottom of the track where they tipped over a kettle of hot water into a bowl of ramen noodles.
2) The little girl on the left will be formally diagnosed with epilepsy in a few weeks, once the doctors have finished their tests. The little girl on the right will be diagnosed with practicing witchcraft.
3) Three years from now, the boy on the right will be featured in a Mallard Fillmore cartoon on boys wearing baggy jeans that display the waistband of their underwear (just like he does every year when he runs out of Hillary and Ted Kennedy jokes). Those baggy pants wearers symbolize all that is wrong with America. Goddamn liberal Taliban-loving baggy pants wearers.
4) The pumpkin on the left is for a Jack-o-Lantern. The pumpkin on the right is for the little girl’s costume. She wanted to be Cinderella, but instead, her father came home with this big-ass pumpkin, and said, “I’m sorry, sweetie, they were all out of princess dresses, but I got you this nice big pumpkin and you can be Cinderella’s coach! We can carve out some holes for your head and your arms and legs, and attach a couple of wheels to it and maybe a couple of My Little Ponies, and presto! You’ll look like you just drove out of a fairy tale!” and on Halloween, she’ll go trick-or-treating with this heavy pumpkin weighing her torso down and smearing its slimy pumpkin guts all over her dress, and she’ll cry hot little tears of shame the whole time, and she’ll never quite get over her hatred of pumpkins, and Halloween, and the kids who pointed at her and laughed, and one day she’ll grow up to be Dawn.
(I know, you’re thinking, not with that hair! Well, she traveled through the Winkerverse and got cancer, and even though she’s in remission she still wears the two-toned wig.)
5) The panel on the left is actually an advertisement for a chiropractic clinic in Yorktown, PA.
6) The little girl on the left will grow up to be Niki’s mom. Her hair’s got that sea urchin-y look to it already.

This episode of Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny was brought to you by Sherwin-Williams.
ralph
October 24th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

hi folks, pardon me interrupting the discussion briefly to report that the winds have finally died down here in Southern California. Some of my friends are still waiting to hear whether their homes have burned down. A couple haven’t been heard from … we figure they’ve been evacuated. I am posting this message not to seek replies, but instead to ask you all to send your good wishes to the people who have been displaced or are in that terrible limbo of not knowing. And please keep the laughs coming. Many thanks! Humor saves lives!
Jim
October 24th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

Sorry, forgot to say this in my last post. I’ve never heard the “Chee-Chee” joke before. Mind enlightening me as to what it’s about? Is it an “Aristocrats” style joke?
Jim
October 24th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

Ah, damn! Forgot to say something again! I want to extend my sympathies to those on the board who mentioned that they had a family member who was sexually assaulted.
Gold-Digging Nanny
October 24th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

322 — Californians — Take care and be safe!
MJ1066 — Sorry about what happened in junior high. That sucks.
MonkeyHawk — So sorry about your aunt. That really sucks.
Saluki
October 24th, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

#317 The Ghost of Jarrod

Personally I’m waiting for the Toni/Tif sex, and I am a very hetero male.
off-model
October 24th, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

I saw this at Cartoon Brew.
It’s early Bill Watterson stuff:
http://ignatz.brinkster.net/cbillart.html
bubujin
October 24th, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

Sorry, fellow ‘mudges, nothing from me to add to the Crankshaft debacle.

But just cracking open the crystal ball a bit to point out that in Thursday’s FOOB April offers to take Gerald roadside.
bubujin
October 24th, 2007 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

Oh, and has anyone else noticed that the ants depicted in zomBC have been freakishly huge lately? Geesh!
Rainbird
October 24th, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

274 Niall Actually, the joke was a couple of days ago when Chrankshaft called a “Hail Mary” pass a “Hairy Male”pass.
AMC
October 24th, 2007 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

Off-Model – thanks for the links. I was at Kenyon (which is Not Near Uganda) in 77-78, and visited often after I transferred out, So the old cartoons were fun to see – and to search (unsuccessfully) for depictions of the Penis of Knowledge in the background….
beergoggles
October 24th, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

FW: one guy who i annoy with my harping again this hack pointed out why he was suddenly disappointed by this ‘great leap foreward’ –

It’s been ten years and they’re still marching for a cure for breast cancer

the sense that everyone has been dragged through this and nothing has improved, nothing learned, nothing accomplished.

yup, that’s the meaning of funky winkerbean
commodorejohn
October 24th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

#327 off-model – Ahh, now that was a breath of fresh air.
Scrog
October 24th, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

327 off model: Awesome stuff! Including a glimpse at the AJGLU 3000!
Anna Nimity
October 24th, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

Colorado Mudges: I’m reading CC to cheer me up while listening to the World Series. Sigh. I gotta baaaaad feeling about this game…. A home run in the first five minutes? Eeeeeek. Anna is not happy. Thank god for Josh and snark.
commodorejohn
October 24th, 2007 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

8:00 and Josh hasn’t posted. Maybe he’s working up some extra-special vitriol in response to Rapeshaft.
Scrog
October 24th, 2007 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

Bugger. That link was supposed to be to this one. HTML savvy my ass.
SecretMargo
October 24th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

336: He’s probably just tired. He’s been filling in at Wonkette all this week. I’m surprised he’s still coherent enough to write anything at all!
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
October 24th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

I want to say I, too, thought today’s Crankshaft was in horrible taste, and I support those of you who are trying to make your distaste known to the syndicate. It’s not necessarily about trying to get papers to drop Crankshaft, it’s about getting Batiuk to hopefully face up to the question, “Do you realize how many people found that very offensive, and why?”

I also want to express my condolences to those commenting here who mentioned horrifying experiences that had happened to their relatives or themselves.

As a slight digression, but still on the topic of rape, power, and sex, I found a discussion on the Snopes messageboard that I thought was relevant. I placed a link to it in the Cockpit — I chose the cockpit not because I or anyone in the page I link to is especially argumentative, but simply because it is a digression.

http://joshreads.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=26921#26921
Mary Brandt
October 24th, 2007 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

HERB & JAMAAL: Something other than gay sex? Alright then; premeditated murder.

-MB
Jym
October 24th, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

=302= Rose is Rose (The Divine O’F): Yep, Jimbo would prefer Rose to be fat and Rose would prefer Jimbo to be bald. I would prefer them to be drawn by Pat Brady. :-(
Frank Parsnip
October 24th, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

Re: Crankshaft, this is all just a bit of cynical marketing from Batiuk. The old hag’s going to stop carrying her pepper spray based on Cranky’s say-so, and that of course means that she’ll get brutalized immediately. Cranky will have to go through a whole re-education about rape (but it will be done with lots of wry smiles and bad puns), all set to be published in 2 years’ time as “Crankshaft’s Story”.

Batiuk will ruin his characters by turning Cranky into a sensitive man over the course of this post-rape storyline. Furthermore, when he does his 10-year leap forward for those characters, that will pretty much put Ed and the elderly rape victim into the ground. He can then publish lots of flashbacks (a-la-foob) showing Ed in past strips.
The Avocado Avenger
October 24th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

#258 AMC – I’ve been wondering that, too. Maybe this will lead to a Very Special Episode of Crankshaft where he discovers why women need to protect themselves. However, given the way it’s treated women and elderly in the past, I don’t think there’s much of a chance.

But to follow up on your #286 comment, yeah, there’s a chance he’s doing this for the publicity. I think he’s a publicity whore, and this could be a set-up for a Very Special Episode, and given how he handled the fake explodiation of that soldier guy (where it was just a video game), maybe he learned that he can get a LOT of attention by being misleading for a day.
Poteet
October 24th, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

# 246 — Divine, if you see this before the thread ends, I’m now at the point where I want to go at least six weeks at a time without looking at PIB. So if you’re agreeable, yes, let’s be sponsors for each other. I hereby vow to do my best to not check PIBGORN until at least 12/5. Unless another CCer informs us that it’s gone back to happy sensual fairy/human sex mode, which is the reason I started reading it. At this point, I’d say “fat chance.”
Trotzenbonnie
October 24th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

Okay then.
Let’s take a vote.
All in favor of chalking up today’s Crankshit to Batiyuk’s BA-A-AD taste, please raise your …. um, mouse.
Those of you in favor of the introduction of a lengthy, poorly articulated as-only-Batihack-can-write-it story-line about sexual assault of elderly women as explanation for today’s episode of Crankshit, please raise your mouse.

All in favor of submitting today’s Crankshit to Miriam-Webster as an illustration for the definition of a ‘Lose/Lose situation’, drinks are on me….
The Ghost of Jarrod
October 24th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

#342–

I’d like to say that’s insane, but I’m not going to count it out.
Dariaclone
October 24th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

I no longer want to guess what Batiuk is thinking, but I want to go for drinks. (If only I wasn’t pregnant…I have never wanted a good night out with champagne as much as I do now…)
Phoebe
October 24th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

342) I would laugh if I didn’t see that as a distinct possibility.
347) Congrats, dear!

FOOB: APRIL IS SINGLE! This clearly means that she and Starey Gap-toothed ‘Hoooo!’ Guy are gonna hook up! Match made in heaven, I tells yah.
SecretMargo
October 24th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

Well, my morbid curiosity got the better of me, so I put “Crankshaft” and “rape” in Ye Olde Google and found one feminist blog clearinghouse mention of the Feministing story here:

http://www.blogsheroes.com/feed/rapestillnothilariousstil

Also, there is an interesting rephrasing of the controversy on Yahoo’s “answers.ca” website that turns it into an opportunity to find out if the myth that only attractive women are susceptible to sexual attack is prevalent and how many people still think it’s true:

http://www.http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index.php?qid=2007

And finally, there’s a parody of academic feminism that talks about the author ripping apart the crankshaft in his car: “The engine, I came to realize, ran on rape.” While an unfair mischaracterization of actual academic feminism, it is still pretty funny:

http://www.sba.oakland.edu/faculty/schwartz/deconstr.htm

Everything else was porn. (Has any summary of a google search’s results not ended with these words?)

Dariaclone: I’m buying.
Trotzenbonnie
October 24th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

#347 – Dariaclone
I don’t suppose it would be helpful of me to offer to imbibe your share of the bubbly so that you might derive some vicarious pleasure from the experience.

Nah. Didn’t think so…..

Then I’ll just have a nice cup of decaf tea to show my solidarity. Mudges unite even in the misery of deprivation! (I’ll draw the line at swollen ankles and morning sickness, though. Sorry…)
praepes
October 24th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

I have to say that I find Sylvia’s art pretty fascinating and delightful. There’s something about the way everything gets flattened out and distorted that makes me smile. I also have a bunch of old collection’s of Nicole Hollander’s work, and it was pretty obvious from the beginning (in the late 70s) that she had trouble making characters and objects in one panel recognizable as the same ones that appeared in the previous panel, and I like the strategies she used to work with this problem, such as showing the same tabletop over four panels and having a completely different collection of objects on it in each panel. But my taste in humor leans toward the bizarre, so maybe that’s just me.

Also, re: Crankshaft, I’m a young woman and a committed feminist, and I certainly don’t approve of Crankshaft’s message that elderly, vulnerable-looking women should go around protected for any situation (be it a rape, mugging, or otherwise). However, I wouldn’t be too quick to attack Batuik for portraying one of his characters as uninformed about crime. There is always a distinction to be made between the opinions of fictional characters and the intentions of their creators. I don’t like it, but I’m just saying.
Loopina
October 24th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft: I just got home (10pm EST) and wow, a lot of comments about this mess!
#155, you mention Ed as being an Archie Bunker type ingoramus, but All In The Family did do an episode in which Edith was nearly raped. It was handled with tact and empathy, something Batiuk could never do.
praepes
October 24th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

Er, sorry, in the second paragraph, that should’ve been ‘unprotected.’ Not ‘protected.’
Loopina
October 24th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

I also think that tomorrow Ed should be mugged and raped.
LTBF
October 24th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

None of the links to Crankshaft work for me, could someone describe the strip, frame by frame, please?
Chat Noir
October 24th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

FOOB: So, Gerald likes music more than dry-humping April in her parents’ rec room. Why can’t Lynn Johnston decide she likes retirement more than bludgeoning us with this tired drivel?
Dariaclone
October 24th, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

Trotzenbonnie: If only it worked that way, watching my husband with his nightly Scotch would be much more fun!

SecretMargo: You were brave to try the google search. Far braver than me. For that, I owe you a drink.

I have a bottle of alcohol-free sparkling wine and a six-pack of Kaliber (Guiness’s NA beer). Haven’t been desperate enough to crack open the “wine”, but the Kaliber is pretty decent.
Phoebe
October 24th, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

355) So, Crankshaft and his wife or whoever is strolling thru what I assume is a mall of some kind, and Lois (that’s the wifeish person) drops her purse! Crankshaft helps her pick it up and says to her as he holds up a bottle of pepper spray, “Lois, you’re sixty five…(cut to next panel)… “You don’t need to carry around a bottle of pepper spray anymore.” That’s the gist.
LTBF
October 24th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

Thank you.
MJ1066
October 24th, 2007 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

#355 LTBF:

Here it is (don’t say you weren’t warned):

Frame One: Ed is on a date with Lois. Lois drops her purse.

Frame Two: All of the contents of Lois’s purse spill out: wallet, driver’s license, credit card, loose change, dollar bill, makeup compact, pen, checkbook, tissue – and a can of pepper spray. Crankshaft helps Lois pick up the items spilled out of her purse. Crankshaft picks up the can of pepper spray. Crankshaft frowns and says, “You’re sixty-eight, Lois …”

Frame Three: Close-up of Crankshaft and Lois’s faces. Crankshaft says, “You can probably stop carrying the pepper spray.” Lois frowns at him angrily but doesn’t say anything.
Frank Parsnip
October 25th, 2007 at 2:22 am [Reply]

It would have been funnier if Crankshaft had commented on an enormous french-tickler, ultra-ribbed condom falling out of her purse on how she “wouldn’t be needing that anymore” — with the obvious slam against her as too post-menopausal to bear children or too ugly to get laid. Then, after the world expresses its outrage over how condoms have a valid role in slowing the spread of STDs, Batiuk could then redeem our trust by running several months of strips about Crankshaft’s subsequent and ironic struggle with a bad case of Spotted Dick.

WARNING: NSFW! http://www.englishteastore.com/cak004.html

Then, Batiuk would make a bundle from his release of “Crankshaft’s Story”. Now, I’d buy that.
Kajillion
October 25th, 2007 at 5:40 am [Reply]

I don’t know how that H&J could not be about buttsex.
dale
October 25th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

361 Spotted Dick -
Is this a joke? If suet is a key ingredient, I don’t care what golden syrup is and whether it’s raisins or rat turds, I ain’t buying.
Gagott68
October 25th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

351 Praepes: {{{However, I wouldn’t be too quick to attack Batuik for portraying one of his characters as uninformed about crime. There is always a distinction to be made between the opinions of fictional characters and the intentions of their creators. I don’t like it, but I’m just saying.}}}

Portraying a character as uniformed is one thing. A reasonably intelligent and responsible writer should then educate his character and thereby, ostensibly, the audience. Even it if involves a long, painfully drawn out story arc. But a “one-off” strip that ends with that so-called punchline makes it pretty clear that Batiuk intended this to be funny.
LTBF
October 26th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Let’s check out the rest of April’s family.

Her grandfather is incapacitated by strokes and his elderly wife is his main caretaker. Her parents are starting to age, are settling into a new house and facing retirement soon.

Her brother has two young children and is dependant upon his first novel selling to support them.

Her sister is trying to make it on a teacher’s salary and is getting into the always sticky situation of being a stepmother to a young girl.

And you’re worried about your boyfriend being upset you want to go to vet school? Yeah, you are really the modern day Atlas, girlie.
nemoErensenuT
February 10th, 2008 at 5:49 am [Reply]

I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links:
self esteem
November 15th, 2009 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

great cartoons!!!!
dK33LINDA
February 2nd, 2010 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

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