Main content:

Your death began the moment you were born

Funky Winkerbean, 4/2/12

Let’s enjoy all the ways in which the dialogue in this strip serves to explain the plot and fails to mirror humans actually talk, shall we? “Why is Funky here?” may be the reader’s reaction to the strip’s title character’s sudden appearance, but that probably wouldn’t be the blunt, immediate response of Funky’s best friend’s teenage daughter (though we may give her some leeway due to general teenage sass and/or her justifiable disgust at Funky’s existence). Panel two is quite the doozy of exposition, though! One would of course assume that, having already packed her bags, Summer is well aware that she’s taking a class trip to Washington, D.C. And under normal circumstances one would also assume that she would have known for some time that her father and (future? did my mind maybe erase the elaborate Les-Cayla wedding, to protect me?) stepmother would be there making sure she wasn’t making out with random dudes in a secluded spot in the Jefferson Memorial or whatever. But maybe Les’s stratospheric self-regard led him to believe that his daughter would want to spend time with him on her trip, and thus this is supposed to be some special surprise for her? Les and Funky continue smirking smugly after Summer disabuses them of this notion, no doubt because they know from experience that the teenage years Summer is so eager to escape now will in retrospect be the least miserable time of her life. They know that in the Funkyverse the adulthood that Summer craves so much is really a long, bumpy road leading through pain to death. (The bumps in the road are tumors.)

Dennis the Menace, 4/2/12

Since Joey’s illiteracy is I believe fairly well established in this strip, it seems uncharacteristically menacing for Dennis to have read him what’s scrawled on his prank-sign. Joey’s uncontrollable weeping at the thought of his only friend moving away seems about right, though, as does his inability to grasp the concept of an April Fool’s Joke after repeated explanations.

Archie, 4/2/12

Ha ha, nice try, Archie, but Riverdale’s rigid class structure isn’t going to break down on Mr. Lodge’s watch!

261 responses to “Your death began the moment you were born”

  1. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    LaCuc: ouch.

    Lio: I’m detecting a plot hole here.

    PBS: *snurk!*

    SBp: that, that’s actually rather deep.

    Crank: /facedesk.

    JP: that’s a mighty filmy burkha.

    JUMBLE: got the bracket half right. but the Smelly Weasels?!?!?

    MG&G: win.

    PMP: o dear. just fantastic win. :-D

  2. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . .morning woodwind

  3. Chip Whittle
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: “Our goal is EARTH! –Or DOOM–if we are too late!” “Uh…I’d prefer Earth, if you’re navigating.” “Oh, but DOOM is so lovely this time of year!” “Maybe, but it’s Earth we’re really…” “And DOOM has DirecTV!” “Oh, now that’s…uh…do they have ESPN Classic?” “They have ESPN Classic Of DOOM!”

  4. Crankenstank
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    The true existential hellpit of the Funkiverse is that, it’s ALL ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL and NO IT DOESN’T GET ANY BETTER.

  5. Dennis Jimenez
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Archie – Hey – watch out when Hirim’s got his hands on that driver – an’ don’t let him handle your putter, Arch….

    DtM – Flip these friends….

    FW – Ah, that’s just what Lisa said — JUST BEFORE SHE DIED….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  6. The Ridger
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#1): Well, as long as the only man around is her owner husband, she doesn’t have to wear a burka.

  7. The Ridger
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    ASM: But is Doom prepared to put them up just because they’re too late for Earth? What time will it be in Latveria when they arrive?

  8. Lurker Bob
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    A3G: The second panel….really??? What is that man doing with that dog??? I have no words to describe it.

  9. Mibbitmaker
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    8:22 AM??? This post wasn’t up yet at almost 9AM, and the entry is listed at 8:22? The first comment is dated at 9:28!

    An April Fool’s joke on April 2nd? Not way cool, WordPress!

  10. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    meanwhile, in Canada.

    something delicate for bb,u.

    nsfbg.

    meanwhile, in Pickles.

    otter tries a magic trick.

    corgi cosplay.

    resistance is futile.

  11. Cal
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Today’s XKCD: try it from several different browsers. It will BLOW YOUR MIND. 8-)

    ReFoob: in her comment-text yesterday,Johnston writes how the “warning bells were sounding” in her marriage, but nobody noticed them. Nobody, that is, except anybody who could read a newspaper. Meanwhile, Johnston was immortalizing and syndicalizing every single foible, quirk, malapropism, embarrassment, and marital squabble in her family’s daily life for the whole darn world to see, in caricaturized proportions.

  12. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    love is… …when you just have to empty your, ah, spit valve.

    Slylock – I like the trianguloid apprentice monster there. It’s like a reader drew him and he stuck around. Three balls in a sack. Give it hair, feet, hands, and a face, and he’s available for a dash of can-do attitude and outgoing personality on the page.

  13. C. Sandy Cyst
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Somehow I knew that the headline referred to Funky Winkerbean.

    PS – in case you didn’t know, the FCoV is back at familycircusofvalues.tumblr.com

  14. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Mary – “Oh, come on, Jeff. This stuff is real, and I just can’t get enough of it! Okay, those tears are fake, but he’s really contrite. Well, okay, I see he’s faking that as well. Okay, it’s not perfect, but I actually get a little boost of vicariously forcing somebody to straighten his life out that helps sustain me until I can fasten onto another fresh human to feed directly.”

    Spider-Man – “Very well, let us embark! We either return to earth or we die! Die! Die! Die! The suspense is incredi- oh, we returned to earth and didn’t die. Well, that sure was scary, wondering if we were going to make it or not. Oh, and 3D!!”

    Zits – Heh. Jeremy sucks.

  15. S. Stout
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Luann: Everyday is Fools Day with Brad around.

    Archie: “So yeah, since I’m doing this you better start putting out.”

  16. Little Guy
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    JP: She’s really Rocking the Casbah.

    MG&G: This has to be quite fortunate coincidence.

  17. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    FW: That’s right. Summer has three more months to go before she can start dying of cancer.

  18. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Dogs of C-Kennel

    Today’s appearance by GARFIELD in “C-Kennel” hits an unexpected snag:

    http://www.gocomics.com/dogsofckennel/2012/04/02

    I’m only surprised Mick and Mason didn’t use this gag for April Fools’ Day.

    A hoodie-wearing Josh Fruhlinger pulled the old switcheroo on me (again!), so please read my comments @Rocky Stoneaxe y161 and y162!

  19. Mibbitmaker
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Anyway….
    Repeat: Pop culture’s Kids, new, up, etc.

    Misseen’s ongoing predicament is somewhat like Les Moore used to be like in the first half of FW’s 40 years in print: being comically piled on and largely sympathetic in a Charlie Brown kinda way. For example, Les about to be (really!) beaten up by Bull, and Les’s mom, in a car off-panel, will wait. Also, Les stuck on the gym rope even during the prom, while he thinks his friends, at least, will support him. They laugh at him instead.

    Likewise, in PCK, after all that’s happened to Misseen’s mibbit doll… well…. today’s events.

    I will do everything in my power to not let her turn into a douche in the future. Something else, maybe, but not a smirking jerk like Les had become.

  20. Pozzo
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    The real menace, of course, is Dennis pulling an April Fool’s joke on April 2nd, thus toppling Joey’s already shaky sense of reality.

  21. Marc
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Funky- Way to go Les. You just royally screwed up Summer’s plans to have a solo car date during her trip to DC.

    Luann- B-wad probably should have started wearing a paper bag over his head a long time ago.

    Mary Worth- Mary watches televangelists, why am I not surprised? I can’t wait until televangelist Johnny Thomas takes on the utmost important issue of the Peyton Manning/Tim Tebow saga like a certain other teleblowhard.

    Mark Trail- You can tell that Mullet and Cue Ball are the bad guys because of their unconventional hair styles.

    Hi & Lois- Jeff and Jamie the bank robbers from the southern part of the state stole a few minutes and grabbed a coat, and took a walk too. And we all know how that turned out.

  22. Doctor Handsome
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    With as rich as Veronica’s dad is, you’d think he could afford to hire a caddy with, y’know, upper-body strength, or a working knowledge of golf.

  23. Plag
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MW: The suspense! Is Dr. Jeff Cory going to have his own epiphany and confess his sins to Mary? What would they be? Maybe his near-death experience working at Peace Village several years ago wasn’t just physical exhaustion. Maybe he was suffering from extreme effects of syphilis, contracted from a teen-age prostitute. Maybe he just found out about an illegitimate child, fathered with said prostitute. Or maybe he’s going to tell Mary about his frequent “3-Hour-Tours” on his boat, role-playing Skipper and Little-Buddy with his 18-year-old first-mate. Time to ‘fess-up, Dr. C!

  24. Droopy Says
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Creepy Les: So the school picked two chaperones who are openly having sex outside marriage. That fits the moral landscape of the Funkyverse. The senior class is almost out of time to start their high-school pregnancies, and somebody has to inspire the kids to elevate their STD rates (hey, just look at Les and tell me he’s the poster boy for any kind of safe sex).

  25. TheDiva
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    FW: There was a Zits several years back with a similar concept: the first three panels took place over the course of several months, as Jeremy’s mom talked up the road trip the family was going to take in the summer while Jeremy listened to his headphones, played video games, and generally ignored her. Then in the last panel, she asks if he’s ready for their trip tomorrow, and inevitably his response is “what trip?” A typical “ha-ha, Kids These Days” gag, yet it illustrates how Batiuk fails at even the most rudimentary humor skills.

    9CL: It’s got to be a false alarm. The only possible reason Brooke is avoiding the obvious course of action at this point is because it would put an end to the pregnancy drama.

    A3G: She’s been taking walks every day for a week, and already Nina is at peace with the baby she never wanted! Now if we could just get her to fly a kite, all her problems would be solved.

    C’shaft: See above re: Batiuk and complete humor failure.

    reFOOB: Elly is shocked–SHOCKED!–to discover decorating cookies with a toddler is messy business.

    Luann: If Toni has any self-respect, she’ll break up with Brad now. So of course it won’t happen.

    MT: I have never smoked pot in my life (the closest I ever came was secondhand smoke off the people behind us at a Muse concert, and all that did was make me nauseous) and even I know that’s not what a marijuana plant looks like. Maybe these two are operating an illegal potted fern ring?

    MW: Mary desperately tries to convince the audience that the plot makes sense.

  26. Rusty
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Les and Cayla will be there to throw a bucket of ice water on the Summer/Keisha coupling. Make it happen, Batiuk.

  27. Austria
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    A3G: Doggy style, etc.

    Blondie: I want to let out a resounding boo, but darn it, they’re right.

    reFOOB: The dough thing I can understand. The icing sugar thing I can understand. But why wouldn’t you let your kid make a mutant ten-eyed bunny? Darn it, that stuff is hilarious. They have plenty of time to be boring later in life.

    FW: OMG LES AND CAYLA ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED IN FRONT OF THE WHITE HOUSE BY OBAMA.

    Luann: Who called it? I called it.

    MW: Is he CRYING now? This televangelist just keeps getting better and better.

    PBS: Back in my day we had red and blue lines for 3-D and we LIKED it

  28. Mibbitmaker
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    A3G: There’s something you don’t see every day: a dog waiting for its owner to take a dump in the park! It’s almost a Will Elder background gag!

    Archie: Veronica has a look like “Yeah…. great….” as she backs up sloooowlyyyy, completely mortified in Archie (well, more than usual, anyway).

    9CL: Brooke! Such language!
    Really, though, far away travel to a different country without so much as a blue slip of paper’s worth of proof and discovery aside, who knew this kind of storyline in 9CL, of all places, would actually be kind of…… charming?

    Crank: Oh, look who’s talking, Mr. No-Malaprop’s-Rotten-Enough!

    HotC: Dill?! I swear, Tatulli — DO NOT ruin Cul de Sac for everyone! Just….. don’t!

    ….though it’s not really surprising that that kid would turn out like…..

    Just….. don’t!

    JP: “Oh, and say ‘hi’ to King Henry VIII, will you?”

    MT: Who cares about all that? A duck just literally layed a “Jack Elrod” egg in mid-air!!!
    “Have a happy creepy Easter, from all of us at Mark Trail!”

    MW: Granted, a trigger that is (w)holy implausible to a sociopath like Nola — we are still talking about Nola, after all — but a trigger nonetheless.

    ZtP: Just when you thought that Dingburg couldn’t get any WORSE….

  29. Chip Whittle
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Gray Matters: Hey, cool, a new comic strip that finally speaks to the rapidly-approaching-death Baby Boomer demographic! That’s an under-explored field!

    Momma: “That new restaurant has a dress code, dear! That’s what you get for eating at places no later than 1974!”

    It looks like Mell Lazarus forgot how accepting Red Lobster is of cross-dressers.

    Mutt and Jeff: Speaking of cross-dressing, Bud Fisher here reminds us that nobody really knew how to pace a joke in the comics before Charles Schulz came along, did they?

    Ripley’s Believe It Or Not: So, I can’t have a hippo because my apartment manager gets all upset about their flinging poo everywhere with their tails, but Marvin is allowed indoors? What gives?

  30. NoahSnark
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Archie: So that’s why Mr. Lodge asked me to research which golf courses had alligators in their water traps!

  31. Stev0
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    We missed Funky’s traditional April Fools gag: “You don’t have cancer! (pause) April Fool!”

  32. Santa Royale With Cheese
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    9CL: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Edda Vienna wgah’nagl fhtagn.

  33. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    C&B: I filled the left one with raspberry jam this morning. That’s got to be the punchline for a “man walked into a bar” joke. But how to get there?

    A&J: I really have to try that on someone today.

    TASM: Doom? I’ll need my BFG9000!

    MT: Is the drawing in Mark Trail getting even cruder and more, dare I say, cartoonish?

  34. sporknpork
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    That joke was so awful that VeronicaBOT popped a spring and stopped operating. Hopefully Mr. Lodge kept the giant crank key to shove into her back.

  35. Kibo
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Does the way the “L”s are drawn in the “Funky Winkerbean” speech balloons make anyone else feel like committing violent atrocities?

    Those things have slowly been getting less and less “L”-shaped. Someday they’ll be giant zigzaggy scribbles that take over the strip completely. And while the elimination of action, characters, and puns from the strip won’t be a bad thing, those freak “L”s just make me feel stabby.

  36. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#34): an Archie/Nichijou crossover?

  37. Amaury
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    JP – My first thought when I saw the silhouette was that Emma the Evil CEO Saved by the Judge found her happiness in Riyadh (or at least found a place where she could enjoy her standing-on-the-roof’s-edge fetish without being interrupted).
    Apart from that, I wonder, does it contribute any additional meaning to the strip? Is it “this Saudi prince has such paternal feelings towards April because he already has enough busty babes in his garem, as demonstrated, unlike his loser son”?

  38. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    MW – “It can happen in five minutes, but something has to trigger it!” Like the powerful psychedelics that just kicked in for Mary in panel two.

    If even 1% of the five-minute epiphanies experienced by people led to any real, lasting change in behavior, the world would be a much different place. Folding chairs, stale donuts, and bad coffee would see a huge dropoff in demand, as AA meetings become unnecessary. Fast food establishments would likewise go out of business.

    PBS – Where are Dr. Tongue and Bruno? I’ll contemplate this question while I …. drink this cup of coffee!!!

    Luann – This strip would improve 1000% if it just featured B-Wad being an idiot and being punched in the gut by the consequences every day.

    FW – Pretty high bar for idiocy if this is going to match the “Luann” class trip. Off to a good start, though. They needed a raffle to raise enough money to even have school sports this year, but there is a class trip to D.C. in the budget? Who had to prostitute herself so that they could afford to take Delta?

  39. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Cal (#11):

    Today’s XKCD: try it from several different browsers. It will BLOW YOUR MIND. 8-)

    You are absolutely right. How does he do that?! Totally different comics in Firefox and Chrome in Linux, (and the window size thingy!). I’ve got to boot up a Windows machine and see what it looks like in Explorer.

  40. Red Greenback
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    DtheM: THNIFF, THNIFF, THOB…

  41. Esther Blodgett
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    FW: I don’t know if it’s inspiring or depressing to realize that even a highly-paid WRITER can come up with a literary miscarriage like today’s panel 2. Eh, whatever, I’ll tape it to my dartboard either way.

  42. sporknpork
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    There is no “senior class trip”. It’s a ruse to drive these horrible people out of town forever. And when they’re gone, the dark clouds will lift, people will venture out of their homes again, and the town cancer rate will drop an astounding 78% within a month.

  43. Ed Dravecky
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    The number of my father’s friends that I got to call by their first name while I was in high school: zero. Summer may be the Specialest Snowflake but he’s “Mr. Winkerbean”, dammit.

  44. sporknpork
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

  45. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    GT— Shouldn’t the sound of the bat hitting the ball be expressed as “KLANK!”? Apparently Rubin and Whigham are unaware that high schools have been using aluminum bats for years. I guess we shouldn’t be too surprised by this, when we consider that these guys also think the selling of tattoos and second-hand DVDs is yet another manifestation of the International Communist Conspiracy.

  46. Calico
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Kibo (#35):
    \Well, today’s ReFoob made me feel the same way. I have to go hide all the sharp things in the house now.

  47. Mikey Mike
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    “Funky is driving us to meet the bus that goes to the train that takes us to the plane that flies the cat that ate the rat, etc.” Nothing is easy in the Funkyverse–especially trying to escape.

  48. Calico
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    MW – “Something has to trigger it” – like a grand mal seizure, or complete psychological dissociation from reality, perhaps?

  49. btown
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    MW: “A person can have an epiphany within five minutes! But something has to trigger it! For instance, is my radiant smile triggering you to epiphanize that I am not actually human? No? Well… give it another four minutes!”

  50. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#39):

    @Cal (#11):
    Today’s XKCD: try it from several different browsers. It will BLOW YOUR MIND. 8-)
    You are absolutely right. How does he do that?! Totally different comics in Firefox and Chrome in Linux, (and the window size thingy!). I’ve got to boot up a Windows machine and see what it looks like in Explorer.

    Ok, it is a different comic in Windows Explorer, but I don’t see any cool easter eggs like in Firefox. (Not that I might not have missed one.) Are there any people out there in Appleland who can report?

  51. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Agnes – “Interpretive Bible ballet.” Suddenly I want to see Agnes performing to 666 by Aphrodite’s Child more than anything in the world. [*]

    A3G – “We’ve been walking for a week straight, I’m heavily pregnant, my back is pure agony and my feet are essentially two giant blisters at this point, but my legs haven’t literally fallen off, so it’s not as bad as I expected! …wait, what the hell is that guy doing to his dog? Should we call the police?”

    BlC – And thus begins one of my favorite Bloom County storylines ever.

    FW – Clumsiest exposition I’ve ever seen, and that’s beating out a bunch of movies featured on MST3K!

    HOTC – Well, we’re certainly not shying back from Bad Future fare here, are we?

    JP – “Oh, could you pardon me for a moment, my child? The ghost of the wife I just had executed in yesterday’s strip has returned to wreak vengeance upon-URK!”

    Luann – Christ, what an asshole.

    NAOQV – You can fit every person alive into Jacksonville, Florida – if you’re willing to subject every person alive to the state of being in Jacksonville, Florida, you monster.

    MW – “Can be compelled to truly change?” Telling choice of words there, Jeff.

    Popeye – You know, I just watched the last three episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion, and that wasn’t as much of a mindfuck as any given Popeye storyline.

    RMMD – So is the dark truth here that Foster discovered the secret to enslavement of the human mind through fiction, or what?

    SM – Wait, are they doing that old “take my hand, adventure!” meme thing?

  52. Mibbitmaker
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#29):
    Grey Matters: Oh, goody, a strip that panders to a demographic. MUST SYNDICATE! MUST SYNDICATE!

    And if that guy was in his teens in the late ’70s, I hate this strip already. I’ll really worry, though, if this guy says, at any point in this strip’s run, “Who’s this Kristen Wiig everyone’s talking about? I’m still getting used to Bill Murray replacing Chevy!”

    Just what we need: another modern-era Funky Winkerbean / upper middle age Zits!

    Oh, and another already-working editorial cartoonist gets another strip? Not a new up-and-comer (don’t know about the other guy credited with this thing)? Oh, well, since newspapers are dying anyhow….

  53. AhClem
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#51):

    Agnes – “Interpretive Bible ballet.” Suddenly I want to see Agnes performing to 666 by Aphrodite’s Child more than anything in the world.

    Ummagumma, Tarkus, 666. By any chance, is there a worm hole joining my record collection to yours? Until today, I didn’t know anybody who had even heard of that album before.

  54. A different JD
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Personally, I preferred the meddling, judgemental Mary Worth of old to the smiling, sermonizing current model. Look at her vacant smile and empty eyes and tell me you’d accept a glass of Kool-Aid from her hand!

  55. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @AhClem (#53): You know, it is a little odd…

    (I found it through the Vangelis connection, who I was investigating because he was mentioned in the Wikipedia article on Olias of Sunhillow…)

  56. lorne
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Is Funky Winkerbean getting out of a TARDIS?
    Get ready for the worst season of Doctor Who ever!
    “We can go anywhere in time and space and do anything! Let’s go to the local pizza place and mope about death!”

  57. Jason D.
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Attempting to inspire false hope in your neighbor, while simultaneously reducing your best friend to tears through the same prank? Now THAT’S menacing, kid! Your Dark Lord will be most pleased!

  58. The Ridger
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#52): Well, they’re pandering (if they’re pandering) to the demographic that actually buys newspapers, so are you surprised?

  59. This Guy
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    If Batiuk were teaching a writing workshop about not using “As you know, Bob” exposition, this strip would be an ideal cautionary example.

    Funny how today’s Pardon My Planet makes better use of Marvel heroes than any day’s Amazing Spider-Man.

    @commodorejohn (#51): [RE Eva] Congratulations.

  60. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#59): Where’s the penguin? It’s not a real ending unless there’s a penguin that remains utterly and completely unexplained through the course of the entire damn story!

  61. Lee
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Is Funky emerging from his TARDIS?

  62. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#25) on Apartment 3-G: Don’t forget the sandwiches! You can’t frolic and fly kites without lots and lots of mayo sandwiches!

    @Chip Whittle (#29): I may forward this factoid over to Mr. Weber Jr. It could be the answer to one of the Slylock Fox Mysteries. “Someone messed up the Forest Porta-Potty. Slylock suspects the hippo. Why?”

  63. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft— Yes, it’s an awful pun, but let’s just be grateful that Ralph doesn’t own a Nook.

    MW— “Epiphany” is Mary’s code word for “orgasm”.

  64. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Speed Bump I read somewhere that the most famous New Yorker cartoon ever was, “On the Internet, no one knows your a dog”.

    It this evolving into its own – trope, meme, category, genre – what’s the right word? Like the tiny desert island with one palm tree cartoon thing?

  65. This Guy
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#60): He’s one of those warm-water penguins. What’s not to understand?

  66. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @AhClem (#53):

    I heard “The Four Horsemen” on satellite radio (“Deep Tracks”) a few years back, and had to run home and find the whole album.

  67. Calico
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#55):
    Nice to have other proggers here! : )
    I have “Chariots of Fire” which is a little schmaltzy at times but also has its beautiful bits. I also liked the Vangelis-Jon Anderson project from the early ’80′s.

  68. Calico
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#63):
    You wrote
    MW— “Epiphany” is Mary’s code word for “orgasm”.

    But, for her, in less than 5 minutes? Really?! Um, wow.

  69. Binder's Butter Beans
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    As a published author, Les should know better than to exposit all over his readers like that.

    But he isn’t a good author, so I’m going to let it slide. This time.

  70. Señor Tortilla
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Luann: The last panel would’ve been better with blood all over Brad’s face, and Toni ‘shopped out.

    Marvin: That’s a pretty cruel parody. What did Guy Fieri ever do to deserve this?

    ZtP: AAARGH

  71. Ned Ryerson
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    JP: Okay, is this just a coda to the April and the Saudis storyline, or is this further “intrigue”? If it’s the latter, it’s totally lost on me because the intrigue ship sailed 12-16 months ago. Can we go back to the Blender Blasters or the Road Queen?

    A3G: Somebody call the ASPCA Special Victims Unit!

  72. Gringo
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    did my mind maybe erase the elaborate Les-Cayla wedding

    No, Josh, Les is just waiting for Cayla’s latest oncology results before he sets the date. Then he can also start on his next book, Prognosis: Negative.

  73. Gringo
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Awchie: After you’re done caddying for Mr. Lodge, Archie, Judge Smails wants you to come over to his house and mow his lawn. Stay away from his niece, but you can loofah the missus’s stretch marks.

  74. Gringo
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @Crankenstank (#4): The true existential hellpit of the Funkiverse is that, it’s ALL ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL and NO IT DOESN’T GET ANY BETTER

    So, in a way, we are all graduates of Westview High. Well, the majority of people from my hometown, anyway.

  75. odinthor
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    DtM. — Joey weeps at being disencumbered of the thought that Dennis would be leaving soon. Cheer up, Joey! Mr. Wilson will gladly show you how to use a chain-saw!

    Herman. — While we do say that the clarinet is a soulful instrument, we don’t mean it’s supposed to go in for a scoop.

    MW. — “Mary, if you don’t take your finger out of my nose, you’ll have a major epiphany within five minutes. Not to mention snot on your pinkie.”

    Momma. —Credit where Credit is Due Dept.: Lazarus realized that he had to include a price-tag on the dress in order to forestall questions of why Francis evidently had a dress in his closet. Well done.

    RMMD. — “This is some book… I can’t put it down,” said Rex nervously, the report of the presence of a naked woman in the house prompting immediate defensive measures.

    Spidey. — The Asgard Idiom Protection League wishes to remind Thor that said he should have, “Earth our goal is!—or Doom, if too late we are!”.

  76. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    ASM – Written by an eight year old. Applying logic to a plot that is clearly made up as they go along is usually futile, but I’ll try:

    Travel to Asgard will kill a mortal. (This was the original claim, now apprently revised to “spending too much time at the gates of Asgard will eventually kill a mortal.)
    MJ is a mortal.
    Thus, MJ is dying.

    But … Peter Parker is a mortal, and is not dying.
    Peter Parker is not an ordinary mortal, because he has proportional abilities of a spider.
    Thus, Peter Parker has the proportional tolerance for interdimensional travel of a spider.
    Thus, spiders have a tolerance for interdimensional travel.

    This conculsion is consistent with my life-long belief that spiders and cats are both only 3-dimensional manifestations of much more complex and advanced creatures. This is why I take in strays, and carefully escort spiders back outside when they get into the house.

  77. Gringo
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#29): Gray Matters: Hey, cool, a new comic strip that finally speaks to the rapidly-approaching-death Baby Boomer demographic! That’s an under-explored field!

    The rapid approach of death is addressed daily by Batiuk in his various strips.

    Snark aside, I do miss The Elderberries.

  78. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I am somewhat amused that in all of these goings on, the guy has absolutely no part in this other than to be a sperm-donor. About par for the course, I suppose, for the way this strip is written.

  79. The Ridger
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#78): Yeah, I wonder if he was even notified that Edda was leaving the country? (Or her boss, but then again it’s just more reason to fire her!)

  80. Gringo
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Funky: So how soon until Saint Lisa calls the bus station courtesy phone and warns Les not to get on that doomed motor coach?!

  81. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#68) said: “But, for her, in less than 5 minutes? Really?! Um, wow.”

    I’m guessing that beneath her mantle of icy meddlesomeness, Mary is a hot little number.

  82. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    For Better or for Yada Yada: And so again Lynn shows that she has more in common with Gordon Ramsey than with an actual, human mother — although I guess we can award her some motherhood points for not actually screaming obscenities at her child.

    Momma: In keeping with yesterday’s discussion of cowbells and the Monkees — Francis just went through the door into summer.

    Judge Parker: In some comics, the glacial pacing can be annoying, but I’m willing to hang around this particular rooftop for as long as the artists want.

  83. greghousesgf
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#53): I’ve heard that album but I’m a big music geek.

  84. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#75): I laughed the unironic laugh at your Mary Worth comment.

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#81): You know, I can live the rest of my life without contemplating what’s under Mary Worth’s mantle.

  85. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @lorne (#56), @Lee (#61): I suspect lorne and Lee of being played by Brent Spiner — like Lore and Data on Star Trek: TNG.

  86. JH Pants
    April 2nd, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    What’s the deal with Mark Trail’s hair today? The floppy 80s style bangs stand for everything that he has vowed to fight against. At least, I’m assuming that’s Mark in the plane. The implications of a Mark Trail wanna-be frighten and confuse me.

  87. Calico
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#82):
    Hell, from the videos I’ve seen, Gordon is a gentle loving giant with his children (making Xmas goodies and such), and I never heard anything about putting only one goddamn raisin on each cookie/biscuit. Gaaaaahhhh Foob.

  88. Shrug
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    9 CHICKWEED LANE: “Mah phnk mum phongminh”? Is that what the kids are calling it these days (or if not the kids, at least the ninety-year-old Nazihumpers)?

    JUMP START — Had an apparent call out to Heinlein’s “The Roads Must Roll” last week, which no snarkers seem to have picked up on.

    And POOCH CAFE today features an asylum staff member who refers to the inmates as “nutjobs.” No snark, just a double take…

  89. AhClem
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#55):
    “Olias of Sunhillow” — Another one to add to the list!

  90. Mark B.
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Lee (#61): @lorne (#56): I’m glad to see I wasn’t the only one who had that thought. If only Rose or Amy would be worked into the episode, I’d be more interested.

  91. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Heart the younger, dear, “Dill” is short for “Dillweed.” It’s not a compliment in case you were wondering.

    Another anxiety joined my Anxiety Closet: trapped on a clown-operated airliner.

    Plugger with a cell phone? Cheah, right. It probably fell into the toilet when he bent over to flush.

    By the way, am I the only one who can’t wait to see how Mr. War Porn reacts to Mr. War Almost-Casualty in Doonesbury?

  92. Illustrator Steve
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    MT – I see Ranger Tom Martin and his forestry service pilot are both wearing dress shirts and neckties as work attire while they conduct the arial survey in their single engine Piper Cub. ……WHAT the hell is this, 1950?!!

  93. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    I never thought I’d live to see the day: alphabet poop! [*]

  94. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    MT I like the way Shaggy McDealer is holding his pot stem so reverently. Oh, wait, that must be a palm frond, left over from Palm Sunday.

    MW Good move, Televangelist Johnny Thomas! He knows that to be convincing, you must raise your hands and cast your eyes heavenward as you pour out your public contrition. And in spite of what Mary says, five minutes is not enough. He has a text prepared for a good hour-and-a-half.

    @Kibo (#35): Those things have slowly been getting less and less “L”-shaped. Someday they’ll be giant zigzaggy scribbles that take over the strip completely.

    And that’s how we got “Coach Anal.”

  95. Shrug
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#92):

    Casual dress was acceptable as long as it was Lost Forest; now that’s it’s being thoroughly mapped from the air the name is about to change to Found Forest, and they have dressed up for the impending renaming ceremony.

  96. Poteet
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#Y128): @wossname (#Y86): @Nehemiah Scudder (#Y83): Thank you very much for the impresssive lessons on punctuation. Never came close, any class I had. Never a class did I have that even came close. Never did I have a class that even came close. There.

  97. Dood
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: OK, so Funky’s driving them to meet the bus that’s taking them to the nation’s capital. Who’s driving the bus, Ed Crankshaft?

  98. mumbles
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Crank: So Crankshaft’s response to a bad pun is a cup of hot coffee in the face? I’m ready for a ‘Shaft-Funky crossover storyline, pleace.

  99. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#88):

    JUMP START — Had an apparent call out to Heinlein’s “The Roads Must Roll” last week, which no snarkers seem to have picked up on.

    I doubt it was a call-out, since the writers of Jump Start seemed to think it was a viable and lasting solution. Heinlein knew better — even with the added technological breakthrough of Shipstone batteries to power it. And, of course, he also dramatically showed the chaos that could happen with either a malfunction or a labour strike.

  100. odinthor
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#96): The Asgard Idiom Protection League suggests, after consultation heated, “Had never I a class that close came.”

  101. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#29):

    Mutt and Jeff: Speaking of cross-dressing, Bud Fisher here reminds us that nobody really knew how to pace a joke in the comics before Charles Schulz came along, did they?

    I think it was Robertson Davies in A Voice from the Attic who talked about the change of comedic pacing over the years, pointing out that they often reached the punchline, and then carried on for several sentences, or even paragrahs, just to make sure everyone got the point.

  102. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 2nd, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): And just to prove I’m not entirely an OCD editor, I’m not even going to mention your little slip. Nope. Not a word. Nada. Uh uh. Ziltch.

    I will, however, mention that “Ziltch” takes us back to another Monkees piece entirely without cowbells.

  103. bats :[
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

  104. The Ridger
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @JH Pants (#86): No, that’s Ranger Tom – Ranger Tom Martin, that is.

  105. bats :[
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#67): hooray for the Friends of Mr. Cairo!

    (Oh, and I thought DtM was so incredibly sad today. There is little worse than a heartbroken child, even silly little Joey, who doesn’t deserve this.)

  106. Gringo
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @JH Pants (#86): That’s not Mark, that’s Time-Jump Rusty!

  107. Dood
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Archie:Archie, you’ll get nothing, and like it!

  108. Dood
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: Is the girl a young Margo, just beginning to learn the art of menacing? “Someday, I’ll own an art gallery and an apartment building!”

  109. ironflange
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    FW: Better save a seat on the bus for Lisa’s creepy ghost.

  110. Dennis Jimenez
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#107): The world needs ditch diggers, too, Archie….

  111. Dood
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#110): How about a Fresca, Archie?

  112. tallyHO
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    I’m just gonna come right out and say what everyone is thinking but with which no one else seems to be acknowledging:

    There’s going to be a “Crisis on Infinite Funkies” some time in the future. This event will involve “Crankshaft”. How it will all end? I don’t know. For God’s sake, it can occur soon enough!!

    I’ll admit that until today I didn’t realize that the title character, Funky Winkerbean himself, is still alive. I just thought was some old dude, like Les’ uncle or something. I thought the strip is still called “Funky Winkerbean” because it was some ironic, non-humorous take on the title “Peanuts”.

    A multi-comic strip Crisis event is the only way to solve this 40 year conundrum of unfunniness.

    And, just to be certain, is there any other strip which might be a part of this grand scale re-mix in a vain attempt at creating funny, endearing comic strips?

  113. Poteet
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#100): I like it!

  114. Liam
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace-If you want to do a prank you should put crime scene tape up in front of the house instead of a “For Sale” sign.

    Archie-The sad part is that Mr. Lodge will want Archie to carry the clubs up his butt.

    MW-Poor Jeff will never have the epiphany that he needs to dump Mary and start going out with someone younger, prettier, and more open minded than Mary.

  115. Poteet
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    A3G — I realize CC attention is currently focused on that poor background dog, and I support all proposals for intervention. However, I want to point out for the record that Nina’s hair seems to have grown at least four inches in the past two weeks or so, and that is Just. Not. Right.

  116. Poteet
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    MT — Wood ducks are beautifully colorful when they haven’t been spray-painted muddy brown by paranoid pot growers who think they are tiny airplanes.

  117. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#65): You know, when you put it that way…when I watch Rebuild I’m going to be thinking of him as a displaced Antarctic immigrant, with a running monologue kvetching about the way they did things in the Old Country…

    @AhClem (#89): Hah, let’s see… Chris Squire, Fish out of Water? Steve Hackett, Voyage of the Acolyte? Sally Oldfield, Water Bearer? Focus III? Starcastle, Starcastle and Fountains of Light? Renaissance, Novella?

  118. Government Cheese
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Man did Brad screw up. Doesn’t he know he shouldn’t take advice from the person who burned down his house?

  119. Anonymous
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury – Ok, so he said yes. Kinda stoked to see Leo beat the crap out of Half Uncle Jeff.

    Luann – I don’t know if I feel sorrier for B-wad or Toni. Wait, I feel sorriest for us.

    MW – It’s Holy Week with Mary! If I smear newsprint ink on my door, will her meddling biddyness pass me over?

  120. pugfuggly
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    FW I can hardly wait the four months until Batiuk releases his new strip: “When Summer turns to Autumn: a young girl’s desperate attempt to leave behind the malignant misery of her former life, only to find out it has already clawed its way into her soul and has infected everyone or anything she cares about

    Archie‘s smile in panel 1 suggests that he doesn’t seem to know how his own sentence will end, and is genuinely disapointed when he hears his own voice delivering the punch line. Is there a name for a mental condition like that…?

  121. Dramman
    April 2nd, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Funky: I so cant wait for the awkward joke about the Washington Monument between Les and Cayla: Cayla: “Wow thats impressive!” Les: Cayla: “Your nice to honey!” Les: Cayla: “I am dying in six months”

  122. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#115): Manhattan fresh air causes hair to grow. Dan Diller was clean-shaven when he started walking from the recording studio to the bar for reuben, reuben, reuben! Sandwich, that is.

    @Anonymous (#119): I’m waiting for the smackdown, too. The real soldier versus the fictitious one.

  123. pugfuggly
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @lorne (#56):

    “We can go anywhere in time and space and do anything! Let’s go to the local pizza place and mope about death!”

    “Hey, remember that time the Daleks invaded earth and Les just hid in the TARDIS and pissed himself? Good times…”

  124. Liam
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-June, you better help Iris out of the tub. She’s going to be naked and wet and slipping in the tub would be a terrible way to go. It would be a shame if she slipped and you weren’t there to catch her.

  125. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#102): Dang! I’m glad you didn’t mention that. Your You’re a pal!

  126. Weaselboy
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Most golfers don’t use “golf” as a verb. They say “play golf.”

  127. Les Moore Fan Club, LLC
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    I must register my disappointment with Mr. Batiuk for not inviting me back for the 40th Anniversary photo shoot. He found room for all those minor characters who never contribute to the story action, yet omitted me, ME, who had a significant role as a Love Interest for Les.

    I’m sorry not to have been able to post here since the Valentines Day Incident. Who knew that 5 lbs of chocolate would put one in a coma?! What with the hospitalization and the subsequent psychiatric evaluation I have been pretty much “tied up” so to speak. But I’ll have more free time now after being fired from my job.

    Here’s hoping Cayla drowns in the Tidal Basin!

    Yours in recovery,
    Susan Smith, President

  128. Calico
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#105):
    Awwww!
    I have an old DtM comic (magazine? digest that is hard to read at my age? Have to check) where something merges in the universe and Joey’s favorite TV idol, Cowboy Bob, says a big “Howdy!” to Joey during his show, and Joey faints watching the broadcast. It’s during Xmas season and is actually really cute. I’ll try to dredge it up and get it scanned.

  129. UncleJeff
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury: “War porn” is a wonderful description of what Jeff Redfern does.

  130. Liam
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    FW-Summer, your life will never start. Sure you think you can get away from home when you leave for college, if you can go to an out of state college, but eventually the siren songs of home and mediocrity will eventually call you back.

    Spiderman-Wouldn’t it be easier if I just tap my heels together and say, “There is no place like home.” I’ve already reached my limit of physical activity for this story and couldn’t face Doom.

  131. gnome de blog
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Dear Mr. Greg Evans,
    You can still save the strip. It’s not to late. Honest.

    However, to do so you must emulate both your idols by simultaneously making a Batiukian fast-forward and a Johnstonian rewind:

    1. Marry off Brad ‘n Toni.
    2. Acknowledge that Shannon is Toni’s daughter, not her niece.
    3. Jump ahead enough years so Shannon is about 10 years old.
    4. Have another kid, maybe about a 4-year-old Gunther, only not creepy.

    This will allow you to get out of the corner you’ve painted yourself into because you can’t handle adult themes. You can repeat the best days of the strip, which were Luann’s junior high and early high school years. This time, don’t let the Aaron Hill character ever get involved. He remains an ethereal ideal, like the Girl in the White T-Bird. You jumped the shark the day you allowed Aaron to acknowledge Luann’s existence.

    Luann, now Mrs. Barney Google, can remain the title character.

  132. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#130):

    FW – You misunderestimate Summer’s ballin’ skillz! That scholarship to Wright State is just the beginning. Four years and two first-round exits from the NCAA Tournament later, she will be taking home WNBA money. That mid-five-figure annual salary is her ticket out of Westview and a future as night manager at Montoni’s

  133. odinthor
    April 2nd, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    #102. FLM.

    [...] I’m not even going to mention your [Nehemiah's] little slip.

    I will be brief. There is entirely too much (non-) discussion of Curmudgeon undies today.

  134. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#131): Gad, can you imagine the children of that coupling? Goo-goo-googly eyes and Luann. Nope, don’t wanna see that.

  135. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Ooh, nice. Not only making his best friend cry, but faking remorse afterwards. That’s got to be worse a fair number of menace points.

    Archie: Considering how much competition there must be for the handsomely-tipped caddy jobs at the Riverdale Country Club, I think I’ll keep my crying towel in the linen closet.

    S-M: If Spidey is alarmed that his traveling companion considers doom to be a worthy goal in itself, no one will blame him (in this particular narrow circumstance.) Viking fatalism takes some getting used to.

    9CL: Edda’s dialogue balloon is filled with erections, which seems about right.

    Phantom: I’m going to assume that “Mexico certainly seemed like a good idea,” is supposed to be funny and congratulate him on a job well done.

    MT: Somehow the world still isn’t beating a path to Tommy and Butch’s door even after Charles Nelson Reilly made a quickie documentary about them. Hence, Tommy taking part in Lost Forest’s first pot-growing ring in almost six months.

    MW: Seeing the expression on Mary’s face, I’d recommend Jeff not drink anything at her place until he can get it to a lab.

    H&J: The Mulder and Scully of mediocre comic strips no one really reads – to quote a Joshism – are back not at it.

    OBH: Oh James, don’t ask questions like that. You wouldn’t like the answer.

    M-Dawg: Congratulations, princess. You just gave a burglar tips on how to distract the dog. This is where the “don’t talk to strangers” rule comes from.

    A3G: How anyone could get more relaxed when they’re near a man doing that to his dog is beyond me.

  136. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#102): This error that you were kind enough not to mention, is a symptom of a curious problem I have, and I suspect it may be common, but maybe not. I’m a touch typist, a pretty good one, or at least pretty fast. I’m also a bit of a stickler for grammar and spelling. But my fingers don’t seem to be aware of that. I will mess up practically any homonym possible when I’m typing quickly. My brain to finger circuitry seems to be entirely phonetic, and strangely bypasses my perfectly functional grammar and spelling circuitry. I’ll type “wood” when I mean “would”, or “won” for “one”, “wright” for “right”, and of course “your” for “you’re”, and any of the above vice versa.

    It’s crazy, I know better, but my fingers don’t. I have to edit anything I write extremely carefully. Usually I’ll spot the problems right away, and of course I can spot other people’s errors like an owl on a juicy young rodent.

    I used to like WordPerfect’s grammar checker because it would automatically flag any homonym. That was a little annoying, when I got it right, but it saved me from looking like a fool many times when I got it wrong. MS Word doesn’t check homonyms so thoroughly; it usually flags me for sentence fragments and passive voice. I don’t care about that so much: If I write a sentence fragment or use the passive, it is because I want to do so, it is a deliberate choice.

    But hey, maybe it’s the keyboard. Things just went to hell when IBM got away from the clicky keyboard and put the F keys on the top instead of on the side where God intended them.

  137. Old School Allie Cat
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#119): Serves me right for cleaning the porn off my cache. That was me.

  138. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#136): The F-keys on the side? On that steam-powered PC, did you use 30 or 60 minute cassette tapes to store your programs?

  139. The Ridger
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#136): It’s quite common, actually (or should that be “by Grabthat’s Hammer”?). All kinds of people do it. That’s why copy-editors (sub-editors, for our British friends) should never be let go from any publication that wants to maintain its standards.

  140. Shrug
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#137):

    “Serves me right for cleaning the porn off my cache.”

    Or maybe *that’s* what you kids are calling it these days….. ?

  141. Spotts1701
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#118): He knows. But much like Bart Simpson and the electrified cupcakes, he does not retain the knowledge.

  142. gnome de blog
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#134):
    Well, there is an alternative scenario, but we’d have to change the strip’s name to “The Secret Life of Miss Phelps.”

  143. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#133): I will be brief.

    Ba-dum-PISH!

  144. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#139): Grabthat’s Hammer may as well be Thor’s hammer’s name for all it’s done in this storyline.

  145. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#142): Yuh, that’s a secret I’d rather not know.

  146. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#136): I’ve heard of those sorts of mistypings described as “thinkos” (suggesting that it’s a thinking error, not a typing error). I tend to view it as evidence that my fingers do, in some fashion, have a brain of their own. It’s what makes it possible to do things like knit and read at the same time.

    That said, it’s a little disturbing to think about what my fingers might say one day when I’m not paying attention…

  147. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#120):

    Archie‘s smile in panel 1 suggests that he doesn’t seem to know how his own sentence will end, and is genuinely disapointed when he hears his own voice delivering the punch line. Is there a name for a mental condition like that…?

    Self-awareness?

  148. KreatureFeatures
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    I look at today’s Mark Trail, and I see three episodes of Love Is.
    Panel 1: Love is … asking if he needs another flyover.
    Panel 2: Love is … doting on the children.
    Panel 3: Love is … going back together to the places you missed.

  149. Marc
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#97): If it means that the bus will go careening over the side of a cliff then I’m totally on board with Cranky driving.

  150. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#114):

    Dennis the Menace-If you want to do a prank you should put crime scene tape up in front of the house instead of a “For Sale” sign.

    This will work best if one or both of your parents will be away for the week.

  151. Marc
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#132): And vault her right into a slightly hight mid 5 figure salary as the night manager at an Indiana Pizza Hut.

  152. Marc
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    …….and by hight I meant to write higher.

  153. Jamus The Bartender
    April 2nd, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: Oh, so THAT’s Mayor Melba. I forgot how hot she was. Damn.

    Mary Worth: I’m not sure what’s worse. Mary Worth defending a televangelist named John Thomas…I mean, there’s only one way that can go. It’s like naming your kid Jarvis or Jeeves, it’s pretty much off to butler school for them….but I digress. Are we gonna see any more of Nola, or is this it for her?

    Hi and Lois: “I hope mommy doesn’t get arrested for being a thief”. That’s pretty much my evening prayer, sweetie.

    Luann: Ohh, you are so very, very, very, very, very, very stupid, Brad. And everyone knows it. But it bears repeating.

  154. Sgt. Stoned
    April 2nd, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Trigger it”? Mary Worth, shill for the NRA. And, btw, the sleazy televangelist theme would be quite topical if it were, oh, 1988.

  155. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#138): The F-keys on the side? On that steam-powered PC, did you use 30 or 60 minute cassette tapes to store your programs? IBM did have an optional cassette storage thing, didn’t they? I used cassettes on my first real, that I owned myself, computer, a TI-99 4A. At work I was using 8 inch floppies on a Commodore Business Machine. I quit computer science at school when they wanted us to load COBOL programs on IBM punch cards. I tried it once, got a couple of cards out of order in my program, and decided this technology was too obsolete to bother with.

    // The analog computer I used in the Navy wasn’t actually steam powered, but you DID have to hand crank it to just the right speed to allow the electric motor to synchronize with the gears. You had to be careful to hit the sweet spot – not everyone could do it.

  156. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 2nd, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#136):
    I’m much the same — my fingers tend to deal with certain words in their own fashion. One of my worst problems is “it’s” and “its,” even when I’m actively thinking about it and telling myself to be careful. But I also tend to go beyond mere homonyms and screw up words by typing something that is one or two words beyond the actual word I’m typing — if it starts with the same letters or sounds. For instance, if I’m meaning to type, “There is something looney about the Luann comic strip,” I may well end up typing, “There is something Luann comic strip” or “There is something Luann about looney strip.”

    Hard to explain, and hard to make happen in my mind for an illustration.

    But the more important thing, of course, is — WORDPERFECT! WordPerfect 5.1 could do things that MS Word 2007 still can’t do, and apparently never even thought of. Their spell checker also had some features I’ve never seen in any other, including the ability to search for words when you knew roughly what you were looking for, but couldn’t quite remember. You could use wildcards to replace the unknown letters.

    And the other thing — I had completely forgotten about the F keys along the side. It’s been that long. It certainly did away with the problem of reaching for a number and suddenly having your screen go wonky because you went a tad too high and hit some bizarre function.

    (Side note: Okay, this whole thing is a side note, but one Valentine’s Day, around 1991 or so, one of the secretaries made me a card that said, “You have Alt F8.” I cherished that card and may still have it around somewhere.)

  157. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#155): Ah, the TI-99…probably the saddest case of a neat CPU shackled to a crap board I know of…

  158. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#156): Bleargh, Office hasn’t been worthwhile since 2003, and even then it was no great shakes. Now our work computers are loaded down with Office 2007 and I have to hunt around their stupid toddler activity center interface for thirty seconds just to find things I used to be able to find in the old (a.k.a. the real) menu in two.

    At least I’m the sort of person who uses a text editor for everything outside of work (and, for the most part, inside.)

  159. Government Cheese
    April 2nd, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#141): Nice reference. I am reminded of the Simpsons episode in which the family goes into the Federal Witness Protection Program, and Homer has a hard time remembering his new name.

  160. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 2nd, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#39):

    Very cool!

    I looked at it using Firefox and Explorer 8 with my PC at work, and then with iOS Safari with my Verizon iPhone 4 which gives me an “error” that says that I’ve exceed my month Verizon bandwith gap!

    I’ll need to check it out at home with my Macbook using Firefox and Safari…

  161. CanuckDownSouth
    April 2nd, 2012 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#160): so far I’ve found that Seamonkey is amusingly like Explorer, while Firefox, Chrome and Opera are all interestingly different. Dunno if I’ll get a chance to find a computer with Safari…

  162. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#156): I keep a copy of WP6.0 for DOS loaded on one of my computers, but I hardly ever use it. WordPerfect used to be available for Linux for free, but that went away, and I never tried it. The Windows versions of WP always seemed slow and clunky, compared to MS Word. When I first started with PCs, WordStar was the thing, though. I couldn’t afford the $495 price of course, but I used a really nice shareware clone called Galaxy for several years. I used to know all those strange WordStar short cut keystrokes designed for keyboards without F keys.

    But I loved WordPerfect, especially the F11 (or Alt-F3) Reveal Codes feature. You could tell exactly what was happening on the page. And programming macros was easy, as you mentioned in a post awhile back. I hated it when, almost overnight, govt and industry made us Shift-F3 to MS Word.

  163. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#50):

    Cool Easter eggs?

    I don’t see that with Firefox – I see one with the Northern Lights, and one with a long snake with Explorer 8, and the “error” message with my iPhone.

  164. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    MT (3/30) – That’s quite the large windshield and roomy cockpit for such a small plane! Maybe it’s really a Tardis disguised in chameleon mode……

  165. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#163): Tragically, Mosaic keeps crashing on this computer, so I have no idea if Randall was thorough enough to get to that…

  166. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#158): I am impressed with Excel 2007 – lots of useful improvements there in the engine. The interface…. well, you know. There are add-ins, as I’m sure you’re aware, that allow you to use 2003 menus too for all the MS Office programs. I can’t think of the one I was using, but I can probably find it if you were interested. Worked good. I made the company I was working for at the time pay for it, too. Only $50 bucks or so, but it was a matter of principle. I told them: I’ve used every version of MS Office since back when it was in DOS. The menu structure didn’t change between 1993 and 2003. I used to be an expert in this, but now you’ve upgraded to Office 2007, and I find I’m a newbie who doesn’t even know how to save a file.

    I got used to it eventually, but I was mad as hell at the time. Why, oh why, didn’t MS have a “classic menu” option? It was not only stupid not including that, it showed a basic contempt for their customers.

    // Not that that was any surprise.

    // Linux, baby!

  167. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#76):

    This conculsion is consistent with my life-long belief that spiders and cats are both only 3-dimensional manifestations of much more complex and advanced creatures. This is why I take in strays, and carefully escort spiders back outside when they get into the house.

    Then I should be good to go, considering how spoiled our cats are and the fact that I don’t like to squish spiders and avoid doing so.

    But my cats will eat spiders, (not to mention Garfield who is notorious for squatting them) so I’m not sure what that all means.

  168. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#166): I’d investigate that option, but I expect our sysadmin would get all antsy and wave around his NSA trade mags or something… (Yes, really.) Fortunately I don’t have to use it often enough for it to be more than a damned nuisance…

    (As to the reasoning, I can only imagine that the “ribbon” was the first sign of someone letting a team of flunked art students who think they’re interface designers loose in the building, and now they’ve gone on to decide that the next desktop OS needs to actually be a tablet OS, with similar contempt towards anybody who would dare disagree…)

  169. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#167): The affairs of cats and spiders are not meant for mortal minds to contemplate.

  170. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#163): Ok, what I got:

    Chrome (Linux and Win): Cartoon about earthquakes in Alabama. No easter eggs that I can see.
    Firefox (Linux): Cartoon about a snake. Easter egg is that it changes when you Ctrl-plus or minus to change the screen size.
    Win Explorer: Just a picture of a vortex or something. Nothing else I can find.
    Android smartphone: Same as Win Explorer.

    Is anyone out there using a Mac?

  171. gnome de blog
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#145):
    Greg Evans only sees Miss Phelps’ prude-spinter side. She looks completely different weeknights at the Holiday Inn lounge.

  172. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#157):

    Remember the Timex Sinclair 1000?

    They make great door wedges!

  173. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#158): vi (only because I lost my copy of edlin), Lotus 1-2-3 emulation in Excel2K, and Word/Outlook2k for me. Upgrades are usually unnecessary and pointless.

  174. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170): Alabama? I’ve got one about earthquakes in Minnesota…did that sneaky bastard recycle the setup for state-specific punchlines?

  175. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#166): I’ll do you one better…. I used to be an MS-certified expert in Office2000 — even used to make spare change teaching Office on the side. Now, I’ll be damned if I can find the spell-checker anywhere.

    I’m more of a Linux user these days, but I can’t get away from Office completely — so I keep a copy of Office2000 running with WINE on my Ubuntu laptop. It works pretty well for the most part — even my wife can use it without issue.

  176. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170): I see that browser standards are still in flux…

    You can test a bunch of browsers with this: http://browsershots.org/

  177. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#174): Ha! I was wondering about that! I’ll bet he did. (But what would it do if you logged in in California?)

  178. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#172): My first real computer was an Atari 400. Great hardware, bad keyboard.

  179. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170): Firefox (Mac): A cartoon about the Lincoln memorial?

  180. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#176):

    There were already 226 screenshot requests for this website today.
    Please create a user account for more screenshot quota.

    Interesting.

  181. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#179): Really? Is it titled “Umwelt”?

  182. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): Yep, that’s it, here’s one for New Jersey…

  183. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 2nd, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#180): Darn…

    Anyway, my point was that there are exploits that take advantage of the different ways each browser renders the HTML standards. I can’t remember the site, but there is a test site that you can test your browser on that is supposed to display a 100×100 square with a dot in the center. Very few browsers get it right, though.

    Or, you can program a site so that it responds differently to each browser tag that it receives. Did anybody try seeing what Lynx responds with (maybe some ASCII art, perhaps?)?

  184. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#183): Links gives nothing, sadly. Haven’t tried ELinks or Lynx…

  185. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#182): Huh. An earthquake vs. hurricane reference for NJ, but e. vs. tornado for Alabama (and, I assume, MN too?). Our Randall has been very busy!

  186. Mibbitmaker
    April 2nd, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#58): Quite the contrary. It’s predictable.

  187. demoncat
    April 2nd, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    fw. less and funkys smile are saying yes we are coming along to make sure you have no fun summer. dtm. not only did denis prove that he is cruel when he makes Joey cry over his fake sign but Joey will not be alone for mr.wilson will also be on the curb crying when he learns it was all an april fools joke. Mary worth. Mary is smiling still because she knows not only is nola about to come around but John the televangilsit will soon also be in her power

  188. CanuckDownSouth
    April 2nd, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170): wow – totally different.

    TWO different Firefoxes gave “guy worried about earthquake, CA girl nonchalant, few months later she thinks she’ll die of cold” (could this be due to an MN IP??)

    an Explorer: guys outside: “too quiet” they end with “two quiet, two furious” or something like that

    I think it was Seamonkey: like explorer, but the middle panel is stretched waaayyy out and there’s a velociraptor at the far end

    I think Opera had the girl weirded out by looking past the guy at a bajillion tiny galaxies

    And now I’m trying to remember Chrome…

  189. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#185): Minnesota has a punchline about winter weather.

  190. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 2nd, 2012 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#162): WordPerfect’s epitome was 5.1 — which, as I recall, was still working on DOS — although as I think about it, there may have been a Windows version as well. And as much as I hate MS for the forced Shift F3, WordPerfect shares some of the blame for having released version 6, which was not only clunky, but had more bugs than a Calcutta whore house.

    And yes, the “Reveal Codes” function was a life-saver. When I first started using Word I complained about the lack of this function to some Word expert, who then proudly directed me to that stupid “Show/Hide Formatting” button that lets you see where the paragraph breaks are.

    Wow.

    No, really. Wow.

    If using WordPerfect’s “Reveal Codes” was like being a surgeon with all the latest technology, then Word’s “Show/Hide Formatting” is like playing Milton Bradley’s Operation with a pair of locking pliers.

    While wearing oven mittens.

    Blindfolded.

    Following a successful lobotomy.

    After reading three months of Mark Trail in one sitting.

    (See? This comment is comics-related.)

    PS: Do you remember Displaywrite?

  191. CanuckDownSouth
    April 2nd, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    oh, yes – Chrome had the aurora “didja see anything – just clouds”

  192. wossname
    April 2nd, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#136): Yes yes yes, happens to me ALL the time, and I’m just as much of a grammar and spelling stickler as you are. I suspect this doesn’t happen to sticklers under 30, but that’s just a theory.

    For me, it raises some really interesting questions about how our brains work (and how our fingers respond to them) — similar to the way, when I’m trying to think of a word, and it’s totally eluding me, I often know what letter it starts with. How the hell does the brain file stuff?

  193. Mustang
    April 2nd, 2012 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    Sure kid . . . if your idea of adult life includes the Les sitting on the floor in front of a TV in your dorm room exclaiming “This is the tape where Lisa’s going to talk about how you don’t want to eat the muffins in the cafeteria because they have like 500 calories. Cayla, come watch this! Life doesn’t get better than this!”

  194. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#190): I never had problems with WP 6.0, and it fixed my main complaint about 5.1 (the limitation of only having three documents open simultaneously). At the time, I was revising hundreds of Navy test procedures, pretty much from the ground up, using Word Perfect 5.1, Harvard Graphics 3, and Lotus 1-2-3 v.2.1. When WP6.0 came out with that improvement, I bought it on the spot (my own dime! a first almost, though I was able to wrangle the “upgrade” discount, a 100 bucks instead of 500) and it increased my productivity enormously. (BION, I actually got a Navy Achievement Medal when I completed the project, ahead of schedule.) They did come out with WP 6.1, but I never got that. I think the first port of WP to Windows was called 5.2. Now THAT was clunky!

    Never used DisplayWrite, but that was an IBM proprietary thing, and I almost always used clones – hardware and software. Both as a matter of principle, and poverty.

    I’m pretty sure Word’s “show/hide” feature does more than show paragraph breaks… but for the life of me I can’t say what.

    Say, how about that Mutt & Jeff? Those guys crack me up! (OCRC)

  195. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#192): I suspect this doesn’t happen to sticklers under 30, but that’s just a theory.

    Maybe people under 30 don’t know enough to stickle yet? If they’d hit the books and get off my damned lawn they might make sticklers of themselves!

  196. Irrischano
    April 2nd, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Look at that hole in the Mitchells’ window. Did Mr. Wilson, realizing he’d been had, hurl a brick at their house for revenge? That’s unfortunate and all, but maybe Dennis should’ve thought twice before he pulled an April Fools’ Day joke the day after April Fools’ Day.

  197. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#189): Ok, so we’ve established that Alabama has a punchline about tornadoes. Probably other states in Tornado Alley have the same. Minnesota has winter, of course, probably the same for ND, and the northern tier of states. NJ, and probably the east coast and Gulf states have hurricanes.

    But they all are compared to California earthquakes. So what if I look at it from California. Or near-Earth orbit?

  198. Dennis
    April 2nd, 2012 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#67): Anytime I hear Chariots of Fire I picture Ed O’Neill trying to run past Bubba Smith like in that one episode of Married With Chldren.

  199. un malpaso
    April 2nd, 2012 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure I am much too late for this one, but anyway… obviously, the answer to “Why is Funky here?” should be, “It’s his strip, that’s the only reason. Sure, it’s Les’ story now mainly, but Funky still owns the title. That means he gets to hang around and skeeve on young women any time he wants to, even if he’s drawn old now!” Thus the not-quite-appropriate smug leer he has in both panels (since there’s no chance that could be an actual response to the tepid “humor” of the situation)

  200. pugfuggly
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#147):

    As in that the characters in Archie are aware of what they are doing and saying but have no control over it? A kind of hellish Being John Malcovich zombie universe where Archie and his Riverdale pals are forced to repeat the same crusty jokes day after day, painfully cognizant of what they are doing but completely paralyzed in their actions, screaming inside their own heads, begging for it to stop?

    Because the implications of that are slightly horrifying…

  201. Ukulele Ike
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS!!!!!!!!

  202. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#200): I have a mouth, but I can’t scream?

  203. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#167):

    Clearly, cats and spiders are two distinct species of extra-dimensional beings, and at war. A wary neutrality is the best approach for any human caught in between.

    My belated take on FW:

    “Why is Funky Here? I thought you were going to help me move all this old luggage up to the attic?”

    “He’s driving us … blah blah yadda yadda smug smug”

    “Well …. OK, but …. You do that realize these bags are empty and that I haven’t packed anything, don’t you? I was just moving them up into the attic to make room for my State Championship memorabilia.”

    “We’ll talk about all that on the way there, snowflake. Cayla will pack your bags for you. I wanted to reminisce about something cute I saw on Lisa’s Anniversary video late last night. Smug smug. Smuggity Smug.”

  204. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#194): WordPerfect got ver. 6 straightened out, but the first release was disappointing in the extreme. I think it was about that time that its Undo feature went further than three steps back. That may also have been when they finally conformed to all the other packages by using F1 as their Help key. Not sure. It’s all fuzzy now.

    Just like Get Fuzzy. Which is a comic strip.

  205. S. Marty Pannts
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    You geeks need to get a room!

  206. LEBJUM FEJF
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

  207. Peanut Gallery
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#158):

    toddler activity center interface

    Heh, heh. You really should trademark that phrase.

    @Ukulele Ike (#201): You rang?

  208. Anonymous
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#197):
    At home on my iPad, I get one with four figures that talk about it being “too quiet” and then one says “2 quiet 2 furious”, then another one says “f*ck off Steve”.

  209. Anonymous
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @LEBJUM FEJF (#206): Nyuck, Nyuck, Nyuck!

  210. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#204): I think you could swap the F3 and F1 Help key functions as early as version 4.0. I’m sure you could do it in 4.2, which is the first version I used. Two 5 1/4 floppys, one for the program, one for data. So simple!

    Nancy and Sluggo, will they ever really get together, do you think?

  211. Ukulele Ike
    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I’M a total nerd, too, on many subjects. But all this computer stuff…geez. You’re making us all look bad.

    Re: MT marijuana plants. I have smoked grass, dealt grass, and grown grass. Give Elrod his due: for all the shitty drawing, his weed looks like weed.

  212. CanuckDownSouth
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#208): Hmm, that’s at least 3 versions of that one (no f-off, f-off, raptor – I prefer the velociraptor). And the weather one has at least 2 versions (I wonder if there are more?). After making a few twisted versions to show off on the biggest-market browsers, do you think they randomly pointed at the archives for the rarer stuff like Opera?

  213. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#154): the sleazy televangelist theme would be quite topical if it were, oh, 1988.

    What? You want to push dear Mary into the future?

  214. Liam
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    FW-We pull Funky out every now and then to remind people why the comic is called “Funky Winkerbean” and not “Les Moore: Super Amazing Writer”.

    MT-And if you look up you will see a giant duck flying much higher than you.

  215. Anonymous
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#208):
    I get the same thing on my MacBook using Safari, but with a long panel that has a dinosaur not seen in the iPad version.

    If I use Firefox, I get the earthquake / snowstorm version.

  216. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#190): Do you remember Displaywrite?

    Ah, yes, the IBM Displaywriter. What were those – 12-inch discs?
    And Wordstar* on a black screen with orange characters. Good times!

  217. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    208, 209 and 215 were me.

    Cookie troubles…

  218. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#211): You know, you’re right. This is a comic strip forum, not a vintage computer software forum.

    As famous comics character Rocket J. Squirrel once said, “Now, for something you’ll really enjoy!

  219. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    I’m getting outta here. Serious nerdage going on.

  220. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#216): Those were 8 inch disks. I still have a couple of shrink wrapped boxes of them. 3M. And that was the great Hercules display. Much better resolution and easier on the eyes than early color displays. For writing text, that is.

    // I remember playing Leisure Suit Larry and Railroad Tycoon on a Hercules clone. It was awful. But better than nothing.

  221. pugfuggly
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#202):

    Well, that was the most reading I’ve ever had to do for this site. And now every time the ALGU3000 is mentioned here, I’ll be thinking of it as a post-apocalyptic supercomputer torturing Archie for all of eternity.

    Also, I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight….

  222. commodorejohn
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#220): I’ve got a Hercules clone in my 286, hooked up to a nice little amber monitor. Beautiful to this day (though the display isn’t as sharp as the old compact Macs.) Now if I could only get it to coexist with the EGA…

  223. Green screener
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    Word processing? WYSIWYG is for wimps. NROFF forever!

  224. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#216): With discs like that, it always felt like you had real data.

  225. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Totally comic strip stuff. Really!

  226. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#221): I remember reading that when it first came out. My mom had a subscription to Fantasy & Science Fiction. I had nightmares for years.

    // Sleep well!

  227. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    After reading all of the nerdy comments on this thread, I find myself agreeing with the guy in Revenge of the Nerds II: “There could be a nuclear war; there’d be nothing left but cockroaches and nerds.”

  228. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#224): Robert Heinlein carefully planned his next novel, The Door Into Summer. He had decided early on to use cowbells in every scene, but neither the narrator nor the characters would allude to them, thereby adding to the dramatic tension. But how many?

  229. copper clapper
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    Enough with the collectible slide rules. From now on, collectible cowbells!

    Well, maybe the transition will be tough. But at least there is hope.

  230. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#225): I see your Plugger, and raise you colour.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#228): Did you ever read his description of how he and Ginny worked for days, using only sliderules and long sheets of butchers paper, to figure out exactly what stars would appear outside the porthole at a certain time during the trip of a particular spaceship? I think it was for Space Cadet, but I can’t be certain.

  231. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 2nd, 2012 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of cowbells and sliderules, I think we should give credit to Beetle Bailey for today’s strip. It strikes me as genuine army humour today.

    (I know, I know, but I didn’t want my comment to be too far off topic for a cowbells and sliderule site.)

  232. This Guy
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    For me, xkcd in IE talks about California earthquakes vs. Georgia tornadoes.
    In Firefox (Windows and Android), the expanding snake; in the Android browser, same as IE.

  233. Poteet
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#76): Thank you for justifying my own policies regarding stray cats and spiders. I think the same might also be true of owls.

  234. Mibbitmaker
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:09 am [Reply]

  235. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    MT – “Get the pictures developed”??!! WTF??!!

    We know from a previous arc the Jackelrod is aware of digital photography, so again, WTF?!

    How old is Jackelrod anyway?

  236. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#231): You are wise to be cautious. When you think of all those young, hot, cowbell and slide rule sites nipping at CC’s heels, not to mention the Facebook pages, Tumblrs, and Twitter feeds, itching to knock us off our Parnassus, we cannot slacken for a moment. Once they overtake us, we’d be done for, and have to go back to talking about… what was it again? Hungarian meat products and UFOs? It changed so gradually…

  237. justin
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    What disgusts me about Funky (and it probably shouldn’t, I look the same) is that he went from being a hippie type kid (and fairly bright looking) to being a near-Crankshaft old man. I also liked Les in the Seventies through the Nineties, whenever I saw the strip (I miss the bandleader dude) and identified w/him, as I am a geek also. But somehow the beard and the new look makes me want to slap him…not that I am a Rush Limbaugh, but Les really does look like a smirking type who listens to too much National Public Radio. And the daughter resembles a lesbian. I don’t need a Cindy Summers, but good God, she has no um,feminine characteristics. her name is Summer? Summer Summers she ain’t.

  238. Government Cheese
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#219): I’m with you on this. All I can hear is Professor Frink’s “Oh glaven”.

  239. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#232):
    So there’s a version with Georgia tornados and another similar one with Minnesota blizzards?

    Did it also show you what “Umwelt” means?

  240. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    @justin (#237):

    I really wish I had been able to read FW in it’s heyday instead of just the last few years…..

  241. commodorejohn
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    @justin (#237): She doesn’t look like a lesbian, she looks like a boy. Hell, some panels she’s practically Li’l Abner.

  242. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#232): And you are logging in to the Intertubes from Georgia, I presume?

  243. Droopy Says
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Sif has just realized that Spiderman is into necrophilia.

    Pluggers: I read that as “the plugger’s catapult list” and was quite pleased.

    Mock Trail: When I was a kid I had a mullet just like that porcupine, and I built a balsa-and-paper plane just like he did. I even got the wings on crooked like that, and the prop and struts looked just as funny. It didn’t fly as well, though.

    Now, if Rangertommartinwhoiscomingoverwiththepictureshetook is in fact a photographer, why doesn’t he do his own darkroom work? Or just download his pictures? And if he hadn’t taken the pictures until now, why did he call earlier?

    Creepy Les: This trip can’t be very important, because we aren’t being subjected to an endless display Batiuk’s usual unfunny quips. “My beard is heavy with dust.” — “Good thing we’re in Washing-ton.”

  244. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#236): I’m embarrassed to say how much I enjoyed that show. Of course, those outfits the women wore helped. But even aside from that, there was something cool about it. (I also liked Space 1999, despite its ludicrous premise. Part of it was the style, but part of it was that I was a fan of Martin Landau and Barry Morse, and wasn’t at all averse to Barbara Bain, either.)

    And it’s interesting to look back over how much science fiction, in literature, film and television, foretold all kinds of super-advanced technology, yet still had the characters using sliderules.

    Which reminds me, did you ever read the story by Clarke in which a ship full of scientists exploring a comet loses its computer? To replace it, they make and use abacuses, with each person acting as one byte of information in the calculations.

  245. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    @copper clapper (#229): Now that’s tintinnabulation I can believe in!

  246. Anonymous
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#131):

    Toni D has been controlling all of B-Wad’s buttons for years. Would prefer to see TJ’s plan lead to the reset button that makes this sad arc go away and returns BdG to clanking his head on car hoods.

  247. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: I’m particularly fond of Lady Sith’s expression in the last panel when she’s told she might have to share MJ’s fate. “Wait!” she seems to be saying. “I thought the risk was that I might just die. Are you now telling me that I might have to live with Peter Parker?”

  248. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#244): I had not read that. They only had one computer? Surely not! So they must have lost all their computers. To paraphrase Lady Bracknell, to lose one computer may be considered a misfortune; to lose all your computers looks like carelessness!

    The Apollo crews were said to have carried Pickett slide rules as a backup for their electronic computer(s). At least, that’s what the Pickett company said in their ads.

    // I did have a bit of a crush on Barbara Bain. She was kind of like Blondie in the comic strip. In some ways. In other ways, not.

  249. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    Dustin: So there’s a TV station that caters to dogs. And the favourite programs involve car chases. Naturally, they’re talking about Spike TV, right?

  250. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    RMMD: No, no! None of this “give me a minute” stuff. Let her have another drink. Now! That bathrobe isn’t going to fall off all on its own, you know.

  251. Lee B.
    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#212): Maybe, but in Opera (WinXP) I got a parody Opera error box that nobody else has reported seeing.

  252. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 3rd, 2012 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#248): I seem to have had a thing for “Barabaras” all my life (Barbara Bain, Barbara Eden, Barbara Bach), but Barbara Bain and Martin Landau I followed from their Mission Impossible days. And holy cowbell! I just checked Wikipedia to find out if they were still married and discovered that their child, Juliet Landau, was Drusilla on Buffy and Angel!

  253. CanuckDownSouth
    April 3rd, 2012 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    @Lee B. (#251): Hmm, my Opera was on some Fedora Linux at work (along with the Seamonkey and Chrome) – I guess they didn’t manage to hit every platform. I got one cranky browser with a step beyond an error message — booted up my old white brick the iBook (OS at least two full cats old) and tried Safari; the Safari was so old that the page loaded with no image in the comic spot – and then the page crashed the browser.

  254. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 3rd, 2012 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#253): And that was the Easter Egg.

  255. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 3rd, 2012 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    Six Chix: Odd, I never figured the six chicks as being right-wing, yet here they are, suggesting that those on the left have been influenced by a big blow hard. Shame! Shame on them!

    And with that, good night.

  256. Droopy Says
    April 3rd, 2012 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#248): “Into the Comet,” from 1960. The spaceship Challenger rendezvouses with a comet. The computer breaks down and interference from the comet’s ionized tail makes communications with earth impossible. The narrator was George Takeo Pickett.

    Having one main computer aboard the spaceship wasn’t unreasonable; the story was set up so that weight limitations were important, and complex miniature computers were still far off. (The computer aboard Gemini was the size of a shoebox, but Gemini wasn’t even the Mercury Mk. II proposal in 1960.)

  257. Uncle Lumpy
    April 3rd, 2012 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Why, oh why, is Funky here?

  258. ElkMeadow
    April 3rd, 2012 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#252):

    Barbara Bain and Martin Landau are still alive? Wow…that’s just…wow….
    That means I’m still young.

  259. Johnny Q
    April 3rd, 2012 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    Is Tom Batiuk employing a ghost? That FUNKY WINKERBEAN episode looks like it was drawn by the SALLY FORTH artist.

  260. iherb coupon code
    August 27th, 2013 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    Hi to all, how is all, I think every one is getting more from this site,
    and your views are good designed for new users.

  261. iherb coupon code
    August 27th, 2013 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    Hi to all, how is all, I think every one is getting more from
    this site, and your views are good designed for new users.

Comments are closed for this post.