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Requiem for a bird-lady’s dream

Shoe, 4/11/12

I’m not really sure if the pharmacist in panel is telling Roz that her pills have gotten more expensive or that her dosage has been tripled, but, really, who cares? Roz sure doesn’t! She’s high as a kite! Abusing prescription drugs is awesome, that’s the important lesson here.

Hi and Lois, 4/11/12

I guess Trixie in panel two is supposed to have an “I’m sad because I’m sick” face, but honestly to me it really just looks like it’s an “I’m sad because of what’s in my thought balloon” face. “I can’t even walk yet! I’m such a failure! I can’t coast by on a being a cute baby with stupid hair forever, I need to achieve independent mobility!”

Judge Parker, 4/11/12

“And why should he? I mean, there’s no possible conflict of interest in an elected official taking an extravagant gift from a foreign national who’s heavily involved in several murder attempts in his jurisdiction, after all!”

280 responses to “Requiem for a bird-lady’s dream”

  1. yaoi huntress earth
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    FW: Does anyone else find it kinda creepy that since Cody is just a younger post-time jump version of Les and he’s going after the daughter of his older counterpart?

  2. gleeb
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Mystery-solving wildlife: Slylock’s eternal shame. No matter how many he locks up, there are still more raccoons. Why the obsession? Did a raccoon steal his all-day sucker when he was a pup? That’s the final problem.

    Baldo: Great, a blow-up doll for those with a Margaret Hamilton fetish.

    Barney Google: Later, this misplaced positive reinforcement will result in the Smif family eating poached chicken off of tree bark.

    ‘shaft: Shouldn’t there be a look of surprised joy on Ed’s face? I’m sure that’s what Batiuk was going for.

    Dick: Don’t worry, Ms FBI, Tracy doesn’t need a gun to get his man. He could use a passing tugboat, or a vicious dog, or a tall building and a flagpole. That’s the unnamed-city-but-we-all-know-it’s-Chicago way!

    ‘bean: Cody’s in love! Her power, her grace, that fact that he didn’t end up bleeding! Summer’s in for a bad time. You know Creepy Les will support Cody, in a series of sepia-toned strips that show his own beat-upon past. Cayha’s a dead letter. She’ll have no one to turn to except…invisible deadmom.

    Parker: Later, a graft-stuffed ex-judge, sitting in a federal cell, will look back on this day and think, “That’s how it all started.”

    Spidey: So, with all the gods and funny hats and all, this story is a statement on health insurance reform?

  3. Pozzo
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Corrupt officials, depressed babies, prescription-abusing birds — all we need is General Halftrack sexually harassing his secretary to make the day complete.

  4. sporknpork
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Maybe she’s just woozy from the poisonous gas cloud outside seeping in through the shoddily installed windows? I know you can’t walk yet, Trixie, but head toward’s the light!

  5. Mibbitmaker
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Shoe: A certain Cheri Oteri character in a bird costume!

    H&L: “Plus, Funky Winkerbean is always so depressing! *SIGHHHH!*”

    JP: Even ultra-serious conflict of interest will be nothing if the cars become a fireworks finale with a turn of the key.

  6. Cloudbuster
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Dinosaur Comics: If “Hard To Port” isn’t already a nautical-themed porno, it will be.

    Pibgorn: That’s the creepiest comic I’ve seen outside of a Hentai site. It’s not helped by Brooke’s commentary. “Some of my fans appreciate my genius! Shut up, you meanies!”

  7. Liam
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-Take that bed. That’s what you get for being in Spiderman’s way.

    A3G-Judging by the way Scott’s apartment looks I had no idea he was rich.

    JP-And after spending an afternoon of driving around town running over the little people till the gas tank is empty you can just go to a gas station fill your tank all the way back up and drive off without having to pay while everyone else has to pay five dollars a gallon.

    MT-And they better not return before I can take this back to my office to study it even further.

    Gasoline Alley-1921 was ninety-one years ago. Why is this guy still alive? He is well past his hundredth birthday and very few people live past one hundred.

    MW-From what we saw Smithers looks like an alcoholic with anger issues. Are you sure that you would want him to get his old job back. This is “Mary Worth” and I don’t think they go for bosses who would beat their employees over the smallest thing. He should go to “Blondie” where bosses abusing employees is tolerated.

  8. Ned Ryerson
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: I’m so sick of these people that I don’t have the heart to go back and conduct my own review, but is this the first appearance of April’s severe camel toe?

    And on a lighter note. Go fuck yourself, Judge Parker. Seriously.

  9. Liam
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    MW-A homeless man in the park said that if I rubbed his magic lamp he would grant me three wishes.

  10. Liam
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    JP-What about a free car? Do you think Randy will go for a free car?

  11. Ned Ryerson
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Re: Pibgorn commentary

    Is there an app that helps you type while you have your head all the way up your ass?

  12. Mibbitmaker
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    The Pop Culture’s Kids that’s up is now new!

    Question is: can Nina hold on until the TV Up-Fronts?

  13. Liam
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Shoe-I take these pills so I don’t have to deal with the reality of having to pay so much for these pills.

  14. Ned Ryerson
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Awesome! The foul stench of loaded diapers has metastasized from Marvin to Milford! Good times.

  15. Little Guy
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    JP: S-a-u-d-i……… *sigh*….. cannot spell before coffee…

    Anywho, how does a “lifetime gas card” work? Are they accepted at all major gas stations? What about the Mom&Pop places that only accept cash (and they do exist)? What about the changing technology, where a “gas card” would be as obsolete as the floppy disk? Not all gas comes from the same Saudi Prince. Can I get some cheap Citgo gas or ALCAN petrol? Does it work overseas? What if I’m kidnapped by the Stig and forced to gas up Jeremy Clarkson’s car? What if….?

    Okay, focusing now on the tits. I’ll be fine.

  16. S. Stout
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Luann: And as multiple people predicted, Crystal is talking to Knute while crapping. I’m sure there’s a metaphor in there about Greg Evans.

  17. rotts
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Trixie can’t be RUNNING a temperature, because she can’t even WALK yet. Get it?

  18. Hank
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: threatening private citizens with physical violence in order to obtain valuable services for free…um, isn’t that what supervillains do?

  19. anon
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]



    ANTIDEPRESSANTS. They do not make you ‘happy’ so much as numb your feelings

    of anxiety and depression so you can slog through your life with a semblance of

    feeling ‘normal’. Highness and happiness are best pursued by other means. Jeez!

  20. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    MT “But who is doing this and when do they plan to return?”

    On those occasions when I ask myself questions out loud (e.g., “Where did I put my keys?”), I never expect actual audible answers. But somehow I suspect Ranger Tom Martin will be surprised to have his questions answered so soon.

  21. Dennis Jimenez
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Shoe – Oxy-Oxy-Oxy – all outs in free….

    H&L – The only remaining diagnosis, as unlikely as it may be – boogie-woogie flu….

    JP – So, don’t follow the strip, but I’m guessing this is J. Barisford Tipton, and Randy is a Buddhist monk….

    Adios Amigos, DJ

  22. LaziestManOnMars
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    So, the birds in Shoe use Thorazine as an anti-depressant? I suppose I would need something that strong as well if I had a cloaca.

  23. Marc
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Luann- And commence the conversation from can. Perhaps next Knute will help Crystal put on her next 2 1/2 lbs layer of make up.

    Mary Worth- Mary is angling for new meddling techniques.

    A3G- Why does Scott have a black and white picture of Hillary Forth’s boyfriend Jon on his end table?

    9CL- “Do remember how we made out in front of all those starving prisoners? Remember how we would laugh at all the Jewish jokes the guards would make and the way we would spit at all of the non blonde haired blue eyed folk? Such joyous times right?”

    Mark Trail- For those who came in late: 4/6 Ranger Tom Martin can’t figure out what Marijuana is called, 4/7- Knows Marijuana is grown, and confirms that the plant is Marijuana, 4/9-Rehashes that he knows Marijuana is grown and now questions if it really is Marijuana, 4/10-Once again questions if it is Marijuana and wonders how long it has been growing, 4-11- Reconfirms it’s Marijuana, once again wonders how long it has been growing there, and now wonders WHO it is and WHEN they will return. So in conclusion, RTM has said the word Marijuana every day lest forget what it is called again and has asked himself the same questions every single day for nearly a week. This is ridiculously slow even for Mark Trail.

  24. Marc
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#2): Do you think Dead Lisa made a video for Summer’s first time being roofied by an underage creep?

  25. Ned Ryerson
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#15): The “free gas card” works like this:

    It’s a card with the Saudi Prince’s picture printed on it and the lettering says “FREE GAS”. So if you get one, you just roll up to whatever kinda Gas ‘n Sip you want and wave it it around and even Gomer Pyle knows how to override every feature of the pump to start your own flow of free High Octane (and you know you them creeps is gonna get the High Octane!) When the merchant runs their receipts at the end of the day, magic Saudi money just squirts out of whatever platform their system runs on. It’s simple and ingenius. (The only problem is, that once after a year of keeping in your wallet, you’re guaranteed to get hypermalignant cancer of the asshole.)

  26. Canton
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Roz has clearly been mixing booze with her SSRI of choice. Lots of booze. Nothing good can come of that, and I look forward to seeing just how far the bird lady can fall.

  27. Dewey\'s Coffee
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#8): Your hatred only makes them smug. Smugger, anyway.

  28. Hogenmogen
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Saudi Prince: Ha ha! I have given these gullible Americans huge Sport Utility Vehicles, thus increasing their dependence on our oil!

    Prince’s Aide: But you gave them cards to pay for that gas.

    Saudi Prince: You’re fired. Guards, execute this man!

  29. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    MT: How long has it been since we’ve had a good interrogative-adverb bolding? I’m just hopeful that just as the robin is a harbinger of spring, bolded interrogative adverbs signal the approach of the Fists o’ Justice.

    JP: Is Sam getting jealous here? “Yeah, that’s . . . great, that’s what it is! Good for Randy! Now, excuse me while I go search ‘’”

    I also imagine that no one is showing up at the hospital with a Mercedes—or even a 2002 Hyundai—for poor Bubu.

  30. Hibbleton
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    MT: Ranger Tom Martin puts on his little black skirt before exiting the boat. When whoever they are return, he’ll be ready.

  31. gleeb
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#24): If invisible deadmom didn’t make a video to cover this contingency, Summer will just start hallucinating like Creepy Les.

  32. Chip Whittle
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Barney Google: Now, how can a teapot be so ugly that Loweezy can’t stand the sight of it, and yet still have it be printable in a newspaper?

    Gasoline Alley: Walt is about to suppose that Skeezix is a Plugger, except Walt and Skeezix are too old to be Pluggers.

    Henry: Oh, no! Henry’s joined Blackjack’s gang! … At least now Blackjack doesn’t have to worry about backtalk.

    Mandrake: If the world was willing to pay millions for something not to be played there’d be a lot less Celine Dion out there.

    I’d ask why Dr. Livingston is about to confront Public Domain Popeye-Cartoon Bluto With Agnes’s Ponytail there, except I want more to know why someone who’s living on the planet would do something to destroy the planet. There’s a credibility problem with the threat, is all.

    Pluggers love the only real and true hair care product: ketchup swiped from the cafeteria!

    Spider-Man: I look forward to the day that Spider-Man and Les Moore have to be the people working at counters for each other.

    Did Peter Parker just gut-punch Aunt May laying in the gurney over there?

  33. Ned Ryerson
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#29): Bubu gets a 30 day bus pass.

  34. TheDiva
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Shoe: That’s not the meds, those are clearly “tipsy bubbles” over Roz’s head. She doesn’t care because she’s discovered booze takes the pain away just as easily and is much less expensive.

    A3G: Well, if his house wasn’t decorated like every other interior backdrop in this strip, his wealth might be more obvious.

    C’shaft: Crankshaft finds a new way to torment the neighbors.

    FW: After single-handedly winning the state tournament, Summer single-handedly solves the bullying problem. Les had better be careful, because eventually his daughter’s going to come up with the cure to cancer all by herself and then where will he be?

    Luann: Is this love or just creepy?

    MT: “How much of this can I toke before they get back?”

    MW: “And how did you teleport to the other side of the table?”

    Pibgorn: Must be hard to draw while patting yourself on the back so much.

    SM: Big man, you punched a gurney.

  35. Cloudbuster
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#1): I find nearly everything about Funky Winkerbean creepy, so yes.

  36. Holly Folly
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    I am not sure if I would trust the man delivering those expensive cars. He looks like a Bond villain’s henchman. Something like Dr. Tiny Head. Don’t trust him guys, those cars are rigged to explode!

  37. Cloudbuster
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#23): MT: Dude, whoa … yer freakin’ me out, man.

  38. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    B.C.: Not bad, but the last line really should be, “That would explain it.” You have to pay attention to the little things.

    Luann: My sons used to call my daughter “The Polisher” when they were kids. That’s because when it came to chores, she always took the ones that involved polishing the surfaces of things, leaving the boys to do the heavier work with less immediate gratification. Since Knute spends an inordinate amount of time cleaning the surfaces in the washroom, but completely neglecting more important things like broken locks, I think he too deserves to be called “The Polisher.”

    Also “pervert.” Calling him “pervert” would be appropriate.

    MW: So Nina’s boss is going to call Smithers and admit that he’d been fired without cause? That’s good news, right? I mean, surely Smithers’ wife will return to him after he’s won 25 gazillion dollars through the wrongful dismissal suit.

  39. Cloudbuster
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    JP: C’mon people, don’t even pretend there will be consequences. April’s part of the Parker/Driver collective now.

  40. Cloudbuster
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    MW: In the real world, I can imagine Nola’s boss simply swearing her to silence and giving her a raise if she’ll just shut up and keep her job. The company can’t possibly afford to admit its malfeasance in this, and it is the company that will ultimately be held responsible, not Nola.

  41. Dood
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Does this comic strip exist just to anger…wow, get a load of those incredibly bodacious…!!!

  42. gleeb
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#34): “Is she kissing me or my immaculately clean toilet?”

  43. Hogenmogen
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    SM: I went to a new doctor yesterday. I didn’t know that I could have avoided all that annoying paperwork and waiting room time by simply smasshing stuff.

    But superheroes don’t do paperwork, do they. They don’t have to be concerned that MJ might have an allergic reaction to a drug that they give her or maybe she has a bad heart or has been diagnosed with narcolepsy. Don’t even bother to fill out a form with the patient’s age, the sypmtoms of the ailment or when they began. Yeah, better to just break some hospital equipment. That’s showing the proportionate maturity of a spider.

  44. Dood
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Sam doesn’t even get an Adirondack chair out of this deal. Whelp, time to do some lawyerin’.

  45. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    FW: ?????????????????????????

    Luann: ……..Just when I think Greg Evans can get no weirder….

    RMMD: I’d like to hit them ALL in the head with a brick!

  46. Illustrator Steve
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    MT – Dazed and confused by the aroma of the marijuana patch, Ranger Tom Martin decides to take a swim by stripping down to only wearing a black bathing suit and necktie. (Ranger Tom feels he must wear a necktie at all times while on duty).
    After his swim and back in full official uniform, ranger Tom Martin investigates any damage the freak snow storm may have caused the pot plants, which are now heavily covered with snow.
    Maybe next time Ranger Tom will remember to bring his official forestry service winter jacket with him.

  47. SequelMan
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Zits: Ewww. Talk about cloacas. Salmonella overload.

  48. Hogenmogen
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’m actually impressed with the background continuity today. Sure, a curtain disappears and a wall hanging and lamp pop into existence, but the chair, the books and the picture stay put.

    MT: Ranger Tom Martin wears a tie to take a boat trip. For the arrest, he plans to wear a white suit and a turquoise ascot, for those that came in late.

  49. Voshkod
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Someone really needs to read April the Government Ethics rules. Focus on the criminal charges part. And remind her that she’ll have to report the car on her Financial Disclosure forms. Her security officers aren’t going to look on this too kindly.

  50. Hogenmogen
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MW: Re-hire Dan Smithers the raging drunk? This time he’ll lose his job on his own, causing the boss to re-hire Nola legitimately. Well played, ma’m.

  51. Dood
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    “I can’t even walk yet. For those who came in late.”

  52. btown
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Luann: This is turning into a Benny Hill sketch. Next we’ll see Gunther enter, followed by a teacher, the principal, the Mayor, President, Pope, etc…

    Mary: Lucky Nola is treated to a slice of Mary’s famous “plain” pie

    Mark Trail: Ranger Tom Martin is so #&@%in’ baked, he doesn’t know what the @&$# is going on!

  53. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Joshua (#Y310): Elegant.

    // Now, if Achilles can run 10 times faster than the tortoise, and the tortoise gets a 100 meter head start, can the present King of France shave himself?

  54. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Also — thank you Josh for properly relating percent increase with multiplication increase. A lesser man would have interpreted a 200% increase as a “doubling.” This is a far-too-common mistake.

    And while we’re on the subject (kind of), here’s a bit of advice to weather reporters: if the temperature was five degrees Celsius yesterday, and it is ten degrees today, the temperature has not doubled! If the temperature had doubled since yesterday, it would be 282 degrees today (give or few tenths of a degree)!

  55. Señor Tortilla
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Archie: That would be pretty awesome to drive on. Probably would destroy a suspension, though.

    BGSS: Looks nicer than Loweezy, still.

    9CL: Was Kiesl a Nazi through and through or just a German soldier? There is a difference, you know.

    FW: Summer can’t stand Cody, either.

    MW: “Not you, that’s for certain”

    Luann: That’s kinda gross, you know

    MT: “And what does marijuana feel like when you smoke it? Those are all very good questions!”

    Pluggers: …awkward on multiple levels.

    S-M: “Please, sir, that was…oh well, he wasn’t going to live anyway.”

  56. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    For those following the Smoking Guns series, the latest has just been posted: The Night Fog. It includes floor plans and everything. (Well, not everything — but it’s got floor plans.)

  57. Hogenmogen
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Roz has a casual attitude to the cost of the drugs, sure. Unlike a douche-bag-superhero, she merely produces her insurance card and pays the same co-pay as she always did. Insurance pays for it! I’m way too stoned to figure out any non-direct expense. If I ever uncloud my mind, I wouldn’t think about how Big Pharma is ripping off the masses, I’d think about how I work 12 hours a day pouring coffee for surly old men who only tip with their morose insights on life, aging and death and oh my god I’m so depressed just give me the damn pills now or I swear I’ll cut my wrists in front of you here and now!!

  58. Sparkle Plenty
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MT: Why is the marijuana drawn so poorly?

  59. Santa Royale With Cheese
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    JP: Regular readers of the strip know that free gas comes from The Pipeline.

    (Callback joke FTW)

    Shoe: Roz isn’t high as a kite. The unfinished thought there is “Think zophtic, zophtic!”

    (Callback joke 2 not FTW but so what)

  60. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#55):

    9CL – The story line made it clear that Kiesel was not a party member, that he was a reluctant conscript who was not upset to become a POW. However, it is much more fun just to call him a Nazi.

  61. Santa Royale With Cheese
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @Sparkle Plenty (#58): I’m told the really good stuff draws like a pencil so it must be crap.

  62. Hogenmogen
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @btown (#52): MW: I actually saw something on the Food Network where there was a merangue covered in whipped cream. It had a berry topping, though, so it wouldn’t look like some void of blandness.

  63. Amateur
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    MW: Forget the Nola storyline, I just want Mary’s recipe for Albino Pie.

  64. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Oop – Couldn’t they have kept Lola around for a few weeks before the convenient deus ex machina comes along to restore the status quo?

    Baldo – Estrella looks a little familiar. Let’s hear her say “Kiss me, sailor boy.”

    Crock – “What about this place here, where the footprints leave the ground?”
    “That, my son, is from when you were too tired to walk, so I gave you an airplane ride. Whee!”

  65. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Smirky – Cody’s on to something. If you shoot your mouth off at a bully long enough, when he finally does beat you up, he’ll find it more satisfying than it would have been otherwise.

    Hägar – I hope this trend of Hägar ripping on Lucky Eddie continues. Maybe the two of them will find others to hang out with, and — here’s where it gets less likely, unfortunately — the possibility increases that one day they’ll introduce a character who’s actually interesting.

    Henry – Nothing halfway about Henry. When he sneezes, the air is full of flying, shiny wet green things.

  66. Longhorn
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    FW: Sooo……what are the odds that Summer beats the bully to death with her penis?

  67. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Liberty – I’ve been enjoying the Elrod tribute, but now Cho’s capped that.

    love is… …hellishly disturbing finger puppets showing themselves pinkly in the CRT glow. It’s not the Kabuki faces that make it so particularly unsettling, but the combination of seemingly nail-tipped fingers for legs and the Uncanny Valley hands. It’s like if Casper the Friendly Ghost had disturbingly realistically rendered pores and blemishes.

    Mark – “Hello little marijuana plants. Are your daddies going to come back and finish coloring your leafs? Maybe if I wait right here for them, they will be my friends and we will have swell adventures together!”

  68. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke – Here he looks not so much like a hell hound as a cast-iron cannon with the aspect of a starey-eyed dragon just waiting to discharge.

    Fart Dog – This strip fractures me. I’m glad they wrote that wretched little brat out.

    Pluggers – Well, Earl ain’t no beauty, but he does look like he’s at home in his skin.

    Shoe – “Ha! I’m so fck’n toasted right now, Mary Tyler Moore! Now I know how Zippy the Pinhead feels all the time.”

    Spider-Man – So go ahead and defibrillate her already, web-head. It’s got to be better than proving repeatedly that you’re mightier than some poor scrub who has to deal with you and everything else before his shift finally ends in six hours.

  69. Chip Whittle
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane: Say, if Juliette was conceived in 1944, and presumably born in ’45, then she’s 66, 67 years old. She’s a young 67, apparently, based on her striking red hair. Good genes, I guess.

    Baldo: Worst adaptation of Great Expectations ever.

    Liberty Meadows Reruns by the way has expanded on Mark Trail riffing to toss in Dick Tracy, if you haven’t been paying attention, or paid attention eight years ago when it didn’t really pay off either.

    Tales of TerraTopia: “His fingers caressed the warm monkey no-climb wood supporting his elbows.” Man, when Love Is… thinks you’re writing too entendre you’re writing too entendre.

  70. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Trillian (#y311): Now, to be fair, Edda does tell her friend that when Amos kissed the corner of her mouth, they were “totally unprepared”. I think that is Brooke-speak for “didn’t have a condom”.
    I’m not sure that’s possible. I think Edda keeps a couple in her cheek pouches at all times for just such a situation.

    @Liam (#7): Why is this guy still alive? He is well past his hundredth birthday and very few people live past one hundred.
    Maybe Death Cat has been introduced to the story for a send-off.

    @S. Stout (#16): And as multiple people predicted, Crystal is talking to Knute while crapping.
    “Try using politeness, Beavis!”

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#38): I think he too deserves to be called “The Polisher.”
    Also “pervert.” Calling him “pervert” would be appropriate.

    Since it’s Knut, just call him “The Knob Polisher” and you’re done for the day.

  71. Ian Beste
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    JP: Apologies for not remembering the characters names but…Blond Gal’s sweater puppies are bugging me. Lefty looks like its being distracted while watching something just out of frame while Righty is saying “Hel-LO!” to Car-Giving-Out Guy. Plastic surgery that went bad or desperately in need of a proper bra fitting? The only why we can determine that is if she pops her top. Like that’s gonna happen…

  72. Austria
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    BC: So the zombie apocalypse has hit BC. Double-tap, blond guy, double-tap!

    FW: Summer has fallen headfirst into the “I was just being nice” trap. Cody’s going to start following her around and she’ll have to find a way to break the news to him gently. …….Or history will repeat itself and the nerd will end up with the pretty girl. Apples, trees, all that.

    H&L: Maybe she’s running a fever because you leave her alone in direct sunlight for hours on end. Ever think of that, huh?

    Zits: “Raw, unprocessed food is healthier,” said Pierce, moments before he collapsed from salmonella poisoning.

  73. Longhorn
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#60):

    Will this make a difference in a few weeks when the little hellspawn is goosestepping around in Edda’s uterus?

  74. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    CdS: onomatopoeia for the win.

    GF: I’m ashamed to admit that Bucky may be right.

    IP: arrrrrrgh!!!! *Sanrio overload*

    NAoQV: *snurk*

    OtH: nope, turtle farts aren’t any funnier the second time around.

    PBS: win. with marinara sauce.

    R&R: o, nicely DONE!

    SBp: I hate those things. even more than self-checkout lanes.

    Zits: o_O

    Bizarrro: gratuitous butt-shot for the ladies and Dingos.

    MG&G: oooo, nice art! lame joke, but love the tribute. [*]

    ObH: good doggie!

    Pluggers: service. o goddess, the service.

    RMMD: them bricks can be dangerous. just ask Spider-Man.

  75. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#y183): yes, yes it is!

    I saw the cutest yellow Labradoodle on the way to the coffee shop this morning. *squee*

    speaking of squee, today’s QC qualifies. :-D

  76. Santa Royale With Cheese
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    9CL: Hard to read it without thinking about “zex und zex und zex…” (Frank Miller, The Dark Knight)

  77. Doctor Handsome
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    I thought the point of the morning funnies was to give you a smile or a chuckle before you go off to face the day, but Shoe just gouges an enormous wound in my soul, a hole that used to be filled by love and religion, before Shoe convinced me that those are cruel frauds. What was the pitch to the syndicate for Shoe, anyway? “It’s like if Pluggers fucked Doonesbury, only exponentially sadder than both!”

  78. gleeb
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#55): Kiesl was not a soldier. He was an officer. There is a difference, and in 1940, in Germany, that difference was very big. Nazi? Probably not. He was probably petulant that Little Dolfuss got the short end of the stick.

  79. Thursday Next
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @anon (#19): I thought Roz wasn’t high–I thought it showed that she’s just not bothering to take them at all anymore and can’t be bothered. Or maybe she’s taken to self-medicating with cheap alchohol?

  80. Doctor Handsome
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    I’d like to see Trixie battle Charlie Brown and Dagwood in some sort of “hair-no-human-has” kumite.

  81. Mibbitmaker
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Austria (#72): re: Zits: ….Eggshell shards stuck in his windpipe… (the ultimate piercing!)

    A3G: Superfluous narration box “and”ing over her head, Margo attempts holding said head in classic arrogant Musolini pose.

    Archie: Convex tank tracks.
    ….from underneath the ground?

    9CL: Brooke — Stop!

    DT: “….or the law… or a sense of fair play… or common decency…. or…..”

    FW: So now he’ll be beaten savagely later, instead. Gee, thanks loads, Guardian Snowflake! (idiot)

    ReFOOB: “Let me put it this way: are you paying me, hot shot?”

    GA: “….and I wasn’t blind and senile…”

    Marvin: Hate! Hate!

    Mutts: No, that was Michael Palin.

    RMMD: “Believe me, that DOESN’T WORK!”Ignatz Mouse

  82. NoahSnark
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Shoe should show a helpful guide at the side of each strip to show you how high you must be to find the strip funny. Today’s strip would be rated as three oxycontin, a fifth of peppermint schnapps, and a full bottle of Mylanta.

  83. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    for True Fable.

    Orpheus for mollificent and other haterz of the “friendzone effort”.

    Baka Gaijin would not be the only one to say ‘yes’. (nsfbg!)

    Dark Pheonix cosplay. (dat azz!)

    a colorful little something for Poteet.

    it’s FENNEC week on Daily Squee.

    Arctic foxes.

    ROFLotter. (bats :[, you might like this one for future use!)

    Fenris seemed bigger in the sagas. (Swedish Vallhund pupsquee)

  84. HeraldGuy
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @btown (#52): along with the requisite undercranking and Yackety Sax…

  85. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    9CL — We interrupt this installment of “Springtime for Kiesl” to bring you the following historical footnote:

    On this day in 1961, the trial of Nazi war criminal Adolf Eichmann began in Jerusalem before the Jerusalem District Court. (Spoiler warning: He was found guilty and executed)

    [Sound of celebratory gunfire]

  86. Dood
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Cheer up, Trixie. Just go talk to the sun.

  87. wossname
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#56): I am definitely following your Smoking Guns series and enjoying it immensely. I am totally convinced that (a) humans don’t understand everything happening on all levels in the world and never will, and probably never should; and (b) “supernatural” is a word for natural phenomena that we don’t understand.

  88. Islamorada Girl
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Shoe: They’ll pry my cold dead hands off my Celexa, but it keeps my depression from overwhelming me, not making me stoned. I hate to pick a nit, but it’s phony info in pop culture that keeps a lot of people from getting some for godssake help.
    When I want to get high, I down a couple of dark’n’stormies. Much better.

  89. cartooncritic2544
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#69): 9CL,/b>: No, they established that Juliette was conceived in the mid to late 50s when her mother reunited with the Nazi for a post-war tryst.

  90. cartooncritic2544
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @cartooncritic2544 (#89): dang broken code. Sorry.

  91. Fashion Police
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#46): (Ranger Tom feels he must wear a necktie at all times while on duty).
    You may speak in jest. However, we haven’t a shred of doubt that the decline of Western Civilization can be traced to relaxing the standards requiring forest rangers and gas station attendants to wear neckties on duty.

  92. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#88): *word*

    btw, I-girl, I made a subtle reference to you (and bb,u) in my fanfic. I was wondering if you had read it and noticed or not. (Jamus also got a shout-out, a bit more obviously.)

  93. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#69): Liberty Meadows Reruns by the way has expanded on Mark Trail riffing to toss in Dick Tracy, if you haven’t been paying attention, or paid attention eight years ago when it didn’t really pay off either.

    Not Dick Tracy, but the Tommy Lee Jones character from the 1993 movie The Fugitive. Full quote: “Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive’s name is Dr. Richard Kimble. Go get him.”

    // So, a movie almost twenty years old, based on a tv series from almost thirty years earlier than that. Damn I feel old.

  94. pugfuggly
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Shoe Now how did Roz suddenly get so high in the final panel? Is there a few missing panels between 1 & 2 that depict her reacting to the pharmacist’s news with a bout of drug withdrawl-induced psychosis, then reaching over the counter and shoving handful after handful of random pills down her gullet?

    A3G “I forget that he’s fabulously wealthy and…Hey! Why am I helping him set up a nursery for FREE when I could be grifting him…”

    MT “And HOW will they get back here? And WHAT route will they choose? WHERE would they take the marijuana to? And WHY….”

  95. Calico
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#10):
    Oh, and to thank Sam for all this nonsense, Randy and April will let him use their free gas cards anytime for that stupid RV he bought.
    In a time of severe economic downturn, this comic makes me want to take whatever Roz is taking. All 200% of it.

  96. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Go to the light, Trixie!

  97. bunivasal
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Man, I thought juvenile wish-fulfillment was the exclusive province of teenage girls writing fanfiction on the Internet. Well played, Dallis.

    Actually, I’m kidding, this storyline and everyone involved in it is despicable.

  98. pugfuggly
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#23):

    re: Mark Trail

    It’s all just a lead-up to 4-20, of course, when Mark decides to find out just what all the FUSS about MARIJUANA is.

    It’s going to be awesome.

  99. Fashion Police
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    We are quite perplexed about Alice’s jabot turning from yellow at home to green at the office, and yet remaining unshaded in black-and-white. We shan’t even mention that everyone knows that garishly-colored jabots are simply not done.

  100. But What Do I Know?
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    ASM — This comic strip has been brought to you by the new Spiderman Major Medical Insurance. If you’re turned down for any procedure, Spiderman will show up at the hospital and start smashing things! No need to show any ID, and it now includes coverage for injuries received in Asgard and other astral planes!

  101. But What Do I Know?
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Remember, Spiderman insurance covers whatever a spider can!

  102. The Ghost of Jarrod
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#1):

    As Shortpacked once noted, pre-time jump FW was fine with incest (and cancer!), so I don’t know why post-time jump FW would be any different.

  103. Not Just Any Dipstick
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    MT: I shall never tire of a small boat, green inside, green outside, 1 green oar, green engine, is there an anchor? is it green? I sure hope so.

  104. Calico
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#46):
    The only time I saw a man wearing a necktie with no shirt was right here:
    (at start of part 4 here)

  105. Calico
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#54):
    [°F] = [°C] × 9?5 + 32, [°C] = ([°F] ? 32) × 5?9
    F = C x 1.8 + 32
    C = F – 32 x 1.8

  106. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#34): A3G: Well, if his house wasn’t decorated like every other interior backdrop in this strip, his wealth might be more obvious.

    If Scott’s so wealthy, why didn’t he hire someone to decorate the baby’s nursery instead of hitting up friends for free advice and labor? Come to think of it, why didn’t he hire a surrogate if Nina so hates being pregnant? Or just buy a baby somewhere? Isn’t that what wealthy people do?

  107. Calico
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#98):
    Haha, until a few years ago my Alma Mater Groovy UV (UVM) had a 4/20 day celebration, with music and pot and fun in the sun – they even had Page McConnell’s then-band, Vida Blue, play a concert outdoors one year.
    Dan Fogel squashed the ceremonies, much to the dismay of many students. (When you’re looking for new student recruits and continued alumni funding and gifting, I guess that was an appropriate move)

  108. luvmesumsex
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#8): April’s camel toe is definitely enlarged after getting continuously banged by all the camel-jockeys she’s bedded in Saudi Arabia. Hope she gives Randy AIDS so Sam can sue the spoiled slut for aggravated sexual assault!

  109. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @luvmesumsex (#108):

    JP has very clearly dodged the question of why, exactly, so many Saudi royals were willing to kill people and/or shower her with gifts to win her affection.

    I think we are supposed to believe that this was all based on nothing more than a platonic appreciation of her stunning intellect and ravishing beauty.

    In reality, the only way she would be in this deep is if someone on the Saudi side, likely more than one person, had been deep into her.

  110. Cloudbuster
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#60): Then again, he was also an officer if I recall correctly, which makes his “reluctant conscript” schtick ring a bit hollow. But it’s what I would have done if I were him and I was hunting some slutty USO singer tail.

  111. Sans Sense
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Flying coach is bad enough, now I have to live with the fear that some Ricardo Montalban knock off is narrating my life in first class?

    “Sans Sense has CRUSHED his presentation in Omaha! But competitors still threaten in Wichita! Sans means to DEFEAT their menace! For GOOD! Here we begin! WICHITA POWERPOINT!

  112. Marc
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#72): Well Cody is going to have to find another chick at that school if he wants to fulfill the “nerd gets the pretty girl” fantasy. There is nothing about Summer that could even conceivably called pretty.

  113. Red Greenback
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

  114. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    MW “What prompted you to do this?”

    Mary so wants Nola to say “You, Mary, you set me straight with your advice and endless platitudes.” Mary hasn’t had a good gratitude high since the Smiths paid her homage months ago.

    FW Is Summer shaking her head at Cody’s stupidity or is it just her natural swagger?

  115. Marc
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#98): Holy crap, you’re right. I honestly didn’t even think to put 2 and 2 together and figure out that Jackelrod is doing a marijuana story line leading up to 4/20. That old bat may still have a brain cell or two left. Just not enough to tell a coherent or believable story, with any human dialogue or emotion. But still…

  116. yaoi huntress earth
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#112): Then again, when is the last time Batiuk has drawn an attractive woman?

  117. Marc
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#116): Good point. I have no idea.

  118. commodorejohn
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#56): Very interesting. I’ve always found accounts without visual or other physical sense components to be fascinating – it’s easy to understand how a person could feel terrified in response to an external perception or illusion, but to simply get a gut/emotional reaction out of nowhere, that’s a little more curious. (And bravo for the empiricism!)

    A3G – “Hmm. If I kill Nina before the wine, the bouquet’ll clear my nostrils of the blood smell. If I kill Nina after the wine, Scott’s less likely to notice. Decisions, decisions…”

    A.D. – Okay, everybody LISTEN UP: zombies as automatic punchline have now made their way into legacy newspaper comics. They are officially no longer cool and you can all stop obsessing over them and go on to ruin something else.

    BR – Get Smart would be proud.

    DT – “I don’t always operate according to the rules. Ye gods, you know how many shooting reports I’d have to fill out?”

    Dilbert – This’d be a lot funnier if it weren’t absolutely true…

    FW – Maybe it’s time to ask yourself why everyone you know leaves you, Cody.

    GT – He might want a name that’s not “Jaxon,” whlie you’re at it.

    JP – “Oh, and before I forget, there’s a bonus of thirteen hundred loyal bondservants. You know, in case you want to stage a coup and turn the country into your own personal empire or something.”

    Luann – argh argh argh argh argh

    Mandrake – Conquistador, rapscallion stands/In need of punchery!

    MW – Yum yum, bleach cheesecake!

    RMMD – Gee, you’d think the police would be interested in that kind of thing, maybe keep a file on it?

    SM – It seemeth that Thor doth not know of the fabled Emergency Room.

    Ziggy – I like the visible distinction “copied from another of thousands of essentially-identical panels” Ziggy-and-chair and the “scrawled in half an hour during a killer hangover but before the ibuprofen kicks in” mouse-and-plug.

  119. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#71): I LOL’d. COTW-worthy.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#83): Oooh, tempting. Don’t click link…don’t click link…[ignores link]…[link calls]…Don’t click link…

    @pugfuggly (#98): I see what you did there.

    Don’t click link…don’t click link…

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#106): Wealthy people keep their wealth by getting people to work for them for free. [cough]Judge Parker[cough]

    Whew. Didn’t click link.

  120. Uncle Lumpy
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#2):

    Baldo: Great, a blow-up doll for those with a Margaret Hamilton fetish.

    I’ll be in my bunk.

  121. kingklash
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Roz don’t care, she’s drunk, and probably wandered into the pharmacy while cruising the Hy-Vee for desperate bachelors.

  122. Miss Grundy's Undies
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#53):

    And why is a mouse when it spins?

  123. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#105): Um. Are you saying you want those figures in Fahrenheit, or correcting my math? If you want it in Fahrenheit, that would be ~540 degrees (which I obtained by first converting the Celsius figure into text and then putting it in Google with the request to convert to Fahrenheit). If you’re correcting my math … I’m not quite getting it.

  124. Clikky the SafetyPinHead
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Amateur (#63):

    “MW: Forget the Nola storyline, I just want Mary’s recipe for Albino Pie.”

    First, catch your albino…

  125. kkarenb
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Non Sequitur – Even worse: Address her as “hon.”

    9CL – Enough! It’s bad enough that they’re going through all this nonsense without Edda actually confirming that she is pregnant, but the sex talk in front of the progeny is really sickening. Do any parents actually do that? Any parents that have never driven their children into psychiatric care?

    MW – So the sociopath was cured by a few platitudes and a 10-second encounter in the park. Here’s a real test – cure Brooke McE. of his fixation with his daughter.

  126. Calico
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#123):
    Nope, just putting out the conversions for all!
    (I’m a Yank living in Canada so am always making conversions in my head) : )

  127. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Now we see how Mary Worth keeps her girlish figure: styrofoam extruded styrene pie.*

    It starts with getting an egg fresh from the chicken’s butt. It ends with an enraged Henrietta Beak accusing Pierce of an unspeakable act involving her cloaca.

    “Margo sinks into the chair and…” plans the next few steps in her long con.

    Multiple Choice Question: Which cartoon character is quoted as saying, “My philosophy is to keep talking to…kids and hope something sinks in eventually.”
    a. Mary Worth, Mary Worth
    b. Ellie Patterson, For Better or For Worse
    c. Ralph Drabble, Drabble
    d. Mary Worth damnit, who else could possibly say that? [*]

    * I don’t want Josh on Dow Chemical’s shit list, hence the strikeout.

  128. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#118): Thanks. And thanks for putting Conquistador firmly in my head. It’s nice to have a good earworm every so often.

  129. Sans Sense
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    JP: Sam has got to be pissed, he hasn’t received any high value free crap in many story lines. I can only assume the primary beneficiary in all their wills is one Rex Morgan MD.

  130. Calico
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Clikky the SafetyPinHead (#124):
    Mmmmmm, white chocolate cheesecake! I could totally go for that, as long as there’s no Crisco or salmon involved.

  131. Just Call Me E
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Hmm…apparently Shoe is set in Kermit, West Virginia

  132. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    This just in: science has found something older than Mark Trail storylines.

  133. Just Call Me E
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    GACK! Plugger cleavage today! Oh, it burns…….!

  134. Calico
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    FLM – I just read your recent blog post, and I’ve been thinking about which Chris Bohjalian book to read next, and I think you have helped seal the deal for me – it shall be “The Night Strangers.” : )

  135. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#126): Ah. That makes sense. To be honest, I think almost exclusively in Fahrenheit, but the arithmetic was easier in Celsius since it has a direct one-to-one correlation to Kelvin.

    But the point remains — regardless of whether it’s a cold winter day or a summer scorcher, if the temperature doubles (as so many weathermen are wont to say), all our lead soldiers would be starting to look decidedly non-military in their stance.

  136. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#111): Given my mood today, I kinda want that.

  137. Shrug
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#100):

    “This comic strip has been brought to you by the new Spiderman Major Medical Insurance.”

    What they don’t tell you is that you still have to come with the proportional co-pay of a spider.

  138. commodorejohn
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Zits – …holy shit. I didn’t even look at Zits until @Baka Gaijin (#127) mentioned it, but…yeesh. There are things on FurAffinity that aren’t that perverse.

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#128): Innit, though? I’ve had “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” stuck in mine this morning…

  139. Paul1963
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, over in Gasoline Alley, junkyard-dwelling bumpkin Rufus has successfully disposed of the last of his unspayed cat’s offspring by leaving it in a basket on Walt’s doorstep, thereby giving the artist an opportunity to re-create the iconic strip of 2/14/1921 in which Walt discovered the foundling Skeezix there.
    I’m sure Walt’s full-time, live-in caretaker, will be just thrilled down to her toes to learn that, in addition to cooking for and cleaning up after her 114-year-old charge, her duties will now include feeding and cleaning up after a kitten. ‘Cause, you know, that’s exactly what every super-centenarian needs: a pet which will outlive him by a decade or more.

  140. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#138): Ohhh! I’m going to get that one stuck next.

  141. LP2004
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#135): I’d really like to see the TV weather forecasts use absolute temperatures: “Okay, folks, the temperatures tomorrow will only get into the mid-480′s, so be sure to bundle up!”

  142. Cloudbuster
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#129): Sam got the ultimate gift of high-value free crap in the package called “his rich wife, Abbey.”

  143. Sans Sense
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

  144. Sans Sense
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#142): Extremely high value IMHO

  145. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: You are only coming through in waves,
    Your beak moves but she can’t hear what you’re saying,
    Ro-o-o-oz has become comfortably numb

    JP: So what have we learned from this storyline?
    1. A jealous wife and her head are soon parted.
    2. Oil shortages are a story we made up for the rubes.
    3. As always, being in the 1% is awesome.

    OBH: Ruthie needs to clarify, because mom is clearly worried that the family has been relocated to Marvintown.

    Lockhorns: Oh, but they did list everything they didn’t want. Right at the top it says “Leroy and Loretta showing up.” I know, short list so it’s easy to miss it.

    S-M: “Oh, and whatever medical insurance Actor’s Equity provides. But mostly SHE’S GOT ME!” SLAM!

    MT: “And why is it glowing? This is some messed up grass, man.”

    MW: She’ll get her job back when Dan Smithers turns the company down. “No, as it turns out I like sleeping on behches, rescuing cans from the garbage, and occasionally screaming at people out of the blue. I really think it’s the wave of the future.”

    BSt: Not so much “funny” as “horrifying veterinarian’s war story”, but go on.

    Baldo: El Gordo has got it right. Never leave home without an inflateable witch in your duffel bag. You never know when you might need one.

    Luann: Hey Evans, you know that remaining taboo? The one that says you can’t show water sports in the funnies? Well, a lot of us will be happy if that barrier remains standing. Just in case you had anything in mind.

    Popeye: She’s a complicated woman. She likes blowing things up, but she’ll make the blowing up as hard for herself as she can.

    GA: Kitties + dementia = fun

    A3G: The letterer really has to go over this one and replace all of the ses in Margo’s thought balloon with dollar signs. As it is her golddigger daydreaming is way too subtle $ubtle.

  146. Spotts1701
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#49): There’s a little-known footnote at the bottom of the book. Here, let me loan you my magnifying glass:

    “All rules within this book do not apply if the person is married to, within the third degree of consanguinity of, or is otherwise designated as ‘a friend’ of Randy Parker or Sam Driver.”

    Dang fine print – it’ll get you every time!

  147. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 11th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#145): Boy, I’m getting all kinds of great earworms from this site today.

  148. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#132): The coelacanth is very popular in the community.

  149. Sans Sense
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Just where the hell is this going?

    Knut: I didn’t see asparagus on the menu!


    Knut: Sounds like I got my work cut out for me after you finish…

  150. UncleJeff
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Love Is….comparing the wangs of the actors in her favorite porn movie.

  151. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#88): As a Celexa user, I notice I get a bit dizzy when I miss a dose (such as when the pharmacy is late in filling my prescription). Maybe THAT is what Roz’s problem is.

  152. Bootsy
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#56):

    Thanks a lot, Frank. My new earworm is “I Walked with a Zombie”.

  153. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#106): Rich people don’t stay rich by spending their money. From what I understand, smart/rich (different from dumb/rich, such as athletes or lottery winners) are some of the world’s biggest cheapskates.

  154. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#72): UNCONTROLLABLE SHUDDERING at the thought of Summer with clear paternal stand-in Cody. This must not be alllowed to happen.

  155. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#154): Can’t handle the thought of Cody and Summer on a solo car date, can you?

  156. mumbles
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Silly me. When I saw the title of Josh’s post I assumed it would involve Rush Limbaugh’s Oxycontin-inspired nightmare about Callista Gingrich.

    JP: any clue how the Saudis can declare their gift “tax free”? Did they gain control of the IRS during the last administration?

  157. Government Cheese
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Luann: “Yes, our PPPT relationship PRAAAAAP has gotten PLOP strange. Toilet paper please Knute?”

    Mary Worth: Times are so tough at Charterstone that Mary has to serve pieces from Trivial Pursuit.

  158. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Piranha Club “We are absolutely broke. We haven’t two cents to rub together.”
    You’re welcome.

  159. This Guy
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Islamorada Girl (#88): Not nitpicking. I’m getting damned sick of the “antidepressants == emotional lobotomy” thing. Far from helping to remove the stigma of neuro/psychological illnesses, the mass media are piling on with the notion that anyone who needs medication to avoid sinking into complete non-functionality is a pathetic escapist.

  160. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#45) wrote:

    RMMD: I’d like to hit them ALL in the head with a brick!

    I’m on it!

  161. Peanut Gallery
    April 11th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#Y287): It’s a deal! I’ll cut out the letters and rearrange it to say “Our Trip: Ah, Fishermen Descended.”

    @Joshua (#Y310): Thank you! Infinity is so much fun.

  162. tallyHO
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Just Call Me E (#131):
    Did a little birdie tell you that?

  163. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Luann And now for some additional slightly inappropriate discussion…
    Are women ever “pee-shy”? If I had to urinate and Knute was hovering around behind me, door or no, I’d never be able to accomplish the task… er… at hand. Just wonderin’.

  164. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#153): From what I understand, smart/rich (different from dumb/rich, such as athletes or lottery winners) are some of the world’s biggest cheapskates.

    Hmmm, so exactly which category would Scott fit?

  165. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#Y310): @Peanut Gallery (#161): Ok, but you CAN do it with calculus, too, right? Just asking.

  166. Hogenmogen
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I forgot that Scott was fabulously rich. So rich, in fact, that he could have hired an interior decorator and a couple of guys to paint the walls. If that cheap bastard comes up from the wine cellar with anything less than Chateau Cheval Blanc ’47, he’s going to have stilletto marks on his body that he can’t easily explain to Nina with a straight face.

  167. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#161):

    “Infinity is so much fun.”

    True. But be careful! It can’t last forever….

  168. Daniel
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    H&L Trixie’s hair comes from “Max und Moritz,” a gut-wrenching 19th-century German comic.

  169. Hogenmogen
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#91): I thought the decline of Western Civilization started when nurses stopped wearing those piffy hats and started wearing floral patterned scrubs.

  170. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#165):

    For a discrete series such as the one contemplated, you can use algebra. For a continuous one, you would need calculus.

  171. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Multiple choice question: Which cartoon character said, “Quit wreckin’ my mecha!”
    a. Lio, Lio
    b. Boy, Cow and Boy
    c. Toby Cameron, Mary Worth
    d. Cow, Cow and Boy [*]

  172. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#171): No. It’s Boy of Cow and Boy.

  173. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#171):

    e. Worse, For Better or For Worse
    f. Rose, Rose is Rose
    g. Peaches, Herb & Jamaal
    h. Pig, Pearls Before Swine

  174. Dood
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker is like a game show, but without the contestants actually having to do anything to win other than merely participating. Come on down!

  175. Little Guy
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#163): Somehow, I hesistate to think of Luann when it comes to Shy Urethas and Golden Showers.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#173): i. Rusty, Mark Trail
    j. Bwad, Luann
    k. C-Dog, Candorvillel
    l. Queen Victoria, NAoQV
    m. Yenny, Yenny

  176. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 11th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#155): Let’s just say that I have a very Luke Skywalker-esque response to the idea.

  177. Liam
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Luann-Don’t mind the camera over the toilet stall. The last janitor liked to take pictures people using the bathroom and Knute just hasn’t bothered to take it out. It’s not like he is going to take pictures of you.

    Archie-Those aren’t speed bumps. That is the student cemetery. These people have been in high school so long that they never graduate and wind up dying of old age.

  178. Here come da Judge
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Michael Manley, Judge Parker artist, seems to have been steadily increasing the size of April’s breasts for the last week or so, I’m guessing in a bid to get some increased airtime on THE COMICS CURMUDGEON. Josh, I think you averted a crisis by running today’s strip- soon April wouldn’t have been able to stand upright if you hadn’t come to the rescue.

  179. bats :[
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

  180. Master Softheart
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: “This is Lee Falk, and I would like to talk to you on behalf of Phantom International LLP about one of the most fantastic investment opportunities available today. As part of our aggressive expansion plans, Phantom International is now accepting applications for Phantom franchises in various national jurisdictions around the world. Beginning with our pilot program in Mexico, we plan on building up a team of Phantom-affiliated national vigilante heroes around the world, and we want you to be a part of it. Our high-quality superheroes will be based on the finest and most entertaining national stereotypes, and – just like the original Phantom – will form the basis of exciting legends that will generate brand value for decades or centuries to come.

    “You may ask, ‘Lee, as a mentally unstable would-be vigilante with a fetish for wearing spandex, why shouldn’t I just chase the dream on my own? Why do I need Phantom International to help me?’

    “There are two answers, my friends: experience and brand value. Phantom International has centuries of experience in the immortal vigilante business, and when you join our family as a national Phantom franchise, we put that experience to work for you. Do you know how to fake your own death effectively? Do you know how to make a pair of sunglasses into an impenetrable disguise that will leave thugs, police, and national intelligence agencies completely helpless to track your career in private sector justice? Do you know where to find contractors who can construct a skull-themed base of operations suitable for housing minions, conducting advanced, computer-aided crime research, or brooding darkly when your loved ones deaths are faked to cover kidnapping by an archenemy? In fact, do you feel confident that you can develop a dramatically satisfying relationship with a criminal mastermind who can qualify as your personal archenemy?

    “Make no mistake – these are challenging questions, and few vigilantes are able to address them without the kind of effective, time-tested support and advice that we offer all of our franchise operators. But you get more than just the knowledge and resources of Phantom International when you sign on with us – you also get the rock-solid, trademarked Phantom brand that has been reliably terrifying criminals, pirates, and terrorists for more than three centuries. Look at the crypts under our original Skull Cave to see how that reputation was built: crafted one skull-shaped indentation at a time across five continents. Criminal scum know to fear the Phantom brand, and that fear can work for you each time you pull on your vaguely ridiculous costume and sneak into a warehouse to foil arms dealers or drug runners.

    “So whether you’re contemplating a crime-fighting career themed as a Mexican wrestler, a Japanese Samurai, or an Argentinian cowboy, call today and ask for our free informational booklet setting out the basics of vigilantism the Phantom way and consider joining our proud family tradition. We know you won’t regret it – but criminals will; and that’s a promise I don’t need to make in the Bandar tongue!”

  181. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#175):
    n. Henry, Henry

    Did I win?

  182. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#181):

    i. Brutus, The Born Loser

    In other words: no. No prize for you!

    If you had only gone with:

    o. Henry, Henry

    You could have won Honorable Mention

  183. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#172): Are you sure? [looks at Cow and Boy, hits magnifier] By gum, you’re right.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#173), @Little Guy (#175) and @Nehemiah Scudder (#181): Uh oh, did I cause a meme?

  184. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#170): Thanks, but that wasn’t the question. Of course you can use algebra. That has been demonstrated. The question is: can you solve it using calculus? Whether that is the best, or simplest, or most elegant solution is something else.

  185. Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#184):

    Calculus would require a continuous function. The question involves a discrete function.

    As I recall, the question was: If I want someone to net $100 from a taxable gift, how much do I need to give them if my marginal tax rate is 28%?

    The answer would be: X. Where .72x = 100. Thus, send them 138.888(repeating)

    This was expressed as a discrete sequence:

    I send $100. The recipient only keeps $72. So I send another $28. The recipient keeps 20.16. So I send ….

    To use calculus, you would convert this to a flow. If I receive money continuously, at the rate of $1/day less taxes, how many days will I need to keep the flow going to net $100?

    Integral from 0 to N of F(x), where f(x) = .72X. Set N so that the cumulative value of F(x)=100.

  186. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#182): O fustigate me! I should have seen “o. henry” ! Pfui & pshaw!

  187. Marc
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#169): They were trying to get away from the Nurse Ratched image. They probably figured floral patterned scrubs were the furthest thing from that.

  188. tallyHO
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Baily:
    If the strip had a running storyline, this would be the first part of an elaborate, delightful, heist of Epic Consequences.

    She stole his gun, right? He’s so delirious that he is debating on turning the siren on.

  189. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#184): Any math problem can be solved via calculus. Calculus encompasses the other fields of mathematics. It’s just that for simpler cases, most functions simplify to zero and therefore don’t enter the equation. (Just as the Law of Cosines, c^2 = a^2 + b^2 -2ab cos(theta), simplifies to Pythagoras’ Theorem when theta = 90°.)

  190. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin\’s Cardboard Box (#185): Ok, I see that. I did study differential calculus, but that was decades ago, in another country, and besides, the wench is dead.

    One quibble, though, the pertinent rate would be the tax rate of the beneficiary, not the donor, I would think. But JP’s Saudi prince would know that, as a friend of the Parkers and Drivers, April’s rate would be whatever the top rate was.

  191. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#189): Yes, of course. Just as Einstein’s physics incorporates and complements Newton’s physics, it does not contradict them.

    // Alas, those brain circuits have long been disused. Excuse me while I get an aspirin and a shot of scotch.

  192. tallyHO
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox:

    I’m sure it is just a coincidence, the raccoon does have fewer toes than those endangered species. He’s also quite able given that he, unlike the tiger, the panda and the orangutan, has no opposable thumbs. No wonder the li’l guy is a survivor. Those others let their thumbs get them into trouble.

    I do admire his pizza eating method.*

    Thus ends my sanctimonious environmental lesson for the day.

    *ha. just kidding. I know he’s been dumpster diving and found a partially eaten rind to get his chomp on.

  193. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 11th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#190):

    Yes, I noticed that (and the extra / in my user name) after I posted. However, tied in to the Spectacular Spider-Brick’s comment, this is a special case where, as members of the 1% with access to ex-US assets, both the giver and the recipients have a marginal tax rate of 0.

    A better use of calculus, related to Here Come Da Judge’s comment at #178, would be to determine the rate of change in April’s boobs. First, estimate a function to approximate her curves. Then, take the first derivative. This is the slope of her breasts. Then, take the second derivative. That is the rate of change of her slope.

    I’d love to be the plus C in that solution, ifyouknowwhatImean!!

  194. tallyHO
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley:

    Dude’s near death. He’s confusing cats with unseen lines on paper…I mean other characters.

  195. tallyHO
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    They waste no time getting to the root of the problem.
    They are animals.
    They probably also don’t waste time climbing to the tops of trees or eating the bark off of trees either.

  196. Theodora of Forth
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @anon (#19):

    Thank you! You beat me to that rant.l

  197. crazy fungus
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    #127 Baka- fresh eggs from a chickens butt: see today’s Zits
    yesterday’s Todd the Dinosaur & friend were eating birds’ nests,
    and Garfield & Jon are running thru bunches of grapes. So who’s been hitting the weed in MT?
    why, the cartoonists. And the coloring dudes, whatever you call them

  198. commodorejohn
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#193): I’ll take any derivatives she wants, man.

  199. tallyHO
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    While I don’t read it often, I just finished reading The Exciting Life and Times of All Living Creatures Surrounding the Title Character, a.k.a., Ziggy.

  200. Ian Beste
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#193): Comics Curmudgeon: Come for the snark, stay for the word problems.

  201. debussy fields
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    FC–That Keane baby is truly deformed. Get him a job in a circus sideshow.

  202. Fashion Police
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#169), @Marc (#187):
    Point talen. A nurse without a piffy hat is certainly analagous to a forest ranger without a necktie. In truth, however, nothing marked the decline of civilization quite so strongly as allowing girls to wear pants to school.

    ‘Tis a minor matter, but we believe the nursing profession (except Miss Abigail Thompson, and possibly Miss June Gale) discarded piffy hats (and starched white dresses) at least a decade before they adopted floral scrubs.

  203. Liam
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    Archie-Those aren’t speed bumps. That’s where the good jokes are buried.

  204. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#149):

    Luann: Just where the hell is this going?

    Knut: I didn’t see asparagus on the menu!


    Knut: Sounds like I got my work cut out for me after you finish…


    Knut: Can we get a courtesy flush please?!!


    Knut: My god woman – What in the world did you eat?!!

  205. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#202): Ok, you got me. What is “piffy”? Not in my regular dictionaries, though online Urban Dictionary has it as hip-hop slang for marijuana. And what does it have to do with nurse’s headgear?

  206. bats :[
    April 11th, 2012 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Dang. There’s always something to ruin it…

  207. Alter Ego
    April 11th, 2012 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#150): Ha ha! “It’s THIS big!”

  208. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 11th, 2012 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    OBH — Her full name is “Dixie Julep Cat Dancing”!

    Todd the Dinosaur — Warts to like about this strip?

  209. The Ridger
    April 11th, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#6): Hey, at least Edda will be plying her waters instead of her conviction – I’m not even sure what that latter is supposed to mean.

  210. Violet
    April 11th, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    So the Luann editors were like, “Okay, but couldn’t Knute just guard the entrance to the men’s room and make sure no one went in?” but Evans was all, “No dice. We’re doing this the grossest way imaginable or we’re not doing it.”

  211. bats :[
    April 11th, 2012 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    GA: I’m glad this is working out well for all the kitties. I hope the writer for GA will go the next step and have Kitty Cat and Boo(? is that his name?) fixed so everyone lives happily ever after.

  212. commodorejohn
    April 11th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#211): Unless you’re excluding Kitty Cat and Boo from “everyone,” that’s an awfully strange definition of “happy.”

  213. commodorejohn
    April 11th, 2012 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    You know, I just realized: as gross as the last couple days of Luann have been? This is only the setup. We’ve yet to even get to the point where the tee-hee naughty naughty sexy hijinks tee-hee begin.

    shoot me now.

  214. Liam
    April 11th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    JP-If Randy doesn’t want the car would he take a hummer.

    A3G-I forget that he’s fabulously wealthy since he doesn’t flaunt his wealth like that Judge Parker guy.

    MT-Ranger Tom Martin, don’t forget the other three “W”s. Why are they doing this? What are they doing this for? Where are they doing this?

  215. Liam
    April 11th, 2012 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    Luann-It could be worse. Knute could be watching you to make sure you don’t pee on the seat and that you use the proper wiping method.

  216. JudgeDeadd
    April 11th, 2012 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Well, so far, Roz has possibly committed at least one murder while in a state of impaired judgment, and has been known to speak to inanimate objects. This just closes the case: she’s a junkie.

  217. Hairhead
    April 11th, 2012 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    Luann –

    CRYSTAL: His, Honey, I’m ho-o-ome.
    KNUTE: (flings himself down on his back in front of her, bare-chested. He licks her feet.) Oh Mistress! Give me something to . . . to CLEAN!
    CRYSTAL: (drops her skirt and panties, squats over Knute, and dumps a gooey, steaming pile on his chest. She twirls her ass while she does this, resulting in an artfully built-up cone, much like a caramel-coated soft-serve.) That nice, honey?
    KNUTE: (pouts) You haven’t given me an “Evans” in a week!
    CRYSTAL: Are you sure you’re ready for an “Evans”?
    KNUTE: Please, pretty please! I’ll let you put me in your underwear and beat me!
    CRYSTAL: Okay — but after dinner! (Crystal changes her position, and grunts, and plops out one final turd into Knute’s open and salivating mouth)
    KNUTE: tank oo mis’ress!
    CRYSTAL: (standing up and pulling on her clothing) Fine, fine. I’ll leave while you clean. But no more “Evans’s” for a month.

    Meanwhile over at B-wad’s, Toni has TJ tied up . . . .

    Well, after this sequence, what does Evans expect us to imagine?

  218. Scott D
    April 11th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: Baby Trixie’s ennui is the product of her existential dread, knowing that the end of the world is nigh, with global warming having reduced the atmosphere to wisps of gas in a colorless sky and death-black landscape. “Running a temperature, Mom? Really? There’s nowhere to run to escape my DOOM! Curse you, Sunbeam!”

  219. MapDark
    April 11th, 2012 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    9CL : Now I’m confused , WHEN does 9CL take place anyway? Because the characters are clearly not in their fifties-sixties , which would be kind of a minimal requisite for them to have parents who met during WW2.

  220. commodorejohn
    April 11th, 2012 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    @MapDark (#219): It helps if you realize that every woman other than Gran and Sister Hardass is the exact same face and body with different clothes and hair.

  221. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 11th, 2012 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    Luann — Missing 4th panel: Knute takes out a bottle of ATX ODOR KILL,
    and begins spraying the area around Crystal’s stall:

    (It’s like Axe Body Spray… only stronger!)

  222. Uncle Lumpy
    April 11th, 2012 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#220):

    And all the guys are the same except Seth. 9 Chickweed Lane is performed by a really down-on-its-luck repertory company.

  223. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#222): I prefer to think of 9CL as a low-rent version of Ed Whelan’s Minute Movies and E.C. Segar’s Thimble Theatre.

  224. Jamus The Bartender
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#43): I’m pretty sure either Nick Fury or Tony Stark handles all of that for them.

  225. Tilaney
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    I think you’re all missing the genius of Judge Parker. I never thought I’d say that.

    You have to be careful what you wish for. Wilson and Maney (?) are playing a great game of “and”

    When we were kids we played that all the time. “You get ice cream everyday” “And it has whipped cream!” “And its good for you!” “And you never gain weight!” Okay that’s my adult dream.

    I would never have thought up something like tax free giant cars, free gas for life and boobs that grew a little bigger everytime someone looked at me.

  226. Jamus The Bartender
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#76): Oh, my God, you’re right. No chance the Joker’s gonna show up on a flying toy doll here, is there?

  227. Jamus The Bartender
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#92): Wow. Yeah, I haven’t seen that. And would love to :)

  228. commodorejohn
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#222): And I’m pretty sure Sister Hardass is just Thorax in a habit.

  229. Fashion Police
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#205):
    All credit for “piffy” must go to Mr. @Hogenmogen (#169). We borrowed his term as quite a colorful and appropriate descriptor for nurse’s headgear of half a century ago, whether it is an actual word or not. Sometimes the sound is what matters.

  230. Jamus The Bartender
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @Paul1963 (#139): @Hairhead (#217): (spoiler) after seeing the episode of Venture Bros where everyone in the cast argues over what constitutes a Rusty Venture, none of this really shocks me anymore.

  231. Peanut Gallery
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#155): Don’t worry, their relationship wouldn’t last more than a few tick-tocks. After all, his idea of taking her out to dinner is probably just a quick trip to the vendos.

  232. gnome de blog
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    Keisl and Edna (Eva) met in 1944 when Keisl was a prisoner of war in England and she was a USO singer and OSS spy. Edna was engaged to Bill, her spy handler. He turned up MIA at Utah Beach. Keisl and Edna, though obviously attracted to one another, never so much as kissed.

    They met again 10 years later when Keisl’s opera company performed in Manhattan, where Edna was living. They agreed that Edna would follow Keisl back to Vienna when his opera tour ended. They had one night of passion, which resulted in Juliette, who was probably born in 1955. Immediately thereafter, Edna discovered that Bill was still alive and had been living in an asylum since the war. Mostly out of pity, she stayed with him. He agreed to marry her and raise her child as his own, even though he knew he wasn’t the father.

    There’s a lot more, but believe me, you don’t want to know. Edna and Keisl should be in their mid- to late 80s.

  233. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 11th, 2012 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#229): Ok, I’m guessing it was supposed to be “spiffy”. Am I right, Mr. Hogenmogen?

    // And they were sort of spiffy, too. I remember hearing somewhere that each particular nursing school had their own unique style of hat, and that a nurse would always wear that one style throughout her (almost always a her) career, where ever she worked. I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s a charming story.

  234. Jeff
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    While Hi & Lois won the “Vintage Madness” bracket contest at King Features Judge Parker and Hi & Lois (from the 50′s) will be added to the “Vintage” lineup.

    It will cool to see the Judge Parker strips from 1968-1978.

  235. kkarenb
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#233): I heard the same thing about the nurses’ caps, that each nursing school had its own style of cap. A black stripe along the top meant that the nurse was an RN. They had to keep those caps starched and immaculately white. I think I learned this from the novel “Sue Barton, Student Nurse.”

    At a hospital a while back I saw a nurse wearing a top printed with a Mr. Potato Head pattern, which I’m sure would be much less frightening for child patients than those white uniforms. Maybe that was part of the reason for the move away from the white uniforms – colors and patterns would help put the patients at ease. Plus they are probably a lot easier to keep clean.

    Of course, we can still see stark white nurse’s uniforms and caps in Mark Trail and Apartment 3G.

  236. Poteet
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

  237. Poteet
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#222): Wow, that explains a lot. And thank you. Now I can feel sorry for them occasionally. Constant seething disgust was becoming old.

  238. True Fable
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#83): GOAT! Goat blowing raspberries!

  239. True Fable
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    Look, I’m a huge Judge Parker fan; probably the biggest JP fan in all of Curmudgerdom. I’ve been in Woody Wilson’s corner cheering him on for years. He brought back April. He let Sophie enter high school and get a boyfriend and actually qualify for some Judge Jugs. Okay, so Randy hasn’t come out of the closet yet and Abbey still hasn’t gotten sex from Sam or anyone else for that matter, but I’m still optimistic.


    WOODY, WHAT THE HELL?! April works for the gub’mint, she should know she can’t accept two cars and a lifetime supply of gasoline! It’s fucking ILLEGAL, Woody. Honest it is. Geez, is it really so hard to think of Randy as gay and April his curvacious beard? You still have Sam Driver’s pomposity and all the Pretty People Posse you want, to play with. Oh, and one more thing -


  240. Poteet
    April 11th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    MT — One of the goals in growing the evil weed is to do it where it won’t be seen so the grower won’t be caught. Public land managed by the Forest Service tends to be used by a lot of people for a variety of activities, including boating. So growing right next to a river — not smart. I’m thinking the two perps should quit smoking their product before making business decisions.

  241. gleeb
    April 11th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#120): Nobody drink the coffee.

  242. cheech wizard
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    9CL -A lot of people complain about the whole WII story line involving Keisl. But somehow, knowing that Juliette and her daughter are Nazispawn is what makes this whole strip believable.

    A3G – ok, Margo, here’s your chance to prove how wicked you really are. Because I’m getting pretty sick of the current Mary Worth storyline.

    Archie – Those aren’t speed bumps. Those are Archie, Betty, Veronica, Jughead, Reggie, Moose and gawd knows who else after Svenson went all Anders Breivik on the smug little bastards.

    GA – Walt’s befuddled, because he never got any pussy in 1921.

    MW – He was shocked, shocked! Then he closed down the whole office until further notice.

    PH- The Phantom may have been fighting evil for 400 years, but I bet that flight attendant has been serving air passengers since 1962.

    JP – Ok, so the lovesmitten Saudi prince knows April’s engaged, right? So what do you bet that second car is wired with a bomb?

  243. Hank
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    @MapDark (#219): Her parents met in the 40s but she wasn’t conceived until 1957 or so. Brooke actually covered this one

  244. Hank
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#163): According to Richard Pryor, yes.

  245. Señor Tortilla
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @Jeff (#234): That H&L poster is bizarre. Hi looks fairly competent, Ditto has less hair, Chip is way younger, and Lois has a really thin waist. Really thin.

  246. Hank
    April 11th, 2012 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @Violet (#210): You think Luann has editors?

  247. tallyHO
    April 12th, 2012 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    I understand why people make fun of Luann and 9CL.
    What I don’t get is: why read either in the first place.

    I haven’t read much of either unless either is a featured comic of the day on this site. It wasn’t until this week that I figured out that the Brooke person is a guy. And, I don’t even know which of the two strips he does!!!

    The comments make both seem like the worst ever soap operas strips that are masquerading as casual, humorous strips. For the love of all that is funny, I can’t bring myself to follow them.
    While I can see they are Bad enough to make fun of, how do you folks endure what sounds like torture?

  248. tallyHO
    April 12th, 2012 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    @Jeff (#234):
    Who aaarree those people?

    The kid in the striped shirt looks like he just got of an audition for “West Side Story”. And, don’t tell me that lady isn’t hopped up on something. It is the only thing that explains her post-four child figure and her faraway gaze.

    What’s that sound?

  249. commodorejohn
    April 12th, 2012 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#247): Trainwreck syndrome. I can’t look away. I want to, but I can’t.

  250. Droopy Says
    April 12th, 2012 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Lieber and Lee perfectly capture the horrible moment in which you realize that J. Jonah Jameson is right about Spiderman.

    The Amusing Spiderman, again: “Uh . . . good news, friend. You and the lady have been exposed to too much Thor, but we can fix that with a shot of Thorazine.”

    Mock Trail: This strip is one surprise after another.

    EffYou Wankerbeat: Is Cody trying to fantasize that Summer is attractive? Or is Batiuk trying to fantasize he can draw?

    Family Circus: No, melonhead, we are not going to trust you with anything sharp.

    Pluggers would be much happier if they wandered into Gasoline Alley.

  251. Poteet
    April 12th, 2012 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#247): It feels so good when I stop. Also, I feel a need to follow those strips so I can understand the entertaining comments about them. Also, there are some other painful-to-read strips that I don’t follow (like MARVIN), so I tell myself that 9CL and Luann are sort of my share of the collective CC suffering.

    You see? That’s the sorry level of rationalization to which I’ve been driven. You have been warned! Be wise, and stay free of Those Two Strips!

  252. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 12th, 2012 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    @MapDark (#219): The two elderly characters are experiencing some sort of romantic fugue state that allows them to imagine that they are young again, and saves Brooke from having to draw old people canoodling.

    @tallyHO (#247): Because it is fun to go on self-righteous, pedantic rants, and Brooke (with his overweeningly self-satisfied commentary on his own work — now appearing at Pibgorn, his fairy-themed fetish-porn comic) is such a wonderful target for such screeds.

  253. tallyHO
    April 12th, 2012 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#252): I think that makes more sense.
    It has a lot to do with the creators, too.

    i’m probably wrong in doing a quick estimate but I think all of the strips I mostly make fun of are older ones that might be considered legacy strips. Newer strips are really hit or miss on my reading list. But, I can better understand the need to make fun of them if there is some self-righteousness going on. Self-righteous cartoonists and getting the impression they channel it into their work in obvious ways or in ways they might be oblivious to can rankle the strongest of open-minded readers.
    Ted Rall, Trudeau and others who dabble in or heavily rely on political commentary probably top a lot of lists for hating. But, 9CL and LuAnn seem so ignorable in comparison to the political kind of cartoon/comic.

  254. tallyHO
    April 12th, 2012 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    ^ my god. sorry about that second sentence in the second paragraph.
    that’s the only one I’ll apologize for though. hahaha

  255. Komerade X
    April 12th, 2012 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    “Mom, is Granma dead yet?”
    “No, dear, she’s only rotting.”

  256. crazy fungus
    April 12th, 2012 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Note to Stocky Roneaxe: All’s veal that ends veal in Todd the Dinosaur

  257. gnome de blog
    April 12th, 2012 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    @True Fable (#239):
    You may be Woody’s No. 1 fan, but I’m close. No 1.1 maybe. I think Woody’s having us on with the cars and the gas. His tongue has always been pretty firmly wadded in his cheek. I also believe Spencer City exists in a non-Euclidean alt.universe with, among other things, a different legal and ethical system than we’re used to. The relativity of space-time also operates on a different scale.

    Everything in Judge Parker makes sense once you realize it doesn’t have to make sense.

    And yes, bring back Cedric the Butler! And Sociology Girl. In fact, spin off a whole strip called Neddy in Paris. It can even be about shoes. Fashion Police would like that.

  258. Uncle Lumpy
    April 12th, 2012 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#257):

    Yes yes yes! And all the dialogue would be in crappy Google French:

    Cedrique: Ecoutez, punque! Je suis votre la plupart des mauvaises cauchemar!
    La mademoiselle de sociologie: Tu dit, ytalon!
    Neddie: Zut alors! les chaussures, il me les faut!
    La police de la mode: Merde! Ils ne correspondent pas à votre chemisier!

  259. This Guy
    April 12th, 2012 at 4:31 am [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#189): I’m reminded of a FoxTrot strip in which Jason finds the area of a 10-by-20 rectangle by integrating f(x) = 10 from 0 to 20.

  260. Mr. O'Malley
    April 12th, 2012 at 4:44 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#32): Now, how can a teapot be so ugly that Loweezy can’t stand the sight of it, and yet still have it be printable in a newspaper?

    Here is your answer. (From here.)

  261. Vanya
    April 12th, 2012 at 5:50 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#55): Not only was Kiesl not a Nazi, he is Austrian, which we readers are apparently supposed to believe absolves Kiesl of any blame. Brooke apparently still buys the “Sound of Music” myth wherein Austrians were victims of German aggression, rather than the unpalatable truth that most Austrians were pretty enthusiastic about Anschluss and made up a significant portion of the Waffen SS (and had adopted a Mussolini inspired “Austrofascism” in 1933). Not to mention the obvious fact that the big guy himself was an Austrian.

    But since mentally it is obvious Brooke is trapped somewhere in 1964 I’m not surprised he thinks that way.

  262. Dennis
    April 12th, 2012 at 5:59 am [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#106):
    That’s why he’s so wealthy. He never buys what he can mooch off everyone else.

  263. gleeb
    April 12th, 2012 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    Archie: Spot the differences. Ans: Chocolate doughnut, gluttony.

    ‘bean: Let’s see, not misery; not the band; not crappy pizza…ah, I got it! time for more comic book wankery!

    Driver with Gas!: Wait a minute, that’s not a Saudi-employed lawyer, that’s Griffy from Zippy. Run, April!

  264. Comcis Fan
    April 12th, 2012 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#263):

    Re FW: That’s it. Wankery — quasi-incestous wankery involving a delicate boy and a butch girl who both look like the author’s alter ego. Shivers, not the good kind.

  265. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
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  266. Little Guy
    April 12th, 2012 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    JP: Sam Driver, news spokesman for Beano.

  267. Droopy Says
    April 12th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#264): Could this be a chance for Summer to get a late start on her teen-pregnancy issue? It could destroy her college plans. It could keep her under Creepy Les’s thumb. And with Cody as the paternal DNA-donor, it guarantees another generation of losers. It’s the perfect Funkyverse trifecta of misery and despair.

  268. Hogenmogen
    April 12th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#224): Yeah, Tony Stark and Nick Fury have assistants to do the paperwork. Spidey is a one-man operation. Still, next time I visit a health care provider, I’m going to smassh. With my great strength, I’d have to request a pencil to snap, since those platic pens are too tough.

    Maybe I’ll just disassemble the pen and blow the ink on the forms and make a Rorsacht blot. That will give me immediate service, since the receptionist will interpret the blot as proof that I’m a crazed, violent psychopath and she better not keep me waiting. But sometimes an ink blot is really just an ink blot, y’know?

  269. JimmyKirk
    April 13th, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#180):

    This would have seemed so improbable if there wasn’t a DC Comics series titled”Batman Inc.”

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    Hope you get the {problem|issue} {solved|resolved|fixed} soon.

    {Kudos|Cheers|Many thanks|Thanks}|
    This is a topic {that is|that’s|which is} {close to|near to} my
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    you}! {Where|Exactly where} are your contact details
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    it but, I’d like to {send|shoot} you an {e-mail|email}.
    I’ve got some {creative ideas|recommendations|suggestions|ideas} for your blog you might be interested in hearing.
    Either way, great {site|website|blog} and I look
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    {Hola|Hey there|Hi|Hello|Greetings}! I’ve been {following|reading} your {site|web site|website|weblog|blog} for {a long time|a while|some time} now and finally got
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    Just wanted to {tell you|mention|say} keep up the {fantastic|excellent|great|good} {job|work}!|
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    {A great|An excellent|A fantastic} read. {I’ll|I will} {definitely|certainly} be back.|
    I visited {multiple|many|several|various} {websites|sites|web sites|web
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    {Howdy|Hi there|Hi|Hello}, i read your blog {occasionally|from time
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    get a lot of spam {comments|responses|feedback|remarks}?
    If so how do you {prevent|reduce|stop|protect against} it, any
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    {Thanks a lot|Thanks|Many thanks} for sharing!|
    {I really|I truly|I seriously|I absolutely} love {your blog|your site|your
    website}.. {Very nice|Excellent|Pleasant|Great} colors
    & theme. Did you {create|develop|make|build} {this website|this
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    Please reply back as I’m {looking to|trying to|planning to|wanting to|hoping to|attempting to}
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    {would like to|want to|would love to} {know|learn|find out} where
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    {Hi there|Hello there|Howdy}! This {post|article|blog post} {couldn’t|could not} be written {any better|much better}!
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    {Wow|Whoa|Incredible|Amazing}! This blog looks {exactly|just} like my old one!
    It’s on a {completely|entirely|totally} different {topic|subject} but it has pretty much the
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    {There is|There’s} {definately|certainly} {a lot to|a great deal to} {know about|learn about|find out about} this {subject|topic|issue}.
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    Keep on posting!|
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    {Hello|Hi|Hello there|Hi there|Howdy|Good day}! I could have
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    {I’m|I am} {gonna|going to} {watch out|be careful} for brussels.
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    {Hi|Hello}, i think that i saw you visited my {blog|weblog|website|web site|site} {so|thus}
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    {some of|a few of} your ide\

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