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A little light biochem humor

Hi and Lois, 4/14/12

The people in this scene don’t go from smiley to frowney because of Thirsty’s little jab — obviously they’re all well acquainted with the sad, hateful Thurston marriage’s dynamics. No, the sudden shift in mood comes because between panels they’ve all fallen through some kind of wormhole portal into a literal mirror universe, where everything is swapped right-to-left. Good luck processing right-handed amino acids in this terrifying hostile dimension, guys!

Mark Trail, 4/14/12

“Do you think he’ll like my green lipstick? I know he’s a square who hates marijuana, hopefully it won’t freak him out too much.”

173 responses to “A little light biochem humor”

  1. KreatureFeatures
    April 14th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    MT: “You can help us pack this stuff up tomorrow.” I look forward to watching this trio of wacky workers, one of them bald … hey, this is a promotion for that new Three Stooges movie, isn’t it? I can’t wait to see the eye-gouging, hair-pulling and face-splapping that ensues.

  2. sporknpork
    April 14th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Nothing feels more natural and relatable than two couples standing on either side of a fence in an abandoned farm, one with a wheelbarrow full of coal briquettes.

  3. LP2004
    April 14th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    H&L: So it’s the Thurston’s 20th anniversary. In other words, in a few months I will have been married for as long as a comic strip couple I’ve been reading about since the early 1970′s. This involves more cognitive dissonance than I can handle this early on a Saturday morning.

  4. Swordsmith
    April 14th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    MT: For you to help pack, we’re going to have to untie you. In order to make sure you don’t escape or attack us, one of us is going to have to not work so he can keep a gun trained on you. You’re going to be less effective at the work than we are, since you’re inexperienced and poorly motivated. Meanwhile, every second that you’re alive is one in which some distraction might occur allowing you to overpower us or send some sort of alert to the authorities. And since we’ve allowed you to see our faces, we can’t actually let you live, so we’re going to have to kill you eventually. Sadly, years of pot smoking has eroded our “git’r’dun” to the point where we’re going to put ourselves through the pointless exercise of keeping you as a prisoner/slave and killing you later, instead of doing the sensible thing and forcing you to dig your own grave right now.

    yesterMT Since the ranger specifically mentions that it is illegal to grow MJ on federal land, it must not be illegal to grow it on private land. This should help us locate Lost Forest, by narrowing it down to the few states with legalized marijuana farming.

  5. Higgs Boatswain
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois seem to have stumbled upon something far more sinister than they realise. “We can’t afford lawyers, Mr Flagston. That’s why I’ve brought Irma out to this deserted field, where I’m about to do her in with the flat edge of a shovel, and then burn both her body and myself in this ramshackle building over here that I assume must be some kind of barn. Surely that couldn’t be a house? I mean, if we had to live there I’d have completed this murder-suicide pact years ago. Anyway yeah, I wouldn’t worry about an anniversary gift if I were you.”

  6. Chareth Cutestory
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: Usually when people hear about a couple’s anniversary achievements, they take just a brief moment to say something like “congratulations!” Lois, however, ignores that and just wants to know how the hell they managed to stay together. No need for tact with the Thurstons!

    MT: “We’ll eat about eight! I’m yelling the time when I have dinner planned at you so that maybe you know not to go off punching any marijuana growers!”

  7. The Ridger
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    BB: Sarge may go up to the hill “to get away from it all” but I find it hard to believe that the soldiers ever thought of it something “we” did. Instead, it was something they were forced senselessly to do, and at least now they can enjoy part of it. Sarge, you need to go up there alone…

  8. Mibbitmaker
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    PCK Saturday Special is now up!

    Another comic book ad parody, this one as if from 1974.

  9. Anonymous
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    MT – “CHERRY! LOOK at your GREEN lips! YOU have been eating the GREEN crayons again, haven’t YOU?!”
    “I am sorry Mark, but I can not help myself. whenever I see a green crayon I must EAT it.”
    “THAT explains WHY Elrod only colored the tips of those bushes green in panel #2 and left the rest unfinished. YOU ate his green crayon!!”
    “You…you mean, I went GREEN and he didn’t finish the SCENE?!”
    “Yeah, and speaking of that, I think it’s way overdue for ME to leave the SCENE!”

  10. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: I swear, King Guz and Alley are the prototypes for TJ and Brad.

    Cul de Sac: Cul de Sac made me look up the word “trebuchet.” It was worth it!

  11. Mibbitmaker
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    H&L: The Thurstons: like the Lockhorns, but far, far more depressing.
    Lockhorns = Married with Children (but without children),
    Thurstons = Funky Winkerbean

    MT: Hey! Trail! That’s “Ranger Tom Martin” to you, PAL!

    Also — for generic bad guys, they sure are nice and polite. They also expect Ranger Tom Martin to help out. Bad guys, commune style.

  12. pugfuggly
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Josh, you are my personal hero of the day for your joke on amino acid chirality! I cannot describe the nerdy grin on my face at this moment….!

    (for those who might not be chem geeks, here’s a bit on the mystery of left-handed amino acids and the origin of life on earth)

  13. Stroker Ace
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    MT – More blue hair than Momma & Pluggers combined.

  14. Mibbitmaker
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    MT: The real reason for Cherry’s green lips: green-colored maple syrup.

  15. Illustrator Steve
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    MT – For bad guys, these nice UPS pot-grower-fellows seem just as thoughtfull and considerate as those two nice bank robbers from THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE who were so kind to that old blind dog. It is very considerate of these fellows to explain their plans in full detail to ranger Tom Martin while they bind and gag him and force him to sit on the cold damp ground for the next two weeks while he continues to wear his dress uniform and tie.
    (Don’t miss Monday’s Mark Trail, when Ranger Tom shouts, “HEY fellows, WHERE is the latrine?!!”)

  16. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    A3G: Zabar’s is nice, isn’t it?

  17. TheDiva
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    H&L: Sadly, I have an aunt and uncle for whom this is true.

    MT: “You can keep us company…” This is going to turn into an awkwardly phrased, bold-inflated version of the basement scenes in That 70s Show, isn’t it?

    A3G: The Stepfordization of Nina continues. “Wow, you can buy food here and everything!”

    FW: Like the midons of the medieval troubadours, Summer must be worshipped from afar like the paragon of beauty and grace that she is by her unworthy admirers.

    Luann: Tiffany once again is the most likable and sensible character in the strip.

    MW: “Come on, we didn’t like these scenes the first time!” ~Crow T. Robot

    SM: What, both of them?

  18. Liam
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-In the first panel the cat lady’s food was not cooked to her liking and is giving it back to the waiter for it to be cooked right. In the second panel the food is brought back to her with some added ingredients.

    JP-”We are rehashing that storyline again. Can’t we do something where we are facing financial troubles. To make some extra money you have to resort to prostitution or stripping. Maybe you and April start one of those webcam websites where you prance around naked in front of the camera. Just take your clothes off already.”

    MW-For those who came in late Nola will spend the next couple of weeks rehashing what she has been doing for your benefit and to cover up the fact that the writer has no idea what to do with this storyline.

    MT-Let’s see according to my watch it is April 14th so seven o’clock will be about two weeks away and eight o’clock will be two weeks after that.

  19. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Mark – Ranger Tom, initials TM, seems like some sort of psychological double for Mark, initials MT. Maybe he’s in training to be the new Mark Trail, carrying out a rite of succession that’s unbroken since 1720.

    Family – Pithy one today.

    Zits – Looks like somebody’s fulfilling a paid request from underage oral/steamroller fetishists. Clever how they worked it in, anyway.

    @Mr. O’Malley (#y32): On the question of what happened with unplanned pregnancies back in the old days (9CL), I think Nancy has been proposed as an example. You “adopted” your “niece”.
    This fits neatly with my theory from the 80s that the number of “nephews” a character has is directly proportional to his sexual guilt. Popeye comes in first, though a simple word change in a title would give Mickey Mouse the win. (I’m thinking of “MICKEY’S ORPHANS BASTARDS.”)

  20. Illustrator Steve
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MT – “UH…Cherry, Your mouth is GREEN! WHAT loaf of bread did you use when you made your sandwich?”
    “Why Mark, I used a loaf of bread I found in the bottom of your backpack. It must have been from Saint Patrick’s day because it was GREEN!”
    “THAT bread wasn’t from St. Patrick’s day! THAT loaf of bread has been in the bottom of my backpack since 1973! You KNOW I never clean out my backpack!”
    “Oh Mark, WHAT should I do now?”
    “Well, you could stand on a Lost Forest street corner and sell your spit to be used as penicilin!”

  21. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Ranger Tom Martin does a convincing raccoon imitation. The stoners even chained him to a tree!

    Mary Worth, missing panel 3: Mary’s support-hosed legs dangling from the top of the panel with the implication she hung herself in shame over her failed Nola meddle.

    Alternate caption for Pluggers: Pluggers’ appetizer at the IHOP include the Prilosec, Lipitor, and Lasix Grand Slam.

  22. pugfuggly
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MT ‘We’ll eat about eight….roasted ducks. Hope you’re hungry.”

    MW Tune in next week to see Mary tell Nola’s story to Dr Jeff, because we know our readers never grow tired of the telling and retelling of a 30-second encounter between a skank and a hobo, wherein nothing happens at all.

    A-SM PSiderman fans? More like trashy tabloids. i can see the headlines now: Lazy Incompetent Superhero wins battle against gurney, loses war against dignity…

  23. Illustrator Steve
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    MT – “My, Cherry. You look ravishing this morning with your color-coordinated matching green blouse and green lipstick!”
    “Thanks, but I sure as hell didn’t do it for you! You…you unfeeling cold-clam-of-a-husband who never touchs me! If you MUST know, I have made myself pretty for when ranger Tom Martin arrives for dinner”.
    “Well, don’t get your hopes up to much, you…you SHE-DEVIL! I am aware of WHAT it is that you and ranger Tom Martin do to each other while I am away for months at a time. That is WHY I have arrainged it with UPS to ship your friend, ranger Tom Martin, far-far away from here so you and lost forest will NEVER see him again! Buh-hahahaha!”
    “You BRUT! I will take Doc and Rusty and LEAVE you!”
    ” ‘Bout time! Oh,before you leave, WHERE’s the pancake mix?”

  24. Liam
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois-Have you thought about a murder-suicide?

    MW-Cherry’s lips are green because she has been kissing the Green Fairy.

  25. Holly Folly
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    I like how Mark Trail seems to be completely unbothered by being tied to the tree. Does this happen so often that he is used to it by now? And why do the weed growers have that much rope on hand?

  26. Mibbitmaker
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    A3G: Lucky?! This is how Scott Gaines controls his woman by controlling the means of stuff entering the living chambers. “Broads love shopping! I know, I’ll deprive my wifeslave of her female pursuits!”
    Lucky? Not even close, Stepford!

    9CL: If this gets things out of the divisive social issue for a while, I approve!

    Crank: Mildly clever wordplay instead of sour malapropisms? And not as a thudding punchline, but ingrained into the dialogue? Great, just what I need — Pop Culture’s Elderly!

    Curtis: “Well, they’re actually drawn on, like everything else in this comic strip, but that’s not important….”

    CdS, Best Comic in the World: Invoking the creator of “Powerhouse” and other tunes all over the classic WB cartoons! As if I couldn’t love this strip any more….

    GA: Lost in its own (bad) meta.

    JP: The Luckiness Smug — finally averted!

    Marvin: Marvin, Marvin, Marvin! Is there any disgusting subject you won’t do?

    Ziggy: Silly bird! Expects a cable channel to actually be about what it’s supposed to be about! Still living in the early ’90s, aren’t you, squab?

    Popeye: “I’m a Doomsday Bomb and a lawn sprinkler. Kiss me!”

    MW: “…then, for some bizarre reason, he reached out and caught a large calf that was falling from the sky! That guy was awesome!”

  27. TheRealAaron
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#19): Family – Pithy one today.
    It’s too bad the editors rejected the Sorrows of Young Werther joke as too highbrow. “I need to Goethe the bathroom” really pops.

  28. Weaselboy
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    FW: Let me answer this one: He’s friends with you because no one else is willing to put up with your insecurity-driven sarcasm that you believe to be an actual sense of humor, and if you ever do get beat up because there’s no girl around to protect you, it will be well-deserved.

  29. NoahSnark
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    As Mark reaches for one of Cherry’s special brownies, the irony level in the strip reaches unparalleled heights.

  30. Señor Tortilla
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Didn’t read the Metapost comments, so here goes:

    H&L: Only 20 years? So prior to 1992, did Thirsty divorce his wife and marry a look-a-like?

    Luann: I’ll have to side with Tiffany. The sad thing is, this is normal for us.

    9CL: Crap! The weirdness in 9CL has broken the space-time continuum!

    FW: I can accept Summer as fairly popular, I cannot accept Summer as a sex goddess that is “out of the league” of Les2 and Funky2.

    Spider-Man: Yes! People profit off Spider-Man while he’s penniless! To be fair, Spider-Man is incompetent. And a jerk.

  31. Liam
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    FW-I think Cody and Summer will do great together. After all girls want to date guys who are like their father.

    Crankshaft-And the losers are homeless people Cranky can lure into his basement.

  32. Calico
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#16):
    Dean and DeLuca – LOL
    Only grocery I’ve been in in NYC was a little Gristede’s on lower Broadway, near CP Hospital. Cute little shop.

  33. Liam
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    MT-We’ve replaced Mark’s traditional typewriter with what our artist believes a laptop looks like or maybe that is a briefcase anyway let’s see if Mark notices the difference.

  34. Illustrator Steve
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#33): MT – THAT’s no laptop. THAT’s an old box of stale chocolates Mark had stashed in the bottom of his packpack. Cherry busted him for eating before dinner while Mark was pretending the box was full of tax receipts that he was going through in order to file his income tax before wandering off again t oGod knows where for the next six months. On the other hand, maybe Mark wouldn’t have been sneek-eating stale chocolates if he didn’t have to wait so damn long for his supper!

  35. Illustrator Steve
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Holly Folly (#25): And WHY do the weed growers have that much rope on hand?
    MT – The UPS fellows always have plenty of rope stored in their UPS van, which they have cleverly hidden in the underbrush. Unfortunately for the UPS guys, earlier in the day ranger Tom Martin called in an order to have a forestry plane drop fire bombs over the undergrowth to elliminate the crop of VILLAINOUS illegeal weed that he single-handedly discovered. (Single-handedly because his other hand was caught in his necktie!)

  36. btown
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Holly Folly (#25):

    And why do the weed growers have that much rope on hand?

    Because it’s made from hemp, of course!

  37. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    MT: Has Cherry ever shown that much flesh before? She’s got a regular Michelle Obama thing going on with her arms there, fabulously toned from years of stirring batter and flipping pancakes.

    MW: Thank goodness we’re seeing these scenes all over again; I imagine many members of this strip’s core audience (besides, um, us) need these refreshers. “Mary Worth: We never forget that you’re probably in the early stages of dementia.”

    (And thanks to the kind thoughts on the yesterthread; I’m feeling steadier today, and I’m focusing all sad thoughts where they belong: on the dog’s owner.)

  38. Mark B.
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    JP: “She’s out in the barn with Derek. The guitars came today, and so did Derek.”

  39. Illustrator Steve
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    MT – It turns out that ranger Tom Martin has been around for a while. According to Google, Ranger Tom Martin was born in 1856 and eventually retired after serving for many years as famous Texas Ranger Tom Martin. Later, Jackelrod interupted his retirement by giving him the forest ranger job in Lost Forest.
    His duties includ, checking in to see how Cherry is doing while Mark is away, playing checkers with Doc, taking Rusty fishing and flying around looking for something to smoke, if only he could remember WHAT they call it!

  40. Chyron HR
    April 14th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    MT – “We’ll eat about eight… people, that is! Go check your camper traps, honey.”

  41. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 14th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#19): Congrats on your winning comment over at D&C! Pies are selfish little so-and-so’s, aren’t they?

  42. Mark B.
    April 14th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Mary Worth can ask Toby over, and get Nola to recount her story again, thereby giving them a chance to recycle the art a third time.

    Maybe with each retelling the story gets embellished a bit, and by the time she gets to the waitress at the diner, the hobo is actually Jesus, and the shopping cart is a cross.

  43. Calico
    April 14th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#38):
    No WONDER Sam looks so damn jealous!

  44. Liam
    April 14th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Spider-”I’m sorry I got mad and totaled your gurney. It was either total it or fight you and there is no way I would win in a fight against you.”

    A3G-In the background the gray little people go through their gray little lives.

    FC-Dolly you have to say it this way, “Ieth needeth toeth goeth toeth theeth bathroometh.”

  45. Calico
    April 14th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    FC – “I just verily did peeth myselfeth.”

  46. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#37): “Stirring batter and flipping pancakes.” Is that what the girls are calling IT nowadays? Hey you kids, get off my lawnnnnn!

  47. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    April 14th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Whenever I engage in illegal activity, whether it’s burglarizing homes, smuggling artifacts, or harvesting illicit plants, I always forget to bring proper restraints for any witnesses/future hostages who may blunder across me. Thanks Mark Trail for opening my eyes!

  48. The Real Dan
    April 14th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Will Summer Moore’s Electra complex drive her to fall in love with a mopey schlepping wise-ass who looks way too much like her daddy? We’ll see.

  49. The Real Dan
    April 14th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: While the filthy rich bastard main characters were reaping the rewards of not being assassinated by international terrorists, I totally forgot that the child of the redhead and the chiseled lawyer guy was busy buying the love of some dopey teenaged guitar player. Gad, money makes life so easy. I’m jealous.

  50. Digger
    April 14th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    MT: I’ve noticed that Jack Elrod, probably in a bid for more recognition, has placed the Elrod ball almost smack in the middle of panel three. Next thing you know, this egomaniac will replace the giant ducks he so often draws with giant floating Elrod balls. Will Mark take notice of these Elrod balls run amok? Unlikely, since he already has to contend with well-mannered pot growers and Cherry’s mutation into a green-lipped swamp creature.

  51. Liam
    April 14th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail-Say guys do any of you know how to play the banjo because I am hearing “Dueling Banjos” at the moment.

  52. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “Scott does all the shopping. He says that money involves numbers and would only muddle my poor little woman brain.”

    BS – Reminds me of the time the pastor’s kid dropped a lit firecracker in a can of pop.

    DT – How many freak storms do they get in Not-Chicago? And will there be rats?

    FC – But Dolly, you don’t pisseth against the wall!

    FW – Are you kidding? Summer’d probably be desperately grateful for any male interaction that involves merely obvious staring and not breathing down her neck or constant references to DeadLisa.

    JP – Oh, oh, is it time for some more “Sam tries and hilariously fails to assert his WASPy male dominance” scenes? God, I hope so!


    Mandrake – “I ain’t got no body…”

    MT – Hey, check out Mark’s portable typewriter!

    MW – Next week, the recap of the recap!

    OBH – If there isn’t a National Real Fine Art Museum, there should be.

    Peanuts – Snoopy knows the score. He’s seen Night of the Lepus.

    RMMD – “I’m sorry, I’m tired and emotionally vulnerable and drunk off my shapely ass and wearing only a bathrobe! June, could you help me find the bed?”


  53. Calico
    April 14th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @The Real Dan (#49):
    Speaking of Oedipal, did anyone notice that Derek kind of looks like Sam? even though Sophie is adopted (I think), she’s all about the Freudian as well.

  54. Écureuil Écumant
    April 14th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#18): “MT-Let’s see according to my watch it is April 14th so seven o’clock will be about two weeks away and eight o’clock will be two weeks after that.”

    A month sounds about right for those gangly adolescents to grow some actual buds and be somewhat ready for harvest. These gentleman farmers deserve to get bonged gonged.

  55. Poteet
    April 14th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    MT — Interesting. The outdoor-working people around here tend to get up and go to bed fairly early and eat dinner before eight. But what I’m really wondering is how long it will take Mark to find Tom. The boat trip eliminates the Andy-nose-tracking option, so maybe Mark will have to go to Tom’s office and discover that Tom’s boat is missing and/or discover the photographs of the evil weed on his desk and take it from there. One week? Two weeks? Or will we be lucky enough to experience a wrinkle in time and get to the punching right away?

  56. Poteet
    April 14th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#54): I’d like to think the gentleman farmers decided to save money by collecting their own seed from wild escaped hemp, which would mean the THC content in their gangly crop is minimal. Of course the strange Markiverse potential customers they are likely to find might not know or care.

  57. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 14th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#41): Pies are selfish little so-and-so’s, aren’t they?
    Good lord, yes. I wouldn’t mind so much, but they have this sanctimonious image, like butter wouldn’t melt on their crust.

  58. Écureuil Écumant
    April 14th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]


    Them Flagston bushes caught a hella dose
    Of anthracnose.

  59. Poteet
    April 14th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    9CL, A3G, S-M — This is Secret Stupid Saturday, right? It’s a secret contest to see which of these strips can make the least amount of sense?

  60. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    I don’t normally do this, but I got threadjumped (well, I forgot to look, is more like it).

    Pibgorn: I was going to snark on McEldowney’s self-obsession and distasteful habit of congratulating himself on every mundane thing he does, but then I read an article explaining that, due to a worsening physical condition, he has been unable to leave his home for many years. While I still find him annoying, I can’t bring myself to ridicule someone who has been cut off from normal contact because his head will no longer fit through the door.

  61. The Ridger
    April 14th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @The Real Dan (#49): I KNOW! I thought she dumped him. Is he going to get the guitar anyway? Or is she explaining to him how he blew it and will never get anything more than this look at it?

  62. Mark B.
    April 14th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#60): Well played, Mr. Meidere. I was starting to feel bad about all of the abuse I’ve heaped upon Mr. McEldowney over the years, and then I reached the end of your post.

  63. Mark B.
    April 14th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#55): Yeah, I was wondering about that too. That’s way too late for country folk to eat, not to mention the buffet at the Golden Corral is going to be completely picked over by then.

  64. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    AG3: As each classic symptom of domestic abuse is revealed, all Tommie can say is, “You really are a lucky woman.” I think the core audience for this strip is “The Company.”

  65. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 14th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    H&J: They can’t afford lawyers because Thirsty spent all their money on the mail-order teleportation device.

    Marvin: Oh, like you’ve ever been near a toilet bowl, Marvin.

    JP: “Drat, you mean life continues and people carry on with what they’re doing even when I’m not looking?”

    GT: “Let’s not forget who you drove in. Man, my ass is still sore.” (Saw it was there. Had to go there. Sorry.)

    Popeye: “Kiss me sailor boy” meets “Blow me down!” Now that’s a harsh quid pro quo.

    FC: And goeth and goeth and goeth…

    Agnes: That… um… wow.

    S-M: There are two possibilities here. One, the male nurse is truly delighted that Spider-Man totalled his gurney because he can sell the pieces as bits of Genuine Spidey™ Destruction. Two, you have to suck up to get anywhere in the medical world, and he’s getting in some practice. I think I know which one is more likely.

    A3G: Seriously, have you ever seen anyone that jazzed to go grocery shopping when they weren’t high?

  66. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#62): Thankee. I was kind of proud of it myself. (It’s been a very slow and uninspired week for me when it comes to snark.)

  67. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 14th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#60): Ah. I’m glad I read that one all the way through.

  68. crazy fungus
    April 14th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    JP- … HOLY SHIT, BATMAN! Who is the redhead porn goddess here? Is this Abbey? I haven’t read JP for some 35 years, so if this is Abbey, she’s about 70!.

  69. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 14th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#30): FW: I can accept Summer as fairly popular, I cannot accept Summer as a sex goddess that is “out of the league” of Les2 and Funky2.

    Yet we’re also expected to accept that Les is an unrecognized literary genius, Lisa is a saint, Cayla is looking forward to marriage, Montoni’s serves edible food,…

  70. Poteet
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#60): Well done. My usual preference is to snark on the comic and not mention the creator, but Mr. McEldowney’s giant head is the exception.

  71. Poteet
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

  72. crazy fungus
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    H&L- why is the bush in the lower right corner is clearly BLACK even though it is labeled BROWNE.
    Does this mean Lois is not a real blonde? Kthink about it, Baked Gin, it’ll come to you)

    Thirsty should do what I did: for our 20th anniversay, I took my wife to Europe. When our 50th anniversary rolls around, I may go back there and bring her home.

  73. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    MW Lessee, the mystery hobo stands in front of Nola as he lifts his hands and looks heavenward. He’s blessing her! He must be Melchizedek! Nola, you’re set for life now!

    MT When do they strip Ranger Tom Martin and leave him naked in the woods?

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#65): A3G: Seriously, have you ever seen anyone that jazzed to go grocery shopping when they weren’t high?

    Monday, the ecstasy continues when Tommie shows Nina a laundromat and lets her feed quarters into the washer!

  74. Donruss
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    MT-Cherry has been eating the Soylent Green again!

  75. Liam
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    JP-A lifetime supply of gas will be good. It was getting expensive keeping our burning pile of money going.

    MW-The homeless man didn’t want Nola’s money because he was on his way to sell all his bottles and cans. Of course the joke would be on him since the money Nola was going to give him was more than his bottles and cans are worth.

  76. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    MT – Wait….is that… that a…a…LAPTOP that Mark is using?!

    That just can`t be!! Laptop computers weren`t available in 1951!

    It must be an odd shaped stack of pancakes!

  77. Poteet
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#68): JP is an amazing fantasy world where rich people acquire even more money by smiling and leaving wheelbarrows around to catch the showers of golden coins , and where aging doesn’t happen unless one of the guys happens to want a little silver around the temples, and where big bazooms defy all laws of physics and biology. Abbey is the epitome of the fantasy. Enjoy.

  78. crazy fungus
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Aside to Stoney RockAxe: don’t let Nina know that TODD THE DINOSAUR is also shopping in a grocery store. He’s looking for “kibbles and roadkill”. Oh, that’s what Nina is shopping for also.

  79. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#63): LoFo is infested with Pluggers?

  80. crazy fungus
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    And for a real treat, try RIPLEYS BELIEVE IT OR ELSE…
    APR 9th- a rare atmospheric condition made people in china see two suns. So that’s where Lost Forest is! Clouds of flaming ditchweed.
    APR 6th- a picture of an amphioxus, an animal way out of its time with no spine and no brain. Wait, wasn’t that guy just declared the GOP nominee?

  81. Poteet
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#77): And what I like about JP is that while certain other fantasy strips make me gnash my teeth, rant, or both, JP just amuses me. It’s like watching the new world of a twelve-year-old boy who found and rubbed a lamp and got all his wishes from the genie with no Twilight-Zone-type catch. Big bazooms, money, big bazooms, secret agents, big bazooms! Yay!

  82. crazy fungus
    April 14th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Poteet Canyon #77- I see. My new life goal is to bump off Sam and shack up with Abbey, just waiting for those golden showers. Of coins.

  83. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#4):
    “This should help us locate Lost Forest, by narrowing it down to the few states with legalized marijuana farming.”
    Would that be Potsachucetts or Bonghio?

  84. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#19):

    Waitasecond!Wait a gosh darn minit!

    Are you insinuating that Mickey the Mouse and his pals, Donald the Duck and Goofy the Whatchamacallit, are lyin’ to those scamps they call nephews?

    Are they beating around the bush and avoidin’ admitting that they are the actual fathers to that triple pair of triplets? To that triple litter that is always playing pranks on their “Uncles”, (or “Unkas”, depending upon the cuteness factor imbued into the respective set of scamps). Is that what you are saying?

    If so, that makes a lot of sense because I ain’t never, EVER seen brothers or sisters for those three cartoon pals. There’s only nephews, nephews, nephews. Whew!

  85. seismic-2
    April 14th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    SM: Sorry, goateed orderly with the freakishly big arm, your plan is unreasonably optimistic. If there were any market at all for hardware that Spidey has destroyed, he would have put it out there on E-bay himself by now, instead of constantly whining about how he can’t find gainful employment. Just think of how many worn-out remote controls he could have sold in the last year alone!

  86. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#22):
    “…retelling of a 30-second encounter between a skank and a hobo, wherein nothing happens at all.”

    Skankin’ Hobo.

    The best band that never played a song. They were probably too busy hanging out in Lost Forest to ever bother practicing.

  87. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    The Ass of Spiderman:

    In today’s exciting episode, watch as an orderly’s ass runs from our favorite web slinger, posing a dilemma for Our Favorite Webhead:

    To playfully pursue that chunk of hunk OR to keep his promise to his tan, female doppleganger and leave a webmen sample for her to study so that she too can do the things that a spider can.

    It is just another day and yet another sticky wicket for our Webslinging Slacker.

    (according to Slylock Fox: “Since he is Spiderman ™, he can do both. Ejectulate his webby sample in two directions, one to catch that sweet, sweet profiteering orderly and the other into the vail Gina is presenting to Spiderman ™.)

    He Swings Both Ways!

  88. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#86):
    Skankin’ Hobo.

    Does anyone have a clip from their one and most famous appearance on “Sherriff Lobo”, the TV show that was a spin off of “B.J. and the Bear”* which was a ripoff of the second most ridiculous Clint Eastwood movie ever made (with its sequel being the third most and the most ridiculous being “Paint Your Wagon.)????

    *and, no, kids, it didn’t involve a bear, the most famous live action TV bear would be the one from “Grizzly Adams” who was like a Mark Trail renegade Mountin’ Man, who dared not speak of the delights of Moutin’ Men. But, his butt actions spoke louder than groans.

    No, the Bear in “B.J. and the Bear was a monkey who provided doses of humor for a lonely trucker driver and B.J.s on demand.

  89. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 14th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#57): “As American as…” Don’t get me started. Patriotism is the last refuge of pastries.

  90. Trillian
    April 14th, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    MT: Cherry’s lips are green from all the chlorophyll in those brownies.

  91. Cloudbuster
    April 14th, 2012 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#4): Are you kidding? There must be 57 states like that!

  92. Cloudbuster
    April 14th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @Holly Folly (#25): “And why do the weed growers have that much rope on hand?”


  93. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#89): But, it is as American as Apple Pie!?!?!?!?

  94. Cloudbuster
    April 14th, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    MW: That’s no homeless man, that’s big-time music producer Dan Diller!

    FW: Yes, Summer’s way out of his league, because in my high school boyish female basketball players ruled the school!

    A3G: Supermarkets are amazing! They have food! In packages! How did I never hear about this? The servants always brought it prepared to the table! I never imagined where it came from!

  95. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 14th, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#40): Thank you for the laugh! I was buying it up until the punch line, which made it even more entertaining.

  96. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 14th, 2012 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Forgot the “y” – that’s in response to a comment on the previous thread.

  97. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#94):
    I know you are being facetious. So many people here are so darn serious and all.

    But, in an attempt at being serious, I must admit that Amish Hipster Hobo does look like that record producer dude. While I am sure the strip will present him as a quasi-Jesus or God figure, just so that Mary can go Neener Neener Neener, I got connections! It would be weird if it is that record producer. If it is him, it sets up the next season of meddling for Mary.

    On 3G, does anyone else the feeling Scott goes shopping for wines and Margos while Nina sits at home. What is she to him?…his concubine? So, so saddening.

    Or it could be a set up for a madcap romp in the grand tradition of farces involving mulitple affairs. hoo hoo!

  98. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2012 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#84): It’s nephews, nephews, nephews all the way down.

    (Interesting typing note: I found the word “nephews” exceptionally unintuitive for my fingers to type.)

  99. Écureuil Écumant
    April 14th, 2012 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#94): Stay tuned for when she sees the self-serve checkout lanes for the first time! Oops, I forgot this is Gotham; they don’t have those because everyone just hurdles them and scoots for their train.

  100. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 14th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#98): It’s about time we got back to kinesthesia and typewriting. “Breathes there a man with a soul so dead, Who never to himself hath said, this is my own, my IBM Selectric II?”

  101. Alison
    April 14th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: So, wait, nobody thinks it’s freaking weird that Knute cleans the mens’ rooms at school? You’d figure that as soon as Crystal told Tiffany about this, Tiff would say, “What the hell? Why does he do that? Isn’t that the janitor’s job? When would Knute have time to clean the school bathroom, anyway?” I mean, that is sure as frick what *I* want to know.

    On the other hand, this is the first time I’ve been intrigued by a plot in “Luann” and want more info…so I guess that’s something…

  102. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 14th, 2012 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#93): You. Just. Had. To?

  103. Écureuil Écumant
    April 14th, 2012 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#98): Except on most continents, where it’s gneisses, gneisses, gneisses all the way down. [*]

  104. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100): Who would of thought? But from the standpoint of this context, and at this point in time, it would appear you are on quite the patriotic roll.

    //As you can tell, I’m putting the Harper’s article to good use.

  105. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#103): I’d like to be MAGMAnomous about this, but the GRAVELty of the situation precludes SEDIMENTality. One must be ADAMANT: one must protest the IGNEOUS, and be BOULDER than the TUFF. On this I am LAPIDEOUS!

  106. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#103): Judging by the intelligence they display, many nephews I know would appear to have a close relationship with gneisses.

  107. seismic-2
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#84): Actually, when Huey, Dewey, and Louie Duck were introduced in the comics as Donald’s nephews, they came to his home bearing a letter from Donald’s sister Della (who was affectionately(?) nick-named “Dumbella”) explaining that she needed Donald to take care of them for a while, until their father came home from the hospital where he was recovering from injuries resulting from the mysterious detonation of a large firecracker underneath his easy chair. Similarly, Mickey Mouse’s nephews Morty and Ferdie were originally introduced in a comic in which we met Mickey’s sister, Amelia Fieldmouse. Of course, both Donald’s sister and Mickey’s sister conveniently disappeared from the comics for the most part after that, so anyone who missed those introductory episodes could well wonder about the nephews’ parentage. I understand the disbelief about these “Bachelor Fathers” – neither Donald nor Mickey has much of a John Forsythe vibe, that’s for sure. And surely over in Nancy, “Aunt” Fritzi Ritz might as well have a scarlet letter embossed on her Frisky Titz.

    The one that I really wonder about, though, is Jughead in BG&SS. Is he supposed to be Snuffy’s nephew, or Loweezy’s? Here we have an actual married couple, and they have an actual biological child of their own (if indeed Tater is human, but in Hootin’ Holler, how could you tell). So there would be no need for Snuffy and Loweezy to introduce Jughead as their nephew – unless Snuffy has been sneaking into bedrooms as well as chicken coops. Ah, Snuffy – what a sex symbol you are!

  108. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#98):
    Ack. There are too many words that trick my finger tapping like that word does for your fingers.

    Can someone explain to me why the word WEIRD breaks the i before c rule? I know there’s other exceptions but….

  109. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    well, I should have typed I before E except after C…..see. I think it is just my fingers are like Steve Martin’s happy feet. There’s no control over them.

  110. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#101):
    As I have mentioned before, I can’t bring myself to read LuAnn, or 9CL either.
    But, from the comments here, there have been mentions of Newt Gingrich in relation to this Knute character. Surely, that isn’t because of the homophonic connection between those two fictional characters’ names.

    Newt Gingrich has proposed that kids in “urban areas” who are poorer than dirt, get dirty and clean the schools. That allows schools to fire janitors and break those dastardly unions while embiggening the childrens’ work ethic (in a protestant work ethic-y way that doesn’t involve religion in schools, but, which might involve religious schools if there’s money to be made by starting up religious schools that allow for the kids to replace janitors and repair people).

    I’m just guessing though.

  111. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#108): It’s just weird. And that’s how I remember it.

  112. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#102): What can I say, I’m a cream puff for pastry-related wordplay.

  113. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    I throw them around like commas, I do.

  114. Black Drazon
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    Wait, did the crooks just tie up Mark Trail’s less punchy clone and not Mark Trail himself? “Sorry, clone brother, I’ll rescue you as soon as I’m done typing up a nature magazine report on a laptop as thick as my arm! Ha ha! Life’s so convenient in the 2010′s, isn’t it Cherry?”

  115. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#110): Makes perfect sense, you know. Newt Gingrich was known to have sown some wild oats. Why not have Knute be his love child? And the janitor thing…

  116. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#115):
    I swear I’m gonna step away and stop typing…air typing just looks ridiculous, except when staring in a full length mirror and miming writing the Great American Novel. It is then when air typing RAWKS!

    But, I gotta throw this out before I forget it:
    Would fictional Newt Gingrich’s three “nephews” be Knute, Kanute and Phooey?

    !!!!Bonus Cut and Paste!!!!:
    Gingrich made the trip to Europe to get his photo taken with that particular illegitimate nephew. The photos are online.

  117. Écureuil Écumant
    April 14th, 2012 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @Black Drazon (#114): That “laptop” looks a lot more like a Commodore-64 that got Marvin’s special treatment. I think Mark is waiting for his hard copy to come scrolling out of the cartridge port.

  118. demoncat
    April 14th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    hi and lois lois and hi expression just went from happy their friends are celebrating an anniversay to sad knowing Erma is stuck with thirsty till the sweet release of death and any lawer would wind up defending her for murder. plus no one else in their right mind would want thirsty as a mate.

  119. Écureuil Écumant
    April 14th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#106): So if a nephew gets hit on by his creepy relative, does that mean he’s been pedunculated?

  120. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#108): This may help.

    “I” before “E” except after “C,”
    Or in words that say “AY” as in “neighbour” and “weigh,”
    Or words that say “EE” as in “weird” and “caffeine,”
    Or words that say “SH” as in “prescient” or “sufficient.”

    That still leaves a few exception, and a couple of words like “conceive” which fit the “except after ‘C’” part, but go against the “words that say ‘EE’” part, but it helps about 90% of the time.

  121. This Guy
    April 14th, 2012 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#103): I thought about correcting your pronunciation, actually, but I didn’t want to be so mean about gneiss.

    @tallyHO (#108): I believe the reason is that it’s not so much a “rule” as it is a “thing that happens in most cases.”

  122. Zerowolf
    April 14th, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    FC: Dolly may goeth to the bathroom, but only her brothers can shake the spear.

  123. This Guy
    April 14th, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#120): See, that’s my issue. If you need a four-line verse just to remember only the most common exceptions to a rule, you need to take a hard look at whether it can be called a “rule.” That shit wouldn’t fly in math: “It is a rule that addition is commutative, unless one of the addends is a multiple of 3, 4, or 7.” You wouldn’t see that.

  124. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 14th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#116): Wow. Knut the bear. So much sturm und drang in just four years. Gosh, there’s an opera in that poor animal’s life!

  125. Zerowolf
    April 14th, 2012 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    A3G: It’s so nice to see a young lesbian couple starting a family.

  126. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2012 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#123): Any English spelling rule that, in four lines, can encapsulate 90% of the words it applies to is a successful rule. Spelling, for better or worse, is not math.

    And to those who would complain about our spelling, I will reiterate what I have said so many times in the past: Since only 2% of the English vocabulary is actually English, don’t blame us for weird (or wyrd) spelling — blame all those guys who kept conquering us and bringing in their own languages.

  127. Zerowolf
    April 14th, 2012 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns: Getting marriage advice from Leroy or Loretta is like getting business ethics lessons from pre-meddle Nola.

  128. Francisco Arrowroot
    April 14th, 2012 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    I think the hanging shutter and incompletely shaded roof are supposed to indicate the poor and disheveled state of the Thurston’s home (and therefore their marriage), but it’s kinda hard to ignore the big pile of deer turds in the Flagston’s yard.

  129. Evil Anon
    April 14th, 2012 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    Marvin’s devil dog is so overcome with joy that he momentarily drops his cover by shouting in English.

    Marvin is too stupid to notice.

  130. Écureuil Écumant
    April 14th, 2012 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#126): “blame all those guys who kept conquering us and bringing in their own languages.”

    Yeah, to the victor belongs the spells.

  131. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 14th, 2012 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#130):That, sir, is worth stealing!

  132. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]


  133. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#88): Wait, what? Paint Your Wagon is a real movie? I thought The Simpsons made it up for humorous effect for that episode. And I thought the man B.J. was the one who gave the bj’s, hence the nick.

    I come for the snark, i stay for the learnin’.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#105): See statement above.

    @seismic-2 (#107): I don’t care how Nancy is related to “Aunt” Fritzi Ritz as long as we get to see those Frisky Titz.

    @tallyHO (#116): Ahhh, now it makes sense. Knut the white bear picked up cooties from a certain white-haired American politician, ensuring his early death. Poor Knut (pronounced “ka-noot”).

    @This Guy (#123): That is so true. I don’t know how people learn American English. Every rule has exceptions. Grammar rules are like the US Tax Code of languages.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#131): Ditto.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#132): This is why I don’t read Brevity and Cul de Sac. The probability of an EVILSCARYCLOWN popping up is too great.

  134. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Special note to Crazy Gunfus:

    Originally, Todd would beg Trent to buy him a box of Kibbles ‘n Bitsy®
    Unfortunately, only a limited number of boxes were ever available since it contained ground-up bits of Marvin Miller’s dog.

  135. Peanut Gallery
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#105): I tried to start a rock collection once, but I just didn’t have the apatite for it.

  136. Peanut Gallery
    April 14th, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#42): Yes, except that next time I want Mary to tell the story of Nola telling it to her. That way, we get to see the same artwork inside two nested flashback bubbles! After that, it’s an easy slide into going for the all-time record for flashback-bubble nesting.

  137. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

  138. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#135): Here, have an aspirin. That must have hurt.

  139. Liam
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    Archie-”Honey, good job on fixing up Archie’s body. He looks so natural like he’s sleeping. No one will ever suspect we beat him to death.”

  140. The Ridger
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#120): “When sounded as EE it’s I before E except after C” pretty much covers English (non-borrowed) words. And you don’t have to remember the “sounded as A” or deal with things like “science”.

  141. The Ridger
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#120): @The Ridger (#140): Forgot to say: “Weird” isn’t really EE, it’s EA like dear. And “caffeine” isn’t English.

  142. Sgt. Stoned
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Tom, who? We know a million Toms. You have to be more specific. Are you, perhaps, referring to RANGER Tom Martin?”

    Snuffy Smif: I thought that you had to have an income to owe the IRS.

    BB: Sarge, I thought that the point of coming out there was to train soldiers. But, on second thought, considering that Beetle’s company has gone through the Korean War era, the Cold War, the Vietnam era, Gulf War I and Gulf War II and the War on Terror without having once been deployed overseas, such training is, in fact, pointless.

  143. tallyHO
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#124):
    You had to go and paint that picture, didn’t you? Now, I can’t un-see Knut the Polar Bear performing as Pagliacci.

    @This Guy (#121): @Frank Lee Meidere (#120):
    Hmm. I guess there’s a Germanic theme to this comment.
    @Écureuil Écumant (#130):
    With Nehemiah’s reply (@#131), I con-quer.

    @Baka Gaijin (#133):
    Just read the one sentence description:
    “Two unlikely prospector partners share the same wife in a California gold rush mining town.”

    Lee Marvin. oops. Tough Guy Lee Marvin and Tough Guy Clint Eastwood sing during a gold rush. (hold your snark, folks. this one is snarking itself.) At one time, the mob was owed a lot of favors by famous people. That’s the only explanation I can come up with for the casting in that movie.

    Now, someone pass the Deutsch-y to the left-hand amino acid side. I’m going to Lost Forest-eh…ney World.

  144. crazy fungus
    April 14th, 2012 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    Ecumenical Ecumant #103- yeah, spidey’s costume is so heavy be@zuse its mad of gneiss material.

    Stoney RockAxe: thanks for the gneiss note. What’s all the fuss about guns??? Maybe we can get TtD to try Kibbles and Mitts.

    The medieval popes, middling evil themselves, also had lots of NEPHEWS. A guy didn’t know they had that many sisters. Pa-dum!

  145. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#130): There has to be a punishment suitable for that pun.

  146. crazy fungus
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    To Ecumenical Ecumant, Frank le Merde, and Nehemiah Scud-muffin: eeeeeeeeeeeeeek! That is al I can handle.
    To Gus StoneAxe: I’ve had enough fun, Gus

  147. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#141): When we talk about “borrowed words” we are generally only referring to those words borrowed in recent times, because 98% of our language is “borrowed” (or “thrust upon us,” depending on whether you’re looking at it from viewpoint of a modern person or from the viewpoint of a conquered English peasant). And while “caffeine” may not be English, that particular spelling is. In Spanish it’s “cafeína,” in Basque it’s “kafeina,” in Danish it’s “koffein,” and so on.

  148. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#143):

    Hmm. I guess there’s a Germanic theme to this comment.
    @Écureuil Écumant (#130):
    With Nehemiah’s reply (@#131), I con-quer.

    And another pun looking for suitable punishment.

    But don’t just blame the German influence. There’s also the Norse and Normans.

  149. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#146): If you can’t handle discussions on spelling, don’t come to an orthography forum.

  150. little bo peep
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    72 crazyfungus: Lois has a black bush but its labeled brown…
    haha, I’ll give you sheep if you pick out the prettiest one.

  151. Señor Tortilla
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    Even I’m afraid of tonight’s DAILY CLOWN. EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeSCARYCLOWNSCARYCLOWN indeed.

  152. crazy fungus
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    Frank le Merde #149- since when were we discussing Tori? Or was that Aaron? I was too busy drawing birds in my ornithography class to notice.
    Next semester I will be drawing eggs. That’s right…

  153. crazy fungus
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    An oothography course.

  154. Jasper
    April 14th, 2012 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    MT- Cherry, in all her abandonment time has taught her pussy to talk. “Eat me at 8″ Her only chance of getting that pussy eaten tonight is by Ranger Tom Martin, and we know that isn’t going to happen. Looks like its maple syrup and Andy again tonight.
    Meanwhile Mark, not realizing there is no internet service in LF, will attempt all night to log on to man on donkey websight.

    I must say that Smithers cleaned up pretty nice in Nola’s recap. His wife left him because he was fired under false pretenses? Will she now take him back? Or in some twist of fate will Nola start cheating with Smithers on the side, hence seeking Mary’s advice about her cheating ways, ad nauseum.

  155. Jasper
    April 15th, 2012 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    LuAnn- Under normal circumstances two male teens would be excitedly signaling each other that there is a female in the stall, perhaps alerting other male teens, with each or all angling themselves to get a peek at Crystal’s snatch. Fags.

  156. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 15th, 2012 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    @Jasper (#155): Woah—can we steer clear of the homophobic terminology, please? I know that a pretty diverse group of people read this blog, so I’d hate for anyone who comes here for snark and the occasional esoteric factoid to encounter even a small slap in the face like that.

  157. Poteet
    April 15th, 2012 at 12:21 am [Reply]

  158. Droopy Says
    April 15th, 2012 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Mock Trail: Thanks to Jackelrod, I have learned that you can cure death with vinegar. But what manner of creature is it that wades in these waters? It wears neither jeans nor khaki shirts, and its hair knows not of lacquer. Is this creature the reason Trail has absented himself from today’s strip?

    The Amusing Spiderman: What would happen if the world learned of Peter Parker’s secret identity? This threat lacks a certain apocalypsy feel that could make it relevant to 2012. It actually makes the return to Asgard seem almost not totally boring.

    Pluggers: What, Pluggers in Paris? With all that sappy “oui, oui” talk and nobody who can say “What’s eatin’ you, bub?” Pluggers let out a secret sigh of relief when they find an excuse not to travel abroad.

    Shoe: The Marvinesque humor keeps on spreading!

  159. IanH
    April 15th, 2012 at 1:01 am [Reply]

  160. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 15th, 2012 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    FW: What the hell? They’re ALL farm-raised (if you want to use that expression). Does he think paper companies go out and just chop down trees wherever they find them? It’s called the “lumber industry,” you moron! Trees are a renewable resource — like corn, broccoli, or cucumbers. You want to get rid of trees? It’s easy. Stop using them. Stop using paper, stop using wood for homes, stop using toothpicks. Then all those forests the lumber industry owns will be useless to them and they’ll cut them down for something that will make them money.

    Oddly enough, I went electronic with my classes several years ago, but it had nothing to do with some misguided belief that I was saving trees. It had to do with the fact that each essay automatically came with its own time stamp (making it easy to sort the late essays from the ones that arrived on time), that I could lug as many essays around as I wanted simply by packing up my laptop, that I could make far more extensive (and correctly-spelled) comments by typing than I could by hand (with far less writer’s cramp), and that I had a record of each and every essay, and each and every comment I made. Furthermore, if I suspected plagiarism, I just copied the questionable part and pasted it into Google, rather than having to type it. I could check a dozen sentences in a matter of minutes.

  161. Percival Peterwinkle, Pres., Organisation of Wusses
    April 15th, 2012 at 1:19 am [Reply]

  162. Mr. O'Malley
    April 15th, 2012 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#158): I remember two very southern American ladies trying to order in English at Macdonald’s in Paris. Even if the kid behind the counter could speak English, I doubt if he could have penetrated their Dixie drawls. “FRAHS? Y’ALL GOT FRAHS, RAHT?”

    I took pity on them and translated their order. But going to another country and shouting at people who can’t speak English is not usually very effective. I hate to think what the rest of their trip was like.

  163. crazy fungus
    April 15th, 2012 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Shirley we can be snarkey without being mean, right Shirley? Josh doesn’t deserve a bunch of name calling, this whacko house should be fun for all.

  164. Comcis Fan
    April 15th, 2012 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    MW: So the dinner conversations in Mary Worth don’t just seem to last for weeks on end. According to today’s narration box, Mary and Nola actually drank coffee and ate gummy worms for “several weeks” before Nola finally got around to telling her story.

  165. Readem and Laf
    April 15th, 2012 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    MT I wondered if Mr. Fed talked aloud to himself as he paddled. Seemed weird, but perhaps Mary Jane is an old friend.

  166. Baka Gaijin
    April 15th, 2012 at 3:23 am [Reply]

    Omitted from Sunday’s Pluggers: Submitted by D. Parton, Sevierville, TN.

    It’s at times like this Jeffy wishes he shared his older brother’s itinerant dotted line.

    It’s times like this I wish I could reach into the frame and give everyone in Mary Worth a big Moe-slap.

  167. Judith
    April 15th, 2012 at 4:02 am [Reply]

  168. This Guy
    April 15th, 2012 at 4:41 am [Reply]

    HotC: There are street vendors selling hot boiled peanuts in Philadelphia?

  169. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 15th, 2012 at 5:23 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#162): I have no sympathy for Americans going to Paris and eating at McDonalds. If they’ve no more imagination than that, let ‘em starve.

    // Tho… is it true, they serve mcwine? I’ve had McBeer in Hong Kong.

  170. The Ridger
    April 15th, 2012 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#147): 98% is a huge exaggeration. It’s closer to 80%. And note that all the versions of “caffeine” you quoted have EI as well. The pronunciation doesn’t fit the rule, but no real is 100%

  171. gleeb
    April 15th, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: Does it make Ed feel like a big man to strike out a little girl? Yes, yes it does.

    ‘bean: You know, a better artist might have used a sepia-toned Creepy Les talking about the “paperless office” to throw into relief how much hasn’t changed. But for Batiuk this is just a chance to slap down Cody Winkerbean.

    H&L: I don’t know what kind of “let’s pretend they’re self-employed” deal cartoonists have, but most middle-class salaried folks make out like bandits with deductions. I know I do, and I don’t even try to cheat.

    Wine & Racks: Still time for April to be part of huge ABSCAM scheme to find corrupt judges. I know it’s not going to happen, but wouldn’t it be nice?

    Luann: How does she know she isn’t “Freak”? And has Knute’s shirt achieved sentience, or does it just mimic his own thoughts?

  172. greghousesgf
    April 15th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#169): If i were lucky enough to go to Paris, I wouldn’t be caught dead eating at McDonalds! I came to eat French food!

  173. omie
    April 16th, 2012 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    I ACTUALLY laughed out loud at the third panel: it was like uh oh, the pot grower’s ass is now officially grass (pardon the pun), and Mark is the lawn mower—though through the elegance of Jack Elrod’s dramatic irony, only we know this at the moment. It’s like laughing at Oedipus when he sets out for Thebes.

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