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Booze! Bludgeons! Betrayal!

Funky Winkerbean, 4/28/12

Quick Funky recap: Those anonymous replies to Cody’s texts weren’t from Summer, they were from his friend, not because his friend was in love with him, but because he too was hot for summer, but then Summer was seen flirting with some jock, the end, OH BUT WAIT, Cody got some more anonymous texts which he’s deleting and which — SHOCKING REVELATION — come from some blonde girl in the background of panel three who I don’t know who she is? Now everyone loves someone who doesn’t love them back, and the cycle of Funkyverse pain is complete. Mostly this story has made me think that it was originally written with anonymous paper notes in mind and then there was a sudden realization that “Oh crap kids use the texting now, right?” and then “notes” became “texting” even though that made everything make little to no sense.

Mark Trail, 4/28/12

So, violence has broken out in Mark Trail, but does anyone else find this a little anticlimactic? Mark doesn’t get off any awkward bon mots or even use his fists, but rather just knocks out Drug Guy #1 with a desultory WHAP to the back of the head. I know, I know, Drug Guy #2 is still out there, waiting to be dealt with in hilarious ways, I should just be patient.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/28/12

The tale of the Sexy Half-Naked Drunken Houseguest is not turning out to be anticlimactic at all, though! I love that Rex and June have their own little code word for “Make sure that lady doesn’t drink all the off-brand liquor we have in the cabinet.”

Apartment 3-G, 4/28/12

“TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW,” Nina’s father orders Tommie. “How can we use your knowledge to get Nina back together with the husband who betrayed her so she can be in an intact marriage when she gives birth to the baby she never wanted? HER HAPPINESS DEPENDS ON IT.”

272 responses to “Booze! Bludgeons! Betrayal!”

  1. Santa Royale With Cheese
    April 28th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I guess they shop at that liquor store in the cult classic “Repo Man” which featured “Drink” for $3.99 or whatever.

    FW: Good catch about the texting vs note-passing approach.

    Also: For some dumb reason I’m thinking the FW soundtrack is playing “Everybody Hurts” right about now.

    A3G: Wasn’t there a blond chick in this strip? Don’t make me start up an “it’s been [X] days since…” counter up in here.

    BB: The Walkerbot 3000 has a better grasp of technology than FW does. The End Times are at hand.

  2. KreatureFeatures
    April 28th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    MT: I’m so pleased that my 3 Stooges prediction came to pass. Imagine the following dialogue:

    Ranger Tom: “Oh, a wise guy, eh?”
    Bald man: “Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!”
    Mark Trail: “I’ll murder ya!”

  3. ArchieNemesis
    April 28th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Evildoers tremble before the Mighty Log O’ Justice!

  4. Liam
    April 28th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Love Is-Horribly implying that they just had phone sex.

    MW-”Is it this floating head that just appeared inside my cab?”

    MW 2-Mary is supposed to be in New York City? Where are the buildings in the background?

    FW-Blonde background character is now going to develop broken heart cancer and die because Cody is rejecting her.

  5. Mibbitmaker
    April 28th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    A3G:
    “Thank you, Mr. Blake.”
    “No need to be so formal! Call me ‘Henry’!”

    MT: A stick?! Not very sporting of you, is it, Mr. Trail?
    Also, still at a disadvantage, as when Mark stops to recite a nature message next strip, that’ll give the bad guys time to strike while he’s indisposed.

    RMMD: Balanced? She’ll be balanced, alright. Balanced like things generally are during a major earthquake. On a steep incline.

    FW: QuasiLes, check. QuasiFunky, check. Now there’s a blonde girl who loves quasiLes, but, through contrived coincidence, cannot get in touch with him. You know what this means? Remember the summer of 1994? This is Near-Miss-o-palooza Junior! Blonde girl, just be glad you didn’t connect with that loser who’s destined to be a smug prick into middle age. You’d be destined to be doomed by cancer, and given your timidness to actually, you know, talk to the guy in person, there’s no doubt you’d be too timid to challance a hospital who screwed up your diagnosis later on.
    Forget that guy. You’d just be doomed to be St. Whateveryournameis, dead of belabored tragedy. And I just cannot take another Near-Miss-o-palooza!

  6. Baka Gaijin
    April 28th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Hot Rise must be a cat. How many lives does that Howdy Doody wannabe have?

    Again I say, the alternate caption for today’s Pluggers is, “You’re a Plugger if you confuse “a romantic evening in” with “symptoms of COPD.”

    Am I a bad person for hoping that TJ, Brad, and Toni get struck by lightning?

  7. Chareth Cutestory
    April 28th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: The more you stare at Mark’s blank face in panel 2, the more it draws you in. Some people might have a grimaced expression, either from the physical exertion involved or from the aggression of launching an attack. But not Mark! All we see here is the placid, psychopathic look of someone who just wants to see brains slip out of a cracked skull.

  8. lynn
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    What’s the blue stuff in Rex and June’s cabinet? Absinthe? Listerine?

  9. Ursula
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    A3G- Did I miss something? Nina’s idiot husband didn’t actually betray her. All we saw was a big loud KISS on the cheek. This is a matter of tediously clearing up the misunderstanding. Which is perhaps too bad, since I think Nina could do better.

  10. Mr. Coffee Nerves
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    What the hell is going on with Mark Trail’s backgrounds? Bob Ross would not be pleased with those hastily-scribbled bushes.

    Unless…this is actually a dream sequence where Mark’s fists are imagining how lame the storyline is until they’re allowed to come in and deliver a Punch of Justice that actually removes the drug guy’s head, not merely his hat as the failed spinoff character Limby the Limb has done.

  11. Ursula
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Plus the amazing Margo just wouldn’t be interested in him. I don’t believe it

  12. Higgs Boatswain
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    WHAP! “You just split an infinitive, motherfucker.” Mark Trail, grammatical avenger.

  13. Higgs Boatswain
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    “I’m glad to finally meet you, Tommie…”

    WHAP! Tommi Thompson, grammatical avenger.

  14. MapDark
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    MW : AAAAAH! Now I get why they chose Middle-of-nowhere Long Island for this part of the storyline. Because it looks like Santa Royale. So the artist WOULDN’T have to do ANY KIND of visual research on what New York City ACTUALLY looks like nowadays and could simply draw bland backdrops.

    9CL : Talking of visual research. Mc ElDowney couldn’t even bother to put any sort of familiar NYC skyline element in the backdrop , could he? And hum , what the heck is Seth doing , staring at them from the 45th floor of a hotel or something?

    A3G : It’s a conspiracy against Nina!

  15. Santa Royale With Cheese
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Coffee Nerves (#10): Hmmm, I may have to start reading Mark Trail in the style of Dr. Doofenschmirtz. “Limby the Limb? What are you doing here? I was, uh, expecting someone else, so my traps aren’t going to fit you (walks past an array of Perry the Platypus traps) so, ehhh, just stay put while I explain my back story. It all began when… (flashback)”

    Actually, I think I’ll avoid Mark Trail altogether and watch a Phineas & Ferb marathon.

  16. Shem
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#6): That could be Hot Rize’s sister, Blaze, in DT.

    And no true comics fan would have anything to do with slabbed comics.

  17. Hibbleton
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#7):
    The whole scene in panel two does have the look of an “autistic kid saves the normal guy!” after-school special. Still, Mcbaldy is probably the lucky one as Andy has already disemboweled bad guy number two.

  18. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Blue booze exists, I think it’s called sapphire gin but my days of fancy booze are long behind me. The liquor cabinet could be where they store the methylene blue, too.

    For a moment I thought Sexy Half-Naked Drunken Houseguest was going to grab some Josh ™ Brand Whiskey, but I see it’s just “Irish” written a bit askew. Unfortunate.

  19. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#4) said: “MW 2-Mary is supposed to be in New York City? Where are the buildings in the background?”

    Mary is going to Lloyd Neck, which is out in the boonies of Lon Gisland. As @Little A. (#43y): has pointed out, she is being taken there by a very circuitous route. Her taxi fare is going to approximate the GNP of some small nations.

  20. Baka Gaijin
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @Shem (#16): “Slabbed” comics. Do I want to Google that up?

  21. Horace Broon
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    ASM: “I’m going to use my powers to spy on someone I have no reason to suspect of any misdeeds, because I’m irrationally jealous!” This must be the only incarnation of Spider-Man where Jonah has a point.

    Crank: I’m not a gardening expert, but if you’ve just put down weedkiller and dandelion seeds flood your garden, wouldn’t the weedkiller kill the seeds? (I’m assuming the supposed joke is meant to be “ha ha, he just wasted his time”.)

    DT: I don’t wish to perpetuate stereotypes here, but I’m not sure it would occur to me there was any point in asking out a woman with a crew cut and male suit.

    FC: Guess what? Jeffy’s a moron!

    MW Moy forgets that Giella is a real artist, and assumes she’ll need to spare him drawing New York by establishing this bit of NY looks exactly like Santa Royale.

  22. Hibbleton
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MW: Hey, Gina. No passengers, even if they’re only disembodied heads, allowed in the front seat.

    (and even the editors don’t care that the negative was reversed in panel two.)

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#19):
    I’ve seen it spelled “lone eye land”

  23. Mibbitmaker
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    9CL: Last panel: ominous villain music here. Wait, what??? Please, Brooke, no manufactured drama, okay?
    ….Omigod, he’ll convince Amos that he’s really gay, now, won’t he?!

    Curtis: How about “chauvinist jerk”, kid?

    Edison Lee: Well, since everyone realized that the man was only and singularly just a smug
    Evilly-Snacking Grandpa Joke, there was no reason to stick around.

    ReFOOB: That did it! CENSOR EVERYTHING!

    JP: “OMIGOD, I’M SHOCKED FOR NO GOOD REASON BY SOMETHING NOT REALLY RELATED TO MY LIFE AT ALL!!!”

    MW: Well, since her disembodied head and neck can’t be in the outdoor clouds anymore, it has taken refuge in a cartoon thought cloud instead.

    Popeye: Uh-oh. Given Olive’s words, there, she looks to be getting disillusioned by Popeye’s romantic potential and is going to run off with Bluto/Brutus — again!

    Phantom: For no good reason. Jerk (Who Walks)!

  24. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    A3G
    I’ll tell thee everything I can:
    There’s little to relate.
    I saw an aged aged man,
    A-sitting on a gate.
    ‘Who are you aged man?’ I said.
    ‘And how is it you live?’
    And his answer trickled through my head,
    Like water through a sieve.

    // Through the Looking Glass

  25. TheDiva
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    A3G:: The “sprawling Blake house” consists of a dresser with a few Reader’s Digest Condensed Books on it, a lamp from the 1970s, a plant, and…whatever that hexagon thing in the back is?

    FW: The convoluted tangle of unrequited love in this strip is reaching Whedonesque levels. Except if Joss Whedon had written it it would have definitely been funnier, almost certainly have been more moving, and might even have had a decent song thrown in for good measure.

    9CL: Dramatic Seth! *cue music*

    C’shaft: Crankshaft directs his plant minions to torment his enemies.

    reFOOB: Elly is shocked–shocked!–to discover that letting the television babysit her kids has negative consequences.

    Luann: Please, dear Lord, let Shannon lock them all outside. Then let the wolves come.

    MT: Mark mistakes Bald Pot Grower’s head for a tee ball.

    MW: Remember Ms. Granby, the math teacher whose disembodied head tormented the protagonist of the MST3K short subject “Cheating”? Gina must be her great-granddaughter. (In other news, Mary is relieved to discover she’s visiting a place exactly like her home, ensuring she will not be exposed to such discomforts as unfamiliar climate, ethnic people, or identifiable food.)

    Pluggers haven’t left the house since the first Bush administration.

    SM: Well, you could look him up online, or check his credentials with Actor’s Equity, or….get dressed in your spandex suit and spy on him. That works too, I guess.

  26. Anonymous
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    MT: Well, he has to yell “SURPRISE” when he hits the other guy with his fists. It’s his “kiai.”

  27. John C Fremont
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#7): @Hibbleton (#17): Yeah, my first thought was that Mark had on his Lon Chaney, Jr. face. Bald guy should have just told him about the damned rabbits.

    Mark done a bad thing.

    A3G – “Tell me everything you know. And don’t forget about the rabbits. Tell me about the rabbits!”

  28. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    RMMD— “Balanced”? Doesn’t “Rex” mean to say “Fair and Balanced”? Does the Equal Time Rule apply to comic strips?

  29. smokey stover
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MW: The party’s at the old Gatsby place out in West Egg. Folks say it’s haunted by a disembodied head.

  30. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Higgs Boatswain (#12): @Higgs Boatswain (#13): Sorry, Mr. Boatswain. Not even the Didactic Legion here at CC care about split infinitives. It was a bogus grammatical error in the first place, based on a false analogy between English grammar and Latin.

  31. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    JP— “Crap! Randy was the next guy I was going to lead on, take from, and dump. Now I’m going to have to wait until he returns from his honeymoon.”

  32. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#25): Luann: Please, dear Lord, let Shannon lock them all outside. Then let the wolves come.

    WOLVES!!!
    Meanwhile, inside the house, Honey the Bear has eaten Shannon. Too bad she wasn’t a little blond girl.

  33. Digger
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MT: So Mark no longer gets a rush from punching bad guys, so now he’s resorted to bashing their heads in with a stick. Does that make you feel like a big man, Mark? Does it fill the void in your life and make you forget about your sexless marriage and that annoying kid who always wants to go fishing? Oh, I guess actually it does.

  34. Señor Tortilla
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    I’ve been reading ahead on Funky Winkerbean…

    The setupthe bombshell…and how many times have we seen this before?

    Since Batiuk said that these guys won’t appear more than once, we know nothing about them, we don’t even know their names, and they’re pretty bland.

    BGSS: That doesn’t count as a rimshot.

    9CL: Remember, Seth wanted to have kids…so maybe he wanted to have sex with Edda all along. That shouldn’t make sense, but in the twisted world of 9CL, it kind of does.

    MW: If it were “Traverse City, Michigan”, then it would make sense. But NYC? Nah.

  35. UncleJeff
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @MapDark (#14): MW: The cab driver didn’t know that Mary knew he was really the wise old bum who screwed up her meddle of the corrupt corporate executive.
    So, the cabbie never suspected a thing when Mary and Disembodied Head had him drive out to a remote section of Long Island.
    Mary: “Leave the gun. Take the cannolis.”

    RMMD: What could be better than the drunken marriage planner in MW?
    A drunken half-naked cowgirl at her father’s funeral! YEEEEEE_HAWWWW!

  36. btown
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Pluggers are so unused to bathing and putting on clothes that they find it physically exhausting

  37. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    GF: /facefault @ pun.

    Lio: *chuckles*

    OtH: how does Baka Gaijin feel about dolphins?

    SBp: semi-amusing concept, execution semi-fail.

    Bizarro: /fail @ pun.

    JP: ummmm, wow @ Sudden Puberty Onset Syndrome results.

    JUMBLE: LOL @ pun.

    Lockhorns: so THAT’S why!!!!

    RwO: ‘Nique’s early poetry has spread quickly.

  38. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    There was a distillery in Auburndale, Florida, which used to produce generic liquor like that in the Morgan’s cabinet. It’s probably still in business. You could find their product on the bottom shelves of the less expensive liquor stores, and of course, bars used it if you didn’t order by name (and if you weren’t looking). The stuff had plain white labels with large black lettering, with the type of liquor repeated three times. As the Bellman pointed out, if you say something three times, it’s true. They had GIN GIN GIN brand gin, RUM RUM RUM brand rum, VODKA VODKA VODKA brand vodka, and so on. Sold for about 2/3rds the price of the cheapest “name” brand variety.

    // I suspect it was all the same grain alcohol, diluted and, except for the vodka, flavored and colored as appropriate. I think they used food coloring and a few drops of medical iodine for the SCOTCH SCOTCH SCOTCH brand scotch. That was pretty good actually – tasted better than some of the expensive single malts I’ve tried.

  39. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .quicky phone sex.

  40. Illustrator Steve
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    MT – After Mark’s wooden club smacked the bald man in the head it accidently knocked out the invisible man, who happened to standing next to Mark while wearing the UPS cap he had just swiped.

  41. tb4000
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    S4th: Old Ted makes sense more often than not. And ironically is usually the only one in the strip doing so.

  42. Illustrator Steve
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MT – Looks like Jackelrod’s bcakground landscape artists have been on strike for some time now.

  43. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MW Auugh! It’s that head again. But now it’s shrunken. Loss of helium, perhaps.

    A3G “Sprawling”? I can only think of urban sprawl. Blake House as Bleak House, with lots of complex plot and characters…. Well, in the case of Apartment 3G not much of a plot, and only a handful of truly simple characters.

    GT “I’m saying we could have made things easier for you.”
    “The other girls have some great ideas about how to fix your problem with split ends.”

    MW “This is a nice area. Almost as nice as Santa Royale but, of course, it can’t be quite as nice.”

  44. Illustrator Steve
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    (rEGADING #42): “BACKGROUND”. dammit, NOT ‘bcakground’! GHEEEESH!

  45. Illustrator Steve
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    MT – Regarding #44: It’s, “regarding”, dmmit! Not, “rEGADING”! GHEEEEESH!

  46. Illustrator Steve
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    MT – Let us try this once more……

    LOOKS LIKE JACKELROD’S BACKGROUND LANDSCAPE ARTISTS HAVE BEEN ON STRIKE FOR SOME TIME NOW!

    THNAk YOU!

  47. Chance
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#45): Sometimes tranpsosed letters are best left aloen.

  48. Binder's Butter Beans
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL KNOCKED OUT A GUY WITH NO HAIR AT ALL ON HIS HEAD OR HIS FACE OMG PREPARE FOR ARMAGEDDON

    starts collecting canned food and bottled water for the cellar

  49. Illustrator Steve
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    MT – After smacking the bald UPS guy and the invisible UPS man, I think Mark’s club must have slipped out of the panel and hit ME in the head too!

  50. Chance
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#20): If you want to, but it’s utterly boring and will just make you feel sorry for the nerdiest of nerds.

  51. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#46): That happens to all of us at at some time. In fact, a few days ago the Curmudgeon Community came up with a wrod for it.

  52. Nekrotzar
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    “Dude, I swear on the ghost of Gary Gygax that I did not send you that anonymous MMS with the cropped-at-the-neck naked photo.”
    “Um, obviously, you moron.”

  53. Nekrotzar
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#5):

    “Thank you, Mr. Blake.”
    “No need to be so formal! Call me ‘Henry’!”

    I prefer to interpret the caption to mean that his first name is ‘Sprawling.’

  54. Illustrator Steve
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    MT – Director Elmer Fudd decides they should call it a day as he yells, “WHAP! Yes Mista Elwad, dat wus a WHAP. Tell your carewictors to home now until doze bushes are dwan pwapawley!”

  55. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

  56. Director Elmer Fudd
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    MT – No-no-no-no-no, you waskel! It’s supposed to wead, “TELL your carewikters to GO home now!” Now, TWY to get it wyte!

  57. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#25): a dresser with a few Reader’s Digest Condensed Books on it… Don’t throw away your collection of RDCBs! They stopped making them in 1997. In a few decades they could be worth several dollars a meter.

    // You know how tv stations always have a space set up for remote interviews consisting of a chair and desk behind which is a bookcase filled with books? The books are intended to give the interviewee an air of intellectual gravitas. (The Strand bookstore in NYC famously has a section where they sell old and otherwise worthless leather bound books by the yard for just such set decoration purposes.) I always try to identify individual books if I can, which is not easy as the focus of the camera is always on the subject of the interview. Sometimes I succeed in spotting an old bestseller. Gunther’s Inside Europe 1948? Anthony Adverse? But it is always fun when I can spot a bunch of the unmistakable RD Condensed. Shows that the set designer is illiterate, or doesn’t care. “Hey a book’s a book right?”

  58. pugfuggly
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    MT ‘Mark’ the date, folks: we’ve just seen 2001-style leap in the evolution of Mark Trail! Now that he knows that he can use tools for hurting bad guys, instead of just his hands, there’s no telling what he can do. But will he use his new-found powers for good or evil? If on Monday he decides to lop off Drug Guy #2′s head with Drug Guy #1′s machete, we’ll have a pretty definitive answer.

    RM:MD I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bottle of booze labelled simply ‘RUM’ or ‘IRISH WHISKEY’ outside of a soviet-era eastern bloc republic. Hey, is that where Rex Morgan is set? Is he part of the politburo, living in decadent luxury while the rest of his comrades subsist on turnips and pork belly rations? Does that explain his arrogant attitude and contempt for the working class? I’m not sure, but I am going to start reading his lines in my head in a thick russian accent.

    MW Well that figures: Mary travels clear across the country only to land in the northeastern equivalent of her own dull-as-dishwater, white bread town. I think this story might have been a lot more interesting if it turned out that Gina and Bobby had settled down in Harlem of South Bronx, and the main thrust of the plot would have been explaining to Mary that those black, brown and asian people she sees on the news live in america too.

  59. Shem
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#20):

    Slabbing a comic book involves sealing it in a hard plastic case. This protects the comic from the usual environmental damage, browning from exposure to oxygen, etc., that comics are subject to … but it also means you can’t actually read the damn thing.

  60. TheDiva
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#34): Oh, it is going to be a long month, isn’t it?

    So the Anonymously Gay Duo blow their two promised strips in the first three days, huh? I guess giving them things like names, personalities, and a voice in their fate would get in the way of Batiuk shouldering the straight man’s burden. And of course all-purpose straw-woman Mrs. Blackburn is the antagonist of the arc. Normally I wouldn’t wish those Westboro cult picketers on my worst enemy, but in this case….

  61. bats :[
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#21): FC: not only is Jeffy a moron, this panel comes from a few years ago, although I don’t know if the oh-so-funny Jeffy observation has been changed since then.
    And since we’re into reruns…

  62. Comcis Fan
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    FW: You don’t know who the blonde girl in the background is? Why she’s none other than Sandra Smith, Susan’s little cousin!

    MW: So’s what kinda party are you going to, because this nice area is also known as a place where dey dump da bodies. If ya know whad I mean.

  63. TheDiva
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#57): For me the RDCBs will always be identified with high school and community theater, as their low cost, high quantity, and generic spines mean they inevitably end up as prop books. I’m sure they’re used in the choreography for at least 85% of all stagings of “Marian the Librarian.”

  64. Señor Tortilla
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#60): “GOD HATES FUNKY WINKERBEAN”, huh? I’m heavily betting that my “walls and walls of text” prediction will come into full play again.

  65. btown
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    The next time I visit Lloyd Neck, NY, I hope that I, too, will get Richard Chamberlain as my taxi driver

  66. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    BB: So, just because it has come to this, I googled General Halftrack. 556,000 hits.

    // Not so much when you think about how much the world needs a man with a solution.

  67. TheDiva
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#64): Oh, definitely. It wouldn’t be a Very Special Funky Winkerbean Arc if someone (most likely Les or one of his disciples) didn’t spend at least a week smugly lecturing the reader strawmen.

  68. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#63): No. No. No. I wouldn’t allow it. As occasional prop man, officer of the club, and utility actor in a little theatre, I refused to have them on stage. You can always find something else. I’d paint books on a flat first.

    // Pet peeve. Nothing says cheesy like RDCBs on a set.
    // Ok, maybe if you painted the spines…

  69. Baka Gaijin
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#30): Bogus grammatical error. What is this world coming to?

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#37): Dolphins are great. Wonderful with an aioli on marble rye.

    @Shem (#59): If comic books are anything like Spiderman the Newspaper Strip, keeping ‘em slabbed is a wise move.

  70. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

  71. SarahM
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Ursula (#9): Nah, you didn’t miss anything. The unspoken consensus is it’s more fun to pretend there’s more to the kiss than there really was, and it’s also a way of poking fun at the disconnect between the artwork (that was some peck on the cheek!) and the implications of the narrative.

  72. Mibbitmaker
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#34):

    The first one: Great, Batiuk, a strip whose “punchline” depends on what happens later. When Batty loses his previous abilities at a sense of humor (the stray Cranky notwithstanding), he doesn’t fool around!

    The 3rd one (spoiler?) [*] But you know that, don’t you, Batiuk? Just how do you draw with such a heavy hand, anyway?

    Again, Johnston and Trudeau did this much better!

  73. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Higgs Boatswain (#12):, @Nehemiah Scudder (#30): While I’d never presume to speak for my partner in correctness, Precisiona, even as Grammatica I have no problem with split infinitives. But if Higgs Boatswain would like to assist me with the essays I’m reading this afternoon, and if he promises to bring his WHAP!ping stick, I certainly wouldn’t object.

    And I see that Nehemiah has nominated himself as an auxiliary to the Didactic Duo; I trust that he’s sufficiently hardy to withstand the initiation ritual. You do have a pencil skirt?

  74. Lucky
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey – General Halftrack just finished masturbating.

    Family Circus – Is it just me or does Jeffy look sloppily pasted on?

    Mark Trail – …is punching a guy with no hair. What the hell is going on!?

    Mary Worth – Enough with Gina’s disembodied head already!

    Popeye – And so we seamlessly begin the “Olive Oyl experiments with lesbianism” story arc…

  75. Fats Pinto
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    “Thank you, Mister Blake!”
    “No need to be so formal, Tommie. My bright blue polyester blazer should make it obvious that I’m the hired staff, not the owner.”

  76. Poteet
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Is Nina’s insurance plan really going to cover all this?

  77. Poteet
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#70): Nonono, the child is sad because of not being covered with MORE lizards. Trust me.

  78. Poteet
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#70): Apologies — I was arguing with the caption, not you:-).

  79. NotThatGuy
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    MT: What I adore about today’s panels is Jackelrod has apparently been unsuccessful in finding old clip-art representing marijuana leaves. Thus, he has been forced to white out everything beyond the telephone pole (which used to be a pine tree-and-squirrel, of course) and do this “art” thing with something called a “colored pencil”.

  80. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    3G“Tommie… Tell me everything you know.”
    Oh, Mister Blake. You realize, she’s going to take you literally, right? I hope you’ve got a half a cigarette to smoke, or maybe a demitasse of coffee.

    9 – Character. Plot. Shading. Pick one.

    Herb – In a humorous strip, she’d have said something like “Yes, he finds it very helpful” as we readers are shown Herb snoozing away. Here, we just lay it all on the line: “He falls asleep to your sermons, because you’re such a boring old windbag!” Ho ho. And five minutes from now, none of this ever happened.

  81. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke prepares for his famous party trick. (“I’m a zit — get it??”)

    Mary – “Your floating head can ride up front, since she provides her own air bag.”

    Momma – There you have it, Francis. Even if you do everything she wants, she’ll still nag at you. You know what to do now. Afterward, cleanse everything. With FIRE.

    Ghost-who-equivocates – “Enough prying! I’ve already resorted to finessing and ambiguity. Don’t you make me tell an outright fib!”

  82. NotThatGuy
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “Now with more rum flavor! If you enjoyed this beverage, try our “Irish Whiskey” and “Vodka” flavors, too!”

  83. Sprawling Blake
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: “Everything appears to be in order… hold the phone! Where’d the bottle of XXX wander off to?”

  84. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#18): There’s also blue Curacao. Once at a party we mixed it with Mountain Dew and came up with a drink I named the Melted Sno-Cone. A candidate for the hall of fame, if there’s such a thing for mixed drinks that were named and never, ever made again.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#57): “Hey a book’s a book right?”
    Oh, nothing makes me believe in the gravitas of a talking head or televangelist like a shelf of outdated law books spotted irregularly with Reader’s Digest Condensed Books.

  85. NotThatGuy
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    MT: And isn’t Mark-with-a-stick some sort of Gil Thorpe crossover?

  86. Consul, the Almost Human
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    9CL – I wonder if McElMusicConservatory will turn this into ‘Transfigured Night’. Two guys, one pregnancy, Vienna, Schoenberg, …

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verkl%C3%A4rte_Nacht

    ‘Dehmel’s poem describes a man and a woman walking through a dark forest on a moonlit night, wherein the woman shares a dark secret with her new lover: she bears the child of another man. The stages of Dehmel’s poem are reflected throughout the composition, beginning with the sadness of the woman’s confession, a neutral interlude wherein the man reflects upon the confession, and a finale which reflects the man’s bright acceptance (and forgiveness) of the woman: O sieh, wie klar das Weltall schimmert! Es ist ein Glanz um Alles her (see how brightly the universe gleams! There is a radiance on everything).’

  87. Poteet
    April 28th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    MT — I’ve never hit anyone on the head with a branch, but my immediate reaction is that the branch in that panel is too small to do the job, especially if it’s dead, which I assume it is because live branches don’t conveniently lie on the ground ready to grab. I’d be strongly inclined to use a larger branch or maybe a rock to make sure the perp ended up unconscious and take my chances with the Law Of LoFo, which clearly states that when a perp is struck, he will recover fully and there won’t even be any visible blood.

  88. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 28th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#87): Do we need to be at all concerned that you’ve just spent at least a little bit of time figuring out the best natural object to use to render someone unconscious by striking him on the head?

  89. Dale
    April 28th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Smark Trail (*) forgets to set his truncheon on STUN and kills the guy. He and Ranger(TM) swear it was self-defense. The DA won’t prosecute because they all just happen to be Old Friends.
    Real life and therefore won’t happen – Dead guy’s family sues for wrongful death. They win but don’t collect a thing. (That part’s real.)

    (*) Definition of “smark” is unclear. One might smirk if he didn’t walk around with a truncheon up his butt.

  90. Cal
    April 28th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Tell me everything you know! HIPAA be damned!”

  91. This Guy
    April 28th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#84): I’ve heard tell of the “Sonic Screwdriver”–a Screwdriver with a splash of blue Curacao for color, or Midori for the Eleventh Doctor’s sonic screwdriver.

  92. Francisco Arrowroot
    April 28th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Blake is going to regret not choosing his words more carefully. Tommie will spend the next several days recounting everything she knows, and he will learn only that things don’t fall up, look both ways before crossing the street, and all your fingers and toes makes twenty.

  93. gnemec
    April 28th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#80):
    A3G: “Tell me everything you know.” “Okay. I’m Tommie. I am a nurse or possibly a midwife. I think I might have also have a musical career or something? I live with a blonde and a brunette. All the men on earth look alike except for my neighbor with a beard. That’s everything.”

  94. Cloudbuster
    April 28th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#34): Isn’t having your “edgy gay plot” consist entirely of disposable characters to whom your readers have no emotional attachment a really big copout? (Assuming anyone could have an emotional attachment to a FW character. Yeah, I know.) A gay Summer, now that would at least be a tiny bit bold. Of course, other strips (9CL, QC off the top of my head) have had major gay characters for literally years without fanfare, so coming out with a gay major character is on the same scale of bravery as, oh, wearing that new pink polo shirt you’ve been nervous about.

    It reads like those non sequitur cuts they used to have in Monty Python’s Flying Circus. “And now, two gay men go to the prom!”

  95. Cloudbuster
    April 28th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I’m really looking forward to a smashed Iris at the wedding. I am hoping she will be the best hot drunken chick in the comics since MW’s Jill, with 63% less chance she’ll be inexplicably meddle-neutered into infuriating blandness.

  96. Cloudbuster
    April 28th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#89): “forgets to set his truncheon on STUN and kills the guy”

    Forgive me for my rant, but this is such a pet peeve of mine. “Knocking someone unconscious” is the most overused trope in all the entertainment world, and it’s utterly ridiculous. There’s absolutely no way to hit someone hard enough to knock them unconscious without risking brain damage or death.

  97. Cloudbuster
    April 28th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    MW: First the floating missing child poster and now the floating head. Are floating memory objects going to be a feature of the strip now?

  98. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 28th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#87): @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#88): That stick looks big enough to me. But hey! Let’s try to solve this using Science! It’ll be fun! Collect some fallen branches from a forest. Choose various sizes, but I suggest going for well seasoned hardwoods. (Look out for dry-rot!). Head for a shopping mall or supermarket, and sneak up behind bald men and whap them. Take copious notes.

    // We’ll be waiting eagerly for your report.
    // I’d help but I’m going through my closets looking for a pencil dress that still fits. Darn all this muscular development!

  99. commodorejohn
    April 28th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – I love this strip.

    DT – “And by that I mean I’m obviously, visibly a lesbian, by pop-art consensus.”

    FW – I don’t know who she is, so I don’t hate her. That puts her head and shoulders above the rest of the cast.

    GT – Gil Thorp borrows the time-dishonored “oh hey, guess that whole plot was about a nonexistent conflict, whaddya know” plot device from Spider-Man.

    JP – Sophie’s other-women’s-happiness radar pings! Another relationship she can destroy for her own amusement and benefit? She’s certainly gained the boobs for it.

    Luann – If TJ showed up while there was a child missing, I’d be calling the police to arrest a kidnapping suspect, not asking him for help.

    MT – Actually, Josh, I think the message here is that Mark has transcended to a higher level of villain-beatery. Like Neo at the end of The Matrix, he’s done fooling around and is simply an unstoppable villain-beating machine. “Are you saying I can tackle a man’s ass face-first and yell ‘SURPRISE!‘?” “No, Mark. I’m saying that when the time comes, you won’t have to.

    MW – GAH IT LIVES

    Popeye – Is that what they call it these days?

    PC – “Pre-naked” is a good phrase. I wish there were more chance to employ it in daily life.

    RMMD – BEST. STORYLINE. EVER.

    Ripley’s – Somewhere out there is an octogenarian Terminator.

    SM – I’d ask what kind of sense that makes, but I already know the answer.

  100. bbofun
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    I think we’re all missing the point. (Well, YOU all are. I’ve found it. [smug smile] [smile drops when he realizes he looks like Les Cold shiver down spine])

    Mark Trail hit Baldy McDruggie with a stick because he wouldn’t soil his Fists-O’-Justice (TM) with such a hairless fiend.

    Of course, now it will turn out that Baldy has cancer, and was growing the ganja for his own medicinal use, and..nah, this is Mark Trail. Hit him again!

  101. Jamus The Bartender
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB: Good save, Michael. We all know she heard it from John when he burned his hand with a spot welder making those toy trains in the basement.

    Luann: Oh, wonderful, TJ’s gonna help us find Shannon. Seriously, everyone had better mentally prepare for finding Shannon in a van somewhere….

    Judge Parker: Wow. Abbey’s gonna make an appearance at the feed store? Hoo-doggy, looks like a lot of married Plugger couples are gonna have better than average sex tonight!

    Sally Forth: I gotta agree with Ted on this one. However, as long as Sally doesn’t do anything stupid, like invoke the droit du seigneur or make Alice’s kids mow the lawn, she should be okay.

    Love Is: When you can’t concentrate after he makes his phone call. Unemployment
    is: Getting your ass fired by Sally Forth for having phonesex on company time, AND an inablilty to concentrate on your work, dammit!!

  102. Zerowolf
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    BB: If, twenty years ago, you said, “I googled myself,” we would figure you were talking about masturbation.

  103. Zerowolf
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    FC: From the way Jeffy is levitating, we’ve discovered the secret of the melonheads: helium.

  104. TheDiva
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#94): Not to mention FOOB’s Lawrence, who came out of closet nearly twenty years ago. And didn’t Luann imply Brad and Toni’s chief is batting for the other team? Yeah, Batiuk is definitely a latecomer to this party.

  105. cartooncritic2544
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#38): I suspect it was all the same grain alcohol, diluted and, except for the vodka, flavored and colored as appropriate. I think they used food coloring and a few drops of medical iodine for the SCOTCH SCOTCH SCOTCH brand scotch.

    Suddenly I have an urge to watch “Mr Roberts” again.

  106. cartooncritic2544
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#95): It’s a funeral, not a wedding, Hugh Grant movies not withstanding

  107. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#98): That sounds like an enjoyable experiment, but I’m afraid I’m too busy metaphorically whapping my students with the truncheon of high research-paper expectations (“WHAP! You don’t have an arguable thesis!”). But it occurs to me that while we might have some flexibility on the matter of how well your pencil skirt fits, you might have some difficulty with the Didactic Duo’s bylaws. After Rule #1 (“One’s pencil skirt must always be pressed and hemmed to an appropriate length”) and Rules #2 and #3 (“White wine should not be over-chilled” and “Straight vodka is not a martini; it’s just vodka”), we have Rule #4: “One should never publicly correct the errors of well-meaning friends.” Are you certain that you’re up to the task of balancing grammatical correctness and grammatical generosity?

  108. Jason D.
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Stealing hotel door signs? Pretty mild on the menacing scale, Dennis. You have to at least steal the TV to achieve even moderate menacing status through hotel property theft.

  109. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#84): Oh, nothing makes me believe in the gravitas of a talking head or televangelist like a shelf of outdated law books spotted irregularly with Reader’s Digest Condensed Books.

    Of course. One naturally assumes that the talking h. has read all the books on the shelf behind him. With the Professor Kingsfield-like accuity derived from studying the old lawbooks combined with the emotional insight engendered from reading all those abridged best-selling novels, clearly the t. head is Wise, and should be listened to reverently.

  110. Poteet
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#88): Um. I’ve been assuming that reading MT was harmless fun. I may have to rethink that.

  111. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#107): Oh, dear. I’m afraid you lost me at #3.

  112. tallyHO
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#100):
    Of course, now it will turn out that Baldy has cancer, and was growing the ganja for his own medicinal use, and..nah, this is Mark Trail. Hit him again!

    That would set up a slightly humorous kitchen table conversation.
    I’m sure “Doc” and “Cherry” and Andy and Rusty would all be a part of the roundtable discussion. With Mark at the head of the table laying out the dilemma.

    “On one hand the smugglers are breaking the law. On the other hand, they are using it to ease their pain. On the other paw….???” [a doggy paw holding a smoking object in front of Mark’s open maw]”

    The best thing that could happen here is that Mark is made aware that of the lame/weirdness that is “Mark Trail”.

  113. Trillian
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    DtM: “Looks like Dennis got himself a souvenir from our last vacation to 1965.”

  114. Poteet
    April 28th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#96): That’s what I figured. And I say a mere WHAP (as opposed to a solid THUNK) with a relatively small branch, on a head covered by a hat, would very likely, in the real world, hurt the guy but not knock him out, potentially causing him to turn around and lay some serious hurt on the branch-wielder. But this is LoFo, so no worries. Very possibly the other perp will stand around waiting to be hit himself.

  115. tallyHO
    April 28th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#114):
    But, you should take note on how he is swinging the branch. He is doing a right hook on the back of his head. As a graduate of the the Correspondence School of Cartoon Sound Effects, which I ZZZZZZ’d through, that type of action requires at best a THWOK! Though, if he just used his fist, it could yield a K-POW!

    A THUNK would work (if I could think of why it would work.)
    A THUNK is more of a result of a downward motion. I’m sort of serious about that last sentence. THUNK, PLUNK, DUNK….

    But, I’m not gonna try to make anyone go BOING! and consider the subtleties of this. What really gets me is how calm, emotionless look is on Mark’s face. I mean, look at the smiling face of RangerTradeMark. He is sitting there and is either giddy with anticipation that he is almost free, or, he is giddy with anticipation that they guy is falling face first into his lap, The Lap of Dooooom!

  116. GaryPotter
    April 28th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    FW: Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that’s Mallory Brooks, a character that Cody was briefly teamed up with some months ago.

  117. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 28th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#73): And Wossname:

    Matthew, a new translation,
    22:11 And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a pencil dress:
    22:12 And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a pencil dress? And he was speechless.
    22:13 Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness, there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
    22:14 For many are called, but few are chosen.

    // Weep. Gnash. Anybody got a flashlight?

  118. Spiff Bereft
    April 28th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    MT: Drug Guy #1 lacks the villianous facial hair to merit the full Fists ‘O Justice and must instead accept the Stick ‘O Annoyed Inevitability.

    “I WILL BRING YOU TO JUSTICE BUT I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO IT!”

  119. The Ridger
    April 28th, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    JP: So it seems like the next question is: was it Randy or April who seduced Sophie with promises and whatever poor little rich girl wants? My money’s on Randy, because Sophie should have passed through a ‘ha, like she’d say yes’ phase before going straight to emotional devastation.

  120. Calico
    April 28th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Mark uses sticks when the villians don’t have any facial hair to punch off.

  121. Baka Gaijin
    April 28th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Spiff Bereft (#118): Step aside, people. Step aside: COTW contender here.

  122. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 28th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark sees Will Sasso in the woods, tries to reenact some of his favorite Three Stooges bits with him. Next time give him a little warning, Moe.

    RMMD: Hey, Iris plans to drink her fill of both Irish Whiskey and Jamaican Rum. If that’s not a balanced diet, what is?

    A3G: Nina’s father says to Tommie, “Tell me everything you know.” It turns out to be less than helpful when she responds, “More than Lu Ann, not as much as Margo.”

    JP: I interpret Sophie’s wide-eyed stare as meaning, “What is it with old people? That’s why God invented texting.”

    S-M: This seems like something that could be discovered by hitting the local theatre industry sites and seeing if the name of this legendary comic “Hardy Laurel” shows up. But I guess Peter is taking the idea of a “web search” very literally. Oh well, keeps him off the Barcalounger.

    Phantom: Hey Kit, history shows that the “It depends on what your definition of ‘is’ is” defense frequently turns out to be more trouble than it’s worth.

    S4th: Ted may be a man-child, but he’s not without insight.

    Lockhorns: The Cubs keep getting three strikes because they can see Leroy’s two balls?

    DT: I’ll be disappointed if we don’t see a story of the defiant love between a basement dwelling nerd and a criminally-minded drag king.

  123. Liam
    April 28th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    A3G-I know that Mommy kisses Daddy and the angel tells the stork and the stork puts a diamond under a cabbage in the cabbage patch and the diamond turns into a baby.

    BB-Congratulations on googling yourself. I thought you couldn’t get it up anymore.

    Curtis-”Why are taking course at that online college? I thought the god of continuity came down and did away with your online college like he has done with your many pregnancies.”

  124. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Trillian (#113): Vacation to 1965? For the Mitchells, wouldn’t that be a staycation?

  125. Liam
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    MT-To get rid of the pot plants Mark will burn them down and accidentally start a forest fire that consumes most of the Lost Forest.

  126. Droopy Says
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#104): Why assume there will even be gay characters in this arc? This is Batiuk. He’s likely to have Flunky and Scuzzy go to the prom as a show of solidarity with gays after being mistakenly harrassed for gayness. They’ll dance with one another, but they’ll be thinking of Summer.

  127. Liam
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    MT-To celebrate his killing of the bald pot grower Mark will throw his stick into the air while “Thus Spake Zarathustra” is playing in the background.

  128. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Why, it’s so much like Santa Royale that the artist can basically recycle his old drawings for the duration of my stay here!”

  129. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @Binder’s Butter Beans (#48): But the baldness cancels out the lack of facial hair. With Mark Trail it’s Facial Hair:Bad/No Facial Hair:Good and Head Hair:Good/No Head Hair:Bad.

    Sideburns are a subclass of facial hair, but not facial hair, per se, but flamboyant ones are just as bad as facial hair. The ultimate Mark Trail baddie would be a completely bald guy with giant sideburns and a circle beard/goatee, with a little bit of his face shaved underneath his cheeks so the ‘burns and the circle beard/goatee don’t connect. That’s to show that he actually wants to look like that, rather than being someone who goes without a razor because of extenuating circumstances.

  130. odinthor
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    #96. Cloudbuster.

    There’s absolutely no way to hit someone hard enough to knock them unconscious without risking brain damage or death.

    You say that like it’s a bad thing…

  131. Liam
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    MW-Listen lady, I said I would take but it is going to be extra for the floating head.

    MW 2-To accomadate Gina’s floating head the driver has to drive British style.

    MW 3-The invitation says key party. Do you know what a key party is?

    MW 4-It is amazing how New York in no way looks like Southern California.

  132. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#128): MW: “Why, it’s so much like Santa Royale that the artist can basically recycle his old drawings for the duration of my stay here!”

    Just imagine – repurposed Wilburs, Tobys, and Ians.

  133. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#132): “Repurposed Wilbur” would be a great name for a rock band.

  134. Calico
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @Higgs Boatswain (#12):
    Hahahaha!
    If Mary ever said “Motherfucker” to anyone, I would die happy. : )

  135. Calico
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#1):
    Stipe could easily be Batuik’s spokesperson. Whine, whine, whine.

  136. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    MT – You know, if someone were to WHAP Mark on the noggin like that, it would have absolutely no effect at all.

    Remember that even bullets will ricochet off that solid stone head of his!

    MW – That guy seem quite polite for being a cabbie in NYC.

  137. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#133): Repurposed Wilbur” would be a great name for a rock band.

    Their big hit – “Rolling in the Dip”

  138. Calico
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#23):
    Canadian TV and radio are much more lenient with swear words. Sexual naughty words and derogatory terms are banned, except in the context of a nonfictional report as is (it seems) the F Word, but the other day while listening to the amazing and truly riveting radio soap “Afghanada” I heard someone say “bullshit.”

  139. tallyHO
    April 28th, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    ha!
    I guess I’ll take the easy, low road here on Mark Trail (you know some of you thought of it and didn’t write it):

    Mark Trail:

    “Cue ball, corner pocket!”

  140. Liam
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    MW-Mark hates pot growers so much that he won’t use his fists on them he will just beat them to death with a stick.

  141. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#137): They’re the opening act for Meat Loaf.

  142. tallyHO
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    While I long for ninja-ization in this MT episode, I guess it could include
    RangerTradeMark standing up, spreading his arms out and declaring:

    “Behold, Mulletwearer, prepare to bound in the Necktie of the Gods!”

    And, with that, Andy delivers a flying kick sending Mulletwearer headlong towards
    NinjaRangerTradeMark, who brandishing his long, sultry silk Fashion Accessory of Death, lassoes the Ne’er-Do-Well.

    And, then he ties a Windsor Knot like the Canadian he is and yada yada….

  143. tallyHO
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    And then…and then…

    The Mighty Fist of Justice Comes Down on The Grower of the Evil Oregano! ™

  144. Señor Tortilla
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#94): Suddenly turning a significant character gay (the “Suddenly Sexuality” trope) is also a huge cop-out, especially if they’ve been around for years and have suddenly switched. TJ and Quill are good candidates for “outing” in Luann, rather than say, Gunther. Summer is a plausible candidate, though.

  145. Chance
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Dear people commenting on the NYC cabbie in Mary Worth,

    I know you’re all trying to be funny and all that, but I feel you’re guilty of the same sin you love to riff on the comics creators themselves for —= taking an old, tired, maybe-true-maybe-not trope, and hauling it out as if it were funny in and of itself. Technology, hilarity! What’s the deal with ripped jeans? Cabbies in New York are all turban-wearing grouches who smell like mules, amirite?!

    …Right.

    Wonder how many of you have actually been in a NYC cab within the last five years. They’re actually pretty polite, interesting, informative people for the most part. And hey! Some of them are white!

    Love,

    A snarky nit-picker

  146. Calico
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#41):
    Yes, there’s actually some very real (!) psychological discussion going on here.
    Alice is walking on eggshells and probably has a tinge of “survivor guilt”, and it’s straining the friendship between Sally and her.

  147. tallyHO
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Chance (#145): I agree with you to a great extent. But, the panel layout for that sequence is kind wacky/ wonky and pushing the storyline by conversation as opposed to though balloons alone is a bit much. There wasn’t all that much to be gleened from the dialogue. Whether it is just Mary’s nature or not, it could have been done a bit differently.

    Heck, Thought Balloons for Mary( a great band name) would have solved some of the layout issues that resulted in the cabby looking as if he is suddenly driving on the passenger’s side.

  148. tallyHO
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    I’m just saying, there was ample room for ridicule but you’re right that perhaps somethings don’t need to be driven into the ground….and, they could have been if Mary had accidentally hailed the Cab to Hell. But, dangit! She hailed one of those nice guy cabbies and is on her way to the party.

    Wait a second is that cabbie Doctor Quest? I guess the economy is tough for everyone.

  149. Calico
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#61):
    HAHAHAHA! Great stuff!
    Like a car crash, I can’t stop looking …

  150. Calico
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#95):
    Yes, me too – I hope it’ll be like an AbFab moment (refer to the episode “Death”).
    However, I think it’ll be a heck of a lot meaner.

  151. This Guy
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    BC: Okay… I don’t get it. Really. Nobody on GoComics seems to either. The only going theories are the hoary old notion of “little green men from Mars” or the idea that since Mars has no people and no power grid, it is environmentally sound. Of course, by all indications Mars’s environment was ruined long ago, but whatever.

  152. Kyle S.
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    On the one hand, you can joke about Funky Winkerbean trying to stay relevant by suddenly throwing in a texting reference. On the other hand, I’m impressed that the author knows enough about comic book culture to reference both slabbing and AF #15 (though no self respecting nerd would ever slab a comic).

  153. Calico
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#134):
    Oh, my, I meant Mark.
    However, if Mary ever said that, I’d die almost equally happy.
    Mark, Mary, Uma, Oprah *sigh*

  154. Sequitur
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#151): You know, the results aren’t pretty when the cartoonist is drunk at deadline.

  155. Liam
    April 28th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    A3G-Mister Blake looks like a game show host. “Tell me everything you know and win this NEW CAR.”

  156. curlyfries
    April 28th, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#18): You’re thinking of Bombay Sapphire gin – the bottle is blue, the gin is clear. And let’s hope you’re right! If my “unbalanced” lush of a houseguest got into my fancy blue absinthe (aka “Windex”, for obvious reasons) that I had to go all the way to Canada to get, there’d be hell to pay!

  157. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 28th, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#94): I can’t shake the suspicion that Batiuk has only one Significant Story in him – the Lisa’s cancer storyline – and that only because he himself wrestled with cancer. He’s been trying to come up with something weighty enough as a follow-up to demonstrate that it wasn’t a fluke, but, sadly, I think he really just got lucky with that one. Worse, his efforts to cling to significance only drive home his inability to tell a compelling story that isn’t on some level a retelling of his own experiences, and it’s become painfully clear that his life isn’t that interesting and that he seems to live in a bubble as well.

    You know something has gone off the rails (McE, this goes for you, too) when speculating about the internal mental world of the cartoonist is more satisfying than reading their work.

  158. Jamoche
    April 28th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    I have fond memories of Reader’s Digest Condensed Books – my grandfather was career military and lived all over the world, so my grandparents subscribed to them because you could get four books for the shipping cost of one. Selection wasn’t bad, either – it’s where I first read Arthur C Clarke.

  159. Zerowolf
    April 28th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#132): Just imagine – repurposed Wilburs, Tobys, and Ians. Soylent Green with Salmon Squares everyone?

  160. Fashion Police
    April 28th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#18):
    We are truly disappointed. Mr. Wilson really missed a golden opportunity by not featuring “Josh” brand whiskey. If he wishes better treatment from the Curmudgeons he’d best “play ball” on the product placement.

    And speaking of Mr. Wilson, doesn’t Miss Sophie Spencer look a little taken aback, like that poor anonymous blonde girl in “Funky Winkerbean?” Her teenaged crush on Miss Bowers was only a vain hope after all.

  161. Fashion Police
    April 28th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    We are also disappointed in Mr. Mark Trail. We don’t know for sure, but we suspect that sneaking up behind a miscreant and whapping him on the head with a stick is a serious violation of the manly, square-jawed hero’s code. Especially since said miscreant isn’t even sporting sideburns.

  162. Mr. O'Malley
    April 28th, 2012 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#157): The “Funky’s car accident” story was supposedly based on something that happened to him (the car accident, not going back in time). It started out with a lot of potential and then just fizzled out.

    There are other strips in which people rarely do anything particularly significant, but they’re still interesting to read because the characters have some depth.

  163. Baka Gaijin
    April 28th, 2012 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#122) on The Lockhorns: Groan!

  164. MrP
    April 28th, 2012 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Poor Mark Trail. He used to be so happy in his job. Every knuckle sandwich would be accompanied by a quip… Maybe not a really clever quip, but a quip nonetheless. That little extra bit of service. After so many years, though, the quips get old. You realize how callused your knuckles have gotten. You wonder why people keep kidnapping people and animals in your vicinity, why you always HAVE to give out the knuckle sandwiches.

    Mark Trail is experiencing a sense of ennui. So many years without a proper vacation (at least one where he doesn’t have to punch someone), so many quips, so many punches he’s lost all sense of feeling in his right little finger. He’s tired of punching. Tired of quips.

    Mark Trail knows the heavy branch carries a higher risk of doing serious harm than a punch to the chin, or getting knocked over by a dog, or something similar. He doesn’t care. He picks it up, and with a exasperated sigh, he swings it. Just another damn day in the forest.

  165. tallyHO
    April 28th, 2012 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @MrP (#164):

    Wow. Like the Mark Trail you described, you nailed it.

  166. Liam
    April 28th, 2012 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”Work together for Nina’s sake.” I know where this is heading and it is going to end with Nina being carted off to the state mental hospital because she expresses thoughts of her own.

  167. Peanut Gallery
    April 28th, 2012 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nekrotzar (#53), @Sprawling Blake (#83): Sprawling Blake is almost as awesome a name as Bats Colon Left-Bracket.

  168. seismic-2
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t that a Repurposed Wilbur in today’s Dick Tracy?

    RMMD: The next time I go shopping for liquor, I intend to make a point of looking for some of that Irish™ whiskey. Based on the label design, I believe it’s Japanese.

  169. endless sky
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    S4th: I apologize, Ted. I take back every bad thing I’ve ever said about you.

    MT: Mark enjoys whapping the log.

  170. seismic-2
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: You want your blue liquor? I got your blue liquor, right here!

  171. Liam
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    A3G-Meanwhile in his office Gandalf Record Producer is wondering where Tommie is with the music. “Where is the music? Why am I not listening to the music? Why are we not making music together?”

  172. Gunslinger
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Half Naked Girl is really here to settle an ancient Irish blood feud. The Morgan family has a history of oppressing her people, so while they are happily singing protestant hymns during sunday service, she will assemble the car bomb.

    Unfortunately, she honestly believes Irish Whiskey is a necessary ingredient in a real car bomb. So the saga will continue for another generation.

  173. Peanut Gallery
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#57): Also, if you see a bookcase full of books that don’t match the owner’s reading habits, it’s probably hiding the entrance to the secret passage.

    @Cal (#90): Good one!

  174. Señor Tortilla
    April 28th, 2012 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#157): The whole cancer thing was kind of de-railed by the fact that Les never remarried for at least 10 years…no doubt gaining some sort of superiority complex. I think there was a discussion about this months, that “cancer spouses” would be insulted as Les’s post-Lisa life rather than sympathize with him. No matter how tragic, they usually re-marry within 2 years or so, and they do not talk about their last wife (or husband) as if the new spouse has to live up to their legacy. I know this because I have relatives that lost loved ones to cancer.

    Meanwhile, there’s a whole issue on what Funky Winkerbean even tries to be. I mean, there’s “serious” stories and then we’ve got things like time-traveling, ghost wives, and other such nonsense. It’s like a really bad soap opera.

    I get the feeling that this latest storyline is cribbed from every Very Special Episode on this subject. I also don’t think Batiuk knows any gay people personally, leaving him with zero experience on this one, and just taking the “stock LGBT arguments” route.

  175. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#57): (The Strand bookstore in NYC famously has a section where they sell old and otherwise worthless leather bound books by the yard for just such set decoration purposes.)

    That’s sort of how I picked up a free volume from an old collected Shakespeare — coverless — devoted to the spurious and doubtful plays. This was at the Barnes & Noble Sales Annex in NYC, but it’s pretty clear that the covers were stripped from all the volumes in the set, and the supposition is that they were taken by people who like the way books look on the outside.

    The spine has part of a leaf from some shaped-note music, handsomely printed in red and black, with lyrics about Herod. I should probably see about getting a binding put on it some time.

  176. bats :[
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @gnemec (#93): whoo! whoo! So I’m late to the party, but I brought the chips or something.
    Actually I was loling just outside the door…

  177. Wackd
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    FW: Wow. Amazing Fantasy #15. Not Action Comics #1 or Detective Comics #27 or All Star Comics #8; not Captain America Comics #1 or Tales of Suspense #39 or Journey into Mystery #83. Amazing Fantasy #15. The first appearance of a dorky little high-school loser with few friends and yet a bizarrely overactive love life, filled with lots of drama based around unrequited love. It’s only natural this is the one to get invoked, really. Tis only a shame you had nothing to say about today’s Amazing Spider-Man so you could’ve done a “speaking of” transition.

    (For those wondering, yes, those numbers are off the top of my head. And look! Cody’s Flash shirt is colored completely wrong! My god I’m a doofus.)

  178. bats :[
    April 28th, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @Wackd (#177): Cody probably bought his shirt at a swap meet from a vendor dealing in pirated Chinese merchandise.

  179. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#174): I remember someone (someone here, most likely) who pointed out that Batiuk’s experience with cancer was as a patient, not as the spouse of a patient, let alone a bereaved spouse. It made a lot of the annoyances about Saint Lisa make a lot more sense.

    I still don’t know what explains Les, though. He’s clearly some sort of Mary Sue, but I have trouble figuring out a brain that would perceive a smug, smirking jerk as someone to either admire or feel sorry for.

  180. Señor Tortilla
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#179): I always imagine Batiuk looking EXACTLY like Les, and McEldowney looking like Seth (except he closer resembles Juliette’s bed-mate).

    Sadly, both strips have no one likable to root for.

  181. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#175): There’s also a pretty good business at craft fairs in repurposing old book bindings into purses and notebooks. I have a great notebook that I use for note-taking at conferences, made from an old composition textbook.

  182. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Mark O’Trail* — “Top o’ th’ marrnin, boyo. Wud ye mind cappin me witt yer shaleighleigh?”

    *a/k/a “Hit me… I’m Irish!”

  183. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#180): Well, at least 9CL has Solange, the cat. She’s pretty cool.

  184. Sgt. Stoned
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    DTM: Dennis is too short to have taped the sign readin “Dennis’s Room” to his bedroom door, so it was obviously placed there by one of his parents, probably the smug-looking Mr. Mitchell. It is eerily reminiscent of the warning signs placed on receptacles for medical waste or the radiation symbol stenciled upon the lead doors at nuclear laboratories.

    MW: So let me get this straight: Mary has found an unaccented English-speaking cab driver in New York City who obviously drives and English-made cab with the steering wheel on the right-hand side and a floating head on the left-hand passenger side of the seat. Like, wow!

  185. Rusty
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#179): Les was just a regular schmoe when Lisa was alive. Her death seems to have changed him into a sanctimonious prig.

  186. Sequitur
    April 28th, 2012 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty (#185): “Reglar Smo” would be a good name for a rap artist.

  187. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 29th, 2012 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#173): @Nehemiah Scudder (#57): Also, if you see a bookcase full of books that don’t match the owner’s reading habits, it’s probably hiding the entrance to the secret passage.
    Great Zeus! I never thought of that. There must be secret passages behind all those TV sets!

    // But WHY? What are THEY up to?

  188. ElkMeadow
    April 29th, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    Hey, wait, when did Prince Valiant has a new illustrator–am I the only one who didn’t realize it until now? Was everyone else at the party, and not I? Welcome, Tom Yeates.

    http://comics.gearlive.com/comix411/article/q308-prince-valiant-meets-tom-yeates1/

  189. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 29th, 2012 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#175): …a free volume from an old collected Shakespeare — coverless — devoted to the spurious and doubtful plays.

    I wonder if the shades of the real authors of the “spurious and doubtful” plays are annoyed at not getting credit for them. Middleton and Webster and Greene et al. pissed off thru eternity. Personnally, I’d be chuffed if anything I wrote was good enough to fool someone into thinking maybe Shakespeare wrote it.

  190. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 29th, 2012 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    @Chance (#145):
    I feel that you may have been referring to my comments abouyt the NYC cabbies.

    While I haven’t been the myself, my wife and sister-in-law have been to NYC many times on Business trips over the last 25 years, riding in mnay cabs, so I told them about your comments.

    To put it in the most polite terms, they wholeheartedly disagree with you and the stereotype stands.

    Have a nice day.

  191. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 29th, 2012 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#176): Excellent, as usual, Ms. Left-Bracket.

    // Need we be so formal? May I call you Bats?

  192. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 29th, 2012 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#181): I have a great notebook that I use for note-taking at conferences, made from an old composition textbook.

    Fulgent! People at conferences will see you constantly annotating what to them appears to be a superannuated composition textbook. They will thereby assume that you are so unsure of your craft (or sullen art) that you must constantly refer to some freshman beginner’s guide. They will then misunderestimate you, falling into your trap, and becoming putty in your hands.

    // Machiavelli could profit from your correspondence course!

  193. Comcis Fan
    April 29th, 2012 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    FW: Les would if he could but he didn’t and he’s jealous that after 30 years of bad puns, he didn’t come up with the one funny one ever to be uttered in Westview.

  194. Droopy Says
    April 29th, 2012 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: If we’re treated to the “bring the house down” cliche, can we please see Spiderdouche flattened by a brick wall? At least the bricks get better lines than Hardly Laurel.

    Creepy Les: Good friend for Jesus’ sake despair
    To see Batiuk write such paltry fare.
    Blessed be the man who gives him a slap,
    And cursed be the man who writes such crap.

    Mock Trail: Coelacanth.
    See lacanth run.
    Run, lacanth, run!
    It’s Mark Trail!
    Oh, wait, lacanth.
    Rusty is with Mark Trail.
    You are safe, lacanth.
    No fishing today!

    Pluggers: Pluggers are realy proud of themselves when they solve the mystery in a rerun.

  195. tallyHO
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Family Circus:

    Those two standing to the left are so unbelievably calm.
    While it is implied that it is early in the morning and that they may not be fully awake, given what is transpiring before their eyes, they are sanguine. It is almost as if they planned it all and just want the deed to be done.

    Dick Tracy:

    It continues to be one of the more interesting strips I’m seeing. In terms of the history of the strip, it isn’t taking huge risks. For a modern version of a legacy comic strip, yeah, it is taking risks.

    Mary Worth:
    She has arrived. She’s being led in the mansion. From this point, the song remains the same: Anything Goes!

  196. tallyHO
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#195):

    inTO the mansion…..that is where Mary is going….where she stops and meddles with nobody knows……

  197. Anonymous
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#115): One way or another, I’m sure Mark and Tom will be fine and that the sun will not inconveniently set until they’ve got the perps well under control. And I still say it was pure stupid to grow pot so close to the river.

  198. Curm
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#46):

    Good lord, my stomach hurts from laughing at that series of unfortunate events.

  199. Poteet
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#197): Huh. That was me. Computer, behave yourself!

  200. Poteet
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    4/29 MT — I’ll refrain from ranting at length, but given what’s happening to biodiversity now, there’s a certain “don’t worry be happy” underlying tone to this strip that bothers me.

  201. Poteet
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    PV — Yay for the turtle!

  202. Poteet
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    4/29 MW — That ponytail has not improved.

  203. Poteet
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#188): I like the blush effect he’s using on Aleta’s cheeks.

  204. Droopy Says
    April 29th, 2012 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#200): Even if you could resurrect an extinct species, could it fit back into the environment? I’d think that other species would be living on the land and resources it formerly used, and would compete to keep their places.

  205. Baka Gaijin
    April 29th, 2012 at 3:59 am [Reply]

    Don’t relax yet Jeremy Zits. Wait till you successfully answer the “Do these jeans/pants/skirt make my butt look fat?” question. It will come.

    Someone should have told that soon-to-be-released Dick Tracy villain that alum is not a substitute for salt for those on a reduced sodium diet.

    Leonard Shelby doesn’t remember Apartment 3-G’s conflict happening like that.

  206. Mr. O'Malley
    April 29th, 2012 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    MT: My mother saw the last thylacine. I’ve seen it too, but only in a glass jar. I don’t believe I’ll ever see one alive.

    What is the matter with humans?

  207. SelfHatingHuman
    April 29th, 2012 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#206): For eons, before I arrived on the scene, species have been going extinct. Just like the Earth itself has been warming up and cooling down, entirely without my intervention, as long as it has existed. Yet, for some unfathomable reason, I blame myself.

  208. The Ridger
    April 29th, 2012 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#204): The thylacine went extinct so recently (less than a century ago) it could fit back in nicely if people would stop killing it. Other species, you’re right – check what happened to the North Atlantic cod (which is why places now boast they’re selling Pacific cod…)

  209. Ellie
    April 29th, 2012 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    A3 – Hey, in the Sunday recap of the week’s strips, Scott is seen telling Nina she’s out of line, when it was originally Margo. Man, Margo must be bullshit about this…

  210. Shrug
    April 29th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    And what kind of self-respecting nerd kid would refer to “AMAZING FANTASY FIFTEEN” rather than “AMAZING FANTASY #15″?

  211. Cloudbuster
    April 29th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    @cartooncritic2544 (#106): I wonder what kind of mental process had me confuse “funeral” and “wedding.” Maybe it was because Jill’s glorious scene was at a rehearsal dinner.

  212. Borborygmy
    April 29th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @SelfHatingHuman (#207): Nothing to be done, then, eh? The one who gets the last fish wins! Dodos and passenger pigeons would have died out one way or another, as will humans. No point in trying to manage the environment: a giant asteroid could hit, causing a global winter; and anyway the sun will explode in a few billion years.

  213. Droopy Says
    April 29th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#208): Thanks for the heads-up on that. Trophic cascade. Apex predator. It leads to a lot of fascinating stuff. That bit about denying human involvement, blaming natural forces and demanding more studies sounds familiar.

  214. Cloudbuster
    April 29th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#180): McEldowney looks an awful lot like Juliette’s Elliot, or an older Amos, if I recall correctly.

  215. Cloudbuster
    April 29th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#214): Sigh. You just said that, didn’t you? Nevermind!

  216. Cloudbuster
    April 29th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#186):

    I’m Regular Smo, I eat my fiber!
    Walk everywhere, don’t need no driber!

    …I–I’m sorry. *hangs head*

  217. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 29th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#216): A new poetical form! The Smo-let:

    I’m a regular Smo, can’t tell a lie,
    I’d walk a mile for some apple pie.

  218. Anonymous
    April 29th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#188): Welcome, Tom Yeates.

    A former collaborator of Tom Yeates — STEPHEN PERRY — was brutally murdered in my area almost two years ago. It was a horrific crime, the details of which still haunt me to this day:

    http://www2.tbo.com/news/metro/2010/jun/06/na-a-promising-career-a-downward-spiral-ar-37576/

    (Incidentally, I’m Rocky Stoneaxe, but my computer insists on calling me “Anonymous” today!)

  219. Chip Whittle
    April 29th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @SelfHatingHuman (#207):

    For eons, before I arrived on the scene, species have been going extinct. Just like the Earth itself has been warming up and cooling down, entirely without my intervention, as long as it has existed. Yet, for some unfathomable reason, I blame myself.

    “Houses burn down all the time! It’s a natural inevitable result of the same kinds of chemical reactions that support life itself! Why should I get all guilty just for setting fire to one? What are you people, haters of natural life itself?”

  220. Borborygmy
    April 29th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#219): Well put, but I’m afraid we’re just feeding a troll.

  221. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 29th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#218): That has a certain charm, like those political ads: “I’m Rocky Stoneaxe, and I approved this anonymous post!”

  222. Señor Tortilla
    April 29th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Sunday Snark

    FW: Les refuses a bad pun, but that doesn’t save him.

    GA: Sorry, I’ll have to go with Slim for this one.

    Marvin: That’s disgusting. Again.

  223. A Smirch Unheeded
    April 29th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Shem (#16): I suppose the “slabbing” container is a real pain to open, and not reusable, and not all that cheap? Could you, like, seal a comic book (or other old document) in a Foodsaver type vacuum bag? Maybe with a stiff backing so it wouldn’d curl up. Then, if you wanted to read it, or show it off to some one, no big deal, slice open and reseal it when you are done.

    I ask because you seem to know about these things, and while don’t I collect comic books, I have other stuff that might benefit from the protection.

  224. A Smirch Unheeded
    April 29th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#223): O noes! That should be “wouldn’t”, not “wouldn’d”. Damn! They said it would happen, but I didn’t believe them: I’ve got the d/t’s!

  225. wossname
    April 29th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Sly – Yeah, and while Slylock and Max and Offisa Pup are in there messing around with the (spoiler alert) magnet, Shady is making off with the bust of Nefertiti in the next room. (heh heh, heh heh, I said bust. and Nefertiti.)

    A3G – Wait wait wait wait. When the final scene occurred in the weekday version a few days ago, it was Margo who said Nina was out of line. This changes everything! Is Bolle trying to gaslight us?

    MW – I’m really confused about the logistics here. Mary goes straight from the airport to the address she’s been given. But that’s not where Gina lives. But Mary is going to change clothes there. Is Mary staying with these friends of Gina who she didn’t know existed? Also, the party will begin at the instant when Mary has “freshened up.” So are a bunch of other guests already there, standing motionless and drinkless, until Mary’s ready to party? Or does the whole party consist of Mary, Gina and Bobby?

  226. Anonymous
    April 29th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    The Knight Life — How I miss Electra Woman and Dyna Girl:

    http://www.70slivekidvid.com/electra/electra1.jpg

    Hey, it’s “Marlena” from Days of Our Lives!

    I’m Rocky Stoneaxe, and I approve this anonymous post.
    (Thanks, Nehemiah Scudder!)

  227. Ursula
    April 29th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#188): News to me! Thanks

  228. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 29th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    dead tree FOOB: die in a fire, you mawkish psuedozombie strip.

    B&C: only see this on Sundays. Do the other six days suck as well?

    9CL: silent Sunday service.

    IP: Cap has more levels than he knows what to do with.

    NAoQV: guest written by Stephan Pastis?

    PBS: saw it coming in panel 2, but I still laughed.

    SBp: win. win with flattened fauna.

    Dilbert: mentions “garage cleaning.” Thus, a spectacularly unfunny strip is saved by an unintentional ‘mudge trope.

    Bizarro: me likee.

    PMP: /facepalm.

    SF: I love the NDMG strips.

    Foxtrot: poking fun at the color monkeys?

    SFx: alt How To Draw.

  229. TheDiva
    April 29th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    9CL: Out of all the fates that might befall Edda, “becoming so enamored of her own reflection that she wastes away and becomes a flower” would probably be the least surprising.

    FW: Later, in the teacher’s lounge: “My students are so stupid! None of them appreciate the classics, no matter how many classes I spend recapping them! If my superior lecture skills can’t get a kid to love Shakespeare, I don’t know what will!”

    MW: “Where you will make a ‘special announcement’?” What kind of question is that? Mary already knows there’s going to be an announcement made, there’s no need for confirmation of the fact. Asking for details of said announcement, or begging for hints or early disclosure, would recap the action more effectively and still sound like something that might possibly come out of a person’s mouth. Despite her years of trying, Mary still cannot convincingly imitate these strange “human” creatures.

    Pluggers: Lies. Pluggers don’t need no elitist liberal streaming media–those VHS boxsets they got from Goodwill are good enough for them!

    SM: How does he get his scarf to do that? Wires? Lots and lots of starch?

  230. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 29th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    BR: As Brewster & Co. are in a space station or ship or something, I’m pretty sure they have satellite, not “cable”.

  231. John C Fremont
    April 29th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    MW – It doesn’t look like a good place for a ritualistic human sacrifice, but the “guest” is here, so hey, let’s get this party started!

    Phantom – This Hendrik guy oughtn’t to make that doofus grin in Phantom’s face unless he wants a matching skull mark on his other cheek.

    He looks like a thug from a Bugs Bunny cartoon when he smiles.

    RMMD – No, Iris, I’m everything you need right here. Just love me!

    MT – Aw, stripey puppy! With a pouch!

    (According to Wikipedia, the male thylacine also had a pouch as a place to put his scrotum. I offer this for educational purposes and not for purposes of humorously speculating as to why a guy might want to hide his scrotum in the first place. Although now that I think about it…)

  232. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 29th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    o goodness. I .gif you a determined ferret. I’ve seen very similar stuff in person, it’s a riot.

    poor Hammy.

    Insanity is Magic. (the cross-over that you thought never could happen!)

    Technology.

    Didactic Duo squee.

    happiest Robin.

    arctic floofsquee.

    happy Sundog.

  233. seismic-2
    April 29th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    A3G: Wait, just who was it that told Nina she was out of line? Last week it was Margo, and today it was Scott. This is like the current story line in Prince Valliant, where Margaret Shulock is giving us two conflicting versions of the same story. Either that, or Frank Bolle agrees with Nathan that he had rather just be drawing turtles.

    MT: Bring back the Tasmanian Tiger? I say be more ambitious, and bring back the saber-tooth tiger. Just make sure that when Mark is there to cover the event, he brings along Rusty and Sassy.

  234. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 29th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

  235. Anonymous
    April 29th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    MW: Didn’t Tom Cruise take a cab to the Island for the orgy in “Eyes Wide Shut”?

  236. seismic-2
    April 29th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#235): Are you suggesting that when the party at the mansion heats up, we shall see Tom and Mary jumping up and down on the couch?

  237. Anonymous
    April 29th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#233): As far as I know, Margaret Shulock has absolutely nothing to do with Prince Valiant. The current writer on PV is Mark Schultz. (Same initials, but two different people!)

    I’m Anonymous, and I approve this Rocky Stoneaxe post.

  238. Austria
    April 29th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    FW: What, smirky Les is too high and mighty for puns now?

    Luann: Here we see the wild tumblr-ites in their natural habitat. If you listen closely, you can hear their mating cry – “checkyourprivilege! checkyourprivilege!”

  239. seismic-2
    April 29th, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#237): My apologies – upon now re-reading my post, I see that I didn’t write exactly what I meant to. Instead of “Prince Valliant, where Margaret Shulock is…“, make that “Prince Valliant; here Margaret Shulock is…“.

    You are quite correct that Margaret Shulock has no connection at all with the current team producing Prince Valiant. Nevertheless, I must confess to a longing to see Aleta match her magic against Margo’s own witchcraft, or to see Lu Ann be courted by Nudder, Bup, and/or Ig.

  240. Mincemeat
    April 29th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty impressed that the coloring monkeys got it right on today’s Foxtrot: Purple mac & cheese, orange broccoli purée, green blueberry cobbler. Nice work, lower primates.

    Years of reading this blog and my first-ever comment is about Foxtrot. So ashamed.

  241. The REAL Mark Trail
    April 29th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Not sure if this comment is going to post on the blog for today (4/29/12) or yesterday (4/28/12), However, todays Mark Trail Sunday page is the Tasmanian Tigers… is there something hiding in the grass near the tigers? maybe on the sponge?

  242. Baka Gaijin
    April 29th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    For ablution to the Curmudgeon Collective, make a comment about: [*]

    a) Smirking, depression, cancer (Funky Winkerbean)
    b) Horrible “heroes,” general dumbassery (Luann)
    c) Slow moving story, background items that don’t stay put (Mary Worth)
    d) Overweening self-righteousness, strange visual sexual euphemisms (Six Chickweed Lane)
    e) Unearned wealth, big hooters (Judge Parker or Rex Morgan, MD)

  243. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 29th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#242): Okay, but are you sure “ablution” means what you think it means?

  244. Baka Gaijin
    April 29th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#243): Ritual purification, yes?

  245. ArchieNemesis
    April 29th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#241):

    Is there something hiding in the grass near the tigers?

    Wait … let me look closer with this magnifying glass … could that be … marijuana plants?
    Andy, grab me my hitting stick – we’re going to Tasmania!

  246. Calico
    April 29th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to Alison Bechdel on her new book! I’ve read “Fun Home” – really looking forward to reading this one too.

    http://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/article/20120429/ARTS04/120427018/Alison-Bechdel-book-review-by-John-Killacky?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|FRONTPAGE

  247. Calico
    April 29th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#235):
    I can see Mary ripping a 50 dollar bill in half … LOL

  248. bats :[
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    MW: ending sentences/phrases with a preposition aside, I think people “freshen up.” Cattle “freshen” when they start producing milk. Are we going to see Mary lactate? Is this the new trend? Have chocolate fondue fountains become cliche’ already?

  249. Calico
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#218):
    Rocky, that’s very sad. Sometimes it just seems some people get dealt a really tough hand in this life. Heaven knows why.

  250. bats :[
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#194):
    See bats :[
    See bat :[ clap for Droopy Says.
    Clap, bats :[, clap!
    Clap, clap, clap!
    Why does bats :[ clap?
    Droopy Says is effing’ funny, that is why!

    Very nice, Droopy Says!

  251. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#244): Okedokee. What you were describing seemed more like an “oblation”, a ritual offering.

    // Though one should always perform the one before the other. Didn’t Cole Porter write a song about that?

  252. Baka Gaijin
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#251): Yes, it could go both ways, much like we suspect Bernice in Luann.

    @bats :[ (#248): That’s a horrible, horrible thought. Mary Worth’s dried up old leathery mammaries producing stale powdered milk. Bleah.

  253. Braniff
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    FC: Jeffy is obviously an exhibitionist or the neighborhood’s male “brrr-lessk” dancer.

  254. bats :[
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#252): kinda like talcum powder, only grosser.

  255. Poteet
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#204): Good question, and the “even if” part is important. I’d guess the answer could only be determined on a case-by-case basis, and that the “even if” part is the biggest uncertainty.

  256. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#195):

    Mary Worth: She has arrived. She’s being led in the mansion. From this point, the song remains the same: Anything Goes!

    In olden times, just a little meddle
    Would keep Mary Worth in fine fettle,
    Now Gina knows,
    Anything goes!

  257. commodorejohn
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – “Lubed Crackers”: a great name for a rock band.

    Crankshaft – Wait, wait, what? What is an actual moderately well-constructed joke (and a loose pun, no less) doing in Crankshaft, of all places? Did I wake up in an alternate universe this morning?

    DT – So when is the Chippendale Chair going to join the rogues’ gallery? I mean, if they’re going full-bore back into the loony deformed villains…

    FG – For the love of God, Flash, you don’t have to be so spiteful about your breakup!

    FW – Wait, is it that hard for modern high-school students to follow the logic of “Hamlet stabs the curtain → Polonius falls out → Hamlet accidentally stabbed Polonius?” Or does Les just feel superior when he smarmily exposits on things a half-asleep idiot could figure out as if they’re True Enlightenment?

    JP – Wait, is Sophie going to start running her life based on spurious statistics? “I can’t drink this, Sam! I read a paper claiming that 100% of people exposed to dihydrogen monoxide die!

    MT – “One day, Rusty, you might be on display in a museum! You can get a taste for it when I sell you to the circus this afternoon!” “Yay, the circus! Oh boy, Mark, you’re the best!” “Ha ha!”

    MW – Meanwhile, in a neighborhood of New York City which uses the same violently orange construction as Santa Royale…

    PV – “Hey, Donardo, do the pageboys look more stacked to you lately?” “Huh, I dunno, I was paying more attention to the legs. Damn.” “…we probably shouldn’t mention anything about this at confession, huh?”

    SF – I love this strip so much.

    SM – You missed a letter in your anagram, NEXT box.

  258. Poteet
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Okay, I think today’s strip is rather nice. There. I said it. On rare occasions like this I can actually see the possibility of liking 9CL, a possibility that is shelled and/or blown apart by the War On Sanity that Brooke wages almost every other day of the year.

  259. Calico
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#254):
    Coffee creamer
    (There, I just made myself physically ill)

  260. gnome de blog
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#233):
    A3G: I’d say it’s a fine example of the war between writer and artist. I still say Baretto would do a better job, even though he’s slightly deader than Bolle.

  261. wossname
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#241): I’ve looked and looked since your post, and all I see is a tiny little thing that could be a miniature dinosaur. Or a crab. Or a corkscrew. So since I think you drew this one, why don’t you give us a hint? Are we supposed to be looking at that thing that the lower left tiger seems to be looking at?

  262. Baka Gaijin
    April 29th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#259): Grody to the max, lady, grody to the MAX.

  263. A Smirch Unheeded
    April 29th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#251):

    Didn’t Cole Porter write a song about that?

    You say oblation,
    I say ablution,
    Let’s wash the whole thing off!

  264. Poteet
    April 29th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Borborygmy (#220): Thanks for the reminder — I’m trying to suppress rant mode.

  265. Baka Gaijin
    April 29th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#263): I come for the comics’ snark, I stay for the showtunes’ bastardizations.

  266. seismic-2
    April 29th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#248): The earlier mention of Eyes Wide Shut in connection with Mary Worth now makes me think of another Kubrick film, namely A Clockwork Orange, with Mary Worth sculptures as the serving fountains at the Korova Milk Bar. Watching that movie would require one to be strapped to a chair with one’s eyes forcibly wired open, certainly.

  267. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    April 29th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G: The second time through the scene, not only do the actors screw up their lines, they show no emotion! It’s like they’re just going through the motions or something!

  268. Poteet
    April 29th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    MW — Old people can be wise, joyous, inspirational, beautiful, entertaining, creative, and other good things. To remember this, it helps to mutter some version of it to oneself after reading MW. Or Crankshaft. Or Pluggers. And to be fair, young people aren’t exactly shown at their best in FW. Or GT. And we don’t even want to consider how alleged children are portrayed in FC. Or babies in MARVIN. Why in the world did I start this? Why? *goes off to grab some carbs*

  269. Baka Gaijin
    April 29th, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#266): Taxi companies would underwrite that movie. Whole audiences struck by hysterical blindness needing rides home? Profit!

  270. Baka Gaijin
    April 29th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Dang! The new Sunday post has been up 10 minutes. Why didn’t anyone tell me?

  271. Anonymous
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Curm (#198): Anything that can bring a laugh in this day and age must be of some value. Thank you for sharing that remark. As the great Grocho Marx said, “I resemble that remark!” At least, I THINK it was Grocho’s gag, maybe it was the three stooges, or maybe it was Elmer Fudd, WHATEVER!

  272. dave
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    Anonymous texts? Is that even possible?

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