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Obvious joke Tuesday

Blondie, 12/4/07

Ha ha! Dagwood got distracted by a giant weiner!

No, really. He did. That’s how they spell it on the damn weiner, too.

Curtis, 12/4/07

I haven’t read Cosby’s book, but I share the opinion of copy editing guru Bill Walsh that its title really, really needs a comma between “on” and “people”.

Mark Trail, 12/4/07

Hmm … motive … opportunity … bullet came from his rifle … has anyone considered the possibility that Johnny is, you know, actually guilty? HE HAS A MUSTACHE, PEOPLE! DO I HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM?

Marmaduke, 12/4/07

Marmaduke’s owners are about to find themselves ankle-deep in urine.

For Better Or For Worse, 12/4/07

NNNGGHGGNGNGNNNGGGGH

237 responses to “Obvious joke Tuesday”

  1. blessened
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    foob = I just threw up in my mouth

  2. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Who the heck calls it a “tree-in-the-house party”? I grew up celebrating Christmas, and I’ve heard the terms “decorating party” or “tree-decorating party”.

  3. BlinkAndItsOver
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    FOOB: To think that “ankle-deep in urine” would only be the second most nauseating image from today’s blog.

  4. Non Compost Mentos
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    This may be a first: Lynn Johnston has initiated a pre-emptive Rule 34 strike.

  5. Spunky N. Tadpole
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    FBoFW – Never being much of a FOOB fan (never paying much attention to it ever, in fact), I’ve been wondering for a while why this strip (ordinarily just dull and boring) generated so much seemingly genuine ill-will/dislike – even among the commentariat on a light-hearted site like CC.

    After today’s strip: I don’t wonder any more.

    Yecccch.

  6. dcflack
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    FOOB – Either Liz will be encouraged to get fat real soon, or The Ex-Stache will join the pantheon of vilified FOOB men by choosing his daughter over a Patterson.

    OR…. maybe, and this represents the greatest and deepest of Christmukkah wishes, Francie is rejected by Granthony, joins forces with April in a spinoff comic of rejected characters of the FOOBiverse, and travels the world ridding society of those who wronged them. Roadside, baby!

  7. Lord-z
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    I agree completely with Mr. Cosby: Curtis is to blame, damn him.

  8. erikagwen
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Does anyone else feel dirty after reading Spider-man today?

  9. gah
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Stop stealing Joe Mathlete’s shtick with Marmaduke, dude.

  10. Rainbird
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Dang, I wanted to hear more lyrics to the holiday werewolf song in Sally Forth.

    Hungtinbyrd and I will try to make up some and post them, as soon as we figure out which holiday song they scan to. So far, we haven’t figure that one out.

  11. huntingbyrd
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Well when my parents got together i wanted my mom but i didn’t kickoff her girlfriend off the couch.I don’t see how this little kid hates her so much. But what ticked me off was when he said “But i want a BIG girl in my life” “I’ll GROW!!” its sickely sweet which i hate. ugg

  12. Spunky N. Tadpole
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    RMMD – For a doctor who actually practices medicine so infrequently, Rex Morgan is an uncommonly tidy one: he’s fixed Crook Guy’s serious bullet wound seemingly without spilling a drop of blood! Either that, or the colorist budget would cover red ink this week.

    MT – Is anyone following the apparent timeline in this plot thread? Either Mark has taken several days to put his suit on and show up at Mountie Steve’s station: or else the Lost Forest Constabulary has a forensic-examination system that would put CSI:NY to shame: ballistic-test results already?? Not bad for folks living in a sparsely-populated wilderness! And Elrod seems to be slipping: how come the wolf in panel 2 isn’t reciting the dialogue?

  13. Spunky N. Tadpole
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Acck! – (#12) – “wouldn’t” cover red ink…..

    Preview is your friend… Preview IS your friend… Preview is your FRIEND,,,,,

  14. huntingbyrd
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    #8 erikagwen
    I just read it and it’s….uh…i don’t know how to say it…hmmm i’d say creepy!

  15. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    I hadn’t read FOOB today, but had heard about it. A lot. Oh… my. It’s so much worse than I had imagined.

  16. Rotten Arsenal
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    #10 Rainbird – I read Sally Forth yesterday and actually laughed! That holiday werewolf song was one of the greatest things ever! I might have to try and record my own version.

  17. AAckTTpth
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Yikes. I googled “Electra complex” just to refresh myself.

    I don’t feel refreshed.

  18. MrP
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Dagwood needs to be home because they’re having kabobs NNNRGH INNER SPELLING FANTAST EMERGING

  19. RichterCa
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Sorry if this is a duplicate, it doesn’t seem to be showing up:

    Cosby’s book title doesn’t need a comma, it’s actually a guide for picking up women. 20 heartwarming stories of virgins who learned the best pick-up lines, and then totally scored with some hot chicks.

    Also, why would Cosby make a “Pudding Pop joke”? He never made Pudding Pop jokes, he made Pudding Pop commercials. Or is Curtis expecting Bill Cosby to make fun of his own consumerist tendencies which lead him to promote a product that contributes to childhood obesity?

  20. Calico
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    And Francie, if you lived in Philly or the Bronx, you’d be saying “I wanna sit wit you.”

    You’d prolly know how to kick your poppa’s ass, too, instead of sniveling and whining like a poor white girl from Miborough, ONT.

  21. Calico
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    …Oh, and Liz’s widening arse, too.

  22. Pozzo
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    “C’mon, Daddy! I already have the FOOB ‘glam profile’ thing going, and the center part an’ everything. And my butt’s getting wider…what more can I do?!?”

  23. Zaq
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    The look on what’shisname’s face in today’s Foob is just kinda… ugh. I think it’s supposed to be sort of a world-weary “the kids, they don’t get it” sort of thing, but it looks kind of more like a “Huh, I hadn’t thought of that, but I won’t admit it to myself” look. I share Josh’s reaction.

  24. rich
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’m not sure about this Gary and Tommie pairing. The woman’s old enough to be his schoolmarm.

  25. McManx
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    FOOB – Today’s strip ranks as the Ebola virus of all comics. Since reading it, I’ve begun experiencing all the symptoms… projectile vomiting, cramps. Excuse me; I feel a wave of diarrhea coming on.

    MT – I think Mark has experienced a time warp from Lost Forest to the Argonne Forest. This officer in the doughboy uniform, moustache and hair parted in the middle is obviously General Pershing.

    Beetle Bailey – Talk about a plea for help. Can anything be done to stop Sarge from fondling his privates?

    Blondie — Ha, ha. Dagwood rear-ended a giant weiner.

  26. SecretMargo
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    24: And Tommie’s no spring chicken, either! *rimshot

  27. Rotten Arsenal
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    FOOB actually makes me wish for the Apocalypse to hurry the hell up.

  28. rich
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    GT: The part of Gil Thorp in today’s episode will be played by
    Jim Abbott.

  29. Calico
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    #10 – could it be “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas”?

    That’s the closest I can get phonetically.

  30. Scoopernicus
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    NNNGGHGGNGNGNNNGGGGH

    I’ll see your ‘NNNGGHGGNGNGNNNGGGGH’ and raise you an ‘ACKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!’

  31. Eats Shoots And Leaves
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Anthony is effeminate enough to be his own “big girl.”

  32. RichterCa
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    #10 & #29 – I’m not sure it’s set to any actual Christmas tune, I’m thinking they’re just trying to imply it was made up entirely…

  33. Windier E. Megatons
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Between Luann, Funky Winkerbean and this new FOOB stuff, there have been way too many incest-themed strips over the past few years. I thought the comics were supposed to be wholesome!

  34. Paul
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Your work on FOOB over the past two days has nearly made me wet my pants. Please stop.

  35. Calico
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    #32 – maybe Apewhill from FOOB can write a (eeecchh) tune for the words, or, God forbid, she’ll come up with her “own” little Xmas ditty, soon to be posted at the FOOBSite.

    Retch.

  36. Yoqi
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    There’s something so disturbing about the coloring on A3G today, particularly in the mouth region last panel. “Hold still, Gary! I must suck our all your precious lip juices!”
    Also
    …Tree in the house party?

  37. Hysterical Woman
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    8. I do. I’m surprised more people aren’t jumping on that. Then again, it’s better to get that “tingling” from your hot wife than from your little tot.

  38. steve™
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Today’s Spiderman wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t looking at me…

  39. Jaime M.
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: If this exchange doesn’t end with Abby getting a panful of scorching hot brownies in her face–I swear there is no god.

  40. Mike
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I’ve seen Francie’s “me! me!” behavior somewhere lately. Oh, I know — Mary Worth’s doing the exact same thing. The thing is, though — I expect it from a toddler.

    Hell, I guess I expect it from Mary, too. My bad.

  41. AhClem
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Two things I never thought I would see in my lifetime:

    1. A president who makes me nostalgic for Richard Nixon.
    2. A FOOB strip more glurge-filled and digusting than the Liz/Granthony wedding reunion series.

    I was so wrong.

  42. Scoopernicus
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    1. A president who makes me nostalgic for Richard Nixon.
    2. A FOOB strip more glurge-filled and digusting than the Liz/Granthony wedding reunion series.

    I was so wrong.

    May you live in Interesting Times. Or with luck, you’ll wake up and it’s ten years later…

  43. fillmoreeast
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    In other news, I’m amazed by the relief I felt this morning, reading Doonesbury, to find that Ray didn’t get blown to hell. Both that the character isn’t dead, and that Trudeau wasn’t getting rid of the on-the-ground POV character for the war.

    And I didn’t even think of the deeply, deeply disturbing implications of today’s Foob, because the parts of my brain that normally process such things had just been fried by today’s Spider-Man. God, ew, there’s gonna be web fluid everywhere, the way those two carry on. Perhaps followed by a pulsing egg-sac stuck to the bedroom ceiling.

    On the other hand, with any luck MJ will bite off Peter’s head after the deed.

  44. Rotten Arsenal
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Obvious jokes… Family Circus is a prime candidate today:

    Gee Jeffy, I would say you should go to Hell, but I think you’re already there… at least, that’s what it feels like for the rest of us.

  45. Bootsy
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: Tommie and Gary look like two lesbian nuns kissing (not that there’s anything wrong with that, except when it’s these two).

    And Gil Thorp is taking over the comics page! Mrs. Dickens in Jugs Parker looks like Mrs. Raptor (remember her?), down to the Doritos shirt, and the TDIET submission is from Milford, Conn. Milford, people.

  46. Elizabeth
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Having not read Bill Cosby’s book, I would say that “Curtis” IS part of the problem… if the problem (as defined by Cosby) is that African-Americans can’t come up with new jokes. Or that newspaper comics aren’t funny, period.

  47. True Fable
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    FBOFW made me sad today. Sure, it squicked me out no end, but it ultimately just saddened me.

    Goddammit, Lynn; it’s tough enough to be a single father today without you tossing in this disgusting reverse Oedipal overtone bullshit on us. All you were thinking about was the Cutesy Factor of a little girl saying “I’m a little girl, but I’ll grow!”

    Don’t you realize there are Snarky Asshats out here like ME who will see this strip today and go “eww gah yuck!” And BECAUSE Wimpthony is a single father, he will automatically be labeled a Chester Molester because he’s unlikable and single and has a daughter? Or do you REALLY think the whole world thinks in terms of cutesy the way you do?

    There are stupid clueless dads in comics (Hi Flagston, Walt Duncan, Dagwood, Bil Keane) and absent dads (Henry Mitchell) asshole dads (Ed Crankshaft) but there are very few acknowledged Good Dads. Oh, there are Stiflingly Sanctimonious Dads (Sam Driver & Rex Morgan) and Butt of Jokes Dads (Curtis’s dad) and even dads made entirely of tree bark and tufts of squirrel tails (Mark Trail), but FBoFW is home to either Indifferent Dads (John) Photo-Op-Only Dads (Mike) or Abusive, Careless, Horrible Dads (everyone else) and now the ONE character who COULD have been a decent dad, is now firmly in the Squicky Dad camp alongside Les Moore.

    You bitch. Well, all in balance: men in Greater Metropolitan Roopville don’t like you either.

  48. seanman
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    You know somehow I’ve been able to avoid the FOOBs of late (actually, I accidentally lost my bookmarks), but, Josh, thanks to you, I’ll be tormented for the rest of my days. Good to see Liz putting to use the skills she learned larnin’ the Noble Eskimos, or whatever the hell in Mitigiwaki, on that horrid little brat…how I envy her mother, free from this living FOOBhell…

    When will it end? Lord, when?

  49. seanman
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    You know somehow I’ve been able to avoid the FOOBs of late (actually, I accidentally lost my bookmarks), but, Josh, thanks to you, I’ll be tormented for the rest of my days. Good to see Liz putting to use the skills she picked up larnin’ the ignorant Mitigiwaki (the Beer that Made Whale Blubber Famous) Noble Eskimos on that horrid little brat…

    How I envy her mother, free from this living FOOBhell…

    When will it end? Lord, when?

  50. Joe
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    FOOB:

    Panel 1: Yes Francie, RIP LIMPTHONY’S ARM OFF!!! Let him bleed to death!!

    Panel 2: I get a kick out of Pastythony’s face.. He looks like a dejected dog or something. It basically says:

    “DAMN IT. This was not supposed to be a problem. Fucking brat, chasing away my cum-dump like that. DAMN you Francine. This is about MY wants, not YOUR needs, OK?? At least she’s going to clean the kitchen………huh. I’m gonna lock this little shit-stain in the basement to teach her a lesson.”

    Panel 3: Why is Assthony moving Francie’s hand towards his crotch??

    Panel 4: Francie: “You’ve got ME!”
    Asshat: “Yes, but I need a BIG girl who’s “legal”, a nice fuck-buddy and house-cleaner. April would tell on me, she wouldn’t sit still and she’s not legal anyway. Once I got sucked into Elly’s fat ass while attempting doggie-style, and I barely escaped the vacuum force coupled with gravity. As for you, Francie, my little blessing of inconvenience, all I can do with you is just take you into the shower with me……”

    Panel 5: Now we see Angsthony with his look of: “God-dammit, I wish this kid would just go to her room, or better yet play in the street and get smashed into a pancake by a truck, or just mysteriously DIE so I won’t have this inconvenience of raising this damn pet anymore! Why, oh why can’t I just take this little snot to the pound and have have her put down??. Fuck. Nice how my whore picture is over her head now……..that’s Francie……..my little inconvenient whore-pet. I want Elizaloser back in here so I can cum on her face…….”

  51. Jamus The Bartender
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy’s Crimestopper’s Textbook
    Today’s Lesson: How To Read That Damn FOOB Strip Without Retching Too Much.
    Howdy, Crimestoppers. The ol’ detective is here to clear a few things up…
    Firstly, as you can see, i’m out of the “haunted house”. Yeah, this ends with a whimper, not a bang,as so many of you had expected. Seems all the Governor and Mayor wanted to do was play a little grabass and….well…”experiment” as the kids like to say. They invited me in to join their God-cursed sodomite fun, until I promised them i’d “experiment” them straight to the emergency room. So I went home, had a few prune juice and grain shots and went to bed.
    I told Locher about this, but it seems he didn’t much care for the “anti-climax”, so he went for this convoluted storyline that Scooby Doo wouldn’t have bought.
    On behalf of the department, and right-acting comic characters everywhere, I humbly apologize.
    Okay, on to the funnies.
    9CL: Hey. Tubby. I know it’s too cold to serve lemonade, but Lucy called, and she wants her psycho-babble schtick back. Go back to selling pumpkins.
    Funky Winkerbean: I must be out of the loop here. It looks like Mister Terrorist Man is working at Montoni’s instead of the fat Italian guy. I’m torn between calling Homeland Security, and letting things take their natural course.
    Family Circus: “Where do you think I should go, Mommy?” Naw. Too easy. Next one…
    Marmaduke: HAW !! Now, this is funny. Those damn mongrels are gonna piss all over that Christmas tree. Goddammit, I hate Christmas…
    Luann: HAW, HAWWWWWWWWWW…this is even funnier. Goddamn TJ is hanging for his life by Christmas lights. Just like I did to Flattop once. Or was it Mumbles? Dammit I can’t remember. Goddammit, I hate homosexuals…
    And…..last, but…certainly not least..
    FOOB: Okay, Liz.
    For some reason, Anthony wants you, and you seem to want him * shudder*.
    Dammit, I need a drink.
    Here’s what you do. Firstly, check to see if there’s any churches in your area that have Sunday School. And make sure Francoise get sent to one. Like regularly. And make sure she plays an angel or an ass or something in the Christmas pageant. Or even Mary. Hell, anything to get her out of the house so you and Anthony can enjoy some* shudder* …quality time.
    Hey, i’m not judging here, i’m just saying, you gotta take the bull by the horns, because God knows Anthony isn’t going to.
    After Christmas, put her into Brownies. That should keep her busy.
    Your big mistake was not giving Francie five upside the head the first time she gave you lip, but you’ve backed down now, and unless you take my advice, she’s gonna run your’s and Anthony’s miserable lives, and make it worse than it is now.
    Christmas Pageant. Brownies. Sunday School. In heavy doses.
    That’s it for today’s Crimestopper’s Textbook kids. Merry Christmas to all the Christians, Happy Haunakah to all the folks of Jewish Faith, Happy Kwanzza to Curtis, Herb, Jamaal and their friends, Happy Ramadan, please don’t kill us to all the folks of the Muslim faith, Happy Solstice, please don’t run around naked to all the folks of the pagan faith, and to the rest of you atheists, go to hell.
    Till Next Time
    Dick Tracy

  52. odinthor
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    147. Trilobite. From the Marty Moon Yesterthread.

    In my frantic desire to find something — anything — to look at in the second panel other than the “Thungs,” I couldn’t help but notice that there’s a saguaro cactus in the background. Now, it’s a nice cactus and all, but since when has Popeye been set in the Sonoran desert?

    Hm. Rather than a saguaro, it could be a Browningia candelaris. This would place Popeye in Chile, perhaps in the Atacama Desert. Too few comics these days take place in the Atacama Desert, and I for one call for change. Urgently. Small change, like pennies and nickels, so I can fill up change rolls and visit the cute tellers at the bank more frequently.

  53. gh
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    So Many Questions!

    DtM

    Is it too late to simply start bein’ good? Isn’t that a bag of severed heads he’s throwing out? How good can he be in the next three weeks?

    I?GT

    Why, in panel 2, do I get the feeling Cully is talking into a webcam? And that he’s about to step back from the monitor to reveal he isn’t wearing pants?

    MW

    Why is the sign for The Bum-Boat across the street from the restaurant? And where did Jeff learn to balance fish on his fingertip?

  54. True Fable
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Oh, that’s right! We DO have something to look forward to with great anticipation (besides Abbey’s rack!):

    Kwanzaa with Curtis!

    Oh boy oh boy, I love Kwanzaa with Curtis! I have been a good little Fable this year (except for whopping big lies like that one) just so I could save up all my Karma Points (c) for a story about golden otters or platinum cheetahs or dubiously plated hedgehogs. Yay!

    I can hardly hope for a goat encrusted with precious gems, but that’s the beauty of Kwanzaa with Curtis. You just never know what kind of mindfuck he’s gonna give us! :-)

  55. DAS
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    there are very few acknowledged Good Dads [in comic strips]. – True Fable

    I think my father was pretty good … and he’s often compared to (e.g. in his parenting style) Calvin’s father. So I guess, there was, at one time, a not bad dad in the comic strips. I guess not bad parenting also is seen in Doonsbury.

    But I get your point.

    Interestingly, as someone engaged to a single mother, the FOOB story line is one with which I could theoretically identify as there is indeed a similar dynamic (of the kid being jeolous of the affections between her parent and her parent’s significant other) sometimes … but, not surprisingly I guess, FBoFW totally messes up the details and takes it into territory where, um, do things really go there?

    What would be more realistic, in my experience, if the kid (and young kids tend to be egoists) wanted affection from both Liz and her father (but maybe especially her father) and without the bizarre undertones LP gives it in her strip.

    I guess I do second True Fable here — LP had an opportunity to really have a good, resonating story and she blew it by trying to be “cute” and ending up being disturbing.

  56. Red Greenback
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Scenicruiser- that’s a bus, right? I meant to say Buick Skylark Sport Wagon….my bad!

  57. Mumbles
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: YEESH. I haven’t been this skeeved out by a child’s questions about human sexuality since Webster walked in on George and Ma’am in the eponymous piece of dreg from the Reagan Adminstration.

    I know that this is an understatement but it strikes me that Porny isn’t explaining this well. How is a little kid going to understand something like “we like to share things”? Hell, I’m having a hard time getting my head around that one, unless he means “that vicious case of the clap your slutty mom gave me.”

    Porny should just remind her that last summer during the Ice Cream Sundae incident Francie asked if they could “keep her” and tell her, “No backsies, you little bitch.”

    The only mitigating factor in the comics today to this nightmare is Dr.Jeff referring to “the folks you advise.”Hah! Ask Aldo how helpful Mary was.

  58. Red Greenback
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    #56-That didn’t make any sense, innit, because WordPress barred my previous comment vis-a-vis: a Marmaduke/Marvin crossover.

  59. BigDave
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: “Francie, honey, I want a big girl! One who’s overcome the gag-reflex – and you can’t even eat green beans without choking!”

  60. Niall
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Ultra-speed snarking (deadline looming edition)

    A3G: A kiss! A kiss! A palpable kiss! Will any charmin be squeezed next? Tommie fairly glows. Better check your geiger counter, Gary, to see if you’re now sterile.

    BB: We of course can’t see this as anything but a continuation from yesterday. There is NO subtext left.

    Blondie: Dagwood follows people with big weiners around. Should we be concerned if this is subtext?

    Curtis: I honestly half-expected “Bill Cosby and a Mr. Alvin… um, Chipmunk” as I was reading the first panel. Would it have improved things?

    DtM: Intimated by Mr Wilson: -50 MenacePoints. Ya need to catch up fast, kid.

    FC: Billy, don’t ask questions to which you can’t face the answers.

    HtH: so it’s now canon that Hagar has wives and girlfriends. They can’t call it mistresses, but it’s the same thing. And Helga seems okay with this. When does the religious right’s calls for censorship start?

    JP: “…and do you want to be cool too, dear?”

    MT: that helpful wolf retrieved the ElrodBall and stands transfixed, as we are, that ballistics tests were done! Mark states the bleeding obvious. Now when will they make the autopsy which will fix the time of death much earlier than when Johnny left the trading post?

    MW: The folks Mary “advises”? Excellent euphemism there. Oh, and with that question, Mary trapped you, Dr. Corey. Run fast. Now.

    MC: Sadly no, Norm. It only hurts others.

    Phantom: Tendai is slow, not insane. She bloody painted the wolf over and over and didn’t recognise him as I thought she had. She now deserves everything coming to her.

    Popeye: The Thung is the ancestor of Jamie Madrox, the Multiple Man?? That’s it? THat’s not even sexual imagery, unless you go for multi-penile fantasy art.

    RM: that tatoo seems to say Faith, not Fajitas. But he’s hungry, maybe he’ll go for fajitas.

    SM: don’t look at us when you say that – augh! Ick!

    TDIET: sadly, this is true the world over. As soon as I get a new horizontal surface (big game box) in my apartment, it gets used within hours for putting stuff on it (comics).

    Archie: from Jughead’s total lack of reaction, anyone thinking he’s not zoned/high 24/7 is proven wrong.

    DT: so it was a Dirty Deed, Done, Dirt Cheap? (ducks)

    F-: I liked this one. Transpose it to the urban jungle, it could make a great lesson.

    GT: Um, when did Gil have his left arm amputated?

    PBS: So, what would she have done if it was something other than shoes hitting her under the table? Would she have squeezed that instead? Also: rat-hedgehog? Won’t work.

    Pluggers: the kangaroo would rather he not eat anything that could be fancied as those fancy horse dovers. (Point to Brookins for actually spelling hors d’oeuvres correctly. Especially in Pluggers.)

  61. Jamus The Bartender
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    54. Now THERE’s an idea for a holiday, along the lines of Festivus.
    Abbey’s Rack-Mas.
    Every December, Mudges everywhere will put up pictures of Abbey’s Rack, and tell breast jokes, and adorn them with glitter and such while everyone else is watching “Christmas Story”, and give reasons why they would make better life-mates for Abbey Spencer than Sam Driver would.
    Then, on December 24th, Abbey herself will come down the chimney (oh dear), and some lucky Mudge will get to spend Christmas Eve getting to know Abbey’s Rack a little better.
    Maybe it will be me.
    Oh, what a joyous holiday season this will be, so full of happiness and good cheer.
    Hey, it’s not any crazier than what we’ve got now. I mean, Linus wanted to wait for that stupid pumpkin, and got nothin’.

  62. Hubris
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    I before e, except after c,
    And panels that mean gay,
    Over Dagwood Freud holds sway

  63. Comic Connoisseur
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Tune in tomorrow, when Dagwood hops back onto the other side of the sexual orientation fence and is distracted by a stylized truck selling clam rolls.

  64. True Fable
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    #55 DAS – I knew I was going to miss mentioning some deserved-to-be-recognized Comics Dads. Guess the Very Few Good Dads Mentioned became even Fewer thanks to my lack of diligent searching for proof. My pardon!

    On TV you can see single dads interact with their children, so unless squickiness is the central theme of a Lifetime Movie, we know pretty quickly that Eddie’s Father is just a normal guy, or that Two and a Half Men is dirty but they aren’t squicky toward the boy.

    On comics, one must be aware that an entire day will pass before the next comic is out, leaving a whole 24 hour period for minds to run amok with what has been printed. This site is a perfect example of hazy strip + snark = P.R. disaster waiting to happen.

    I always wondered where the parents were in Peanuts. Somehow the thought of an entire neighborhood being taken over by roving gangs of large-headed children, just gave me the ass-high flaming willies. Charlie Brown could have done with sessions on a Real psychiatrist’s couch, but his parents saved a ton of money by using the 5 cent kiosk on the street corner, run by a ball-busting 6 year old. We never saw his parents because they spent all their time on vacation with the money they saved. :-)

  65. Sobek
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Mark is wondering how many people work in the ballistics lab, and how long it would take to punch them all. He’s also contemplating the logistics of punching the conclusions out of a ballistics report, or maybe punching the rifling marks off a bullet.

  66. Lou Shumaker
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Some questions keep popping up:

    Since when did Abby start wearing a belly shirt?

    Why am I still reading 9CL?

    Is Gil wearing pants?

  67. True Fable
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    #64

    #55 DAS – I knew I was going to miss mentioning some deserved-to-be-recognized Comics Dads. Guess the Very Few Good Dads Mentioned became even Fewer thanks to my lack of diligent searching for proof. My pardon!

    That is to say, “My pardon” is my way of saying “I’m sorry, please forgive me” that I suppose COULD be written as “My Bad”, but I have really really REALLY come to hate the phrase “My Bad” so this is my solution. Yes, a dumb one but one that will not become a mindless catchphrase.

  68. Marthas Rolling Pin
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark needn’t worry. Devil is guarding the cabin, waiting for the real perps, two kids on bicycles, to come out.

  69. Lindsey
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    #55 – I was thinking that Calvin’s dad was a pretty good dad too. With a kid like Calvin it’s hard, but he was still a good dad. The dad from Zits, Walk Duncan, isn’t bad either.

  70. Tracer Bullet
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    I apologize if this has come up already but: How can Rex Morgan be held hostage by a bed-ridden man suffering from a gunshot wound? Why can’t he, you know, just walk the hell out?

  71. Max
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    “Why is she here so much, Daddy?” So did Anthony hallucinate that whole “Can we keep her?” sequence from a few months back, or did “L’il Therese” just change her mind?

    Bonus Panel Six, deemed too hot for print by 98% of the FOOB subscriber base:
    Anthony: “Not half as fast as I just did.”

  72. Marthas Rolling Pin
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, in an obscure corner of the comicsverse, does ANYONE have a clue what this is about?

  73. Little A.
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Garfield
    Peanuts
    Blondie
    Dilbert

    My appropos of nothing occasional comment that usually gets ignored for good reason:

    According to the FOOB Newsletter (to which I subscribe, forgive me), in additional to FOOB those are the other comic strips which appear in more than 2000 newspapers around the world.

    I have to thinnk about this.

    Garfield?

    I do not know which of these strips appears in the most papers (I suspect it is Peanuts).

  74. AhClem
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    #61 Jamus the Bartender -
    In the interest of multiculturalism, we’d also want to celebrate Trudikkah and Morgaanza.

  75. Clay B
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    What if Herb and Jamaal talked about the same book as Curtis?

    “Hey, did you hear about the new book by that popular television comic and that psychologist? about that socioeconomic phenomenon?”

  76. AirForbes
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Foob is only made creepier by the fact that Anthony looks so androgynous since he shaved off the ‘stache. He’s even got a hint of the Foob-women’s fish lips look.

  77. Marthas Rolling Pin
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    And in another relatively obscure corner of the comicsverse, Baldo’s dad is another good’un.

  78. NinaPetrovna
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    43: I, too, was surprised at how relieved I was by Ray being alive in today’s Doonesbury. Trudeau is good enough at what he does that when I read yesterday’s comic, my first thought was feeling terrible for Ray’s wife. It’s interesting that Doonesbury, which runs in the Editorials section of a lot of papers, achieves the human dynamic that is the sole purpose of FOOB.
    66 Why am I still reading 9CL?: No kidding. It didn’t used to be like this, did it? I seem to remember that there was a compelling plot for a while. Now it’s just an unhappy combination of extremely soft-core porn and Brooke McEldowney’s hack philosophy in the mouth of the odious Thorax. Sigh.

  79. Muffaroo
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    FC – “Help, Dad! I just asked Mom a question, and she fell over, choking!”

    MT – But it’s a very small mustache, so his guilt is still in question.

    S-M – Now if Mary Jane is in trouble (out of costume), her arm will either start going “Zee Zee Zee!” or it’ll make wavy lines.

  80. Ranger
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    SM: I see as MJ is trying to get busy, Peter gets all tingly from looking somewhere else. Probably saw something on TV.

  81. cpinc
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: “Why is she here so much, Daddy?”

    Anthony: “Because Daddy is a closeted homosexual, honey, and he needs a big girl around to try and hide that fact. However, my increasingly effeminate looks because of my hormone treatments are starting to make people suspicious of my orientation.
    “Anyway, you should get used to being jealous because someday Liz and I will have our own child (before my operation) and she will be far superior to you because she’ll be part of the fabulously perfect Patterson bloodline. Sorry, sweetie, but you’re inferior. Now go to bed.”

  82. True Fable
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Walt Duncan’s getting votes on behalf of his Good Daddiddity, so I will gladly remove him from the Stupid Clueless Dads list. He can go with Nate’s dad on the Well-Intentioned/ Much Maligned Good Dads list. Luann’s dad might be eligible for that one, although Hi Flagston is not since he is still stupid and clueless.

    Baldo’s dad, yeah add him to the Good Dads too. Calvin’s dad, yeah. Edison Lee’s – no because he is directly responsible for the existence of said Edison Lee.

    Lio’s dad – definitely he belongs on the Good Dad’s list, although in a strange, perverse and potentially harmful way. He loves the boy, though. Nothing says loving quite like letting your kid have a cephalopod for a pet.

  83. gh
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    #72 Marthas Rolling Pin –

    Maybe it went for his nuts?

  84. anonymous
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    I, for one, am laughing at FOOB. Last summer, it was all a walk-in-the-park and can-we-keep-her? Today, it’s ‘get away, bitch, my daddy is all MINE!’ Ha-ha! Ugly reality intrudes into the sunny world of the fortunate Pattersons!

  85. Chromium
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    So wait, Dagwood is so hypnotically compelled to follow this weiner that he has to call his wife and let her know he won’t be coming home tonight? Is he going to tailgate it for the rest of his life?

    Also, ignoring for a minute the NNGGHNNGH parts of today’s FOOB, it is only slightly less disturbing that Elizabeth is apparently completing her transition into a Deanna-style zombie. Whoa, her presence is inconveniencing her husband, better do the dishes!

    72, Martha’s Rolling Pin: That scared me.

  86. Lloyd S.
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Yes, but the Mountie also has a moustache.

  87. Jeff O\'Connor
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    To see Lynn’s original draft of today’s comic, which I like to call “the FOOB that dare not speak its name” click here:

    http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2180/2087263212_14dd6c3661_o.jpg

    Enjoy!

    Or, just throw up in your mouth a little…

  88. Niall
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    118. yester-yesterthread ltrftp: Nice of you to get Tubular Bells to your wife, but which one are you getting her? TB I, Boxed set I (slight remixing, with the actual “lyrics” version of the Sailor’s Hornpipe, aka the drunker-than-ever Viv Stanshall going through The Mansion and improvising slurred remarks on what he finds – must be heard to be believed), full remix of I, Orchestral I (don’t), Live I, TB II, or TB III?

    159. yester-yesterthread gleeb: The thought of the Phantom vs Mark Trail fills me with GLEE.

    166. yester-yesterthread Gagott: That Tingler/Price reference was wonderful.

    6. yesterthread True Fable: If SM strip ended, this would release Stan Lee to either write comics again, or (worse) movies. It is a small sufference, in comparison, to continue the strip. Far, far fewer people get the pain this way.

    Other mudges’ comments are more than enough for me to NOT look at LuAnn today. Or Foob – I skipped over looking at it above, and not reading all the comments making allusions to it. Just a glancing at comments makes me sick. And I’m in the middle of eating lunch.

    10.Rainbird: I believe Ces, the Sally Forth writer, checks this board now and then. He may well have done more lyrics. I want them too. That song would be a fantastic addition to the repertoire. :) It shouldn’t be filked to an existing song – it needs its own melody. And I could have professional help on that… Mr. Ces writer? You listening over here? :)

    54. True Fable: This would be my first Curtis Kwanzaa. I’d mildly apprehensive now.

    72. Marthas Rolling Pin: Not really. Now, had it been a gerbil-shaped loofah… (though I see 83 gh probably has it right)

  89. J
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: And with the incestuous interests of little Francine now firmly established, the familial obsessions of Lynn Johnston continue steadily on their twisted course towards an inevitable resolution: “The Aristocrats” – A Very Special Patterson Enactment.

  90. Calico
    December 4th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    #86 – Maybe the WWI/Mountie guy did it, ’cause he loves Johnny.

  91. Calico
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    …In a TJ and Brad sort of way.

  92. Les
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    #81: Normally, people who get hormone treatments are referred to as “transgender,” not “homosexual.” A homosexual is somebody who wants to have sex with somebody of their own sex. A transgender person is somebody who takes step to appear as a different gender than the one they were assigned at birth.

    Transgender people have the greatest rate of being injured or killed in hate crimes of any group in the US. 50% of mtf trans people lose their jobs – regardless of their socioeconomic position.

    As such, making jokes where the punchline is “ha, that person is trans!” are not funny. There’s no actual humor element aside from “I think trans people are weird!”- a sentiment that too often turns into discrimination or violence. Also, on a humor level, it’s as repetitive and over-used as an old person saying “kids today have ipods!”

    So, seriously, knock it off.

  93. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Yesterthread (actually just-a-few-hours-agothread), Wanders posted of the necessity to participate in an online survey to prevent the Salt Lake Tribune from axing Mary Worth. Here’s the survey. Please help out!

    In order to ensure that we save Mary, we must stack the deck in her favor by voting to boot specific strips. If we all vote for not-Mary, but our votes are scattered among the dozens of other possibilities, a small but determined plurality could still spell her doom. DOOOOOM!

    I suggest everyone here take the survey and vote to boot B.C., FBOFW and (for lack of an obvious third choice) either Peanuts or Cathy. Only by ensuring that these worthy strips get more negative votes can Mary be saved.

    We must also do our ‘Mudgeonly duty to keep Edison Lee from being picked up by another paper. All good followers of Joshism must therefore vote for either Rhymes With Orange or Brewster Rockit.

    Oh, and one more thing: It didn’t give me an error message or anything when I voted twice… heh heh heh.

  94. Loopina
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: OK, all squickiness aside, this could have been much worse. Personally, I’d rather see some strife and reality than the happy-sweet-ice-cream thing. After all, are stepkids ever like that? Especially when the biological mother is still living (presumably). My sis went through a lot with her bf’s kids, they didn’t just love her right away.

    FOOB, like FW, has a lot of potential – they are both rare strips where characters are allowed to age and grow – unfortunately only in the physical sense. Would everyone in FW really still be living in the same dingy town in Ohio?

    Think of the possibilities if the FOOBS spread out – it’d be good for the creator, because he/she could have parallel stories going on, preventing writer fatigue. I know I liked it much better when Liz was in Mtigwakawaka. The stories were more interesting, she was more interesting, if only by virtue of being in an interesting place.

    And it’d be good for the readers, because they’d probably all have their favorites – like the branches of the family and situations in All My Children or something. At least I’m assuming, I’d never watched soaps but my mom, like lots of people, has been following a couple of them for 30+ years.

  95. that guy
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    So where, exactly, is the rest of Dagwood’s car pool?

  96. True Fable
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    #88 Niall – No, don’t be alarmed by the upcoming Curtis Kwanzaa! Just sit back and enjoy the WTF!

    Billingsly is genuine about his Kwanzaa strips, so there’s none of that Salute-to-the-Season kind of numbness that sometimes infects comics. It’s just that sometimes his strips are so … odd… that you get a full year of head-scratching in just a Kwanzaa’s worth of Curtis.

    Last year’s Golden Otter story started very interesting and in the following days, was pretty cool. But the cool factor was racheted up big time with this thing of beauty. He continued the story for another week, all a very interesting read.

    I LOVED this strip from then on, because Billingsly’s going to by God tell a story and we’d best listen up! Oh sure, sometimes repetitiveness creeps into Curtis with all-too-familiar themes, but just a hint of the promise that another truly unusual but totally neat story like the Golden Otter could be in the offering, and I’m THERE, man. I’m serious.

  97. Chance
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    #92 les: is one of the main characteristics of transgendered people their oversensitivity to harmless ribbing that isn’t directed at them in the first place?

    Just curious.

  98. True Fable
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    #92 Les – Thank you for saying that.

  99. dreadedcandiru2
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    The problem with today’s Foob is NOT father-daughter incest; the squicky taste Lynn left in our mouths is the result of her tin ear for dialogue. What’s really going on here is that Li’l Accent Mark thinks Daddy told her she’s not as important as the Great White Goof. Sadly, we’re in for a sappy conclusion that tells us that step-momhood WILL be a walk in the park after all.

  100. Jeff
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    LOL @ #81 :-D

  101. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Play nice, everyone…

  102. Allie Cat
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    As tonight at sundown marks the first night of Hanukkah, and given that I grew up in a multiculti family of my own (Dad’s family was Jewish, Mom’s was Christian, and both parents have a healthy disdain for organized religion), I’d like to share my favorite made up holiday lyric.

    It’s short – so don’t blink or you’ll miss it:

    “Deck the halls with lots of matzoh, fa la la la la, la la la la!”

    Personally, I’ll take Curtis’ Kwanzaa over Luann’s juxtaposed Religious Christmas Pageant/Secular Lights Display any day. I am finding that more than a little hamhanded. Personally, if you want to celebrate Christmas just because you like the taste of eggnog, so be it. Get your nog on, and best wishes for a happy healthy New Year.

    When I was working in retail, I always said “Happy Holidays” – but then, I went home to a tree and a menorah.

    Also – if you’re looking for a cute kids’ Hanukkah book, I just gave my sister “The Latke Who Couldn’t Stop Screaming” by Lemony Snicket. I think we have a winner!

    That’s my rant du jour. I used up all my good stuff on the last thread, then Josh put up the new one. Grr.

  103. Jeff
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    #101 – that’s what Liz said to Anthony and Francie!

    *ducks*

  104. Mary Worthless
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Thank you Les for your articulate response regarding #81.

    One Big Happy just made me grumble today. Not for the strip itself, but because schools really HAVE banned tag. What a bunch of pansies today’s children are going to be. Buncha cravens! Apparently they can’t even handle cookie monster!

  105. fillmoreeast
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    The thought that an argument about transgendered people might get transferred to the Cockpit makes my inner seven-year-old giddy.

  106. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I was gonna ask about the tag thing too. Some of you must work in elementary schools — is it really true what they say? Are some schools trying to ban this schoolyard game? What’s the rationale? Is it supposed to be dangerous? Is it because it turns kids into winners and losers? What’s the deal? Can I use any more question marks?

  107. Harleyquinn
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    Allie Cat! You’re like the alternate universe me (Dad’s the Christian, Mom’s the Jew).

    Thanks so much for the book recommendation!! I have a friend’s son who is Christian, but is fascinated with the fact that I’m Jewish and Chanukah, and such, so I always send him something, but hadn’t yet because I didn’t know what to send.

    I’m sure he’ll love it!!

  108. Marthas Rolling Pin
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    I have a theory regarding the tedium and lack of redemptive violence in Phan-Tom of late. According to the intertubes’ authority on all things, the WikiWakiPedia,

    “After Falk’s passing, King Features Syndicate began to cooperate with European comic publisher Egmont, publisher of the Swedish Fantomen magazine, which now went from only publishing Phantom stories in licenced comic books to providing the stories for the newspaper strip as well, by adapting their own Phantom comic book stories into the comic strip format. Fantomen writers Tony De Paul and Claes Reimerthi alternated as writers of the newspaper strip after Falk died, with De Paul handling the daily strips and Reimerthi being responsible for the Sunday strips. Today De Paul is the regular writer. Some of the stories have been adapted from comic magazine stories originally published in Fantomen.”

    Are we being forced to endure months of recycled Scandinavian pacifism that Falk would have dispatched in short order with a skull mark? A kinder, gentler Ghost who is going to heal a little girl of her hidden traumatic memories? BAH!! Old Man Mozz, exorcise this false Ghost! Let the punching resume!

  109. Gregoire
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    #104

    Tag? they still play “Smear the (rhymes with smear)” at my kid’s school!

  110. Shermy, the forgotten Peanuts character
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    “I’ll ‘clean up the kitchen’ and leave you two alone.”

    Is that like “cleaning the garage,” except solo?

  111. Hank
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    RE: Gil Thorpe. From GoComics.com: “Drawn by Neal Rubin and Frank McLaughlin for and about teenagers, Gil Thorp has developed an intensely loyal readership of all ages. It is a sports strip that is not just about sports, sometimes dealing with topical, teen-oriented issues.”

    Does anyone here know a teenager that reads Gil Thorpe?!?!?

  112. gh
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    #111 Hank –

    I think they’re all too busy reading Gil Thorp.

  113. Random Aussie
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Oh, you’ll grow alright Francie. But will you grow into a pouty lipped cock tease with daddy issues? A woman whose pasttimes include pushing any interesting man and community in her life away? A woman who realizes that all her dreams and adventures should be squashed because of a half-assed attraction to some mustachioed version of your first *true* love?

    Wait. This is Foob. And judging by Francies Little Miss Electra Pageant title, of course she will.

  114. Marthas Rolling Pin
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    I suspect that any teen who reads Gil Thorp is reading it for the same reasons that ‘mudges do…

  115. 100indecisions
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: No, honey, Daddy has a kink for the really big girls. You just don’t cut it. Maybe when you’re older you can join us, though…

  116. Allie Cat
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    #109 – Gregoire -We never officially played it under that name, but I remember the game well.

    I think they’ve stopped playing dodgeball in some schools as well – I think because kids were taking their aggressions towards one another out during the game.

    Personally, being a pansy and completely uncoordinated, I was a big fan of the parachute in elementary school. Remember the parachute? That was the best.

    The worst was either Kickball or a volleyball hybrid called Newcomb.

    I was also a fan of days where it was raining too hard to go out and we had silent reading, or a rigorous game of Heads Up, Seven Up.

  117. Mary Worthless
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Sadly, tag (and other games like touch football) are becoming against the rules at schools all over the country. (A quick google of “banning tag” brings up loads of articles. It seems to be a fear of liabilty. “Sit on your bum, children, don’t worry about being fat, I don’t want to get sued. Which reminds me, I owe McDonalds a phone call about my last physical…”

  118. Lindsey
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    #111 – Well, I just turned 20 a week ago, and I had read a few Gil Thorp strips before then, like maybe 20 of them, so I guess I counted. But really, I doubt any teenager reads Gil Thorp. As a teen I would have rather gouged my eyes out than read in. In fact, I do, but the strip does it for me with its awful drawing. I had to turn up the graphics on my computer just so I could see them after I was blinded by coach Thorp’s hideous visage this morning.

  119. Gregoire
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    116 – The only games from your list I remember is kickball and dodgeball. they still play both at my kid’s school.

    we played dodgeball at my HS in the late ’70′s until one day we sent two kids to the ER. Exciting!

    we played a tag hybrid called either British Bulldog (if you tackled) or Last One (tagged). you started on an endline (like football) one person was “it” and everybody else would run from end to end and back. if you were caught, you joined the “its” and try to get everyone else. last person caught was “it” the next game. we loved it!

  120. Lindsey
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    As for criticizing the younger generation because they aren’t allowed to play tag, keep in mind that it’s not the kids that make these rules, it’s the adults. It’s your own generation that’s banning tag. I often want to /facepalm when adults I know criticize teenagers for watching shows like reality TV and things like that… why? It’s the adult generations that are making that crap. Get your peers to make something worthwhile and maybe we’ll have something worth watching. There isn’t much on TV that’s decent anymore, which is why I spend time here.

  121. gh
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    #116 Allie Cat –

    Parachute? Is that like Freefall at Magic Mountain? I’ll stick to four square and tetherball.

  122. MJ1066
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    #50 Joe, #89 J: Actually, little Francie’s full name is “Francoise,” not “Francine.” Nobody in the strip calls her Francoise any more because that’s the name her allegedly evil biological mother, Therese, gave to her. Her name had to be shortened from Francoise to Francie so as not to have any reminders of “evil” Therese. I’ve noticed that Lynn Johnston seems to have something against French-Canadians.

  123. Allie Cat
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    #121 – Basically, it was a large parachute, minus strings – we used it to bounce balls on, we would lift it up over our heads and sit under it, whatever. What I’m telling you is that it barely counted as PE – it was so non-athletic and lame – but I loved it – mostly because I feared getting hit in the face with an airborne ball, and this offered no threats.

  124. Perky Bird
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    #116 Allie Cat–

    Wow, I thought Seven-Up and Newcomb were silly games that my elementary coach made up! Are they actual, well-known games, or did you just happen to go to my school?

    Personally, I liked Newcomb because, if I remember correctly, you could actually let the ball hit the ground once, thus making it easier for less-coordinated kids like myself. And kickball was infinitely better than softball, because kicking a big ball with your foot was so much easier than whacking a tiny one with a thin stick. Plus, when pitched, the ball rolled in a gentle, non-threatening manner toward you–it didn’t go whizzing inches from your head, like a softball.

    Did you ever play “eraser chase” on rainy days? Where you had to walk real fast balancing an eraser on your head, and whoever reached the finish line without losing the eraser won? That was fun, too.

  125. horse_you_came_in_on
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke “tree-in-the-house” syntax: Yet another sign that everything is being outsourced to China.

  126. AhClem
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    If “Tag” and “Dodgeball” have been banned from most schools, I suspect that “Red Rover” is also history. Anybody remember that one?

    During pool time in HS gym class, we had our own version of water polo that was called “Canadian Kill.” I have no idea where the name came from, but it was basically a tackle version of the regular game.

  127. BigTed
    December 4th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    “Curtis”: “A Mr. Alvin…. um, Poussaint”???

    I’m not the world’s biggest Bill Cosby whiz, but even I know that DR. Alvin Poussaint is the Harvard Medical School psychiatrist who consulted on “The Cosby Show” and has been working with Cos for years. So what’s with the dis, kid?

  128. gh
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    #126 AhClem –

    Canadian Kill reminds me of [also HS gym] Guadalcanal Basketball. The object was to score. Period. Fouls were for sissies. Red Rover was played with a little more finesse. No hacking, gouging, kicking, biting.

  129. Tonio
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    JP: Abby is wearing a tight black top with a bare midriff? Perhaps she’s trying to compete with Red on the latter woman’s terms.

  130. Professor Fate
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Oh – ick. Lynn goes from Ice cream and ‘can I keep her’ to Baby Doll level creepiness in a single bound . Nice work. what happens tomorrow?

  131. commodorejohn
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Say what you want about this, but it’s still nowhere near as nauseating as this.

    FOOB – Oh God, Lynn, did you really have to do that!? Was the basement cage not creepy enough? Wasn’t everything in this strip creepy enough? Those Flowers in the Attic vibes Josh was getting from Von and Vera, were you jealous of them? What, you like trashy dime-store novels so much that you want your comic to become one? And so you had to go and…oh GOD this is HORRIBLE. THIS IS VILE. THIS IS FILTH. THIS IS FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.

    FW – *Following this utterly unnatural dialogue, the Twilight Zone theme plays*

    MT – Prediction: Sgt. York here also has facial hair, and not only was in the vicinity when Bull was shot, but had broken up a fight between Johnny and Bull earlier, and thus knew that the two were both at odds and in the same area.. Since Johnny, as a friend of Mark’s (current, as opposed to old friends like Diver Dan,) could not possibly be guilty, Sgt. York must’ve shot Bull for whatever reason and then framed Johnny for it.

    Popeye – THIS IS DAMNED POOR PAYOFF. Following the “if Gil Thorp were a porno” bit from a couple threads ago, if Popeye were a porno, the characters would spend three hours talking about how they’ll be undressing and having sex any minute now, and then the film would end with them deciding to maybe have sex next week, possibly, if they feel like it.

    Pluggers – Pluggers have no idea what the hell hors d’ouevres are.

    SM – Spider-Man, Spider-Man, rails whatever a spider can…

    Edison Lee – As with yesterday, Edison is an unimaginative killjoy golem that merely resembles a human child.

  132. Jym
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Graffiti: “I am a Weiner.”
    Skinner: “Whoever did this is in very deep trouble.”
    Martin: “And a sloppy speller, too! The preferred spelling of `weiner’ is W-I-E-N-E-R. Though E-I is an acceptable ethnic variant.”
    Skinner: “Hmm. Good point.”
    Bart the Genius

  133. SmartPeopleOnIce
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    #93 (SSB) I often wonder if Giella and Moy breathe a secret sigh of relief each time a newpaper puts MW on the block, feeling themselves inch closer to the sweet release of death, only to have their hopes dashed as hoards of snarky CC bastards descend and pack the votes to keep the strip limping along on life support, just so we can make them do the syrup-dance for eternity.

    Sort of like what the gods did to Prometheus.

  134. Mary Worthless
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Lindsey, I wasn’t criticzing the younger generation! They suffer from the rules, and I meant to be joking about what that sort of hinderance on development could do.

  135. Uncle Lumpy
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    #127 BigTed –

    “A Mr. Alvin…. um, Poussaint”???

    I think the ellipsis and “um” are to make the product plug sound like something a kid would say.

    Whatever our differences, Billingsley’s a craftsman. And hey! The mushrooms are beginning to ripen — can Kwanzaa be far behind?

    OOOOOOooo…

  136. Mary Worthless
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    and furthermore it never seems QUITE phrased as protection from the kids. Injured kids are mentioned as part of the reason, but it’s just an excuse, they are categorized as walking lawsuits.

  137. SmartPeopleOnIce
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Ha, youse kids. When I was in school we didn’t play dodgeball, we fought the Kaiser! Then there was the time I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to take the ferry to Morganville which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. Now, to ride the ferry cost a nickel and, in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. “Give me 5 bees for a quarter!”, you used to say. So, I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn’t get any white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…Now, where was I? Oh yeah, I was taking the ferry to Shelbyville with an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time…

  138. Mountain Mama
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Allie, I knew that I liked you!

    Parachute days were my favorite, too! I was a chubby, clumsy kid and was always picked last. I couldn’t run fast, even if I manage to hit the ball in softball, and that in itself was a minor miracle.

    Dodgeball was a high school thing and it was awful. It was a coed class of 9-12 graders and I was in 10th grade. Those senior guys were big and thought it was fun to hurl the ball at us unathletic girls as hard as they could.

    I hated, hated, hated PE. I wasn’t totally a couch potato. I liked shooting basketball and I loved to ride my bike, but PE at school was a nightmare. I’m just thankful they didn’t make us take showers.

  139. Rainbird
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Calico #29

    But that doesn’t work with the chorus of Rowrs. I tried “Santa Claus is coming to town”, but that didn’t quite work either. *sigh*.

    I want them to come sing in my neighborhood.

  140. Rainbird
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    32 RichterCa

    But the point is to give a song for the mudgeons to sing.

    I have a tune in mind, done by Venus Envy, but not many people listen to that group. (They have one called “I hate the holidays” that might work).

  141. Gagott68
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    97. Chance: When you say you’re just “curious”, how do you mean that? ;-D

  142. commodorejohn
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    #20 Calico – What, you think Francie couldn’t kick his ass as is!? I think frickin’ Poopmeister Robin could beat up Anthony.

    #50 Joe – actually, as has been pointed out before, April is legal in Canada. As if this strip wasn’t fucked-up enough.

  143. K Bear
    December 4th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    I found Zits funny today. I hadn’t in a while.
    I used to have that exact same fight with my mom for years. Only she also enjoyed doing middle-of-the-night laundry, and the washing machine was in the bathroom right next to my room, and of course thye machine was placed directly against my head. You have no idea how many times I woke up convinced there was a minor earthquake going on before I figured out my mother was working through her insomnia by doing tons of laundry.

  144. Dagger
    December 4th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    If Johnny is actually guilty, they’d better not half-ass it. I want the full-on time travel, tangent universe story, in which Johnny has to murder Bull Malone and take a shot at himself in order to save the world from oblivion. They could call it “Johnny Darko.” The jet engine that inevitably crushes him would, of course, be part of a scheme perpetrated by the county commissioners and their birds.

  145. Bootsy
    December 4th, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    AhClem, I was a huge fan of Red Rover. I was the littlest kid in kndergarten, but when they called me, boy I bustyd through that line!

    I thought Curtis had been visited by Cosby and Allen Toussaint.

    Now that would have been cool!

  146. Niall
    December 4th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    So I guess I’m in the minority who had trampoline as part of grade school Phys Ed? In the late 70s?..

    I wasn’t picked last in team sports – I simply wasn’t picked. The other team preferred to have one less player than to have me. Why? Because I was so bad I automatically guaranteed my team to lose. Of course, if anyone had taken the time to give me a few pointers, like, you know, rules of the game, or that concept unknown to me because never seen or experienced: practice, I might have improved… But no, you were supposed to have learned everything somehow magically before class.

    Dodgeball, however, made me hone my evading skills. I got to be pretty good at being nimble. I had glasses, so I had a really good incentive to dodge the ball somehow always hurled right at my head (because, well, I had glasses, a magnet for these people).

    High school was more fun, since I was actually getting good at a few activities (archery, cross-country skiing). Plus the kids had the spectre of CEGEP (college) or university to fear, and finally left me alone. :)

  147. Buck Ripsnort
    December 4th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Nothin’ like X-Day Muzak to make me miss Pogo’s “Deck us all w/ Boston Charlie”. Mmm. The Classics.

    And due to the cold and wind, I was huddled here in my flat, missing the newspaper. Thank Gawd I wasn’t stuck reading FOOB at work. Hey Batiuk! Think you can come up w/ some sick Les/Summer ick to top this?

  148. Cornwhacker
    December 4th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    45: I think it’s been established that Scaduto himself lives in Milford, CT. Maybe this one’s autobiographical?

    57: That Webster epsode was real? I have vague recollections of it. Good to know it wasn’t a figment of my warped childhood imagination… I think…

  149. cpinc
    December 4th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    Les:

    Sorry my post at #81 offended you and that I confused transgender with homosexuality. However, I find it interesting that you take such offense to my comment while apparently having no problem with the many jokes suggesting Anthony either is molesting his daughter or otherwise having an incestuous relationship with her. Or that all three will end up in a sexual relationship. What gives? Why be so selective with your delicate sensibilities?

  150. Uncle Lumpy
    December 4th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    #149 cpinc –

    Just guessing here, but maybe because it’s OK to insult someone for what they do, but not for who they are?

  151. Gregoire
    December 4th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    149 – thinking same thing, you’re compare and contrast is dead-on.

  152. cpinc
    December 4th, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Interesting observation, although I don’t completely agree. Still, I certainly didn’t intend to upset anyone, so while I’m still a bit perplexed to the reaction, I regret that.

  153. Moss_Moses
    December 4th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Abbey should be a lot more concerned about the H5N1 from Biff Dickens poultry farm than the air strip on his property.

    Mary Worth’s “job” at Charterstone is supposedly resident manager, where she rents out vacant units and prunes roses. In the otherworldly condo association of quiet desperation where Moss_Moses lives, individual condo owners are responsible for the sale or rental of their property, without having a meddling middlebiddy doing it for them. Does this mean that all Charterstone residents surrender their property rights to Mary Worth when they move in and that only she can rent units for them? Something doesn’t compute…

  154. Skunkboy
    December 4th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    Personally, I thought that Zits was funny and about one urge away from qualifying as a TDIET.

  155. Joe Blevins
    December 4th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail knows that in order to solve a crime, you have to think like a criminal. That’s why he’s making a little imaginary mustache for himself with his index finger.

  156. BlinkAndItsOver
    December 4th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy, you raise an interesting distinction between what one is and what one does. I think I agree with you in principle, if the two can be told apart from each other. (If not, I will probably be inclined to err on the side of riducule — Hey, “To Err On the Side of Riducule” … pretty good Mudge autobiography title!)

    And cpinc, I’d suggest that most of the people making jokes about the “incest angle” in FOOB are not really joking about incest (at least I hope not), they’re joking about Lynn. Of course she doesn’t intend the strip to be about incest, but she is so insulated in her perspective as an artist that she is incapable of anticipating (and would no doubt be disgusted by) the deeply creepy vibe her little plot swerve into Electra-land tends to suggest to the minds of, well, of us suggestible types.

    And at the risk of crossing Uncle Lumpy’s line, I have to say that it’s funny, but I would never think of Anthony as a repressed homosexual. It seems obvious he’s a repressed heterosexual.

    And, considering who he’s likely to marry, he’s going to stay that way.

  157. BlinkAndItsOver
    December 4th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    “Riducule”? How riduckulous.

  158. Lynn J.
    December 4th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    My Dearest Fable,

    Love is about overcoming your daddy issues. Or succumbing to them. I forget which.

    I’m sure you’d rather I just stayed in the corner, in the whore chair, as your friends call it, but love once again compels me to break my self-enforced silence.

    I’ve been trying to forget you. I even redecorated the house to try to distract myself from you for a while. But I don’t think it had the desired effects. The triptych left me wondering what color the sunsets are in Roopville. And the giant wedding cake topper statue made me so depressed that I had to counteract its effects by hanging a picture of a slutty little tramp who used to lure married model train enthusiasts into adultery, but was publicly shamed for her behavior and is now reduced to living alone in ignominy with 11 cats. Well, that’s how I see it, anyway. Art is pretty subjective.

    But ultimately my thoughts return to you, and I just want to wrap myself around your arm and hold on forever, clutching so tightly that you can never leave me and for the rest of your life you have to do everything with one hand.

    If you can find room in your life for a big girl, there’s a lot of me to love. The head-sized hamburgers saw to that.

    Adoringly yours,

    Lynnie J.

  159. Tonyman
    December 4th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    JP- Since Sam doesn’t seem to want any red-headed delight, maybe the the old flyboy will prove there is still a fire in the furnance.

  160. Razmytaz
    December 4th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Without worrying about “squink”, I must say I feel somewhat bilious as the pattern on Little-Miss-Accent’s blouse continually realigns itself with the horizon no matter how she holds her arm and such.

    Is this the dreaded “zip-i-tone”? By all the Cartooning Gods, can’t Lynne afford a minion to pencil in a blouse pattern that actually runs consistently? Or just have it monochrome, and sketch in fabric marks? I mean it’s clear she doesn’t care to bother herself about such things when she has more important oxen to gore.

    (*goes back to look at old Terry and the Pirates backgrounds*)

  161. Mumbles
    December 4th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    #148: yeah, that was a real episode. There are enough similarly-warped people on “Jump the Shark” to confirm this.

  162. Mountain Mama
    December 4th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    FW: So Mopey Pete is returning to what he thinks he will be triumph in his old hometown. Local nebbishy boy made good. Just come in quietly, order a pizza and wait for folks to say, “Hey! Aren’t you Pete? Where have you been?” Then is his moment. His moment to reveal his successful career and lord it over the hometown joes.

    But no one will recognize him, and if they do, and if they DO, no one will care. No one will speak to him. And so he’ll leave, as quietly as he came.

    The heartache, the shame of it all!

    There’s only one way to get revenge, to show them all! They forgot him, did they? Well, he must make sure to be remembered on his return.

    But this is Funky Winkerbean, so he’ll just get cancer and die. Or maybe a really bad case of carpal tunnel.

  163. Dean Booth
    December 4th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    MW sings with the fishes (may take a minute to load).

    …and a belated Congrats! to Trilobite and the COTW runners up.

  164. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    December 4th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    Dodgeball? You want a pathetic dodgeball story? Fine. I’ll tell you mine.

    In fourth grade, our gym teacher was a sadist who loved dodgeball. Looooved dodgeball. And did I mention he was a sadist? He used to split the teams up into boys vs. girls. But that wasn’t sadistic enough. After dividing us up boys vs. girls, he would personally play on the girls’ team. Which meant the boys spent all their time cowering at the back baseline, trying futilely to avoid the eardrum-rupturing WHANNNG of being struck in the head by the teacher, while the girls stood idly chatting on their back baseline, only occasionally stopping to dodge the occasional ball thrown ever so carefully as far away from the gym teacher as possible.

    Needless to say, the boys thought this was hardly sporting.

    Inspired by a civics class lecture in which we were taught that one of the rights guaranteed by the Constitution was the right to petition for redress of grievances, I had the bright idea to write a petition. I wrote it as rationally and gender-neutrally as possible, pointing out not only that it was unfair that the teacher pretty much guaranteed the boys would never win, but also how that setup as much as guaranteed the girls never got to participate. It was signed by every boy in both fourth-grade classes and a fair proportion of the girls. Then, I presented it to the administration, who I thought might not be aware of the gym situation and therefore might be more receptive than the gym teacher himself. Besides, the school administration was the government I was supposed to petition, right?

    The administration’s reaction was to immediately cancel gym class for the entire fourth grade. For the rest of the year.

    When I told my parents about it, even though they thought the petition was a pretty dumb idea in the first place, bless their hearts, they rallied behind me. They took it to the School Board and blasted them for teaching us democracy and freedom in one class and crushing it in the next. Gym class was restored, under a different grade’s teacher, who merely supervised, never participated.

    And the lesson taught to the fourth grade class that year: Petitioning peacefully doesn’t work. Nothing gets done until you raise a stink.

  165. t007
    December 4th, 2007 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    Hey! I’ve found the perfect Christmas t-shirt for Dawn Weston! Here!” If only it was purple!

  166. StoutHearted
    December 4th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Has “Funky Winkerbean” just plain given up on going anywhere? These three-panel depress-o-thons have devolved into Norman Rockwell-off-his-Zoloft caricatures of the Most Woeful Town in the World. They make ordering pizza seem as pleasant as learning you have cancer. (Which, coincidentally, seems to happen at an equal rate in the strip.)

  167. FordDent
    December 4th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ANTHONY’S LIPS IN PANEL FOUR?

    He’s got porno lips! He should never, EVER have porno lips!

  168. Rusty
    December 4th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    #62: Eating pizza well is the best revenge.

  169. Rusty
    December 4th, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    Oops, that was meant to be #162, a FW reference.

  170. Len
    December 4th, 2007 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    #67 — Truman — Who originated the catch-phrase “My bad”? A friend thinks it’s from Saturday Night Live, but from what comedian?

  171. brownsfan
    December 4th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    I just asked my kids. No one has banned “tag” that they know of; they don’t even care if they play it.

    By the way, you are supposed to learn the rules of the different sports from your parents, older brother, friend’s brother, etc. If you don’t have anyonne available to teach you, you really are SOL. It is too bad.

    I will say that organized sports is a lot different than gym class. Usually in organized sports, there are tier levels ( travel team for the talented andserious, rec league for the easy going, etc.),and, except for the unfortunate few that are dragged into it, most of the kids want to be there.

    Gym class can be restructured into physical activities that don’t show off the top athletes. I.E.- everyone can learn to play football; even fat kids can learn to block. and tackle. Flag football is great for most people. Everyone can learn to lift weights, box, dance, do martial arts, etc.

    The one thing that is difficult to cure that is hard to find a solution for is that some kids ( bookworms, goth, artsy tpes, etc.) have a bad attitude no matter what you introduce in gym class. How do you deal with a bad attitude, blame the teacher?

    Sorrry for the rant. FOOB is making me realize that it is actually more self-righteous than the evangelicals. Who would have thunk?

  172. Jamus The Bartender
    December 4th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I used to like Dodgeball. I used to pretend I was Captain America fighting Nazis during WW2. See, the ball was my shield, and i’d throw my mighty shield at the Nazis…who all had guns. Which was kinda messed up, if you think about it. One superhero with a sidekick to draw fire and a shield for protection and to throw at people.
    Anyway, when I got hit, I used to pretend I was sent to a MASH where Hawkeye would say things like, “First of all, the good news is , you’re not pregnant.”
    I was kind of a geeky kid.

  173. brownsfan
    December 4th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    I just asked my kids. No one has banned “tag” that they know of; they don’t even care if they play it.

    By the way, you are supposed to learn the rules of the different sports from your parents, older brother, friend’s brother, etc. If you don’t have anyonne available to teach you, you really are SOL. It is too bad that this is the case.

    I will say that organized sports is a lot different than gym class. Usually in organized sports, there are tier levels ( travel team for the talented andserious, rec league for the easy going, etc.),and, except for the unfortunate few that are dragged into it, most of the kids want to be there.

    Gym class can be restructured into physical activities that don’t show off the top athletes. I.E.- everyone can learn to play football; even fat kids can learn to block. and tackle. Flag football is great for most people. Everyone can learn to lift weights, box, dance, do martial arts, etc.

    The one thing that is difficult to cure that is hard to find a solution for is that some kids ( bookworms, goth, artsy tpes, etc.) have a bad attitude no matter what you introduce in gym class. How do you deal with a bad attitude, blame the teacher?

    Sorrry for the rant. FOOB is making me realize that it is actually more self-righteous than the evangelicals. Who would have thunk?

  174. Kiesha
    December 4th, 2007 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    I was a little distracted by the “um” uttered by Curtis between ‘Alvin’ and ‘Poussaint’, but then I remembered a couple of days at the bookstore where I work, someone asked me who the other writer of that book was, and I too put an “um” in there.

    Alvin, um…puss-saint? Poo-saint? I dunno.

  175. "Ice Cold" Pierre Boulez
    December 4th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Best. Future. Incestuous. Set-up. Ever.

  176. Razmytaz
    December 4th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Aw come on. I agree with the esteemed commodorejohn (131). Sgt York HAS to be the one. Who else seems so anxious to make Johnny the perp? Who has complete and unmonitored control of the evidence chain? Who didn’t lift a finger to stop Johnny wiping the floor with Bull, making him a perfect suspect.

    So, now we wait for Andy to use his alpha dog wiles on York’s sled dog King (waiting outside the cabin in panel 2?), who after a night of canine passion will rat out his master, Sgt York, leading to the discovery of suspicious hooks attached to the underside of Bull’s boat. And then Mark can punch his simpy foreign mustache off.

    See, Mark was right to bring Andy along.

  177. Moon Mullins
    December 4th, 2007 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    Coincidentally, I was just asking my kindergarten-aged son a couple of days ago if they ever played Red Rover at school. He said no, and I explained the game to him. He could not understand why you had to break through the chained arms — why couldn’t you just duck under to get through?

    Danged, once again he had me. Just like the other day when he asked why you turn ON a light but an alarm goes OFF.

    It can be quite frustrating to be outwitted by a five-year-old.

  178. Razmytaz
    December 4th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    Moon: In our RR games, you didn’t have to “break through”, and some of the lighter players would indeed use the low road approach (or alternatively try to catapult themselves over the arms (worked for the tall weedy types). The only rule was that you had to keep forward momentum, and that you could not go round the ends.

    This was an OK game in grade school with everyone more or less of comparable size, but once in Boy Scouts there was a brutal RR game where the difference in ages / weights could be 4 years and over a 100 pounds. Someone wasn’t thinking clearly there, but fortunately someone else decided to turn it into capture the flag before some poor kid got squashed.

  179. Moon Mullins
    December 4th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    176 Razmytaz:

    I think you are right about the mountie, I said just that on November 27.

    Please excuse the self-indulgence but it is my birthday, I’m still at work after a 14-hour shift, and I want something to go my way today!

  180. Trogdor
    December 4th, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    66 and 78: I hear that about 9CL. Sadly Brooke McEldowney has fallen prey to that trap that so many good comic writers have – falling in love with a character and believing that he is more witty/entertaining/captivating than he really is. Berke Breathed did it with Opus. Heck, even Charles Shultz did it with Snoopy.

    Brooke finds Thorax’s observations on humanity “oh so very witty,” and he seems to think that the supposed down-to-earth (if I can use that term with respect to Thorax) wisdom he spouts is somehow refreshing. Alas, the rest of us have rapidly come to the realization that Thorax is just plain tedious. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even read the comic if I see Thorax in it.

    The other characters are barely holding on too. There are glimpses of what used to be. But even Edda is starting to get on my nerves.

  181. Lindsey
    December 4th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    It’s OK, “Mary Worthless” I didn’t think you were. Just something people should keep in mind sometimes, like not to grow a beard and to eat ALL of the casserole, or else.

  182. Razmytaz
    December 4th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    Happy Birthday, Moon.
    Declare what ever is keeping you “fixed”, and go home to that kid, who (in my experience) can be really good at making bad days at work fall into perspective.

    When my son was in pre-school/kingergarten he was attending a marvelous facility on site. This meant that the guys would go into “work” together, once a week he would eat pizza in the employees’ cafeteria, and once a week I would go bring a sandwich to a tiny table with his cohort and hear some amazing stuff. At the end of the day on the way home I would occasionally blow off steam about wasted time in meetings, or other roadblocks in the Progress of Science, and then I would ask him what he did that day. Usually it was “we had fun”. And that was enough…

    He’s in High School now, and I miss those car rides and shared lunches. I sometimes wish that the kindergarten had continued on to higher grades…

  183. Lindsey
    December 4th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    As for pronouncing “poussaint,” if it’s pronounced like a French word it would be “poo-sa” except the “a” is nasalized, if you know how to do that. If not, just say “poo-san,” nobody will care, they won’t know how to pronounce it either. In fact, just go with “poo-saint” since it matches the spelling and you don’t look like some kind of arrogant jerk for insisting on pronouncing French words the way they’re pronounced in French making everyone else look dumb.

  184. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    December 4th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    Huh huh, you said “poo saint”.

  185. Comic Connoisseur
    December 4th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    Moon Mullins – the bit about your kid asking why a light goes ON while an alarm goes OFF just about made me shoot wine out of my nose. I’ve experienced that with milk before, but never wine. Classic.

  186. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    December 4th, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    That “werewolf” song is kinda close to Nellie McKay’s “Zombie” song – I saw at a free in-store show last week, and she did the “rowr rowr rowr rowr”s monster style, one hand into a claw (the other was playing piano).

    By the way: does anyone know what Steve Alaniz does for Sally Forth? It seems like Ces does most the actual writing, no?

  187. Quacks Like A Duck
    December 4th, 2007 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who wondered what happened to the top bun on the Wally’s Weiner World truck? or does everyone in Dagwood-land eat their weiners open-faced?

    (Did I just type “eat their weiners open-faced”?)

  188. Comic Connoisseur
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    Razmytaz – thanks for making me stop to appreciate things. I have a kindergartner and a preschooler and every day over dinner I ask about their days. It is usually some variation of “we played” or “we had fun” or “we learned [extremely exciting new thing to them]“. Sometimes it is easy to just kind of let that roll by.

  189. commodorejohn
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    #160 Razmytaz – It’s like in old raycaster FPS games like DOOM or Duke Nukem 3D where, no matter what angle you look at an enemy’s corpse from, it’s facing you. The difference being that in those games the technology made it inevitable, whereas Lynn could have, you know, actually drawn it correctly like a “professional” artist ought to.

  190. Cornwhacker
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Since no one seems to have mentioned yet, I feel it necessary to point out that Wally’s Weiner World is ripping off Oscar Mayer’s Weinermobile.

  191. Josh
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    #186 Gadge — I think they cowrote it for a while after creator Greg Howard relinquished the writing duties, but Ces has been the sole writer for some years now. Newspapers can take a while to change the bylines on strips (I remember the Baltimore Sun took forever to acknowledge the new A3G writer). Does yours still name-check Alaniz?

    Josh

  192. Snopester in Exile
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    LOL, I don’t know if I should call you all prudes for being so disgusted by FOOB or perverts for imagining anything naughty there in the first place.

  193. bup
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    Herb: Hey, how about that sexual orientation/identity that nobody on these boards is, but lends itself to ridicule by being outside societal norms?

    Jamaal: They suck!

    Herb: How does that work?

  194. Razmytaz
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    189: Com-John: I guess it’s like the “blinky eyes” on the site. Lynne (or someone) wants to show arty “patterns” and stuff, to “improve the experience” of that which is FOOB. I just noticed Anthony’s pullover does it as well.

    Stop it, Lynne. Just do the drawings in therapy and let the strip stop. or suck it up and actually look / read what’s going over the transome.

  195. Nightingale
    December 4th, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    #93: Spiderbrick, HOW can you say to vote for anything other than Cathy and Garfield? They’re always such a terrible waste of comic space, and ya’ll can’t even snark about them because they’re not even funny enough to have a veiled meaning or double entendre! But I’m with you in Edison Lee- waht in the world. What’s that Pajama strip one they’re talking about and Rockit- I’ve never seen those, but I know Rhymes, of course. Decent work. I mean, for a syndicated strip……

  196. Godzooky
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    #194 Razmytaz re: Zip-a-Tone use in FOOB: Lynn or the Lynnions used a pattern for Francie’s PJ’s, but Blandthony’s looks worse than it really is because, as far as I can tell, the Chron site scans in some of their B&W strips and they’re apparently too lazy to correct for moiré patterns. Compare with WP’s copy.

  197. leathermessiah
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Worry not, small children! Your friend Mr. Wolf has not abandoned you! He has merely gone to pay a visit to his comrade Mark Trail. Together, they will create the most mind-numbingly boring and temporally baffling comic strip in the woooorld!

  198. Yahtzee
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Apparently, the definition of “overly sensitive” is “anyone who doesn’t think someone else’s lame-ass bigoted jokes are funny.” Though I’d personally call it “anyone whose first reaction to a calm, temperate, thorough explanation of why homosexuals and transgenders are not the same with defensive lashing out,” myself.

  199. Alt Dilog
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    JP Did you notice in the second frame of the 12/4/07 strip that Abbey’s right hand appears where her left hand should be? And with Abbey’s reference to “that wonderful smell”, and that smile on Mrs. Dickens’ face, I bet there’s more in those brownies than just walnuts.

  200. Consul the Almost Human
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I came across this article about British artist Jack Vettriano and did a double take wondering if this guy and Brooke McEldowney have ever been seen together:
    http://arts.guardian.co.uk/features/story/0,,1237449,00.html
    “When people think of a Vettriano, they probably think of one of these reproductions, which will be set on a beach, featuring people in elegant Forties or Fifties clothes, possibly with a maid or butler in tow. They are a very feminine vision of ‘the high life’. However, such paintings are only a tiny part of his oeuvre and, moreover, a part he no longer produces. His last beach scene was painted in 1996. What he mainly paints are low-life night scenes, which carry a heavy charge of kinky eroticism. They are not pornographic exactly – the women rarely undress beyond their underwear and the men are fully clothed – but they are dark, claustrophobic, sleazy.”

    followed by …

    “In short, there are two Jack Vettrianos; nice JV who goes in for butlers and ballgowns and nasty JV who goes in for sex games. And, evidently, nasty JV is winning because the butlers have not appeared for eight years.”

    Reading 9CL these days is an exercise in wondering how much farther a once fine strip can sink. The characterizations are at Foob level and falling. Lynn J., like her or loathe her, at least acknowledges her many naysayers and occasionally, as with the current arc with a jittery Francie Caine, appears to try to accommodate their concerns. McE can’t even hack that, whining about Beefwits who can’t appreciate his soooopah geeeenius. 9CL continues going to hell in its honky handbasket and our man McE is shows signs of passing Michael Patterson in the race to authorial Hell.

  201. The Avocado Avenger
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Lynn seems to have forgotten the wigglies of astonishment around Blandthony’s head, which is why he doesn’t look surprised, and instead looks thoughtful. Looking thoughtful makes the last panel even worse.

  202. Godzooky
    December 4th, 2007 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    #93 SSB & #195 Nightingale re: SL Trib comic strip survey: Had to vote for Brewster Rockit, though RwO is nice, too. Voted nay on Cathy, Luann, and The Piranha Club, the ones I dislike the most from the list. However, I nominate Edison Lee for an all-time least favorite list.

  203. dale
    December 5th, 2007 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    146 – Niall
    You expressed one of my long-time (is 45 years a long time to bear a grudge?) complaints about gym class. The gym teachers/coaches generally assumed you knew how to do whatever it was that you were supposed to do. By that I mean the physical part, not the rules of the games.

    171 – brownsfan
    Why is it a bad attitude if I don’t see the point in running around a 1/4 mile track until I want to collapse? Actually, an MD told me I should go throw up on the coaches shoes. Never did, but then I always went to school on a empty stomach, by choice not necessity.

  204. ltrftp(not so first time)
    December 5th, 2007 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    88
    Niall
    If I ever win the lottery, and I actually will buy a ticket soon, I will pay you $50,000/annum to be my PT Kappel Meister.

    I will get the drunk version. She is entitled to hear it the way I did. Did I mention she is 28 yrs younger than I?

    127

    Big Ted
    I think he was hesitating over the pronunciation.

    Dagwood

    I relished the frank comments over Dagwood’s pickle: Will his call to Blondie cut the mustard as he tries to ‘catch up’ with the hot rod hot dog?

    FWIW, that is the first FOOB/Blondie crossover. That Wally Wiener is obviously sitting in a Patterson Bun!

  205. Deena in OR
    December 5th, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    #193-

    Nice HJ reference :) But methinks that Herb should not assume.

    Oh. No, not me. But you never know who’s out there in cyberspace.

    Deena, who *loves* the diversity here.

  206. Chance
    December 5th, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    #141 Gagott: curious, and a little flattered.

    I’m an elementary school teacher. The reason kids don’t play tag is because they don’t play anything. Specials are way cut back. They only have PE twice a week anyway, and it often deals with “health issues” instead of games. Everyone’s too busy testing to play this “tag” you’re talking about.

  207. Kaitlyn
    December 5th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    I feel stupid for saying this about FOOB and the eyes.

    Like you, I was terrified by them.

    And I continue to be.

    But it took me a bit to realize why and I’m sure others have said this.

    FOOB is not animated, no comic strip is, they’re snapshots, still forever.

    No movement.

    I don’t think I could handle wizard pictures.

    Hell, Stephen King’s pic on his paperbacks scares me.

  208. Kaitlyn
    December 5th, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    PE was last required in 9th grade. Some people actually said they signed up for ROTC (2 years!) to get out of one year of gym.

    Whoops.

    They offered a senior gym, but I never got a chance. Study hall instead. (And surgery and this and that.)

    However, there are many PE type courses here at the U. Cool.

    I took Tae Kwon Do for a few years – the belt before black belt came with the A-bomb of illness.

    My middle school PE coach was an ass. He said something about period pain (euphemized stupidly) not being a valid excuse. When I had my first kidney stone, I thought it was cramps, and I wanted to find him and put his balls in a vise and make him do jumping jacks.

    Last recess – 6th grade, 30 minutes after lunch, stand around, act cool, you’re in middle school now.

  209. Kaitlyn
    December 5th, 2007 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    One group in all 3 public schools that still gets plenty of physical play time – special ed.

    Mom’s been at an elementary school – they all got to go out for recess, unless they’d been bad, and they always had gym.

    Same thing with those who can (or are allowed to) in the high school she’s at now.

  210. Poteet
    December 5th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    # 171 — Brownsfan, I was a bookworm with a bad attitude toward gym class, and in retrospect, I do have sympathy for the teachers. But my bad attitude was primarily because to me, gym class meant organized sports, which I loathed. In any case, I wasn’t disrespectful — I just did my best to hang back and melt into the walls whenever possible.

    I read somewhere is that what gym classes most need to do nowadays is help kids find whatever activities they’ll enjoy enough to keep doing for the rest of their lives so they can keep reasonably fit. How gym teachers are supposed to do that with very limited time and budgets is another matter.

  211. Dub Not Dubya
    December 5th, 2007 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    193 bup: I too laughed at your H&J take on the issue, but Deena in OR at 205 is right. There has been at least one commenter here in recent memory who mentioned that she was transgendered. I’m not, but I have many transgendered friends.

    For me, the issue with using transgendered people as a punch line is that it’s often intended to insult someone annoying or worse (like Granthony) and thus ends up insulting transgendered people by equating them with someone annoying or worse. Transfolks have enough difficulties in their lives without the stigma of being associated with Granthony. Contrast this with the characterization of Shirley the Transgendered Duck: it was clear in that case that the issue was that the art was incorrect, so it didn’t come across to me as insulting to transfolks.

  212. Poteet
    December 5th, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    # 210 — And I’m very grateful that I had my childhood before the massive scares about letting kids go anywhere outside alone. I was a skinny kid partly because I liked to roam around the neighborhood looking for interesting birds and bugs and weeds. I would have become a different person if I hadn’t been able to do that.

  213. Poteet
    December 5th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    # 211 — Good point, Dub. And I liked Shirley the Transgendered Duck. She was stuck with some bad dialogue and unrealistic situations, but she made the most of her role. I would have voted for her as Best Supporting Waterfowl.

  214. jamoche
    December 5th, 2007 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    In 6th grade, softball was a really simple game – pitcher throws, you swing, if you’re lucky enough to hit, you run. I was pretty lucky; I hit the ball a lot.

    In 7th grade, I’d changed school districts to one where apparently everyone had been playing on non-school teams for years. First time I got up to bat, I hit, I ran, and I got yelled at from both sides for running on whatever kind of hit I’d made, because someone in the outfield *actually caught the ball* and threw me out (or maybe just caught it in midair and I was out). Apparently I should’ve known that would happen.

    Thereafter I did my best never to come up to bat (luckily nobody bothered making sure the batting order stayed the same between at-bats).

  215. Razmytaz
    December 5th, 2007 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Now, at the University (undergraduate) level, Phys Ed was a blast. First off, everyone was required to pass a swim test. (Swim 100 m any style, and tread water for 5 minutes). Then there were four “quarters” of phys ed. I took archery, volley ball, lifesaving (Red Cross certified), and ice skating. Other options included scuba, water polo (or death swimming), fencing (instructor was part of the US Olympic coaching staff), touch football, ice and field hockey, and on and on. Though I may not have broken a sweat for the archery, it taught me a lot about breathing. In all of them, (except life saving) I came in knowing little and came out enjoying a lot. I kept thinking that I should keep signing up for phys ed in my later years, but except for a repeat of skating my senior year I didn’t quite manage it.

  216. Godzooky
    December 5th, 2007 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    FW: Wow, two straight days of beard smirk. Who is Greybeard, anyway?

    RMMD: Way back on 10/18 (or, yesterday in RM time), the headline read “Escapees” (plural). Since prisons aren’t co-ed and Mrs. Dillon comes across more as an aider-and-abetter, where’s the other escapee? Could there be several escapees? Shades of “Prison Break.”

    Safe Havens: The characters and stories are okay, nothing great, but I really like the linework on this strip. Like in most cartoons, the characters are drawn in an abstract form based on reality, but, in this case, the artwork enables my mind to translate the abstract back to what to what these characters would probably look like and move in real life. (Not sure if I explained that properly, hope it makes some kind of sense)

  217. Jen
    December 5th, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    TYPO! TYPO! Typo in 12/05′s Shoe! Those crazy birds.

  218. Trilobite
    December 5th, 2007 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    Okay, time for me to look at the Wednesday comics. I think I’m strong enough to face them now:

    9 Chickweed Lane: I thought the party line in 9CW was that Amos and Edda were still virgins, or at least hadn’t even gotten as far as groping each other yet. Did someone neglect to tell the poor boy how girls get pregnant? I could’ve sworn that was the one thing you could count on finding out in a Catholic school sex-ed class.

    Funky Winkerbean: “And hey, you’re…um…the grey-bearded boring exposition guy! You used to be sitting silently at the counter, and then after two solid days of literally nothing at all happening in this strip, you started rattling off a surprisingly dull description of who one of the characters is!”

    Marmaduke: This is the third day in a row that Marmaduke has basically been about dogs peeing on the Christmas tree. At this point, my scorn and horror have given way to a kind of puzzled curiosity — how many more consecutive comics will feature a lame joke about how that horrible dog isn’t even remotely housebroken? Will they ever actually show Marmaduke lifting a leg on the tree, or will they just keep talking about it? Is this some kind of fetish being serviced here?

    Mary Worth: Well, it looks like we’ll finally see what it looks like when Mary Worth dumps a boyfriend. Based on how everything else gets done in this comic strip, I’m guessing the best adjective to describe it will be “anticlimactically.”

    TDIET: What the — hey, isn’t this basically an echo of Mountain Mama’s TDIET submission from last month? Right down to the expletives and the kung-fu doorbell-kicking action? SCANDALOUS.

  219. Trilobite
    December 5th, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    #218 — Oh, cripes. “Anticlimatic,” not “anticlimactically.” The first is an adjective and is what I meant to type, the second is an adverb and is just me being a doofus.

  220. Mibbitmaker
    December 5th, 2007 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    Wednesday comics, anyone?

    Classic Peanuts 1994: Et tu, Sparky?

    S-M: Uh oh, I sense another insecure, jealous male chauvinism coming on from Petey…

    FW: “Marvel? Don’t come around here again, Mopey Pete, until you’re a self-published indy creator, or at least do alternatives for Fantagraphics, Oni, NBM, or something like that, got it?”

    FW: “Marvel, eh? Can you tell me how come their Spider-Man comic strip is so lame? Stan hiring 5-year-old writers or something?…”

    FW: “Well, anyone workin’ at the place that spawned Howard the Duck (the good, comic book version) and the first version of Crazy magazine is okay in my book!”

    FC:
    A for effort, Billy.
    “I thought ‘effort’ began with the letter e!”
    Don’t push it, Billy!

    GT: Wah, wah, waaaaaaaaah!

    BBailey: Omigod, it’s worse (better?) than we thought!

    S4th: Aw, c’mon, Sally! Ralph was on a roll!

    A3G: Rolling Stones music for panel 2, “Me & Baby Brother” by War for panel 3.

    Curtis: Well, after 3 panels of good, sober discussion, there’s nowhere to go but wacky!!

    GF: Well, Bucky, if you keep on acting like Frank Burns, you’re going to end up bunking with Hawkeye and Trapper.

    Drabble: It should happen to Archie Bunker.

    Garfield: Here’s where I get off of ’70s TV classics and move on over to “Ren & Stimpy”…

  221. Trilobite
    December 5th, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    #219 — “anticlimactic”, even. WHAT KIND OF A MONSTER AM I? DO I NOT SEE THE ‘PREVIEW’ BUTTON?

    In penance, I offer a comparison of today’s TDIET versus Mountain Mama’s TDIET from November. If you like, you can put them up in different windows and switch between them quickly to re-enact that scene from JFK. (“Kick forward…and purse to the right.”)

    Actually, the amazing thing here is that it really does look like he drew those comics entirely separately. The hands are in different places, the purse is in different places. I think Al Scaduto may really be the hardest workin’ man in comics today!

  222. Deena in OR
    December 5th, 2007 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    218- on 9CL. Wouldn’t he be even *more* likely to react like that if they weren’t having sex? Just a thought…

  223. Bill Wright
    December 5th, 2007 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    Oh, those silly Valley Tech boys and their pranks! They put Gil in a straight jacket!

  224. Trilobite
    December 5th, 2007 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    #222 Deena in OR — I thought about that, but then I realized that the only other men I’ve seen in the entire comic are either gay, dating her mom, or Thorax. And rather than contemplate the possibility of more Thorax comics, I’m going with “Amos thinks his lustful thoughts can knock women up.”

  225. Bill Wright
    December 5th, 2007 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    FC – Yikes! Dolly has elephantitis!

  226. Freezair
    December 5th, 2007 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    Of the werewolf carol:

    This makes three occasions where I have actually laughed out loud–deep belly laughs, mind you–at Sally Forth.

    Incident One was where Sally was having a nightmare about her house being redesigned, thanks to a glut of “Trading Spaces” “Who needs a pantry when you can have three dozen mannequin hands nailed to the wall, each individually holding a can of food?”

    Incident Two was Hillary’s breathless ramble on why they should go to Hawaii for vacation: “And we can go surfing and learn the hula and pick up ancient tiki idols and get cursed and fight tarantulas in our beds and go to caves and meet Don Ho, whoever the heck Don Ho is…”

    “Has someone been watching the Brady Bunch marathons on TV Land again?”

    And now this. Three times are a charm, I suppose!

  227. Helena Handbasket
    December 5th, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh no, I hear the music swelling in the background, and I’m pretty sure we’re going to be treated to Mary’s paraphrased rendition of, “Give Yourself to Love” tomorrow. It will undoubtedly go something like, “Let me tell you something, Jeff, we always have room for more love in our lives,” or maybe, “taking care of Chester has shown me how important love is.”

    Although the set-up is perfect, I very much doubt we’ll get, “You ran off to Vietnam to take care of your little orphans, or lepers, or whatever the hell it was, so don’t get on my case about adopting a dog,” or, “I’ll always make room to meddle, no matter how many commitments I take on,” or even, “Chester has shown me what real love is.”

    Hey, at least we’re not over in Apartment 3G, where Mr. Narration Box would be saying, “Mary tells Jeff what’s on her mind.”

  228. Crazy Eskimo
    December 5th, 2007 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    I’m not sure why everyone is so upset about FooB. After all, Lynn is just establishing that, no matter what else happens in the FooBiverse, that Francie will continue the tradition of Patterson women marrying dull, bland, safe, father-resembling, temporarily mustached men that their mothers have picked out for them.

    Oh, wait, I see what you’re upset about now.

  229. Mr. O'Malley
    December 5th, 2007 at 3:34 am [Reply]

    177. Moon, don’t let your son listen to any more George Carlin.

    There was once a children’s culture, handed down for hundreds of years from child to child, without any interference from adults. Things like hopscotch and jump-rope rhymes and fold-up paper fortune predictors and how to see the face of the person you’re going to marry on Hallowe’en.

    Children’s culture was recorded and studied by anthropologists starting around fifty years ago, a lucky thing because I think it’s almost extinct. Like many another culture handed down orally for hundreds of years.

    Most children today are not allowed unsupervised play together. Instead they get hauled around to figure skating lessons and sports leagues run by adults.

    When they get old enough to be out on their own, in this neighborhood they either devote themselves to mastering skateboard tricks or form death metal bands. Both of which demonstrate a certain amount of creativity and perseverance, traits which adults frequently claim are lacked by today’s youth.

    I must confess I missed out on a lot of children’s culture myself, because by the time I was ten I had lived in 3 different countries, so it kept changing before I had really mastered it. So instead I read a lot of books. My mother worked in university libraries, and she used to take me in with her. I acquired my love of comics by reading the big bound copies of old newspapers.

  230. browns fan
    December 5th, 2007 at 4:26 am [Reply]

    #203- there are a lot of things we did in school that could be seem as pointless- but at that age, you don’t know what may stimulate you toward something life long- for instance, I thought it was dumb that we analyzed poetry in a Literature of Antiquity class( Mrs. Cizmar in Akron, are you out there?), but the techniques I learned i use to this day in analyzing what people really mean when i read what they write on an everyday basis in the business that I run. How does anyone running a school anywhere know what is going to be “pointless” or otherwise for anyone?

    #210- This is why I brought up all of the lifelong activities that should or could be taught in gym class, which may have helped #203 above. Martial arts, dancing, boxing, weightlifting, even teaching different kinds of stretching exercises.

  231. Anonymous
    December 5th, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    What happened to Anthony’s facial hair? Much less.

  232. Girl Randolph
    December 5th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    92 – Les

    Thanks for that. I never have the guts to butt in with stuff like that. Besides, there’s no reason to attribute Anthony’s sick obsession with Liz and his pathetic looks to being either gay or transgendered. He’s just a dofus with bad taste in decor and clothing and an unhealthy obsession with a girl he dated in highschool. He’s a passive agressive creep. Nothing about that says ‘transgendered’.

    Equating his assery with a whole group of people is just wrong, unless that group is the Patterson family. The sumptuous hair and lips of loveliness and shifting nose size and shape are all just signs he’s morphing into one a Patterson. Maybe it’s a viral thing.

    John will be so happy! Someone to play trains with… because I’m sure he’d never let Robin or Meredith touch them.

  233. Wili
    December 5th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    In an atemppt to put himself into the unkonwn murderer’s mind, Mark uses his finger as a fake moustache.

  234. John
    December 5th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    NNNGGHGGNGNGNNNGGGGH

    Well said.

  235. Senor Cardgage
    December 5th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Boy, personal responsibility sure is hilarious!

    I was going to complain about how Curtis wasn’t funny today, but then realized it rarely is.

    Way to be consistent, guys.

  236. Eric the Grate
    December 6th, 2007 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    Apprently for Elizabeth, “handling Francie” means cowering in the kitchen doing menial chores while Granthony’s spawn sits victorious in the living room. The cleaning supplies may keep the kitchen bright and shiny, but all the soap in the world won’t scrub off the shame that comes with Elizabeth’s quiet acceptance of her role as 2nd fiddle in the household of a passive-aggressive dork.

  237. Carly
    December 21st, 2007 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Bill Cosby and Nick Dallis both went to Temple. I’m starting to wonder if there’s a lot of gay sex going on around here that I don’t know about…

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