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Every dog in the world will have its day … TODAY

Slylock Fox, 5/29/12

Every once in a while, Slylock Fox offers a little glimpse of the moment when our safe, normal, H. sapiens-ruled world suddenly turned into an awful madhouse of anthropomorphized animals with their own views on criminal law. Look at the facial expression on that fellow in both these Six Difference scenes! Is that a man who’s thinking “My goodness, this is an unexpected but ultimately pleasant blast of cool water on a hot day”? No, not at all! He’s terrified. That face says, “Wait, has that dog learned to operate a hose? Is he standing on his hind legs? Oh my God, he has thumbs. Thumbs. He’s laughing at me. Laughing! Oh God, this is it! I knew I should have sent a check when the Humane Society mailed me those address labels, I knew it! I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY! I KNEW MY MOM WASN’T REALLY SENDING OUR DOG TO A ‘FARM UPSTATE,’ BUT I NEVER SAID ANYTHING! I SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING! OH, GOD, I’M SO SORRY!”

Luann, 5/29/12

You know, there was a time where I might have claimed that Knute and Crystal were my favorite Luann characters — not, of course, because of any virtues of their own, but because they were presented as a radical alternative to their fellow Pitts High students, and therefore were kind of likable by default, in a “the enemy of my enemy” sort of way. But now they’ve become just like all their fellow damned Luanniverse souls, in that their primary mode of interaction involves gross faux-titillating banter. At least today’s “Heh, I sure would like to get naked with you in the menswear section of this department store” episode is significantly more tolerable than “I wanna hear you pee.”

Judge Parker, 5/29/12

Speaking of faux-sexual antics, the seduction of Sam Driver is now in full swing, with Avery and Peaches gamely trying to prove that even fly fishing can be eroticized, if you try hard enough.

259 responses to “Every dog in the world will have its day … TODAY”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    FC — Ha ha… Dolly can’t see because Billy’s melonhead is blocking the light!

    Pluggers — Today’s revelation: those “Choose Life” license plates on Plugger vehicles have absolutely nothing to do with the manimals expressing an opinion about abortion. The plates are all about their preference for eating bowl after bowl of artery-clogging sugary-sweet cereal.

  2. Dartpaw86
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    So the animals of the planet have evolved to become humanoid enough to either “live amongside the humans in peace” or “start a war and overthrow the human race”
    Either way it’s a furry’s wetdream.

  3. Pozzo
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    I love a mall whose name tells it like it is. From here, they go and have lunch at “Incipient Obesity Burger.”

  4. Hogenmogen
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Doesn’t Knute need something to try on before he removes his clothes?

  5. UncleJeff
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    JP: Taken alone, the 2nd panel just might be misconstrued by some dirty-minded person as Sam Driver fondling a dangerous-looking sex toy.
    Not me. Just some other people might see it that way.

  6. Mumblix Grumph
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    You think Judge Parker is eroticized today? Look at the “wet p*ssy” reference they slipped into Slylock Fox!

  7. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    JP-Sam does seem to have a strong backbone. I’m sure he will be able to handle Peaches very well.

    MW-If we had any other dvds I would be watching those as well.

  8. Dennis Jimenez
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Slylock – Humm – what to say? I’m glad Hershel Bernardi finally got another gig….

    Luann – I can tell by the crammed parking lot that the Squander Mall is the place to be – perfect for Knute….

    JP – I got you nymph rig right here….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  9. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Hell, Blondie was doing sexual innuendo years before Judge Parker came along. Like the time Dagwood pulled a DINGO:

    http://www.brendanmckillip.com/uploaded_images/BlondiePlayingCard-792638.jpg

    (The ham-bone is standing in for a half-seated turkey leg!)

  10. Hogenmogen
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    SlyFox: Homo Sapiens has invented ten thousand varieties of deadly weapons. Dogs have learned to use the garden hose. My money is on the human.

    Maybe the cat will be smart enough to bend the hose to restrict the flow of water, bringing an unexpected end to the planned global canine uprising.

  11. Hogenmogen
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    SM: “No one will laugh after I’m done with them tonight!” What are you going to do? Start writing for Beetle Bailey?

  12. Chareth Cutestory
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: I just went through a bit of the Judge Parker backlog trying to figure out why they are still on Avery’s jet. I guess that we’re left to infer that after Sam agreed to the trip and they just took off to go fly fishing? Whatever the case, I’d much rather entertain the notion that Avery Blackstone is forever living in his jet–possibly to dodge taxes, possibly because of germophobia, possibly a combo of the two. Later on, we’ll get to see Avery fly fishing while hanging out the side of the jet in his own version of helicopter wolf hunting.

  13. Hogenmogen
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    JP: I want to be so rich that I can afford a sexy personal assistant to handle my pole.

    And I don’t even fish.

  14. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#8): Hershel Bernardi, my ass — that’s actor Herb Edelman! (“Stan Zbornak” from The Golden Girls)

  15. Mibbitmaker
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    SFx: “It’s a MADHOUSE!! A MADHOUUUUUUUUSE!!!”

    JP: That rod is his penis.[/Ralph Wiggum]

    FW: Well, they can’t all be Luke Girardi.

    Marvin: He only has one single task in life….

    MW: “If that’s what it takes to get all the subtle, hidden jokes and references in each Arrested Development episode, then yes, dad.”

    Ziggy:
    Strip intent: Duuh, TV is duuuhmb!
    My prefered take: Idiotic “reality” shows, especially on TrueTV.

    Luann:
    Knute: “Kinky!”
    Crystal: “Not in this comic strip, Knute!”

  16. Sharktattoo
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Until I saw Judge Parker, I never thought fly fishing could be that interesting. After seeing Judge Parker, I still don’t think fly fishing could be that interesting.

    Although I am mildly turned on.

  17. S. Stout
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Luann: Everyone’s favorite character is Dirk. Evans got rid of him because people liked him too much.

    Skylock: Animals are finally realizing that if people like Count Weirdly only stay in jail overnight for attempted murder, then they can spray humans with water with no repercussions.

  18. Mibbitmaker
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is up!

    It can still be fun making multiple references if they’re not themed to the strip, right? Unless the new tough girl represents the FOX network c. 2005….

  19. Chareth Cutestory
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: The only thing I found while trying to spot the differences here is that Slylock Fox has a Facebook page. It looks amazingly agreeable with the Facebook timeline layout!

  20. Flonatin of Bologna
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    H&L: Ha ha! It’s funny because Thirsty is crippled by alcoholism!

    Lockhorns: Ha ha! It’s funny because Leroy is crippled by alcoholism!

  21. Nekrotzar
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    I am now wondering, if the only two malls in town were the Squander Mall and the Blessem Mall, which would be more likely to have a Cinnabon?

  22. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I have to see her, Fred, but . . . Margo said I couldn’t. And if I defy Margo, Margo will be angry. And you don’t want to see Margo when she’s angry. Oh, Fred, I’m so frightened; hold me!”

    MW: My students are, overall, pretty affluent, and yet I don’t know of any who plan to spend the summer just lying around doing nothing—or even plan to spend the summer going to the beach. They work, they get internships, they take classes—but no matter what, they have plans.

    Dawn’s lack of motivation and initiative probably goes a long way in explaining why she’s still a 27-year-old sophomore.

    SM: I was going to mock Hardy Laurel, but then I realized that if he wanted to fulfill his dream of being a clown in a total circus, choosing MJ’s Broadway play was an honest mistake.

    MT: No giant, thrashing, talking fish? No boldfaced interrogative pronouns? If it weren’t for Mark voicing his every thought, this might as well be Mary Worth, “Dial M for Murder Meddle.”

  23. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Spider-Meh — That first clown looks like “Littleface Finney” from Dick Tracy.

    (What are the odds of Baka Gaijin following this storyline through to the end?)

  24. Doctor Handsome
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    After a week or so of strips listing all the specs of Sam’s new fishing rod, I fully expect to learn secondhand that a recurring character has died off-panel in the meantime. Details will be sketchy at best.

  25. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Bullet bras, phallic rods, something called a “nymph rig”…props to Judge Parker for bringing old-school porn to the comics page. I sure hope somebody naughty gets spanked soon. I honestly don’t care who.

  26. word-doctor
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    JP: “Eroticized”? Ain’t no “ized” to it. Mary Worth could be holding that reel and it would be hot.

    Wait, scratch that. That’s just stupid. Sorry.

  27. Marc
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail- Mark’s mode of transportation is regressing at a rapid rate. He took a car out to see Tommy and his blind dog. Then he got in his all green motor boat to go look for Ranger Tom Martin. Now he’s paddling an all green canoe out to interrogate that dastardly, nicotine addicted pilot Mike Harris.

    Mary Worth- So I take it Dawn does not own any non purple articles of clothing. It also looks like she has a great view of that computer monitor from her bright orange 1970′s couch that is the exact shade as the hair on the top of her head.

    Luann- First off Knute, I found a black unitard exactly like mine in your size. Then we will dye your hair jet black and then I will teach you how to apply exactly 2.3 lbs of makeup every day. I fill you up with so much existential angst it’ll make your head spin.

    Funky- Cory Winkerbean is doing his best B-wad Degroot pig face impression.

    9CL- Maybe I’ve been looking at this the wrong way. Now bear with me and not to defend Amos in any way, but no wonder he bought that ring. Edda’s psychobitch mother offered to have him killed or at least walked to the altar with a shotgun jammed in his back and her gay roomate pulled a wedding dress out of the closet and threatened them if they didn’t get married. For a spineless dweeb like Amos, maybe he figured that this was the best method for self preservation. Either that or he’s just an idiot and actually wants to be apart of the batshit crazy Burber clan.

    A3G- Am I the only one who sees more of a resemblance between Nina’s father and Scott then Nina’s father and his daughter?

  28. Dennis Jimenez
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @Nekrotzar (#21): I’m almost catatonic – how about Gran Mall….

  29. Doctor Handsome
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    “OK, Knute, now punch yourself in the face. Oh, wow. You did that incredibly hard. This is shaping up to be a really fun day.”

  30. Dennis Jimenez
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    @The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE (#25): We need still more dirty talk – is that nymph rod sensitive? Will I feel it when I get a nibble?

  31. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    SBp: took me a second to get the joke, but I semi-giggled.

    Bizarro: art joke fail.

    Lockhorns: no meetings!

    MG&G: guest writer, commodorejohn?

    *sigh* snark is low today.

  32. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . serial monogamy?

  33. Doctor Handsome
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    I think the dog is some kind of reverse werewolf who turns into a monstrous humanlike creature when the misty fog parts to reveal the full sun.

  34. Santa Royale With Cheese
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    JP: “Hey, Peaches knows from rods, Avery! She’s what you call a ‘nympho’.”

  35. Dood
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Sam can definitely handle a weighted nymph rig. He married Abbey didn’t he?

  36. teenchy
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#27): <i.Either that or he’s just an idiot and actually wants to be apart of the batshit crazy Burber clan.

    I think one of the tenets of the 9CLiverse is that there is no more powerful force in the 9CLiverse than the Burber/Ernst woman’s sex drive.

  37. teenchy
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @teenchy (#36): oops, bad close HTML code.

  38. Dood
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: You know, I could’ve sworn that reel was a Hardy Laurel.

  39. Santa Royale With Cheese
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    JP: At this point (yes, now) I’m really wondering who the demographic for this strip is, outside of Los Mudges. I get it that it’s supposed to be escapist richy-rich fantasy, but really, it’s like having “Dynasty” served up 3 sentences per day. I wonder if someone is lounging around in a villa somewhere saying, “Jeeves, read me today’s Judge Parker if you’d be so kind.”

  40. TheDiva
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Luann: I somehow missed out on the “obsessive shopping” gene that newspaper comics seem to think is the heritage of all women everywhere, but I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to go into the changing room before you strip to your underclothes. Is Crystal trying to trick Knute into indulging her exhibition fetish?

    SFx: The human civil rights protests take a nasty turn.

    A3G: “Oh my poor darling! If I were capable of showing an expression I would cry!”

    C’shaft: Sorry, folks, Crankshaft’s alive. Put the champagne away for now.

    FW: “Why, there are universes where they have jokes not based on smug superiority and lame wordplay! Universes where there are glimmers of happiness and joy! Universes where gay kids have names! The possibilities are endless!”

    MT: “Which naturally means he lives in a plane.”

    MW: “If it means not talking to you, yes.”

    Pluggers have no imagination.

    SM: Remember “Clooney the Clown,” the Shel Silverstein poem about a clown who could never make anybody laugh, so he told people how miserable he was only to find he made them laugh when he did? That poem depressed the Hell out of me as a kid. I’m not surprised Clooney turned to supervillainy.

  41. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

  42. flatsixes
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    MT: The Widow Chavez’s alleged paramour is “a local bush pilot?” Yanno, if I didn’t know better I might think that ol’ Jack is just trying to slip one past the kiddies.

  43. Holly Folly
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    I would like to think that poor unsuspecting person getting blasted by the hose has stumbled upon the only place in his suburban little life where animals stand upright and wield hoses. Like this is some sort of weird suburaban vortex of crazy localized to one nicely manicured lawn. Later when he babbles out his story to the police, his girlfriend and anyone else that will listen, they will return, only to find a normal yard, with a normal dog barking at them, and a normal cat asleep on the window sill because the Slylock vortex will have moved on.

  44. debussy fields
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    MW– “Are you going to spend your entire summer vacation THIS way, or THAT way?”

  45. terrapin
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @flatsixes (#42): Tune in tomorrow when the “local bush pilot” enters his “cockpit”.

  46. Baka Gaijin
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    NOTE TO NEWSPAPER PUBLISHERS: When your customers have been fleeing your product in droves, don’t scare off the rest by RUNNING COMIC STRIPS ABOUT EVILSCARYCLOWNS!!!

  47. KimberlyRose
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    9CL – Will someone PLEASE tell Brooke that his attempts at making charming and sweet just make her look manipulative and moronic?

  48. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Luann-And this is why Knute is no longer allowed in the children’s department.

  49. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-I shall dress like a clown and call myself “The Joker”.

  50. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Blondie — Kids today… amirite?

    B.C. & Snuffy Smith — Astrology is da bunk. (But still good for a yuk or two!)

  51. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Dogs of C-Kennel — Not safe for HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!

  52. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Garfield — Squirrels in the attic!

    Gasoline Alley — Bats in the belfry!

  53. MySpoonIsTooBig
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    So my boyfriend is a Plugger now? Ew.

  54. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    The Lockhorns-It’s a nicer way of calling him an alcoholic.

  55. Braniff
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#46): Editors, if you’re concerned about lo$ing revenue and reader$, eliminate the comic$ altogether!

  56. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Pluggers-That is the only life Pluggers have.

  57. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Funky CankersoreThe teacher makes a joke at Cory’s expense. One character makes a joke at the expense of another.

  58. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    FW – Why, there are probably alternate universes in which a gay couple just attended the Westview Prom! Not this one, however. In this universe, no gay kids were ever seen actually attending, and no discussion of whether they should attend ever took place. Now let us never speak of it again.

    @KimberlyRose (#47):

    At least today’s strip is in character. She bursts into the room full of her over-inflated drama, then is immediately distracted by a single off-hand reference to her “feminine wiles”. Call her pretty and hand her something sparkly to gaze upon and she will be good for the rest of the day. It’s in character, just not endearing to us beefwits who are unused to artistic temperments such as hers.

  59. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    MW-I would spend my entire summer in bed but I would need someone else with me and you don’t want to do it.

  60. Cloudbuster
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Luann: Over at gocomics.com, the home of non-ironic Luann fans, someone had the temerity to call Crystal “hot.” Amid the outraged cries of “She’s 16! That’s creepy!” “It’s a comic strip …. gross!” (As if it’s impossible to depict an erotic cartoon figure. Jessica Rabbit wants a word with those people.) It occurred to me to ask myself, “Self, how would Evans draw Crystal differently if she was 21, or 30 or 45?”

    Crystal has a moderately exaggerated figure, prominent breasts and behind, preposterously full dark lips and is always shown with heavy eye makeup. At 16. As I try to age that appearance within the bounds of Evans’ artwork … I … I got nothin’. If I’d never heard of Luann and you showed me a drawing of Crystal out of context and told me the character was 45, I’d say “Yeah, sure, I can see that.”

  61. La Cieca
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    MW – You’re right. I really should spring for the Blu-Ray. With deleted scenes, commentary and “making of” featurettes, I should be able to stay here on the couch hugging a throw pillow until Thanksgiving at least.

  62. Illustrator Steve
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    MT – It’s expected in all Mark Trail adventures to see him snooping around by himself and taking matters into his own hands. But in today’s strip, seeing that seaplane tied to the dock reminded me of another story where someone got in a heap of trouble while snooping around by themself without any backup. It was that creepy movie, “Wicker Man”, with Nicholas Gage. If Mark’s snooping around is headed the same direction as wicker man, I can’t help but wonder if the ever-emotionless Mark Trail would even FEEL anything when the Goddess Chavez has her brainwashed thugs break both his legs before hoisting him up as a sacrifice to their wicker God, which they hold annually at the community bonfire in their area. If so, WHERE can I purchase a ticket for a front row seat to watch the festivities!

  63. Ian Beste
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#60): I suspect every American high school had at least one “boom chicka wow wow” female student in each year that would make adults squint and try to figure out if she was 18 yet or not. In my h.s. graduating class it was a tall redhead with a set out to [gestures] here. One day a male substitute teacher did a sit-commy double take when she walked into class, much to the amusement of all of us guys.

  64. queek
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

  65. Not Just any Dipstick
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#28): Or Petit Mal(those small or brain damaged), Hangem Mall (judges), Kissem Mall (dirty old men), Faroukem Mall (middle east), there is no Mall.

  66. Jim North
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    A3G: Most awkward, stilted dialogue between two rich white guys ever.

    Crank: In a normal comic strip, my first reaction would be “Oh ho, they have made a jape about how destructive [main character]‘s cooking skills are by indicating that the ER is also worried about the fact that no one has called in with injuries! Oh ho!” But this is a Funkyverse comic strip, and therefore my first reaction is naturally, “Someone has cancer, and they are dying of the cancer, and the emergency room has called the family to let everyone know that this person that they care deeply for is dying of cancer.” I await tomorrow’s strip to fully bear this expectation out.

    Curtis: Other benefits of being poor include but are not limited to: difficulty paying rent, disruption of utilities service, mild to severe starvation, and the inability to afford the finer things in life, such as shoes or medical care.

    H&L: Simpsons did it.

    JP: I know that’s supposed to be a reel in Peaches’ hand in the final panel, but . . . does it look to anyone else like she’s holding up the innards of a hard drive? Seriously.

    Jumble: Way to work those donuts, soldier!

    Luann: Homina homina. My personal little Cyrstal-Appreciation-a-thon is off to a rousing start. Don’t mind the drool stains, folks. I’m just inappropriately lusting after a fictional teenage girl in a comic strip I otherwise hate with a burning passion, that’s all.

    MT: Man, in the second panel you can almost see Mark mentally reviewing an episode of Murder, She Wrote that somebody told him about a few years ago!

    MW: Dawn just keeps rewinding and rewatching all the parts with Peter Dinklage in them. And why not, sez I? He’s a hot little hunka man.

  67. Droopy Says
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: A Plugger’s life is an endless series of meals. Eat, do something, eat again. Eat to be sociable, to avoid boredom, to clear out space in the kitchen. Talk about eating and trade recipes. Plan your trips around places to eat. Persuade yourself that one more helping won’t hurt. Pluggers are what hobbits would be, if hobbits had evolved in Mordor.

  68. Jim North
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @queek (#64): Aw hells yeah. :D

  69. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Nice “plug” for Life cereal, heh heh. I could never stand the stuff myself, the existential symbology was too depressing:

    There were bugs in my Life
    So I threw out the box,
    But I’m more than content
    With bagels and lox.

    Life is sweet.
    But may get soggy.
    (Save a life,
    Adopt a moggie.)

    My box of Life is almost gone,
    Nought remains but dust,
    I was once a full sized statue
    And now I’m but a bust.

    Life isn’t beer and skittles
    It’s sugar and whole grain oats.
    Like many other victuals,
    Until it sinks, it floats.

  70. bbofun
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#14): and Dennis Jimenez (don’t know how to do the “double reply”) (although I bet Peaches does!)- Hey, now, kids, no need to fight- you’re both right! It’s Herschel Bernardi AND Herb Edelman! It’s two! Two! Two balding Jewish character men in one!

  71. word-doctor
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#60):

    Just think “barfly”.

  72. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#7):
    Peaches and cream – oh God, why are the comics tapping our filthy mind-parts today?

  73. Cloudbuster
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @queek (#64): Ah, the bittersweet charms of the lovely Fairuza! :)

  74. Cloudbuster
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Sharktattoo (#16): The problem with fly fishing is that it’s very active — you have to keep dancing the damn fly on and off the water. It ruins the primary purpose of fishing, which is to lounge by the water with a cooler of beer!

  75. Jim North
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#72): We have other kinds of mind-parts?

  76. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    Forgive me, Mudgeons, for I have sinned.
    I went back to the retro shop in Littleton yesterday and purchased the 8 Ziggy drinking glasses from 1977, all in perfect condition, except he still has no lowerwear.
    *slinks away in total shame*
    : )

  77. bats :[
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#76): whoohoo! Party at Calico’s house!

  78. Shrug
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#62):

    It would make a GOOD story!

  79. Cloudbuster
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#72): With today’s JP, there’s no way it’s accidental. “Very nice” rods simultaneously gripped by a man and a lovely female that have “lots of backbone, can handle a weighted nymph…”, lovingly cradled testicular symbols “hardy perfect … ready to go”. Wilson & Manley are totally screwing with the censors.

  80. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#3): I love a mall whose name tells it like it is. From here, they go and have lunch at “Incipient Obesity Burger.”

    There is a chain called “Fatburger”, mostly in California. Pretty good, by Grabthar’s Hammer! And of course the famous Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas, with its famous “Quadruple Bypass Burger with 8,000 calories… four half-pound beef patties, eight slices of American cheese, a whole tomato and half an onion served in a bun coated with lard.”

    I don’t know why they’d mess up something as perfect as that with tomato and onion. If I want a salad, I’ll order a salad, dammit.

  81. Illustrator Steve
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    MT – While watching the new TV series about the Hatfields and McCoys last evening, I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like if Mark Trail went snooping around that area while trying to find Mike Harris.

    Maybe something like this…..
    “HALT! WHO goes there, stranger?”

    “I am Mark Trail, avid environmentalist and unlicenced private investigator. I am looking for a man who goes by the name of Mike Harris. Have you seen him?”

    “Mike Harris? NEVER HEARD OF HIM! Sounds like some Yankee SPY if yer-a askin’ me!”

    “No, Mister Hatfield, he’s a BUSH pilot!”

    “BUSH pilot, hell! I’ll show ya a BUSH pilot! Now, GIT! if-in ya knows whats a-good fer ya!”

    “Mister Hatfield, I always get my way and can trespass anywhere I choose to snoop around. How about I come inside you family’s cabin to discuss this matter further? Besides, if nothing else, I sure would like some of those fresh pancakes I can smell your sexy-hot wife is cooking!”

    “Damn fool! Can’t take NO fer an answer, can ya?”

    (Meanwhile, over at the McCoy cabin):
    “Hey Paw! I hear tell the Hatfields got some SPY over at their place name of Mark Trail. Says he’s a-lookin fer your cousin, Mike Harris! He’s spreading rumors about Mike! Says Mike chewing gum and litters! Oh yeah, he also says Mike killed Al Chavis with Gene Johnson’s hunting rifle!”

    “That damn Trail, I warned him about snoopin around our area! *sigh* Get my squirrel gun, son. Looks like I gotta go over to that Hatfield cabin and do some shootin’ again. But this time, Mister Hatfield ‘n me will a-both be-a shooting at the SAME target! This will be a fun trip!”

  82. Cloudbuster
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    JP: Oh man, I just realized Peaches is due for a costume change into her “fishing outfit.” I predict it will be epic!

  83. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#75):
    Hahahaha!
    I’ll make another confession, then.
    At my hotel room Fri. night I was kind of bored after dinner (no school activities until Sat. AM graduation) so I watched a couple of pR0n movies.
    The first was kind of cute as there was a real plot, a love story that formed in an office setting (it’s called “Office Encounters”), and the biz owner who wasn’t involved in any of the escapades was really funny in a dry pithy way, but the second was just kind of icky and boring with no real continuity (Milf porn). It takes all kinds, I guess.

  84. Cloudbuster
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    MT: It’s fun watching Mark taint every piece of evidence he finds and give helpful warnings to every potential suspect besides Gene. When are we going to learn Mark’s motive for wanting Gene out of the way?

  85. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#77):
    Ketchup wine and pink slime sammiches for all!

  86. Cloudbuster
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#76): They’re probably those novelty glasses. When you put an ice cold drink in them, pants appear on Ziggy.

  87. Dennis Jimenez
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#85): All the kids in the neighborhood;
    Say pink slime sammys are pretty-good….

  88. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#84):
    Taint every piece of evidence – isn’t that Peaches’ job?

  89. Bill Peschel
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#58): I would find Edda easier to bear if she actually displayed an artistic temperament. Until then, she’s just a crazy bee-yotch.

  90. Bill Peschel
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#70): Throw in Jeffrey Tambor and you’ve got a whole lotta awesome in one character.

  91. Hogenmogen
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    I’d love to see her, but with the scenery changing every panel, how will I get to her door before it changes into a lamp, a picture or your porn closet?

  92. TheDiva
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#80): Ah, Fatburger. We used to have them here in Colorado, and they were great for my occasional burger-and-onion-rings indulgences. Then the state locations split off from the Fatburger franchise and renamed themselves Epic Grill, probably because they felt calling yourself “Fatburger” in a state full of health freaks was just asking for it. In any event it didn’t work out–the Epic Grills were all gone a few months later. Oh well, there’s always Five Guys or Cheeburger Cheeburger for when I’m in a “screw the nutritional information, it just tastes good” mood.

  93. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#60): By the time she turns 45, Crystal will be married to a man she despises, and with zero children (she doesn’t want to ruin her figure). After she fires a bullet into her husband’s head (at close range), Elizabeth “Crystal” Chavez becomes the #1 suspect in a Mark Trail WHODUNIT.

    And Knute grows up to be “local bush pilot” Mike Harris!

  94. Government Cheese
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    MW: “What? You don’t want to eat sandwiches with me on the beach and watch me get my tan. I need someone to shave my back so you best be coming!”

    I’m assuming that watching the Game of Thrones DVD over and over again is the perfect elixir for the breakup blues. Wilbur clearly is unaware of all the nudity (e.g. balls and boobs jiggling) that Dawn apparently likes to watch again, again and again.

  95. Hogenmogen
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Mork Trail: Nanu-nanu! Are you Mike Harris?

    Mike Harris: What the hell? You’re paddling a giant egg!

    Mork: Did you drop this gum wrapper at the murder site, Eathling?

    Mike Harris: Don’t know nothin’ about no murder. Good bye, ya weirdo, I got some bushes to fly. (takes off in plane)

    Mork: Shazbot!

    Mike Harris (looks out window at giant flying egg following him) WHAT TH’??

  96. Horace Broon
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Hardy makes a desperate attempt to get full supervillain melodrama out of “They dared not to laugh at me”, and does even worse than you’d expect.

    S4: I am now officially looking forward to the story in which Hil develops her sinister mind-control powers.

    RMMD: Wait, this is the middle of Sunday’s strip in reverse order. Time is going backwards!

  97. gnome de blog
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    If Dawn has been watching that DVD over and over for days, why are there no empty vodka bottles scattered around?

  98. gnome de blog
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Avery and Peaches seem more interested in fishing equipment than in actual fishing. I wonder what other kind of “equipment” they have in the back of that plane?

  99. Hogenmogen
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#60): It’s not creepy. I used to be 16. When I was, I was allowed to call her “hot”. Of course that was before the characters aged slightly and they were about 12, so that would have been creepy, according to the Evans-love-site.

    If Evans draws a sexual figure, calls it 16 years old and then chides everyone for seeing it as sexual, that’s disingenous. And creepy.

    “She’s mine! No one else can leer at my darling Crystal and precious Tiffany! Only me!” Creepy.

    Cloudbuster, do yourself a favor and stay off the non-ironic fan sites. They can only make you more nuts than reading the actual strip and wondering why any newspaper would bother with it.

  100. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    MT If Mike Harris is a bush pilot, then why is his plane in the water? Huh, huh? Solve that mystery, Mark Trail!

    @Marc (#27): Mary Worth- So I take it Dawn does not own any non purple articles of clothing.

    Or she’s just wearing the same outfit day after day. Grief, you know. Not sure what Wilbur’s excuse is.

  101. commodorejohn
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Buckles – Ah, the Intellivision, the weirdest thing ever to be based on the PDP-11 architecture. (Seriously, what the hell? At least TI’s putting a minicomputer CPU in their home computer made some kind of sense, or would’ve if they hadn’t botched it, but a game console?)

    FW – There might even be parallel universes that aren’t utter shitholes! Nah, the whole Funky multiverse is probably exactly like this. Does string theory explain conservation of misery?

    Garfield – Nice of them to use a different line weight on the parts that weren’t pasted in from the Paws, Inc. clip-art files. It’s a great object lesson in copy/paste, for the kiddies!

    GT – Gil Thorp: still a better unexpected-pregnancy storyline than 9 Chickweed Lane.

    HN – Wow, this strip turned into mid-level supervillainy so suddenly, I hardly even noticed.

    JP – Ohh, Peaches. I’d fish your fly any day.

    Luann – Why do I continue to be shocked and dismayed when a thoroughly loathsome Luann storyline breaks and the interlude is a thoroughly gross Luann storyline? Shouldn’t I expect this by now?

    Mandrake – Wait, what? Is he planning to beat himself up now?

    MT – So, Lost Forest is in Georgia, but it’s adjacent to the Boundary Waters? Or is the entire Mark Trail universe just varying degrees of temperate conifer forest? The only actual city I can recall is the one where Sad Girl got her Medicinal Puppy…

    MW – You know, I think Dawn really just exists to make it clear that there is someone more pathetic than Wilbur.

    MG&G – Oh, they’re basically the same thing. They’re both vapid and aimless, and there’s always a chance they’ll flash, crash, boom, and pour down the storm drain never to be seen again.

    Pluggers – Pluggers don’t understand that cinnamon Life is twelve times more awesome. Sucks to be them.

    Popeye – Okay, Popeye, what did you hear in place of “heiress?”

    SM – Look, if you wanted to make people laugh, it would’ve been a better idea to not sign onto the hideously unfunny “comedies” that MJ’s playhouse puts on. Just sayin’.

  102. ScienceGiant
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail + SNL’s “Tales of Ribaldry” = Judge Parker

  103. Hogenmogen
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    String theory is a highly contriversial, entirely theoretical, very complicated sub-niche of physics. No way is it part of a high school cirriculum. In some alternate Universe, physics teachers don’t all comically dress up like Einstien, they actually dress just like everyone else. Like psycho-killers do in this Universe.

  104. Hogenmogen
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: No, Dad, I’m not going to watch Game of Thrones all summer. Watching a season of gathering evil is just the beginning of my decent into madness. I’ll begin to binge eat around Thursday, by Friday I plan to alternately laugh maniacally and sob unconsolably. Over the weekend, I’ll toss around some veiled references to suicide. Next week, I start writing a proposed screenplay for Funky Winkerbean: The Movie.

  105. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#103): …physics teachers don’t all comically dress up like Einstein…

    I guess that’s so we’ll know he is the SCIENCE teacher. He’s wearing a lab coat, so he must be the SCIENCE teacher. Yes, the lab coat that you wear in the lab for protection but not anywhere else, like the classroom or the cafeteria, so you won’t inadvertantly spread biological or chemical hazards.

  106. sporknpork
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Seventh difference! In the first panel, the man fears for his life. In the second panel, he already knows he’s dead.

  107. geekwhisperer
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    MT- I think the fact that Mark is now paddling a canoe is supposed to highlight the fundamental difference between himself and Bush Pilot Mike Harris. While Bush Pilot Mike Harris tears through heaven in his aviation technology, a clear affront to the Natural order, Mark paddles a tens-of-thousands year old conveyance in harmony with it.

  108. Marc
    May 29th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#93): Knute had to change his name in order to get that Bush pilot job. Requirement number 1 for anyone moving into the Lost Forest is that you must take the most generic name available. That’s probably why Al Chavez is dead. His name was too ethnic.

  109. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#79):
    And I’m enjoying every moment of it.
    “Testicular symbols”

  110. Chyron HR
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#103): That’s okay, Batiuk is just setting up a joke where Codyowen is forced to sheepishly admit that he doesn’t know what a “brane” is (INSERT SMIRK HERE).

    (For more information on Brane cosmology, see the fine documentary series Engine Sentai Go-Onger.)

  111. Chip Whittle
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#96):

    RMMD: Wait, this is the middle of Sunday’s strip in reverse order. Time is going backwards!

    Oh, you talk as if time could progress in any direction in the story strips.

  112. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#108): Y’know, I expect Knute to grow up to be just like his hero, Doonesbury’s Edgar “Zonker” Harris. But it’s also possible he’ll end up writing inspirational songs like Mark “Find Your Wings” Harris. Or he might become a murderous local bush pilot like Mike “Elizabeth Made Me Do It!” Harris.

    Or perhaps a mixture of all three.

  113. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    FW-And there is some alternate dimension somewhere where you aren’t teaching high schoolers graduate school level physics.

    MW-Jason said Mike was a local bush pilot but that looks like a sea plane and wasn’t I just on a river how did I get to the ocean.

  114. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Not Just any Dipstick (#65): What about “Darth Mall” on the planet Dathomir?

  115. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-And so begins the Planet of the Dogs where dogs walk men.

  116. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#92): If you are in Thornton sometime, try Grandpa’s Hamburger Haven. Burgers as wide as your head, and if you squeeze them they’ll drain enough grease to power a biodiesel car to the nearest hospital with a gallon to spare.

  117. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s JP, today!:

    “Did I say ‘nymph rig’? I misspoke. I meant to say, ‘Can you handle a nympho ring?’ It consists of Peaches and my other assistants, Cantaloupes, and Kumquats.”

    “Come with me, Mr. Driver, and I will show you how tightly I can pack a rod.”

    And, of course:

    “Mr. Driver, I’d love to demonstrate my master baiting techniques”

  118. seismic-2
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    MT: Today we see that Mark is slowly paddling a canoe by himself up to Mike Harris’s isolated cabin all alone in the deep woods, so that he can confront Mr. Harris, a once chain-smoking but now nervous, irritable killer who has framed someone else for his crime, a scheme that can be undone only by evidence that Mark alone has in his possession. And Mike Harris has of course already proven himself to be a deadly shot at long range, so a lone canoeist all exposed in the middle of the river would be an almost trivial target.

    This story arc is encouraging, so far!!!

    FW: This multiverse theory is disprovable. If it were true, then there would be universes where St. Lisa is still alive, and if that were the case, then there would be a hole in the space-time continuum that was ripped open when Les tore his way into them.

  119. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    JP: That’s not a fly rod, that’s a pussy willow.

    Go ahead. Make your own joke.

  120. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    JP – Strips like today’s take the worship of empty consumerism to new heights. Some days, huge sums of money fall into the laps of our protagonists, who accept them with a complete lack of emotion. Then there are days like today, or the weeks-long “free Mercedes SUVs – what color do you want?” arc, in which our heroes sit back and fondle themselves while a servant explains just how amazing these luxury consumer products, that only the 1% even know exist, truly are.

  121. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#41): Ah, I see you found my home in the ultra dimension.

  122. geekwhisperer
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Please, please, please let us be heading toward a JP/MT crossover! It’s a square-jawed asexual fish-off! Widow Chavez turns out to be an assassin and winds up in a shotgun duel with the unknowingly deadly Peaches! Air to air combat between Avery and Haig! Don’t deny me, old-school comics, I need this.

  123. Uncle Lumpy
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#80):

    “… four half-pound beef patties, eight slices of American cheese, a whole tomato and half an onion served in a bun coated with lard.”

    No bacon? Ripoff.

  124. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#46): Have you ever considered that newspaper publishers could be EVILSCARYCLOWNS?

  125. Fashion Police
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#103):
    You make a valid point. We are more interested that the science teacher is wearing a ketchup-colored shirt. English department head Mr. Moore’s shirts are mustard. Do the history teachers wear pickle relish?

    We would be disappointed indeed if there is a baby-blue shirt cadre, and the male faculty at Scapegoat High is organized like the starship Enterprise. Why would the women be exempt?

  126. The Ridger
    May 29th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#22): I was going to mock him, too. He always dreamed of being a circus clown, but he understudies a role in a Broadway comedy? But your argument has convinced me.

  127. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#115):
    COTW Nom

  128. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    JP: Here we see where showcase models go when The Price Is Right can no longer use them.

    MT: True to form, the local bush pilot is very interested in local bush. Week, waitress, veal.

    MW: Dawn is being lectured on making the most of life by her father. By Wilbur Weston. Not too surprising, then, that it looks like her head is about to split open.

    C-Shaft: The good people of the emergency room finally forge Crankshaft’s signature on a DNR form, and he doesn’t even show up.

    Archie: “Does your cat’s hair always float at exactly torso height? Is it only visible from the rear?”
    “Hey, you’re a crazy good guesser!”

    BC: Consider that lampshade hung.

    Baldo: Idi Amin must be rolling in his grave to know that his son is a common schoolteacher.

    GA: If Slim owned the goose that laid the golden eggs… He’d eat it? Shove it up his ass? This is Slim we’re talking about here.

    DT: Dick is lucky that his “the grownups are talking” dismissal isn’t more persuasive.

    A3G: “I need to see her Fred but… first I need some Dutch courage. What have you got in your liquor cabinet?”

    Blondie: “I’ll be the one in the blond samurai wig. (Ha, you and your dad think you have exclusive rights on goofy hair?)”

    S-M: “All my life I’ve wanted to be a circus clown who could make people laugh. So I went to Broadway, thinking it was the clown college in Sarasota, Florida. Ultimately, global warming is to blame.”

  129. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#80): I don’t know why they’d mess up something as perfect as that with tomato and onion. If I want a salad, I’ll order a salad, dammit.

    My grandmother would agree with that sentiment. Of course, being the daughter of a butcher, she’d say that they don’t use enough lard.

  130. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#125): That’s absurd. After all, who’d let Les on the bridge?

  131. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#92): It’s kinda cool that you have a burger joint whose name comes from the old SNL Olympia Restaurant skits. Cheeburger Cheeburger, Pepsi Pepsi!

  132. geekwhisperer
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#120): @seismic-2 (#118): This is a good point. If Harris is the killer, he’s already shot one boating guy in broad daylight. Premeditated, too. What’s he got to lose shooting Trail? He’s heading to the chair either way. Guess it was a bad week to try and give up smoking.

  133. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#128):

    “MT: True to form, the local bush pilot is very interested in local bush.”

    Yet, apparently, he has made the rookie mistake of thrashing around in the bush while completely ignoring the little man in the canoe.

    Next up: the dreaded shoulder tap!

  134. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#193):
    The “Autobiography of the Jeep”, a 9 min video “narrated” by a jeep, sez that the General Purpose name is why it is called a jeep. Whatever. I suppose the slang was a coincidence or the result of people saying something like:”Pronounce it like Jeep, like Eugene the Jeep.”

    Slanguage and branding can develop in ways that Count Weirdly would relish, I guess.
    Achoo! I need a kleenex!
    Branding Schmanding! The kind of computer I’m using is still considered a Personal Computer, but, it ain’t a PC!

  135. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#117):
    Sam:
    “As long as there’s no Carambola, we’re good to go!”

  136. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#122):
    Let’s see, Avery will “drown” a la Jerry Garcia’s father, and Peaches will be the culprit.

  137. Dennis Jimenez
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#113): Bush pilot…landing strip…Bikini Islands…I think I’m getting a pattern here….

  138. Phred22
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    JP: I can see blackmail pics a-coming, not of anything sexual, but of Sam having to wear a business suit in a trout stream.

  139. geekwhisperer
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    MT- If only Mike Harris had the will to give up smoking cold turkey. But instead of having internal fortitude he gave in to the allure of “smoking cessation technology”. And this will be his downfall, following his the corruption at the hands of Lady Chavez.

  140. Old School Allie Cat
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    MW – Any guess as to what movie she’s watching over and over? I’m hoping it’s something good, like Airplane (which truly doesn’t ever get old), or Eraserhead (disgusting, but at least it’s “deep”) – but realistically, she’s got crappy taste and has been watching Titanic over and over and over again. Don’t worry, Dawn, your heart will go on.

  141. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    “It’s a five-inch rod – in resting position!”
    : P

  142. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#139):

    Mmmmmmm, smoked cold turkey!!!

    Seriously, though. If you are going to quit something, the best way to do it is to – stop doing it. “I’m trying to cut down on my drinking!” Do you know anyone with a drinking problem who has been able to “cut down” without quitting? That’s the whole point of addiction – you are unable to limit your consumption the way a non-addict does, so it takes over your life. These gums and patches and pills just maintain the addictive substance in your bloodstream. That’s like announcing that you are quitting injecting heroin – from now on, I’m only going to free-base it!

  143. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#140):
    Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Genesis and really enjoy a lot of PC’s solo stuff, including this song, but WTF is this video (dedicated to Dawn Weston, bien sur):
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMSPPY10O2A&ob=av3e

  144. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#76): That may be a sin, but I can’t see how anyone could resist such temptation.

  145. TheDiva
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#131): They’re actually a chain, though not a large one–there’s only a few dozen locations in the country. If you happen to have one in your vicinity, or any vicinity you happen to be in, I highly recommend them: amazingly good burgers with a variety of free toppings to choose from, decent fries and rings, and an awesome create-you-own shake menu. And yes, they do serve Pepsi products (no Coke!).

  146. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#142):
    Unfortunately, that is why methadone clinics exist. : (

  147. geekwhisperer
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#142): It’s a good point for some addictions. Though there are some things that can’t just be “quit” (overeating comes to mind). And I know that there has been a lot of successful work with opiate addicts using Buprenorphine- “tapering” addicts off while blocking most of the high and cravings. A friend of mine’s dad had a stroke and he forgot that he smoked. Amazing! I would love to have a highly targeted micro stroke where the only effect was that I forgot the hideous Christmas Cacophony “Dominic the Donkey”.

  148. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#145):

    I only read the website address. I haven’t clicked the link but….
    Chee Burger. I get the play off of the word “Cheese”. But, Chee Burger?

    That sounds like a roll of the dice is in order. And, it could be great with no blame or it could be a really bad choice with much mis-fortune. Even if it isn’t a roll of the dice there is probably a need to toss some coin around.

  149. Marthas Rolling Pin
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE (#25): Thank you, thank you for the Google Ads related content triggered by your “Bullet bra” opening words!

  150. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    JP-Tomorrow we shall see Peaches delicate handling of the rod.

  151. Dood
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Sam is probably thinking that if he had his way, he’d eat Peaches every day.

  152. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#128):

    MT: True to form, the local bush pilot is very interested in local bush. Week, waitress, veal.

    I propose a new abbreviation: WWV.

  153. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#115): “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty dog!”

  154. Sans Sense
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#151): Sam is probably thinking, “Soft, Supple, and Skinny… silk line is perfect!”

  155. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#146): @geekwhisperer (#147):

    Probably too deep for the comics page, but I’m still angry that noone praised my “little man in the canoe” bush pilot joke …

    My wife has tried medications that are supposed to block the chemical triggers that produce the high and make you need more. They worked for a few days, I rember how excited she was “not only do I not want to drink, I know that, if I did, it wouldn’t make me drunk!”.

    Worked for a few days. Chemical blocks do nothing for the psychological triggers that tell you that you NEED to drink in response to certain events (angry teenager, job stress, whatever). And if you do go ahead and drink, despite being on the medication, it makes your ‘normal’ drunken behavior look tame by comparison.

    I’ve not smoked for 20 years, and not had a drink for almost 3, and the only way that works for me is to not allow myself to light a cig or pour a drink into my mouth. “Well, but, it’s New Years!” is a slippery slope to “Well, it’s Saturday – all day!”.

  156. Señor Tortilla
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#101): I don’t see an Intellivision in there. I see a NES, though.

    9CL – So we’re going to forget that Seth went ahead and “de-flowered” that one dancer chick? Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

    FW – How about an alternate universe where neither you OR Les don’t exist? Hmm…

    SM – “Clown themed super villain” wasn’t what I expected from Spider-Man, admittedly. Looks kind of interesting, but things move way too slow in the Spider-verse, slower than Mary Worth (but not quite as slow as pre-2011 Dick Tracy)

  157. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#152): I could get behind that. The abbreviation. As to Mrs Chavez, I need another look.

  158. Señor Tortilla
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    My town has a chain called “Fat Burger”, unrelated to the chain (there was also a local “Mi Cocina” chain that was sued out of business by a larger Mi Cocina chain). Fat Burger is pretty decent: a make-your-own burger bar, Pepsi products, and a one-pound “Bevo Burger”. Sadly the one near campus is closing…

  159. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#155):

    Probably too deep for the comics page, but I’m still angry that noone praised my “little man in the canoe” bush pilot joke …

    I appreciated it, but I guess the praise didn’t get from my brain to the keyboard. Oopsies.

  160. Old School Allie Cat
    May 29th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#142):

    And that is precisely why dieting is such a disaster. Because to quote my lovely 76 year old Weight Watchers leader, “You have to take that tiger out the cage and walk it every day.”

    My parents quit smoking cold turkey back in the early 70s. To this day, my father will tell you that when he’s stressed, he reaches for the pack of cigarettes in his breast pocket that aren’t there.

    My late grandmother quit drinking cold turkey. Some years later, she moved to Jamaica where she started drinking tea that, unbeknownst to her, was made with one of their primary agricultural exports. “It’s so relaxing”, she claimed.

  161. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#159):

    I read a few dozen a day that I tell myself I should praise, but usually don’t say anything. And who wants to read dozens of “+1″, “You Win the Internet!”, etc. for every actual funny comment?

  162. Poteet
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

  163. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#160):

    +1. I’ve been able to give up smoking and drinking cold turkey with relative ease, but when my doctor told me I needed to change my diet and cut down on sugar and cholesterol, that was an entirely different story. “OK, no more food, period!” only lasted a few weeks before I was too weak to hold out any more. The walking the tiger analogy is spot-on.

  164. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    Since we seem to talking about burgers and clowns, I have no idea what this means.

  165. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#164): Ex-cow used to be afraid of Scottish clowns — now a McDonald’s hamburger. (Took a minute.)

  166. Poteet
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#160): Amen. Not to mention what seems, in my more paranoid moments, to be a giant global media conspiracy working 24/7 to persuade us to eat more and more dubious food, punctuated with news stories explaining why we shouldn’t.

  167. geekwhisperer
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#155): very true- Even the “blocking” meds only work (when they do), it’s my understanding, with lots of good therapy to figure out the triggers just as you described. And I think the opiates might be unique because of the receptors which respond the same to the chemicals as a naturally-occruring molecule in the brain, so receptors can more easily be blocked.

    But I’m with you, I have no ability to “tone down” the things I need to stay away from. I need to just, for instance, not drink soda rather than try and have one or two or drink artificially sweetened ones.

    Good luck to you and your wife, sounds like you’re doing a great job managing it.

  168. Cloudbuster
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines (#100): No, no it’s “Bush pilot” with a capital B. He’s a retired Air Force One pilot from the Bush administration.

  169. Poteet
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#160): Not to mention the health gurus who point out that if you were willing to eat what they eat, you’d still be jogging at the age of 110, with the unavoidable implication being that if you start falling apart much earlier because of your poor diet, you will have to live with the knowledge that you did it to yourself. It’s a mean tiger, that one.

  170. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#164): Oh, that’s easy. As every schoolboy knows, It’s just a straight translation of the old Latin jest:
    Adhuc puto timore Scotorum pagani est irrationalis?

  171. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#165): Thanks, Frank. That makes sense. Not really funny, kind of ironic, but it makes sense.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170): Oh, yeah. That too. Those Latins were real cutups.

  172. Cloudbuster
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#120): I don’t even care that a “Hardy Perfect” reel is a *ahem* real thing (and did they get product placement kickbacks for that? I hope so!). I still say they’re being intentionally dirty! I’ll just take a weighted nymph on my rod. Peaches can cradle my “hardy perfects.” I’m ready to go!

  173. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#153):

    “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty dog!”
    boom boom boom
    “Rock me, Marmadukus!
    “Marmadukus! Marmadukus!
    “Marmadukus! Marmadukus!
    “Ooooooooooh, Marmadukus!”

  174. commodorejohn
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#156): I could be wrong, but I think that thing to the right of the NES is a later-model Intellivision.

  175. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#155):
    Good points, and I thought your joke was very funny! : )

  176. Señor Tortilla
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#174): Maybe. He has an Atari AND an Intellivision? Man, he was spoiled. (By the way, the Intellivision II had an add-on that could play Atari games)

  177. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#167):

    I’m in exactly the same situation as you describe. After 2 1/2 years, I don’t miss alcohol. I’ve stopped having those moments when I remember that I should be drinking in this situation. But I have an open Cherry Coke on my desk next to my keyboard, and will probably have another later, despite what my doctor told me. “One or two a day is probably OK” easily turns to “a six pack of Coke on a Saturday is alright – hey, at least it isn’t Jim Beam!”

  178. Marc
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#155): It’s 5 o’clock somewhere

  179. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Poteet! I got a match for you.

  180. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    May 29th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#155): but I’m still angry that noone praised my “little man in the canoe” bush pilot joke …

    Made me smile… but I guess you didn’t see that!

  181. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#145): I’d love to eat at a restaurant (chain or no) that was named after a Joe Kubert character:

    http://www.comicbookbrain.com/_imagery/_2008_05_22/tor-1954.jpg

    Chee-Chee is on the bottom left!

  182. Mustang
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    Slylock – “shadow, bird, cat’s tail, water drop, light, and cloud” I still don’t see how these random words explain anything about the differences between the two panels, but I do respect the fact that we’ve got some really bad free verse poetry going on.

  183. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    Blondie laughed at me when I sent away for free color film*

    http://www.ebay.com/itm/1970-Blondie-Cartoon-Famous-Color-Film-Print-Ad-/400261396908

    *But now she’s happy I did!

  184. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    B.C.: B.C. happens so long ago they didn’t yet have the twelve signs of the Zodiac.

    However, they had newspapers. I guess it really is a dinosaur medium.

  185. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#184):

    Geez. The strip still does borderline proselytizing?

  186. Uncle Lumpy
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#172):

    … “Hardy Perfect” reel is a *ahem* real thing …

    If the author or artist can claim a plausible research purpose for a purchase, event, or trip, it’s a tax-deductible business expense. Cf. Margo’s trip to India, Mary’s to Vietnam, A3G‘s dinner at the Tribeca Grill, Les Moore’s pathetic lunch at an NYC tourist deli and Last Days of Lisa Tour to the Grand Canyon, Zippy the Pinhead’s roadside monument roadtrips, Neddy in Paris, and on and on. It all goes on Schedule C.

  187. Uncle Lumpy
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#185):

    The strip still does borderline proselytizing?

    Proselytize all you want — those people care only about themselves.

  188. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#186): It’s why Ziggy has no pants.

  189. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#187):

    Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t attempting to Protest-elytize. I was just taken aback at the specific prescriptivist tone of horoscope…and the reaction of the guy on the right.

  190. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Trixie from Hi and Lois does the art work for Apartment 3G.

  191. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#190): Actually I’m referring to the picture on the wall. Not the strip. However…

  192. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$$
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    JP- Reading Judge Parker is like watching a compilation of all the scenes you fast forward through in a Skinemax flick.

  193. Alison
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: Crystal appears to be wearing a skintight catsuit. And there’s a big “SM” on the front of the mall. And…I’m gonna stop now. Forget it. Forget it.

    Oh well, it’s still better than another week of An Eyeful being told that a very disturbed child trying to bite off her finger is a dumb thing to be upset about.

  194. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170): Quod est non irrationalis!

  195. bats :[
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#165): that’s okay, though, Sequitur, it still isn’t funny.

  196. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    Today, in a Very Special Pluggers:
    psst….i think he’s making fun of the person who suggested the topic…

    Blondie:
    yes, he knows where to reach him. now it will be him sneaking up behind him and reaching around…

    Today, in a Very Special Six Chix:
    pssst…i think she’s making fun of the very premise of the comic strip arrangement or her working on the comic strip period

    Today, in a Very Special Jumble:

    okay. i don’t get it. The Paper Snufyn??? Did he run out of letters for Snuffalufagus ? If it is some joke then it is not even nufyn, at all. True, I have inverse dyslexia and sometimes dorws don’t look right but it hasn’t impeded my word unscrambling abilities so far…as far as I wonk.

  197. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#193):

    aaand… SM may also stand for Super Massconsumerism.

    soooooo….not being a loyal reader of the strip, does it always take place at the mall or some sort of workplace?

  198. seismic-2
    May 29th, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    JP: The dialog among Sam, Avery, and Peaches reminds me of the famous memoir from Viking Press regarding a rather abstract novella that they had rejected a few years earlier but that then went on to be an “underground” commercial success for another publisher: “Mr. Brautigan submitted a book to us in 1962 called Trout Fishing in America. I gather from the reports that it is not about trout fishing.”

  199. Dale
    May 29th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#129):

    I find the overtly declared lard off-putting, but so are sesame seeds.

  200. Poteet
    May 29th, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#179): Teeny! Cute! Teensy AND cute!

  201. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#200): Wow. Those are the same words June said when she saw Rex naked for the first time.

  202. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    SLYlock FOX!
    One difference that doesn’t seem to be noted is that in panel one, the guy is mortified. While, in panel two he is both amazed it has gone on this long and is overcome with an overwhelming sense of deja vu.

  203. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    also in Slylock Fox’s Fantastical Funny Broken Mirror Stories:

    In panel one the bird is saying: You’re all wet!
    In panel two it is saying: You’re still all wet!

    we just don’t see it….it could have been saying it….it should have…aw, nuts. forgetaboutit.

  204. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#203): But the cat was cool, and he never said a mumblin’ word.

  205. Fashion Police
    May 29th, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @Phred22 (#138):
    Presumably Mr. Driver will stop off at the farm and change into his tweeds, with the plus-fours. We further presume that Peaches has a pinafore to protect her lovely uniform while she wields the gutting knife.

  206. gnome de blog
    May 29th, 2012 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#177):
    The first 3 years or so after I quit drinking I consumed something like three quarts of tonic water a day. The need to do that went away on its own over the next couple of years. Now I drink too much coffee at work, but away from work I rarely drink anything but water, and not compulsively. However, after 29 years I still find that, in a restaurant for example I can’t leave a half-full glass of water, or half a cup of coffee (even if it’s cold) behind.

  207. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 29th, 2012 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#194): Vos testificatus nimis?

  208. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#115):

    “Dogs can tell a human to sit but a human can’t tell a dog to sit.”

  209. Cloudbuster
    May 29th, 2012 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#115): Four legs good! Two legs bad!

  210. Poteet
    May 29th, 2012 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#201): BWAHAHA!

  211. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 29th, 2012 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#199): See, they lightly brush the bun with lard before they toast it, which gives it that bacony flavor, without having to actually put bacon on the cheeseburger, which, after all, is a little over the top. Sorry, Uncle Lumpy. You can order bacon as an extra topping, of course, and you know, if you weigh over 350lbs, the burgers and the famous “flat line” fries are free anyway. (You do have to pay for your booze and/or soft drinks, though. The Heart Attack Cafe isn’t a charity!)

  212. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”To see Nina, Scott, you must engage in a wacky hijinks where you are dressed like the house cleaner and you must go to the apartment and pretend to clean it all the while you are spying on her and trying to get her to open up about how she really feels.”

  213. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-”If I were rich, then I would be happy because we could buy food to eat.”

  214. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Love is… putting on clothes to get hitched for the second time.

    Mandrake — “He’s got muscles he hasn’t even used yet!” And they’re all between his ears.

  215. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#204):

    So, I took my Junior Shylock Fox Membership card out and licked it so that it would stick to my forehead.

    I closed my eyes to allow for my deduction skills to kick in. After finding myself ruminating on @Uncle Lumpy (#186)’s Wisdom of the Day, about deductions, coincidentally, I think I solved the Case of the All-Wet Feline!

    You see, the cat looks cool, @Sequitur (#204), but as you can see he is a mad catter. (Now, this is not to be confused with a person who catches cats, who may also be called a mad catter. Nor should it be confused with Krazy Kalvin’s Catering–who’s prices are way too high for the quality of food he serves (It’s maddening!))

    The cat is just as wet as the door-to-door salesman who happened to stray to close to the hose-wagging hound. The thing is that the cat probably was not antagonizing the dog. Why do I think that? Because the cat was obviously hopping mad. If you look closely, you’ll see that there are two puddles behind the cat. The cat didn’t just walk from the scene of the soaking, he hopped from it. This indicates that the cat is part rabbit, hence his eyesight is sublime. So, why didn’t he heed the warning that the bird is sitting upon? Obviously a cat would notice a bird so he would have seen the sign.

    The answer my friends is simple: The cat is illiterate. He couldn’t understand what the sign says and is frustrated with his inability to read. Now being half-cat and half-rabbit is obviously socially stigmatizing in Count Weirdly’s Nightmare Valley. That’s bad enough. But, imagine the frustration of being a catbit who can’t read. That would be maddening.

    So, the cat brought his soaking upon himself. It was his own fault for being in the wrong place at the right time. The victim is to blame. Case Solved!

    Hey, whattaya know? The membership card fell off of my forehead! I figured the mystery out on my own.

    Gooooood Day!

  216. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#215): Shoot. All I did was quote from a song.

  217. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#216):
    My dear, @Sequitur (#216): , did I mention I am elementary?

    //and I hadn’t recognized the lyric…..oh well, riffing off of what you wrote was a fun exercise to end the day…I swear no matter what the calendar sez this was a Monday.

  218. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#217): At least you solved the conundrum. You should sleep well tonight.

  219. Liam
    May 29th, 2012 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    MW-If you are going to spend your entire summer here then can you at least put on some orange colored clothes instead of that hideous purple outfit.

  220. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#218):
    You’d think so, right?

    But, my upside-down-o-vision isn’t very good so I never really know what true answers to Shylock’s mysteries or to the Daily Jumbles….Daily?…waitasec… @tallyHO (#196): Daily. Daily Show. Show nuff. Nuff said.
    Ye Gads!

    Maybe the answer to today’s Jumble was not The Paper Snufyn….
    It is funny that I thought that might be the actual answer. But, these Funny Pages are sometimes challenging. I’ll figure it out yet.

    until then it is a new conundrum to vex me…..

    //jus kiddin’

  221. kkarenb
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Since Memorial Day has come and gone, Scott lost the hideous winter turtleneck and has changed into a summery shirt – I guess it’s a polo shirt – which is BUTTONED UP TO THE NECK. What is with these people’s fashion choices? The men are as bad as the women. Doesn’t anyone wear clothing from this century?

  222. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    In all seriousness though, one thing about today’s Slylock is that the guy was standing right there. It isn’t like the dog snuck up on him, carrying a hose. The dog had already used it on the cat so it was primed and the guy still walked right up to the dog.

    The only thing that could make that image better is if it turns out the dog is a fun-lovin’, recurring character, Spritz the Dog.

  223. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#219): If she wore orange she would blend into that couch. Better she should wear salmon. Salmon is for squares.

  224. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#221):

    I think the better question is:
    Do they still make clip art in the 21st Century?

  225. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#224): If you have a dog named Art and wonder how to have him neutered you would have to clip Art.

    Yet another conundrum of another kind.

  226. Jamus The Bartender
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#6): I have no idea how I missed that.

  227. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#225):

    Ah, you’d think so, wouldn’t you?

    No. I’m sure if I had a dog named Art I would expect him to do whatever he pleases…as long as he picks up that paintbrush daily and meets his daily quota of one abstract painting a day. My motivator would need to keep the clippers away from his sensitive area so that he can be rewarded with some treats every so often. And I figure lounging around with a French Poodle every once in a while might keep him cultured, too.

    This would be the best way to go unless both Bob Barker (woof woof) and Mark Trail show up and tell me otherwise. My principles are conditional like that.

  228. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#225):

    rats. I neglected to mention: that was a good pun.

    It is clear and concise and much, much better than my earlier attempt to tie “Chee Burger” to the “I Ching.”

  229. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#227): I’m not sure about Bob (woof, woof) Barker but I’m pretty sure Mark (slash, slash) Trail walks the walk and has been neutered. If so, maybe he might have a hard time walking the walk. That would explain all the pancakes. They’re comfort food.

  230. Here come da Judge
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#63):

    Yep, we had one of those. She was 15 and looked 21. Constantly fending off the clumsy advances of wispily-mustachioed senior boys must have gotten pretty old.

  231. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    A Dog-related activity where you supply your own caption…one which even Bob Weber Junior could resist….or could he?*

    *probably. yeah. why would he bother?

  232. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#229):
    “Mark (slash, slash) Trail walks the walk and has been neutered.”

    Now you got me all choked up. That must’ve been a terrible scene in his life. It was probably equal to Rusty shouting:

    “Shane! Come Back, Shane!”

    Or it is probably emotionally equal to the ending of “Old Yeller!” Ooooowwwwwooooo! Get along, lil doggies! Get…along.

    Happy Trails, to youse! Until We get the tubes re-tied. Happy Trails, to youse! Until then it is booze for mees!

    clumpa cloppa clumpa cloppa etc etc.

  233. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#231): A pooch enjoys leaning against the Judds.

  234. tallyHO
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    go figure.
    i’m dog tired.

  235. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#183):
    Fantastic. Love the retro. : D

  236. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

  237. Shrug
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#155):

    I liked your quip a lot, enough so that if I’d seen it soon after posting would probably would have said so, but it happens that I was offline for several hours today so didn’t see it until a few minutes ago. It’s called “having a life.” (Or at least it’s called “doing laundry and yard work and cleaning the cat boxes and running errands” — and on most Tuesdays it would have been called “being at work.)

    Still, bwahahaha….

  238. Shrug
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#198):

    See also famous book review of LADY CHATTERLY’S LOVER by an English outdoorsy magazine that focused on the gamekeeper elements and slagged off the boring love/sex bits as boring filler. (Deliberate humorous or humourous effect, I believe, but well done.)

  239. Calico
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#236):
    That is really neat!

  240. Sgt. Stoned
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    BB: Ha-ha. Beetle is Sarge’s bitch!

    MT: Mark: Mr. Harris, I’d like to ask you a few questions about the Chavez murder. Harris: Are you a police officer? Mark: No, I’m a freelance writer for an outdoors magazine. Harris: The jig is up! You’ve got me! I confess!”

  241. Alison
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#197):
    It used to take place at Luann’s high school or at Luann’s house most of the time, but that was back when Luann actually appeared in her own strip, which would have been sometime around last January. The strip seems to have moved on to Weenie World for most of it’s plots since then. (“Plots” speaking loosely.)

  242. Sequitur
    May 29th, 2012 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    Chuckle Bros: Dyslexia leads to opportunities for enterprising rodents.

  243. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#231):

    Ashley: “I could go for a good Po Pia Sod right about now.”
    Dog: “Thai food gives me gas!”

  244. crazy fungus
    May 29th, 2012 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    Sudsy Nematode #69- the king was at the breakfast table when the cereal box spilled all over him.
    The servants were horrified
    But he said, “that’s okay…
    Into every reign, a little Life must fall”

    You’re welcome

  245. Joshua
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#238): Here’s the full review:

    Although written many years ago, Lady Chatterley’s Lover has just been reissued by the Grove Press, and this pictorial account of the day-to-day life of an English gamekeeper is full of considerable interest to outdoor minded readers, as it contains many passages on pheasant-raising, the apprehending of poachers, ways to control vermin, and other chores and duties of the professional gamekeeper. Unfortunately, one is obliged to wade through many pages of extraneous material in order to discover and savour those sidelights on the management of a midland shooting estate, and in this reviewer’s opinion the book cannot take the place of J. R. Miller’s ”Practical Gamekeeping.”

    This review was written by Ed Zern and published in Field & Stream in 1959. Zern was being satirical, and there is no such book as “Practical Gamekeeping” by J. R. Miller.

  246. Droopy Says
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    The A-snoozing Spiderman: Should you fear a supervillain who puts his IQ on his costume?

    Creepy Les: Les speaks in blank verse because it matches his mind and personality.

    Mock Trail: Yep, there’s nothing lika a basselope to warn you about unwelcome visitors.

    Family Circus: Keep digging until you come out in China. The results could make everyone appreciate their one-child policy.

  247. Poteet
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    5/30 GA — I knew it. I just knew it. A cat theft is the most loathsome option, so of course that’s what’s going to happen. GA doesn’t get the same attention as FW and 9CL, but in its own small very horrid way, it belongs in the same class. Bleeargh.

  248. Poteet
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    MW — Note to self – check out renting of GAME OF THRONES as potential substitute for chocolate and/or alcohol.

  249. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#248):

    “MW — Note to self – check out renting of GAME OF THRONES as potential substitute for chocolate a gunshot to the head and/or alcohol poison.”

    FIFY!

  250. Dale
    May 30th, 2012 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker (a strip I don’t follow)

    Is all this fly fishing talk being generated by a buzz phrase projector?
    The reel is just a means of rolling up the fishing line. You’re not fighting the deep-sea blue marlin. You could use a stick and figure 8 pattern like for kite string and be ok.

  251. Dale
    May 30th, 2012 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    The elk says, “Aah oogah, aah oogah. Stranger coming. Hide wives and children. Don’t talk without lawyer present. Aah oogah, aah oogah!”

    Speaking of lawyers, where is Gene’s? It’s murder one. No judge would let the case go to trial without legal representation for the defendant.
    Assume Gene can’t afford a PI so all he’s got is Mark. Even then, Mark and the lawyer should be talking or the lawyer would quit.

  252. Cal
    May 30th, 2012 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#30): I mentioned this before in the context of Kelly Welly talking about Mark’s “fishing technique” — but when I used to work as a phone sex operator, on the 1-900 calls we had to obey FCC guidelines. We got around the rules by saying, “Let’s go fishing!” The entire rest of the call, from start to “finish”, consisted of dirty talk using only fishing metaphors.

  253. The Ridger
    May 30th, 2012 at 5:44 am [Reply]

    9CW: Is Amos about to decide Edda has dumped him for daring to buy a ring and try to “tie her down” or “control her”? Please?

    Oh, wait. Then we’d have to deal with Edda moaning to Seth, flying off to Austria, and campaigning to get him back. Perhaps he’ll just roll over and go back to sleep. Please?

  254. Liam
    May 30th, 2012 at 5:48 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail-Mark, you need to have your eyes examined. That’s not Mike Harris. That’s a moose narrating the story.

    Family Circus-We’ll be done as soon as it’s deep enough to serve as a shallow grave.

    Mary Worth-You can ask for help but I am going to talk to Mary and force her on you whether you want her help or not.

  255. Liam
    May 30th, 2012 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    A3G-I look at Fred’s shirt and I keep thinking that a big gold chain necklace would go good with that shirt.

  256. John C Fremont
    May 30th, 2012 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#214): Now I’ve got that John Prine song stuck in my head again.
    “He’s got muscles in his head ain’t never been used,
    Thinks he owns half of this town…”

    MT – (BUM-bum-bum-bum, BUM-bum-bum-bum) “From the land of sky blue water…”

    DT – “Sorry, but I don’t know, Chief. They never tell me anything. Still not a crook, by the way.”

  257. gleeb
    May 30th, 2012 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    Cul: Raising the question, “Can you tie a banjo pig down?”

    ‘bean: School’s almost over, but there’s still time for a few more superior smirks and dammit, Creepy Les is going to have them.

    Sam Driver, Waderless!: “The car will be here any minute.” That means at least another week in the plane.

  258. greghousesgf
    May 30th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#145): dang, I wish these were in California just for that shake menu!

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