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The Buzz grouses alone

Lockhorns, 6/16/12

Congrats to Leroy on finding the most absolutely generic packages in the store! Let’s see, I’ll guess that the chips are in the bag, the peanuts are in the little flat box, the pretzels are in the long skinny box, and the beer is in the larger of the two cans? Because Leroy only bought one can of beer, maybe? Anyway, Loretta, don’t be so quick to judge, as we haven’t figured out what’s in the little can yet — it might be a single serving of milk.

Shoe, 6/16/12

I’m on the record as saying that Buzz, Shoe’s angry, confused elderly bird-man, is my favorite character in this strip, which is why I resent the fact that all the other bird-people have apparently abandoned him to just blather his nonsense in isolation. Couldn’t Roz at least put forth the effort of standing there nodding sullenly at his insane ramblings? He’s her most faithful, lowest tipping customer!

UPDATE: Apparently Biz’s name is actually Biz, rather than Buzz? I leave this up as is, as a mark of my shame at being unable to indentify cartoon birds!

163 responses to “The Buzz grouses alone”

  1. OMEGA SUPREME
    June 16th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Nancy: I want to snuggle with Aunt Fritzi.

  2. sporknpork
    June 16th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    I’d say that Shoe is taking a page from Herb and Jamaal‘s playbook of pseudo-philosophical jokes directed at the audience, but it’s simply not “vague” enough.

  3. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    June 16th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    I’m still reeling from the “Batiuk is a master of comedy” whatever-the-hell-that-was from Karen Moy.

    C’mon, “Get Fuzzy,” put a little soul-crushing disappointment in your strips. It’s funnier when Satchel cries real tears. Dagwood, that sandwich better have a dismembered something in it, by god. And “9 Chickweed Lane,” you could really use some humor; don’t forget that “dancer” rhymes with “cancer!”

  4. tb4000
    June 16th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Luann: Why is this strip not about Bernice and Delta?

  5. lorne
    June 16th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    “Where are the chips, beer, peanuts and pretzels I asked you to draw?” asks the writer of the Lockhorns, not angry, just vaguely displeased.
    The artist just looks over his shoulder blankly as he puts on his jacket to leave, unable to be sorry for his failure or even bemused by his disobedience.

  6. TheDiva
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Don’t you usually have to go to Crankshaft for this level of confused metaphor?

    9CL: Amos may be wishy-washy, but he’s committed to it!

    A3G: “That’s it, as soon as the kid is born I’m chaining Nina to the crib.”

    C’shaft: *crickets chirp*

    FW: Christ, what an asshole.

    GT: Wonder Twin Powers activate!

    Luann: Let’s face it, Luann, even your best friends don’t think you’re Julliard material.

    And why are Luann’s only options “Low Aspirations Junior College” or “Ultra-Expensive Julliard”? She lives in California, right? I’m pretty sure such a large state has some four-year colleges in it somewhere–hell, one or two of them probably have a decent theater department.

    MT: Finally, Mark Trail has found an opponent to match his incompetence!

    MW: Yeah, salmon square don’t just bake themselves ya know!

    SM: Nah, Spider-Man’s just more ineffective than he looks.

  7. odinthor
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    9CL. — He clearly had an epiphany about trends in gold values. A ring is not just a ring, young man! A ring is a solid investment in your financial well-being…well, unless a spouse comes with it.

    Apt. 3-G. — OMG! It’s just like existence was for many many thousands of years until quite recently indeed!!!! How can this not be a total emergency?????

    Archie. — Don’t complain. At least your hat coordinates with your cake.

    C&B. — Eh, everyone praises efficiency; and then they ding you when you practice it.

    GT. — Shenanigans. Since when do out-of-control parents not like being known for disliking someone?

    H&J. — Hey, Nina! Herb is smarter than you! That’s right: Herb of Herb and Jamaal! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

    Love Is . . . — . . . Even more insufferable and vomit-inducing than usual!

    RMMD. — Rex, putting on a pig nose is not going to get you into Pearls Before Swine.

  8. Dan
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    The little can is a generic pink Pepto product for the coming upset stomach.

  9. Powers
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Josh, that’s “Biz”, not “Buzz”. Are you sure he’s your favorite character?

  10. RavenHawk
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    The (not so) Amazing Spiderman: Oh cool. Spiderman & Clown 9, are doing the “mirror scene” from Duck Soup.

  11. Anonymous
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Yeah, I was wondering why all of a sudden it smelled like horseshit in here.

  12. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    A&J: yes, yes he is. *chuckles*

    Lio: Calvinesque, in such a good way.

    NAoQV: *golf clap*

    Zits: the fanfics just write themselves, don’t they? :-)

    Bizarro: *snurk* also, second glace is a fart joke, innint?

    GT: a MILFord win. ;-)

    JP: is that Lee Falk, guest-starring?

    JUMBLE: stealing jokes from Pluggers or Lockhorns?

    Mutts: six for six. *more applaz*

    6Cx: mmmm, naughty bits.

    Retail: common knowledge. no label needed.

  13. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .sexting.

    Please, by Schulz and Watterson, tell me that isn’t a real word.

  14. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Piranha Club: Praise be to Cthulhu, ten million Mongolian Tugriks equals about $7600.00 US dollars. Bud Grace will have some explaining to do to the Mongolian embassy.

    Turbo Assembler: Say, why does he call himself Clown-9 again?

  15. Trillian
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Luann: Evans can name Juilliard, but he goes all Herb-and-Jamaal instead of making up a name of “the local junior college”?

    Also I thought it was called “community college” these days.

  16. monsieurjohn
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    “Darn that Mark Trail, I can’t find him anywhere. What’s that noise?”
    “It sounds like… someone speaking aloud to himself underwater!”

  17. RavenHawk
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    The (not so) Amazing Spiderman 2: Clown 9 may be “more dangerous”, but at least he’s not a “psycho” like Clown 5 3/4 was. Not to mention his uncle, “Mime 43″. That dude was messed-up.

  18. Poteet
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    9CL — If he had thrown down the cash, it wouldn’t be coyly resting on your shoulders, lady. C’mon, let’s make our dialogue more accurate. This strip is bad enough already.

  19. Cloudbuster
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    9CL: Amos is kind of scaring me there. Look at that expression on his face in the second panel. And he ate the receipt? One expects that if Amos doesn’t get the answer he likes, this story will end in blood. Lots and lots of blood. Years of passive-aggressive, subservient dweebiness coming to a boil. Yes, I am occasionally guilty of wishful thinking.

    ASM: “I’ve a hunch Clown-9 is more dangerous than he looks!” Sorry, no, that’s just an illusion created because you’re seeing him standing next to Spiderman now.

    FW: The petty, vindictive way Les lurches for Cayla’s yearbook, eager to use it to humiliate her the way she and Summer just humiliated him (The way they’ve all humiliated him! They’ll pay for their snide comments, their wedgies, their merciless beatings! They’ll be sorry!) is masterfully portrayed by Batiuk. You aren’t left wondering at all about how big of an asshole he is.

    MT: Why is it so hard to hold my breath when I am talking under water!?

    MW: It’s so sad and pathetic that Wilbur is seriously worried about losing his long-time successful column to a geriatric temporary fill-in. I bet a lot of his advice, when it’s not sandwich-related, is along the lines of “Just give up. Trying will only remind you what a pathetic failure you are.”

    RMMD: My tee-off time is in 15 minutes. I’m already running late. Thanks for taking care of this, June, you’re great. Anyway, no more time to talk. See ya! Oh, yeah, could you pick up some of my shirts from the cleaners? The ticket’s in the glove compartment.

    A3G: Nina will never be allowed to escape from Stepford Manor! Never! (Also, pet peeve, but it was pretty recently, up until at least the mid-90s, that people were not expected, or even able, to walk around with a mobile phone at all times. When will we ever recover from this neurotic idea that if a loved one, even a child, is unreachable for some period of time, it’s cause for panic?)

  20. Poteet
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MT — Elizabeth may be a couple cards short of a deck, but she’s got a great set of lashes. Va-va-voom!

  21. Liam
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-Spiderman and Clown-9 are in the “who can take the biggest dump” poses.

    MT-Do you hear something? It sounds like a person underwater underneath this canoe talking out loud about needing to hold their breath. If this person keeps talking out loud they will soon be dead from drowning.

    A3G-Nina chewed through the bars of her cage and ran away.

    MW-It will be a nice change of person for you from aggressively attaching yourself to one person you can attach yourself to hundreds of people.

    MW 2-Mary, I know that when you put your mug in front of your face like that you are secretly laughing at me.

    MW 3-Remember this is temporary. I have other friends I can call in favors on if you try to stay on the column longer.

    FC-Doc McStuffins? Isn’t that a porn star?

    FC 2-I like how the dad’s mug says “Dad” in big bold red letters. So every time he drinks from it he will be horribly reminded that he is responsible for a brood of melon heads.

    JP-How far is it to the crossing if I stand by the exit? By the bathroom?

    JP 2-And thank you for gracing our humble little Post Office with your rich presence.

  22. Poteet
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    9CL — As I recall, Amos has never dated or ever really known any other girl except Edda, and now, at his young age, he wants to marry her. Awwww, that’s so sweet. A statistical recipe for future marital catastrophe, sure, but awwww, so sweet.

  23. Mibbitmaker
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    A3G: So Scott Gaines is worried about his missing pregnant wife (if he saw what we saw of her recently, damn RIGHT he’d be worried!) — No, wait…. reading his last speech balloon, it’s still, as always with this bully-husband, all about him.

    9CL: A funny one today, but sadly built upon Amos’s panel 2 delusion.

    Crank: Sting him! STING HIM!!!

    ReFOOB: You can really see how Gordon’s Unlikely and Sudden Empire was actually possible. Or contrived, if it’s just a newrun and not a rerun.

    FW: Cayla was a bright, sensible young lady with great ability and a promising future — MAN, DID THAT CHANGE!

    GA: The Larry quasi-doppelganger is doing Curly’s schtick! STOP THAT!

    GT: Would commited holier-than-thous like them really fold over that tepid line Mrs. Coach Thorp gave them? Not in reality, they wouldn’t!
    Rubin’s bad writing doesn’t recognize Rubin’s bad writing.

    JP: Porterville hires only the most cryptic and creepy postal employees. Puts ‘em on the map!

    MT: Speaking aloud won’t help, water-for-brains!

    MW: Mary giving slipshod advice to people, getting involved in strangers’ lives, would be a “change of pace” because THAT NEVER HAPPENS!

    Popeye: Wow, Popeye’s kind of a jerk!

    S-M: Well, he couldn’t be more dopey than he looks.

  24. Poteet
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    FW — I missed a few weeks of FW. Les has been slipping tranqs into Cayla’s food, right? So she can’t summon up the will to escape?

  25. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    A3G & MT: Here we have two sets of people who believe that just because you can’t see someone, that person has completely disappeared. I wonder if they panic each night when the sun goes down, too.

    MW: Geez, Mary, why are you making the guy beg? He’s not Jeff Corey, you know.

    JP: Hey, does anyone think that maybe, just maybe, Sam and Avery are going to run into, I don’t know—just speculating here—a storm or something?

    (I’m not worried, though; if Sam’s chiseled cheekbones don’t ward off danger, that Checked Shirt of Horror surely will. Note to Sam: It’s the female characters in this strip who would want to accent their ta-tas with those goofy pockets, not you.)

  26. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

  27. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Not Just any Dipstick (#yy162): hovercorgies gotta fly!

  28. Liam
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Shoe-Why am I doing all this gardening when I can pay someone to do the gardening for me?

    Lockhorn-Loretta, didn’t you know that beer is like milk to Leroy.

  29. Poteet
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    C’SHAFT — Watch out, Crank. It’s a very old tradition among beekeepers that bees must immediately be informed about a death or wedding in the beekeeper’s family, and it must be done carefully or they will be offended. I can only imagine what your language-mangling might do to their collective mood.

  30. Jim North
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#4): And Crystal!

    Curtis: “She also posted pictures of me naked, but at least I was wearing fully body makeup in those.”

    MT: Sorry, Mark, but you’re too late. Even now, Rusty’s cold, clammy hand is reaching around your right side, and the last thing you’ll hear as he drags you to the icy bottom of the river is “Maaaaark, you said you’d go fiiiishiiiing with meeeeeeeeeee . . .

    Lesbian ladies and straight gentlemen, this Pluggers is for you. Enjoy!

    S-M: I dunno, Jericho. Just how dangerous could the squat-thrust competition Spidey and Clowny are currently engaging in possibly get?

  31. Poteet
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#26): A friend rescued a baby painted turtle from a busy road yesterday and released it in my stretch of creek — thanks for the nice reminder!

  32. Jim North
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    A3G: The time period in which Apartment 3-G takes place has, of course, always been sort of questionable, and I think most of us have pegged it as somewhere in the past. A theoretical version of the early 1960s, perhaps, right on the razor edge between the switchover from upstanding, well-shaven young people to the unwashed morass of hippie filth.

    Alas, it has now been revealed just how wrong we were. A3G is not taking place in the past, but in the future! A future of retro design, style, and sensibilities, to be sure, but one in which technology has still continued to progress strong and true. A future in which they have finally removed all payphones, business phones, and home phones once and for all. Indeed, all landline phones of all types have been thrown on the scrapheap of history, the wires dug out of the ground, and the companies that ran them either shut down for good or turned to focus on other things.

    Cellphones rule supreme now and are the only one true method of long distance contact between people. Further, they have been genetically coded to each individual owner to prevent theft, though at the unfortunate cost that no one can borrow another person’s phone lest it shut down cold in their hand or filter out the sound of their voice entirely even if they try shouting into it from a distance. Even trying to dictate a message through the phone’s owner will not trick these wily machines.

    Nina and Scott are completely cut off from each other, and there is nothing they can do about it. Truly, Apartment 3-G is a harrowing science-fiction tale of the most frightening sort, and only now do we realize just how deeply it strikes at the follies of our own modern society.

  33. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#32): Excellent! You just omitted the part in which the streets rearrange themselves every few minutes, so once someone leaves one building, he or she can never find it again.

  34. Poteet
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#32): Wow, that’s a brilliant theory. It would also explain Nina’s bizarre growing and shrinking hair. And for all we know, the Uberulers of that future time have decided that for the sake of the species, Nina and Scott must not be allowed to produce live offspring, and disconnecting Nina from her phone is part of The Plan for her to die in childbirth. So her dark forebodings were right after all!

  35. NoahSnark
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    There’s a simple answer to why you are doing all this gardening – your life has been a large load of fertilizer.

  36. Poteet
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @NoahSnark (#35): When he realizes that, he’ll want something stronger than coffee.

  37. pugfuggly
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Shoe So if I’m understanding this metaphor correctly, Buzz is asking why he is bothering to try to remember his failure of a life when he could just let his mind go and drift happily into oblivion.

    ASM Dangerous indeed: he seems to have drawn Spidey into some kind of mating dance…

    MT “I’ve got to hold my breath and try to make it to the shore!”, said the spider hiding under Mark’s collar.

    MW “It’s just that you keep putting a weird emphasis on phrases like temporary and just for the summer which really makes it sound like you’re fleeing the country or something. Heeey…where is Dawn, anyway…?”

  38. Weaselboy
    June 16th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    MW: Unable to come up with a counter to Wilbur’s argument, Mary decides instead to do her dead-on impression of Q*Bert.

  39. Canton
    June 16th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: Leroy looks back on his wife in pity. She has clearly been spoiled all these years by fresh, liquid milk. Loretta does not recognize the can of powdered milk he has provided for her! But, no matter. He will stash it in their secret bunker, and when the impending apocalypse comes, she will learn to love it… If she survives.

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Weaselboy (#38): *goes over the edge*

    best video game SFX ever! :-D

  41. Santa Royale With Cheese
    June 16th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    S-M: Again with the relaxing! I think Spidey should change his name to “Air Supply”.

    S-M 2: Well yeah, C-9 is dangerous… he can conjure up incredibly implausible themed gear at the drop of a hat. So I guess like Bugs Bunny he’ll reach behind himself and pull out a huge mallet.

    S-M 3 (sorry, been saving it up apparently): And back to that stupid pistol… it doesn’t work unless there’s a mechanism to *create* water and disperse it at high pressure. Pressure aside, ya’d think that the ability to create natural resources dwarfs being the lead – or any part – in a play. I’m shuddering to think that all of this could have been avoided if Hardy Laurel would have written to “Ask Wendy”.

    JP: Ummm, it’s Saturday now. Does the USPS deliver on Sunday? And will anyone be there at the other end to receive it? More wasteful spending, but as we all know, it’s not like there isn’t more money in The Pipeline.

    JP 2: I’m thinking the weather is going to turn ugly. Just a hunch.

  42. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#23): “JP: Porterville hires only the most cryptic and creepy postal employees. Puts ‘em on the map!”

    But kudos to the art, no? That postal dude is or was a real person. I could pick him out of a police line-up. And yet he is, almost certainly, just a walk-on character that we’ll never see again. Only JP and the Phantom bother to draw real people anymore.

  43. Tom T.
    June 16th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Not to over-analyze the Lockhorns, but Foster’s is sold in single large cans.

  44. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 16th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    I’ll tell you what’s truly impressive about Saturday’s Gil Thorp:

    A fist bump that’s just hard enough to fuse Gil and Mimi’s fingers together without the sacrifice of any digits. So precise a Knuckle Blaster needs to be the subject of a cover article in Munitions Monthly Magazine. And be celebrated in story and song.

  45. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 16th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury: “Busted” is right. I think everyone knew who the bartenders were from the start, and just played along.

    Uh — who are the bartenders, anyway?

  46. Horace Broon
    June 16th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I’d forgotten (if it was ever established) that Nina was staying at her dad’s as well, which makes a heady mixture of creepy and nonsensical. Consider the timeline:

    1) Nina and Scott split up. Nina moves in with her dad.
    2) Scott, having been advised by Margo to give Nina space, asks Dad Blake if he can stay as well, to be near Nina. This doesn’t strike anyone as wildly inappropriate at all.
    3) “A few days later”, while Scott takes a phone call from Margo outside the Blake house, Nina decides to go back to the house she shares with Scott without telling anyone, and is panic-stricken that he’s not there.

    So, presumably, Scott has spent several days respecting Nina’s desire for seperation by living in the same house but hiding from her. That strikes me as less “giving her space” and more “gaslighting”.

    Crank: How to take an already unfunny pun and kill it stone dead.

    DT: “I’m Mr Crime! I keep this so hush-hush that even my capo doesn’t know, but I’ll blab it to the first girl who goes on a pity date with me!”

    H&L: Hi looks disappointed, but we all know that playing golf for a century and a half is the secret ambition of everyone at Browne-Walker LLC.

    JP: “It’s exactly 83 miles from where you’re standing! And it’s 82 miles, 5277 feet and three inches from where I’m standing!”

  47. Stroker Ace
    June 16th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns – Leroy forgot the milk on purpose. Now he’ll have to leave the house again. All part of his plan – as are the 5 cans of beer still in the car.

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#45): the bride’s mother and deadbeat boyfriend.

  49. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 16th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#48): Oh, right! I remember now that they weren’t invited, but I completely lost track of them, and they’re not familiar enough for me to recognise them.

    Thanks.

  50. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 16th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    FC — Original caption (from the 1960s): “It’s your day! What do you wanna watch first? Bishop Sheen, Lamp Unto My Feet, Davey and Goliath…?”

  51. Jim North
    June 16th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#33): Scott is lost in the streets of Noir York. The city has swallowed Margo and his fiancee. He’s just part of some elaborate game, complex for its own sake. Every time he looks over his shoulder, he sees a shadow disappearing behind a corner, the glint of binoculars in a window. They’re spying on him, following his every move.

    When Margo kills, the map of the city changes. Like a shifting glacier, a new crack appears with every gunshot. Eventually, Scott will abandon all conventional methods of navigation, following the bloody signs she keeps leaving him.

    And she’ll be watching him do it . . .

  52. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    So, Shoe isn’t some vague reference to Bloomsday, which is today?

    Figures.

  53. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 16th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#50): Boy, did you ever bring back memories. I always used to get a kick out of Bishop Sheen’s “angels” (the stage hands who erased the black board while he talked to the camera off to one side so it was ready for him to use again).

  54. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 16th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

  55. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 16th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#33): Oh! You’re talking about St. Catharines.

  56. Señor Tortilla
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: The coffee cup makes it look like Mary has some sort of horrifying Birdo-like snout.

    S-M: “He certainly seems more competent than Spider-Man, that’s for sure.”

    MT: He’s already managed to speak underwater!

    A3G: For a minute there, that looked like Margo with shorter hair. Same face and all! Oh wait…

  57. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    a3g Seriously, why was it decided to not show that Nina is still very pregnant? They had several consecutive days prior to her “disappearance” and who knows how many weeks, including the moment, weeks ago when she walked in on Scott and Margo and witnessed the peck being shared with Margo’s cheek.

    Snuffy Smif It looks like the start of a tongue lolling conga line!
    Heeeeyuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, hyuck, ah!

    Mark Trail, Land Aquaman As, so this is the now-legendary installment of Mark Trail where he further demonstrates his aquatic powers. The strip that proves he has gills and has the ability to speak while submerged. Wait a sec.

    Hold the phone, tell Nina to keep the bun in the oven, tell Ziggy to hold off offing himself, make mine a double, put on the brakes right now!

    This is getting interesting. Mark has gills, can breath beneath the water and talk beneath the water. Yet he is unaware that he is breathing underwater. He is gentle exhaling while delivering a bit of the narrative.

    C’mon, Mark! Call one of Whale Trout friends, hitch a ride with one of them, transfer to a big beaver’s back then hop aboard a Huge Hawk and get to the sheriff.

  58. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Hasn’t “Love is…” been showcasing that couple’s wireless connection for decades now?

  59. Liam
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-It’s not a picture of you naked because my dad is too cheap for us to have access to the Internet or even own a computer and the only place I could see something like that is at the library and they frown on that sort of stuff.

  60. Arabella
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    FW: Why is Cayla’s high school year book at Les’s house? Has she moved in already? Girl, it’s not too late, you can still pack up your belongings and escape, FAST!

  61. Jamoche
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: It’s June, graduation is still going on in some places (it’s this weekend at Stanford) and Shoe has what appears to be a commencement speech gag – but totally blows it by setting it at a diner.

  62. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth There’s those weird flat fish eyes that denote sadness again.

    This time it is Mary who seems to be thinking:

    Mayoboy, adding your job to my busy life is just slowin’ my roll! Yo life ain’t all dat! [/jive talkin’ mary]

  63. TheDiva
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#32): This would also explain the strange obsession with turning Nina into a submissive broodmare. Clearly we’re looking at a Handmaid’s Tale-style dystopia.

  64. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    While it wouldn’t surprise me if ever Plugger character has a name, I’d like to think of today’s as being Kylie Coyote. Ggggrowwwwl.

    Oh wait. She smells like page 18 of People magazine. I thought it said Peephole cuz were in her bood-warr watching he sit in her delicates applying perfume. Oh well. Simple mistake.

  65. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – …i’m gonna go puke now

    A3G – “So my pregnant wife is who-knows-where with no way to contact me!!?? Oh, and did I mention my wife is pregnant? I impregnated her. My wife, that is, who is pregnant. Thanks to me.”

    A&J – Hee.

    Bizarro – STOP WITH THE TWITTER JOKES ALREADY THEY ARE NOT FUNNY

    Blondie – *snrk*

    BS – I’m not really surprised at the presence of a reel-to-reel tape recorder in Ballard Street, but it makes me a little giddy anyway.

    DT – Oh, please.

    FW – I don’t know that I’d call them opposites. I mean, sure, Les sucks, but Cayla doesn’t not suck, she just sucks less.

    Garfield – Actually, that is pretty creepy. Looks like some kind of eyeball monster.

    GT – The fist-bump in Milford actually far predates its popularity in mainstream culture, as Milford residents’ fingers vary too widely in number and proportion to make handshakes practical.

    JP – Hey, it’s Myson John from Mark Trail! And Vincent Price as the postmaster! (No, not a clerk. Sam would never stoop to being served by a mere clerk.)

    Jumble – It’s a good thing I’d finished my coffee before I saw the plaque.

    Luann – “I’ve decided to go to the local junior college, because my parents told me to, after thinking about it for two days and only considering one other highly unrealistic option. This should set a great precedent of listless appeasal for the rest of my life! Hey, have you heard about that dreamy new transfer student from Canada?” “Luann, he works as an accountant at a used-car lot. And he’s got a pornstache.” “I know, but my mom likes him!”

    Mandrake – And the current Mandrake storyline ends with the characters having accomplished and learned exactly as much as the Simpsons at the end of any given episode: nothing.

    MT – If you need me, I’ll just be rolling on the floor in a fit of giggles.

    PC – On the other hand, Pawlenty doesn’t wear sacred underwear and has never rated the height of trees.

    SM – Well, he would have to be.

    Ziggy – Ziggy might get killed in a bloody insurrection! I am all a-tingle!

  66. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    [sorry for repeating this but @tallyHO (#64): is riddled with typos.]*

    It wouldn’t surprise me if every Plugger character has a name. I’d like to think of today’s as being Kylie Coyote. Ggggrowwwwl.

    Oh wait.
    She smells like page 18 of People magazine. I thought it said Peephole cuz we are in her bood-warr watching her sit in her delicates while she applies a dab of perfume to her furry neckline.

    Oh well. Simple mistake.

    [*What is riddled with typos? All of hte comments tat I make on Josh’s bblig.]

  67. terrapin
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    MT: It’s a good thing Mark is always up against people like Doofus and Doofete, here. I’d hate to see what would happen if he were up against say, Keiser Soze.

    Lockhorns: I just drew an entire six-pack in about 15 seconds and I didn’t even have to pencil it first. Just sayin’.

    Luann: On a more serious note, my son graduated this year and I like to think that if he told me he wanted to go to a very expensive and exclusive college my response would be something like…”Go ahead and apply, and if you’re accepted we’ll see what we can do.” Greg Evans either doesn’t have kids or he’s a total dick.

  68. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#65):
    Ziggy – Ziggy might get killed in a bloody insurrection! I am all a-tingle!

    why do i get the feeling this storyline will leave things hanging?

  69. terrapin
    June 16th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#65):…sucks less…pun intended?

  70. yaoi huntress earth
    June 16th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    9CWL: Is anyone else hoping that Amos has gone insane and decided that if he can’t have Edda, no one can?

  71. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#69): I toyed with the idea, but I would’ve felt bad about emphasizing it and intentionally leaving people with that mental image…

  72. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 16th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Dogs of C-Kennel — White Boy learns a hard lesson: NEVER hold a Tootsie® Pop (especially if it’s a cherry one) too close to a pitbull. Lucky for him, Kenny didn’t feel like taking the stick — or the hand that was attached to it.

    Today’s “Dogs” was brought to you by Mark’s Trail Tips… of Your Fingers.

  73. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 16th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    “AAAAY?”

    Garfield Garfonzie has offically jumped the shark.

  74. terrapin
    June 16th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#71):Oops, sorry.

  75. bats :[
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#54): cool! Then again, I don’t remember him at all, but evidently I did see him on TV, since my mom told me I’d refer to him as “Superman!” (he wore a short cape on his programs).

  76. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (Y35): Ah, I see what you’re saying. Exactly my feelings on it. [*]

  77. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#75): Yes, he did, now that you mention it. Bishop Sheen was a regular for us when I was a kid. We weren’t Catholic, but we never let denominations bother us. Every year we’d screw up when the clocks changed to Daylight Saving and back to Standard. In one instance we’d end up at our Anglican church an hour early, which was inconvenient, but we’d just hang around until it started. In the other instance, however, we’d be arriving just as it was letting out — so we’d go over the Baptist church across the way, which started its services an hour later.

    Bishop Sheen had a real talent for making things interesting. I noticed that YouTube has some of his “Life is Worth Living” videos, and may check them out when I get a chance.

  78. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

  79. Little Guy
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    MT: In the “Too Lazy to Research Department”: didn’t someone else try to off Mark by flying a plane over his canoe, having him capsize, and too lazy to go back to find a dead body (or at least napalm the surface)?

    Big Nate: Here’s looking for Unseen Bully and his Seen Bully Gal harassing Big Nate in the fall. Oh, and more detentions.

    MW: By the time they actually go on that holiday, not only will the next season of “Game of Thrones” be broadcast, but GRRM will have finished the rest of the series.

  80. RavenHawk
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: (from panel 1) Seriously ma’am, you really need to put some nair or something on that moustache of yours. You look like John Oates.

  81. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#78): Precisely. (Well, okay, I’m not too up on my Canuckian history, but by your descriptions and the little I’ve heard from other folks up north, yeah, exactly.)

    Feels like the older I get, the more of a throwback I discover I’ve always been.

  82. Little Guy
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#54): Well, seeing that he was screwed over by Cardinal Spellman from getting a Red Hat….

  83. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    H&J: Boy, when Herb and Jamaal make their occasional forays into specificity, they really get specific, don’t they? No “cell phone” for them. Nope. It’s the whole name or nothing: “cellular phone.”

    Wait. Why didn’t he say, “cellular telephone”?

    Whatever. It’s just a good thing he happened to find it laying beside the body of that dead pregnant lady.

  84. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#82): Damn Cardinal Spellman! I demand a recount.

  85. bats :[
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#65): I figure you could use a few extra, since the Sunday Mark Trail veers off-track.

    [BTW, between Milhouse Van Houghton and Amos Van Hoesen, I think the Dutch people are very poorly portrayed in animation...]

  86. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#85): I get the terrible feeling this is about to turn into a Steve Martin movie… (but: hee!)

  87. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    MT: Face it, folks. You’re up against a man who—doofusy as he might be—can talk through his shoulder without breathing. Most of us would be outmatched.

    MW: Oh Wilbur, you poor deluded fool. She’s got you right where she wants you.

    FW: Enjoy, while you can, the sight of Les on the other end of the smug gun. Status quo will reassert itself soon.

    C-Shaft: Lillian realizes with alarm that there’s more brainpower hovering outside the beekeeping suit than there is inside it.

    Doonz: I’m pleasantly surprised by how classy a note Alex’s wedding has ended on. Strangely familiar bartenders FTW.

    Archie: Congratulations to Archie Andrews for being a high school senior at the age of three.

    GA: Apparently Curly lost his vocal cords, so unconvincing Larry has to mug for two.

    BB: Yeah, not a really great time to be a mammal, Otto.

    DT: It should be fun to find out if this turnip is delusional or whether the whole gang is a more tangled web than we’ve been led to believe.

    GT: Perhaps Mimi didn’t do something really heroic like shut down a tattoo parlor for selling 100% legal DVDs, but it is something.

    CdS: There’s something very right about Petey and Kevin being kindred spirits.

    Phantom: “Show yourself, Ernesto, or I will shoot this cordless phone dead. I am sorry to have to do this.”

    Luann: Delta has delta-shaped earrings. With that kind of dedication to theme and motif she should be a Batman villain.

    S-M: “Relax. Spidey and Clown-9 are having a staring contest now. And a little birdie tells me that Spidey’s experience with 10 hour TV marathons should give him the edge.”

    A3G: Scott gets a gold star for learning so quickly what “missing” means.

    JP: Being played by Vincent Price, the postmaster naturally followed his weather warning with an evil laugh.

  88. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#7):

    RMMD. — Rex, putting on a pig nose is not going to get you into Pearls Before Swine.

    I suspect the crocs are more Rex’s speed.

  89. odinthor
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    #67. terrapin.

    Greg Evans either doesn’t have kids or he’s a total dick.

    The two, it must be pointed out, are not mutually exclusive…

  90. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#19):

    When will we ever recover from this neurotic idea that if a loved one, even a child, is unreachable for some period of time, it’s cause for panic?

    Sadly, once neurotic ideas take root, they’re pretty hard to get rid of.

  91. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#49): Trudeau sort of seems to have lost interest in JJ after she left Mike – which is cause and which is effect, I’m not sure – but she and Shaggydude make appearances a few times per year.

  92. This Guy
    June 16th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    FW: Funky Winkerbean began as a gag-a-day comic strip about high school life, but the strip evolved as cartoonist Tom Batiuk himself matured.

    Another illustration of the fact that evolution is not a teleological process leading to increasingly “improved” forms. Like the 15-foot recurrent laryngeal nerve of the giraffe, Funky Winkerbean shows that amazing as evolution is, it’s often a total bloody shambles.

    @Liam (#21): Believe it or not, “Doc McStuffins” is a children’s TV character on the Disney channel–I first learned this this morning when my nieces and nephew were watching TV. It’s about the worst name I’ve ever heard.

  93. Dr. Weird
    June 16th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    A3G

    I suspect that Nina has acted like a cat or dog and found a small, tight space somewhere in the house to give birth in. When she reappears, she’ll have her baby with her and not a hair out of place.

  94. js
    June 16th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    Leroy clearly drank five beers in the car on the way home, and probably a can of milk by mistake.

  95. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 16th, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#60): FW: Why is Cayla’s high school year book at Les’s house?

    That’s a very good question!

    FW has been driving me quietly nuts this last week or so. I don’t know which is making more irritable: (a) that Cayla and Les apparently know each other well enough to move in together and to be engaged, yet have no clue about what either of them was like in high school; or (b) that Cayla, who initially was about the only person genuinely excited about the possibility of traveling to Africa, has been shunted aside by oblivious Summer’s insistence that she be the one to take her wanker father there. Add in the racial privilege angle there, and it’s even more distasteful.

  96. Downpuppy
    June 16th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp – In the time Judge Parker has mailed a letter & A2M Spiderman has done some sumo posing, the girls on the softball team have come together like the Dirty Dozen when they lost their hot water for shaving. OK, so it never did look like those girls shaved, but bear with me. (If you’re going to hang onto black & white art, you should learn to draw lips that don’t look like moustaches.)

    Anyhow, this explains why Mimi now looks like Lee Marvin.

  97. Liam
    June 16th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    FW-It’s funny because that is his daughter’s yearbook he is going through. Yes, Les, your daughter has done more than you.

  98. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 16th, 2012 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    Saturday Morning – How’d we get back in Toon River?

    “It’s-my-only-line” Department: This has been covered better by others, but I didn’t bring anything else with me today, so…

    Mark“I’ve got to hold my breath and try to make it to the shore!” remarks our hero, who is underwater. “Oh, no! Water is getting into my mouth when I talk! I seem to be drowning. New strategy! I’ve got to somehow derive oxygen from the water…”

  99. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2012 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#98):

    In the back of Mark Trail’s mind, he knows the question which needs to be asked:
    What would Gil Trout do?

    Spidermandancer, dancin’ for funny

    The last panel looks like two action figures were used to model the poses. Which makes me want a Clown-9 action figure complete with a powerful magnifying glass to capture the suns rays.
    Heck! Why stop there? Give us all a Clown-9 Summer blockbuster movie!
    Who should play Hardy Laurel in the movie?

    (also, Jericho Brand had the wind knocked out him. He missed a key moment to ask to be re-inflated. But, he’s smooth so I shouldn’t second guess how and when he will make this performance in a crappy play pay off for him.)

  100. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Oh, wait a second. That should be a Summer blockbuster. It probably should be a Summer Duckbuster.

    (gotta stick with the theme!)

  101. Mr. O'Malley
    June 16th, 2012 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    SMBC (available on Darkgate) does a weird take on Garfield today.

  102. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2012 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#100):

    That should[not] be a Summer blockbuster….

    That’s it for me. I’m giving up trying to type.

  103. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#65): yells…

    Bizarro – STOP WITH THE TWITTER JOKES ALREADY THEY ARE NOT FUNNY

    It’s a little funny if you think of it as a fart joke.

  104. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 16th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    MW — I like the way Wilbur silenced Mary by putting his tea cup over her mouth. Muzzle tov, Mayonnaise Man!

  105. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 16th, 2012 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Nancy — I wouldn’t worry about getting older, Fritzi. You look pretty damn good for a lady who’s been around for 89 years. (She’ll celebrate her 90th anniversary in the comics on October 9, 2012!)

  106. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 16th, 2012 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Funky Monkey — Exactly how long has Les been stalking Cayla anyway?

  107. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 16th, 2012 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#87): Luann: Delta has delta-shaped earrings. With that kind of dedication to theme and motif she should be a Batman villain.

    Those are actually triangles. They’re Delta’s tribute to the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire that took place in New York City on March 25, 1911.

  108. Northernlurker
    June 16th, 2012 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    Appropros of nothing: I think the t-shirt girl in the add on the left needs to apply for a role with Judge Parker.

  109. Northernlurker
    June 16th, 2012 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    Oh and I don’t think Wilber needs to worry about his job as an anonymous columnist in a little-read newspaper.
    Being an anonymous fill-in Mary will not be able to take two-week long victory tours and she won’t like that–no she won’t.

  110. Joshua
    June 16th, 2012 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    Luann: The Luanniverse is located somewhere in San Diego County, which has eight community colleges. There isn’t just one “local junior college,” and even if there were, Luann, her friends, and her family, still wouldn’t call it “the local junior college” — they’d call it by its name or initials.

    However, if Greg Evans decides to make the upcoming school year Luann’s real-time senior year and have her graduate a year from now, all will be forgiven. This strip could certainly benefit from the change of setting that would result if it came to be about Luann’s life as a community college student. (Hint to Greg — that does not mean that Bernice, Delta, Tiffany, and Gunther all enroll at The Local Junior College, too.)

  111. Jim North
    June 16th, 2012 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#92): Funky Winkerbean is the burst appendix of comic strips.

  112. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 16th, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Meh — Either Jericho’s blonde wig has been knocked askew (I see dark hair) or Clown-9 has squirted Jest For Men® on his head.

  113. odinthor
    June 16th, 2012 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    #103. Sequitur.
    It’s a little funny if you think of it as a fart joke.

    The Bizarro cartoon, or Twitter in general?

  114. Mr. O'Malley
    June 16th, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#110): If they live near San Diego, it’s remarkable how little time they spent going to the many interesting places in that area, or even the beach. Luann’s local educational opportunities would include UCSD and San Diego State, both of which are pretty respectable universities (though with the recent tuition increases, it would be cheaper to do two years at a junior college first).

    And yes, people in California say “junior college” as much as they say “community college”.

  115. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 16th, 2012 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#101): That’s, uh…yeah. Okay. I’m going to see if anyone has any Prozac now.

  116. Liam
    June 16th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns-Well there was a woman at the grocery store with some rather large breasts who would be good for milk but Loretta would have disapproved of Leroy wanting the woman to breast feed him.

  117. Downpuppy
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Northernlurker (#108): With those white stockings & flattened face, she’s more likely to get a gig as Clown-9 1/2.

  118. Peanut Gallery
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    MT, panel 2 – “GET MOOSE AND SQUIRREL!”

  119. Mibbitmaker
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Just testing.

    Sometimes the internet can be as big a pain in the ass as Les Moore!

  120. Peanut Gallery
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#46):

    JP: “It’s exactly 83 miles from where you’re standing! And it’s 82 miles, 5277 feet and three inches from where I’m standing!”

    “How old is that dinosaur skeleton?”
    “Seventy million and three years.”
    “How do you know that so exactly?”
    “I started working at this museum three years ago, and they told me it was seventy million years old then.”

  121. Liam
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    JP-It’s 83 miles to the Payton Crossing Turnoff. You have a full tank of gas, it’s looking stormy out, and you are not wearing sunglasses.

  122. Peanut Gallery
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#121): Hit it!

  123. Liam
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    JP-I am surprised that no one has mentioned the cameo by Chuck Norris in today’s comic.

  124. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2012 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#113): I was thinking more ot the Bizarro cartoon but it’s fun to think of Twitter as little thought farts.

  125. Cloudbuster
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#121): Granted, that is one of the greatest scenes in the history of cinema, but it’s not often I see it referenced twice in two days!

  126. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#123): I thought it was Vincent Price.

  127. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#126): No, it’s God, from Zippy, without his glasses. This could get interesting.

  128. Vince M
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Maybe she’ll get into the Greendale Glee Club. Hey, what’s the chances of another freak brake mishap on the glee club bus? On to regionals!

  129. Poteet
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#125): Usually I can use Google to remedy my ignorance, but I have a feeling that won’t work this time. What scene is it?

  130. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#127): I meant, of course, “…it’s God, from Zippy, without His glasses.”

    // Forgive me, God from Zippy.

  131. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#127): Ooooh! [rubs hands together]

  132. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Clown Asinine — Stan and Larry: you guys might have at least mentioned the fact that Stan Laurel (Hardy Laurel’s half-namesake) was born on June 16, 1890. Or would a birthday shout-out to Mr. Laurel have gotten in the way of the “action” in today’s strip?

  133. Poteet
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#110): You are right — it’s time for Luann to graduate. I used to pontificate about the unfairness of Luann being stuck in high school forever and ever while Brad is allowed to grow up, sort of, kind of, okay he hasn’t but at least it’s theoretically possible that he could.

  134. Liam
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#126):

    Chuck Norris is the guy behind Sam and Avery.

  135. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#130): Actually, any god of Zippy would probably be pretty much monopotent.

  136. Poteet
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#111): Does that mean 9CL is the brain tumor and MW is the mycardial infarction?

  137. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#135): And that would imply monoscience, and monopresence too, right? I just hope He’s at least monobenevolent.

  138. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#134): Oh, you mean former major league pitcher Bruce Sutter.

  139. Sequitur
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#136): And MT would be the spastic colon.

  140. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#134), @Sequitur (#138): You guys are crazy — that’s obviously actor Brian Blessed (with orange hair):

    http://eclecticbanana.tumblr.com/post/1283792734/caveofcool-eclecticbanana-happy-birthday

  141. Little Guy
    June 16th, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    GT: I guess, in addition to the Police Chief, they control the Milford media, so it’s easy to drown out the “you’re glamorizing teenage moms like on that MTV show” mantra.

    Geez, this makes Batiluk’s “Sit down and shut up!” look Caldicott-worthy.

  142. New World Okra
    June 16th, 2012 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#136), @Sequitur (#139): Judge Parker is the silicone breast implant of comic strips.

  143. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    Hmph.

    A “New World Okra”….that’s a head shaker.

    truly EvilScaryClowns that are selling stuff! You’ve been forewarned.

    New World Okra better taste like chocolate.

  144. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2012 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    Dang it.

    Those EvilScary Clowns plus knowing NewWorldOkra exists and being ignorant of its benefits is doing nothing wonderful for my typing skills.

  145. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 16th, 2012 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns

    “Dammit woman, you’re holding my can of malt liquor upside down!”

  146. Maggie the Cat
    June 17th, 2012 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    MW- “…..an exciting change of pace for you!”

    Change of pace? Not so much. Exciting? Yes, in that Mary will have the ability to meddle the masses through the magic of print media.

  147. Droopy Says
    June 17th, 2012 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#135): And any god of Batiuk’s would be monotony. Which would explain why everyone in Cancerville treats the pizza like the food of the gods.

  148. Droopy Says
    June 17th, 2012 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spiderzero: Generic Brand has just discovered that MJ thinks Spiderman is hot. And he was attracted to her? No wonder he’s ready to barf.

    FW: Add Alzheimer’s to the list of things that Batiuk can’t successfully mine for humor.

    Mark Trail: As he settles to the bottom of the River, Trail hallucinates that he’s a colorful tropical fish. It ends happily when Rusty hooks him, at long last sharing a fishing trip with Trail.

  149. odinthor
    June 17th, 2012 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    #114. Mr. O’M.

    And yes, people in California say “junior college” as much as they say “community college”.

    With saying “JC” being about as common. I’d even go so far as to state that an institution known to have the words “Community College” in its official title would often generically be referred to as being a “JC,” as in: “Well, Mildred—I hear that you’ll be transferring to Schlitz Community College. That’s a wonderful JC!”. References to said institutions as “CC” are unexampled, no doubt because they would too easily be confused with Comics Curmudgeon.

  150. odinthor
    June 17th, 2012 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    #148. Droopy.

    FW: Add Alzheimer’s to the list of things that Batiuk can’t successfully mine for humor.

    We’ve told him, but he keeps forgetting.

  151. CanuckDownSouth
    June 17th, 2012 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    @odinthor (#150): I’m trying to figure out whether Funky is playing it straight or being ironic in that last panel – does he genuinely appreciate this time with his dad, disabilities or not, or is he putting a glib face to paper over the soul-crushing despair at his father’s decline? Of course, in FW, soul-crushing despair is actually fairly lighthearted happy funtimes, so maybe he genuinely appreciates his turn in the dark emotional pit.

  152. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 17th, 2012 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Skin under the fingernails? Really? What kind of evidence is that? It’s certainly no smoking wrapper-of-the-kind-of-gum-that-people-chew-when-they’re-trying-to-quit-smoking.

  153. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 17th, 2012 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    MW: “Readers depend on ‘Ask Wendy’ for answers to life’s major questions.”

    I thought that was Guy Noir.

  154. Carly
    June 17th, 2012 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    Are you sure those are chips? Because it kind of looks like Leroy brought home a UFO. Granted, a small UFO, but I can’t think of any particular reason aliens would have to be human sized.

  155. Joshua
    June 17th, 2012 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#133): Like the Jimmy Buffett song, Brad has been “growing older but not up.”

  156. Joshua
    June 17th, 2012 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#129): It’s a reference to “The Blues Brothers.” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080455/quotes?qt=qt0320039

  157. Joshua
    June 17th, 2012 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    @odinthor (#149): But this strip is more like, “Mildred, I hear you’re transferring to a JC around here. That’s a wonderful JC!” “But, Ethel, I didn’t even tell you which one of them it is, so are you sure it’s the wonderful one?”

  158. curlyfries
    June 17th, 2012 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#85):

    BTW, between Milhouse Van Houghton and Amos Van Hoesen, I think the Dutch people are very poorly portrayed in animation…

    I have three little words for you: Brad de Groot.

    The Dutch are obviously working off some tremendous karmic burden.

  159. Droopy Says
    June 17th, 2012 at 4:41 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#158): Haven’t they always? They probably invented the telescope, but Galileo got the credit for that. They bought Manhattan Island for $24 in beads and trinkets, from an Indian tribe who didn’t even live on the island. Then they lost it to the English, and people think calling one of their cities Haarlem is a funny way to pay tribute to Harlem. Anthony Fokker came up with some of the finest fighter designs of the Great War, and perfected the synchronized machine gun, and the Germans got the credit for that. When you mention the Dutch Masters, people think “Aren’t they to blame for cigars? Their picture was in all the boxes!” And what about the little Dutch boy and his thumb? Imagine how it feels to have one of your greatest heroes called “That little perv who assaults lesbians!”

  160. Liam
    June 17th, 2012 at 6:53 am [Reply]

    RMMD-I will not describe to you in graphic detail the rough sex me and my husband had before he died without my lawyer present.

    JP-Now remember when you say “hi” to Bernice you must say it to include the quotation marks so she knows that I am referring to the night of debauchery we shared and not just saying “hi”.

  161. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 17th, 2012 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#143): EvilScaryClowns aren’t so bad. Especially when you eat them with Sticky Fingers.

    NWO buys his Sticky Fingers barbecue sauce at the Piggly Wiggly in Apalachicola.

  162. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 17th, 2012 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#144): It gets worse — EvilScaryClowns are selling LIQUOR now!

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/thomashawk/335730093/

  163. Poteet
    June 17th, 2012 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    @Joshua (#156): Thanks! Time to see it again.

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