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The young people of today sure like their Brian Bosworth sunglasses

Slylock Fox, 6/25/12

One of the great strengths of Slylock Fox is its ability to create little self-contained stories with only a single panel and a few sentences; still, I think today’s installment could have used a bit more fleshing out, particularly when it comes to how Benny Beaver (aka the “Toothy Tumbler,” a nickname he presumably only earned at this precise moment) came to just fall out of a plane without a parachute. More to the point, why is he taking a flight in tiny airplane with Max and Sly in the first place? We all know that Slylock’s world is a dictatorship where the power of police is not restrained by any kind of independent judiciary, so my first instinct was that Benny was a political dissident that Slylock was eliminating Argentine junta-style, but Slylock’s showy rescue obviously eliminates this possibility. Unless it’s elaborate theater, an attempt (one that Slylock will deliberately botch) to show that he tried his best to rescue the clumsy water-rodent, despite Benny’s known subversive attitudes towards the benevolent Slylockian state? Anyway, since Max appears to have been left alone in the airplane — an airplane with controls that he is far too tiny to operate properly — Slylock may be taking care of several of his rodent problems at once here.

Blondie, 6/25/12

I would find this clerk’s befuddlement more believable were it not for the fact that he’s working in some kind of vintage electronics store, what with the countertop ad for a flip-phone with an antenna and the clearly visible Apple Newton and handheld VHS cameras in the display case.

Archie, 6/25/12

I keep meaning to tell y’all: If you are interested in some of the really quite fetching clothing designs that have appeared in Archie Comics over the years, you owe it to yourself to check out the Betty and Veronica Fashions Tumblr. I bring it up now because if there were some kind of evil mirror-universe version of this Tumblr that focused on hideous, ill-drawn outfits from the mid-’90s reruns in the Archie newspaper strip, Reggie would totally have earned a place in it by wearing whatever the hell it is he has on here.

335 responses to “The young people of today sure like their Brian Bosworth sunglasses”

  1. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    JP: How about we just make “Sam, Unaware” the title of this strip and be done with it?

    A3G: Cripes. What have these people been doing for the last 9 months—or for most of their lives, for that matter? I’ve never given birth, but I have a pretty good idea of what happens when one does give birth. Apparently, Nina has somehow learned—and Tommie hasn’t done anything to change this notion—that the best possible preparation for labor is taking walks in the park and sulking in her room.

    MW: You know, it would be pretty easy to persuade me to go on a free trip to Italy (e.g., “Say, bourbon babe, would you like to come to Italy?” “Yes!”), but if it involved Wilber with a pathetic little grin, saying, “Summer is a time of leisure and pleasure,” my response would likely be a sarcastic “yay,” too.

    MT: “My screams of agony as the bear mauls me will surely cause them to drop the gun!”

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y237): Eberhardt was the last of the Ten Fabers. Number Two Faber, who was inordinately proud of his erudition, often said, “Scientia est bonum.”

    Number Two Faber was also accused of not having enough lead in his pencil.

  3. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    MT: Now if I could just remeber how to aim a bear.

    RA: Check out the comic that Donna A Lewis donated to the Team Cul de Sac fund raiser. When I saw it in the book, I thought maybe, just maybe it just didn’t reproduce well. Here it is at the bottom of this page:

    She has truly outdone herself. Wrong direction, Donna.

  4. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    JP: In my ideal imaginary-comics world, this sequence will continue for another week or so, as Sam talks to Abbey about increasingly mundane topics (“So, how are Sophie’s guitar lessons coming?” “Say, did the plumber take care of that leaky faucet?”), and Avery continues to bump-and-plummet his way down the mountain. Sadly, I’m afraid that Wilson will soon run out of newspaper-friendly exclamations, cutting short the fun.

  5. nescio
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    SF: You’d think someone who could fly would come in handy in this situation, but I like how the bird stares straight ahead and ignores them.

    Love Is: So she’s dreaming about a large rigid tower, and he’s dreaming about two mountain peaks. Sorry, but your honeymoon will only involve flat, featureless places.

  6. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:26 am [Reply]

  7. sporknpork
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Are we to assume the Archie gang robbed the antique electronics store in Blondie of all the 80′s era boomboxes? Because really, iPods, ya know?

  8. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Reggie is the only person I know of to leave skid marks on his T-shirt.

  9. teenchy
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#7): I was just thinking that had Josh not commented SFox he could’ve titled this entry “Vintage Electronics Monday.”

  10. S.Stout
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    SF: He’s the Toothy Tumbler because he’s always trying to kill himself. Deforestation has ruined his land value, and he can’t pay the mortgage on his dam.

    Luann: Can we hurry up and get to the part where Quill tries to rape Luann? It already happened in ’99 with Miguel so don’t put it past Evans. Sadly, what we’ll get instead is much worse…another YouTube video.

  11. brendancalling
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    This week’s Luann is going to be a truly icky foray into teen sexuality. I don’t think we get a “Miguel” repeat though. It’ll be more like lots of kissing and then they will choose to wait. Or something. Either way, it’s going to be gross.

    MW: hopefully the Leaning Tower of Pisa will fall over and put Dawn Weston (and the rest of us) out of her misery.

  12. digamma
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Today in Blondie: Kids today don’t know about record players, am I right?

    Tomorrow in Blondie: Kids today all listen to hip-hop and think record scratching is “music”, am I right?

  13. Pozzo
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    You know, I love me some beaver, but I’ve never jumped out of a plane to get it.

  14. lorne
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Slylock is clearly performing the notorious “fake execution” torture on Benny Beaver, though admittedly with a lot more panache than usual.
    The standard way to do this is to tell the captive he’s to be executed, go through a lengthy charade of taking him out in the wilderness to dig his own grave, having him kneel in the grave as the executioner positions a gun at the base of his skull and “CLICK”. Oh, you’ve been reprieved, come back and we’ll talk some more.
    It’s a monstrous thing to do, but it’s nothing next to what Slylock is running on this beaver.
    Throwing him out of a frikkin’ plane? That’s it, game over. But suddenly your captor swoops in like Superman and rescues you? And now back to the hut, for more conversation and waterboarding.
    That is ice cold. Do not mess around with that Fox.

  15. Downpuppy
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Slylock : OK, so there are a huge amount of things we’re supposed to ignore everyday in Slylock to get at the central animal fact. So what happens when the central fact is crap? A beaver weighs about 20 kg & is basically a greased cannonball. A fox is 6kg, long fur & bushy tail. Sorry, but no amount of head down diving is going to make up that difference in relative air resistance, much less let him catch up.

    Has Weber ever been near a beaver?

  16. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    JP – Tom Selleck is 67.

    Up to this point, you could assume that the generation-out-of-date names being thrown around by Avery were part of the plot, leading up to a revelation that the whole thing is a scam and he really doesn’t know anyone. Now it is obvious that the author just didn’t bother looking up the names of actors who were born after WWII.

    Clearly, this ends with Sam walking down the hill, seeing Avery being loaded into an ambulance, watching it drive away, and then being awarded his entire fortune for “saving his life”.

    Luann – You guys will be out of the house? But, then, how will Quill and I contain our uncontrollable urges!!?

    Don’t worry, Luann, Just leave a copy of Men’s Fitness in the bathroom and Quill will take care of himself.

  17. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Cow & Boy: A pair of clerihews:

    Mike Leiknes
    Is despised in Borger, Texas
    Those hicks just can’t enjoy
    Cow and Boy.

    Bil and Jeffy Keane
    Rule the Borger comic scene.
    If only Cow and Boy were as virtuous
    as The Family Circus.

  18. Holly Folly
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Slylock fox does not look like a fox that has just jumped out of an airplane to save someone. He looks like a fox that is rigid with disappointment that his captive got away before his planned punishment. Just look at his wide, cold eyed stare as his eyes bore into the back of his captive. Soon they will be reunited. Soon the punishment will come. Soon.

  19. Borborygmy
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#15): Has Weber ever been near a beaver?

    For shame, Sir! This is a family blog!

  20. Perky Bird
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    While filling in for Wilbur as “Ask Wendy,” Mary Worth’s advice will be so well-received and life-changing for the readers, it will inspire her to write a self-help book, “Salmon Squares for the Soul.”

  21. Mumbly_joe
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Even more telling that the Archie strip is a 90′s rerun than the hideous fashion, is the fact that they’re all carrying boomboxes, presumably purchased at the electronics store that Dagwood presently finds himself in.

    In the modern era, instead of comically-large portable stereo systems, the device of choice for piping out loud music to impose upon the captive-audience people around you is a cell phone, set to speaker mode. Then again, given many comics’ studied ignorance of how cellular telephones operate, it is perhaps for the best that they didn’t even make the attempt.

  22. Vince M
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    JP: I’ll have to sit down and time the approximate length of Sam’s leisurely phone chat, and find out the speed of a man in freefall (which Avery seems to be in) so I can calculate the depth of that cliff. Did they drain the Mariana Trench?

    Maybe Slylock will swoop in and catch him.

  23. odinthor
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    JP — Has he screamed “Aiiieeeee!!!” yet? It doesn’t count until he screams “Aiiieeeee!!!”.

    Love Is . . . — . . . Preparing to fight about this year’s vacation destination!

  24. Froggy
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Blondie: The clerk has been completely baffled by Dagwood’s misplaced modifier. The missing thought bubble for panel two: “‘A yard sale that needs a new needle’? How could a yard sale need a new needle?” “Dude, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Didn’t they teach grammar when you went to school?”

  25. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    DT: Is that an “L” frame Model 586 Smith and Wesson .357 Magnum the Chief is holding at Lt. Teevo’s nose? This weapon is noted for “low recoil and good reliability even when used continuously with full power ammunition,” according to Jane’s Guns Recognition Guide 2nd Ed., Ian Hogg, Harper Collins, 2000.

  26. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    9CL: “assentity” really should be a word.

    Doons: very recent repeat?

    Lio: o noes! lost squidsquee!!! (Ishmael’s Origin story?)

    PBS: *fliptake*

    SBp: *giggles*

    Bizarro: meta-creepy.

    SF: because yelling “Jon’s COMMMMING!!!!” could be misconstrued.

  27. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .your tower and her Grand Tetons.

  28. Borborygmy
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#17): Hix nix stix comix.

  29. TheDiva
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Blondie: How can the clerk not know about records? His hairstyle and shades indicate that he hasn’t stepped outdoors since 1985.

  30. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    JP – I went back and checked, and it is clear in Saturday’s strip that Avery is talking to Sam when he slips. So Sam really is ignoring Avery’s screams so that he can exchange banalities with Abby.

  31. Lynn
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    I’m confused. Why did the yard sale Dagwood went to need a new needle?

  32. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    GT: For all that we rag on Gil Thorp, the strip is often far better at highlighting social issues than even the best of the “socially relevant” comics. For instance, while Doonesbury or Candorville might tell me an interesting and poignant story about what it’s like to be functionally illiterate, Gil Thorp succeeds in allowing me to actually experience it.

  33. Lynn
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Meh. Sorry, I didn’t see #24.

  34. Marc
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Luann- Who says anything like “would you like to come over between 10 and noon”? I know you have to set up the “joke” that Luann’s parents will be gone during that same two hour time span but that was so forced. Of course what we’re all being set up for is an anuerism inducing week of tee-hee semi-sexuality and then they reach the conclusion that they aren’t a couple, how they think abstinence is the swellest thing ever, and then will cap it off with another one of the world’s worst youtube videos. Kill me know.

    Mark Trail- I can’t wait to see how Mark’s zany, completely ridiculous plan to somehow enlist a sleeping Grizzly bear to help him stave off that murderous bush pilot and his ethnic hussy works out. And make no mistake, it will work out somehow. The reality that Mark is about 30 seconds from being mauled and Harris and Chavez walk away scott free means nothing. In the southern part of the state; avid environmentalists can control bears, a heavily tampered with gum wrapper is enough evidence for a conviction, and canoes are the preferred method of transportation. The ridiculousness of Mark Trail keeps me coming back for more every day with a crazy curiousity about what the next absurd development will be, as opposed to the ridiculousness of other comics that make me want to gouge me eyes out.

    Mary Worth- The Santa Royale public works department must be really strapped for cash since they couldn’t afford to paint the lines down the middle of that busy 2-way street. Either that or their drunk cabby is about end this trip before it even gets started.

    9CL- If that’s a crime then you’ve got a hell of a lot more penance to do than sit around in your pajamas and mope there Edda.

    A3G- No Tommie! Those paramedics play by their own rules. Nina plays by no one’s rules but her own. She’s a rebel. A rebel without a cause…. Just like that boy in that popular movie we saw.

    Funky- Well Funky confirms that he is both old and has long since lost his genitals. Probably due to some sort of crippling penis cancer.

  35. Killa Hydrilla
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    GT: I have to say, I admire the Mudlark soft- and baseballers’ team spirit. If school were out with July fast approaching and we were only just now starting the playoffsdowns, I would not be so cheerful.

    JP: Understatement of the century.

    MW: Sarcastic understatement of the century. Anyway, is Wilbur taking original-formula Dexatrim or something (something=paid a visit to Tommy Tweaker)? It’s been nonstop art jaw-jaw a since Dawn’s bedroom (did she even pack?) — and is Dawn even interested in art? As a long-time Mary Worth reader, is that something I should know about her?

    Ziggy: Now, now, Ziggy, you may be a hideous bipedal naked mole rat, but hereditarily speaking at least, that does have its advantages.

  36. Liam
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    JP-Tom Selleck really!?! Do you have any idea how old he is? The man has to be in his Sixties and there is no way he is going to get rid of that mustache again. There is no way he play a passable Sam Driver. I would say Ben Affleck to be Sam.

  37. TheDiva
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    9CL: Edda deals with problems by sulking in her jam-jams. Once again I am thankful that her pregnancy scare was just that.

    A3G: *headdesk*

    reFOOB: It was funnier when Calvin’s dad did it.

    FW: Is that the same car Funky ran off the road and presumably totaled? Oh well, I don’t expect humor, insight, likable characters, or attractive art from this strip, why should I expect continuity?

    Luann: Oh no, Luann’s going to be home all by herself with her non-boyfriend! Almost nothing could happen, and probably will!

    MT: Oh, I hope this ends up like the goose thing, with the bear mauling Mark while he shouts in vain “Stop! I’m your friend!”…

    MW: Hands up, who else heard Dawn’s line in the voices of the “And there was much rejoicing” crowd from Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “Even a superior artist such as myself can’t keep track of everything.”

    SM: Wait, did I miss something? Wasn’t there a clown in a duck car involved in here somewhere?

  38. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    bb,u, this might be the best 21 seconds of your day. *squee*

    Hammy haz a Monday.


    Canada for Austria.

    Appa cosplay. my mind is officially blown.

    a little something for Poteet.


  39. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Luann: Oh Goddammit. Stop it, Greg. Just stop it.

    MT: A Grizzly Bear?? Please.

    MW: That’s how we all feel about Mary Worth………just a simple, depressed “Yay”.

    RMMD: What, so Rex is a Private Investigator now??

  40. Borborygmy
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#30):
    “So Sam really is ignoring Avery’s screams so that he can exchange banalities with Abby.”

    Sam: So how’s the weather there?
    Avery: aieeeee…
    Abby: Fine. Sunny. Just like when you left.
    Avery: …eeeeeeia…
    Sam: It looked like it was going to storm up here, but then it cleared up.
    Avery: …eeeeeeia…
    Abby: I hear weather can change on a dime up there.
    Avery: …eeeeeeia…
    Sam: Funny, that’s what the guy at the post office said. What’s a dime?
    Avery: …eeeeeeia…
    Abby: I dunno, it’s just an expression.
    Avery: …eeeeeeia…
    Sam: So, what are you wearing?
    Avery: …eeeeeeia…
    Abby: You know, that tuquoise top with the neckline that randomly moves up and down.
    Avery: …eeeeeeia…
    Sam: Mmmm.

    Und so weiter.

  41. Cloudbuster
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    9CL: Life in a minimum security prison is brutal.

    Luann: If Evans is threatening us with another Luann music video, we should get a restraining order against him.

    A3G: “I’m not sure, but I think she’s in labor!” Seriously? I have my doubts that these two ever actually managed to have sex. I suspect Nina was impregnated by her gynecologist during a “routine exam.” Scott thinks the baby is his because they kissed (and he’s terrified that Margo is pregnant)!

    JP: YIIIIIKES! I can see Abbey’s breasts from here!

  42. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Marvin: In today’s Marvin, Armstrong goes for the observational humour inherent in the fact that kids play with toys. Take that, Seinfeld.

  43. Doug Puthoff
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    GF–Plot Holes? Bucky must have graduated from the Stan Lee School of Creative Writing, whose alumni include Tom Batiuk and Neil Rubin.

  44. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#42): Careful, Frank. If a man once indulges in reading Marvin, can robbing, Sabbath breaking, and incivility be far behind?

  45. UncleJeff
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Judge (What’s that noise? I dunno.) Parker: Remember Homer Simpson falling down the side of Springfield Canyon after coming “just a little short” on that skateboard jump?

    Doonesbury: I think Trudeau has gone on the honeymoon with Alex and Toggle. (Actually, it’s not bad strategy because I’ll be a little difficult to follow that storyline).

    A3G: Tommie admits she just wants to go home after a long shift at the hospital so Nina places a call to Jimmy John’s. She’s heard they’re known for their ‘freaky fast deliveries”.

  46. Mibbitmaker
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is now finally up! (my internet was down for a bit)

    Life in Hell becomes Life in Retirement.

  47. Horace Broon
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#7):

    It’s a rerun from the 1990s, but even so, Discmans, y’know?

  48. UncleJeff
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Doones: “it’ll” be difficult. Sometimes the spell check takes on a mind of its own.

    DT: So the Chief of Police has taken over as chief executioner? Is Dick going to be laid-off?

    Pirahna Club: Norman Panda makes an appearance (not to be confused with Mr. Panda of DT)

  49. UncleJeff
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Blondie: I think the clerk just wants to use the term “stylus” so he can establish a dominant position in this conversation over the technologically-anachronistic Dagwood.

  50. bbofun
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    SHYLOCK-obviously, this is the result of an “interrogation’ gone wrong. Shylock was holding Benny out of the door of the plane to make him talk (probably trying to get him to admit to be the creator of “Toothy Tumblr”, a blog featuring hidden-camera snapshots of teeth), when his cellphone rang, he made the mistake of asking Max to hold Benny.

    Henrietta Heron, meanwhile, looks on in contempt at the non-flyers invading her domain, praying to her avian god for their doom.

    FW- What the–? No airport jokes? Y’know, if Batiuk has decided NOT to follow Les and Summer to Africa, and Karen Moy DOES follow Wilbur and Dawn to Italy, my understanding of the universe will be fundamentally shaken.

    On the other hand, suggesting that turning in you leased car is just like selling a used car seems to be just about right in Batiuk’s universe. I wonder if they have any vendos at the car dealership?

    A3G vs. JP- Taking bets now- which will happen first- Avery stops falling, or Nina has her hellspawn- um, baby?

  51. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#y92): *gigglez*

    I have to pet neighbor’s dogs atm. just not the same.

  52. Mibbitmaker
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    SFx: The Toitle: “Wind resistance, son. Juuuust wind resistance.” (Tortoise Wins by a Hare (Merry Melodies, 1943))

    Blondie: These “What are these ‘records’ you speak of?” jokes in the funnies of late, in spite of the fact that there are plenty of vinyl record/record player users out there in a bit of a revival. They even sell new record players in dept. stores these days. Now, cassette tapesthere’s something that seems to have all but vanished from the earth (speaking as one who still makes/listens to mix tapes. I’m lucky to be able to find blank tapes at some CVS stores, and not even the one closest to me anymore. Luckily, my making tapes is slowing down by now)

    Archie: Food? I do believe it isn’t past Jughead to be willing to eat boom boxes if necessary!

  53. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Has anyone brought up the fact that Dagwood’s yard sale needs a new needle?

  54. Hogenmogen
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Archie: I’m thinking 80s, not 90s, and sorta early 80s at that. The “4″ on Reggie’s shirt reminds me of some subtle hint of “1984″. Moose has short-shorts and Speedos on men were icky after 1980-81-ish.

    Well, they were always icky, but no one told us guys until 1980-81-ish. I did have a clueless friend in ’83 who told me all about how he was wearing the tightest bathing suit he could, so the girls would see his bulges. Yeah, I should have been the one to tell him the news. But, for all I know he’s still wearing them.

  55. Hogenmogen
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#53): Good catch. But can you tell me why anyone recorded 45s of scratching sounds?

  56. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    SG: Coca Cola needs to pay Mark Buford more for these product placements. Or pay him even more to stop.

  57. pugfuggly
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    A3G My greatest comic wish is that at the climax of this storyline, the A3G artists decide to break their ‘nothing drawn below the waist’ rule in the most spectacular way possible: by giving us the most graphic depiction of childbirth ever seen on the comics page.

    MT Knowing that death is imminent, Mark chooses to die like a true woodsman, by bear, rather than getting shot by some punk bush pilot.

    MW I think this trip is going to be quite an eye-opener for Wilbur, since he seems to have only the vaguest idea what Italy is. “Um, there’s art…and ancient history…and then MILAN!….where other stuff happens…I think…Did I mention the art?”

  58. Jamus The Bartender
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Archie: I call bullshit on today’s Archie. Because if there’s one person who’s gonna bring food, it would so be Jughead.

    9CL: Okay kids, today’s secret word is “gasseouspasseous”. Now, whenever anyone says that word, SCREAM. REAL. LOUD!

    Luann: Well, at least they’re not going to the beach again…..

  59. Hibbleton
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    MT: Mark’s plan is that Harris uses up all his bullets shooting the bear? So much for loving wildlife.

  60. Killa Hydrilla
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#39):

    RMMD: What, so Rex is a Private Investigator now??

    The man I wanted to see had a mane as fine as any of the trotters on the OTB TV and a mustache to match. His shoulders came right out of 1983 and nudged mine. I tossed my questions at him like quarters into a slot machine.

    He squinted from behind his glasses. He was one of those guys who squints a lot. Thinks it makes him look thoughtful. “Yes, Doctor Morgan. Everyone here knows foster! Has something happened?”

    One thing I’ve learned in the doctor biz is that something is always happening — cells mutating, cancers metastasizing, plaque lining arterial walls — but I wasn’t here to philosophize or monetize, but to detectivize. “He was recently killed in an accident, Mr. Thomas,” I said. I didn’t know if Thomas was his first name, last name, or no name. It was a gamble, a bluff, to see if I could shake him up a little — not ’cause I thought he was guilty — but because I’m kind of a dick that way.

    “I’m sorry. I didn’t know! We haven’t seen him for a while!” He squinted even harder, like he was trying to squeeze out a tear or two — or maybe he just needed a new prescription.

    “What can you tell me about the last time he was here?” I asked, already losing interest in his answer. Someshit about a 100K marker and someone called Jimmy the Juicehead. Blah blah blah. There was nothing he could tell me that the killer, wouldn’t readily admit for no good reason in the third act. I scanned the room for Rikki, a Filipino croupier I knew with “barely legal” stamped on his passport — and ass.

  61. Hogenmogen
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Sly: A real parachutist would point head first at Benny. Sly is nonchalantly going down feet first and not even in the direction where the Toothy Tumblr is headed. My first take before I read the question was that Sly was going to make a cell phone call to his girlfriend while Benny screamed and fell for a week.

  62. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MT: Do grizzly bears live on tiny islands?

    Appearently this one does. He swam out there to get away from the hussle and bussle of forest life for a bit of peace and quiet. Now this. That is gonna be one pissed bear.

  63. Liam
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MT-If I can kill this bear and wear it’s skin then I might be able to scare away the people who are chasing after me.

    MW-What about the canals of Venice? The tower in Pisa? A mob rub out in Sicily?

  64. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    DT — Lt. Teevo shoots his ass off. (I hope he kept the store receipt for those assless chaps!)

  65. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    R=R: So how come this kid is talking using normal spelling, and not phonetic spelling? The tot MUST be speaking some bizarre, incomprehensible dialect. No other explanation makes sense.

  66. Hogenmogen
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    SM: Almost de-masked by a stage actor, he’s about to get his ass kicked by his own non-super wife. And this, after getting punk’d by a FREAKIN’ CLOWN!

  67. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    (80) proof that bourbon babe, unbuckled is exceptional in many ways.

  68. pugfuggly
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#62):

    “RAAAAAAAAAWR! I only get 2 weeks of vacation a year, and I’m not about to have it be ruined by 3 idiotic humans! Shoo! Shoo! Go play on the shore!”

  69. Hogenmogen
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MT: Why didn’t yesterday’s MT nature facts have a “do not disturb sleeping grizzlies” warning of some kind? Now all the kids are going to go out to their local bear cave and kick whatever is sleeping in there.

  70. logicbutton
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    I remember reading that exact Slylock Fox strip when I was a kid – sometime in the early 90s, maybe? – and I just have to say kudos to Weber for not recycling the art. His target audience never would have known on account of not having been born yet, but I would have, and I’m pretty sure that’s what matters.

    Unless, of course, that strip back in the 90s was itself a rerun and today’s art is from an even earlier incarnation. Who can say?

  71. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#44): Not to mention leaving the toilet seat up. Or, no…I guess that’s not a consideration with Marvin.

  72. Johnny Knuckles
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Today’s Archie is brought to you by the Fire Island Tourist Board.

  73. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @logicbutton (#70): Today’s strip is the original. The earlier strip was a rerun of it.

    Weber has powers beyond those of mortal men.

  74. Horace Broon
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    ASM: Normally I’d sigh at this blatant set-up to Peter spending all week being neurotic about MJ and Brand, by having MJ stand up for Brand for no reason whatsoever. But every strip about this is one Clown-9 doesn’t appear in, which can only be good.

    DT: “Chief, you don’t understand! Yes, I betrayed the police department, but I did it for money! Have you got something against money? Does Tracy know you’re a Communist?”

    FC: I’m embarassed to admit that this actually took me a while. At first, the best interpretation I could come up with was that Billy was refusing to go out and play with the kid at the door, and Dolly was making a hilarious malapropism on “blowing off” and “cold shoulder”. But no, it’s “heating the whole neighbourhood”, only it’s summer, so it’s the AC rather than the central heating he’s wasting, and jeez, it wasn’t worth the time it took me.

    FW: As Les goes on the adventure of a lifetime, let’s watch Funky try to sell his car! (Actually, the same principle as Spidey holds; at least not following Les up Kilimanjaro means we’re not following Les.)

    JP: I can only assume rich people don’t have time to interpret comic strips. They want a narration box at the start that tells them exactly what the pictures are showing, and then they can turn straight to their stock prices.

    H&L: I know I’ve said this before, but has Lois been tested for some form of OCD?

    HtH: The rainy season in England: February to November (then it snows).

    MT Mark, you’ve got little enough evidence to secure your friend’s release. Having the actual murderers eaten won’t help!

  75. Esther Blodgett
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#36): I can’t believe I’m writing this, but I don’t think Ben Affleck is quite smug-prick enough to play Sam Driver.

  76. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#68): And get off my lawn!

  77. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Today’s Henry is just the prologue. The strip for tomorrow will show how Henry’s father came up with the lyrics for “Pants on the Ground”!

  78. seismic-2
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    SFx: So does today’s episode finally serve to locate this strip as taking place in Beaver Falls, PA?

    Since Slylock jumps out of the plane only “seconds later”, obviously he was already wearing a helmet and parachute. Bucky wasn’t, which leads us to conclude that Slylock was going skydiving and Bucky was the pilot. Max is therefore doomed. The Mouse is learning the hard way that when you’re presented a contract that names Slylock as the sole beneficiary of your estate, don’t sign it until the plane is in the hanger! And then don’t go trout fishing afterwards, either.

  79. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    FW – Finally, we have confirmation of what we have suspected all along. Funky routinely dresses as an old woman and goes for drives in the country.

    The Montoni’s employees know this, of course, as they regularly run into him at Westview’s other functional business – the Comic Book Store – wearing saggy support hose that fail to cover his stubbly legs. The need to engage in conversation with “him”, while he talks in a John-Cleese-in-drag dialect, is what finally drove Crazy crazy.

  80. Hibbleton
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#75):
    Can Simon Cowell act?

  81. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    SFx: After the third time Slylock pushed him out of the plane, Benny was ready to talk, ready to sign the confession, ready to testify against everyone he had ever met.

    Archie: Reggie Mantle in Speedo and purple baby tee, demonstrating how he got the nickname “Reggie the Rent Boy.”

    A3G: Do cell phones in the 3G-verse weigh 20 lbs? Because it looks like Tommie and Scott are doing curls with theirs.

    MT: Hey, Mike does a pretty good Yosemite Sam.

    MW: “Summer is a time for leisure and pleasure” sounds like narration from a documentary made for people who have never been outside the bunker. In Dawn’s defense, if I were in a taxi listening to this crap, a flat and sarcastic “yay” is probably more than I could manage.

    Ziggy: Heredity from whom? Have we ever seen the mushroom people who spawned Ziggy?

    FW: If Funky is referring to himself as “a little old lady” he’s obviously not optimistic on the testicular cancer.

    BC: Shouldn’t there be an ant dressed up like Willie Wonka (Gene Wilder version, please) somewhere in the background?

    Baldo: If you want to understand today’s teenagers, apparently you should listen to some old Amos & Andy episodes.

    JP: Oh dry up, Avery. You may be falling to your doom, but at least your wife isn’t suggesting that you should be played by a 67-year-old.

    RMMD: Despite often seeming otherwise, Rex is only human. Which means that he has to avert his eyes from the casino guy’s toupee or else he’ll collapse into giggles.

    H&L: Trixie has already mastered jazz hands, so it’s kind of a shame that she’s nowhere close to being in the frame.

    DT: Hey, a cop committing suicide by cop! Now that’s one job perk they don’t talk much about.

    Shoe: Stay classy, Brookins and Cassatt.

    FC: Now Dolly, your older brother is only cool by Keane standards.

    DtM: Today the part of Mr. Wilson will be played by Dennis, and the part of Dennis will be played by Margaret, who will also double as Kenny G.

    Luann: Quill calls Luann, saying that he wrote a new tune and needs lyrics. Remind me, which horseman of the Apocalypse is responsible for this?

    S-M: “Okay, I stand corrected. I’ve got a mediocre mind to…”

  82. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#75): Oh, give the guy a chance, will ya? It’s called acting!

  83. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#78): The plane could be on autopilot. You know, sort of the way Marmaduke has been written the past 50 years. Zing!

  84. New World Okra
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#77): General Larry Platt was born on August 27, 1947 — probably around the time this “Henry” comic was first published.

  85. Jim North
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    A3G: Apartment 3-G works so much better when you imagine everything they’re saying as extreme sarcasm. It really helps that the facial expressions are all flippant, bored, or otherwise derisive.

    Blondie: Ah, irony. The creators of Blondie are so out of touch with the youth of today that they don’t know how in touch the youth of today are with older forms of media. Reading this comic is like looking through a magic window into an alternate timeline in which hipsters never existed. Or, presuming you’re one of those who ascribe to the idea that hipsters never really did exist, a timeline in which the very idea of hipsters never existed.

    Hell, one of the new things we recently got in to sell at my work is a turntable that hooks up to a computer to record vinyl records into MP3s, so you can get that nice scratchy sound in a more portable format.

    No snark here, really. Just a vague sense of disappointment.

    DT: Y’know, I started hoping earlier today that maybe Teevo was just an unfortunate pawn. That today’s reveal would be that he only works for Mr. Crime because he’s being blackmailed, and he really did mean that he was going to warn Tracy before anyone he actually knew got seriously hurt. Alas, they’re playing the mole bit straight, and now he’s going to meet his inevitable self-enacted demise.

    So, more vague disappointment. Seems to be a theme.

    GT: I find it very hard to care about anything in Gil Thorp today. Well, except for middle panel lady, who appears to be going “DUUUUUUUURRRRR! DUR DUR DUUUUUUUUUUUR!” very loudly over everything the coach is trying to say. She’s cool.

    Luann: tee hee hee hee!

    MW: If Wilbur just keeps repeating the names of the places they’re going to go, it’s really going to seem like they actually went there even though the story will shift entirely over to Mary until they come back to the states!

    R=R: So Rose was just standing there in the kitchen, apron on, and holding a mixing bowl with nothing in it? That’s just taking the normal sweetly disturbing content to a whole new level. This is usually the part in the horror movie when the kid turns around and then turns back only a second later to find Rose has completely disappeared, the moth-eaten apron is hanging from a nearby rusty hook, the mixing bowl is sitting cracked and moldy on the filthy counter, and the sudden darkness surrounding him stems from the electricity having seemingly been shut off months if not years before this strange, transformative moment.

    S-M: Gather ’round, kids! It’s time again for The Amazingly Petty Spider-Asshole! Yaaaaaaaay!

  86. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#81):

    Baldo: If you want to understand today’s teenagers, apparently you should listen to some old Amos & Andy episodes.

    That made me think of an Amos ‘n Andy joke I heard as a small child. I didn’t understand it at the time but for some reason I remembered it.

    Andy: Hey, Kingfish, I got served with this here “subpoena.” What is this?
    Kingfish: Hmmm, let me see that, Andy. Hmmm, yeah, well “sub” means “below” and we all know what a “poena” is. Yeah, Andy, it looks as though someone’s got you by the balls.

  87. Hogenmogen
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#81): “Baldo: If you want to understand today’s teenagers, apparently you should listen to some old Amos & Andy episodes.”

    Play those via cassette on your oversized boom box. The teens today know nothing of turn tables, except when they watch “rap” videos on EmptyVee – and those “rap” guys always do it wrong.

  88. Santa Royale With Cheese
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    MT: I don’t have anything brilliant to add today to anything, so I’ll pass along this anecdote. This weekend I was out looking for fishing spots and found a lake that doesn’t have any clear access from the road. About a mile down the road, there’s a parking lot with a trail head. Some jittery folk were parked in the lot and I asked if that trail led to the lake. “Nope, no lake there, there’s just a trail through the woods and some marshes.” And yet, it seemed like a popular spot. But why? Are people suddenly “into” hiking for hiking’s sake?

    I came back later and had the place to myself. The trail doesn’t lead to the lake, this is true.

    But someone beat a path through some nasty marshland. But why?

    The answer was found in a milk crate. 9 styrofoam cups filled with pot plants.

    Hand to God, this is the first time I ever saw marijuana plants “in person”.

    If I were Mark Trail, I would have narrated my trek really loudly.

    Anyway had to share.

  89. Dennis Jimenez
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    SFx – Everybody knows a fox can catch a beaver, given enough fall time….

    Blondie – Ha-Ha – Plugger Dag, no longer can get Edison was cylinders for his recording machine….

    Archie – Arch and Jug have those new fangled case-ette players – while Moose has a ham radio and Reg a reel-to-REAL deck – so I’m sure there’s no media they won’t be able to play….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  90. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#75): Tom Cruise was born to play Sam Driver.

  91. Michael W
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Slylock: “Benny, this is your #@!&ing wake-up call, man! I am an F B I agent!”

  92. NoahSnark
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    When Archie is tired of being chased by Betty and Veronica he travels back in time so he can enjoy Fire Island in the 80′s.

  93. Hogenmogen
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#88): Good thing you weren’t handcuffed to a tree by the UPS delivery folks.

  94. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#57):

    A3G My greatest comic wish is that at the climax of this storyline, the A3G artists decide to break their ‘nothing drawn below the waist’ rule in the most spectacular way possible: by giving us the most graphic depiction of childbirth ever seen on the comics page

    Maybe if Margaret Shulock is unexpectedly replaced as scripter by Alan Moore

  95. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Blondie: “Dude, I don’t know what you’re talking about. You can get that on Amazon for a couple of bucks, no shipping or sales tax either. If you buy it here you’re gonna pay twenty, thirty bucks. Why would you want to do that? Geez, old people are dumb.”

  96. 150
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    The Blondie joke would have worked if he was talking to Elmo or something, but look at that cashier’s glasses. He ONLY listens to the warm sounds of vinyl. Blondie, I am disappoint.

  97. geekwhisperer
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    MT What I love about Mark Trail is that unlike following some kind of plot, Elrod just wanders off on a journey that may or may not have anything to do with what was going on the day before and can be entirely unhinged from reality. You can totally imagine explaining any Mark Trail plot as if you were relating a weird dream to your spouse while shaving: “Yeah, so anyway I dreamed that Gene Johnson, you know the guy from accounting? Yeah, him. Anyway, he was convicted of murder. Weird, right? But it turns out he didn’t shoot him, his gun was borrowed to shoot the guy, but that doesn’t make any sense, so I went to the place to look for clues and there was this gum wrapper and I took it, and then I went to talk to the guy who I thought shot him and he chased me in his plane and then he and this purple woman who looks like that crazy lady who yelled at you in the dry cleaner that one time were chasing me around this island trying to shoot me, but suddenly there was this cave with this grizzly bear in it… Anyway, I don’t care what Dr. Ressler says, I am so not taking Ambien anymore.”

  98. Hogenmogen
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Dagwood: I also bought an antique radio that needs a few vacuum tubes. Hey, do you have any of those wax cylinders here?

    Kid: We only sell technology that is 10 years old. You should look online.

    Dagwood: That’s no way to deliver a tech punchline.

    Kid: More information can be found … on the internet.

  99. geekwhisperer
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Blondie What percent of gags on the comics page are technophobic in nature? 40%? Higher? Say what you want about Judge Parker, at least those people use cell phones the way people really do- they carry on banal conversations while callously ignoring the gross misfortunes of others.

  100. Mibbitmaker
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    9CL: Brooke must have a second thesaurus, one for made-up words.

    DT: Wringing out the last of the idiocy from the Locher years, eh, Staton/Curtis?
    Rest In Stupidity, Lt. Teevo.

    Plus points: Cute, funny joke today.
    Minus points: Goddamned smirk.
    Evens out.

    Judge P: Jokey Juxtaposition Jerks has a funny one today.

    MW: FLUSH!!! — the sound of Wilbur throwing his money away.

    Strip: “All men are… like demons”. Speak for yourself, Brooke!
    DVD Commentary: “Limning”? Really?
    Most comic strip artists draw. Brooke McEldowney limns.

    S-M: Brand’s next role: Bluto in a Popeye cartoon.

    ZtP: Either that, or Ignatz mouse is really out of control nowadays!

    ZtP2: Either that, or the squirrels in Mutts are branching out!

  101. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#2): Number Two Faber was also accused of not having enough lead in his pencil.
    Everybody agrees that he tried harder, and would have been a success if he’d been able to overcome the juvenile nickname that followed him through life.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#17): Shouldn’t clerihews kinda rhyme?

    @Marc (#34): I can’t wait to see how Mark’s zany, completely ridiculous plan to somehow enlist a sleeping Grizzly bear to help him stave off that murderous bush pilot and his ethnic hussy works out.
    Mark’s going to pull a McGyver. “Hmm. I can use his sinews as a crude slingshot, and employ his eyeballs as projectiles… and if I remove his bladder, I can squirt them with urine and probably blind them long enough to disembowel them with one of these paws…”

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#38): You want a platform with handlebars on it where you stand atop rotating six-foot blades of death? That’d be at The Army Transportation Museum at Fort Eustis (where Steve Stiles used to hang out in one of the locomotives when he didn’t want to be found). I’ve seen the thing, and have begun to suspect it was never meant to be used but was instead put together by some officers so they could watch the faces of the troops when they asked for volunteers to use the thing.

  102. mollificent
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#16): That was my first thought, too. I’ve always been a Tom Selleck fan (he and my dad used to look a lot alike, and being from Hawaii we were big Magnum PI fans) but as actors who might be called upon to play Sam Bow-Before-My-Smug-Handsomeness Driver, he’s definitely a little long in the tooth. (Sorry, Tom. Nothin’ but love for ya.)

  103. mollificent
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Borborygmy (#19): It IS?? Oh, crap.

  104. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Oop – “We sent Lola in Ooola’s place.”
    “Wait. How does that work?”
    “Well, they’re exact doubles, except for the dress.”
    “So we sent Lola instead.”
    “But how did that fool them?”
    “Lola looks like Ooola.”
    “Okay, got that part.”
    “So they thought she was Ooola.”

    Seems fitting that the story moves at a glacial pace. I’m hoping one of these days Guz will ask how they knew what Ooola looked like in the first place.

    3G – Not sure here if Tommie’s phone keeps ringing after she answers it, or if it just happens she’s enjoying a rousing chorus of “Ring Ring the Banjo” on the Pianola.

    Slylock – Max Mouse, the sole remaining occupant of the crashing plane, was saved from a fiery death by a passing stork, which ate him raw. The irony.

  105. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Snuffy – When did Tater grow a nose beard and start talking?

    Close – It’s the age-old story: Lie down with octopodes, wake up with sucker marks you can’t explain to your wife.

    Crankshaft – Damn. If only [close the door] there were some way [close it; the door] you could keep those [close the damned door] squirrels out of [just close that thing, dumbass] your garage.

    Hägar – The fact that I’m now looking at the recurring anonymous Vikings and wondering what kind of rich stories they would tell indicates to me that I’m not getting much from the foreground guys.

  106. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Judge – “The fall of a thousand flights begins with a single step.”

    love is…“You can play with my Alps if you’ll let me inspect your tower.”
    In other words, Love is having an active imagination. [*]

    Shortpacked – Lucky Gotham City bastards get a new White Castle. Grumble.

    MJ – “Leave Jericho Brand ALONE!!” will go viral. I’m so confident of this that I positively predict it!

    @Mr. O’Malley (#y230): I’m off on a trip, will see you all later.
    Don’t do it, Titus!

  107. Killa Hydrilla
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    What, no one’s made any Blondie jokes about wax tablets and styli or clay and cuneiform? C’mon, nerds! Quitcher slackin’!

    Dagwood: “I bought a cave near Chauvet that needs some red ochre…

    “See, I wanna eat some ‘shrooms and have a transcendental experience like our paleolithic ancestors…


    “Dude, I have no idea what you’re talking about! [Whispers] Food court, two-thirty. Eighty bucks an eighth.”

  108. Poteet
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    MW — Get ready, Italy! Here come Platitude and Attitude!

  109. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Shoe — Cosmo uses his newspaper expense account to tip the restroom attendant.

    Scary Gary — Showing the title character in his underwear makes this the scariest Gary of all.

  110. Ned Ryerson
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Blondie alternate tech joke: “I bought this Bearcat police scanner at a yard sale. I need to buy the crystals for the local police, fire and EMS frequencies.”

  111. Poteet
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

  112. mollificent
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#90): YES. On stilts!

  113. sully
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Re: Archie
    You mean to say, that after establishing in millions of cartoons over thousands of years, that Jughead only cares about his stomach, he shows up at a beach sausage party with a ghetto blaster instead of a sack of Pop’s burgers and subs? Hopefully for her, Big Ethel shows up, because in this bizarre, uncharacteristic state, he might show the slightest interest in sex.

  114. Poteet
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    MT — Per some novel I read long ago, I do believe that reason has finally snapped its chain.

  115. Droopy Says
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: So Bearly Awake charges the two killers and devours them. We next see Trail in the sheriff’s office as he explains how Harris and Mrs. Chavez died. The sheriff nods, puts Trail in the same cell with his bestest fishing buddy, and charges Trail with two counts of homicide. Because this whole story sounds like an idiot’s effort to alibi himself.

  116. Dood
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Does the AJGLU-3000 have a thing for the Village People?

  117. Jim in Wisc.
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: A legacy strip that’s written by committee is recycling old artwork? I am both shocked and disillusioned!

  118. Illustrator Steve
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#88):
    Do you happen to have the GPS coordinates for the location of that milk crate? I’d just like to make sure it’s disposed of properly.

  119. Ned Ryerson
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Reggie’s t-shirt is a homemade homage to his favorite computer game: Transport Tycoon.

  120. Sans Sense
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    LuAnn: He’s going to leave a shrimp in that Barbie.

  121. Poteet
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    JP — Wow, that is some mean-ass mountain. Apparently it kicked Avery into thin air on his way down.

  122. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Michael W (#91): Slylock: “Benny, this is your #@!&ing wake-up call, man! I am an F B I agent!”

    I agree — if “F B I” stands for “Falling Beaver Instigator”!

  123. Sans Sense
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    FC: The neighborhood gets understandably “cool” when Billy’s dealing drugs out the front door. Nice touch with Barfy for muscle and Dolly as a narc.

  124. Poteet
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    SLYLOCK — Note to self — beavers have belly-buttons.

  125. odinthor
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

  126. Sans Sense
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Vicente, if you didn’t insist on a Scarface-sized supercrib this could be over right now. Also, don’t paint your place purple. It’s nauseating, your property values take a hit and the Ghost Under the Stairwell blends right in.

  127. Dood
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus: Billy is the neighborhood “cooler” in the William Macy sense. You can’t have kids beating the compound’s percentages.

  128. Sans Sense
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#125): Colin Firth including the Brit accent!

  129. Señor Tortilla
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    A3G: *sigh* This is just too stupid.

    Archie: Reggie, I think that swimsuit was found in the woman’s department.

    9CL: If Edda mumbled “Life is brutal”, then I would’ve forgiven McEldowney of at least 5% of his crimes.

    JP: “Say, do you hear something?”
    “Nope. Just the wind. So, how much money did we make this week?”

    Luann: Meanwhile, in real life…

    Evans: “So, you think that Anne/Tiffany is NOT a bully and Ox, TJ, Luann, and Quill have been? Alright, you bastards…I’ll get my revenge! One more YouTube video, coming right up! That will serve you!”

  130. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#101): @Nehemiah Scudder (#17): Shouldn’t clerihews kinda rhyme? Kinda. In retrospect, I would have gone with “circu-ous”.

    In general, I am very latitudinarian in regard to rhyme. I figure somebody somewhere probably pronounces one of the word pair in a way that more or less sounds like somebody somewhere pronounces the other, and that’s good enough for me. My favorite rhyming dictionary, The Penguin Rhyming Dictionary, R. Fergusson, ed., Viking Press, 1985, is very liberal as well, and apparently used a word list based on a non-rhotic dialect. It allows “skimmer” to rhyme with “dimmer”, of course, but also with “dulcimer” and “eczema” and “cinema”.

    Suits me.

    // In music, I am an enthusiastic advocate of Professor Hill’s “think” system, which is pretty much analogous to my rhyming philosophy in verse.

  131. Poteet
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    A3G — I am hoping against hope that Nina will wake up tomorrow, shaking, and mutter “That’s it. No way is Scott going to pressure me into having a kid. What I want is a divorce!”

  132. Baka Gaijin
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    That grumpy bear in Mark Trail could be the instigator of the Bearmageddon! @Baka Gaijin (#132):

  133. Gringo
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @brendancalling (#11): MW: hopefully the Leaning Tower of Pisa will fall over and put Dawn Weston (and the rest of us) out of her misery.

    Given that Wilbur’s on the trip, it’s more like to be the Leaning Tower of Pizza! Amirite?

  134. Jon the Red
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    See, what I think was, Slylock was holding Benny Beaver out of the open door of the plane, attempting to torture information out of him to use in a later trial whose only purpose will be to racially profile a rat. Benny chose death over betrayal of one of his best friends to the brutality of the state, accompanied by a cry of, “You’ll just kill me when you’re done with me anyway!” Sly pencil dives out of the plane, his arms crossed disapprovingly; neither animal was holding a pose specifically to fall faster or slower. Regardless, it does allow Sly to catch up with Benny and wrap his arms around the beaver. “This isn’t about your life,” Sly whispers into Benny’s ear. “Your cooperation guarantees the safety of your family.” Family?! How did Slylock know? How foolish of you, Benny; Slylock always knows.

  135. Illustrator Steve
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Hello in the cave! We know you are in there, Mister Trail! We are from the LDS Church and have ben following you to share some of our pamplets with you.”
    “Yes, I am Mark Trail. I’m just here to visit an old friend who lives in this cave. I will have my old friend come to the cave entrance to see if WHAT you have is anything he may be interested in. But first, if you really want to get his attention, cover yourselves in honey. He really loves honey!”

  136. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#132): Wow. Look at all that bear ass.

  137. Liam
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-What is this yard sale that you speak of?

    JP-Sam, do you hear something in the back? It sounds like a man is falling down a hill.

    JP 2-Sam, you should pay attention the narration box more and not the thought of your big breasted red headed wife lounging around home in a skimpy negligee.

    Love Is-You should go to Italy. There is the history of Rome, the art of Florence, and Milan.

  138. Hibbleton
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Marm: “You’ll wait till I’m done humping this chihuahua”

  139. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Pairihew for Archie

    Boldman and Scarpelli
    Use jokes that are so old they’re smelly.
    What could be less jocund
    Than the AGLU-3000?

    // Now Muffaroo will probably object to me rhyming “thousand” with “jocund”, but, as I explained earlier, I have a real life dead-tree rhyming dictionary which says it’s ok, so there!

  140. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#86): Not bad, all things considered.

  141. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#139): It’s all in the pronunciation.

  142. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#140):
    I don’t think you’ll hear that joke on All Things Considered.

  143. Sans Sense
    June 25th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    JP: YIIIIIKES? Avery sure is clean mouthed for a Hollywood-type. What was his last film, The Wiggles On Ice?

  144. Marc
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    I hope Dagwood buys that auto-dialer in the store there and uses it to run a huge telemarketing scheme. “Greetings, friend. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you’ve got the power inside you right now. So use it. And send one dollar to Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don’t delay! Eternal happiness is just a dollar away.”

  145. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#141): “It’s all in the pronunciation.”

    Or mispronunciation… Exactly my point. I have been reading Byron’s Don Juan recently, and while I will be the first to allow that a 19th C. English aristocrat pronounced words differently than a 21st C. American, it is also clear that his lordship was not averse to stretching a rhyme any damn time he felt like it.

    // Have you read Byron? Not popular these days, but he’s very good, very funny. When I grow up, I want to be just like him. Well, not with the club foot, and the incestuous relationships, and the early death… but enormous personal wealth and vast poetic talent, I could go for that!

  146. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#142): I’m pretty sure it was on Car Talk.

  147. Snarkotix Addict
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    MT In the category of “Things We Wish for But Will Never See”
    I so want to see Mark Trail emerge from the cave riding the grizzly like a bronco while the Chavez widow and pilot Harris run for their lives.

    MW Wilbur has so been building up Milan that I will be disappointed if something spectacular and unexpected doesn’t happen. Say, Wilbur’s debut at La Scala. Singing “O Sole Mayo.”

    Luann Correct me if I’m wrong, but so far Quill and Luann have only gone so far as one kiss and lots of denying they are a couple. Yet, somehow I’m sure we’ll endure days of Luann all shpilkes about being alone in her home with Quill for two hours.

  148. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#128): Colin Firth as Sam could work if his British accent is treated as an affectation.

  149. Illustrator Steve
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    MT – It has long been established that this fictitious place called, “Lost Forest”, is located in the Southeastern portion of the United States, supposedly somewhere in the state of Georgia.
    HERE’S a fun fact, THERE ARE NO WILD GRIZZLY BEARS LIVING IN GEORGIA! That is, of course, according to every Grizzly bear habitat map published on this planet! On this side of the globe, Grizzlys are currently found only in the northwestern part of North America. Mostly in Alaska along with a large portion of north western Canada and in a very small area of the northwestern United States.
    Maybe Jackelrod imagined a grizzly escaped from some zoo and wandered onto a small island on a Georgia river? …Oh, I forgot. ANYTHING can happen in a Mark Trail adventure because any/all reason and Logic went out the window long ago in this comic strip! Just ask anyone who actually knew or worked for the late writer/illustrator Ed Dodd, the creator of the original Mark Trail comic.

  150. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Archie – wow, speaking of vintage electronics …

    Sly Fox – Sly has received his “cop” training from the Montreal Police, Spring of 2012. At least he hasn’t blinded anyone yet with rubber bullets.

    MW – Christ, Wilbur, you sound like a broken record (Haha, I know, the kids these days won’t know what I mean!). Wait until you meet a couple of Capos in Milan, or maybe Naples. They’ll steer you to all the right places, for a price.


  151. Illustrator Steve
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    MT – WHEN the hell do these wild bears wake up from their winter hibernation anyway? …Christ, it’s almost July and that cave must smell pretty damn rank by now! Plus, certain types of bat crap in caves can kill a person just by breathing it in. WHERE is Mark’s face mask for breathing protection? Probably in the same place where he keeps his canoeing life jacket, he just can’t remember WHERE exactly that place may be!

  152. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#149): Maybe Jackelrod imagined a grizzly escaped from some zoo and wandered onto a small island on a Georgia river?

    Contrary to popular belief, the bear in MT isn’t asleep. All that sugary cereal has put him in a diabetic coma.

    “Can’t get enough of that Sugar Crisp… Sugar Crisp… Sugar Crisp… Can’t get enough of that Sugar Crisp… It keeps me going strong!”

  153. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#145): And speaking of manufacturing a rhyme, Garrison Keillor seems quite good at it with lines like…

    Speaking of food of low status
    Thank you for instant mashed potatos.

  154. Voshkod
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Seems to me that today’s Slylock Fox (which I mistyped as both the quite timely “Skylock” and Shakespearean “Shylock”) and Archie fit together nicely. Slylock and the Beaver (my favorite ’70s cop show) plummet through the sky. Down below, Archie bemoans the lack of food at the picnic. Then, with a dual thump a fox and a beaver slam down into the beach at Riverdale. Problem solved, the barbeque can begin, and the meat is already tenderized.

  155. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I think all the bears are awake now.
    Quasi-amusing but scary note-when I went to my HS 125th anniversary / graduation in NH about a month ago, I met up with a good friend from the class a year after after me, and she had flown in and then borrowed her parents’ car to drive up to the school-she showed me bear claw marks in the polymer bumper where a bear tried to get to a couple of bags of sunflower seed they had left in the trunk. Some of the gashes were at least a quarter-inch deep. *reality check*

  156. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#146): Probably the big lesson here is be careful what you say around children.

  157. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#97): That was wonderful. And remarkably apropos.

  158. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Archie: I don’t think those electronics existed even when those electronics existed.

  159. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#87):
    I like your description/name of that channel that used to play mini-films based on popular pop and rock songs of the day. *sigh*
    You know what? I think maybe I’ve watched at most only 30 minutes of telly during the past month (being back in the White Mountains and having uber-awesome gardening weather for a month will do that to me) and my mood has significantly improved.
    Take that, Dawn! Life is Brutal.

  160. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#121):

    “JP — Wow, that is some mean-ass mountain. Apparently it kicked Avery into thin air on his way down.”

    Looks more like fat air to me….

    @Snarkotix Addict (#147):

    “Yet, somehow I’m sure we’ll endure days of Luann all shpilkes about being alone in her home with Quill for two hours.”

    Meanwhile ignoring obvious solutions such as: Reschedule the meeting. Meet somewhere else. Tell mommy and have her chaperone. Grow the fuck up and meet with Quill – you are 17!

    But … but … what about our uncontrollable urges!?

  161. commodorejohn
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Honey Badger, Does not give a shit (#3): Oh. Now I kinda feel bad for being critical of it, but…damn. I like that she’s actually obviously put some work into this, taking pains to make some shapes that correlate in a more-or-less fashion with Petey as we know him, but everyone else in the strip is typical Donna Lewis mutant-gallery fare, only with more details. Striving for excellence only to achieve exquisite crappiness; very Ed Wood.

  162. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @sully (#113): You mean to say, that after establishing in millions of cartoons over thousands of years, that Jughead only cares about his stomach, he shows up at a beach sausage party with a ghetto blaster instead of a sack of Pop’s burgers and subs?
    I’m pretty sure he ate them on the way over. Even if he did bring it, good luck trying to get him to share. Rule of thumb: Don’t put your hands near him when he’s eating if you want to keep your thumbs.

    @Calico (#155): I went to my HS 125th anniversary
    Okay, you’re older than me.

  163. UncleJeff
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#149): “ANYTHING can happen in a Mark Trail adventure because any/all reason and Logic went out the window long ago in this comic strip!”

    I take it you haven’t seen this Sunday’s panels on unicorns.

  164. Perky Bird
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Luann and Quill together, alone all morning in her bedroom, will result in their next great hit, “The Aussie and the Cocktease.”

  165. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#152):
    Sugar Bear saves the air!
    Personally, I just think he’s stoned and has the munchies.

    And for Dag, every scratch, every click:

  166. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    SFx: That stork is flying back from NYC. It just delivered Nina’s baby.

  167. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#162):
    Haha, I knew that would come out wrong.
    Actually, I’m older than Mary Worth! *cackles*
    We’re always interested in having teens and their families come check out the campus, or participate in one of the summer programs … : )

  168. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1): Apropos of nothing, Mrs. Scudder informs me that restaurants like the Tilted Kilt, and its older cousin Hooters, plus such others as Mugs’nJugs, are kind of a trendy meme. They are called collectively, “breasturants”, and are doing relatively well in this economy.

    // I suppose they could have called them “assturants”.

  169. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#168):

    She probably read the article in Slate:

    Apparently, sales are inflated, but some analysts think that the numbers may be artificially enhanced. While interest remains firm, the separation between visits seems to be increasing, and noone knows the best way to fill that gap. I’ll keep following the news and try to keep abreast of the situation.

  170. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#38): That is quite seriously the best 21 seconds of my day today.

    (And I loved the bourbon demographics, too!)

  171. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#153):
    Keillor bestrides the narrow world like a Colossus, bending the language to his mighty will, while we petty men peep about striving for some likely rhyme.

    // He is very tall.

  172. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#168): As opposed to “asstanauts,” e.g. if Crankshaft and Les Moore went into space.

  173. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#172):
    Can we send Sam Driver up there at the same time, or that too much space debris at once?

    Re: Avery, now he’s created two types of skid marks! : P
    Waitress, etc. (apologies to Jane Siberry)

  174. Sans Sense
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#148): My mind’s ear has always heard an affected, somehow mid-atlantic accent coming from Sam so it just might work…

  175. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Blonde on Blondie I think Dagwood is just trying to speak what he thinks is hipster jive.
    So, it is best to not interpret what he is saying as being literal. He is talking in
    what may best described as wink-winkese.
    As for what he is really asking for…I think Dagwood is back on the smack.

    @odinthor (#125):
    Ham Rove.

    Dis is the Menace Saxa Mah Phone! Saxa Mah Phone!

    Wilbur Worthless: Wilbur sure likes his Summer-long unpaid vacations, doesn’t he? My bet is that he will spend some time traveling around in an Italian Submarine Sandwich.

    Hagar psst. Hagar and Eddie are not trying to conquer on their own. They actually recruited help.

  176. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Is that, I meant.
    *douchebags in space*

  177. Hogenmogen
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Rex is at that casino, so where’s that kicky, black-lipsticked barmaid?

    Remember her from the fall of ’06 or ’07? Sure, Rex visits a gambling facility twice in six or seven years, but considering he’s had only two patients in the same time frame, I’d say he’s getting hooked.

  178. Hogenmogen
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    Second thought, it definitely wasn’t ’07. Maybe ’05.

  179. commodorejohn
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – Agnes needs help with Business Plans? Quick, light the Sam Driver Signal! Also, stockpile a few grand and a couple human sacrifices, you don’t think he’ll just come out among the poor for charity, do you? You’ve got to spend money to be told how to make money!

    A3G – “I’m not sure, but I think she’s in labor! It’s hard to tell, though, because she’s back off-panel again, and Frank Bolle doesn’t have any idea how to depict it anyway.”

    DT – “Weapons discharged upstairs! And Tracy’s not in the building, this time!”

    FW – Wait, leasing a car is a thing you do? The hell for? If you need it at all, you’re not going to only need it for a brief period. And I quite doubt that it’s going to be any cheaper than buying a used car with moderate mileage.

    HOTC – Like they say, be careful what you pray for…

    JP – I’d ask if this strip could get any more divorced from reality, but I know that it’s basically inevitable.

    Luann – Let’s see, where did I put the barf bags, again?

    MT – Oh, this will end well.

    MW – I want this entire storyline to consist of single panels of Italian vistas, plus this second panel, with Wilbur describing what they’re seeing and Dawn sniping “yay.” It’s the Sulkiest Taxi Trip Ever!

    OBH – *snrk*

    PC – Hah. That last panel is gold.

  180. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#168): & @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#169): So they are, apparently, busting out all over.

  181. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#169): Oh, “breastaurant”, not “breasturant”. Of course. Well, that’s an interesting addition to my spell check dictionary. And it rhymes with flaunt, daunt, jaunt, haunt, taunt, vaunt… there are possibilities.

  182. CanuckDownSouth
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#179): I’ve had the same reaction to the concept of car leases, but they keep on advertising them so somebody’s biting.

  183. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#179):

    “FW – Wait, leasing a car is a thing you do? The hell for? If you need it at all, you’re not going to only need it for a brief period. And I quite doubt that it’s going to be any cheaper than buying a used car with moderate mileage.”

    You can lease it for a two-year period with no further committment, so if you don’t like the model, or the one you have is a lemon, or you just want something newer after two years, you can return it and walk away. Payments only cover the lease period, so you aren’t committing to a 7-year loan for the full purchase price the way you do if you buy it. It also puts the risk that the resale price won’t hold up onto the manufacturer instead of the driver.

    Yes, buying a used car may be cheaper, but it is also riskier than the lease, which would come with a standard service agreement and avoid the moral hazard/buyer’s remorse phenomenon.

  184. This Guy
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Crank: “Hey, Pickle, yous goings to kill all the squirrel?”
    “Yeah, they’re a buncha furry douchebags.”

    GA: An entire town of cat-haters. Nuke site from orbit. Only way to be sure.

    PMP: Unexpectedly, Lee has devised the ideal strategy for fake psychics (but I repeat myself.)

  185. Dennis Jimenez
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#158): A plugger carries his I-Pod on his shoulder, is deaf in his right ear, and buys D-Cells by the 40-pack….

  186. SurrealKangaroo
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if today’s Blondie is a rerun from like 10 years ago.

  187. greghousesgf
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#54): I actually like looking at Speedos on men, but it has to be the right men.

  188. Baka Gaijin
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#187): Are you peeping me? It’s hard to pick out one person amongst the throng of gawkers at the pool.

  189. geekwhisperer
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    MW I’ve said it before and I say it again:

    The title for this story?

    Gloom With a View.

  190. Baka Gaijin
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Poor Wilbur. When he realizes there are no hoagie stores in Milan, he tries to satisfy his jonsing for a 12 inch meatball by sneaking onto a nearby military base, thus prematurely ending his “Fantasy Tour of Subway Sandwich Shops of Italy” in the stockade at US Army Garrison Vicenza.

  191. Dennis Jimenez
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#190): Are you saying it’s unlikely that Wilbur will get a 12″ Italian sausage, too….

  192. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#191):

    To Wilbur that sounds like the stuffings dreams are made of.

  193. Ned Ryerson
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#168): I’m going to open a pub and name it The Trendy Meme.

  194. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#123):
    What I thought at first read was that Billy was sort of like a Curtis Sliwa of the Keane neighborhood, keeping rival gangs of kids calm, keeping the athieist families away, putting out philisophical and territorial fires before the bloodshed erupts – but then I realized it was a lame A/C joke.

    (We use the inverted lame joke with the cats during the winter-”Do you want to heat the outdoors, or what?” as they stand right outside the door when it’s 10F, deciding what to do.)

  195. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#193):

    You might confuse people who are actually looking for the charity raising funds to repair key neighborhoods in New Orleans post-Katrina: The Mendy Treme

  196. Snuggs
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: “Y’know, attitude, attitude! Sunglasses!”

  197. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#189):

    If this storyline were a movie (and thank God it isn’t) then there would be a series of scenes showing them arriving at the airport, flying over the ocean and landing in the wonderful world of It’ly. Those shots would focus the sour attitude of Dawn and on Wilbur the Mile High Footlong Stuffing Club.

    All the while the song “Gloom River” plays in the background.

    Glooooom Riiiiiver
    Wider than a smile
    I’m crossing you in denial

    You sammich maker you
    You heartbreaker you
    Whereever you are going
    Stay awaaaaay

  198. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    dang it.
    postus interruptus!

    I intended to edit it after previewing it….

    I meant to write: “Wilbur [joins] the Mile High…..”


    Man. I’m not en-join Monday.

    If only I were in Italy…………
    But, I’m stuck inside of Santa Rosa with the Meddlin’ Blues again.

  199. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#193): Good for you! The Slate article mentioned a internet site called

    It’s real. And they do custom designs! Good luck!

  200. odinthor
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#145):

    Ooh! Ooh! I (re-) read with immense pleasure Byron’s Don Juan just last year. Byron knows just when to throw himself into the emotion of the moment, just when to be wry and cynical, just when to be detached. But, in my opinion, he jumps the shark for the remainder of the work once our hero goes to Russia.

  201. Hogenmogen
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Instead of the joke-a-day gags that Archie usually subscribes to, Arch should expand to beat-one-joke-to-death-for-a-week format. Tomorrow, for instance, they can stand around with food and boom boxes. “Thanks for making a sandwich run, Jughead!” “What? I can’t hear you with four boom boxes playing at once!” Wednesday: “Did anyone remember sunscreen?” Thursday: “Me? I thought YOU were going to invite the girls!” Friday: “You were all talking about music and women… Of COURSE I ate all the sandwiches!” Saturday: “We have music, food, sunscreen and women – looks like rain!” Kyuk kyuk! Not that funny, but imagine those punchlines with Betty & Veronica in bikinis!

  202. commodorejohn
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#183): Okay, I guess this just has more to do with my rather divergent views on car ownership, then. To me, a car is just something that gets me from point A to point B, and as long as it does it comfortably and with decent mileage, the less I have to invest in it, the better. Used cars can be a risk, but the reward of not plunking down $10-40k on a goddamn horseless carriage is more than worth it. My last car, for example, was a ’95 Buick that I had for three years; even though the cost of some repairs I had done slightly more than doubled the $1200 purchase price, by the time it actually did give up the ghost (a few weeks ago) I’d long since gotten more time out of it than it would take for the total investment to depreciate to zero, and I still got about 10% of the total cost back on scrap/parts value, which covered a good chunk of the cost of my current car. All it really cost me was a half-week of scrambling for a replacement. So…I may be coming at this from a slightly different angle than most, suffice to say.

  203. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#194): They were looking for The Door Into Summer.

  204. Alter Ego
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @nescio (#5):

    Love Is: So she’s dreaming about a large rigid tower, and he’s dreaming about two mountain peaks. Sorry, but your honeymoon will only involve flat, featureless places.

    In other words, it’s all about compensation.

  205. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]


    Seems like the opening setup for a 80s rap video.
    I could easily see Reggie and Moose beatboxing. And, Jughead leading the rap and acting like a clown. Archie, not surprisingly, would be the dorky one who acts cool. He’d probably do a solo or something. he’d definitely mug the camera….if this were an 80s rap video, that is.

    For those to whom this might make sense, think: a combo of the Beastie Boys, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince; and, maybe a bit of the Fat Boys or Run DMC thrown in for good measure.

  206. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#202):

    Yes, a lease is more for Drivers such as Sam who just want something new and flashy and don’t want to deal with messy plebian concerns such as resale/scrap value or non-dealer maintenance.

    There is always a point, usually only visible in the rear-view mirror, where the money saved by driving a car with no monthly payments is less than the cost of maintaining an older vehicle. But a two-year lease is more for people who always want to be driving something new, preferably filling it up using a Free Gas for Life card.

  207. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#205):
    crap. whatamithinking?!?
    It’d probably be a boy band video where they do odd, sychronized dance moves on the beach.

  208. Cloudbuster
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#169): That article is worthless without about 50 more pictures.

  209. Baka Gaijin
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#191): We don’t want to entertain that thought.

    @tallyHO (#198): Ditto.

  210. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#208):

    True. Without pictures I’d have to consider the article a bust.

  211. seismic-2
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#205): I’m trying to imagine that boombox beat and choreography working with the only tune these guys know:
    Ah honey honey,
    You are my candy girl
    And you’ve got me wanting you…

  212. KreatureFeatures
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Batuik accidentally rebooted Funky Winkerbean today.

  213. Hogenmogen
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been admiring Benny Beaver’s wide-eyed look of abject terror all day. I was on a dinky traveling carnival ride with my kids this weekend – where you go up and they drop you down 50 feet and they catch you and you land safely, and it is a bit scary, even while consciously knowing that your survival is assured. Without such assurances, Benny gains the moniker “toothy tumbler” for a moment. But after he loses bowel control and ever after, he is known as the “Plummeting Pooper”.

    Anyway, I noticed that the clue to the question is the “belly-to-earth position”. Except that his belly is to US, and his feet are pointing in the same direction as Slylock’s.

    From “Airplane!”: They knew the risks, I say ‘Let ‘em crash!‘”

  214. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Bizarro: Hidden pun. “Klein” in German means “small.”

  215. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    I have some bad news, folks.

    A while ago, I was toodling along down the parkway and in the middle of the road there was a small pile of clothes. It appeared to be a tiny blue suit, a striped shirt and a parachute mixed with a mess which I hesitate to describe.

    My theory is that Slylock actually tried to use the beaver to break his fall. Slylock had to know that foxes can’t operate parachutes.

    So, while it is admirable that Slylock could put on the parachute and thought well enough of his “rescue attempt” he had to know it wouldn’t end well.

    Slylock Fox, R.I.P., you vulpine, m.f.’ing dumbassed genius.

  216. Sans Sense
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#203): It’s hard to believe there’s a world where that and Billy are part of the same medium…

  217. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    MT: We’ve had all kinds of talking animals but this may be the first talking rifle.

  218. Baka Gaijin
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#213): “Plummeting pooper” will be Wilbur Weston when Dawn pushes him off the Duomo of Milan’s famous roof.

  219. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#215): You were driving through the Slylock Fox universe? They didn’t detain you for questioning? Hold it. Are you really Slick Smitty?

  220. Dennis Jimenez
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#218): I’m picturing Dawn pushing Wilbur and Pizza Hut P-Zone® off the leaning tower of Pisa – both at the same time, with the surpising result that only Wilbur makes it to the bottom….

  221. Baka Gaijin
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#220): P-Zone? Are you implying an “American Pie” situation but with a crappy version of a calzone? And an older man who no one wants to think of doing that with baked goods. Or vegetables. Or any foodstuff really.

  222. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#219):

    My dear, Sequitur,

    If one chooses to accompany a friend whose primary occupation requires him to drive a leased derby car adorned with a giant duck head on the hood then one dresses appropriately.

    You see, I wasn’t detained for questioning (what is this Arizona or something?).
    No, I was a tired, so I dressed up in a moose suit. While I worried my clown companion my draw suspicion from the local authorities (dogs riding unicycles, believe it or not), we managed to reach our destination: a Beckett play about people who just sit in a room removing masks from each other.

    In short, the ongoing experiment of Count Weirdly’s Nightmare Valley Experiment is quite real, my dear Sequitur. Frighteningly real. And, there was a nice little restaurant run by the kindest Ol Possum who makes a perfectly good meat pie (though, admittedly, I hestitated to ask what kind of meat; predictably enough it tasted like chicken.).


  223. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#222):
    ^ again, postus interruptous.

    I should have edited it but p.i. occurred midway through and afterwards I just spun out the rest to be done with it.

  224. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#222):

    oh boy.

    “…predictably enough it tasted like chicken”

    I think it was a Plugger.

    There’s an irony to that name. Eating one doesn’t exactly plug.

  225. Allen
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: I just figured the clerk’s befuddlement was because of Dagwood’s misplaced modifying phrase. “‘A yard sale that needs a new needle’, what does that even mean?”

  226. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#222): Moose suit, eh. I once had had to deal with one of those in court. The moose won. Something about the moose being horny but since moose have antlers the suit was thrown out of court.

    // Maybe that’s the suit you picked up.

  227. gleeb
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Gas: Nina, reading the paper, is as sick of this damn kitten story as anyone sensible could be.

    ‘bean: Prostate troubles have fat failure Funky questioning his very manhood. That’s the joke.

    H&J: Herb realizes the barber shop has never been washed.

    Zits: Well, if you like this, you have 5 days more to look forward to it. If you don’t, at least you’ve been warned.

  228. Illustrator Steve
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#163): “I take it you haven’t seen this Sunday’s panels on unicorns.”

    MT – Our local newspaper’s comics must have run a different Sunday Mark Trail infostrip. All I see in our paper is a picture of Mark carring his camping gear past his old pick-up truck he forgot to take home with him. Must have been some time ago because the vegetation UNDERGROWTH has OVERGROWN his old truck so much that it looks like it belongs to a military sniper. As a matter of fact, if you look closely you can see the sniper standing near the front side of the truck! Maybe The purple widow Chavez hired the sniper to clean up the bungled mess that her blundering idiot boyfriend, Mike Harris, has made of things!

  229. Cubicle Monkey
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    Haha, kid’s today, what with their asymmetric beach styles and giant boomboxes! Oh wait… those were kids 20 years ago. Did Archie and pals pay a visit to the retro electronics emporium from Blondie? There’s certainly no way that TWO comic artists could be out of touch old white guys.

  230. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#226):

    Maybe that’s the suit you picked up.
    i did find it.

    perhaps I should clarify that it is a three piece suit. I usually keep a pocket watch with a nice fob in the vest pockets. This allows me to strike Teddy Roosevelt poses. It bears mentioning that the head for it is insufferably suffocating in the summertime.

  231. Killa Hydrilla
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#175) & @Allen (#225):Perhaps Dagwood’s trying score some H using lingo he’s picked up Reader’s Digest editions of the works of Hubert Selby, Jr.

  232. Sequitur
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#230): Ah, the gentleman moose option. Bully!

    // The head can be made cooler by stuffing ice in the ears, antlers and giant bulbous nose.

  233. Alison
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: I guess it’s too much to hope for that Quill tells Luann he wrote the song lyrics himself and they go, “Hey hey hey hey hey hey/you stupid girl, don’t you get it already? I’m gay” and then walks out. Maybe then all this pointless lovelorn angst will end.

    Does anyone know how it finally ended between Luann and Aaron Hill? I seem to recall she went through the same on-again/off-again, we’re-in-love-but-nothing-ever-happens-between-us bullshit with Aaron for years, but I haven’t seen him in the strip in ages.

  234. Illustrator Steve
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#217): “We’ve had all kinds of talking animals but this may be the first talking rifle”.

    MT – The talking rifle must be very constipated because it is yelling at the bullet to, “COME ON OUT!”

    There was also a Mark Trail adventure a few years back that introduced us all to Cherry’s famous talking crotch. Mark and his family were gathered together, (rare occassion *snicker-snicker*), outside on their porch and were talking from their respective word ballons. When Cherry talked the point on her word balloon pointed directly at her bluejean covered crotch!

  235. Poteet
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#37): I hope to see your Luann comment riding the float.

  236. Poteet
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#233): He moved to Hawaii. It’s so embarrassing to know that.

  237. Sans Sense
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @Killa Hydrilla (#231): Let’s see… Dag is either sleeping or ravenous. He’s trying to score something a wee more mainstream than H.

  238. Anonymous
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#151):
    Saw a couple of grizzlies in the third week of May, near Jasper. At that point, the trees were just beginning to leaf out, ground vegetation was in leaf but far from thick. So, no way is that a hibernating bear – it’s far too late in the year as evidenced by the vegetation. It’s also not a just-having-a-nap bear – no wild animal would still be sleeping with all that racket. My guess is it’s a dead bear. In a minute, whatever killed it will come out from deep in the cave, and the plot of this storyline will take a sudden left turn.

  239. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#211):
    In an Archie comic from the early 70′s, they did a whole Vietnam/draft/anti-war story, and the Gang sang a song at a rally called “Pray for Peace” or something like that.
    They didn’t actually get drafted (the writer stated this was purely hypothetical), but they’ve got at least one other tune they know.

  240. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#220):
    Santa Royale meets Joisey Shore! Eeech.

  241. Illustrator Steve
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    MT – Not that it offends me, to eachtheir own, but I think the purple widow Chavez may be a cross dresser. That’s gotta be a black wig he/she is wearing. Mz/Mr. Chavez’s facial profile looks somewhat like that of a man’s face, or possibly the face of Della Street, Perry Mason’s secretary, who DEFINITELY must have been a cross dresser!

  242. Zerowolf
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    God as my witness, I thought beavers could fly.

  243. Liam
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-If I see a beaver falling from a plane I hope it is a woman sky diving nude.

  244. Droopy Says
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#234): But before Cherry’s words emerged, there was a pregnant pause.

  245. Zerowolf
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    MW: Yay, three freaking months of avoiding my groping leecherous father. Whoopie frigging do!

  246. the good ship thetis
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#145):
    Actually, Byron wasn’t enormously wealthy. His father and grandfther gambled away the family estates, leaving him with just the title and he was in debt pretty much his whole life (although my reading of 18th century biographies/novels leads me to conclude that pretty much everybody was in debt in those days. It’s very puzzling.) Ironically, when he did earn some money from his poems he refused to take it, because earning money from work would have compromised his status as a gentleman.

  247. Zerowolf
    June 25th, 2012 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    FW: I see Batiuk is working the transgender angle now.

  248. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#239):

    Are you referring to this song (Lyrics said to be a song for “Prayer for Peace” by The Archies_?

    hunh. here’s the song:
    The song on YouTube–no video

    It seems to be about overpopulation.

    I know I should not laugh at it because it is a serious problem. But, it is hard to “see” this as being the same “band” that “sang” “Sugar, Sugar”. You “know” what I “mean”?

  249. Der Schnärkïnätör
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#88):

    I been reading ahead and you’ll be seeing weed again, but not in MT this week. Don’t want to give out any spoilers….

    BTW – MT just gets stupider and stupider, but then again, that shouldn’t surprise anyone.

  250. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#232):

    You’ll know I’m wearingthe moose costume….er… the moose suit while commenting here if there is an overabundance of phrases like,
    “That’s a capital idea” or “That’s crackerjack” or mooooooooo!

    //i know they don’t “moo”….i was just using the ol’ switcheroo.

  251. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @the good ship thetis (#246): Well, ok, but he was wealthy enough to live in high style, and to have hangers-on. Leigh Hunt sponged off Byron for much of his life. I often ask myself, where are my toadies? Why do I have no entourage?

    // Then I remember why. Bummer.

  252. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Okay, since my last comment, I’ve given this a lot of thought.
    I’m going to start up a religious order.

    Nothing crazy, mind you. Not like Scientology or anything. Though, members should wear moose suits.

    I’m thinkin’ that we should be super benevolent and all that.

    It will be the Catholic Order of The Moo-suits.

    //i just had to try. it is one of those puns best heard and not read. (think: jesuits.)

  253. Señor Tortilla
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#252): I think it was pronounced Jeh-zoo-its. But nice try, nonetheless.

    @Zerowolf (#247): Funky would make an ugly woman.

  254. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#233): re Aaron Hill… He and Luann had an actual official date, then he moved to Hawaii and hooked up with some Polynesian chick. End of story.

    I wish I were making this up.

  255. Killa Hydrilla
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#237): Mind you, Dagwood thinks “H” stands for horseradish.

  256. Shrug
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#y48):

    More quotes for Mary Worth because I have nothing else to do. Nothing;

    “I was alive and I waited for this.” – Jesus Jones
    “It don’t matter to Jesus.” – Jesus Quintana

    You forgot:

    “What would Jesus do?” — Felipe and Matty Alou

  257. seismic-2
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#233), @Poteet (#236): Aaron Hill was shipped off to Hawaii, because Greg Evans apparently was afraid of having the strip dropped from some newspapers if he explicitly made him be a gay character. The story is the second “comics legend” discussed here.

    Given that the economic status of newspaper strips is even more fragile now than it was then, I suspect Quill (who has shown as much lack of interest in Tiffany as he has show an unwillingness to become romantically attached to Luann) will be returning to Australia soon enough. When he does, perhaps he can stop over in Hawaii and meet Aaron.

    It’s Camelot, Luann.

  258. Sans Sense
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @Killa Hydrilla (#255): Set and match! Well played.

  259. Shrug
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    MT: The bear decides it needs to start chewing some of that gum that you chew when you’re trying to stop being awakened by idiots. “GROWF,” it growfs: “I am in the mood to chew gum and eat wildlife reporters, and I’m all out of gum!”

  260. bunivasal
    June 25th, 2012 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    So I think we figured out who buzzed Mark Trail.

  261. Señor Tortilla
    June 25th, 2012 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#254): You don’t have to have a male character schmoozing with females to prove their sexual orientation (in fact, it leads to the trope Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today, which of course, just inflames the issue and leads to Suspiciously Specific Denial)

  262. Liam
    June 25th, 2012 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    Archie-”I figure some girls will be along shortly and we can eat them if you know what I mean.”

    A3G-With people this dumb I am surprised they even knew what to do to conceive the child.

  263. Sans Sense
    June 25th, 2012 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#262): I think Conception Consulting Services was another of Margo’s side businesses along with Gallery Operations, Public Relations and Assassinations.

  264. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 25th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#213): I’ve been admiring Benny Beaver’s wide-eyed look of abject terror all day. … But after he loses bowel control and ever after, he is known as the “Plummeting Pooper”.
    aka The Toilet Plunger

    @tallyHO (#248): But, it is hard to “see” this as being the same “band” that “sang” “Sugar, Sugar”.
    They need you to know that they’re serious, and they’re not just another teenage comic book character band.

  265. Sans Sense
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#263): I meant to say “another of Margo’s roadside businesses…”

  266. Vince M
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#239): I know that bunch of Don Kirshner session men also did ‘Bang Shang A Lang’. Please kill me now.

  267. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#206): Leasing is also good for people such as my father, whose one consumerist weakness was a new car; he handled the lease through his business and switched vehicles every few years. He wasn’t a high-roller by any means–but he did love a new car!

    (I might have inherited a small bit of his preferences: I’m contemplating my first new car in 13 years, and I’m leaning more towards red/convertible/cute than practical/reliable/sedan.)

  268. Droopy Says
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Benny Beaver is clearly the reincarnation of the famed Russo-Irish parachutist Ivan McGuire:

    The real question is, why didn’t the hyper-observant Slylock Fox notice Benny’s lack of a parachute?

  269. odinthor
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#251):

    Toadies? Entourages? Other such groupies? Bah! Messy, disorganized, always raving about this or that. And then there’s the b.o. No, take it from me, myrmidons are what you want: Fastidious, keep their armor nice and shiny, sit quietly attentive for your signal, and neatly dispatch those nasty undesirables to a fare-thee-well; and all they ask is a place to sleep, and the warm glow of your appreciative smile. Trust me [taps side of nose, and winks knowingly], myrmidons, aye, that’s the way to go . . .

  270. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#269): I don’t know; I do like a good minion.

  271. Der Schnärkïnätör
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#267):
    I once saw a very sporty red convertible driven by a gourgeous red headed woman. The car had custom license plates that simply read WAS HIS


  272. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#271): For several years, I was amused when I’d drive past our local post office in Virginia, where there was generally a van in the employee lot with plates that said DSGRNTL.

    and did I take a picture?

  273. Der Schnärkïnätör
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#272):
    That reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Ned dreams of going on a shooting rampage with a rifle, and while shooting down from a clock tower or such, fires at a mail carrier who pulls a machine-gun out of his mailbag and opens up on Ned.

    Very funny!

  274. Snarkotix Addict
    June 25th, 2012 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#179): MW – I want this entire storyline to consist of single panels of Italian vistas, plus this second panel, with Wilbur describing what they’re seeing and Dawn sniping “yay.” It’s the Sulkiest Taxi Trip Ever!

    I fear to see how these Italian vistas are depicted. I may sulk, too.

  275. Trillian
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    Archie: We’d have made fun of Reggie’s Speedos 20 years ago, too.

    I just got into “Life with Archie”, which imagines Archie’s two futures, one where he marries Betty and one where he marries Veronica. In one of the timelines, Jughead is actually interested enough in sex to have knocked up Midge! Believe it…or NOT.

    Blondie: Back when I was in college, the proto-hipsters shopped at The Needle Doctor, which used to be near the University of Minnesota, but it looks like it’s moved to the suburbs now.

    9CL:Cyclists are beefwits.

    Luann: “Is it too late to bail on Quill and invite Tiffany over for some ‘sunscreen time’?”

    MW: Wouldn’t Zoloft have been cheaper, Wilbur? You’d miss much less work that way, too.

  276. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#248):
    This is kinda reminiscent, but as I vaguely recall, one or the other (the LP lyrics or the hard copy story lyrics, probably the hc version) were edited to reflect the Draft.
    I know I have the comic book, will try to find the story one of there days. (They have a discussion/civil argument with their hippie friend Clyde before the rally)

  277. Alison
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#236): @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#254): @seismic-2 (#257):
    Thanks you guys! I figured I could try to find the answer on some newspaper comics website but that would mean slogging through a shitload of past comics. I knew somebody here would have the answer!

    That is just lame about the gay situation. It makes me respect Lynn Johnston, even if I thought some of her characters handled the “Lawrence comes out” storyline excessively badly. At least she went through with the arc and didn’t send Lawrence off to marry a girl in Newfoundland or something.

  278. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#276): Their hippie friend Clyde? Not Clyde Didit, wasit? I know he was in MAD HOUSE, and ten minutes of unfocused searching brings me to someone who says he showed up in Josie. Did he appear in Archie too?

    (Cool, if so.)

  279. seismic-2
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @Trillian (#275): I too have been following the dual futures portrayed in Life with Archie. The most interesting bifurcation in the characters’ alternative timelines involves Moose. In the Archie-marries-Betty future, Moose replaces Mr. Svenson as the custodian at Riverdale High School, but in the Archie-marries-Veronica future, Moose is elected Mayor of Riverdale!!!

  280. FOOBed again
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @Cubicle Monkey (#229): No, the Archies they’ve been running the last few months are actually from the 90s.

  281. Sandy
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    Are we sure Benny Beaver ‘fell” out of the airplane? I think Max Mouse pushed him out and Slylock Fox now has to make it look like he at least tried to save Benny before he goes splat!

  282. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#278):
    Now I’m all mixed up. Maybe the hippie is named Stan or something (Blond hair, hat)
    I also have a Mad House issue where Didit (dark hair) is drafted, his Sgt. hates him, and he saves Sarge’s life and limb when oil drums come tumbling off a truck.
    I would so love to scan these for everyone who is interested to see, maybe soon.

  283. Peanut Gallery
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    Remember that guy known as Mik?
    He had this whole wordless-gag schtick.
    I didn’t always und’stand
    what was going on in Ferd’nand.

  284. Calico
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#278):
    There are so many Archie crossovers, friends and relations, over the years, that a relations chart would probably look like Alice’s electronic chart in The L Word.
    I hope someone somewhere has the chutzpah to create said “Archie World” chart.

  285. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 25th, 2012 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#284): Wikipedia has a fairly exhaustive list of characters. I went there first, but they didn’t have Clyde Didit’s crossover into Josie. Then again, I don’t recall if they had Legion the Hippie from Archie, either. Eh.

  286. So Big Deal
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Little known fact: Snuffy Smith does not use snuff. He does, however, call his penis “Loweezy-Anna Lightning.”

  287. Sgt. Stoned
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#15): Did you factor the weight of Slylock’s clothing, helmet, and two parachutes (back & chest) into your calculations?

  288. Downpuppy
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#287): And the drag of those giant feet & flared pants? Beavers are aquatic mammals – which means they’re basically neutral-bouyancy minimal drag bombs. Doesn’t matter the angle. They fall bloody fast.

    Now that mouse – he could jump out, float to the ground laughing all the way and skitter off without a bruised toe.

  289. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 25th, 2012 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    @Trillian (#275):

    In one of the timelines, Jughead is actually interested enough in sex to have knocked up Midge!

    Jughead and Midge? And he lived to tell the tale after Moose found out? Do tell.

  290. tallyHO
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#288):

    yeah. But, Yicky Mouse does have jaundice. That can’t be a good thing for him.

    hmmm. Waitasec!
    Hang up the insecurities and call Aunt Myrtle because Uncle Whattheheckisgoingon has shown up at the front door!

    Who’s flying the plane?!?

    Yicky Mouse better hope he just floats to the ground.

  291. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#257): But he had already decided that Aaron wasn’t gay, so that wasn’t the reason for sending him off. I believe it was a conflict between the story he wanted to tell and how far he had developed the characters, such that Aaron Hill no longer had any role to play. He didn’t want Aaron being Luann’s boyfriend, and he couldn’t go back to Luann mooning over Aaron, so there was no longer any point in having the character.

    So Aaron goes away, and then to replace him we get characters like Quill, who steadfastly avoids contemplating a romantic relationship with Luann. When that posture becomes untenable, BAM!, back to Australia with him, with him being replaced three months later by a Swedish exchange student, or something.

  292. Trillian
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#289): Not sure Moose knows she’s pregnant yet. I’ve only read the last four issues (the ones after Kevin Keller’s wedding). Jughead and Midge are broken up but co-owners of the Choklit Shoppe in the Archie + Veronica storyline, and together/married (???) and parents-to-be in the Archie + Betty storyline. Moose is mayor in A + V and school janitor in A + B.

    And here I thought Kevin must have been introduced to be a partner to Jughead!

  293. Trillian
    June 25th, 2012 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#291): My name is Trillian, and I am a former non-ironic Luann fan. Hi, Trillian.

    I miss Aaron Hill. I think the strip went downhill when Evans shipped him off. My personal theory is that when Evans held that poll to decide who Luann should go to prom with, readers voted for the “wrong guy” and Greg resented them for it and decided to punish them forever. First, he was going to make Aaron gay, and then he chickened out and eventually Aaron was banished.

    OK, if Aaron was still around, the strip would probably still be dumb, but I guess an unrequited crush seemed to ring with more truth than….well, whatever Luann and Quill have right now.

  294. Giffy
    June 26th, 2012 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    According to a calculator I found on the internet at 20kg object will take 71 seconds to hit the ground from 2000m whereas a 6kg object takes 120 seconds. If we double the air resistance to .50 kg/m, which is double the standard assumed for skydiving(per this website), then we get 181 seconds. Even if we want to ignore whether we have a big greasy beaver or a small harry fox and cut the air resistance in half for our pursuing fox it is still 91 seconds to the ground.

    No way he catches him. But then I’d say a better view for the beaver splat with a bonus plane crash seems more the real plan here.

  295. Droopy Says
    June 26th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @Giffy (#294): What beaver splat? Tomorrow he’ll land in the Lost Forest Ganja Preserve with Avery and Sam Driver.

    Flatulence Alley: What’s ridiculous is that seventy years ago, Gasoline Alley and The Horn Blows At Midnight were both funny. Now, The Horn Blows At Midnight is still funny. No, wait, that’s sad, not ridiculous.

    Pluggers: Pluggers teach the kids to call strangers “clods” and attack them with whatever’s available.

    Mark Trail: Where’s Trail? Hanging from the ceiling with the rest of the bats?

    Spiderzero: As he leaves, Parker thinks that MJ did a terrific job of acting as though she loves Generic Brand more than she loves him. Alas, he’s forgotten that she’s no actress.

  296. Dale
    June 26th, 2012 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    @Giffy (#294):

    Please point to the web site. I have a bunch of questions, but it would be easier if I could see what they’re doing.

  297. Poteet
    June 26th, 2012 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    JP — Good lord, it looks as if Avery might have landed in a pot patch. As the proud owner of a former large patch of eight-feet-tall ditchweed, I’d say that pot doesn’t look like “bushes” to anyone who knows anything about bushes. But given that Avery skipped merrily down that mountain slope to his near-doom, he may not know much about rural landscapes.

  298. Dale
    June 26th, 2012 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    Is this how a black hole works? Plenty of light in the cave, but it doesn’t escape from the cave opening.

    Why would Mark want to come out just to get killed?

    Mike. Time to reload. About 7 shots so far?

  299. Poteet
    June 26th, 2012 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    MT — First poor Andy, now the poor bear. Geez, Mark, step out like a man and take your OWN bullets!

  300. Sherm
    June 26th, 2012 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    9CL: “I’m a low-security prison.” So, Brooke is saying that he’s getting a check from some northeastern state to produce this…thing…in order to assist in the punishment of convicts, right? Because, I have to say, I’m more than a little relieved to finally understand how this strip continues.

  301. Giffy
    June 26th, 2012 at 1:04 am [Reply]


    I found it by googling “free fall air resistance calculator”. I trust it implicitly.

  302. Poteet
    June 26th, 2012 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    MW — This trip is shaping up to be so very awful that I’d almost rather stay home and watch Mary becoming Wendy. Almost.

  303. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    June 26th, 2012 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    @Trillian (#293): While I certainly agree with you that Evans wanted Gunther to win that poll, and when Gunther didn’t, Evans started flailing, I don’t think that was ultimately what led to Aaron being removed from the comic.

    At the point where Aaron was sent to Hawaii, the strip had passed the point of no return as far as the historical relationship between him and Luann was concerned. Evans couldn’t go back to Luann having an unrequited crush on Aaron. It simply wouldn’t work. It would have either made Aaron look like an insensitive ass, or Luann a delusional idiot, or both. Too much had happened for the strip to go back to that relationship. Luann and Aaron had developed too much of a relationship with one another for that to be believable.

    But Evans didn’t want to explore an honest romantic relationship between Aaron and Luann,* so that left as the only option getting rid of Aaron and replacing him with another guy that Luann could crush on.

    *- My feeling is that Evans felt threatened by that potential plot, and having to deal with it frightened him, so he decided not to pursue it. Besides, as noted before, he wanted Gunther to win, and that simply wouldn’t work if he ended up with Aaron’s sloppy seconds.

  304. CanuckDownSouth
    June 26th, 2012 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    As surely the most pitiable soul is someone reduced to relying upon Tommie as their last, best hope, Nina clearly has decided that only this abject masochism can atone for involuntarily killing her mother while being born. If she can survive Tommie’s ministrations, she’ll have discharged the karmic debt and will be able to go on with her life.

  305. seismic-2
    June 26th, 2012 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#303): It would have either made Aaron look like an insensitive ass, or Luann a delusional idiot, or both.

    When has Luann not been a delusional idiot? As the recent “Julliard” episode showed, it’s a central part of her nature.

  306. Calico
    June 26th, 2012 at 3:31 am [Reply]

    @Vince M (#266):
    Ha, yes, the mighty DK writing machine (Sugar Sugar etc.) – he went on to produce the band Kansas et al in the 70′s.

  307. La Cieca
    June 26th, 2012 at 3:33 am [Reply]

    @Froggy (#24): Everything Dagwood is saying is outdated slang for “I want to buy some heroin.”

  308. This Guy
    June 26th, 2012 at 3:46 am [Reply]

    Agnes: Just so I can say it first, “Pancakes of Fury” WBAGNFARB.

  309. BigDave
    June 26th, 2012 at 5:48 am [Reply]

    Today’s (6/26) Luann shows that, even though Luann is in High School, she can’t tell time. Her parents are going to be gone from 10 to noon. That’s TWO hours, but she’s told Quill, TWICE, that they’re going to be gone for THREE hours. Time for L & Q to get caught making… music, I think.

    Or maybe it’s just Evans who can’t tell time.

  310. Watch Movies Online
    June 26th, 2012 at 6:06 am [Reply]

    Slylock fox does not look like a fox that has just jumped out of an airplane to save someone. He looks like a fox that is rigid with disappointment that his captive got away before his planned punishment.

  311. Droopy Says
    June 26th, 2012 at 6:08 am [Reply]

    Now we see where this Judge Parker arc is going. When Sam reaches the bottom of the slippery slope, he’ll find two drug-growing criminals secured to a tree. When he frees them they will see the errors of their way and go into the weed-removal business.

    A short time later, Mark Trail comes and actually notices something: “Cherry, where is Rusty?”

    “Oh, two men saw him and said James Cameron could use him in a movie.”

    “That would make a good story!”

    “No, Mark, the movie is a remake of The Crawling Eye and he’ll play the title role.”

  312. gleeb
    June 26th, 2012 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    Dick: Someone just shoot Mumbles already.

    Avery Parker Can’t Lose: He’s fallen into Mark Trail.

    Spidey: When you bicker like that in front of other people, the mask becomes useless.

  313. Droopy Says
    June 26th, 2012 at 6:38 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#312): A useless mask? This makes Parker even more pathetic. Who else would wear a mask that desctribes him so well?

  314. Peanut Gallery
    June 26th, 2012 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    SFx – I’m chiming in very belatedly here just to say, that is one nicely rendered plane. And interesting perspective in the whole drawing. It’s the sort of thing you don’t see every day in the comics, and would never see in certain comics we discuss here.

  315. Peanut Gallery
    June 26th, 2012 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    @Holly Folly (#18), @Watch Movies Online (#310): Spam is stealing our comments now? What’s next, a repeat of my Mik clerihew will be brought to you by some Danish light-fixture peddlers?

  316. seismic-2
    June 26th, 2012 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#308): Or “Pancakes o’ Justice”. Oh wait, actually we hear that one a lot, around here.

  317. Vanya
    June 26th, 2012 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#242): Oh the humanity! Not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this!

  318. Hogenmogen
    June 26th, 2012 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#314): You’re right, and it’s very unfortunate that we don’t see many other comic characters fall to their hideous deaths in for the laughter and entertainment of thousands or millions.

    I bet Garfield would bounce.

  319. CanuckDownSouth
    June 26th, 2012 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    And you couldn’t have checked that out before you sent Lola off with a stranger to a faraway land, Alley? I may have to give up on Alley Oop: too much headdesk, not enough snarkbait.

  320. Hogenmogen
    June 26th, 2012 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    @BigDave (#309): Interesting point. At first, I chalked it up to the DeGroots taking a half hour to travel in each direction, but since Luann & Quill already arranged to meet from 10 to 12, that would only give 2.5 hours max, and Quill said he was leaving at 12 anyway. But if the reaction we’re supposed to be having is “OH MY GAWD – QUILL AND LUANN ARE TOGETHER WITH NO PARENTAL CHAPPARONES”, I’m not having that, regardless if it was 3 hours or 3 minutes.

    If they do manage to squeeze in a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am in 3 minutes, we’d be calling the Aussie “Quick”.

  321. teenchy
    June 26th, 2012 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    SFox: Before we move on to today’s strips and further snark on SFox’s totalitarian police state, I think Mr. Weber Jr. deserves tiny kudos for what appears to be a fairly accurate rendition of a Piper Tri-Pacer.

  322. Hogenmogen
    June 26th, 2012 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    MT: So this is all going according to Mark’s plan. He KNEW he couldn’t go to the sheriff with a gum wrapper. So he thought he’d accuse the (alleged) killers, to draw them out. Then, swim to the nearest island, hide Spiderman-like on the ceiling of a bear cave and wait for the (alleged) killers to fight the bear. Mark Trail: Force of nature!

  323. Hogenmogen
    June 26th, 2012 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    MJ: He tried to protect me from Clown-9!

    Spidey: He should have protected me, I needed it more!

  324. Amateur
    June 26th, 2012 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#108): My nomination for COTW!

  325. Hogenmogen
    June 26th, 2012 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    @teenchy (#321): Yes, very accurate airplane. Weber must have found some pictures of this plane and reproduced them in comic form. Now maybe someone can show him a picture of a fox and a mouse, and perhaps alert the coloring droids, too.

  326. Hogenmogen
    June 26th, 2012 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Archie: Hey, Moose, let’s ride a tandem bike. We’ll wear pastels and short shorts and make ambigously gay double entendres. It’s the best way to pick up babes!

    Moose: I heard “pick up babes”, but everything from “tandem” to “en-tahn-druhs” went over my head.

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