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It’ll be like Misery, but so much smugger

Judge Parker, 8/2/12

If you haven’t been following the storyline of Judge Parker — and let’s face it, you probably haven’t — it’s gone something like this: the mean people at the run-down fishing lodge suddenly became nice people, but it turns out it’s only because they’re secretly in league with (or perhaps secretly are the same people as) the owners of the marijuana field Avery accidentally fell into and they just wanted to get Sam and Avery out on the river so that they could steal Avery’s camera and get the marijuana pictures off of it, except that Avery took his camera fishing with him, foiling their evil plans. And now they’re presumably planning to lure Sam and Avery down into their cellar and imprison and/or murder them there. This is a good example of how Sam’s charmed life has dangerously lowered his defenses. “Why yes, I am wealthy and good-looking and well-connected, so it totally makes sense that you’re going to give me some luxury item for free. I’ll just trundle down into your dank basement and take my pick!”

Mark Trail, 8/2/12

Time in Mark Trail passes in a surreal, dream-like fashion, so who even knows how long ago it was that Rusty saw the poachers shoot that bighorn from a plane. Has it been days? It seems like it might have been days. Anyway, what I’m trying to say, Rusty, is what you really want to do is get a good, stomach-turning picture of some rotting sheep-flesh, with the more flies the better, if you want any respect from the avant-garde art world. You should actually crop out the poachers’ faces if you want to emphasize life’s impersonal cruelty, as I assume you do.

Herb and Jamaal, 8/2/12

Ha ha, it’s funny because Jamaal is farting constantly, and also because Herb is going to die of a massive heart attack!

307 responses to “It’ll be like Misery, but so much smugger”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Bizarro — EVILSCARYCLOWNMOM!!!

    Heathcliff — Whether he’s with the beach patrol or not, it’s hard to take a guy seriously when he’s wearing ballet slippers and a bright yellow cape.

    Happy birthday, bats :[ !!!

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Andy Capp — Does he like gymnastics? Only in the bedroom, only in the bedroom…

    Gasoline Alley — Sorry, Rufus, but I don’t have any desire to read a comic strip about BVD® men’s underwear or your smelly junk.

  3. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    @Jamoche (#y317): Is “Hysterical Woman” short for “Hysterical Woman Running From Gunfire”? (Just curious!)

  4. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MT-Rusty, call out to the poachers so they can turn around and you can get a good shot of their faces.

    Luann-And the removal of boring characters can help improve a four panel comic.

    JP-I tried whining but my life is so perfect that I realized that I had nothing to whine about.

    A3G-It is a little hard to see the amazing office when your bodies are blocking most of the view.

  5. Chyron HR
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    H&J – “Oh, I thought the Silent Killer was an escaped mental patient with a Wentletrap shell for a hand.”

  6. Calico
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Nice hair-pulling touch in Lockhorns today.

    And kitteh got her climbing certificate! Yay!

  7. Mumblix Grumph
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    UH OH! I HEAR THE POACHERS! I SURE HOPE THEY DON’T KNOW I’M HERE! I’LL BE OK AS LONG AS ELROD DOESN’T STICK EXCLAMATION POINTS BEHIND EVERY DAMN THING I SAY!

  8. UncleJeff
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY BATS :{!!!

    JP: Gotta get my eyes checked. I thought the first line was “Sam, you’re a white man, right?”

    H&J: I thought Jamal was at his NBA training camp? Also, it’s not a good sign to customers if they walk in and see both of the owners of a restaurant eating at another restaurant.

    Marmaduke: The hellhound disinters the bones of his victims and all Phil Hitler can do is sigh about how inventory time dirties up his backyard.

    Plugger: Being a plugger means being so cheap and reckless that you don’t even buy one of those disposable cellphones.

  9. feralcanadian
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    The amount of glossing over that Margo and Lu Ann’s recent plot lines are getting makes me believe there is some CIA redacting going on in editing. I bet Margo was called in to whack some drug cartel leader sneaking into the country and Lu Ann was under cover in the middle east.

  10. Mibbitmaker
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    MW: Hairy Rescuers: “We’ve made a huge mistake!”

    A3G: Shouldn’t that be “self important”, Margo?

    9CL: Near-Miss-o-palooza again. McE and Batiuk really are twins, aren’t they?

    Crank: No — That would be comparatively enjoyable.

    ReFOOB: Take THAT, male chauvinist creep all men!
    (thinking doesn’t have a gender, Lynn)

    JP: She’s going to have “Shorty” shot or beat up, isn’t she? (Would it be too unlikely to expect this strip to be clever enough to have her say, at some point, “GET SHORTY!”?)

    MT: This is Rusty we’re talking about, Josh. The only thing avant-garde about him is his own face. And the art community wants nothing to do with that! …I hope.

  11. nescio
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    FW: He misspelled the cat’s name. It was supposed to be Kill-y, named after cancer.

    Shoe: Suddenly I find myself wondering if the birds in Shoe ever shit on each other’s cars.

    Marmaduke has a mass grave in his backyard. The remains add up to 7.4 humans.

  12. Anonymous
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    JP – I like my tits served up on a plate – what’d’ya think – I’m some sort’a barbarian….

    MT – So, Rusty hears voices – (insert tasteless Aurora, CO joke here – too soon? OK)….

    H&J – That’s the price of opting for something other than soul food – and no greasy spatula spankings, either….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  13. Cleve Barrister
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    JP- Here’s where the story will wind up: using the time-worn cliche of “opposites attract”, Bea and Avery will fall in love and run the lodge together, Avery will let his daughter take over his business, and Sam and Abbey will have lifetime free-lodging priviledges at the lodge

  14. Doctor Handsome
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    “Sam, do you like baseball?” “Yeah, I think we own the Arizona Diamondbacks and maybe the Orioles.” “How about movies? Do you enjoy movies?” “I’m pretty sure I heard something about us taking over Paramount, so sure. Love ‘em.” “And the innocent laughter of children? Does that bring you any joy?” “Funny that you’d mention it, but we just gained a controlling interest in the innocent laughter of children through various proxies.”

  15. AdHocGrip
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    JP “The wine cellar door is just behind you!” You know, the door with the “Wine Cellar” sign on it? Huh, maybe Bea thinks Sam is white, rich but functionally illiterate?

  16. Droopy Says
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    It makes so much sense that Mark Trail’s poachers would bring along a rifle. Lesser minds would have left the rifle at home, trusting in the bighorn’s innate ability to stay dead and not wanting to look like poachers as they retrieve their trophy. No, this way anyone who sees them can say “Hey, did you use that rifle to cause the ILLEGAL death of that bighorn sheep?” and they won’t be able to say “No, we’re just two innocent bignosed hikers who stumbled across this dead bighorn and decided to carry it into Nearby City for a proper funeral.” It will make life easier for Trail when he shows up and says “It looks like Rusty and Cherry are being held at gunpoint by poachers! Fists, do your thing!”

  17. Lynn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Phantom: If El Guerero’s best henchmn doesn’t know enough to jump out of the vehicle before he crashes it into the transformer, then no wonder they have to use Lucha Libre to solve their crime problems.

  18. Esther Blodgett
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    FW: Dammit, the little cat is adorable. You win this round, Batiuk.

    GF: This story continues to be uncharacteristically great. Yay!

    Zits: Live Aid would have made more sense as a cultural reference, but I suppose they had plenty of toilets.

  19. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    random thought for the day: is the difference between a burp and a belch the number of syllables?

  20. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    A3G-Nina also gave me a baby that she didn’t want and I didn’t want it so I sold it.

  21. pastordan
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @AdHocGrip (#15): …Ssssooo, Mitt Romney?

  22. Mibbitmaker
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is up!
    By now, should I just put “PCK” for the title in these things?

    News update from yesterday…

  23. Calico
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Yes, and Happy Birthday again (check FB too) to Bats, the bestest mashup artist ever! : D Thanks for making us laugh at your splendiferous comix reinterpretations!

  24. Hibbleton
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    OBH: GILF day!

    MT: Iron sights, these are old-school poachers. They should appreciate the forthcoming old-school beat down they’re going to receive from Mark.

    MW: Can’t you draw a bigger panel!? You’re suffocating these people!

  25. Joshua
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    So on Tuesday Jamaal was not at NBA training camp, on Wednesday he was, and now he isn’t again. I wonder if Wednesday’s strip was run out of order — perhaps it was supposed to run as part of a different storyline.

  26. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    well, that’s unique. Yahoo is showing LAST Thursday’s strips. dafuq?

    CdS: *gigglez* Dill and Lio would probably get along.

    IP: speaking truth to powerless.

    Lio: O_O (again, dafuq?!?)

    PBS: my mind, it is blown.

    SBp: d’awww. *snifflez*

    Bizarro: NSFBG!!!!!

    JP: “there’s some Amantillado in back. . . .”

    JUMBLE: *golf clap*

    OBH: old people sex in 3, 2, 1. . . .

    PMP: ghost of Barettos past on the left edge. (yee godz)

    Pluggers: remove “calls” and substitute Cassandra Cat in that same pose. . . .

    F-: bourbon babe weeps.

  27. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Love is . . .water sports (in a pea-green boat)

  28. Calico
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#21):
    I’ll bet Sam and Abby have multiple tax deductions on the winery.
    Oh, and let’s not forget they own horses …
    *Haha, whinny!*

  29. geekwhisperer
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    MT So, actually calling the police was a bad idea again why? Help me out here.

  30. Dood
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Wait a minute, wasn’t Jamaal “away at NBA training camp” yesterday? Was he there just to moderate a 15-minute fart symposium?

  31. Marc
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- I hope that Dawn is being completely literal about people killing each other over at the lifeboats. I’d love to see the carnage of a battle royale among the hysterical American passengers on this doomed Italian cruise ship.

    Mark Trail- Umm yeah, so how do those poacher fellows plan to bring that old bighorn back? Because as far as we know, they landed their plane somewhere and walked miles back, with no equipment, to retrieve it. Nothing like carrying a rotting, bleeding 200 lb carcass on you your back for 10 miles.

    Luann- What a bitch. Tiffany is evil because she actually worked on a movie and had a part, regardless of whether it did well or not and is working towards her dream. Luann thinks some JUCO drama education is her automatic ticket for stardom. Remind me again which one is delusional, condescending, and horrible?

    9CL- A Burbur does not go on stage unless all of her conditions are met. Either everything must be perfect or the show is cancelled.

    A3G- I don’t know what fuck is going on anymore. Luann forgot how a key works and has wandered off again, Tommie doesn’t want to make music anymore, Margo is back to exploiting post-partum Nina. Oh what disjointed fun!

    Funky- I don’t think that cat cares that it’s getting a certificate for making up the moutain. It really just wants somebody to fill up its empty food dish considering it hasn’t eaten in about a month.

    BGSS- Snuffy used to be so ornery because he had all those teeth but no toothbursh. But that’s clearly not an issue anymore.

  32. Dood
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Sam’s all like, “You expect me — part owner of a winery in Napa Valley — to fetch our refreshments like a common waiter? You’re joking, right? Oh, your simple, country humor amuses me. Still, that will cost you a cool six figures…”

  33. Calico
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#18):
    I know, props to TB today. Loads of hugs for Climbing Cat.
    (Here at Chez Calico we have City cat, Highway cat, and Suburban cat. Next door are Farm Cat and Apartment cat. All came from said places and live the high life now.)

  34. pastordan
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Amazing Spider-Man: Peter, can you just pay this jerk twenty bucks so he’ll go away already?

    Andy Capp: Silly Andy, “parallel bars” would be pubs lining either side of the street!

    Apt. 3-G: Ah, so we’re in Margo’s office. This fuels my suspicion about Stalinist-era wiretapping. How else besides blackmail could Margo have wrangled that client list out of Nina? She even looks like Natasha: “Da. Is ‘fun-time’ baby. Give us client list or is big trouble for moose and squirrel, or whatever the hell you’re calling that squalling brat.”

    9 Chickweed Lane: I’ve been reading this strip for, like, two weeks and I’m already exasperated. I think the characters are pre-loaded with exasperation. That’s the whole joke of the strip, isn’t it?

    Cow and Boy: Fish with dentures are creepy.

    Mike Peterson noticed the same thing I did about the Piranha Club and Deflocked, but he should have added Dennis the Menace to the equation. Joey, ask for the “Went down to the wine cellar” special…

    Judge Parker: Speaking of wine cellars, I’m sad to know that this story line will end with Beatrice in jail or stripping for one of Avery’s straight-to-video classics, starring Tiffany. She seems like a pip.

    Luann: Hate Tiffany, dammit! Hate hate hate!! Hate harder!!!

    Mark Trail: If you look carefully, you can see Johnny Cash in panel two. Also, Rusty, if you keep looking like a sheep, you’re liable to wind up stuffed and mounted on a wall.

    Mary Worth: Okay, I’m just going to say this. Wilbur looks way too happy to be holding a pole and staring at his blond-haired savior. That is all.

    And now for some classics:

    Krazy Kat: It is so awesome to see a cartoonist who can create a three-dimensional space on paper. Damn the awful low standards of today’s comics, anyway.

    Brick Bradford: Rrrr-acist!

    The Heart of Juliet Jones: Are you Whirl-slip conscious? ARE YOU?

  35. TheDiva
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    MT: I will never get bored with Mark Trail characters talking to themselves while trying to be stealthy. It’s like the comic strip version of “With Catlike Tread” from The Pirates of Penzance.

  36. Doctor Handsome
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    The surest way to avoid detection by the bad guys is to stand out in the open at the highest elevation possible and loudly talk to yourself. I mean, that’s just day-one stuff, right? Rusty gets it.

  37. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    MW-This cruise that Dawn and Wilbur went on was nice but it was missing one thing and that is a crew to keep people from killing each other to get onto lifeboats.

  38. Esther Blodgett
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Oops, I forgot…Happy Birthday, bats :[ !

  39. Illustrator Steve
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MT – “HEY! That ugly looking kid just took our picture! Maybe if I offer him $500.00 bucks for that camera he will go away.”
    “Nah, forget about it! That’s just that stupid looking Trail kid who is always snooping into other people’s business just like his father. They NEVER call the police, so just ignore him and load this stinking rotting bighorn carcass onto your back so you can carry it down the mountain to sell it!”
    “HEY! WHY do I always get stuck with carring the rotting sheep carcasses down the mountain?”

  40. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    9CL – It’s good to be a Special Snowflake. You create a mess due to your own narcissism and immaturity, then everyone around you goes to great lengths to clean it up and avert the consequences of your action.

    Amos isn’t there because Edda had a pregnancy scare, told him last, didn’t tell him that it was just a scare because she was too flighty to actually get tested, then fled the scene on multiple occasions when he tried to propose. So him not being at her “fired dancer’s farewell performance and after-party” is entirely her fault. But, as usual, everyone is blaming Amos and consoling Edda, who, as usual, is running around wallowing in the attention and being the Center of the Universe (“I can’t perform my final dance without the right people in attendance!”. Wasn’t she fired? Send out her understudy and begin the post-Edda transition a few hours earlier.)

  41. gleeb
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Except, of course, the we know the cat was carried up the mountain. James the Guide is a big liar.

  42. Dawn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    A3G: Apparently popping a baby out one end completely knocked the scene of Margo kissing Nina’s husband right out the other end! Babies fix everything!

    FW: D’aww, kitten! Even I can’t be mad at Batiuk for that. Who called the kitten certificate yesterday?

  43. Signal 30
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    JP- Sam, haven’t you read Edgar Alan Poe’s “The Cask of Amontillado” ?

  44. Anonymous
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    It seems that Darkgate and other online comics sources have dropped the Mark Trail strip.

  45. Dawn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#31): MT: They packed all they needed: a rifle and a copy of the Necronomicon. They just reanimate the sheep as a zombie and force it to walk back at gunpoint. All the cool poachers do this.

  46. Calico
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @Dawn (#42):
    I think I did, and I’m sure others did too.
    (Yes, I am a crazy cat lady, but most of my female friends are!)

    Re: being carried, just think of it as an honorary thing, like getting a doctorate from Berklee)

  47. Voshkod
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    If the first thing Sam hears after waking up from being cold-cocked in the wine cellar is “bring out the gimp,” then all is forgiven.

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

  49. Gringo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    H&J: Wait, isn’t Jamal supposed to be away at NBA training camp? Or was that Herb?

    FW: Kili, Pussycat! Faster! Kili, Kili!

  50. Gringo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @Signal 30 (#43): JP- Sam, haven’t you read Edgar Alan Poe’s “The Cask of Amontillado” ?

    I prefer to think that Sam’s fate lies more along the lines of Tower of London — not bricked up behind a wall, but drowned in a vat of wine.

  51. Doctor Handsome
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    It’s great how Herb & Jamaal goes halfway in spreading awareness about a very legitimate health concern facing African-American males in the protagonists’ age group, then decides to go for a joke instead, and completely shits the bed in both directions. Impressive.

  52. TheDiva
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    9CL: It’s getting to the point where I’m hoping these two get engaged just so we won’t have to endure the contrived near-missing anymore.

    A3G: “All’s well that benefits me, as they say!”

    FW: And the cat immediately does its business on it, making it the perfect conclusion to this arc.

    Luann: So, when Tiffany gets a small part in a major motion picture, she deserves ridicule because it’s such an insignificant role. When her scenes are cut and the movie flops, she deserves ridicule because she’s a failure. When she’s disappointed because her movie flopped, she deserves ridicule because she’s an entitled brat who doesn’t want to pay her dues (not to be confused with the ridicule for having such a small, insignificant role in a movie). Why not just rename this strip “Two Minutes Hate” and have done with it?

    MW: So this has all just been Santa Royale’s first appearance in the Hunger Games?

    SM: Well, it’s official. Spidey is more incompetent at his profession than Elmer Fudd is.

  53. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Lio-And introducing a potential “Doctor Who” villain the Ice Cream Man. His ice cream truck is bigger on the inside.

  54. Albatross!
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#y227):

    “Me. Arrgh.”

    No, me Arrgh; you Mr. Burtenshaw.

  55. pugfuggly
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    JP ‘I guess I’m kinda into wine, since I own part of a vineyard, have a multi-million dollar win cellar in my mansion, and actually own the rights to the word ‘wine’. You owe me a dime for saying that, by the way.”

    MT Rusty is being so stealthy he’s turned off the bold in his inner-dialogue.

    H&J Hey, penishead is back from NBA TRAINING CAMP already? I guess the Nicks will have to get by without their farting dynamo for this season.

    ASM Tomorrow, on The Amazing Spiderman: “Aaah! Oooh! Clown-9 just sprayed me with fruit punch! It’s all sticky and gross! Ah geez, and now he got away….”

    A3G Hopefully that client list include the other rich idiots in Nina’s social circle, and not just the various grifters that sell her magnetic wristbands and magic beans.

    MW “Like I said, we have to get off this ship. You and your fat father can do whatever you like.”

  56. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    JP-The wine cellar? So that’s what that room is behind me with the sign on the door that says “wine cellar”.

  57. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Cleve Barrister (#13): priviledges !!!

    *)(*&&^%^$%$%$^%$%!!!

    // I know. Just a typo. But I HATE that one!

  58. lorne
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    A wine cellar is the kind of thing where, if you’re kind of person who has one, you’re not the sort of person who feels the need to put a sign on the door saying “Wine Cellar”.

  59. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    MT-Considering that the ground is rather rocky and the poachers are more interested in the sheep there is a good chance they won’t see you. Of course if they do see you you can always ask them to take you fishing. That should turn them away from you real fast.

  60. Horace Broon
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Your new office is amazing, Margo! What a lovely view! And is that a grand piano?”

    DT: Moon Maid? Firstly, isn’t she dead? Secondly, I thought Dick Tracy’s creators had spent 40 years pretending that never happened and Honey Moon Tracy’s bunches aren’t hiding antennae at all.

    FW: Awww! I mean, it’s still totally ridiculous that they took a kitten up Kilimanjaro, but even so … awww!

  61. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#35): The lightest footfall would be distinctly heard!

    // I’m a little hard of hearing myself. Never could make out all the lyrics.

  62. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    JP-And what do we have behind door number two, Johnny?

    JP 2-Sam strikes me more as a breast man than a wine man.

  63. lynn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    I for one would like to see Josh run another contest to re-caption the last two panels of Judge Parker. The facial expressions don’t really go with the word balloons, do they?

  64. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @Gringo (#49): H&J: Wait, isn’t Jamal supposed to be away at NBA training camp?

    So he’s back already. He was just there for the newbie hazing anyway.

  65. bunivasal
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Hasn’t Rusty’s hair always been the same weird blue-highlight color that Mark’s is? And hasn’t he always been hideously ugly? And his eyes were never blue before this plotline.

    Alright, hands up if you think Mark unknowingly killed Rusty and has replaced him with a new, frightened boy ward.

  66. NoahSnark
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    It won’t be long until Sam hears those words he has been longing to hear – “Bring out the gimp”.

  67. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Ballard St.: Goofiness. Simple goofiness. I like goofiness.

    // I like pie, too. Key lime pie in particular.

    Bizarro: So parents are way too strict, imo. Otoh, kids td, amirite?

    Dinette Set: Ok, did the color monkeys just get the “pink spandex shorts” part wrong, thereby ruining the joke. Or is that part of the joke?

    Love is…: Just one damn cliche after another. How is it possible this… thing… has run for more than forty years? Oh the awesome power of a bad idea!

    Piranha: [Urk] nuts are my favorite too.

    Popeye: Wait a sec! Popeye is stealing plot lines from Judge Parker? Shame!

    FC: Oh, the inexhaustable springs of hilarity at Family Circus!

    Phantom: Wasn’t there some other way of turning the lights out for a few moments than crashing an F-150 into the building’s main transformer? I suppose the idea is that an emergency generator will now kick in? Sure about that? And now that the transformer is blazing away isn’t there a danger that the auditorium will catch on fire and kill lots of people?

    // And does Sr. Henchman have dental insurance?

  68. lynn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    I hesitate to put the term into my search engine, but to me, ‘gimp’ is an ornamental trim on military uniforms and some ladies’ clothing. Of course this puts a whole new spin on the phrase ‘bring out the gimp’, doesn’t it?

  69. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    MT-Are those the voices of the poachers you are hearing, Rusty, or the voices in your head?

  70. Voshkod
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#68): Do not put that term in your search engine.

    And the definition of “gimp” you’re using might enthrall Ted Forth, to be fair.

  71. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Signal 30 (#43): JP- Sam, haven’t you read Edgar Alan Poe’s “The Cask of Amontillado” ?

    “Well, I’ve tried. My wife and I own a lot of books which we keep in a big room at the ranch.”

  72. Ian Beste
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    I know no one comments on this strip because, y’know, second-rate Far Side knock-off…

    Argyle Sweater Srsly? You want to make an “annoying song” joke and you go all the back to the 80s to do it? Like there hasn’t been an embarrassingly large number of lousy songs inflicted on the public over the last couple of decades? “Ice Ice baby”? “Who Let The Dogs Out”? “I Kissed A Girl”? That song from Titanic? Anything with noticeable amounts of Auto-Tune? Justin Bieber’s mere presence in the space-time continuum?

  73. Shrug
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y234):

    How do you make your mind *DO* that???

  74. bbofun
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    RM,MD- The moral of the story? It’s not booze that makes everything better, kids. it’s money! (To buy booze with!)

  75. btown
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    MT Rusty turned into Shemp Howard so gradually I hardly noticed

  76. Santa Royale With Cheese
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    JP: Which part of the winery does he part-own? I’m guessing it’s the safe.

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#73): Why, thank you. As the simile said…

  78. Perky Bird
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#71):
    “Oh, you and your wife have a library?”
    “No, libraries are what you call the place where poor people who can’t afford books go to read and where homeless folks bathe in the restrooms. We call ours the ‘bookatorium.’”

  79. Gringo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Juggs Parker: At least Sam’s only going to get locked in the basement. I have the feeling Avery McShorty is gonna get the same treatment Danny DeVito got in L.A. Confidential.

  80. btown
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    9CL here’s my idea for Edda’s “final performance”. Have a torch-wielding mob of characters from other comics show up to put an end to this abomination once and for good. Edda and her insufferable enablers can give one final Looney Tunes-style shrug directly to the fourth wall, as they disappear forever into a comic strip melee dust cloud.

  81. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

  82. Gringo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Dawn (#45): But did they say the words correctly and in the right order? Or were they just “close enough”?
    Klaatu barada nikto!

  83. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#72): searches for “Argyle Suckitude” and/or “Hilburn, you plageristic HACK!” may be of assistance.

  84. Gringo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#67): Ballard St.: Goofiness. Simple goofiness. I like goofiness.

    That’s the joy of this strip — its off-kilter sensibility. Usually the only thing that spoils it is when it features dialogue. When it’s just a picture and comment — bliss.

  85. Alter Ego
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    love is… sailing aboard the “Golden Hind.”

  86. Gringo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#44): Mark Trail was still available on Dark Gate this morning.

  87. Northernlurker
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    H&J: FWIW I’m on a near vegan diet–actually, to be precise a high carb, low fat, raw vegan diet, which involves consumption of a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables and the switch to this diet has more or less eliminated my flatulence.
    MT: the stupid is strong in this one

  88. Chaze126
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    A3G – How did they manage to get a piece of Wilbur’s sport coat in that picture frame?

    FW – What is with all of those curly cue L’s in the script today? What’s next, i’s dotted with little hearts, like the kitty’s nose?

    LuAnn – okay, I get it. Tiffany is Blanche, Crystal is Dorothy and I guess that makes LuAnn, Rose. Works for me. A slut, a sarcastic snark and a dummy. Their futures are bright.

    GT – I swear to God it looks like Steve is hiding his left arm under his shirt.

    Frazz – I admit that I don’t get 3/4′s of these jokes. But I’m a sedentary old man, not a triathlete, so screw ‘em (he said in his best Crankshaft impression.). But there is something really creepy about this rich janitor and the everpresent Caulfield. Am I the only one who sees this? Every year I taught, we were warned NOT to do what Frazz does in every friggin’ strip.

  89. Shrug
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#39):

    “WHY do I always get stuck with carring the rotting sheep carcasses down the mountain?”

    I’m going to have to find a way to work that line into several conversations today.

    It’s almost as good as my old favorite: “How come I allus has to wash the octopus?”

  90. Chaze126
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Gringo (#79): Or how about “Throw Avery from the Train?”

  91. Shrug
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Gringo (#50):

    I prefer to think the “wine cellar” is actually the site of the fake hospital where Mrs. Flattop and her minions are holding Dick Tracy. Saves on sets that way.

  92. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Gringo (#86): For me, at least, Darkgate hasn’t been updating anything sourced from SeatlePi, at least half the stuff I look at. I’m assuming that SeattlePi has changed the URL format of their strips, and the kindly wizard at Darkgate hasn’t fixed it yet.

  93. Shrug
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#52):

    “Well, it’s official. Spidey is more incompetent at his profession than Elmer Fudd is.”

    Be werry werry qwiet. I’m getting the spidwer snot kwicked out of me. Heh heh.

  94. Drew Funk
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Are we sure this is going to be like Misery? I’m rooting for “The Cask of Amontillado.”

  95. Shrug
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64):

    I just assumed that “NBA” in this context meant Natural Bilocation Adepts.

  96. Drew Funk
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @Signal 30 (#43): I see I was beaten to the punch.

  97. Dood
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: “It’s that door right there, the one with the sign that says ‘Wine Cellar.’ Oh, and just ignore those other doors with ‘Meth Lab’ and ‘Drying and Processing’ signs.”

  98. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Snuffy“Dang! I wish I still had all them fillin’s!!”
    Yeah, dang bleedin’ heart jedge, makin’ ya give ‘em all back to thar d’scendants, anyways!

  99. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    AD – No copyrighted rings today, but I thought you couldn’t even say “Olympic” without facing the Synchronized Suing Team.

    (I suggested to my lawyer cousin once that he should organize a Lawyer’s Olympics, with events like Full Court Basketball, Ambulance Chasing, and Leaping Up to Object.)

  100. Pozzo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    H&J: No, that would be the “silent but deadly” killer.

  101. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    MT: “This old boy is going to bring us a lot of money.”

    Hope so. What’s a trophy bighorn sheep head go for these days? I mean, you have the cost of the airplane, firearms, ammunition, the time and effort to hike into and out of the mountains with a big dead sheep… Any return split at least two ways. And the risk…

    Can this really be worth it?

  102. bats :[
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#23): thanks for the good wishes!
    Dean Booth is the BEST mashup artist (my hero and inspiration!), and I’m waiting for the day he wins the lottery, quits his day-job and blazes back to Funny-with-a-capital-F parodies. And the other folks who mess with things are darn-tootin’ funny, too!

    BTW, I don’t know anything about this strip, but considering the subject matter, I thought it was just screaming for a guest appearance…

  103. Calico
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#81):
    Re: MS, so true.

    Here’s some more of one of my favorite canines ever: (NSFW)
    http://vimeo.com/30875824

  104. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Blondie – Sounds like a case of cross-promotion, or perhaps the athlete was just proud of his Reis Scandals!

  105. DownInTheValley
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    JP: Oh, those priceless expressions!
    Bea: “You go down in the cellar while I arch my brows with sinister and ironic intent!”
    Sam: Wa-wa-waaaaa.

  106. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Hi“Why can’t the government get off my back?!!”
    Spoken like a true Dittohead.

  107. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#106): (Cuz his name’s DITTO! Oh, man!!)

  108. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#104): I like the sign on the door in the first ad: “Dr. Smith, MD”

    Bet he has a master’s degree, in doctoring!

  109. bats :[
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Okay, if Kili gets a certificate, I guess I’m okay with that (and I’ve got some future Death Cats for my stash. Bwahahahahaha…)

    Meanwhile, can rum and the lash be far behind?

  110. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke – “To absent friends.”

  111. Shrug
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#109):

    A friend of mine, referring to the Pogues album of that name, once volunteered that “I really like RUM, SODOMY AND THE LASH.”

    My reply was that I now knew what to get him for his next three birthdays.

  112. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#102): Dean Booth doth bestride this narrow world like a Colossus.

    You, however, are refulgent, and, as you may be aware, I do not use the term lightly. Have you considered illustrating some of the imaginary works of
    The Spectacular Spider-Brick?

    That would be so… groovy!

  113. HAnzMFG
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    SUSIE’S SATANIC SLAYER DINER!!!

  114. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-Sorry, Coach, I’m flattered you think I look good but I don’t swing that way.

  115. Anonymous
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#37): Perhaps one of the officers will fire a pistol-as was supposed to have happened on the Titanic when it was going down.

  116. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Popeye – Oh, Olive! In this day and age, you’re going to solve all your problems by throwing money at rich people. Seriously, who does that??

  117. Snarkotix Addict
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    FC And Dolly’s considered the “smart” one!

  118. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#116): he he he

    // Good. That would have been wasted at D&C.

  119. Wendall
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Am I the only one that sees Tiffany’s first steps on the trail to pornstardom?

  120. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Birthday – Happy bats :[ !

    @Anonymous Jiminez (#12): “Put ‘em on a plate, son. You’ll enjoy ‘em so much more.”

  121. Jamoche
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#3):
    Nothing so interesting: “Hysterical woman at hospital nurses’ station” – but that tiny part still pays residuals.

  122. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    FC-The comics page hasn’t been torn up yet. Daddy tears up the comics page because he can’t stand the illogicalness of most of today’s comics.

  123. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @AdHocGrip (#15): “The wine cellar door is just behind you!” You know, the door with the “Wine Cellar” sign on it?
    At least they cared enough to cover over the “Dungeon” sign. Maybe they even took the time to run that off on the printer, instead of quickly scribbling it out with still-reeking Sharpies. Seriously, how long before they decide that since they’re all rich, they’ll just have a laugh over this whole thing and become lifelong friends?

    @Lynn (#17): El Guerrero’s faithful henchman remembers to use his hollow tooth. Faithful to the end, he’ll even put a note in his shirt pocket stating that he’s El Bucanero Infernal’s henchman, and ‘conspiracy to destroy a transformer’ should add some months or years to his sentence.

  124. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#31): Nothing like carrying a rotting, bleeding 200 lb carcass on… your back for 10 miles.
    All those old poachers wanted was the old head. I think they brought the old rifle along to shoot it off with. The only… possible… old… explanation!

    A Burbur does not go on stage unless all of her conditions are met.
    Yeah, but the gorilla at the door let Amos use his phone. I’m officially disarmed for the day.

    @pastordan (#34): Just mention when you’re linking to Daily Ink’s paywall, so I don’t click it every time. Thanks. Sorry to be a whiner.

  125. debussy fields
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    MW–This whole ordeal is nothing but a drug-induced hallucinogenic nightmare. “We HAVE to get off this shit!” he said. Oops, I guess he said ‘ship.’ Sorry.

  126. SF_Reader
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    The summer of annoying comics.
    A3G – First Nina survives childbirth. Then Lu Ann, who I never even realized was gone, returns. At least Tommie gave up her music career for nursing, because, I’m sure, she got to see Nina’s vajojo.
    MW – Don’t hold your breath hoping Willbur drowns. By Labor Day he’ll be back in Santa Royal eating white bread and mayonaise sandwiches. And to make matters worse, Dawn will no longer be bitterly suffering over her boyfriend dumping her and Mary, of course, will have some new reason to have her image carved into Mt Rushmore.
    JP – Oh just watch Sam smug his way out of this one.

  127. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#55): Tomorrow, on The Amazing Spiderman:
    I think they should adopt the same timing the Superman cartoon used with Mxyzptlk.
    Panel 1: S-M shows up in front of Clod-9 with a look of anticipatory glee.
    Panel 2: S-M fuming in a sticky puddle and being laughed at.
    No muss, no fuss. It’s called ti-

    @lorne (#58): A wine cellar is the kind of thing where, if you’re kind of person who has one, you’re not the sort of person who feels the need to put a sign on the door saying “Wine Cellar”.
    The old wine cellar was a huge box with one side held off the ground by a stick with a rope tied to it.

    ming.

  128. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#89): You forgot “Why do I always have to put out the dog?”, but that works best if you’re dressed like a fireman anyway. (I think I sold that one to Singer. Or Garb. Back in the 70s, anyway.)

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#101): Can this really be worth it?
    One word: Volume, Volume, VOLUME!!

  129. Irrischano
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Next day: “I hope that this oncoming sneeze won’t get me noticed!” “I hope I can outrun those much more physically-fit men!” “I hope they’re a real bad aim!” (Continued on Saturday).

  130. HeraldBass
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    FW: So, is Kili short for Kilimanjaro or Killed Lisa?

  131. Brian
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    I am constantly amazed at how dark stupid and dismal this site makes the comics seem as opposed to the dark dismal way they really are.

  132. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#128): @Nehemiah Scudder (#101): Can this really be worth it?
    One word: Volume, Volume, VOLUME!!

    Oh. Milo Minderbinder. Righty-O! Chocolate covered cotten, anyone?

  133. Snarkotix Addict
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    MW Should we expect that these heroic looking guys will strip to their skivvies? Has Mary Worth ever featured half-naked men? Oh, and Wilbur, keep your coat on, please.

  134. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    MT-Excuse me can you gentlemen turn this way. I am trying to take your picture.

  135. greghousesgf
    August 2nd, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#30): basketball players’ farts are at a higher altitude….

  136. Alex
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Jamal’s back from Previously Disclosed American Professional Basketball League Training Camp!

    In other news, apparently the passengers on Dawn and Wilbur’s boat have turned to mass murder in their scramble to secure a spot on the lifeboats. This trip’s really done nothing than prove Dawn right, huh?

  137. un malpaso
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    I bet they’re feeling pretty lucky that they flipped the “Torture Cellar” door sign over to its “Wine Cellar” side a couple of days before Sam showed up!

  138. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    JP — One reason Sam’s defenses are down is because Avery didn’t bother to mention that he, Avery (1) tumbled into a large nearby pot farm (2) took photos of it. Not that I mind at all, because I’m really looking forward to seeing what Bea and Large Purple Dude are going to do to this privileged pair. But being as how Avery is allegedly hoping to develop a deep friendship with Sam *cough*, it just seems like the pot farm would have been a good topic for conversation.

  139. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

  140. Chad Sexington
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    In the normal world, to normal people, to be a “wine man” would simply be understood as heartily appreciating the pleasures of fine wine, or fancying oneself as an amateur oenophile. In the post-Marxist oligarchy that is the Parkerverse, however, it means being a neo-aristocratic capitalist with a stranglehold on the means of production.

  141. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    You know, with Avery being such an odd little flamboyant man, with Sam an avowed “wine man” and both of them in their brand new designer fly-fishing duds showing up at a romantic B&B together, I wonder if the writers of Judge Parker acknowledge, to themselves, at least, that Bubba and Beatrice would probably think they’re a romantic couple. It gives some of the lines they’ve said an amusing edge.

  142. Dood
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

  143. Perky Bird
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    “My wife and I own part of a winery in Napa. Actually, it’s in a sub-AVA of Napa. The terroir there is distinctive for its smuggy atmosphere, which imbues the grapes with a high level of self-satisfaction.”

  144. Dood
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: We’re not giving Bea enough credit. Tasking oenophile Sam with retrieving three bottles (his choice!) without revealing the menu? Sneaky. Won’t someone think of the pairings?

  145. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#101): As you pointed out, only the head with the horns is worth real money, but these idiots might try to carry out the entire carcass anyway. After all, the color monkeys gave it a golden fleece. As for how much actual profit they’ll make, I dunno. Two guys in Colorado were fined about $35,000 for hunting a bighorn using cell phones (which is illegal) even though they had a tag/permit to take a bighorn. Since I’d bet the penalty for shooting a bighorn without a tag/permit is much bigger, I think Tweedle and Twoodle here are nuts.

  146. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#143): COTW nominee!

  147. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#112) wrote:

    You, however, are refulgent, and, as you may be aware, I do not use the term lightly. Have you considered illustrating some of the imaginary works of
    The Spectacular Spider-Brick? That would be so… groovy!

    Ehhhhh, could happen. Maybe around April 1. Meanwhile, more snark:

    AYP: Well, now I guess we know the carpet matches the… oh, wait, that’s a bikini.

    *blink blink* THAT’S a bikini!?!

    BFD: I swear, the dog is the smartest character in this strip. Then again, that’s not saying much. That’s like calling Kim the smart Kardashian.

    CF: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. In fact, I think the word you’re looking for is “cunnilingus.”

    CtC: I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going.

    Dr.Q: Another day of Beach Week goes by with Roxy depicted only from the neck up. Griff, what have I done to make you hate me so?

    EoP: See, Batiuk? THIS is how you do a gay-sensitivity storyline. …Wait, Clark’s not gay? Are you sure?

    FMAM: ATTENTION, COLOR MONKEYS. I know Lunk has worn the same color tie in his every appearance for the entire run of this strip. But when the strip’s ENTIRE GAG depends on someone noticing he’s wearing a different color, PAY ATTENTION!

    JitC: As a formerly single (and formerly young) man, I have to take exception to this development. Kate has always been Jeff’s holy grail, the one who got away, the sharp-tongued, well, Kate to his lame urban slacker Petruchio. I find it impossible to believe that she’d melt like this and agree to a date simply because he gave her a hand-made card. Unless the text inside consists of pasted-together letters reading “Go ouT With ME or Your DoG DieS.”

    MoM: Scenes We’d Like To See: “Why, Thel! Lois! Rose! What a pleasant surprise! What brings you here?” “It’s called an ‘intervention.’ ”

    PUD: “That’s not the Jolly Roger, that’s my wife!” Ba-dum-tisssh!

    R-M: The bystanders in panel 3 sure seem awfully happy to be almost involved in a car crash.

    SCCS: GAAAH!!! Don’t DO that!

  148. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    MT — Depending on how much time has gone by, that sheep could be churning with so many thousands of maggots and carrion beetles that it could practically crawl down the mountain by itself. (Yeah, I know, sorry.)

  149. Uncle Lumpy
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    “Get three bottles, so the author can deduct them for (hic) research.”

    I’m beginning to believe that IRS Schedule C drives all plotlines in the comics:

    Judge Parker: Wine, high-end fly-fishing gear, bus.
    Mary Worth: Mediterranean cruise.
    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Boats, boats, boats.
    Arlo and Janis: Boat.
    The Phantom: Vacations to Mexico City and Hong Kong, mescaline.
    Apartment 3G: Vacation to North Dakota (not clear on the concept).
    Funky Winkerbean: Adventure travel to Kilimanjaro, cat litter.
    Herb and Jamaal: NBA fantasy basketball camp, lube.
    Mark Trail: Copier toner.
    Crankshaft: Charcoal briquettes, bile.

  150. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#7): You aren’t talking loud enough! PUT ALL THAT IN BOLD!!!

  151. kkarenb
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#Y273) – Thank you for posting your interview. I like “no makeovers.” And the fact that she was pissed off at Oprah makes me like her even more.

    Mark Trail – Will someone please tell Rusty that there are people called “game wardens” who are trained to investigate poaching? They are also law enforcement officers who have the authority to arrest suspects.

  152. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    “I’ll have you know that my wife and I own part of a winery in Napa…unlike everyone else, who merely owns a whinery.”

  153. Shrug
    August 2nd, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#144):

    “Tasking oenophile Sam with retrieving three bottles (his choice!) without revealing the menu? Sneaky. Won’t someone think of the pairings?”

    “Oh, the spumantity!!”

  154. Dood
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: “You know what else? I’ve got this free-gas-for-life card!”

  155. Alex
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    There’s two ways I can see this story ending: one would be where the Evil Pot Growing Marxist Proles ™ are found out and arrested, and Sam writes out a new movie about his and Avery’s adventures, which ends up making him a cult hero among the stoner crowd and leads him to become one of Judd Apatow’s many go to actors, netting his family even more money in the process. The second involves whatever the hell state this takes place in legalizing weed just as Sam, using his amazing winey powers, wins the deed to the farm in a drinking contest with those stupid non-rich people. Either way, the Parkers stumble onto another shitload of money while millions of Americans struggle with an ever increasing income gap. Just as natrue intended.

  156. bats :[
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#144): It might not matter, once Sam realizes that there’s a plethora of Chateau de Boone, Pinot Mogen David 20/20 and Sauvignon Blech.

  157. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#153): “Oh, the spumantity!!”

    Life is Brut.

  158. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#145): I’m sorry, you’ll have to explain that hunting an animal using a cell phone.

  159. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    MW-Why do you have to get off the ship? It’s not like it’s sinking or anything. Just because the captain told you to evacuate the ship and then disappears and everyone is fighting at the lifeboat like the all you can buffet has just run out of food. We’ve seen nothing whatsoever to indicate that the ship is sinking so why do they have to get off.

    MW 2-Excuse me did you say “get off the ship” or “get the ship off”?

  160. Xanadude
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    JP meets Pulp Fiction and I’m just waiting for the inevitable utterance of “Bring out the gimp.”

  161. lynn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    “I’m sorry, you’ll have to explain that hunting an animal using a cell phone.” – I would think that the sheep, being forced to listen to the hunters jabbering away on their cell phones the whole time, would hurl themselves off a rocky crag, just as you or I would. And that would be animal cruelty. Better to just blow them away with an assault weapon.

  162. bats :[
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#145): using cell phones to hunt bighorn? Huh, how about that?

    Bighorn: “Hello?”
    Hunter: “Is this Mr. Bighorn Sheep?”
    Bighorn: “Well, I prefer Bighorn Ram, but Sheep will do.”
    Hunter: “I see. So, you must have really big horns, being a ram and all.”
    Bighorn: “Yes, I do.”
    Hunter: “Come on…really big? Or are you just saying that because all the ewes say so?”
    Bighorn: “That’s what they tell me, and hey, they oughta know, right?”
    Hunter: “Huh. They can say one thing, but –”
    Bighorn: “Hey! You listen to me! I get more than my fair share of the ladies! That’s gotta count for something!”
    Hunter: “I guess so.”
    Bighorn: “All right then.”
    Hunter: “One more thing, if you don’t mind.”
    Bighorn: “Okay. Shoot.”
    Hunter: “BANG! You’re dead!”
    Bighorn: “dammit…”

    Still a little fuzzy on the logistics…

    @Poteet (#148): ew.

  163. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#158): Haha! Good point. Sorry. They were using cell phones so one of them could direct the other (who did the shooting) to the bighorn’s exact location.

  164. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

  165. lynn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Is it not sporting to call in the location of the sheep? (“Where you at?”) Would semaphore flags be cheating, too?

  166. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#162): I once took a photo of a dead deer in that condition because I thought it looked so interesting and then I showed it to my mother, who is interested in nature. But not that interested, it turned out.

  167. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    un@lynn (#165): You’ve reminded me of the old Monty Python sketch in which WUTHERING HEIGHTS is dramatized and all the dialogue is performed with semaphore flags. HAR! Sorry, got distracted there. I’m pretty sure you are correct, that having someone else help you locate the sheep via phone or flag would be considered unsporting and illegal. And expensive.

  168. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#167): “unLynn”??? Error, error…

  169. True Fable
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    So Sam’s a wine man. Funny, I always saw him as a Hat Man. Or maybe the high cheekbones and executive-level smugness had me confused.

  170. TheDiva
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Wendall (#119): No, I’m pretty sure Greg Evans has a “Tiffany Does Toronto” sketch pinned up next to the one of Toni and Ann cat-fighting. (This would still make Tiffany more successful in the entertainment industry than Miss “Hey Boy” can ever hope to be.)

  171. Shrug
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

  172. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    JP: People continue to just walk up to Sam and give him stuff, so as far as he’s concerned life is as it should be. As for Avery, I don’t know. Are there twenty minutes of angry yet satisfying sex with Bea in his near future?

    MT: Rusty’s camera has a state-of-the-art “add mustache” function that will help identify the hunters as villains.

    MW: You have to get off the ship? What on Earth is your hurry? Don’t you want to see the underwater view?

    FW: Now the strip’s default most likeable character at least has a name.

    Better Half: She must be a cardiologist from Dick Tracy’s neighborhood.

    Archie: Archie is lucky he’s dealing with the wife. The husband would know what he’s up to and charge him for use of the dog.

    Popeye: Ah, Jerry Springer only wishes he had this kind of action on his show.

    BC: Sincerely I can say “Well done.” That’s the kind of elevated goofery that put BC on the map in the first place.

    BB: But what if they’re not serving s’mores for lunch?

    DT: You flash one reporter and from then on everyone calls you “Moon Maid.”

    GT: From “broken and withdrawn” to “insufferably smug” in one easy step.

    Blondie: “That is a tube of toothpaste he’s squeezing, right?”

    Phantom: I would express “!!” as “?!?!?!” but the narrator is on the right track.

    PBS: Marge Simpson is so lucky they don’t have speech balloons in animation. *
    *Yes, I know there are Simpsons comics too. Why ruin the joke, though?

    Doonz: Burnout Amuck.

    Pluggers: Really athletic strippers are Pluggers, apparently.

    SSmith: Yeah, who’d think that losing all your teeth by the age of 25 would have a downside?

    S-M: Uh, Clown-9? August does not make for an early spring. In fact with the heat of the dog days of summer, maybe you should switch to a more lightweight mask, keep your head clear.

    H-Cliff: “Get this classicist Rodin imitation out of here. This is strictly a constructivist beach.”

    Marvin: Adult Marvin already showed up in the nursery last week. It looks like, among other things, his memory will be gone in a few years.

    Lockhorns: Leroy and Loretta tune into the hottest competition series, “So You Think You Can Yank the Hair Out of Your Scalp.”

    A3G: Bolle is in fine form today. Way to show Margo’s amazing new office, sir.

  173. Liam
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    JP-The joke is on Sam. Most of the wine is terrible.

  174. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#170):

    (This would still make Tiffany more successful in the entertainment industry than Miss “Hey Boy” can ever hope to be.)

    True that.

    I actually suspect that Evans might – if the characters actually do graduate from high school – have Tiffany follow Luann to Juilliard, just so she can continue to be the Hated Rival. It would be a classic example of doing the right thing for the wrong reason, with mostly wrong results.

  175. KreatureFeatures
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    So much good snark from all the usual suspects. So much funnier than the comics themselves. I can’t believe the cartoonists are the ones who get paid.

  176. Tom Allen
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @lorne (#58): A wine cellar is the kind of thing where, if you’re kind of person who has one, you’re not the sort of person who feels the need to put a sign on the door saying “Wine Cellar”.

    Not only does it say “Wine Cellar,” it has a big $ sign after it. They sure know how to impress Sam!

  177. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#109): Bringing a whole new meaning to “A little dab’ll do ya.”

  178. commodorejohn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    Archie – I would bet good money that this joke is actually, literally as old as canine domestication. Probably this very strip is actually based on a cave painting somewhere in the Urals.

    C&B – Cow & Boy is awesome. That’s all there is to it.

    DT – When you are visibly a space alien and displaying space-alien powers, I have to wonder what the point of a mask is. Are you worried about being identified as one specific space alien? Does the US even have an extradition treaty with the Moon?

    FW – <voice=”Triumph”>Oh, this is a great certificate…for me to poop on!</voice>

    H&L – Ayn Rand’s Hi & Lois.

    JP – “Say, is that a cask of Amontillado?”

    Luann – A terrible dud film would be something for the lead actors and the writers and director to leave off their resume, maybe. For a bit player, it still shows that you showed up and did your damn job. But never mind that, let’s bag on Tiffany some more!

    MT – “Boy, kinda overcast out. Maybe I should use one of those big, loud old-timey flashbulbs, just to be sure!”

    MW – “People are killing each other over at the lifeboats! See, it’s just off-panel!”

    Monty – Monty parodying self-styled Writers with a capital W is more believable than Tom Batiuk trying to paint himself/Les that way in earnest.

    OBH – Taking our cues from Arlo & Janis today, are we?

    PBS – Good one.

    Phantom – …what?

    SM – Morons who live in glass houses, Spidey…

    Ziggy – Isn’t that all of them, now?

  179. Bobdog
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps someday Rusty will be able to master the art of the thought balloon and be able to have inner monologues instead of having to speak everything he’s thinking and risk being overheard by ne’er-do-wells and miscreants.

  180. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#163): I was thinking that was what you meant, but I’m not sure I understand why it was illegal.

  181. Droopy Says
    August 2nd, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#151): Will someone please tell Rusty that there are people called “game wardens” who are trained to investigate poaching? They are also law enforcement officers who have the authority to arrest suspects.

    Doc told Rusty he would call The Authorities. But that may have been an effort on Doc’s part to give himself plausible deniability when the Child Welfare people raise some hard questions about Rusty’s advanced case of Lassie Syndrome. “I made sure he knew it was a matter for The Authorities! And I let Cherry go look for him! Now why didn’t The Authorities show up before the flying trophy hunters returned for the dead bighorn ram that didn’t rot? In fact The Authorities didn’t get here until after my son-in-law Mark Trail returned from his editor’s cabin!”

  182. Shrug
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#180):

    Well, if you use a device which lets you know just where a large game animal is, then according to Heisenberg’s Principal you have no way of knowing how fast it is moving. So someone might get hurt.

    Tomorrow I’ll explain about Shrodinger’s Bighorn and how it can be both a pristine trophy head and a rotting corpse at the same time. (Hint: Don’t Look.)

  183. Dr. Weird
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#60):

    Moon Maid? Firstly, isn’t she dead? Secondly, I thought Dick Tracy’s creators had spent 40 years pretending that never happened and Honey Moon Tracy’s bunches aren’t hiding antennae at all.

    We saw the Moon Coupe at Diet Smith’s place near the start of the new team’s run, so they’re admitting it happened.

    I personally think that this IS Honey Moon wearing a big wig and 60s costume to engage in thrillseeking vigilanteism, possibly with a magnetic device from Diet Smith.

  184. Shrug
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#182):

    Also, Heisenberg’s Failure To Preview Theorem will guarantee that you type “principal” instead of “principle” and not catch it.

    Life is brutal, but even that is Uncertain.

  185. Dr. Weird
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#178):

    Does the US even have an extradition treaty with the Moon?

    Dick Tracy took the lead in investigating all Moon-related crime, so no criminals ever survived for extradition to be an issue, I’d imagine…

  186. Sam L
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Wasn’t Jamall in NBA training camp as recently as yesterday? I had assumed there was some kind of running plotline going on.

  187. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#180): Many game laws are based on fair chase, and as I understand it, fair chase basically means that the pursuit and taking of the game happens in a manner that does not give the hunter an improper advantage over the animal. Cell phones are considered an improper advantage. And holding up a large drawing of Rusty’s face to induce a heart attack in the animal being pursued would also be frowned upon.

  188. bats :[
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#166): there used to be a physical anthropologist at the UA (Dr. Walter Birkby) who was so good with “old” human remains that the local police and sheriff’s departments looked at him as a valuable resource for their “more recent” forensics work. He eventually set up his own film-developing area when Fedmart ultimately refused to process his film rolls (“Please don’t bring this to our store anymore — it’s upsetting our employees” kind of thing — they’d work and work, trying to get the color and skin-tones right, which is pretty damned impossible when he was brought in to examine remains that were often weeks upon weeks old. He liked these notes and posted them in the lab.)
    A friend of mine worked in an independent camera store that would also develop his film, and she’d have to courteously refuse to look at his latest photos when the prints came in — he’d be so excited and liked to “share”!

  189. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    9CL — There’s never a giant flaming meteorite around when you need one.

  190. lynn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Using a cell phone gives you an unfair advantage over a prey animal? I’d think using a gun gives you an unfair advantage.

  191. lynn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    Maybe they could take down a bighorn sheep using Lucha Libre.

  192. pastordan
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#124): Son of a biscuit. I thought you could get through the paywall for individual posts. Thank you for letting me know. I will resolve to do better in the future. In the meantime, how’s about I go in the wine cellar and pull out a couple of bottles for myself?

  193. Calico
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#157):
    Life also appears to be Brawny (paper towel guy sans mustache), with those two fellows that are going to save Father and Daughter respectively.
    Take that, Mark Trail!
    (And, I was just pondering – maybe they are a gay male couple, which would totally rock!)

  194. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#188): *finally is able to stop laughing* Yay for Dr. Birkby! Maybe he was interested in this…

    http://photoblog.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/03/08/10610820-vultures-feast-on-human-corpse-in-texas-body-farm-experiment?lite

  195. pastordan
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#145): I have to ask. How do you kill a bighorn with a cell phone? I mean, do you put him in the cab of a sixteen-wheeler with one? Or do you just strap it on his head and wait for the brain cancer to set in?

  196. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#195): First you have to give another cell phone to a really attractive ewe…

  197. pastordan
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#195): Ah, I see the mystery has been explained above…

  198. Hogenmogen
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Alex (#155): Sam star as himself? Avery would never allow it when Tom Hanks would so willingly pay money from his own pocket to star in such a bankable blockbuster.

    In the world of Rex Moron, Judge Parker et al, professionals never charge the square jawed protagonst for their services.

  199. lynn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    pastordan, “And lo, Abraham saw a ram in the thicket making a cell phone call, and whilst its attention was distracted…”

  200. Hogenmogen
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Why did those guys need to shoot the bighorn from a plane? It’s not like a ram is so dangerous. It’s not like they had to hunt for it. Rusty romped up and found it instantly. He even knew where it would be in advance. And shooting from a stationary position and getting your quarry without having to land would be much easier. Why the plane?

    Anyway, Rusty is going to slip, the poachers are going to find him, then upgrade from poaching with plausible deniability (“We didn’t shoot the bighorn, it was dead when we found it.”) to kidnapping and threats of murder (“The kid saw our faces, now what do we do?” “Tie him to a tree for a day while we find convoluted excuses not to kill him.”).

  201. Bambi
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    “Mommy! Get rid of the cell phone! It’s a trap!!!”

  202. lynn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Well, Hogenmogen, now you have spoiled this whole MT story arc for all of us. Satisfied?

  203. Señor Tortilla
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    MT: Man, if this ends up being cribbed from “The Ransom of Red Chief”, this will be still way better than anything Elrod has planned.

    DT: Huge retcon incoming in 3…2…1…

    Marvin: Wow. My apologies for those who wanted to punch their monitors now.

  204. lynn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    There is absolutely no danger in talking on a cell phone. Why, I’m on my cell phone right now and… (phht phht phht phhht KAPOW) …aaaaurrrrrgh….

  205. Hogenmogen
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    The villians on JP are like James Bond villians from the mountains. Ha, Mr. Parker, we have locked you in a wine cellar! Feel free to consume your favorite vintage at your lesiure! But for your continued hinderance of my evil plans, I have made sure that the only light switch is here, outside of your control! Ha ha! I shall flick the lights on and off and on and off and nothing you do can stop me! Except if you slide through that crawl space that leads to a hole under the porch – but you’ll get your fancy new fishing gear dirty! Bwa ha ha!

  206. Chaze 126
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#196): Last I heard the bighorn sheep were organizing a flash mob at the Trail residence. They want the cherry jello Carol and Rusty wear in their hair as well as the meth Doc’s been cookin’ up in his lab. And before they leave they want that strange, yet desirable, clip job Carol’s been sportin.’

  207. terrapin
    August 2nd, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    MT: Where is Mark anyway? I seem to remember him going off to do something more or less useful but I have forgotten. In my head I’m going to imagine he’s at a biker bar tipping over Harleys in the parking lot.

    Luann: When all these characters are in their thirties and are all burdens on the tax-payers, they’ll be bragging about how they went to high school with major movie star, Tiffany Farrel.

  208. Hogenmogen
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#202): I didn’t give away Mark’s (literal) punch-line. I’m thinking “TAKE THAT!” or “LET RUSTY GO!” With witty zingers like that, the movie action hero crowd has nothing on him.

  209. Chaze 126
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t that an AMC Gremlin grown-up Marvin is driving? Guess things won’t be going so well for Mr. Poopypants. Either that or Gremlins are one of the few cars whose interiors can be cleaned with a hose.

  210. Droopy Says
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#207): Trail is schmoozing his editor, and maybe explaining why he can’t write a story about the goose that wore the golden band.

    Luann and her friends will fantasize about telling Entertainment Online that Tiffany cheated them out of their opportunities to succeed. “She kept me out of Julliard! Nice people never become stars!”

  211. UncleJeff
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Bambi (#201): Isn’t that what Admiral Akbar said in “Star Wars”?

  212. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#193): Brawny Paper Towels is owned by siblings Charles G. Koch and David H. Koch, the super-rich financiers who figure so prominently in the 2012 U.S. presidential race. Not content with bankrolling (and controlling) certain right-wing American politicians, the “Brawny Brothers” have now extended their reach overseas…

    Life is Brawny!!!

  213. pastordan
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#199): Quoting from the Book of II Opinions, I see.

  214. lynn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    I thought the story of Abraham was in the Book of Emesis.

  215. lynn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    That pun pentateuch a lot of thinking on my part.

  216. Dood
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker, where even the comfy chairs are impossibly stuffed.

  217. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#192): I would have said something sooner, but I was assuming that the site was free and that I was too lazy to sign up. This time I finally decided to do it, and, well, here’s where I came in. I’ll look at a Krazy Kat book.

  218. Dale
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Bobdog (#179):

    MT – Someone should tell Elrod about thought balloons.
    Rusty’s thoughts make sense if seen as one quick flash. Here, as everyone does in most MT stories, it looks like he’s reading them out loud from a prepared script.

  219. commodorejohn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#215): Yeah, well, you Torah hole in my brain with it.

  220. Dennis Jimenez
    August 2nd, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#216): Paul’s letter on Upholstery to the Corinthians….

  221. Dood
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#220): Ricardo of Montalbán also expounded upon the virtue of rich Corinthian leather.

  222. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#151):

    Mark Trail – Will someone please tell Rusty that there are people called “game wardens” who are trained to investigate poaching? They are also law enforcement officers who have the authority to arrest suspects.

    Actaully, somebody should tell that to Jackelrod!!

  223. tallyHO
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#207):

    My curiosity is in the same place as yours.
    Where the hell is Mark?

    As a matter of fact, I almost forgot what he even looks like until I saw that close up of Cherry’s face while she was talking with “Doc” Crackrockodopolous.

    The bored part of me would both like it and hate it if he’s on some awesome adventure, catching cattle rustlers. By, rustlers, I don’t mean guys stealing cattle. I mean guys who are shaking cows so that they make the sound of gently rustling autumn leaves.

    Mark would be standing behind them after some of the less musically inclined cows kick the rustlers up into the air then Mark would catch them.

    I’d hate it if he is on an adventure like that because we won’t see it.

  224. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Juggs-less Parker – Seems like it been weeks since we’ve seen much boobage! This story needs to get back on track!

    And they need to stop using up so damned many exclamation points – there won’t be any left for Jackelrod!!!!! Oopsie…

  225. Alison
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    “Judge Parker”: This entire strip is like what you’d write if your only experience with this planet, ever, was hanging out in Hollywood during awards show season watching rich movie stars get swag. (Anybody else heard that “swag” is an acronym for “Shit We All Get”? I read this once but it sounds like trolling.)

    “Luann”: @terrapin (#207): Yup. Luann and her lame friends are the type who’ll act like they were all best friends with Tiffany, should she ever get famous.

    Luann would jump at the chance to get on TV by using Tiffany’s name. Much easier than getting out and doing something herself, after all (God forbid). “Local woman, 35, used to be friends with big celebrity-details at 6:00!” Luann will also tell her kids, “Mommy used to be best friends with Tiffany Farrell. Mommy and Tiffany were besties! Here, look, Mommy has a photo of herself and Tiffany. Oh, ignore that Mommy wrote ‘Here’s me with that disgusting skank Tiffany’ on it. Mommy was just joking.”

  226. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#148): MT — Depending on how much time has gone by, that sheep could be churning with so many thousands of maggots and carrion beetles that it could practically crawl down the mountain by itself. (Yeah, I know, sorry.)

    One of my earliest childhood memories involves a bag of putrid animal(?) innards I found by the side of the road. The bag was open, and hundreds of maggots were spilling out of the top. (Sorry for sharing!)

    @Dr. Weird (#183): I personally think that this IS Honey Moon wearing a big wig and 60s costume to engage in thrillseeking vigilanteism, possibly with a magnetic device from Diet Smith.

    My alternate theory: someone is making a biopic about Moon Maid, and this is merely a publicity stunt. (Could this be Tiffany’s next film?)

  227. Dale
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail left his telephoto lens at home.
    Wouldn’t it be in his camera bag? The kind of bag a journalist would carry any time he travelled anywhere for any reason. You never know when you need a photo of a gum wrapper in situ, not just carry vital evidence around in your shirt pocket.

  228. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#226): No need to apologize. Per #166, I see that as a possible photo op. Since you were so young, were you fascinated, grossed out, both?

  229. commodorejohn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#224): Oh, now, just you try and tell me Beatrice isn’t filling out that tank-top like a…well, tank.

  230. commodorejohn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#229): Or rather, “hasn’t been,” as I see she’s donned a more formal outfit for the occasion, the occasion being treachery.

  231. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze 126 (#209): Why not both?

    (Although to be fair, an AMC “anything” is worth a bit of money these days.)

  232. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#187):

    … a large drawing of Rusty’s face…

    What’s even scarier is how his face morphs so much from panel to panel and day to day.

    Same goes for Cherry, except at least she’s human.

  233. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#205):

    Sam: You expect me to drink this wine?

    Goldfinger: No Mister Driver, I expect you to die!!

  234. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#226): Then there was the time I was walking around with Dad, up north of town, and happened upon a pile of skinned muskrats. Thirty, somehow sticks in my mind as the approximate number, but it seemed larger. Ah, the desensitization process.

    In other news, we just moved the smaller piano out. Folks who bought it came to pick it up, and I hepped. Someone will be around another time for the bench, which was forgotten in all the excitement. Now I only have one piano, but I moved this one next to the grand piano earlier in the day so I could take a photo and call it “My Pianos.” The cat is still sniffing around, asking where her pedestal went.

  235. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#233):

    Let’s try this again:

    Sam: Do you expect me to drink this swill you call wine?

    Goldfinger: No Mister Driver, I expect you to DIE!!

    That’s better….

  236. sully
    August 2nd, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    Hey! Rusty! You idiot! Maybe if you didn’t speak out loud as you sneak up on the poachers, they wouldn’t hear you! Haven’t you ever seen ‘thought-bubbles’ in cartoons, where the person is thinking something, but not shouting it out to others around, including poachers? Perhaps this comment should be directed to the idiots who produce this piece of sheep dung.

  237. Ian Beste
    August 2nd, 2012 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#225): “Swag” Derivation, of : Seems unlikely. The original meaning, according to the lordly OED is a bulgy bag (first usage dated 1303), then a gig or blustering person (first usage 1588), a swaying or lurching movement (1660), a shop (1676), a heavy fall or drop (1700), a “wreath or festoon of flowers, foliage or fruit, fastened up at both ends and hanging down in the middle…” (1794), a sinking subsidence (1856), a thief’s plunder or booty (first usage dated 1812), Australian slang for a bundle of personal belongings or a man who tarvels with one (1864, 1890, see “swagman” in the song “Waltzing Matilda”) , a great quantity or a lot of something, and the trade in “certain classes of small, trifling or trashy articles…” (1851.) Boy, this word gets around…

  238. Ian Beste
    August 2nd, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#237): Or see “Swag”, Derivation of Gotta get my x-refs right.

  239. Ian Beste
    August 2nd, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#237): “…a BIG or blustering person…” Geez, get an editor already.

  240. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 2nd, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#228): I remember being fascinated and not at all grossed out. I used to walk up and down US 41 picking up discarded soda bottles to cash in at the store. So I was used to coming across roadkill — mostly possums, raccoons, dogs, cats, even a small gator or two.

  241. commodorejohn
    August 2nd, 2012 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#240): I’ve seen plenty of bloated or exploded deer on the side of the road, but I can’t say I’ve ever felt a need to stop and investigate.

  242. Shrug
    August 2nd, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#231):

    “(Although to be fair, an AMC “anything” is worth a bit of money these days.)”

    Word. I had a 1987 AMC Eagle up until nine years ago, and twice had perfect strangers come up to me when I’d just parked it and asked if I was interested in selling it.

    (It had literally belonged to a little old lady who had it for years and rarely drove it: my mother.)

  243. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#147): NtW: Not much of a stretch for the portly vulpine when Vomitty Vulture just mails a signed confession to sidekick Archie the Arachnid, is it?

  244. Chaze 126
    August 2nd, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#242): I would love to have a 1970 AMX. A Gremlin? Not so much.

  245. Borborygmy
    August 2nd, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#243): But my grandkids love the “six discrepancies” document comparison feature, and this week’s “how to draw a blood engorged deer-tick” was a family favorite!

  246. Anonymous
    August 2nd, 2012 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#235): When I first looked at today’s post, I saw Sam’s expression in the third panel and thought “that’s how he’d look if he ever played James Bond.” And how lucky we are that he didn’t.

  247. Borborygmy
    August 2nd, 2012 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze 126 (#244): My father-in-law worked for AMC, and eventually retired from the company before they were bought out by Chrysler. For decades, each year he would buy a brand new low end AMC car, at enormous employee/union discounts. At the end of the year, he would sell the car to a relative, at a very attractive price. Even after he retired, and Chrysler bought AMC, he continued to do this, and by some quirk of the union deal his widow was able to continue the tradition until her death.

    I don’t believe any member of my wife’s family has regularly driven a normal car until this century.

  248. Elk Meadow
    August 2nd, 2012 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#60):

    DT: Moon Maid! Moon Maid!! Moon Maid!!!!

  249. Elk Meadow
    August 2nd, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#159):

    Especially as the ship is about 100 yards from the shore. Heck, you could almost walk on the rocks to get to the beach, or wade through the surf. And why can’t Wilbur swim when there’s a pool at the complex, and they’ve had all those pool parties.

  250. Joshua
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I will forgive a lot from Greg Evans if in September 2013, there is a strip depicting Luann driving up to campus to enroll, and out front there is a big sign that says:

    WELCOME TO TLJC
    THE LOCAL JUNIOR COLLEGE

  251. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I had a minor medical procedure today, so maybe I’m just dopey from anesthesia and Percocet, but: Why exactly does Margo need an office?

  252. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#251): Oh! Finally had the thingy removed from your whatsit? See? No big deal, and you’ll feel a lot better now!

    // Just like I said!

  253. Dr. Weird
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#251):

    How does one have steamy, impulsive, desk-clearing office sex without an office?

  254. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Weird (#253): Please. Tell me.

  255. pastordan
    August 2nd, 2012 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#254): Tiffany knows. Believe that.

  256. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#251), @Dr. Weird (#253): First comes the office, then the steamy, impulsive, desk-clearing office sex. And somewhere in between, Margo hires an efficient secretary by the name of Effie Perine*.

    *Hey, Effie needs the job — she’s been out of work since Spade and Archer closed its doors. And Cloris Leachman, who played the character on TV’s “Charlie Wild, Private Detective,” is still around.

  257. pastordan
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    Keep forgetting to make this stupid joke: Herb and Jamal has random italics thrown in the word balloons. If we accept Josh’s suggestion that this means the strip has been recycled a la Archie, it produced dialog thus:

    “That’s why they call it Cobol.”

    “Oh, I thought Basic was something I was smelling from all the online dating you’ve been doing.”

    Hey, it doesn’t make significantly less sense than the Archie strip…

  258. Poteet
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

  259. Snarkotix Addict
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#193): (And, I was just pondering – maybe they are a gay male couple, which would totally rock!)

    If this boat is rockin’…

  260. Snarkotix Addict
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#251): Why exactly does Margo need an office?

    Edina Monsoon has one, too. Go figure… sweetie darling!

  261. tallyHO
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#193):
    To paraphrase that old cartoon:

    “Hmmmmmm. Could be!”
    @tallyHO (#308):

  262. Peanut Gallery
    August 2nd, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#132):

    Chocolate covered cotten, anyone?

    Yes. Orson Welles wanted the star of The Third Man to act all his scenes while covered with a delicious chocolatey coating. This surreal touch would be explained in the famous speech comparing Italy with Switzerland, which originally was supposed to conclude with “And what did that produce? Milk chocolate.” When Cotten refused to be dipped in chocolate, Welles hastily changed the ending of the speech to the factually incorrect “The cuckoo clock.”

    “And now you know… The rest of the story.”

  263. pastordan
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#262): Chocolate-covered cotton is actually from Catch-22, if you didn’t know. But the cuckoo-clock speech has to be one of my favorite movie moments, ever.

  264. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    Dilton Doiley’s inflatable sex doll gives him the air:

    http://mightygodking.com/images/diltonsexdoll.jpg

    Considering Dilton’s genius, why doesn’t he just build a robot or something?

  265. Sgt. Stoned
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    H&L: “The Adventures of Young Timothy McVey”.

    JP: Of course, we can tell that this woman is a drug dealter/dope fiend from the 60s-ish “granny glasses” she is sporting.

  266. Peanut Gallery
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#167): You could just call the sheep’s cell phone and listen for which direction its ringtone comes from. (It’s easy to recognize, as all bighorn sheep use “Aa-oo-gah!” for their ringtone.)

  267. Peanut Gallery
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#263): Thanks, I didn’t know before today, but I did Google it. That got me thinking about whether it would be possible to make chocolate-covered cotton candy (my guess: not without cheating), and if so, whether it would be any good (my guess: not very).

  268. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#263): No, Peanut Gallery is entirely right. Rev. Scudder specified cotten, not cotton. By the rules of comedy, somebody had to say something about that, and as my attention was elsewhere, Peanut stepped in and handled it in topnotch fashion.

    Anyway, it was chocolate-covered Egyptian cotton, in the book. I only saw the movie one time, and noted that they axed most of the funny bits in order to have room for the horrible blood and guts parts. Maybe they axed the adjectives too.

    @Peanut Gallery (#267): Now, don’t interrupt when I’m… oh, man!

  269. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    /@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#268): Yes, by a clever whatchamacallit, I said “cotten” as in Joseph Cotten, talented actor often featured in Orson Welles movies, rather than “cotton”, the “soft, fluffy staple fiber that grows in a boll, or protective capsule, around the seeds of cotton plants of the genus Gossypium”. You wouldn’t have thought of the two different thingies together, normally, but such is the nature of my comic genius, well… ’nuff said.

    // It’s a gift.

  270. pastordan
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#268): @Nehemiah Scudder (#269): I’m not buying it. Scudder was clearly wondering if Beatrice was dressed in the touch, the feel, the fabric of our lives…

  271. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#270): Hey! We don’t cotton to troublemakers here!

    (See what I did there? Huh? Huh?)

  272. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#270):
    Which reminds me of my favorite Robert Graves poem.

    Down, wanton, down! Have you no shame
    That at the whisper of Love’s name,
    Or Beauty’s, presto! up you raise
    Your angry head and stand at gaze?

    Poor bombard-captain, sworn to reach
    The ravelin and effect a breach–
    Indifferent what you storm or why,
    So be that in the breach you die!

    Love may be blind, but Love at least
    Knows what is man and what mere beast;
    Or Beauty wayward, but requires
    More delicacy from her squires.

    Tell me, my witless, whose one boast
    Could be your staunchness at the post,
    When were you made a man of parts
    To think fine and profess the arts?

    Will many-gifted Beauty come
    Bowing to your bald rule of thumb,
    Or Love swear loyalty to your crown?
    Be gone, have done! Down, wanton, down!

  273. maughta
    August 2nd, 2012 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    I finally figured it out. We’re SUPPOSED to root against Spiderman. He’s like Jerry in Tom and Jerry. He’s not supposed to win. It’s all so clear now.

  274. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    So this cotton boll walks into a bar, and the bartender says:

    1) Weren’t you supposed to be in the last thread?

  275. Anonymous
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#274):

    Week…..veal……waitress…….

  276. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:09 am [Reply]

  277. seismic-2
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#274):
    So this cotton boll walks into a bar, and the bartender says:
    2) Gin, right?

  278. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#264): Plastic. Fantastic..

    // Cassidy & Kaukonen were an extraordinary engine.

  279. Dale
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    MT – Of course they see you. Instead of staying behind the big rock, you moved out into plain sight.

    Are all MT characters intended to be stupid or just some?
    Seriously, is Rusty supposed to be “special”?

  280. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#277): That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

  281. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Dustin: Oh for … there are six fucking flags on the moon, you puerile, moronic, uneducated dimwit!

  282. Droopy Says
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: WTF? Asi9′s clown-nose is some kind of squeaky toy, and if you punch it, his earplugs protect him from the impact of a fist . . . or maybe Spiderman has the proportional punch of a spider. Whatever.

    Creepy Les: The IRS needs to see this. They’ll revoke Batiuk’s business deduction for his real-life Kilimanjaro trip faster than Creepy Les can say “Moby Dickhead.”

    Mock Trail: That’s a face only Medusa could love.

    Pluggers: In Plugger logic, an exercise regimen isn’t a means to lose weight, it’s a thinly-disguised rationale to keep overeating.

    Mary Mirthless: Life Is Brutal, chapter 3542: The helicopter can only carry everyone else, or Wilbur the Whale.

    Jugs Parker: I’m calling this: Avery is a drug lord. He’ll explain it over dinner to Sam: “Me and Peaches are business rivals, but we just settled our differences, and her operation is being absorbed into mine.”

    Sam: “Avery, you’re kidding. You’re a Hollywood mogul! You know nothing about drugs! We signed a huge contract, remember?”

    Avery: “That’s all a front, Sam. Think it through. That’s why I didn’t tell you I found a marijuana patch when I fell off the cliff. I know how to keep business secrets. As for the contract, no studio would pay a dime for your crap. I’ve been using you as the patsy in a money-laundering scheme.”

    Sam: “The effrontery! We Driver-Parkers never launder anything! We have people for that!”

  283. seismic-2
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#281): And the flag that was left by Apollo 11 is in fact the sole one of those six that isn’t “flying” any more, at that. (That first flag to be planted on the moon was observed by Buzz Aldrin to have been knocked over by the exhaust from the ascent engine during takeoff, but recent high-resolution lunar orbiter photographs have shown that the other flags are all still in place.)

  284. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#282):

    Sam: “The effrontery! We Driver-Parkers never launder anything! We have people for that!”

    Huh. “Driver-Parkers.” I never noticed that. It’s like some kind of motivational slogan: “In life there are drivers and parkers.”

  285. tallyHO
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    For the past three days in Mary Worth, the man to watch is the guy in the pink shirt.

    Today, somehow, someway, he managed to contort his left arm behind his back and through his right shirt sleeve in an attempt to wave for help.

    That’s brutal.

    And his pal…ho ho!…his pal goes from looking relieved at the sound of the helicopter arriving and then suddenly he looks scared of the whirly bird. Is it because unlike his friend, he isn’t color coordinated with the chopper?

    Which brings up a question or two. Are these four the only ones to not jump? Did everyone else make the plunge?

  286. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#283): Yes, I saw that. Pertty good photos. Of course, they’re just more of the whole cover-up pretending that we actually went to the moon.

  287. Droopy Says
    August 3rd, 2012 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#281): The sad things is that they got so much else right. Well, except for what Dustin said about lunar gravity, but that’s par for the course.

  288. seismic-2
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#284): Or like Stephen Wright’s conundrum: “Why do you drive on the parkway and park in your driveway?” Of course, if you’re Sam Driver in the Road Queen, then you can (and do) both drive and park pretty much any damn place you choose to, and that’s that.

  289. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#287): I just realised — you know how far removed the year 1985 seemed from the end of WWII? That’s how far removed we are from the last time someone set foot on the Moon.

  290. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#288): Seriously, what are the story arcs in these comics. “Hey, remember that time they got a huge land yacht for next to nothing?” “Oh yeah, that was great. And remember when that woman’s brother gave them a boat?” “Yeah, that was a good one too. And the time the guy fell off a roof and his book became a best-seller before he landed in the firemen’s cushion?”

  291. Comcis Fan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    MW: What an ingenious and flexible ballerina on deck, lifting her leg behind her head to signal for help! Even as the ship lists, the yoga class continues.

  292. Comcis Fan
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    FW: Summer is looking like Catholic-martyr statuary, and justifiably so.

  293. seismic-2
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    MT: “Uh-oh… they see me!
    How do you figure that, Rusty? Was the give-away when they turned into stone?

  294. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#278): Jack Casady was my favorite bass player! The best I ever saw live. I crank up the bass to 11 on their live songs . Jorma, not so much, but YMMV. I saw Hot Tuna about 4 years ago, so they’re still touring.

  295. Droopy Says
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:04 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#289): And of the seven billion people on earth, about five billion weren’t even born when Apollo XI landed. And we’re as far from Apollo XI as it was from Goddard’s first liquid-fuelled rocket launch. And Dustin is ignored by even more people and is further from entertaining than any of it.

  296. Droopy Says
    August 3rd, 2012 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#290): I still think that if the land-yacht arc had lasted for just one more strip, we would have found that the dealer was Fat Freddy Freak, who was napping on the lot when the Parkers intruded. “Can you believe it?” he tells Phineas and Freewheelin’ Franklin, “I scammed those people out of a whole suitcase full of money!”

  297. John C Fremont
    August 3rd, 2012 at 5:40 am [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#294): He was pretty good in The Eiger Sanction, too.
    Nyuck, nyuck.

  298. Droopy Says
    August 3rd, 2012 at 5:56 am [Reply]

    <B<Marmaduke: Paddle or not, you’re always up the creek when Marmaduke gets loose.

  299. Liam
    August 3rd, 2012 at 6:53 am [Reply]

    MT-Rusty is getting mad. He’s reverting to his feral form.

  300. Ed Dravecky
    August 3rd, 2012 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#101): They go for $400 to $600 on eBay. That’s not nothing but it hardly seems worth the risk and expense here.

  301. seismic-2
    August 3rd, 2012 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#294): Ah, yes – when I was in college, my dorm would regularly close all the doors along a hallway except for a single room with a stereo powered by an ampzilla cranked up to “meltdown”, so that the bass would reverborate all the way down the hallway (and indeed, down to the San Gabriel fault zone) during a playback of the BOMP-BOMP-de-BOMP-BOMP introduction to White Rabbit.

    I guess you had to be there.

  302. Droopy Says
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Okay, a big WTF to today’s Creepy Les. First, let us all face our secret fear that Kili the Death Kitty has stowed away, bearing the message that Les must continue to dredge up memories of Dead Fucking Lisa. Next, where is this airport? If it’s Kilimanjaro International, why do they have TSA employees and why are they all white? If it’s an American airport, why is everyone being scanned after they get off the plane? Isn’t it a bit late at this point to search anyone for weaponry?

  303. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#296): How I would have loved to see that.

  304. AhClem
    August 3rd, 2012 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    MW – I’m calling it. One of those weirdly-contorted men will help Dawn off the boat, at which point she will immediately forget Dave and realize she’s found Twue Wuv at last.

    Meanwhile, the only trace of Wilbur will be a whitish Miracle-Whip slick floating on the ocean surface.

  305. Vince M
    August 3rd, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#267): One of those budget steak house chains is advertising their new chocolate fountain and cotton candy machines, so I’m betting there are a lot of customers doing just that (what a capper to a steak dinner – gah.)

  306. moliravioli
    August 3rd, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    I see that the creator of MT doesn’t care enough about Rusty’s safety to even let him thought bubble phrases like, “I hope they don’t see me!”.

  307. mitchellbravo
    August 3rd, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Today’s “Herb and Jamaal” terrifies me because I have no idea where Herb’s pupils are in the third panel. I keep interpreting his moustache as grotesque enlarged pupils that are inexplicably dripping down out of his eyes, sagging like a pair of old breasts.

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