Patterspawn deathmatch!
Apartment 3-G, 2/4/08
For the uninitiated, panels two and three are a good introduction to our gal Magee, revealing her to be a lovely and charming combination of Hermann Göring and P.T. Barnum. I wasn’t even aware that Lu Ann had shared her deranged oxygen-deprived series of hallucinations (or were they hallucinations? DUN DUN DUNNNHHHH) with her roommates, but assuming she did, it’s not at all surprising that Margo would chose to use that knowledge to publicly humiliate her for financial gain. The great thing about exploiting Lu Ann is that she was already kind of dumb even before the carbon monoxide poisoning played hell with her memory, so Margo can just claim that she’d already signed off on this publicity campaign months ago and she’ll probably buy it.
For Better Or For Worse, 2/4/08
THE FACE, MEREDITH, GO FOR THE FACE! I love how quickly Mike has given up hope of stopping his progeny from battling it out with razor-sharp kitchen utensils; now he seeks merely to level the playing field. I’ll give this to him, though: just one afternoon where one of his kids blinds the other one and he’ll never be left in charge of them by himself again.
Marmaduke, 2/4/08
I have to admit that I had always assumed that, when Marmaduke finally mastered the English language, he’d be a lot more threatening in his use of it. For instance, I’d have imagined that what he’d have written in the snow here would have been more along the lines of “YOU HAVE TO COME OUT SOMETIME AND WHEN YOU DO YOU’RE MINE.”
Bud
February 4th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Mike Patterson is a jerk.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
February 4th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Marmaduke’s lettering is surprisingly uniform.
I thought it was a “rule” in comics that when dogs or cats write, some of the letters are crooked or backwards.
Because of course, spontaneously generating messages in an alphabet-based communication system is believable for household pets, providing they write sloppily.
Gagott68
February 4th, 2008 at 10:42 am
#1. Bud: Duh…
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
February 4th, 2008 at 10:43 am
In today’s Hi and Lois, how come Trixie can see both the sunrise and the sunset from the same small window? Does the family live above the Arctic Circle?
Ovalicious
February 4th, 2008 at 10:43 am
I have to admit, though, as a PR person myself, that Margo finally made a decent move as a publicist (”decent” being a relative term here). But then again, wasn’t that her PREVIOUS job, before the balloon party thing?
Sharona
February 4th, 2008 at 10:45 am
“YOU HAVE TO COME OUT SOMETIME AND WHEN YOU DO YOU’RE MINE.”
Well, even a Great Dane only has so much pee, you know.
Anyway, Marmaduke is all about luring unsuspecting strangers. If he were going to kill his “owners,” he would have done it a long time ago.
Pozzo
February 4th, 2008 at 10:45 am
“I love turning chaos into order…and vice versa.”
Aging Hipster
February 4th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Why is Mike Patterson wearing mom jeans?
Joe
February 4th, 2008 at 10:46 am
FOOB:
GAWD I really hate those Patterbrats.
Sully
February 4th, 2008 at 10:46 am
When my dog wants to come in from the back yard, he walks up to the door and barks his ass off. He finds it quicker than taking the time to spell out his message in the snow and waiting for someone to notice the plea through the window. But that’s just him.
Rainbird
February 4th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Since Mike works at home I would think he would know more than his wife would, if they have two peelers.
Hank
February 4th, 2008 at 10:49 am
RE: Mark Trail This is obviously the only time in his life Mark will ever dive under a beaver…unfortunately for Mrs. Trail.
RE: Monty The cat may not have any hair on his butt. However, according to the illustration in Panel 1 he does on…..shudder…his crotch. What kind of sick freak is Monty anyway?
Plus a constant
February 4th, 2008 at 10:50 am
That’s how Margo starts every conversation. “Morning, Mr. Bluebird, ready for a crazy day?” “Morning, imaginary citizens of New Margonia, ready for a crazy day?”
Eau de Plugger
February 4th, 2008 at 10:50 am
On a sad note…No more TDIET. The chron page appears to be just re-running the Sunday strip.
Pozzo
February 4th, 2008 at 10:50 am
#6 Sharona: Watch out where the Great Danes go…
rotts
February 4th, 2008 at 10:50 am
FOOB:
C’mon, folks. It’s obvious Mike wants the second peeler so each kid will have one (remember Tom Sawyer and the fence whitewashing?) and the fighting will STOP!
Gagott68
February 4th, 2008 at 10:52 am
11. Rainbird: But Deanna’s the woman. She must know where all utensils are at all time.
Comic Connoisseur
February 4th, 2008 at 10:52 am
MT – I called it! I called it! Apparently Mark’s animal spirit is the Dipper.
http://joshreads.com/?p=1424#comment-430751
Islamorada Girl, Queen of the Jungle
February 4th, 2008 at 10:53 am
If we get to see Mark Trail beaten up by angry beavers who resent his presence in their lodge, I will be the happiest queen of the jungle ever.
Burning Prairie
February 4th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Well Mike, if there’s not another peeler you can always hand Robin a butcher knife, which makes about as much sense as giving a preschooler a razor-sharp peeler. Apparently he likes his salad garnished with little bits of bloody flesh; this man has no business caring for children.
Pozzo
February 4th, 2008 at 10:59 am
“Then after you peel the cabinets, you can put up those shelves in the garage. Here’s the drill!” Mike just wants the kids out of the way so he can spend the day Googling his name.
Pozzo
February 4th, 2008 at 11:00 am
21: Make that “carrots,” not “cabinets.” There’s a reason there’s a “preview” button.
Pozzo
February 4th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Although, while Mike’s on the phone and not watching them, Wobin and Mewedith might very well be peeling the cabinets.
Zaq
February 4th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Every day I hate Foob and all within it a little bit more. Today is no exception.
Gagott68
February 4th, 2008 at 11:07 am
16 rotts: But the snark is that Michael has to ask his wife if they have another peeler. Apparently, St. Michael couldn’t use the deductive reasoning of his annoying novel writing brain to figure out that if they have a second peeler it’s either in the dishwasher or in the drawer right next to where he found the first peeler!
zenvelo
February 4th, 2008 at 11:17 am
About today’s Spiderman: how did the Persuader know that Spiderman was in the paddy wagon/prison van? I thought Spiderman set the whole thing up to be a surprise when the Persuader opened it up to knock off the convict before ratting out to the Governor.
the least they could do is keep the story line straight.
EM
February 4th, 2008 at 11:17 am
FW: What kind of world? One where there’s a magazine called Pizza World? I’m guessing it’s published by the same company in charge of No Cure for Cancer and Dining on a Budget for Band Widows Weekly.
commodorejohn
February 4th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Archie – “Raj?” What? Who names their kid for the British government of India? What next, some dude named Marshall Plan?
Crankshaft – Well you can’t expect the residents of a town as non-Euclidean as Milford to be able to fix things very effectively, can you? At least they hired an out-of-towner to do the commercial so the residents of Winkerville wouldn’t have to look at things that would give Picasso nightmares.
DT – “Seeing as how you’re slated to disappear and all. We just want to get the most out of your paycheck, you understand.”
FOOB – You know, I know a lot of parents will pull stuff like this, and I can’t say I blame them, but it just seems so much more loathsome when Saint Michael the Wise does it. But why is the Ever Holy Chosen One deigning to help with the menial tasks of the
maidservantwife in the first place?GA – What the [Margo] is going on on the back page of that newspaper?
JP – Hey! It’s Arabic Guy from Funky Winkerbean being served by Bitchy Mailman from Gasoline Alley!
Luann – Ah, nothing says motherly love like helping your daughter get into the pants of a guy half a decade her senior on the other side of “legal.”
MF – Ah, ruining a potentially good barb as only Mallard can.
MT – HELL YES.
MW – Only Dr. Drew could make obnoxious petulant looks so damn funny. I guess someone just told him he doesn’t get any ice cream after dinner.
Momma – Well that’s an interesting brush-holding technique.
MC – Well, Maureen, I know there’s a few guys online (i.e. here) who’d be quite interested =)
Popeye – Well, at least the denouement of the story nobody cared about was short. On to the next story nobody will care about!
RMMD – Kill them, Lee! Kill them! (Lean forward, Faith! Lean forward!)
SM – That look on the Persuader’s face makes me think it’s the less deadly but more socially inacceptable kind of “gas.” Either way, Spider-Man’s totally unable to deal with it.
Edison Lee – GEE HEALTHCARE IS EXPENSIVE HUH IT’S SUCH A GREAT GAG WE’LL REPEAT IT FIFTY THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES
Nate
February 4th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Did you ever hear of the “mother’s curse?”
Basically it’s when a mother tells her children, “I hope one day you have kids who act exactly the way you act, who put me through exactly what you’ve put me through.”
Mike’s seeing that about five times over right now.
Allie Cat
February 4th, 2008 at 11:32 am
FOOBYou know, it’s just me and Mr. Cat – no kittens, but we do actually have three peelers, and here’s why:
They were cheaper that way. I could get one for $3.75 or three for $10 at Williams-Sonona – they’re the fancy kind that look kind of like a slingshot. They’re great for lefties like me, and they came in three bright, obnoxious colors – we’ll call them wasabi, tangerine and maize – so I can find them easily.
And while I wouldn’t expect Mr. Cat to know where I’ve stashed the spares, I would also hope that he would know better than to give them to kids. Hell, I’ve peeled myself with one and I’m a grown-ass woman with kitchen skillz.
RWO – I thought this was funny enough that I would cut it out and put it on my bulletin board. RWO is currently the only one I feel that way about.
Also, I was at our local used book emporium yesterday and saw a kajillion old Family Circus books. I read these extensively as a kid, and at the time, I thought they were amusing. In present day, though – I felt a wave of, not nostalgia, but something more like nausea. I didn’t see any FOOB books – but plenty of Garfield, Farside, and of course Doonesbury. I wonder what that means?
Solocardate of the Jungle Patrol Irregulars
February 4th, 2008 at 11:33 am
http://images.chron.com/apps/comics/images/2008/2/4/Baldo.903.g.gif
And tomorrow, Baldo will wander into a rendering plant, where he can literally beat a dead horse.
Chupper
February 4th, 2008 at 11:38 am
26 zenvelo – After googling Krandis, Spidey probably discussed the whole van plan on his myspace page and sent the Persuader a friend invite.
Zaq
February 4th, 2008 at 11:43 am
I wonder… if you were to tally them, which would have a higher percentage of sentences which end in exclamation points… Judge Parker or RMMD? Really, it probably just comes down to which one asks fewer questions, but it’s still an interesting point to ponder.
Krazy Kat
February 4th, 2008 at 11:48 am
FOOB-What? So now he’s too lazy to call his mother and have her walk another peeler next door? He’s gotta disturb his wife at the pharmacy? “Now, was that dose 10mg or 100?”
Calico
February 4th, 2008 at 11:50 am
FOOB – The great writer doesn’t even know if they have a second peeler?
Actually, Mike is such a narscissist that not knowing the whereabouts of supposedly communal things makes perfect sense. Christ, what an asshole.
Randall
February 4th, 2008 at 11:50 am
FOOB. Give them both a knife, a good large one so there little hands can grasp it firmly. And have them stand on wobbly stools, then, go out for some coffee and come back later. Good, good.
LUANN. What does her mom wash dishes in? Carbolic Acid? Look at those gloves! Maybe she’s not really washing dishes, she might forcing body parts into the disposal! Or drowning kittens! Maybe shes a terrorist and making a dirty bomb right in her sink! But look at those honkin gloves!
Calico
February 4th, 2008 at 11:54 am
#34 – Well, the thing is, She’s too lazy to walk next door.
But, Mike is still an A+ ass.
Damn, I’m sure glad I don’t get my meds from Fright-Aid in Milborough!
Kviri
February 4th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Am I the only one freaked out by Slylock Fox speaking in today’s script? Is this unprecedented, or have I not been paying enough attention?
Perhaps tomorrow we’ll see the other half of that scene. From within Police HQ, the reader will be asked “How did the Chief know that this call from ‘Slylock Fox’ was a poorly-executed hoax?” [A: Because Slylock's vocal cords were stolen by Count Weirdly at age six, and now he can only communicate via SMS messages and the omniscient narrator that he keeps on his payroll.]
Brick Bradford of the Space Jungle Patrol
February 4th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Three questions about Marmaduke.
1. Why are we assuming the Big Dog wrote the message? Maybe it was his latest victim, permitted to write a desperate plea for rescue before the massive jaws closed on his jugular and windpipe. What kind of bones are buried in that ordinary looking yard?
2. If it was Marmaduke, I have to ask what medium he used? Paw? Tail? Snout? Urine?
3. If it was the Big Dog, how is it he has better writing skills than Elmo over in Blondie?
Calico
February 4th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
#23 – Or lighting matches, or playing with tacks.
commodorejohn
February 4th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
#38 Kviri – It’s happened before, but it’s pretty rare.
Rainbird
February 4th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
4 Skullturf Q. Beavispants I wasn’t amazed at the knowledge of the sun going up and down, but that a preverbal infant could draw the sunrise and sunset so clearly, even though it isn’t technically right. At that age, they are usually drawing squiggels, if at all.
Josh
February 4th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
#28 commodorejohn — “Raj” just means “reign” or “rule” in Sanskrit and Hindi (it’s actualy congnate with the Latin “rex”, or “king”, from which those English r- words derive). “The Raj” as a synonym for British rule in India is really shorthand for “the British Raj”, distinguishing the period from the Mughal Raj (rule by a Mongol dynasty) that came before it.
“Raj” is also a fairly common syllable in a lot of names common on the Indian subcontinent; when those so named move or are born in the US, “Raj” often serves as a common nickname for those who have trouble getting their tongues around something long and polysyllabic.
Josh
commodorejohn
February 4th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
#38 Kviri – Here’s the one example I can remember.
gnome de la jungle patrol
February 4th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
NOTED NATURALIST EATEN BY BEAVERS
I know I’m not the first to mention this, but it’s the most exciting thing to happen in Mark Trail since Frida Kahlo’s radio.
commodorejohn
February 4th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
#43 Josh – Yeah, I know, but this is Archie, which is so hilariously out-of-touch I wouldn’t be surprised if I was right after all.
Al of the Jungle Patrol
February 4th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Foob — I’m just now noticing… Mike has his mother’s hair, face, jeans, and butt.
Rainbird
February 4th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Islamorada Girl, Queen of the Jungle 19
What I want to know is what Beavers are doing in that lake. I saw no stream leading to the lake or off the lake, so are they in the middle. Great dam. Perhaps the Beavers are on crack, and their dam is just floating around.
Either way, I doubt the beavers want Mark in their place.
Rotten Arsenal
February 4th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
How are all of you avoiding Family Circus today?!!?
Good God! Billy & Dolly are showing their organized crime/mobster tendencies! Today it’s a snowman buried to up to his neck (or is it a decapitated snowman!) for not paying the Keane Gang’s “Protection from Barfy” money, tomorrow it’s the dotted line trail of bank heists and police chases!
Meanwhile, what is that lil’ psycho Billy doing to the back of the snowman’s head?!!?!
Rainbird
February 4th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
43 commodorejohn So does that mean that the Arhimatic 3000 has discovered the sub-continent of India? But they don’t have the programming yet to draw them?
yerwoodman
February 4th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
#28/43/46 – So is the implication that this is an ethnic minority character in Riverdale, and we’re being spared the artist’s attempts to render a different look by having the camera replace his face? I don’t claim encyclopedic knowledge of the Archieverse, so I don’t know if there have been other cultures–poorly drawn or not–represented in this strip.
gh
February 4th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
FC —
I wonder how long Thel had to shop before finding a coat for Dolly with a hole in the back of the hood. I know K-Mart doesn’t carry them.
I could go all meta and say the Keans [apparently it took two of them to come up wit this one] know they draw so poorly that no one would realize it was Dolly without the ponytail, but that would just be mean and . . . what’s that, Master Soft Heart? Why, yes, I guess you’re right. She probably ordered it special from a catalog like Hydrocephalic Couture.
commodorejohn
February 4th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
#50 Rainbird – Probably. More’s the pity – should it ever get around to adding an Indian girl, she’d blow Betty and Veronica out of the water. Rowr.
yerwoodman
February 4th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
47 – I though it was a young Elly recycled strip until he dropped the kids’ names.
49 – My favorite Calvin & Hobbes sequences were the snowmen…someone sent me a compilation that I wish I’d kept of 10 or 15 panels that were hysterically funny…
commodorejohn
February 4th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
#51 yerwoodman – I dunno about the newspaper strip, but the Archie comic book artists can draw black people with caricaturing them.
Gagott68
February 4th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Apparently the AJGLU 3000 thinks that “Indian” is the new “Japanese”.
Inspector Dim
February 4th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
#33 Zaq,
The ratio of sentences with exclamation points to those without in a comic strip is inversely proportional to the actual amount of excitement in said strip. This is known as the Spider-Man Principle.
indrifan (Jungle Patrol, Madagascar rain forest division)
February 4th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
48 Rainbird – I think someone asked a similar question a few threads ago (I haven’t gone back to see it’s been addressed since). I’m pretty sure I’ve seen beaver lodges along the sides of lakes in northern Wisconsin, so the placement in MT is plausible. They don’t always just build dams.
But the answer to your specific question is “plotting world domination”. Beavers do have facial hair after all. That’s why Mark warned Andy about the beavers last Thursday.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080131&name=Mark_Trail
Poteet
February 4th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Foob — Thank you, Michael, for making me feel like a great parent compared to you, even though I don’t have kids. Have fun with the bleeding and screaming.
# 25 Gagott68 — Thanks for reminding me that no one except myself should ever see my disorganized kitchen drawers:-).
kingklash, in Jungle Patrol vs Juggy Squad
February 4th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Next thing you know, the Bratterspawn are going to try and peel Grandma’s nose.
Poteet
February 4th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
# 52 — WOW. gh, you have changed my life. Now I shall always be on the lookout for Dolly wearing headgear with ponytail holes. In fact, I’m tempted to go back through the FC archives and look for old Dol– *slaps self hard*
queek
February 4th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
SF: Wasn’t Faith supposed to be in this sleep-over? Or is she under the blanket?
CdS: trebuchet! *happy dance*
Lio: clever visual joke. I’m just trying not to imagine him as joke that has the punchline “Darling!”
A&J: bow-chikka-wowow
Gagott68
February 4th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I’ve never been a big Funky reader but I was curious to see if I could remember what the characters looked like before the time warp. So I popped over to the official Funky site and looked at the “Meet the Cast” page. While there aren’t any pictures of any of the character’s past images, I did see a character that I didn’t recognize at all: “Big Mac”. I have no idea where he came from or how much of a role he has in the Funkyverse but I could not help but notice how much he lookes like a young PERSUADER. Has anyone else noticed this?
Funky Cast
Big Mac is third in from the top right.
Eric Wright
February 4th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
#33 and #57 – I always called it “The Mary Worth Rule”.
AhClem
February 4th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
GA – Ha! I called it a few yesterthreads ago. Um, not that being able to foresee the plot in GA is anything to be proud of, but still.
Popeye – So, to recap, Swee’pea complains about his allowance, he and the family go on strike, and Popeye relents and increases their allowance. That’s it? It almost makes me nostalgic for the Thungs.
#30 Allie Cat (fellow lefty!) – I’ve tried those slingshot-shaped peelers, and never had much luck with them. Maybe St. Michael can write an instruction manual called “Peelaughers on the Prairie.”
Tabby
February 4th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Mike is using a classic passive-agressive ploy, here – calling poor Dee (at work?!!!) to ask if they have another peeler, thus drawing attention to the situation without accepting any and I mean ANY responsibility for it.
Hasty Penguin
February 4th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Remind me again what exactly it is that dinosaur sized dogs have to ask for help with? Marmaduke looks pretty panicked. Perhaps his dark and vengeful god, hidden away in the dog house, was not satisfied with his last blood offering.
Joe
February 4th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
FOOB: who needs a second peeler, Mr. St. Michael?
You’ve got a belt, a wooden spoon, a spatula, and other things around the house to spamk those brats senseless.
True Fable
February 4th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
No wonder Mike is rarely shown taking care of the children or doing household chores. No one with intelligence hands a kindergartener a vegetable peeler and then turns his back on her and her little brother as they stand on a chair and FIGHT with the PEELER in their hands.
I am kind of looking forward to future strips where Dee is telling the judge, “I need full custody, your Honor, because Mr. Patterson is an IDIOT who can’t be trusted to properly take care of children.”
AhClem
February 4th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
FOOB – Hey, Michael, it’s okay to give your kids peelers, knives, cleavers and other kitchen tools. But for God’s sake keep them away from your laptop. In your hands, at least, it’s a lethal weapon.
Inspector Dim
February 4th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
I love that the art section of the paper is actually titled “Art Section.” It comes right after “Sports Section,” “Business Section,” and, presumably, “News Section.”
commodorejohn
February 4th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
#63 Gagott68 – Holy buckets, you’re right! Wonder what his secret origin story will be?
Niall
February 4th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
44. Commodorejohn: Wow, I had forgotten that vulture Slylock worded multi-panel. So today’s not a first time. I wonder why Mr. Weber actually decides to break his normally silent panels like this. (Probable answer: because it’s funny?)
Kathy
February 4th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
FBoFW: Best to give one child a grater, and let the other have the peeler. Loads of fun ensue!
Hysterical Woman
February 4th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
I’m trying to think of a word that begins with the letters help that could be used in a threatening sentence.
dyslexic dog
February 4th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
#32–Chupper:
Googling Krandis and then surfing, so you don’t have to!
Anna Nimity of the Jungle Patrol
February 4th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Does anyone understand the first panel of Sally Forth today? It’s really freaking me out.
Poewar
February 4th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
You’re Not Hungry, You’re Bored!
Yeah, sorry Dad, we were just reading your book.
Little Guy
February 4th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
“I HATE THIS! I CAN’T DO IT! IT’S TOO HARD!”
I sympathize with Meredith, but the ‘Mungeons here still manage to read the daily FOOB without unexepected loss of bodily fluids.
Brewster Rockit: After seeing on opening weekend (and somewhat impressed for a Blairzilla movie), I’m stoked on the BR take.
Rob
February 4th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Let me just make sure that I’ve got the Gasoline Alley plot right. So random bad guy is casing a house to rob (he hasn’t robbed it yet becuase he isn’t carrying all the furniture around). He notices the mailman is taking photos of his suspicious behavior. This leaves random bad guy with two options-
a) realize someone has seen him and instead pick a different house to rob
or
b) still rob the exact same house and also file a report against the mailman so that more people know your name and face.
sf_reader
February 4th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
#4 – Maybe the window faces south.
teegee
February 4th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Josh: #28 commodorejohn — “Raj” just means “reign” or “rule” in Sanskrit and Hindi … [snipped bunch of knowledgey type of stuff] … and polysyllabic.
Josh
commodorejohn: #43 Josh – Yeah, I know …
ummmm, yeah, I, uh, knew that too.
Sully
February 4th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
What’s all this talk about ‘Peelers’ in FBOW? Is Liz supplementing her teaching salary down at the local strip club? Has Deanna taken up pole-dancing as an outlet from her mundane existence? Is Apewil stuffing fives in her g-string to finance an escape from the Foobiverse? Has Elly… oh, that’s something I don’t want to consider. Never mind.
Tybalt
February 4th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
My favorite Calvin & Hobbes sequences were the snowmen…someone sent me a compilation that I wish I’d kept of 10 or 15 panels that were hysterically funny…
They were great, and showed a lot of Watterson’s anarchic genius, but it should be said that they were a complete rip-off of a series of Peanuts strips done years earlier by Schulz, featuring Linus as the leader and constructor of the snowmen.
norbizness
February 4th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
(1) Damn, that Fran Drescher is high on her own power.
(2) So, where are the “Better” strips?
(3) “Well, I guess that answers where that Girl Scout troop went.”
hottoddy
February 4th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Have I ever mentioned just how much I hate Mike Patterson’s kids and/ or wife???? Give ‘em some chainsaws to go with that peeler…PLEASE!
Korvo
February 4th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
#1 Bud: Like father, like son. The more I see of the old strips, the more I realize that not only is Elly a fruitcake of a neurotic nutbag, John is a master JERK.
FIE UPON THEE, PATTERSONS!
Old Goat
February 4th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
12: Hank, do you mean Mark Trail is diving under a Beaver, the floatplane, or a beaver, the Castoridae?
Nil Zed
February 4th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Aw, c’mon guys, I disagree that a preschooler cannot use a potato peeler. I could. It’s a very simple task, easily taught. though I note Mike isn’t bothering to do that part because he is, excercising his male option of not bothering to learn where anything in the kitchen belongs. finding the peeler in the first place was dumb luck, know IF there is another and where it might be is just not something he has devoted brain cells to.
My husband is a wonderful man in many, many ways but kitchen knowledge is not one of them. Beleiving that snark and sarcasm are important to use against your loved ones, I have several set responses when he asks questions like this:
‘you’ve lived here as long as me, how come you don’t know?’
‘we only have 4 drawers and 6 cabinets, it won’t take you long to look through them all’
‘if you can’t find it, I wanted a newer, better one anyway, let’s go shopping now, we can eat out’
tonight he wanted to know where the plastic recycling was. Um, in the huge bin sitting in the downstairs utility/bathroom/room-we-put-everything-we-don’t-want-the-baby-getting-into -now-he’s crawling. You hadn’t noticed everytime you had to step over it to use the downstairs toilet?
Luprand
February 4th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
I love turning newsprint into dollars!
So that’s where Margo gets her extra money from: a counterfeiting ring!
Phil, Marmaduke's Owner
February 4th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Oh, Marmaduke’s known English for ages. I remember a classic where he was encouraging his owner (guess that’s me) to buy a book called “How to Train Your Owner.” (I was having none of it. I believe my exact quote was “No Marmaduke, I’m not buying that for you.”) This particular strip has always been my proof that Marmaduke exists in a peculiar, sprawling sci-fi universe of which we see only the tiniest portion.
This is a universe where a book called “How to Train Your Owner” was written, presumably in English, possibly BY a dog, but definitely marketed towards dogs. It was put on display in a bookstore window so that interested dogs would notice it, and encourage their owners to buy it for them. (This is precisely what happened to Marmaduke).
Would the owner then read it to them? What self-respecting owner would do such a thing! Is it acknowledged that dogs have spending power? Can dogs spend money on their own?
Was it a joke book, and Marmaduke was mistaken in thinking of it as a serious guide? What other books would Marmaduke like to have written? What else would he like to do to his master?
Any other implications that you guys can think of?
CoffeeJanitor
February 4th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
(Also posted in COTW)
PBS: In terms of the actual joke this one isn’t amazing, but the artwork in the third panel is what really shines today. For those of you who don’t know Pastis sucks at drawing. I’m 99% sure in the treasury this one will make its way into he’ll put a comment by it saying how proud he is of himself.
MT: Two observations:
Mark looks like he’s still got his foot out of the water. Someone should tell him that you breath with your mouth.
Jack Elrod needs to watch out for that beaver–it looks hungry.
H&L: If you scribble at what you see, Trixie, then why are your drawn suns yellow, huh? It’s obvious the “sun” outside is colored clear/white. What does this represent? Anger, a Stewie-like strike on her mother perhaps? Only time will tell. But I’m pretty sure that if she does take either of her parents out that this will be pulled from the papers, fast.
Let’s go trixie!
Uncle Ed
February 4th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Who else wants to see those Patterbrats get the spanking of their lives?
Now I know why Lawrence went gay. Less Meredith and Robin and more Lawrence!
My ex-girlfriend once said “kids are like kittens.” I have no idea where she was going with that. Then I went gay.
blueberrygrrrl
February 4th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
FBoFW: What is the book Mike’s reading? Might be a cookbook, or maybe he’s re-reading favorite passages from his own blockbuster novel. Or both! Today’s dinner will be “Saccharine-glazed tripe with blanched maggot stuffing.”
aleksmakk
February 4th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Of COURSE Marmaduke didn’t write that message. Let’s not be silly. Logic would suggest that he speaks Danish.
That message is obviously from the poor postman/garbageman/girl scout who innocently wandered into the yard only to be struck down so quickly that they only had time to claw out this final plea before the Danish menace gnawed the life out of them.
Yahtzee
February 4th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
If I were a Patterson kid, I’d blind myself at the first opportunity, the better not to witness the many horrors around me, i.e., the other Pattersons.
Tamex
February 4th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
FOOB: Mike is being a typical “dumb dad” in the best American sitcom tradition. I’ve never seen a Canadian sitcom, so perhaps this is a new concept up there.
fahrenheit451
February 4th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
FOOB-
Is it me, or is Mewidith becoming a “cutter” at an alarming early age in Panel 3?
anonymous
February 4th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
#89 – today, mine said to me, ‘where’s the new Entertainment Weekly’. I had to point out it was sitting on the kitchen table, all by itself since Saturday. dumbass.
LTBF
February 4th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
If they just ate lunch, why is he fixing dinner?
Let’s see, the kids are hungry and bothering me, I am peeling a carrot. How can I solve both problems? I know!!!! I’ll tell them they can’t have any food and let them fight over a sharp kitchen utensil!!!!!
Kiesha
February 4th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
When my mom and my aunt (her sister) were kids, their favorite chore was to do the dishes (I’m pretty sure they actually came from another planet where kids liked doing chores). Anyway, one night after dinner my aunt went to do the dishes and my mom said, “It’s my turn to do the dishes,” to which my aunt replied, “Nuh-uh, it’s my turn.” Things quickly escalated and it ended with my mom holding a butcher knife in my aunt’s face, saying, “It’s MY turn.”
So I guess what I’m saying is, go for a knife, Meredith. It’s so much more threatening than a vegetable peeler.
lostsynapse
February 4th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
-80 It makes more sense to me if the postal supervisor was in a partnership with the robber to clean places out when the owners go on vacation.
Dagger
February 4th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Two FOOBs enter! One FOOB leaves!
Fred P.
February 4th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
I like how Margo’s paper’s page heading says “ARTsection”. My daily just says things like “SPORTS” or “LOCAL”, without specifying that you have a whole section of related content. Actually, our local arts coverage comes under the heading “VIVA”. If this was in Margo’s paper, it would no doubt read “VIVAsection”, and somehow that just seems like it would be more fitting for Margo.
Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
February 5th, 2008 at 1:41 am
Marmaduke-
First thing I thought was of the poor meter guy who took his shop foreman’s dire warnings of the beast as lowbrow bullcrap to “scare the new guy”. Well at least he thought that before he endured the shock of his shoulder bone snapping in Marmaduke’s fierce oversized jowls..After which a short bloody struggle ensued before he was dragged shreiking into the doghouse..managing to scrawl a desperate message which each yard of his waning struggle. Of course Phil and wife aren’t going to help, this of course is the grand bloodsport they’ve savored for years.
Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
February 5th, 2008 at 1:49 am
ForBetterOrWorse-
The latest line has Meredith Patterson as a 4-1 favorite to shank her brother to death.
The Over/Under line on the stab wounds endured by poor Robin before the milksop Michael can twist the peeler away is at 27.
wellsey
February 5th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Marmaduke has resorted to writing “help” in the snow because his owners forgot he was a Great Dane and can’t take the cold. The whole things a bitter diatribe against neglectful owners who only take action when someone else might see. Scary stuff for the “funnies” page.
Paul1963
February 5th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
FOOB: God help me, but I remember a daily with a young Michael throwing an almost-identical tantrum after being asked by Elly to peel carrots. There were a couple of important differences there, though:
First, Mike was older than Meredith is here.
Second, Younger Elizabeth didn’t decide to try to snatch the sharp object out of her brother’s hand.
Third, Elly got Mike to do this simple chore by offering him the choice of performing some other dinner-related chore he found even more undesirable than peeling the carrots.
I can picture Robin getting a hand on the business end of that peeler (because it’s the only bit he can get his hand around), Meredith yanking it away (because that’s what kids her age do) and all three of them sitting in the hospital waiting to have Robin’s hand stitched back together.
Coming up in about ten years: Meredith or Robin figuring out that the way to avoid being asked to do laundry is to do it wrong the first time you’re asked, which was the subject of a daily with young-teen Mike and young-teen Lawrence.
tedfaust
February 6th, 2008 at 11:58 am
So, I never ever pay any attention to anything involving FOOB; I will pay just enough attention so that I can laugh at the Curmudgeon’s jokes and move along. The strip generally infuriates me, and I never know who is who or what’s going on. Today was especially disorienting, as the second panel told me that this was a mother having issues controlling her children: the hips, the jeans, the turtleneck, the traditional Midwest housewife haircut – all signs point to middle-aged woman. Is there any chance that Mike has secretly been taking hormones in a slow-burning secret transgender subplot? At least then I would have a reason to pay attention.
GROAN..
February 29th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
I can’t believe none of you noticed the raw kinkiness of Marcie-as-a-3G-woman Doris. “I’ve helped Mr. Mills with dozens of openings”? They’re always chaotic, sir.