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The corpse bride

For Better or For Worse, 2/26/08

AT LONG LAST, THE COUNTDOWN HAS STARTED! Yes, the discovery of this priceless family heirloom starts the clock ticking towards the inevitable merging of Liz and Anthony into a single pasty, spineless entity in the eyes of Canadian law. Since the whole story of Liz’s young adulthood has been the systematic quashing of any and all attitudes that come from outside The Family, obviously whatever she wanted to wear will be cast aside and replaced with this dress — which, if every crawlspace I’ve ever encountered is any indication, is yellowed, mildewy, covered with mouse feces, and smells awful. Oh, she’ll look so beautiful walking down the aisle oh-so-carefully to make sure the ancient, moth-eaten thing doesn’t disintegrate!

Dick Tracy, 2/26/08

OK, Dick Tracy, we all know you get some kind of grandfather-clause pass on gruesome violence, but do you really expect us to just sit back and laugh at your artist villain who basically has a set of testicles for a chin? You know, it’s all fun and games to call Grandpa Jim “Grandpa Chin-nuts” or make fun of poor Clambake, but at least with those characters you don’t get the feeling that the artist actually has some scrotum photos out to use as a model.

Dick went through some bizarre and wholly unrealistic process of tracking down art supply sales to figure out that Dab Stract was behind whatever incomprehensible skullduggery is afoot here. But if he didn’t find the artistic representation of human beings to be a sinful arrogation of God’s exclusive power of creation, he could have probably just, you know, looked at the “gross” paintings and recognized the style.

Family Circus, 2/26/08

Those “cool friends” snowman “joke” cartoons are apparently going to continue for as long as there’s snow on the ground, or until our wills are broken, whichever comes first. Today’s kneeling, praying snowman illustrates a bit too much the limits to the traditional three-sphere school of snowman construction. When you’ve got essentially three giant balls of decreasing size, it looks fine. But when you sketch in leglines like this, it just looks like you’ve got a devout snowman with an enormous ass.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 03:19 pm and is filed under Dick Tracy, Family Circus, For Better or for Worse.

117 responses to “The corpse bride”

Krazy Kat
February 26th, 2008 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

Put it back in the crawlspace!! NOW!
Uncle Balustrade
February 26th, 2008 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

“The criminal and bizarre” mr. Dab Stract: A bit clunky, isn’t it?
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 26th, 2008 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

Re: the FOOB wedding dress: Is there at least some hope for a mid-ceremony disintegration? The dress, the bride, the groom, I’m not picky.
Quarlie
February 26th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

Mr. Dab Stract appears to be a Balchinian. Is this a Men in Black crossover?
Rachel
February 26th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

Obviously the dress was so ugly that FOOB mom tried to bury the horrible thing under the house when she was being forced to wear it back in the day, and now it’s coming back to haunt Lizard Breath!
BCist
February 26th, 2008 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

Nothings cooler than following rules and praying!
rotts
February 26th, 2008 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

Keane really ought to be ashamed of himself for (poorly) ripping off the Calvin & Hobbes snowman idea.
Rainbird
February 26th, 2008 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

The funny thing is, how will the Keans know when the snow has melted, since they live in Arizona (or some such place without snow). We are doomed.
Dingo
February 26th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

Dr. Drew will make his way to Peace Village in Viet Nam and be made their king. Soon, nightmarish orgies of blood will stain the streets as Drew Cory cannot rid himself of the pain of losing Vera. Mary Worth will be sent upriver to either capture Drew or kill him. When she arrives, he has changed. Dr. Cory has become fat and bald and Kelrastian. Mary camouflages her body and sneaks through the waters to Drew’s palace. As she kills him, all he can say is “The whore. Er… The whore.”
Perky Bird
February 26th, 2008 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

What do snowmen pray for, anyhow? If they’re trapped forever in the wold of Family Circus, I bet they would pray for a heat wave. I know I would.
Chris in Virginia
February 26th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

Nicely done, Dingo…The Heart of Triteness, you could call it.
B
February 26th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

It’s like some horrible, treacly simulacrum of Calvin’s snowmen creations. Where have you gone, Bill Watterson?
flimflam
February 26th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

Our friend, Jack Frost, is clearly thanking the chilly elder god, Blizothlu, for blanketing the heathen’s church and ushering in a new age of icy destruction.

Now, they only have to get his snow-brother out of jail…
Islamorada Girl
February 26th, 2008 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

Iridescent mango bridesmaid’s dresses! Lizardbreath MUST have iridescent mango bridesmaid’s dresses! Only something so universally unflattering will make her look good in that moldering schmata by comparison.

I can just see Elly chasing Liz around the house with that rotting dress now.
“I’m marrying Anthony, not Vincent Price!”
Yitzchok
February 26th, 2008 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

FOOB: This was, as usual, unnecessary in the extreme.
Roscoe
February 26th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

Apparently in Dick Tracy’s world, retailers do not use “computers” to keep track of receipts. Instead they good, old reliable ledger books and invisible ink.
blueberrygrrrl
February 26th, 2008 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

FC: I know this is akin to complaining about the cafeteria menu at Chernobyl, but that misplaced modifier is really bugging me. We’ve come to accept that FC’s niche is not interesting characters, good art, or humor, but now we discover that simple grammatical correctness is also too much to ask.
Paperback Rifler
February 26th, 2008 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

Foob: Well, I, for one, have no problem with the thought of Liz walking down the aisle with that frowsy, sagging, horrible old eyesore. And as far as I’m concerned, she can wear Grandma Marian’s wedding dress, too.

Family Circus: Well, I, for one, don’t blame the snowman for falling to his knees and praying just as hard as a snowman can. After all, he’s probably heard some things about the afterlife and figured out that a snowman’s chances in hell aren’t too specifically good. So stay the course, Pius X. Snowperson! Stay as pure as the driven snow! And don’t be led astray by any buxom “Christian Singles” — Sure, they’ll promise to warm the cockles of your heart; but just remember that hot cockles will be the death of you!
Trekkie
February 26th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

DT: Well, if my name was Dab Stract I might turn to a life of crime too. It’s not like you’re going to get a nice, white-collar job with a name that makes everyone snicker and make crude jokes about your mom’s secret Picasso fetish.
Revenge of Chesnut
February 26th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

I love how Bil Keane gets a pass for blatant proselytizing in a nationally syndicated comic because those freakishly round-headed kids are always saying the gosh-darn cutest things!

And I have to say, I’m not sure I’d use the word “cool” if I found one of my friends praying in the snow outside of a church. Unless, of course, they were praying for the demise of the horror that is The Family Circus.
Dr. Pants
February 26th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

Are we sure that’s Dick Tracy at all and not his grandson, the hip, with-it cop Nick Tracy? I only ask because I don’t remember Dick Tracy with an earring or that weird sadistic smirk on his face when he remembers somebody he likely beat until they were disfigured.
Motorposus
February 26th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

A woman who shaves sheets might think it is reasonable to keep a vintage gown in a crawlspace behind a rock. She might also bury the sofa cushions in peat and Brylcreem the area rugs.

I feared that the dress would trigger a trip back in time to the Foob Genesis, but now I see that it portends something far, far worse.
willethompson
February 26th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

(WT)DT: Note to Dab Stract, Artist Extraordinaire and Criminal Genius: I know the Visa people go overboard trying to make people who pay for stuff with cash look dorky, but the anonymity it offers outweighs the geek factor. Trust me on this.

Oh, and if your only color is Titanium White, using a palette is unnecessary. White doesn’t get any whiter when you mix it with white. Just a heads-up. And good luck with your evil scheme.
Inspector Dim
February 26th, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

Pray all you want, Frosty, summer’s still coming. AND WITH IT YOUR DOOM.
benro
February 26th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

I want to see a show of hands. How many of you would recognize your Grandmother’s wedding dress by remembering having seen it in a picture? Sheeeeesh.
Burrill
February 26th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

Dab Stract would be so much better if he had an apostrophe in his name: D’ab Stract. It seems less awkward and more … something.
Dabney Stract
February 26th, 2008 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

DT: It’s Dabney Stract, people, Dabney! I loathe “Dab”.

And, hey, williethompson (#23): I really can use the miles on the credit card, comprende?
Kaitlyn
February 26th, 2008 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

Something’s been bugging me about the current Marvin storyline/theme, and not because it’s Marvin.

Um, I’ve never been pregnant, but one of my friends was and I seem to recall a time when she was not considering drapery as maternity wear (what, is she Scarlet O’Hara?) but still pregnant.

Anyone else know what I’m talking about? That mysterious time when women are pregnant but can still see their feet?

Maybe my friend was a special case…
SeanMan!
February 26th, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

Funky…nice to see the reporter finally gettin’ her smirk on, too! And the little rimshot to show she’s “with it.”

When do we get back to flashbacks of Summer trying to escape creepy old Les by climbing a tree?

Finally, what the hell happened to Wally? Did he finally just give in and join the Taliban?
Vakar
February 26th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

FW: “Pa-Dum Pum.” If Batuik were more honest with his readers, he would have just laid down a narration box that read, “That was a joke.”

MW: Why the horrified looks from Mary and Jeff? Clearly, Jeff was opening his fundraising spreadsheet to show to Mary because that, to them, is sex.
Randy
February 26th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I think the answer Michael was looking for when he asked Deanna “What do we do with it?” was more along the lines of, “Why don’t you try it on and see how it fits?”
Rainbird
February 26th, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

Well, benro 26

I would recognize my mother’s wedding dress, but only because I have a photo of her wedding up on my wall. (Plus the fact that she keeps hers in a cedar chest, which I have looked at many times.

But perhaps in Canada, they have no cedar trees, and are forced to use cardboard boxes to store their priceless heirlooms. I would hate to think what they do with the familie’s wills, stocks, and other important papers, in the cupboard under the sink in the spare bathroom?
Kaitlyn
February 26th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

Why do the Family Circus jerks get snow and I don’t? They live in Arizona, I live in Memphis, if it can happen there, it can happen here.

Should I put on a snowman suit, cover the nearest church with Styrofoam peanuts and pray outside?

Would that make it snow?
blastoff
February 26th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

I bet Drew goes to Vietnam and falls in with Greta Weber. It would explain why she was introduced for about 1 comic in total over a year ago.
Orange Doorhinge
February 26th, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

When we moved into our house we found in the crawl-space, about 500 packages of toilet paper! Really. Why the previous owners stored it there we speculate about quite often.
Rainbird
February 26th, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

28 Kaitlyn

I didn’t wear maternity wear until I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant, when my regular clothes stopped fitting. I find it odd that they are only writing about the last three months or so of pregnancy, and all the other time you are just slightly overweight, uncomfortable, nasious, have carpel tunnel, and high blood pressure?
PattyCake
February 26th, 2008 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

Not just a snowman with a gigantic ass, a snowman with a gigantic sideways asscrack!
commodorejohn
February 26th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

Yesterthread replies:

#98 Skullturf Q. Beavispants – Yeah. Don’t take me for a Clinton supporter, but yeah. It’s not a good political argument (ooh, a Democrat isn’t attractive! Her ugliness makes her unfit to run the country!) and it makes us Republicans look downright petty and spiteful, as well as seemingly grasping at straws (after all, if we’re resorting to catfight tactics, we must not have any stronger arguments.) There are plenty of reasons I wouldn’t vote for Hillary, but the fact that age has not been kind to her isn’t on the list. Of course, what probably happened is that Tinsley got letters more along the lines of “your caricatures suck” in general, which they do (ever seen his Obama? It’s got this gigantic penis-chin. I know caricature can be difficult, but Barack’s chin is easily the least prominent feature of his face,) and assumed that people must be referring solely to his Hillary caricature. The man’s incompetence is boundless.

#120 Mr. O’Malley – I went on a missions trip to Mexico a few years back, and out of all the cool experiences I had, the one I remember most is ice-cold Coca-Cola made with real sugar, in glass bottles.
Kurdt
February 26th, 2008 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

33: I live in Michigan up by Canada. You can have every bit of our snow, we’ll gladly give it up!
Allie Cat
February 26th, 2008 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

#14 – Islamorada Girl – Let’s call it what it is – iridescent mango = ‘Screw You’ Shiny Orange.

And I can’t wait to see Dawn, Shawna Marie, Candice, and April working the aisle in it! And if we could have April in a maternity version, even better.

And if there is a God, please let it be one shouldered with a butt bow – the look is timeless!

FC – I feel like I’m in Vacation Bible School – and not in a good way. This strip ceased to be cute sometime in the mid-Seventies. Have you ever heard David Cross riff on it? That’s only time I’ve laughed because of it in years.
commodorejohn
February 26th, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

By the way, check out Basketcase Comix’s new ‘Mudge-oriented ad!
cheech wizard
February 26th, 2008 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

MW – “Drew, m’boy, Vietnam is just the place for you to forget all about Vera. Does the phrase ’suckee long time’ mean anything to you?
Sans Sense
February 26th, 2008 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

DT: What Dfuck is he talking about?
Ovalicious
February 26th, 2008 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

25. benro

That was my first thought as well. Anyone else think it’s just plain creepy that Michael is able to so quickly recall his grandmother’s wedding dress? Would ANY male (or female, now that I think about it) be able to do that, seriously? I couldn’t even tell you what my mom’s looked like, despite pictures in the house in which I grew up…

Love, Val
JP
February 26th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

DT: Dick Locher sure knows how to make a villain sound goofy and impotent.

FC: Maybe the family suggested that the Keanes draw a praying snowman to make up for the implication that the kids hang out with dying and incarcerated snowmen. Which frankly, I find more interesting than, say, most of FC, but it probably doesn’t skew well with the few people (wherever they are) who still find the strip cute.
Goose2
February 26th, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

Thought you’d like to know that Fark has a Mary Worth photoshop thread going on today:

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=3414228
Sans Sense
February 26th, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Miss Elizabeth Haversham? We can only hope…
Brick Bradford of the Space Jungle Patrol
February 26th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

So, the genius of criminal mastermind Dab Stract is not quite great enough to outwit Tracy by some brilliant ruse like, oh, I don’t know, BUYING ART SUPPLIES UNDER AN ASSUMED NAME!?

FOOB–Apparently Lizanthony is going to interrupt it’s hideous joining long enough to come up for air and get married. And Lynn thinks we’ve all been waiting on the edge of our seats for this, I bet.
Guess again.
Montoni\'s Ghost
February 26th, 2008 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

FW: I can only assume that Funky’s huge, ever-expanding gut means he’s drinking again and has eaten all the profits. Batuik clearly means to give him a stroke so we can watch his long, slow decline into death about 5 years from now. But first he’s turned him into an insufferable prick so we’ll feel bad when Funky dies. Or something. Then the whole Montoni’s pyramid scheme collapses.

Also, what’s with the epidemic of mouth malformations?
Muffaroo
February 26th, 2008 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

rotts @7 – Go back a few more years, and Schulz was doing the ‘conceptual snowman’ gags long before Watterson. Calvin did them in his own inimitable violent way, and that’s really not what the Keanes are doing. They’re stealing from Schulz in this case.

Sans Sense @47 – My thoughts exactly, and now I don’t have to figure out how to put it in words. You must have posted just before I started reading my way down the comments.
Violet
February 26th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

I think there’s something horribly amiss with the way my mind works because I find something nonspecific but DISGUSTING about the sentence, “Remember that old stuff of your Mom’s that I pulled out of the crawl space?” Following it up with “Check this out!” does not help, by the way.
Randall
February 26th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

Dab Stract is actually the new artist for Gil Thorp!
John Small Berries
February 26th, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

“Dear God, please let the Family Circus snowman strips stop soon!”
The G Man
February 26th, 2008 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that in panel 2 Michael is the better looking of the two women. He appears to be suffering from Bil Keane inspired manorexia…if he had breasts, he’d be way more doable than Deanna. She looks more like a ‘66 Paul McCartney every day.
cheech wizard
February 26th, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

That snowman’s not praying. He’s committing seppuku with a window scraper to atone for the humiliation of being fodder for this comic. If it was a regular strip, we’d see a pile of ice cubes spilling out of his belly in the next panel. If the Keanes had an ounce of human decency, they’d send Billy to second him with a snowshovel.
Sulphur Steve
February 26th, 2008 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

Squeezing from the middle of the tube Mr. Dab Stract? That would get you a “happy little” ass whipping at the Ross studio.
Islamorada Girl
February 26th, 2008 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

#40–Allie Cat- – big butt bow, one shoulder and tea length with ruffles everydamnwhere! Surely the most unflattering iridescent mango bridemaid’s dress ever, although I don’t how they’ll dye the shoes to match.

Someone get Chennux to gas up the ShaunaMariemobile! We’ve got a wedding to crash!
Toronto
February 26th, 2008 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

Next up: The FC Snowman starts spouting Thoraxisms!

Orange@35: (a) the TP was really old and dated back to the Johnny Carson Toilet Paper Crisis, or (b) sometimes, people see big savings on monster 48-roll packs of TP at the market, take it home, store it somewhere unusual due to its size, forget it, and repeat the whole process two Wednesdays later. My mother was once a Visiting Homemaker and had such a case – an attic full of it. Talk about a fire hazard!
Mac
February 26th, 2008 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

Who is the snowman praying to, anyway? Its creators, the Unholy Trinity of Billy, Dolly, and Jeffy? Maybe snowmen are Gnostics and pray to be released from a corrupt creation. I know I would, if I lived in the FC Universe.
gkl
February 26th, 2008 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

FC: That snowman is drawn pretty much exactly like a white version of one of the giant craps Randy crapped in that episode of South Park.
Poewar
February 26th, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

I guess it goes back in the crawlspace… along with Farley’s bones, Grandpa’s dignity, Mom’s looks, my personality, Liz’s soul and Dad’s freakin’ trains.
The Crock
February 26th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

I HAVE FIGUIRED THIS OUT!

BIL KEANE thinks SNOWMEN represent non right wing christians! He’s crucifying what the secular world thinks is COOL!

Look at the prison snow man! Real cool, eh kids? Look where your love for Queer Eye has brought this “Cool” friend!

Look at the Kindergarten snow man! Forcing the snowkids to worship him! FALSE IDOL!

Look at the melting snowman! MELTING for believing in GLOBAL WARMING and no doubt EVOLUTION!

and now, we have the the PRAYING SNOWMAN! But- he’s obviously not praying to Jesus – he’s outside the church on his knees! BIL KEANE IS ANTI-ISLAMIC!!!!

Too far?
Mariko
February 26th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

I really, really, really hope that Liz turns into a Miss Havisham-esque character, sitting around in that dress after Anthony runs away, ordering Françoise to break the hearts of young men she encounters. Elly’s mission will then be a success!
The Crock
February 26th, 2008 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

and look at yesterdays FAMILY CIRCUS:

The children are sacrificing their father to the demi-god GIDYAP!
Oddball
February 26th, 2008 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

“Suggested by our family, we present another of their cool friends.”

Why are concise, grammatical sentences so hard to come by in the comics? Wouldn’t it be “our” cool friends.

If comics weren’t set up weeks in advance, I would assume that Family Circus readers wrote in, outraged, that there wasn’t at LEAST one God-fearing snowman, but there was a jailbird snowman.
The Ghost of Jarrod
February 26th, 2008 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

Those “cool friends” snowman “joke” cartoons are apparently going to continue for as long as there’s snow on the ground, or until our wills are broken, whichever comes first.

The latter. Now for the love of Dead Granpa, please stop.
jg
February 26th, 2008 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy: What is it with cartoonists and non-representational art? Yes yes, I understand that cartoons are the most “representational” art imaginable, if you want to consider them art — and some, such as Saul Steinberg’s, most definitely are. But the what-is-it gags in the art museum are as lame and tired as the desert island jokes.
teegee
February 26th, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

FC: “Suggested by our family” …

I assume that they mean “our extended family of readers, even those who only read this to make fun of it,” and that they appreciate and are, in fact, soliciting idea suggestions ala “TDIET.” I think we can accommodate.

Slightly off-topic … I built a bitchin’ snow-woman this winter. She was quite fetching … I went inside and it got knocked over within an hour. Prudes.
Sans Sense
February 26th, 2008 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

#68. teegee -

I thought Bil and Jeffy were referring to the fact that the Mafia was forcing them to print this crap.
Benjamin Baxter
February 26th, 2008 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

@ 48:

I think you’re giving him too much credit. Criminal masterminds in Dick Tracy function at a third-grade level.

http://awaitingtenure.wordpress.com/
Nil Zed
February 26th, 2008 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

benro, yes, I would recognize my grandmothers wedding dress from the one phote I saw back in 1971, though I doubt my brothers would. I doubt they’ve even seen the photo.

34 commodorejohn, Coca-Cola in europe is also made with real sugar. however. almost every other soda seems to be made with a blend of sugar, aspartame, sucralose and acesulfame. No high fructose corn syrup, but every other sweetener known to science. Ugh!
Hostrauser
February 26th, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

Liz has the origins of that dress all wrong: Grandpa Jim wore it on his move from Vancouver. And he didn’t stop to go to the bathroom, either.
Violet
February 26th, 2008 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

Upon reflection, I realize I may be ignoring the more obvious interpretation of Deanna’s words as informed by the usual significance of the term “stuff” in the comic pages. Given that spin, the sentence, “Remember that old stuff of your Mom’s that I pulled out of the crawl space?” would logically be followed by “Well I’m high as fuck!”
Sans Sense
February 26th, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

Shouldn’t Mikey be giving Dee a “smack down” for invading his “work space”? God forbid we be denied another instant masterpiece…
infallible
February 26th, 2008 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

See, at first, I didn’t even see the snowman’s legs. I thought he was snidely snickering at the inane preachings, further irrelevance, and continued discreditation of religion.
Captain Colonel
February 26th, 2008 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

So when I first read the second panel of DT I thought it was saying the name of a character was “Anold Adversary.” Is it wrong that I thought it was a totally plausible bad guy name?
jayjaybear
February 26th, 2008 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

commodorejohn:

I have to disagree with Obama’s chin being the least prominent thing on his face. He reminds me of the Fred Astaire puppetoon narrator in Santa Claus Is Coming To Town…
Agnostic Married Woman
February 26th, 2008 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

FOOB: “You’re in luck, Liz…Grandma Marion was knocked up when she got married, too!”
McManx
February 26th, 2008 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

FOOB — As for Liz wearing Grandma Marian’s dress at her wedding to Anthony, I could only hope that at the ceremony Grandpa Jim will confuse her with his dead wife, rise up out of his wheelchair sporting a huge erection, and yell “BOXCAR!”
Harold, Christian Single minus Garfield
February 26th, 2008 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

So correct me if I’m wrong…and I probably am, since I’m to lazy (or wary) to fill my head with FOOB continuity. But didn’t St. Michael the Author score an instant bestseller with a novel based on the stories of his recent ancestors? And now that he is actually face-to-face with an artifact of that storied past, he seems completely uninterested, and only too eager to stuff it back out of sight. Michael, are you a…fraud? A phony? Only interested in family history when you stand a chance to make a quick Canadian Dollar (worth $7.48 US in current exchange rates)?
Never teh Bride
February 26th, 2008 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

Yeah, Mike, good idea. It’s not like my crazy bag of a mother-in-law might want to have a look at her dead mother’s wedding gown. Or my, whaddya call him? Grandpa-in-law? I’m sure he would have no desire to caress the dress his first wife wore on the day they married. Nah…let’s just chuck it back in the crawl space. Better yet, let’s burn it!
commodorejohn
February 26th, 2008 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

#54 The G Man – When Dee married into the Patterson clan, she became The Human Uterus. She exists solely to incubate, birth, and raise Michael’s spawn, so all her deprecated body functions (abstract thought, aesthetic pleasance) have been steadily degrading ever since. Michael, on the other hand, is taking Liz’s place as Elly’s Right-Hand Daughter, which is why he’s slowly changing sex. As for what it all means, you’d have to ask Lynngineering – I black out and find myself curled in a fetal position under the bed whenever I try to figure FOOB out.

#55 cheech wizard – “This snowman is done being a snowman.“
commodorejohn
February 26th, 2008 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

#77 jayjaybear – Hmm, looking at it again it’s a little more pronounced than I remembered, but it’s certainly nowhere near as jutting as the face-phallus Tinsley draws him with.
lynngineering
February 26th, 2008 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

yesterthread #63: commodorejohn: The CC is introducing entries at breakneck speed lately, so I read your comment and by the time I got ready to respond, I blinked and sure enough a few entries passed.

Well, I really miss Michael’s Coma. Since he flatlined so did the fun in a way. Sure, this is still perverse, but it’s all so fitted out and packaged.

I mean, we all see the Lynn + Liz plot wrapping up as D.O.A. with the corpse bride. Liz was never a far cry from zombie anyway. Lynn’s strip flashback system has already been a kind of necrophilia so what else could we expect?

The odd thing with Liz, is there are hardly any signs of having human urges. That’s all given over to Michael’s side… who is just plain perverse. The Lynn / Michael relationship, which that dual world of flash back and forward are joined at the seam by one basic truth: Michael remains stubbornly infantile, and we see him going around repulsed – yet fascinated with pulling out and shoving things back up illicit crawlspaces in houses that have been established as pure allegory for MOM.

Dee remains a necessary interface for progeny, a letter standing in for a full name. Michael can’t really touch anything, it’s always Dee on the ground, or cleaning out the kitchen, or in the attic, and then discovering something for Michael who stands with his hands in his pockets….

What a strip.
GazzaLadra
February 26th, 2008 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

I think the potential for being forced to wear my dead grandmother’s 50 pound bead-decked wedding dress would be reason enough to run screaming out of Canada and take political refuge in the Caymans. But no, not Lizard Breath. Her stifling familial obligations begin to look like Stockholm Syndrome.
BigTed
February 26th, 2008 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

This “Family Circus” seems awfully iffy, theologically speaking. Which church do the Keanes belong to that allows the possibility that snowmen have souls? And if he does have one, shouldn’t he be allowed inside the church? For that matter, shouldn’t he be given some clothes to wear before he starts praying? At least Frosty had the decency to put on a hat!
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
February 26th, 2008 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

FC: His prayers are answered (mildly NSFW)

I’m a couple of threads behind… congrats to the COTW winners!
Braniff
February 26th, 2008 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

Here’s my take on why the snowman is praying, suggested by the cracked windows and a parody of a well-known hymn (once used in an ad campaign for a vitamin supplement for senior citizens)–

Joshua blew the horn at Jericho, Jericho, Jericho;
Joshua blew the horn at Jericho, Jericho, Jericho;
And Frosty melted away!!!
Ogg Ogglesby
February 26th, 2008 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

“Nicely done, Dingo…The Heart of Triteness, you could call it.”

Or how about Meddleacolypse Now.
Batman Beatles
February 26th, 2008 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

FC: I have read Calvin and Hobbes. I laughed at Calvin and Hobbes. You sir, are no Calvin and Hobbes!
Manos
February 26th, 2008 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

FC:That’s no snowman, that’s Billy, who’s been praying out there ever since Not Me desecrated the manger scene during the Keane family Christmas pageant…
prospero
February 26th, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

Don’t know about y’all, but when I saw Dick Tracy’s nemesis, I thought “Holy Shit, what happened to Peter Griffin’s face?”
Chat Noir
February 26th, 2008 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

FOOB – I’d give anything of Grandma Marian’s the respect it deserves. She remains the only one with the good sense to die and end the Patterson-induced nightmare.
Francis
February 26th, 2008 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

Why is Deanna so shocked at Michael’s question? “Michael, this isn’t like that time we found your grandmother’s old corset and horse whip! Control yourself!”
Buck Ripsnort
February 26th, 2008 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

WAITAMINNIT! I’ve figured out FC’s snowman crap– Keane finally found a way to make his strip even whiter!
Pniks
February 26th, 2008 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

Don’t misjudge Dick Tracy for disliking Dab Stract. Who wouldn’t think badly of an artist who apparently supports his palette up with oversized penis?
ComixLovin'Cat
February 26th, 2008 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

#55 cheech wizard:

…and Lio to give him the last rites?
Bud
February 26th, 2008 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

Yeah, Mike it goes back into the crawl space. Along with your “book” and the extra peeler Deanal bought last week.

Jerk…
NotThatGuy
February 26th, 2008 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

The whole explicit tilt to religion in Family Circus simply illustrates the principle that every comics page needs one sanctimonious old fart drawing pictures. Hart went tits-up, and now it’s Jeffy’s turn.
Electro
February 26th, 2008 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

Oh, see I didn’t realise the snowman was supposed to be praying. I just figured he was smirking at Christians for reasons best understood by Jeffy Keane. Yeah I guess considering the general thrust of Family Circus, praying does make a little more sense.

So I suppose he’s praying that the world will be plunged into an endless ice age. Good luck with that.
Orange Doorhinge
February 26th, 2008 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

Perhaps the commenters’ here could send suggestions to Bill Keen for a snowman. I suggest a half-finished snowman like the one in our back yard. Daughter got bored and wandered off.
Poteet
February 26th, 2008 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

At least the Foobocalypse, now that it’s really beginning, will inspire some hilarious snarking. It already has. And I am so grateful to have found this site, because if I had to endure what’s ahead all alone, my head might explode.
Atomic Bird
February 27th, 2008 at 12:39 am [Reply]

FC: That’s no snowman. That’s Not Me, back from the grave!
scan
February 27th, 2008 at 1:19 am [Reply]

Where’s Calvin and his demon snowmen when we need them?
Mariko
February 27th, 2008 at 2:11 am [Reply]

Oh, Ziggy, Ziggy, Ziggy. It’s not like the Beatles used that gag in their movie “Help!” Which was made in 1965. It had some campy quality then, but now it just feels like stealing.
Chromium
February 27th, 2008 at 4:27 am [Reply]

It makes me very, very happy to know there are people out there who have not seen Sunday’s “Family Circus” and thus have no idea what is going on and are surely questioning their own sanity. Thank you, Bil Keane.
Obélix
February 27th, 2008 at 4:28 am [Reply]

#38 – commordorejohn - Psst! Want to score some Coca-Cola sweetened with real, honest-to-god sugar and not high fructose corn syrup? All you have to do is find a big city market/deli/supermarket whose clientele includes a good number of observant Jews, and keep an eye on the Coke shelves just before and during Passover (20-27 April this year). No glass bottles, alas, but the sugar-sweetened kosher-for-Passover Coke should be available in 2L bottles with yellow caps bearing the OU-P symbol.
christina
February 27th, 2008 at 8:27 am [Reply]

I can picture the FOOB reception now. Liz finally realizes her mistake, and sits sobbing in the coat room. Meanwhile, April gets drunk on spiked punch and starts to make out with one of Granthony’s cousins. When Ellie tries to pull her off, April yells “What’s the problem, biatch It’s not like can get pregnant twice.” And scene.
Carly
February 27th, 2008 at 10:29 am [Reply]

Foobs reminds me of this horrifying story on etiquettehell.com where a woman’s mother in law offered her the lingerie she wore on her wedding night. I hope to God that’s not where this is going.
Braniff
February 27th, 2008 at 10:46 am [Reply]

My take on today’s Family Circus, where the snowman happens to be near the broadcast studio featuring one particular Larry King:

The snowman is wearing suspenders. Larry is a veteran who is decades old. The snowman is younger than Larry.

Let’s compare this to Dennis the Menace. Dennis wears overalls (with suspenders). He lives next door to an old man.

So why doesn’t the snowman yell out “Heyyyyyyyy Misstttttteerrrrrrrrr Kiiiiinnnnggggggg!!!!!”?
matt
February 27th, 2008 at 11:17 am [Reply]

Am I the only one who finds it bizarre that man, even a man in the FOOB universe, would recognize *on site* his grandmother’s wedding dress?
matt
February 27th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Having re-read the comments, I find that in fact I’m not the only one…
Foobaphobe
February 27th, 2008 at 11:55 am [Reply]

FOOB:
There’s no way Michael is just going to let Liz wear that dress when he’s been furtively trying it on for years and whispering to himself, “I take you, Weed…”
AppleGirl
February 28th, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

Poteet, Islamorada Girl, and Allie Cat– We get to crash another FOOB wedding this summer! Here we go:
http://www.uglydress.com/
Anonymous
March 11th, 2008 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…………………… huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……………………. wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……………………
Mr. Vorhias
May 7th, 2008 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

They’ve sculpted the world’s very first snow-tool.
But Who Was Phone?
November 26th, 2008 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

an heirloom?! why not an hero while you’re at it!

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