Killdozer
Dick Tracy, 12/22/07
I’ve managed to go several weeks without mentioning Dick Tracy, and that’s because it’s been stupid and incomprehensible and insane. The meandering, pointless storyline has involved a maniac holding the governor hostage in an old haunted mansion at the end of a tunnel behind a painting; meanwhile, a wrecking crew has shown up to demolish the house the same day that a high-profile charity haunted house sleepover event involving local politicians is ostensibly in progress inside, and they refuse to obey the orders of the police. Today’s comic is worthy of mention, though, because it features the bad guy (or maybe the governor — I’m not entirely clear on this point) falling to his death, a mighty SPLATT ringing out as his organs are pulped inside his body cavity; then his corpse is mangled by a bulldozer, which the operator of said machine barely notices. I would bet money that this strip runs in at least one newspaper that pulled Zits last month because it used the word “sucks.”
Family Circus, 12/22/07
This sort of blasphemous sass that should definitely not bring a wry little smile to the lips of the mother of any ostensibly Christian household. Mommy needs to get out the crucifix and use it to bludgeon the devil out of her sinful son.
Judge Parker, 12/22/07
Hmm, pot brownies should really leave Abbey “inspired” to do little more than sit in the office and giggle about all the clashing color schemes she keeps coming up with. New theory: meth brownies.
Slylock Fox, 12/22/07
You know what America needs more of? Superheroes that pick up criminals by the scruff of the neck and then punch them in the face.
Anne
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:21 am
I was totally depressed today, but the thought somewhere in the funny pages Abbey was getting high made me a little cheerier.
Or I’m just completely blitzed.
dbp
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:32 am
Even Mark Trail hasn’t knocked off someone’s belly-button with his fists o’ justice.
Yet.
The ’superhero’ seems pretty darn happy about the great violence he’s perpetrating.
Zach
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:34 am
So could this superhero beat newspaper strip Spider-man in a fight?
How ’bout Mark Trail?
Spotted HØrse
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:39 am
DT: Recently I caught a little of the Dick Tracy movie, and I sat marveling at why on earth Warren Beatty portrayed such a cuddly Tracy. Geez, Chester Gould’s Tracy, at least what little I’ve seen, was bleak, brutal, and harsher than sandpaper underpants. Locher’s strip is suitably psychopathic, yet goofy.
But man, that’s a horrifying sequence. That THUMP is guaranteed to haunt that killdozer operator’s dreams. He’ll probably think long and hard before applying for another killdozer operator position.
Eric the Grate
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:39 am
Mommy Keane: “I don’t know, Jeffy. Can you transform into a non-developmentally challenged child, one with a halfway reasonable chance of becoming a productive member of adult society?”
Long pause.
Jeffy: “Are hot dogs made of poodles, Mommy?”
Len
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:50 am
Are one of the Family Circus kids missing?
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20071222&name=Bizarro
Crankier Word
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:57 am
I just adore that “splatt” gets the double t. Not just a splat, but a gut-splashing, bone-pulping splatt.
Zaq
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:02 am
I love the exposed gears on the killdozer. You know those have taken off more than a couple short, stubby, deformed, foot-like Dick Tracy hands. Probably the same ones several times, too.
Les
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:03 am
In panel 1, it’s a Halloween brawl in the Castro district of San Francisco
In panel 2, the caped person has gotten confused as to the proper method of giving the Heimlich maneuver.
In panel 3, the caped guy is crying on the inside and the burglar is already dead.
Zaq
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:16 am
Today’s Pluggers boils down to “You’re a plugger if you get older every year!” How this affects the time jump in Funky Cancerbean is yet to be seen.
Also, Luann’s TJ reminds me of a demonic cross between Squidward and the Joker, with just a hint of Plugger despair and Foobian self-satisfaction. I’d blame someone but that almost seems like giving them credit.
Len
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:19 am
But Frankenstein wanted a rounder head, so they took it off Jeffy from Fambly Circus. (See comment #6)
Doesn’t every li’l newborn Savior want bling, movie monsters, and smelly resins? Wise men, indeed!
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/12/21&name=One_Big_Happy
Zaq
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:22 am
Last post for a while, I promise. Today’s BC brings joy to my heart: it’s returned to its post-Hart state of nearly Dada nonsense, offering setups and punchlines that aren’t simply unfunny, they’re actually less comprehensible than Gil Thorp. Gil Thorp starts a new plot in each panel, but this particular style of BC starts a new author with each panel.
John Patterson
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:25 am
Ha ha! Proof positive that my man Anthony is a funny guy in today’s installment of my family’s comic strip. “Finger” food, indeed! I nearly choked on my massive quantity of pie and ice cream when I read that one! Oh, and to the fine folks at Judge Parker: thanks for the brownies!
Crooked Soricidae
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:38 am
It should have been more of a elongated squiiiiishhhhhhhh then an abrupt Thump. But what do I know, I don’t have a two-way wrist TV.
kippetje2000
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:39 am
“Out in the barn”, “to paint the office” Sounds like Abbey hasn’t had her “garage cleaned” lately and is taking it upon herself to put the task in hand. 30 mintues sounds about right and I’d forgo the cucumber salad at dinner, buddy.
Edward
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:47 am
Hmmm. Normally I’m ‘All Abbey All The Time’, but Marie in the maid’s outfit….hmm. Ladies, could I see you both in the kitchen? Abbey, put down the meth-brownie, and put on something naughty.
Dollface
December 22nd, 2007 at 4:05 am
FBOFW: Ewww! Ewww, Ewww, Ewww, Ewww.
Thought of Anthony’s finger in my mouth…must drink bleach, or maybe much vodka. Or the barrel of a gun. Whichever takes effect the quickest.
Clumpy
December 22nd, 2007 at 5:56 am
Geez – that criminal’s in a hard situation. “Did it feel any different THIS time!?”
Arglebargle
December 22nd, 2007 at 6:21 am
Luann: Of all the reactions I expected Brad to have to The Kiss, the “Does She Love Bruce Wayne…Or Batman?” one wasn’t on the list.
I did expect him to race home to his, um, partner. Seriously, when is TJ going to kiss Santa?
Anyway, the pieces are all in place. Toni never pulls anything with Brad unless Dirk is watching, so I’m assuming he’s out of jail and currently plotting revenge. TJ’s already got the breakers overloaded with Christmas decorations, and Brad’s a fireman, so it’d be “ironic” for Dirk to torch the house and for the DeGroots to blame TJ and OH GOD I’VE GOT TO STOP READING THIS THING
Minivet
December 22nd, 2007 at 8:21 am
The man in the middle has no navel, clearly indicating he is not a son of Adam but in fact the Christ. Since he’s being executed by superhero-pummeling along with two thieves, the Second Coming doesn’t seem to be going much better than the First.
Muffaroo
December 22nd, 2007 at 9:27 am
DT – Dick Tracy isn’t written like it used to be, or drawn, or plotted, but it can still deliver the grotesque death of the presumably bad guy. (We did establish that his claim was slightly shaky, right? I wasn’t paying close attention to all the speeches.)
FC – Kids today don’t know how to make their own entertainment. They could learn something from Mr. Bean.
Jeffsterr
December 22nd, 2007 at 9:30 am
FOoB: Lynne reads PBS. Fingers? Legs? That’s Christmas for me.
monsieurjohn
December 22nd, 2007 at 9:57 am
Oh, speed brownies. Delicious.
kook4comics
December 22nd, 2007 at 10:09 am
I’ve been waiting and hoping you’d comment on the current DT storyline. Calling it incomprehensible is being kind. Since when does a heavily armed SWAT team take orders from a construction worker? If the governor was standing at the edge of the balcony, how is it that the bad guy was the one to fall to his death? And how wreakless is it for DT to order in the bulldozers knowing that the governor may very well be killed in the process? Totally implauseable nonsense.
Jack Bishop
December 22nd, 2007 at 10:35 am
Re Mark Trail: “He smokes the small cigars” is rapidly supplanting “solo car date” as the most idiosyncratically repeated line in comics. Does anyone else envision people saying it in a bizarre unplaceably ethnic (faux-Italian, perhaps?) accent, or is it just me? “He smoke-a da small see-gars!”
Also, it sounds vaguely dirty, but I guess we went over that the first time it came up.
fahrenheit451
December 22nd, 2007 at 10:50 am
FOOB-
Why is Blandthony tossing the salad with his hand? Haven’t these people heard of tongs???
Between “finger food” and desacrated pies, perhaps the FOOBsters will be spending the holiday suffering from some nasty food poisoning!
Niall
December 22nd, 2007 at 10:55 am
Saturday snark before shopping
A3G: With the Margo, failure is never an option. Eric, you’re close to failing.
BC: A topical joke?? And a recent one too? What is going on?
Curtis: I don’t get the references, and I don’t want to get them.
DT: Payoff Part 2! Forget that there’s no freaking way the body could have plopped in front of the bulldozer when he was above the operator yesterday – we see full on-camera ground Splattage! Now that’s what DT is all about, baby!
GF: Okay, now that was funny. Stop with the ultra-long leadups and get faster with the funny, fuzzy!
JP: Must.. stop.. dirty.. thoughts…
MT: So will someone rechange the Luke Wilson Wikipedia page with this new info? :)
MW: Chester is a circus dog! And I so can’t wait for this to end.
Mutts: Okay, now that’s really cute. And realistic. :)
MC: I forgot to mention the fantastic poster in the background!
PBS: Good carol! Almost as good as the unfinished werewolf carol!
Popeye: Olive brings home a walking penis for auuuugh my mind’s eye noooo
SFx: Wow, what a bizarre mix of Batman and Superman! And he’s both holding the burglar and hitting him! The Superhero Code Committee will have a word or two about that…
TDIET: Of course, Fignewt could always, you know, learn to cook and he wouldn’t be such a slave to his wife’s schedule…
yesterthread 197. True Fable: I had mentally blocked Mary patting herself again on the behind. THank you for making me look at it closely. Ugh.
3. Zach: I’m not in shape and I.II could beat newspaper Spider-Man in a fight. His own wife could beat him.
20. Minivet: that’s horribly funny.
24. kook4comics: actually, we saw the Governor start to fall too, we just haven’t seen his fate yet. The mayor and Dick have been shown so far to be survivors. I predict that since the Governor seems a little shady, he also died.
Car Sailsman
December 22nd, 2007 at 10:55 am
DT: Judging from fact that this standoff is taking place around a haunted house full of people celebrating Halloween, a day that occurred almost two months ago, I’m going to assume that the man in the black suit hasn’t actually fallen from the house, but rather through a rip in the space-time continuum and isn’t involved in the storyline(such as it is) at all.
JP: If the green aura lines surrounding Marie in panel one are any indication, Abbey isn’t the only one thats been hitting the brownies.
A-Ray
December 22nd, 2007 at 11:03 am
Mama Keane smiles because she knows the family’s Christianity is just a front.
She smiles because the basement is a bloody abattoir of animal sacrifice.
She smiles because she sees in Jeffy that the brainwashing and repressed memories are having the desired effect.
fishmorgjp
December 22nd, 2007 at 11:30 am
SFx: That’s not a superhero, that’s the crook’s supposed accomplice — he planned to take all the loot for himself, so he disguised himself in a Superman costume as part of the scam! (At the last minute, he grabbed a Batman mask to hide his face.)
Citizen Snips
December 22nd, 2007 at 11:48 am
Holy crap, in the middle panel he punched the dude so hard it turned his belly button from an innie to an outtie!
Lindsey ^_^
December 22nd, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Anyone think it’s weird that Zits was pulledfrom Newspapers for using the word “sucks” recently when it’s definitely not the first time they’ve done it? I have a Zits collection from a few years ago where they use the word more than once. Was it a big deal then, too?
Mooncattie
December 22nd, 2007 at 12:32 pm
SPLATT THUMP
Merry Christmas and a joyous holiday season from everyone at Dick Tracy!
schilmmerkerl
December 22nd, 2007 at 12:54 pm
“You know what America needs more of? Superheroes that pick up criminals by the scruff of the neck and then punch them in the face.”
…or pulls their head off like Gilbert Shelton’s Wonder Wart Hog!
The Avocado Avenger
December 22nd, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Dick Tracy: The killdozer makes suffering through the unintelligible storyline so worth it. This story arc started out around Halloween as a haunted house story, and now ends on Christmas with a horribly mutilated body, with a man’s blood and bone caked solidly in a bulldozer’s tracks. Which is what the holiday season is really all about
Vince M
December 22nd, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Wow, Dick Tracy’s reminding me of the infamous German forklift safety video (warning: Pythonesque carnage)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sdjt6Bl5qdY
Dr. Shrinker
December 22nd, 2007 at 1:19 pm
BC: “Easy, pal! You’re laying me wide open for a recall.”
“Easy, pal! You’re laying me wide open for a recall.”
“Easy, pal! You’re laying me wide open for a recall.”
No matter how many times I read it, I have no freaking idea what that sentence means. “Laying” someone “wide open” sounds either incredibly dirty or incredibly gruesome. Either way, it’s a phrase I’m reasonably sure has never been spoken in the entire history of the English language…
Kilgore T.
December 22nd, 2007 at 1:48 pm
BC — Seriously, WTF?
HastyPenguin
December 22nd, 2007 at 1:55 pm
There are days when I read the comics and all I can think is “You know what comics are lacking these days? Bulldozers coming in and ploughing through the plot and characters.”
Today when I read the comics, I imagined the third panel of Dick Tracy appearing as the third panel in every comic. Somehow, everything seemed better.
huntingbyrd
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Dick Tracy:I think that was one of the worse comic strip deaths I’ve seen in a while.Ewwww
Francis
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Geez, Sam really needs a tie clip. (If the concept is completely alien to him, he could always read my primer on the subject.)
fluffy
December 22nd, 2007 at 4:05 pm
SOLO CAR DATE
SOLO CAR DATE
SOLO CAR DATE
Funky Winkerbean is like Zippy the Pinhead as written by Wesley Willis. Okay there’s other words but all I see is SOLO CAR DATE.
What does that even MEAN? Why is it such a big deal? Are people in Ohio really that bored for things to do that a date is made that much more special if it’s alone and in a car?
SOLO CAR DATE
Mars
December 22nd, 2007 at 4:14 pm
JP: She “suddenly felt inspired”?
Okay, there’s no doubt in my mind now. Even if they never bring the brownies up again, they DEFINITELY snuck a pot plot into this strip. Even if they backpedal a few strips from now and say the brownies had “lots of sugar” or something….it’s clear what they really mean, and really want to do.
Jordan
December 22nd, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Knowing Dick Tracy, I’d expect the sound of a man’s innards getting pulped to have a lot more Q’s.
Mars
December 22nd, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Brad is making no sense. “Was she kissing me or Santa”?? Why would she think this was Santa, and not the nut who can’t ever take a hint and quit stalking her?
And even if she gained temporary amnesia for that one strip only…why would she have a desire to kiss Santa Claus full-on-the-lips? HE’S MARRIED. Shame on you!
Blog talkbacks need edit buttons. I always think of junk right after I’ve made my post. I hope two in a row isn’t against the rules.
Poteet
December 22nd, 2007 at 5:30 pm
DT — I find today’s strip easier to endure if I think of it symbolically. The doomed guy who went “Splatt” is Logic — the bulldozer is Typical Dick Tracy Plotline. “What was that?” No kidding.
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
December 22nd, 2007 at 5:48 pm
Killdozer Man is my new favourite comic strip character ever. I propose he be given the power to travel to other strips and killdoze people there.
Nil Zed
December 22nd, 2007 at 6:14 pm
16 Edward
but Marie isn’t in a maids uniform. No hat, no black dress, no frilly apron. I think this is the first time we have seen the new improved Marie. And a fine example of the mom-style modern housekeeper/cook she is: slightly fuller figured, bespectacled, casually clothed and about a month overdue for a hair cut.
Hurrah for having a ‘real’ woman in the funny papers with comforting St. Bernard sweater puppies.
lis
December 22nd, 2007 at 7:10 pm
MW: we’re tortured with a week of a 15 second interaction that we pray will lead to violence or at least something mildly interesting and we get “I wonder if I’m cut out for owning a dog”? That’s it??!?! I wanted a catfight between the Women of Mauve! Or that dead oversized rat lying on the sidewalk! That was WEAK! I feel gypped.
and as far as Brad’s “is it me or Santa?”…not only is Santa married, but he’s old, fat and hairy. Brad, at least, is just fat. And probably a virgin.
ChristianPinko
December 22nd, 2007 at 7:55 pm
DT – Has this nonsensical storyline made anyone else yearn for the sudden appearance of space aliens with cosmic bulldozers who intend to destroy Earth to make way for a new intergalactic highway? Just me, then? OK.
FW – Ten years in the future, “solo car date” will be a common expression. In fact, it will have been mandated by the robot overlords some time in 2011.
Kumquat
December 22nd, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Spider-Man – “Lady, Doc Ock and the Green Goblin together couldn’t keep me away!”
But you can bet the Persuader will… and he probably had the forethought to arrange something nice for MJ’s opening, too.
Gagott68
December 22nd, 2007 at 10:34 pm
26 fahrenheit451: Actually, your not supposed to “toss a salad” with your hand or a set of tongs.
Gagott68
December 22nd, 2007 at 10:35 pm
*you’re
Gagott68
December 22nd, 2007 at 10:35 pm
*you’re
Buck Ripsnort
December 22nd, 2007 at 11:54 pm
FC: Jeffy’s Cro-magnon brow leads me to think he’s the REAL B.C.
Really scary: my soul-killing retail pit actually sells Biblical action-figures (Tales of Glory). I don’t know about Baby Jesus, but the full-grown Messiah could take my Superman AND Batman figures any time.
Dark Star
December 23rd, 2007 at 10:45 am
WOW Today’s JP (Sunday 12/23), 4th panel.
Sam is doing Abbey doggie style!!!!
Madmonkey
December 23rd, 2007 at 1:25 pm
SF: Superheroes that do so, I note with mixed feelings, while grinning vacantly ahead. so, in short, zombie superheroes.
Rhekarid
December 23rd, 2007 at 2:11 pm
We don’t necessarily need more superheroes who pick up criminals by the scruff of their neck and punch them in the face. Anyone who does that is already a superhero.
SmartPeopleOnIce
December 24th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
#53, #54 I’m… I’m what? What? WHAT?
:P
Shermy Glamrocker
December 25th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
I can’t decide if the Christmas Day Mary Worth strip is supposed to be uplifting or depressing: Chester is going home, but Mary is losing her new best friend. Either way, the bitch with the Chihuahua is going to sue the ass off of MW.
B
December 26th, 2007 at 9:25 am
Confession time. My parents’ nativity scene features a transformer. Actually, i think it’s a go-bot, which is even more blasphemous.
Junior Tracy
December 26th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Josh – As I’ve said before, attempting to make sense out of Dick Tracy is a waste of time. Mike Killian, now deceased, was the only sane person ever involved in the strip. Chester Gould was, of course, radiantly insane; Dick Locher’s dementedness, while more pedestrian, nonetheless keeps Dick Tracy deeply wierd and totally incomprehensible.
You have to remember that Dick Tracy is a Chicago Tribune feature, and reflects the predilictions of its longtime publisher, Col. Robert McCormick, a lunatic who worried a lot about the King of England, Communism, and flouridated water. To the Colonel, it stood to reason that villains were either (a) physically deformed; or (b) Franklin D. Roosevelt, and you kept a two-dimensional detective to shoot them.
Dick Tracy has never made sense, doesn’t make sense now, and never will make sense. Cloud cars, sons of detectives married to Martians, villains with bizarre physical abnormalities, two-way wrist TVs with tiny little CD-ROM thingees – you just have to go with the flow.
One thing you should do for yuks, however, is to check out “Crimestoppers Textbook”, which is the first panel in the Sunday strip. It contains valuable tips on how not to be a crime victim, or at least tips on how not to be a crime victim that would be valuable to an astonishingly stupid person. Poor Dick Locher can’t quite bring himself to draw criminals who look like normal people, so all of the villains in “Crimestoppers Textbook” are clad in black turtlenecks and watchcaps, or lurk menacingly in shadows, or carry canvas bags with “$$” stencilled in the side. I can’t recommend it stronly enough – way better than the strip itself.
Bitter Scribe
December 26th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: Dick Locher really, really needs to get another writer for Dick Tracy. He’s tried to do all the writing himself since his partner Michael Kilian passed away, with horrendous results. Junior Tracy is completely accurate, not least about Col. McCormick.
HastyPenguin
December 30th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
I just realized that in that second panel of Dick Tracy, the hand is reaching up as though trying to warn the driver of the body’s presence. The man was still alive when he got run over.
Gkeefe
January 18th, 2010 at 8:30 am
… please don’t show any more Dick Tracy strips while I’m eating!