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Metapost: Two items of interest

I thank everyone for your e-mails! You always keep me up-to-date on the latest comics-themed insanity from the dark recesses of the Web. But today there’s been such a flood on two items that I feel I should share them with the rest of you:

  • We all had a good laugh at Garfield without his thoughts; but are you ready for Garfield minus Garfield? When will the nonstop abuse of poor Arbuckle end?
  • Fark.com frequently has Photoshop contests, and today they launched one based on Mary Worth. Probably not safe for work, but utterly hilarious.

99 responses to “Metapost: Two items of interest”

  1. Jordan
    February 26th, 2008 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    That “there’s something wrong with my pants” one speaks volumes.

  2. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    February 26th, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Oh man. I mean this affectionately, but once the Fark people start messing with comics, all bets are off.

  3. Benjamin Baxter
    February 26th, 2008 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Nothing about Mary Worth is safe for work.

    http://awaitingtenure.wordpress.com/

  4. Allie Cat
    February 26th, 2008 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    Gosh, maybe this says something about my place of business, but I didn’t find any of them NSFW…

    I did think they were damn funny – especially the one where Mary spikes Jeffy’s cocoa…

  5. Plaid Phantom
    February 26th, 2008 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    Jon…
    Jon…

    Brilliant.

  6. Z
    February 26th, 2008 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Garfield is also quite funny if you take out Garfield’s thought balloons, making Jon just talking nonsense to his cat:

    http://www.truthandbeautybombs.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=4997

  7. Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
    February 26th, 2008 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! CLENCH THE APPROPRIATE SPHINCTERS IN ABJECT HORROR! CHENNUX SPEAKS!

    CHENNUX HAS RETURNED FROM THE SUBJUGATION OF THE HOVERMINKS OF CALGON-5 AND HAS DEMANDS! EARTHERS WILL COMPLY AT ONCE OR CHENNUX WILL RENDER ALL AS DEAD AND PASTY AS THE LATEST ITERATION OF (DT)GT ARTWORK! HAHA!

    1) MW’S DREW COREY MUST BE REPLACED AT ONCE BY TV’S DREW CAREY! ALL OTHER CHARACTERS MUST BE REPLACED BY THE OTHER ‘WHO’S LINE IS IT ANYWAY?” IMPROV COMICS! PUT THE FUNNY BACK INTO THE FUNNIES!

    2) RUMOR HAS IT THAT THE PRESENT FOOB STORYLINE WILL DEVOLVE INTO A LIZARDBREATH WELDING, COMPLETE WITH A MOLDY GOWN AND ORANGE-CLAD BRIDESMAIDS! ALL THE PARTY CRASHERS FROM THE SHAWNA MARIE INVASION WILL GATHER AT THE IHOP IN ROOPVILLE, GEORGIA FOR TRANSPORT VIA DROPSHIP TO THE WELDING! TRUE FABLE, BRING THE BEE-GRINDER! ILSAMORADA GIRL, FETCH THE SATIN-SEEKING MISSILES! HAHA!

    THAT’S IT FOR THE DEMANDS FOR THE MOMENT! EARTHERS GET OFF EASY THIS TIME! HAHA!

    END TRANSMISSION!

  8. McManx
    February 26th, 2008 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    I love “Garfield minus Garfield.” Who knew that Jon’s psychosis could be so funny without a cat as a prop for his dementia?

    Makes you want to try “Mary Worth minus Mary Worth.” Oh, no. Without Mary, all the characters would be just happy. That just wouldn’t do…

  9. Maughta
    February 26th, 2008 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    I always knew Jon was psychotic. Nice to know it’s all true.

  10. gh
    February 26th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    #7 Galactic Emperor Chennux®™© –

    Re: Welding invasion

    How much overhead storage is there in the dropship? Should we check kegs at the ticket counter? What about truncheons?

  11. Thursdaynext
    February 26th, 2008 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    I have never laughed at Garfield. Turns out Jon is funny, though. Can we somehow make the cat really disappear?

  12. gnome de blog
    February 26th, 2008 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    I have a ruffled shirt, but it’s white. Is that still okay?

  13. Ramian
    February 26th, 2008 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    I was surprised by how much sense Garfield makes without Garfield. I think only because I talk to myself when no one else is around and the conversations are somewhat similar. I also consider myself quite insane though, but… can one truly be insane if they think they’re insane? Does that not make their viewpoint completely normal? Perhaps I’m crazier than I give myself credit for… Or perhaps, Garfield Minus Garfield itself has driven me to lunacy by holding a mirror to my mind. Screw it, I’m getting a burrito.

  14. Chris in Virginia
    February 26th, 2008 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    I’m a very regular Farker, but I somehow missed this…thanks, Josh!

  15. Maxim Gorky
    February 26th, 2008 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

  16. pleinedepoisson
    February 26th, 2008 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    The garfield thing has been done before, but I have never seen garfield completely removed from the strip. To me, it’s even sadder when Garfield remains, but only his thoughts are removed. Then we see John for what he is — a lonely, pathetic man talking to a cat, who stares idly on, as cats do.

  17. Mountain Mama
    February 26th, 2008 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    The Garfield is kind of eerie, but also revelatory. I know it’s saying something about me, but I don’t know what it is.

    I like the one after “she advised her friend to commit suicide.”

    And in today’s real MW, notice how Mary’s fist is clenched, ready to be raised in triumph. Drew doesn’t seem very happy, does he?

    10 days until Tucson! Woo hoo!

  18. ChattyGenes
    February 26th, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Mighty Galactic Emperor Chennux®™© (#7) (and gh, #10):

    The way Lynn drags things out, the wedding may not be for a while yet. And it would be Foob-treacle-appropriate if she were to put this wedding in June, so Elizabeth could be a “June Bride .”

    BUT! We will be READY!

    True Fable, can I ride with you, please?:-) I promise to take good care of the Bee-Grinder!

  19. Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
    February 26th, 2008 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    FC: His prayers are answered (mildly NSFW)

    I’m a couple of threads behind… congrats to the COTW winners!

  20. AhClem
    February 26th, 2008 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    I haven’t had any luck getting the coal tar and beaver teeth stains out of my salmon sport jacket and orange checked pants yet. (Shawna-Marie’s wedding – don’t ask.) However, I’m ready to press them into service once again to crash the Angstabethony wedding.

    Hey, Chennux, is there extra room in your dropship for the Christian Single girl and both all of her comely accessories?

  21. Rotten Arsenal
    February 26th, 2008 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    Ahhh… the Arbuckle Chronicles are a genius work of esoteric existentialism destined to turn the comic and art world on its ear! Truly, these WTF moments make even the most zombified “Love Is…” addicts question the meaning of their being, down to the very root of their souls. Bravo, sir, Bravo!

  22. Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
    February 26th, 2008 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! CHENNUX LOOKS AT HIS NOTEPAD AND DISCOVERS HE FORGOT ONE MORE DEMAND! (CHENNUX THANKS AHCLEM FOR REMINDING CHENNUX!)

    3) CHRISTIAN SINGLE GIRL MUST CONVERT TO MELKARISM! SHE DOES NOT SEEM TO BE ABLE TO EAT A HOT DISH AT THE FELLOWSHIP DINNER WITHOUT GETTING ONION SPRINKLES ON HER… UMMM… POSTURE! HA HA?

    END TRANSMISSION!

  23. Ken
    February 26th, 2008 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

  24. gnome de blog
    February 26th, 2008 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    Careful what you ask for, your emperorness. Next you’ll be drinking the kool-aid. Ha! Ha!

  25. Max Power
    February 26th, 2008 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    I’m a frequent reader of this blog, but I’ve never commented until now. I was the Farker who submitted the headline for the Mary Worth contest. I had no idea it would end up being so popular. It’s almost as if people have some kind of hatred for her. Especially me. Go figure.

    Anyway, glad that you guys got to see it. Somehow I knew it would find its way over here…

  26. Mr. O’Malley
    February 26th, 2008 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    Just got a Google ad for Basketcasecomix.com that looks like Christian Single Girl. Headlined “Single Panel Comics”. Even retains the “Christians Join for FREE” button. Hundreds of panels!

  27. Mr. O’Malley
    February 26th, 2008 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    Jackpot! When I posted, I got both the parody and the real ad!

  28. Moon Mullins
    February 26th, 2008 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    I showed Garfield Minus Garfield to some of the psychiatrists at our hospital and they still haven’t stopped laughing.

    With the cat out of the way Jon is truly the picture of acute psychosis.

  29. Brandon
    February 26th, 2008 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    The Garfield Minus Garfield author takes a few liberties with the comic, though. He has done more than merely removing Garfield from the comic.

    See this and this and compare them to the Garfield-less versions.

  30. Prehumous
    February 26th, 2008 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    To be honest, I find the Garfield Minus Garfield making me feel kind of sorry for Jon? If I lived the bleak, colorless vacuum of a life that he did, devoid of all human contact or any form of entertainment or joy whatsoever, I’d definitely get a cat or something to alleviate the constant pain.

  31. Hank
    February 26th, 2008 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Actually, “Garfield – Garfield” is just a more realistic depiction of cat ownership. In real life, cats tend to hang out on the floor, not a kitchen counter all day.

    So Garfield’s still there. He’s just off panel.

  32. kubiak
    February 26th, 2008 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Garfield Minus Garfield is genius.

  33. Uncle Lumpy
    February 26th, 2008 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    Can we see Ziggy minus Ziggy?

  34. Yitzchok
    February 26th, 2008 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    While the Farkers continue to pump out the hilarity, I continue to pointlessly, pointlessly do these.

  35. KT
    February 26th, 2008 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Here’s a bizarre little tribute to Cassandra Cat one of my IRC friends just found:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TfE01y-HcI

  36. Poteet
    February 27th, 2008 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    Oboy, another wedding invasion! And gathering in Roopville first will make it even more festive. My “pink & puffy” dress will look even more charming next to the proposed orange bridesmaid dresses. Your Imperial Excellency, I’m ready.

  37. Big Sims
    February 27th, 2008 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    I’m soaking some potatoes in syrup right now my overlord!
    Calling the NOLA Superfriends! What was that secret code word again?
    Where do I check my Crisper48® Not that it holds a candle to the Fabled C55, but as Bootsy pointed out, it makes for a fun Thanksgiving!

    (wow, did I just make 87 inside ‘jokes’? must be a record…)

  38. jambo
    February 27th, 2008 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    Garfield minus Garfield might be the funniest thing I have ever read.

  39. Daijinryuu
    February 27th, 2008 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    We’re now entering week two of “Belly Laffs,” with no end or laffs in sight. This’ll probably keep going until Tom Armstrong gets a raise.

  40. True Fable
    February 27th, 2008 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    #7 Galactic Emperor Chennux – Locked and loaded, Your Excellency!

    # 18 Chatty Genes – Sure you can ride with me, but beware of that Bee Grinder. It will take up most of your day.

    #36 Poteet, my queen! – We’ll have dark glasses to cut down on the eyeglare and clash while we are still in the staging mode.

    #37 Big Sims – It IS a record, and a damn fine one too!

  41. Scherzo (AWOL from Jungle Patrol)
    February 27th, 2008 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    Maybe The Spectacular SpiderBrick can actually make this welding!

    I’m not sure if I should go… I expect I’m on the outs with G.E. Chennux after ducking out on my syrup initiation…

  42. Trotzenbonnie
    February 27th, 2008 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    #37 – BIG Sims
    The code word was Tujague’s but nobody could remember how to pronounce it….

    Today’s FOOB –
    http://news.yahoo.com/comics/forbetterorforworse
    Is Lynn Johnston using a micro-thin veil of cutesy humor to point out that women are lunatics, fools or just plain stupid? Maybe I’m being overly sensitive and Frau Lynn has just been watching too many old sitcoms and tomorrow’s strip will feature Deanna saying ‘Oh Miiiiiiike’ as he trips over an ottoman.

  43. Lindsey ^_^
    February 27th, 2008 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    I normally don’t repost something but this took me like a half an hour to do, so yeah. Any syntacticians who can tell me if I diagrammed Mary Worth’s abominable sentence correctly?

    Mary Worth’s Evil Sentence.

    It almost crashed my tree-building program.

  44. DanKirby
    February 27th, 2008 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    FW: Montoni’s isn’t the only thing that’s “expanding rather aggressively”. (Too easy?)

  45. Trilobite
    February 27th, 2008 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    Happy Wednesday:

    A3G: “Show, don’t tell” is the advice typically given to writers, but obviously that’s not always the best policy. Case in point: we were shown LuAnn’s excruciatingly dull haunting from beginning to end. Now we’re supposed to believe that jaded New Yorkers are interested in that same story? Yeah, right.

    Judge Parker: The guys in the pickup truck are doing their part for the environment by not driving all the way to Biff and Elvira’s chicken farm to drop off the box of drugs they found. Of course, it’s already been established that Dicken’s Chickens (or whatever it’s called) is right next door to Abbey’s place, so why these bozos decided not to drive the extra half-mile and give the box directly to its owners is a complete mystery.

    Oh, hang on…hand over the box to the lumpy old grandma and her angry husband, or hand it over to the busty redhead who apparently runs around the house in sexy outfits while her husband is away…yeah, okay, this makes perfect sense now.

    Phantom: This is why one of the standard questions asked when a cop interviews to do undercover work is “Do you have any waitressing experience?”

  46. True Fable
    February 27th, 2008 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    FC Bee Grinding 101: Bad premise + lousy pop culture references + awful idea = Fail Circus
    FBoFW Lynn Johnston whiffs the ball again. Proving she knows Jack Shit about preserving clothes, restoring damaging fabrics AND what kind of wedding dresses brides during World War II might have worn, she is at least clever enough to try to hide all that behind the fact that Michael is still an ass who never played hockey once he realized it would alter his Delicate Features. oh, and if Liz is smart (HAHAHAHA oh sorry) she’ll say no to Anthony AND say no to a musty, stained, pee-soaked garment that will fall apart with the first step. because you know that will be the premise by Friday.
    FW Montoni’s Pizza: Now with MORE CANCER!
    GT How many teenagers tuck in their shirttails at home? I mean besides the hopelessly stuck in Pleasantville ones?
    Scenes from Suburban Hell Trixie shows widdle Wobin from Foobville how insignificance is done.
    JP ABBEY BABY! YOU’RE BACK! Your front!
    LaC Time to start looking at this again now that Mex Morgan is back in town.
    MT “…boy, all those flying lessons for Andy sure paid off!”
    Marvin Fucking Waste by Jenny One-Note. You know you’re stuck when the same lame joke stays in your head for days on end.
    MW Quick, Jeff! Administer the antidote, he’s starting to display jazz hands!
    Phantom Goodbye, guest star Gregory Peck! You were the only interesting thing going on so far. Now let’s hope SuperCop and The Apron will become heroic soon.
    Popeye Holy Shit! (Death To) Popeye in that third panel!
    PreT Cheer up, PreDad. Your bitchy teen daughter could do with a few days of no phone service.
    RMMD OhmyGod NO! Niki, I’m come to actually start to kind of sort of like you, don’t go all Patterson Eyed on us NOW! Snap out of it, boy!
    RiR How can someone with hardly any lips manage to kiss so damn much? Not that I pay attention to anything going on in it, it’s just that every day she’s smooching or humping her man.
    The BM of Edison Lee Or it might mean his wife has cancer, you illogically jaded young asshole.
    Zits See, if this had been the Patterson’s house, Elly would have scrub scrub scrub wash wash wash erase erase erase all those marks off the wall AND the floor, but fortunately Connie and Walt treasure their child’s progress more than Elly.

  47. Rainbird
    February 27th, 2008 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    46 True Fable

    But, Curly is not a teenager. He is a 30 year old man. There have *never* been teenagers in GT.

  48. Mibbitmaker
    February 27th, 2008 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    2/27:

    S4th:
    “Uh, what on earth are you talking about?”
    “I don’t know….. something about cowbell…?”

    A3G: Oh, Lord, LuAnn’s “Ghost Story” is becoming the New York “Stone Season”!

    BBailey: “…Pete Townshend, Roger Daltry, John Entwhistle, or Keith Moon?”

    GT: Cruel, yes… but who, in Gil Thorp, really measures up, anyway?

    FOOB: Yeah yeah, Dee’s being a hypocrite, yadda yadda yadda. But… Hockey gear??? What a clueless jerk!

    FW: Funky comes off even worse in the aside there. What a jerk! (I almost said that he and Prince Patterson should have a jerk-off, but I thought better of it)

    Curtis: Most bizarre sight in pop culture involving some guy boppin’ around in a furry white get-up since that idiotic “Yeti Trivia” bit on “Regis & Kelly”! Seriously, I can’t wait till spring on that show.

    Cranky: No, Ed, that’s the readers.

    Rw/O: That’s like Mark Trail giving a friendly germophobe a “fist bump”, but Trail not having the heart to tell him he’d just punched a scuzzy beard earlier.

    Dilbert: Sorry, Alice, but you’re just no Ignatz the mouse.

    Drabble: Perfect opportunity to just say one of those lines borrowed by 1940s’ Looney Tunes: “Let’s not get nosey, Bud!”

  49. ChattyGenes
    February 27th, 2008 at 3:07 am [Reply]

    #43 Lindsey ^_^

    “Any syntacticians who can tell me if I diagrammed Mary Worth’s abominable sentence correctly?”

    I can’t tell you because I’m laughing too hard! Brilliant idea!

    And thanks for re-posting because I missed it the first time.

  50. Mr. O'Malley
    February 27th, 2008 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    Still getting the “Single Panel Comics” ad (see 26-27). Often with the original as well.

    JP: How could it fall out of his plane? He was doing aerobatics in the middle of his drug run?

    FW: Maybe some New Yorkers could enlighten us. Don’t New Yorkers prefer “New York style” pizza?

    MW: I have to agree with Drew in panel one. This poorly written speech is enough to give anyone a headache.

    RMMD: So minus the $8000 that’s missing, you will collect the remaining $2000. That’s before taxes, of course. And since your car is abandoned on a private road, you may want to use the money to hire a bulldozer to clear the mudslide so you can get your car out.

    SF: Actually, it is February right now. I haven’t slept since February either. February last night.

    SlyFo: BC tribute! And dinosaur skeleton instead of fish skeleton. Wouldn’t it be easier to remember that one liter of water weighs one kilogram?

    Pluggers: have nothing to do.

    PBS: Head on over to A-3G.

    FOOB: What a moron! First, I don’t even remember him playing hockey when he was a younger moron anyway. Second, if his hockey gear is too good to leave in the crawl space, why did he leave it in the crawl space? Third, oh those wacky women with their feminine illogic! Why is sacred Michael’s sacred hockey gear not on a par with grandma’s wedding dress? Maybe it’s because some people consider weddings to be memorable events? And high school hockey games not?

    We haven’t even seen Liz and Blandthony since New Years. I think they are the latest characters to be axed from the strip.

    If they do get married, we will only hear about it second-hand through Dee and Michael.

    “Oh, Michael, didn’t Liz look marvelous in grandma’s wedding dress?”

    “I told Anthony he could wear my old hockey gear but he insisted on a stupid tux!”

    “And little Francine, wasn’t she adorable carryng the train?”

    “I don’t know why Dad insisted on having his trains in the wedding in the first place! Stupid child! I told Anthony to keep her locked up. Or at least in the top bunk!”

    Except maybe once a year on Simcoe Day, the entire cast will gather together for the annual Patterson Pie-Eating Contest.

  51. True Fable
    February 27th, 2008 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    #47 Rainbird – Quite so, my dear; you are correct. I forgot The Rule about GT, the one that says, No matter what you think, it just ain’t that way here. I am abashed.

    But not for long. >;-)

  52. ChattyGenes
    February 27th, 2008 at 4:35 am [Reply]

    #46 True Fable.

    “Phantom: Goodbye, guest star Gregory Peck! You were the only interesting thing going on so far. Now let’s hope SuperCop and The Apron will become heroic soon.”

    Don’t you think Mr. Nearly-Albino is actually the guy they’re looking for, or at least an accomplice of the guy? Why else would he have been thinking so we could see the thought bubbles the past few days?

    (Or maybe this is really obvious? And I sound kind of stupid putting forth this theory because everybody knows it, and has been discussing it on all the threads I’ve missed?)

    (OR, I’m way off; take your pick.)

  53. True Fable
    February 27th, 2008 at 5:05 am [Reply]

    # 52 Chatty Genes – No darlin’; that’s *drops to a whisper* The Ghost-Who-Eavesdrops! Check out the hat and the jacket, which O-He-Who-Strains-To-Listen always wears when he’s in his civvies.

    Besides, Gregory Peck ONLY played heroes.

    :-)

  54. ChattyGenes
    February 27th, 2008 at 5:26 am [Reply]

    #54 True Fable. Good Grief! Can you tell I’m new to this strip?!

    I guess he’s so pastey-white because the purple outfit he always wears acts as a sun-screen. And I don’t know about a guy who always wears either purple-and-black or white-and-black. I wonder what color his pajamas are? Or maybe he doesn’t wear…?–nope, not going there:-)

  55. ChattyGenes
    February 27th, 2008 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    #54 me. I meant #53 True Fable, obviously!

  56. And The
    February 27th, 2008 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    DT: Why in the world would you spend an entire day and three panels hammering home wordplay so feeble it wouldn’t pass muster amongst third graders? I wonder if Locher is patting himself on the back for Cole Lector and Dab Stract.

    GT: Hmm, he calls his own dad Big Ray? I’m starting to get a vibe that I don’t think the writers intend from that.

    A-3G: Luann, why else would you be talk of the town? Do you *ever* do anything interesting?

    FW: Um, aren’t *you* responsible for the pizza’s quality that you’re insulting? And so Funky is opening a pizza chain in *New York* with poor quality Ohio-style pizza?

    MT: Thanks for the stilted exposition, Sergeant Plot Point! I wonder if the writer is simply using old Mark Trail radio scripts.

    Phantom: Yes, without that authentic waitressing expertise, such a ruse would be doomed to failure.

  57. gleeb
    February 27th, 2008 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: If only this were Pride of the Yankees. Then Ed would be played by Gary Cooper, and die soon from an incurable disease.

    Curtis: How many days are we going to have to see these two panels again and again? At least Dick Tracy mixes the order up a bit.

    FBoFW: Just a remark on the fetishistic keeping of a dress worn once, or is she digging at Mike for not exercising and getting as lumpy as his sister?

    ‘bean: “The Old Man is out of touch. I say we frag him tonight!”

    Duck: I know he’s a drunkard, which takes a lot of his time, but does Brucie ever read the papers? In the current Congress, in vote after vote, the Repub. side has voted in lockstep, with just enough Dems. crossing over to ensure the President has as cooperative a Congress as he had in 2003.

    Zits: Is Jeremy measuring his gunboat-sized feet, or how far his dad has to stand away from the wall on account of his gut? And why has Da not noticed the nine times he’s done this before?

  58. Joe
    February 27th, 2008 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    FOOB: ……aaaaaand guess who walks into the room? Why, it’s Elizaloser, with a 4-carat cubic zirconia on her finger and the dreaded news.

    On second thoght, Lynn would not DARE skip over a whole series of glargish panels detailing the wretched marraige proposal.

    If you think that FBOFW has made you barf in the past, get ready to spew volume of chunks greater than Lake Superior in 2008….

  59. gleeb
    February 27th, 2008 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    53, re Peck: I wouldn’t call Captain Ahab a hero.

  60. Pinback65
    February 27th, 2008 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    53, 59: Or Josef Mengele.

  61. AhClem
    February 27th, 2008 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    DT – If this storyline doesn’t pick up the pace a bit, I’m going to introduce a new character, S. Nora Fest.

  62. man behind the curtain
    February 27th, 2008 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    FBOW — Notice how it took a non-Patterson to to recognize the value of Grandma’s wedding dress, decide to get the wedding dress dry-cleaned, and remove it from the crawl space. I think Deanna realizes that she has a lot of work to do if she’;s going to help break the cycle of this dysfunctional family.

  63. Niall
    February 27th, 2008 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    I had seen the Garfield without Garfield before. Truly demented. You know the strip’s getting better when you try to do that and it doesn’t work anymore.

    My brain may take some time to recover from a visit to fark.

    19. Dean Booth: …that was pricelessly funny.

    56. And The: I want to pat Locher on the back.. with a sharp implement… for Cole Lector and Dab Stract.

    Meanwhile…

    Wednesday comics make me go auuuugh!

    Specifically: Archie, BC, Curtis, DT, FC, Garfield, HtH, Phantom, Pluggers and RM made me cringe with the stupidity and/or the obvious.

    In BB, Miz Buxley punctures the General’s ego rather adroitly.

    As a grammar geek, I liked today’s F Minus.

    We now see in GT That Andrew’s dad is a sailor. A rambling sailor. Who looks the same age as his son.

    And MT reprises the plane-on-plane dirty action of yesterday. Maybe Ass-Arrow Bear just fled to phone Baloo (from Tailspin) to come give these uppity monkeys a lesson.

    MW: Hey, Drew, it was MARY who prompted you to go. Repeatedly. Get off that river in Egypt.

    SlyFox gives us a dinosaur skeleton, not a fish skeleton. And a shoutout to BC. Though at first I was “What is that deformed mass of liens and colour on the upper left?… oh.” And yet I wonder more if children would think water changed over the time of the planet’s evolution?..

  64. man behind the curtain
    February 27th, 2008 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Family Circus — i don’t get FC today although since it appears to involve larry King i think not “getting it” is a good thing. i guess the suspenders makes it a snowman King. If so, then I wonder how many wives this snowman has had?

  65. Whippersnapper
    February 27th, 2008 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    Foob: I refuse to believe that Elly put Michael’s hockey gear in the crawlspace. That dank, moldy spot is fit only for unimportant things, like her mother’s wedding dress. I’m sure Michael’s hockey gear is properly enshrined along with everything else he ever owned or touched.

  66. smacky
    February 27th, 2008 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    The best thing about the first panel of today’s Mary Worth is that it could easily be a rerun of a strip from February 1968:

    “I don’t know what lies ahead for me in Vietnam! I only know this is a chance for me to redeem myself!”

    In fact, didn’t Treat Williams sing those lines in the movie version of HAIR just before they shipped him off?

  67. lesles
    February 27th, 2008 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Lindsey ^_^’s mary worth sentence diagram has instant t-shirt appeal to me

  68. Krazy Kat
    February 27th, 2008 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    FUNKY ! – “Apparently he hasn’t tried one of ours lately!”
    Isn’t the guy saying that the pizza cook?

  69. Randall
    February 27th, 2008 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    I think ‘Hockey Gear’ and ‘crawl space’ is a euphenisms. Basiclly, she’s bitching about sex.

  70. One-eyed Wolfdog
    February 27th, 2008 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    H&J – the phone call. (I didn’t put the last panel in. You can supply it yourself if you like.)

  71. John C Fremont
    February 27th, 2008 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    MW – Does Dr. Drew have an erection? If it lasts for over four hours, he’d better consult himself.

    Phantom – OMG, he does look like Gregeory Peck!

    RMMD – The Sherriff’s moustache has turned white today. Maybe he’s one of those “Got Milk?” guys. Niki responds by impersonating Alice the Goon.

    JP – Hi, Abbey. I missed you. A lot. By the way, isn’t it awfully warm for all those clothes?

  72. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 27th, 2008 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    2/27

    JP: Once again, I’m not sure what’s going on here. That’s a lovely aerial view of Mt. Abbey, though.

    C-Shaft: Next Fast Ed will go to the attic and fetch his shotgun. The reign of death will start, but not stop, with the squirrel.

    Lockhorns: Leroy and Loretta are a late payment away from having their car repoed, but have a wall mounted safe. Consistency is not a hobgoblin of this strip’s little mind.

    MW: It’s sad to see Dr Drew stand and declare his love for Big Brother this way. But at least he’ gets to feel up the invisible woman one last time.

    HtH: Is Lucky Eddie’s word balloon casting a shadow. That’s the only explanation I can think of for panel two.

    FC: So you need the name “Larry King” folating over the snowman with suspenders? I think it’s safe to say the mission has failed.

    Archie: Whoa! So now Raj has two character traits. Verily, his cup runneth over.

    Phantom: Don’t you need, oh, uniforms and stuff to pass as hotel employees? Is there some kind of hospitality workers’ code that will protect them?

    A3G: You bet there’s more! A thick fog is descending inside the restaurant. There’s probably a whole gaggle of ghostly artists lining up for publicity.

    Ziggy: WTF squared.

    SSmith: Jughaid’s grandmother deals coke? Explains why she hasn’t seen more of her.

    S-M: So Krandis’ campaign of terror against the Bugle is just the prelude to his gubernatorial campaign. Huh. It would probably be more effective to slip JJJ a fifty.

    SFx: You might want to back up there, BC. These are serious dinosaurs, not the hapless drunks you have trudging around your strip.

    Momma: Francis breaks out the jazz hands when he doesn’t get a job. I’m not sure how I feel about this.

  73. Dingo
    February 27th, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    When did kd lang take over the role of Niki? Suddenly, I have a constant craving for Rex Morgan.

  74. Inspector Dim
    February 27th, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Yes! All that the latest Spider-Man storyline needed was a dose of gubernatorial politics to make it the lamest plotline ever!

    Meanwhile, Spidey’s going to show up, watch Krandis order the Persuader to do stuff, and then go home and think real hard about how to connect the two of them. There must be a way!

  75. AtomicDog of The Slang Patrol
    February 27th, 2008 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    PBS – “Trendy”? The expression “Jonesing” is at least thirty years old. I would hate to see what Rat would do to someone who said, “Far Out!”

  76. Rambis
    February 27th, 2008 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    MW – “And maybe someday I’ll be able to thank her…but meanwhile, I’m just going to throw my hands in the air, as if I just don’t care!”

  77. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 27th, 2008 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    #56 And The
    Re GT: Not to mention that Big Ray doesn’t think hsi kids “measure up.” He’s always got that measuring tape on him.

  78. Joe
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Over/Under on how long they keep trying to stretch the same two panels out?
    I’ll guess it’ll be about another week of “Give me the coat!” “Can’t take it off!”
    All while Curtis is in the background twiddling his thumbs, just waiting for the standoff to end.
    Or maybe he and Onion just went to grab some coffee because they know it’ll be a while.
    Onion’s really not so bad once you get to know the guy.

  79. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    #73
    Sorry, Dingo. I can’t explain why Niki becomes Miss Chatelaine.

  80. Shermy Glamrocker
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Those Christian single girls sure get around. When I click the ad on my work computer, they live in South Carolina. When I do it from my home computer, the same one are back in Florida.

    Are they a nomad-like band of wandering CSG’s?

    Where will they show up next?

    Will they crash the FOOB wedding wearing non-moldy gowns and make Blandthony reconsider his assimilation into the Pattersonspawn?

    Just be warned: They could show up in YOUR town next!

  81. Shermy Glamrocker
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Same “ones” that is

  82. One-eyed Wolfdog
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    All the CSG talk sounds kind of quaint to those of us who haven’t seen a graphical ad since sometime in 2004. It’s like eavesdropping on a conversation among blushing young naifs about really licentious wax cylinders, or something.

  83. Joe
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Notice Dishrag Dee’s creepy-looking mouth in Panel 3……..the last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it!**

    **With Special Thanks to Rodney Dangerfield

    SFx: I see that “B.C.” has invaded!

    Smirky Pantysniffer: Does this mean that Funky’s pizza is going to get a bad review by “Pizza Glarg Magazine”?

    FC: *sigh* more stupid asshole snowmen…

    Cathy (must die): Cathy Must Die!

  84. Bootsy
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Because we were all too fucked up to remember, I must point out that Shauna Marie’s wedding ended in a drunken cross-country spree with Poteet, I Girl and me (butt bows attached) crammed into the back of Red Greenback‘s souped up Vega, pot smoke and whisky fumes perfuming the air. as we fled the scene The Spectacular Spider Brick threw himself off a railroad bridge into a garbage truck, landing with a “Clunnq!” not to be seen on that trip again.

    As we sped away from the reception, I looked back to see True Fable grinning maniacally as he waved the Crisper55. Jamus had taken over the bar, and the Tarzana Nights hovered menacingly over the tent, magmacannons whining as GE Chennux powered them up.

    Somehow we lost Trotzenbonnie, but the Emperor assured us he’d get her back to Louisiana, “after we have a little fun”, he said.

    Best. Wedding. Ever

    Anyway, that’s what I believe happened!

  85. Never teh Bride
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Why does Deanna always look like she has a hairlip?

  86. Rainbird
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    So, the point of the Rex Morgan story line is “Steal money, but make sure to burn it, and you will be rewarded.”

    OK, got it.

  87. Hank
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    RE: Spiderman. I think Mary Jane is actually considering Krandis’ proposal this time. Good for her.

  88. commodorejohn
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Curtis – Hmm. Suddenly I’m reminded of the finale of Roger Corman’s The Raven.

    DT – Wait, are we doing a revamped Mega Man plot?

    FC – So the message here is that…being turned into a snowman has put Larry King into the crushing grip of despair.

    FOOB – Blah blah, more bleedingly obvious foreshadowing. It’s like Lynn has some kind of plot constipation: she strains and strains to get a plot out, and then she can’t, so she gives up and moves on to another one. Also, note how anything with any association to Wonderful Michael is as precious an heirloom as an antiquey wedding dress. What next, will he go to the bathroom and shit rainbows?

    FW – God almighty, Batiuk, we get it already!

    GF – Today’s Get Fuzzy is all kinds of awesome.

    JP – Oh yes. As if the promise of more brownie hijinks wasn’t enough, Baretto keeps playing around with showcasing Abbey in different outfits.

    MT – Wait, you mean that Mark Trail, Nature Guy, doesn’t recognize a small-aircraft mating dance when he sees one?

    MW – You realize, of course, that that’s not Drew anymore. The enormous, akwardly pompous sentences are a clear indicator that he’s been possessed by Mary. That and the fact that he’s suddenly entirely adopted her Plan.

    Popeye – YEARGH

    SFx – Haha, B.C. cameo!

    Edison Lee – is the political equivalent of Herb & Jamaal, when it’s not the Democrat equivalent of Mallard Fillmore.

  89. Rainbird
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    75 AtomicDog of The Slang Patrol

    So what is the latest catchy hip term for desire?

    I expected him to get upset if he said he wanted to bogart something.

    Huntingbyrd, my finger on the pulse of teenage, if not modern slang, said she had no idea what the guy was talking about. She’d never heard the word “jonsing”

  90. Rainbird
    February 27th, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    82 One-eyed Wolfdog

    Do you have something special that blocks even ads that aren’t pop-ups?

    Very cool.

  91. ladadog
    February 27th, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    I have been enjoying this blog immensely, but, in silence for more than a year.
    However, today’s FOOB has impelled me to write my first ever contribution to a blog. Shouldn’t Dee give the heirloom wedding dress to her mother-in-law right away? Why would they keep property that is not theirs and that was obviously forgotten? Unless of course, Dee believes her mother-in-law was trying to hide that thing away forever, and this is Dee’s passive aggressive way of getting back at her, by presenting her with it.. Oh, and maybe the dress will fall apart at the dry cleaner’s. One can but hope.

  92. Poteet
    February 27th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    # 84 Bootsy — Thanks for the memories! On this next gig, we may want to carry smelling salts so the odor of the moldy wedding dress doesn’t make us keel over. Not that we won’t keel over anyway, but it should be for more entertaining reasons.

    So are we gonna lay bets on what will happen to Gwampa by the end of the story (if we believe that the story will really end in September this time?)

  93. Lindsey of the Juggle Petrol Society
    February 27th, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    I’d love to put Mary Worth’s sentence diagram on a t-shirt, but I am 90% sure that it’s wrong in a couple of places so I would want to fix it first =P. I have no idea where to put the “who” words, and she uses them A LOT.

    Anyone know?

  94. AtomicDog of The Nostalgia Patrol
    February 27th, 2008 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    89 Rainbird: “Jonesing”, as far as I know, is still current, just not trendy.

    Love Jones:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eY6oWhJG8hU

    Basketball Jones:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basketball_Jones_featuring_Tyrone_Shoelaces

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIbp5C-5WXM

    Enjoy!

  95. True Fable
    February 27th, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    #59 gleeb and # 60 Pinback – Wow, I had forgotten completely about Ahab and Mengele. I suppose I was focusing on a biography on him once that said he only played heroes but apparently they forgot the same roles I did. And he was so good in those two, I’m embarrassed I forgot them. My fault!

    So, does that leave Gary Cooper as the only film actor who’s never played a bad guy? John Wayne played a centurion but he got a last-minute pardon from Jeffrey Hunter or something in “The Greatest Story Ever Told” so I wonder if that counts.

  96. Dik-Dik Vendetta
    February 27th, 2008 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    The Other Family is a fairly disturbing, but totally hilarious take on Family Circus.

  97. Loramir
    February 27th, 2008 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    #90 Rainbird – “Do you have something special that blocks even ads that aren’t pop-ups?”

    This wasn’t directed at me, but I don’t see them either. I didn’t actually know there WERE ads, till everyone started talking about the Christian singles girl. I think the AdBlock extension on my Firefox must do it? I just opened the page in IE and was surprised how many ads there are!

    With Firefox, all I see are the ones in the sponsored links section (BlogAds Humor Network, Thought Balloons). I do love Firefox :)

    #95 True Fable – I don’t think Fred Astaire ever played a bad guy…not there usually ARE bad guys in musical romantic comedies.

  98. Catbus
    February 27th, 2008 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    FC: One of the great things about Calvin’s snowmen is that they seemed to be doing things, even though they were inanimate objects. SnowLarry is just standing there. And that’s not even how most people see him. I only have basic cable, but when I do see Larry King on CNN he’s sitting behind a desk. And putting SnowLarry behind a desk makes even less sense that putting suspenders on a snowman.

  99. thor_ate_my_baby
    February 27th, 2008 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    How does Garfield go from torture chamber of the banal to humor edging on delightful?
    Apparently just remove the title character. Check it out:
    http://garfieldminusgarfield.tumblr.com/

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