The Comics Curmudgeon

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GET ON WITH IT ALREADY LADY

Mary Worth, 3/12/08

Why do I forget that Mary Worth only exists to shatter my hopes and dreams? All my fantasies of a bizarre flashback sequence are looking less and less likely by the day; instead, we’re just going to see Mary and Tobey standing around while Mary natters on in frustratingly vague terms. FLASH BACK! FLASH BACK, DAMN YOU!

Tobey is looking even more numb and Stepford-like than usual in the second panel. It’s possible that like us, she’s become so monumentally bored as to be on the brink of passing out.

Pluggers, 3/12/08

Wait a minute, pluggers don’t actually go hunting? Ha ha, they’re total blue-collar posers! Perhaps pluggers just know that having other people kill and butcher animals for you makes it easier to get the maximum amount of meat down your gullet as quickly as humanly possible.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 12, 2008 at 09:31 am and is filed under Mary Worth, Pluggers.

411 responses to “GET ON WITH IT ALREADY LADY”

meatwork
March 12th, 2008 at 9:36 am [Reply]

Ha! Mary looks like a young guy in panel one! Maybe there is a secret …
briantologist
March 12th, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

Maybe MW will slowly devolve into an increasingly hallucinatory series of panels, a la Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, as the tale drags on. Then we’d at least have the visual hook of a giant lizard Mary slurring her tale to a slowly melting Toby to take our minds off the tale of her mom falling asleep on the couch one evening.
essteess
March 12th, 2008 at 9:41 am [Reply]

Hey, I will brook no ill remarks about Tobey! You’re talking about the fictional character at the center of my naughty obsessions.
Rainbird
March 12th, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

Oh Josh,

I just closed out the last thread. Unlike Uncle Lumpy, who kept posting at 1 a.m. easter, you post any old time, which keeps us on our toes. Welcome back.
Rainbird
March 12th, 2008 at 9:43 am [Reply]

I mean Easter Time. (me last thread)

And as for flash back, do we really want a flashback of Mary being on her own as a child.

She probably was sporting platitudes even then, which was why she was on her own.
Meanwhile
March 12th, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

I have a feeling Mary Worth will soon become a staple of eighth-grade English classes everywhere. What other literary work gives you two full weeks of foreshadowing to lead up to another two weeks of flashbacks?
Nate
March 12th, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

I’m just crossing my fingers that when Mary says her mother had to “Look For Work” that it meant, of course, that every day Mary came home from the mines (you know she didn’t go to school) to find her mother passed out with an opium pipe in her mouth, several strangers of various genders strewn, stoned, around their shack on the bayou, dimes shoved into her mother’s various orifices.
Rainbird
March 12th, 2008 at 9:46 am [Reply]

Eastern Time.

Dang Pacific Daylight time.

At least Mary looks better than she did in Apple Mary, although they say that she isn’t that woman, and had nothing to do with the strip.

Perhaps that is her deeper problem.
indrifan
March 12th, 2008 at 9:48 am [Reply]

Mary is taking the “I Dream of Jeannie” pose in panel 2 – she is so unhappy about her father that she is going to use her awesome powers to meddle with the past!
Or maybe she already has, and her compulsion is the result of meddling with her own father – she is doomed to eternally attempt (and fail) to fix the paradox she has caused.

A3G Doesn’t Alan know the trick of chopping up his voice and pretending it’s a bad connection?
en_dash
March 12th, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

Do you suppose Mary’s “fending for herself” consisted of carrying home scraps of carrion from the gutters in her jaws?
teenchy
March 12th, 2008 at 9:53 am [Reply]

Yesterthread and Connie Duncan’s flapping boobies: Surely I can’t have been the only one to have seen it as a shout out to Calvin & Hobbes?

Walt: “Either she’s playing classical music at 78 rpm, or I’m still dreaming.”

Jeremy: “Are you sure you didn’t get me from an orphanage?”
Gabacho
March 12th, 2008 at 9:53 am [Reply]

Mary Worth – I for one don’t want to see an MW flashback. I worry that she won’t look like Margaret from DtM and will not have married Jay North (jus one letter away from Worth) disastrously before she accepted Leo Buscaglia as her personal savior and became what she is today.

Sally Forth – I know Ted’s not an exciting character, but this is as boring as it gets. And a little creepy with his young playmates. Is it going on much longer?
Nil Zed
March 12th, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]

oh
the new thread is MW and Pluggers. That’s depressing.
Kurdt
March 12th, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]

MW: …”And left me to fend for myself. That’s when I started killing hobos with a ball peen hammer.”

Of course Pluggers don’t hunt. Walking in the woods is EXERCISE.
Albatross
March 12th, 2008 at 9:59 am [Reply]

FBOFW: Why do I read this? And don’t say “it feels so good when I stop” because the pain lingers, like getting road rash on a salt-covered highway.

Today the emasculated, moustache-less Granthony wants to talk about marriage. Is that what the Young Kids do these days? Does everyone TALK about marriage instead of proposing? Am I the last person on Earth who went down on one knee and surprised my girlfriend with a ring?

We got married only nineteen years ago, so it remains to be seen if our marriage will survive its reckless beginning. Meanwhile it will be ANOTHER nineteen years before Granthony and Lizardbreath finally tie the knot…
PattyCake
March 12th, 2008 at 10:00 am [Reply]

Pluggers: Them dogs don’t hunt.
Hank
March 12th, 2008 at 10:02 am [Reply]

RE 9CL: A Heimlich involves standing behind the person and applying pressure. Therefore, how could Amos have sneezed quarters down Isabel’s dress? Did the quarters arc up and backwards through the air, or do her breasts jiggle and move in ways that not even Jeremy’s mom could accomplish?

RE: Mark Trail Lyndon Johnson lives…to edit a nature magazine.

RE: RMMD. Property values must be pretty depressed in Rex’s town if Nikki’s mom can buy a house for $20,000.00.
Wonder Boy
March 12th, 2008 at 10:02 am [Reply]

For some reason, I hope Mary’s flashback will run something along the lines of, “A long time ago, I was in the woods fending for myself when I met this wonderful naturalist. We lived in a cabin out in nature, where the local fauna (freakishly oversized at times) would happily play outside our humble home. Things were great until one day I thought I could tell him better how to help fertilize a platypus. He took exception, we argued and our idyllic life unfortunately ended with his right cross connecting to my jaw …”
Krazy Kat
March 12th, 2008 at 10:03 am [Reply]

MW-If you check out Dean Booth’s latest Reimagining at http://www.yo-god.com/comics/comics.htm?437
I think you’ll have a pretty good idea of where Mary is heading with this flashback.
Shoshi
March 12th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

18
>I thought I could tell him better how to help fertilize a platypus.

Better? You mean he was already using some method for “helping” to fertilize a platypus? The mind boggles.
Laura c
March 12th, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

My father had a great aunt or possibly a great-great aunt in Iowa who was quoted as saying (possibly in the 1920s, when my grandfather went to live in Chicago) : “There’s them in the city that uses sleeptime fer playtime.”
Today’s Mark Trail made me think of that.
Spike
March 12th, 2008 at 10:13 am [Reply]

MW: Start the @#$%^&* flashback, already!!!

FW: Batiuk must be a proud graduate of the Moy/Giella School of Cartooning

Cranky: Why isn’t Ed there for Rose, dispensing his bromides?
Darkefang
March 12th, 2008 at 10:14 am [Reply]

A3G: You don’t need to shop for art supplies, Alan. I have plenty of rusty spoons at my apartment.

Archie: I’ve noticed that whenever there’s a TV set in Archie, whatever program is on is invariably much more interesting-looking than whatever Archie is doing.

BB: Sarge’s rage in todays’ Beetle Bailey comes from a deep-seeded jealous concern that Beetle sees Miss Buxley as more than just a beard.

GT: Shakiest… high five… ever!

MT: No thanks! If I had to see you more than once a decade, I’d feel the need to punch you in your dumb glasses.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 12th, 2008 at 10:14 am [Reply]

3/12

Pluggers: Blue collar posers? So Larry the Cable Guy does qualify.

MW: I’m still holding out the hope that we’ll see Li’l Mary extracting the fillings from dead hoboes.

9CL: They’re jingling baby, go ‘head baby.

OBH: Only a few of the escorts were willing to discuss Senator James’ proclivities. Runor has it that his rubber fetish extends at least into late childhood.

FW: Omigod, the ball just knocked over an old lady who was walking on ice!

H&L: Once again, Trixie outmenaces Dennis.

DtM: Scratch that, overcooked rice outmenaces Dennis.

FC: Jeffy doesn’t get it. You’re too hip for the room, Dolly.

DT: “What’s that? The SWAT team won’t be available for three weeks? Trust me, we can wait.”

Archie: “Cut it out, Jughead. I can’t concentrate with you presenting like that.”

GA: So Lantern Jawed City Slicker Fiance is a sleepwalker? Okay, the plot is taking a satisfyingly loopy turn. But a slightly better punchline would be, “Oh, in my family we’ve always been Presbyterians.”

SSmith: Haw-haw, Ah’m yer cousin! When does th’orgy start?

Shoe: No, the soft spot is quite a bit lower than that. Which is why Senator Belfry is the latest pol to endorse viagra.

Marvin: The jokes for the past couple of days have been as lame as you might expect, but Marvin has been dead silent. Thank heavens for small mercies.

Garfield: Jon actually put on a pith helmet for this labored sight gag. Guess he and Liz must have broken up.

MT: Bill Cokebottle actually seems to be shouting “Jack Elrod” at the end of his last sentence. I guess it’s his personal catchprhase.

Phantom: He was just congratulating you on cracking that Fourth Wall case, Jimmy Durante.
man behind the curtain
March 12th, 2008 at 10:16 am [Reply]

RMMD — Wait until June finds out that Sara will be lucky if she can go to community college because Rex is anonymously paying for Niki’s college tuition. Why is Rex buying Niki’s silence?

FBOW — So Liz and Granthony will be settling for a mundane life of boredom and and complacency. The comics are entertainment which I read for escapism. If I want “real life” I don’t need the comics, I have real life for that.
Little A. of The Bronx Jungle Partrol
March 12th, 2008 at 10:18 am [Reply]

FOOB: if those two creeps are going to kiss in the car at the end of this week it will undoubtedly be one of the MOST NAUSEATING comic frames ever drawn. Even more nauseasting than the recent frame of Lizardbreath with chocolate cake or whatever it was smeared all over her face.

I think Lynn needs some fresh air.

Personally, I would rather read about the adventures of Mrs. Dingle (there was a great character!) or Weed (another great character). Where are they now?
Darkefang
March 12th, 2008 at 10:19 am [Reply]

#23

Whoops, “art supplies” should be in parentheses.
Calico
March 12th, 2008 at 10:24 am [Reply]

Yes, Connie’s Titz were a little unnerving yesterday, but look at it this way: at least it wasn’t Elly Patterson shaking her booty, with Michael watching.

So Mary Worth was part of the Great Potato Famine, and she had to forage for seeds and berries as a child, before she sailed to America on a squalor ship.

RM – No. no, no, Rex. Start with a little investing, a Money Market, a nice dinner out at The Bum Boat, definitely get new haircuts, and then go house-hunting. I’d also spring for a new Orvis rod.
Revenge of Chesnut
March 12th, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

I’m sure this was covered many weeks ago, when this particular Mary Worth “storyline” began, but were they not just at a pool party? God knows we don’t want to see Mary in anything more revealing than what she’s got on, but Tobey? Isn’t her whole purpose in life/this strip to be eye candy? You’re KILLING ME with that turtleneck sweater, toots.
Foobaphobe
March 12th, 2008 at 10:28 am [Reply]

FOOB: Anthony, like death, is inevitable. Ted Forth could knock him down with one tiny finger and hardly even whimper.
Calico
March 12th, 2008 at 10:30 am [Reply]

#26 – All the interesting folks have been bumped off Lynn’s page, in favor of this endless nauseating crap about “should we get married or not?”
This is worse than Mary’s 90 years of leading up to how she was left on her own so therefore now she has a compulsion to try to bail everyone else out psychologically.
Sen. Lucius Bedfellow
March 12th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

Based on the sodium and nitrates in most cold cuts, I assume pluggers are hunting their circulatory systems?
Brick Bradford
March 12th, 2008 at 10:36 am [Reply]

Why do I have this horrible feeling that FOOB is headed for a heart shaped panel, with Lizanthony sucking face in the middle, before this very week is out?

-shudder!-
DAS
March 12th, 2008 at 10:41 am [Reply]

Am I the last person on Earth who went down on one knee and surprised my girlfriend with a ring? – Albatross

I didn’t go down on one knee, but I did surprise my girlfriend with a ring. And was she surprised!

Which suprised me, because she’d been hinting at engagement for a while. And I was trying to hide the ring, but I was particularly clumsy about it.

And yet, she was clueless when the time came?

She was so excited she didn’t even say yes … she just started saying who she was going to call and in what order … I had to ask her again “so this means ‘yes’?”
Calico
March 12th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

#34 – That’s really sweet! : )

A friend of mine got down on his knee to propose to his gf at their favorite restaurant in 2001 – they got a round of applause, free drinks, etc. Nice. When they called to tell me they were getting married I actually cried.

I will also cry when Bunthony gives Liz the ring, but out of sheer pain, not happiness.
Death to the FOOBS!
March 12th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Speaking of “getting on with it….” Is Warren preparing to strafe the lovers from his helicopter? A Hellfire missile should do nicely for those awful creeps.

Unfortunately, Lynn’s patented “Glamour-Vision” is being activated so we can all agree what a beautiful glow Lizard gives off as marriage (or the threat of it) comes closer.

End already!
Smokehouse
March 12th, 2008 at 10:49 am [Reply]

Just like the owning of pets, purchasing meat becomes very disturbing in a world of anthropomorphic animals.
A New Day
March 12th, 2008 at 10:52 am [Reply]

I’d really like to think that Mary’s sad, sad story is era specific, i.e., that when Mary was young it was actually a huge comedown for a woman on her own to find work and raise a daughter. I’d like to think that this is a cautionary tale: by whining about her part time job until she forced her mother to remarry solely in order to “improve their circumstances,” Mary doomed both her mother and herself to a life that, while affluent on the surface, was ultimately so shallow that her mother daily popped Valium (or other drug of mysterious era here). I’d like to think that Mary deeply regrets pimping her mother out just so that she could afford the first of a lifetime supply of horrifying sweater sets and nauseating neckerchiefs.
Rainbird
March 12th, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

36 Bob Weber Jr

Thanks for the link. I guess we don’t have to turn our head upside down anymore to read your answers.

I’ve been hoping for something to enlarge the comics.
Kate
March 12th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

Bob Weber Jr., I cannot read the answers in Slylock Fox without taking off my glasses, closing one eye, and placing the tip of my nose on the newsprint. I’m afraid to click your link because I’m afraid that the promise of enlargement* will be a big big lie, and I will lean over and put the tip of my nose on my computer monitor, and my boss will walk in.

*(”enLARGE yr MALE AGGREGATE NOW! octopus bysybody”)
commodorejohn
March 12th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

Okay, the Christian Singles Girl now has a banner at the top of the page with a stamp proclaiming CERTIFIED CHRISTIAN like she’s 100% USDA beef or something. How do they certify that, exactly? Do they have access to God’s membership list or something?

Anyway, this is my first post in K-Meleon, a lightweight Firefox spinoff. Liking it so far, but there’s a few things I’ve got to look into customizing; it’s a pain in the ass having to switch back to my Chron tab every time I open a new comic.

9CL – So…er…why did she not remove them?

Crankshaft – And given that she’s obviously sustained no injury from her spill, I’d say she’s damn right and her nosy, pushy child had better butt the fuck out. Old age has enough problems without people suddenly deciding that they can tell you what to do.

DT – “Lt. Teevo, get me a warrant and a backup SWAT team. And record House for me while you’re at it.”

Dilbert – You know, this isn’t the funniest Dilbert storyline ever, but I do look forward to the upcoming furor from the evangelical demographic.

FOOB – What, they haven’t even talked about it? After how many months of dating? That’s improbable enough in a real-world setting, but in Foobland, where the entire purpose for dating is to get married and begin popping out Patterspawn, it simply beggars belief. Also, he couldn’t survive another divorce! It was bad enough when one woman told him he was pushy, manipulative, self-centered, and emotionally unfaithful, but if two women did it, that might mean *gasp* *shock* *faint* there was something wrong with HIM!

FW – But, this being Winkerworld, she failed miserably and was never happy again.

GA – YEARGH SHE’S AN ALIEN

GT – It was the Full House where Danny and Jesse chaperone a class trip to the museum; his very favorite episode!

JP – I know! They’re employing Shoggoths to do the heavy labor! They simply summon one from God-knows-where, and then dismiss it when they’re done! After giving it a “special” brownie as a reward, of course.

MW – So tell me, Mary, was this before or after the Great Race of Yith built the lost city of Pnakotus?

RMMD – Gah! Her eyes are melting! You’re a doctor, Rex, do something!

Ziggy – What I find deeply disturbing about today’s Ziggy is that, instead of a normal store shelf, he’s apparently standing in front of one of those Plexiglass multi-cage shelves at PetSmart (in itself a highly disturbing place.) Has he bought, in that box, a small animal he plans to devour live? The mind boggles.
BigTed
March 12th, 2008 at 11:11 am [Reply]

In today’s strip, “Plugger” refers to the huge amount of meat stopping up that guy’s colon. (I know you’re a dog, dude, but even Alpo has fiber!)
Shoshi
March 12th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

37–So THAT’s how she will accomplish my dream ending to wrap up the strip! I have been imagining that while all the main characters are gathered at Liz and Anthony’s wedding, some disaster occurs (e.g., terrorist attack on the church, or building collapse at the reception). But your idea is perfect, as it makes Warren’s sudden appearance relevant to the plot..
commodorejohn
March 12th, 2008 at 11:18 am [Reply]

#37 Death To The FOOBS! – Oh, if only. Too bad there aren’t any hack tools out there for Comanche: Maximum Overkill.
kingklash
March 12th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

Mary’s telling of her origins better end with something like, “…and because I’m not allowed in Chichen Itza, Tunguska, and the Azores, I need to meddle in the affairs of ordinary mortals,” or I am going to be extremely put off the strips for some time to come.
kingklash
March 12th, 2008 at 11:34 am [Reply]

#45 commodorejohn:

I’m 1/4 Comanche, I can get some relatives to do some “special work” for ya cheap. wink-wink, nudge-nudge.
migellito
March 12th, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

zits yesterday – The Call of Cthuboobs! I can’t believe how utterly enthused I am at seeing Josh mention Lovecraft..

crankshaft yesterday – Haha! She fell down and I laughed! Because.. well.. I hate her.

Family Circus – mmmm.. olive green ice cream! I wonder if it’s green olive flavoured? Maybe split pea.
gh
March 12th, 2008 at 11:37 am [Reply]

#5 Rainbird –

She probably was sporting platitudes even then, which was why she was on her own.

Yes, I was just daydreaming along the same lines:

Young Mary: Papa, I know you think you’re in a dead-end job, but if you’d just stop slouching. Up and coming clerk typists need to present an air of confidence and certitude.

Daddy Worth: : Uh, look. I’m going out for some cigarettes. I’ll be back . . . later.

Young Mary: Wait, daddy! Take me with you! Smoking is harmful and I’m sure I can talk you out of it!

Door: *slam*

Mommy Worth: *sigh* I guess this forces me to try to look for work. You stay here, Mary.

Young Mary: But . . . but . . .

Mommy Worth: Now, Mary. You know you always say “You can’t get what you deserve without trying.” And if there’s one thing you’ve always been, it’s trying.

Door: *slam*

Young Mary: *dial dial* Hello, Child Protective Services? I’ve been on hold for this many minutes (holds up two fingers). I bet if you just arranged for people to take lunch on alternating schedules you could –

Phone: *click*

Young Mary: Hello? Hello?

House: *creak*

Young Mary: I’m hungry. I wish Mommy was here to make me some tuna casserole. That always cheers me up.
Hacky
March 12th, 2008 at 11:38 am [Reply]

Here’s today’s “alternate” Crankshaft strip…
Mibbitmaker
March 12th, 2008 at 11:42 am [Reply]

FC: Uh-oh, now Ed Crankshaft is writing Dolly’s material.

Monty: The lead character in this strip can stay the same (unlike changing from Robotman), but the title needs to change — to “George Costanza”.

#9 (indrifan): Re MW: If Mary’s going to pose like “Jeannie”, she needs to be watched like a hawk by Dr. Bellows. “What? You say you were stalked… by a man who looked like … Cap-tain Kangaroo? …And you presured him… with your friends… and he got drunk and drove off a cliff? A… cliff in the middle… of a road?? You… stay right there, Mary… I’m going to get General Peterson. (under his breath as he departs) She’s worse than Captain Nowak!…”

(I just realized that I mixed Jeannie up with Maj. Nelson in the analogy. Oh, well)
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 12th, 2008 at 11:44 am [Reply]

Pluggers can’t afford four pounds of meat at the deli counter, the whole premise is absurd. Pluggers, when they get meat at all, get it in the form of discarded hot dog halves pulled out of the bin, with the mold mostly wiped off.

Wrap that up in some whimsical folksy claptrap and illustrate it, dude.
Thank You for Taking My Call
March 12th, 2008 at 11:44 am [Reply]

MT: C’mon down to “The City” where “Woods and Wildlife” magazine is published. OK, I’ll grant you that MOST magazines are produced in a city, but maybe Publisher McThickglasses should get OUT of the city once in a while. I’m just sayin’ …
smacky
March 12th, 2008 at 11:45 am [Reply]

# 1: Meatwork, if it turns out Mary is confessing to really being Mark Worth and hiding a bulge under those sensible slacks… that would explain SO much about the dynamics of her relationship with Dr. Cory.
Little A. of The Bronx Jungle Partrol
March 12th, 2008 at 11:47 am [Reply]

FOOB: Mrs. Dingle would have hit Anthony over the head with a broom and chased him down the road. There’s a woman who don’t take no shit from nobody (as the saying goes here in The Bronx, you should pardon the vernacular).

Apropos of nothing as usual, I have been watching some Little Rascals shorts, and my favorite character, Stymie, who says to Jackie Cooper, when Jackie learns that Miss Crabtree is coming to live with them, and that he will probably have to wash his face every day, and even his feet: Uh uh, brothe’! I don’t wash my feet for no-body!!!

That has nothing to do with FOOB, or anything else recently discussed here, but I just felt like sharing it, and recommend that everybody purchase copies of the pre-Alfalfa Little Rascals shorts, and enjoy some great funny stuff.

Don’t call me Norman, call me Flubbsy-Ubbsy!
Trilobite
March 12th, 2008 at 11:48 am [Reply]

We may not get a Mary Worth flashback, but we are at least getting to see her “sullen child” impersonation: her arms crossed, her head slouched down in whiny defiance, her mouth twisted like she’s halfway between a scowl and a sob.

The problem is, I’m not convinced that Mary’s childhood was really all that tough. Oh no, her mom had to work, like a commoner! There was no small army of nannies to coddle young Mary and buy her crystal swans and scarves the color of Pepto-Bismol? She had to learn her bloated, smug sense of entitlement later on rather than having it instilled in her from birth? Oh, the horror!

Seriously, I think her life today is more depressing than her childhood could have ever been: living alone in her apartment that smells of stale casserole and despair, loathing all of humanity, maintaining a phony and completely joyless “relationship” with Dr. Jeff, having to hang out with Toby and Ian, unable to commit to even having a pet…I’m just saying, no one would blame Mary if she started taking nips off of the cooking sherry at 6:30 in the morning.
El Santo
March 12th, 2008 at 11:48 am [Reply]

Bah. I’ve lost all faith in the hunting skills of Pluggers the day we found out the “Hogzilla” photo was just a trick of perspective.
rhymes with puck
March 12th, 2008 at 11:49 am [Reply]

I think you are overestimating Tobey’s boredom listening to Mary drone on. This is a woman who is married to Chinbeard, after all. Dealing with monumental boredom is a cherished aspect of her life. In fact, I’d hazard to guess that this is the most exciting story she’s heard in a long time.
Uncle Lumpy
March 12th, 2008 at 11:50 am [Reply]

For Better or For Worse — In a car, of course! Anthony’s romantic vocabulary, like John’s, is exclusively automotive. Let’s take a look, er, down the road:

3/14/08 — “Isn’t she a beauty?!”
10/15/10 — “Don’t get me wrong, honey; this one’s working fine — but I’d really like to try out the new Crevasse®. C’mon — it’ll be fun!”
2/23/12 — “Why the %&@^* won’t this ©§*«Þ pig turn over?!
AhClem
March 12th, 2008 at 11:52 am [Reply]

FOOB – Yes, the oncoming train wreck will be as nauseating and disgusting as we all fear. However, that’s nothing compared to the collective swoon that will eminate from the Coffee Stalk blog — a glurge storm big enough to give the entire internet a severe case of diabetes.

And in the real (i.e. non-Patterfoob) world, if Blanthony was discussing a possible marriage with his girlfriend in the context of an inevitable divorce, he’d wake up 3 days later in the hospital with a concussion, a wired jaw and extreme damage to his reproductive organs.
BenG
March 12th, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

FOOB: That has got to be the worst lead in to a proposal I’ve ever heard.
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
March 12th, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

42 — commodorejohn — re Dilbert — I’m in that evangelical demographic, but I think this is damn funny. This is the best work Scott Adams has done in several years, IMHO.

But I too am looking forward to a couple of elders at my church (who are HP retirees, BTW) self-destruct over this.
cheech wizard
March 12th, 2008 at 11:58 am [Reply]

FW – From their expressions, that group in the last panel doesn’t look so much like athletes as they do Odysseus’ men waiting to see who the Cyclops will grab and devour next. Obviously, they’ve suddenly noticed Tom Batuik looming over the drawing board above them, pen in hand.
Uncle Lumpy
March 12th, 2008 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

#42 cj, #62 Al –

Do you think Adams has the stones to follow Hay-SOOS through Holy Week and Easter? ‘Cause a Crucifixion/Resurrection parody would break new ground for sure.
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
March 12th, 2008 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

#64 — UL — Naw… it’ll probably end this on Saturday with the resurrection. He’s right on schedule to have the Gethsemane scene tomorrow (though I wonder if it will be Catbert or PHB who gets his ear chopped off.)
AirForbes
March 12th, 2008 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

That’s it? Mary’s great hardship was that she was the child of a single parent? Look how bitter she looks in that second panel. You’d think her Mom sent her west on an orphan train.
Patrick
March 12th, 2008 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

39 I think the drug you are looking for is laudanum. Most excellent for those seeking to acquire dissipated habits.

Sally Forth: Is it just me or is the wet behind the ears dweeb Ted works with really just his younger self dimly conversing with his 40 year old self? Damn right, “only” 40. 40 has been in my rear view mirror for some time now.

A3GAs an artist myself, I hate stereotypes about artists, but I have to say that I know a few like Alan. Stop giving the rest of us a bad name!

FOOBForget what I said in the last thread about Blandthony being sensible. I shouldn’t have skimmed over the comic so quickly. This is more manipulation by pretending to be concerned about getting hurt again.

I have women friends that I am very comfortable with and who are very comfortable with me but if being comfortable was the main criteria for marrying we’d all laugh ourselves out of the room because we know it’s going to take a lot more than that for a marriage to work…

As for surviving another divorce, why don’t you try getting through your first one before reaching such a conclusion? I survived a divorce and a betrayal from a girlfriend that made the divorce a cakewalk in comparison. But I survived both of them and I’m hopefully a better person for it. There can be no great joy without being willing to risk great pain. Otherwise, you’re probably not living and Captain Kirk will have to have a chat with the computer that’s running your numb life and talk it into self destructing.

Speaking of risk. Risk is our business. Just so you know.

How much more boring can a strip be if all the characters risked nothing and hid behind their safe boring lives? With FOOB, we’re about to find out. Hang on! Well, actually you don’t have to hang on, better stay close to the porcelain god in case you have to offer sacrifice in the form of projectile vomit. On second thought, maybe you do need to hang on.

Now I feel poisoned by the cynicism that wells up every time I make the mistake to read “the funny pages”. :-(
shMerker
March 12th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

I’m pretty sure pluggers hunt at a butcher shop because it’s better not knowing where your meat comes from when it could be someone you know.
commodorejohn
March 12th, 2008 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

#62 Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol – I also am of the Christian persuasion and find it funny, but you just know there’s going to be some letters to the editor about this :)
StrangeRover
March 12th, 2008 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: Josh, I think you mean “as quickly as human-animal hybridly possible”, yes?
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
March 12th, 2008 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: Something about her expression in panel 2 reminds me of Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes, when he has his arms crossed and that annoyed expression on his face when he’s whining to Hobbes about something being unfair. I love it.

Baldo: 1) Baldo is racist! 2) Baldo is planning on becoming a pedophile by year 2020!
GROAN..
March 12th, 2008 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: DEFinitely posing…the deli counter? I think not; more like 99-cent generic olive loaf, or 4-for-$5.00 packs of veal patties, with some jumbo cans of Dinty Moore. Them high-falutin’ city folks, with their sissified deli-counter ways! They shouldn’a oughta have the right to parade around, flauntin’ their big money and fancy talk ’bout “red boar” this and “a pound of” that! Reminds me of when cousin Eli got on that there Jerry Springer show, there weren’t no talkin’ to him after that; he started drinkin’ them expensive bottled beers and all, even got himself a brand-new radar detector! It just ain’t right…
Poteet
March 12th, 2008 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

PLUGGERS — I was going to say that I think I’ve seen some Pluggers hunting in my area, but then I remembered that Pluggers have large animal heads and bodies. If I ever see anyone like that out hunting, it’ll definitely be time to lay off the late-night chocolate binges.

Foob — The ghastly hackneyed moments loom ahead like the chainsaw-wielding mask-wearers in a Halloween haunted house. Elly finds out about the engagement! John finds out! Michael finds out! Apwil finds out! Gwampa finds out! Iris finds out! The dogs find out! Lynn is single-handedly going to boost North American liquor consumption over the next several weeks.
4EvahFan
March 12th, 2008 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Oh Anthony. You’re so comfortable. Like an old sock. Or an old pair of pajamas that Grandpa Chinnuts would wear. Oooh, that makes me all warm inside. You don’t turn me on at all…you’re boring and unattractive…but you’re comfortable. We should marry and fall into boring comfort for the rest of our lives. Like my parents. Perfect!

And take your stupid hair down!!!!!
Gordon
March 12th, 2008 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

I know we will find out that Mary worked as a SEVEN DIAMOND GIRL in her youth!!
Joe Blevins
March 12th, 2008 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

Please tell me that when Mary Worth was a little girl, she still had white hair and forehead wrinkles and wore pant suits and neck scarves. A 5-year-old Mary Worth giving unwanted advice to her fellow kindergarteners (”Don’t eat paste,” “Color within the lines,” etc.) would be the funniest, most adorable thing ever.
man behind the curtain
March 12th, 2008 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

MW — Mary will probably tell us that although having only one parent was rough it wasn’t as bad as her best friend Annie who lost both parents and wound up in an orphanage.
Krazy Kat
March 12th, 2008 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

OK-I don’t usually shil for COTW but I want to nominate man behind the curtain for his “The comics are entertainment which I read for escapism. If I want “real life” I don’t need the comics, I have real life for that.” comment, above.
Pozzo
March 12th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

I would keep today’s plugger caption and replace the panel with a drawing of Dogman face-down on the bar next to a bottle of Wild Turkey.
Shermy Glamrocker
March 12th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

Is it my imagination or is Toeby looking especially hot in today’s strip?
StrangeRover
March 12th, 2008 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

BC: Hart is no longer phoning in from the grave – today’s BC is actually FUNNY! (WTF?)
Jen
March 12th, 2008 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

Lately the most horrifying thing about Anthony is is dumb-ass “decorating”…nice grouped ocean themed sofa art, a-hole. Where have you stashed the Levitz Cluster Glove Lamps? Are these things the vesitages of Thesrese, or are they his own thing? Just so lame. What guy in his twenties would put shit like that on the wall? Just take Lizard to Vegas and spare us the pure Hell of yet another dumb Foob Wedding!!!!! (And yet, I cannot stop reading……what is WRONG with me?!?!?)
Perky Bird
March 12th, 2008 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

Zits: I keep thinking back to yesterday’s boobapalooza, and folks wondering how her jumblies could wiggle so, while the rest of her appeared stationary.

After an evening of thought devoted to this, I have come to a conclusion. Those were not Connie’s lady parts that were a-jigglin’. As part of the zumba dance ritual, she placed four small white mice down her leotard and struck an ecstatic pose. The wiggling we see are the wee beasties (not wee breasties) scampering about ‘neath the spandex.
Jen
March 12th, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

Sorry, ‘Globe’ lamp, not ‘Glove’….
Rainbird
March 12th, 2008 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

gh #49

I like you ideas.

Although, I was thinking of even worse things she would say, such as talking that way to her dog, or teddy bear, or rock on the road, or kids at school, while and after she gets beaten up for being strange.
Rainbird
March 12th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

man behind the curtain

I think Little Orphan Annie would have traded platitudes with mary, sure, but then she too would have told her to quit whining and pull herself up by her boot straps, and life wasn’t that bad, etc.
Rainbird
March 12th, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

Or perhaps, Mary was Little Orphan Annie.

It would explain a lot.

No it wouldn’t.

“And then when Daddy Warbucks left me, and then Sandy, I had to rely on myself.
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
March 12th, 2008 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

69 — CJ — It actually took me 10 minutes to find any commentary at all on this week’s Dilbert series — a ridiculously long time, IMO, considering the comic’s availability and the volitility of the subject matter.

http://blog.news-record.com/staff/jrblog/2008/03/a_reader_thinks.shtml
Perky Bird
March 12th, 2008 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth:

Voice-Over Announcer: In today’s Mary Worth, we’ve secretly replaced Toby with this mannequin from the J.C. Pennny’s Casual Sportswear department. Let’s see if Mary will ever notice!
Gattamelata
March 12th, 2008 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

Wow, the Mary Worth art team has never been as “successful” as I’ve seen it in this strip. Mary looks like a seething cauldron of bitterness, spite and rage in panel two. So clear is this image that I have no doubt the first panel in tomorrow’s strip will show Mary crouched over and rubbing her hands while saying “But mom and dad paid for their lackadaisical parenting and unabashed selfishness! Oh, how they paid!”

Notice also that Tobey has wisely removed her hand from Mary’s arm. Who would willingly touch a creature made entirely of spite?

“Wait a minute, pluggers don’t actually go hunting?” Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, no. No, Josh, in the cold Plugger calculus, hunting would burn far too many calories compared to just driving to the butcher shop. Pulling a trigger alone burns up to seven calories, and that’s not even considering the fact that Pluggers’ eyesight is so occluded with cataracts and despair that they need to take multiple shots to have any hope of hitting an actual animal. Uh, game animal. That is, the quadrupedal kind that don’t wear clothes and can’t talk and… oh, hell, who knows? Maybe a Plugger would cheerfully eat one of his anthropomorphic fellows.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 12th, 2008 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

Dilbert is trying so hard, you know, and yet PBS comes and does a far, far funnier Jesus joke that had me laughing all morning today.
Pepperoni Détournées (formerly Herro!)
March 12th, 2008 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

Oh my god, Mary Worth’s mother WORKED? I didn’t think women were ALLOWED to work in 1568! Please, poor baby…”fend for yourself”? Is that a joke? Presumably she was working for money to pay for food, shelter, housing, etc. Please don’t insult the other latchkey kids out there who managed to grow up without assuming a holier-than-thou meddlesome attitude.

FOOB: Let’s take it slow….and talk about marriage!
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
March 12th, 2008 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

Mr. O’Malley from yesterthread: we had a bootleg copy of Allegro non Troppo for years, and we do have a real VHS copy. So, yeah, we know about it and actually saw it in the theater when it was first released!

The Valtz Triste (sic) is so…sad! The little old satyr is so sweet! And we use a lot of the catch-phrases from it, even if they are in Italian, or mangled English (”Finale! Finale!” and “Prisney? Who is this Prisney?”)
commodorejohn
March 12th, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

#71 Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^) – Actually, I wouldn’t classify it as “racist” to have racial preferences in choosing a partner; that’s just diff’rent strokes and all that. He is limiting his options pretty severely, though, and being more than a little delusional. I mean, it’s not like Latinas are especially hard to come by, but I suppose it’s easier to blame statistics than confront the possibility that you might just be a loser.
Gregoire
March 12th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

Yester-Zits — Can we get the Christian Singles chick to do some Zumba?
gh
March 12th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

#88 Al –

Well, I just posted a comment over there, for what it’s worth.
Calico
March 12th, 2008 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

#43 – My partner calls pre-fabricated hamburger patties “Meat Plugs.” She knows nothing of the cartoon in question.
Needless to say, I form all my own burgers by hand now.
If anyone really wants or needs to become a vegetarian, just read Pluggers, or FOOB for that matter.
Paperback Rifler
March 12th, 2008 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

I only have a couple of minor comic-related quibbles rather than full-blown snark today:

Edge City: In panel three, I think that Len’s mother, instead of saying that the prisoners would be a great audience, should have said that they would be a captive audience. Honestly, when the jokes practically write themselves, you should just let them.

Dilbert: Speaking of jokes that practically write themselves, I think that the CEO in the third panel should have ranted about a Pilate light. Scott Adams must have decided that he was just going to wash his hands of that one.

And speaking of matters mildly blasphemous, I submit the following for your ignoring pleasure. Apologies to The Beatles, to fans of “The Ballad of John and Yoko” by The Beatles, to everyone who prefers verse that scans well, and to everybody everywhere:

1. I was born and raised in Milborough.
My first love was boring and drab.
And though it’s been years, my folks and my peers
Scream, “Anthony is totally fab!”

Christ! You know it ain’t easy
To be a beauty like me.
Though all men adore me,
I’ll settle for Anthony.

2. Got another boyfriend in college,
But his cheating ways made me chafe.
The moral I learned: “Don’t risk getting burned;
“Though Anthony is boring, he’s safe!”

Christ! You know it ain’t easy
To be a beauty like me.
Though all men adore me,
I’ll settle for Anthony.

3. Got a job up in Mtigwaki
Teaching all the kids of the Cree.
And though I enthralled police mountie Paul,
He wouldn’t change his life to suit me.

Christ! You know it ain’t easy
To be a beauty like me.
Though all men adore me,
I’ll settle for Anthony.

(Bridge)
Though he wed and had a kid, he whined for me,
Mooning over me so openly.
The night I escaped
Nearly getting raped,
He sobbed, “Wait for me; I don’t have no hooooome!”
Think?

4. Got a late night visit from Warren,
He had quit his job just for me.
I said, “It’s too late; you can’t be my mate;
“You have too much personality.”

Christ! You know it ain’t easy
To be a beauty like me.
Though all men adore me,
I’ll settle for Anthony.

5. Now I have to look to the future
And my inescapable fate.
It’s all his plan — this horrible man —
That I will be his big-bottomed mate —

Christ! You know it ain’t easy
To be a beauty like me.
Though all men adore me,
I’ll settle for Anthony.
Elmo Sweeney
March 12th, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

Dude in front of me at the store yesterday was buying a dozen chickens, a giant tube of hamburger, ten pounds of breakfast sausage, two giant tubs of Parkay, and two large loaves of cheap bread. Somebody work that into a Plugger cartoon; I’m still too depressed.
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
March 12th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

#94 commodirejohn – I understand, I meant it more as a snark than a serious accusation. But still, if I was allegedly so hard up for someone to date, I would prefer to date other races than to wait 12 years until I’m 30 and start dating teenagers. I mean, it IS sort of creepy, don’t you think? Unless it’s sort of a meta moment where he knows he’s a cartoon that never ages.
Calico
March 12th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

#48 – FC – Or Absinthe, we can only hope.
The Ghost of Jarrod
March 12th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

FOOB: For God’s sake, down take it slow! I can’t take another four years of this!
WonderCat
March 12th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

OK, I don’t care how old you are — if you think that discussing one’s previous divorce is a good way to lead into proposing marriage there is something seriously wrong with you. Do you hear me, Lynn?!?! There is something seriously. Wrong. With. You. And how much longer are they going to blather on about “taking it slow?” Every other strip lately that has Liz in it involves her telling somebody that she and Anthony are taking things slowly. They’re not going to rush into anything. No, no, not them. They’re taking it slooooooooow. Does this mean that once he finally, FINALLY manages to stutter out a proposal we can look forward to a nice, long, slow engagement? “We don’t want to rush into anything. We were thinking to wait until Francie moves out of the house so as not to traumatize her.”

15, 34, and other proposal-related posts — As recently as a little over six years ago Mr. WonderCat got down on one knee… in skis, no less… on a secluded Vermont trail in a gentle snow flurry and completely surprised me with a custom-designed diamond and sapphire ring. While I don’t remember his exact words, I’m pretty sure that “slow” and “divorce” weren’t among them.

At this rate, we’re heading for Friday’s strip being the two of them sitting there in their socks on that hideous couch that Therese picked out saying, “So, how ’bout it? What say we make it legal?” You mad, crazy, impetuous kids, you! What a romantic story to tell the grandkids some day! Say what you will about Grandpa Chinnuts, at least he has memories of two romantic marriages.
Tweeks_Coffee
March 12th, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

#14 – Kurdt: “Of course Pluggers don’t hunt. Walking in the woods is EXERCISE”

I figured Plugger hunting was sitting in a lawn chair in the bed of their pickup and downing Old Milwaukee while the 12-gauge rests across their lap.

#36 – Bob Weber Jr.: Thanks for the link, Bob. I was panning through their comics blog for some enjoyment. The best thing was people weighing in on why Family Circus should stay. Relevant? Relatable? There has to be another FC than the one I’m reading because I’ve never seen a sign of that. Or the people that say they enjoy it because it reminds them of their own kids and what they’d say.
Randall
March 12th, 2008 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

I am enjoying the anticipation of Mary’s story, it gives me opportunity to imagine something like

“and I was gang raped by a local motorcycle club.”

“I got hooked on crystal and sold my body for drugs.”

“I caused the death of my neighbors by purposely setting their house on fire.”

“I emasculated myseld with a vacuum cleaner, and then began life as a woman.”

“I was tricked into making porno movies.”

“I became a republican.”
WonderCat
March 12th, 2008 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

Out of a morbid, sick curiously I was perusing the FOOB Coffe blog thing, and I just had to share an excerpt from this post:

Lynn, you have a wonderful opportunity here with the story of Elizabeth and her boyfriends.

Monogamy is not the only option for people who love each other. Polyamory is also a possibility, though it is definitely not for everyone.

However you can do everyone a favor by spreading the word that it is possible for many and a happy reality for some lucky ones.

Before you dismiss the idea, consider the advantages. You can acknowledge and express your true feelings for all the people you actually feel a romantic – and deep – affection for. You don’t have to cheat anymore, you can be true to yourself and to the people you care about.

Just the thought of Liz have that discussion with Anthony really brightened my day. That and Lynn’s reaction to the suggestion.
ConcreteQueen
March 12th, 2008 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

The real reason why Mary Worth isn’t showing flashbacks to Mary’s childhood is because no one can figure out what color her hair was then. Red? Mousy brown? Angelic blonde? White? Who knows, really.
Old School Allie Cat
March 12th, 2008 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

As a follow up to last week’s Belly Laffs and this weeks undulating tatas, I urge you to check out:

http://www.salon.com/comics/knig/2008/03/12/knig/

K Chronicles by Keith Knight – this is how a real cartoonist works it.
BenG
March 12th, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

All this time I though that “Plugger” was basically kind of interchangeable with “Red neck” but this comic sort of flies in the face of that premise and seems to depict how “city folk” acquire their meat in fact.

If anything the whole cartoon should be flip. It should be a plugger in the woods with full hunting gear loading a rifle and the caption reading “The plugger meat market.”

Oh god. It’s sad to know that I’m more plugger savvy than the guy who acually does Pluggers.
Gregoire
March 12th, 2008 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

105 – Mary Worth can’t possibly be a Republican… she’s definitely a “nanny-state” person…
gnome de blog
March 12th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

104 Tweeks:
One possible reason FC should stay is that every once in a while Jef’s anger leaks out.

I’m not saying this is a good reason, just that it’s a possible reason.

By the way, my wife likes FC because it’s cute and sentimental. She also likes Cathy and Foob. Believe it or not, she’s a wonderful woman.
commodorejohn
March 12th, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

#100 Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^) – Right, I’ll definitely agree on the “creepy” part.

#106 WonderCat – That sound you hear is Lynn’s head exploding.
Dan Someone
March 12th, 2008 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

Shouldn’t that Plugger be saying something like:

“I’ll take a pound of the roasted turkey, two pounds of the Red Boar ham, and… Oh my God! Is that… is that Mel? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM, YOU MONSTER?!”
Kate
March 12th, 2008 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

You know, when Mr. Kate proposed, he didn’t say anything. He just hid the ring box in the bottom of the pile of Christmas presents around my parents’ tree. And I opened the ring box and went “beep” (that is what I said, “beep”) and my sister came over to see what I beeped about, and grinned. And she showed the ring box to my mom, who said “If you say no, I’ll hit you with a stick.” And they were fluttering and oohing about it, and Dad finally wandered over and said “What’s going on?”

Nobody said much of anything intelligent, and nobody knelt with skis on, but nobody said “divorce” or “whom.”
gnome de blog
March 12th, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

110 gregoire
Mary has to be a Republican. Leave meddling to the meddlers. No government intervention required.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 12th, 2008 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

#109 – the Plugger concept, and it’s really a strain to even use the word “concept” here, is watered down to the point that “Plugger” is basically interchangeable with “some people.” Hence, the whole never-ending series basically boils down to “Some people do/are X“, but executed without even as much panache as that skeletonized form would suggest.
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
March 12th, 2008 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

96 — gh — Well put.
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
March 12th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

At least Coffee Stalk isn’t completely populated by numbskulls. A post from Kathy in Maryland comments that Asshathony wouldn’t have to worry about going through another divorce if he hadn’t bulled his way into a “me me me my-way” marriage to Therese the first time through.

What kills me with the current week’s whining is that the old Asshat apparently thinks that Marriage is something so freaking mystical, or arcane, or Godlike that one has to agonize over it forever. Yeah, it’s good not to propose to the first tootsie who blows on the dice for you at a craps table in Vegas, but how long have he and Lizardbreath known each other? And it seems to be a fairly friendly relationship. What the hell does he want, Jebus and the Heavenly Host giving him the go-ahead?

To use one of my mother’s favorite sayings: Shit or get off the pot.

And why is LJ too cheap to have the color monkeys do the strip on the Foobsite?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2328870115/
WonderCat
March 12th, 2008 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

114 – The only person I know who regularly says “whom” is my Great-Aunt Elaine. But then, she’s a retired schoolteacher. She also pronounces “can’t” as “cahn’t” and “shan’t” as “shahn’t” (and actually uses the word “shan’t”). So what I’m saying is that Anthony has all the animal sex appeal of an elderly schoolmarm with puffy white hair.

118- Lynn put all her money into the creepy blinking eyes. And let’s face it… do you really want to see the creepy blinking eyes in color?
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
March 12th, 2008 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

#42 commodorejohn – As a certified (certified!) evangelical Christian, I hereby decree that Scoot Adams is awesome and untouchable! Nobody has the right to complain about him now, he gets the Evangelical Angelic Stamp of Approval!
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
March 12th, 2008 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

The week in Dilbert: Here in the Southwestern U.S., we get our share of Jesus-named individuals (usually it’s pronounced differently, but the source is the same). You just have to get used to the fact that someone with the nickname “Chuy” isn’t named after Chewbacca….

FC: I think the ice cream flavor is question is Brown.

98. Paperback Rifler: bravo! Bravo!

For the record, Mr. bats and I were together five years before he proposed. I think it went something like “We’re going to get married,” our telling my folks in their home (a news flash it was not), and my mom asking if I wanted to use her vintage diamond-and-platinum engagement ring as my engagement ring. Sure, why not?
We might not be the True Romantics, but we’re still together after 25 years…
Shoshi
March 12th, 2008 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

99–I was going to say he was on Atkins, until you got to the loaves of bread. Maybe those were to feed the ducks with.
Client No. 9
March 12th, 2008 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

RE: Rex Morgan

I haven’t seen June in more than a month! What exactly is it that I’m paying for?
Shoshi
March 12th, 2008 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

106–I think that may be what Anthony is getting at, what with the “I want you to be free to talk to other people,” and the “I couldn’t go through another divorce.” He’s hinting that he wants some kind of “open” relationship with Liz…and a few others…maybe even Warren.
Gregoire
March 12th, 2008 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

115 – you’re right…I forgot… Repubs meddle individually, while Dems get the Government to control others behavior…
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 12th, 2008 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

Here you go, a test-run for a comic called Some People (all in one stupidly big jpg, because I’m lazy).
steveh
March 12th, 2008 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

It’s clear to me that the now-finally-ending Rex Morgan storyline is a crossover with Mary Worth.

Mary was born Niki. His traumatic fishing trip with Rex resulted in massive gender confusion. Rex assuaged his guilt by paying for the operation, and Niki became Mary.

Whether her constant meddling comes from a real desire to help people or is some form of revenge, no one can say.
WonderCat
March 12th, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

121- Please just say that Mr. bats didn’t tell your parents by saying “Upon prolonged, mature consideration I have determined that your daughter is the woman with whom I will hopefully spend the rest of my life, as I would verily be dismayed by a second matrimonial debacle.”

Side note on Rex Morgan — Seems to me that if I were in Rex’s shoes, my first recommendation on spending that money would have been “Go find yourself a good hairdresser. Please.”
AhClem
March 12th, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

Zitz – Connie’s kinetic bazooms in yesterday’s strip can be easily explained by the concrete vibrator she stole from a nearby construction site.
ladadog
March 12th, 2008 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

#17 Hank – I was afraid I was the only one who saw LBJ reincarnated.

FBorFW: How’s about this to salvage the impending marriage story line?
Liz – aka – Garter Snaker – aka – The Bride… Anyone get where I’m going with this? Now, that would be a grand finale to the strip.
blueberrygrrrl
March 12th, 2008 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

FBoFW: Anthony: “I wonder where this will lead.” Liz: “Me too.”

HELLO?? Do these people not even read their own friggin comic strip? I mean, everyone else on earth knows where this is leading! It’s only fair that if they’re going to force the rest of us to read this drivel, they would have the courtesy to read it themselves. Or is FBoFW so boring, repulsive, lame, nauseating, trite, pathetic and just plain bad that it’s below even Anthony and Liz?
Professor Fate
March 12th, 2008 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

125 – actually I’d say both parties are more than eager to use the power of goverment to meddle – they just have different targets.

FOOB: Looking again (why the hell did I do that to myself) – does anybody else think that Anthony’s home decor screams “Serial Killer with bodies in the crawlspace”?

Again the passion – the decaf tea, the promise of feetie pajamas – god in heaven drugged soths show more passion than these two – commiting to someone is (or damn well should be) a committment to life – not a lifetime of sloppy eating waiting for tubby death to come.
Old School Allie Cat
March 12th, 2008 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

#115 – Randall, Gnome, Gregoire, et al. I always thought of our girl Mary as a Dixiecrat. She’s definitely long enough in the tooth for it.
Islamorada Girl
March 12th, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

I want to see Mary as a child wearing a 4XXXX white t-shirt, standing on a corner selling crack.

Did it ever occur to anyone that in 10 years, the Lizthony merger will look like Mary and Dr. Jeff?
Calico
March 12th, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

#134 – Saith Mary Worth Junior, “Yo, I got the Shiznit, Beyatch!”
Niall
March 12th, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

Ed Power:

An addendum to my comment in my feedback of My Cage, about payoff strips. I can point to a place where you did do a proper payoff: the “Maureen date” storyline. The lead-up was funny enough, with the Monday Feb 11 gag the aftermath (post-weekend date); but the clincher, what elevated the whole thing, was the coda on Tuesday Feb 12 with Jeff’s reaction, and Rex’ ego, which even the janitor calls out as excessive. Two great payoffs giving the whole a satisfactory completeness, while setting up the “Jeff asks Max about picking up women” immediately after – which only had one payoff, which may have exacerbated the feeling of “cutting off”.

93. bats :[: I have a DVD of Allegro Non Troppo.. signed by Bruno Bozzetto. Whom I’ve met and shook hands with. :) :) :) The man is charm and grace, and very funny, including in self-deprecating ways. His short about football (soccer) distinctions in Italians and, I think, French, is so hilarious, I was nearly pissing myself. (The best news I learned from talking with him was that there does exist a DVD of West and Soda, his first film and a hilarious pastiche of Western movies – started and scripted actually before Sergio Leone came out with his first spaghetti Western – so it’s only a question of rights keeping it away from Region 1. Also, I’d love for someone to watch it and Disney’s Home on the Range for comparisons…)

And, uh, I try to say Whom when it’s grammatically appropriate – and I don’t have to think about it because I learned the grammar rules as a child and early teenager?.. am I weird?.. Also, “Shan’t” is a wonderful word and should not have been retired from active duty.

gh, excellent points on that Dilbert discussion.
Niall
March 12th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

121. bats:[: Together for 25 years and looking great, the both of ya, judging from the Meetup photos! :)

126. One-eye Wolfdog: Bravo! That was perfect. I enjoyed “Some People” a lot. :)
Lord-z
March 12th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

“Yes, chinbeard-trophywife, I was left to fend for myself, against vicious wolves, after my mother dropped me off in the middle of nowhere. But I learned their ways, and became one of them. I was wolf-girl. The natives called me “Mareewath”, which means “The destroyer of happiness and the unwished intruder in personal affairs”. Then I bought a condo, and here we are”.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 12th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

Right, sorry, that isn’t, because obviously wolves do a better job of socializing their young than whoever raised Mary.
Islamorada Girl
March 12th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

On the politcs of Mary Worth: I always pictured Mary Worth as the Grand Dragon of the Chatterstone chapter of the KKK. This is, after all, the whitest strip in the history of the world. She is doubtless somewhere to the right of Attilla the Hun.

And I think she’s probably a registered Tory.

Hey, maybe that’s Mare’s flashback! How she singlehandedly meddled Pitt the Elder out of office.
Ed Grimley
March 12th, 2008 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

Mr. Weber, Thanks for the link. It’s the best thing since I used to get the e-mail 6 Differences and Brain Bogglers. I figured you were probably pretty cool, but since you decided to hang around with the nuts that read this page, I must say. . .You’re the coolest thing since Pat Sajak!
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 12th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

(”isn’t plausible“)
BenG
March 12th, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

I can’t help buy be creeped out by the third panel of todoy’s FBoFW. That could very well be Lynns attempt at drawing a cross armed Liz but it looks more to me as though Anthony is holding her arm in a vise like grip as he warns “I couldn’t survive another divorce.” a chilling reminder of his possessive tendencies and a grim foreshadowing of what’s to come if Liz were to have second thoughts about their fate. “In fact my dear, I doubt very much that either one of us would “survive” it. So don’t you ever even think about trying to leave me.”
Little A. of The Bronx Jungle Partrol
March 12th, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

Don’t tell me I am the only one around here who loves Sluggo Smith and Stymie?
gnome de blog
March 12th, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

140 I-Girl:
Maybe Mary’s other long-lost daughter (besides Abigail Thompson) was Margaret Thatcher.
Bootsy
March 12th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

How Mr. B and I got married:

by Bootsy

We were cohabitating lo these many years quite happily. Mr. B had quit his job to be a stay at home person and work on our house. Since he wasn’t working, one day as we walked the dogs in the park, I said, “You know baby, if we got married, you would be on my health insurance. You need to have health insurance. The way I see it, you can either go back to work or we can get married.”

The romantic devil sighed and said, “Well I sure don’t want to go back to work”.

We got married a short time later, and to this day neither of us can remember the date. I think it was this month, and I’m pretty sure it’s been 9 years. (I could look up the date but the marriage paper thing got lost in Katrina.)

And Christ almighty, that man know how to keep a woman happy!
Sugar and Spike
March 12th, 2008 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

fwlabber grymposhky ooglebarg*

*Mark Trail: Hey, that’s a great Robert McNamara impression!
commodorejohn
March 12th, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

#144 Little A. – Are you kidding? The Little Rascals were awesome.
UncleJeff
March 12th, 2008 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

#99 — Elmo: Please please tell me the guy was also buying a 6-pack of Diet Coke
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 12th, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

We could go the charitable route and assume the guy was buying for a shelter or something similar.
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
March 12th, 2008 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

137. Niall: well, it’s actually 30 years of being together (25 of “real Marriage”…the dreaded M word in Asshathony’s vocabulary…and five of “living in sin”…something that A. only dreams about). But thankee!

Oooh, I am in awe of your signed Allegro non Troppo! Very, very cool to have met Bruno B! I’m definitely going to start looking for West and Soda. (Heck, if I can lay my hands on the Canadian vampire film Blood and Donuts, I’m just about up for anything…)
UncleJeff
March 12th, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

Little A & commodorejohn:
Happy “Buckwheat’s” birthday to you both!
Farley\'s Revenge
March 12th, 2008 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

Nate@7: Loose change shoved in Mary’s mother’s various orifices would go a long way to explaining why Amos in 9CL has a penchant for shoving multiple quarters up his nose. Old habits apparently haven’t died yet, unlike his cello career.
Nil Zed
March 12th, 2008 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

our proposal and marriage tale, by Nil Zed

we met in Feb. and commenced dating about a week later (I had an existing boyfriend that needed to be dumped.) The now Mr. Zed had to return to his home country in May because of the silly rules about student Visa’s. We wrote each other daily, which was interesting because with the delivery lag, it was like having 7 different conversations happening. He came back in July for a week before attending a summer school in another state.

By about day 3 he offhandedly asked if I’d ever consider living overseas, I was walking into the next room and tossed a ‘yes’ over my shoulder, then did the Home Alone arm pump thing; YES, he’s thinking in terms of a ’someday’!

By the morning he was leaving for Michagan, he remarked that sure, he expected we’d be married ’someday’. To which I responded someday better be soon, cause I wasn’t tolerating his silly student Visa requirement to leave in the summer again. At that point, he pulled off a cheap silver ring he wore and we pronounced ourselves engaged.

We probably would have just lived together, but the situation with my kids and my ex and eventually, his citizenship status required actual marriage. So, we got married in November (an even longer not romantic story involving the whole family having stomach flu and the county offices closing early the day before Thanksgiving.)

I was supposed to get a proper ring when he graduated, but we were broke. Then I was supposed to get one for our 10th anniversary, but we bought a house. Maybe fore the 20th.
Nil Zed
March 12th, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

oh, and from the Tucson thread
Boojun, yes, that is the spotted dick in question. It must be eaten with lots of stirred custard, very attractive.

Baka Gaijin, where are you anyway? I’m in Essex, about an hour from Liverpool St. Station.

Poteet: I have entirely too many pictures of me nursing Baby Zed. Mr. Zed found the scene terribly romantic, no matter how grungy I looked at any given time.
Junior Tracy
March 12th, 2008 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

I agree – a Mary Worth flashback would be undoubtedly the coolest occurrence in the history of Mary Worth.

A young Mary Worth compelled to “fend for [her]self” – the imagination boggles! What sort of “fending” could she have done? Child prostitute? Stormtrooper? Lovable shoeshine girl? We NEED a flashback.

Of course, Mary Worth will, as it invariably does, disappoint us. We’ll discover that Mary’s fending for herself involved hijinks / scrapes, in the course of which she tore her pinafore, ate lunch with Jewish kids or engaged in slight deviousness in order to sell Girl Scout cookies. That doesn’t matter, though – I want a flashback!
dale
March 12th, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

Dilbert

What does it mean that the N&R editor’s column spelled it “Hey-Zeus” and Dilbert spells it “Hay-Soos”?
I don’t find these strips offensive, just incredibly stupid which does offend me.
I expected a shitstorm of letters to the editor of the Raleigh paper, but it doesn’t seem to have happened. Who knows how they filter things?
Peter Hillock
March 12th, 2008 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

MW To break the monotony while Mary drones on about how her upbringing (unlike everyone else’s) helped make her who she is today, why not set up a March Madness pool about what year the flashback will appear to take place? Will it be correct for today (2008 minus about 60 gives her a 1950s’ childhood)? Will she be a Depression baby (a very youthful 80)? Will it be purposefully vague?
Big Sims
March 12th, 2008 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

Mrs. Big Sims asked me.

I said yes in case you were wondering.
Trent Troop
March 12th, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

Its clear that the Plugger’s ‘Hunting Range’ is accurately identified. The Hunter, however, is the Plugger behind the counter. This butcher shop may advertise the sale of animal meat, but when the world is populated by man-beasts, who can tell the difference? All forms of meat consumption in Pluggerland are cannibalism, or so close to it as to be indistinguishable.

Like a sniper in a deer-blind, our Butcher-Dog lets the prey come to her, and one drugged deli-sample later there’s a new man-dog head mounted in the back room and a new special on rump-roast.
Muffaroo
March 12th, 2008 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

Josh – Humanly? Humanly? Oh my god… Pluggers are PEOPLE!
AhClem
March 12th, 2008 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

I proposed by taking out one of those Valentine’s Day classified ads in the paper, and taped it to the back of the bathroom door in our apartment so she’d see it when she came home from work.

As it turned out, I had one of the worst cases of the flu of my life on the day it appeared. I spent the day on the couch thinking I was dying, and worrying that it wasn’t happening fast enough. She still saw it and said yes, though.

In retrospect, I should have seen the illness as a textbook example of foreshadowing. But to be fair, we were married for 20 years (some of which were good years) and I got a great daughter out of the deal.
AhClem
March 12th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

FOOB – Hey, Anthony, the 1970s called. They want their decor back.
Mr. O’Malley
March 12th, 2008 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

I would think that Plugger hunting would be like the Dick Cheney kind of hunting, where you get into a pickup truck with your prey in a cage in the back, get driven out in the woods somewhere, then your driver unloads the cage, gives you a gun, opens the cage and you shoot your bewildered prey as it emerges. Maximum calories burned about 20.

But this kind of hunting is very expensive, which is the reason why it’s a status symbol. So it would probably be the kind of hunting that Pluggers could only fantasize about on the way to the deli.
Mr. O’Malley
March 12th, 2008 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

The lead-in to our marriage proposal involved a discussion of how to calculate taxes on a jointly owned house for which we hadn’t each paid exactly half of everything. I say “our” because I don’t remember which one of us said “Or you know what would be simpler than all this?”
teegee
March 12th, 2008 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

Red Boar Ham is PEOPLE! RED BOAR HAM IS PEOPLE!
KT
March 12th, 2008 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

Oh whoops, I finally got around to posting a comment about the Tucson meetup, and then I remembered it probably won’t get seen if it’s not on the latest thread, so here it is. Long story short, I had a great time!
Old School Allie Cat
March 12th, 2008 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

How Mr. Cat didn’t pop the question.

Four years ago this September, Mr. Cat and I went looking at engagement rings – we’d been dating for four years, and I had indicated that I’d like to get married by age 30. Mostly, because I was 29 at that point, and wanted stir Mr. Cat to action.

So anyway, we were only going to look at rings, but they made him a good offer (and my tastes are modest to begin with), so he bought the damn thing. While they were sizing it, we went to Office Depot and bought computer labels. We picked up the ring and I said, “I guess you’d best go ask Mom and Dad permission.” Don’t flame me – we’re Southern – I’m a staunch feminist, but it was a big deal to Dad.

Anyhoo. We go see Mom and Dad, who are covered in dirt and cobwebs from working in the garage, and they’re fixing lunch.

Mr. Cat says, “Before you eat, I’d like to ask you something. I’d like your blessing to marry Allie.”

They’re delighted and tell him of course, and I ask him to show them the ring. My mother, jumping the gun, gets excited and tells Mr. Cat to put it on me. Mr. Cat would jump through flames if Mom asked him to, so he does, and there, without any formal proposal, we’re engaged.
Ed Grimley
March 12th, 2008 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

KT: I must say, I’m envious if the Cassandra Cat print.
El Santo
March 12th, 2008 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

#144 (Little A.), #148 (commodorejohn) – Hell, yes! Stymie’s my homeboy.
Islamorada Girl
March 12th, 2008 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

It’s interesting to note that in the time Mary has absorbed with her prologue to the introduction to the opening of her flashback, Toby has had the time to get some Botox and a lot of work done on her face. Let’s pick the pace!
Niall
March 12th, 2008 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

168. Allie Cat: There’s absolutely no problem in wanting your parents to approve of the dear boy! :) Especially if you like your parents.
Eats Shoots And Leaves
March 12th, 2008 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth:

Charterstone Season,
“A tragic story of tragic tragedy with tragicky tragicness.”
by Michael Patterson
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
March 12th, 2008 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

I am not going to mention Sluggo Smith for a while.

So.

FOOB: I have been thinking, several persons have mentioned or commented upon the fact that Blandthony doesn’t seem to have a family (nor friends, but I will leave that)– no mother or father has ever appeared, no brothers or sisters. I suppose that this has been explained on the FOOB website (there maybe a backstory on there, or maybe in one of the big paperbacks? I don’t want to look).

Maybe the explanation is, the very young Anthony was found by the local police wandering around the city zoo one afternoon by himself, and taken to the local police station after they first determined that he hadn’t escaped from one of the cages. When they asked him where he lived, all they could get out of him was, “I have no home!” which he kept shouting over and over until they gave him a glass of warm milk and he fell asleep. He was raised in various foster homes because no family could stand to have him around for very long.
Mr. O’Malley
March 12th, 2008 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

Re the discussion of the film “10000 BC”, and whether Mary Worth as a child is likely to be in it. The film sounds as though it could be amusing in its muddled take on history, rather like having Christopher Columbus show up at the battle of Actium. There’s a review that I thought was amusing in Guardian America, or actually it’s the Guardian linked from Guardian America.

http://film.guardian.co.uk/features/featurepages/0,,2264279,00.html

Sample:
It is a disservice to Darryl Hannah. It is a disservice to Xena. And it is certainly a disservice to Betty and Wilma.
Shermy Glamrocker
March 12th, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

My proposal to Mrs. Glamrocker (though she STILL carries her maiden name!) went like this: “Sigh, I don’t suppose I’m going to change my mind, so will you marry me?”

She agreed.

After which, we were in an outdoors setting at night, we took pictures of each other for some reason. The camera’s flashes caught the attention of a local policeman, who pulled up next to us to investigate.

After a calm and logical explanation (”He asked me to marry him! HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM!”), the kind officer took a picture of the two of us.

After eight years, I still carry that photo in my wallet. And there was no mention of previous relationships at any point.
Poteet
March 12th, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

# 173 Eats Shoots — BWAHAHA! If only Michael could actually write that well.
Master Mahan
March 12th, 2008 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

I see that Mary Worth has made the artistic decision to tell us the thrilling tale of Mary’s past by having the old girl talk with a My Size Barbie. If only there was more effective way to picture these events. That immediacy could really draw the reader in.

Self-plagiarism aside, though, this sort of thing is rapidly becoming a pet peeve of mine. Do the writers not understand that comic strips are a *visual* medium? For god’s sake, it’s not like you have a budget limiting what you can show. Use that!
Scherzo (AWOL from Jungle Patrol)
March 12th, 2008 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

Two things I’d like to weigh in on:
ONE
Where the heck is Liz Patterson’s backbone? (I know, I know, she’s a FOOB, don’t have one.) But good red-eye gravy, when the guy says something like “I wonder where we’re going — I wonder where this will lead…” it is high time to shake him by the collar and start shouting, “It BETTER be leading to the ALTAR, you DIMWIT. What is all this ‘I have no hooooooome’ and ‘let’s take things slowly’? I do not think you understand the situation here, boy. I’ve been cooking for you, babysitting for you, washing dishes for you…What’s that? You don’t think you could survive another divorce? You margoing BOXCAR RIGHT about that. I’d kill you myself. But watch out. You might not make it that far. Keep stringing me along. Just keep stringing me along. You gonna wake up with body parts missin’ — IMPORTANT body parts if you get my drift.
“The night we got back together you gave me the STRONG impression — and I do mean a STRONG IMPRESSION that it was ‘Object matrimony’ with you. Then you start in with all this passive ‘finding myself’ crap and selfish psychobabble (Thanks, Alan Parson’s Project!) and let me tell you — I have just. About. HAD. IT. You’re not THAT great a catch, you nimrod, you jackass, you BLANDTHONY.”

TWO
Pacing in Serial Comic Strips
People, my forehead is black and blue over pounding it on the table in frustration. What is this? This is not building suspense. This is lunacy. Do the writers not storyboard these things out? Or are they following the advice of some incompetant teacher. “Tell the audience what you are going to say, say it, and then tell them what you said.” So they write Mary Worth’s dialog, “I’m going to tell you a story. A story about my past. Then I am going to explain the story to you. Then I am going to tell you what you should take away from my story. Then I will conclude with some seemingly inane yet oddly pertinent homily. After which I will recapitualate the bullet points with the aid of my fabulous PowerPoint Presentation. Now my story begins at the beginning…” and break it up one sentence per day, ad nauseum, ad infinitum.

Then, on the other hand, you have Gil Thorp. Where each panel can be on a different storyline. It’s like reading an article composed entirely of Topic Sentences and the rest of the paragraphs have been stripped out.

*pant, pant*

Oh.
Oh, my.

I feel much better now. Thanks!
commodorejohn
March 12th, 2008 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

#175 Mr. O’Malley – From the reviews I’ve read, it sounds like it’s not much fun, more’s the pity. I mean, it’s coming in at 7% on RottenTomatoes – only 4% more than Battlefield Earth, for gosh sakes. It’s such a pity; I was really looking forward to a good fun caveman movie, something with the camp value of the 50s and 60s married to the top-notch effects of today, but I guess I’ll just have to keep waiting.
ChattyGenes
March 12th, 2008 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

Well, here’s my somewhat less-than-romantic proposal story. It happened here in Japan (Mr. CG is Japanese) when I was 24, and working here on my own. We had been friends for a year and five months, and really GOOD:-) friends for the last 7 months of that time. I knew he was the one. One week in May I asked him to marry me. I had to ask him three days in a row. On the third day, he finally said yes.

My parents visited me during the following summer, and met Mr. CG. He was “my “friend,” and we were discreet and did not say anything about our engagement. Not that it made any difference. My middle name is “Transparent.” I can’t hide anything, especially the way I feel about someone. The following December when I went home for Christmas, my dad picked me up at the airport, and the first thing he said once we were in the car was, “So, when are you two getting married?”

That kind of ruined the “surprise” announcement I had planned to make sometime after I got home, but at least it told me that my parents liked Mr. CG and had expected the engagement and were okay with it—which was a relief.
Shermy Glamrocker
March 12th, 2008 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

Speaking of cave people and sex, Eliot Spitzer now has an excuse.

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/16579966.html
Kumquat, Jungle Citrus Fruit
March 12th, 2008 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

Pluggers don’t get why Sweeney Todd makes such a big deal over the meat pies.
Sally Villarreal
March 12th, 2008 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

And I still don’t know what a plugger is!!!!!

I mean, is it someone whose old or retired or republican or in some sort of anti-yuppy time warp or an anthropomorphic animal in a comic strip or someone whose given up on life?

Last I checked, the Pluggers’ website doesn’t even explain what a plugger is. Is it some sort of secret society?
ChattyGenes
March 12th, 2008 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

#98 Paperback Rifler. Love it! My favorite line is:

“That I will be his big-bottomed mate —”

That is so much fun to sing!:-)
Certified Christian
March 12th, 2008 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

I’m disappointed in Mary Worth’s origin story already. I was hoping for something along the lines of:
A young Mary witnessed her parents gunned down by a mugger and became obsessed with how to nudge people in the right direction. As a young woman she journeyed around the world and eventually was trained in the ancient art of platitudes in a nunnery high in the Himalayas. Upon her return she staked out a lair deep within the depths of Charterstone from which she would monitor the city; ever vigilant for opportunities to meddle and prod.

To this day, Mary and her trusty sidekick Toby strike fear in the hearts of the indecisive. When in need, her beloved city need only shine the Biddy Signal to the sky and Mary and Toby will quickly arrive on the scene in their Sanctimoni-mobile to dispense trite aphorisms and tired clichés.
treedweller
March 12th, 2008 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

I almost gave up on GT. Once the characters could be distinguished from one another and action scenes had discernible outcomes, I was beginning to think there was nothing left but boring. Today I was sucked back in by a writing team that’s taking up the bizarro slack of the art department.

Which is not to overlook those Mr. Fantastic arms on Andrew as he shoots for the bucket in panel 1.
Brick Bradford
March 12th, 2008 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

I initially proposed to Saturn Sadie on a July 4th, while she was visiting me in my Time Top (a certain poetic license is being taken here). Later, once our rings were ready, we flew in her space ship to the nearbye Planet of the Jewelers to collect the rings. I then took her to a pretty, outdoor setting, turned on some romantic music on my time-space boom box, got down on one knee, and asked her to be my fellow voyager through time and space. She agreed.
Grinderman
March 12th, 2008 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

I suppose it will be revealed how Mary obtained her powers of super-meddling. Was she was bitten by a radioactive magpie?
Certified Christian
March 12th, 2008 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

189 – I like that origin story too. It lends itself to having Mary feel her “Biddy Senses” tingling…
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
March 12th, 2008 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

Fend for herself? Like people do in nature? Mary Worth is Mark Trail’s mother! It makes sense, in a way that makes no sense at all.
Eats Shoots And Leaves
March 12th, 2008 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

190 – …and when Mary’s Biddy Senses tingle, the appropriate sound effect is biddityboppitybiddityboppity.
Brick Bradford
March 12th, 2008 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: Pluggers don’t go to delis, they go to the butcher shop.
Someone should tell werebear that bears are omnivores and he should eat some fruit, for crying out loud.
Vince M
March 12th, 2008 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

144: One of my favorite moments in the series: Stymie asks a lady for some food, and she gives him an artichoke. He starts peeling off the petals, and peeling, until he’s left with a bare stalk, and exclaims “This may choke Artie, but it ain’t gonna choke Stymie!”
Little Guy
March 12th, 2008 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

Funky: ….and before the basketball reaches the rim, it develops cancer and dies
Eats Shoots And Leaves
March 12th, 2008 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

177- Poteet, (sorry I don’t know how to do a link to it, but) March 12’s My Cage has a really great explanation on how Mikey got his first book published.
Kumquat, Jungle Citrus Fruit
March 12th, 2008 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

#184 Sally Villareal –

You know how certain politicians like to talk about “real Americans” and “the heartland”, often implying in the process that coastal liberal-tending states aren’t really part of America? Pluggers are the simple, God-fearing, down-home, working-class citizens of “real America”.
They want nothing to do with effete liberal fripperies like lattes and broadband internet, preferring down-to-earth pleasures like beer and hunting…

…now wait one daggone minute, Pluggers!

Has hunting become a pretentious yuppie pastime? Is shooting your own deer too complex for the common man? Better tell the rural folks in my state; they’re still holding annual celebrations for opening day of deer season.
Dingo
March 12th, 2008 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

I’m just catching up on things since I’m back home in Illinois and my mother’s computer is attached to the internets by a phone modem. A phone modem!!!

Islamorada Girl, as much as I may seem the worldly bon vivant to you I must admit to never having any encounters during my tender years so far with a cock ring. Coke rings, yes. They’re left on the table by the bottle of an icy cold soda beverage. I’ve seen cock rings in stores but never in moments of flagrant Ian Cameronism.

Tell us, Mary, what exactly does “fending for oneself” mean? Was your mother turning tricks as a backalley whore while you baked cakes for your neighbors hoping to someday own a chain of southern California restaurants named for yourself while raising a daughter who tried to take your man? Did your mother give piano lessons to a man in exchange for sex? Did you drive the west Texas countryside with a cattle stun gun killing every person who crossed your path until a man offered you some swans?

A Mary Worth flashback is similar to virgin anal sex: way too much time is spent in the preparation, the actual moment is far too quick and essentially ho-hum, and – afterward – the mess left on the kitchen tile isn’t worth everything you put into the act.
Poteet
March 12th, 2008 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

# 98 Paperback — I bow and toss flowers. Excellent song!
Poteet
March 12th, 2008 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

# 198 Dingo — Re the phone modem — sympathies, and welcome to my (rural dialup) world.
Poteet
March 12th, 2008 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

# 196 Eats Shoots — HAR! Thanks for the tip. Hmm, maybe Magnificent Mike will provide autographed copies of his masterpiece as wedding favors.
Starrynight
March 12th, 2008 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

MW- Toby got bored in the first panel and replaced herself with a mannequin in the second panel.

FW- Batiuk is taking cues from Karen Moy on how to extend a storyline beyond the breaking point.

Personally, I think that many of the ‘Mudge comments end the story better than Batiuk will. My favorite is #195 Little Guy: “….and before the basketball reaches the rim, it develops cancer and dies.”
Batman Beatles
March 12th, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

#98 Paperback Rifler – As a Beatles fan, I give your song two thumbs up!
Pinokeyeo's Wife
March 12th, 2008 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

Mary’s potentially Dickensian childhood aside, her recent slow slide into Storylineville, to me, smacks more of “Tootsie” than anything. I think that all concerned would be best served by bracing ourselves for “The Terms.”
Cornwhacker
March 12th, 2008 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

160: yes, but when Pluggers butcher a carcass, do they use a meat cleaver or just tear it apart with their canine teeth?

Are there packs of wild Pluggers roving across the countryside?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick, Decreer of Things (Self-Appointed)
March 12th, 2008 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

In my capacity as Decreer of Things, I hereby decree that the following strips are taking too Margoing long and should just GET THE BOXCAR ON WITH IT ALREADY:

Apartment 3-G
Crankshaft (and by “it” I mean “Ed’s death”)
Cathy (and by “it” I mean “Cathy’s death”)
Dick Tracy
Funky Winkerbean
Foob Better or Foob Worse (and by “it” I mean “unprotected sex on the living room floor, then Francie walks in”)
Judge Parker (and by “it” I mean “anything that gets Abbey, Neddy, Gloria, Trudi, or Mary ‘Red “Rusty ‘Busty’”‘ Duncan in skimpy clothing”)
Gasoline Alley (and by “it” I mean “anything even vaguely interesting”)
Luann
Mark Trail (yes, already)
Mary Worth (though I may be sorry I asked)
Phantom
Rex Morgan, M.D., N.A.M.B.L.A.
Spider-Man (and by “it” I mean “hiring a continuity guy”)
Zippy the Pinhead (and by “it” I mean “ending the strip”)
tuesday next
March 12th, 2008 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

FOOB (3/13): Boxcar.
Uncle Lumpy
March 12th, 2008 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth flashback!
glutton4punishment
March 12th, 2008 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

FOOB: And there it is ladies and gentleman, the sickest, saddest, most annoying proposal of all time. Look at Lizardbreath’s eyes in panel 4. What is wrong with her? Has he hypnotized her? Is she possesed by the devil? Well, at least this didn’t drag on and on…like a band aid just rip it off, don’t dawdle about it. Now maybe the healing can begin.
Pepperoni Détournées (formerly Herro!)
March 12th, 2008 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

Wow, that’s the most romantic proposal I’ve ever heard! You really outdid yourself!

Leave it to Anthony to make the dullest proposal ever!
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
March 12th, 2008 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

Thursday! Foob Alert!

http://news.yahoo.com/comics/forbetterorforworse;_ylt=An0wSvHcuY2QWyrfLuDskZsDwLAF

That’s right, Liz! Show Connie who’s boss! Make Abbey quiver with early middle-age jealousy! Shove those ta-ta’s into Asshathony’s face!
ChattyGenes
March 12th, 2008 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

Wow! Yay! Anthony finally proposed!

AAnnnd…! the correct way to interpret the above IS…

The snarking around here ought to be FANTASTIC from now on! A proposal to snark! Family reactions to snark! And best of all…

ANOTHER WEDDING for Mudgies to crash!

Oh boy, oh boy, OH BOY! I’m gonna get something sinful to eat (chocolate? marshmallows? and maybe some olives:-), settle back for the next few weeks, and watch the fun. Anyone care to join me?:-)
Ed Minchau
March 12th, 2008 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

God help me, I now find myself wondering about the proposal of the Galactic Emperor and Mrs. Chennux.
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
March 12th, 2008 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

And for other Thursday news:

FC: no, Billy, someday when you’re an animator at Disney, you’ll either be cleaning the toilets at Euro-Disney or be stuffed in a smelly costume with a grossly-oversized head. The former is called “better than you deserve”; the latter is called “type-casting.”

FW: “This just in…the small metropolis of Funkytown was completely destroyed by a freak tornado. Sadly, this occurred just as the town’s only high school’s JV girls’ basketball team was celebrating the first conference title the high school had ever won in it 95-year history.”

MT: okay, maybe it’s the allergy meds (my meds, not Mark’s), but either Mark’s head is really little or his suit is really big.

RMMD: Rex’s kid: “I’ll be you were petrified, huh?”
Rex: “Yeah…pretty much.”
Isn’t “petrified” synonymous with “hard”?
Hmm.
(And Rex, you sure do have a purty mouth…)
Ed Minchau
March 12th, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

Let’s see…
Brad asks Toni out… check
Blandthony asks Liz to marry him, kinda… check
BC actually funny… check

I think all we’re missing here is for Dennis to be actually menacing, and we’ll have all the signs of the apocalypse.
Cornwhacker
March 12th, 2008 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

212: Far be it from me to stop anyone from eating chocolate, Chatty, but for me it ain’t over ’til the Foob-lady’s up at the altar, saying “For better or for worse”.

MT: A scholarship and a puppy? If Niki hears about this, he’s going to be so jealous.

RMMD: We’re never going to see Niki again, are we?
Farley's Revenge
March 12th, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol @211Shove those ta-ta’s into Asshathony’s face!

That could very well be the closest he’s ever been to actual female-type ta-ta’s in his life. I hope the poor dear doesn’t pass out from the excitement.

If the proposal is any indication, the wedding video could be marketed as the best sleep aid ever.
NotThatGuy
March 12th, 2008 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Boxcar, boxcar.

Saturn.
Starrynight
March 12th, 2008 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

Thanks to everyone for their hilarious versions of Mary Worth’s flashback (or lack of). I was rather depressed today, but reading this blog helped lift my spirits a bit.
True Fable
March 12th, 2008 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

Oh yippie skippee, Lips of Loveliness has won her Dreamboat!

…

PSYCH!!!

This is without a doubt, the most accurate example of Why Robots Should Not Headline A Love Story that I have ever seen.

“Should we discuss marriage?” Well you incredibly DENSE DUMBASS, you honestly think she’s going to say No? Naw, let’s not discuss marriage, I like the passionless, emotionless, stilted relationship we have right now. Let’s not change it for a passionless, emotionless, stilted marriage just yet. We have plenty of time to fester.
“It might be a good idea.” Or maybe not. I really don’t care.
“We’ve been friends for so long. I think we’d be good partners.” “I think so too.” So what are you going to call this company, anyway? Asshat and Associates? It’s a fucking ROMANTIC EVENING, not a goddamn Business Function! Son of a BITCH, this is LAME!

Panel two is almost romantic. But then comes panel three.

ANTHONY YOU IDIOT BUTTMUNCH! (and I’m talking to YOU, Lynn!) YES you are fucking engaged, you just asked if she would like to share your life, one might only assume that you meant marriage but being as how you first set it up in such a cold, functional way in the first panel, I suppose you are just now sorting out that you just ASKED THE WOMAN TO MARRY YOU. And what’s this “I guess we could” shit, Liz? You’re no brighter than a cheap day-glo sticker yourself.

Pause for Panel Four’s Lips of Loveliness, and Her Big Beautiful Blue Eyes Open in Stunned Realization that life and all hope for adventure and passion have just been bargained away at the board of director’s table.

Mike went apeshit when he sold his book in the most unrealistic manner possible, so I guess it only follows that his sister goes apeshit when she is proposed to in the most unrealistic manner possible too.

This is SO going to please the Foobians, I’m sure there will be much celebrating over glasses of Kool-Aid. What do you want to bet that Corbiel will announce the arrival of actual Wedding Gifts over the next couple of months from DICKWEEDS who put far too much into this pile of shit than necessary? Oh, their prayers have been answered!

Meanwhile, I am having a large fun time. This is going to be Snarker’s Paradise for a while, my friends. Sit back and enjoy!
off-model
March 12th, 2008 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

#208 Uncle Lumpy, a Mary Worth Flashback? Yay!
How come the very thing I was looking forward to seeing in Mary Worth is the same thing I dread in FBoFW?
Except for right now, I could really use a FBoFW flashback right now!
Oh forget it, it would probably be one of those dreadful strips from the One More Chance section on the official website featuring the not-so-greatest love story evah.
Poteet
March 13th, 2008 at 12:03 am [Reply]

Foob — Gaaaah, what an icky proposal. But at least I can look forward to joining you in crashing the wedding, my sister and brother Mudges, wearing my ugly dress (http://www.uglydress.com/pinkpuffy.html) and alternating hip-flask swigs between Islay single malt and chocolate syrup. I wonder what music they’ll use. I see kind of a Seventies theme, maybe…if IIII could save tiiiime in a BOTtle….
Farley's Revenge
March 13th, 2008 at 12:09 am [Reply]

Compared to Anthony’s “proposal”, the not-yet spouse was a veritable volcano of romanticism when suggesting we marry while we washed dinner dishes at my parents’ house.
Gabe
March 13th, 2008 at 12:12 am [Reply]

SHITTY FOOBROSAL

MARY FLASHBACK

Curmudgeon will EXPLODES

And dude, it’s not even Buxley Wednesday.
CHA5NCE
March 13th, 2008 at 12:21 am [Reply]

Maybe the new storyline in Mary Worth will finally reveal why Mary hates single mothers and women in distress so much.
NotThatGuy
March 13th, 2008 at 12:25 am [Reply]

It’s interesting reading the Liz’n'Anthony “One More Chance” retrospective at the FoobSite, if only to see how interesting the strip was before Lynn decided Anthonly was a Major Character and he and Liz must be brought together at all costs. Rereading Anthony’s ham-fisted announcement of his engagement to Liz at a New Year’s Eve party, and his lingering feelings for Liz really shows how Lynn apparently confuses “deeply creepy” with “romantic.” More than anything, I think that’s where the strip jumped the tracks.
True Fable
March 13th, 2008 at 12:44 am [Reply]

A3G Bee Grinding at Alan’s place. Geez, much more of this guy and I’ll start hitting the bottle. And if I wake up next to some chick I barely know, I… hm. Moral dilemma.
Doonesbury Now I remember why I quit reading Doonesbury. I couldn’t stand Joanie and Zeke. Still can’t.
FC Now we know who to blame for their lousy sequels.
FBoFW An Elly and John do-over. Blech. See Rant above for the whole grind.
JP If Woody was going to waste all this time grinding bees, the least Eduardo could have done is put Abbey back in her skimpy outfit. *grumble*
Luann Well, at least the story’s moving along, I guess. Lurching.
MT “As you know”. If he knew it, then why bother repeating it?! Who do you think you are, Mary Fucking Worth?
MW At last, we will finally discover what she really puts in those casseroles.
Phantom YOU ride a horse through city streets at night, and you have the termerity to question their judgment?
RMMD I like the way today’s strip was done. I mean they left out the whole “were you more nervous about the gun at your head, or getting caught with a minor? Or burning money Niki stole? Or transferring funds from my college account? Huh Dad? Huh? HUH?
Naw, I really do like Rex’s self-depricating humor much better than his “I’m a wise medical doctor with Important Lectures to make.”
But best of all – JUNE IS BACK!!!
Niall
March 13th, 2008 at 12:44 am [Reply]

Thursday Surprises

DtM: Surprise! Dennis let in a raccoon to help clean the kitchen floor! Wild Animals: +3 MenacePoints

FC: Surprise! The joke doesn’t make a lick of sense! Oh, wait, that’s normal. Carry on.

GF: Surprise! The payoff strip is much earlier than usual! If he switches storylines soon, maybe Conley can Bucky the system!

MT: Surprise! They had to sift through more entries than the magazine has circulation copies! And they didn’t clue in!

MW: Surprise! Mary’s hair colour is finally revealed! And we see her expression hasn’t changed at all – not a surprise, really.

MC: You all know the love I have for this, but… Melissa: um, sorry, what you’ve drawn is a discman, not a walkman, which is for cassettes – which would definitely have merited all the gags. So, this gives us a golden opportunity to ask! How does an error like this slip through? Is there a syndicate editor who can say “that’s not a walkman” and have the strip redone or rewritten to match? Or do they not care? We see little details like this all the time, maybe we can figure out how they happen, since we have an in with this strip.

Phantom: Surprise! Someone washed the city with the Ghost’s outfit, and now all the purple washed out of his costume and onto the buildings!

Pluggers: ..no. No, that makes you a hospital worker, not a plugger.

RM: Surprise! Rex admits he had (petrified) wood the whole time he was with Niki! Oh, that third panel expression is just golden manna to us…
Moon Mullins
March 13th, 2008 at 12:45 am [Reply]

Meanwhile, in Luann,
we find that Brad never had to worry about competition for Daytona from the Captain, because the cap’n is gay and bringing his lover Tony. Whatta wacky misunderstanding — Brad couldn’t hear the diff between Ton-i and Ton-y. Better question, how could he work under this captain for so many years and not realize he dated men? You’d think that might have come up around the station by now, but perhaps the firemen are so busy with holding food drives and planning Annual Balls — you know, all those things they are always doing instead of fighting fires or responding to emergencies — they really haven’t had time to notice.
Lisa (not the dead one)
March 13th, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

Luann: in the March 13 installment, we find out the fire cap’n is gay. This is the most exciting thing to happen in Luann ever! It’s the ONLY thing to happen in Luann ever!
Pepperoni Détournées (formerly Herro!)
March 13th, 2008 at 12:50 am [Reply]

You’re a plugger if you went to “Sanz” school and became a medical/dental assistant. You greet patients, take blood pressure, and enter information into the computer. You had to go to school to learn how to do this. You have a framed printout of your “diploma” from ITT Tech on your wall.
Farley's Revenge
March 13th, 2008 at 12:52 am [Reply]

So Brad wore the dorky pin for nothing. Oh well. Perhaps he’ll wear it to the ball or give it to Toni as an expression of his unconsummated lust.
Deeeeeeeeeeelightful
March 13th, 2008 at 1:16 am [Reply]

Oh boy I can imagine how this storyline going to end
“As a poverty stricken youth, I was forced to meddle as a means of survival. I meddled for food, for shelter, sometimes meddling on street corners in the middle of the night. I joined a street gang at 15 where the iniation was to force a man to give up alcohol and turn to heroin. I felt so alive that first time!”
Mibbitmaker
March 13th, 2008 at 1:31 am [Reply]

3/13:

MW: We have finally hit flashback! YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!! … We finally get to see… how much this’ll suck.

R&R: Great, now Rover’s going to start to worry about Cathy’s nose!

MT: It’s nice to have a middle panel of birds to break up the other two panels showing two badly-made Ken dolls having a conversation.

MF: No, calling Obama by his full (read: middle) name is code for anti-islamicism. Can’t you even get your own right wing straight, BT?

H&J: Can’t God throw a lightning bolt her way for using scripture to set up a shopworn, lame, cliched attempt at quasi-misandry? Or at least on general principle?

GT: “…See: there’s his tiny little signature, right there on my wrist…”

FW: Typical: we just see an incredible victory and everyone happy, especially our heroine — and already they’re talking about CPR!

DtM: Is it really menacing when he’s shown to be a menace, but has already included helpfullness to rectify the situation?

BBailey: “Lolligagging nincompoops”? She must be borrowing from some Spiro Agnew speech about hippies.

A3G: “Cup o’ Joe’s”… “Joe’s Cafe”… Bet the 3rd place he’s going by/to is called “Eat at Joe’s”. Or have I seen too many old theatrical cartoons? Maybe just “Jerky Turkey”?
True Fable
March 13th, 2008 at 1:44 am [Reply]

WRIT OF HABEOUS SNARKUS

WHEREAS, the party of the first part, that being one ANTHONY CAINE, shall enter into an agreed-upon union with the party of the second part, that being one ELIZABETH PATTERSON, for the purpose of creating the unity of PASTYCAINE ENTERPRISES; and that said enterprise will also agree to sufficiently provide for the well-being of a child from a previous venture by said Anthony Caine as well as any and all future spawn of said merger;

WHEREAS, that marital privileges up to and possibly including the Corporeal Merger between Party One and Party Two, aka PastyCaine Enterprises, to be also known as the Joint Venture, shall take place in an appropriate location as directed by the social firm of St. Elly of Millborough, Limited.

THEREFORE in said Joint Venture the party of the first part acknowledges that he will supply the party of the second part with the proper tech support required for said merger to consummate, and that said merger will last for an appropriate length of time but not to exceed the doctor’s recommended four hour limitation as advertised in media campaigns; that the party of the second part will agree to accommodate said merger by exposing all necessary confidential records, files and underpinnings previously withheld for routine inspection.

FURTHERMORE, the party of the first part will provide the party of the second part with suitable workspace at the premises of the CaineManse, a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Mayes Corporation, including access to all fenced structures and accommodations on the lower and upper floors. The Mayes Corporation shall also reserve the rights for any First Night arrangements previously agreed upon by its separate but binding contract as stipulated in the rental agreement.

FURTHERMORE the party of the first part and the party of the second part of PASTYCAINE ENTERPRISES shall at properly prescribed intervals not to exceed standard Millborough practices of “once in a blue moon”, proceed to merge their assets and profit from adequate emotional involvement of any and all Muppet mouthing, tonguerattling and bug-eyed gobsmacking as prescribed by the aforementioned St. Elly of Millborough, hereby known as the standardbearer for incidental displays of affection.

WHEREAS, I find this arrangement to be in keeping with the policies as set forth by the Corbeil Establishment, I do hereby grant the application of matrimony, and may God have mercy upon your souls.

s/
The Honorable Truman A. Fable
The Honorable Alan Parker
The Honorable Judge Dredd
The Honorable Judge Reinhold
The Honorable Ninja Goats of Greater Metropolitan Roopville
True Fable
March 13th, 2008 at 1:48 am [Reply]

Damn! There are loopholes all over that thing but I strongly doubt either Anthony OR Liz will have the smarts to take advantage and get out of it.
Mibbitmaker
March 13th, 2008 at 1:50 am [Reply]

FOOB: A proposal that is both barely existant and a blatant-all-along anvil at the same time. Followed up by…? a penultimate panel with the Entire Face of Loveliness, then…. just so, so wrong! That excited — to the point of sounding like Robert Smigel’s Clutch Cargo Bill Clinton on “Conan” — over that lump?? AAUGHH!

I’d love to see one of our mock-up whizes change the last panel thusly: Repeat the previous panel’s close-up, but superimpose a thought bubble from Liz that simply says: “Oh, shit!”

But yeah, awful as it’ll get, this is definately Manos-from-heaven for snark. Like the Spitzer thing was for the late-night hosts, this is for us.
Pepperoni Détournées (formerly Herro!)
March 13th, 2008 at 1:53 am [Reply]

Fable, I just finished two hours of civil procedure….on top of six hours of torts. You understand, of course, that I cannot possibly bring myself to read your brilliance quite yet. ;-)
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
March 13th, 2008 at 2:04 am [Reply]

Niall,

“the “Jeff asks Max about picking up women” immediately after – which only had one payoff”

Well, one so far. It does pay off in a big way soon. ;) (Well…I think soon. It’s hard to judge ’soon’ when you have to work at least 2 months in advance).

As for the walkman/discman thing, that wasn’t so much a mistake as it didn’t seem to matter to anyone…including me. I know the actual name was ‘discman’, but I never in the years I owned one actually called it that, or heard it called that in day to day conversation. Sorry. :)

Still, maybe I should start handing out something like Marvel comics’s ‘no-prize’ for when things do get through. :D
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
March 13th, 2008 at 2:07 am [Reply]

Oh, plus today’s strip was based on my friend bringing her discman to a gym, and saying everyone was looking at her.
True Fable
March 13th, 2008 at 2:15 am [Reply]

#238 Pepperoni Detournee – That’s okay, I understand. I could barely bring myself to read the Foobacle in the first place.

You’re a legal eagle? Uh oh, this means you’ll be able to riff on my rank amatuer attempt! Golly, I’ll feel just like…like…Lynn as a writer.

oh god I’m doomed. :D

#240 Ed Power – I had to explain a transitor radio when I tried to describe a character from The Jackson Twins to my son. He looked at my MP3 and said, “Isn’t that a little too advanced for you, maybe?” So yeah, I know right where Norm’s coming from!
Frank Parsnip
March 13th, 2008 at 2:17 am [Reply]

MT: So there was an 8-year-old girl who wrote a fabulous essay about the responsibility of taking care of a pet for “Woods and Wildlife” magazine. Because nothing really catches the imagination of true nature lovers like writing about fulfilling one’s responsibilities as the benevolent overlord who feeds, walks and trains a domesticated animal.

Now that this girl has won the contest with her essay about fulfilling her responsibilities, “Woods and Wildlife” magazine is going to promptly expand her autocratic domain to the breaking point by giving her an un-housebroken puppy. Her next essay will be titled: “My gaunt puppy has sores again.”

Sex Organ, M.D.: Is that a banana in your fruit bowl, or are you just happy to see me? The banana says it all about Rex’s disappointing weekend with manwhore Niki.

MW: In panel two, it’s fascinating to see Mary as a youngster, looking out the bars of her cell. Presumably mom’s in the next room entertaining sailors from the USS Pennsyltucky.

Slylock Fox: Today, I have to say that the use of 3 cats in each panel beats out both Heathcliff and Garfield for sheer ability to emphasize that “cats just love fish”.

GT: Yes, that loud ex-drum major schtick has been a whole new career for him. You gotta see what he can do when he’s got 100 bagpipers or a brass band behind him.

DT: The house is sealed tighter than a drum and nobody answers? I like that the police officers in this strip feel free to comment on the quality of a home’s insulation and weatherstripping. Hey, how are those rain gutters doing? Full of leaves or nice and clean?
taotu
March 13th, 2008 at 2:27 am [Reply]

FOOB: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Liz had the brief thought that she could escape the perfect, bland utopia that her creator had so carefully plucked out for her- but in panel four, Elizabeth’s hopes, dreams, and quite likely her very soul itself resigned in protest.

Seriously, her eyes give me the heebie jeebies. Augh.
Frank Parsnip
March 13th, 2008 at 2:29 am [Reply]

Screw the discman and the walkman… time to get the Soundwagon! http://www.turntablelab.com/vinyl/241/1056/40120.html

I keep my pockets full of them for vinyl emergencies.
CrazyEskimo
March 13th, 2008 at 2:40 am [Reply]

Hmmmm…. looks like Elizabeth is having a Howard Dean moment.
Mr. O'Malley
March 13th, 2008 at 2:47 am [Reply]

Seems to have been some kind of problem with the comics feed. Houston Chron page went totally blank for a while. Everything working again now.

Lockhorns are doing a salute to Mark Trail today. When did Leroy ever talk about Thoreau?
Trilobite
March 13th, 2008 at 3:55 am [Reply]

If Liz gets that excited over getting the least inspiring proposal ever from the blandest man in the entire world, I’d hate to see what her reaction would be if something good happened to her.

…oh, wait, this is For Better or For Worse; nothing good is EVER going to happen to her.
Luprand
March 13th, 2008 at 3:56 am [Reply]

So I had a bit of time to try and figure out what exactly that Zits comic yesterthread was trying to accomplish, and I think I have a vague idea: sheer psychedelic terror.
athena
March 13th, 2008 at 4:10 am [Reply]

Apparently FOOB is hearkening back to the time when marriage was nothing more than a business contract between two families–that’s the only explanation I can see for Anthony’s horrifyingly workmanlike “proposal”.

In MW we have a choice between the Charterstone pool party and Mary’s pity party. Suddenly my own life is looking pretty gosh-darn exciting…
Frank Parsnip
March 13th, 2008 at 4:20 am [Reply]

CrazyEskimo: Howard Dean moment? Try Tom Cruise moment — she’s on the couch screamin’ out her love for Blandthony in a way that is just as convincing as when Cruise went on Oprah to pretend he doesn’t crave cocks in his mouth.

For a real Howard Dean moment, she’d need to start yelling about how she’s going to take their love to Winnipeg! to Toronto! to Sasketchewan! to Calgary! to Vancouver! until her voice runs out on her.
Luprand
March 13th, 2008 at 4:33 am [Reply]

Aaaand I just made it worse.
Scherzo (AWOL from Jungle Patrol)
March 13th, 2008 at 5:50 am [Reply]

Luprand, thank you for that belly laugh (laff). You have made my morning.
AhClem
March 13th, 2008 at 6:00 am [Reply]

A couple of yesterthreads ago, I commented on the ground-breaking humor presented by Baldo, in which it was revealed that only teenagers can understand technology.

Today, H&J carries this to new heights, with the startling revelation that men won’t ask for directions when lost.

I foresee a Nobel Prize for cutting-edge satire for both of these strips.
gleeb
March 13th, 2008 at 6:06 am [Reply]

231: Nah, you’re a plugger if they made you get some phoney-baloney “credentials” just to get a job answering phones and doing data entry, so you could pay for your old man’s cold cuts habit.

9CL: He had enough change in quarters in his nose to pay for a cab? In New York?

A3G: Alan walks down the Street of Coffee Shops Run by Guys Named Joe.

FC: Anything’s gotta be better than the animated drive-by-shooting the Disney folks actually did on Hugo.

FBoFW: Quickly, Liz! Your only hope is to cleanly sever his spinal chord!

Mary: Finally, a flashback! Back to the times of huge venetian blinds.
Islamorada Girl
March 13th, 2008 at 6:08 am [Reply]

Dingo, my peach: I would never imply that a virile man such as yourself would actually need a cock ring. I just thought, as the worldly sophisticate you are, you would actually know what one is, and what it’s used for.

And having said that, I just want to scream and scream again when I saw today’s FOOB. Scream in terror and loathing. Honey, he ain’t no prize!
F. Cecious Lee
March 13th, 2008 at 6:19 am [Reply]

Dilbert made the Letters to the Editor in my hometown paper.

http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/mar/13/letter-dilbert-hasnt-been-funny-lately/
MrsIrB
March 13th, 2008 at 6:39 am [Reply]

@256

Meh. And here, I thought it would an exploration of how the big D has become over processed formulaic tripe. I actually find the final supper allusions to be kind of a relief from BOSSES ARE DUM LOL
Team MP
March 13th, 2008 at 6:41 am [Reply]

MT- I look forward to the day when that 8 y/o girl forgets to take the puppy outside and meets up with the “Fist-O-Justice.”
smacky
March 13th, 2008 at 6:54 am [Reply]

Foob: And finally, the car has fully plunged off the cliff. There will be no more skidding, no last-second jerk of the wheel. Like Aldo, we’re powerless to do anything but keep a tight grasp on the Johnny Walker and cover our eyes.
smacky
March 13th, 2008 at 7:04 am [Reply]

Wow, after 100+ years, we get confirmation that Mary Worth was a blonde. Yet she clearly did not have more fun, instead devoting her life to making sure no one else did either.
And The
March 13th, 2008 at 7:09 am [Reply]

GA: If you’re ridiculously ignorant, perhaps you shouldn’t be rude as well and interrupt people who are explaining things to you. BTW, she’s got quite the catch with FDR there.

GT: In the final panel, which of these two figures is the student and which is the teacher? No fair peeking at the text!

DT: So Mr. Lector decided to kidnap a museum director, fill the museum with the works of a very distinctive artist, let said artist wander around free and perfectly aware of Lector’s home address and then went out kidnapping half the city to his very own home? Having the cops show up better be all part of his brilliant scheme.

Luann: Yes, the man you agreed to go to the ball with had to be frightened and then shamed into it under a false threat he eavesdropped on and misunderstood, Toni. What a catch Brad is!

A-3G: OK, now we’re in repeats. C’mon, overdose or get arrested or something!

MT: I should hope she did a good job, Mr. Patronizing Corporate Shell. You’re giving her an award, after all.

MT: Yes, Mary’s mother was the original Mrs. Hubbard.

Phantom: The Phantom sneaking around on a horse in a modern city never ceases to amuse me. Clip-clop-clip-clop.

RMMD: Man, that smug pout just sums Rex up all in one panel. Can we lose him now?
Whippersnapper
March 13th, 2008 at 7:16 am [Reply]

Foob: Wow, you think you’re prepared for a moment like this, but when it happens, you’re still overwhelmed with emotion. (Excruciating nausea with periodic projectile vomiting is an emotion, isn’t it?)

Liz and Granthony both seem so resigned in this strip. It reminds me of that short story by Shirley Jackson where the woman knows she’s just married a wife-killer, and she’s just waiting for him to knock her off. It ends with her saying something to the effect of, “Might as well get started” and him agreeing. That is the mood of this strip. How romantic.
AhClem
March 13th, 2008 at 7:22 am [Reply]

#222 Poteet -
Single-malt AND chocolate syrup? Marry me!
Brick Bradford
March 13th, 2008 at 7:24 am [Reply]

Cornwhacker 216–Do you realize you just hit upon how this whole nightmare is going to end? With Lizanthony at the altar–saying “For better for worse”, and I still think the heartshaped panel will make an appearance. Then it’s flashback to little Michael finger painting with his poop.

This strip really was good, once.
Bobdog
March 13th, 2008 at 7:26 am [Reply]

Pluggers engage in shameless product placement.

Seriously, what did Red Boar have to shell out to get their names in front millions and millions of depressed, fat people?
AhClem
March 13th, 2008 at 7:26 am [Reply]

I recently picked up a CD titled “Boombox Squaredance” by Foghorn Stringband, an old-time string band based out of Portland, OR. It’s a great CD, and I love the music, but that fact didn’t help to prevent the wave of revulsion I felt when I noticed that the first two tunes were called “Biddy” and “Mary Wants a Lover.”

I hadn’t read Mary Worth for 30 years until I found CC. This place has ruined me.
Jess A.
March 13th, 2008 at 7:28 am [Reply]

*sigh*

This Foob has got to be the most underwhelming strip in Foob’s history. Why do I keep reading this every day??

Oh, right, so that I can come here and entertain myself.
Calico
March 13th, 2008 at 7:29 am [Reply]

FOOBBLEEEARRRGGGHHHH
Brick Bradford
March 13th, 2008 at 7:31 am [Reply]

Last time I saw that cop in today’s Dick Tracy he was interrogating Gregoy Peck in “The Guns of Naverone”.

Lt. Teevo? Works in records, no doubt.
mcmc
March 13th, 2008 at 7:35 am [Reply]

And Elizabeth ruins everything when she swallows Anthony’s head. A narrow escape for Anthony, but what will happen to his child?
blastoff
March 13th, 2008 at 7:39 am [Reply]

FLASHBACK!!!! FLASHBACK!!! FLASHBACK!!! :-D!!!
Calico
March 13th, 2008 at 7:41 am [Reply]

FOOB again – now Liz can rub the noses of all her ex boyfriends in it, but good, the way she rubbed her entire face in a sandwich the other day.

FC – always remember to give props to your other family members, just in case. (A Keane-spawn does work as a Disney animator-I hope he’s more talented than Lil’ Billy).
dreadedcandiru2
March 13th, 2008 at 7:49 am [Reply]

FBorFW: It’s obvious Liz channeled Howard Dean because she realized she wouldn’t have to die a lonely, bitter old spinster. Now she gets to die a lonely, bitter old widow or divorcee!! YAY!!!! Let the good times ROLL!!
Inspector Dim
March 13th, 2008 at 7:51 am [Reply]

Re: FOOB: After reading this morning’s strip, I have shipped off yet another gallon of cat pee to Lynn Johnston.
Inspector Dim
March 13th, 2008 at 7:53 am [Reply]

S-M: Drive on, Persuader! Follow the signs marked “Plot.”
WonderCat
March 13th, 2008 at 7:56 am [Reply]

I loved reading everybody’s proposal stories! The funny thing was, it seemed like many were trying to prove how unromantic your proposals were — but I would say that they all had some essential aspects that make a proposal romantic that are entirely lacking in this nauseating FOOB proposal. Like “interesting,” “funny,” “original,” etc. Oh yeah, and I’m really, really hoping that there was a lot more sex appeal. The right people (with the right chemistry, at least at the time) can make any situation romantic. Liz and Anthony are not the right people. Ew.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 13th, 2008 at 7:59 am [Reply]

Creepiest eyes in the comics today: Is it Liz (FBOFW panel 4)? Or Amanda (GA panel 3)? Be sure to register your vote — if, that is, you maintain any shred of rational thought or even consciousness after viewing the contestants.

Also I thought the Plugger gal today was kind of cute – that happens occasionally – but the caption? “People who work in $profession are pluggers.” For any value of $profession. We’re all pluggers. That’s the message. I ain’t buyin’ it.
Calico
March 13th, 2008 at 8:02 am [Reply]

#228 – Looks like a large deer got into Dennis’ kitchen too. Christ.

MW – Young Mary looks like she jumped right off the page of a Yellow Kid cartoon.

3G – Breakfast with ~~Amy Winehouse~~ Alan Lange – coffee, eggs and toast, two shots of smack, and a Bump. Yum.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick, Decreer of Things (Self-Appointed)
March 13th, 2008 at 8:04 am [Reply]

Ahem. (*tap tap tap*)

Can everybody in the back hear me? You can? Good.

In my capacityeeeeeeeEEEEEEeeee… sorry, sorry about that… let me turn down the gain a bit.

There. Now as I was saying… In my capacity as Official Comics Curmudgeon Decreer of Things (self-appointed), I hereby decree…

The Comics Curmudgeon 2008 Virtual Roadtrip “Foobocalypse NOW” is on! That’s right, you heard me, it is ON, bitches!

Everyone, get your shiny neon tuxedos and your puffy-sleeved rayon bridesmaid dresses with the big bows on the ass. Lock and load your Magmacannons if you got ‘em and your AquaNet Krisper 800s if you don’t. Precinct captains, report in and sign up on the carpool schedule posted on the bulletin board outside my office. All vehicles must depart for Milborough, Ontario, no later than 0900 EST Monday if we are to make it in time. I think we can count on a certain Galactic Emporer to pick up stragglers, but remember that even his skxcritort can only be in 27 dimensions at once (HA, HA!), so do not make this your first plan. If you can’t drive yourself, find a carpool buddy and stick to him.

Ladies, gentlemen, cartoon characters, space aliens, house pets, small woodland creatures, physical embodiments of conceptual ideas, and fellow chunks of talking sentient masonry: We ARE crashing this party, and we will make boxcar sure it is one the Pattersons Will. Never. Forget.

And one more thing: Oh, yes. There will be T-shirts.
Tweeks_Coffee
March 13th, 2008 at 8:05 am [Reply]

Thursday (mostly) one-liners…

A3G: How common are maroon curtains hung in the bottom 1/4 of a window anyway?
BC: Nice
DtM: I never noticed that the Mitchells have a pet Lemur before.
DT: #261 – And The: Oh man, I wish you hadn’t called him Mr. Lector. Now I’m not going to be able to stop myself from thinking of Silence Of The Lambs every time I read this.
FC: Jealous much, Jef?
FOOB: NO COMMENT
FW: Nice shot, but you’re JV, nobody cares.
GT: Man, this is worse than 90210. At least they kind of looked like high schoolers when they were playing them.
H&J: This was a pretty lame joke the first million times I heard it.
MF: Why did he start numbering at 14?
MT: I’m sure the kid’s parents will love you arbitrarily dropping a random puppy on them too.
MW: Mary Worth: The OZ Years
Pluggers: Congratulations, everyone in the field of medicine, you’re now Pluggers.
Popeye: The fact that keelhauling is, apparently, a common occurrence for Popeye comes as a surprise to me.
RMMD: Has Rex ever looked prissier than he does in today’s last panel?
SF: I like that Han Solo cosplay is the uniform wherever Ted works.

Hmm, one-liners only save time if you just do a few comics.
Shoshi
March 13th, 2008 at 8:10 am [Reply]

239 Ed Power–You are misunderstanding the complaint about the Discman. It’s not that it should be called “Discman” (since, in fact, it is still branded as a “Walkman”). It is that a Discman is a relatively recent development.

However, as you and Melissa must be VERY young, the Discman must seem like something from the stone ages to you, while those of us who are older consider the CD to be somewhat newish and the Walkman that would justify the reaction depicted in the strip would have to be a cassette player!

:-)
Joe, Upper-Evergreen Division of the Jungle Patrol
March 13th, 2008 at 8:16 am [Reply]

Smirky Cancerbean: What?! The ball went right in the basket? A happy ending?? Either Batuik is losing it or he’s having Lynn Johnston write his stories now.

FOOB: If you look at Google Earth, you will notice a new river flowing out of Michigan. It is the size and volume of the Misissippi. It begins at the entrance to my home……actually, it’s all coming from my stomach……..
Calico
March 13th, 2008 at 8:16 am [Reply]

RM – Nice banana you’ve got there, Doc.
Is it a souvenir of your fishing/money burning expo?
Tweeks_Coffee
March 13th, 2008 at 8:21 am [Reply]

#281 – Shoshi: Well, as he said in 240 it was based in a real experience. Though a Discman may not be that old, I certainly wouldn’t be stunned that it’ll garner looks at a gym. What with the young-uns these days.
Shoshi
March 13th, 2008 at 8:25 am [Reply]

239/281–Although I suppose that perspective makes the joke in this strip even funnier!
John C Fremont
March 13th, 2008 at 8:26 am [Reply]

A3G – Alan goes from mopy to chipper to pensive; The Three Faces of Alan.

Foob – Ah, crap…

MW – “Nope. Nothing to meddle with in this cupboard.” Mary wasn’t a very bright looking kid, was she?

RMMD – Today Rex shows us his “Oops!” face. I’ll bet June sees that a lot.

Through the miracle of video, I now know (to my horror) how I look when I walk. I lumber around like a large bear. At least I finally know which Plugger character I am. On the plus side, that means I’m married to that hot kangaroo chick.
Shoshi
March 13th, 2008 at 8:26 am [Reply]

284–Well, maybe it was something about the way she had to attach it to her body during the workout?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
March 13th, 2008 at 8:31 am [Reply]

A3G: I’ve got a subject for your next artwork, Alan! “Triptych: Self-Portraits in Right Profile with Java Joints.”

Baldo: The lunar eclipse actually did happen at a reasonable hour. On the west coast of the U.S., where it is implied this strip is set, it started at 5:43 p.m. and was all over by 9:09 p.m. To have seen it at 2:47 a.m., Baldo and family must actually live in Spain. Oh, one more thing: It happened on February 20. You’re only off by nine hours, four minutes and TWENTY-TWO DAYS. Baldo is about as timely as Herb & Jamaal is topical.

FBOFW: <voice="Kosh"> And so, it begins. </voice>

MW: As a natural redhead, I hereby disavow any genetic connection with Mary Worth.
Superfecta
March 13th, 2008 at 8:40 am [Reply]

So yesterday Liz was convinced that Granthony didn’t trust her (what with her having a more interesting man at her house and all), but today she’s overjoyed to be engaged to him after that? Will the wedding be at a junior high school?

I can only hope that April will go further roadside and be a pregnant teen bridesmaid.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 13th, 2008 at 8:43 am [Reply]

3/13

MW: “My mother couldn’t protect me forever. When I was nine, I found out about… stairs.” Gasp!

OBH: James is not ghetto fabulous!

Archie: Raj’s novelty factor turned out to have a very short battery life. Into the locker with him.

A3G: Alan doesn’t seem to be a complete tool in today’s strip. But he’s not out of the woods. Will he fall prey to the demon espresso?

PBS: Aw, c’mon Pig! Even Satchel turns the tables now and then.

Momma: You’re a character in “Momma.” Beauty is a little much to expect.

Phantom: The kind of Boffo judgment that takes you to red alert over graffiti tributes?

SFx: The talented cats are doing their impression of the Grateful Dead dancing bears.

FC: “In fact, screw Disney! I’m gonna work for RJ Reynolds. They’ll love the new and improved Joe Camel in Africa.”

GT: Milford, home of the awkward segue.

GA: They used my religion joke, I see. Somnambulist or no, Sturdevant seems like the less freaky half of the couple.

RMMD: Rex is overselling the fearlessness of daddies a touc, but never mind that. RMMD’s two biggest selling points are back. Albeit only in the first panel, and obscured by June’s elbow.

SSmith: To the list of “Thing’s I’m Not Ready to Think About”, add the image of Loweezy wearing deli meat as lingerie.
Bootsy
March 13th, 2008 at 8:44 am [Reply]

Mary Worth is wearing the same outfit as a child centuries ago as she is narrating her flashback.
Niall
March 13th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

235. True Fable: Oh, you wonderful, wonderful man you!! That was beyond priceless. I had taken a swig of OJ and had to fight not to spew it laughing. You deserve a kiss from someone for that.

237. Mibbitmaker: “Manos-from-heaven” was also inspired. :)

239. Ed Power: Ahhhh, okay. I’ll fully admit it’s probably a case of me being a bit pedantic about naming things. :) Um, yeah, if it was a real walkman with a tape… no, not even I use those anymore. Though I still have one. But I absolutely believe the reactions of the other gymgoers, and that it was based on a true story. The inclusion of the bunnygirl mitigates a lot, too. :)

244. Frank Parsnip: holy cow, those Soundwagons are cute!! And that’s what they meant by Vinyl Killer. I’ve seen numerous references but never once what it actually meant. And oooh, great website – USB turntables! For a good price, too…

248. Luprand: that’s pretty much what I imagined was happening. Meaning it was right out of a horror films, because breasts don’t work that way.

263. Not just single malt, but Islay single malt. Swigs of Lagavulin can kill at ten paces. :) And yes, Poteet is quite something.

277. One-eyed Wolfdog: wasn’t the “somewhat cute” Plugger lady the one of the infamous cartoon with unmentionables left in the breeze on a clothesline?

281. Shoshi: Um, no, discmans are marketed as Discmans, not Walkmans… that I’ve seen… in stores… But nonetheless, the joke can still hold; the age of the people in the gyms does not matter, it’s their rapid acceptance (and display!) of modern gizmos, matched by their immediate abandonment of anything older than said most recent technology, flushing the very notion from their minds. Therefore, to these people, the very view of a Compact Disc would be like looking at geological stratas… A cassette tape would be either frightening or completely unknown to some.

288. Spider-Brick: magnificent Kosh quote.
misskittyfantastico
March 13th, 2008 at 8:54 am [Reply]

OH MY GOD LIZ AND (GR)ANTHONY ARE ENGAGED! DOOMSDAY IS NIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hank
March 13th, 2008 at 8:54 am [Reply]

FOOB. Actually, that sort of conversation is pretty typical romantic banter for those two. In fact, it’s also the way they talk dirty during sex:

Anthony: Should we discuss fornicating, Liz?
Liz: It might be a good idea.
Anthony: We’ve been friends so long, I think we’d be good partners.
Liz: I think so too
Anthony: Would you like me to insert my semi-flaccid penis into your partially moist vagina?
Liz: Yes, yes, I would
Anthony: Then we could say we’re ‘fucking.’
Liz: Yes, yes, we could.
(pause)
Liz: Is it in yet?
rich
March 13th, 2008 at 8:58 am [Reply]

FOOB: It’s a Patterson girl’s dream come true: Anthony has become Elizabeth’s dad. She gets to marry her own father!

“Would you like to share your life with me and with my daughter Elizabeth?”
Professor Fate
March 13th, 2008 at 9:02 am [Reply]

FOOB: 1) Lis is acting like her team just won the game at the last second not that she has gotten a a proposal from “the perfect guy” 2) Anthony doesn’t seem comfortable with being touched does he?

and to quote Joseph Conrad – “the horror. The horror.”
Inspector Dim
March 13th, 2008 at 9:03 am [Reply]

FW: Winning the game and the JV championships for the Westview High Lady Carcinogens on a last second impossible shot will initially lead to rejoicing and pizza from ~~Fat Bastard’s~~ Montoni’s. But within the pizza lurks the Ebola virus, which in the future is transmitted through rancid pepperoni. Woe to Westview, and joy to Batiuk.
mattt
March 13th, 2008 at 9:06 am [Reply]

MW So, the flashback is finally here. In full color. Shouldn’t it be, like, black and white, or sepia toned or something? Or all cave-painty?

FBOFW Oh, great. Now we get to experience Liz’s wedding preparations and, inevitably, flashback’s to Elly’s wedding. Joy.

FW Wait, her shot went in? Something good happened to a FW character? We all know what this means: Next week she gets cancer.
rich
March 13th, 2008 at 9:07 am [Reply]

“Then……we could say we’re engaged.”

“Yes….. I guess we could…..

…Now let me pause silently for a moment, dear heart, as I allow my face to age fifteen years and inexplicably take on the dreamy countenance of a 40-year-old Lynn Johnston.”
Shermy Glamrocker
March 13th, 2008 at 9:09 am [Reply]

Lizardbreast’s showing of emotion in the final panel is giving Blandthony second thoughts already.
Brick Bradford
March 13th, 2008 at 9:09 am [Reply]

9CL: Bodice?
Inspector Dim
March 13th, 2008 at 9:10 am [Reply]

But when Mary got there
The cupboard was bare
And this flashback went on and on.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
March 13th, 2008 at 9:14 am [Reply]

FOOB: Awright! The Foobs are gonna Wang Chung tonight! I’m going to get some glompburgers to celebrate,
Buck Ripsnort
March 13th, 2008 at 9:14 am [Reply]

286– John C. Fremount– For a second, I thought you said RMMD shows us his O face, and I resolved NEVER to look at the strip.
StoutHearted
March 13th, 2008 at 9:24 am [Reply]

FOOB: For a while, it looks like Liz’s life flashes before her eyes. Then, realizing how dull it all was, she resigns herself to a life with Anthony, comforted by a bland future. Why do I get the feeling her fridge is full of unflavored yogurt?
Shoshi
March 13th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

292–If I understand you correctly, I think it is the same thing that I meant when I said that it makes the joke funnier to realize that even the Discman would seem stone age.

But I thought your original complaint was that it should have been a cassette tape Walkman for the gags to make sense. Maybe I misunderstood.

BTW, here you can see that although “Discman” is a way of referring to Sony’s CD Walkman, it still carries the “Walkman” brand name:

http://www.amazon.com/MP3-CD-Players-Discman-Audio-Video/b?ie=UTF8&node=226732
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 13th, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

#304 Buck Ripsnort,
Yeah, that’d do it.
BenG
March 13th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

FOOB: This is about how I imagine wedding proposals in the 19th century sounded. Minus Liz going all spastic at the end.
ladadog
March 13th, 2008 at 9:41 am [Reply]

FBoFW: So let me get this straight. No, I love you, Liz, I can’t live without you, marry me, please? No, I love you too Anthony, you are the only man for me.

Anthony needs lessons from Pepe le Pew.

I say it again, this sets the stage for a Kill Bill wedding – Canadian style.
gkl
March 13th, 2008 at 9:46 am [Reply]

MT: This is sad, but I’m genuinely angry at this strip. Giving a puppy to someone you don’t know and will never see again, much less giving said puppy as a surprise, is really not what the business world would call a best practice for ensuring that that puppy is well cared-for. As supposed animal lovers, the people involved in this strip (real and fictional) should know better.

(Sorry to get all serious-like. For snark: I suppose art is supposed to provoke emotion, and this is probably as close to either art or emotion that Mark Trail is going to get, so, hey, good on you.)

Pluggers: Nurses are pluggers? No profession deserves that kind of slander. May Gary Brookins receive a visit from Louise Fletcher in his dreams tonight.

GA: Today, sadly, the plotline goes from “audacious in its stupidity” to “just really insipidly stupid.” Sturdivant Kleeb, we hardly knew ye.

MW: Great flashback, Mary. Although I liked it more when it appeared in Gil Thorp for the past three months.
wellsey
March 13th, 2008 at 9:56 am [Reply]

Holy crap. Liz just snapped Anthony’s neck in two!
Dingo
March 13th, 2008 at 10:08 am [Reply]

I read the news today. Oh, boy!

Is this how one proposes marriage? “Whacha doin’ for the next fifty years?” “I donna. You?” “I donna. Maybe we should spend it together.” “Okay.”

More thought and articulation is spent between the average couple choosing either an evening at Olive Garden or Applebee’s than Elizabeth and Anthony put into that marriage proposal.

Pity poor Francoise. She has fourteen years left in that house before she absconds to New York and causes the downfall of a governor.
Abby, the Wonderdog
March 13th, 2008 at 10:08 am [Reply]

Rex was petrified all right.

BARK! BARK! BARK!
F. Cecious Lee
March 13th, 2008 at 10:12 am [Reply]

98 Paperback Rifler

I laughed at the Pilot light when I read it yesterday. Today (before I read your comment) I revisited the strip and a saw there was more depth to it “I’ll punch his pilot light out”. It looks like Scott Adams knew what he was doing.
commodorejohn
March 13th, 2008 at 10:15 am [Reply]

9CL – See, Brooke? “Funny” is well within your grasp. Why don’t you do it more often?

FC – Okay, this is way too meta for The Family Circus. Not to mention that it’s still not funny.

FOOB – In Foobland, even proposals are boring and safe. Let’s fix that.

FW – Yep, he died.

GA – “I just need to be there for communion, you know. Don’t worry, it’ll go so fast you’ll wonder where the time has gone.”

Lockhorns – Every now and again, I find The Lockhorns honestly funny. Today is one of those days.

MW – Oh, she’s old mother Hubbard’s daughter.

MC – Joke = funny. Bunny-girl = extremely cute.

Pluggers – Okay, is there anybody on the planet who isn’t a Plugger?
Albatross
March 13th, 2008 at 10:21 am [Reply]

Hallelujah!! Finally the slow torture of “Who Will Lizardbreath Marry” has finally ended!

Now the endless torture of “The Foobs Plan a Wedding” shall begin!!
WonderCat
March 13th, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

294 Hank – Brilliant. Also disturbing. And probably true. But mostly just hilarious.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 13th, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

There’s a meta level of irony in My Cage, since I’m not entirely sure anyone too young to recognize a walkman would be dropping “flux capacitor” references.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 13th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

For some reason, it occurred to me that some of you would have the right sort of mind to enjoy Finnish rap synced to A Charlie Brown Christmas.
Anonymous
March 13th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Islamorada Girl (255) said: “Honey, he ain’t no prize!”

I have news for you, dear: neither is she.

Mediocrity rules!
Calico
March 13th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

#302 –
Little Miss Mary
Sat on her Derri(ere)
Eating her rat tail stew
Along came a cat
(Not as big as cooked rat)
and said “Got some for me too?”
gnome de blog
March 13th, 2008 at 10:49 am [Reply]

#320 be me. Sorry about that.
Calico
March 13th, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

#303 – Another truly shitty 80’s song to remember.
We could compile the “Rhino LizAnthony Wedding Disc”, full of nothing but crap pop!

Hey Lizzie you’re so (not) fine
Hey Lizzie you (don’t) blow my mind
etc.

Blarfff!
Niall
March 13th, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

306. Shoshi: Well dagnabbit! They do call them “CD Walkmans” nowadays! I only remember them as “Discmans” (Discmen?) when I last bought mine. Um, a while ago. Or maybe packaging is different in Canada.

So….

I was wrong, I formally apologise to Ed Power who was perfectly fine in his nomenclature, I retract my original statements, I have egg on my face, and the gag is still funny (and the bunny lady is still cute) – which is the important point. :)

318. One-eyed Wolfdog: I re-checked – the Back to the Future reference is done by Jim Rat (I still giggle at the perfect name), who said nothing in panel 1; therefore he could well go a different route than the actual mp3-player wearers. And it’s definitely a small, but present part of pop culture canon references.
And The
March 13th, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

#280: Imagining Mr. Lector eating Tracy’s liver with fava beans is the only thing getting me through this plot.
TheDiva
March 13th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

308: Anthony’s oh-so-practical proposal reminds me of Mr. Collins in “Pride and Prejudice.” Sadly, Miss Patterson lacks the wit and foresight of that other Elizabeth.
Eats Shoots And Leaves
March 13th, 2008 at 11:10 am [Reply]

Foober Pluggers. Pluggers sit lethargically on the couch and unenthusiastically discuss marriage. Then the cow plugger celebrates her narrow escape from worthless-old-maidness by rubbing her udder in the weasel pluggers’ face.
4EvahFan
March 13th, 2008 at 11:11 am [Reply]

FOOB: Worst proposal ever. You could substitute “would you like to go out for coffee” for “share your life” and it would at least have some oomph to it.

So they’ve never discussed marriage, but here’s the big matzoh ball. Just when you thought this stupid strip couldn’t get any worse and unrealistic.
Christine
March 13th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

FBorFW: Whaaa? NOOOO!

I like to think that Liz’s look of incredible horror in the second-to-last panel means that she’s now attempting to kill Anthony. That last panel — a hug? Or an attempt at strangulation? Only time will tell!
Calico
March 13th, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

Includes the best of:

Chilliwack
.38 Special
Sheena Easton
Duran Duran
Thompson Twins

Copulatin’ music for our Milborough cuties!
dale
March 13th, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

Luann story line continues to irritate

1) Wouldn’t Toni have known why she was at Brad’s station? She could have told him up front. Trollop.

2) Captain goes the door of his office and calls Toni back, sits down behind his desk, then hands her the notebook and tells her to leave. Asshole.

3) There is still hope for something else. Tony Gale could be the stage name of a locally famous female singer or infamous stripper from Milford Metropolis.
smacky
March 13th, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

#294: Hank, that was so, so wrong, but I laughed because it felt so, so right.

Then we could say we’re ‘fucking.’
Plugmein
March 13th, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

#315 I am not a Plugger.
wellsey
March 13th, 2008 at 11:22 am [Reply]

#310 gkl – I was thinking the same thing about MT. What parts of “Responsible Pet Ownership” and “giving a stranger a generic pet puppy” could possibly go together? Mark needs to unleash a Fist O’Justice on this clean shaven man pronto for even suggesting such a thing. The whole “and a puppy” was such a throwaway line, but I’m really hoping this turns into a diatribe against the very practice they seem to be about to portray.
commodorejohn
March 13th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

#330 Calico – Hey, don’t you be hatin’ on Duran Duran.
Calico
March 13th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

PETA and Pam Anderson are gonna be on your rear mighty quick, Elrod.
Calico
March 13th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

#335 – I need to bleach my eyes daily ever since I saw the “Hungry Like the Wolf” video years ago.

More caustic compounds, mule! : )
Hal Jordan
March 13th, 2008 at 11:28 am [Reply]

About 5 years ago the power went out for several hours and I retrieved an old Sony Walkman with a radio receiver in it from the bottom of a box full of random shit. The cassette player was broken, but I could still listen to the radio. My 4-year old thought that was the coolest thing he had ever seen. He wore it all around the house that day. Now that he’s nine and too cool for his own good, he would never even be seen walking around with an ipod that lacked video capability.

Also, I though Beetle Bailey was funny. Yes, I am ashamed…

And another thing. Summer was guarded by three players 25 feet from the basket and she took the shot? Fucking ball hog! Find the open man (um, girl)! There were at least two of them standing around somewhere, wide open!
Electro
March 13th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

Tobey to Mary: “‘ll just die if I don’t get this recipe. I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe. I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe.”
gh
March 13th, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Golly, I actually did kind of call it way back up there at #49:

Young Mary: As God is my witness, I will never go without tuna casserole again!
Rainbird
March 13th, 2008 at 11:37 am [Reply]

MW

Poor Mary Worth as a child. Looking into a linen closet for food. No wonder she had a hard childhood.
prospero
March 13th, 2008 at 11:39 am [Reply]

Rove’s revenge. The dumbass didn’t misuse public funds on public time. He obviously didn’t violate the Mann Act. He hired a hooker. BFD. He hired a hooker. Bigger FD, and payback. How these things work.

All in all, who cares? Just one more Brittani (shouldn’t she have an i, with a smiley face) moment to distract the booboisee from the Constitutional carnage. Americans, dumber than grunt, and with a shorter attention span.
Xavier Libris
March 13th, 2008 at 11:42 am [Reply]

Hey, Language Log is about comics today!
http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/005453.html
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 13th, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

#331 Dale

3) There is still hope for something else. Tony Gale could be the stage name of a locally famous female singer or infamous stripper from Milford Metropolis.

I was thinking that maybe the T in “TJ” stands for “Tony.” It’s a hope.
Saluki
March 13th, 2008 at 11:50 am [Reply]

256 F. Cecious Lee:

I will never understand religious sorts who think that just because they believe something we all should and that gives them the right to determine what I read (or do, or wear, or go, etc etc etc).
Patrick
March 13th, 2008 at 11:54 am [Reply]

308: No, 19th Century marriage proposals were far more romantic than the “you want fries with that?” garbage Blandthony spewed out. The 19th Century was the time when marrying for love really caught on. All manner of self help books came out on how to write the best love letters and how not to screw up the marriage proposal and why it makes sense not to rush headlong into something really stupid. People think the Victorians were starched prudes when in reality they were more passionate than we are today and less afraid of their feelings. What is different about them is how they express that passion. The 20th Century did a lot of damage to the perception of its 19th Century forebears. In the interest of trying to look as modern as possible, our great grandparents (if you’re my age) got the short end of the stick. Imagine if all assumptions about the 20th Century were based on re-runs of Miami Vice and Arnold Schwarzenegger movies and you get the idea

Blandthony was channeling something closer to the 17th Century which will be followed by discussion with John Patterfoob over the size of the dowry and how many pigs and sheep Lizardbreath comes with.

My reaction to today’s Foob: slurb, glurp, sleech,slop, snorp, puke, hurl, retch, glarg!
Gypsymoth
March 13th, 2008 at 11:59 am [Reply]

344: Ben,

I was kind of thinking that Tony Gale is really Dirk’s (Toni’s ex) real name.
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
March 13th, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

Dilbert — Well, THAT was disappointing… I wonder if tomorrow will involve the guy getting rehired as a contractor?
Harry Worth
March 13th, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

What would be great is if school girl Mary’s neighbor turned out to look like a very young Captain Kangaroo.

That is the only way this story line is going to be of any interest.
commodorejohn
March 13th, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

#337 Calico – Well, I haven’t seen any videos by the group, but at least the music’s good.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 13th, 2008 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

Hey, Calico, this is the antidote for that video.
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
March 13th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

345 — Ain’t noting Christian about these complainers. Maybe they are Religious ™, but they sure don’t have anything to do with the Savior I serve.

Look at it this way — for some of the sub-context, Scott Adams would have had to crack open a Bible and read the Gospels. That’s a lot more that a lot of Religious ™ folk ever do, and that’s about all an evangelist could ask for from an atheist.
Calico
March 13th, 2008 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

#351 – Wonderful!
I do love Big Band Arrangements/music!
Now if someone would do that for “Smells like Teen Spirit.” Or maybe that has been done…
fuzzmaster
March 13th, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

Something to look forward to: I’m hearing rumblings that papers are getting ready to drop the Foobs once the last of these “original” storylines runs out later this year. Apparently space-crunched editors don’t think the Pattersons have quite the same timeless appeal as Peanuts.

Look for the three-month Doonesbury hiatus to be used as a testing ground for Foob replacements.
odinthor
March 13th, 2008 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

Um . . . there are people who go to the gym and don’t want to be looked at?!?!?!? Maybe my local crowd is just a pack of preeners; but my experience is that, if gymsters would get a notion that carrying a hand-cranked vinyl-record turntable around the gym would make them the center of attention, we’d all be working out to scratchy-sounding strains of Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.
F. Cecious Lee
March 13th, 2008 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

345 Saluki: No argument here.

That newspaper is one that pulled the FOOB story about gay Lawrence a few years ago.

They also like to run letters to the editor that get a lot of posts in their blogs. You should see the responses when they publish a letter about evolution. After reading the same back and forth arguments for about 2 years I posted that I was reminded of a Biblical story, the story of Onan.
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
March 13th, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

Speaking of proposal stories… I had this great romantic plan that involved going for a walk in the woods near my girlfriend’s home. Instead, she drags me off to go visit he best friend and her boyfriend in town.

We promptly get lost (keep in mind that this is her hometown and this is her BEST FRIEND’S HOUSE). I hate getting lost, so I’m in a foul mood when we arrive.

We argue, with the penultimate argument from me being, “I was going to propose to your stupid @$$ tonight; I sure as hell didn’t want to hang out with your idiot friend and her gay boytoy!” (keep in mind, bff and bf are in the front yard watching us argue ;) ) I topped that off by throwing her ring at the windshield of my car, cracking it.

We’ve been married 11 years, and my medication is working much better now.
Anonymous
March 13th, 2008 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

Why is Lizardbreath so enthused about a meaningless life of quiet desperation and cinnabun crumbs?

What is the childfreak Mary Worth looking out of? Is that a stairway or a prison window? It’s really hard to tell with the way the panel is drawn. Also, how does this explain her bing a lifelong meddling beldam harpy?
Wally Limpingbean
March 13th, 2008 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

Yea!!!! The Scapegoats won the JV championship!!!

ummmm, since when did JV teams play for anything beyond regular season, and if they did, when did anyone go to the games, much less have announcers?
Dicky
March 13th, 2008 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

FOOB: It feels more like those pre-desperation “if we’re not married by the time we’re X years old, let’s get married” rather than a real proposal. And the eyes… Someone should photoshop in the “the sun is in my eyes” panel face. I doubt it would change much.

Luann: I feel bad for the battalion captain. Couldn’t he at least go with his “niece” or “cousin”?
And while it’s apparently totally, awesomely progressive that the captain is going with his “friend,” I do wish that he could have used a more endearing or definitive term of endearment, even if there isn’t a consensus on such a referring noun.
Actually, I’m happy that it’s not scare quoted or italicized. That would make it scandalous… uh, somehow.

MW: While on some level, which I am unable to interpret, this flashback does probably somewhat explain Mary’s proclivities, I would like to see a flashback to her married life. Her husband must have been utterly henpecked and his departure from her life must have left a void into which she has now flung all of Santa Royale.
Dr. Mabuse
March 13th, 2008 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

FBOFW – I am hanging on to one final fragment of hope: if there’s going to be a Liz/Anthony wedding, Julia will be there. I WANT TO SEE JULIA AT A WEDDING AGAIN! She was the only one enjoying herself at Shawna-Marie’s wedding, and it lifted my heart to see her dumpy figure in a dowdy gown partying away instead of joining the search for Elizabeth and Anthony.
wendyinflight
March 13th, 2008 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

I just want to say about today’s Snuffy Smith:

I do not want to know what they do with their lunch meat.
Vakar
March 13th, 2008 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

Just read today’s comics, and I’m sure I’m in good company here when I say…

FBoFW: BBBBBLLLLLLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGHHH!!!!
I meant, whoa! Unexpected plot twist!
(Could someone knock her off the page already?)
commodorejohn
March 13th, 2008 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

#354 fuzzmaster – Ooh, wouldn’t that chafe Lynn’s ass; no matter how much she name-drops “Sparky,” papers won’t stay with her crap any longer than they can help it. Let’s hope, anyway.

#357 Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol – That’s hilarious. It’s warmed my heart to read the older Mudges’ stories and be reassured that yes, being yourself and doing things in your own style does work. Good to know that when I do find Mrs. Commodorejohn, I won’t have to choke out some cut-and-dried piece of flowery tripe.
Vakar
March 13th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

MW: Just when I was about to give up, OMG FLASHBACK!
Hm, whoever called ‘Little Orphan Annie’ was right on… But I think Li’l Mary has pupils.
AhClem
March 13th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

Okay, you knew that SOMEBODY had to do this, and since the Master-songsmith Paperback Rifler doesn’t seem to be around, I thought I’d give it a shot:

He is now to be among you on the FOOB-soaked comics page
Rest assured that Blanthony will inspire fits of rage.
The union with Elizabeth will cause a flood of bile
For whenever these two lovers kiss, the stench will spread for miles.
There is Glurge,
there is Glurge.

A man shall leave his mother and then cries “I have no hoooommmeee!”
And stalks his childhood sweetheart, leaving wife and child to roam.
Then Therese finally leaves him to tend Francie all alone
So he builds a basement Gulag, pens her up and lets her moan.
And there is Glurge,
there is Glurge.

Well then what’s to be the reason for becoming dork and wife?
There is no reason, really. Johnston has pre-planned your life.
With the screams and tears from Corbeil, and the swoons from “Coffee Stalk”
The saccharine flows heavily like hot, fresh window caulk.
Oh there is Glurge,
there is Glurge.

Oh the marriage of your children here has caused a massive strain
Thank God that you have butter tarts to help your stomach pain
There is Glurge,
there is Glurge.
Gordon's other Accountant
March 13th, 2008 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

Julia will be at the wedding.

Liz will tell Warren that she knows a perfect girl for him and Warren and Julia will fly off into the sunset in a helicopter.

One of those big, double rotor jobs that can lift a lot of weight.

It will be a great Lynn joke at the expense of a non-Patterson — Warren flying off with Julia dangling from the sling underneath the chopper.
Vakar
March 13th, 2008 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

FC: Wow, everything I hate about the Family Circus, condensed into one daily installment! Combo balloon and caption, soooooo annoying. Pop-culture reference that manages to be neither ‘cute’ nor ‘funny,’ par for the course. And top it off with Jeff’s steaming hatred of his brother, ‘Billy,’ and need to make him look like the dumb one– not buying it, ‘Jeffy!’ Back in the day, your dad made it clear who had the closest thing to a brain in his ovoid head: Not You.
WonderCat
March 13th, 2008 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

346 – I agree that comparing Blandthony’s proposal to the 19th century does a great disservice to the entire 19th century. For example, my grandfather was born in 1897 and his parents never even got engaged, or married at all. So much for the theory of Victorian prudishness.

I was thinking it was more along the romantic lines of a post-plague 14th century proposal – “So there’s not a lot of other people left, and we might die at any moment… May as well get married and have 15 kids in the hopes that one or two will survive.”
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
March 13th, 2008 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

Oh, hell, at least this keeps me off the streets:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2330849467/
Robert
March 13th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

At least Liz won’t have to worry about the birds and the bees on her honeymoon night. We can all be sure from the dismal passion behind Anthony and his hatred towards Thérèse that he gave up the family jewels in his divorce settlement. I’m pretty sure that listlessness of his caliber is one of the side effects of becoming a eunuch.
Marthas Rolling Pin
March 13th, 2008 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

#298 Matt, re MW, yes, in sepia, with the little picture holders in each corner of the panels
Lord-z
March 13th, 2008 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

“Well, look at this, Mr. Big-shot-Disney-Animator. This is you drawing the hunchback of Notre Dame as a camel. Won’t you look silly to all of your big-wig friends? Yeah, don’t you wish that it was your name in this nationally syndicated cartoon, so you could make fun of your siblings? Just me and dad, sitting here, laughing at you and your stupidity”.
Gordon\'s other Accountant
March 13th, 2008 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

Liz and Anthony are never going to have sex.

That is the beauty of their marriage.

It is an instant family and Liz gets to keep her virginity intact.
Dingo
March 13th, 2008 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

For those of you slow on the uptake, I believe that the captain in Luann just came out to Toni. He’s not “taking his girlfriend Tony Gale” (comma omitted in comic) but “taking his friend Tony Gale.” For every LGBTQQTW person with an elderly grandmother, that’s code for “he put his thing in me” whether you look like Isabella Rossellini or not. Toni’s “OH!” in panel three is confirmation that she’s a hip chick and caught on.

Now, if only Brad would question two guys doin’ it and Toni produce her little friend Tyrone the Marital Aid and give him some strap-on action!
Lisa
March 13th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

You know, the thing that bothers me the most about this Liz/Anthony thing is how cut and dried the whole thing is. It’s like Lynn is phoning it in. Mike and Deanna’s decision to get married had a lot more life to it than this.

Definitely time for the strip to end. And, no, I doubt if it will be rerun after she officially retires. I knew Charles Schulz, madam, and you are no Charles Schulz.
cheech wizard
March 13th, 2008 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

Today’s FOOB reminds me of nothing so much as the scene in Titanic when the bow slides under the water and the stern raises high into the air, the triple screws glistening – you know this shipwreck is finally near an end. Soon the whole thing will slide beneath the waves and nothing will be left except for the eerie wailing of those who were compelled to read it to the end.

In the meantime we still have several minidramas to get through before then, so maybe we’ll soon be treated to sight of Lizard’s fat ass breaking loose and crushing all the poor schmucks who were just trying to get out of the way, like Warren. Meanwhile, April can sign “This Tart Will Ho’ On.”
KH
March 13th, 2008 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I look to you good people for all that is snarkable, and you do such a fine job. However, I haven’t seen anything in regard to this.

For the love of God it is GIRLS JV BASKETBALL. Nine people attend Girls JV Basketball games. 6 of those are the players and the coach. No! There are no announcers. No! There are no cheerleaders. No! The stands are not filled. No! There isn’t a “conference championship” for Girls JV Basketball!!

Thank you for letting me vent.
poster
March 13th, 2008 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

#378 see #359
gnome de blog
March 13th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

358 anonymous said:
“Why is Lizardbreath so enthused about a meaningless life of quiet desperation and cinnabun crumbs?”

Because that’s exactly the life she’s been programmed for since birth. Anthony is exactly the foob she deserves. Let us toast them with skim milk.
KH
March 13th, 2008 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

#378 hangs head in shame for poor reading skills. Well, #359 wasn’t quite agitated enough about it. Maybe that’s my excuse.
bats, junior bridesmaid :[
March 13th, 2008 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

298. mattt: the thought of Mary Worth sadly gazing upon something cave-painty made me snort a lung (or a few alveoli)…

Big band Duran Duran! Super!

So many great comments today (and yesterthread), I almost not miss Niki…sniff
Darkefang
March 13th, 2008 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

A3G: Alan thinks his life is a mess? What clued him in? The fact that he’s resorted to giving blowjobs in the alley behind Joe’s Cafe for art supplies?

Archie: Raj isn’t the only Rivervale High student with a fetish for electronics. That’s sure not a rabbit in Betty’s pocket in panel three.

Foob: It’s getting difficult to like this strip, even in an ironic way.

FW: Every time an orphan hits a last-second three pointer, a mother gets cancer.

GA: Well, you have to give it to Gasoline Alley: Scancarelli’s portrayal of people from the city is just as vile and hackneyed as his portrayal of those from rural areas.

GT: Does Roddy’s bedroom open up directly to the street, or did we skip a silent penultimate panel two?

JP: If they’re going to continue to discuss chickens and horses, I’m going to need a lot more cleavage, or at least a little leg.

Luann: Uh-oh! Little old ladies everywhere are readying their scissors in case it turns out that Tony is a guy. The funny pages must be made safe for children! Please, Luann, won’t you think of the children?

MT: In panel three, Bill Ellis is rubbing his hands together in glee at the thought of knowing where 30,000 eight-year-olds live.

MW: Hungry as a child = Nosy know-it-all as an adult.
Patrick
March 13th, 2008 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Can today’s strip possibly be any more predictable? It also seems our prophet from earlier was right about the proposal. At the very least, it’s proof that Lynn can take life altering moments and suck the breath from their souls.

Mary Worth: Doesn’t “young” Mary Worth’s hair remind you of Aldo? I guess we’re supposed to think she didn’t have enough to eat. Maybe should try looking somewhere else for food like the pantry instead of the bookcase or whatever the blazes that thing is.

Pluggers: Today’s installment reminds me why I hate the thing so much. Carrying the tools of your job on your person is not accessorising.

FW: No moment of triumph will go unpunished. Send in the cancers.

A3GWe interrupt our usual broadcast with a moment of thinking about someone other than yourself. Self-pity and self-destruction will be right back after a word from our sponsors.

Sally Forth I know exactly how she feels. I dropped my latest painting off the gallery and then I went to my day job of the living dead. I’m writing in this blog instead of looking up more interlibrary loan requests for books we no longer own at a library that thinks it’s Fortune 500 company and renames things the “community experiences department”.

Zits I used to like this strip, yet another Jeremy makes a mess moment reminds me that is no longer true. I’m waiting for Connie to put a gun to Jeremy’s head to relieve her misery. She probably wonders how in spite of everything she ended up with such a self-absorbed twit for a son.
cheech wizard
March 13th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

MW – What today’s strip needs is Chester’s great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-granddaddy waiting at her side for the bone that’s not there.
Wally Limpingbean
March 13th, 2008 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

It is quite alright KH.

Ever since the cancer came out of remission, I have lost most of my agitation.

But my spin dry function is working just fine.
Patrick
March 13th, 2008 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

After reading the snark on Gasoline Alley, I decided to take a look after having not seen it much over the years. Yikes! What is it with the dweeb couplings? I don’t dare dignify that with the word romance. I can’t decide who is worse Blandthony or Sturdivant Kleeb because Sturdy has to be Blandthony’s dad!
Hugin
March 13th, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

OK, so this startling plot twist in Foobland has inspired me to post here for the first time with a question. Now that the planning for the inevitable wedding can get started, what will the wedding party look like?

I know Lizardbreath can scare up two or three friends, and April gets a spot. Maybe even Deanna now that she’s proven herself as a nice little incubator for patterspawn and discovered Old Mold the heirloom wedding dress.

But Blandthony? He has no friends, right, so who are the groomsmen. Gord? Michael?? … ??? I can see the conversation now. Blandthony: “Dr. P, I know you’re going to be walking Lizard down the aisle and all, but I have no friends and you seem to totally inexplicably like me, so … um … would you be my best man? Oh, and prop up old chinnuts next to you too, OK? Just so the numbers even out. And also, since I have no family, could you and Elly play that role too?”

Then it’s set up for Warren showing up at the wedding and gunning down Anthony. Since ancient custom dictates that if the groom is unable or unwilling to go through with the wedding he is replaced by the best man …. Lizardbreath now actually gets to marry her dad!

Ack, now I’ve cursed myself to actually keep reading this drivel to find out the answer. Excuse me, I have to go vomit.
Uncle Lumpy
March 13th, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

#378 KH –

Welcome!

AFAIK, there can’t be a JV championship — if there were, varsity teams with no shot at the title would compete in JV, driving out all the “real” JV competitors.

Well, plus the fact that it’s HS women’s basketball.
Kilroy
March 13th, 2008 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

I officially de-lurk and become an actual poster for an important reason. I want to thank Josh and all of you for getting me back into the comics in a big way.

Fun fact: I work in a book store and we carried FBoFW desk calendars for ‘08 (still have some, I think). The daily comic they chose to put on the back of the box? The infamous “Foob” strip.
Tweeks_Coffee
March 13th, 2008 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

#383 – Darkefang: “GA: Well, you have to give it to Gasoline Alley: Scancarelli’s portrayal of people from the city is just as vile and hackneyed as his portrayal of those from rural areas.”

Which raises the question of exactly where he lives since he obviously hasn’t had human contact many years. Antarctica? A bomb shelter from the ’50s? A Unabomber shack in Montana?
kingklash
March 13th, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

Did anyone post a theory that Mary Worth’s momma might actually have been Apple Mary? Although, today’s strip implis l’il Mary might have been locked behind bars while Mother was out whoring herself.
gh
March 13th, 2008 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

#388 Hugin, #390 Kilroy –

Wow. Two de-lurkers on one thread. And I think there was at least one more upstream. Almost enough for a JV basketball team, or at least the crowd.

Welcome all!
Joe, Upper-Evergreen Division of the Jungle Patrol
March 13th, 2008 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

393 gh:
Sometimes it takes a ginormous, spew-laden event (such as the Lizthony “proposal”) to bring forth lurkers to finally speak….

And welcome thier snark!
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 13th, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

#347 & 375,
I do actually think that the Cap’n is bringing a male friend, and that this friend has full benefits. So it’s kind of classy that in the midst of the mind-numbing Brad/Toni pseudosoap, Greg Evans just quietly slipped this one in there. (Yeah, go ahead.)
Marthas Rolling Pin
March 13th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

#381 KH, most of us daytime readers are largely lurkers, ’cause by the time we get here, the good snark is already gone.
lark
March 13th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

people in my office are placing bets as to how many papers will pull Dilbert because of the Christ thing. my money is on 9. hey, at least as many did Zits for using the word “sucks.” i’m a little hazy on my Christian hierarchy of sinfulness, but i feel like commandment “Thou Shalt Not Make Fun of thy God [by likening His powers to those of a copy machine]” came before “Thou Shalt Not Speak Like a Teenager” on the stone tablets.

…heh. The Old Testament would be SO much more fun if I wrote it.
Marthas Rolling Pin
March 13th, 2008 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

#391,
Why, in Gasoline Alley, of course.
Helen Keller
March 13th, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

FooB – Even I saw that one coming.
harry Worth
March 13th, 2008 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

I think that the Mary Worth storyline is going to be a take on current news — we are going to find out that she was a high priced hooker in the late 1920’s and had a Client #9 who was the governor of New York at the time.

Times were different then, and the governor went on to bigger and better things and Mary took her shame and hid it, choosing to wallow in the world of platitudes.

By the way, this Client #9’s favorite thing to ask from Mary was to perform falatio on him.

Woof.
Marthas Rolling Pin
March 13th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

Could someone go tap the Pope on the forehead with the little silver hammer? He’s awfully late to the party, and I’m beginning to fear that reading FOOB has done him in.
Rainbird
March 13th, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

391 Tweeks_Coffee

The GA artist probably lives with the MT artist, who both draw as though they were stuck in another era.

Perhaps it is a land we can only dream about, a land that never existed.
Calico
March 13th, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

MRP-keep it up-your snark rocks.
Lisa
March 13th, 2008 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

(Fun fact: I work in a book store and we carried FBoFW desk calendars for ‘08 (still have some, I think). The daily comic they chose to put on the back of the box? The infamous “Foob” strip.)

Which strip was this? I always thought “foob” was just made up here…..

Signed,
Clueless
Carly
March 13th, 2008 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

No wonder Mary speaks in cliches – her life is one.
tuesday next
March 13th, 2008 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

Lisa: There was a FBoFW strip where April (I think) made up the word “foob”- a combination of “fool” + “boob”. I’d try to find it, but I have no idea when it ran.

FOOB (3/14)- So… is the Foobpocalypse canceled? I’m so confused!
Jan-Karl
March 14th, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

When I saw that thin slice of meat, I thought they were going to use it as a makeshift-saran-wrap condom.
Forummekan.org
August 1st, 2008 at 8:59 am [Reply]

After reading the snark on Gasoline Alley, I decided to take a look after having not seen it much over the years. Yikes! What is it with the dweeb couplings? I don’t dare dignify that with the word romance. I can’t decide who is worse Blandthony or Sturdivant Kleeb because Sturdy has to be Blandthony’s dad!
Weird phobias
March 13th, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

Weird phobias that control your life…..: The humongous list of phobias that you can have find anywhere shares the same characteristics, like the fear of dentist or doctor. Phobias and Fears are emotional reactions to an uncomfortable situation that causes physical and mental responses. Some of the symptoms that affect all of these weird phobias and fears like fear of success or fear of long words include:

1) Horror, terror, confusion, fear and uncontrollable feelings of panic.
2) Unawareness that phobias and fears go beyond.
3) Acceleration of heart beat, extreme sweating, trembling, breathing problems.
MLM affiliates
March 26th, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

Very good site, excellent content, I will recommend to my group of readers in the university, I found very interesting article on the internet, including this … One Program At A Time: Don’t join more than one MLM affiliates program and multi level internet marketing program. You wouldn’t able to give attention to any of programs. Then, none of the programs would grow and you will end up with little income. So it is best to join one program and focus on only that.
Beautiful Women Smoking Cigars
April 3rd, 2009 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

Very good site, excellent content, I will recommend to my group of readers in the university, I found very interesting article on the internet, including this … Restricting the benefit of enjoying a cigar to men is an old-fashioned trend. A trend that is fading in popularity more Beautiful Women Smoking Cigars, and men, realize that the pleasures of smoking cigars belong rightfully to both sexes.
replica Bvlgari Jewelry
May 6th, 2009 at 1:05 am [Reply]

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