Toby finally snaps
Blondie, 3/29/08
You know, if Blondie is going to make us endure this extremely blah gag, I think we should at least get to see a panicked Dagwood standing ankle-deep in raw sewage. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
Hagar the Horrible, 3/29/08
Holy … crap! Is this the first time we’ve seen Hagar without his helmet? Please, let it be the last! He’s like a damn muppet under there.
Mary Worth, 3/29/08
“Actually, I don’t understand at all, but if I say I do, maybe you’ll shut the hell up. Seriously, stop talking, for Christ’s sake. And what the hell are you doing on my lap?”
Sainted
March 30th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Was that one act of kindness undone when Mary murdered Aldo?
Rotten Arsenal
March 30th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Odd, that’s not what I expected Hagar to look like sans helmet… actually, I think I subconsciously thought his helmet was the real top of his head.
Here’s hoping Hagar starts singing “Mah’na Mah’na” in a future strip
Isaac
March 30th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Holy shit. Is Hagar telepathic? He can read minds??
Carly
March 30th, 2008 at 10:06 am
Just be happy we got to see Dagwood’s cinnamon role pajamas.
Prehumous
March 30th, 2008 at 10:09 am
Was that one act of kindness undone when Mary murdered Aldo?
Yes it was. 10,000 times over.
Weaselboy
March 30th, 2008 at 10:12 am
After reading Blondie, I thought someone had mistakenly left out the last panel, because the “let’s see how you feel after you get my bill” line couldn’t possibly be the punch line.
Mibbitmaker
March 30th, 2008 at 10:17 am
HtH (above): Hey, I didn’t know Hagar was the drummer from the Muppet Show band.
MW (Sunday): In an alternative universe, someone once said to young Mary Worth, “Gee, Mare, that shirt isn’t as pretty as your usual.” That lead Mary directly into a life of serial killing.
And, no, I don’t have a quote to illuminate my point.
Agnostic Married Woman
March 30th, 2008 at 10:18 am
I hate to ruin this new thread with FOOB comments, but here goes…
Why wouldn’t Jim know what was going on? I thought he just unable to speak, not completely unaware. He was able to understand what Liz was telling him about a dress he probably hasn’t seen for 60 years, but now they are not sure if he realizes it’s his birthday? Boxcar.
Rusty
March 30th, 2008 at 10:19 am
MW: Perhaps Mary is actually an Alzheimer’s patient and Toby is her nurse. All of these “adventures” are just the product of Mary’s eroding mind, and are not really happening. It would certainly explain the listless pool parties.
Rusty
March 30th, 2008 at 10:21 am
#4: Dagwood’s pajamas rule.
Pinokeyeo\'s Wife
March 30th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Methinks that Mary is using a little ol’ body language to make her point.
Carly
March 30th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Perhaps I have too much time on my hands today…
John C Fremont
March 30th, 2008 at 10:28 am
# 7 – Yes, Hagar the Horrible is on drums, Sammy Hagar is on lead guitar, and the Hagar Twins are on vocals. Oddly, the slacks are by Farah.
Okay, I’ll stop now.
Starrynight
March 30th, 2008 at 10:30 am
#8 Agnostic- I agree with you. Plus, I was kind of bothered by Iris’s comment that “All that matters is that he’s still here with us.” To me it raises a quality of life issue. Would I still want to be around if I couldn’t communicate and everyone treated me like a stupid little kid all the time?
Kevin Moore
March 30th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Blondie: And why is this plumber gag set in the middle of the night? The crescent moon rising high in the ink black sky – have the Bumsteads lured an innocent working man to be their unwitting victim in a ceremony of dark arts and ritual sacrifice? Wouldn’t that be way cooler than a stupid joke about the high price of contract work?
Calico
March 30th, 2008 at 10:33 am
#301 Bats yesterthread – Hahaha!
“All my siblings”…
I’ve been watching these human train wrecks on You Tube lately on a show called “Intervention” – maybe Les will appear one of these days?
FC – For once, Bil, you have the right idea. I’m only sorry it wasn’t Billy or Dolly in the harness.
MW – Oh, what bullshit. Tra la la.
“Meddling in words creates boredom.
Meddling in thought creates a migraine.
Meddling in giving creates loss of sanity, if not a world crisis.”
- Le Chat Bleu
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
March 30th, 2008 at 10:41 am
FOOB: since nobody out there knows who I really am or where I live except if you have been paying attention (doubtful) over the past year or so and know that I came from The Bronx and was bar mitzvahed in 1961 and may therefore be Jewish, at the risk of great personal disdain I will say: LET’S CUT LYNNE SOME SLACK AND SHOW HER A LITTLE MERCY BECAUSE SHE OBVIOUSLY HAS LOST MUCH OF HER PREVIOUSLY EXHIBITED TALENT.
And although I agree that the strip for quite some time is sliding rapidly down hill towards the great Northern Lake Treacle, from which it will never surface again, once it splashes into the thick sludge, I want to say something on her behalf.
Many years ago I wrote her a personal letter, care of her syndicate, and I received a personal reply! I do not think the letter was signed by an assistant, because the signature was identical to that on her strips. Although it might have been. Like many other persons, I asked about acquiring a piece of original art. And she replied that she didn’t sell any, but she would be happy to exchange some for another piece of comic art that I might have to trade — because she was a collector. This was a very nice note and sincere, SO I AM SAYING SOMETHING NICE ABOUT HER. Fortunately no one can come after me, here in North Dakota, or whereever I am, these days, mourning about the demise of Sluggo Smith and Nancy and Irma and all the rest of them.
Incidentally, this is a serious question. What is/was Nancy’s last name? Ritz, like her aunt? Nancy Ritz? Doesn’t have the right ring to it.
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
March 30th, 2008 at 10:44 am
MW: Please, please, please….
GDNanny — I join the chorus of those hoping you find something even better.
Gold-Digging Nanny
March 30th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Can someone please send me the link to the Sunday comics? The Chron time machine?
Jenzie
March 30th, 2008 at 10:50 am
FOOBs – what bothered me is that it sort of felt like they were making it up about his b-day. Like they were saying it was the day when it wasn’t, because they think he’ll die soon.
IagoPogo
March 30th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Dagwood’s PJs have those mystery donuts from the Mary Worth coffee shop where Vera dumped Drew…synchronistically-seaking, of course.
I gotta stop mixin’ the meds…
IagoPogo
March 30th, 2008 at 10:52 am
oops, left out a ‘p’!!
Mebbe it disappeared in Shylock’s six differences.
Shoebox
March 30th, 2008 at 10:52 am
#17 – You’re right, but in kind of the wrong place for it, I think.
Were Lynn herself to acknowledge that she’s lost it and bow out gracefully, that would be one thing; but as she clearly still thinks of herself as God’s gift to the comics page…
Hagar: All I know is, I’ve been reading that strip (or at least, glancing at it on the off chance it might be funny) for decades now, and yeah, that’s the first time that’s happened. Didn’t really need to know about Hagar’s tragic microcephaly, thanks creators. Really, I was totally OK with plain old rock-stupid.
MW: Speaking of inadvertant creator honesty…gotta love that ‘OK, just humouring the crazy old lady now…’ look on Tobey’s face in the last panel.
Uncle Lumpy
March 30th, 2008 at 10:54 am
#19 GDN –
Here you go.
TheDiva
March 30th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Hagar can’t be a Muppet. Muppets have been known to be funny on occasion.
queek
March 30th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Its a strange, strange day on the funny pages when Funky Cancerbean is a feels good “awwwwwwwwww” moment and My Cage harshes my mellow.
Zits was clever, I’m sure that there are mothers everywhere going “YES!” and plotting to do that to their kids.
Opus: of all the places for a C&H shout-out, right after a panel of Opus in naughty lingerie. Trapped between brain-bleach and win. o_O
Lio: wow, that’s a big snake! probably grew that big on a steady diet of ankle dogs.
Panel 3, Candorville: GIRL POWER!
A&J: more stylish naughtiness by the horniest couple on the funny pages. Centaurs and nymphs, the classics!
GF: MLF shirt: DO WANT!!!
Kurdt
March 30th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Let’s put new dialogue in that Blondie comic to make it actually funny, here’s mine:
Panel 1: Hey, I’m a burglar, I’m here to rob your house.
Panel 2: Oh wow, I saw you on the news, you’re famous around here!
Panel 3: By the way, nice pajamas, douchebag.
Okay, that wasn’t very good. You guys can probably make better.
yellojkt
March 30th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Both Hagar and Dagwood may be eligible in the Third Annual Crappy Comics Competition. This year’s categories are:
Dopiest Dad
Perplexing Pet
Alarming Alcoholic
Kick The Shit Out Of This Kid
Click on the link and join the fun.
BenG
March 30th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Am I the only one who notices that Hagars eyes quadruple in size when he puts the helmet on?
BigTed
March 30th, 2008 at 11:06 am
Hagar’s wife has multiple rolling pins at her disposal because her entire cooking repertoire consists of flour-based products. The only protein Hagar gets in his diet is from the giant turkey legs served with ale flagons down at the tavern, or from the meat stores of neighboring lands that he takes during his looting trips. (Who knows, maybe he snacks on the residents as well.) She wants him to stay home all the time not because she enjoys his company, but because she knows he’d expire from malnutrition in a matter of months.
Carly
March 30th, 2008 at 11:15 am
#3 – upon further contemplation, I don’t think it’s so much that Hagar is psychic. Rather, even the characters themselves realize they’ve become the epitome of predictable.
Calico
March 30th, 2008 at 11:19 am
#28 – I’ll give it a shot –
DD – Mike Patterass
PP – Abbey Spencer (jez’ kiddin, y’all)
AA – Gen. Haltrack, King of the 19th hole
KtSooTK – Billy Keane, or Wobin Patterfoob
Tats
March 30th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Sunday:
A3-G: Am I the only one whose attention kinda fades in and out when the 3-G storylines don’t include the titular trio. If it’s not Blondie, Weepy or Angry, I don’t really pay much mind to who or what is happening.
FOOB: Man, can we organize a Save Iris fund or something? This woman is far too decent to be stuck around this pack of socially-stunted clods. Sure, she’s patronizing, but condescending hand-pats are the chief export of Milborough. She’s just doing her part for the local economy!
MW: I’m sorry, but a flashback of a flashback is really too much for me to bear. There’s only a set amount of ‘meta’ a smug crone like Mary can pull off before I’m just like, “you’re not Michel Gondry; go back to what you do best: intruding in the lives of people you don’t even know.”
JP (not Judge Parker)
March 30th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Hagar: You would think wearing that helmet all the time would discourage his hair growth. Or maybe he takes it off more than we know. What would cause Hagar to take off his helmet? Do we want to know the answer to that question?
MW: I think Toby is one second away from shoving Mary off the bench.
Edmund Schluessel
March 30th, 2008 at 11:25 am
#31 – My theory is that the helmet keeps out Helga’s attempts to beam signals into his brain.
Inspector Dim
March 30th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Spider-Man: And once again, the Persuader fails to persuade someone to do something. He’s failure wrapped in a green suit and orange-striped tie.
Agnostic Married Woman
March 30th, 2008 at 11:28 am
#17 Little A.: I get a little frustrated with some of the snark against Lynn on this site as well. I’m willing to cut her some slack on the wedding dress thing…yes, in real life, it would have been ruined in a crawl space, and maybe the best you could do is use the material to make a pillow for the rings or something, and it would not have fit properly without alteration, but I’m willing overlook that for the convenience of a sappy, treacly story. Frankly, though, there are a million ways the story could have worked better, and that makes it frustrating to read. After all, Liz has been shown as so unsentimental that she gave away her grandfather’s harmonica to someone outside the family, while April is more interested in her ancestors and her past. Wouldn’t it have been better for April to wear her namesake grandmother’s wedding dress someday–even if you just had to hint at a future that Lynn would never really draw? I wonder if that was the plan all along, back before Lynn decided to retire–so now she has to shoehorn all these ideas that she had into a way that they just don’t fit. I feel bad, but it just doesn’t work.
Squirrelntherain
March 30th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Blondie: It doesn’t matter that they’ve convinced some poor, working class Joe of a plumber to their house in the middle of the night. The joke is on them, as he is clearly a cardboard cutout with simple moving parts, a-la Foob blinking.
Inspector Dim
March 30th, 2008 at 11:30 am
This isn’t actually the first time I’ve seen Hagar without the helmet. What’s disturbing is that the last time was exactly like this, too–he looked like a red mop with googly eyes.
It was perhaps the most Horrible he’s ever been.
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
March 30th, 2008 at 11:33 am
It looks to me that Hagar is a Thung.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
March 30th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Wait, wait, “Toby”? I don’t have time (today) to search across the internet to validate my frequently off-kilter beliefs, but doesn’t her name have some wacky spelling like “Tobey” or “Toeby”? They can’t just change it and pretend it never happened!
If no one else remembers this, I’ll just claim they’ve gotten to you all too, and wrap my head in tin foil.
Girl Reporter
March 30th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Bunnë, I think the Toeby spelling is a CC creation, due to the camel toe pants she sports.
indrifan
March 30th, 2008 at 11:45 am
GF Am I missing something, or is this just a response to web chatter about nipples in comic strips?
Also, weird synchronicities in the layout of the Philly Inquirer Sunday comics:
Opus right above GF
and RWO right above Bizarro.
meltina
March 30th, 2008 at 11:45 am
FBoFW: Yeah, I’m pretty sure Elly’s roast beef is what tried to kill grandpa FOOB last time, so why is she inflicting it on him again?
queek
March 30th, 2008 at 11:53 am
ok, we’ve all had loads of subtextual fun with strips like RMMD and G “forced to the Bucket” T, but “Going the Middle Way” with a guy nicknamed “Ten”?!?
whiskey tango foxtrot, this is about high-altitute buttsex, and no mistake.
Ross
March 30th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Hagar wears his helmet 24/7. In the bath, in bed, while getting a haircut, and everywhere else that I can think of.
I really hate it when they make some weird change to an established character trait in service of one joke.
Anonymous
March 30th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
queek @45 said:
. . . a little to the left — nope!
. . . a little to the right — nope!
. . . the Middle Way — Tenzin!
Poteet
March 30th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
# 17 — Little A., I try not to snark about Lynn the person (with occasional lapses) because it’s the strip that drives me crazy, not her. My wish for her is a happy retirement. Starting as close to immediately as possible.
Poteet
March 30th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
MW — I can’t draw worth boxcar, but I do believe even I could have managed to fit Mary and Toby on that bench less awkwardly than in panel two. In terms of real fulfillment, the time I’ve spent reading MW on this earth should be added to the time I’ve spent sitting on the can.
sangwij
March 30th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
#49 – Poteet – Surely, surely you can’t be comparing the two things and judging them roughly equal? I know that my time spent on the can leaves me better read, physically comfortable (for the most part) and often in a more meditative state of mind.
kippetje2000
March 30th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Mary Worth is a doppelganger of Brenda Starr.
I give you Mizarro :
With gray chalk-white skin, a twisted sense of logic and typically does the exact opposite of anything Brenda would do or say. (Hand cuffs and three-ways would mean platitudes and tuna surprise in Mizarro world). Mizarro has been a consistent enemy of the storytelling and drama that Brenda Starr evokes.
“Me feel differently. It hard to explain. Me piqued you curiosity, so me tell least exciting story of life.”
Maybe we should start drawing little starr lines on Mary Worth, might jazz it up a bit. Worth a try.
Brick Bradford
March 30th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Rex Morgan (Saturday) The look of panic on Rex’s face as he contemplates the possibility he might actually have to do his damned job is priceless.
spazzergts
March 30th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Mary’s eyes are rolling toward the back of her head while she’s talking about “feeling differently about myself”…jeez, you don’t suppose…Dr. Jeff, take a hike!
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
March 30th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
FOOB and Doonesbury: It just occurred to me (and this may have occurred to many people already, but I haven’t seen it mentioned here in the last year and a half): Hagar is BD’s distant ancestor! Hagar eventually, to get away from his wife (whose name is what?) landed in his boat with a bunch of other Vikings on the New Foundland coast and the survivors founded a colony, and B.D. is descended from these hardly pioneers! How else to explain that neither Hagar or B.D., for many many years, except on exceptional occasions, took off their helmets?
This explains a lot!
Right.
Oh yeah, Helga is her name, I believe.
Like many of us who read this blog, I need something to keep me busier. Stamp collecting, maybe.
Shlomo
March 30th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Must slam hammer onto my head to get picture of Toby giving Mary Worth a lap dance out of my head.
kelsy
March 30th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Am I the only one confused that this chick’s name is Toby?
Poteet
March 30th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
# 50 sangwij — BWAHAHA! You’re right, and I withdraw the comparison.
Les
March 30th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
#56: Her brother is named Sue
thor_ate_my_baby
March 30th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Um, is Toby sitting on Mary’s lap in that final panel? Because that would explain why she’s listening so intently. She’s pulling the old “Listen to your childhood so I can get into your pants” trick. Hot hot geriatric electric blue pants.
ar_d
March 30th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
#3… My guess is that Hagar really is telepathic, but he rarely removes his helmet because it’s specially designed to shield his brain from being bombarded by his nagging wife’s internal monologues.
queek
March 30th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
47: my thoughts exactly. Who knew that Brokeback Mountain was in Tibet?
blerg
March 31st, 2008 at 8:15 am
MW: I wish that Toby would now try to have her own competing flashback and get shut down by Mary–”I remember once I was being held at gunpoint, and…”
“Ooh! Sorry Toby, this neckerchief is really starting to pinch. Must run.”
Grandma
March 31st, 2008 at 9:47 pm
#59 I pull that trick all the time. Works best when you can’t tell if they’re really girls or muppets, because muppets be having weird mad crazy flashbacks!
Actually maybe Mary just needed a friend or an ear to bend, and couldnt wait for Santa Claus to cruise through the Meddleford mall again… That’s what scary crumpets like he love best, is some disaffected blasez middle-of-the-road trenchant face riding low on a cuddly emotionally bankrupt farce of community value and spiritual enrichment. It’s the kind of there, there, bill me support the long-suffering drones of MW’s ilk so desperately need to help them dribble out all the pain and petty significance of tacitly closeted frustrations and drubbed-out lifestories with minimal relish and quiet fleh-hrem.
Where is the Christian singles girl when Worth needs her? …That flippant floozie. Probably too much of a rampant intellectual or chaterbox anyway for our good old third-rate paisley-flouting braincase Mary.
Has anyone ever seen her wear paisley? I can’t read the funnies too proper without my bi grannie tryin what tell you what, why not, tri-focals. huh.
although i admit, the thought of making out with or closely embracing her, i find that concept a little too close to wire hangers or something to not be scary.
Grandma
March 31st, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Maybe Toby can write a book on recovery and call it, “How Not To Be Scary: The Not Mary Worth Story.”