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The Flagstons: Down and out

Hi and Lois, 4/1/08

Poor Hi! Sure, he hasn’t gotten more than a meager cost-of-living wage increase from that tightwad Froofram in years, but he’s gotten used to the lifestyle that his realtor wife’s huge commissions made possible during the go-go housing boom of the mid-naughts. Now that she hasn’t sold a house in months, Lois can only stare cross-armed at Hi’s $16 bottle of wine, knowing that it’s put a substantial dent in this month’s grocery budget. Only Sterno will help the Flagstons drink away their pain for the foreseeable future.

Judge Parker, 4/1/08

Poor Gloria! All she wanted to do was live out her lifelong fantasy of making it with a guy with no legs, but it turns out that hero Steve is not only damaged physically, but mentally as well. Sure, you can forgive a guy who had a mine planted outside of his hut and gets mysterious packages in the mail for being a little paranoid, but it’s clear that he’s going to see conspiracies in every nice gesture anyone does for him — and that he’s not ready for a relationship. Gloria will just have to console herself with her back issues of Stump Humper a little while longer.

Marmaduke, 4/1/08

One of the fun things I like to do with the comics is to come up a whole hidden backstory behind the gag-a-day features. For instance, I like to imagine that Marmaduke’s owner is actually Adolph Hitler, who faked his suicide, escaped from his command bunker to post-war American suburbia, and got a Great Dane. His former position as absolute ruler of a continent makes the petty indignities of life with Marmaduke all the more infuriating. Today, for instance, we can see on his hate-twisted fate that he would like nothing more than to send the impertinent policeman and the damn dog to a concentration camp, but as it is all he can do is wave his hand in the air and rage impotently. Is it a fitting punishment for his monstrous crimes? Not really, but it’s kind of fun to see.

Gil Thorp, 4/1/08

The “drama” of today’s strip — Gil sends hapless assistant to hush up overbearing parent, hapless assistant fails miserably — is lame even by Gil Thorp standards. Still, it’s always nice to see some Milford kids on the verge of tears.

194 responses to “The Flagstons: Down and out”

  1. yellojkt
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    By an odd coincidence, this very Hi and Lois cartoon is being used in Round 2 of the Comics Cliche Countdown for Dopiest Dad. Pick the father that is the most annoyingly mediocre.

  2. Mystery Woman
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    What’s a “playdown?” Is that some kind of Thorp-ism?

  3. Josh
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    #2 Mystery Woman — In Gil Thorp, the series of single-elimination games that determine the various sports championships — what would be called “playoffs” in parts of the world inhabited by normal English-speaking humans — are called “playdowns.” NOBODY UNDERSTANDS WHY.

    Josh

  4. Tats
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    Wow, awesome. My bitchy letter to Elly’s Coffee Talk at foob.com got published.

    No travel mug, though. Linda S can suck it. Unless of course Linda S is one of you, in which case: photos of you destroying the mug? <3

  5. Hawkeye
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    With three narration blocks in GT, did we really need that word balloon in panel two? I think it would’ve been funnier if they left it out and let us imagine why Gil (as played by Fred MacMurray, apparently) sent Rick to talk to Angry Dad.

  6. Brad the Bold
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    What is in Marmaduke’s mouth?

    Is that his tounge, as he pantomimes the deep soulful french kiss he shared with an officer of the law. Or did he deliver a mafia style “kiss of death” and thats a bloody scrap of the poor guys uniform?

  7. Mystery Woman
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    I ask if Gil Thorp is Canadian but I don’t want to insult our friends to the North. I guess it’s more difficult than I realize to speak with normal phrases in these comics.

    By the way, I’m a very long time lurker and LOVE the site. I wish I was wittier – then I’d post more!

  8. Mac
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    My God, Marmaduke is now threatening to tongue his owner-lady. Does the depravity of this strip have no bounds?

  9. hot toddy
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    What IS this? Over-extended Sentence Day? In panel one of Hi and Lois wouldn’t it had been easier for Lois to simply say ” Can we afford it”?

  10. Uncle Balustrade
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    In the history of humankind, has the question ” Should we be splurging our limited resources on such extravagance?” ever been asked in normal conversation? Especially over a friggin’ bottle of “Night Train”, or whatever it is!?!

  11. Dingo
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    sing along…

    Spring time! For Hitler!
    and Marmaduke!
    Cop fines! For canines!
    Today…

  12. Big Sims
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Stump Humper
    Where the hell do you buy that?
    Next to the spanking fetishist’s mag Stand Corrected ?
    (a real mag, don’t ask me how I know this.)

  13. Loopina
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    That Marmaduke is deeply disturbing.
    “He fellated a cop and I got ten bucks! It was worth twenty, at least!”

    Meanwhile, Mrs.Marmaduke looks frightened – will her husband learn the truth about what goes on between her and the dog while the husband is at work? Or maybe she just feels left out.

    Mr.Marmaduke seems to have a severe case of MRDTHS (“mer-deths”): Methicillin-Resistant Dick Tracy Hand Syndrome.

  14. bats :[
    April 1st, 2008 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    4. Tats: no, you’re in the April running for the mug o’ doom. (Has anyone ever checked to see if the monthly winner really was a random draw, or if he/she/it always happens to be full of glurgy goodness?)
    Anyway, good for you ‘n’ commodorejohn ‘n’ Dingo doing the win-place-show in the April 1 Coffee Stalk Derby!

    Maybe there’s a need for a mug knockoff…something like “I spilled my guts” or “I lost my lunch”…

  15. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    I’ve got a pretty good idea what Hi’s idea of “nice” wine is. 3 words, 4 syllables, sounds like “mild” – “wire-ish” – “hose”.

  16. sbergus
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    #3 Josh – Is Gil Thorpe written in Australia, Hong Kong or New Zealand, or some other place where they speak English yet have no idea about sports in the US?

  17. Gold-Digging Nanny
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    11 Dingo

    The leader of the master race
    Scooping up poop around the place!

  18. Brick Bradford
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    er, a friend of a friend told me that the Penthouse forum was once obsessed by sex with quadraplegics and double amputees. Didn’t know it had led to a spinoff publication, though.

    Why didn’t Gil just go up there and kick Pa Gregory’s ass? The technical would have been totally worth it. Given the recent art, though, it would have been the blandest ass whoopin’ on record.

  19. Angry Beaver
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Gil Thopre is the exact reason why I never got into sports in school.

  20. lynngineering
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    HiandLois: Wine ? Hardly. I don’t think that’s what’s responsible for the nickname of “Hi”.

  21. boojum
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    12 Big Sims:

    Well, you could contact the publisher. . . .

    http://satansideshow.com/presentation/catalog/CT_TS_StumpHumper.cfm

    This week in Stump Humper: “They Call Me Hulga,” by Joy Hopewell.

  22. Uncle Balustrade
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Well, if Hi has been visiting friends in old issues of “Zap”, I suppose it could be a bottle of “Cripple Da Cuz & Sauce Da Sis Swill”.

  23. Fred
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Any bottle of wine is nice. Especially when reading strips of this caliber.

  24. Shermy Glamrocker
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    Why are “He” and “I” bolded – and italicized – in Marmaduke? That indicates Hitler Dad is stressing those particular syllables to indicate a sense of topsy-turviness.

    Is it usually the other way , “I kissed a cop and he got a handjob”?

  25. Farley's Revenge
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    # One-eyed Wolfdog says:
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:04 pm

    I’ve got a pretty good idea what Hi’s idea of “nice” wine is. 3 words, 4 syllables, sounds like “mild” – “wire-ish” – “hose”.

    Hmmm…”Thunderbird” doesn’t fit…

  26. Girl Reporter
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill…no, not it.

  27. Islamorada Girl
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Don’t be schtupid!
    Be a schmarty!
    Come and join
    The Nazi party!

    Hitler had a shepherd named Blondie. He killed the pooch along with Eva Braun and himself. Otherwise, Josh’s fantasy about Marmaduke being Adolf’s bitch could totally work for Penthouse Forum.

  28. Fred
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Most people have seen at least one person missing a limb, but Gloria’s friend there in panel two is rocking a split-v finger deformation that hasn’t been seen since the end of Star trek 2. I would honestly jump back if that sucker were ever pointed my way.

  29. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    When it comes to fortified wines, I imagine ol’ Hi is an “any port in a storm” kinda guy.

  30. Dorsey
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    I was always under the impression that Gil Thorp was set somewhere in the south-east US. I came to this conclusion because a few years back the author was using real highschools as opponents for the Mudlarks and mine was one of them. But I’ve never heard the the term ‘playdown’ before…

  31. Fred
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    re: Marmaduke. Yes. It looks like it is hitler. Perhaps with an emasculating tiny left arm, representing his influence in a household where the great dane flaunts his cunnilingus skills in front of his own wife.

  32. Benicillin
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    I hate when someone asks me if I know someone and I say “yes” and then they proceed to give me a quick mini-bio anyway. I especially hate it when the mini-bio includes facts such as that the mutual acquaintance has only one leg. No shit? Really? I hadn’t noticed the missing leg.

  33. Benicillin
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    But the lack of balance might explain why he’s a “mover and shaker.”

  34. Mr. Nice Guy
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    If Alfred Hitchcock is doing the layouts for Judge Parker, then that guy better not drink whatever is in that cup in panel 2.

  35. Benjamin Baxter
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    Speaking as a history teacher, Marmaduke’s owner looks a whole lot more like the propganda likenesses of Hirohito. Just sayin’.

    http://awaitingtenure.wordpress.com/

  36. Wilbur of theNorth
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Mad Dog 20-20…yum

  37. Gold-Digging Nanny
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, 280 yester-yesterthread:

    No platitudes from me! Well, maybe one. Apparently one of my coworkers in the graphics department had already been looking for other work, and I guess what happened to me kind of inspired him to expand his search. He now has two pretty good leads. He e-mailed me to say, “It seems that when someone is shown the door – the rest of us can see what’s outside.”

    Good luck on the outside, Dingo. I hope you find work you enjoy in Illinois, on top of all the other things you enjoy there. If you ever find yourself in the wrong I-state, I’ll take you to a Basque bar and buy you a chorizo.

  38. Crunchbird
    April 1st, 2008 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @#10, I totally agree, UB. For one thing, if you’re bothering to use correct English grammar “splurge” doesn’t take an object. It’s like they needed to remind people they were broke, but were afraid to annoy the booze lobby by using the word “waste” or something else that would actually fit the sentence better.

    And clearly despite all other evidence to the contrary, Gil Thorp must take place in Canada … it explains not only “playdowns” but the stuck-in-a-timewarp smalltown quality of the entire strip.

  39. minor flood
    April 1st, 2008 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Does the typical American family really keep a golf club next to the door in an umbrella stand? Maybe it belongs to Lois for times like these when Hi splurges on a “nice” bottle of Night Train wine and subsequently spends the rest of the week “working at home” in his bathrobe.

  40. Anonymous
    April 1st, 2008 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    2 & 3 — Doing a Google search, it appears that the term “playdowns” is used primarily in Vermont. Are there other reasons to believe that Gil Thorp takes place in Vermont?

  41. Shoshi
    April 1st, 2008 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    40 was me.

  42. Maughta
    April 1st, 2008 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure if I miss the Christian Singles ad, but I’m happy to see that chubby, geeky, bespectacled Americans can still buy nubile Asian brides.

  43. Hank
    April 1st, 2008 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    RE No. 18, Brick Bradford, Gil Thorp Brick, my friend, obviously you don’t understand the workings of GT. Gil doesn’t kick anybody’s ass. If he just waits until Coach Kaz gets pissed off enough to drive his whole fist and half his arm through some guy’s head.

  44. Violet
    April 1st, 2008 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    I’m with Hi on this one. Most of the $3.99 and up vintages don’t turn pitch black on the way home from the store.

  45. Islamorada Girl
    April 1st, 2008 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    I think we should have a contest to see who can write the most treacly, glurge drenched, insincere and fawning letter to Coffee Talk. No matter how sarcastic you think you are, I doubt they’ll ever figure out it’s a satire on their desperately-need-a-real life correspondents. If you can work in “true love forever”, “made for each other”, “meant to be”, “Elly’s infinite wisdom” and “I love you, Lynn, don’t ever stop” into one sentence, you are a Glurge Master.
    If you win the coveted mug, you become transmogrified into a sugar coated wedding cake of a divinity. Extra points for raving about that ghastly anachronistic schmata of a wedding dress and how special it is.

  46. Muffaroo
    April 1st, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    Brad the Bold @6 – If we can all stop saying Freedom Kissing now, then the terrorists have lost again.

    boojum @21 – We read that story about Hulga and the Bible Salesman in college. His name was Manley Poynter. Who was that by? Katherine Anne Porter? So long ago. I remember the teacher asking what a good last name for Hulga would be, and I suggested “Mongous.”

    Whoa. Glad you guys didn’t see that. Preview really is my friend.

  47. Saluki
    April 1st, 2008 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Luann

    Brad: Anyway, I’ll stop babbling. ‘Bye Toni. Thanks for a great time.

    Toni: You should kiss me.

    Brad: Wait, what?

    Toni: You should kiss me.

    Brad: Uh, really?

    Toni: April fools you loser.

  48. ChristianPinko
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    #38 – If Gil Thorp takes place in Canada, does that means Canadians spend their free time clubbing themselves in the head? And if so, could that explain why FOOB has become such a horrible comic?

  49. FOOBed again
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    #46: The Hulga story was by Flannery O’Connor. I think it’s called “Good Country People”, but I could have it mixed up with something else.

  50. Brick Bradford
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    #43 Hank–now that I’d pay to see.

  51. Anonymous
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    Every single day I am amazed to see that Marmaduke is still being published!

  52. Red Greenback
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    Big Effin’ Dog:Eva is really gonna pe pissed off when she hears about the cop breaking Adolph’s little bottle of love potion #9.
    Real life spookily echoes the C.C. Dep’t: Last Sunday I cleaned my garage (RM,MD). On Monday I put some vintage ho scale trains up on eBay and one of them was a boxcar (FOOB). Today some adorable goats were bleating and working away on the hillside above my house clearing brush (True Fable).

  53. magic8ball
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    #29 One-eyed Wolfdog: ha ha, “port” in a storm.

  54. Buck Ripsnort
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    O, fer chrissakes, people. Big Dog is clearly giving the Neener-Neener to Mrs. Hitler. As in, “Neener neener, I had my tongue in a big, virile cop and you didn’t.”
    Make mine a glass of Night Train, long as One-Eyed Wolfdog is buying.

  55. Red Greenback
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    Or maybe Eva’ll even be pissed off. Oh, and congrats to I-Girl and the COTW runners up.

  56. JP (not Judge Parker)
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    I was so annoyed by FOOB yesterday that I was completely unable to post. Damn you, FOOB!

    Anyhoo, re: liquid being black already, I think Hi brought a bottle of balsamic vinegar. Yep, it’s already not wine anymore. No wonder Hi looks so bleak.

    Trainer Rick looks dumbfounded that his intervention didn’t work. Too bad, seeing how it was probably it was his one chance to apply whatever gen. ed. social science course he took in college.

  57. boojum
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    46 and 49: “Good Country People,” by Flannery O’Connor, it is.

    Flannery for the win. Every damn time.

  58. JP (not Judge Parker)
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    56 me: I should preview before posting. Disregard the extra “it was” I have in that awful last sentence.

  59. Dingo
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    In my petite mind, I would like to imagine a rogue cop beating the pastry out of an old beggar woman. She pleads for mercy and he is unforgiving. Just as he bends over her to deal the final, crushing blow, his pants slide ever so gently down his backside to reveal a moist hairy crack of man ass. Marmaduke sees this and produces that phallic tongue. Boundering over the sidewalks, shrubbery, and wee children of the community, Marmaduke makes his (his?) way to the officer and plants his moist warm tongue directly into him. The rogue cop screams like white trash at a tent revival. Marmaduke pushes him to the ground and continues his assault on the sweet pink sphincter of municipal ministration. The old woman screams and cackles as the cop begs for mercy. Then, he emits a donut fart and the dog shrieks back.

    Upon arriving home, Marmaduke puts out his tongue for his lady. It seems she had a thing for cop-produced donut farts.

    (Curtain)

  60. boojum
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    Dingo’s back!! And he brought — you know . . . cop porn.

  61. RaJ
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    Gotta love those Milford kids, who in defeat look sadder than the Jews in Egypt. That, along with the fact that we’re being protecting from the sight of Andrew fouling out, leads me to believe that Andrew actually killed the referee in a fit of hallucinatory despair, mistaking him for a cruel slave master.

    Of course, my family will gladly open up a seat at our seder for the writer of Gil Thorpe, if he wraps this storyline by drowning Andrew’s dad in the sea.

  62. True Fable
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    #52 Red Greenback – GOAT SIGHTING! GOATS! Ah Red my old friend, you are a lucky man to be blessed with goats on your hillside. I imagine that is more comfortable than, say, goats on your backside. Them lil bastids got sharp hoofies!

    #48 ChristianPinko – No, Foob is a horrible comic not because of anything to do with Gil Thorp, but because Lynnie Baby is such an overbearing, delusional clown.

  63. Old School Allie Cat
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    #59 – Dingo – of course Marmaduke is male – otherwise, her name would be Marmaduchess.

    Other than that, I got nothing. In fact, including that -I’ve got nothing.

  64. Mooncattie
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    #7 Mystery Woman – Post away anytime! Being non-witty (AND Canadian to boooot) never stopped me!

    I’ve never heard of “playdowns” applied to sports up here. I’m just glad that another one of Gil’s teams has gone down to an early, crashing failure. Now let’s bring on the Milford High School Curling Team!

    BTW – do high schools really have “Trainers”?

  65. Dingo
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    #64 Mooncattie: Yes, in their bras.

  66. cheech wizard
    April 1st, 2008 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    LuAnn – Wednesday: Toni kisses Brad, who promptly blorts in his pants. Newspapers all over the nation substitute “Candorville” instead.

  67. Mooncattie
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    #65 Dingo: I had the veal for lunch!

  68. cheech wizard
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    It’s pretty clear to see, from their expressions in panel 2, that this discussion isn’t really about the cost of the wine, but Lois’s dismay that Hi has fallen off the wagon again and Hi’s bleak recognition that she has seen through his ruse. The cost of this particular bottle isn’t an issue, as Hi will soon be spending far more on quantity than what he just spent on quality. Hell, he could bring home a case of 1954 Chateau Rothschild for what he’s going to be spending on Gallo over the next month, while Lois is wondering how much lawyerin’ that same money would buy.

  69. RaJ
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    About the Hi and Lois strip:

    God, Lois! Hi already is forced to live in a featureless house, in a buttonless coat, while sporting a haircut you’d give a flea-ridden cat. He can’t even afford periods for the ends of his sentences. Really, let the man drink.

    About Marmaduke:

    Wow, Marmaduke’s owner has a short left arm. It’s the kind of arm that says, “My humerus is burried somewhere in my backyard. Ask me why.”

    Because no bone tastes sweeter to Marmaduke than that which, being taken, leaves one’s owner a misshapen beast in the eyes of society.

  70. naugahyde
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

  71. RaJ
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Also:

    The way Judge Parker’s artist refuses to depict prosthetic limbs in any way makes me suspect he’s got ‘em confused with gay kissing.

  72. cheech wizard
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    If Marmaduke’s owner is really Hitler, what it really looks like is that they’re serving a deportation order…

  73. pleinedepoisson
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    Playdowns? Aren’t they playoffs? I thought with the shift of author/artist, at least the sports terminology would become… passable. Note to self: There is no need to understand sports to write a comic strip about sports.

  74. The Divine O’F
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    Josh: Stump Humper! Hilarious! Uh… where can I subscribe?

  75. cheech wizard
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure where he got it from, but Berrill was using “playdowns” in Gil Thorpe way back in the 1960s – so it may just be an obscure anachronism that’s become a standard part of the strip. Neal Rubin, who writes the strip, has been working for the Detroit News or Free Press for ages, so it’s not like he doesn’t know the real-world terminology

  76. Gabacho
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    Yesterthread #135 Dingo – When you write

    “If only… if only I were Mary Worth, I’d put on a matching pantsuit and kerchief combination and my cares and troubles would float away in the breeze.”

    It makes me sad.

    Dingo, you don’t need to put on a matching pantsuit and kerchief. That’s the whole point of the flashback – we can each of us access our inner worth, Mary. We can be gnostic meddlers, not just snappy fashionistas.

    But then I got less sad when I saw you perked up for the bestiality cop porn.

    And very well done on the FooBotage. I find I usually can’t be arsed to give a damn about that strip (except I like Iris mostly because I am starting to look like her) but that kind of condescending, wistful “I’m really not a homophobe but…” crap pisses me off. I’m glad you called them on it.

  77. Mystery Woman
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    Lyrics and other saying from GT world:

    We’re down to see the Wizard.

    Hey, you, get down from my cloud.

    F*** down

    Sorry, I’m suddenly obsessed by this ridiculous phrase!

  78. Pfooti
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    What’s a playdown?

  79. ralph
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    45, I-Girl (Wow, nice COTW tiara you’re wearing!), Great idea! If anyone here wins the Mug from Coffee Talk, maybe the winner can give it to Josh for a fund-raiser for this website?

  80. GazzaLadra
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Today’s BC was a boring return to the religious blah-fest we’ve gotten in the past. Apparently the new artist couldn’t handle all the outraged letters from old people whining about Jesus or whatever and overcompensated by plagiarizing Da Vinci’s “Vitruvian Man”. Hopefully it’s just an April Fool’s thing, because damnit I want to know what happened with the spider on the turtle’s shell.

  81. GazzaLadra
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    And by religious blah-fest I meant that the entire strip is wordless, usually something ol’ Hart would trot out with one of his classics, not that Leonardo Da Vinci is somehow inherently religious.

  82. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    I laughed at the “Stump Humper” gag, and now I have to live with myself. What this site has done to me.

  83. Brad the Bold
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    #50 Brick – Kaz with fist elbow deep in face! Ask and ye shall receive… GT 7/16/07 http://joshreads.com/?p=1162

    #70 Naugahyde – Holy crap that’s more overt bestiality than a weeks worth of Marmaduke! Is dogs on witches its own fetish?

  84. mollificent
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    OK, I’ve officially decided. My next recording project will have to be the “Collected Parodic Works of Dingo”. :D

  85. Dingo
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    ralph (Wiggum?): If I were to win that beloved Mug o’ Lynn, I’d have it made into a hat. That way, every time I got irked at her maudlin strip, I could raise it and shout, “Top o’ the mourning t’ya!”

  86. Jilliterate
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    GT: This week, the role of trainer “Rick Scott” will be played by Canadian improv comedian, Colin Mochrie!

    MW: Normally, it would be considered rude to start playing with a complete stranger’s baby, but the moment Mary saw that woman in her matching fuschia pantsuit, she knew she had found a kindred spirit. Even the simplest deed could make the difference — why, in just a few years, this very child could be wearing his own monochrome eunuch pantsuit!

    Marmaduke: Wowie, Marmaduke, the uncontrollable hellhound, licks a policeman, and Marmaduke’s owner gets a ticket?! What kind of totalitarian police-state do they live in?? I thought that Marmaduke was the ruling power in the Marmadukiverse, but apparently an even great, darker evil controls things.

  87. Lisa
    April 1st, 2008 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    Playdown sounds like a portmanteau of playoff and smackdown…. which makes some sense in the context.

    Oh, and is the wine Wild Irish Rose? I never heard of that one… thought it was a song title…..

  88. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 1st, 2008 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    #135 yesterthread Dingo

    That made me cackle and snort like a backalley crackwhore with a two-pack-a-day habit.

    It’s funny, because I think I’ve met that crack ho. Anyway, I hope your next gig is better. Life is a series of lessons, and all that.

  89. Lisa
    April 1st, 2008 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Re BC, I thought it was kinda cool, that parody of DaVinci’s perspective drawing. I didn’t see any religious aspect to it, at least not of the sledgehammer variety preferred by the artist’s grandfather, which I think fatally weakened the strip at the end.

  90. Poteet
    April 1st, 2008 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    # 3 Josh — Thanks for answering that question. Even to this sports illiterate, “playdown” sounds bizarre.

  91. Lurkbunny
    April 1st, 2008 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Hi got the bottle of wine to get to the nice cans that are being withheld because he is not a good enough provider?

  92. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 1st, 2008 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    #49 FOOBed again,
    You’re right, it is “Good Country People.” I’ve read it in a horror anthology, although that might be a stretch (or not.)

  93. en_dash
    April 1st, 2008 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Wouldn’t “still pillar of strength” be a better title than “mover and shaker” for a legless man?

  94. rhymes with puck
    April 1st, 2008 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    GT: I still can’t tell who is who with the new Gil Thorp artist – even less than before. However, I was comforted today to see yet again that there is still one man in America – and I’m pretty damn sure it is ONLY one man – who uses the term ‘playdowns’.

    Garfield: Garfield takes the quickest dumps in history.

    A3G: See kids? Let this be a lesson for you…drugs impair your vision!

    JP: What are the odd of Steve meeting another veteran amputee on the bus? I don’t know, but they are better than the odds of meeting him on a jogging trail.

    Luann: Should I be disturbed that I popped a bit of wood after reading Toni’s invitation for a kiss?

    MT: I couldn’t think of anyone being less capable of a task than Rex Morgan fighting MRSA until this idiot asked a forest ranger to find a dognapper.

  95. Broken Skittles
    April 1st, 2008 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    Dear Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell,

    Recently I read an article in the McPaper (commonly known as USAtoday), which caused me to think of your son. Here is a link to said article, as well as an excerpt:

    http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2008-04-01-students-plot_N.htm

    “A group of third-graders plotted to attack their teacher, bringing a broken steak knife, handcuffs, duct tape and other items for the job and assigning children tasks including covering the windows and cleaning up afterward, police said Tuesday.”

    Given the contents of this article, you cannot in good conscious regard your son in any way as a “menace.” I therefore ask to you cease and desist. Perhaps “Dennis the Annoying But Good-Intentioned” would be a better moniker?

    Sincerely,
    the Daily Comic-Reading Population

  96. treedweller
    April 1st, 2008 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    MW: I might view Charterstone as somewhere around the fourth level of hell, but I always assumed it was in a Good Neighborhood. Today I stand corrected; Mare and Toeby walk around with their hands buried in their pockets so they won’t get mixed up with the young mothers and their gang signs. Only instead of crips and bloods, Maryville has salmons and lavenders. Shouldn’ta worn that bandana, Mary! Now you’re gonna get ducked up!

  97. blueberrygrrrl
    April 1st, 2008 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    So when the Milford team has the ball, are they on downfense?

  98. ChattyGenes
    April 1st, 2008 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    #45 Islamorada Girl.

    “I think we should have a contest to see who can write the most treacly, glurge drenched, insincere and fawning letter to Coffee Talk….”

    I LOVE your idea! Unfortunately, “push has come to shove” in my life, and I’m too busy getting ready for the new semester to try my hand.

    I am, however, hoping to read various Mudgie attempts to rise to your challenge during my breaks and mealtimes. Go for it, everybody!! Please! Give me something to look forward to:-)

  99. SamWibatt
    April 1st, 2008 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Only Sterno will help the Flagstons drink away their pain for the foreseeable future.

    I dunno, there’s always Prison Wine.

  100. Blue Knight
    April 1st, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    From now on, I’m calling FOOB “For Better or For Horse,” courtesy of My Cage

  101. bats :[
    April 1st, 2008 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    Humpday Funnies:

    Eh. Between reading SPQR Blues (listed up top there) and nothing really spectacular to snark, I’m going to visit my old buddies, Rex ‘n’ Andy:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2380497131/

  102. Girl Reporter
    April 1st, 2008 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    #45 Islamorada Girl says: …“true love forever”…“made for each other”…“meant to be”…“Elly’s infinite wisdom”…“I love you, Lynn, don’t ever stop” …sugar coated wedding cake…anachronistic schmata of a wedding dress

    Oooh, oooh, oooh! And then the rest of us can play Buzz Word Bingo back here on CC. First one to get five up, down, across or diagonally, stand up and yell BINGO! The Free Space in the middle is “you must have a camera in my house!”.

  103. Uncle Lumpy
    April 1st, 2008 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    Dear Sea Hag –

    Youse must haf a camera in my house!

    Sincerely,

    Popeye

  104. Dingo
    April 1st, 2008 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Girl Reporter, let’s play whore bingo. That’s where you cover the four corners.

  105. BenG
    April 2nd, 2008 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    DT: Wow. He even has time to make a quip about it as he’s throwing the hammer. Dick Tracy suck.

  106. Lightsyrup
    April 2nd, 2008 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    Um, I think something’s wrong w/me. I LOVE today’s (4-2) FOOB art. Is that just me? Is it an original original? Really excellent.

  107. Loramir
    April 2nd, 2008 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    Er…
    Is anyone else utterly baffled by Wednesday’s GT? Shoe size? WTF? Is that some sort of code for something?

    Also, Andrew’s dad appears to have vampire teeth in the last panel…perhaps while he was away he was a victim of Andy/Count Morgu? And the arms look really funny in the first panel…but then, this IS Gil Thorp.

  108. Loramir
    April 2nd, 2008 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    @ 106 Lightsyrup:

    I thought FOOB was pretty cool today too. The art’s really good! And Elly (if that’s Elly?) has a normal-sized nose! I was skimming through my Chron page and read it…and then had to stop and scroll back to figure out which comic it was!

  109. Lightsyrup
    April 2nd, 2008 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    FOOB (again): It must be the shading. I am beside myself.

  110. Lightsyrup
    April 2nd, 2008 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    I’m glad I wasn’t the only one :). And I’m glad I apparently haven’t lost my mind… unless we both have! (Kidding.)

  111. Poteet
    April 2nd, 2008 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    MW — GAAAAH! Make it stop! Make the pontificating STOP!! *bites chunk out of keyboard*

  112. Mel
    April 2nd, 2008 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Dingo, I like your Bingo lingo.

    Just had to get that out of my brain. Thank you.

  113. Mel
    April 2nd, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    Poteet, take a deep cleansing breath and repeat the MW safe words

    elastic waistband….eeelasstic waaaaaistbaaaand

  114. Darkefang
    April 2nd, 2008 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    #40 Shoshi –

    “2 & 3 — Doing a Google search, it appears that the term “playdowns” is used primarily in Vermont. Are there other reasons to believe that Gil Thorp takes place in Vermont?”

    Frank McLaughlin and Frank Bolle both live in that general area. Of course, I was under the impression that the writer, Rubin, was a sportwriter in Detroit.

  115. Farley's Revenge
    April 2nd, 2008 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Whoa. A non-sucky strip. Even more startling, I could relate to those days when every now and then I’d take leave of my senses and offer to take an assemblage of linoleum lizards out and about.
    RiR: I love Rose’s alter-ego.
    Luann: Perhaps Brad isn’t saying it but I will: Toni’s easy.
    PBS: Bob might want to reconsider his career choice sooner rather than later. Then again, with Larry aiming the gun, the safest place to stand would be right in front of the barrel.

  116. BenG
    April 2nd, 2008 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    Archie: Dilton’s tragic expression says it all. By “get Dilton to help me do my homework” Jughead mean “use threats and physical abuse to force Dilton to do my homework.” Archie and Betty’s expressions clearly indicate that they know what’s going on but are to nervous to say anything about it.

  117. Frank Parsnip
    April 2nd, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    I was just thinking that a “nice” bottle of wine can be interpreted so many ways. Hi probably figures “nice” = free.

    As in: “It was so nice that it rolled out of the grip of that wino, and I’ve nearly gotten his spittle wiped off the neck.”

  118. Mike
    April 2nd, 2008 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    MW: “I hope that’s a chain reaction that keeps going.”

    And I hope that Santa Royale winds up on the business end of a thermonuclear device. Sadly, however, only one of us will end up getting our wish.

  119. Lisa
    April 2nd, 2008 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    How come some people can see the next day’s FBOFW at midnight and others of us can’t? I can’t find any site that lets me see it, even sites where you can see all the others…. ;o\

  120. Farley's Revenge
    April 2nd, 2008 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    Lisa: I read a bunch of comics on Yahoo. For me, the next day’s comics start posting at 2300, usually with Doonesbury and FBoFW.

  121. True Fable
    April 2nd, 2008 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    It’s time to SNARK!!

    Cathy (Must Die!) One question: Who’s Bo?
    Curtis Made me smile.
    (WT)DT Oh good GRIEF. I’m calling bullshit.
    FC I dunno, kids – I think the Keanes ran out of space in their backyard cemetary. That kitty looks plenty dead to me.
    FC Even back in younger days, Elly was a martyr who brought trouble on herself. Adding to the mix is the heinous old art style, which looks like the artist from Close to Home used to be Lynn Johnston.
    GF These were good; sounds like Snarkers to me!
    Gil Thorp’s Ghost “What size shoes do you wear, Mr. Gregory? Because I wear a size 12 and it’s going right up your ass.”
    H&J Thou dost protest too much, methinks.
    Scenes from Suburban Hell I just don’t like the smug satisfaction in Trixie’s face in panel two. I’d be tempted to set her in the floor and say “time to play cleanup” and make her do it. But she’s a little kid so she gets a pass?!?! *sigh*
    JP She was just hoping you’d say you like doing things the hard way, Steve. Gloria likes it rough, herself.
    Luann Well its about fucking time. As a matter of fact, yes: it IS about Fucking time!
    MT Her pet dog, as opposed to…? Her professional dog? Do dogs have amateur status?
    Marmadick Dear lord, here he comes with that Tongue from yesterday, and I have Dingo’s Cop Porn reeling through my brain every time I see Big Dog now.
    MW While I suppose it’s better for the Charterstone community that Mary is congratulating herself and not meddling, but it’s so excruciatingly BORING. Karen baby…call me. Walk with me, talk with me. I’ll give you something to write about, sugar.
    MC Ed Powers, you are Melissa are GOLD. We have a shout-out, folks! Yeehaw!
    Phantom No, Kit – that’s Jungle Patrol Delusion, followed by Jungle Patrol Suicidal Tendancies.
    PreT I like Teen Bitch’s expression in the last panel.
    RMMD In the mysterious pink glow of panel two, June’s top and jacket switch colors! Oooh! She’s going to help Andy change clothes, or something!
    Zits Ha ha ha, kids text a lot on their cell phones. Ha.

  122. Angry Beaver
    April 2nd, 2008 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    GF: I’m liking Get Fuzzy this week so far. I like the combos Bucky has come up with so far…Simon and Garfield had me laughing hard!

  123. Luprand
    April 2nd, 2008 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    Well, I finally got up the nerve to put in my two cents for the Coffee Talk. Tell me what you think:

    “Congratulations, Elizabeth. After a long and perilous journey, you’ve come full circle, married your high school sweetheart, and will end up living close to your parents, where your mother can keep her eye on you and make sure you don’t do anything dangerous ever again.

    “But a word of warning: Don’t ever let Anthony down. You’ve already seen what happens when someone doesn’t live up to his expectations and he can’t change her. He’ll start shopping around for someone else, someone who can be the statue for his Pygmalion, and he will do it while he’s still married to you. And when he’s found her, he’ll find an excuse to drop you.

    “You saw what it did to Thérèse. The way she can’t even get near Françoise without being reminded of the hurt she suffered, of how she was never good enough to satisfy his demands. Those are scars she’ll bear for a long time, and I don’t know when (or if) she’ll be able to share her heart again.

    “But then, you’re no stranger to heartbreaking either, are you?

    “Congratulations, Elizabeth. But step carefully.”

  124. ChattyGenes
    April 2nd, 2008 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    Lightsyrup and Loramir, # 106,#108,#109,#110. Re the Wednesday FOOB.

    Yes, it is an original. And amazingly, the artwork has NOT been altered.

    I remember thinking it was pretty funny when it came out. (Yes, I’ve been a reader that long, and I’ve had the book that long.) But I dunno…somehow, I’ve completely lost my ability to be objective about this comic by now, even the early strips. I can’t tell anymore if it IS funny, USED TO BE funny (but isn’t now), or what. Sometimes I think it depends on whether I’m wearing my rose-colored glasses or my Comics Curmudgeon ones;-)

  125. ChattyGenes
    April 2nd, 2008 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    #123 Luprand. Nice! Betcha they won’t print it. (But I hope they will!)

  126. mollificent
    April 2nd, 2008 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    A3G: Oh, Luann. You know so little of insecure men and their fragile, easily-emasculated egos. Offering to lend him money? You can practically hear his wang deflating from here. Tsk tsk.

    GF: Win win win! :D I think Dilbert & Sullivan could be pretty fun. On the other hand, “Sly and the Family Circus” makes me shudder.

    Luann: Sooooo romantic. NOT.

    My Cage: OK, go on, tell me that isn’t a tip of the hat to the ‘Mudge. :)

    OBH: AAUGGGHHHH! Damn you, CW! You’re damn well paying for the next batch of brain bleach…

  127. Mibbitmaker
    April 2nd, 2008 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    4/2:

    9CL: Thorax, you had your one chance yesterday — today you blew it. Besides, it’d actually be “popularity polls followed by chaos”. Now, just take your faux-alien self, Mallard, and Edison Lee and go pontificate somewhere else! (Okay, the Duck’s agreeable and the kid’s apolitical today, but the last point still stands)

    Archie: Jughead, you’ll go far in this world — How far from Riverdale is Skid Row, anyway?

    Curtis: Barack Obama?

    FOOB: Now THAT’s an old one that reminds us why we thought FOOB used to be good! And, even now, the idea of Ellie being a “demented adult” makes alot of sense.

    FW: …or the dresser out of the dresser, or the dresser out of the drawers, or… oh, nevermind!

    GA: That lady is like Barbara Bush with her son’s vocabulary and brain.

    GT: What?

    HotC: What starts off being a nice satire on moronic “reality” shows (Love the title, btw) turns into generic TV-bashing. “Reality” shows are too busy ruining TV, itself, to be doing anything to reading or life experience.

    Luann: He just learned the most important lesson of Romance According To Pop Culture 101: All words men say will be twisted by women to make the men into jerks for doing nothing wrong. If you’re going to date in a comic strip, Luann’s brother, you have to learn the ropes.

    MT: It’s a good thing it’s all written on a poster on the woman’s front door, or else Trail won’t know what in hell he’s doing today.

    MW: Oh, and Thorax? — – Take Mary and Toeby with you, too!

    MC: Ed Power, proving once again he really is one of us! Very cool.

    PBS: Well, it was Don Rumsfeld’s idea (Which John McCain wisely rejected).

    Ghost-Who-Likes-Newspapers-That-Are-Advertised-In-Old-Comic-Books: Hillary Clinton has ‘Jungle Patrol grit’, according to the Phantom.

    Preteena: Singing like the Garden Gnome in those Travelocity ads was a low blow!

    RMMD: June (now 2 months away) is wearing a pink shirt and grabbing a white coat… then is suddenly wearing a white shirt and putting on a pink coat? Man, if the daily strip colorists can’t even pay attention to June Morgan’s figure, there’s no hope for them at all! (No matter which gender or sexual preference they are, lemme tell ya!)

    S-M: Sorry, Petey ol’ boy — Persuader’s a corpse and MJ is still falling in love with him over you! Too bad.

    ZtP: Gee, I dunno… the Pinheads throwing bowling balls into each others’ noggins might be more entertaining.

  128. Manos
    April 2nd, 2008 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    #114: I live in Vermont, and we sure as hell don’t call them playdowns. Meanwhile, it looks like the Milford boys are getting the world’s saddest blowjobs.

  129. whomever
    April 2nd, 2008 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    #107, re: GT; I suspect some on the court humiliation is planned for Mr. Gregory. Suspense!

  130. Mr. Nice Guy
    April 2nd, 2008 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    Hi tries so hard to bring a tiny bit of joy into their lives, and with the first words out of her mouth, Lois cuts his heart out and stomps on it.

  131. Frank Parsnip
    April 2nd, 2008 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    A3G: “A loan!?! No, but I’d be glad to earn the money. What you figure an hour’s worth of Alan-lovin’ oughtta go for?”

    MW:Panel 1: The white pigeons are smart to stay up out of Mary’s reach – from yesterday’s strip we can see how fast she can just grab one from the air.

    Panel 2: Let’s hope that Tobey’s wish doesn’t come true that Mary’s touches will cause a chain reaction — Mary’s currently reaching out to a rose bush, and any further efforts by that rose bush to touch others are frankly going to be painful and scratchy.

    MT: In panel 1, in addition to the enormous sign on the woman’s door providing narration, Mark speaks aloud his thoughts. Well, if he was wondering if this was the right place to find a woman who paid lots of money for her pet reward, the sign is kind-of a tip-off, isn’t it?

    By panel 3, we have a woman who is apparently dressed in an outfit intended to allow her to mingle unseen with her salmon-pink brick house exterior asking whether Mark is going to be “doing a story”. She doesn’t realize that “Woods & Wildlife” editor Bill Ellis has instructed Mark to look into the story to help the police, skipping the entire publishing process. After all, with “Woods & Wildlife” magazine focused on essay contests about caring for pets and now conducting investigations into lost pets, my guess is that Ellis has decided between fifths of vodka to carry through his previously idle ramblings about “screw the W&W readers…”

    Krankenschaftfuehrer: Max is going to hestitate on moving out now that he knows Grandma Rose is moving in. Prime consideration is the massive pee-soaking of the porn hidden under his mattress.

    Marvin: Are those supposed to be little black hearts coming out of her to show “love”?

    DtM: Dennis showing that he still believes in the tooth fairy: not menacing. Dennis taunting his dad about not bringing human teeth home, mentioning the tooth fairy only in a sarcastic sense: menacing. Same words, but just a difference in the boy’s face would say it all.

    GT: Andrew is a “disgrace” to that Milford uniform? I thought there was nothing that could disgrace that uniform, not after the day Coach Kaz showed up to practice wearing a Lady Mudlarks uniform having replaced his usual pearl earrings with enormous hoops.

    Jugs Parker: The mine that took off his legs also removed the part of his brain that takes whatever it can get. Sadly for Doris, that part of the male brain resides inside the “little head”.

    Sally Forth: “Perfect” is Sally Forthspeak for a concept not easily expressed in English but which is rapidly conveyed by the image of a small lapdog with legs that no longer function from years of non-use.

    Hi & Lois: Trixie learned that bitchslappin’ move from watching her parents after they’ve had some of that “nice” fortified wine.

  132. Mibbitmaker
    April 2nd, 2008 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    DVD commentary on episode # 127 (me):

    The whole reading-snarking of Mark Trail was the best part of the whole thing, with reading My Cage and the “June” joke close behind.

    The Travelocity Gnome: Advertising’s Super Dave Osborne.

  133. boojum
    April 2nd, 2008 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    107, 127, 129, regarding GT:

    I agree. Asshat Gregory, Sr. will be fitted with tennis shoes. He and Andrew will go one-on-one, in front of the whole team. Major Life Lessons will be learned. Laws of physics will be violated.

    Good times, my friend.

    Steve Shannon, Amputee-at-Law:

    “This is the most tormented man I have ever known. I am in love with this man. . .”

  134. A New Day
    April 2nd, 2008 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    Talk about a chain reaction! In Wednesday’s Mary Worth, Mary and Toby have actually killed and petrified those roses with their stupid, pointless marathon of self-congratulatory prattle.

  135. Weaselboy
    April 2nd, 2008 at 5:03 am [Reply]

    JP, final panel – That should be “what are the odds of MY meeting him on the bus.” God, I feel superior.

  136. kippetje2000
    April 2nd, 2008 at 5:10 am [Reply]

    Zoinks! It looks as though Grandson Crankshaft just remembered that stash he had secreted away in ‘his’ room. And just like my mom at one time, I’ll bet his grandma finds it sometime in the future, but never admits to it, if you get my drift.

  137. Big Sims
    April 2nd, 2008 at 5:13 am [Reply]

    I had to stop right in the middle of reading the morning comics to comment about today’s Gil Thorp(ee) and how giddy with anticipation I am. I can’t wait to see how Coach Gil is going to mangle this insult, the old;
    Coach “You’re gonna look funny runnin’ ’round this gym with 3 shoes on.”
    Rageaholic Dad “Wha…?”
    Coach “The two on your feet and this one (points to his shoe) up your ASS! Chump.”

    Then Rageaholic Dad will storm off to his car and wait and drink in the parking lot, attack Coach when he leaves with a beer bottle shattering Coach’s eye-socket and detaching his retina. Hands filled with gore and glass shards, Rageaholic Dad will feel remorse and call 911, but too late, Coach losses vision with the damaged eye. (This happened not too long ago to a coach around here. I think it was softball) Andrew will film the altercation and it’ll air on 20/20 and Milford will have a “Town Meeting” (w/ John Stossel moderating) about sports and violence and teens and alcohol and won’t somebody please think of the children…?
    Milford will still have lost the playdowns.

    Ratchet back on the coffee Big Sims, ease up big fella…

  138. And The
    April 2nd, 2008 at 5:25 am [Reply]

    9CL: Mmmmm, more pompous, generic political flapdoodle, now from Thorax. Please do continue for a week with these incisive observations.

    DT: Hammer Time! Thank god for the ridiculously stilted dialogue here, I could never have bought into someone disarming Tracy from a distance with a hammer throw, but those two panels of explanation completely convinced me that it’s plausible.

    GA: You know, I’m looking on the bright side. Perhaps Leatherface’s family lives just down the road. I’m thinking these the soft, unworked skin of these two wealthy geezers would make some local family some lovely lampshades.

    GT: A comic strip where I’m hating the characters I’m supposed to! Kudos!

    A-3G: Is Alan still employed at the gallery? The last I recall, he had stopped showing up to work in an artistic fit of petulant temper.

    JP: Gee, this office small talk about meeting an accountant on the bus is fascinating and all, but how’s about that drug dealing chicken farmer plot?

    MW: There’s really going to be a full week of analysis for that pathetic flashback? Someone said grace once and now she’s Mary Worth. Done! Come back, Doctor Drew!

    MC: Uh, neither Funky Winkerbean nor FBoW are good examples of the “every week, wacky hijinks and zany coworkers” cliches in comic strips. In fact, you almost couldn’t have picked two less apropos strips.

    Phantom: Wow, what’s going on with our police woman in panel two? Is some of that Jungle Patrol grit starting to work its way through her digestive system?

    S-M: Shoot now, Krandis! They can’t defend themselves and exposit at the same time.

  139. John C Fremont
    April 2nd, 2008 at 5:55 am [Reply]

    # 138 – “Hammer Time!” made my day. Guess what I’m going to be singing all day. I feel sorry for my coworkers already.

    MW – “Kindness of strangers?” Nevermind the Blanche DuBois jokes – What strangers? You mean the parents of your best friend? The parents of the friend you sometimes visted at home? Strangers? Sheesh!

    RMMD – Careful where you point that thing, June.

    MC – Tee-hee!!

    GF – Sammy Hagar the Horrible, eh..?

  140. gleeb
    April 2nd, 2008 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I’d rather sell drugs than take money from you! Or sell out Eric to the Red Chinese!” Whatever he decides, I see prison time ahead for Alan.

    Bizarro: An actual eco-terrorist is more likely to burn down a building or savagely beat a medical researcher, but I like the banana.

    Dick: He may be slow, repetitive, lacking any idea of how “changing the world” works, and repetitive, but he’s quick with a hammer gag.

    ‘bean: “Without benefits”? I think not. Mopey Pete is sending signals, letting you all see his shorts. This sequence is going to end with an ignored Montoni’s pie and the sound of manflesh slapping against manflesh.

    GA: That hood ornament just screams “new money”. These Kleebs are arrivistes.

    Grin and Bear It: Where was Snort when we railroaded into Iraq?

    Rex: June, suspicious, plans to go along and make sure it’s just a public meeting.

  141. Loopina
    April 2nd, 2008 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    Zits: It’ll be a bigger seller than “Stone Season”

    Peanuts: I like this one. It reminds me of when I was working retail – I was department manager and had 6-10 underlings. Unfortunately, most of them were under 18 and hadn’t yet developed a work ethic.

    MW: Mary has always depended upon the kindness of strangers. Maybe Charterstone is a sanitarium.

    OBH: Heh… my co-worker’s 4yo knows the words to Soulja Boy – he does a dance and everything. I haven’t decided if it’s cute or disturbing.

    GF: Sly and the Family Circus, lol

    HotC: I think that title could fit pretty much all the reality shows on tv.

  142. jerseygull
    April 2nd, 2008 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    Re Hi and Lois: Am I the only one who thinks Lois is being sarcastic in questioning the “extravagance” of the wine? I assumed that’s why the tortured syntax and roundabout way of saying “Can we afford it?”.

  143. Little Guy
    April 2nd, 2008 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: … is it “Al Bundy, Avenging Angel”?

  144. Loopina
    April 2nd, 2008 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    One more: Buckles has the wheelchair dog again!

  145. Calico
    April 2nd, 2008 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    MW – Toby, please don’t forget that chain reaction aren’t always a good thing.
    Now shut up already and go back to the pool.

    H & L – If Lois wants cruddy wine, she should try locally produced rhubarb wine, one of Stuart’s favorite tools of manipulation in DtWoF. Yuk.

    RM – Ha, June is keeping close tabs on Rex this time around! Who’s watching the kid and dog, though?

    FC – The cat is trying to avoid you both, dumbass.

  146. Calico
    April 2nd, 2008 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    SlyFox – Bad boys…(cue theme from “Cops”)

    Try saying Fast Cash Facts ten times fast! Whoa!

    And here’s some very kinky Octopod info.
    http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/science/04/01/octopus.love.ap/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
    I never would have thought…

  147. Whippersnapper
    April 2nd, 2008 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    MC: I love it! Thanks Ed Power!

  148. smacky
    April 2nd, 2008 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    I love how Ted Forth must be constantly reminded that he is a man.

  149. Brick Bradford
    April 2nd, 2008 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    Wow! Dick Tracy’s fighting Thor! I think he’s overmatched.

  150. Inspector Dim
    April 2nd, 2008 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    Persuader: Crispy on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside. Oh, actually, crispy there now too.

  151. Inspector Dim
    April 2nd, 2008 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    The Persuader: Crispy on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside! (sniff!)

    Mmm. Smells like bisonburgers.

  152. man behind the curtain
    April 2nd, 2008 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    RMMD — I hate to inject reality but you two have a young child at home and I don’t think the dog qualifies as a sitter.

    A3G — I like how after all these years LuAnn is blissfully ignorant of Margo’s true nature while Alan knows Margo like a book. ILord knows what he would have to do in order to get a pay raise from her. My advice to Alan is take the loan from LuAnn and then later insist it was a gift. Maybe the two of you can then appear on Judge Judy.

    MW — Reach out and touch someone. Just make sure it’s someone else.

  153. Randall
    April 2nd, 2008 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Luann: C’mon Toni! He’s desperately trying to resist his homosexual tendencies and your driving him away. Drag the boy into your bedroom and make a man out of him!

  154. aquagirl3
    April 2nd, 2008 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    Okay, I’m a little late to figure it out, but I finally remembered what the whole Brad-Toni exchange in the car reminded me of. Remember on Seinfeld, George is dating Elaine’s friend, who tells her in art class “Looks aren’t important to me.” Haha! George.

  155. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    April 2nd, 2008 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    (WT)DT: I have lost all respect for Dick Tracy. The only way this can be resolved now is if the Ancient Chinese Kwanxoi® (not to be confused with the many Ancient Roman Kwanxoi imitators out there) grows to forty times its original height and collapses on top of Mr. Lector. Sadly, I think the odds of this happening are pretty good.

    MW: Yes, yes, someone reached out to you with a kind word and it made you the meddling biddy you are today. We already saw it in excruciatingly dull detail. Can’t you hurry it up and get back to the pool party or something? Did you wander to the next county or what? Isn’t there a bowl-headed neighbor you can browbeat into committing suicide or something? Get on with it!

    MC: Oooh, slam! If I didn’t know better, I’d think that the writer of My Cage has some way of knowing exactly what comic strips we like to see made fun of.

    Phantom: Way to trail a suspect inconspicuously, O Ghost-Who-Sticks-Out-Like-A-Hippo-At-A-Dog-Show. I’m sure the bad guy will never notice that truck now.

    RMMRSA: Coloring monkeys: FAIL. The patented June Jut: WIN.

    S-M: How convenient! The Persuader’s wearing a mood suit that displays his life signs. Black must mean dead.

  156. Tweeks_Coffee
    April 2nd, 2008 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Archie: Betty’s role could be played by a mannequin today. Well, it could be any other day, but especially today.
    DtM: Hank’s gonna turn around and start wailing on Dennis any second now. It’ll be the most menacing thing in this strip since ever.
    DT? Where on Earth did he get that hammer from? He had it yesterday, but not the day before. So he picked it up at some point between Dick slithering out of the horse’s belly and standing up on the ground.
    Luann: Nice work, Brad, you got the hint without her using a billboard.
    MT: Is that Lucille Ball? Here I thought she’d passed on a while ago.
    MW: Of all the stuff that’s colored, the roses aren’t? Where the hell are these two anyway? I thought they were just hanging around the condo, but it looks like there’s miles of trail behind them. Is this where Mary brings people before she kills them?
    MC: Heheheh, nice work, Ed.
    Phantom: So you decided to follow him in a big army truck? Real discreet, ladies.
    RMMD: At least June changed shirts first, because having a salmon colored jacket over the same color shirt would’ve just been silly.
    SF: Interesting how Sally’s wearing a power-jacket from the ’80s complete with over-the-top shoulder pads and Ted’s suit accentuates his narrow, womanly shoulders. I guess we all know who runs that family, not that there was any doubt to begin with.
    S-M: You know, Krandis, this all could’ve been avoided if you would’ve just tied up MJ to start with. Instead you let her wander around your secret cave like she was your new puppy.

  157. Abbey the Wonderdog
    April 2nd, 2008 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    Woof?

    I can fly a helicopter.

    Solve mysteries.

    Change diapers (Rex is in his depends phase)

    I can certainly take care of widdle Sawah.

    BARK! BARK! BARK!

  158. Calico
    April 2nd, 2008 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    #157 – Excellent, Abbey! Go for it. Bark! I feel better now. I had forgotten about you taking down Eightball too.

    Re: the Dumbest cartoon Dad contest, I think the “No Pattersons Rule” is a riot. I was, of course, going to invoke John Patterfoob for the title, but see I cannot, for obvious reasons.

  159. dimestore lipstick
    April 2nd, 2008 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Gleeb–
    My reaction to Bizarro was similar:
    Uh, no, Dan–
    This is eco-terrorism.

  160. mattt
    April 2nd, 2008 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    S-M Wow, Spidey, that was close! Almost electrocuted! If only you had some kind of “sense” that warned you of such impending dangers. Wouldn’t that be handy?

  161. queek
    April 2nd, 2008 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    MC: WIN!!!

    *does happy dance*

    well done, Ed Power!

  162. blerg
    April 2nd, 2008 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: The wine is Hi’s clumsy way of saying he wants to get drunk and end their months-long sex drought. Which is why Lois is begging him to return it to the store.

  163. man behind the curtain
    April 2nd, 2008 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    #157 Abbey the Wonder Dog — I underestinmated you. You’re the one holding the entire Morgan household together. Now that i recall, you were Sarah’s surrogate mother and wetnurse as well.

  164. electro
    April 2nd, 2008 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    The subtext in HI & Lois is really quite affecting. It’s not that he had to fight a hobo to ‘get’ this bottle (the scratch under his right eye in panel two speaks to that). No, what’s really tragic is that he attempts to hide his desperation from Lois in a pathetic attempt to maintain the illusion that at least one of them is gainfully employed.

    Drunken confessions tomorrow!

  165. Sock Puppet
    April 2nd, 2008 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    At first I was disappointed that there was no discussion of yesterday’s Funky, as I am still puzzling over what to make of the “without benefits” non-punchline. But then I realized that the four-way Winkersmirk in the last panel was just too traumatizing to dwell upon.

    As for The Persuader, I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen a no-foolin’, eyes-rolled-up corpse in a Spider-Man strip. I certainly hope it’s not the last. I have a list.

    Sally Forth: “You’re a guy, Ted.” This is the first I’ve heard of it. Evidence, please.

  166. dimestore lipstick
    April 2nd, 2008 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Your Popeness:
    In the midst of slamming the dress-sense of celebrities over on Go Fug Yourself, Heather and Jessica will occasionally do a “well-played” post, highlighting those moments when a celeb gets everything right.

    I would rather enjoy seeing a similar feature on CC, for those comics that usually suck the chrome off a trailer hitch, but manage to be reasonably funny or clever once in a while (Today’s Lockhorns, for example, which made me chuckle), or to acknowledge any comic that bats one out of the park–like today’s My Cage did.

    Thanks for your kind attention;
    Sincerely,
    D. Lipstick

  167. Lettuce
    April 2nd, 2008 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    I think Liz from FOOB and Brad from LUANN should get together. It would be awesome.

    Brad: I’m told we should kiss now.
    Liz: My parents said kissing you would be good.
    Brad: I’m a fireman because I thought it would impress a girl I liked.
    Liz: I left a life of fulfillment and adventure to live near a guy who works at a car dealership. Not “owns a car dealership,” just works there.
    Brad: I rent a house from my parents.
    Liz: I live down the street from mine.
    Brad: I’m wearing my Dad’s tie.
    Liz: I’m wearing my grandmother’s weddin dress.
    Brad: I have a chia head.
    Liz: I have the ass of a weeble-wobble.
    Brad: I can only kiss you if you tell me to.
    Liz: I can only tell you to kiss me if my parents set it up over the course of 3 years.
    Brad: Well, neither of us dated each in High School.
    Liz: That is the metric all relationships must meet. I guess we’re doomed.
    Brad: Like Romeo and Juliet.
    Liz: More like “RomeShmoe and Julie-Let’s not.”
    Brad: Really? That’s the punchline here?
    Liz: It’s either pun or treacle. Take your pick.

  168. Calico
    April 2nd, 2008 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    #158 – Myself – I think I meant to say “I would’ve invoked the title upon” King Foob.
    Jesus, I nd 2 go back tu skool.

    Wrk smarter, not harder, and be carful of yr speling.
    : P

  169. Funky smelling crankshafted corpse
    April 2nd, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    “Stump Humper”?

    I am in awe.

    Luann: This may actually end well for Brad, because it will give Luann something else to mope about.

    Dick Tracy: Its Hammer time!

    9CL: Just when I think McEldowney can not get any more stupid with that Thorax beast, he proves me wrong. Go back to drawing Edda snogging her dweeb. Please.

    GA: The Kleebs must be nouveau, because they are driving themselves. Where’s the chauffer in a natty uniform? If you’re going regress to 1930′s stereotypes, you should at least make the attempt to get it right.

    Sally Forth: Just say thank you and then bang her till morning Ted. You just got the greenlight, you idiot.

  170. Dingo
    April 2nd, 2008 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann gave me a nice tingly feeling, the type like when you were a child and your starched white dress shirt rubbed against your nipple during church. Brad is always the doofus. Slowly, he’s made his way out of the house, into his own apartment, and crept like a syphilitic cat toward adulthood (Hello? Elizabeth?). Unlike Rose’s doppelganger, there is no confident and studly Brad. Today, our little Lyle Lovett has landed his cracked nervous lips upon his Julia Roberts. Hurrah!

    I do fear that someone is lurking in the shrubbery and this will all come to naught but, at least for one fleeting moment, Brad has achieved limerance.

  171. Dingo
    April 2nd, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Calico, with that writing, there’s a job waiting for you at Kutztown University.

  172. Gold-Digging Nanny
    April 2nd, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    DT — Is it just me, or does it seem early for the senseless violence to be starting in Dick Tracy?

    Must be spring.

  173. Gold-Digging Nanny
    April 2nd, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    My Cage: This is a shout-out to us, right?

  174. gkl
    April 2nd, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    MW: Since today’s comic is just rehashing the rehash of the rehash of the flashback, you have to look to the background to get anything new. And, lo and behold, behind the bush we see a boulder that wasn’t there before. Yes, Mary Worth is so slowly paced that there is time for geology to happen.

    MT: “What a lovely dress, Ma’am. It matches your home.”

    GT: And what was originally plotline about parental neglect turns into a storyline about perverts in contact with children as Gil’s long-secret foot fetish finally comes out in the open.

    GA: We knew that the Kleebs were stupid, but now we know that they’re book stupid as well as just plain stupid. I’m planning to take comfort in that, somehow.

  175. Mr. Lemon
    April 2nd, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    I’m missing the old Gil Thorpe art, *sigh* bring back my insane hairstyles and random panels, remember the joys of self clubbing Tyler and other such physical impossibilities brought on by the wacky art.

  176. Calico
    April 2nd, 2008 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    #171 – Oh my! Hahaha! When can I start?

    Seriously, now – Dingo, I am so sorry to hear about your denial of tenure track by your employer, as well as how you heard about it.

    I’ve never worked in University academia, but it sounds like the powers-that-be at many institutions of higher learning can be extremely, ironically, subversive and backasswards.

    I wish you all the best, and I know things will be better for you soon!

  177. Gold-Digging Nanny
    April 2nd, 2008 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    166 dimestore lipstick — I love that site, and I especially love the “Fug Madness” they do.

    That said, I have to stick up for Pope Josh, who occasionally points out things that are awesome. Notably — funny crossovers with PBS, Sally Forth, My Cage and Slylock Fox; the artwork in Gil Thorp the day one-legged Bill Ritter punched that one guy; and the unironic love he shows for most of the Slylock Fox characters.

  178. And The
    April 2nd, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    #172: G-D Nanny, senseless violence is always in season at Dick Tracy. And goodness knows that I prefer the senseless violence over the senseless non-violence in this strip.

  179. cheech wizard
    April 2nd, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Darklefang/114; Shoshi/40 -

    Re: Gil Thorpe playdowns — Neal Rubin used to cover sports, but these days he does a humorous observations-type column for the Detroit News.

    Frank Berrill, the creator of Gil Thorpe, lived in Connecticut – so maybe “playdowns” is what they called playoffs there once upon a time. More info on Berrill in his obit, below:
    http://illyria.com/gilobit.html

    I also came across another teen-centered strip Berrill did, possibly before Gil Thorpe – click on the link below to see Gil’s prototype as a near-teenager:
    http://lambiek.net/artists/b/berrill_jack.htm

  180. Terry C
    April 2nd, 2008 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Now that Gil Thorp has a new artist, maybe they will also get a new writer onboard …. one who understands the difference between “playoffs” (a tournament consisting of several sporting contests by which a champion is chosen) and “playdowns” (which refer solely to ice sports such as curling and hockey). Better yet, they could get a new writer who understands interpersonal relationships post-1957.

  181. dale
    April 2nd, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Luann

    What are the chances that Toni is bipolar and has, for the nonce, switched from coke back to her legally prescribed medications?

  182. David
    April 2nd, 2008 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    I think Lois is covering up for being tanked by the time Hi gets home. “Should we be splurging our limited resources on such extravagance?” is the sort of thing that a drunk would come up with while desperately trying to sound sober. Sort of a variation on a stupid person’s idea of what a smart person sounds like.

  183. Joe, Upper-Evergreen FOOB-basher
    April 2nd, 2008 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Luann: This is where TJ jumps out of the bushes with a camera…….

    FOOB: That’s right, SmElly. You are demented. Thanks for admitting it!

  184. m1ngle
    April 2nd, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    So Nick Mathers, CPA is a Vietnam War vet!? I’m sorry if this is old news to everyone else, but I just got this. I assumed this whole time he’d fought in one of the Gulf Wars or Somalia or something. I mean really, the guy would be at least 60 years old.

  185. leftcoastpdx
    April 2nd, 2008 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Josh, you framed the Flagston condition so poignantly, I can and must offer this link to the new table wine for their household in these fiscally challenging times. Feel free to try it yourself.:
    http://www.blacktable.com/gillin030901.htm

  186. Muffaroo
    April 2nd, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    49 and 57: Thanks much. I even found the story online and skimmed through it again. I do believe I have “Juno and the Paycock” by O’Connor in an anthology — might be time to read it.

  187. Iggy
    April 2nd, 2008 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure someone said this in the previous 8000 comments but “hike” must have something to do with hiking, ie raising, the leg to pee as boy dogs do…

  188. RaJ
    April 3rd, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Lettuce:

    *applause*

  189. Master Mahan
    April 3rd, 2008 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    Stop looking at the camera, Rick.

  190. Mardou Fox
    April 3rd, 2008 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    Trotzenbonnie!!
    I’m chaperoning a school field trip to Bunker Hill/Paul Revere’s house tomorrow! I’m taking along Johnny Tremaine to read on the 3-hour bus ride to Boston!!
    I used to drive my older sister crazy trying to get them to “be” the other cats in the gang, and boy would one of them get mad when I would tell her she should be T.C., because she was the bossiest (but it was true)!
    Gotta get my hands on a copy of the Benny biography! You kept yours out past the due date? I actually considered stealing the book from the library because I didn’t think anyone else appreciated it. (Must have been the influence of those scheming cats….) But, I didn’t, being a nice Catholic girl and all.
    Today has made me happy! Thanks for mentioning Benny!

  191. Anonymous
    April 5th, 2008 at 5:52 am [Reply]

    #41 Shoshi-
    I’ve lived my life in VT and have never heard the term “playdowns”.

  192. Shutupeccles
    April 5th, 2008 at 5:53 am [Reply]

    #191 was me…sorry

  193. Martin
    September 30th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    No idea what Playdowns are in England either! But enjoyed reading it!

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