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Wendy will tell you whether you ask or not

Mary Worth, 10/14/12

Jim Romenesko’s media blog has already covered the unusually flush finances of Woods and Wildlife magazine, but has been neglecting the turmoil on the feature pages of the Santa Royale Gazette-Whatever. Wilbur Weston is fully focused on his new survivors column, “I Shouldn’t Be ALive,” leaving Mary to keep noodling along with “Ask Wendy.” Absent any editorial supervision, she has quite clearly gone completely insane. Having long ago forgotten that the “Ask” in the name indicates that she’s supposed to be responding to reader letters, she now just unloads her philosophy on her readers in long, stream-of-consciousness rants. “None of us can solve the problem of evil! The ever-changing nature of the universe and the self has bedeviled humanity since the age of Heraclitus! Only through immediate action, directed by my iron will, can life have any meaning! OBEY ME, READERS! OBEY WENDY! OBEY!”

Blondie, 10/14/12

Over the course of most of this comic, I found it charming that Dagwood was imagining that he had a hooting, rowdy audience for the latest instance of his thrice-daily sandwich-building ritual. But when I realized it was actually Elmo providing the audience reactions, it suddenly got a lot more pathetic.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 10/14/12

Oh, nothing much in today’s Slylock Fox, just Reeky Rat and his punk friends sneaking a extremely filthy double entendre of a band name into comics pages across America.

258 responses to “Wendy will tell you whether you ask or not”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke — Marm’s projectile diarrhea has claimed yet another victim:

    What, you thought that was DIRT? Does a Rusty Trail crap in the woods?

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Dilbert — With a better physique and a widow’s peak, the “handsome fellow” in Sunday’s strip would be a ringer for veep candidate Paul Ryan.

  3. Moe Squito-Fish
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    GF: Has Bucky Katt been reading Ask Wendy again?

    Ziggy: Tune in all this week for Ziggy’s adventures in homelessness. Monday: Ziggy meets Frank and Ernest who rob and beat him; Tuesday: Is told Habitat for Humanity is for humans; Wednesday: Tries to join Occupy — told to Move On; Thursday: Encounters a drifter named David — makes him angry; Friday: Briefly employed as tagger’s step-stool; Saturday: CHUDs.

  4. Chareth Cutestory
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Why is Mary’s keyboard so large?? Extra meddling keys.

    Slylock Fox: “Eric Harm” is a no doubt a winking acknowledgement to one of the strip creator’s friends or family, but what I want to know what this Eric Harm’s sound and performance is like. Old style crooning with GG Allin stage wrecking, I can only hope.

  5. geekwhisperer
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Sfx So…any evidence? Usually we are treated to some flimsy form of evidence or botched alibi. Anything? Nope- we assume they were standing up in her garden eating veggies because that, my friends, is Punk Rock!

  6. TheDiva
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    MW: Ever wondered where those glurgy, faux-profound e-mails your mother-in-law keeps forwarding you originate? Now you know.

    SFx: In Slylock Fox’s police state, you’re guilty unless random circumstantial evidence proves you innocent.

  7. Baka Gaijin
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Reeky, my man/rat, heed my advice: get out of Slylock Forest every 28 days or so. I’m not saying it’s a cycle or anything but about this time every month Ms. Rabbit is accusing you of something.

    “Why do bad things happen to good people?” Mary asks herself after her last batch of salmon squares burned. “Why indeed.”

  8. Downpuppy
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Dawn’s eyes in the last panel have just looked into the fiery pits of Heck.

  9. Baka Gaijin
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Oh gross.

    @TheDiva (#6) on Mary Worth: We should have known.

  10. Darryl Heine
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]


    Peanuts 1965 – The annual Charlie Brown and Lucy football gag but Charlie Brown waits until it’s night.

    Archie 1991 – Archie’s Parents get a new bike because of 1991 PC troubles even before online shopping existed?

    Family Circus 2000 Sunday rerun – “MOVE OVER! STOOPID! MAKE UP YER MIND!” (Jeffy drives a bike in the style of Daddy Keane).

  11. TheDiva
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    9CL: Of course the symphony couldn’t understand a damn thing he was doing so it all sounded like shit, but who cares because MANLY!

    FW: Don’t give her that look, Les. The smirky apple doesn’t fall far from the douchey tree.

    Luann: I’m so glad Luann isn’t shallow and materialistic, unlike that bitch Tiffany…

    Marvin: I fucking hate those commercials. [*] Now I have another reason to do so.

    Pluggers don’t have any friends or family that aren’t six feet under.

    SM: “Kraven is dangerous! There’s nobody in Las Vegas that can handle him, at least not since Gil Grissom left CSI!”

  12. Comrade Denny
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    For release to MaximumRockNRoll:

    Anarcho-punk-squat band Rat Hole jams out with their clams out

    The die-hard hard-core rawkers and about six fans stuck it to petite bourgeois morality last night when they convened a rock & roll garden orgy Rachel Rabbit’s backyard. After provocatively making love to a number of vegetables as part of their stage show, the aggressive transgressors further subverted the dominant paradigm by inviting the audience to eat the just-ravaged veggies.

    The property “owner” tried to break up the animal-serenade but was shouted down with cries of “Hedges, not Hegemony” and “Nurture Nature, Never Neuter!” at which point, the illiberal lagomorph dimed on the revelers, calling in species traitor Slylock Fox, self-styled “investigator,” who didn’t even show up till the next day when he interrupted the band’s practice session to perform his tiresome ratiocination act in the erroneous belief that reducing Rat Hole’s Dionysian frenzy to digestible, mind-sized bits would undo the damage done to his assimilationist ape-the-apes agenda. Not so.

    The deed was done, fait accompli. Perhaps if Rachel Rabbit had called actual law enforcement in a timely manner, the evening would no have ended differently — with a nice hot dish of hasenpfeffer for everyone.

    Rat Hole’s will appear next at an all-ages show at Cassandra Cat’s Where It’s At Club where they’ll share the bill with noise band/performance painters Koppy Kat and the Shat Splats.

  13. ScienceGiant
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    MW: go back and look at that second panel. Mary has hands sprouting from where her breasts used to be. She’s like Kuato from “Total Recall” by with crappier advice.

  14. Baka Gaijin
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Did they have to show Jeremy Zits rubbing one out?

  15. Baka Gaijin
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#12): I wanna go to the Where It’s At Club.

  16. Horace Broon
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    ASM: All aboard the Contrived Coincidence Express to Nevada!

    Pluggers: Pluggerville: Twinned with Westview.

    SFx: Aren’t the “Slylock deduces that the Designated Villain is telling the truth in a deceptive manner” strips supposed to involve the Magic Infallable Lie Detector? Or is it part of the Code of Punk Animals that you cannot tell a lie?

  17. anon
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Blondie: I’ve always liked Dagwood’s huge sandwiches. When I make one, I’m limited to bread, a slice of baloney, or peanut butter and jelly. Dagwood has a whole deli’s worth of fixins and have to say in this strip I’m disappointed there’s no bone-in ham, (though there is a whole salami, as an ingredient). Something about that cartoony rendering of a ham always jumped out at me over the years. Such an embarrassment of riches! So much food on so many plates – big wedges of cheese, a yard of link sausages, a bowl of…spaghetti?, a whole salami – but no ham? I guess things change over the years.

  18. lorne
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    I love how Slylock doesn’t even bother with evidence anymore. In fact, today’s strip is entirely about his ability to maintain an accusation in the face of a total lack of evidence. Dirty stinkin’ rats. You must be guilty of something.

  19. John C Fremont
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Regarding the “merry” versus “marry” discussion from earlier this morning, by an amazing coincidence I was at a wedding yesterday and was quietly having that same discussion with myself. “Mary” and “merry” pretty much came out the same, but “marry” rhymed with “Larry,” as in Hello, Larry. Sadly, it all ended with my cover of Chris de Burgh’s classic, Don’t Pay Michael Berryman. As interpreted by McLean Stevensen. Quietly. To myself. And that’s just one of the reasons I don’t go to many weddings.

    Also, Butterfly Kisses should be permanently banned from all weddings. Period.

    MW – Hey, remember that Barney Miller episode when Dietrich was going to a Goethe festival?

    Phantom – Oh, I get it. Voyager. Not V’Ger after all. That bell must be all that’s left after the ship merged with that Decker guy and Persis Savarna.

    @Chareth Cutestory (#4): Or maybe Bob Weber, Jr. is a big Titus Andronicus fan.

    @Downpuppy (#8): “The fiery pits of Heck” is going to have me chuckling all day.

    @Baka Gaijin (#15): I understand they’ve got two turntables and a microphone.

  20. Rinaldo
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    If Dagwood gets his retake, he needs to do further rewrites. Like most nonmusicians, he thinks “crescendo” means climax.

  21. bbofun
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    SFx- So, Eric harm of Titus Andronicus is a racoon is ShylockWorld? Cool.

    But honestly, Shy- that’s pretty pathetic? You’re a grammar nazi now? And here’s a small hole in your theory- I’m pretty sure gators and (I’m guessing) herons are carnivorous- so only Reeky would have eaten ANY of the veggies. And wouldn’t he had left SOMETHING behind- part of a stem, some seeds, the end of a carrot? (Personally, I think Ms. Rabbit there is deluding herself- it’s obviously her massive brood of children (she’s a RABBIT, after all) who ate the veggies out f the garden- tHAT’S WHAT RABBITS DO! But no, Shylock’s deduction will somehow hold up in court. We can only hope Reeky and his bandmates will use this injustice to propel their bleak, existential view of the world INTO SONG! (Much as Mary Worth has used hers in the medium of prose.)

    ASM- Road trip? With JJ and Peter? This will either be awesome or-

    Ah, hell. It’s newspaper Spider-man. Awesome is NEVER an option.

    DT- I don’t think Dick’s going to be needed with this arc. I have the feeling Measles will pretty much take care of himself.

    FW- Someone’s suggesting snide sarcasm has a time and place? This isn’t the Funky I know!

    You know, couple of months ago, I wasn’t invited to a wedding of a good friend, whom I had helped through troubled times. It hurt, I have to say. I’m guessing not as much as actually BEING invited to Les & Cayla’s wedding, though.

    JP- If that truck driver appears and starts slaughtering the drug farmers. I promise to never snark about this strip again.

    9CL- Energetic, yes. But I bet the orchestra stopped watching him 30 seconds in.

  22. lorne
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    I hope today’s Slylock Fox is just part one of a week-long re-enactment of the punk rock episode of “Quincy”.

  23. Fiddlebottoms
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#4):
    Eric Harm is the name of the drummer for Titus Andronicus. Did someone just sneak a reference to contemporary music into MY comics page? This will not do. No, no, it will not.

  24. tb4000
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Honey, I know it looks like Rex may have his degree in pimpology from where you stand, but it was forged with crayon, same as his doctoral.

  25. Comcis Fan
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MW: Reincarnation? Improving the world with our actions? Who knew that Mary was a JewBu?

  26. Hibbleton
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    MW: After six panels of Mary’s platitudes, Jim gets the dry heaves. “Make her stop! For the love of god, make her stop!” Dawn, on the other hand, enters a fugue state when listening to Mary on one of the many loud speakers which surround the Charterstone complex. It explains her vacuous look which is often confused as a symptom of lead poisoning or beri-beri.

  27. Rusty
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    No one anywhere wants carrots included in a meat-based sandwich.

  28. Chareth Cutestory
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#19): @Fiddlebottoms (#23): I’ll admit I have a huge blindspot for music after 2004 (circa the death of my coolness) and I’ll also admit that I maybe should’ve gone ahead and googled that name to see if he was actually a person.

  29. Neyba Bob
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    SFx: The veg heist happened just two minutes earlier, and Reeky’s all-tube Marshall 100W amp is only slightly warm. That’ll do.

  30. Chyron HR
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Why does Slylock Fox say that Reeky Rat and his bandmates could still be thieves? Well, for starters, I’m pretty sure the Rat Hole didn’t write “Paint It Black”.

  31. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    I’d snark on something but I’m too busy taking Comrade Denny’s comment and replacing “Rat Hole” with the title of whatever-the-hell movie it is I’m supposed to be reviewing and turning it in to my editor.

    Also, does “lawsuit” have one e or two?

  32. The Diceman
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn attempts to comfort Jim with repetitions of “Life is brutal” until Jim reveals that they just lost his sister at the mall, and they’ll be heading back to look for her after lunch.

  33. pugfuggly
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    MW We assume that the balloon coming from the computer screen represents what Mary is typing, but isn’t it just as likely that those are speech balloons, and that Mary has reached a point in her insanity where she believes the computer is talking to her?

    “Improve the world with your ACTIONS, not your words, Mary!” the computer tells her, “Google maps tells me that there’s a guns and ammo shop three blocks from here. Why not start ‘improving’ Santa Royale right now?”

    Blondie Tomorrow’s strip is when this little exercise starts taking on a real Hearts of Darkness vibe…

    SFx I thought the solution might be some kind of comment on how agricultural subsidies and factory farms based on urban consumption needs are taking local produce out of the mouths of the rural population. But no, the rat and his friends just couldn’t be bothered to move their ill-gotten vegetables.

  34. agony
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    FW – I’m not always right on top of the latest catchphrases, I’ll admit, so maybe I’m missing something, but why is “So what’s going on here” offensive?

    Y’know, Les and Cayla, you don’t HAVE to get married if you don’t want to. I got married out in the back yard, too, and there was, yes, a lot to do, but we didn’t trudge through our tasks with grim determination. We were, what’s that word – oh yeah, “Happy”.

  35. Downpuppy
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    A rabbit accusing a crocodile of raiding a garden pretty much defines projection.

  36. Zerowolf
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Well yeah, not like he has a choice since an outhouse is far to modern for the likes of Mark Trail.

  37. Zerowolf
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Dawn’s “sympathy” would be more believeable if she didn’t have the look of a praying mantis sizing up her next mate/meal.

  38. seismic-2
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    MW: How many pages of newsprint has Mary filled up with her screed so far? Tucked away deep in her closet, does she have a hoodie that she wears in her secret identity as the Unameddler?

    SFx: I refuse to believe that the croc who’s the band’s drummer ate any of the vegetables in Rachel Rabbit’s garden. His presence in her yard might help explain her missing children, though.

  39. Zerowolf
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    SFx: Because Slylock has declared them guilty, that’s why they are guilty.

  40. Chip
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: The answer to a question nobody asked!

  41. pastordan, snark late shift
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Did I mention last week that one of the perks of being an ex-pastor is that you get to lay around in your pj’s reading comics on Sunday morning instead of going to church?

    ‘Cause, yeah. It’s raining and cold out there. Shopping for a new church can wait for next week.

    Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse on The Amazing Spider-Man: buddy movie! Next story arc will involve a large, drooling dog, mark my words.

    Andy Capp: If you listen carefully, you can hear the sad, angry little man that is Smythe screaming out for wish fulfillment even as the ink dries on his drawings.

    Apt. 3-G is ahead of the Spider-Man curve, having cast a poodle in the role of “Skylar.”

    Archie: Personally, I like that the corporate entity that “creates” Archie didn’t even bother throwing in some mis-woebegotten techno-mumbo-jumbo here. It keeps the whole “timeless” aspect of Archie alive. I do wish they’d remember Moose’s flivver more often, though.

    9 Chickweed Lane: What on earth could Amos be conducting here? The Rites of Spring?

    Cul-de-Sac: Tzt.

    Today on Oedipal Theatre The Family Circus: Daddy’s driving habits on the way home from the bar!

    Judge Parker: I predict Sam and Sarah-Roseanne will arrive just in time to see Bubba carve up Avery’s camera with the chainsaw. Great laughs will be had by all, and then Bubba will cap all them bitches with his Glock.

    The Lockhorns: Is it telling that my primary reaction to that center panel is: Great googly moogly! Would you look at the size of the center aisle on that plane?

    Mary Worth: God, Lady, all I wanted to know is if I should dump my girlfriend or not. Sincerely yours, Dave.

    I know Mutts doesn’t always live up to expectations, but I love today’s color scheme.

    Oh, goody. Popeye has been infested with Thorax’s political commentary. Bring back the grumpers! They were funnier!

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: 1. Dammit, you were supposed to be the plumber! Do I have to order a pizza from you? Or should I just tell you about this sexy medical condition that’s been plaguing me? 2. Judging by the looks of June, that is the radical swimsuit she was threatening to wear all week. It’s made out of tissue paper. Don’t get too close to the pool, or my eyes!

    I keep forgetting to mention it, but the latest Scary Go Round is awesome.

  42. pastordan, snark late shift
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Pardon the length, folks. Apparently when the pastor don’t preach, he’s got to make up for it in other ways…

  43. Baka Gaijin
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    What could make “One Arm” Jim get the dry heaves?

    1. He got a sniff of the poo fumes wafting in from neighboring comic strip Marmaduke.
    2. Like scales falling from Saul’s eyes, Jim’s concussion subsided, his vision now clear. He has seen Dawn for the first time.
    3. In the previous unseen panel, Dawn revealed the secret of Mary Worth’s world-famous seafood scampi. Hint: there’s no actual seafood involved.

  44. Baka Gaijin
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#41) on The Lockhorns: I’m with you. That’s a wide center aisle. I need to travel less.

  45. IspeakJive
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#19): Re: MW – That Barney Miller episode was the first thing I thought of when I read Mary Worth. Harris wanted to take his vacation the same week. What a great show.

    FW – Good Grief, Summer’s appearance is beyond low-maintenance. Does she even bathe or wash her hair? While Cayla gets whiter, Summer becomes more androgynous, and not in a good way.

  46. debussy fields
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    MW– “Why do bad things happen to good people?” Indeed. Why, oh why, do I have this awful affliction of rising each morning, running to the front porch, and ripping open the newspaper to satisfy some inexplicable and insatiable need to see what happens next in Mary Worth?

  47. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Agnes – White Castle does sort of rule. I count my blessings they’ve never adopted a political stance contrary to my own.

    Oop – Ooola’s cocoa bean stash already looks about 20% depleted. I can’t wait for her to try and introduce cocoaculture to Moo and piss off all the vassals even as she wreaks havoc on the present. (“Hey, Doc. Is Hitler parting his hair on the other side today?”)

    3-G – Ari is literally on the Co-op board, though he’s not a member. To put it another way, Ari has a member in the… I’m just walking away from this now.

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    deadtree: Candorville. srsly, a COMIC SANS joke?!?!? give it up.

    Zits and Lio are both about juvenile use of credit.

    Lockhorns: dat azz.

    HoC: Adventure Time!!!

    9CL: Gustav and Mahler and Franz!

    FW: sadly, Ohio isn’t a state where Summer and Keisha can make it a double wedding.

    MT: wonderful IPM, those things. *applaz*

    Ghost-who-fails-to-understand-physics: they’d be struggling a bit more with that much brass. Those things are HEAVY.

    RwO: so it’s NOT the dryer that’s eating the socks! I *heart* this one.

    Retail: step 3, PROFIT!!

  49. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Slylock is so bleeding sick of Rachel Rabbit, he’s thinking of giving her over to Gus Gator. Or at least letting Reeky gnaw off her “J’accuse!” finger.

    Points for the depiction of an angry, jealous lesbian in the six differences. Looks like Hot Rize’s less stylish cousin, Half Baikt.

    Blondie – Elmo enables Dagwood too much.

    9 – Good one.

    Curtis – I always suspected there were voices in Chutney’s head.

  50. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Chronicle – I distinctly remember there being Sundays when I lived in Houston. Get with it.

    Dick – Criminals Textbook: Be sure and check into nondescript backpacks and shopping bags, which often contain large cash deposits!

    Love is… [Sat] – Asses to asses, dust to dust.

    Mark – Gambusia Minnows, Antarctica. Antarctica, Gambusia Minnows.


  51. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    MarmadukeDog-Gone Funny! Little Timmy Snotts of Fleafark, Ark, has a dog named “Dog” who barks when the doorbell rings! Ha ha ha! Oh, God, I am splitting my sides! Woof! Ha ha ha! Ooh, I’ve wet myself.

    Mary, staring intently at her own words on the screen, totally misses the amazing morphing keyboard.

    Mutts – Love the two-color Denslow look today.

    Non Seq – A baby on the high board becomes an old man diving into his grave. Happily. For better or worse, this is the purest expression of Wiley-ness I have ever seen.

  52. Bobdog
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Free Rat Hole! Free Rat Hole!

  53. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#y175): So Pluggers form deep emotional bonds which the rest of us can’t understand?
    I’d always wondered what made them different from the rest of us. Now you’ve figured it out, so I can go back to wondering about the Four-Color Map problem.

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#y179): Who invites people to a wedding two days from the actual event?
    Just because it’s Sunday here doesn’t mean it’s “Sunday” in Squamous Falls. It could be Permanent Wednesday there for the next month. (Though I suspect the wedding will at least start taking place on real Monday.)

    @Alison (#153): Wilbur calls his column “I’m Alive,” and he’s half right.

    Question of the Day – Does Paul Ryan really have donkey ears that stick out six inches on each side, or do political cartoonists just get a shipment every month from the National Ear Council to use as they see fit?

  54. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @lorne (#18): In fact, today’s strip is entirely about his ability to maintain an accusation in the face of a total lack of evidence.
    Slylock’s tail never lies! It tells him when somebody’s guilty, which is pretty much all the time.

    @Neyba Bob (#29): The veg heist happened just two minutes earlier, and Reeky’s all-tube Marshall 100W amp is only slightly warm. That’ll do.
    Slylock clearly sees microscopic traces of mulch and green residue under the clawnails of the bird, proving conclusively that they could have been standing in something that shares certain characteristics with a garden. Good enough for the usual two-hour sentence the judge gives everyone Slylock drags in.

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#41): If you listen carefully, you can hear the sad, angry little man that is Smythe screaming out for wish fulfillment even as the ink dries on his drawings.
    Better use a stethoscope. He’s been dead for so long, they even put the names of the real cartoonists on the strip now.

    What on earth could Amos be conducting here?
    “Tubby the Tuba.”

  55. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    DickTracy: Bookie and Measles live in an Airstream? I LOVE Airstreams.

    // What?

  56. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    MW: “Choose wisely. Your choice is brief, but if you choose to read Mary Worth, it will feel endless.”

    Belated congrats to the float-folk! (I was at a faculty retreat, which gave Mary’s platitudes a run for their money.)

  57. Oregonian
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Goethe has now given us a truly classic warning about the perils of choosing to read Mary Worth.

  58. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    JP: And is the capital of Florida Tallahassee? Was 1848 the year the US Post Office first issued adhesive postage stamps? Is the population of Spain approximately 41 million?
    Was Susan Powell of Elk City Oklahoma winner of the 1981 Miss America Contest? Is the Gambusia minnow a benefit to our well-being? Can you lend me a pair of your underpants? Mine are still at the cleaners.

    Yes, and yes, and yes, and yes. Well, in Australia it’s considered invasive…, and NO, you fat little creep!

  59. Oregonian
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    “Choose wisely whether to preview your comment, for Bourbon Babe may sneak in ahead of you by seconds, causing the pain and gnashing of teeth that shall be endless.” – Goethe

  60. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#59): Just your average case of GMTA!

  61. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#56): Good news, General! The faculty are retreating!

  62. Spyglass
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#33): Actually, I took that to be a chat window. I imagine Mary opening up a separate Google Chat with every e-mail address that contacts her and just typing random crap into it. I like that the person in the central panel just wearily writes “Who knows?” as a response to Mary’s unsolicited paragraphs of poorly-thought-out theodicy.

  63. Digger
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Rachel Rabbit is just hurling random accusations at the members of Rat Hole because she doesn’t like their rebellious music. Hey, Rachel, why don’t you get your ass over to the Pluggers strip where you can listen to your Lawrence Welk tunes in peace. And meanwhile, the rest of us can enjoy Rat Hole’s performance of their new hit “F*** You, Fox.”

  64. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#47): Agnes – White Castle does sort of rule. I count my blessings they’ve never adopted a political stance contrary to my own.

    Nay. Krystal rules. Hier stehe ich und kann nicht anders!

    // I’d say more but I’m on a diet of worms.

  65. Joe Btfsplk
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Slylock – So Reeky and his bandmates never took vegetables away from Rachel’s garden? They ate the vegetables, and then just stood there in the garden and waited while the vegetables worked their way through their digestive tracts, until they pooped them out again? How long does that take?

  66. Red Greenback
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    I get the feeling that the folks who are attempting to “Ask Wendy” are getting an alert from Popeye advising them that their feed is unauthorized or expired.

    I love Reeky Rat and all, but today I wish he was a donkey.

  67. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#47): . I count my blessings they’ve never adopted a political stance contrary to my own.

    I think “Closed Sunday” chicken sandwiches are overrated anyway.

  68. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#53): Does Paul Ryan really have donkey ears… etc.

    To quote Judge Parker, “Yes, and yes.”

  69. wossname
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#41):

    I predict Sam and Sarah-Roseanne will arrive just in time to see Bubba carve up Avery’s camera with the chainsaw. Great laughs will be had by all, and then Bubba will cap all them bitches with his Glock.

    Well, I predict that Bubba’s nefarious plan is to chainsaw through all those supports holding up the mine roof and bury Avery in an apparently accidental mine collapse. (I also predict that this won’t actually happen.) Oversnarpologies if somebody else has already suggested this.

  70. Maltmasher
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    When will they switch the title to “Dagwood”- Blondie is hardly in the strip and when she is, she has one or two lines to set up Dagwood.
    Better yet, why not call it “we’ve mined all the jokes, and ended this zombie strip”

  71. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#69): That, like Gambusia minnows, would be a benefit to our well-being.

    // More minnows? No, thanks. I’m on a diet of worms.

  72. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Maltmasher (#70): How about “Barney Google and Dagwood”?

  73. Baka Gaijin
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Spyglass (#62): I’ve not heard the word “theodicy” before. Is it a synonym for “idiocy?”

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#67): Mmmm, closed Sunday chicken sandwiches…Urrrgll…

  74. Mad Carew
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’ve figure out what it is about Jim that attracts Dawn: Jim and Mary obviously go to the same hair salon. He’s one silver dye-job away from being the next Ask Wendy!

  75. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#55): My uncle and aunt had a huge Airstream trailer they used to drive out from Massachusetts in (we lived in Colorado). When I went to their house for the last time, in 1985, my two sisters-in-law got to sleep in it, and I will always envy them for this. I’d be tickled to have an RV that looked like one. The Airstreams they’re making now are really advanced inside. Mouth watering. I always wonder if there’s one small enough to be practical for my cheap purposes. (I’d consider a teardrop trailer, but I’d like it better if it had that curved metal finish.)

    (#64): Krystal’s just a southern dialect of White Castle. My friend Mike and I had a meal of them one time, in Virginia, where both could be found in freezer cases. I found that heating up some catsup with reconstituted onions made the White Castle sliders more like the restaurant ones, and Mike did something similar with mustard. People of differing faiths really can get along.

    West Springfield, MA, had the standalone “White Hut” (since 1937), and that’s a great experience. It’s like the stock exchange in there, with people crowding the counter to yell out whether they want a burger or a dog, with or without cheese. I’m not sure the shake machine actually works. There are a couple of tables for people who want to eat in, and there’s sawdust all over the floor. Zippy went there once.

    (#67): For a while, those were the only good chicken sandwiches I knew of. I got to have one on a recent drive into Ohio, and I’m glad I did, since now I’m sort of obliged to forbear. I did find that Hardee’s is competent in the chicken area, to my surprise. KFC’s Kentucky Nuggets used to be good enough that I could even eat them without sauce, so of course they were discontinued.

  76. pastordan, snark late shift
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#54):

    He’s been dead for so long, they even put the names of the real cartoonists on the strip now.

    What, Mahoney, Goldsmith and & Garnett? I assumed that was just the law firm that represented the corporate entity that puts out Andy Capp. Also, it takes three people to churn out this crap?

    What on earth could Amos be conducting here?
    “Tubby the Tuba.”

    “Yakity Sax.”

    Also, I think if you look closely, that’s Measles from Dick Tracy doing a guest bit in Slylock Fox. Doesn’t rule out the angry lesbian theory, though.

  77. Victory Garden
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#48): Edda, tell us — all modern women are jealous …

  78. Walker of Dog
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Blondie + GT: I’m going to incorporate “baloney bassoon” into a new pickup line, although it’s very likely that the response will involve me “toot[ing] my own bugle”.

    Plug: Please clarify – the featured characters are or are not undead?

    MT: The Gambusia minnow is also sadistic, devouring mosquito larvae in full view of their horrified hovering parents. So remember, kids, if you’re going to eat someone’s offspring, be considerate.

    S-M: (swings fist down into opposing hand)

    MW: “Dear Wendy:
    My disgusting neighbor, who smells like mayonnaise and licks his fingers ALL THE TIME, went on a cruise with his mopey, useless daughter. Their cruise ship sank, but they survived, and now they’re exploiting the tragedy for profit and boyfriends. So I wonder: why do good things happen to bad people?”

    9CL: Never have so many would-be musicians been turned off by a performance of “The Young Person’s Guide to the Orchestra.”

  79. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    BLONDIE — When I meet real-life people who have very active metabolisms and/or the exercise-related self-discipline to stay thin while eating lots of food, I (or the better part of my nature) am happy for them and admire them. But my irrational envy and hostility have to go somewhere, and they have fixated on Dagwood. I loathe you, Dagwood! You and your constant eating and your complete avoidance of the usual consequences! I hate you, Dagwood! HATE HATE HATE! LOATHE LOATHE LOATHE LOATHE LOATHE!

    Okay, I feel a little better now.

  80. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#75): When I grew up in South Florida, in the ’60s of the last century (sadly, I seem to have to be specific about this lately) the local version was “Royal Castle”. Royal Castle restaurants were small, white, with fake crenellations. They had a wonderful version of the White Castle/Krystal little square burger you could buy by the sackful, and eat by the dozen. I miss them.

  81. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#79): Come, Poteet, how do you really feel? Get off the fence.

  82. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Victory Garden (#77): “ach, dere goes the Fraulein I must haff!”

  83. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#48): Alas and unfortunately, mosquitofish are an invasive species and are bad news for some rare aquatic species around the world. Below is one example. Sorry — this is a poor return for all those adorable herps.

  84. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#80): If you ever have time and interest, you might want to visit Ida Grove, Iowa. If you google images of “Ida Grove Iowa castle” you’ll see what I mean. There are several relevant structures.

  85. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#83): Hah! I knew you’d be on this. GFY.

  86. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#47): Ooola’s cocoa bean stash is nothing compared to Ziggy’s stash of Kopi Luwak coffee berries — the ones pooped out by Josh (the bird not the person).

  87. bats :[
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#41): re RMMD: as was the case on their Caribbean cruise, June apparently thinks of a “beachwear wrap” as something made out of Saran-Wrap ™. Not that anyone seems to mind.

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#41): they make tricycles with seat belts?!? Or just for special kids like Jeffy?

  88. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Hummingbirds are smarter than that.

  89. bats :[
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#83): well, Dang! Let’s have something about manatees instead! At least if they’re invasive, you really know about it fast! :D

  90. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Ain’t no beating-a-dead-horse-with-platitudes party like a Mary Worth beating-a-dead-horse-with-platitudes party!

  91. Amos Snarkadder
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    MW Even though the first panel shows an exterior view of Charterstone, I’m convinced that Mary has retreated to some cabin in the Idaho panhandle, living on a diet of Cup o’ Noodles and Boone’s Farm.

    JP So far, we haven’t had a clear view of the face of the guy with the chain saw. That is making me suspicious. I don’t think it’s Bubba, but instead, it’s one of Avery’s Hollywood enemies. Show business is brutal.

    FW Huh. What if the smirk gives way to the glare permanently? Wouldn’t that make this strip more palatable? Nah.

    FC No, Jeffy, that’s not quite right. First make a fist. Good. Now raise your middle finger. Good. That’s how Daddy Keane drives. Got it?

    MT When I was just a lad, in my little aquarium I had mosquito fish – collected from the swamps in the SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE.

  92. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#84): Thank you. Mr. Godbersen was quite a character, wasn’t he?

  93. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#83): Olympic mud minnow? *heads for google*

  94. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    JP — SALT mine??? Okay, JP, you have finally gone too far. I am insane enough to have actually tried to find out if there are any salt mines in the western U.S., where I assume this saga is taking place, and I didn’t find any. I am very willing to be corrected, but as of now, I call bullshit.

  95. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#92): He was indeed. I went there for a meeting years ago, not knowing anything about the town, and spent extra time driving around and goggling.

  96. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    JP — Since this is a fantasy strip anyway, I’d like to think that Old Hardy is laughing his fishy ass off right now.

  97. seismic-2
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I really did not want to see Amos from that angle. OK, I really don’t want to see Amos from any angle, but still.

    RMMD: “Don’t forget… call the plumber Honey! I always do!”

  98. Amos Snarkadder
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#42):

    Pardon the length, folks. Apparently when the pastor don’t preach, he’s got to make up for it in other ways…

    We understand. Have you considered writing an advice column? There may be an opportunity coming up soon. A newspaper needs to replace a writer who’s gone over the edge. In case you’re interested, contact:
    Editor, Santa Royale Gazette-Whatever, Santa Royale, CA

  99. The Ridger
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#48): Gustav IS Mahler. It was all their personal names – Gustav and Walter and Franz!

  100. Ranger™
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#86): “We are here at Roz’s Restaurant, where we’ve secretly replaced the coffee beans pooped out by palm civets with coffee beans pooped out by Ziggy’s parrot. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference!”

  101. pastordan, snark late shift
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#87): We are all special these days.

  102. pastordan, snark late shift
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#98): Actually, I have! I’ve been casting around for writing ideas lately, and thought it would be hilarious to write an advice column for pastors: Dear Dan, the parishioner with whom I’m having an affair says an alb makes my ass look fat. Should I give him the oil of Holy Unction now or just before I kill him?”

  103. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#99): Thank you, Tom Lehrer!

  104. Amos Snarkadder
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    SFox No, I don’t buy it. No motive. Reeky Rat and his unsavory punk pals don’t look like the fresh vegetables type. They’re musicians. Probably livin’ on reds, vitamin C, and cocaine.

  105. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#99): darnit.

    knew I should have googled the lyrics.

    my bad.

  106. Comcis Fan
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is it a keyboard or a remote control from a very, very senior center?

  107. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Zoology according to Flylock Socks: Crocodiles are vegetarians.

  108. Amos Snarkadder
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#102):

    …an advice column for pastors…

    Much needed. I’ve always thought “pastoral care” was a somewhat misdirected term.

  109. hogenmogen
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    SF: The rabbit charged that the punk hoodlums “stole vegetables from her garden”. The so-called-hoodlums deny the charge, so the law enforcement officer at the scene merely suggests to the complaintant that she simply alter the charges until they are found guilty of something. Not one shred of evidence was presented, not even an eyewitness account. Mrs. Rabbit’s garden has not yeilded as much vegetables as she would have hoped, therefore she blames those punks down the street, and the local Gestapo enforces.

  110. The Ridger
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    MW I love how Mary has three windows open, possibly more, and the word balloon keeps jumping. She’s just typing disjointed ramblings in several individual chats or something, isn’t she?

  111. hogenmogen
    October 14th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    All things considered, Reeky’s pink-dyed Dutch-Boy haircut is more trendy than his erstwhile mullet.

  112. hogenmogen
    October 14th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    MW: In panel 3 (“past and present lives”), Mary expresses a belief in reincarnation. Then she admits she has no idea what she’s talking about (“Who [the fuck] knows?”). She finishes with some claptrap about improving the world right her and now – what the hell are you waiting for? Don’t read this! Improve the world or something! And don’t come back to these posts until you do!

  113. Chip Whittle
    October 14th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#94):

    JP — SALT mine??? Okay, JP, you have finally gone too far. I am insane enough to have actually tried to find out if there are any salt mines in the western U.S., where I assume this saga is taking place, and I didn’t find any.

    I dimly remember some mention about eighteen months ago in the strip about the plane landing unexpectedly somewhere out east, I think in Pennsylvania. There were keystone highway signs or something like that. It was about when Avery was looking for a post office to mail his big important totally-for-real not-a-fake contract in.

    (I’d be surprised if there weren’t salt mines in the western U.S., though. For some reason salt mines tend to be associated with oil fields, and there’s certainly oil out west.)

  114. Chip Whittle
    October 14th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Wait, so the cast of Funky Winkerbean are Pluggers?

    Wait, let me reason this out. The Funky cast are aged far beyond their years; doughy and out-of-shape even when fit, mark their days by which of their organs are currently missing, cancerous, or in need of medication; shuffle about with sad, despairing looks even on the happiest days of their lives; can think of the young only as loud nuisances who do stuff differently and have all those electronic gizmos wrecking things…oh my god did everybody know this but me?!

  115. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#113): Thanks! You mean this weirdness is supposed to be taking place in PA?! I spent a few weeks in western PA years ago, and what we’ve seen of the JP landscape doesn’t look like what I remember. But what the hey, on with the chainsaw madness.

  116. Baka Gaijin
    October 14th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#102): I always thought albs were slimming, especially in basic black. Must be some kind of bodacious booty that pastor has.

  117. un malpaso
    October 14th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    One would think that Inspector Slylock would have a pro-Carnivorist bias. So why is he prosecuting on behalf of the rabbit? Maybe he’s a self-hating rabbit killer turned vegetarian? More likely, he just believes in Justice overcoming the Law of Nature at all costs.

    Which brings us to the question: If these punk kids had eaten the vegetables IN the garden, then pooped IN the garden, would the theft charge have turned to a positive act of organic community garden fertilization?

  118. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    PV — Gawain, I’m finally starting to like you. Don’t blow it.

  119. Old School Allie Cat
    October 14th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    FW – Wait a second. Les makes dumb, shitty, ill-timed jokes on a daily basis and everyone just lets him off without question. His daughter makes a joke that isn’t completely terrible and everyone looks at her like she’s a steaming dog turd? Hand me my cell phone – I’m calling bullshit.

  120. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    A3G — So is Skyler a vampire or not? Panel Six says no, Panel Seven says yes.

  121. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

  122. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 14th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    happy Sundog.

    triple Harlequin Danes.

    in response to the discussion of Lehr’s songs, I give you The Elements in bad pun coon format.

    corgi nap attack.

    happiness is two muddy dogs,


  123. Manifesta
    October 14th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: I think you’re one snark over the line, Josh. I googled “rat hole” or “rathole,” and couldn’t find anything meaning that was even remotely obscene. Not even in Urban Dictionary!

  124. Sequitur
    October 14th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Manifesta (#123): I bet Josh meant to do it backwards as “tar hole.” Check out the second definition.

  125. tallyHO
    October 14th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#5):

    “We’re gonna stand right here and eat our carrots!”
    “But, but, Reeky, what if somebody sees us?”
    “Let ‘em stare at us! We’re punk rockers and we need our Vitamin Aaaaaa!”

    //if anyone’s mentioned this, sorry for being redundant:

    The band name should be Killer Croc’s Mid-day Snacks (eventually it will be a solo act. As the guy on the drums has aspirations to be as big as Phil Collins and to eat Phil Collins. Dream, on, Silly, Carnivorous Dreamer!

  126. Zach
    October 14th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Nothing is more punk rock than eating your vegetables.

  127. davey
    October 14th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    This is not Reeky’s usual greasy grin. This is the numb, dissociated smirk of a broken young rat ripped from his last remaining happy place one too many times, again to weather outrageous home invasion and torment from the lanky pretender to justice whose cruel motivations can, at long last, no longer be denied. This is the wide-eyed, thousand-yard stare of epiphany. God help complacent Slylock, because for Reeky, the crystalline truth of this moment (“Stork…crocodile…don’t eat fresh vegeta–…Slylock knows this…”) is already drowned out by the siren song of one glorious image: big heavy guitar meets smug fox face. Standing on the cord and playing without a strap should make it even easier.

  128. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#124): The definition I could sort of stand, but that remark is another matter. Which “urban” hellhole is this where people discuss their own feces??

  129. tallyHO
    October 14th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#19):

    Butterfly Kisses

    I really hope that is a song and nothing else. Though, I am now intrigued if this involves the bridesmaids and, alternately, I am repulsed if you are talking about “natural food” desserts.

    //if it is a song, I’m sure I have heard/danced to it and will again someday.

  130. tallyHO
    October 14th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#26):


    You may have cracked the Code of Mary Worth! This entire strip is like some comic strip version of that old TV show “The Prisoner”! NOW, it makes sense! It isn’t supposed to make sense!

    Thank you.

  131. Sequitur
    October 14th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#128): For the children’s version, consult the internet.

  132. tallyHO
    October 14th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#47):

    3-G – Ari is literally on the Co-op board, though he’s not a member. To put it another way, Ari has a member in the… I’m just walking away from this now.

    I second that motion! Now Ari will pound the gavel to end this meeting.

    Seriously, there’s a good chance that Ari isn’t really on any “co-op” board. He probably just calls his bachelor pad Le Coop d’Ari Air

  133. Frank Lee Meidere
    October 14th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Manifesta (#123): Now if it had been Hamster Hole …

  134. Droopy Says
    October 14th, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    One of these days, Peter Parker is going to smack his fist into his palm and set off his webshooter. When white stuff comes gushing out it wil confirm what everyone suspects about him, and it isn’t that he’s Spiderman.

  135. Gladly, the cross-eyed Busty Redhead 36E
    October 14th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Mosquito fish are considered invasive here on the Kona Coast. They spoil our anchialine ponds by eating the little red shrimp (opae ula). Without the shrimp, algae runs wild and eventually the pond is gone. Good job on the mosquitoes, though!

  136. Downpuppy
    October 14th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#114): Its a land where all the 1970s strips which should have died – Pluggers, Funky, Shoe, Garfield – mope about in a gasoline infused alley, dealing endlessly with survivors guilt & eating sandwiches.

  137. Baka Gaijin
    October 14th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#136): You reminded me. This morning I thought I should post a thanks to Cathy Guisewite for having the class to end Cathy instead of zombifying it. Thanks Cathy Guisewite for being classy!

  138. Calico
    October 14th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#4):
    I was waiting for the day when someone would mention GG. Lordy, what a freak.
    He’s buried in Littleton, NH, where I attended private high school (actually the school is in Bethlehem, but they are one and the same to many of us).

  139. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 14th, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

  140. Droopy Says
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#94): There are salt mines in Pennsylvania, but you’re still right to call bullshit here. It’s a real stretch to have an isolated abandoned mine like this. There would have been a nearby town for the workers, and an easy way for them to get to the mine, and some well-developed road to haul out the salt. Wilderness isolation isn’t plausible here. Plus I’m wondering what decades of salt production would have done to the lush greenery around the mine entrance.

    I’m hoping that Bubba’s chainsaw awakens the bats that must be roosting in the mine, so we can call batshit on this one, too.

  141. Sam Driver
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe Josh missed an opportunity to comment on the last panel of JP. “Did you take my camera? And is that a chain saw?” — “Yes … and yes!” That was, like, totally awesome, dude! That last panel is a classic!

  142. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

  143. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    MW: Please tell me that’s a Faust quote, and that Mary is going to present her meddles with contracts written in blood from now on.

    Blondie: Besides which, no one in class will hear anything after “baloney bassoons”, thanks to the snickering.

    SFx: Slylock Fox: bringing dubious solutions to alleged crimes by applying verbal nitpicking and the social/sartorial prejudices of 1979.

    FW: You’re in Westview. It’s never the best time for anything.

    Agnes: Agnes has read Tom Batiuk’s strips. Trout hasn’t.

    S-M: Great minds think alike. That doesn’t really apply here, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

    Shoe: Interracial dating is apparently still a big deal in Treetops.

    JP: “Well, since I shouldn’t have come here, it stands to reason that your goon shouldn’t have brought me here. You must be very disappointed to him. I’ll step outside and let the two of you hash things out.”

    H&J: Ah, peas, mashed potatoes and meatloaf. Herb and Jamaal serve up the best white person comfort food in Harlem.

    DT: It’s a poorly-aging Archie Andrews in “Scarface”!

    9CL: If I’m not mistaken, Amos wants the reed section to invade Poland.

  144. Mibbitmaker
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Having just dismissed the valid idea that past experiences help shape who you are with a smug shrug, I can only add…. HERE AND NOW!!! …MOVE!!!!”

  145. tallyHO
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    The more I stare at the Slylock Fox Mystery, the more I believe that Rachel Rabbit is just a square.

    I’m surprised Mawell Mousekouski doesn’t have his autograph book out and Slylock looks one shimmy away from a nervous shakedown (of the Boogie Down Variety).

    The band…this punk rock trio…is probably the coolest thing happening in Count Weirdly. It makes it seem like Count Weirdly may not be manipulating every little thing in Nightmare Valley. Those kids, a rat, a tall bird and a crocodile with style, they may have Free Will going on. That’s HUGE!

    Madame Rabbit is just asking to have her neighborhood invaded by motley crews, and maybe Motley Crüe*, too!

    //*is this a first? is this the first time “The Crüe” has been invoked here? Haven’t even thought of that band for years, even as I have talked of “motley crews” over many moons.

  146. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#140): I’d also like to know what the chainsaw is for. Given the current prices for pot plants, I would think care would be taken in the harvesting, and loppers would make more sense. Of course a ten-acre or fifteen-acre (can’t remember which) “hidden” field of pot in PA is bizarre anyway, so the real location of this story is Never Never Land.

  147. Liam
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    A3G-I’m glad you took time to dress too, Margo. No one can wear a shapeless green outfit like. It really shows off your shoulders well.

    MW-”Why do bad things happen to good people” is a question people who are subjected to one of Mary’s visitations constantly asks themselves.

  148. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#94): To be fair, maybe “salt” is short for “assault”, which would appear to be more accurate.

  149. tallyHO
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    Great Band Name?

    The Motley Crüeners? Motley Crööners?

    //already taken? Not?

  150. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#76): On consideration, Yakety Sax wins. Yakety Sax always wins.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#80): Now that I take more vacations by driving than by flying, I have the chance to pass through Ohio and Michigan, both home to White Castles. (Also a fringe benefit of visiting Cathy’s family in NJ.) Three’s my limit. Buy three, eat them as quick as practicable, and they’re gone just in time. I don’t know what would happen with four, but I’m pretty sure if I tried to do five, by the time I got to the last one it would be time to put a wick in it and call it a candle.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#122): …in response to the discussion of Lehr’s songs…
    Not enough Lehr there. Make it Lehrer.

  151. Jamus The Bartender
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#12): Rat Hole’s will appear next at an all-ages show at Cassandra Cat’s Where It’s At Club where they’ll share the bill with noise band/performance painters Koppy Kat and the Shat Splats.
    So that’s where the grocery money went :)

  152. Mibbitmaker
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    BBlues: IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER! (this is where it starts)

    9CL: Ooh, a three-way!

  153. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#152): down on the corner, out in the street. . . .

  154. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#150): I suck.

    in fairness, the Lions drive me to drink, so I blame them.

  155. Liam
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-What an amazing show. Now all they need to do is replace the host with some hot chick and they will have a hit.

  156. Liam
    October 14th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-Stealing vegetables is just an excuse so Slylock can arrest them for playing rock music. We know that Slylock is a Lawrence Welk fan.

  157. tallyHO
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#154):

    Well, those are some mighty talented Lions then.

    Do they run a taxi service called Mane Street Cab?

    //hangs head. i know. i know.

  158. pastordan, is not aware of all internet conventions
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#116): Albs aren’t black: their very name is from alba, “white.” I think you’re thinking of cassocks, which are wonderfully slimming, unless you’re barrel-chested like me…

  159. pastordan, is not aware of all internet conventions
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#150): “Pink Elephants on Parade” also works.

  160. pastordan, is not aware of all internet conventions
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#152): I shot my baby!…no, wait.

  161. Mibbitmaker
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, is not aware of all internet conventions (#160): I thought of that one when I typed the Matt Foley-ism.

    FW: Christ, what a population of assholes! And towards their Specialest Snowflake, yet!
    (seriously…. what???)

    RMMD: Sure, spread the insult, June…

  162. This Guy
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Slylock then goes on to tell Max: “‘Punk’ is nothing but crime… and death… and the rage of a beast.”

    H&J: “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to publish a hacky comic strip and remove all doubt.”

    To Dagwood Bumstead: fuck off, lightweight. This is a job for the professionals.

  163. Jamus The Bartender
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    The Cat And The Curmudgeon
    “But Hey…Enough Of My Yakkin’. What Do You Say? Let’s Boogie.”

    Five hundred sweaty screaming punk rock fans all crawling all over each other and body-passing one another across the mezzanine,in a space with a legal two hundred and fifty capacity.
    Three girls, one of whom was wearing a safety pin in her nose, were making love to one another in full view of the audience. None of whom were paying attention, as they were all yelling “RAT! HOLE! RAT! HOLE!”
    Brad DeGroot was helping out, wearing a yellow rain slick with SECURITY silkscreened on the back. April Patterson was on hand as well.
    More drinks were sold on this night than on any other I can remember.
    And where , oh WHERE was all this happening? Oh, i’ll tell you where. It was happening in the back room of Goldberg’s Bar and Grill, which used to hold two pool tables and a pinball machine with Little Orphan Annie’s eye’s flashing TILT.
    “Yes, Jamus?” She looked great in her leopard print mini skirt and tube top. Damned if I was gonna tell her, though. I mean, a man’s got his pride….”You told me, not SIX months ago, you wanted to open a tea room…a TEA room….in the back of Goldberg’s….to bring in extra money…and to have a place for the Averytown Episcopalean Ladies’ Auxilary to meet on Sundays after church and every other Wednesday night. This is not a tea room, my darling. THIS….is a full blown punk rock club.”
    Cass blinked a couple of times, forced a grin and said, ” The tea room project took a couple of twists and turns. ‘Cassie’s Tea Shoppe’ is now ‘Cassandra Cat’s Where It’s At Club’.”
    “Do we even have the proper lisencing for this kind of crowd…” I asked as a bottle came flying by.
    Two roadies carrying what looked like a papier mache wedge of cheese came by us. “Dude, where’s the band?”
    Cass piped up. “I’ll show you where that goes…..the guys gotta hit the stage in ten minutes…..JAMUS, make sure the boys get their M and M’s ….take out the red ones, it’s in their contract…”
    As I was being jostled down the hall with a huge sack of candy covered chocolates, Slylock and Max waved at me from the fire door.
    “The neighbors are complaining about the noise, Jamus.” Slylock sniffed. ” Also, Rachel Rabbit thinks one of the band members stole her vegetables…”
    “I’ll work on it….tell Rachel i’ll reimburse for the veggies….Max, can you help with this cheese wedge….Max, NO, it’s not real, don’t bite into it….”
    Cass entered the dressing room of Rat Hole to shouts of “Sassy Cassy” and general catcalls. The lead singer, David St. Rattails had a complaint about the Oreo cookies…” I appreciate what’cher tryin’ to do Cass….but look at these cookies, I don’t know where to start, it’s all a mess, innit….you try to open the cookies….they just break apart, I dunno if I can perform at my best….”
    “You’ll do fine, David….Jamus is coming with the M and M’s” Cass nodded.
    “Did anyone see my drumsticks?”
    “Are we gonna do “Cheese Wedge” tonight? Are the dwarfs in costume?”
    “Let’s all have a word of prayer…”
    And so on and so forth.
    Max and I stumbled in with the big cheese wedge which now had a bite taken out of it. ” Cass, I try to keep telling these guys we don’t have a catwalk, so there’s no way in hell they can lower this from the ceiling. Oh, Max took a bite out of it, he says he’s sorry.” Max was over in a corner spitting out yellow paint, glue and newsprint.
    Slylock came behind me. ” Jamus, unless the noise goes down, I gotta shut down this venue.”
    “Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for RAT HOLE!!” a voice called out as the band hit the stage.
    Cass came up behind me. ” Jamus, I forgot to tell you…..Les and Cayla asked if you would bartend their wedding, and as we’re gonna need the money after tonight’s show, I said yes, hope that’s okay.” said Cass as she bit her bottom lip, her foot rubbing her calf.
    October’s half over and it’s already the weirdest in memory.
    Ah well…
    ( For Comrade Denny. Vodka’s on me, comrade.)

  164. demoncat
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    mw. and thus mary proves that the moment she could get ahold of wilburs colum she would use it to spread her power. as dawn will dig deeper into the accident that lost jims arm and his sister she will start screaming life is brutal again

  165. geekwhisperer
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#145): It is so true. The two coolest things happening in the Slylockeverse- Count Weirdly breaking the boundaries of science and Reeky pushing the edge of art are constant sources of suspicion and false accusation by the finger-pointing squares.

    Weirdly borrows a bottlecap and makes an clanking replicator that would bring instant wealth to everyone and he’s sure to find Slylock knocking with some aggrieved pepperpot possum in a housedress. Reeky and his mates suck eat a few string beans to keep their strength up as they challenge convention and they are off to the dock.

    That’s all this place is, a stifling suburb filled with weird animals. Everybody should move to Portland, is what I’m saying.

  166. Anonymous
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox isn’t up on his Bible studies. In the Old Testament, if you were in a field or whatever, you can eat what’s growing there, but you can’t take anything away with you. In the New Testament, when Jesus’ disciples were taking corn and eating it while they were in the field, the haters got on his case of them “harvesting” on the Sabbath, not stealing it.

    So to sum it up, even if the Rat Holes ate up every single cherry tomato, carrot or whatever while they were in her garden, they would not be thieves. I don’t know what they would be if they ate Sweet Pea, though.

  167. wossname
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#145): Mötley Crüe was mentioned fairly extensively in here at the point in Doonesbury where Leo and Alex were making wedding plans, and Leo’s ex-groupie mother was trying to figure out which member of (or roadie for) Mötley was Leo’s father. Speculation here centered on Mick Mars, IIRC, but then she decided it was actually somebody in Poison or Def Leppard or some other band.

  168. Droopy Says
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#161): It’s almost as if Batiuk wants to foreshadow some important event here, like someone coming out of the closet (I’d guess it’s Kahoots, not Summer.) Except with Batiuk, it’s more likely this is some kind of joke that only makes sense in the splendid isolation of his studio.

  169. wossname
    October 14th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#163): Awesome, as usual – nice job playing off of @Comrade Denny (#12)‘s idea – and for some reason, the whole scene reminds me of Discworld’s Music with Rocks In.

  170. Calico
    October 14th, 2012 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#129):
    Yes, it’s a squicky oedipal song from the 90′s. *Blech, Barf*

    FC – Rage au volant!

  171. Calico
    October 14th, 2012 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    FW – Wow, does this portend the tone of the entire forthcoming marriage?
    So much for happy nuptials.

  172. greghousesgf
    October 14th, 2012 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    I like carrots but who the hell puts them in even a veggie sandwich? Salads, veggie soups, stir fries, sure, but a sandwich??

  173. tallyHO
    October 14th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#172):
    well, it can be done. slice ‘em into slivers and sprinkle them on top of the base of the sandwich (meat, texturized protein simulant, whatever).

    Or, you can sharped one and use it to lance the sammich so you have a sammich-on-a-carrot! (enh. for utility and for show)

  174. exapno
    October 14th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    MuttsKudos to Mcdonnell for not only drawing our Scarecrow in the proper Denslow tones, but – also carefully making sure that he has a properly drawn slightly larger left ‘eye’…..

  175. tallyHO
    October 14th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#170):

    “An Oedipal song for Weddings”?

    Now I have seen everything!

    pardon me…I’ll be right back….

    Flying, sashaying monkey butler: You’re Fired! You ain’t so special anymore, bub!

  176. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 14th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#172): I think you’d have to shred them to even fit them on the sandwich. Unless you boil them, but that’s unholy.

  177. Jamus The Bartender
    October 14th, 2012 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#169): Thank you :) I was actually thinking of Spinal Tap and years in theater. I’ll have to look up Discworld .

  178. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#133): Hey! Welcome back, Frank. Slow news day in Gull Lake?

  179. Dale
    October 14th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#89):

    Manatee farming. Surely this is worth a large government grant.
    When they’re too old for milking, they’re still good eatin’!

  180. tallyHO
    October 14th, 2012 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    While I’m waiting around for the Mane Street Cab company to pick me up and take me to the next bar*, I want to point out something in Slylock’s Faux Mystery Du Semaine.

    This may not exonerate the young critter lads from the accusation however if you notice next to the amp there is some trash. One piece is an open can. Now if that is a tomato can, wouldn’t it seem like they had less of a need to raid a garden?

    Sure, they could have been making vegetable soup and the tomato can was used to make a base but do those happy punkers look like that industrious? I think not.

    So I’m calling BS!

    Hey, BS, you ol’ bs’er, you!

    Slylock is being dragged to another crime drama.
    Yeah. Ha!
    It is like Law and Order: Nightmare Valley. Good one!

    Anyhow there’s this rabbit that is accusing a band called Rat Hole of….
    You’ve heard of them?

    They have five albums? On vinyl? I didn’t even know vinyl records anymore!

    Dang! What’s that? You want their autograph? Dude, you do know they are as made up as you are, right?

    Hang on, there’s another call coming through.

    The G-G-G-Ghost of Dead Lisa!???! Jinkies!
    You want me to be your date for a wedding?
    Sure…if I can kick the groom’s ass up and down the aisle?
    Oh. It is also next to a ass kicking-friendly driveway?


    *I guess waiting for a Lion Cabby makes me Paws!

  181. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, is not aware of all internet conventions (#158): I used to be barrel-chested, but lately stuff moved to the southern part of the state.

  182. FOOBED no more
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#172): There’s a sandwich place in Pioneer Square in Seattle called Delicatus that has a sandwich called “Fists of Fury” that contains, per their menu “roasted tender pulled pork, sliced peppers, carrots, cucumbers, cilantro, shaved cabbage, wasabi aioli, Tobiko caviar on a toasted Italian roll”. The carrots are grated. It’s really good too–in fact, I had it for lunch just the other day.

  183. The Ridger
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#146): The chainsaw is for Bubba’s chainsaw sculpture. He has his creative side, and he likes to sit by the road and sell carved tree stumps in his spare time. It makes him look harmless.

  184. Chaze
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    Just bought a red 1984 Porsche 944 with 26,000 miles. It’s perfect. Like new. Spent the day just looking at it.

    Will get back into the funnies tomorrow.

    Is it possible to fall in love with a car?

  185. Chaze
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#181): I was never barrel-chested, just barrel-shaped.

  186. Chaze
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#168): I think it’s about time Crankshaft came out of the closet. Maybe he won’t be so crotchety.

  187. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#184): Oh, man. Enjoy that thing responsibly, y’hear?

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#154): Yeah, no, but… Lehr… Lehrer… see? It’s like a joke, only smaller.

  188. tymime
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    I dunno… Reeky Rat’s smile is awful cute and innocent here. Hey! They’re just rehearsing some punk music, leave them alone!
    “Who me? Why, me and my friends were just thrashing out some straight-ahead rock ‘n’ roll, why do you ask?”

  189. Miss Othmar
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#172): Vietnamese Banh Mi sandwiches contain carrots, among other yummy things (the sandwich described in post #182 sounds like a variation).

  190. Chaze
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#187):

    Muff, I have a quandary. The mileage is so low and the condition so perfect that I get paranoid driving it.

    It feels odd driving a thirty year old car that is essentially brand new.

  191. avatarjk137
    October 14th, 2012 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    I choose to believe Reeky and his gang’s story, if only because it sounds suspicious that teenagers would go through so much effort to eat vegetables.

  192. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#185): I admire consistency.

  193. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#187): “It’s like a joke, only smaller.

    You’re the top!
    You’re a Ritz hot toddy
    You’re the top!
    You’re a Brewster body.
    You’re the boats that glide
    On the sleepy Zuider Zee, You’re a Nathan panning,
    You’re Bishop Manning,
    You’re broccoli!

  194. Chaze
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#192):

    Thank you, thank you. Round is the perfect shape, after all.

  195. Peanut Gallery
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    MW – So now Dawn thinks she’s Brenda Lee all of a sudden?

  196. Chaze
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    Will there be Mudge Awards for 2012? If so, this Judge Parker storyline has been great fun and is supremely drawn.

  197. cheech wizard
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    JP – Avery is going to demand his photos of Old Harvey, which will cause Bubba’s yokels to realize that he is The One who was prophesied and caught the Great God Fish. He is their new god now, and they will immediately fall down and bow to him, like the natives in an episode of Gilligan’s Island, which will annoy Bubba greatly. Unfortunately for Avery though, the mountain people’s primitive religion is based on the Mithran tradition, so he’s still screwed.

  198. Chaze
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    MW – Wait a minute, who’s writing Ask Wendy, Mary or Sari the talking PC? Sounds pretty sappy. Must be Mary. I think Sari has better taste.

  199. Peanut Gallery
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#61): My faculties have been retreating for years.

  200. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#196): You know, all kidding aside, it HAS been very good indeed. We snark here, it’s what we do. But Judge Parker is very good at what it does – except for The Phantom, I can’t think of a strip that even approaches its technical excellence.

    So, is Avery and the Fields of Pot as good as the Ten Tigers?

  201. Doug Puthoff
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Dear God, i never thought the day would come, but i actually shared a FAMILY CIRCUS cartoon with my facebook friends! I loved it! It reminded me of the strips early, much funnier, years. I hope it continues, but I’m not betting on it.

  202. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    Oh my friends, and ah, my foes,

    I haven’t found a single “Man walks into a bar” opening here.

    Day is completely wasted.

  203. Peanut Gallery
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, is not aware of all internet conventions (#158): Those Russian Cassocks sure were great horsemen, though. That’s why so many of them served in the calvary.

  204. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#202): Man walks into the Salt Mine Bar, and the bartender is holding a chainsaw.


    Man walks into a bar and says, “Choose wisely.”

  205. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#194): But wait!

    Chaze walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey! We have a drink named after you!”
    And Chaze says, “Really?”
    And the ratbender says, “Absolutely! It’s very popular. Have a Round on the house!”

  206. Sgt. Stoned
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    MW: Now, here is an idea worthy of Shepherd Fairey: The word OBEY enscribed below the of visage of MARY WORTH instead of Andre the Giant!

    SF: Well, what do you expect of a bunch of vegan punks? Next thing, they’ll be wearing T-shirts with the “A” for “anarchy” emblem on them. Bring on the rat poison. Oh, wait. That’s the name of one of Reeky’s competitor’s band.

  207. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#204): @Nehemiah Scudder (#202): Man walks into the Salt Mine Bar, and the bartender is holding a chainsaw.


    Man walks into a bar and says, “Choose wisely.”

    One of those days, eh? Chin up! There’s always drugs!

  208. Chaze
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#200):

    Avery and the Fields of Pot has my vote. From fly fishing and Old Hardy, to Bea’s bodacious ta-tas, a pet skunk, vaguely homo-erotic chat in the cabin, and now Bubba with a chainsaw….what’s not to like?

    I couldn’t have predicted any of it and I don’t really know how it will end. Best of all? Sam has been window dressing.

    Avery is “comic character of the year.”

  209. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    MW: Now, here is an idea worthy of Shepherd Fairey: The word OBEY enscribed below the of visage of MARY WORTH instead of Andre the Giant!

    No, serious. That’s GOOD!

  210. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#206): Credit to #209

  211. Chaze
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#205):

    Ho Ho! This “round” is on me. And by “on me’” I mean all over me. I have a “drinking problem,” you see. I often miss my mouth, altogether.

  212. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#208): ‘k.
    Your arguments are compelling.

  213. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#206): Chemical Warfarin.

  214. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#208): I agree with you, and to top it off, Sam has been suffering, annoyed window dressing. Rex The Alleged MD used to have my favorite frowny face in all of comicdom, but Sam is giving him a run for his money. All hail, JP. The story may not entirely make sense, but you rock!

  215. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#183): Oh, of course. I’m sure you must be right. He ought to come to the Iowa State Fair, where he could get a time slot in the official Chainsaw Carving area and have an admiring audience. He’d have to carve animals and not nekkid ladies, and he wouldn’t be allowed to whack any limbs off any spectators, but he could keep his charming purple face.

  216. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#207): Now, be nice. I’m sick and I’m limpy, and I’m also just trying to help!

  217. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 14th, 2012 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#215): Because it’s Juggs Parker, I imagine the sculptures, by regulation, must look something like this.

  218. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#217): Oh, how very wonderful. Thank you. Tasteful and not gaudy, yes indeed.

  219. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

  220. pastordan, snark late shift
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#203): Now you’re just baiting me…

  221. Ranger™
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#193): Thanks to Cole Porter, we know “Zuider Zee” rhymes with “broccoli”:

  222. pastordan, snark late shift
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#208): Hear, hear! I love Judge Parker, without irony or any kind of shit!

  223. Poteet
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    FW — Soon we’ll get to see the very special strip showing the very special day. Maybe we’ll finally get to see who’s been aiming a gun at Cayla to force her to go through with it.

  224. Frank Lee MeiDere
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#178): It’s always a slow news day here. This week, however, we started to get organized, and the weekend was pretty much free. Yah us!

  225. Norman Leery
    October 14th, 2012 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    MW – why is Mary displaying two severed, human hands on her pseudo-ergonomic keyboard? Are they the limbs of the now overly permissive editor?

  226. seismic-2
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#200): So, is Avery and the Fields of Pot as good as the Ten Tigers?

    The JP story arc has not quite achieved the Ten Tigers elevated threshold of totally bizarre wonderfulness, but there is still a chance that it could surpass that standard a hundred times over, just by having Peaches come rushing into the scene and save Avery from a chainsaw-wielding Bubba by dropping him with a series of Lucha Libre wrestling moves.

  227. Soleil
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    A3G: Looks like Greg just got friend-zoned.

  228. Inkwell
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:19 am [Reply]


    …But seriously, check it out.

  229. Droopy Says
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: Look behind the couch, Jameson, that’s where Parker hides when he’s scared.

    FW: And they’re all thinking “I gave up my lunch break for this?”

    Family Circus: “Life’s a bitch and then you die come back from the dead as a zombie strip.”

    Phantom: Well, Kit, that’s why most of us would shoot to kill when dealing with a big, wild, dangerous predator. To your typical lion, a warning shot only means that lunch is very noisy today.

    Jugs Parker: I’m really disturbed by this cruel taunting of Avery. It gives Sam and Bea too much time to arrive and save him.

  230. Poteet
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    FW — From the looks on the guests’ faces, Eau De Montoni’s Colon-Punishing Pizza has just been made manifest by party or parties unknown.

  231. Poteet
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    JP — If loving Bubba is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

  232. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    You know, I’ve always quietly resented the fact that the annoying busybody rabbit in Slylock Fox shares a name with me.

    Re: FW: I can see people getting titchy in the course of planning and preparing a wedding; certainly my husband and I had our bad moments. It’s complicated and fiddly and everyone expects you to be Beyond Excited!!! about everything, even renting chairs and buying napkins. But.

    You get grouchy when dealing with the fiddly shit, not when you’ve got everything arranged and all that’s left is the set up. That’s when you either haul in your friends to help, or you have become so numb that you can’t get mad at anything.

    That is to say, in other words, that Les and Cayla are going about this backwards, by starting out numb and ending grouchy.

  233. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:35 am [Reply]

  234. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#216): Oh, gosh, my sincerest a’s. What was I thinking?

    But seriously, drugs. Don’t let an opportunity like this pass you by!

  235. seismic-2
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#228): That ain’t no “Doodle”, it’s a visual epic.

  236. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee MeiDere (#224): So this guy walks into a bar in Gull Lake, and…

    wait… there’s a bar in Gull Lake?

  237. Poteet
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    A3G — Oh come on. I’m willing to go along with the idea that the woman in the first panel is the same as the woman in the second panel, though they aren’t identical and both have different-colored hair than the supposedly-same woman we saw yesterday. But there is no way that the guy in the first panel is the same as the guy in the second panel. They have different features and different head shapes and they are both wearing a blue suit, whereas the guy yesterday was wearing a yellow suit. What kind of party is this??

  238. Poteet
    October 15th, 2012 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    MW — “You’re going to be all right! I can feel that your remaining arm is quite muscular!”

  239. bbofun
    October 15th, 2012 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    Re: JUDGE PARKER’S awesomeness- I will admit there are element of this story that are, indeed, IN-FUCKING-CREDIBLE (pardon my french)- but let us not lose sight of something.

    Between the introduction of Avery, the revelation that Sam had written a PERFECT hollywood contract, Peaches (ah, Peaches- why hast thou forsaken us), and the wonderfully bizarre goings-on at the lodge, there was a ( I swear) two month period of travelling to the lodge- during which NOTHING HAPPENED. Oh, things kept threatening to happen- a massive storm, trouble at the post offivce, that menacing-looking guy behind them in line, Avery tumbling down a hill for days- but NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED (except Avery taking the picture of the pot fields).

    Remember- for every month of awesome, a month of tedium must be paid.

  240. tallyHO
    October 15th, 2012 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    Funky WhydidIevenbothertolook-erbean.

    Holy What-The-Heck!
    Neil deGrasse-Tyson is defying gravity!

    Maybe this wedding won’t be so bad after all. Add that Batuik (unwisely) stretching Monday beyond one day (aka a Garfield Unit) and this could get weird.

    Or (more likely) it will only get lamer.

  241. tallyHO
    October 15th, 2012 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    mark trail

    Didn’t see that coming.
    Burt Reynolds is up to no good.

    I’m guessing this clip art is from the early 80s. Which means that giant, white puffy structure in the background of panel TWO is Dom Deluise’s Cotton Candy Mountain… er… is my tense correct? It is what USED to be Dom Deluise’s Cotton Candy Mountain before he “demolished” it, personally.

  242. Droopy Says
    October 15th, 2012 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    Luann: Whoah, Luann lecturing someone on not being self-absorbed? Where do I file this? Under Irony? Apocalyptic Foreshadowing? First Effort at Actual Humor?

  243. tallyHO
    October 15th, 2012 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    hoo bouy.

    So Popeye just left the midget cavemen dead at the gopher holes and moved on to another prolonged storyline?

    Slylock Fox This is all about body language.

    Slylock is sauntering. Honest to God. The muzak must be playing Dionne Warwick singing a Burt Bacharach song.

    What do you get when you fall in love…
    yada yada yada yada blah blah blah blah

    Suspects One and Three are absent-mindedly crossing their hearts. While Suspect Two is just half dressed as villain from Batman’s Rogues Gallery. I guess he is The Storkler!

    “Guilty!” says Maxwell Mouseypott from his high perch on Slylock’s tailbone!

    It is just too bad they don’t show the fossil so we can figure out the motivation for the theft. Also, Slylock is in the Big City! He somehow escaped Nightmare Valley and located, in a city of millions, three anthropomorphic hoodlums right after a cosplay convention just ended!

    How doooeeeesss he do it?

  244. tallyHO
    October 15th, 2012 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Strange. Ma and Paw Kettle seem to find amusement in their “nephew” doing either a) practicing to avoid projectile vomiting in the near future, b) practicing to perfect his aim.

    //Snuffy Smif…

    sigh! I have no idea what that cartoon means! I don’t even know what Bud Light is nor do I know what Ensure is. Whew!

  245. Erich Clapton
    October 15th, 2012 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#184): I’ve owned my 911 for (almost) 30 years. Bought it off the showroom floor here in San Diego after spending 18 months in the Persian Gulf on a ship. I have 125K on it and it still runs like a champ. Every time I think it’s time to buy a new (er) one, I drive it and promptly forget about all others. The older cars have a vibrancy and a sense of directness that the newer ones have had engineered out, owing to the sue-happy nature of the American public. My other Porsche is a gutted, highly modified 914 that is nothing much more than a roller skate. I really feel for you. You’ve been bitten. NOTHING will ever be the same again. Welcome to the madness.

  246. Droopy Says
    October 15th, 2012 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#244): Bud Light is some sort of beer. I had to look up Ensure, because it’s not normally something I’d associate with morbidly-obese Pluggers. The version I’m familiar with is a dietary supplement, used when a patient is losing weight from medications, illness or (as happens with Alzheimer’s) a refusal/inability to eat. Ensure’s website says they also have a version that’s meant to promote digestive tract health and is basically a dietary supplement. Which for Pluggers would be a substitute for watching your diet.

  247. Gladly, the cross-eyed Bear
    October 15th, 2012 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    MT: The pirate in the middle panel has a pencil mustache, sideburns, a little ducktail in the back and quasi-pompadour in the front. Either he’s evil as hell or he’s Johnny Malotte (whose excuse for the hair is his wacky Frenchiness, which flips somehow the good/evil hair equation.).

  248. Comcis Fan
    October 15th, 2012 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    FW: All the depressed residents of Westview have gathered for what they apparently believe is a funeral. A sentient leaf, in a crossover appearance from “Doonesbury,” floats portentously. Darin is so out of sorts that his mouth has slid in an anti-smirk to his right profile. Which is a roundabout way of saying that if this wedding does indeed take place, it won’t be without official, ceremonial, excessively tributary mention of Lisa.

  249. Mr. O'Malley
    October 15th, 2012 at 3:37 am [Reply]

    The Google Doodle is very impressive.

    If you click through to the 1911 Little Nemo cartoon, one of the scoffing friends (on the right) is early film comedian John Bunny. Although Nemo isn’t in the cartoon.

  250. Alfred E. Neuman
    October 15th, 2012 at 3:51 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#184): @Erich Clapton (#246): I drove a ’65 911 from 1976 to 1982. It was both entertaining and scary. Great acceleration and handling with super-direct go kart-like steering, but if I locked up a front brake, the rear weight bias would cause the car to pivot around the locked-up tire — very exciting! In addition, it had lots of rust and no air conditioning, so I sold it and got one of the first 944s in 1983. The 944 had a great air conditioner (necessary in Texas) and perfectly balanced handling and braking. I kept the 944 for 24 years and sold it only because my creaky knees made it so difficult to exit the car that I drove it only a couple of thousand miles in the last five years I owned it. The day I sold it, it looked and drove as good as it did the day I bought it. I joined he Porsche Club of America in 1979, and it added immensely to my enjoyment of the car. At a club event, I even got to shake hands with Peter Porsche, the grandson of Ferdinand Porsche. (Peter famously spoke at the club’s annual national get-together, the Parade, and said, “It’s an honor to speak to 1000 people who all know how to pronounce my last name.”) If you haven’t joined, I strongly recommend it. I’ve been Porscheless for five years now, but don’t feel too bad for me, because I got new knees a year ago. I can now climb in and out of virtually any vehicle, so I am now working once again to convince Mrs. Neuman that having another Porsche would be a good thing. No one actually needs a Porsche, but once you’ve owned one, you can’t go back. It’s a disease, I tell ya.

  251. Frank Lee Meidere
    October 15th, 2012 at 5:01 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#236): There is! A bar. As in one.

    Of course, there’s also the Legion and the Elk’s Club, so … yeah. There’s that.

  252. gleeb
    October 15th, 2012 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    Fox who Interrogates: Sure, most people are going to say the stork, but it could have been a water taxi. In reality, cats lack the patience to play chess.

    3-G: It’s the entertainment press, Skyler. They don’t do complicated.

    Blondie: If Dag doesn’t call them “vendos”, then it ain’t a word.

    ‘shaft: What the hell is this? A “short list” is a list of candidates, one (usually) of whom will be chosen. If Ed is going to do all the things on the list, it is not a short list. Stop using language at right angles to the rest of us, Batiuk!

    ‘bean: Look at those miserable bastards. None of them wants to be here. They just fear the horrible smirking that will ensue if they don’t attend. “I guess some children were left behind!”

    Bubba Versus Blackstone!: Avery really is this stupid, is he? He’s trying to bluff his way out. Right?

    Phantom: “Shot me? Well, I was going to thank him, but now, forget it!”

    Dick: I’m starting to think these guys have nothing to do with the Moon.

    Get Fuzzy: You know, I realize I haven’t finished reading one of these in weeks.

  253. Peanut Gallery
    October 15th, 2012 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    @whirlstonsally (#245): Curse you, Whirlston! Have you no end of allies?

    Oh, wait… Sally? Sally from Whirlston? It’s been years! Still spamming, I see.

  254. Spunde
    October 15th, 2012 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    In Santa Royale, Wendy asks you.

  255. Vanya
    October 15th, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#119): Of course they look at Summer with horrified expressions. That’s the terrible realization dawning on their faces that Summer has the same horrible chronic personality disorder as her father. There is no escaping the family curse.

  256. greghousesgf
    October 15th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#189): I looked it up and those sound good, but I doubt if anyone working on Blondie ever heard of them or any other Vietnamese food. they’re so out of touch they’re probably just now finding out about some sort of war going on in that country.

  257. Dale
    October 15th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Dawn is sitting on a park bench with Mary Worth and calling her Jim.

    Mary, you’re old enough to know that most new clothes fit better if you take all the pins out. Tomorrow: plastic bags and coat hangers.

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