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Maybe more of a smirk than a grin? Either way: Horror

Archie, 11/4/12

So my expectations for comic strip attention to detail are low enough that I actually felt compelled to mentally double-check the math here to make sure that it adds up. Which it does! I suppose you’d expect proper accounting from an enterprise that is meticulous about not infringing on Kellogg’s® Pop-Tart® branding identity without permission.

Luann, 11/4/12

Sorry, I know I should be grappling with the gross “marriage is an endless series of point-scoring exercises in which menfolk attempt to minimize work and maximize sexual benefits” message of today’s strip, but I’m far too grossed out on a much more visceral level by Brad’s grinning offer to vacate himself and his sister from the premises so his parents can have sex as loudly as they want.

Crankshaft, 11/4/12

Say, let’s check in to make sure that everyone in the Funkyverse still engages in desperate, anxious magical thinking in order to stave off the ever-looming spectre of death. Yep, all systems are still go!

164 responses to “Maybe more of a smirk than a grin? Either way: Horror”

  1. Baka Gaijin
    November 4th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    I call Shenanigans on Pluggers. Everyone knows Pluggers have black dial desk phones circa 1952.

  2. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    November 4th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m sure Dan Savage’s advice would be DTMFA.

  3. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    November 4th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Crankshaft: The Battyverse, summed up in one fell swoop.

  4. HAnzMFG
    November 4th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    I can see Brad implementing a meaningless ‘points for sex’ program in his head with Toni, and his constant agonizing about quantifying the building of an impression results in him never getting laid ever.

  5. Allen
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure someone who can’t accurately spell “Kellogg’s” should be worrying about someone else’s meticulousness. ;-)

  6. HAnzMFG
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Dennin the Menace, the li’l presidential mysogenist! “WHAT!? MY dumbass friend who can’t tie his shoes makes a better president than you, woman!”

  7. Liam
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    The Lockhorns-Every time Leroy’s ears burn a Curmudgeon’s made a snarky comment.

    MW-”And by best shot I mean shoot him in the head. From what he sounds like Jim is one crazy person that needs to be put down.”

    RMMD-Our doctors here in San Diego don’t know their asses from their elbows.

    FC-”The Poles are all back in Poland where they need to stay, Dolly.”

  8. Tom T.
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    Spending only $50 a week on food probably would cause you to lose week, these days.

  9. Inspector Butterflyfish, LFHD
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    AS-M: If Peter intervenes here and saves Kraven’s life, by the Laws of (Stupid) Fiction, Kraven must make Peter a henchman and take him into his complete criminal confidence. Either that’s what’s about to happen, or Kraven is going to demonstrate the amazing skill of not getting killed and by wild carnivores and Peter will thought balloon “WOW! HE’S GOOD!” Tune in tomorrow, True Believers, to find out which silly thing will happen next!

    FC: The Poles vote in another district, Dolly. It’s called red-lining.

    GtFzz: I really don’t understand what’s going on other than Bucky’s an asshole.

    JP: Oh, Bea … Your breasts are like two headlamps, like twin headlamps of a Hummer that balances at the chasm’s edge.

  10. pugfuggly
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Archie Congrats, Archie, on becoming the vegetable in the meal that is the sunday comics. Kids might not care for you, but at least you’ll be good for them by teaching them skills they’re probably not picking up in our public schools. Hey, do you think there’s any way you could work in a definition of ‘subject pronoun’ next week?

    Crankshaft Well Jeff, you could just tell her that you’re hanging out in a darkened room, obsessing over your own mortality to the point that you don’t want to talk to your loved ones. You almost never hear that in news stories about an unfortunate death.

  11. HAnzMFG
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Seems like Dagwood’s political aspirations to get his face on Mt. Rushmore are serious business! Unfortunately he’s too lazy to realize the critical failure of talking to a voting bloc that isn’t old enough to participate in the electoral process.

  12. seismic-2
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    FW: So they are afraid that the people they talk to will have occasion to say “I was talking to him just last week and he was fine”? I call foul, because this has simply never happened in the Funkyverse. No one ever said they were fine. Every phone conversation starts out:
    “Hi, how are you?”
    “New mole on my arm. Probably malignant melanoma. You?”
    “Pain in my leg. No doubt a tumor. I suppose I should get fitted for a prosthesis sometime in the new few days, to prepare.”

    Every conversation then ends as:
    “Well, gotta go. Talk to you soon. On my new voice box, once I get my larynx removed.”
    “Make it real soon. Or you can get in touch with me via a seance.”
    “You got that right!”

  13. pugfuggly
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @HAnzMFG (#4):

    I can see Brad implementing a meaningless ‘points for sex’ program in his head with Toni, and his constant agonizing about quantifying the building of an impression results in him never getting laid ever.

    I was picturing a scene more along the lines of someone doing their accounting and realizing they’ll only pay off their debts 30 years after their own death. Give all the stupid shit Brad has done since they got together, I think it’ll be close to 7 years before he’s even in the black on sex points.

  14. Victory Garden
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    9CL: GOOD GOD ALREADY. Did he just discover Tori Amos? In 1992?

  15. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

  16. Alice
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Oh look, another “We men just can’t win, blah blah double standard, blah blah, women are shrews” message in entertainment media.

  17. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    ARCHIE — Now I’m wondering what sugar tarts are.

  18. HAnzMFG
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    I was worried today when I went to look at Family Circus. Worried that I wouldn’t get my safe dose of harmless nonpartisan political humor and punnery. Fortunately, they did, and in spades. I’m so fulfilled now that Dolly has asked where the ‘poles’ are. The Keane Klan always delivers.

  19. HAnzMFG
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    ‘Sugar tart’ is probably already either a name of endearment or euphemism if today’s Archie doesn’t establish it as one.

  20. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#17): Wait a minute — sugar tarts are actually pppoppp-tarts? (Stay away from me, Kelloggs attorneys). If you’re going to pig out, seems to me there are tastier options.

  21. Horace Broon
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Has Stan been reading that lions and tigers are natural enemies on the internet? Don’t believe anything on the internet, Stan!

    FW: Okay. In order:
    1) Yes. That’s the joke. And then again, no, because it refers to the size of the comic, not the hero.
    2) Because his boots are made from the same fabric as the rest of his costume. Why would he need proper boots? In case he stands on a nail made of Kryptonite?
    3) “Imaginary Tales” are stories that don’t affect ongoing continuity. But congratulations, you’ve reinvented Alan Moore’s classic line “This is an imaginary tale. Aren’t they all?” and killed it stone dead.
    4) Again, Alan Moore did this one. The demon Qull prophesised that Abin Sur’s ring would fail him when he needed it most. While outwardly dismissive, he stopped relying on his ring so much. (And, therefore, was no longer “without fear” increasing the likelihood of his ring failing.)
    5) Superman was already on the Guardians’ radar, and they’d concluded that giving a GL ring to someone who already had all those powers was stupid. Also, it’s been established that Hal didn’t get the ring because he was the only person without fear, but because he was the closest. (And by “established”, I mean second-choice Lantern Guy Gardner won’t shut up about it.)
    6) Because Daredevil is in the Marvel Universe, you idiot.

    Luann: If we’re analysing the expressions on the characters faces (and since the alternative is to look at the actual “joke”, let’s keep doing that) what about Mrs DeGroot’s in panel one? Does that look like someone who doesn’t need help but is glad someone asked, or does it look like someone who has long ago accepted that her husband is incapable of helping her and/or is well aware that he has no intentions of doing so?

    Phantom: I can’t wait to see the dive shop owner explain things to the Rhodian secret police later.
    “So citizen, where did you get this foreign money?”

    “From some Bangallan tourist. He bought a whole load of diving gear.”

    “And did you check this Bangallan’s entrance visa?”

    “Well, I asked about that, and he said I didn’t need to see it; I just thought I did. Heeey, you don’t suppose he was fibbing do you?”

    “Sometimes I wish Rhodia had salt mines to send people to.”

  22. HAnzMFG
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    More piano-humping in 9 Chickweedland, nothing else to see there, folks, move along.

  23. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — It looks as if she’s planning to iron socks on a miniature ironing board. Things may be even worse in the Luanniverse than I had realized.

  24. un malpaso
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Wow, in Crankshaft, everybody just looks more tired and beaten every week as they deliver their sad semi-gags. That mirrors my experience reading them, too.

  25. This Guy
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#12): It’s technically Crankshaft you’re talking about, but the difference is purely cosmetic anyway.

  26. Calico
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Lupin The 3.1415926th (#3):
    Yep, the Holy Grail of Battydom. Call your sister, doofus.

  27. Calico
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood belongs to the Grover Cleveland Party (food, food food).

  28. seismic-2
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#17), @HAnzMFG (#19): Maybe a sugar tart is a prostitute who works for a sugar pimp? No wonder Mrs. Andrews is displeased about finding that they were in her kitchen.

  29. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    S-M — Can’t S-M stories just dick around with aliens and Asgard dumb-dumb gods and common-sense-challenged humans and leave big cats alone? If this does turn into some kind of lion/tiger fight, I’d bet that kind of “entertainment” is illegal in some states.

  30. sporknpork
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Those aren’t “popped tarts” as you suggest, Josh. I believe they are knockoffs of SweeTarts. After eating an entire garbage bag full of them, you’d think Fred’s mouth hole would be shrunken shut like ingesting alum in a Looney Tunes short, requiring him to drink salad through a straw.

  31. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    JP — Avery must have some redeeming asset that escapes me. Did Bea accidentally see him in the shower or something?

  32. Josh
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Allen (#5): Whoops! Fixed!


  33. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#30): Thanks! That’s exactly what I first assumed they were, and why any sane human being would want to binge on several boxes of them is beyond me.

  34. Chaze
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#31):
    Like a horse. A miniature horse, sadly.

  35. sporknpork
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#33): I cringe just thinking about tasting them, much less eating that many. Gah!

  36. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#34): BWAHAHA!

  37. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#35): Yeah. After Halloween, it took about a hundred of them to even get a lousy miniature Tootsie Roll as a trade.

  38. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Luann Fortunately, I read this before my shower this morning. It’s amazing how much cleaner you feel after a vigorous scrub with lots of hot water and soap. And eye wash. Lots and lots of eye wash.

    MW Sure, Dawn, do good while you can. True, Jim is a real nut job, and the psychiatrists at the hospital have made no progress with him after weeks of therapy, but what the hell! Give it your best shot! Your life may be even shorter than you realize.

  39. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — I realize that Edna is going to recover, but it still seems to me that Devoted Hubby would want to be with her if at all possible.

  40. sporknpork
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#37): Or those off-brand candies that when unwrapped looked kinda like Werther’s Originals, but while eating made you wish for Werther’s Originals.

  41. NoahSnark
    November 4th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Jeff then realized that since he was a character in a Crankshaft cartoon nothing would ever truly be okay so he could call his sister whenever he felt like it.

  42. Indichik
    November 4th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Sugar tarts must be related to butter tarts. Neither one seems to exist outside the comics.

  43. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#40): Yeah, and I wasn’t even crazy about Werther’s Originals. Chocolate was always the gold standard of Halloween for me.

    I checked Google and now I wonder if “sugar tarts” in this strip are supposed to be some commercial boxed version of the “sugar tarts” for which there are a lot of online recipes that I am trying not to read, having plenty of sugar temptations in daily life already.

  44. seismic-2
    November 4th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Crank: So according to the display on the cell phone in the title panel, Ed Crankshaft’s son-in-law Jeff’s sister is named “Jan Murdoch Darling”. What exactly is her place within the Darling clan that includes the murdered anchorman and his daughter, who is married to Saint Dead Lisa’s bastard son and who was living with him in Les and Summer Moore’s house until they replaced the comic book writer as tenants above Montoni’s pizza parlor? Not that it really matters where Jeff’s sister fits into the Darling clan, but I would like to know really how closely Ed Crankshaft’s in-laws are tied to the Les Mooe family, since I’m always looking for yet another reason to despise Ed Crankshaft. So far I’m only up to number 138,273.

  45. sporknpork
    November 4th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#43): I must… not… google… “sugar tarts”… already… too fat…

  46. HAnzMFG
    November 4th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#13): Haha Brad loses his life to meaningless sex-point accounting because he’s a functional dumbass.

  47. rich
    November 4th, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    FBOW: Elizabeth tries unsuccessfully to kill Farley by feeding him chocolate…though in another 15 years or so, li’l sister April will finish the job.

    (Seriously, though, Lynn blew what might have been a “teachable moment” with today’s stupid strip.)

  48. HAnzMFG
    November 4th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Indichik (#42): good GOD the awful FOOB facial expressions. the drooly-dog-tongue-hungry-for-BUTTER-TARTS! face is even worse than the stock laughing-with-your-tongue face.

  49. Jamoche
    November 4th, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#33): any sane human being would want to binge on several boxes of them is beyond me.

    Well, duh! He’s a man, so any sort of cooking beyond putting it in a toaster is beyond him, and even that’s a stretch.

    Slylock Fox: Does an artist who puts obvious deliberate errors in a copy of a painting truly count as a forger? What am I saying – he’s hiding behind a curtain, of course he’s a forger.

  50. Indichik
    November 4th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @HAnzMFG (#48): Not to mention the actual act of OM NOM disgusting shoveling-into-face-food-spraying-everywhere act of eating itself. Luckily the Foobs always remember to wear their crumberbunds.

  51. Mr. O'Malley
    November 4th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    I liked ZtP today. I wish he did this more often.

  52. casino LF
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Indichik (#42): Alas, butter tarts must be some kind of Canadian thing. Barenaked Ladies mentions them in one of their songs, if I’m not mistaken.

  53. Binder's Butter Beans
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    I was feeling fairly cheerful, till I read Crankshaft. Now I’m going to pour myself a glass of wine and listen to “Alone Again, Naturally” and cry myself to sleep. Thanks, Josh. Thanks for reading the comics so I don’t have to.


  54. Marco Polo Shirt
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    “Sugar Tarts” is what Mr. Andrews will call his wife after he gets rip roaring drunk and starts getting all Mel Gibson with her because she is Shrewish.

  55. Curm
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Indichik (#42): Butter tarts do indeed exist. They are one of the few items on the list of originally Canadian food-type creations, and my word, they are droolworthy.

    Damn. Now I need me some Butter Tarts..

  56. Walker of Dog
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Evan is going to be so disappointed when Margo fails to dispense a Pez candy from her neck.

    Plug: Pluggers want to screen their calls, they really do, but what if it’s Ed McMahon?

    FC: Who hacked the electronic voting machines? Not Me!

  57. Curm
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @casino LF (#52): You beat me to it.

  58. Baka Gaijin
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Indichik (#50): Elly and her SLOP SMACK GLOMP SLURPing that would put a gobbling Marmaduke to shame.

    @Binder’s Butter Beans (#53): Should Pfizer need to juice sales of its antidepressants, it should sponsor that song for frequent airplay.

  59. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Crankedshaft Jeff, if making that call seals your doom, we say go for it. To quote Mary Worth, “Give it your best shot. Life is short. Do good while you can.”

  60. Walker of Dog
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Dawn looks for advice when she visits Mary.”
    “Mary looks for pornography, mayonnaise, and expired prescription drugs when she visits Dawn.”

    RMMD: In panel 5, Mr. Edna fearfully gestures at the homicidal specter lodged in his ear.
    Help him, Gentle Reader, help him!

    S-M: Not only does Peter get to watch the rehearsal, but he finally has a 401k!
    And by the way, did Kraven the Hunter ever say Begin?

  61. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Does Fred really even want to lose weight? I imagine that delightful grape shirt/white sweater vest combo is hard to find in smaller sizes.

    FW: I guess we can’t all be George Costanza and Jerry.

    SFx: I’ve never seen this moai painting before, so it strikes me less as a forgery than as a Kopy Kat original. Seriously dude, get a gallery rep.

    Momma: Is Sonia pitching a sitcom?

    MW: Now Mary has to drop everything while that gem is fresh in her mind. It’s her next Ask Wendy verbatim.

    BB: Maybe you should also speak to the guy who made himself up as a bale of hay. You can’t do much good soldiering if your arms can’t move.

    JP: “I’ve always wanted to make it with a Hollywood wheeler-dealer in an abandoned mine.”

    RMMD: Rex saved an old woman’s life with CPR, but he needs someone to explain to him what CPR is. That’s the Wilsonverse all over.

    DT: “Photobombed by Death: The Measles Story.”

    9CL: It must kill that grand piano to know that it’s been reduced to a large and expensive vibrator.

  62. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#21): I was hoping someone would remember Moore’s “This is an imaginary story, aren’t they all?” from “Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?” I just couldn’t spend any more time on FW.

  63. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    Poteet? About your question about Bea and Avery…the anseer’s money. Lots of money. Far too much money, and she wants a slice of the action before he gives it all away to Sam Driver.

    But sadly I, too, have no idea what sugar tarts are…or Kellogg’s pop tarts either. But then it’s half past three in the morning and I’m not really awake yet.

  64. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    *answer’s. Damn it.

  65. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 4th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Right, I’m going back to sleep. Good moaning, all.

  66. Calico
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @rich (#47):
    I agree.
    Hell, it’s a dog, feed it gum which could clog its esophagus or intestines, and give it chocolate too, which is extremely toxic.
    Haha, Foob. Sometimes I really wonder what that poor dog had to endure in real life.

  67. Calico
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    There are, or used to be, Brown Sugar Pop-Tarts. Sugar without, sugar within.
    (No Mighty Quinn rhymes, dammit, ok?)

  68. Calico
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#28):
    Oh, yes, and in Quebec (province, not just city), we have this splendiferously diabetic treat, Tarte a sucre:

  69. Zerowolf
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    FC: Where are the poles? Daddy said you used to dance with a pole. Can I dance with a pole when I grow up, Mommy?

  70. Mibbitmaker
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    A&J: Meta win!

    9CL: How would she get in the mood for “Slow Ride” by Foghat?

    Lio: You’re just speaking his language, checkerboard-teeth.

    RMMD: Uh-oh, now it’s your duty to get all the attention you abhor, doc. Gee, that’s too bad.

    JP, throwaways: Cirinists, according to Dave Sim.

    JP, main strip: So much for the Sam Driver superluck, eh?

    FW: I just read Harveys, Flintstones, Popeye, Archie, and stuff like that, then on to Bone, Cerebus, Strangers in Paradise, etc., avoiding that crap.
    In other words, strip: WHO FRIGGIN’ CARES?!?! (“not me”, says the FC ghost)

    MW: You’re all for abusive, creepy relationships, huh, Mary? Well, I’m sure ALDO would be happy to know that! Oh, wait……

  71. commodorejohn
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    So, based on our general post-analysis of FOOBian misandry and marital-discord-as-cosmic-constant in the wake of Lynn Johnston’s divorce, and our running theory of most things in Luann being reflections of Evans’s personal issues, would it be terribly unjust of me to predict Greg Evans as the next syndicated cartoonist to undergo an acrimonious but not terribly surprising divorce?

  72. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#45): Beware Calico’s #68. It’s too late for me. *drool*

  73. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#65): Hope you’ll be feelingl better when next we meet. And yeah, it’s probably the money.

  74. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Oh, please tell me she isn’t.

  75. Sugar Tart Inc.
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Archie – You’ll be hearing from our attorneys. Indeed you will.

  76. Bill
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    ARCHIE: Fifty bucks for a weeks worth of meals?! THAT’S A HELL OF A BARGAIN! Is that comic from 1955 or what?1

  77. Anachrosaurus
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    JP: Jeez… Look at the size of that guy… I strongly suspect that the local pot harvest is genetically engineered to breed giants. (And giant mammary glands)

  78. Walker of Dog
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#61):

    9CL: It must kill that grand piano to know that it’s been reduced to a large and expensive vibrator.

    And isn’t this situation really more suited to an upright?

  79. Peanut Gallery
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    DT – Say, I’ve always complained about pain, too! Whenever I have it. So that’s something Measles and I have in common.

  80. Alison
    November 4th, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Indichik (#50):
    @Indichik (#50):
    Oh God, y’all are bringing memories back of the disgusting eating scenes in FOOB and the endless SCHMACK AAHHH sounds which always made me sick to my stomach. I remember in particular a story where Elly was driving a pot roast to her dad’s house and she was *obsessing* about it being in the back seat where she couldn’t eat it while she was driving, and drooling over this stupid pot roast that was supposed to be going to a sick old man. I was half expecting her to pull the car over to the side of the road and stuff the food into her mouth with her bare hands. Revolting.

    “Crankshaft”: It irks me how everybody in this strip wears glasses that aren’t attached over the nose. They look like two separate eye pieces that hang over your ears.

    “Luann”: Brad probably thinks his father is going to be rewarded with a kiss and some eyelash batting. I doubt he thinks his parents were going to have sex, since, as evidenced by his non-relationship with Toni, he doesn’t seem to know what sex it.

  81. Alison
    November 4th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#80): Oops. Also meant that post to reply to @Baka Gaijin (#58):

    Oh, and I’m from Canada and I’ve never eaten a butter tart.

  82. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 4th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#74): Of course she is.

    //No, it’s all that we’re dirty, smutty-minded beefwits! It’s about True Art! Not porny at all!

    //Well, maybe a bit. *titter*

    ////Okay, I feel unpleasantly filthy just having typed that.

  83. agony
    November 4th, 2012 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Oh, sugar pie is good – it’s like a big butter tart without all the distractions of raisins or nuts. Or pecan pit without pecans, for you Yanks. But better. If Mr Andrews really was just eating some toasted cardboard in order to get his sugar fix, when he could been drinking Pepsi and eating something tasty, he should be ashamed of himself. Mmmmmm Quebec…..

  84. Ursula
    November 4th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    PV: I’m glad to see that Gawain got to feel proficient in his part of the “let’s get very drunk” portion of the scheme.

  85. Nekrotzar
    November 4th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think the loudness is the reason Brad wants to be out of the house when his parents have sex. It’s the excessive use of mayonaise.

  86. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 4th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#67): “but dere aint no such ting as a ten-tousand dollar bill!”

  87. Shoebox
    November 4th, 2012 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    Butter tarts basically consist of butter, brown sugar and corn syrup — raisins or pecans optional — all baked down to a delicious gooey filling in a pastry crust. They sound disgusting but are in fact awesomely delicious.

  88. anon
    November 4th, 2012 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#21):

    Luanne: #2. I don’t even know why you thought the first one, it is so obviously choice #2 it isn’t funny. (Confirmed by her comment “stop asking me if you can help, fool,”)

  89. kodijack
    November 4th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    What’s interesting about Luann is that the male characters can switch places so fast on the couch but can’t use that same energy to help wife/mom.

  90. Liam
    November 4th, 2012 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-Lions and tigers. Where are the bears? Oh my!(Say it in George Takei’s voice.)

    RMMD-Thank you, Rex Morgan, for making the doctors in San Diego look incompetent.

  91. Liam
    November 4th, 2012 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    MW-”And by good I mean have your friends hold an intervention for the guy to distract him while you are cutting his brake lines.”

  92. SurrealKangaroo
    November 4th, 2012 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    When I first read Archie I missed the word “tart” so I thought that his dad emptied boxes of sugar in his salad.

  93. Pozzo
    November 4th, 2012 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Love the gray shading in Luann’s dad’s final word balloon. Sums up a hopeless, despairing state better than a month of “Funky Winkerbeans.”

  94. Arabella
    November 4th, 2012 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#44): I was wondering about this too. I only read Crankshaft when it is featured here; I’ve been lucky to live in places where the local paper doesn’t carry it, and it’s just not worth the energy to look it up.

    Has there been any mention before about a connection with the Darling family? If Jan is the widow Darling, then Jessica would be Rose’s granddaughter, right? Or considering the amorphous time-line confluence between Crank and FW, maybe John(?) Darling hasn’t been murdered yet.

  95. tallyHO
    November 4th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    I don’t have much to add today. I put up comments last night.

    But, I do want to point out that it is both impressive and disturbing to find out that For Better or For Worse exists in tandem with a searchable database.

    And, Hey! I say it is impressive. I’d like to be able to find an old Peanuts cartoon but I can’t find any mention of it online. Even though that is where I saw it!

    Maybe I can try here?

    Peppermint Patty is sitting under a tree and is talking about Charlie Brown’s Red Headed Girl. Patty didn’t really think she could be beautiful or something; she though Chuck was making too much out of Li’l Red Headed Girl’s looks.

    In the last panel, she admits she saw her and that Chuck was right, she is beautiful.

    Does that sound familiar?

  96. tallyHO
    November 4th, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @Shoebox (#87):

    So, the term “tart” is about the form factor and has nothing to do with taste?*

    I have never messed with pasteries, nut pies or things like that.

    Your description of this sounds sort of what I assume Pecan Pie filling is in ingredient form.

    *this is neither here nor there but I guess “tart” means at least four things. now, I will resist the urge to check on the word “tartan” to see if there is even a slender thread of a relation to “tart”.

  97. Inkwell
    November 4th, 2012 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    Feelin’ all happy on my birthday~

    Open up the newspaper~


  98. seismic-2
    November 4th, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#94): Quick, Jeff, get on the cell phone and let your brother-in-law know that he’s about to be murdered! Then give the phone to still-alive Lisa so that she can warn the Specialest Snowflake not to get on that airplane!

  99. erdmann
    November 4th, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#21): It also should be pointed out that there was never a book titled “Giant-Sized Atom.” For years, DC published “80-Page Giant” issues “100-Page Super-Spectacular” issues and 64-page “Giant” issues, but nothing titled “Giant-Sized.” Marvel, however, in the 1970s began publishing quarterly versions of several series using “Giant-Size” in the titles. Among them were “Giant-Size Spider-Man,” “Giant-Size Avengers,” the oh-so-valuable “Giant-Size X-Men” and the comic with the single greatest title ever — “Giant-Size Man-Thing.”

  100. seismic-2
    November 4th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @erdmann (#99): Yep, the main reason this comic existed was so that its purchasers could brag, “I have a Giant-Size Man-Thing! Don’t you wish you did?”

  101. Tom Batiuk
    November 4th, 2012 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#97): Happy birthday!
    Of course, you realize that now you are one day closer to death.

  102. Zaratustra
    November 4th, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    FW: “On the other hand, if I die without talking to her, she’ll be upset that she wasn’t keeping in touch! I need to spreadsheet this.”

  103. Peanut Gallery
    November 4th, 2012 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#68): Mmmm, looks good. I laughed at the “slim wedges, attractively garnished with fresh fruit” serving suggestion. Fine, if that’s what you want to tell yourself…

  104. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#103): I was reminded of the TV ad that shows a woman delicately consuming just one bite-sized piece of Dove chocolate. *snork*

  105. Ride Dem Haunches
    November 4th, 2012 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    Archie Just checked on line and I find that at Walmart I can get a 20lb sack of rice for $12 and an 8lb sack of dry pinto beans for $8.50. At the liquor store I can get a 1.75 liter bottle of vodka for $15. That leaves about $15 left! Ok! Make that two 1.75 liter bottles. Parteeee!

    It’s easy to live on $50 a week for groceries! Mr. Andrews could get fat on $50 a week!

    // Oh, wait…

  106. Poteet
    November 4th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#82): You think YOU feel filthy. I was wondering what kind of wood cleaner/polish it would take to…never mind, never mind, never mind.

  107. This Guy
    November 4th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#83): You realize, of course, that the very notion of “pecan pie without pecans” is a hideous crime against the natural order.

  108. commodorejohn
    November 4th, 2012 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @Ride Dem Haunches (#105): In a (slightly) more practical fashion, I live on ~$40-60/week grocery budget (not counting beer and mead,) but then I make no claims as to the healthiness of the diet (tuna casserole, hearty soup mixes with meat added, and pasta mixes with meat added. And Chinese take-out on grocery days, so’s I don’t have to cook.)

    Yeah, I’m a bachelor.

  109. Zerowolf
    November 4th, 2012 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    @Anachrosaurus (#77): Thanks for the mammaries….

  110. I speak Jive
    November 4th, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#12): “Pain in my leg. No doubt a tumor. I suppose I should get fitted for a prosthesis sometime in the next few days, to prepare.”

    No, no. no. “I suppose I should stock up on safety pins in the next few days, so I can prepare to pin up my pants leg.”

    @Calico (#67): Brown sugar Pop Tarts are still around. They are the only ones I liked when I was a child, and my son is the same way.

  111. Baka Gaijin
    November 4th, 2012 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#100): I have a giant-size man-thing. It can’t be shown on a comic book cover.

  112. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 4th, 2012 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#108): Mead, eh? That’s how you achieve that “fabled Odin-sleep”.

    // Vital to good health!

  113. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 4th, 2012 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#110): Brown sugar Pop Tarts are still around.

    My. At least with the others there are trace amounts of fruit in there. You can pretend it’s good for you.

    // Sugar cane is a kind of vegetable, right?

  114. Peanut Gallery
    November 4th, 2012 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#113):

    Sugar cane is a kind of vegetable, right?

    Of course! And don’t forget the chocolate Pop-Tarts. Chocolate is made from beans.

  115. I speak Jive
    November 4th, 2012 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#113): I don’t have any in the house at the moment to check the ingredients, but they probably contain high fructose corn syrup. Corn is a vegetable, right?
    The brown sugar ones now have frosting, which only increases the sugar count. I liked the plain (unfrosted) ones better.

  116. Droopy Says
    November 4th, 2012 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    The message in Sunday’s FW is clear, and Batiuk is poking fun at his critics for a reason. “Ha, you ComicCon attendees who ignored my greatness! Ha and ha again, you ‘mudges who expect me to tell consistent and interesting stories! I point out the flaws in other works, which others noticed many years ago, and I do it with two of my dullest and most unpleasant characters, to make mock of any reader who pays attention to my work!” The point of this strip is top help introduce Batiuk’s newest character, India “Gimpy” Inker, a cartoonist who lost a foot in a tragic shooting incident.

  117. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 4th, 2012 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#111): except when clowngirls are around. . .

  118. Dr. Weird
    November 4th, 2012 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

  119. bbofun
    November 4th, 2012 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#111):Just checking-does whatever knows fear burn at its touch? Or is it a moss-encrusted monstrosity? Because if it’s the latter, not the former, what you have there is a giant swamp thing, not a giant-size man -thing. Common mistake.

  120. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#21): This time, I think Alan Moore was beaten to the punch by, of all people, Fred Hembeck. They let him do a Marvel “What If…?” issue, which was narrated by The Watcher, and the tale concluded: “Remember: no matter which Earth a story takes place on, comic books are fiction. So speaks The Watcher!” (My brain may have paraphrased that, but so speaks Muffaroo!)

    @I speak Jive (#110): The trouble with Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts is they all seem to have frosting on them. Wretched, pukey frosting.

  121. bats :[
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:15 am [Reply]

  122. tallyHO
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#120):

    Not to quibble…

    well, okay, I just feel like quibbling.

    It is icing. Not frosting. Frosting has some fluff to it. Buttercream is frosting. That stuff that is on Pop Tarts or Little Debbie snack cakes or Hostess Fruit Pies is frosting.

    Yaaaahoooo! Frank discussion on snack foods! Yehaw! Thus Spoke, Twinkie the Kid.

    //ain’t apologizin’ to Hesse, eeder!

  123. tallyHO
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#122):

    That stuff that is on Pop Tarts or Little Debbie snack cakes or Hostess Fruit Pies is NOTfrosting.

    Now, I know there are snack food engineers who will disagree with me. Perhaps there are even seasoned chefs, like Sgt. Pepper, who would say that what I say is not so.

    But, frosting doesn’t set up like that. Cream Puffs. The stuff in Twinkies Snack Cakes is more frosting that that crunchy sugary gloss on Pop Tarts!

    Again, I know the pros will say otherwise but they are peddling processed food product.

  124. CanuckDownSouth
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    just to toss in my two bits about canuck food… butter tarts / sugar pie = great, *maple* syrup pie = *awesome*. Imagine a filling of maple syrup, brown sugar and eggs for binding – we had it with ice cream to cut the sweetness.

  125. bbofun
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    ASM- Unless Kraven’s next line is “Release the Kraken”, I’m leaving. In fact, even if it is…

    A3G- One of the nice things about the comics is that you get to use your imagination both to “voice” the characters, and to decide how they got from their position in, for example, panel 6-panel 7. I like to imagine Evan holding up one finger waggling it (and his head) back and forth and saying “Ah don’t THANK so!” like a woman on The Jerry Springer Show who’s just been told her husband is leaving her for her sister, before pulling Margo in for a kiss.

    DT- And thus the saga of Measles, the self-destructive crook, continues…
    (That panel of Measles and the Grim Reaper is UH-MAZ-ING!)

    FW- All comic-book nerdity aside (Horace Broon pretty much covered it) (although the “giving Superman a ring seemed ridiculous to the Guardians” story got a kick in the pants when DC had them give not just a ring, but their greatest power, the power of ION [non-comic book folks- DON'T ASK] to a Daxamite, which is pretty much a Kryptonian, but vulnerable to lead, instead of Kryptonite [repeat last bracketed instructions].)

    Crap, I got lost in asides. Where was i?

    Oh, yeah. The “400-lb. gorilla” is the thing that can do whatever it wants. The “elephant in the room” is something everyone knows is there, but no one talks about. the second kinda fits; the first does not. And they definitely aren’t opposing each other in any way.

    And, [puts pedantic comic-book nerd glasses on {like they ever REALLY come off! HAH!}]- IF YOU DON’T KNOW DAREDEVIL’S MARVEL , NOT DC, YOU SHOULDN’T BE ARGUING ABOUT ANY OF THIS!

    PHANTOM- The force is strong in this one.

    Plus- Is that Phantom’s usual purple costume? Is it waterproof and insulated? If so- it must be awfully hot and sticky to wear in the jungle. I don’t even want to think what it’s like when he takes it off. Oy!

    RMMD- In any other strip (well, not Judge Parker) 9or mary Worth) (or Spider-man) (okay, let me start again-)

    In stories in most media, this instant internet fame would be followed by a fall- probably connected to Rex’s involvement (innocent as it may be) with the illegal fund-raising parties with strippers). Here- nahhhhhh. It’s just going to allow poor Phoenix Reising to get the community behind her.

    Now, some of you may think it’s unlikely a news station in as large a city as San Diego would never waste time on this story, but let me tell you. I’ve lived in san Diego- my father still does. It has some of the WORST local news I’ve seen, certainly in a (fairly)major market. This is EXACTLY the sort of story they’d do a five-day SPECIAL REPORT on.

  126. bbofun
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    And since snack-cakes and comic books are all the rage, might I suggest Seanbaby’s Hostess page ( which pays tribute to the greatest weapons in a super-hero’s arsenal- HOSTESS FRUIT PIES & SNACK CAKES!

    Sorry, I not know how to link. Me stupid in computer-stuff. Someone else link better?

  127. bbofun
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    Oh- turned out it worked fine. Me no as stupid as me thought.

  128. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#123): The stuff on Pop-Tarts would more accurately be called a “glaze”, methinks. It’s like a hard candy shell that’s not as hard when you heat it in the toaster.

  129. bats :[
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#125): Next you’re going to tell me that Ron Burgundy is real…

  130. tallyHO
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#128):

    Yeah. I almost wrote that, too. But, my eyes glazed over at the thought that I might be wrong. Thanks.

    @bbofun (#125):

    And thus the saga of Measles, the self-destructive crook, continues…
    (That panel of Measles and the Grim Reaper is UH-MAZ-ING!)

    In trying to up the awesome: a disembodied voice says: FINISH HIM!

  131. tallyHO
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    It still says “Docton Handsome” up on the comment of the Week.

    Now, part of me (my eyes) sees that and says (in my head), Doctor Octogon?

    //And, if that (^ up there) doesn’t make any sense to anyone, I don’t blame ya.
    The kids would probably sum up encountering it by saying, “Random.”

    What makes that even sadder is I doubt even “the kids” know who Doctor Octogan is.

  132. Poteet
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    MW — Three pieces of bacon are a feast?

  133. Poteet
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    JP — Even allowing for the impacts of mining, that landscape does not look like any part of Pennsylvania I’ve ever seen. TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE is more like it. Are we sure we’re supposed to be in PA?

  134. tallyHO
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#126):

    I have seen that site before. Thanks for the reminder.

    Initially I saw this and wondered if Batman was in it but it turns out it is just a Baka nightmare..

    And, then I got to the last panel. Got kind of bummed out. Paced around for a bit.
    It isn’t funny. But, I guess if I don’t add any context to that panel and just take note that there were blueberry Fruit Pies? I don’t recall. But, I would be down with some blueberry pie. That’s the only redeeming part of the last panel.

    Weird coincidence.

  135. Poteet
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — He sees a kid running toward the bus and she’s close enough to allegedly toss her large instrument case in front of the bus and he still hasn’t stopped the bus? What state is he licensed in?

  136. Droopy Says
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#133): At one point JP showed Sam and Avarice driving pass a keystone-shaped road sign, so Pennsylvania is deduced from that. And if they weren’t in Pennsylvania when this arc began, remember that enough time has passed for continental drift to have moved them into the state.

  137. Brimstone
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    “Say, let’s check in to make sure that everyone in the Funkyverse still engages in desperate, anxious magical thinking in order to stave off the ever-looming spectre of death.”‘

    Everyone, everywhere does this. Read Ernest Becker’s ‘The Denial of Death’

  138. Droopy Says
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: Parker, be honest. When MJ showed you the shadow puppets, you looked around and tried to find the doggie and butterfly, didn’t you?

    Flunky Whatawaste: Since we aren’t supposed to expect anything funny in the comics, I propose that Batiuk change his “gag-a-day” claim to “gag-a-maggot.”

    Jugs Parker: Yeah, Sam, follow Bea. If we’re lucky she’ll do something unexpected, like tell Avery she’s gay. Otherwise hurry up and get your undeserved reward, so we can end this arc.

    Mock Trail: Since Otto is such a nice guy, I expect Trail to join forces with him, deploy the Fists o’ Justice against the thugs on the Big Island, and turn he islands into an ecotourist destination. Then forget to write an article about it for Editorbillellis.

    Family Circus: Thank you for the nightmare fuel, Oedipus Keane.

    Pluggers: No, many people use laundry lines to dry their clothes. It’s an envirnomentally-friendly way to reduce your carbon footprint, get some fresh air and exercise, make a contribution to the strugle against global warming–wait! Where are you going? Pluggers can break the four minute mile when they need to buy a new drier with all the latest gimmicks.

    Zits, Grin & Bear It, Shoe and similar crap: Ha, ha, modern devices are a considerable annoyance. Go look at “On The Fastrack” for ways to joke about modern technology without seeming like a Luddite.

  139. tallyHO
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    Advertising Spider-Man* in meditations on good and evil and buying and stealing

    *he works in a grocery store

    Aqua Aquaman shilling for Blue Velva…no, wair. He’s shilling Twinkies…for The Man! In that groovy first panel that is the corporate versions of the Butcher, the Baker and the Candlestick Maker. Suits.

  140. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#106): I can’t decide whether to laugh or cringe…

  141. Baka Gaijin
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#117): Yup. And clown dogs and clowns and even especially evilscary jack-in-the-boxes.

    @bbofun (#119): It has no brain.

  142. yaoi huntress earth
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    FW: Who want to bet this week will either be a whine-fest about how comic books aren’t as light-hearted as he grew-up with or about “serious art” in comics.

  143. tallyHO
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    Go, Slylock Racer, Gooooo!

    At first it seems funny that Max is so much larger than usual. It looks even funnier when you realize that, yes, Max and Slylock are on a motor bike together chasing an armored car. And, Max, dear old Max, just happens to be sitting on Slylock’s tail, with a look of horror on his face. Or, is that a look that belies the thrill of the chase augmented by a vibrating, furry tail?

  144. Black Drazon
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    DT: “He won’t get far with those injuries. Let’s just let him die on the lawn instead of with dignity.”

  145. Girl Reporter
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Doesn’t Jeff, in fact, have a very good reason to call his sister today? Weren’t we just treated to a week of their mother falling prey to an internet con? Doesn’t that seem like something that close family needs to be aware of so that care can be taken of the elderly relative?

  146. Baka Gaijin
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:42 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#132): I thought you were exaggerating. Nope. Three limp slices of bacon and a plate of invisible, um, toast? Just what is that at Dawn’s right hand? And who serves bacon with a spoon?

  147. Baka Gaijin
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    I call Shenanigans on Zits. Pluggers would be gaping at the selection of mobile phones. Connie and Walt Zit, not so much.

  148. Droopy Says
    November 5th, 2012 at 4:35 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#147): Pluggers would never go near that phone shop. Instead they’d make a phone from string and tin cans, and congratulate themselves because “Pluggers don’t make the grandkids wait for calls.”

  149. Droopy Says
    November 5th, 2012 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    If Otto the Abductor gets any more inept, Mark Trail won’t need to escape. He’ll be able to con his way to freedom: “Otto, it has been a week now and you don’t have the money. That means you have to let me leave!”

  150. Dale
    November 5th, 2012 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#138):

    The only time we’ve seen Mark Trail do something to help the environment was when he picked up the gum wrapper. Aside from that, I think you’re right.

  151. Cloudbuster
    November 5th, 2012 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    A3G: From the ComicsKingdom comments: “Something’s off with the Margo art today. Weird.” …? How … how would one be able to tell such a thing?

  152. Cloudbuster
    November 5th, 2012 at 6:28 am [Reply]

    FW: What a witty and original comment.

  153. gleeb
    November 5th, 2012 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: You know, when a question is brought up often, like, “why does everyone in town work at the same lousy pizza joint?” sometimes there’s a valid point being made.

    Mary: Wilbur takes such joy in eating that he even welcomes Dawn’s three strips of bacon on a culture of agar.

    Dick: He had two people helping him, and Tracy still couldn’t kill Measles? Maybe it’s time to look at retirement.

  154. Droopy Says
    November 5th, 2012 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#153): Remember, Dick Tracy got shot in the arm recently, so his game is off. I’m sure he’ll do better the next time he has to kill someone.

  155. Mr. O'Malley
    November 5th, 2012 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#132): Depending on your diet, three pieces of bacon could be a feast.

    And hash browns, woohoo!

    Oh well, rice cakes for dinner. Four pounds of rice cakes to make the carbs/fat ratio come out right for the day.

  156. Shoebox
    November 5th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#96): Yes, exactly. They taste pretty much like how you’d expect creme brulee topping to taste, were it to be liquefied and served in a flaky pastry shell.

    I have never made/eaten a pecan pie, but a quick check on Teh Google suggests you’re right about the similar recipes as well. Only with butter tarts there’s more pastry, hence probably more decadence, per bite.

  157. word-doctor
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Archie: “I sent you 400 bucks/So you could buy some car….”

  158. BRWombat
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Oh my — it just hit me that the whole “Josh reads the comics so you don’t have to” is a shameless lie. Before frequenting the Comics Curmudgeon, I NEVER used to read Mary Worth, Judge Parker, Apartment 3-G, Gil Thorp, or a host of others, but now I’m hooked on them! Hooked ironically, of course, but still. Curse you, Josh! CURSE YOU!!!

  159. fil
    November 5th, 2012 at 8:30 pm [Reply]


  160. Anonymous
    November 5th, 2012 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    Josh is FAR too inured to Tom Batiuk’s “comic” world. That Crankshaft ( is going to make any normal person go, “God, what the hell happened to that guy? Is that a parody or something?” There needs to be a Moh scale of bleakness. Can erode nerves. Can scratch souls. Is Crankshaft.

  161. Marion Delgado
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    Josh is FAR too inured to Tom Batiuk’s “comic” world. That Crankshaft ( is going to make any normal person go, “God, what the hell happened to that guy? Is that a parody or something?” There needs to be a Moh scale of bleakness. Can erode nerves. Can scratch souls. Is Crankshaft.

  162. SugarShack
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Indichik (#42): Are you kidding me?! Butter tarts are delicious! My Mom used to make a batch and hide them in the freezer. We kids would sneak them one by one because they’re even better semi- frozen. Maybe they are only popular in Canada?

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