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Soapy Tuesday

Mark Trail, 11/6/12

So, everyone, quick poll: did Bill figure out a good way to tell Mark’s wife Cherry? I mean, what would sort of explanation would you prefer if your spouse had been kidnapped by an oddly jovial group of Caribbean pirates and was being held for ransom? Would you like some softening up first, like “Hey, Cherry, remember your neglectful husband who’s always running off and refusing to satisfy you sexually? It’d be pretty great if he got kidnapped, right?” Or would prefer it if Bill just straight-up told you what happened, even though he knows he’ll have to withstand a terrifying eye close-up? I like the latter approach, personally, though it’ll quickly flip from “good way to tell my wife Cherry” to “bad way to tell my wife Cherry” if Bill follows up with “So, uh, do you have $2 million you can lay your hands on pretty fast to pay the ransom? I mean the corporate yacht is worth more than that, but you wouldn’t believe the paperwork hoops I’d have to jump through if I went down that route.”

Dick Tracy, 11/6/12

Dick Tracy insane violence update! Sadly, Measles appears to have escaped his horrible ordeal without having been blinded or even suffering any visible scarring. Still, he’s now considering doping himself with some kind of crazy anesthetic patches that will allow him to not feel any of Dick’s bullets tearing into his body, and will therefore be able to fight until his body simply stops functioning. This is certainly promising!

Apartment 3-G, 11/6/12

“Margo Magee, you never cease to amaze me! It’s almost as if you’re not just indifferent to running a publicity agency, but are actively trying to alienate all your clients so as to bankrupt yourself as quickly as possible!”

IMPORTANT NOTE: Would you like to talk about today’s U.S. presidential election? Probably, as it is an important and exciting event, that is happening today! If that’s your thing, go on over to the post that I have created for this purpose. Please keep the comments on this post focused on the comics and the rest of the usual fun nonsense. Thanks!

141 responses to “Soapy Tuesday”

  1. lorne
    November 6th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    That witch broke my collarbone with her ax! My face is burning!
    Of course the only visible manifestation of my broken collarbone and burning face is a slight shakiness in my gun hand.
    Ooh. Pain patches.

  2. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    November 6th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Would you like to talk about today’s U.S. presidential election?

    I’d rather talk about the presidential election going on inside my head: Mary Worth vs. Margo McGee.

  3. Lurker Bob
    November 6th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    MT: Cherry’s expression reminds me of this:

    How about you?

  4. Lurker Bob
    November 6th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    AG3 – Margo: “There are plenty of pretty girls with big ideas and tiny talents.” Hello pot, I am kettle…except for the “pretty” part.

  5. Vanya
    November 6th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    9CL: The odd thing about the rampant sexuality on display here is that Amos is actually playing the 5th movement of Messiaen’s “Quartet for the End of Time”.

  6. LP2004
    November 6th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @Vanya (#5): I haven’t listened to that piece in a long time, but it’s now playing on my iPod. Thanks for the reminder.

  7. seismic-2
    November 6th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    FW: Translation: “The Pulitzer Prizes didn’t come until later. And I’m still waiting for mine, you beefwit awards committee. Just sayin’.”

    MW: “Dawn, you really can whip up a mighty fine-tasting pan of orange pig slop! You’ll make some glutton who’ll eat absolutely anything a great wife some day! Are you, um, seeing anyone? Because if you’re not, I was thinking that maybe you and I could… um, you know, maybe share some real Dad-daughter quality time by going kite flying or something, and…”

    JP: “I’d be doing you a ‘great service’? A great service??? You mean you aren’t even going to give me a lousy boat?”

  8. Inspector Butterflyfish, LFHD
    November 6th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    MT: Even worse, Cherry just got her mascara the way she likes. Don’t cry, Cherry! Someone might chain you to a log!

  9. Chareth Cutestory
    November 6th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    A3G: Ouch, it must be painful to work at a publicity agency and have your neck elongated then compressed each time you fire a client.

  10. Pozzo
    November 6th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Wow, the “Dick Tracy” folks make “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” look like “Winnie the Pooh.”

  11. gleeb
    November 6th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    I pledge my vote to whomever can keep my comments from being eaten.

    That said, I think thirsty isn’t a Bumstead man because of an overemphasis on cold cuts rather than beer. Also, I had forgotten that Measles is an opioid addict and will have a painful and ironic death. And I suspect the solution to the riddle of Slylock Fox involves M. le Comte, mad science, and forced anthropomorphism. I agree with an above comment that this is Batiuk’s deliciously comic “those fools on the Pulitzer committee” speech. Lastly, the miners in The Phantom have some good points and these minerals could turn Bangalla into the next Botswana. So it’s probably a hypnotized lion covering up their smuggling ring or mine-salting fraud.

  12. Liam
    November 6th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    A3G-”Margo Magee, you never cease to amaze me at how bad of a publicist you are.”

    Spiderman-Just keep reminding yourself, Peter, that this is all just a show Kraven is rehearsing.

    Gil Thorp-”Soon we shall ‘Carrie’ him.”

    MT-Again? Can you be over at eight? I’ll wear that outfit you like. You know the one with the. And the.

    MW-The food has changed color. Yesterday it was white stuff. Now it is orange stuff.

    MW 2-At the moment I’m seeing a balding fat man with an unhealthy love for sandwiches.

    Pluggers-Except for that time in the Sixties when they were against duty for their country. Of course if you ask them about it today they will deny everything and say they were for their country the entire time.

    RMMD-”Yeah but this is San Diego. Our doctors here still prescribe leeches and amputations.”

  13. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    November 6th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    FW: More fun with the fat pervert!

    Luann: It remains unclear as to what Greg Evans’ purpose is here…

    Retail: This is one of those things that comes back to bite you in the ass once the truth is discovered…

  14. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 6th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Frazz: stealing jokes from Beavis & Butthead.

    A&J: LOL!

    Lio: wow. there’s a game I haven’t thought of in decades.

    Mutts: d’awwwwwww.

    6Cx: “you knew when you married me that I was not Prince Faithful.”

    wow. most of today’s strips belong in the other thread. *shrug*

  15. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 6th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . instead of his usual self.

  16. pugfuggly
    November 6th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    MT Is this the kind of shot where we pan away to reveal that Cherry is actually smiling in the creepiest way possible? That she’s the one behind this whole caper and that she’ll use her cut of the $2 million to run away to Hawaii with Roger the local Fly-tier? Probably not, but that’d be cool…

    DT I never thought I’d be able to quit sadomasochism, but the I found Pain Patches (TM)!

  17. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 6th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#13):

    Luann: It remains unclear as to what Greg Evans’ purpose is here…

    To stall for time while he decides how to wrap up the “I con. But I con smart … This is Ann Eiffel.” storyline.

  18. Doctor Handsome
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Cherry can’t hear Bill, since he’s talking into a souvenir antique phone that’s among the tchotchkes on the desk. To try to hear him better, she shoves her face up to the webcam and shouts, “WHAT?” This interaction is sure to be featured on some sort of SkypeFAIL Tumblr.

  19. LP2004
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    MT: “Hello, Cherry, this is Bill. Mark’s been kidnapped!

    WHAT? Those bastards! I paid to have him killed!”

  20. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    loldog 4 True Fable.

    motorboating, doin it ever so rong.

    meanwhile, early in the Universe. (4 the geeks, so moe!)

    ikkle fert, zonked out.

    for Richard Thompson.

    corgi eyes, you know the drill.

    First Corgi of Cali.

  21. Marc
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    9CL- I’d ask if there were really no better rerruns for them to toss out there this week than “Dweeby, oversexed losers are turned on by everything”, but then I remember that is the premise of the whole strip.

    A3G- It would seem that you need her Margo. I mean besides her, your only other client is Greg Whatshisface. And he hasn’t worked yet, he’s been out spending all his time cavorting with Lu Ann. So you’re not exactly playing with a deep bench here.

    Mark Trail- Cherry is shocked because Elrod promised her that it was her turn to be kidnapped this story arc.

    Mary Worth- Oh great, now we get to hear Dawn rehash to Wilbur, the same exact things we just heard her tell Mary for the next week or two. But instead of Mary’s unrelenting boringness, we’re going to be subjected to Wilbur’s never ceasing creepiness.

    Funky- Well, we’re in for a smug week of Batiuk explaining why his work is so superior to everything else out there and how moronic the Pulitzer committee is.

    Luann- He should have pulled the chair out from under that bitch. I would have.

    Snuffy- Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

  22. Oregonian
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    DT: Is Measles reaching for a Fentanyl patch? If so, getting an axe through his collarbone will now be only the second-worst thing that happened to him today.

  23. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    If Dawn Had Friends. . . .
    “So, um, you guys, my dad, like, asked me last night if I had a boyfriend.”
    “Ugh. Hate that.”
    “So, like, what did you say?”
    “I was just all, ‘Um . . . no.’”
    “You’re afraid to tell him about Jim?”
    “No, she’s afraid he’s going to get all, like, ‘Ask Wendy’ on her.”
    “‘Ask Wendy’? Dawn’s dad?”
    “Um, there’s something I have to, like, tell you guys. Like, seriously.”
    “Okay. . . .”
    “My dad is, like, well, he is ‘Ask Wendy.’”
    “No way.”
    “You’re fucking with us!”
    “No, really. That’s his job–or was his job.”
    “Oh, wow, Dawn. . . .”

  24. TheDiva
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    A3G: Yes, but the trick is finding the right pretty girl with big ideas and tiny talent. Even Hollywood has a saturation limit on them.

    MT: Cherry’s expression is less “Oh no, my husband is in danger and I might never see him again!” and more “Ewww, what did that idiot Rusty drag in from the woods THIS time?”

  25. The Ghost of Jarrod
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    JP – Oh, come on. Of course Bea will want Avery around. If not, Avery will just use his incredible negotiating skills, which primarily involve throwing money at someone until they agree with him.

    MT – I just thank God that Bill told Cherry, not Rusty.

  26. Downpuppy
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Let’s take a minute to remember the orphan plots & missing characters dangling out there, like Rusty with a fishing pole:

    Luann & Quill & TJ & Ann Eiffel
    Peaches & Abby
    Crazy Steve the line coach in Gil Thorp
    Ask Wendy
    The lake party in QC
    Moon Maid

    OK, now back to staring at A3G & quietly muttering “What the fuck is going on here?”

  27. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    9CL – Yesterday’s and today’s strips are made 100x worse when you realize that Amos just played the Brown Note.

  28. Greg
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    MT: “Hello, Cherry, this is Bill–” “Oh, hi, Bill! How are–?” “Shut up and listen a minute, will you? Mark has been kidnapped!” “What?” I SAID MARK HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED! Jeesh, what a dumb broad.” “MY EYES!!”

  29. Doctor Handsome
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    You know a comic strip is gnarly when the first panel is, “witch broke collarbone with axe,” and then shit turns dark.

  30. Downpuppy
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#26): and I forgot the house full of strippers! It is a terrible thing to waste your mind.

  31. TheDiva
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    9CL: I get the subtle impression that Brooke McEldowney finds the performance of classical music to be erotic. Maybe it’s just me.

    C’shaft: Our reaction to this is supposed to be skin-crawling repulsion and horror, right?

    FW: “No, the Pulitzer Prize was only invented when there were serious artists who truly deserved it by tackling serious issues which deserved major awards! Now shut up, the author mouthpiece adult is talking!”

    MW: I don’t know what Dawn made for dinner, but it’s already starting to oxydize.

    SM: Yeesh, looks like anyone can just wander into the Dangerous Wild Animal Show rehearsal! Next thing you know a couple of tourists from Texas are going to come through trying to find their way back to the Ghostbusters slots.

  32. Doug Puthoff
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean–More information about the history of comics can be found on the Internet.

  33. Patrick
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    “Hello, Cherry? This is Bill. I’m calling to let you know that I’ve finally managed to match my glasses to my phone. Thank goodness!”

  34. FafMor7
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy could be further improved if tomorrow Measles discovers that “Pain Patches” don’t relieve pain, but rather, inflict it! But I’m still holding out hope for some disease-inflicted demise – perhaps the bandaids weren’t sterilized, but rather sneezed on by Typhoid Mary?

  35. Leonard
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    FW: I think we should petition Pearls for a Pulitzer. Pastis just needs to revive Masky McDeath.

  36. Dr. P and the Women
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Rex is taking an incredibly long time to weigh the merits of reminding people about CPR vs. getting back to the crab shack. An inappropriately long time. And you can tell it’s not just humility and not wanting to be famous, he’s just already bored and hungry. Rex Morgan MD, a hero for our times!

    A3G: You’ll be even more amazed when Margo unhinges her jaw and swallows you whole like an anaconda, Evan. You think you’re her first assistant?

    MT: Well this storyline is certainly getting interes-TOO CLOSE, TOO CLOSE!

  37. Liam
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    MT-”I’m hoping that my friend will open with a joke followed by easing into telling Cherry I’ve been kidnapped or using euphemisms to saying that I’ve been kidnapped.”

    Crankshaft-”And I can’t believe the little Brady girl is still alive after I ran her over.”

    FW-Now I shall spend a week telling you the history of something that no one really cares about to avoid explaining why we aren’t funny.

  38. Liam
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    RMMD-”Rex, most of our doctors here think San Diego means “a whale’s vagina”.

  39. Horace Broon
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    FW: Puck was just a rip-off of Punch! Fight the Americanisation of comic history! (The first magazine entirely consisting of comic strips was The Glasgow Looking-Glass in 1825, at least according to a BBC Scotland documentary last year.)

    RMMD: If there’s one thing Rex hates more than talking to the press, it’s being told he’s “performing a great service” by doing so.

    S4th: “So, it’s agreed, we don’t want to see your family at Thanksgiving, and we don’t want to see my family at Christmas. Now help me brick up this doorway!”

  40. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#37):

    using euphemisms to saying that I’ve been kidnapped.”

    “Cherry, Mark left the yacht to go hang out on a tropical island with Andy, an old man, and a bikini-clad widow.”

  41. Liam
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#40):
    Is the bikini clad widow prettier than me?

  42. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Smirky – And here we have a couple of ordinary folk engaged in a simple infodump. But let us go down the street, past the butcher and a customer having a detailed discussion on how meat is cured, and listen in on the spontaneous clinic on the science of heating and air conditioning that has just started.

    love is… …bringing a Sharpie over to play “connect the dots.”

  43. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Mark – It’s these little touches that make the strip great. Bill breaks the news gently by blurting it out in the first sentence, and Cherry, judging from the reflections in her eyes, already has her hands full watching the flames that were once her house. By the way, Cherry, you also have cancer!

    Mary – For the second day, Wilbur seems to be eating right out of the serving dish. Or cat box, or ant farm, or whatever the hell that is.

  44. Mibbitmaker
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    DT: And here, I thought we’d finally be spared of seeing any more of Measles’ gross forehead! DT sadism is directed at the reader this time.

    MT: Bad close-up! Still, better Cherry’s eyes than Measles’ forehead!

    A3G: Margo is a really bad publicist — for herself! With her ego, I wouldn’t have expected that. I had her figured as more of a “who cares if my clients succeed? I just help them greatly so that I look good!” kind of publicist.
    Maybe she is that kind of publicist, just really bad at it.

  45. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#y209): I’m guessing that would be this one. Schulz’s characters had credibility. He didn’t shy away from bad moments, and he didn’t just dump bathos all over them for the sake of a heavy-handed message.

    @Droopy Says (#y217): I think that was “Malibu U,” or maybe “Scene 70.” One of the summer replacement shows that did one season each. I don’t have to look up the video, because it’s on my computer. (And Bob Denver’s “Ho, Daddy” number is on my iPod.)

    Josh – [Peter Graves voice] “Billy, would you like to talk about today’s U.S. presidential election?” [/Peter]

    @Leonard (#35): I think we should petition Pearls for a Pulitzer.
    [Jim Morrison voice] “YOU CANNOT PETITION PEARLS FOR A PULITZER!!” [/Jim]

  46. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Peter shouldn’t act until he knows if that’s Fiona or Leona.

    Apt. 3-G: But Margo! She has huuuuge tracts of land!

    9 Chickweed Lane: Last night, I figured out that 9CL has only one joke: fine arts turns people into perverts. This morning I work out that this joke – in all its many iterations – is the only way Brooke McEldowney gets any. At this rate, I’ll have caught on to Andy Capp not being funny just in time to retire and become its core readership.

    Dennis the Menace: Mr. Wilson, as it turns out, is hiding a dark secret about how he came to this country from the Ukraine in 1946, a secret his little pal’s candidacy could expose. Never mind that Mr. Wilson will be 105 by the time Dennis is eligible to run for President. This is a risk he can’t afford.

    Judge Parker: Bubba, Avery just bought you off convinced you to go into energy farming with him and bribed Sam into going on this ill-advised trout expedition. You think he’s going to let a little thing like consent get in the way of his courtship of Bea?

    Mark Trail: The flames reflected in Cherry’s eyes tell me it’s too late for Lost Forest. Her grief and jealousy have already consigned Doc and Rusty to a fiery death. Not that the kid really had any options in the first place.

    Mary Worth: Wilbur, I’m drinking an opaque, colorless liquid and eating orange glop with you. I spent today baking white shit with a retiree. My social life is deader than Snooki’s so-called career. How about a round of pinochle after dinner?

  47. Austria
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    BB: I bet he’d like your “cookies,” Beetle.

    H&L: The irony of a character from Hi and Lois lamenting that there are “no good cartoon characters” running for President, when Rat has been doing so for the past week, is just sickening.

    MW: “This is quite a feast!” said Wilbur, with his empty plate.

  48. Liam
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    A3G-And by big ideas I mean big breasts.

  49. Doctor Handsome
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Margo’s like Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada without all the influence and valid credit cards, but with a drier vagina.

  50. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#23): Adding a note of realism to your dialogue:

    “I am so putting this on Facebook.”

  51. bats :[
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

  52. Liam
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    MW-Mmmh. Orange shapeless lumps Wilbur’s favorite.

  53. Francisco Arrowroot
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    I imagine that Mark has been hoping someone would find a good way to tell his wife Cherry for years. He probably just never expected it to be about his kidnapping.

  54. steverino
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    I rarely laugh, even at comics that are supposed to be funny. Today’s Mark Trail, though, had me laughing out loud. Unfortunately I’m at work, but they’ll understand when I show them. Won’t they?

  55. bats :[
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

  56. Calico
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Lurker Bob (#3):
    Reminds me of the Paramount “Closet Killer” ID’s from the 60′s and 70′s.

  57. Droopy Says
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#45): I remember Nimoy singing producing vocal sounds about “the bravest little hobbit of them all” while on a beach with some Beach Blanket Bingo clones, so “Malibu U” may have been the show’s title. I’ll actually welcome proof that I’m wrong about this. The show wasn’t as bad as “The King Family,” but thinking about it makes me understand why so many people claim they can’t remember the Sixties.

  58. Calico
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Oh, and Cherry in panel 3 reminds me of this

  59. Calico
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#43):
    Maybe Dawn and Mary will make kitty litter cake for Wilbur, as a special treat.

  60. Mibbitmaker
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    FW: So Batty’s swapped preaching (Monday’s presumption) for teaching (today’s) this week. I wish I could say it was an improvement! Also, the man was a teacher, and today proves that he wasn’t a very good one (or at least not a very engaging one).

    Glibporn: “If Batiuk can be pretentious, then I can certainly go the depressing route! Take that, turf-encroacher!”

    RMMD: “Oh, must I?!” (Best “heard” in a Crow T. Robot ‘sarcastic elitist’ voice)

    Lions and tigers and bores, OH MY!
    Lions and tigers and bores, OH MY!
    Lions and tigers and bores, OH MY!….

    ZtP: That’s “garage band surf rock”? Obviously Griffy’s never heard the real thing. Get that man some Dick Dale, stat!
    Now that’s surf rock, pinhead-drawer!

  61. catondan
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Rex’s baffled expression shows he is thinking, “What is wrong with this woman’s skin? It’s darker than everyone else’s I have ever met. She should see a doctor.”

  62. Chip Whittle
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    I trust everyone is at least as horrified as I am by whatever Leroy Lockhorn has been doing that’s got him walking out of the voting booth while stroking his chest and smiling like Brooke McEldowney?

  63. This Guy
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    H&J: In celebration of our longstanding tradition of representative government–government of the people, by the people, and for the people–please enjoy this quote from an emperor.

  64. Baka Gaijin
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#Y215): Brown streaks on the video screen.

  65. Inspector Butterflyfish, LFHD
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#60): There simply has to have been a Zippy at some point where he’s screaming “PAPA-OOMA-MOW-MOW! PAPA-OOMA-MOW-MOW! PAPA-OOMA-MOW-MOW!!!” in at least one if not all three panels.

  66. ReFlex76
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Well, now we know what turns Crystal on.

  67. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#47):

    Well, Dagwood is also running…wait, they said GOOD cartoon characters, didn’t they?

    Dagwood today revealed himself to be a tool of corporate interests. He’s owned by Big….um, whatever Mr. Dithers’ company does! I think it was supposed to be a construction firm, maybe? So, in other words, he’s like every other candidate, ever.

  68. Illustrator Steve
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    MT – “HELLO, Cherry, this is Bill…”
    “Hi Bill, I can’t talk right now, Rusty brought home a giant beaver and it just crapped all over my new indian blanket! Here, talk with Doc while I get that horrible smelly creature outside where it belongs…and then I’ll send the giant beaver outside too!”
    “HELLO, Doc, this is Bill….Bill Ellis, I said BILL ELLIS! You remember? BILL ELLIS! I am calling to let you know that Mark has been KIDNAPPED and you need to send me two million dollars! Hello? Hello, Doc?”
    (Doc): “NO! He’s probably outside!”

  69. ReFlex76
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#21): Why yes, Crystal and Knute do make a cute couple!

  70. Chip Whittle
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Also, I’m grooving on Count Weirdly’s style today. Harassing a terrified bear by swooping in on a giant mosquito while wearing only your nightshirt: he’s still got it.

  71. Will
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    H&L: That was an uncalled for slam against Dagwood Bumstead’s Presidential Campaign.
    MT: I approve of the rip-the-bandaid-off approach to delivering bad news.
    SFx: I really do admire Count Weirdly’s dedication to being insane. When he’s not building flying cars and time machines to perpetrate his little frauds, he’s genetically engineering mosquitoes the size of a Cessna.

  72. Illustrator Steve
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    MT – “I hope my friend figures out a good way to tell my wife Cherry!”
    “I don’t understand why you Americans find it nessessary to figure out a good way to tell people things. In our little village we simply use a phone to call them. Of course since our little village is so very poor we always place our long distance calls collect, though no one has ever accepted our collect calls. This is why none of us have ever left this little village. Welcome to Limbo, Mark!”

  73. Dale
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]


    Bill should have asked Kelly to call Cherry.

    Where is Bill? Cherry will fly to wherever he is.
    Will they get legal advice? Approach the State Department or any type of government agency?
    Finally, will they hire some A-team types or go back with the ransom money which they don’t have a chance of raising?

    By the way, without a comma between “wife” and “Cherry”, Mark has more than one wife.

  74. Bill Peschel
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Leonard (#35): I think we should petition Pearls for a Pulitzer.
    [Jim Morrison voice] “YOU CANNOT PETITION PEARLS FOR A PULITZER!!” [/Jim]

    OK, this made me bark a laugh and scared the cat on my office chair.

    Now, I’m no Luann fan, but Crystal’s confusion over letting someone do something for her is sweet. A strip in which young people confront the oddities of contemporary life would be far more interesting than the usual story loops we get.

  75. Illustrator Steve
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    MT – “I hope my friend figures out a good way to tell my wife Cherry!”
    “Yes, Mark, it is very important for your friend to be extremely tackful in his approach to the subject of your being kidnapped. After all, being insensitive could shock your wife into having a heart attack or stroke, or even dropping dead from hearing such a thing. I am sure your friend must have enough common sense when it comes to things like this.”
    “My friend has plenty of common sense, Pop. It’s the words that Jack Elrod may choose to put in my friend Bill’s word balloon that I am worryed about! With Elrod’s pea brain he could have Bill saying something so shocking it could turn Cherry into STONE!…some stupid thing like, ‘HELLO, Cherry? This is Bill…MARK’S BEEN KIDNAPPED!’ No, Pop, Seriously, I ain’t kidding. It could turn her into STONE!”

  76. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#75):

    Actually, if you assume Cherry is stoned in the final panel, it does make a lot more sense.

  77. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#73):

    Before a shave, haircut, & extensive deprogramming, Mark Trail was known as “The Master” of “Manos” fame. Even after all these years, he sometimes forgets that he no longer has six wives, hence the lack of a comma.

    This also explains his hatred of all facial-haired people. They remind him of Torgo.

  78. McPerson
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Wow, if you put the word “friend” in quotes and take it out of context, panel 1 of today’s Mark Trail takes on a whole new meaning.

  79. Marion Delgado
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply] <== Cherry

    Also, Momma's senile. *chuckle*.

  80. terrapin
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    FW: Actually, the fact that this kid knows about the Pulitzer Prize restores my faith in the public school system a little.

    MT: Where’s a sharp stick when you need one?

  81. tallyHO
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#70):

    It presents Weirdly as being beautifully insane.

    The only thing that would make the cartoon better is a 3D version that works with red/blue glasses.

    Poster art, Weber! Test the waters! You don’t have to explain it or provide a gagline. Just keep drawing funny pictures!

  82. Mikey
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: Is it just me or does “pops” bear a striking resemblence to Fran Tarkenton?

  83. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#80):

    Re: FW – The kid has only heard of the Pulitzer Prize because of his English teacher’s insistence on lecturing about it for a week every year, and on having an empty frame hung behind his desk with an I.O.U. sticky note attached.

  84. Shrug, Arbitration of Appearances
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#40): @Liam (#41):

    ““Cherry, Mark left the yacht to go hang out on a tropical island with Andy, an old man, and a bikini-clad widow.”
    “WHAT?!“ ”

    “Is the bikini clad widow prettier than me?”

    Yes, and so is Andy. Cherry still has beauty edge vis a vis the old man, though.

  85. Shrug, Palaverer with Pain-Patching Punks
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Measles is outraged that Gertie’s axe only broke his collarbone. He had been hoping it would cut his arm off altogether. If you have only one arm, you can always get a good job in one of today’s comic strips. A mere broken collarbone and hideous skin condition, not so much.

  86. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#80): FW — He’s probably confusing it with the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Prize.

  87. Doyle
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Peschel (#74): I know right? Those feminists have changed modern life so much that kids these days are completely ignorant of things like “courtesy” or “manners.” Nice girls like Crystal don’t know what it is like for a man to hold open a door for her and help her into her chair at restaurants. On the other hand, sexy girls are getting uppity. Sexy manager Ann Eiffel thinks it’s fair to ask her employee to work during his shift instead of eating food with his virgin girlfriend. She must be punished by TJ bothering her with his zany schemes and attempting to get her fired. Resident sloot Tiffany feels that wearing skirts and showing her midriff isn’t an invitation to sexual harassment and bullying. Ha! She must be shamed by nice girl Crystal so that she knows she deserves any ill-treatment that comes her way.

    I admire Greg Evens for tackling these important feminist issues. What’s next?
    * A gentleman should open your car door for you before getting into the driver’s seat
    * Don’t have any mechanical skills? It’s okay if your boyfriend helps you fix your bicycle
    * Men have more muscles, so don’t feel bad when a man carries moderately heavy boxes for you
    * Women should be comfortable enough to make sandwiches for their man. The kitchen isn’t a bad place.
    * Men are good at thinking, and women are good at emotion-ing
    * Women get free drinks at bars, what!

  88. Anonymous
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#82): That’s Incredible!

  89. Shrug, Chatterer to Chief Executives
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Lupin The 3.1415926th (#67):

    Not only are Dagwood Bumstead and Rat “running” for president, so is drooling idiot grandfather in THE BRILLIANT MIND OF EDISON LEE, my least favorite comic in my deadtree paper.

  90. Snarkotix Addict
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Hello, Cherry, this is Bill. Mark’s on the roof, and we can’t get him down.”

  91. Austria
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Lupin The 3.1415926th (#67): I was going to go with Dagwood at first, but then I noticed the “good” and realized Rat’s campaign would fit a whole lot better with the snark. Either way I’d rather read Blondie than H&L.

  92. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Doyle (#87):

    * If your lazy roommate is embarassed by his attractive female boss, go to work for her until you can come up with three recorded sentences that you can stitch together out-of-context. Then sit on the couch and laugh with your roommate about the degrading sexual acts you plan to force her to perform, and about how you won’t actually enjoy said sex acts because – ewwww! girls!

  93. hogenmogen
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Evan: Margo Magee, you never cease to amaze me! (puts his arm around her)

    Evan: That WITCH broke my collarbone with her axe! My face is burning!

  94. hogenmogen
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    MT: Yes, Bill did find a good way to tell Cherry. By phone! One of those new-fangled gizmos will allow you to speak with a person over long distances! Will ya look at that folks? Amazing!

  95. Paul1963
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “Hello, Cherry? This is Bill….Mark’s on the roof, and we can’t get him down…”

  96. S. Stout
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Knute is suddenly a gentleman after never doing anything of the sort for years and years. Looks like his father finally taught him how to get laid since he refuses to give up the 90′s skateboarder look.

  97. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 6th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#50): Hee—you’re quite right! My “If Dawn Had Friends” scenarios have been lacking that essential social-networking component!

  98. Gringo
    November 6th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Just learned today that McElClowney is a native of West Virginia. Knowing that explains why “overcompensation” is the best word to explain his pedantic vocabulary and attitude.

    / Former Mountaineer myself

  99. Marthas Rolling Pin
    November 6th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#98): Naw, can’t be. If he was, he’d have to be named Creeke McEldowney.

  100. Shrug, Vocalizer to Victims
    November 6th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Bill in MT: “This is editor Bill — am I speaking to the Widow Trail?”

    Cherry: “Er, my name is Trail, but I’m not a widow.”

    Bill: “Whoops — I was planning to have his conversation next week, but I misread the notes in my day planner. So, never mind, I’ll call you back then.”

    // Hangs up, then muses: “Damn! Forgot to ask her if I can have Mark’s hiking boots!”

  101. tallyHO
    November 6th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Paul1963 (#95):


    /Cletus, the slack jawed yokel

  102. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 6th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#99):

    Pronounced “crick”, of course.

  103. Liam
    November 6th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    MT-So are they going to assign Mark a number or are will they let him keep his name?

  104. Gringo
    November 6th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#99): Like McElClowney, avant-garde composer George Crumb is also a native of West By God Virginia. Says something that Crumb is the more personable, down-to-earth part of that pairing.

  105. Marthas Rolling Pin
    November 6th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#104): So can we someday look forward to the sight/sound of Edda and Amos playing their respective instruments while wearing whale head masks?

  106. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 6th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    A3G— So what you’re saying, Margo, is that you aren’t interested in creating any more Kardashians? Bravo!

  107. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 6th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#106):

    No, Bravo! is where you will find the Real Housewives. E! is where the Kardashians roost.

  108. pepperjackcandy
    November 6th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    The first panel of Dick Tracy makes it sound like breaking his collarbone set his face on fire.

    So instead of marrow, his bones are apparently filled with something that ignites on contact with air. Good to know.

  109. Liam
    November 6th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    DT-These Pain Patches will ensure that I’m in constant pain.

  110. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 6th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#60): Dick Dale? What about the Trashmen?

  111. DaveP
    November 6th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    Hoping for a good way to tell Cherry:
    I was thinking:
    “Hey, Cherry, your husband is dead! Ha ha, just kidding. He was actually kidnapped. Doesn’t sound so bad now, does it?”

  112. Jim in Wisc.
    November 6th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worthless, Panel 1: Wilbur is just shoveling the orange glop down his gaping maw with the serving spoon.

  113. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 6th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#13): I’m guessing it’s a round of bashing straw feminists – always good for a hearty HAR! HAR! sort of laugh.

    //Seriously, that “joke” was old when it was created, and this sort of humor has gone from being mere stale to so old and moldy that it crumbles when you touch it.

  114. Marc
    November 6th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#105): Or better yet, while being fed to whales.

  115. Vince M
    November 6th, 2012 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @DaveP (#111): Today’s strip reminded me immediately of a ‘National Lampoon’ article on ‘How to tell a child their parents are dead’. First example, on a roller coaster: “By the way, your parents are dead. Down we go!” At a carnival sideshow: “Good news. Your parents will never become freaks!”

  116. Alice
    November 6th, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    9CL: If classical music were half the aphrodisiac McEldowney thinks it is, albums and concerts within the genre would come with “mature content” labels, and the really hard stuff–like, apparently, Rachmaninoff–would be restricted to red-light districts, alongside the strip clubs and streetwalkers.

  117. seismic-2
    November 6th, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    Bill: “Hi, Cherry, this is Bill. Wow, fishing for bonefish turns up to be just amazingly expensive! You wouldn’t happen to have a way of getting your hands on two million dollars, would you?”

    Cherry: “TWO MILLION DOLLARS??? That’s a lot of pancakes! I mean, when Mark started taking all these trips out into the wilderness with those 900-pound chipmunks and things, I took out an accidental-death insurance policy on him that is in fact worth two million dollars, but of course I would only collect if Mark gets killed.”

    Bill: “Boy, talk about a tautology…”

  118. Alison
    November 6th, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    “Mark Trail”: I love this. “Oh, I sure hope my friend is sensitive and kind about this situation, and-” “HEY CHERRY, MARK HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!!!!” “NOOOOO!” Fantastic stuff! I’m guessing this wasn’t actually *supposed* to be funny, because this is MT, but damn, is it funny.

    “Mary Worth”: I see Wilbur skips right over any talk about Dawn’s school and volunteer job. Not sure about the school part, but maybe the reason Wilbur doesn’t want to hear about Dawn’s so-called volunteering position because he knows it consists of “I ate lunch and then I went for a walk and I didn’t do anything related to the hospital at all, the end.”

  119. erdmann
    November 6th, 2012 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    FW: Punch? Judge? Pulitzer? Piffle! Johnny-come-latelies the lot of ‘em. The first comics were painted on cave walls and were the first true written form of human communication. Hasn’t Batiuk read Scott McCloud’s seminal work “Understanding Comics”?

    Okay, okay. I admit it. I only posted this because i wanted to use the word “seminal.” It looks naughty.

  120. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 6th, 2012 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#115): My favorite of those was the pastor-type just finishing up with “…and that’s why God threw your parents in front of that bus.”

    @DaveP (#111): Bats :[ posted that a while back, on her flickr page. Great minds?

  121. Downpuppy
    November 6th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#115): So, you’ve had nothing to eat all day. Do you want the ice cream, or to see your parents alive again?

  122. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 6th, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    MT I’m morbidly curious what the rest of Cherry’s face looks like in panel 2. Will we get to see more tomorrow? At least a clenched fist? How about a close-up of Rusty’s nostrils?
    *Egad! What am I saying?*

  123. Droopy Says
    November 6th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    “Cherry? Mark has been murdered!” “WHAT! You mean he’ll be a ghost like us? Will he haunt Lost Forest with me, Rusty and Doc? Or is his spirit trapped somewhere else?”

    That’s why we never see Cherry, Rusty or Doc outside LoFo. They’re ghosts. Cherry accidentally poisoned the pancakes one morning, but Trail was called away before he could have breakfast and take Rusty fishing. Doc died last, desperately examining blood samples in his microscope. Now they relive their final moments over and over, driving Trail into a state of permanent denial.

  124. Poteet
    November 6th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Maybe she’s trying to make him shut the hell up, and being a 9CL character, she could only think of one way to do it.

  125. Poteet
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    MT — I see a tiny face in Cherry’s left eye. Who could it be? Somehow it reminds me of Hans Katzenjammer.

  126. Poteet
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#123): You’re scaring me…

  127. tallyHO
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#123):


    simpsons’ reference, which i will likely mangle:

    Bart: no one expects the butterfly! muhahahahahaha!

  128. Peanut Gallery
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    RwO – Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.

  129. bats :[
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

  130. Peanut Gallery
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    @pepperjackcandy (#108):

    The first panel of Dick Tracy makes it sound like breaking his collarbone set his face on fire.

    Or maybe just embarrassed him. “Silly me, getting my collarbone broken! Oh, is my face red.”

  131. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 6th, 2012 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Very late Election Day comics snark.

    MT: Mark: Yeah, I guess that gets the job done.

    DT: Who knew that heroin was a gateway drug for Salonpas?

    A3G: Margo’s indifference bordering on hostility to the entire concept of professionalism amazes us all, Evan.

    Ziggy: Ziggy is being drawn into some kind of depraved laptop sex cult. (Also known as the 21st century.)

    WofI: Looks like Caligula pretty much has this one sewn up.

    9CL: It’s going to be a long week of cello-driven fornication, but it is amusing to think that in the real physical universe, Isabel would have just piledrived Burkhardt headfirst into the floor and broken his neck.

    Archie: “And by the way, you don’t know how to fuck either.”

    JP: Avery certainly is big on social fishing. Is he a grown-up Rusty Trail, making up for lost time?

    BB: Sarge something something Beetle’s package boom.

    H&L: Hush Thirsty, you’ll make Dagwood Bumstead cry.

    DtM: Mister Wilson breaks out into sweat sitting on his ass in front of the TV. I don’t see him running for anything.

    Luann: “This feels so weird… yet so right,” is also what Crystal said when Knute introduced her to anal.

  132. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 7th, 2012 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#49): “But with a drier vagina” is one of the more crucial comparisons you can make in any context.

  133. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 7th, 2012 at 12:30 am [Reply]

  134. Ukulele Ike
    November 7th, 2012 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    @Alice (#116): I don’t think we’ve been told which erotic piece Amos is playing, which is out-of-character for McEldowney. When Edda humped the Bosendorfer on Sunday, he made sure to let us know it was Rachmaninoff.

    I personally whack off only to Blackwood’s Microtonal Etudes.

  135. Droopy Says
    November 7th, 2012 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: Kraven: “Hey! That ugly slacking janitor vanished and Spiderman appeared! While my assistant and I were watching! Since I’m a genius, I figure my lion ate him. Poor kitty, have some Pepto-Bismol.”

    FW: The election is over and I’m already going through withdrawal. Where can I find a pointless display of long-winded stupidity–oh. Funky Winkerbean. Whew!

    Family Circus: The trees are still green so those can’t be leaves–yes! It’s a miracle! But is it manna from heaven or God’s dandruff?

    Mock Trail: Otto’s people are kidnappers, not thieves. You’d expect an editor to be a bit more meticulous with his words.

    Gasoline Alley: Slim is an idiot. You’d expect a dimwit to be a bit less meticulous with his words.

    Pluggers: Brookins, you know Pluggers would have thrown the TV out the window, if they could have picked up that antique.

    Shoe: I have no idea of what Funky Monkey is, but if it involves despair, I’m not surprised a Brookins character would eat it with the largest spoon around.

    Jugs Parker: Avery, your “abiding respect and love for women” is hard to distinguish from “horny rich guy who hits on everything that moves.”

  136. Alice
    November 7th, 2012 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#134): True, but Rachmaninoff seems to get name-dropped in 9CL more than most composers, especially the “Classical music gets me hot and horny!” ones. So it’s a good bet.

  137. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 7th, 2012 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    @Alice (#136): He has a cello sonata. Rachmaninoff, I mean.

  138. Mibbitmaker
    November 7th, 2012 at 3:55 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#110): Indeed! “Surfin’ Bird” forever!

  139. Dale
    November 7th, 2012 at 5:27 am [Reply]


    Cherry’s scream blew out Bill’s ear, so he had to switch sides and start over.

  140. LP2004
    November 7th, 2012 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    @Alice (#136): I’m going to go into classical music snob mode here and say that Rachmaninoff is an easy name to drop by those whose only knowledge of classical music comes from listening to a couple of those ‘The Most Soothing/Sensual/Insomnia Curing/What Have You Classical Music Ever’ compilation CDs. Come on, Brooke, let’s have Amos and Edda go crazy with Alfred Schnittke’s Cello Sonata.

    (Nothing against Rachmaninoff, by the way. His music is well represented in my own collection. There’s just so much else out there.)

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