The Comics Curmudgeon

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Poetry in carnage

Dick Tracy, 4/30/08

Yes, you might say poetic justice, if in fact there were any poetic justice in the situation whatsoever. I suppose Cole Lector was rich, but it’s not as if Dab Stract or the police are going to be handing over his money and geegaws to the poor now that he’s been killed. In fact, the whole notion of redistribution of wealth ought to make Dick so righteously angry that he’d grab that Red bow out of Dab Stract’s hands and break it over his knee, just like he would snap that Commie Robin Hood’s spine, if he could lay his hands on him. The only possible answer is that Dick is not in fact listening to a word Dab Stract or anyone else is saying, and is just interjecting random tough-guy bon mots whenever he becomes vaguely aware that there’s a lull in the conversation. It would explain a lot about the disjointed dialogue in this strip.

Crankshaft, 4/30/08

Ha ha! Crankshaft’s an angry old man that nobody likes, and he’s about to be stung all over his face by bees! Oh, it doesn’t take much to warm the cockles of my black, black heart.

Family Circus, 4/30/08

“Well, there has to be some reason. For starters, it would help if I liked you.”

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 30, 2008 at 05:41 pm and is filed under Crankshaft, Dick Tracy, Family Circus.

160 responses to “Poetry in carnage”

Old School Allie Cat
April 30th, 2008 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

Is Crankshaft allergic to bees? No? Not even a little?
Moon Mullins
April 30th, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

Dean Booth, I think there is a hug full of bees calling your name.
Ace Diamond
April 30th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

Amazingly in the DT-Verse they apparently found out who exactly the Robin Hood of legend actually was, and located his bow, with an intact drawstring no less.

And yet they haven’t found Jimmy Hoffa, it seems.
Uncle Lumpy
April 30th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

Well, another possibility is that Dick has resolved to find and kill Robin Hoot, whatever it takes.
Uncle Lumpy
April 30th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

Hood. Ugh.
Adam G
April 30th, 2008 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

I like my Crankshaft like I like my coffee: COVERED IN BEEEEES!
Trilobite
April 30th, 2008 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy looks morose, closing his eyes to stem the flow of tears. Perhaps this is because his only contribution to this latest murder was to lose his gun and then stand around in a suit of armor. Or maybe after seeing the last bad guy fall off a roof and then get run over by a bulldozer, watching a guy dying of an arrow to the back just doesn’t provide the same thrills.

It’s easy to imagine a disheveled Dick Tracy sagging back in his office chair, drunkenly slurring a plea for someone, anyone to go commit a crime and then hide in a giant meat grinder, or in a dynamite factory, or on the flying trapeze at a circus where the safety nets are inexplicably made out of piano wire.

“JUSHT GIVE ME A REASON TO GO AFTER YOU,” he’d mutter to no one in particular. “I JUSHT NEED TO GO OUT ON SHOMETHIN’ GOOD.”
bk
April 30th, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

Purple Legwarmers — Check

Clingy to “Mother” — Check

Jeffy is destined for fabulous loft with a kitschy art deco theme.
Gal Friday
April 30th, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

The whole Dick Tracy denoument reminds me of one of my favorite newspaper headlines ever (from the Fort Worth Star-Telegram about 10 years ago): POODLE SLAIN BY ARCHER

S-M Yawn, Spidey has a cold!
Norm
April 30th, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

Dab Stract. Oh I get it, he’s an abstract painter as well as a criminal. It figures. All modern artists are thugs. I heard Picasso once shot up a whole preschool.
Nekrotzar
April 30th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

Awww, little Jeffy (or Billy or Doofy or whatever) thinks he’s found a fatal flaw in Schopenhauer’s doctoral thesis The Fourfold Root of the Principle of Sufficient Reason. Isn’t he just adorable?
UnknownEric
April 30th, 2008 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

FC: “Mommy, look! I’m a mime! How’d I get in this box?”
NotAGoatHead`
April 30th, 2008 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

Crnksft: Again, where’s the painting in the 2nd panel that you see in the first panel?
That’s a pretty thin wall there if an old man can break throught it just by knocking on it.
Crankshaft won’t be stung. They won’t touch him. They’ll make a bee line for the gal and sting her half way to China. She’ll be in a hospital for weeks.
Diamond Joe
April 30th, 2008 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

#9 Gal Friday:

When you find “ARCHER SLAIN BY POODLE,” that’ll be real news! Get to work on it, Hildy.
lostsynapse
April 30th, 2008 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

No! Not my secret apiary!!!!!!!!!!
Harry Paratestes
April 30th, 2008 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft is so filled with venom and bile that the bees will swell up and burst if they alight on him.
Calico
April 30th, 2008 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

I don’t get it. Jeffy is maybe 5-6 years old, and he is still wearing jumpsiut jammies?

Maybe that is actually a paratrooper’s suit, for when Mommy throws him out of the airplane with no parachute.
paperdummy
April 30th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

Once again, another day where the Family Circus and Dennis the Menace are WAY better if you switch the captions before reading them.
Calico
April 30th, 2008 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

#18 – Hahahah! Dennis hugging Joey, and Jeffy wanting Mommy to alter his fingerprints with sulfuric acid.
jake
April 30th, 2008 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

Hi & Lois: And that’s when Hi Flagston realized he’d be worth more to his family dead than alive.
Reedzilla
April 30th, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

Good lord, B.C. actually made me laugh today! Has the world gone mad?
Old School Allie Cat
April 30th, 2008 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

I wonder if Crankshaft will try killing the bees with his usual fire, or with the much cliched Lena’s coffee?

I can’t wait to find out!
Moon Mullins
April 30th, 2008 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

#10 Norm:
If you liked Dab Stract for the artist, I hope you liked Cole Lector as his purchaser.

Actually, Cole Lector’s mother named him Cole, hoping he would indeed become an art collector. She named his brother Hannibal, hoping he would become a Carthaginian military commander, but unfortunately he took a different career path.
name sake
April 30th, 2008 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

dab stract? cole lector? paint the kidney and fava beans on the face of whoever can start writing dick with real, first time used and creative names, and leave the lame history stuff alone, please. pLEASE?!?
Dingo
April 30th, 2008 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

If ever there was a woman who deserved a day of autoerotica in the bathtub while listening to Cher’s The Way of Love while sipping on inexpensive domestic hootch in a pretty floral bottle, it’s the mother from Family Circus. Send the kids into the street to play, girl, and get your groove on!
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
April 30th, 2008 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

#2, Moon: I soooo want to animate those bees. For now, though, I have to settle for Jeffy without hope.
gnome de blog
April 30th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

17 Calico.
Jeffy is three (remember? Billy reminded him that he only has a threehead instead of a forehead).

Every once in a while, Jef Keane’s dark side leaks out, revealing the bitterness from his cruel and loveless childhood eating away at his soul . At such times FC rises to previously unthinkable heights of mediocrity.
Uncle Lumpy
April 30th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

9 Gal Friday –

My fave:

Environmentalist killed by tree

[Name], a [place] lawyer and environmental activist, died Monday at his home when a tree supporting a hammock fell and crushed him. . . . [Name] was a member of Sierra Club and Save the [place] River, and the director of Keep [place] Beautiful. . . . He was a featured speaker at numerous environmental seminars throughout the region . . . .
Laura c
April 30th, 2008 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

If you back to last week in Dick Tracy you’ll find on last Thursday someone, contemplating the arrow in Cole Lector’s back, said “We must help him.” This was followed by several days of “Who’s on first?”/”I’m nobody, who are you?” etc.

I don’t really have a point (this is DT, after all), I just noticed it.
Frinkenstein
April 30th, 2008 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

I first read the Crankshaft as “It sounds like the man hive is right about…” and Crankshaft is sticking his paw right in the glory hole. Now THAT’s a funny strip.
Gal Friday
April 30th, 2008 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

#14, #28 how about this from 2004?

(MSNBC) PUPPY SHOOTS FLORIDA MAN, DEPUTIES SAY

Dog put paw on gun’s trigger as owner tried to kill him

I’m not sure of the breed.
Sincerely, Hildy
Islamorada Girl
April 30th, 2008 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

DT. “She was a blonde. Not just any blonde, but the kind who would make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window,”
Raymond Chandler wrote. And that’s how hardboiled fiction is written, Dick Locher. I don’t know what you’re doing.
Islamorada Girl
April 30th, 2008 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy: Robin Hoot is Robin Hood’s flamingly gay cousin.
BigTed
April 30th, 2008 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

I’m not much of a “Dick Tracy” follower, but I have to say I’m amazed that somebody’s gotten hold of Robin Hood’s actual bow. What else do they have lying around there? Excalibur? The Ark of the Covenant? Mary Worth’s “Meddler’s Handbook”?
BigTed
April 30th, 2008 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft seems like the kind of guy who’d view bees as folk medicine. “When I was a boy, we didn’t have any of these dadgum newfangled pills and ointments. Got a pain? Get a bee sting! Got a fever? Get a bee sting! Got an infection? Get a bee sting! “
Emily
April 30th, 2008 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

The really bizarre thing to me about Crankshaft–not just this one, but all of them–is that Centerville, Ohio is a real city. It’s the “new money”/yuppie suburb south of Dayton. The people there are the most pretentious, hysterical snobs you’ll ever meet. I don’t know how an abusive old bastard like C-shaft managed to avoid being sued into oblivion, let alone keep his bus route.

Okay, the really bizarre thing here is goddamn. How flimsy is that wall or how hard is he hitting it to punch through in the time it takes to finish a sentence? Oh, Crankshaft, can you not control your fists of fury even to avoid being attacked by yellow jackets?
Dingo
April 30th, 2008 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

Emily, ten years ago I lived in an apartment in Chicago. My next-door neighbor stopped and asked me to look at her wall. There was a brown sticky liquid oozing out of it. She called her landlady and the landlady thought there might be a bee hive in the wall. She told the tenant to taste the liquid and see if it was honey; my neighbor declined. Sure enough, there was a nest of bees in the wall bigger than an Ohio church social network but lacking the plaid polyester slacks.

Knowing Crankshaft’s neighbors, they’ll bottle it and begin an import/export business.
Joe Blevins
April 30th, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

FUN FACT: When Crankshaft’s face is covered with hideously painful beestings, he will look exactly like panel 1 of today’s “Dick Tracy.”
Zaq
April 30th, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

Panel 1 of GT: Chief Wigham’s patented Ass-Cam, shoe store edition! You might say, “but Zaq, there are no close-up asses in that picture!” but I say to you, if shoes had asses, we’d be staring RIGHT AT THEM right now.
Diamond Joe
April 30th, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

#31 Gal Friday:

That’s more like it! You got your revenge, you got your cute puppy. We’re gonna sell some papers.
fishmorgjp
April 30th, 2008 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

34 BigTed: If only they did have Excalibur in there — instead of hiding in the armor, Dick could have used it to chop Cole into two perfect halves, and then then we could have watched both halves wriggle and dance for a few days!

Dick was “good” to Dab? Did he throw acid in his face?
Violet
April 30th, 2008 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

I’m not sure, based on today’s Family Circus illustration, whether the Keanes are in a psychiatric hospital or a giant maze constructed for purposes of scientific experimentation. There’s evidence on both sides; on the one hand all those dotted-line-path strips suggest a fixation with maze negotiation, on the other, Mama Keane appears to be in restraints and they’re all gibbering lunatics. Both scenarios seem like they’d be extremely unpleasant for the family, so I’m good either way.
Champ
April 30th, 2008 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

So, in the second panel, is Dab Stract in fact wearing a suit that is half white and half black? Or is that just some crazy shading by those whacky Dick Tracy animators? If it is just shading, why is the knight in the same frame shaded exactly the opposite? Is there a second, contrary light source? Perhaps in Dick Tracy land, there are two suns? Things get even goofier in the third panel, where it appears that all the lighting sources at this place are in the floor, which I guess makes sense in a totally insane sort of way.
Cheese-n-Pear
April 30th, 2008 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

DT: I can’t even keep track of how many ways Dick Tracy is wrong today. Dab Stract has a reason for saving Tracy? Robin Hood’s bow could somehow survive nearly a thousand years and still be strung and drawn? Dab needs to get Tracy to confirm his own shaky memory of the Robin Hood legend? I’d add that the whole plot makes absolutely no sense, but that’s just the typical daily wrongness of Dick Tracy.
Mac
April 30th, 2008 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

It would do my heart good to see Crankshaft go into anaphylactic shock. I mean, all the cancer and death and ironic hearing loss over in FW and Batiuk has nothing to spare for the ‘Shaft? I call that tragic.
El Santo
April 30th, 2008 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

I’ve heard that phrase many, many times, but …

… what in the blue hell is a cockle?
Pester
April 30th, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

@34: Liz Patterson’s sense of self worth? This is fun. ;)

DT: Despite ripping off two-face right down to the poly-colored suit, I really do like Dick Tracy’s art today.
AeroSquid
April 30th, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

FC: Jeffy Hungers.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2209/2454975809_7dcce5f9ba_o.png
Shlomo
April 30th, 2008 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

FC- Yes Jeffy. The reason I love hugging you is it is the best way to break your small spine and neck. Come to Mama.

Crankshaft is playing the role of Macaulay Culkin in My Girl.
Sobek
April 30th, 2008 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

Red and painful swelling from some kind of insect attack? Get a bee sting!
Sobek
April 30th, 2008 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

Tracy was “good” to him? No he wasn’t — he didn’t do anything except ask who commissioned the paintings, and to give Tracy directions to Lector’s house.

Oh, I get it. Dab Stract is just glad that Tracy didn’t arrest him without a warrant or probable cause, or beat him to death with an easel. Speaking of which, is Dick Tracy losing his touch?
AeroSquid
April 30th, 2008 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

FOOB retirement plan:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2235/2455849830_a9269d7956_o.png
MarlowePI
April 30th, 2008 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

“Garfield” has gotten all topical and technical lately! See, Jon just got one of those “cellular telephonic devices” everyone’s been talking about! It’s funny, see, ’cause that’s what all the kids are doing these days, talking on their cell phones! And they use words like “yo” and “’sup”! See, Garfield’s hip! He’s happenin’! He’s the bee’s knees! Oh wait, that’s Crankshaft.

Also, and I didn’t realize this, you can talk over phones using thought bubbles, but apparently only on Verizon.
Trix
April 30th, 2008 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

My dear El Santo, only your innermost being–or something along those lines.
rhymes with puck
April 30th, 2008 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

A3G: I can understand why Lu Ann didn’t bother to tell anyone that she was painting endangered animals. After all, the press in New York like the New York Times and the Village Voice are incredibly conservative and wouldn’t be at all interested in an art show with an environmental angle. Oh, wait…

MT: Hey, Mark, have you considered actually looking for the dog?

GT: He’s sitting by the death beds that Americans refuse to sit at!

Pluggers: Pluggers drive 35 year old cars that had the gas tanks under the license plate.

Crankshaft: How did Crankshaft break through the wall so easily? Easy – Crankshaft has the proportionate strength of a world-class asshole.

DT: Strange coincidence, but today the microsoft tag fell off of my laptop. Poetic justice, isn’t it?

H&J: Hey did she find that quote by reading Mary Worth?
Doug Puthoff
April 30th, 2008 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

4-30

FC–today’s alternate caption: But Mommy, the e-mail said it would grow this long!

S4th–Ted! This is your audience! Your job problems are the most interesting thing to happen in this strip in, like, ever.

Zits–Jeremy is in dire need of Zen. More information about Zen can be found on the Internet.

Dilbert–WTF is a poison pill? I know, I know, more information about poison pills can be found on the Internet.

BB–Didn’t Beetle used to have a girlfriend a long time ago? I don’t know, and I wonder if I really care that much.

FW–Funky looks disturbingly like Mr. Wilson without the mustache.
Gordo's Cat
April 30th, 2008 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

MT: This strip is hilarious for all the wrong reasons. “No, Mr. Trail, we haven’t seen the puppy, but rest assured the Canadian Geese Patrol won’t stop searching until we find him. Honk-honk-honk!”

Tomorrow’s Crankshaft should feature an impromptu performance of “The Flight of the Bumble-Brain.”
MarlowePI
April 30th, 2008 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

In FBoFW, does “‘careful’ careful” mean, like, not having any more kids? I mean, that would make perfect sense in the context of finally shipping off their spawn and living a life of suburban luxury, except that Elly went through menopause. Or did I just imagine that storyline? Because if I did, my subconscious and I need to have a serious talk.
dale
April 30th, 2008 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

“For starters, it would help if I liked you.”

That’s as beautiful as:

You must have mistaken me for someone who gives a shit.
Tili
April 30th, 2008 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

55: LuAnn “didn’t bother to tell anyone”? No, she’s not even that smart. She didn’t paint endangered species at all; this Jack fellow has figured out that, since she’s prone to random memory lapses, LuAnn will believe whatever b.s. he feeds her about her own paintings as a preliminary to the more outlandish b.s. for later on (”I love you”, “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend”, etc.). Honestly, the only interesting thing I see coming out of Jack’s appearance is maybe Alan flying into a drugged-out rage when he inevitably finds out LuAnn’s been two-timing him.

Phantom: Don’t those two already know who their “unknown” commander is and which friend of theirs he’s married to? I call foul! http://joshreads.com/?p=1405
Master Mahan
April 30th, 2008 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

I know Dick Tracy loves its deformed characters, but do they have to rip off Batman characters so blatantly? Two-Face could sue, and Wikipedia says he used to be a lawyer.
Pauly
April 30th, 2008 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

When I first glanced at:
“Well, there has to be some reason. For starters, it would help if I liked you.”
I though it said:
“Well, there has to be some reason. For starters, it would help if I killed you.”
That works too.
Anna Nimity of the Jungle Patrol
April 30th, 2008 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

Holy Margo! Check out today’s Sherman’s Lagoon. A finger’ quotin’ crab AND a finger quotin’ shark. DUDE!
Car Sailsman
April 30th, 2008 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

6: Nice. One of Izzard’s best bits.
Diamond Joe
April 30th, 2008 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

#58 MarlowePI:

That’s the only meaning of “‘careful’ careful” I could think of, and found it just as bizarre. I even just went to the Foob website to check Elly’s age, and she’s 56. Elly has the best possible protection against “oops” babies: she’s old.
Albert Camus
April 30th, 2008 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

I eagerly anticipate Dick Tracy’s run-in with a partially deformed Bible-thumping temptress, Chick Tract.
Lisa
April 30th, 2008 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

65- John must need a refresher course on the subject then……

(Pluggers: Pluggers drive 35 year old cars that had the gas tanks under the license plate.)

My first car had the gas tank under the license plate. It was a 77 Dodge which I bought used in 83, which makes the car 31 years old and my purchase of it 25 years ago…. My God, I am a Plugger! (better look in the mirror to make sure I don’t have a dog’s head…)
boojum
April 30th, 2008 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

9 Gal Friday:

My own favorite headline, from the Nashville Tennessean some 20 years ago. A local Catholic high school narrowly defeated its rival in a rough-and-tumble football game, leading to the immortal headline:

CHRIST THE KING IN A SLUG-FEST!
Jana C.H.
April 30th, 2008 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

Cockles:

What a weed, a bivalve, a small boat, a wrinkle, a stove, and a tendency to totter have to do with the inner feelings of one’s heart I do not know, and the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary has not enlightened me, except that the phrase “cockles of one’s heart” appears under the “bivalve” definition. Perhaps the heart valves are supposed to be especially sensitive to warm and happy emotions.

Jana C.H.
Seattle
Saith Arthur Pinero: Where there is tea there is hope.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
April 30th, 2008 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

(WT)DT: The only reason Dick knew to go to Dab Stract in the first place is because Dab was the target of one of Dick’s investigations in the past. I think that Dab stole a cookie or something, so Dick dunked his head in boiling acid. In the Dick Tracy universe that’s known as “getting off easy.”
Gold-Digging Nanny
April 30th, 2008 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

I’ve been spending the last week or so moving (I’m still in the same city), so I’m even farther behind on the Six Differences than usual. So I’d better get started:

April 29 SFx

1) The birds in panel one are laughing at the bald man’s lack of carpentry skills. The birds in panel two are laughing because another bird they all hate has just flown into the birdhouse and torn himself to bits on the exposed nail ends and heads. Can you say “schadenfreude,” kids? Veeerrry gooood!
2) The plans for the birdhouse in panel two were designed by Frank Gehry.
3) The hole in the side of the birdhouse in panel one is actually wren-shaped.
4) The boy in panel two didn’t even want to learn how to build a birdhouse. He wanted to learn how to belly dance.
5) The three birds along the right side of panel one are actually a totem pole.
6) The birdhouse in panel two was made out of Pinocchio. Recognize the nose?

This episode of I Found All Six has been brought to you by Lowe’s.
Poteet
April 30th, 2008 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

# 55 rhymes — Endangered plants, actually. A cause very close to my geeky conservationist heart, so why was it assigned to Lu Ann, Ditz Extraordinaire? Oh well.
Smashville
April 30th, 2008 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: Apparently, Pluggers have really bad issues with fuel intake.
queek
April 30th, 2008 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

36: How flimsy is that wall or how hard is he hitting it to punch through in the time it takes to finish a sentence?

When this happened to me, the nest was in a sofit on the corner of the house. The moisture of the bees activity had rotted out the structual members, basically leaving nothing but the skin of the house paint holding the nest away from the indoors. Said nest filled two paper bags worth of nest material and dead insects when it was cleaned out. Was NOT a pretty scene, even after vacuuming up 200+ dead bees from my bedroom after I’d punched a hole in the ceiling wondering where that noise was coming from.
Poteet
April 30th, 2008 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

DT — It helps to know that so many Mudges are suffering along with me. And the suffering must be affecting my brain, because compared to most DT characters, Dab Stract, in that third panel, strikes me as kind of cute.
Joe Bftsplk
April 30th, 2008 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

Just in case the alert hasn’t gone out yet, fark.com has a Family Circus thread going. Haven’t seen anything really NSFW there so far, but haven’t read through it all yet either, so read at your own risk I guess, and swallow your beverage first.
Atomic Bird
April 30th, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

35: BigTed, now I can’t stop wondering how C’shaft would treat a bee sting.
Judo Throw Toy
April 30th, 2008 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

I bet history was made today. Josh’s comments are probably the first (and last) time you will ever see “tough guy” and “bon mots” mentioned in the very same sentence. Oh, wait, it just happened again.
Revenge of Chesnut
April 30th, 2008 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

I think Josh is on to something here. Dick Tracy is totally the comics page’s David Caruso.
Donald The Anarchist
May 1st, 2008 at 12:28 am [Reply]

FC “Hugs don’t need REASONS. But after the last little unpleasantness, we don’t hug unless there’s a court-appointed observer in the room.”

Crankshaft “I don’t CARE if it’s a histamine reaction. It hasn’t been this big in decades! Find me a woman!!!”
Bobdog
May 1st, 2008 at 12:33 am [Reply]

Congratulations Josh, I do believe you have cracked the Dick Tracy Code.
ohyes
May 1st, 2008 at 12:34 am [Reply]

So Dick Tracy was “good” to Dab Stract – is that any reason for an artist to kill his patron, who paid him and filled a museum with his works?

Is that any reason to kill a fellow artistic spirit, whose whole “kidnapping” and “hanging Dab’s works all over the museum” thing was a brilliant piece of performance art?

Okay, Dab doesn’t like performance art, I get it. But killing performance artists who give you money and exhibit your work? That’s cold.
KH
May 1st, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

#56 – poison pill: company basically does something financially insane so as to make itself completely unattractive to takeover. Can lead to the demise of the company, but at least they aren’t acquired by the perceived evil empire. Right, Jerry Yang?

I originally wrote that as “off the top of my head, a poison pill is…” but then I realized that was derivative of, and in conflict with, the actual Dilbert strip.
rogonandi
May 1st, 2008 at 12:36 am [Reply]

56: Yes, Beetle had a girlfriend named Bunny, who seemed to have inexplicably vanished off the face of the planet.
Poteet
May 1st, 2008 at 12:37 am [Reply]

# 75 — I was referring to the 4/30 strip. The 5/1 strip…dear God, Panel Two is beyond nightmare. It’s more like a night terror.

Foob — Lynn, retire now. Now. Stop, please, before you do another last panel like this one. It’s time for the giant meteor to come crashing down on that little town, kill the Pattersons, and set you free.

PLUGGERS — Has there ever been a Plugger who wasn’t obese? Just curious. And have I asked that question before? Sorry, time for bed.
Mr. O’Malley
May 1st, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

78. Judo Throw Toy
It sounds like a line from a French gangster movie:

Assez de votre bons mots, “tough guy”! Maintenant je vous abbatrai comme un porc!
Bobdog
May 1st, 2008 at 12:50 am [Reply]

FC: “No Jeffy, we don’t need a reason. But we would have to get the restraining order rescinded.”
shMerker
May 1st, 2008 at 1:13 am [Reply]

I think Robin Hoot is Robin Hood’s flamingly gay modern day tracyverse counterpart, who, along with his merry men in tights, robs red-blooded american capitalists to feed socially just causes.
Eric the Grate
May 1st, 2008 at 1:18 am [Reply]

In the walled stronghold known as the Keane Kompound, constant hugs allow the family members to make sure that no one is wearing a wire. No one likes a Judas.
arik1969
May 1st, 2008 at 1:22 am [Reply]

FC: Jeffy, you known that hugging leads to kissing, and kissing leads to impure thoughts, and impure thoughts lead DIRECTLY TO THE BOWELS OF HELL!!!
Diamond Joe
May 1st, 2008 at 1:23 am [Reply]

9CL: Oh, Edda, it’s far, far too late for you to worry about being petty, but we appreciate the effort.

Agnes: Is it my imagination, or is Agnes’ neck more grotesquely long than ever in panel 3? And as for yesterday’s: I almost want to make a t-shirt that says “Damp, Sticky, and Abnormally Cool.”

A3-G: “Let’s go completely outside before I react to your statement about Alan.”

Archie: But… Jughead is hungry all the time, isn’t he? More interesting is the man in the background of the first panel, cruelly holding his dog on his short leash just out of reach of the hydrant.

Cathy: Or you can just keep buying bigger and bigger drives, and eventually forget the files are there, like the rest of us.

Crankshaft: “Now I have them all trapped inside my suit. Ouch.”

DtM: Although how he can sleep in the same room with that chair, I have no idea. I wonder how long it took to design that trompe l’oeil upholstery so that, from just the right angle, the pattern looks like a series of straight lines drawn without regard to the contours of the chair?

DT: Hey, a Cole Lector crotch shot. Thanks, Locher. And talk about kicking a man when he’s down. Incidentally, either those are midget critics, or someone doesn’t know how to hang art.

Foob: See, ’cause he’s a doctor with no “patience,” and… Oh, for God’s sake, Lynn, pack it in! (I wrote this before reading #85 Poteet, but I’m keeping it in because it needs to be said as many times as possible.)

Garfield: I laughed at this one. Then I realized the lens is on the outside of a cell phone.

GA: Next stop for Sturdevant: a hospital bed, with a gown that’ll change by the day from “Johns Hopkins” to “Cedars-Sinai” to “Mayo Clinic”…

GT: “Anyone who doesn’t pull my finger gets his name written down on this clipboard the size of my hand!”

GaBI: Today’s punchline arrived via wormhole from 1898.

H&J: Today’s punchline copied from a “hilarious” office poster, circa 1972.

Heathcliff: Today’s punchline garbled in transmission beyond all comprehension.

JP: Sorry, the colorist had an early dentist appointment to get to.

MF: Now Strom Thurmond is rising from the grave to tell Tinsley to knock it off, already.

MT: “Usually, we can just convict on suspicion, but when it comes to pet ransom, our hands are tied.”

Marvin: See, strips like this one and Tuesday’s are actually good, because they leave us free to imagine a funnier situation than Armstrong could manage.

MW: You’ve gotta love pointless, irrational bickering… because otherwise, you’d be out of your friggin’ mind by now!

NS: I’m wondering how they got in.

PMP: Today’s punchline derived from an e-mail sig from 1997. Also, engineering shirts are red, and I don’t care who knows I know that.

Peanuts: When something has become a cultural icon in the interim, a reprint of the origin strip doesn’t carry much potential for surprise.

Quigmans: See, because they’re well-worn phrases replaced with gibberish! Ha ha!

RMRSA: “In fact, I’m drinking Clorox as we speak.”

RwO: See, you dance around the maypole, and the North Pole is also a “pole,” and polar bears and seals live there, and polar bears sometimes eat seals! It’s that simple!

RIR: There was a time, about ten or twelve years ago, that Rose Is Rose was my favorite strip. Now, I look at the artwork with its bizarre, bottom-heavy people, and I just shake my head.

Rubes: Now Jonas will never join his brother at the concert in time!

6C: So the problem is, Mitt Romney has it in a bear hug?

S-M: If this is just an elaborate ruse to get MJ’s permission to lie in bed all day and watch TV… it would make this probably the most dramatic plotline ever in this strip.

Amused me: Get Fuzzy
Uncle Lumpy
May 1st, 2008 at 1:25 am [Reply]

#71 GDN –

And lest we forget the Slylock Fox scramble:

ESANK — E miss e branch, e sank like e stone.
NRHBCA — Gun-totin’ Robert DeNiro grew up there!
TEWRA — Just one more and you’d have THREEWRA.
OREP — Forget Dysop — our vacuums are best!
GFSAN — Ah, so! Far better image fidelity than JPGSAN.
VELASE — Depression hurts — and so does erectile dysfunction. Treat them both with one simple pill!
Invisible Me
May 1st, 2008 at 1:38 am [Reply]

NRHBCA – the result of the merger of the NRC and NAMBLA?
christian
May 1st, 2008 at 1:51 am [Reply]

Why the hatred against bitter, hateful people? Sure i’m not old like Crankshaft – i’m just a young guy. Just turned 23. Spent it being bitter and spiteful. But why the hate on somebody who has the energy, the gumption and the brains to be disgusted and angry at how horribly SHIT the world is and the ability to strike back at it? And what’s the problem with the sullen kids in Funky Winkerbean? that’s how the world is. its going to step on you so you might as well step on it back

*sigh* if you do this enough it becomes a habit

seriously i love this site but i’m offended by the hate on Crankshaft’s character
Mibbitmaker
May 1st, 2008 at 2:02 am [Reply]

5/1:

A3G: LuAnn is getting like Liz Patterson with all the suitors. Not only is Jack Davis, here, interested in Alan’s girlfriend, but so are Wally Wood, John Severin, Bob Clarke, Al Jaffee, Mort Drucker, Angelo Torres, and some guy named “Mickey Bitsko”.

BBlues: Shouldn’t those kids be gophers in a Looney Tunes cartoon?

Curtis: Leave it to those two to spoil a great moment from two strips ago!

DT: “Why did he have me make ugly portraits of people? Well, for some reason, he fancied me to be the next Basil Wolverton. (Who, oddly enough Mr. Tracy, happens to have this crush on some ditsy blonde with a flowery painting exhibit in another gallery.)”

DS: …But bell bottoms don’t give you lung cancer! … Well, except maybe in Funky Winkerbean…

FOOB: Whenever I hear a variant of “I heard the news…”, I keep wanting to add “…there’s good rockin’ tonight!”, as in the song. Well…. I read the strip — there’s bad rockin’ tonight!

FW: Funky actually had about 10 years of fame, but that stopped after Batiuk ruined it in ‘93.

Luann: A 2nd helping of just desserts. Cool!

MF: Not bad (for once), but about 2 days too late.

MW: Well, there they go again.[/Reagan]

My Cage: Look – Oliver North’s lawyer.

OBH: He’s just doing that to (further) confuse Jessica Simpson!

PBS: So how much does that make Arthur Figgis worth (in British currency, of course)?

Ghost-Who-Gets-Those-Two-Ladies-All-Troublemakey: Well, so much for being in the Jungle Patrol. (Boat-rockers!)
Mr. O'Malley
May 1st, 2008 at 2:45 am [Reply]

Some Wordpress bug destroyed my unposted comment, now I have to reconstruct my brilliant thoughts…

Grrr…. Grrr…. Grrr….

Bizarro: I concur. This one is dynamite.

JP: Don’t green companies acquire property the same way as any other company?

Europa Aerospace? Funny name for an American company. And if their background is military/aerospace, the “green” they are probably after is the contract to power the Green Zone in Baghdad. Or possibly the solar-powered border fence.

Else:

PENTAGON TO ELIMINATE GASOLINE-POWERED SPY SATELLITES BY 2012
Newer “Prius” satellites get 65 orbits/gallons

Lockhorns: Have I been missing something? Does Spongebob have strippers? Else why Leroy’s blissed-out look?

Didn’t the Lockhorns have a flat-panel TV just recently? Maybe this is in another room. I notice the TV is not connected to any cables—must be solar-powered.

With the previous, is Earth Day week being extended?

RMMD: Clorox Industries has just given us a very intriguing Powerpoint presentation.

9CL: I will supply a pertinent talking point. Brahms wrote his violin compositions to be performed by his good friend Joseph Joachim. Unlike modern classical violinists, Joachim used little to no vibrato. (There are recordings to prove this.) Playing Brahms with vibrato as modern violinists do is a travesty. It has no more historical validity than transcribing the piece for xylophone and saxophone.

BC: I know that comics are written a long time before their publication date. This one has appeared at an extremely unfortunate time.

F-: Homeless working from home is an interesting concept, but I don’t think this really pulls it off.

GA: The cheekbone of anger!

HotC: What gets me about this is that she lifts her sunglasses to reveal one big eye with two pupils. Up there with the colossal squid.

Monty: This is one of the better stories.

NS: This is one of those situations that lacks backstory. Like those high school physics problems: “A 55 kg boy and a 45 kg girl are standing in the center of a frictionless circular frozen pond…”.

Pluggers: Why go with this “Pluggers are unacquainted with 25 year old technology” vibe? Why not “Plugger radio=guitar”, “Plugger TV=flip book, “Plugger steam engine=donkey”, “Plugger telegram=letter”, “Plugger musket=crossbow”, “Plugger bronze=flint”, etc.

Preteena: I’m sorry this strip is ending.

FOOB: I always save this strip until last so as not to affect my judgement on the others. OK, I get it. It is a pun. A pun has two meanings. In this case, “patience” and “patients”. Unfortunately, neither of the two meanings make any sense at all in the context given.
mollificent
May 1st, 2008 at 2:47 am [Reply]

GF: Hilarious. You see, this is how a cartoonist manages to insult my party without pissing me off…are you listening, Tinsley? (Though I’m really only a Democrat by default these days…sigh).

MW: It’s becoming hard to find this snarkable, because I’ve actually heard my mom and her sisters have this conversation. My mom took care of my grandmother for the six months up to her death from cancer, as well as spending a lot of time caring for my uncle after a stroke, and my aunts have some, shall we say, resentment issues? Anyway, maybe I’m biased, but I gotta say that Richard’s argument is pretty weak. “I bullied you into letting me visit Mom first, so now I’m going to turn it around and make you look like the selfish one.” Niiiiice.

Phantom: Diana is thinking, “Oh, if these girls remember our last conversation, I am in DEEP SHIT.”

RMMRSA: This “wash the whole town down with bleach” thing reminds me a lot of the panic after 9/11, when people were stocking up on plastic wrap and duct tape so they could hermetically seal themselves in their homes, thus protecting themselves from deadly contaminants like, oh, I don’t know….oxygen?

SF: I keep expecting the croc on the left to say, “Hullo, zeeba neighba!”

9CL: Uh-oh. He said “bun-heads”. It’s gonna take Seth pulling off one hell of a tango club setup to heal THIS rift, folks.
DanKirby
May 1st, 2008 at 3:07 am [Reply]

DT: Panel 3 has been recycled from the January 26th strip. (The presence of the old non-Comic Sans lettering in the word balloons gives it away)
Arglebargle
May 1st, 2008 at 3:33 am [Reply]

Sally Forth: Oh, Ted, you tease. Or! Or! Or you could go on the interview, not get hired, start from scratch, and fall into a ravine, shattering your limbs, which you’re forced to consume to stay alive! But the searchers can’t hear your weakening cries for help! Then the wolves find you! And Sally waits a couple of years and then marries whoever fathered Hilary!!

RMMD: June haet non-whites.

Non Sequitur: Uh, whut? How the hell did you get in there in the first place?

Monty: Oh, for God’s sake. Did you find a ten-year-old book of GOP zingers or something?

Get Fuzzy: See, Monty? That’s how yuh duz it.

Luann: Gunther, you’re this close. Two things are holding you down: your shirts and the noisesome sow. Ditch ‘em both!

Garfield: Oh, Christ, this is going to go on forever, isn’t it? What happened to Grafield? He was an interesting character! Bring back Grafield! Come on, everyone: WE WANT GRAFIELD! WE WANT GRAFIELD! TO TAKE OVER THE STRIP!!

Crankshaft: Crap. Not only is the cancerous old f**ktard still alive, he isn’t even stung. Oh, but he’s still going to kill all the bees, in spite of a variety of ways to remove them harmlessly.

Candorville: Oh, “3 a.m.,” I get it now. Haw. Haw. Again, I imagine the other guy would’ve given yet another empty-calorie speech about “hope” and “change” while you got freakin’ murdered.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
May 1st, 2008 at 3:47 am [Reply]

#85 Reet, neat, & complete Poteet:

Has there ever been a Plugger who wasn’t obese? Just curious.

The haggard and harried kangaroo mom was positively sylphlike, at least as Pluggers go.
gleeb
May 1st, 2008 at 5:49 am [Reply]

Fred Bassett: Fred bares his fangs and shows off that it’s a true zombie strip, as his response comes straight from 1985.

‘bean: Funky is a huge Warhol fan, and will furiously correct any misquote.

Sam Driver, attorney-at-law: Ah, spring, when pretty girls start standing in the middle of the road. It snarls traffic, but who cares? Oh, and there’s more blather about this Europa Aerospace client.

Pluggers: Wouldn’t a real plugger at least try a shoemaker to have them repaired? I put it to you, sir, you’re no plugger, you’re just a fat bear-man!

Rex: June wonders if the glass harbors MRSA. She wonders if she should drink anyway.
Whippersnapper
May 1st, 2008 at 6:05 am [Reply]

Me at #82 yesterthread: Your?! YOUR?! Sweet Jebus, preview before you post!

MC: I sympathize, Norm. A potted plant could probably outplay me in softball.

True Fable: Yesterday I saw the ep of the Simpsons where a mountain goat falls down a mountain. Hee hee!
gleeb
May 1st, 2008 at 6:10 am [Reply]

94: Crankshaft has contempt, but never backs it up with any real superiority of his own. And there’s no attempt to improve matters. He denigrates others rather than improving himself. Just hating things, with or without reason, is not admirable. Yes, this reflects badly on my above comments, especially the one about Fred Bassett, but I do not pose as being better than Fred. Ed Crankshaft does.

But what do I know? I’m forty, fat, and resigned.
John E.
May 1st, 2008 at 7:00 am [Reply]

Spiderman – Well Peter, technically speaking, the lawfully appointed local, state, and federal law enforcement officials are the ones that “gotta go after him”.

You – not so much…
Godzooky
May 1st, 2008 at 7:28 am [Reply]

Paging True Fable: NY Times has a nice goat story today.

Phantom: Hawa and Kay assigning themselves to find out who’s the Unknown Commander? Judging from how quickly Mrs. U.C.’s smile faded, that new barracks may not be needed after all. Just as well. Have you seen how nasty some of those women’s bathrooms get? (I’m a guy, but I’ve heard stories…)
TheCasey
May 1st, 2008 at 7:36 am [Reply]

95: Mibbitmaker – No, but bellbottoms give you cancer of the groove.
Randall
May 1st, 2008 at 7:37 am [Reply]

LuAnn: Gunther, she has the tits. She doesn’t need to be anymore interesting than that.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 1st, 2008 at 8:18 am [Reply]

Archie: What better criteria is there to determine when to eat than hunger? This strip is funny only if you are the AJGLU3000, which knows biological needs exist but does not understand them. "HA HA! THE FOOLISH HU-MAN EATS WHEN IT IS HUNGRY INSTEAD OF AT PREDETERMINED TIME INTERVALS!"

(WT)DT: Um, you’re the police chief, Liz. You can let them go without Tracy’s permission. Oh, and how about arresting the guy who just killed your suspect? Right in front of you? And is still holding the weapon?

Drabble: Welcome to Galtburger, where flavor is our objective! Would you like to try an Individualist Hero Sandwich or a Rational Self-Interest Combo Meal? The combo comes with a free work of neo-realist art to which you bring your own interpretation!

FC: Gonna cry, Jeffy? Gonna cry?

JP: If this were Mark Trail, we’d be looking at beavers in Panel 1 instead of… uh… not.

HotC: I’m with whoever it was who said a few days ago, “ENOUGH WITH THE FWINKIN’ JONAS BROTHERS ALREADY!”

MC: Pay attention, hack cartoonists. This is what we call a callback.

Phantom: Oh, please tell me that the woman who remembered that a face on a wanted poster is the guy she gave a parking ticket to three days earlier has already forgotten that Diana said she was married to the Unknown Commander. Please tell me they aren’t going to waste time “investigating” who he is. Please tell me that if they do, Phantom will punch them both in the skull for making him look like a moron. Please please please.

SFx: Don’t worry, Max! TaxBat is coming to the rescue! He’ll slap that kidnapper with so many punitive tariffs his head will spin!
queek
May 1st, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

MC: I so did not see that coming. Well DONE!
Old School Allie Cat
May 1st, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

Foob – There are so many other things John could have wished for in that last pane. Like, an anvil falling on and crushing Elly. Or wishing he’d used a condom 17 years and 9 months ago.

I don’t know. All I’m saying is – wish in one hand, foob in the other.
Christian
May 1st, 2008 at 8:59 am [Reply]

“94: Crankshaft has contempt, but never backs it up with any real superiority of his own. And there’s no attempt to improve matters. He denigrates others rather than improving himself. Just hating things, with or without reason, is not admirable.”

Hmm… so its not good to hate everything and everyone in a desperate attempt to cover up your own flaws? And if its bad in Crankshaft, who’s old and a fictional character, then it must be worse in somebody real and 23? GODDAMNIT
John C Fremont
May 1st, 2008 at 9:01 am [Reply]

A3G – Bolle keeps turning his characters into celebreties, but today he turned this Davis guy into my neighbor. Does Bolle know where I live?

Phantom – “This will not stand!” Is she doing George Bush Sr. or The Dude?

RMMD – June’s expression in the third panel makes me sad. Don’t be sad, June. Be perky.

SFx – I swear I thought the moon was Max’s thought balloon when I read this earlier. Of course, I wasn’t wearing my glasses and hadn’t had my coffee yet, but…

JP – Love the panel in the panel in the panel.
Sam; “I’m thinking of a number between one and ten.”
Steve; “I’m crrrrrrushing your head!”

GA – So the wedding’s off, then?

GT – Boy, Mr. Vargas is ordering the hell out of those guys.
Anne
May 1st, 2008 at 9:09 am [Reply]

I am usually not bothered by this stuff, but today’s B.C. http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2008/5/1&name=BC was quite an unfortunate coincidence, WOW. I’m surprised the syndicate didn’t pull it — you’d think they’d have some backup strips for times like this. People who don’t understand that cartoonists send these in way in advance are going to riot.
Calvin
May 1st, 2008 at 9:19 am [Reply]

36 – Emily

OMG, is Crankshaft really set in Warm and Cheerful Centerville!? I went to High School there back in the 80s, while Dad was stationed at Wright-Patt AFB. Sounds as if the place hasn’t changed much….

91 – Diamond Joe

Rose is Rose can be unreadable, especially when MeeMaw, who is just a shorter and morbidly obese version of Rose, comes to visit, or back when Rose used to fantasize that her hubby was bald, and hubby fantasized that Rose was fat (like her mom).

The way to make it readable is to just imagine that they are on drugs, all the time. This explains the little halluncinatory rainbows and flowers and hearts that always float around them. There was a strip last year when they stole the kid’s “stash”, then spent all night standing in the front yard blowing bubbles (in the dark), then transitioned to hula hooping when the sun came up.

I’ve been wondering what will take the place of FOOB when LJ finally does give it up. Looks like Luanne will do that, with its quaint and bland values from the 50s. Brad is in his mid-20s, and is all in a lather because he finally kissed a girl for the first time. Luanne is trying to get Gunther to be more “manly” and start killing wolves with his bare hands to prove he is worthy of a kiss from her, maybe sometime around 2018.
Bozo
May 1st, 2008 at 9:24 am [Reply]

Rex need look no farther for this MRSA, sure Sarah was researching this disease all night, because all elementary age kids study infectious diseases, looks like someone was just trying to cover her tracks.
commodorejohn
May 1st, 2008 at 9:48 am [Reply]

9CL – It seems Edda is confusing “admires the playing of” with “would like to have sex with.”

A3G – “Oh, what a sex…er, shame…that he fu…er, forgot.”

A.D. – It seems Mason has decided to take a crack at Johnny’s late-period “nonsensical and disturbing” style of joke-writing.

BB – Wow, I guess there must have been a line for Sarge to cross after all. Curiously, it doesn’t seem to be as bad as usual. Maybe he just got sloppy and did it while the police were around.

Crankshaft – HELL YES.

Crock – I actually chuckled at Crock today. The punchline could’ve been trimmed a bit, but it was still honestly funny.

Curtis – Smooth. The denouement might have been really ass-backwards stupid, but at least Curtis did come out on top. Way to go, you devilish little smuggler, you.

DTM – Now this is just crying out for Dean Booth’s attention.

DT – And suddenly Dick Tracy takes a turn for the utterly hilarious.

FC – Oh, this is beautiful. Jeffy has achieved a downright wonderful level of neurosis. I can’t wait to see its effects on other areas of his life.

FW – …so does Funky just have the whole town under his thumb? Is Westview a town run by a pizza magnate?

GA – I’d hope that we’d get to see Amanda slowly become another Miss Havisham, but I just don’t see something that genuinely entertaining happening in this comic.

HTH – AAAAAHHHHH CAN’T SLEEP THE BUNNIES WILL GET ME

JP – Oh crap, they already gave us an Earth Day strip and now they’re going to inflict us with a whole Earth Day storyline? Come on, we already have a storyline and a half going!

Luann – “Maybe I should be embarassed by you. Before I kill you and embalm your corpse with my bodily fluids.”

NS – Well, I presume they’d get out the same way they got in. But then, what do I know? I’m not a professional cartoonist.

Peanuts – Sweet, did we just reach the point where this was introduced?

Popeye – A magic witch flute? Not the witch’s magic flute, but a kind of flute that is magic and is owned by witches? Uh, okay…

Preteena – Why does this strip have to end while crap like FOOB gets to continue?

SM – It’s okay, Peter. Most of the villains in this strip pretty much defeat themselves without your help.

SFx – That sound you hear is Ted Forth making Pitfall! noises off-panel.
Mr. Lemon
May 1st, 2008 at 9:54 am [Reply]

“Of course we need a reason Jeffy. The lord won’t accept our sinful human contact otherwise. Remember that our bodies are evil, monstrous things and any thoughts towards physical enjoyment, chaste or otherwise, is sinful and wrong and will likely damn us to the depths of hell. Enjoy roasting with the devil Jeffy, I won’t be dragged down with you.”
Calico
May 1st, 2008 at 10:38 am [Reply]

#113 What an, um, unfortunate coincidence…

At least we’re not seeing widdle Francie Caine in her handmade, mahogany and cherry-wood cage in the basement. Two of these strips on the same day would make my eyes bleed.
Calico
May 1st, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

Alison’s late with her fortnightly installment, but here’s an excuse-plus an anonymous kid’s budding cartoon sense.
Could we please have this kid replace FOOB? Pretty please with bees and honey?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y0HD63Gd-o
heartbacon
May 1st, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

You might say poetic justice, Dab, but then Dick would report you to HUAC. Best just to fade creepily into the shadows again.
Niall
May 1st, 2008 at 10:43 am [Reply]

Dingo a few threads ago, on Kutztown Hullabaloo: That was amusing to watch, though most were just being silly (like the “reeling in the fish” bit.. I nearly cried laughing). However, they do the Macarena non-ironically. However, it looks like you had a hand in some of the projects – how else to explain the Mark Trail squirrels and the Mary Worth animated scarf? :)

And yes, I should have given my current list before asking for new suggestions. I couldn’t reply before leaving work, then had dentist appointment and dance class and came home late.

So here’s what’s on my Chron page:
A3G – Archie – BC – Beetle Bailey – Blondie – Curtis – Dennis – Dick Tracy – Dilbert – Edge City – F Minus – Family Circus – Garfield – Gil Thorp – Hagar – Hi & Lois – Judge Parker – Mark Trail – Marmaduke – Mary Worth – My Cage – PBS – Phantom – Pluggers – Rex Morgan – Sally Forth – Slylock Fox.
Helena Handbasket
May 1st, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

Our worst fears have been realized: Spiderman has MRSA! Like all crossovers, this will combine the strengths of two great works to enhance them both. The lack of action and glacial pacing of Spiderman will be added to the lack of action and glacial pacing of RMMD. Get ready for a month of nonstop thrills as Peter Parker drinks lots of fluids and Rex Morgan discovers that more information on MRSA can be found on the internet!
Niall
May 1st, 2008 at 10:56 am [Reply]

Time for Thursday Tomics!

A3G: Either someone’s using teleportation so that a 15-second talk moves from office to hallway to middle of the street, or they talk.. really.. slowly… Or else they have long awkward pauses.

BC: Now this joke is already skirting bad taste, but in the light of very recent news, it’s also of the worst timing possible. Okay, so it was the basement, but still.

Curtis: Today, I’ll give Curtis the ownage badge.

DT: WHy do I get the dread feeling that this will take another week to end?

Garfield: That much of a closeup is not necessary. Also, that thought balloon defines unnecessary by itself.

JP: A plot so dry, so boring, that Barretto broke down and found a way to draw more young nubile chests. Who are we to complain? :)

MT: How about asking a description and name of the person who returned the missing pets, and realising it’s always the same person? I’d say that’s mighty suspicious and worthy of a closer look.

MC: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Oh, priceless, beautiful, so much WIN and excellent subplot rearing its ugly fern again. :) Oh, and the sky is gorgeously coloured! Was that done by Melissa too?

Slylock: Okay. There is no way this isn’t done as a loving throw towards Reynard Noir. :)
Xenarthral
May 1st, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Why are people clamoring for real names in Dick Tracy? What’s next, realistic-looking people instead
of unfortunates driven into a life of crime (and a
grisly death) by society’s rejection of their
deformities?

Not to mention that Dick Tracy is technically a
police procedural, not hardboiled.

34.
Can’t speak for Mary Worth’s “Meddler’s Handbook”
but the other two have been in the Skull Cave
trophy room since The Phantom (’s strip) began.

56.
Yes, Beetle used to have a girlfriend (I think he may
in fact have had two, or maybe she dyed her hair).
He also used to go to college.
indichik
May 1st, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

Where exactly is the rest of Ma Keane’s body in that panel? Considering we know that there’s roughly an ten-foot height difference between the parents and the kids in this strip, she couldn’t possibly be standing upright. She’s obviously just a floating torso incapable of hugging, representing her emotional coldness and inability to give love. Sorry, Jeffy.
MPB
May 1st, 2008 at 11:41 am [Reply]

RMMD: Racial cleansing the Rex Morgan way?
Poteet
May 1st, 2008 at 11:41 am [Reply]

For True Fable and other goat fans:

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080501/NEWS/80501014/1001/NEWS
Astroboy
May 1st, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

LuAnn – Luann’s view of Gunther from inside the pig-shaped gimp mask is majorly freaking me out. Majorly.

GT – Try as I might I just cannot reconcile Whigham’s graphic-novel style with the usual Thorpoverse. Will we never see another spit-take-inducingly hilarious hairstyle like Steve Luhm’s again? I just can’t work up my usual enthusiasm for GT snarkage with Whigham drawing it. The two Franks spoiled me.
Poteet
May 1st, 2008 at 11:50 am [Reply]

# 100 — Spotted H0rse, thank you. Horrifically harried though she is, that kangaroo mom has cheered me up.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 1st, 2008 at 11:58 am [Reply]

5/1

JS: Is this horrifying return to the womb schtick about played out? Please?

Marvin: The pitch-black pillow represents death. He got away with murder yet again.

FW: Oh Harry, you know Funky will get you for trying to deny him his full fifteen minutes.

BC: … or basement, in some parts of Canada.

JP: Later that day. “Damn, I knew I wanted to do something but I forgot to write it down. Create special… something. Special design for my credit card? Must be it.”
anthom
May 1st, 2008 at 11:59 am [Reply]

Poor misguided bees. Killing Crankshaft won’t bring back their goddamn honey.
fishmorgjp
May 1st, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

Marvin has been getting away with murder for all the years it’s been produced…
commodorejohn
May 1st, 2008 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

#128 Astroboy – Give it time. Even McLaughlin’s art was kind of normal at first. We’ve already seen some of Whigham’s attempts at proper Thorpian insanity, such as ludicrous, impossible, disconnected sports action, baseball with a degravitated sphere and hilarious possible-innuendos, and general artistic madness, so once he’s gotten into the groove, I think it’ll work out just beautifully.
Batman Beatles
May 1st, 2008 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

Luanne: Go Gunther!
NotAGoatHead
May 1st, 2008 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

Snuffy Smith: Notice how Jughaid is practicing his DUI “walking the straight line” walk. It’s a skill I’m sure he’ll need in the future because of the influence from his Unk Snuff.
And what is that animal? A dog? (Or more likely) A ‘possum?
gnome de blog
May 1st, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

99 Arglebargle:

I’m sticking to my theory that Ted is Hilary’s father, Jackie is her mother, and Sally is actually a 24/7 transvestite male. It explains a lot – namely, why Ted is so swishy and why Sal’s (né Salvatore) mom is so disapproving.
Zaq
May 1st, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

55: No, they found that quote by reading that one strip that all those people snark about.
Patrick, FOOB Abominator Division
May 1st, 2008 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth Today in this corner we have Frankie Avalon late of Beach Blanket Baby and his hit song Venus, and in the other corner we have Fabian fresh off his hit song “Turn Me Loose” ready to duke it out over the corpse of their mother. The role of the mother is being played by Connie Francis.
Vakar
May 1st, 2008 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

I could join the chorus of complaints that today’s final FOOB panel has taken the punnery too far, but let’s cool it a minute. Archie has failed the Turing test so much, we can be assured that it is of mechanical origin. Why not FBoFW? Perhaps Lynn is delaying her retirement so she can work out the kinks on her automatic replacement, which will handle the plotting, dialog, and art. The Liz’n'thony story arc, which we derided as so obvious, may be the machine’s first time out. And the extra-bad puns? Well, you feed “doctor dentist career retirement bastard” into COMIX-HAC 6700 and see what you get.
Doug Puthoff
May 1st, 2008 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

5-1

FC: (Alternate caption)–Mom, I think Jeffy’s had too much Jolt. He’s spilling it all over and trying to put it back in his glass.

GT–The plotline is in dire need of Clambake or Cully Vale. Since Armando is a magician, why can’t he make Rubin disapper?

BC–Unintentionally creepy do to recent events.

FW–After the five-year flash forward, Funky turned into an alcoholic grouch. After the ten-year flash forward he turned into workaholic grouch who looks disturbingly like Mr. Wilson from DTM. Time travel must not set well with Mr. Winkerbean
Comcis Fan
May 1st, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

Zits: Is Jeremy now an only child? What became of older brother Chad? Do Jeremy and his mom forget that Jeremy is the little brother in the house?

Perhaps Chad is hanging out somewhere with Chuck, the forgotten older brother on “Happy Days,” and Mike, the forgotten older brother on “My Three Sons.”
True Fable
May 1st, 2008 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

#102 whippersnapper – GOAT! Simpson goat! Dammit, I missed that episode. I’ll have to go haunt YouTube or something. Thanks for the info!

#105 godzooky – GOAT! Amputee goat! Oh, there lies a noble tale, thanks! See what brave little things goats are, folks?

#172 Poteet, my queen! – GOATS! More goats in the world, ahhh yes! Thank you my liege for the report on such a very blessed event.

Well hot damn, y’all, this has been one Goatastic Day here already! Yay!
Niall
May 1st, 2008 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

131. anthom: best Wicker Man reference, and I haven’t even seen the movie. :)
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
May 1st, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

141 — Reminds me of the series last Christmas where Chad had been home from college for two weeks, and Jeremy only noticed him as he was headed back to school. Jeremy says something like “Maybe I just don’t notice things,” whereas Chad replies “Our sister says that a lot about you too.”
TheCasey
May 1st, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

108: T.S.S-B – I think Mrs. Phantom is just wanting to give hubby a good reason for some more “Skull-Cave Punishment”, if you get my drift. But this time she’s bringing friends!

114: Calvin – Brad is in his mid-20’s? Really? I was thinking maybe 21, 22. If that.

123: Niall – Maybe I’m misremembering, but I think that the eeee-vil petnappers use temps to return the pets. Just people they get off the street to return these pets for a little money.
TheCasey
May 1st, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

’shaft – Wait, Crankshaft owns a beekeeper’s outfit?? What the hell?
odinthor
May 1st, 2008 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

141. Comcis Fan– Actually, they’re all at a retreat run by Jethrine Bodine and Adam Cartwright. Joe Isuzu does the publicity for it.
trey le parc
May 1st, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

I doubt even an Africanized bee can get a stinger through Crankshaft’s alcohol-ravaged bazoo.
True Fable
May 1st, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

You know, I can just hear my future grandchildren : “Grandpa Fable, why are you so bizarre about goats?”

Goats are where it’s at. It’s just that many folks aren’t quite there yet. :-)

been sickly lately. What have I missed?

9CL This is going to be a really strange little bitchfight.
BC Ouch. The timing is as unfortunate as it is unforeseen.
BB After all these years of getting the snot beaten out of him, Beetle calls the cops on Sarge after a Tennis match?!?! Love hurts.
Bizarro I met her once.
cathy (Must Die!) 1 Starburst. 4 flopsweats. One really stupid last panel – why print out all that stuff if it’s saved on the pc, opening the folder doesn’t mean printing it out – oh never mind, this is Cathy and I don’t care.
C’haft See, the bees can sting back whereas most of the people C’haft rails against can’t or don’t. This might be worth watching just to see who gets stung worse.
Curits You got pwned, kid.
(WT)DT Dick Tracy will like panel two, since it looks like the dude’s been shot in the ass with an arrow. Not quite as good as falling down a smokestack or getting crushed by a bulldozer, but hey, dead’s dead.
FC That is one frantic little kid there. Yoo hef spilten zee meelk! Yoo vill hef to Pey Zee PRICE!!
FBoFW Flash ‘em John! FLASH ‘EM!!
FW Don’t be sorry, Crazy Harry! Tell him, “Fuck you, Funky; that’s a fine way to treat a customer! Screw you, I’m going to eat at Pizza Hut and what’s more, I’m going to write Pizza World and tell them what a big fake you are!” and then WALK OUT.
GA Amanda never read the first chapter of “The Godfather”, where it was apparently customary to SCREW a bridesmaid.
(WTF)GT Gil Thorp just can’t have kids with parents who can stick around. I guess that’s one way to make Gil seem “more like a parent than a coach”, but geez. Old.
HotC What it doesn’t tell you is, the Jonas Brothers are this year’s version of the Hanson Brothers (”Doo Wop! doo wop doo wop DOOO WOP!”)
JP Not only has Steve taken over the firm, he’s managed to squish Sam into a little bitty cabinet in the corner.
Luann Right on, Gunther. Now superglue that head onto her shoulders.
MT Holy shit, these people move quick!
Marvin Dennis? Is that you? ‘Cause you’re still not very menacing.
Phantom Ladies, something tells me the Jungle Patrol isn’t governed by Right To Work laws. You go snoopin’ around and you’ll be out of the Patrol on your nice little asses, fast. “This will not stand!”, indeed! Who the hell are YOU, sister?
RMDS Is this foreshadowing the future for Sara to come in contact with MRSA? ‘Cause that’s what it looks like to me.
commodorejohn
May 1st, 2008 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

#149 True Fable – Ten years from now, you can tell people “I was into goats before goats were cool.”
Will
May 1st, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

The anal-retentive editor in me can’t resist any longer – pretty sure it’s bons mots
Diamond Joe
May 1st, 2008 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

#149 True Fable & #150 commodorejohn:

Or “I was into goats before that was legal.”
Saxman
May 1st, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

JP:
I’m hoping “Europa” refers to the sixth moon of Jupiter and the company is owned by extraterrestrials. The wacky drug-farming biplane owner can eventually save the day by flying directly into the mothership’s death ray.

Crank:
Over a year ago, I determined that there was a beehive in my Houston, TX suburban attic. They enter and exit through a hole under one of the eves in the roof. For a while they also got into the attic, and occasionally my bathroom to the consternation of all involved. I put a stop to that by plugging the entrance to the attic with fiberglass, with only one minor hole in the ceiling and no serious damage to my knee. I’ve been kinda hoping that the problem would just go away, and I’m reluctant to just kill them (or have a professional do it) because I’m basically a treehunger and I know there is a serious bee colony shotage. I’ve been hoping for some wisdom from Crankshaft, but based on what I’ve read here today, I’m now seriously wondering about paper thin walls and swarms of angry bees swarming into my living room.
Helena Handbasket
May 1st, 2008 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

153 Saxman, if they’re honeybees, you can probably get a local beekeeper to come take them from you quite happily. Look for a beekeeping supply store in the phone book and see if they can help you find a home for your hive.
AwesomeMan
May 1st, 2008 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

I’m not sure how many fantasies start with “Mommy, do we hafta have a reason for a hug?” but I bet it’s a sizable percentage.
Mike
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

Marvin: They could be a little less blatant with the Stewie Griffin rip-off, but what do I know.
AlphabetFish
May 2nd, 2008 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

May 2nd FOOB: “All your disillusions about home and parenting don’t even compare…” Um, WTF? That’s like saying “You have no idea what REAL work is about, Elly, and you’re just plain crazy if you think being a stay at home mom is hard.”
Bianca
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