The Comics Curmudgeon

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You can’t have it all, girls

Hi and Lois, 5/11/08

Yes, happy mother’s day, Lois! I’m glad to see that you’re spending it crushing any ambitions your girl-children might hold of having kids and having some other identity for themselves when they grow up. After all, everyone knows that nobody could possibly be a princess, rock star, poet, or CEO while also being a mother. Why, that’s pure madness, I tell you, pure madness!

I do have to give Lois points for having rock star fantasies that involve a gig at CBGB — and since she’s probably in the 40-45 range, this is even vaguely appropriate, chronologically. The beatnik poet look, not so much. I’m also curious as to where Chip is during this celebration. Because he’s an aspiring musician himself, it may be too painful for him to hear once again how her band had to break up after she got knocked up with him by some corporate tool she met one night after a show.

Shoe, 5/11/08

HOLY CRAP THEY’RE FLYING! I complain a lot that the bird-ness of the birds in Shoe is not exploited often enough, so it’s somewhat gratifying to see Shoe and the Perfesser swooping through the sky in living color. But since all the offices and homes and restaurants we see the Shoe characters hanging out in are on tree branches, it makes the sprawly suburban landscape that they’re navigating over somewhat disconcerting. I’d like to see them walk into one of the strip malls below them and order lunch, only to be met with uncomprehending stares and/or shrieks of terror.

Another strange anomaly thrown into sharp relief in the air: the Perfesser wears clothes — a shirt and shoes, at least — while Shoe is naked as whatever kind of bird he’s supposed to be. This brings a whole new level of discomfort to his drunken advances on barflies that we’re occasionally forced to endure.

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 11, 2008 at 10:00 pm and is filed under Hi and Lois, Shoe.

213 responses to “You can’t have it all, girls”

Doug Puthoff
May 11th, 2008 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

The sad thing about today’s “Hi and Lois” strip is that Rock Star Lois turns me on.
Dan
May 11th, 2008 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

So the birds finally are flying
what’s next? actually seeing Beetle and the gang in war? The Lockhorns finally breaking up? Spiderman doing something… heroic?

wonders never cease.
Benjamin Baxter
May 11th, 2008 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

I’m not sure why Hi and Lois surprises you today. Like the newsprint it’s printed on, the characterizations of thatstrip are decidedly two-dimensional.

I’m glad Shoe isn’t just hanging out at his bar anymore, though that setup would work just as well for this joke. Or, maybe he is in his bar, and having a drunken delusion, only to be shaken back to reality when it’s time for the last call.

We’ll never know.

http://awaitingtenure.wordpress.com/
Mac
May 11th, 2008 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

Gee, Lois. How hard is it to be a poet? It doesn’t take a lot of time to write a poem.

There once was a man named Hi
A corporate tool of a guy
He met a young poet
And before you know it
They were married and living a lie

That took like, two minutes.
Ridureyu
May 11th, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

I don’t know about you, but I’m glad that the Perfesser is wearing clothes. now if only we can say the same about Shoe.

By the way, my mom, who raised us kids and taught us herself, is earning her doctorate. You can do plenty of things even when you’re raising your kids.
Prehumous
May 11th, 2008 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

What I like about your Shoe review is how you totally ignored the joke of the strip. That to me just proves that some comics are so worthless that mocking a stylistic tic of the illustrator is more enjoyable than even looking at the joke.
commodorejohn
May 11th, 2008 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

“I’m also curious as to where Chip is during this celebration. Because he’s an aspiring musician himself, it may be too painful for him to hear once again how her band had to break up after she got knocked up with him by some corporate tool she met one night after a show.”
If this isn’t rock-opera fodder, I don’t know what is.
Edgy DC
May 11th, 2008 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

I like the volatile sales graph at Lois Ltd., letting reality seep into her fantasy.

It’s like they’re alternately releasing rock music and poetry, and it’s a net wash.
Harold
May 11th, 2008 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

Based on the side of their shadows relative to the car below, and assuming that the Sun’s rays are effectively parallel on this scale, we can conclude that these birds have roughly four foot wingspans. Given that they are about as tall as theur wingspans, that would make them about four feet tall. Those are pretty big birds. If that is a human habitation down there, the locals are in for one nasty surprise when these two tick-covered abominations stroll through the front door.

What the hell is wrong with the guitarist’s face at the beatnik poetry club? It looks like it’s covered in bees. Or is that some sort of eyebrow-to-chin beard that covers his nose as well?
name
May 11th, 2008 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

Maybe Chip is off somewhere facilitating Lois’s dreams of grandmotherhood with some underage groupie of his straight-edge punk band.

Actually, I’m not even sure that they’re still meant to be straight edge, I just remember that from late nineties, when I found it kind of strange the Hi and Lois even knew what that was.
Harold
May 11th, 2008 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

In my comment at #9 that should say “size”, dammit, not “side.” Time for bed.
TurtleBoy
May 11th, 2008 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

#6 Prehumous: Yeah, that’s an awful lot of ink for not so much funny. Next week Cassatt and Brookins plan on spending seven days’ worth of panels elaborating the “my dog has no nose” joke.
Rick Griffin
May 11th, 2008 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

In the olden days, the birds in Shoe used to fly much more often! And were seen in locations other than Roz’s. And actually worked on their newspaper. Sometimes you could see snippets of it! And it was funny, and intelligent! It reminds one of how comics very often break down over time: much like radioactive material, it has served its purpose (originally, making fun of Ted Kennedy), it then becomes baser elements that must subsequently be disposed of deep underground and forgotten.
NotAGoatHead
May 11th, 2008 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

All I know is that in Lois’ fantasy poet life she’s got a zombie playing guitar on stage. And isn’t that a Shylock Fox frog on the rock in her princess fantasy? And flowers in a Coke bottle? Where do you get a real Coke bottle these days? And I’m not even gonna comment on what Trixi’s fantasy must be — the way she’s going at that thumb.
luzzleanne
May 11th, 2008 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

Though I do give Lois credit for it, I’m personally more amazed that the Hi and Lois artists actually know what CBGB is.
bats :[
May 11th, 2008 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

What does it matter, whether the birds in Shoe fly or not? I don’t consider this an improvement…now they really have the opportunity to poop on people’s heads.
OTOH, maybe some juvenile delinquent is more likely to take them out with a BB gun…
Hawkeye
May 11th, 2008 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe no one has said it yet, so I guess I will: Today’s “Hi and Lois” was brought to you by “For Better or For Worse.”
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 11th, 2008 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

Pete Townshend, when he did the big windmill move, generally made a point of having the arc at some point go somewhere near the fucking guitar strings. Might be why his band got a little further than the Lois Unknown Last Name Experience.
LaZorra
May 11th, 2008 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

Would it be too much to ask that Hi & Lois’s creators decide whether or not they’re going to include ending punctuation and then stick to that decision? My little copyediting soul is easily distressed by such inconsistencies.
t3knomanser
May 11th, 2008 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

The worst thing is that “Shoe” more or less stole that joke from Apple Computer. It was funnier when Apple did it. It’s not that different folks can’t tell the same or related jokes. It’s just that the “Shoe” version was so weak, and the Apple version is a historical curiosity.
Tweeks_Coffee
May 11th, 2008 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

re: Shoe: Furthermore; there are cars down there. If you could just fly everywhere, would you really have a car?
John C Fremont
May 11th, 2008 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

Hey, Scherzo, it did work! I killed the wabbit! I mean, thwead! I’ve still got that thread killing magic, but with a roughly one hour time delay. Damn you, Daylight Savings Time!!
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 11th, 2008 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

Also: Niki Giovanni? If that’s where that path ends up, then yeah, I can see how the path with the big “POETRY-FREE SUBURBAN WIFERY: THISAWAY” sign on it would sing out like a siren call.
tantive
May 11th, 2008 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

as a jay bird josh. naked as a jay bird…
Sili
May 11th, 2008 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

Is that Hi on the spade in panel five? How utterly disturbing.
Genetic_Mishap
May 11th, 2008 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

I guess the Shoe crew is cribbing from Ghost World now? To paraphrase MST3K, “never mention a good comic in the middle of your crappy one”.
Hank
May 11th, 2008 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

RE: 18, One-eyed Wolfdog, Hi and Lois. Her last name, at least before marriage, was “Bailey.” She’s Beetle’s sister. Seriously. It’s a spin off strip.
commodorejohn
May 11th, 2008 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

#20 t3knomanser – Indeed, I mentioned that earlier today (’twas fresh in my brain, as I spent most of Saturday trying to get an old Mac Classic up and running, which I finally did, hooray.) So not only was Shoe out-funnied by the people who thought the iPod shadow-person ads were hip, it was also beaten to the punch by a solid sixteen-plus years. Way to go, MacNellyCorp!
Cepahalus
May 11th, 2008 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

Now, a lot of strips clearly don’t spend any effort on the throwaway gag in the first two panels, but I think Shoe is the only one that shows open contempt for the very concept.
Diamond Joe
May 11th, 2008 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

Howard Bunt’s Blog, points out that today’s Foob much more accurately describes the current living situation of LJ than that of Elly, who has husband, kids, and grandkids nearby.

After reading that, the thought struck me– today’s strip also pretty well encapsulates LJ’s attitude toward Foob: she’s earned the right to be lazy. She’s worked so hard and so long, and been so tough and so uncomplaining (and, of course, so humble), can we possibly be so ungrateful as to begrudge her the luxury of lying back at the end of the day and farting out whatever she wants?
RaJ
May 11th, 2008 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

Birds don’t fly above the clouds. Birds don’t make bad puns. Birds only wear sneakers and glasses when they’re about to be adorable. I hate “Shoe.”
Moon Mullins
May 11th, 2008 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

#7 commodorejohn:

“I’m also curious as to where Chip is during this celebration. Because he’s an aspiring musician himself, it may be too painful for him to hear once again how her band had to break up after she got knocked up with him by some corporate tool she met one night after a show.”
“If this isn’t rock-opera fodder, I don’t know what is.”

I believe that is the story line in the Avril Lavigne song “Sk8ter Boy”, currently in development as a movie. God help us all.
Trotzenbonnie
May 11th, 2008 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

Gee whiz. Where’s the love, people?
I refrain from posting for damn near a month and not one of you could organize a decent search party? My name doesn’t appear on a milk carton. Slylock Fox doesn’t even try to pin my disappearance on Reeky Rat. (Thanks a lot, Bob Weber Jr. We’ll see if I nominate you for the People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive issue NEXT year…)
Where the hell was I, you may ask. Well, it’s none of your damned business, reply I! I will say it had something to do with several bolts of tulle, a can of Cool Whip and a pair of pink handled needle nose pliers….
Thank GOD ALMIGHTY for Mother’s Day or I wouldn’t be here right now. Did I want to cruise the $5.99 All-You-Can-Eat buffet at Jumbo’s Cafeteria like the step-monsters suggested? Iggin-fray Ick-snay I say. It’s bad enough I had to suffer through a day at the spa courtesy of My Rotten Kid. Oh yeah. Happy Mother’s Day to me. He thought I would love someone smearing mud all over my face and having hot rocks shoved up my ass because it’s supposed to be sooooo relaxing. And it really made my day when that two-bit little strumpet in a smock made fun of my cuticles. Eff you! At least I don’t look like I had my hair done by a cotton candy machine. Spa Schma! If I want to relax that badly I’ll toddle on down to Fat Pat’s and drink margarita’s until I pass out, thank you very much.
All I wanted to do for Mother’s Day is this – catch up on past posts and bitch about the friggin comics, dammit! Since Josh so deftly handled Hi & Lois, definitely the worst of the bunch (you know, I just had a conversation with MRK about parenthood that went like this:
MRK – Uh, I was going to Las Vegas for Memorial Day weekend but one of the guys can’t go. I guess he has kids.
ME – What the friggin hell does THAT have to do with anything? Parenting rule numero uno is this – NEVER let your kids interfere with you being YOU!
MRK – Really? Well, if that’s the case then maybe you’ll get some grandkids after all….)
so I really need to blow a cork over For Better or For Worse.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m tickled to death that we were spared some smarmy rot involving Mike’s half-assed attempts to pay homage to the breeder of his irksome brood but – what the hell? Am I supposed to feel sorry for poor Elly because she had to pile a few cans in the cupboard?!!!! If you’ve earned the right to simmer your curdled ass in the tub just because you pushed a cart through the supermarket (what – was the MUZAK too loud? Were the wheels on the cart too wobbly?) I wonder what the poor schmuck who boiled out in the hot sun picking the crops that wound up in your cans earned? Not even minimum wage probably. And BAKING A PIE? That is strenuous? The only taxing part of that activity is resisting the urge to shove the whole thing into your big yap before you even put it into the oven, Mrs Patterson. And – duh! The rest is just dopey housework and you can’t be too fussy about that if you have a sheepdog, for crying out loud. Miss Mollie creates tumbleweeds of hair as she’s chasing me around the house while I vacuum. And if you were too lazy to teach the rest of the family to pick up after themselves well, tough titties – I don’t feel sorry for you. Here’s a helpful hint – if you stop baking pies, the kitchen will stay a lot cleaner. Trust me. I’m the woman who had Peg Bracken arrested for identity theft.

Who the hell is Peg Bracken, you say?
Young whippersnappers, get off my lawn, say I!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! That felt good. Happy Mother’s Day to ME!
Moon Mullins
May 11th, 2008 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

#33 Trotz: Welcome back! I always love your posts, and of course your hottie picture puffing powdered sugar.

I just returned from about six weeks away the other day as well, and only Poteet remembered me.

This site can be a nasty mistress. If you don’t always pay attention and treat her well on a regular basis, she treats you like yesterday’s fishwrap.
Uncle Lumpy
May 11th, 2008 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

#30 DJ said –

She’s worked so hard and so long, and been so tough and so uncomplaining (and, of course, so humble)

And she knew Sparky! Dammit, she knew Sparky! You’d think that would count for something these days, but nooooo . . . . Glomf, snorgle, eat, eat!
Moon Mullins
May 11th, 2008 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

p.s. nobody hates to cook more than Peg. Whippersnappers be damned.
PeterW
May 11th, 2008 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

27 Hank: I’d been told it was the other way around… guess I should look that up.

You’re right, BB was the parent strip. On a side note, Wikipedia says that The Simpsons’ Comic Book Guy is a fan of Hi and Lois. In this season’s Valentine’s Day episode, Comic Book Guy was cast as the owner of CBGB, and called it “Comic Book Guy’s Bar.” (This is also an example about how I learn about so many things through parody, as I only learned it was a real place in fact checking for this post.)

I think I made a few comments on today’s comics on yesterthread. I’m disinclined to look at them again.

I knew as soon as I saw it that this place would be abuzz over today’s Shoe. I’m most disturbed that Shoe’s wing is clearly wing-shaped, while Cosmo’s is definitely tubular.
Poet
May 11th, 2008 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

I bet the owner of that green car has just washed it.
ChattyGenes
May 11th, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

#33 Bravo, Trotz!

Sometimes I think I’d be hard-put to pick the best CC Foob ranter. There’s a lot of great ones here, but you and True Fable are usually in the lead:-)

And yes, I DO know who Peg Bracken is, and I have fond memories of her THE I HATE TO COOK BOOK, which my mother had a copy of. Thanks for reminding me of it!
NotPigeon
May 11th, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

#18: One-Eyed Wolfdog:
The funny thing is, his swing is so off, it’s behind the guitar.
RaJ
May 11th, 2008 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

“Motherhood: the last daisy in the chain of professional failure.”
Mariko
May 11th, 2008 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

Lois’ life ain’t no party, it ain’t no disco, it ain’t no foolin’ around.
It ain’t no Mudd Club or C.B.G.B.–she ain’t got time for that now!
Anonymous
May 11th, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

Sosumi? As in System 7’s new sound effect?

[/nerd]
Trotzenbonnie
May 11th, 2008 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

#34 – Moon Mullins
Would you believe that picture came up as I went to post? It was really kind of creepy.
So you just returned after a lengthy mysterious absence, too (wink wink nudge nudge). You can have the needle nose pliers back but I’m keeping the Cool Whip….

#39 – Chatty G
Why, thank you. But really – I bow AND scrape to the Fabled One.

And cheers to Peg, my hero!
K. Ivan Ruppert
May 11th, 2008 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

27): And her married name is Flagstone.

Actually, I kinda like the idea of Lois with a Biker Bitch Arm Tattoo. She should get one for real.
Rusty
May 11th, 2008 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

Lois used to bang Tom Verlaine back in the day. My respect grows.
Poteet
May 11th, 2008 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

# 33 Trotz — Yay, welcome back! Have some chocolate!

# 34 — Moon Mullins, you are unforgettable. And yeah, CC does keep galloping along regardless of whether any given snarker is present. But rejoining the stampede is easy, at least.
Uncle Lumpy
May 11th, 2008 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

#44 Trotz –

Welcome back! So all this time you were off howling at the Moon?

Really, I Try to Behave Myself, but sometimes it’s a struggle.
Poteet
May 12th, 2008 at 12:00 am [Reply]

# 33 Trotz — I too remember Peg Bracken. And I wish I could remember the exact title and author of a little humor book called something like THE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT BOOK OF BABY AND CHILD CARE. I devoured that book as a child, and what I remember were the frequent sidebar comparisons pointing out how much easier it is to take care of a hamster than a baby. Little did my parents realize that I would take those sidebars to heart and decide to stick with cats:-).
FortyTwo
May 12th, 2008 at 12:04 am [Reply]

ZOMG! K. Ivan Ruppert is posting here now? I should never have gone back to just lurking here! How are you, Kris?

I can’t imagine that the Perfessor’s clothes are aerodynamic. The tie alone adds a lot of drag.
commodorejohn
May 12th, 2008 at 12:08 am [Reply]

#32 Moon Mullins – Well, obviously I mean a rock opera by someone with talent.

Chip – it’s equal parts American Idiot, The Wall, and For Better Or For Worse!

#33 Trotzenbonnie – Now that was a breath o’ fresh air. It’s good to have ya back, you wonderful cranky old lady, you.

#34 Moon Mullins – I remember you just fine, I just didn’t notice you were back until now. Welcome back!
K. Ivan Ruppert
May 12th, 2008 at 12:12 am [Reply]

50: Hey there! How ya doing? How’s the Hammy?

I post here very occasionally. I just usually don’t have anything terribly funny to say.
ChattyGenes
May 12th, 2008 at 12:25 am [Reply]

#49 Poteet.

Don’t you mean MICE?:-)

By the way, your nieces now have two hamsters. Have you seen them yet? (I mean the hamsters, but I guess that would include the nieces.)

(Private personal gripe, to no one in particular: Howcome I always seem to get into CC again on a day when I have to go up to Tokyo?!)
exelizabeth
May 12th, 2008 at 12:25 am [Reply]

Is Hi and Lois supposed to be funny today? Because it’s, like, my biggest fear. These are supposed to be the Funnies, not the Nightmaries.
bats :[
May 12th, 2008 at 12:31 am [Reply]

Monday, Monday toons:

JP: push her, Gloria! Push her! Call her bluff!

MW: dang! Donna actually DID die alone!
(Well, we have no way of determining if Mary snuck into the room and sucked the life force out of her…)

Mutts: awww. Hurrah for Doozy!

RMMD: compared to the smell of testosterony teens, the bleach is probably a breath of fresh air.

FOOB: “bad word!”
Run free, Warren! It might hurt a bit now, but you’re free! FREE! Run! Fly like the wind!
(That, or go for April…she still has some promise, and no lard-ass as yet.)
SecretMargo
May 12th, 2008 at 12:36 am [Reply]

Oh, Trotz, I remember you with every margarita I guzzle.
(Which means you’re in my thoughts almost constantly)
(Until I black out)
(Happy Momma Day!)
(U2, CG!)

I’m about to go to bed, but I just wanted to say to the Pope:

CORIN TUCKER!!!!!!!!

I love you even more than usual tonight, Mssr. JFruh. Bons rêves!
Trotzenbonnie
May 12th, 2008 at 12:38 am [Reply]

#49 – Poteet
Hamsters are easier to care for. It was such a big pain in the butt trying to squeeze My Rotten Kid into that exercise wheel – although those sharp little hamster teeth make feeding time a big pain somewhere else….

#48 – Uncle Lumpy
I’m trying to think of a pun that involves ejecta at the South Pole Basin but it’s late and I’m out of practice. Wah!

#51 – commodorejohn
Hey thanks! Just for that – I’m changing my name to Febreze.

Uh oh. Mr T looks tired and cranky. Don’t poop out now, honeypunkins. I have 23 more minutes of pampering coming to me!
anonymously
May 12th, 2008 at 12:39 am [Reply]

#21 – I recall Shoe sometimes tooling about in a big pink Cadillac land yacht, though it spent most of its time in the shop with a bird mechanic looking under the hood.

FOOB: I think that pie she’s making is a can of pie filling topped with a pre-made crust, which makes it taste like a bad store bought pie – so why bother? Unless she wants to show how much effort she puts into cooking as well as cleaning.

Oh, and I have every book Peg Bracken wrote, but my very favorite is the “I Hate To Cook Almanac” which lists a recipe, household hint, joke, or story for every day of the year, with famous quotations and noteworthy occasions to be acknowledged with an appropriate recipe. Just delightful reading, and great easy recipes anyone can make.
Resumé Man
May 12th, 2008 at 12:59 am [Reply]

Is Hi and Lois trying to update the “man, cell phones used to be so big!” joke?

“‘iPod’ was short for ‘tripod’, and you had to have three people lift it to set it on there. Also, they only played video with no sound. And they only came in one color: black – like our souls.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 12th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

Lois’ long-buried dreams of being the next Debbie Harry are really doing a number on my brain.
mumbles
May 12th, 2008 at 1:17 am [Reply]

FOOB: Warren is one of us! “AAHHHH!” indeed.
Thatgirl
May 12th, 2008 at 1:19 am [Reply]

FOOB: The remains of Therese’s soul are trapped inside Liz’s ring, and Warren clearly just had a psychic blast.
A New Day
May 12th, 2008 at 1:24 am [Reply]

I’ve always been under the impression that all the residents of the Shoe-i-verse were giant birds. But if that’s true, then who’s driving those cars? Are we really so addicted to our automobiles that we would continue to buy $4.00 gas even if we could fly around of our own free will? Could Shoe and the Perfesser go through a drive-through just as they are, or would they have to go in the restaurant? Is that why we see them in cafes so often?
Sigh. If I get hit by a bus tomorrow, I will regret having spent this time thinking about this.
Trotzenbonnie
May 12th, 2008 at 1:24 am [Reply]

#60 – AFKAB
Debbie Harry? Oh yeah!
Thanks for clearing that up.
I thought it was a presidential candidates Battle of the Bands.

I think Lois stole that microphone right off of Arthur Godfrey’s desk.
Damp Monkey
May 12th, 2008 at 1:25 am [Reply]

HOLY CRAP the characters in Shoe are BIRDS? I always thought they were just fat lumpy humans with very unfortunate noses.
Mrs. Buck Tuddrussell
May 12th, 2008 at 1:26 am [Reply]

Even though I read Shoe quite a bit when I was a kid, I always thought the Perfesser was Shoe. Wow. Guess I’m not exactly a keen observer of comics.

Mary Worth: I was just joking yesterday when I said Batiuk had apparently taken over. Sheesh. That’s a hell of a happy Mother’s Day. *shudder*
Poteet
May 12th, 2008 at 1:30 am [Reply]

# 53 ChattyGenes — Well, yeah, I forgot about the mice. Sorry, mice. I’ll give you an extra treat tonight.

# 57 Trotz — BWAHAHA!

MW — “So you see, guys, by reconciling when you did, you killed your mom. On the other hand, you freed up a badly-needed hospital bed, so thanks! And here’s the bill.”
Poteet
May 12th, 2008 at 1:35 am [Reply]

Foob — Aaaaaaand, we’re back to the inevitable theme of Liz The Adored. Expect pain.
Poteet
May 12th, 2008 at 1:39 am [Reply]

# 63 A New Day — I share your regret, especially since I’m now wondering how, where, and what they poop. Definitely time for bed.
Therese Norén
May 12th, 2008 at 1:45 am [Reply]

Have you seen the Nietzsche Family Circus?

http://www.losanjealous.com/nfc/
Diamond Joe
May 12th, 2008 at 1:56 am [Reply]

BabBl: No, no, when she said to pick up something cute but useful, she didn’t mean the sales lady! Incidentally, if your stew pot is beeping, you’re doing something wrong.

BF: I think she’s “unclear” on the “idea” of a “date.” Also, is it my “imagination,” or is this “strip” getting like “Curtis”?

Crankshaft: Hateful and Hatefuller! Boy, this strip puts a song in my heart! Unfortunately, it’s “I Feel Like I’m Fixin’ to Die Rag.”

Curtis: “It doesn’t cure unwanted pregnancy? I guess I can stop douching with it.”

H&L: Man, let women be aggressive drivers, and the next thing you know, they’ll want to smoke, wear pants, and vote!

MT: Yes, as long as they don’t notice something the size of an iPod Shuffle on Andy’s collar, it’s a terrific plan.

MW: Pink Girl can bilocate! Now all we need is for Richard and Ron to a) bicker endlessly about whose fault it was that they made up and left the room while their mother expired alone; or b) gang up and bitch-slap Mary. I know which one I’m hoping for.

MG&G: Man, that’s a groaner! I love it!

Phantom: When did she suddenly become 50 years old?

RMMD with Color-Safe Bleach: She deliberately said “do the whole school” because she knew it’d make Rex feel all funny downstairs.

S4th: “Well, gotta go. This urine sample’s not gonna drink itself.”

S-M: Not a very good metaphor, Vulch. If he were Dick Tracy, he’d stand motionless for about three weeks until someone else shot an arrow into your ass.

The BM of Edison Lee: Yes, as we know, solar, wind, and geothermal are filthy, filthy, filthy. Incidentally, the third panel could have been “They run on a treadmill, which turns a turbine, and…” At least the physics would have been somewhere this side of Cloud Cuckoo Land.

Tiger: I thought the punchline was going to be “Why would I want your hand?” I can’t decide which is more lame.

probably more to come once the Chronicle site stops showing half the strips as question marks
Mibbitmaker
May 12th, 2008 at 2:02 am [Reply]

#65: Damp Monkey… are you really Peppermint Patty?

…Who knew a “funny-looking kid with a big nose”?
Mibbitmaker
May 12th, 2008 at 2:31 am [Reply]

Yeah, I’m p.o.’ed that my Chron page ain’t showing the b&w Monday strips. Anyway, among the color ones:

ZtP: Great shot at the stupidzeroes, Griffy!

The… Mind of Edison Lee: As opposed to Edison, here, who’s one kid that couldn’t show even a tiny bit of energy even if on Jolt! Cola, strong coffee, and Crack cocaine all at once!

Safe Havens: Well, their mom is both black and female… so, this year, her campaign is going like this: She’s getting tired of herself staying in the race when she’s clearly getting more superdelegates than herself. She wants herself to bow out so she (herself) can just have her coronation instead and go on to defeat John McCain …. Uh, I mean… her opponent in the General.

RMMD: No, that’s just the swimming pool.

MW: She’s not dead, she’s just far more relaxed with her idiot sons gone.

FW: Oh, great! Now it’s last week’s strips with a sex change (so to speak)!

A3G — A wacky, madcap old sitcom for druggies.
Uncle Lumpy
May 12th, 2008 at 2:31 am [Reply]

Foob: Wrong finger, Liz.
BinkyBetsy
May 12th, 2008 at 3:10 am [Reply]

The thing is, IIRC, there’s a character in Shoe who flies a plane. And he’s a bird. I guess that was the joke.
Frank Parsnip
May 12th, 2008 at 3:23 am [Reply]

MW: Ron and Richard Amalfi are going to be sorely missed, as their story arc appears to have reached a natural end. Their ability to reinvent themselves in appearance from panel to panel is what I’ll miss the most:

Ron Amalfi, man of a thousand faces, including those of Robert Mitchum, Don Knotts and a jowly wimp: http://xs.to/xs.php?h=xs227&d=08201&f=image002536.jpg

Richard Amalfi — able to go from Gil Thorp to Eddie Munster while hitting “emaciated Chinaman” somewhere in-between: http://xs.to/xs.php?h=xs227&d=08201&f=image003612.jpg

Jugs Parker: How is the male-female ratio for that whole “72 virgins” promise she’s supposed to get as a martyr in heaven?

Sex Organ, M.D.: With the big sign saying “School Closed” it’s no wonder that Rex is already curious as to how the school is so “deserted”. All we need know is Rudy from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids to come out and say: “Rex is like school on a MRSA day… no class!”

MT: Unfortunately Mark Trail mixed up the “bark trainer” collar with the “doggie lowjack” collar. In a few hours, he’ll be staring puzzledly at a blank computer screen and wondering why he hears anguished yelps from inside a van nearby every time he hits the button on the collar’s remote control.

Slylock Fox: Alternate answer: Realizing animals dressed in clothes eating at a restaurant is bizarre, he takes the whole bunch in, including the rabbit eating the veggie burger.

FC: “Actually, the field is full of dogshit Jeffy, so if you touch the ball with your hands or any other part we’ll have to use the garden hose to wash you off again.”

Foob: Now that Warren has finally seen Lizzie face to face, he realizes that the metamorphosis that has been turning Lizzie, Anthony, Michael and Deanna into the same wide-child-bearing-hips person is irreversible. Best to just run back out to the helicopter waiting outside before he catches the sickness, too.
The Restless Mouse
May 12th, 2008 at 3:25 am [Reply]

CEO Lois makes her underling come to work in her nightgown.
Frank Parsnip
May 12th, 2008 at 3:26 am [Reply]

oops — should have been “now” not “know”:

Sex Organ, M.D.: With the big sign saying “School Closed” it’s no wonder that Rex is already curious as to how the school is so “deserted”. All we need now is Rudy from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids to come out and say: “Rex is like school on a MRSA day… no class!“
Mr. O'Malley
May 12th, 2008 at 3:59 am [Reply]

RMMD: If they already washed the whole school down with bleach (it’s a lucky thing that schools don’t have libraries any more), doesn’t that mean:

-it would be safe for the kids to come back?
-Rex won’t be able to find where the MRSA was?

I hope this is not one of those schools that still has a music program. Imagine washing out a tuba with bleach.
scooterboy
May 12th, 2008 at 4:29 am [Reply]

maybe we’re seeing the first Shoe/Pluggers cross-over (We did see an owl as a judge in a courtroom in Pluggers the other day… though no shark as a lawyer). The denizens of Pluggerville may not be shocked to see two giant birds swooping into their McD’s to order some chicken nuggets, but I’m sure they would chase those city-dwelling white-collar snobs the hell out of their Wal-Mart.
Mrs. Buck Tuddrussell
May 12th, 2008 at 4:38 am [Reply]

Hey Josharino, you got linked in When Fangirls Attack. Yay!

http://womenincomics.blogspot.com/2008/05/may-12th-2008.html
peaches
May 12th, 2008 at 4:45 am [Reply]

FOOB: See the way her whole hand glows? Warren isn’t screaming because of the ring, he’s screaming because she’s a witch! Tomarrow’s strip sees him running from the apartment to warn the villiagers
Galevav
May 12th, 2008 at 4:50 am [Reply]

Lots of catching up to do, Sunday snark first:

JP Death to Infidels, Part 5 or 6 or whatever.
MT A tribute to bats :[ ! Well, all right!!!!
MW I haven’t seen the classic Cheron face from panel two in quite some time, otherwise this was just a feelgood episode and in the Mary Worth universe, that means a meddlin’ was heeded, and that’s all.
RMDS June’s Left Breast makes a delightful comeback in panel one, and then the strip stumbles around with a few hand gestures, a smug Rex, a pouty faced Rex, a nurse with the Pointy Finger Syndrome, and a cheerful Rex in the last panel – but what’s this? The Next to the Last Panel has June’s Left Breast making a second showing plus the last panel reveals a surprise appearance by June’s Right Breast! Well, that’s more like it! I mean, let’s stick to the important matters and quit farting around with the *snort* plot.
FC I saw this and said, It’s not funny. My son Galevav said, “It means nobody has used carbon paper to make copies since the dinosaurs like grandma.” I said it’s still not funny. I would have preferred that Billy bite Granny’s finger off and carry the hard-won trophy to his mother in his teeth. I would have enjoyed it then. Galevav agreed. That’s my boy!
FW So Les is giving a chunk of pizza to his late wife’s imagined ghost, and Summer is going along with the charade because she fears the old man is only seconds away from snapping and she needs to appease him somehow.
Scenes From Suburban Hell Oh, the Scenes were never more worthy of Despair and Disappointment than they are in today’s offering. Yeah, if it wasn’t for you curtain climbers, Mama could have been snorting coke every night, goddammit.
FBoFW Elly, Mama Fable had to draw water from an 80 foot well any time she needed fresh water. She had to keep the path to the outhouse clear so her six children could get out there without getting tangled up in brambles along the way, and had to deal with thunder mugs when the winter snows prohibited safe passage to the outhouse. She had a husband with heart disease and a car that only ran when it wanted to, and she was the one who had to chop wood for the only heat source in the house, the woodstove in the front room. She had to coax vegetables out of the sandy soil of the family garden and she had no friends or a telephone with which to call any, anyway. She washed our clothes by hand and cooked whatever Papa could shoot in the woods. Somehow she raised six kids to all get college degrees. And every bit of that is the absolute, God’s own truth so FUCK YOU ELLY PATTERSON, you worthless wimp.
Galevav
May 12th, 2008 at 5:25 am [Reply]

Monday snark!

C’haft Oh, he’s just mad because he’s not going to be the only one giving The Couple That Disdains Old People the hell they deserve. He ought to join forces instead.
Scenes from Suburban Hell Lois can take you, boy. That’s all I’m sayin’. She can cut you.
FBoFW Aaaaand it’s back to the Worship Liz plotline. Warren is reacting this way because (1) That’s not her ring finger she’s showing him (b) he’s allergic to pretentious rocks (c) he’s afraid this grasping succubus is expecting him to one-up Anthony’s ring (d) Lynn hasn’t assassinated his character enough yet to suit her.
JP Gloria is so desperately unhappy with her life, she’s actually asking to be killed so she can escape the bee grind that is Judge Parker.
MT Andy’s grotesquely misshapen form in panel one will only make the dognappers put him down, Mark.
Marvin If your kid knows what a trust fund is but won’t go to sleep, I say make him do chores. That’ll teach the little bastard to disobey.
MW That second panel isn’t what you’re thinking. They are actually accepting payola from a professional organ harvester after the nurses pull the plug on a woman who wasn’t actually sick, she was only in there to treat a hangnail.
RMDS June is bustin’ out all over.
Zits Huh? When thinking of Jeremy, the six letter word that comes to mind is ASSHAT, but that doesn’t fit in the puzzle. Awww.
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 12th, 2008 at 5:51 am [Reply]

Wait, now. The one wearing a tie in Shoe isn’t Shoe? Really? I thought that one was Shoe and the cigar-chewing one was somebody else, maybe P. J. O’Rourke.

I’ll go pick up the pieces of my… no wait, my life is totally unaffected by this.
BinkyBetsy
May 12th, 2008 at 6:03 am [Reply]

I’m not even sure the one with the cigar is Shoe. I think Shoe is the pilot I mentioned above. But anyway, the bird with the tie is Perfesser Cosmo Fishhawk.
True Fable
May 12th, 2008 at 6:17 am [Reply]

Oh crap. 83 & 84 were MINE; that’s what I get for not checking after my son gets up from my computer.
gleeb
May 12th, 2008 at 6:24 am [Reply]

‘bean: Based on last week’s experience, I can stop paying attention to the ‘bean until Sunday.

Mary: “Yeah, she came to just before she died. She was calling you you both. Enjoy your coffee?”

Sly: And there’s the Perfesser and Shoe! Normally rabbits don’t eat meat. But then, foxes don’t pal around with mice; they eat them. So who can tell in Slylock’s half-anthropomorphized world?

Zits: Take THAT, Junior Jumble!
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 12th, 2008 at 6:51 am [Reply]

MG&G = Win, again.
jazzmoth
May 12th, 2008 at 7:14 am [Reply]

It doesn’t matter how typical it is, that Hi & Lois makes every inch of my intellectual-woman maternal instincts weep. So, chain me to the stove and make me go barefoot (I wouldn’t want to be droppin’ babies on any floor but the kitchen’s).
Little Guy
May 12th, 2008 at 7:15 am [Reply]

FOOB: This cries out (pun intended, tongue sticking out) for a bats:[ mashup.

JP: “You want to be martyrs too? Curses! Why didn’t I splurge for the post-United 93 edition of “The Idiot Infidels’ Guide to Terrorism”?”
velvet goldmine
May 12th, 2008 at 7:43 am [Reply]

Where’s Chip, you ask? Why, he’s probably out right now making that grandmother ambition come to fruition for Lois.

I’m something like the 92nd comment today, so chances are 91 people have already said the same thing. I didn’t read ahead first….Sosumi!
Pastramigod
May 12th, 2008 at 7:57 am [Reply]

Today’s FOOB is foobier than usual, if that’s possible. Also, its possible that Josh is a latentpsychic. Although my theory is that Warren is a vampire. Why else does he only visit at night? Look at how he backs up from the light that (for some reason) emanates from her ring. Quick Liz! Get the garlic!
Pozzo
May 12th, 2008 at 8:04 am [Reply]

Re: the middle panel of the bottom row of H&L — there came a time when Lois had to admit that she really was “Ltd.”
Buck Ripsnort
May 12th, 2008 at 8:06 am [Reply]

H&L: What’s scary is not that Rockin’ Lois reminds me of Biker Bitch RoseisRose, but that both completely fail to turn me on.

Shoe: Long-suffering readers may recall that the Perfessor was introduced as “majoring in blimps”. This would explain his flying abilities.
Lolsworth
May 12th, 2008 at 8:19 am [Reply]

Is he called “Ditto” because all he ever gets to say is “Me too, ma!” after his god damn perfect sister presents Lois with a freaking solid gold Cadillac or whatever god damn suckup thing she’s doing today purely to make him look bad?
anthom
May 12th, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

I’m glad Lois is recuperating well from her meth-fueled attic-cleaning binge the other day. Coming down is hard, though. You end up recounting all your past regrets to anyone who will listen.
dbp
May 12th, 2008 at 8:38 am [Reply]

Zits: Monday’s strip has an alternate solution to Jeremy’s dad belief that trying to get Jeremy to call his grandma every week is F-U-T-I-L-E. Getting him to do so would require a miracle of the highest magnitude, an outcome that suggests the word F-L-U-T-I-E
Lynngineering
May 12th, 2008 at 8:51 am [Reply]

Hi&L: Groan-ups. So typical. Let’s run that situation by with Lois’s “other half”: place Hi in the bed with the kids waking him up in the morning, yelling “Happy Father’s day”, and questioning him if he always wanted to be a father… My guess is that would be followed by Hi’s faraway stare, a dead silence, reflexive gesture to the nightstand for his highball, long-since empty, then a jab in the ribs from Lois starts up Hi’s sullen confession that his ambitions growing up were just to have sex with a Princess, or Rockstar or Poet or C.E.O!

That’s four children and four roles Mama Lois just named. If Chip is supposed to be satisfying the “Rockstar”, I wonder how the other three divide up in her mind.
Croc
May 12th, 2008 at 8:54 am [Reply]

FOOB: Looks like Elizabeth, with her Engagement Ring of Power, could be a better crimefighter than Spiderman.
Justafoob
May 12th, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

One ring to rule them all.

LJ is Sauron.
Nate
May 12th, 2008 at 9:15 am [Reply]

What’s even more disconcerting is that in the fourth panel, Shoe is wearing, well, shoes. By panel 7 they seem to have dropped off, likely falling to the unspecific suburban landscape below, perhaps konking a child in the head or smashing in someone’s window.
Nate
May 12th, 2008 at 9:15 am [Reply]

I take that back; they seem to have magically attached themselves to his feet somewhere in mid-flight. Apparently my dyslexia now extends to understanding the timing of comic panels. I am retarded.
David Willis
May 12th, 2008 at 9:23 am [Reply]

Jesus Lord, does Lois expect them to mate with each other?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 12th, 2008 at 9:30 am [Reply]

And now, it’s time for Abbreviated Color Comics Commentary!

A3G: At last, we get to see what insidious drug has Alan in its grip: chalk. Also known by the kids on the street as “Dover White,” “Pixie Sticks” and “The Write Stuff,” chalk is most often abused by scraping it into powder and huffing it, a method known on the street as “clapping erasers.” Chalk can be a gateway drug that can lead to abusing more dangerous substances like typewriter correction fluid. Parents, keep an eye out for signs of chalk abuse in your children, and get the white out! This has been a public service announcement from the American Dry-Erase Marketing Board.

DtM: GAAH! Warn me when you’re gonna do a close-up! Geez!

MW: Donna Amalfi “finds peace at last”? What, is Mary’s shift over?

RWO: Actually kind of clever today.

S-M: Psst. Nobody tell Vulture about Spider-Man’s web-shooter thingies. I can’t wait to see the look on Vulture’s face when he catches himself on the way down! “Can he do that? I mean, is that allowed? Really? Awww, nuts!” Also, nobody tell him that at this point, any of the guests could just pick up Vulture’s gun and just blast him in the skull with it, putting a merciful end to this plotline.
liz
May 12th, 2008 at 9:30 am [Reply]

As a blonde curly-haired person, I have been compared to Trixie since the day I was born, which was in 1961, making Lois older than my mother, who is well into her seventies, so, really, none of her pre-children ambitions make sense, except for maybe princess. The difference between Lois and my mother is that my mother’s children grew up and left home and Lois has been stuck with the drudgery of small children for what, 50 years or so? Of course, my mother no longer has Lois’s hot bod, so I guess there are trade-offs.
cheech wizard
May 12th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Trotz – Peg Bracken is a big reason I’m still a bachelor after all these years – without her, I might never have learned to cook for myself.

FOOB – So Lynn continues to turn everyone Liz every broke up with into a total dick. Though this “Warren-as-stalker” transformation might have some promise, esp. if it winds up with him dismembering her with a chain saw and scattering the parts over a turnip field.

Grumpy Old Fart – Crankshaft is his usual insightful self.

FW – Is Harry dressing in drag as an excuse to keep hanging out around the school?

JP – Gloria has a death wish? Maybe Judge Parker should adopt her and change her name to Dorothy.
Samira:”Prepare to die, infidels!”
Gloria/Dorothy: “Thank god you’re finally here! I thought I was going to have to do it myself with cigarettes and alcohol. Well, are you going to push that button or not?”
Ranger
May 12th, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

It is very obvious what type of bird Shoe is, a Jay Bird!
Gabacho
May 12th, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

Mary Worth – I can’t wait to hear the argument over the seating at the funeral, cremation v. burial, organ donations, etc and then the grand smackdown over the will and who inherits the contents of her two room apartment.

#33 Trotzenbonnie – Ms Trotzenbonnie, we have never been formally introduced but I must take a moment to praise you for your post and thank you for it. For a number of reasons, I have started this week in a foul mood owing to the faults and omissions of someone who shall remain nameless since he has all the other qualities of a bastard.

Although our circumstances differ, the Trotzenbonnie polemic perfectly expressed my mood and therefore has lightened my load, allowing me to attack this shitty Monday with all the venom it deserves. You are a true humanitarian.
Big Sims
May 12th, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

#33 Trotz … et al
I’ve been away since Mardi Gras. Except once, I stuck my nose in and Josh corrected me. So I scurried back under the rock I’ve been hiding under for a while.
No one has noticed.
Happy Mothers Day to all, a little late but it took time sending all the virtual flowers to everyone here.
NotAGoatHead
May 12th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

Looks like it’s time for a Shoe remedial course:

http://macnelly.com/
or
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoe_(comic_strip)

There are others, but why bother?

Worse pun of the day: Mother Goose and Grimm
TheDiva
May 12th, 2008 at 10:15 am [Reply]

FOOB: Great, back to the really annoying characters. Judging by Warren’s reaction, Liz’s ring is every bit as gaudy and ugly as I expected it to be.
Tonio
May 12th, 2008 at 10:21 am [Reply]

Hi and Lois – The last panel is a chilling preview of adult life for the children. The daughters in particular can look forward to constant haranguing from Lois as long as they remain single and childless.
Old School Allie Cat
May 12th, 2008 at 10:22 am [Reply]

FOOB – hey, Warren – if you think the ring is ugly, wait til you see the fiance!
Anonymous
May 12th, 2008 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Or is that some sort of eyebrow-to-chin beard that covers his nose as well?

If I didn’t trim it at least once a week, my beard would end up like that. Maybe I missed my calling as a beat poet in a Hi and Lois comic?
Hank
May 12th, 2008 at 10:30 am [Reply]

RE: Sally Forth. Ted’s apparently prep’ing for his new job by consuming as many Old Fashioneds as possible. Apparently, he thinks he’s going to be working for “McMahon & Tate,” circa 1963.
anonymously
May 12th, 2008 at 10:34 am [Reply]

#112 – I violently disagree, Liz would not expect or even want a gaudy and ugly ring. Not sticking up for the strip, but I feel I “know” Liz. She wears sensible shoes and clothes from the Lands End catalog (motto: clothes for people who don’t know fashion at all but need to put something on). She is the type who wears a turtleneck with a little bitty pearl or cross on a little bitty chain, perched right on the top fold of the turtleneck. She washes her face with Noxema, wears colorless nail polish, and has tiny gold studs for earrings. Really, I can just picture her! and she and the Ant would not be comfortable with anything other than a modest ROUND solitaire in a tiffany setting.
Randall
May 12th, 2008 at 10:39 am [Reply]

LuAnn: WHo is this comic strip about anyway?
commodorejohn
May 12th, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

Okay, the Chron had better get its black-and-white comics back up by tomorrow or I shall be very put-out.

A3G – Wow, this storyline is just rife with all the tension of…trying to hide your porn before your mom comes in to get your laundry.

AS – Holy margo boxcar saturn, The Argyle Sweater was actually funny today. Of course, deriving humor from mocking Love Is… is pretty much shooting fish in a barrel, but that doesn’t make it not funny.

Crankshaft – Thank you, Ed, for not sugar-coating the loathsomeness of this storyline.

Curtis – Okay, so I understand the gag, but the inclusion of “unwanted pregnancy” in the list threw me for a loop. Is this just out of nowhere, or is there some kind of soup out there that is an abortifacent?

DTM – GOD STOP IT GET AWAY FROM THE FRAME

DT – “Well, he’s got a kill count in the double digits, so he ought to fit right in around here!”

FOOB – OH. MY. GOD. Josh is right: sometimes even the comments of others can’t prepare you for actually seeing a comic. For instance, I had gathered that today’s strip featured Warren and Lovely Liz and was mind-boggling awful, but this? Lord almighty, where do we start? Warren has showed up to ~~demonstrate basic friendly human decency~~ be a horrible evil man who’s bothering the Virgin Queen, he (horrors) offers to carry in her groceries, (bet he’d like to “carry” her “groceries,” if you know what I mean,) Liz shuts him down by informing him of her engagement, and he…oh GOD, he recoils from her ring like he’s a vampire and it’s a crucifix. My God, Lynn, have you really gone this far off the rails? But hey, at least we can’t say FOOB isn’t funny, because this is honestly the most hilarious piece of sequential art I’ve seen in a long time.

FB – Okay, so the gag isn’t that awesome, but I really do like the cock-eyebrowed expression Fred’s wearing here.

FW – Okay, so I wasn’t paying a lot of attention to this strip pre-jump: has Harry’s wife always looked like him in drag? Or is this a FOOB-aging thing?

JP – Okay, if there were any justice in this world, this conflict would be resolved with a discussion like the one Ford Prefect had with Mr. Prosser, and Samira, confused beyond reason, would be talked into switching places with Steve’s mom or something. Yeah, that’d be pretty awesome.

MF & NS – OLD. NEWS.

MT – “On the other hand, it may be…anyone else!”

Momma – Funniest. Momma. Ever.

Pluggers – Pluggers barely survive from one paycheck to the next.

Preteena – Now just a damn minute here…crap, looks like I’ll have to wait until the Chron’s back up.

RMMD – *deep breath* Mm-mm-mm! Smell that clorine!

SFx – The solution that hinges on guessing the exact degree of anthropomorphism the characters are subject to is pretty stunning, but for my money the best thing about today’s Slylock Fox is Max eagerly eyeing that shiny new quarter on the floor. Although it is giving me King’s Quest V flasbacks. DAMN YOU, KING’S QUEST V!

SM – Ha ha, the Vulture seriously expects Spider-Man to do battle with him! Bwahaha! Poor Vulture, you just have no idea how things work in this strip, do you?

Edison Lee – Actually, even ignoring the ethical problems with using humans as power plants (see: The Matrix,) the cost of doing this would greatly surpass the cost of producing the same amount of energy by any energy-production technique now in use, which would be why nobody, even in less ethical nations, is doing it.

Ziggy – WHAT? NO, REALLY, WHAT THE HELL. THAT IS NOT HOW E-MAIL WORKS. THAT IS NOT HOW TOILETS WORK. E-MAIL JOKES FELL OUT OF FASHION AROUND 1999. YOU SUCK, TOM WILSON.
Dan Johnson
May 12th, 2008 at 10:43 am [Reply]

Hi & Lois, second row, last panel. I want that on a t-shirt RIGHT. NOW.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 12th, 2008 at 10:45 am [Reply]

5/12 (Mostly from the Seattle PI, as the Chron hasn’t put its b&w comics online)

FW: If you know who the world’s second greatest band wife is, well, that’s just sad.

H&L: What ads? What’s Hi bkithering about?

Phantom: My guess is, a girl with a no-show job.

6C: I’m not sure I get the “Brand Loyalty” caption. but the sight of Ms Sleepy Hollow walking into the boutique gave me the giggles.

MC: Yes, we all need some “me time” after a bad breakup. I don’t know how that works when you have fins instead of hands.

BB: That’s a pretty explicit depiction of Beetle/Sarge foreplay. You even see the private’s tongue.

JP: “You screwing with me, Latina infidel?”

MW: Is “Their mother finds peace at last” the wuphemism of the day? We’ll find out if the nurses pull the blanket over her head soon (sometime in the next 3 weeks).

ZtP: Z-Man also has the power of abs-ventriloquism.

Cats With Hands: No hands! No articulation at all! Cheat!

Crock: Haha! He keeps going and going and going. Oh boy, Figowitz with the runs is just pure comic satisfaction.

DtM: Does Margaret’s secret have anything to do with how she lost that eye?

BC: “Ah, somethin’ somethin’, financial gobbledygook… There, I’m done for the day.”

RMMD: It smells like… victory!

H-Cliff: I’m not sure the fortune counts if she just reads the rubber hand you’re wearing over your paw.
Salvor Hardin
May 12th, 2008 at 10:52 am [Reply]

#80 scooterboy: No way A plugger would never eat sushi. A plugger’s sushi is tuna right out of the can.
Widdle Jeffy
May 12th, 2008 at 10:55 am [Reply]

Ok, Jeffy, your hands are clean.

Bend over so I can show you how you really kick in soccer.

I bet I can corner kick your ass into the goal.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 12th, 2008 at 10:56 am [Reply]

#87 TF,
Ah, so you and Galavav are father-son ‘mudges? Nice to see the traditions carried on.
Thirsty Thurston
May 12th, 2008 at 11:06 am [Reply]

Where the hell is Chip?

Has Lois given up on her teenage boy?

Doesn’t she know that the teen years are the ones where you really have to connect with your kids or you will send them to a life of casual sex, wanton drug use, and eventually a complete mental breakdown?

Is she that callous?
Calico
May 12th, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

Welcome back Trotz and Moon!

JP – Go Gloria! I didn’t know you had a degree in mindfucking.

3G – What exactly is the problem with Luann? She sprints up the stairs to tell Alan he’s late for work, then says “Now”? when they’re ready to go.
I really do believe she was brain damaged long before the CO/Ryder incident.
Little A. of The Bronx Jungle Patrol
May 12th, 2008 at 11:13 am [Reply]

FOOB: Maybe Warren isn’t screaming at the diamond ring, but at what he has just seen roll out of one of the shopping bags: Anthony’s head.

Or maybe something else of Anthony’s that I will not mention in a family blog.
Little A. of The Bronx Jungle Patrol
May 12th, 2008 at 11:15 am [Reply]

FOOB: Naah, couldn’t be. His first wife took it with her as part of the divorce settlement, in lieu of $25 dollars in Canadian money.
cheech wizard
May 12th, 2008 at 11:18 am [Reply]

FC – Yes, Jeffey, but the ball itself is drenched with foreign influence – that’s why you must kick it far away as quickly as possible. Wait….did you think I was actually trying to TEACH you this Eurotrash diversion?! You make me sick! This is America, dammit! Around here, we play sports like football and baseball! Games that require equipment! Any Third-Worlder who can blow up a goat bladder and kick it around in the dust with his froggy brown feet can play soccer!
Calico
May 12th, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

#93 – I think Warren is dangerously close to visiting Aldoville. We’ll just have to wait and see.
Professor Fate
May 12th, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

FOOBL: The Hell? Do engagment rings glow in Canada? Or is this some magic elven ring that glows in the presense of Orcs? (and is warren an Orc?) Or is this some kind of power engaged virgins have?

And Lynn – an engagement ring isn’t going to stop a jerk anymore than a wedding ring is.

God I hate this strip.
Calico
May 12th, 2008 at 11:22 am [Reply]

#127 – Haha, Anthony ~~Caine~~ Bobbitt!
This will only come up when Francie asks at age 15 why she is an only child.
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 12th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

H&J: Jamaal’s “!” in panel 3 presumably translates “Uh… great metaphor, Yolanda! I really see where you’re coming from with that. Now let’s go get hammered and I’ll nail your ass.”
Josh (not THE Josh)
May 12th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

FOOB: Awww! Anthony went to Jared!
Braniff
May 12th, 2008 at 11:26 am [Reply]

Shoe–In light of the tragedy that happened in China, one has to wonder if the creators of Shoe are better at predicting earthquakes than most seismologists. The creators almost hit it on the nose (with yesterday’s cartoon). Spooky.
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 12th, 2008 at 11:26 am [Reply]

Also, Marmaduke: WOOF POO POOP.

Die soon, Anderson. Cheers.
Deena in OR
May 12th, 2008 at 11:29 am [Reply]

109 Gabacho-::solidarity hug:: I’m sorry to hear it. Something tells me we could tell each other some stories over beer…
Braniff
May 12th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

13: Shoe had a character named Loon, who could barely fly. He was out-of-control and dim-witted. He provided comic relief, but no more so than the other characters in the strip. I recall one time when he tried to join the Navy’s aviation program and crashed into the window of the recruiting office. The officer asked Loon, “Ours or theirs?”
Perky Bird
May 12th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

FOOB–Upon hearing that Liz is engaged, Warren’s left armpit suddenly spontaneously combusts, forcing Liz to feebly attempt to beat out the flames with her bare hands.

At least that’s what it looks like they’re doing in the last panel. And makes much more sense that anybody recoiling in terror at the sight of an engagement ring.
commodorejohn
May 12th, 2008 at 11:32 am [Reply]

Preteena: Hmm. GoComics and the Chron are running the obvious ending sequence that already ran starting April 21st, but GoComics has a different set of strips for that period. I’d say the Chron had a little mix-up last month.
Hal Jordon
May 12th, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Liz’s early morning routine includes grabbing her lantern and saying:.

By the brightest day, by the blackest night, no foob shall escape my light.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
May 12th, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

FOOB: Good gravy! Nothing but meat on this ‘un. I’ll keep my observations down to my giddy appreciation of:
1. Liz’s Thorpian Arm of Destiny. I had to stare and stare before I could figure out how the glowing hand worked. That is one long, tubular forearm.
2. Liz’s morphing into Accent Marks throughout, but especially in the last panel.
3. Liz’s Saucy Young Lady’s Companion perched in full view at the top of her groceries (awkward!).
4. Unemployed, unemployable Chopper Pilot’s cataclysmic take while screaming like a girl.

Hey, and Moon Mullins and Trotz, welcome back! The snark is more better when you’re here.
rich
May 12th, 2008 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Candorville is a strip that often seems to be making a point, but on closer analysis the point proves elusive. Today they’re taking issue with maninstream media offering too many points of view? I thought the usual complaint was that media is too biased (either to the left or the right). Since when is showing both sides of an issue a bad thing? Furthermore, the example he’s chosen isn’t just absurd, it’s inane. AM and PM are not two sides of the “what time is it” issue.

Meanwhile, Garfield still sucks. In fact, today it sucks worse than ever (ha ha).
Calico
May 12th, 2008 at 11:40 am [Reply]

#109 – Calico interpretation – your kid forgot Mother’s Day?

Well, Happy Mom’s day to you – a bit late, but to me (I almost lost my Mom last year after Heart Surgery due to some complications), EVERY day is Mother’s Day.
So, thanks, all you Moms here and out there. You ARE very much appreciated.
Stroker Ace
May 12th, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

Fallopian Foob: Even on Mother’s Day martyrdom will not be denied Martyrmom.
Anon
May 12th, 2008 at 11:51 am [Reply]

Fie to all the people who forgot the manufactured day for Mom. You should appreciate her one day out of the year and then treat her like shit the rest of the 364.

Hallmark be praised.
cheech wizard
May 12th, 2008 at 11:52 am [Reply]

143/rich – Since when is showing both sides of an issue a bad thing? When one side is so ludicrous as to be wholly without merit. A frequent criticism of the news media is that, in striving for “balance,” it often lends credibility to dubious arguments or interpretations offered by government/corporate officials, hucksters, cults, rumormongers and outright charlatans.
Spike
May 12th, 2008 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

Steve Shannon: Jihottie Fighter!: Now that Gloria has taken matters into her own hands, Steve leaps into the fray, and Samira suddenly realizes that twisting those last two wires together was something she forgot to do.

Foob: Warren, how many hints do you need to get the hell out of there while you still can?

MW: Wait’ll the boys find out that Mary has a codicil to Donna’s will!
Shermy Glamrocker
May 12th, 2008 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

For some reason, Sunday’s Hi and Lois made me think of this Talking Heads song:

This ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco,

this ain’t no fooling around

This ain’t no Mudd club, or CBGB,

I ain’t got time for that now

Heard about Houston? Heard about Detroit?

Heard about Pittsburgh, PA?

You oughta know not to stand by the window

somebody might see you up there

I got some groceries, some peanut butter,

to last a couple of days

But I ain’t got no speakers, ain’t got no

headphones, ain’t got no records to play

Why stay in college? Why go to night school?

Gonna be different this time

Can’t write a letter, can’t send a postcard,

I can’t write nothing at all

This ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco,

this ain’t no fooling around

I’d like to kiss you, I’d love you hold you

I ain’t got no time for that now
Calico
May 12th, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

#148 – Samira never took Jihad 101.
She still has spiffy nails, though.
Wilbur of the North
May 12th, 2008 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

MT- Did anyone else notice that in the last panel either Mark’s head grew or his body shrunk?
Patrick, FOOB Abominator Division
May 12th, 2008 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Lynn can’t just stop assassinating male characters. She wants Warren to be all mealy mouthed about what an less than perfect person he’s been just to make him grovel and then recoil in pain when Liz jams the ring into his field of vision. Liz’s eyes are completely empty as the sinister forces of evil are unleashed through the engagement ring of mediocrity.

Warren is not a vampire reacting to a crucifix. He is the victim of Lynn Johnston’s voodoo. Liz’s ring is the pin through which LJ stabs and stabs. I can imagine that LJ cackles like Angelique from Dark Shadows as she imagines the next torture she will inflict on everyone who doesn’t bend to her will.

Regarding Elly’s “right to be lazy” crap: When in the hell did taking a bath or practising any form of personal hygiene become an act of laziness? She turns that into another one of her pious uber holier than thou masturbatory moments of self congratulation over having done routine things that affluent people do every bleeping day.

Luann: I’m totally on Gunther’s side on this one. He should resist Luann’s efforts to change him, and he deserves better anyway. I don’t buy the idea of him becoming a serial killer just because he’s a guy who sews costumes. I have a friend who does this sort of thing and she refers to it as “building” costumes. Below is a link to a website or two of a guy who sews his own costumes by the name of James Cawley.

http://www.startreknewvoyages.com/

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1901966/

I see this as Gunther’s potential future…
zenvelo
May 12th, 2008 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

Monday Hi and Lois: what happened to Lois’ right boob?
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 12th, 2008 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

Curtis: This just in: Mrs Wilkins’ chicken soup is not, repeat not an abortifacent. The urban legends are wrong.
Spike
May 12th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

150 Calico: Yeah, I had noticed the “spiffy nails” thing a few days ago as well. Guess Simira needs to FOUCS! Given that about one month ago, she had delivered the photo of her deceased Pop to Steve’s mom, [followed by a month of "Abbey is suspicious" (not to mention a dominatrix as well) panels], I first thought that Simira had approached Mrs. Shannon about the possibility of marrying Steve, Mom had refused to give her approval and as a result ended up decked out in the bomb outfit…oh, well, that’s a story arc better not drawn.
commodorejohn
May 12th, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

#152 Patrick, FOOB Abominator Division – Yeah, but your friend doesn’t have beady, soulless eyes from Hell, does she?
True Fable
May 12th, 2008 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

#124 Artist Formerly Known As Ben – Yes, snarking is a proud Fable tradition, like Goat Appreciation or anime marathons. I am so pleased when my children get all smartass on a comic. *sniff* It…it brings a tear of pride to my bloodshot eyes, I tells ya.

I’m just going to have to check the name every time I sit down to snark from now on, that’s all. His brand of snarking is a little different from mine, and we don’t want to cramp each other’s style.
(”You call that style?!?” Go ahead and say it, it’s right there.) :P
NotAGoatHead
May 12th, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

JP: One aspect about this “spiffy nails” thing bothers me. Why would someone intent about blowing themself and others up care about their personal appearance? Maybe this is a “gal” thing and I’m just not getting it. Wouldn’t be the first time.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
May 12th, 2008 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

#158 NotAGoatHead:

Why would someone intent about blowing themself and others up care about their personal appearance?

Why? It’s like the biggest, bestest job interview ever, that’s why! Put your best foot forward and all that.
Different Dan
May 12th, 2008 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

The first I saw of today’s FOOB was when Uncle Lumpy linked to it at 74, and I did a double take making sure it wasn’t a Photoshop job. It flows like one, but it’s not nearly as funny.
NotAGoatHead
May 12th, 2008 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

#159: Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed: Hey, works for me.
odinthor
May 12th, 2008 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

Luann — “And,” added Brad, “I’ve already got the nuts!”

GT — Gil is asking Elmer to masturbate. Coaches of today take more interest in their students’ personal welfare than they used to. Fer sher, judging by panel three, Elmer has done something extreme to his crotch.
Big Sims
May 12th, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

Gee thanks Calico and Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed, its wonderful to be missed – twice!
Calico
May 12th, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

#154 – This is just weird.
Why would Gunk need RU-86 in his soup anyway?
Unless guys from Flyspeck Island actually have the ability to get pregnant…
TheDiva
May 12th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

128 Little A: I would have taken the money. No part of Anthony’s anatomy, especially the part in question, can possibly be worth $25 Canadian.
Mario Panighetti
May 12th, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

Uh… they do realize that “sosumi” isn’t a real Japanese word, right? That Apple was making the very joke they are trying to pass off as their own? Just making sure.
Calico
May 12th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

#163 – Hi Sims – Y’know, I actually do have a list in my head and heart of folks who I miss when they are absent from this blog, and you are definitely one of them.
For the last couple of weeks I was wondering and thinking about you plus the others who aren’t around right now – Yourself, Wille T., Squidcountess, Trotz, Moon, RedGreenback. Without you guys n’ gals things just aren’t the same here. : (

Come out from under that rock, Sir, and all will be mighty fine. Welcome back, adn post, post, post! : )
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
May 12th, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

Oh my. It feels dirty to say it, but I enjoyed FOOB today. Warren’s vampire/crucifix scream is exactly the sort of Dada I like in my comics.

It’s completely of out place in FBoFW, but you know what? Banana.
Bootsy
May 12th, 2008 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

Big Sims, you been missing since Mardi Gras? Damn, dude! I had quite the Carnival myself, but I managed to reel into the office by (late) Ash Wednesday. I did plaintively wonder where you were way back ’round the Ides of March.

And Trotzie, I noted your absence but thought maybe I’d see you holding court at JazzFest, with a crawfish bread in one hand, and a Pilsner Urquel in the other.
Mumbles
May 12th, 2008 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

FOOB: According to Philip Norman’s biography of the Beatles, “Shout!”, a young John Lennon asked his classmate (and later, first wife) Cynthia to a school dance. She replied that she was engaged. He retorted along the lines, I was only asking you to a dance, I wasn’t asking to marry you. And the rest (unexpected pregnancy, shotgun wedding, marriage hidden from the media so as to not disappoint fans) is history.

(What was my point? Oh yes…)

Warren is no John Lennon.

But then again, it’s sacrilege to even compare this strip to the Beatles. Hell, it’s sacrilege to compare this strip to Gary Lewis and the Playboys.
Trilobite
May 12th, 2008 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

I may be hopping on the Monday comics train a bit late, but at least I brought a harmonica:

Dick Tracy: If the new recruit’s credentials include having normally-proportioned arms and hands with actual fingers on them, he’ll be a real asset to the team. (Not that anyone other than Dick Tracy ever actually seems to be asked to do anything — even the SWAT team’s job seems to be to stand outside drinking coffee and getting intimidated by passersby until the crisis has passed and they’re finally allowed into the building.)

Herb and Jamaal: Jamaal seems far too intrigued by this “hit it with a hammer and see if it bends” proposal. Every day and in every way, this comic gets filthier and filthier.

Mary Worth: “God damn you, Richard, if you hadn’t asked me to go get coffee with you, I would’ve been there for mom when she died!” “Screw you, Ron, we’d have been back in plenty of time if you hadn’t gotten into a giant-orange-donut-eating contest with the orderlies!” Later, at Donna’s funeral, the cops have to be called to break up the inevitable fistfight.

Phantom: Sunrise! Gulf of Mexico! A perfect time to start doing shots in your newly-purchased plane while your unitard-wearing husband flies you around!

What is this storyline going to turn into, Phantom’s Spring Break? Because if that’s where we’re headed, this is going to be awesome.
Little Guy
May 12th, 2008 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

FOOB: The Hand of Fear.
KH
May 12th, 2008 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

JP: With one simple “wait,” our would-be suicide bombers morphs from Inigo Montoya into the Black Knight. Tomorrow: “None shall pass.”

FW: again, why is everyone (except Les, who only eats pizza) fat at 50? Is this an Ohio thing? And who is going to be SB president? Harry?

I’m so happy for Droolia!!!
avatarjk137
May 12th, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

Well, Shoe is, at least, wearing sneakers (only visible in the penultimate panel). Since noboby’s wearing pants in this strange bird world, that means he’s only shirtless when he makes drunken advances.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 12th, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

Yay! B&W comix are back up on the Chron! That means it’s time for… Hybrid Creature Comix!

Archie: Sitting next to Archie in the back row of panel 3 is a chimera, the sad result of the alchemic merging of Betty with Jughead’s dog. Next time she’ll ask “Why?” before stepping into the transmutation circle, not while.

(WT)DT: “His name is Dab Stract. He’ll head up our new Antique Weapons And Tactics squad.”

Garfield: Um… what the hell kind of creature is Arlene supposed to be? She don’t look like no cat I ever met. More like the result of the unholy crossbreeding of a cat with an ostrich… with a link sausage.

thorps. As long as Whigam is drawing this strip, Rubin should avoid having Milford play any other team whose name starts with an M… it’s impossible to tell which team we’re looking at in panel 1. Hell, I’m not sure who’s talking to Elmer in panel 2. Maybe it’s this guy.

H&J: “Now… get over here and nail me.”
Bitt Faulk
May 12th, 2008 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

I have to point out that Sleater-Kinney broke up most likely because Corin wanted to spend more time with her kid.
Trotzenbonnie
May 12th, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

#170 – Mumbles
Well, Gary Lewis & the Playboys recorded ‘This Diamond Ring’, didn’t they?
Yup. They sure did. Got the vinyl on the bookshelf right next to the Compleat Works of Peg Bracken.

#169 – Bootsy
Ahhh! Missed JazzFest AGAIN! Mr T had to fly his whirlygig for the LANatGuard those weekends. Maybe next year…Did I miss the Satchmo Club Strut too?
But pilsner urquel? Never! I have a strict policy – never drink beer that sounds like it was named after an uber geeky sitcom character.
man behind the curtain
May 12th, 2008 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

back from being away from the computer for a while

GT — Having become a recent reader of this strip do all the female characters look like men in drag? They make the patterson women look like goddesses.

FBOW — If Warren is any kind of a man he’ll realize how lucky he is. And what is that ring, cubic zirconium or kryptonite?
Astroboy
May 12th, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

FOOBs – Yes Lynnie, we get it. Every last guy in Canada is obsessed with Liz. I almost said “every last single guy” but ol’ Granthony was most definitely married while lusting in his heart.

The guy offers to carry in her groceries and she shoves a ring in his face and announces that she’s married. Who’s the self-involved evil character here?

Warren, run, don’t walk away from this. If you’re nice to Granthony he’ll probably give you Accent Marks’ phone number, and we all know SHE’s gotta be a lot more “fun” than liz, if you know what I mean.

Liz, once my fave character, is lost forever. April, say hello to your newest fan.
rich
May 12th, 2008 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

A3G: I do wish they’d spell out what specific drugs Alan is peddling. Is he a heroin or crack dealer (spreading addiction and misery)? Or the friendly neighborhood pot dealer (what we refer to in these parts as “a hero”)?
Kevin Moore
May 12th, 2008 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

What struck me first about Lois’ Past of Unfulfilled Dreams is that at each stage from princess, to punk rocker, to poet, to corporate sell-out, she never once changed her hairstyle. Perhaps she knew deep down that each phase of these ambitions were really just a lie she was telling herself as she prepared for a life of domestic drudgery. Her hair was a way for her to “keep it real, yo.”
DAS
May 12th, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

H&J, in re. the whole “nail/hammer/carpenter” thing: I can’t tell if this strip is starting to go “blue” or Christian (insert comment about “Christian Single girl” here). Maybe H&J is taking a page from the triple entendres of Song of Solomon?
Red Greenback
May 12th, 2008 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

H&L: That folk singer at Beat Cafe looks oddly familiar.
Trotz: It’s always nice to see a good Trotzrant! Welcome back. PS. Trotzie, I’ve been dogsitting Javier and Delores, and they got extra perky when I was reading your post.
Andrew Leal
May 12th, 2008 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

For the record, Josh, Shoe also wears *shoes*, but yep, he’s otherwise a naked crow. Actually, when Jeff MacNelly started his strip and during most of his tenure, the characters were indeed more birdlike and flew on a regular basis. Loon (a character mostly dropped in the New Order or only seen playing on a guitar in bars for some reason) wore an aviator’s cap and scarf because he’s the paper’s messenger and deliveryman and often flew in and out (or swooped down for fish). Or they’d have a joke where Roz gives the direction “as the crow flies,” only for a drunken Shoe to waver and wobble and nearly crash nearby. Original flavor Shoe in general had more bite and ingenuity and didn’t feel like a generic parade of jokes by now interchangeable characters.

Even when MacNelly was doing “Shoe,” though, the Perfesser owned a car and his mechanic was a recurring character. He very seldom drove, though. Perhaps in the Shoeverse, the birds buy and maintain cars in lieu of toilet facilities, or just for target practice.
Machtyn
May 12th, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

rant mode on:

What’s wrong with motherhood? Lost identity? Ri-ight. The world would be a better place if mothers stayed home with their kids raising and teaching them to be intelligent and wise and fathers were MEN and behaved as fathers, loving their wife and showing their children how to be hard working and responsible.

/rant mode off
And The
May 12th, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

DT: Well, Tracy, he doesn’t have your penchant for climbing into priceless antiques for no good reason, but he also doesn’t panic blindly when he doesn’t have a gun on his person.

Actually, it should be pretty interesting to see what Locher comes up with for the new recruit. I’m expecting some kind of outdated “modern” stereotype, like old Tracy character Groovy was.
commodorejohn
May 12th, 2008 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

#185 Machtyn – I dunno, I think we ought to stay away from a “one size fits all” approach in general. There’s nothing wrong with motherhood, but it doesn’t always have to be a stay-at-home mom arrangement, nor does the dad always have to be the breadwinner. (For example, my parents have done it the other way around for the past twelve years with no ill effects, and both of them enjoy the hell out of the current arrangement.) What should happen is that parents of both sexes should stop letting either feminists or patriarchs tell them what to do and figure out what works best for their family.
TheCasey
May 12th, 2008 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

5/12 Comics

Garfield – I think Garfield just got a gut boner!

Funky Winkerbean – “I’m the Juggernaut’s bitch, bitch!”

Ziggy – I’m not even going to say anything about the joke, which I don’t get. I just want to go on record as saying that I don’t want there to be anything in my toilet that I didn’t put there, and I sure as hell don’t want my toilet to be trying to give me stuff.
NotAGoatHead
May 12th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

170: Mumbles. How about the “Guess Who?” They were a Canadian group.
Jenny
May 12th, 2008 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

some other rock star/mothers:

two of my favorites: Patti Smith and Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth.
rich
May 12th, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

189, NotAGoatHead: Oh no, the Guess Who were way too good. How about The DeFranco Family?
Perky Bird
May 12th, 2008 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

Phantom– Now, it’s been a couple of years since I’ve been to Galveston, but I don’t recall any lush, verdant fields and gently rolling hills that run right up to the Gulf. I recall sand, scrubby brown grass, a highway, and lots of houses just waiting to get blown away during the next big hurricane.
Thirsty Thurston
May 12th, 2008 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

So, my take on Lois’s career path is that she got high before she got Hi.
NotAGoatHead
May 12th, 2008 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

191 rich: You’re right. The Guess Who were way too good for Canada. Besides, they were from Manitoba. The DeFranco Family was from Ontario. The same place FOOB takes place.

Hmm… how about the Schmenge Brothers?
cheech wizard
May 12th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

Suburban Hell – Lois finally admits that she never really wanted to be a mother, she just sucked at everything else.
bats :[
May 12th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

91. Little Guy re FOOB: honestly, I wouldn’t know *how* to mash this one. I like Warren’s reaction just fine. Who knew Lizardbreath was more of a vampire than Count Morgu? (Okay, I’d go along with the emotional vampire type…)

107. cheech wizard re FOOB: from your lips to God’s ears. And I like your observation that all men but Asshathony (and the Patterfoob men) are dicks.
I’ll bet Asshathony wished that he had one, though…
TGrum
May 12th, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

Luanne: Brad’s special dessert, “No T.J., just mix some Brad with some Toni.” What’s special about it is that it makes its own sauce!
Gabacho
May 12th, 2008 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

#137 Deena in OR – Thanks. The day is perking up so I don’t need the beer right now but I will keep it in raincheck.

#143 Rich and Candorville – AM and PM are not two sides of the “what time is it” issue. That is the point. The talking heads screeching at each other on CNN and Fox conceit of “fair and balanced” have resulted in the bizarre belief that there are two valid sides to every question. Just check out the evolution “controversy”.

Gil Thorp – I didn’t see this earlier because of the Chron BW meltdown but now, holy cow, those are some major arms on that Jimmy Hughes.
cheech wizard
May 12th, 2008 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

Shoe and the Perfesser are birds? I was hoping that maybe they were dead.
ThomasKDye
May 12th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

Lois’s last name is Foofram. That’s been established before.

The birds in “Shoe” have also flown before — in fact, when Jeff MacNelly was alive, he made some joke about it: the Perfessor and some other bird were in inner tubes on a river heading towards a waterfall. The Perfessor whines “We’ll be drowned like rats!” The other bird says, as they launch into the air, “No we won’t; rats can’t fly. Unless they’re sky rats* of course.” Asterisk included. At the bottom it read “*Pigeons.” I remember having a mixed reaction; hey, those birds can fly, and hey, they had to explain their lame joke.
TheCasey
May 12th, 2008 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

Actually, Hi & Lois are the Flagstons.
Trotzenbonnie
May 12th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

#183 – Red Greenback!!!!
Oy vey! Mishpocheh!
Ah! There’s nothing better than sitting on a perky dog. It’s no fun when they just lie there.

#187 – commodorejohn
I’ll drink to that!
I was a stay-at-home mom. What better argument against the maternal dictum can there be? Take a good look at My Rotten Kid and tell me a bunch of chimps on unicycles couldn’t have done a better job of raising him…
insolenttomato
May 12th, 2008 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Wow! I take a week off from Comics Curmudgeon and come back to see that, for the first time ever, I’m a COTW runner-up! I missed my own awards show! Which is just as well, since I probably would have just told Jesus to suck it and that the statue was my g-d now.

FOOB: Maybe Warren’s afraid Liz is summoning Captain Planet with her big-ass, ugly ring.
cheech wizard
May 12th, 2008 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

196/bats: That’s ok – he’s getting a real c**t instead.

200/201 – I think Lois’ maiden name is “Bailey” – isn’t she supposed to be Beetle’s sister?
cheech wizard
May 12th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

200/p.s. – I think Mr. Foofram is Hi’s boss.
Diamond Joe
May 12th, 2008 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

#100 Croc & #131 Professor Fate:

Liz is, in fact, Canada’s greatest super-heroine, Green Slattern! Not like there was much competition for the title, of course.
NotAGoatHead
May 12th, 2008 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

#204 – cheech wizard: I know Lois is suppose to be Beetle’s sister but it’s hard to believe they came out of the same womb, er.. pen.
ThomasKDye
May 12th, 2008 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

Oops! You’re quite right. They’re the Flagstons and Mr. Foofram is the boss.
Pastor Z
May 12th, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

It’s probably already been said, but I think Shoe must be a jaybird… hence his level of nakedness.
KT
May 12th, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

As I recall, Shoe is a purple martin. And the Perfesser is a fishhawk. At least, I recall his name as Prof. Cosmo Fishhawk.
gnome de blog
May 12th, 2008 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

It’s probably safe to comment at the end of a day-old thread I haven’t read, that I sincerely hope it’s possible to be a mother and President of the United States.
Desoto
May 12th, 2008 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

H&L: (Sunday) Somehow, I always pictured Lois as more of a hair-metal groupie type in her teenage years.

H&L: (Monday) Third Panel: “NOW FETCH MY WHIP AND GRAB YOUR ANKLES, YOU CRETINOUS WORM!!!”
psychobiddy
May 12th, 2008 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

#176 – Sleater-Kinney broke up because Corin was having another baby. Among other reasons. But she’s done stuff since then. She did some duet with Eddie Vedder, & I swear she played a festival or something (can’t find the evidence now, naturally)… Hard to be a rock star & a mom when you’ve got a very small infant, but she’s made no indication that she’s leaving music forever. In fact I think she’s made every effort to dispel that rumor.

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