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It had to happen eventually, I guess

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/17/12

Remember back when some guy tried to hire June as a stripper and she turned him down? Well, times have changed and she’s up for anything now! A year and a half with Rex will do that to anybody, and I’m specifically including grandmothers and cloistered nuns.

Archie, 11/17/12

Archie is a self-righteous hypocrite who falsely believes himself human.

Hey, this is the second time this month comic strip characters have called themselves “we humans.” Are they growing aware of — and resenting — their fate as two-dimensional objects of mockery on the back pages of a dying medium? ARE THEY RISING UP IN RAGE? If so, hanging around this blog might not be the best idea right now, fair warning.

Apartment 3-G, 11/17/12

O MY GOD NOBODY TELL MARGO ABOUT THE REBELLION, OKAY?

Even as Evan poaches her clients for his Aunt Cathy’s agency, Margo prefers his dreamy neckrubs and obsequious flattery to Greg’s brutal honesty and unconscionable Lu Ann-noticing. But how the hell does she narrow her eyes like that? Maybe her skull is hinged like a snake’s, realigning at her will to transfix or engulf her prey? Brrr ….

Mark Trail, 11/17/12

Mark will go fishing with anybody but Rusty. And he sincerely believes somebody orbited a “Find Mark Trail” satellite like he’s Waldo or something. But despite long years of experience, he can’t tell who are the good guys and who are the bad. Here, Mark — let me help, and maybe you will put in a good word for me on that day of wrath?

Psst, Mark … it’s the facial hair. You’ll figure it out eventually — you always do, big fella.


– Uncle Lumpy

186 responses to “It had to happen eventually, I guess”

  1. Roto13
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    Learned where he is via satellite? Does… does Jack Elrod think that’s what Google Earth is?

  2. Nightmarcher89
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    ARCHIE: “I’m really going to get into recycling, Mom. I’ve already started. This sweat is made out of old plastic Wal-Mart bags that I dyed using the cream from cupcakes I found in a dumpster.”

  3. Poteet
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    MT — I’m just waiting for all the island inhabitants to lay off the frisbee-playing for an hour or so and warble “Food Glorious Food.”

  4. Poteet
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    MT — Leave it to Mark to look horribly uncomfortable even when he’s supposedly relaxing in bed. I’m surprised he doesn’t sleep standing up and fully clothed.

  5. NoahSnark
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    Archie is so into recycling he convinced the artist to reuse an image of him wearing a Bill Cosby sweater.

  6. Poteet
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    A3G — This drama would be so much more gripping if these two guys could manage to look the same from panel to panel and had actual personalities.

  7. Poteet
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    RMMD — So this is San Diego, eh? Such a warm, friendly, jutting sort of town.

  8. seismic-2
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    A3G: I don’t understand what Margo is talking about. Every male character in this strip is half a man, just as all the female characters are half a woman.

    RMMD: Finally, in this strip of endless dangling plot twists, one of them has come to a close. You may recall that the whole reason Rex and Melissa are in San Diego is that old rich lady Melissa sent them there, to find out what her no-good nephew was doing running an apartment house in which all the tenants are in arrears on the rent. Now we know – the tenants were strippers, but they all retired, so of course they now have no source of income, and that’s why they aren’t paying rent and the apartment house is going to hell with all the shower heads broken.

    I have to wonder, though – if the strippers were serious about raising money for their friend’s cancer treatment, wouldn’t it make more sense for them to continue working and donate at least a fraction of their tips for her care? They could have special fund-raising nights at the strip club, the strippers could demonstrate the proper methods of performing breast self-exams, and the patrons could dine on Montoni’s pizza.

  9. Pixiesnix
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    MT: I always knew Burt Reynolds was trouble.

  10. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    Them there Russkies are watching Mark from their Sputnik, don’t you know. Their entire space programme was for that one purpose. That’s because he’s the super weapon that’s going to win the Cold War for Peace, Justice and the Trailian Way.

    And then ol’ Krushchev can take Rusty fishing.

  11. Droopy Says
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: It’s time for this story to make a sharp right turn and escape the last sense oif realism. I predict that a cabal of showgirls will enslave Kraven and Jameson, and use them to hijack the water in Lake Meade just as MJ starts to shoot a film about a world-famous waterskier. The tiara will remain on display, but its tears will glisten as much as its rhinestones.

    Flunky Wanker: If the Walnut Robot can feel intimidated, instead of making a coldly-calculated assault as war machines are wont to do, why not go with your strength and attack it with an overwhelming sense of despair and boredom?

    Family Circus: The shape of that ham . . . the odd cross-hatching–ohmigod Archie was a melonhead and they killed him when he grew up!

    Mock Trail: That’s an interesting concept of rescue planning: “They can’t do anything while I’m in danger! They can only rescue me after they know I’m safe! I’ll encourage them by going to bed for a nice little nap!” I’d be thinking “These idiots will let me go to sea in a fishing boat? This could be my chance to escape,” but that’s just me.

    Pluggers: The rest of us love to see heavy metal dropped on Pluggers.

  12. Droopy Says
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    Jugs Parker: I am so sick of Avery’s face that I would welcome Sam Driver’s arrival. Yes, things are that bad.

  13. seismic-2
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#10): Maybe the Government will spot Mark’s Club Med prison island during a U-2 spy plane fly-over of Cuba. Then the CIA can liberate him by staging a Bay of Bonefish invasion. They will need Mark’s anti-hirsute pugilistic skills in their scheme of punching out Fidel Castro.

  14. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    seismic-2

    *wild applause*

  15. Dale
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Bill should know where they were picked up, or he can’t get back with the ransom money. That’s not the same as where Mark actually is.

    The magazine might have insurance to cover its employees when they travel on company business. It would probably exclude wars and revolutions.
    Is Mark an actual employee or a correspondent?
    Was Mark on an assignment or vacation?
    Was Mark kidnapped or just staying out of sight while Bill gets the $2M ransom from the insurance company, up front and no questions asked?

  16. seismic-2
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#15):
    Bill Ellis to Insurance Company: “A free-lancer for my magazine has been kidnapped! Unless you pay a $2M ransom, he will be killed!”
    Insurance Company to Bill Ellis: “That will make a GOOD STORY!!!

  17. Dale
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:33 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#16):

    It will make a prolonged court case. Insurance company denies claims. Cherry sues insurance company, magazine, and Bill Ellis. Finger pointing worthy of the hands in Gil Thorp follows.

    Will Bill blab to Kelly Welly who then travels to islands to muddle the day?

  18. Revenge of Chesnut
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:42 am [Reply]

    I’m not going to lie, I’m holding out for the reveal in Rex Morgan that the character of “June” is going to compete on the next season of “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” Only a drag queen would attempt to pass off human breasts that high and perky.

  19. tallyHO
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#13):
    But the bad guy would just outrun ‘em because after all those years of outrunning Smokey and winning the Cannonball Run and escaping frisky hillbillies and considering ending it all he knows how to put the petal to the metal, even on the high seas, in a boat, with an outboard motor.

    on a serious note though, in the strip Judge Parker, are any of the characters being featured actually Judge Parker or is that a part of some mystery? Like, no one knows who Judge Parker is and she or he is never ever shown, she or he just sends random people on oddball adventures for some reason.

    I can’t think of a single strip I’ve seen where someone goes, Hi, Judge! or Parker, you old dog you!

    Please please please don’t tell me he is Judge Reinhold in disguise either.

    Is that what is going on there?

  20. tallyHO
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:20 am [Reply]

    @Revenge of Chesnut (#18):

    hmmm…it is always best to have two options so,

    maybe her perkiness is mind over matter. She strolls through life with the song

    up, up and awaaaaaay
    with my beeyoootiful
    beeeyoutiful
    ballooooooons!
    baaaallloooons!

    //which is a song I can not consider without seguing into the “Love, American Style” themesong.


    It was a star-spangled
    night, my dear!

    mumble mumble wheeze

    You put your head on my show ul der!
    Whu whu whu whu Wow!

    mumble mumble wheeeze

    Has anyone seen my
    inhaaaaler?
    Love, American Style–isle isle
    For me and

    Baaaaalllloooooooon!
    Balllloooooooooooon!

    Seriously though. I really don’t understand that strip or Judge Parker. Where they conceived when fictional characters had second careers as professional vacationers?

  21. Roger Ln
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    Re MT: If those are the good and the bad, does that mean Mark is Tuco?

  22. Dale
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:29 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    If you are the community fish (more nutricious than sand and saltwater porridge) provider, you don’t use a rod and reel.
    Consider: nets, trotlines, explosives ..
    What does Mark have in his unsearched tackle box: always-on locator beacon, gun, explosives, collapsible airplane, multiple changes of identical clothing, shaving kit ?

  23. tallyHO
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:32 am [Reply]

    Don’t get me wrong. I get how Mark Trail is a part time professional vacationer who allows Trouble to find him, especially if it involves bear caves. So I accept that, mainly because of the giant, talking animals and the fact that he has a rescue dog trained to attack; lives with and has a (mad) scientist for a father-in-law; is surrounded by clones, who may or may not resemble Burt Reynolds; has an adopted son who is slowly being de-humanized into…something; a wife who has the patience of a tragic Greek character–Penelope Perkytopoless? (just kidding, you know Odysseus’ wife who waited for him); etcetera, etcetera.

    Plus, Elrod doesn’t even try to draw and when his substitutes sit in on the strip they mimic his ability to draw animals well while de-humanizing the people. Eventually, they will all look like Ziggy (or a Ziggy-fied Burt Reynolds) and we will just accept that as the defacto new standard for comic strip art.

    Margo Magee will have a badly drawn wig and Ziggybody, yet her soul-searing gaze will remain. Archie will no longer have a coif. Instead, that waffle-iron punishment to his temples will be disguised by an orange dye applied to his flattened, basketball-like melon.

    The future. It is so close. Ziggy level art is the future. Even Zippy will be Ziggyfied, and perhaps, ironically, more dignified. Sigh. No. It will just be more pinheadfied.

    //i miss good comic strips that are solid from top to bottom.

  24. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 17th, 2012 at 5:16 am [Reply]

    If bad guys become good guys if they get rid of their facial hair, I’d just love to see a Mark Trail story set in Northern India or Pakistan. Just about 73.6145% of the masculine gender have a moustache or beard.

    I mean I’d like to watch it at a *distance*. I have a goatee and my girlfriend likes it.

  25. Liam
    November 17th, 2012 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    Archie-What is up with the Cosby sweater?

    Archie 2-So that explains this strips humor. The jokes have been recycled for decades hence it’s tendency to be stuck in the early Nineties.

    A3G-”Margo narrows her eyes” the writer has to say that because the artist is really terrible at drawing facial expressions.

    MT-”I’m sorry, Mark, but some incredibly amazing thing just came up and I can’t take you fishing with me tomorrow.”

    Gil Thorp-Tweeting our dislike of Terry is better than just dragging him somewhere and beating our dislike into him.

    RMMD-Strip, June. If you want to help strip.

  26. Droopy Says
    November 17th, 2012 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    Mar’ma’duq: Do buzzards really fly south for the winter? Or have they left because the Hellhound, in his insatiable hunger, no longer leaves enough human flesh for them to scavenge? The Beast has no one to blame but himself if his feathered sycophants abandon him . . . but he may console himself with the tasty morsels who mock his desolate lonliness . . .

  27. lorne
    November 17th, 2012 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    I see Archie has kicked off his ecology drive by recycling a Huxtable sweater.

  28. OMEGA SUPREME
    November 17th, 2012 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    Liberty Meadows: Well, this is certainly Chip’s best day ever. I wonder if this is a reference to a similar scene in Animal House (I think?) where the majorette gets thrown through a teenage boy’s window with similar results.

  29. Chaze
    November 17th, 2012 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    JP – Obviously, we have a confluence of storylines heading our way: Sam’s conspicuous absence and Bubba’s harvest bombshell. I’m seeing federal officers, IRS agents, shackled hillbillies, Sam wearing a shit-eating grin, a pouting Bea with her hands on her hips, and a victorious Avery whose time consuming scotch drinking and pseudo-negotiating got the deed done.

  30. pugfuggly
    November 17th, 2012 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    RMMD Soooo…this is the point when they all start kissing and the pizza guy shows up, right?

    Archie For some reason, when I read Archie’s lines I hear them in Bill Cosby’s voice…

    A3G That’s right, Evan: slowly walk away, while maintaining eye contact, and keep talking until you’re a safe distance away. Margo may not be as big as a bear, but she has less compassion than one, too.

    MT I imagine that a few days earlier, Mark spotted a loose helium balloon floating by the compound. “That must be one of those ‘satellites’” he thought “HEY SATELLITE! TELL BILL WHERE I AM! BILL THE EDITOR!! GOT IT?”

  31. Chareth Cutestory
    November 17th, 2012 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    Archie: Will Archie fall into a complete Buckminster Fuller lifestyle philosophy, living in a geodesic dome and talking about Spaceship Earth? We should be so lucky

  32. Chaze
    November 17th, 2012 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    Popeye – I’ve said many times that if I had a kid, I’d name him Skeezix, thus putting me on a level with Hollywood stars who give their kids all sorts of oddball names. Well, let me add Jeb-Jab to that list of great names. I could just hear myself: “Skeezix, Jeb-Jab, put that possum down and let’s go! I don’t wanna be late for the ‘Bama – Auburn game!”

  33. Chaze
    November 17th, 2012 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    Well, Archie’s sweater has certainly created a Mudge Mind Meld hasn’t it?

  34. Here Come the Judge
    November 17th, 2012 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#19):

    Back when the strip started in the ’50s, it actually featured Judge Alan Parker as the main character. Over time, he’s been mostly phased out, his place taken by Sam. He is the father of Randy Parker, Sam’s partner in the law firm that he never seems to be working at. A few years ago, Judge Parker retired from the bench, and immediately became a bestselling author, with Sam as his agent. Sam’s meeting with Avery, which seems like it happened several years ago, was to discuss a movie deal for one of the Judge’s books.
    Occasionally the Judge actually makes and appearance, the most recent being back in July of 2011, when he saves a woman from jumping to her death while on a book tour.

  35. ScienceGiant
    November 17th, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Archie: The more obvious explanation? The Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 is trying to give itself camouflage. “We humans,” indeed!

  36. Horace Broon
    November 17th, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    DT: Oh, my goodness, the crossovers just don’t stop! (For those not in the know, Bob Kane was the creator of Batman, and Dick Sprang and Jerry Robinson were two of his ghost-artists. The signal in the sky is … yeah, everyone knows what that is.)

    MW: “Geez, what have I gotten into? It’s like… soot or something. Is it all over my face, or only half way?”

    Retail: Didn’t Dumbing of Age already do this?

  37. Chyron HR
    November 17th, 2012 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    As the son of his father’s first wife, Archie was favored and a coat of many colors was bestowed upon him. The second wife was jealous, and thus fed him only leftovers.

  38. CanuckDownSouth
    November 17th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    FW – soooo … Tech club’s contribution: design and build a functioning mobile robot, at least able to attempt to shove another robot in a “sumo” match. Dweebs’ contribution: at the last minute, get to decorate it and decide to duct-tape on a football helmet with no techy adornment or complementary colour scheme.

    And who gets to call it “their” robot and tinker with it afterward? The ones who actually think an intimidating look will affect how inanimate machines will function.

  39. CanuckDownSouth
    November 17th, 2012 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#36): re: Retail – I’m sure I’ve seen ripped-jean-print either PJs or leggings at Bed, Bath and Beyond – definitely in the “Beyond” category.

  40. Mibbitmaker
    November 17th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Given what’s being drawn here, isn’t this what Apartment 3-G is supposed to be?

    Archie: Ironically (I think), this very comic strip is recycled.

    A3G: “Narrow my eyes!”, exclaims Margo, “My artist needs blatant art direction like that?! BAH! ‘Narrow Margo’s eyes!’ Does Bill Clinton need direction narrowing HIS eyes?! Does George W. Bush….?!!”

    MT: Extrapolating from UL’s list…
    GOOD: Doc clone, Lady.
    BAD: Burt Reynolds and terrorist-looking guy
    UGLY: Rusty

  41. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Frazz: cross-hatch fail.

    GF: phear the werewombats!

    LaCuc: late to the party, but in with a hammer.

    SBp: *snurk*

    Bizarro: stealing from the Mutts file. also, d’awwwwwwwww.

    DT: Mr. Kane and a signal. in “another city.” nice ref!

    JUMBLE: *snurk* well played, sir.

    Pluggers listen to Triumph, not Rush.

    RwO: *golf clap*

  42. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . waiting for the right-sized wood. also, naughty art implication. . . .

  43. Ursula
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Phantom: No they actually don’t believe in that whole immortal story of your family. But they believe that you believe it, and that playing along not only keeps you happy, but makes you pliable and vaguely occupied.

  44. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    BG&SS: Oh, googly moogly.

    Shoe: Wonderful! A timely reference to the 60 year old book, or the 58 year old Broadway play or Holywood movie.

  45. debussy fields
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    MW– Dawn, what you’ve gotten into is ‘geese,’ not ‘geez.’ You fell asleep on the grass in the park with the whole left side of your face mucked in goose shit. (That has to be the most badly-drawn shadowed face in the history of the comics page!)

  46. Illustrator Steve
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#17): MT – “Cherry sues insurance, magazine, and Bill Ellis.”

    How ’bout, READERS SUE JACK ELROD?

  47. JB2
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    SHAFT – Robins don’t eat seeds, you goddamned idiot.

  48. Mibbitmaker
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    DT: That’s the signal?! Who’s the colorist on this strip? Tobias Funke?!

    FW: Olde Style Funny Week ends with a wimper.
    ….Come to think of it, it started that way, too.

    Luann: ….and HEEEEEEEEEEERE’S JOHNNY! (Tonight Show theme…)

    MW: A facial eclipse?

    Glibporn (yesterday): To immitate Julia Child on SNL?

    S-M: The elephant dung you’re squatting in, Petey?

  49. Illustrator Steve
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    MT – “Mark, one of my jobs is to catch fish…would YOU like to go fishing with me tomorrow?”
    “SURE! I’d like that! O boy! I’m going FISHING tomorrow, yea!”
    (TOMORROW)
    “Mark, Pop won’t be taking you fishing this morning, or ever for that matter. Pop has been rendered obsolete by the village youth leaders and has been executed.”
    “Bummer! I am so hurt by Pop standing me up that I am going to take my rod and tackle box and go stand out on that old rotted dock and sulk for a few months!”

  50. Warrior Walrus
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    BB: Ha! Mrs. Halftrack sprayed her husband with a rust disolving agent and now his spine is agonizingly exposed to the air!

    Heathcliff: Door man? Knowing Heathcliff, it’s more like button man posing as a doorman to keep John Law off both their backs.

    Zippy: I dunno, Zippy. Why must must your slavish attachment to post-modern meta-ironic self-awareness ruin every punchline?

  51. gleeb
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Beetle: I know my local grocery always displays lubricants near the oranges and bottles of black juice.

    Bizarro: Good, but I can’t help but wonder how Mutts would have done it.

    ‘shaft: Batiuk lets his comic book fanboyisness leak over into this strip now.

    ‘bean: Again with the “spinoff”? What the hell is that word supposed to mean in this context? Mr Batiuk, can I talk to your manager?

    H&L: Never rake near a man with a morning head.

    Down the Mine: Let’s look at this from the points of view of the characters. Avery: Gee, Bubba’s pretty nice, giving me a place and time to get close to Bea. Bubba: Stupid sucker. My crop’s in, and it’s time to blow this popsicle stand. Bea: if this drunken fucker takes one step closer to me, I’ll gut him like a trout.

    Phantom: Yeah, we get it. Move on with the story so we can tell who is sending the lion to kill Llongos. Because I still think its the miners, but I’m honestly not sure.

    Dick: OK, Bob Kane, Batman, whatever. What does any of this have to do with the Moon?

    F-: Wow. How long a backlog does this strip have?

    Gil: So this whole story is just “American teenagers messing with the New Guy”?

    Rubes: Elephants are massive. That’s the joke.

  52. Illustrator Steve
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    MT – i get it! I FINALLY GET IT!!! It’s a MESSAGE! All these years Jackelrod has been trying to get an important message across to the readers! He is simply trying to quietly convey to the readers that…
    “IF YOU PROMISE TO TAKE SOMEONE FISHING THEN TAKE THE DAMN PERSON FISHING!”
    …That, or he’s saying, “See? THIS is WHY Mark should NEVER be seen wearing shorts!”

  53. TheDiva
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    A3G: Wow, it’s like Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy! Except I want to poke my eyes out from the boredom.

    MT: This proves that Mark Trail takes place in the universe of 1950s sci-fi B-movies, where they have only a vague understanding of how anything scientific works. “Bill can find me via satellite! And…atomic energy-type stuff too, I bet!”

  54. Illustrator Steve
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    MT – Mark lays there late at night staring at the hut’s walls while thinking…”Hmmm, that’s odd…since these 8″ wide rough sawn wooden interior wall boards are all installed vertically it means the wood frame structure of this hut must be framed horizontally! Very weird, but hey, it’s the Caribbean, what do they know!”

  55. Peanut Gallery
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#Y223): “King Kong Dong”! That’s hilarious. You’re correct, of course, it’s supposed to be “King Ding Dong.” If you do a Google Image Search on “King Kong Dong,” you get… um… something different.

  56. Downpuppy
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    In RxMigraine, panel 1, we learn that “Ginger” is really Dolly Keane. Millions of Family Circus readers say, “Yup. Not surprised.”

    & I still think Cancer Girl is a scam.

  57. BigTed
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    When, like June, you’ve spent all day wearing a filmy, transparent robe over a tiny, skin-tight camisole, isn’t becoming a stripper sort of beside the point?

  58. John C Fremont
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    MW – Dawn turned into Frank Gorshin so gradually I didn’t even notice.

    No, she’s white on the left side, so she’s the other one.

    I wonder if there’ll be endless scenes of her running through the Enterprise.

    No, that was Gorshin.

    Dang, life really is brutal.

  59. TheDiva
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    FW: Dare I hope that the full wrath of the Disney legal team will descend on Tom Batiuk?

    GT: “Wow, good thing our popularity-obsessed peer isn’t on one of the world’s most popular social networks, otherwise this entire plot wouldn’t make a lick of sense!”

    Luann: And so they are forced to face what every Luann character fears: dramatic progression.

    Marvin: He’s leaving on Saturday, I’m sure you have plenty of time to make it to service. (Yes, I know some churches do Saturday worship, but I don’t think the comics industry does.)

    MW: .oO(Whatever it is, the cross-hatch shading indicates it’s serious!)

    Phantom: “Actually, we figured out the whole passing-the-title-from-father-to-son thing generations ago. You think just because we live in an agrarian, tribal society we can’t tell one white dork in a tiny domino mask from another? Please.”

    SM: .oO(Who does he think he is, being charming and personable? Something’s afoot!)

  60. Downpuppy
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#45): And the face shadow doesn’t match Dawn’s shadow on the bench. Kopy Kat has forged Mary Worth!

  61. Liam
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    MW-”What have I gotten in to,” Dawn asks while applying blackface.

  62. The Ridger
    November 17th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#11): I’d be thinking “These idiots will let me go to sea in a fishing boat? This could be my chance to escape,” but that’s just me. But they’re almost certainly not going to let Andy go fishing with them, so how can Mark possibly escape?

  63. seismic-2
    November 17th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Is today some sort of official “Batman” holiday? Today we have three tributes on the newspaper funny pages: in Crankshaft we have Robin, in Dick Tracy we have Bob Kane and the bat-signal, and in Mary Worth we have a failed attempt at Harley Quinn.

    Oh, and in Pibgorn Brooke is of course giving all us beefwits the (Bill) Finger.

  64. seismic-2
    November 17th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#60): Remember that this is Mary Worth, where the full moon hops around in the sky during the course of a two-person conversation to be visible behind whichever character has a close-up. Obeying that same law of astronomical mutability, the sun has moved around in an attempt to illuminate Dawn’s “good” side, and of course it fails to find one.

  65. tb4000
    November 17th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    S4th: Now this is how you do one of these plots. No sugarcoating.

  66. Liam
    November 17th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft-Shouldn’t Robin’s seed come in a jar instead of a bag? And another thing if he was getting Robin’s seed shouldn’t he be at a fertility clinic.

    Crankshaft-”I wanted bird seed not ground up sidekick.”

  67. bbofun
    November 17th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    A3G- Be honest. How many, back when Greg & Evan were introduced, would have picked Evan to be the successfully manipulative seducer, and Greg to be the poor schlub who’s actually interested in Margo? Well played, A3G, well played.

    (Side note: my spell-check doesn’t recognize the word “schlub.” Or “shlub.” I need to get the 1950′s New York patois patch, nu?)

    Cranky- I chuckled. I feel so dirty. (Admittedly, it was more the image in my head of Robin and Hawkman pecking at the ground and hopping around than the actual joke, but that’s what led me there, so- kudos, Mr. Bati-ooh, threw up in my mouth a little.)

    (Side note- my spell-check doesn’t recognize “Hawkman.” I need to get the comic-book nerd patch.)

    DT- Hmmm- in the second panel, where “Mr. Kane” talks about “the boss and his brother”, two umbrellas are seen in the background. therefore, the boss is the Penguin. who could his brother be? (Oswald Cobblepot, the Penguin, is an only child in the comics.)

    (Yeah, spell-check didn’t recognize “Cobblepot,” either.)

    FW- The word your looking for is “rip-off.” I take back my kudos.

    MW- Is Dawn tying to get her spider-sense working in panel two?

    RMMD- “How can I help?” “Well, first, you’re gonna need some implants…”

    9CL- Hey, instead of the dutch angle, how about just focusing on the feet? It would be easier to read, and, funnier!

    Luann- Hey, look! This was all a boring lead-up to a boring conclusion of a boring plot-line! In other words, Luann.

  68. Fashion Police
    November 17th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    One sincerely wonders what Mr. Trail does for clean underwear. We doubt he’s washing out his things every night.

  69. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 17th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    unimpressed Husky.

    bb,u does cosplay..

    floofy fert!

    otter pounce in 3, 2, 1. . .

    corgsqui. ^. . >

    the power of corgi eyes in action.

  70. Mysterion
    November 17th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail can’t tell right from wrong unless animals are involved. That’s also why he tucks his T-shirt into his boxers.

  71. Liam
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    RMMD-Retire from stripping? No one retires from stripping they just become prostitutes.

    MT-”Sure I’d like that just as long as you don’t come up with some lame ass excuse why I can’t go fishing with you and believe me I am the king of lame ass excuses for not taking someone fishing.”

  72. Stroker Ace
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Without dialogue RMMD becomes a tribute to Alberto Vargas.

  73. cheech wizard
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    RMMD – “We don’t do that any more. We’re retired! We quit stripping when we found out we could make a lot more money as call girls!”

  74. Calico
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#3):
    That’s weird – I was sort of singing that the other AM, I think when I was feeding the cats.
    Someone used to use that tune on WCBS-AM for an ad – maybe Dagostino’s, or Gristedes? Long time ago.

  75. Liam
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    MT-What is going on with Mark’s shadow in the third panel? It looks like it’s having sex with someone or wants to.

  76. Calico
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#75):
    Who wears short shorts?

  77. Illustrator Steve
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#75): MT – “What is going on with Mark’s shadow in the third panel?”

    I don’t know but now that you mention it in panel two Mark’s shadow is HEADLESS!

  78. Uncle Lumpy
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#77):

    The light shines right through.

  79. Liam
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    A3G-Greg is a jerk because Margo can’t control him like she can with Evan.

    A3G 2-Have we seen any jerk like behavior from Greg or do we just have to go with Margo on this?

  80. The Ridger
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#79): Well, he barged into Margo’s office, interrupted her work, was unkind to Evan (does that count?), invited himself to lunch with Ari, dropped Margo like a stone to her face to flirt with Lu Ann, and barged into her office again … He is kind of a jerk.

  81. Chaze
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    MW – Actually what we can’t see is funnier ‘n hell. Jim, not thinking because he was upset, dropped his cell phone into his pants pocket. Darn things are cargo-drawers and he can’t reach his phone. He’s running around the street asking people to reach into his pocket and grab his cell. I believe the police are on the way.

  82. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    MT: Imagine my shock when I opened my morning paper and saw Mark Trail in his skivvies! Have we ever seen him in a state of undress like this, reclining Kelly-Welly-like on his remarkably luxurious double-pillowed poverty cot?

    But then I noticed two things that restored order to my world view: 1) Mark is still incapable of thought-bubbling, and 2) the nether skivvies are khaki.

  83. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    MW: Dawn’s so busy cross-hatching her face that she doesn’t even realize that whatever it was she’d gotten into, Jim’s abrupt departure just got her out of it.

  84. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#69): Heh. I could pull off that Mary Poppins sternness, I bet.

  85. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    “Usable material”? You humans missed that?

    Seriously – who still reads Luann? Except for the worshippers of the Holy CHurch of Greg Evans, I mean.

    Actually, to tell the truth, I’ve about given up on GoComics. Mainly I depend on this site for my comic fix. So, this really is Josh Reads The Comics So I Don’t Have To. Thanks, man.

    - And also thanks to the other commentators for making me laugh. I mean it…if the appreciation of someone from the other side of the planet, who can’t think up snarky material, means anything to you.

    Anyway, it’s time to hit the sack, so good night all.

  86. tallyHO
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Here Come the Judge (#34):

    Hunh! Well waddayaknow!

    Thanks. I thought that Sam Driver somehow is or is not Judge Parker. So, where I was headed was one of two ways:
    1) Judge Parker was like Charlie from the TV show “Charlie’s Angels”; heard and not seen, communicating by a 21st Century telecom…thing…which isn’t probably so 21st Centuryish, if you think about it;

    Or,
    2) Like I am guessing is the case with The Phantom, Sam Driver has a pair of enchanted sunglasses which are passed down over the generations to various people who are worthy of donning the mantle of Judge Parker (or, conversely, He is cursed with enchanted sunglasses which are passed down to people who aren’t worthy of much else beyond being smug looking…..take your pick)

  87. Elk Meadow
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

  88. Calico
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    FC – Billy explains to Dolly that pigs really don’t have wings.
    DtM – Pancakes!
    Beetle – hey, I need some of that!
    Annnnnd, Bizarro joins the legions of limbless comics.

  89. tallyHO
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#55):

    Yeah.
    Sssssh!
    Don’t tell the writer of the article that their fondest memory of the über-mascot of Hostess Snack Cakes is not King Kong Dong. I wouldn’t want to question their fond childhood memories of…snacking.

    Nevertheless, King Kong Dong shall not ruin my fond snacktastic memories of licking waxed cardboard to consume the snack cake leftovers, or as I liked to call it: StickyCrumbs, from a session of eating Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ring Dings, Hi Hos, Sno Balls and other euphemism-sounding things we all came to enjoy.

    Salut, Captain Cupcake! May the Chocolate Oceans keep you safe from… well, lesse...May your sea voyages in your search for….what the heck did he search for?

    I can’t remember a single voyage Captain Cupcake ever took. I remember what I read from “Moby Dick” but, sadly, I can’t recall a single reason he’s a sea man snackitime sailor?

    Does he report to Admiral Cadbury? What the hell?

  90. Droopy Says
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#62): Of course Otto’s men will let Andy go fishing with Trail. Elrod has the clip art for “Andy on a boat” scenes, and no way will Elrod let it go to waste.

  91. KreatureFeatures
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: I’m having trouble comprehending “They can’t send help until they know I will be safe.” Safe from injury during the rescue attempt? Doesn’t the threat of injury make the need for rescue more immediate? Are the rescuers going to wait several months, until Mark is more-or-less forgotten by his abductors, then quietly coax him away from the fringes of his internment area? Because you know that Stockholm Syndrome will have kicked in bigtime by then.

  92. tallyHO
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#90):

    If Elrod and his syndicate knew what was good for Mark Trail they’ make a video of Andy Dog with a captain’s hat riding on the front of a cigarette boat chasing an escaping villain.

    Have some mod, spy movie music that is chase scene friendly— that includes accents and beats that are perfect for footage of Mark keepin’ the riddem wit his Fists O’ Justice. Hell, just call it “Fists O’ Justice”—hire the guy who did “Electric Avenue” and voila! By making the video, you’ll get…something…out of it.

    It would be easy, Elrod! Just use the clip art collection and go, go, go!

  93. flug
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    “he can’t tell who are the good guys and who are the bad”

    Mark doesn’t need to know who are the good guys and who are the bad–because he can just let his FISTS do the thinking for him!

  94. tallyHO
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#92):

    I swear, if there is ever a Mark Trail movie–likely starring Will Ferrel, how many people would feel they deserve a cut of that action? Everyone who ever commented on this site?

    The Wildlife Adventures of Mark Trail

    Starring:
    Will Ferrel as Mark Trail
    and…..

  95. Liam
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Bizarro-I know a one armed person that would make a good master for that dog.

    Dustin-I don’t think there are enough Twinkies for your dad to eat that it’ll give him a heart attack. Now if you are planning on shoving them down his throat in order to choke him then a box should do.

  96. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#94): Selma Blair as Kelly Welly.
    Selma Blair as Cherry Trail.
    Selma Blair as this episode’s Ava Chavez.

  97. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone notice the Mark Trail strip immediately above the o-hai-June-will-u-strip-for-me that Uncle Lumpy directed us to? It’s got facial hair and everything!

    Now, June. Are you sure that the girls couldn’t talk you into accepting Mr. Amato’s offer? I need this June. Oh God, I need this.

  98. Inkwell
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Well, Lumpy, your hypothesis will be confirmed as soon as MT introduces a villainess with a goatee.

  99. bats :[
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

  100. Calico
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#95):
    Jim adopts the three legged dog, and meets Wally and Buddy. They end up drinking beer together at some landlocked dive bar. It has to be in a forested area, as Jim is afraid of the pier and Wally hates the desert, for obvious reasons. Mary will end up counseling them both after a bone-crushing dual hangover.

  101. Calico
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#96):
    How about Selena Gomez? I hear she’s available.
    (She dissed the man-child again after a big argument at dinner-a wise move, dear)

  102. Calico
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Archie – “I’m really going to get into recycling, Mom.”
    Good, now ditch that awful sweater and give it to the Salvation Army.

  103. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#51):

    Bea: if this drunken fucker takes one step closer to me, I’ll gut him like a trout.

    Would that be like “tearing him a new trout hole”?

  104. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: “Kraven’s acting human for once. But something doesn’t feel right! He’s supposed to be a Pinhead 3000 like me, incapable of understanding human emotions and desires, like wanting an attractive sexual partner, a decent, well-paid job, or using one’s superpowers to defeat emotionally stunted engineering-genius clowns…yes, something is definitely wrong here.”

    Please to notice: Andy Capp has apparently been visiting Fred Basset’s family. Next I’ll be telling you that Beetle Bailey is Lois’ kid brother or something.

    Apt. 3-G: “Narrowing her eyes” is in fact a misnomer. What really happens is her eyelashes spontaneously secrete mascara in response to perceived threats, such as competition for bug-like, protein-rich food sources or potential mating partners. Meanwhile, Evan is basking in the sun on a rock near the chilly waters of the Pacific, waiting to pass on his DNA and hoping that he’ll be one of the lucky few to escape decapitation after the completion of the sexual transaction.

    Bouletcorp: No snark here, just a shiny trail of goodness from Boulet.

    The Family Circus: If Billy only knew the true horror of this large, evenly-browned, melon-shaped object…

    Judge Parker: Avery: “You mean you’re going to lock me in darkness in this Picasso-infested mineshaft with Bea for the next few months? Cooool. Peaches who?”

    Mark Trail: Why does Mark look like he’s going to be, uh…concentrating real hard on the good guys and the bad guys for the next few minutes? Just what sort of clip art has Jack Elrod been saving up over the years?

    Mary Worth: By the looks of it, Dawn, you’ve gotten into some pretty serious cross-hatching. But next time, get Bill Griffith to do it for you, okay? At the moment, you look like Mike Tyson with a bad case of regrets.

    Sinfest: Speaking of June, here’s where she winds up after hanging around Rex for too long…

  105. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#8): I’m thinking the Pizza Grotto would need to get in on that action somehow.

  106. Calico
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#104):
    Ah, so THAT”S where Jeffy went!
    Head cheese.

  107. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#59):

    Luann: And so they are forced to face what every Luann character fears: dramatic progression.

    Should we get our hopes up that something in this stupid strip will resolve? Has anything ever? Or… maybe, just maybe, Evans is far more clever than we give him credit: He has created an existential version of hell where there is never progression, just endless boring, meaningless conflict.

  108. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#104): That Boulet strip is pure sluggy brilliance.

  109. pastordan, is not aware of all internet conventions
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#108): Boulet delivers. Believe dat.

  110. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    SM: Spidey clearly subscribes to the Slylock Fox School of Guilt and Innocence, in which one’s name determines one’s guilt (not to be confused with the Mark Trail School of Guilt and Innocence, in which facial hair is the moral determinant). If Kraven were to change his name to, say, Kourageous the Hunter or Konscientious the Hunger, maybe Spidey would get off his back.

  111. seismic-2
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#94): Andy Richter as the giant chipmunk.

  112. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    FC Dolly looks a little nauseated after licking all the glaze off that ham. (And she has a clove stuck in her nose.)

    A3J Not half the man Evan is? By my reckoning, that would make Greg 0.02 man. About average for the A3G-verse.

  113. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#82):

    Have we ever seen him in a state of undress like this, reclining Kelly-Welly-like on his remarkably luxurious double-pillowed poverty cot?

    We’ve seen Mark naked, in fact, when Kelly Welly caught him coming out of the shower.

  114. Uncle Lumpy
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#113):

    … and let me tell you, he’s 2.835 man!

  115. Archivalist
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    MT — It IS the facial hair, always has been. Jack Elrod hates Mo-vember.

  116. Baka Gaijin
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    I disagree with everyone. That’s not a beheaded melonhead on the table; Big Daddy Keane traipsed across the comics page and brought back a dead Dogbert.

  117. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#113): You’re right. I must have forgotten that blocked that out, because even when Mark is nekkid, I can only picture him fully clothed.

  118. bats :[
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

  119. Cloudbuster
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    Where can I sign up to get kidnapped like Mark? He gets the run of an idyllic Caribbean island, free food, freedom to relax, fish or hang out with the lovely Ava, who is apparently the island bike. He even gets to bring his dog! No one’s guarding him, so presumably, all he’d have to do would be to contact the mainland (seriously, even in remote areas, they have satellite internet these days), and have Bill swing by and pick him up after a relaxing week. Those bearded guys could probably make a fortune with kidnap-themed primitive island getaway vacations.

  120. Atheist amongst the flock
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#118): Muy Bueno!

  121. tallyHO
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#119):

    Those bearded guys could probably make a fortune with kidnap-themed primitive island getaway vacations.
    Only if they pick up and someone else delivers.

  122. T K
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    OK, can someone explain today’s Speed Bump to me? I’m clueless

  123. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @T K (#122): It’s a grave site. So if the guy was full of manure, the grass over his grave would grow more lushly. (Took me a moment to realize what the setting was.)

  124. Atheist amongst the flock
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @T K (#122): Is it the one where two guys are visiting the grave of there dead friend and he grass is growing faster due to being grown in bullshit?

  125. Atheist amongst the flock
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @T K (#122): I’m clueless too.

  126. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Call him up, Baby. I’ll get my measuring tape.”

    Archie: The Earth thanks you for recycling Cliff Huxtable’s sweater, Archie.

    MT: Doesn’t know who the bad guys are? Oh no! Mark has facial hair amnesia!

    MW: It’s called a Lifetime movie, Dawn.

    FW: Funky Winkerbean unveils a desperate plan to be bought out by Disney.

    JP: We could assume that the close-up of the electronic whatever in Bubba’s hand means that he just initiated a self destruct sequence or something like that. Then again this is Judge Parker, and Chekhov don’t come around here much.

    GA: Aside from height and chestal development, Hoogie is a dead ringer for the girl who was just chatting up Boog in the cafeteria. Welcome to Club Freud, kid.

    BB: Shouldn’t she be aiming a little lower and in front?

    H&L: Not yet it’s not.

    DT: Ah, finally something happens this week. The gangsters are all named after Golden Age Batman artists, which is in itself more action than we saw Monday-Friday.

    GT: “What does ‘retweeted upside the head’ even mean?”
    “I have no idea.”

    Luann: Don’t look too excited, Rosa. Oh, you don’t look excited at all. So we’re on the same page.

    S-M: “He never takes me out to dinner.”

  127. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    Hey Uncle Lumpy, would nuns living for Rex Morgan for a year really count as cloistered?

    Haha, of course they would. Had you going, didn’t I?

  128. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#118): Excellent.

  129. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#73): Hey, June can be their “business manager” either way.

  130. Vince M
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#25): MT: Oooh man, cat’s in the cradle.

  131. Vince M
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#26): I understand Hinkley, Ohio has some festivity on the return of the buzzards every year around March 20 – my birthday, and I somehow have never gone there to celebrate.

  132. mollificent
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Delurking to opine:

    MT: Hmmm…in the March 2011 post Uncle Lumpy linked to, we also found Mark Trail in bed, being tended by another forlorn woman with long black hair on a “little island”. Archie ain’t the only one who’s recycling.

    JP: Um, so the harvest is done and you’re just going to fly off and leave your pakalolo fields sitting there? You’d better hope the company Avery hires to come and plow the fields under in preparation for the solar panel installation know how to keep their mouth shut…

    MW: I don’t even. I just. Uh.

  133. Vince M
    November 17th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#55): I was a bit…confused when they were renamed “King Dons” – wondered if I’d gone dyslexic or something.

  134. Chip Whittle
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#68):

    One sincerely wonders what Mr. Trail does for clean underwear. We doubt he’s washing out his things every night.

    I cannot believe that Mark Trail sweats, or that dirt or fur or any kind of grime might possibly stick to his body. I bet in person he would still have that “never removed from box” smell. If he and Pig-Pen were ever to touch, Mark Trail would identify Pig-Pen as some kind of burrowing vole whose shed fur provides homes for many nesting infant mice, and save him from a poacher.

  135. Liam
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Archie-”I’m really going to get into recycling like this sweater. Can you believe that Mr. Cosby threw it out?”

  136. Atheist amongst the flock
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#132): Delurking?

    Is that like the Romulans decloaking? You are supposed to go in full fledged attack.

  137. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Atheist amongst the flock (#136):

    *imagines mollificent cosplaying Tasha Yar*

    squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

  138. Calico
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#134):
    1:28
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5QV3xg5Exo
    Shorty shorts!
    Mark is also a Saint of Circumstance, it seems.

  139. peabody
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Since there’s no way that the black shape in the third panel is a shadow cast onto the wall by a physical object because, well, just look at it, I’m going to assume that it is in fact the dark, creeping manifestation of “The Bad”. And once it slides from the wall, onto the bed, onto the face of some unsuspecting Good Guy, forming into a soul-controlling mustache and/or sideburns, no amount of ransom can get it off. Being kidnapped is really the least of Mark’s concerns right now. I mean, once he turns into Bad Mark, who’s going to punch that thing off his face, Rusty? Not likely.

  140. tallyHO
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#133):

    Once upon a time I would write suggesting product names.

    I still think if they had introduced Bling Blongs, the company would be in great shape.

  141. Liam
    November 17th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Marvin-”Keep nagging me like this and it will be your memorial service you’ll be going to.”

    Blondie-Just wait till he is delivering hot lead to the people on his route.

  142. Fashion Police
    November 17th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#82):
    We couldn’t help but notice that Mr. Trail’s “unmentionables” appear freshly pressed and starched. Do we know how long he has been sequestered on that island?

  143. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 17th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#142): Ah, nice to have see you on the patrol again.

    We haven’t seen the drycleaners on this island, but something tells me they’re the unsung heroes of the story.

  144. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2012 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#143): Lest you feel tempted to pity Island Doc and his menial duties, he could have said, “One of my jobs is to scrub and starch Mark’s dirty underwear.”

  145. Shrug, Rambler On About Rocks vs. Hard Places
    November 17th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#144):

    How come Island Doc has to wash Mark’s undies, while Ava has to Do Whatever A Bunch of Bearded No-Doubt-Lust-Maddened Smelly Terrorist Kidnapper Swine Decide In Their Twisted Depraved Cores Would Be Nasty Fun Again This Time?

    Because Ava got to choose first.

  146. Shrug, Strip-Mining Another Feeble Joke
    November 17th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#71):

    “RMMD-Retire from stripping? No one retires from stripping they just become prostitutes.”

    Well, no, when Diablo Cody retired she became a Hollywood scriptwriter instead.

    // Though I suppose that counts as “close enough.”

  147. Peanut Gallery
    November 17th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#133): The whole confusing story is in Wikipedia. It’s almost as bad as trying to figure out who owns each part of Cadbury.

  148. La Cieca
    November 17th, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    MT: Big talk coming from a man who sleeps in tap pants and a tee shirt with scalloped lace around the hem.

  149. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Strip-Mining Another Feeble Joke (#146): Does your mine shaft of feeble jokes have Picassos on the walls, or an assortment of Beetle Bailey comic strips?

  150. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 17th, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    had a neat experience yesterday.

    I was at the local supermarket, taking back returnables and doing some emergency shopping. A Plugger-type gentleman drove by in his pick-up, with a big Weimaraner sitting up proud in the passenger seat. When I passed by the parked truck, the dog was still sitting in the seat, eyes fixated on the entrance to the store, and was still there and doing so when I finished the returnables and went into the store. Was very d’awwwsome to see a dog so intent on where its owner was expected to be.

  151. Baka Gaijin
    November 17th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#150): The Weimaraner knows that on the way back from the Kroger, Pluggerman will stop by the McDonalds drive-thru and that he gets all the french fries that fall out of his owner’s reach. If this is Canada, substitute “Canadian Tire,” “Tim Hortons” and “Timbits” where appropriate.

  152. tallyHO
    November 17th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#150):

    ..Plugger-type gentleman drove by in his pick-up…

    Now, if it had looked like the dog was driving the truck that wouldn’t have been an even more freaky experience.

    bonus points if the dog had bib overalls on. and glasses. a combover.or, a boneover.

  153. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 17th, 2012 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#134): That’s funny. I’ve always imagined him as having the new-car smell.

  154. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 17th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Strip-Mining Another Feeble Joke (#146): You could ask Avery to clarify that, if he ever makes it out of the salt mine.

  155. tallyHO
    November 17th, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#152):

    crap. I meant that WOULD have been a freakier experience.

    I need to hold off on pressing Post just to continue a conversation.
    ….

    Like I just did.

    I swear, during the day too many things I put up here were the end result of quickly clicking Post just to finish it.

    Then there’s times when I started writing something, then left and got back to the computer to see some half formed thought.

    Uh. Yeah. That’s why my posts are so weird.

  156. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 17th, 2012 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

  157. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 17th, 2012 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#y235):

    Not that I’m trying to defend ol’ Crankshat, but I think the bigger idiot is his creator.

  158. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    BB – Actually kind of funny today.

    Juggs Parker- I’d love to see Rip Haywire show up and wipe that insipid smirk of of Avery’s face with his fists of doom.

    // Can’t count on Mark to do that anymore. I mean, when was the last time he actually punched somebody?

  159. Poteet
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

  160. Poteet
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    GA — A cinder-eyed kid named Boog, a father named Rover, a mother named Hoogie, and flop sweat. Ugh.

  161. Ukulele Ike
    November 17th, 2012 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    GA: When Hoogie was re-introduced as a young adult, she was a hot hillbilly piece of ass in Daisy Dukes, sporting a Daisy Mae Scragg figure. Hot enough to vamp Rover away from his smokin’ Italo-American cab-driver girlfriend. She certainly has gotten domesticated since then.

  162. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 17th, 2012 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#4):

    Too funny!

  163. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 17th, 2012 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#10):

    Cripes! You talk like yer from Minnesotee or sumpin’!

  164. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 17th, 2012 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#15):

    Best not use logic when analyzing a Mark Fail plot!

  165. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#78):

    Odd, since his entire head is solid stone!

  166. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    MW- I bet that Yawn wishes that she was back on the sinking boat right about now.

  167. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#118):

    Question mark on his shirt in panel 2 – nice touch!

  168. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    Helloooooo, am I the only one here?

    Echo, echo, echo…..

  169. dolphin, rescuer of the future mark trail
    November 18th, 2012 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    Aa aaAA aa aa

    ahem…koff…excuse me, i have a frog in my throat

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#168):

    You speak my language!

    Echoese, my land bro!

    Say, what you and me go catch the fishy…ooooohh…how you say?

    Allonzo, let us a get us some poisson and some boot, eh?

    Yes. That how you say.

  170. tallyHO
    November 18th, 2012 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    Jiminiy Toledo Christmastime Merriment!

    It is one of the eleven signs of the mayapocalypse!

    The dolphins begin to FINish us off!
    They will do so by taking our women—who, in fairness, actually belong to noone, and if they even tendered the notion they would probably say they are their own persons and beholden to no man at all.

    But, the dolphins are comin’ for ‘em!
    Those slickery, slippery fellers are two steps ahead of unicorns, after all. For starters, they are real. For seconds, they like sloppy seconds and skinny dippin’!

    The human race is doomed! Say hello to the upcoming dominant species: Dolph Lungrens. We’re Doomed. DoooooooOOOOMmmmedd!

  171. Sgt. Stoned
    November 18th, 2012 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    MT: Yow! Mark down to his undies. Maybe time for Ava to come waltzing in the lay a bit of “find the sausage”–or,in Mark’s case, maybe “find the cocktail wienie”.”
    BTW, the “bad guys” are obviously Fidel (beard) and his Yyounger brother Raul” (moustache) circe 1958.

  172. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 18th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#171):

    Are you implying that Mark Trail is still set in the 1950s?

    Surely you jest sir! ;-)

  173. mollificent
    November 18th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#137): Hah! I’m nowhere near badass enough to do Yar justice. ;)

  174. dolphin, rescuer of the future mark trail
    November 18th, 2012 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#171):

    the legend of mark trail is legendary.

    even beneath the waves of my homeland, we have heard of the great prowess of marcus trail. We know his power to persuade with his adjudicating gesticulating. word has trickled down of his love of all animals.

    so, i mean no harm in saying future mark trail asked something while i rescued him from Club Kickabackaandaswiggasomebeer

    He asked, in the interests of science and dolphiny maintenance, do you mind if I test your blow hole.

    it pains me to say, he’s all salami, no baloney! Definitely no coctail weineroni! if you know what i’m sayin’.

  175. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 18th, 2012 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    @dolphin, rescuer of the future mark trail (#169):

    You need to work on your grammar freind!

    You dolphins are supposed to be smarter than we humans…

  176. dolphin, rescuer of the future mark trail
    November 18th, 2012 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#175):

    grammar?

    who needs tied down to grammar when 75% of world is conquered, landbro calshcnarkinator?

    the new language is forgiving. one thing mark trail teach us is action speak louder with left-right jab. in the next stage of our evolution, our tongue will still speak with porpoise.

    oh, one day, when we live in humorless world, we will just love. (and rock ’n’ roll all night).

  177. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    November 18th, 2012 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    Luann: To continue from my comments from a couple days ago, now Luann is telling Rosa to ignore Gunther’s waffling and just go up to him and, well, potentially sexually assault him. That’s just what’s needed to get past his Nice Guy shield. You need to force the issue by forcing romance on him.

    I wonder if Greg Evans remembers that he had this particular high school girl win a beauty pageant not too long ago. In fact, that’s when she was properly introduced into the strip. And to do so, she had to defeat these girls, as described in the actual strip:

    Breathtakingly gorgeous Blonde Tiffany.
    Superstar Community Volunteer Delta.
    Artistically Megatalented Luann.
    Exotic beauty Crystal.
    And whatever the hell Bernice brings to the table.

    And yet here she is, humiliating herself by groveling and slithering up to Fucking Gunther, desperately pleading with him to be romantic with her. She should be able to have her pick of guys from her community, but she goes for Gunther, and, as noted, has to degrade herself in order to win him.

    It’s disgusting what Evans is doing here.

  178. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 18th, 2012 at 12:58 am [Reply]

  179. seismic-2
    November 18th, 2012 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#177): It’s disgusting what Evans is doing here.

    That caveat should be posted in a narrative box at the start of every “Luann” strip.

  180. seismic-2
    November 18th, 2012 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    @dolphin, rescuer of the future mark trail (#174): After the dolphins have rescued Mark Trail and returned him to Lost Forest, will they bid him and Cherry a fond farewell by squeaking out their blowholes an echo that means “So long, and thanks for all the pancakes?”

  181. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 18th, 2012 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#180):

    Ah, a fellow Douglas Adams fan!

  182. dolphin, rescuer of the future mark trail
    November 18th, 2012 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#180):

    hold the seahorses~!

    future mark trail will not return to lost forest. there be alligators in the surrounding habitat.

    no. future mark trail will be sent down to atlantis to meet his fate at the hands of mermaids. he will be ridiculed for his selective mating habits.

    meanwhile, future i will take a hop, skip and a flop over to lofo and inform the fair cherry trail that her husband sleeps with the fishes now.

    after our brief but tawdry encounter, marcus salamius and i came to an understanding, so to speak.

    he die, i marry cherry.

    so, after a brief detour down to sea world and to santa royale to taunt a ferry boat captain, who will totally wreck that ferry like the drunken sailor he is, i will make my way to lofo, while the ferry boat captain tells a tale of how Great Neptune’s Penis try to poke his boat ashore.

    Mrs. Cherry Flipper and i will do nothing but make love, non-flipper babies, pancakes and rock ’n’ roll with doc and rusty every night. between you, me and fishes, rusty’s will need to go.

  183. dolphin, rescuer of the future mark trail
    November 18th, 2012 at 2:42 am [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#181):

    and who think you told him that story?

    yup. the same species coin phrase: holy mackeral! Carp a diem! pocket fisherman!
    the same inventor of bottle rockets, booze benders, bottle necks, fin de siècles, unicycles, cashmere sweaters, smoking jackets, leather elbow patches for jackets,
    dippity do, and too many other things.

    yup. the dolph is in, humans.

    //aaa aaaaa aaaaa. damn. i’m dol-phinished with this ruse.

    ta ta, land folk. i’m goin to see a if i can hook up with some albacore without being netted and canned.

  184. Anarchlown
    November 18th, 2012 at 4:33 am [Reply]

    Mark can’t tell the good from the bad, so he rests his punching hand on his belly, gently. “Be still, my pet, soon we’ll find the facial hair to damage”

  185. pastordan, is not aware of all internet conventions
    November 18th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#131): That’s because you’re not a character in Batiukworld.

  186. cooby
    November 19th, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Okay, late to the party, but Archie is recycling a sweater my daughter wore in 1986

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