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Please tell me he’ll at least get half the profits from the solar farm

Mary Worth, 11/21/12

In keeping with its overall M.O., Mary Worth is grappling with its current high drama in a weirdly blunt and concrete way that ignores underlying motivations and issues. To wit: Jim is a profoundly emotionally damaged creep who wants to be “more than friends” with Dawn because she reminds him of his dead sister (gross). He also has an irrational fear of water due to his own tragic boat-themed accident, and refuses to go to the pier because it’s “not safe” (because WHO KNOWS when some ferry is just going to stone cold slam into it, without warning?). Naturally instead of thinking, “Gosh, Jim is profoundly delusional and also creepy and controlling,” Dawn has managed to simplify this into a conflict about whether they should go down to the pier or not. If only some arbitrary compromise could be found to paper over this conflict, Dawn could live happily ever after with the guy who wants to have sex with and/or dictate every move of someone who looks just like his dead sister.

Judge Parker, 11/21/12

So it looks like this Judge Parker storyline is going to end without any chainsaw murder, but with all the newly introduced characters getting what they want — Bea a new business partner and/or boyfriend, Bubba a road out of the precarious marijuana business and into the no-risk, sure-to-succeed solar power industry, and Avery with a financial interest in both, a romantic interest in one, and a fishing hole he can go to whenever he wants to boot. But where is the lucrative financial windfall for our main characters, which is an important part of the resolution of any Judge Parker plot? At first I thought Avery’s back-cast talk was some specialized bit of movie jargon — remember, Sam and Avery’s completely conflict-free negotiations over movie rights to Judge Emeritus Parker’s book set this whole plot in motion — but no, it’s some kind of fishing thing, boring.

Shoe, 11/21/12

Longtime readers know that the patented Shoe Goggle Eyes Of Horror, in which a character reacts to a mildly corny punchline as if they’ve been told they have less than a month to live, are one of my favorite visual tropes in the strip. They’re a particularly funny overreaction when, as here, the character sporting them was the one who set up the joke in the first place. “Look, I just wanted to make a little joke about how the gender-coded cultural constructs of romance inform marketing for Mattel’s Barbie toys, and how that construct contrasts with real-world experience of monogamous, state-sanctioned relationships, but you … you took it too far!”

217 responses to “Please tell me he’ll at least get half the profits from the solar farm”

  1. Atheist amongst the flock
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    CdS: I’d need a trunk for all my missed opportunities.

  2. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .when she plays with your stick and balls.

    too easy.

    unlike using Preview, which apparently is too difficult for a half-caffeinated queek.

  3. Dartpaw86
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    That reminds me of a joke I heard

    Did you hear about the new doll Divorce Barbie? She comes complete with all of Ken’s stuff.

    Maybe this guy heard the same joke.

  4. Your Insect Overlords
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    FC: Ha! Eating disorders = funny! Children with eating disorders = cute! — well, not cute, not yet anyway, but keep it up, Jeffy, and maybe someday you’ll deserve to be loved!

  5. Pozzo
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    I dunno…that sounds like a pretty happy divorce to me.

  6. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    FW-And that night hat boy will be visited by three ghosts and learns the true meaning of ‘Selling Band Turkeys’.

    MW-Dawn is all over the place with reasons why she doesn’t want to date Jim. Who is she trying to convince Mary or herself.

    MW 2-”I don’t want to get serious with Jim because I discovered an arm is the only thing he is missing. I can’t be serious with anyone who isn’t missing foreskin.”

    Gasoline Alley-”Not that I’m implying that I am really an alien from outer space disguised as a human boy.”

  7. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#Y218): I think I like little double-kidney donor’s dance the best.

    It is charming. But to my mind, nothing beats the simplicity and simple dignity of the hair-on-fire dance.

  8. pugfuggly
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    MW “And I had to break up with Jason the Merman at the pier because he couldn’t go to the diner! Sigh…Dave used to be able to go around the land and the sea…”

    JP So if ‘tell you where the trout holes are ‘ is a euphemism for sex, then ‘trout bum’ and ‘back cast’ must mean…ugh, I wonder what Abbey is up to…

    Shoe “Barbie gets all that, while Ken loses his job and his home and has to go work in a shitty Toy Store frequented by idiots!!!”

  9. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#3):

    Is that why Ken doesn’t have any junk? I understand that many people do lose that as part of the divorce arrangement, if not the marriage itself.

  10. Chareth Cutestory
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Shoe: “Hey, what stuff comes in this box?” And then the store clerk just reads it from the back of the box. Man, bird customers in Shoe are the worst! Luckily, human customers in the real world aren’t… as… awful… nevermind.

  11. AhClem
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Shoe Never mind the stale “Divorced Barbie gets all of Ken’s shit” trope. What fascinates me is the fact that the store, with its picture window, toy stock, counter and computer terminal are located inside a tree house. It’s Lothlorien on a bad acid trip, except that the Treetops denizens are much uglier than Tolkein’s elves.

  12. Alter Ego
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    love is… a nude pool party.

  13. anon
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    MW: I only see this strip here. What does Dawn DO that she has to “unwind” down at the pier?

    Shoe: Why is it called “Unhappily Divorced Barbie” when Barbie obviously hit the jackpot??? I really don’t get this one. UDB is the Barbie who loses the house to Ken and has to live in a crummy apartment with her two kids, working at The Dollar Store, driving a 10 year old mini-van, and getting $50 a week child support from Ken. (Who bought her out of her share of the house, makes a decent salary at Acme Office Supply, and is dating the now-legal-age Skipper and hangin’ with The Bratz.)

  14. Dartpaw86
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Love is, grabbing something long and hard.

  15. Little Blue Bicycle
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary seems more appalled that a cold sore is breaking out on Dawn’s lower lip. “I’m sorry dear, but oral herpes always takes my appetite away. Perhaps you should go to the pier now.”

  16. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

  17. S. Stout
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    MW: Restricted? Your previous life was weeping on the couch or watching your father eat thirty sandwiches in one day. Creepy sister-loving Jim is actually a step up in your life.

    Luann: It’s real annoying that they say “yank” and/or “oz” just about every comic with Quill, but Evans must do it because the readership turnover rate is so high. “This guy you’re about to loathe? Yeah, he’s from Australia. Don’t worry, you’ll hate all the other characters too.”

  18. Chyron HR
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    MW – So just go to the pier by yourself, you pier… pier… no, wait, I’ll think of something… um… Go there by yourself, Piers BORE-gan! Yeahhhh, that’s the ticket.

  19. Mumblix Grumph
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    JP: Trout Hole…Trout Bum…Back Cast…I see a pattern emerging.

  20. Black Drazon
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: “You’re wrong, Black Piranha! I’m taking you in!” “That’s what you think, do-goode… Josh, I’m over here. N-No, to your right.” “What? I told you not to call me that in public.” “And I told you to wear your visor up!” “Oh, god, this is exactly what my mother told me about sleeping with my arch-nemesis.” “I’m trying to help you ‘catch’ me you idiot!” “I told you, we can’t do that any more, it confuses people when all our fights seem to end in dark alleys!”

    Meanwhile, the cashier tucked some of the jewels into her pocket. A supervillain broke in! Obviously she wasn’t responsible.

  21. pugfuggly
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    ASM So that’s Kraven’s evil plot: humiliate Spiderman and diminish him the eyes of the public by going out crime-fighting himself and meeting the minimum level of competence as a superhero! How fiendish!

    FW “Please give generously, as you can tell, our school barely educates us as it is….”

    MT Burt Reynolds and Adrian Brody discuss their upcoming scene on the set of Apocalypse Now II: The Search for Kurtz’s Gold!

  22. Droopy Says
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Mock Trail: What is happening on Little Island? They’re starving, it seems, despite their well-fed look. Trail didn’t use any of his alleged outdoorsman/fisherman skills to locate a rich fishing spot or haul in all those fish, and the existence of that grille suggests that the natives have not only discovered fire but know it can be used to cook food. Why can’t they go out and fish for themselves? Are they overjoyed that Trail did the work for them? Or are they all so brain-dead tha they needed Trail to inform them “The way to deal with hunger is to take this material we call food, plce it in your mouth, chew it and swallow it–no, chew and swallow the food, Senora Momjeans, not your mouth!”

    Flunky: Okay, what’s the subtext on Asshat’s “Duh”? Is it the sort of “Duh” you’d get from Luann’s Ox, notifying you that he’s an idiot, or is it the smart-ass “Duh” that says “That’s a dumb question”? Is the question an unreasonable one in this day and age? Shouldn’t someone have briefed Asshat and the other sellers on their product? “Corn fed, raised in open pens, and neither genetically modified nor treated with hormones and antibiotics?” Because I’m morbidly curious as to whether Asshat acts like a jerk through free will or predestination.

    Flatulence Alley: I can well believe that Boog and Hoogie are not of this earth. But their presence doesn’t answer the question of “Is there intelligent life in outer space?”

  23. TheDiva
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    MW: Oooh, if looks could kill Mary would be scorching Dawn! “Sorry Dawn, you need to be paired up with someone and if the only available option is an incestuous creep with hydrophobia, so be it!”

    Shoe: So what does Happily Divorced Barbie get? Twenty grand, a second car, and exclusive custody rights to Skipper?

  24. seismic-2
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    JP: Avery will no longer be traveling around the country to make deals, relying instead on those high-powered Hollywood executives to make the reverse trek to come visit him in his new home in Hootin’ Holler. Avery will thus no longer have any need for his executive jet, so surely he will give it to Sam. Since Sam was so impressed with Peaches’ skills at salad making (and since Peaches is his new best-friend Avery’s daughter), Sam will no doubt retain her services as his permanent flight crew for his trips out to Spencer Farm’s far-flung business interests and his flack work for Alan Parker’s book tours. However, Peaches will still need a job during those times when Sam is not travelling, so she can work in the Sam Driver law firm as an assistant to Gloria Sanchez.

    Maybe Sam really doesn’t deserve for that to happen, but by God, we do.

  25. mvg
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    MW: Why are Dawn & Mary eating their pie (I think that’s pie — hard to be 100% certain when it’s badly drawn & monochromatic) while holding their plates in the air before them — why not sit down & eat w/their plates resting on the table? Did Mary have to send her table out to be scoured of wax drippings & blood after the latest virgin sacrifice to maintain her unnaturally prolonged existence?

  26. Binder's Butter Beans
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Wait – Unhappily Divorced Barbie gets the ‘vette, the beach house, and ten grand a month? Damn. Happily Divorced Barbie must get an extra twenty grand a month and custody of George Clooney.

  27. Illustrator Steve
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MT – When Otto recieves the $2,000,000.00 in ransom money he can buy that new set of lawn chairs he’s had his eye on down at the little village’s Wal-mart and finally get rid of those antiquated ‘director’s chairs’ that he still uses.

  28. Illustrator Steve
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    MT – Many of these comic strips use clip art but Jackelrod is the only guy I know of that also uses cardboard cut-out silhouette clip art!

  29. TheDiva
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    9CL: Why does it not surprise me that Brooke is arguing in favor of escapist nostalgia for an era he wasn’t alive to experience?

    C’shaft: So now that you’ve played out alcoholism as a Very Serious Issue, it’s back to treating it as a wacky punchline, eh Batiuk?

    Luann: Glass houses, Luann, glass houses. Also, please please please please please please please please don’t let this lead to another YouTube video…

    MT: “Can’t we just send him back to his friends after the ransom money is paid? He’ll never come this way again, we’ll pass some inferior products and cheap labor on to the island folks, pocket the rest, and nobody will be the wiser.”
    “Sure, if you want to do it the easy way!”

  30. Marc
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    A3G- If anyone is taking bets, I’m putting my money on Evan being the victim of said “beautiful murder” after Margo finds out he poached her client. You know, the client that she didn’t care about and seemed happy to see leave.

    Luann- It really is a shame that Quill was never eaten by a dingo when he was a baby.

    Mark Trail- Jackelrod needs to decide if this is supposed to be some primitive village with no modern ammenities or poor in the sense of they still have motor boats, gasoline, fancy fishing tackle, bikinis, and directors chairs; but just receive little in aid money from the main island. Because we’re seeing examples of both every day.

    Mary Worth- I can see why Dawn needs to go to the pier every day. It must be so stressful not going to class and then meandering around the hospital grounds with that one armed Oedipus. Trying to balance of school, work, friends, and family on a tight schedule can take a real toll on a person. Luckilly Dawn has none of those things.

    Funky- I can’t wait until one armed Becky goes ape shit on Owen the Idiot for failing to sell a single turkey. “Damn it Owen, didn’t you read the selling points instructions I gave out? I’d open one up and read it to you so you’d understand, but I can’t open folded papers because I only have one arm. As you can see evidenced by my pinned up sleeve.”

    Hi & Lois- “Your Uncle Beetle also likes to chase balls Trixie, but we don’t talk about that in this house.”

  31. Perky Bird
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Dawn says she goes to the pier “practically everyday to unwind,” and by “unwind” she means “regurgitate the stomach-churning combination of mayonnaise sandwiches and brown ‘foodstuff’ forced on her daily by Wilbur and Mary.”

  32. Digger
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn can’t be restricted. She needs her freedom so she can spend her time eating bland desserts with a meddlesome old biddy.

  33. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: It may be that Greg’s career is stalled because he’s too stupid to hold his smart phone right-side up.

    Arlo and Janis belies my refrain about them living in the same world we do. But was Nixon up to anything particularly heinous in 1970? Bombing the shit out of Cambodia? Older mudges help me out.

    9 Chickweed Lane: It surprises me not at all that Brooke McEldowney thinks Calvin Coolidge was a model president. His record was mixed, actually: came to prominence by busting the Boston police strike in 1918, served under the massively corrupt Warren Harding, advanced civil rights for blacks and Native Americans. But since nothing contemporary can ever be admitted as a positive in McEldowney world, nostalgia for Coolidge is perfect. Twenty-three skiddoo, my ass.

    Dick Tracy: Does anyone think this storyline is quickly developing more weird sexual tension than June in a roomful of strippers but less than Sam and Avery shacking up and discussing trout holes?

    Mark Trail: I know! Send him fly-fishing with Sam! By the time anyone figures out where he is, they’ll be too bored to care!

    Mary Worth: “I can’t be restricted like that. However, I can be tied up like that. Mary, hand me that leather-slave outfit over there. You may not want to watch the next few panels.”

  34. Jasper
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    MW- There, there Dawn, it’s ok. Have another piece of Shit pie.

  35. pugfuggly
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#31):

    She’s actually feeding a small band of orphaned seagull chicks, the traditional seabird way.

  36. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Diamond Lil — First time I’ve ever seen a roast turkey with HAIR:

  37. Leonard
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    JP – Chances of this strip being the next Blondie where the the wealth of the main character is stripped away to better relate to a depression-era audience… are well nil.

  38. btown
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MW Dawn, don’t you volunteer at the hospital so you can help people? I heard that the best way to get over the death of a relative is to have sex with someone who looks like them. Why don’t you stop being selfish, and go help Jim with his therapy?

  39. Greg
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    MW: The slabs of food-pie are not for eating, of course. Just hold them near your face and FEEL the radioactivity!

  40. Lawyerbob
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    JP: So Avery is going to conduct his L.A. agent/producer business not from L.A but from this house in Bumnuts, Nebraska or wherever it is (don’t remember, don’t care) because “If people want to do business with me, they’ll come here?” His business is all networking, schmoozing, making contacts, making deals, knowing everyone, and he thinks once he leaves, everyone will just track him down? In the real world, that would destroy his career. Of course, this is Judge Parker, which means it’s a sure-fire ticket to millions!

  41. Mikey
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Mary’s got the “Steve Buscemi Eyes” going today….

  42. Stev0
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    “Maybe I can get Jim to go to the pier! Maybe he’ll give into…”

    (Dawn puts on sunglasses)

    “Pier pressure.”


  43. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Willy (#yy236):

    MT: A wormhole has swallowed Mark Trail. 20 months ago Ava was a small child, helping her mother save Mark as he washed up unconscious on the island shore. Today, Ava is fully grown with a son, and widowed. Months become years, a paradigm that neatly explains the velocity of this strip’s plots.

    This all could have been avoided if back them Mark had just punched these guys harder to begin with!

  44. Your Insect Overlords
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Leonard (#37):

    Chances of this strip being the next Blondie where the the wealth of the main character is stripped away to better relate to a depression-era audience… are well nil.

    Which is kind of sad. I might actually non-ironically enjoy Judge Parker strip if Sam became a personal injury lawyer who represented working-class folk against the malicious avarice of the mega-rich.

    Injured on the job or through no fault of your own?
    Has your drinking water been contaminated?
    Have you been exposed to asbestos or other deadly toxins?
    Are you the victim of medical malpractice or pharmaceutical malfeasance?
    Have you been denied your Unemployment, Social Security or Disability benefits?
    Arrested for DUI or marihuana possession?
    Don’t give a damn —

  45. seismic-2
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Mikey (#41): Dawn, meet the Charterstone wood chipper. You will be able to relate to Jim much better after you stick your arm into it, and of course Jim really likes girls who relate to him very closely.

  46. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    PBS – Funny!

    Rip Haywire – Love it!

    Juggs Parker – Looks like we need to go over to Wrecks Moron, Medical Disaster again if we want to see any Juggs.

  47. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts! (#46):

    Juggs Parker – How much time should Sam get in the slammer for being a member of the court and not reporting the marijuana farming? Discuss.

  48. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts! (#47):

    None, if he lives in Colorado or Washington state.

    Yay, Freedom!!

  49. AhClem
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    RMMD – “$100,000? Is that all? I’ll have Rex sell one of our many free boats to raise the cash.”

  50. Your Insect Overlords
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @AhClem (#49): Sheeeit! Rex and June probably cured cancer years ago, but so many people keep giving them free cash and boats, they have no financial incentive to put it on the market.

  51. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    MW: “I can be restricted in a million other ways, but not that one.”

    MT: Oh for the love of… What’s the use of even having a mustache if you’re not going to twirl it during scenes like this?

    FW: Don’t you think the “duh” is a little over the top? (I could be addressing either Owen or Batiuk. Whosever idea it was.)

    C-Shaft: Don’t judge. Would you want to spend three hours at Crankshaft’s house sober?

    BC: Lots of people have Christmas turkey. Easter is the big ham holiday, as I’m guessing Johnny would have known.

    RMMD: Now June will put Ginger and the blonde to work. If Delores is going to have her happy ending, some of the party guests will have to have theirs.

    H&L: Peas won’t make up for the balls Dawg has already lost, Trixie.

    DT: Uh, visor up, Cinnamon Knight. You’re pointing at us rather than the kinky villainess.

    DtM: There’s nothing particularly menacing about not knowing what microwaves are and aren’t for. Unless Dennis is volunteering to go mano a mano with salmonella.

    SSmith: “Some egghead once tole me we need trees for oxy-gin. I say breathin’s overrated.”

    H&J: Funny how Herb springs this question on Jamaal when an increasing number of states are legalizing same-sex marriage. Yeah, that’s a puzzler.

    Marvin: Ah, the “go team” pennant, for sports fans who want to make sure they’re never disappointed.

    A3G: In a surprise twist, the leading lady is Margo, who’s ditched the talent agency and decided she wants to be an actress. She’ll have forgotten about it by the time rehearsals roll around, though.

  52. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Lawyerbob (#40): Is that why there’s so little overlap between “high rolling Hollywood producer” and “eccentric rural hermit”?

  53. Oregonian
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Hear me now, Judge Parker: You can skip the chainsaw massacre. You can let the marijuana farm go up in smoke. But I will not – repeat, NOT – let this current storyline end without one more view of Peaches. You owe us that.

  54. Your Insect Overlords
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#51):

    “I can be restricted in a million other ways, but not that one.”

    That’s a Meatloaf song, sin’t it? Or is it one of Wilbur’s “original homages” for his cover band, Meatloaf Sandwich (formerly The Wilbur Weston Blue-Plate Explosion)?

  55. Santa Royale With Cheese
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

  56. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#53): Here, here!!

  57. Brian Weaver
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    The fact that Mary’s face oddly distorts in that last panel tells me her head is about to go off like an over inflated balloon. I can’t wait!

  58. sporknpork
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Mary appears quite concerned over Dawn’s predicament. You could even say Mary is keeping her eye on Dawn.

  59. Dale
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]


    Dawn doesn’t want to be restricted, but she goes to the pier almost every day.
    Other people would go to a bar.
    I don’t know how to spell Tallahachee, but some of you erudite folks must.

    MARK TRAIL is being held for $2M ransom. He can’t or won’t pay it.
    If someone else pays and Mark accepts freedom, does this become taxable income? Does it depend on whether it’s a vacation or business trip?
    Mark claimed it was vacation with an opportunity to write a story (write =/= sell).
    If it’s a vacation, are the payers subject to a 10% gift tax?

  60. Missal
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    Mary can feel her glass eye sliding around in the socket again, and she desperately hopes Helmet-head doesn’t notice.

  61. bbofun
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    DT- “The Cinnamon Knight”? Wasn’t he the mascot of a breakfast cereal? (Plus- that looks like a singularly cumbersome crime-fighting outfit- knights weren’t exactly known for their agility or speed.)

    MT- So- the bad guys are really – BAD GUYS? [M. Night Shymalan/robot Chicken voice] WHAT A TWEEST!

    MW- Honestly, is this how this story’s going to unwind? A week of Dawn finding out something disturbing about Jim, a week of her telling Mary about it? C’mon, guys- let’s throw Jim a patented Charterstone “Intervention” party, and drive this plot off a cliff!

    A3G- So THAT’S what Ian’s been up to! Lost some weight, moved to New York, and become an agent! (Okay, stretching, I know, but how many “chinbeards” can there be?)

    RMMD- Wow. Ginger is really sad about her friend’s debts. Her breasts are slumped over.

    JP- How will Peaches take the news that her father, rather than retiring and passing the business on to her, is going to run it from a fishing lodge? Not well, I suspect. I think she should hire a good lawyer. (No, not Sam- I said a GOOD lawyer.)

    9CL- Um- Brooke? The stock market crash and depression started just a few months after Coolidge’s term expired. So, no, technically, not under his watch- but his policies certainly helped lead to both events. But, hey, let’s not let facts get in the way of a lousy story!

    Luann- “Mature to the end”? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And people say this strip isn’t funny.

  62. Your Insect Overlords
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#59): It was near Thanksgiving, another creepy, Santa Royale day
    I was out meddlin’ morons tellin’em what to think and say
    And at lunch time I stopped at a diner for some Salmon Square Surprise,
    And I hollered at the waitress “Please tell me about your pies,”
    And then she said “I got some news this mornin’ that’s kinda queer,
    “Today I Survived! author’s daughter jumped off the No Hope Pier.”

  63. bbofun
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#59):Re MT- Actually, although Mark is being held for ransom, the kidnappers are expecting his employers to pay. Therefore, the money would never be in Mark’s “possession”, so not income for him. The kidnappers, meanwhile, escape taxes by being A) not in the USA; and B) Criminals.

  64. bbofun
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Hey! hey! You know what would be a great title for this Mary Worth plot? i mean, going all the way back to her break-up with Dave, through the boat disaster, and now to her relationship with a mentally-disturbed man? Huh?


    I’m so very, very sorry.

  65. Your Insect Overlords
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#64): I’d much prefer it turn into BOXING DAWN.

  66. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    I’m growing more and more convinced that Mary Worth hates the Weston family with the white-hot passion of a million suns, and is secretly plotting their violent demise. Next week: Mary hires Crazy-Ass Psycho Jim to do some yard work.

    “Honestly, Dawn, dear, I feel sorry for the poor man. Maybe he just needs to get outside more often, and earn a little additional income…I even gave him a brand-new chainsaw, to chop that old tree down with. You should go talk to him, just to see how he’s doing. Yes, right now. I’ll stand here and watch you from the window. Just in case you need a bit of moral support. Yes, that’s it…”

  67. greghousesgf
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @anon (#13): Ken is probably paying big bucks to do more than just “hang out” with the Bratz; they always looked like little hookers to me.

  68. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#64) Re: “BREAKING DAWN!”

    I prefer the CRACK OF DAWN.

    And I’m not sorry. I do posts like this all the time.

  69. Here Come the Judge
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Regarding the lack of a windfall for Sam in Judge Parker: it’s my bet that Woody Wilson has been reading the blog, picked up on the readership’s annoyance with his strip’s predictable, contrived plots, and decided to mix it up a little bit.

    Either that, or tomorrow Avery will give Sam the keys to his Jet and let him borrow Peaches whenever he needs to travel.

  70. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Love Is-Wanting her to handle your pool stick.

    MT-I like to imagine that if Mark’s editor was the one kidnapped and Mark had to get the money then the editor would be beaten and tortured everyday while Mark is off on some other adventure.

  71. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @anon (#13):

    Lots of sailors hang out down at the pier. She could be meeting some interesting sailors.

  72. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    3G – Another day, another choice. Should I read the “serial strip about three single female roommates as they juggle their careers, friendship, men and life in the big city…”, or should I just go for more excitement by simply reading that descriptive paragraph again?

    Hm. “Does she have a name?” This is Greg’s (that’s Greg, right?) subtle way of ascertaining whether she has a name, and thus pink skin, or if she’s just one of the Blues. Not that he’s prejudiced, he just has a preference.

    Close – Another day, another unwieldy, unfeasible, and completely unconvincing gizmoidal conceit that has to be explained in no fewer than three lines of type.

  73. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Dick – Public cosplay/prelude to (hopefully offstage) sex.

    love is… …putting all your balls on the table so she can hit ‘em with a stick.

    Mark – You’re watching the award-winning local access chat show, “Terror Talk.” We’ll return to find out more about the Smith Brothers and their evil plans after this word from “Mr. Belvedere Mustache Wax.” Stay with us.

  74. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Mary – “Jim also conspicuously refrains from using cromulent vocabulary, e.g., ‘whom,’ ‘whereas,’ and ‘whilom.’ Howsobeit, I cannot be thus encumbered by his scabrously remedial vocabulary. This alliance is foredoomed, I tell ya! Plus there’s the whole ‘arm’ thing.”

    Phantom – I’ll say it again: invisible fence. (Though our neighbor’s dog was so interested in a deer that she went right out of her invisible fence, and then couldn’t get back in after. So I called over and they took her collar off so she could get through.)

  75. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Shortpacked – Tony Harris would benefit from a good kicking in the part he talks from.

    Family – “Outa my way, Stumpy! You’re blockin’ th’ bathroom an’ ol’ Jeffy’s gotta drive th’ porcelain bus with both hands in about three seconds!”

    Tiger – Yipes! Stripe’s got fruit-stripe gum! by Beech-nut! (by gum!)

  76. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#y159): You need to watch the FRESH VEGETABLE MYSTERY. The violent-est veggie tale prior to that one “Drawn Together” episode.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y176): You’re just indulging in purposefully gratuitous sesquipedalianism now. Next you’ll be quoting “Chrononhotonthologos” at us. (“Aldeborontiphoscophornio! Where left you Chrononhotonthologos?”)

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#y198): I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t want anyone to die by taking communion. Just a guess.
    “And you know what? When it reached his abdomen, it was still full of gluten!” [*]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#55): Where were you when I made that joke? Lord, how I suffer.

  77. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    MW-”I like surf and turf but Jim just likes turf. I can’t be restricted like that.”

    FW-And next week someone will deliver a week long lecture to this kid on why he should appreciate selling turkeys for the band.

  78. Poteet
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    JP — As far as we know, the trout stream that inspired this entire amazing epic has only one fish. So good luck, Old Hardy — a lot is depending on you.

  79. Tophat
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    I like Mary’s completely baffled stare in the second panel. Dawn is talking, sure, but she isn’t making any goddamn sense. Maybe, Mary wonders as her personal universe starts to unravel, maybe some women should not get married. Maybe some should not be allowed to have babies. She does have Wilbur’s sad genes, after all.

  80. Poteet
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    FW — I don’t know what that hat is supposed to be or where it’s supposed to be from, but thanks to FW, I loathe it and the horse it rode in on.

  81. Your Insect Overlords
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#78): Tune in tomorrow when Sam, in a jealous rage at not being a part of the deal-making process or its primary beneficiary, queers the whole thing by catching and butchering Ol’Hardy, strewing its organs all about and sticking its head on a spike, and screaming, “Sucks to your solar farm, Avery! I’ve got the conch!”

  82. Art Pepper
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    It’s obvious that Ken is a kept man, while Barbie works as a doctor and an astronaut, so I can only assume that the alimony and stuff goes to Ken.

  83. Poteet
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Behind this layer of utter stupid is another layer of utter stupid as Edda and Amos prepare for their nuptials while desperately refraining from bonking each other. So much to look forward to.

  84. Poteet
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

  85. pugfuggly
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#64): @Alfred E. Neuman (#68):

    Hey, ‘Crack of Dawn’ is already taken! I’m producing a Mary Worth-themed parody porn.

  86. hogenmogen
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    JP: Avery has “a fishing hole he can go to whenever he wants to boot”. But how often does he want to boot? Especially into his trout hole. Gross.

  87. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Art Pepper (#82): Being a pediatrician doesn’t pay as much as you’d expect, and the hours suck (according to 2 friends that happen to be pediatricians). And being an astronaut is a civil-service job at best. Barbie ain’t payin’ palimony to Ken, unless her lawyer (probably her) really sucks.

  88. Hibbleton
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Tophat (#79):
    I like Mary’s completely baffled stare in the second panel. Dawn is talking, sure, but she isn’t making any goddamn sense. Maybe, Mary wonders as her personal universe starts to unravel, maybe some women should not get married. Maybe some should not be allowed to have babies. She does have Wilbur’s sad genes, after all.

    I don’t quite believe that’s it. It appears to me rather that Mary is reacting to Dawn’s fart cloud.

  89. Snarkotix Addict
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    MW – Are they going to eat that pie, or not? If you introduce pie at the beginning of a scene, then it should be eaten before the end.

    Crankedshaft – Ooo! I hope the drunken neighbor comes for Thanksgiving dinner. Ed will have some fun with that!

  90. hogenmogen
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    JP: … and then it hit me. This plot line has been going on for more than six months! The closest thing to conflict was when Bea and Avery disagreed about asking Bubba for Avery’s camera back.

    So, Sam… remember Sam? This strip is about Sam…. I’m sure he’ll rake in a chunk of change for driving such a hard bargain on the film rights. Maybe he’ll even be offered a cameo. Avery said Sam’s character will obviously be played by Tom Hanks. I’m thinking Tom Hanks is a little old. By the time this plot line ends and the movie casting plotline begins, maybe Justin Beiber will be in his 30s. Maybe a star yet to be born will play Randy.

  91. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Wait a minute, Dawn. You’re saying that there is a guy interested in you but you are not interested in him. I’m sorry but I can’t allow that. You see in my world everyone needs to be attached to the first person that comes across their path.”

  92. Mikey
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, I can’t take any more of this. MW: fade to black… “Epilogue: Dawn Weston, a 31 year old undeclared freshman at the local college, was found strangled to death down by the pier this morning. Witnesses said she had apperared to be arguing with a disembodied arm earlier that evening. An autopsy revealed that she may have also been poisoned as her stomach contained an unidentifiable toxic tan goo. Goodbye Dawn. GOODBYE DAWN!!”

  93. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#89): Chekhov’s pie?

  94. wossname
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    A3G – I don’t suppose the co-star’s name would be, oh let me see, Skyler???

    @Your Insect Overlords (#62): Bravo for “Ode to Dawnie W”!

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#74): I’m with you on the invisible fence, and I think I’ve said it before too. It’s either that or a robotic, remote-controlled lioness.

  95. hogenmogen
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    MW: I don’t know what Mary is thinking. Is it

    “Estatically happy to sullen and depressed in a flash. There’s really something creepy about that… mmmm… I like pie.”

    or is it

    “I clearly instructed her to take Jim as her mate. She shall NOT defy me.”

  96. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    MW-”My life of doing nothing is so stressful that I need to go to the pier to unwind.”

    JP-Sounds like Avery is going to make offers that people can’t refuse.

  97. seismic-2
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Greg’s co-star in the movie that will be shooting in London will certainly turn out to be the remarkably unattractive Skyler Stretchnose, right? Margo has told Evan that has no interest in keeping Skyler as a client, and she has told all the purple people on the street that Greg means less than nothing to her (as she has now told him to his face, while dining in his apartment). This new movie will no doubt turn out to be the biggest blockbuster since Avatar (especially with Queen Bee’s singing the theme song, which will surely go viral), and Margo will have dumped both its stars as clients. Not to worry – she can always manage the career of that upcoming singer / songwriter sensation, Tommie Thompson!

  98. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Dawn, you think too much. Have some more of my pie and let me do the thinking for you.”

  99. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    A3G-I’ll tell you the name of the actress as soon as we have a generic enough name for the real life person the actress will be heavily loosely based on.

  100. Mibbitmaker
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Brooke McEldowney Corner

    9CL: Well, that’s what the Great Depression (Coolidge culpability notwithstanding), World War II, Korea, the Iron Curtain, nukes, McCarthyism, the staid ’50s, the dangerous ’60s, assassinations, LBJ, Vietnam, Nixon, Kent State, Watergate, WIN buttons, Jerry Ford, Jimmy Carter, the energy crisis, the hostage crisis, Reagan, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Iran-Contra, George Bush, Desert Storm, Bill Clinton, Whitewater, Ken Starr, Lewinsky, Elian, 2000 Florida prez election fight, George W. Bush, 9/11, Iraq war, Afghanistan, Bush Derangement Syndrome (and its Clinton and Obama equivilents), the Great Recession, Obama, the Obamacare debate, Solyndra, the debt crisis, Fast & Furious, the Tea Party, the Occupy movement, Penn State, Arab Spring, Benghazi, and the Fiscal Cliff will do to a man!

    Glibporn: Brooke….. Get yourself some help. Seriously.

  101. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    FW-”Duh, my mother raised me. It’s not like I was raised by wolves.”

  102. Your Insect Overlords
    November 21st, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#94):

    It’s either that or a robotic, remote-controlled lioness.

    Based on the fact that the lioness operates in broad daylight, but actual lions are either crepuscular or nocturnal, coupled rising coffee prices in Denmark, I’m convinced that it’s County Weirdly in a lion suit.

  103. Horace Broon
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: I assume the gag’s supposed to be that Blondie’s missed the context and is therefore baffled by Dag’s question. Except the set-up actually makes him sound more insane, not less. In the second panel Daisy is clearly thinking “If only I had hands and could speak! I’d be able to call the men in white coats!” but by panel 3 she’s decided to embrace the madness.

    Crank: It’s funny because the old woman’s a drunk! Actually, it’s funny because “sepia photo album panels for flashbacks” now extends to things that happened the day before. And even that isn’t “ha ha” funny.

    Curtis: Yeah, we get it. Can we just skip to the bit where Curtis admits he’s going to miss the cousins, and his parents tell him they’re coming after all? (I will give Billingsley a certain amount of kudos if Curtis then immediately reverts to wishing they weren’t, having failed to learn any Important Lesson whatsoever.)

    DT: The Cinnimon Knight looks even more preposterous than I could have imagined. I’m going to give up guessing where this is going and just enjoy the ride.

    Phantom: And what better way to find out than pumping her full of tranqs that you aren’t even sure you mixed correctly?

    Shoe: “Dollimony” is such a weak non-pun that for a moment it actually made me forget what the real word was.

  104. hogenmogen
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    JP: So let’s dissect Avery’s psychological profile here. He flies in to town, and calls Sam’s office from the plane en route. He barely glances at the contract, signs it, and immediately begins a fishing vacation. They rent a car, buy up some gear on the fly and head out without a hotel confirmation. After catching one fish and spending one night in the resort, Avery wants to buy the place. And start a solar farm. Instantly, he’s abandoning his home and office in Hollywood and moving that operation out to the forest resort. Cast of JP unanimously says “We love this guy!”

    Fast forward a week later when Sam gets Avery’s email:
    “Hey, Sam! I’m in Cooperstown, NY! I’ve developed a baseball fetish and now I own a Bistro here! So sorry that the movie deal wasn’t green lighted. I’ll keep pushing and maybe we can roll it past the finance guys in 2016. Tell Bea I say ‘Hi’!”

  105. LP2004
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#100): Great. Now I’ve got ‘We Didn’t Start The Fire’ playing in my mind.

  106. hogenmogen
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Dawn: When I feel alone and unloved, daily, I go down to the pier and see other happy couples who don’t have some bizarre incestuous aquaphobia, and I think of throwing myself off never to return. Jim doesn’t think that deliberately dwelling on suicidal thoughts is healthy, but I just can’t be restricted like that!

  107. Dale
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#63):


    The kidnappers assume the yacht owner will pay. They hope someone will pay because otherwise they’re wasting time and food. They can still eat Andy.

    Bill and Cherry hope that the insurance company will pay and provide the cash up front. GFL with that.

    The tax issues seem messy. Paying ransom might be a business expense, unless it’s illegal.
    BUT, the Federal gift tax is the responsibility of the giver, not the recipient.

  108. hogenmogen
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Treetops Toy store has one generic looking box that could be a Barbie (without all the promised accessories), a computer, a few filing cabinets that could use some straightening.

    Worst. Toy. Store. Ever.

  109. hogenmogen
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#107): Gift tax:

    But giving a gift is tax deductible only if it is a legitimate tax-deductible charity. My local police keep asking me to donate to P.A.L., which apparently isn’t tax deductible. If that’s not tax deductible, I sincerely doubt that “Otto’s Isle of Kidnappers, Beggars & Revolutionaries” is going to qualify, either.

  110. Mibbitmaker
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    MT: It sounds like a villainous plan! It looks like a one-on-one talk show! Next, on…
    “Facial Hair Playhouse”.

    RMMD: For many days we’ve gotten nicely-drawn cheesecake fan service. But the dialogue is all disease and financial hell. Ever get the feeling Woody Wilson is trying to shame horny heterosexual males somehow?

    Shoe: “Omigod! How horrible! That’s such a depressing t– wait…. don’t females usually receive alimony, and the guys have to pay it…? Then, what the hell am I so shocked about?! This toy is AWESOME!!!” (grins)

  111. Mibbitmaker
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#105): Just redo the lyrics to my old parody from here, “We Didn’t Wreck the Comics”, if that helps. (warning: written before a certain strip became banned from discussion on this blog)

  112. Mikey
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Walker, didn’t you see the “Invisible Fence Lion in Training” sign back by the tranquilizer arrow apothecary?

  113. hogenmogen
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Binder’s Butter Beans (#26): Happily Divorced Barbie gets a vibrator.

  114. TL
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    I still love don’t-give-a-shit Funky Winkerbean ugly hat kid. You can riddle him with cancer, but you can’t make him care.

  115. hogenmogen
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    MT: Otto is having second thoughts. Mark is too popular amongst the islanders. They don’t know how to get rid of him.

    Let’s get this straight. Otto hand selected Mark over Bill Ellis. He carted Mark to the island himself, and told him that he was free to mingle.

    Dump him on the beach in Miami and be done with it, moron! Tell the islanders that Mark’s allies tricked them all out of the ransom.

  116. hogenmogen
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: $100,000.00?? That’s going to take a lot of keg parties.

  117. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#17):

    “This guy you’re about to loathe? Yeah, he’s from Australia. Don’t worry, you’ll hate all the other characters too.”

    “Well that one guy, anyway. The other guys you loathe are from San Diego, but you’ll wish you could send them to a penal colony.”

  118. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Archie-Reggie, you should say how many dead hookers can fit in that trunk.

  119. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#90):

    ” This plot line has been going on for more than six months! ”

    Not only that, how long have they been there in Juggs Parker time? 24 Hours or so?

  120. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#116):

    I was thinking she is going to have to take a lot of people into the Champagne Room.

  121. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Jim doesn’t like hanging out with a meddling old lady. I can’t be restricted like that.”

  122. Calico
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    I wish what happened in Henry today would happen to Les in FW.

  123. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    MW-Dawn, why are talking about Mary’s death. She’s still alive and sitting next to and behind you.

  124. Calico
    November 21st, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#15):
    Mary’s eye is just about ready to pop out into her pie. Too much Xanax does that to an old biddy.

  125. Calico
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#108):
    I’m 49, but I’d love to see a doll set based on “The Real Housewives” shows (which I never watch, but I hear they feature quite a few catfights and smackdowns).

  126. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (Y#228): There’s a most-posts-in-a-row competition? And no one told me?


  127. Calico
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#45):
    On your bills, Mary…

  128. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#33): There’s also some heavy irony in McE extolling the virtues of a man famously known as “Silent Cal.”

  129. Chaze
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Can’t wait for Ang Lee’s follow up to Brokeback Mountain, called Castback Lodge. The story of Sam and Avery and their burgeoning bro-mance.

  130. Chaze
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    I swear to God I read Finky Winterbottom this morning and saw Chumlee from Pawn Stars. I hate Chumlee from Pawn Stars.

  131. Dale
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#109):

    Gift Tax vs. Tax Deductable Donation.

    Two very different and often confused ideas. If you give someone an amount that exceeds some exemption level, YOU will OWE a 10% tax on the excess amount. I think it’s around $11,000 for an individual.
    Don’t try to beat this with a zero-interest loan. They got a rule for that, too.

  132. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#128): I always get a bit down-hearted to remember that Silent Cal was a Congregationalist, the second and last of my denomination’s predecessors to serve in the Oval Office. And he was a total dick. Perhaps not coincidentally, LBJ was a member of the Disciples of Christ, a sister denomination to the UCC. He was also a huge dick.

  133. commodorejohn
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Of all the presidents in history, I’m shocked that Brooke has chosen to give his affections to the one notorious for never using more words than necessary.

  134. Dan
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    I hope Dawn and Jim work through these issues before their relationship starts hitting some serious milestones… saying “I love you” at the pier, meeting each other’s parents at the pier, moving in together at the pier… you know, all the usual pier-based moments.

  135. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#130): I hate Chumlee from Pawn Stars.

    The walrus from Tennessee Tuxedo is now doing Pawn Stars?

  136. Chaze
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    I’m just wondering….does the IRS pay whistleblowers? If so, I think I see a whistle dangling from Sam Driver’s neck.

    And by the way, didn’t Sam notice he was sitting on a hood ornament the other day? Nah, probably not. I imagine his nether regions are pretty numb.

  137. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]


  138. Chaze
    November 21st, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#135):

    That’s how he got the nickname.

  139. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 21st, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#138):

    “Chum Lee” was also the name of Phishface’s partner in Dick Tracy.

  140. Your Insect Overlords
    November 21st, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#133): Yeah, based on that series of pre-election Thorax strips he did, I figured Jefferson Davis would have been more McEldowney’s speed.

  141. seismic-2
    November 21st, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts! (#119): Actually, this whole JPstory arc has taken a bit less than 24 hours, since Avery called Sam from his airplane in mid-morning, scheduled a meeting for noon in the hangar (allowing Gloria an hour or so to do all Sam’s work for him by drawing up the contract that Avery just glimpsed at and agreed to in its entirety), and then Sam phoned in that he was taking the rest of the day off, he and Avery took the SUV to the sporting goods store, they stopped at the Post Office to mail the contract to Sam’s office (and get the ominous weather reports that turned out to be wrong), took the “short cut” down the untraveled logging road, fell into the marijuana patch, got back on the road and arrived at the lodge, were threatened by a hammer-wielding Bea and rescued by Bubba, went fishing in the evening rise and caught Old Hardy, returned with their prize photo and had a dinner consisting of the venison steaks that Bubba had bought for them and a prize Chez Spencer wine from Bea’s extensive cellar, went to bed and were chased out by Conrad the harmless skunk, had their camera stolen by Bubba, got up the next morning to find that Adam and the hillbillies had harvested the entire marijuana crop between sunrise and breakfast (which consists of Scotch whisky), admired the Picasso in the mine and agreed to build a solar farm, then watched Bubba leave for the winter in his helicopter and are now sitting on the steps reflecting on a day well spent. It’s still breakfast time, so less than 24 hours has transpired.

    Of course, that’s a long time in the action-filled Parker-Spencer-Driververse, so while we were hanging out with the boys in the fishing lodge, Allan Parker will have written another novel and fallen off another building, Randy Parker will have been threatened by another assassin who will then have been blasted away by a shotgun-toting April Bower, Abby will have sold another million-dollar horse to a movie star and her singer / industrialist husband and then jetted off to Paris to visit Neddy (and they both will have been abducted before being rescued by the chauffeur), and Sophie (now head cheerleader, President of the student body, and CEO of General Motors) will have won the affections of a whole squad of boyfriends by purchasing the Bender Blaster guitar company. (Won’t that awful Honey be so jealous?) Meanwhile, back at the airport, Peaches and the pilot will have figured out that Avery’s never returning, and so they will have eloped. Everyone lived happily ever after!

    And then on the next day…

  142. Downpuppy
    November 21st, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#107): Ransom is deductible as theft loss. Not that any will be paid,of course, since Mark is going to overwhelm the kidnappers & ride off on a dugong with Senora Momjeans.

  143. Peanut Gallery
    November 21st, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#73): Thanks for putting today’s Mark Trail in context. It definitely reads better that way.

  144. Stroker Ace
    November 21st, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    MW – Jump! End it!

  145. Dale
    November 21st, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#142):

    Seriously? I gotta send away for more tax booklets. (The IRS is very good about getting requested publications into the mail, in my experience.)
    Ransom is theft? You don’t have to pay a ransom. If the ransom is recovered, you probably need to file an amended return or pay interest and underpayment penalties.

    Life can smell like rotting fish on a pier.

  146. Cyranetta
    November 21st, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think before Dawn delves too deeply into the Mary-approved world of volunteering at the hospital she should learn how to use a fork or spoon. I haven’t seen a single panel out of this marathon of eating scenes where she seems to have the slightest skill at it.

  147. Alter Ego
    November 21st, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#110): RMMD – There was dialogue?

  148. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Cyranetta (#146):

    Dawn can’t be restricted by the proper use of forks and spoon.

  149. Your Insect Overlords
    November 21st, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#148): True ’nuff! Dawn’s a free spirit now. Forks, spoons, cats, dogs, Charley … she’s open to all comers, just like that lady Wilbur boned in college who had his not-son, Kurt. Question is, just how “free” a spirit will Dawn become? Will she play with her hair with wanton abandon, causing Wilbur to fly into a jealous rage?

  150. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Your Insect Overlords (#149):

    Thanks for those links. My god Wilbur was so skinny and he had hair in his younger days. Somebody he really ruined him to turn him into the bald fat sandwich obsessive that we know and don’t love.

  151. AhClem
    November 21st, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#148):
    [Sigh] Dave knew the proper use of forks and spoons.

  152. seismic-2
    November 21st, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    In the silverware of life, Dawn is a plastic spork.

  153. Inkwell
    November 21st, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Shoe- Why is she shocked by that if she was already asking about an Unhappily Divorced Barbie collection? What did she expect? And wasn’t that shocking enough?

    And furthermore, why is a middle-aged bird lady with no known children buying up Barbies? And are they bird Barbies?


  154. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 21st, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#150):

    Somebody he really ruined him to turn him into the bald fat sandwich obsessive that we know and don’t love.

    Notice that Wilbur had his terrible argument with Abby in the kitchen. Coincidence? I think not. He’s just lucky it wasn’t at the pier.

  155. Your Insect Overlords
    November 21st, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#152): I’m inclined to think of Dawn as a single chopstick stabbing with futility at the congealed, week-old remains of bittermelon in black bean sauce.

  156. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 21st, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    MW Mary has that look – you know, that gaze she fixes on someone before she shames her for being selfish and uncaring.
    “Well, Dawn, perhaps you can’t be restricted like that, but as for me, you’ll never see me rejecting anyone who is a physically and emotionally flawed failure. More pie, loser?”

    MT I don’t know what language Beardo and Chops were originally speaking, but their conversation loses something in translation, i.e., all nuance and subtlety.

    FW Face it, lady: regardless of how the turkey was raised, Owen won’t be able to satisfy your need to know which chemical additives and bacterial and viral contaminants in it will trigger the fatal cancer you will contract in ten years.

    FC He’s lying, of course. He’s been in the refrigerator all morning scooping out and eating the filling from the pumpkin pies.

  157. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 21st, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Your Insect Overlords (#155): *ROFL* – okay, that’s it – I’m ordering Chinese take-out tonight!

  158. demoncat
    November 21st, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    mw mary expression is saying poor jim he is being rejected once again this time by dawn who is showing she has a mind and is not following my plans. that plus mary is having to have dawn for company shoe. lol love ross face over learning that the one barbie doll that mattel will never make comes with stuff instead of losing it all in the divorce

  159. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 21st, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#76): I am not worthy to be mentioned in the same paragraph as Henry Carey. He hath boggled the great minds of literature, and made them soft.

    // Thank you.

  160. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 21st, 2012 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#48):

    But I don’t think the size of Bubba’s harvest will qualify as a small amount for personal use. Even if it was legal, you’d think that he’d need a permit to grow it for sale.

    // Why am I even thinking about this?

  161. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 21st, 2012 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts! (#47): @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts! (#160): As an “officer of the court”, Sam has certain obligations to report knowledge of crimes he comes across professionally. If for instance, one of his clients were to inform him of plans for a crime by other parties, he would be required by the code of ethics to report that. The rules are trickier if the alleged crimes were committed by his client, as that might be privileged communication.

    As a private citizen, however, just some guy on a fishing trip, he has no more obligation to report a marijuana field than any other civilian would. Indeed, in Sam’s case, his only knowledge of the pot fields is hearsay. Sam has seen a photograph of the fields, but that is only attested by Avery.

    // I’m not a lawyer, but I’ve seen a bunch of actors play lawyers on TV. I was interested in the question, however, and the above info is the result of ten or 15 minutes googling. FWIW.

  162. Tom Allen
    November 21st, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    “Jim even avoids the pie because it’s spelled like ‘pier’! Whereas I eat it practically every day! I can’t be restricted like that.”

  163. Sequitur
    November 21st, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#78): That comment of yours made me do a spit take.

    Good thing I wasn’t drinking anything at the time. It could have been messy.

  164. La Cieca
    November 21st, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @mvg (#25): This is Mary’s latest dessert recipe, a treat to fill the niche between the brownie and the blondie. She’s dubbed her bland new confection “the khakie.” (“Mmm, I can really taste the lycopene!”)

  165. Sequitur
    November 21st, 2012 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    Hey! Guess what? Mom’s making a guest appearance today in Tina’s Groove.

    Good ol’ Mom. She’s always right. She taught me about kids and how they are detrimental to lawns.

  166. Uncle Lumpy
    November 21st, 2012 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Mary asks Dawn, “So how do you like to be restricted, my dear?”, and the strip takes a very dark turn. Next: Terry Bryson returns, in Fifty Shades of Beige.

  167. Perky Bird
    November 21st, 2012 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    If Westview residents regularly purchase half-thawed turkeys from high school band students who have been carting the birds around for God knows how long without proper food storage and sanitation provisions, then I’m surprised that cancer, not salmonella poisoning, is the prevalent form of death in that town. Or, at the very least, salmonella-induced cancer.

  168. Poteet
    November 21st, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    MW — I’m kind of thrilled to learn that Dawn likes to go to the pier and stare down at the water. That’s Number Four on the list of things we now know she likes to do, besides (1) Lying on the couch watching Game Of Thrones, (2) Whining, (3) Visiting Mary, and (4) Eating bland unidentifiable objects. Just a dozen or so more, and she’ll start to have a personality!

  169. Poteet
    November 21st, 2012 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#163): Thank you!

  170. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#159): The first line of that play (which I have in a book here) used to be my .sig quote for a while. I stumbled upon it in my paperback “Bartlett’s.” I’ve played “Sally in our Alley” on the piano too, so there’s another Carey encounter.

  171. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    So, Aldiborontiphoscophorinio walked into a bar, and the bartender said, “Where left you Chrononhotonthologos?” And Aldiborontiphoscophorinio said, “Fatigued with the tremendous toils of war, within his tent, on downy couch succumbent.”

    And the bartender said:

    - You know, this ISN’T a gay bar, don’t you?
    - That would be a great idea for a cartoon!
    - You know, we have a drink named… oh, who am I kidding?
    - So, it has come to this.
    - My, how comically oversized these names are.
    - You’ve been hanging out with Muffaroo, haven’t you?

  172. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#168): Yeah, what ever happened to kite-flying? That’s when Dawn used to be fun.

  173. Jamus The Bartender
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Oh, dammit to hell…..another Youtube song… over man, GAME OVER!!!

  174. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    JP-It doesn’t surprise me that Avery is still going to keep his hand in something fishy.

  175. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    Taking bets for tomorrow: Does Wilbur surface in a blood-smeared horror of ex-turkey, or is that Dagwood?

  176. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    MW-Jim doesn’t like ham and pineapple pizzas. I can’t be restricted like that.

    MW 2-Jim has incestuous feelings for a sibling and not a parent. I can’t be restricted like that.

  177. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 21st, 2012 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    And who sticks their hoo-haw in a fish first, Avery, Heathcliff or Mark?

  178. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#177):

    Mark. He actually uses it as bait hoping that a fish will mistake it for a worm.

  179. Liam
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#175):

    Dagwood. Wilbur will be eating turkey sandwiches. In a surprise and stunning move Ted Forth will snap and end the day covered in the blood of his family.

  180. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#179): Ah, good times, good times…

  181. seismic-2
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#175): Every Thanksgiving, Wilbur smears mayonnaise over an entire turkey and then places it between two loaves of bread. Bon apetit!

  182. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#104): Avery sounds like someone suffering from bipolar disorder. He’s certainly heedlessly throwing money around like one.

  183. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#178):

    pastordan, lazy professor
    And who sticks their hoo-haw in a fish first, Avery, Heathcliff or Mark?
    Mark. He actually uses it as bait hoping that a fish will mistake it for a worm.

    …Use your private parts as piranha bait
    Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die.

  184. Peanut Gallery
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#171): That’s right, The Mascara Snake! On downy couch succumbent. Somniculous, also.

  185. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#177): Point of order: I believe “hoo-haw” is only correctly used in reference to lady parts.

  186. Peanut Gallery
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#185): Oh! Now I finally know what a “Hee-Haw” is.

  187. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#184): Fast and bibulous!

  188. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#183): You will never escape that song.

    //Local Curmudgeon Nehemiah Scudder Found Dead By Train Tracks

    Friends and family said that he’d become obsessed with the “Dumb Ways to Die” song, to the point that he talked about ever-increasingly dangerous methods of getting it out of his head. Unfortunately, the subliminal messaging of the song proved too much, and he succumbed to its insidious urgings early today. Witnesses said he appeared to be singing and doing some sort of dance when he stepped out in front of the metrorail during the morning commute.

  189. pastordan, is not aware of all internet conventions
    November 21st, 2012 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#185): You’re quite correct. I should have said “trout,” or possibly “trout tackle.”

  190. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#188): “Local Curmudgeon” — That would make a GOOD T-SHIRT

    // Well, sure it’s derivative of The Onion’s Area Man, but, after all, ALL culture is derivative.

    // What song?

    ♫ ♪ …Dumb ways to day, so many dumb ways to die.♫ ♪

  191. Peanut Gallery
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#187): From that great Cap’n Crunchheart album, Trout Hole Replica. (See, I brought it back to the comics!)

  192. tallyHO
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#185):

    You are right, sir.

    If it were a dude’s fun parts it would probably be called a Hee-haw.

    <fake scandinavian accent, or a Minnesotan one):

    Don’ta goa roun’ stickin’ yer hee-haw in hoo-has whar he don belong.

    But, buh gosh, buh golly, if’n ya do, takea as long as you can.

  193. tallyHO
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    ^tsk. tsk.

    Fer shame.

    That was my first post of the day. Started out on such a high note…

  194. Anonymous
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Brooke: The people of Turkey (who went through three wars), Italy during the raise of fascism and Chicago (caught in the crossfire of the mafia) would like to have a word with you, Brooke.

  195. Poteet
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#167): Thanks for pointing that out. Plus this year’s band turkeys have Annoying Hat Boy’s cooties on them, ewww!

  196. Poteet
    November 21st, 2012 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#194): I’m pretty sure the Twenties also featured massive racism and a number of lynchings, open discrimination against Jews, some nasty pushback against women who wanted more opportunities, etc. But Thorax does look better in that raccoon coat than his usual overalls.

  197. commodorejohn
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#196): You know, I generally prefer to take an era for its best aspects when possible, but if there’s anything that makes me reconsider that stance, it’s Brooke McEldowney gushing about it. Eyargh.

    I’d say the hell with it, if they like the ’20s so much let’s just ship them there and then they won’t be here, but then the country might never get out of the Depression!

  198. Mr. O'Malley
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    Is FW‘s sepia-toned yesterday supposed to be Instagram?

    If so, it wasn’t obvious. The “faded Polaroid” filter might have been better.

  199. un malpaso
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    Trout bum is actually considered a delicacy in certain parts of the Appalachians. I bet Snuffy Smith has had some in his day.

    I can’t help but comment as well on how Avery says he will “keep his hand in.” Ok, guys… let’s get you out of the mountains. My thoughts are already scary enough without the fishy innuendoes.

  200. Droopy Says
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#196): The Klan was at its peak when Coolidge became president. During his presidency, he sent the Marines into Nicaragua, where they remained until January of 1933, when Hoover finally decided to withdraw them. Eugenics was a popular pseudoscience and people were being sterilized for alleged inferiorities. The Harding scandals, including Teapot Dome and some massive fraud in the Veterans’ Bureau, were coming to light. Will Hays, former Postmaster-General, fled to Hollywood when he was about to be questioned over some funds that went missing when he’d been head of the Repblican Natuional Comittee during the Harding-Coolidge campaign. And one of the most popular songs of the era was “Yes, We Have No Bananas.” I’m sure that last one would wound whatever sensibilities Brooke has.

  201. Droopy Says
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: Yes, Parker, Kraven just might be trying to impress his girlfriend. Have you ever tried it with MJ?

    EffYou Wankerbeat: Oh, boy, Alzheimer’s “humor.” Thanks for using Thanksgiving to bring back the happy memories of my father’s final years, Batiuk. Rot in hell.

    Family Circus: Because answering that question can be as tricky and delicate as explaining where babies come from, right?

    Jugs Parker: Then Avery drinks deep from his mug, and as he empties it he sees four letters painted on its bottom: STFU.

    Mark Trail: Ah, this could well and truly destroy Trail’s reputation among the happy, innocent islanders: have him indulge in gambling! Fortunately Trail is made of sterner stuff–petrified trees, right?

  202. tallyHO
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#201):

    Family Circus: Because answering that question can be as tricky and delicate as explaining where babies come from, right?

    As tricky and delicate as explaining where baby back ribs come from. Amirite?

    //seriously, a gag about how “I wonder if PJ knows where baby back ribs comes from.” was what I expected for today’s strip.

    Thankfully, you comment allowed a pivot. This is the Greatest Thanksgiving Eve ever! Thank you, Droopy!

  203. tallyHO
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#201):

    And, I agree that Funky Winkerlame could have just ended it with:

    “Finally! Let’s go! That turkey won’t serve itself!”

    and left the rest of the information off the table.

    No one needs reminding of that. It is a Thanksgiving strip. More people do buy newspapers on Thanksgiving, if only to find out about Christmas sales.

    Wasted opportunity to amuse, Batiuk!

  204. tallyHO
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:42 am [Reply]


    ok. They didn’t answer my day old question of if Pluggers are cannibals or are vegetarians.

    So, I’m just left with the idea that some of them do It doggy-style, exclusively, daily, into their golden retriever years.

  205. Droopy Says
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#203): Yeah. Today’s FW shows why Batiuk doesn’t Get It about the “comics.” It isn’t a matter of being funny or serious, but they should make people feel better.

  206. Dale
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:08 am [Reply]


    Do Elrod & His Elves ever take time to read and understand their story?

    Pop took Mark with him for sustenance fishing.
    It’s like solving differential equations – any method that works.

    Now they’re talking about sport fishing with contest rules added:
    size limits, catch limits, number and type of hooks, assistance from crew members, no dynamite

  207. seismic-2
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#206):
    It’s like solving differential equations

    ‘Nuff said.

  208. Mr. O'Malley
    November 22nd, 2012 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    Bill Griffith — cranky about comics on Thanksgiving. You have to admire his dedication to his craft. But it’s true that the comic strip was once considered one of the great American art forms.

    The more I think about today’s Bliss, the funnier it gets.

  209. Jason1981
    November 22nd, 2012 at 3:23 am [Reply]

    MT: “And what if I lose?”

    “Then you will never see your wife or adopted son ever again.”

    “No, I asked what’d happen if I LOSE, not if I win.”

  210. Anders Gabrielsson
    November 22nd, 2012 at 3:37 am [Reply]

    It seems Dawn has interpreted being “more than friends” with Jim in a way that means they cannot be physically separated, ever. So I guess she’s expecting to become a replacement for his lost arm, stitched onto his torso so that he never needs to be separated from his dead sister’s lookalike. Yes, Dawn, that does sound a bit too restrictive.

  211. Baka Gaijin
    November 22nd, 2012 at 3:46 am [Reply]

    For such a larger-than-life man, I’d never guess that Kraven the Hunter is also Kraven the Barbie Doll Footed. Damn he’s got tiny feet.

    Of course Loweezy is great at swinging an axe. All she has to to is get those huge meatbags she calls breasts swinging in rhythm…

  212. Droopy Says
    November 22nd, 2012 at 3:55 am [Reply]

    If Brooksie is talking about The Prince, he’s a putz. McEch, that is, not Machiavelli. That work doesn’t apply to the workings of democracies and republics. It’s about how monarchs can acquire and hold power. Machiaveli wrote other things, and knew a bit about history and politics–it has something to do with him being both a scholar and a politician, among many other things. He knew about the weaknesses of democratic governments and thought that their limitations had advantages.

    But if Thorass gets hauled to the woodshed, I’ll ignore his words. Just so long as whatever happens involves a stout yet splintery piece of wood, applied in the manner of Vlad the Impaler.

  213. Baka Gaijin
    November 22nd, 2012 at 4:14 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#Y227): AAAAAHHHHH! [QLUNQ!] Should that place happen to say, I don’t know, explode into billions of tiny shards or burst into an inferno of Old Testament proportions, it wasn’t me. I have an alibi. I was somewhere else.

  214. Baka Gaijin
    November 22nd, 2012 at 4:28 am [Reply]

    Oh yeah, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

  215. mojo
    November 22nd, 2012 at 5:34 am [Reply]

    MW: “I can’t be restricted like that! I’m like a magnificent wild, uh, horsie! I can’t be tamed, Mary! I need to run free! FREE, I tells ya!”

  216. Ed Bob
    November 22nd, 2012 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    A3G–”I’ll be every inch a gentleman?” Greg, just go Led Zepplin and give her every inch of your love. (Assuming of course, A3G characters are anatomically correct.)

  217. Anonymous
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    FC-The Pilgrims actually played a game of keep away with the Indians. Keep the Indians away from their land.

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