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Varying levels of Walker-Browne horror

Hagar the Horrible, 11/28/12

Is “boiling in oil” one of those phrases that only survives in occasional use because it rhymes? I mean, if you’ve heated up some form of oil to the boiling point, and put any variety of organic matter into it, you’d call what you’re really doing “frying,” right? Even if that organic matter is, you know, a dismembered human corpse. Ha ha, these knights are threatening Hagar and his men with a gruesome fate out of the most violent and depraved slasher flick, right here on the funny pages, in front of the children! Yet neither I nor anyone else can take the threat particularly seriously. Look, the colorists have even given everyone wooden swords. Nobody’s getting hurt in this battle!

Beetle Bailey, 11/28/12

And yet I find this Beetle Bailey grim beyond description, despite Beetle’s shaky reassurance that his mangled body will be restored to health tomorrow by narrative artifice. Still, imagine Miss Buxley gasping out “Oh, Beetle! You’re all broken!” in an exaggeratedly childlike Marilyn Monroe-type voice and try to tell me you don’t get the creeps. David Lynch directs!

Dennis the Menace, 11/28/12

Dennis is using an awesome book about bad-ass pirates to illustrate safety lessons for his younger friend. Menace levels: Undetectable by even the most powerful instruments.

283 responses to “Varying levels of Walker-Browne horror”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man — Phil Fumble is back to befuddle Nancy’s Fritzi Ritz, but his
    return (after 44 years, but who’s counting?) doesn’t begin to compare to the long-awaited return of Marvel icon Sherry the Showgirl:

    http://www.pinupfans.com/galleryPiece.asp?Piece=88&GSub=8&GCat=0&UCat=0

    If the artwork looks familiar, it’s because Archie’s Dan DeCarlo was Sherry’s main artist!

  2. Pozzo
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    I’m imagining Sarge saying “Take that!” to Beetle in a whole ‘nother context. Ewwww!

  3. wossname
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    A3G – Panel 2 really puts Bolle’s skills to the test, since Margo’s facial expression is the only way we can tell where this is going. When she says “What do you think, Mister?” is she being cute and flirtatious, or menacing and angry? Since it’s Bolle, we’ll never know. (At least not until tomorrow.)

    Archie – Wouldn’t it be great if sometime in the distant future they invented a machine that even teenagers could use, that would allow them to compose essays in electronic form and erase their mistakes by merely backspacing? Yeah, that and flying cars.

    FW – “I can’t be concerned about the fact the you’re losing your job and your livelihood and your benefits in a crappy economy! What about me? I spent $24 on a P.O. box that will now be transferred to some other post office in an inconvenient location! I’m suffering here!”

    Phantom – Uh, Kit? It shouldn’t take long if she’s a real lioness. If she’s a remote-controlled robot, though, you’re in deep shit.

    SF – No no no Ted. You put the first-tier ornaments up first, in the conspicuous spots, and then fill in the background with the lesser ornaments. Geez, get it right!
    //I’m just as crazy as he is, aren’t I?

  4. May Poole-Bower
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    How to write Mary Worth:

    Day 1: Have character(s) do a thing.
    Day 2: Character(s) keeping doing thing.
    Day 3: Still doing thing.
    Day 4: Do slightly different but essentially same thing.
    Day 5: Thought balloon about thing just done.
    Day 6: Talk to Mary about thing done.
    Sunday: 6-day recap.

    Ziggy: That’s quite a malapropism, Ziggy — or should I say Jeffy?!? (I’m on to you, little gnome.)

  5. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#y16): Nancy: So in panel two, Aunt Fritzi is staring at Nancy’s hair bow. The dotted line is an old-established method (cf. Henry) of indicating that she has seen something significant. But what is it?

    It’s because the words “bow” and “beau” sound the same.

  6. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    MW-Dawn, you can show up at Jim’s house in the middle of the night wearing just a long coat and have the reasons why you don’t want to date Jim tattooed on your body.

    FW-What? Where is Les going to pick up the letters that Dead Lisa writes to him.

    Gil Thorp-”Now watch the O-line’s face. I like to call it his O face.”

    Spiderman-Oh I hope he does the split the woman in half I mean saw the woman in half.

    MT-How is Mark supposed to catch the fish then if he can’t get into the water? He likes diving into the water and chase after the fish.

    A3G-Now you are stuck with just one client and he is no Robert Redford or whatever actor is popular at the time this comic strip is read.

    JP-It is amazing how fast Peaches did all that stuff while spending the entire time in the airplane.

  7. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MW-It looks like Dawn has finally convinced herself that it’s not Jim’s feelings for his dead sister, who he probably fucked, that turn her off from a serious relationship with him but it is her desire not to be in a serious relationship at the moment. It’s back to the couch with her and watching the “Games of Throne” knockoff.

  8. pugfuggly
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    BB “Don’t worry, I’ll be up and around tomorrow, just in time for Sarge to come around and beat me senseless all over again. Hey, do you ever wonder if instead of a comic strip, we’re in hell? I do.”

    DtM “And yet look at those teeth! A pirate always flosses, even out at sea.”

  9. Droopy Says
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: When I thought “What’s Kraven going to do with that girl?” it was in terms of the Kama Sutra. I’ll never match Parker’s winning naivete.

    Mock Trail: Doesn’t fishing normally involve staying in the boat? And doesn’t murder normally not involve alerting the victim?

    Pluggers: Here it is: proof that a Plugger isn’t playing with a full deck.

    And here it is, the news Donna Lewis has always dreaded:
    http://finance.yahoo.com/news/eradicating-reply-210417983.html

  10. bbofun
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    ASM- ‘What is he planning to DO with her?” Well, Peter, when a supervillain loves a showgirl VERY much, he has a special way of showing that love- a special kind of hug. And that’s where henchmen come form!

    (Hey, why does my spell-check recognize “superhero” but not “supervillain”?)

  11. pugfuggly
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#2):

    They were arguing over who was the greatest British pop vocal group of ’90s. Beetle is a die-hard Spice Girls fan, and Sarge, well, he made his feelings clear.

  12. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    BB: Miss Buxley: A lot of good that does me! I’m only in on Wednesdays!

  13. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#10): Obviously your spell-check only uses its powers for good.

  14. S. Stout
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    BB: “I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank pina coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn’t I get that day over and over and over?”

    DtM: Fun fact! Most pirates wore eyepatches to adjust an eye to low light conditions for when they entered the ship hold.

  15. gleeb
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#5): Oh, right. Thanks. And apologies to Gilchrist.

  16. Dartpaw86
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#7):
    Knockoff? Karen Moy admitted it “was” Game of Thrones.

  17. Mibbitmaker
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    HtH: Besides, how can Hagar see that if he’d already be very, very dead?

    BBailey: Sarge is a masterful puncher! One hit that injures Beetle’s entire body!

    DtM: A scenario I do NOT want to see played out on Arrested Developmet season 4!
    (although, if it makes Buster gradually become a pirate, it might be worth it)

  18. nescio
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    HtH: Look closer. Hagar and the Vikings may be wielding wooden swords, but the knights have swords made out of sharpened deep-fried femurs.

  19. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    9CL: somewhere, a unicorn is /facepalming.

    Lio: that’s an inventive way to exposite without speaking.

    PBS: 7/365, it does become a grind.

    Bizarro; FU, vegan scum.

    DT: ok, show of hands. Who else is thinking of Fearless Fosdick?

    RwO: this won’t end well.

    6Cx: we wish no one would Reply All, in particular Donna Lewis.

    Retail: *snikker*

  20. pugfuggly
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    A3G ‘BEEP BEEP…EVAN-BOT WILL NOW SWITCH GEARS…ENDING ASSHOLE PROGRAM…COMMENCING ROMANCE MODULE…”

    MW In a rare ‘creeper-reversal’, Dawn’s repeated attempts to reach Jim to let him know she wants to be ‘friends’ has so disturbed him that he’s actively avoiding her. ‘She was obsessed with the pier!’ he would later tell friends, ‘I think she had plans to drown me…”

    FW ‘Batting below the Mendoza line?’ what exactly does that me-….No, no, I’m sorry Funky, please go on about how the postman’s unemployment is going to make life so terrible for you.

    MT No, there’s a lot of ‘shark’ in the water. Was this island the site of a nuclear test a few decades ago?

  21. Crankenstank
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    I think we’re well primed for some nasty domestic abuse in “Hi and Lois” now, although they’ll probably just wimp out again and make it one of those “Whose Afraid of Virginia Wolff” – type brawls between Thursty and Irma instead of the long-simmering multi-player tension of the Flagston household.

  22. Ian C.
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Actually, imagining Miss Buxley gasping, “Oh Beetle! You’re all broken” in an exaggeratedly childlike Marilyn Monroe-type voice kinda turns me on.

  23. Doctor Handsome
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Hagar is right to be so nonchalant; he and Eddie outrank all the other Stratego pieces on this parallel.

  24. The Ghost of Jarrod
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    JP – Peaches obviously learned nothing from her father. In negotiations, you aren’t supposed to avoid sticking point by coming up with a plausible reason that it wouldn’t work, one that allows everyone to save face. You’re supposed to hand over a fat stack of cash, and then agree with every demand. Sheesh, how will she ever get ahead in the movie business like this? I mean, other than relying on her looks.

    Luann – I feel like Bernice’s “Oh, Joy!” is a heartfelt exclamation at the news that she won’t be seeing much of Luann anymore. Would that we were all Bernice.

    BB – I think it’s even worse than Josh suggests. Beetle has been beaten within an inch of his life. Most, if not all, of the bones in his body have been broken. The physical agony must be horrific. Yet even now, Beetle knows that he will not gain relief even from the sweet embrace of death. Tomorrow, he will start the cycle anew. There is nothing for him but torment and pain, repeated endlessly. Truly, Camp Swampy is Hell.

  25. teenchy
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    BB: I had to go back over three-and-a-half years to find a reference but it was here @Frank Parsnip (#77) that someone pointed out that Beetle and his peers wore feldgrau fatigues similar to that of the Wehrmacht. Seeing today’s strip just reinforces the notion that Camp Swampy is a modern-day S&M camp where Sarge gets to act out his Inglourious Basterds fantasies.

  26. Stroker Ace
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    DtM – The real lessons will begin when Dennis & Joey find Henry’s hidden stash of ‘Scurvy Wenches:PiRated XXX’ magazines.

  27. Doctor Handsome
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    The most amazing thing about the full-body-mutilation uppercut is that Beetle’s shoe flew off after he landed. Helluva punch, Sarge.

  28. Downpuppy
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    The joke (if there is one) in Andy Capp is based on the assumption that it’s easier to teach a bar full of aging drunks Spanish than have a barmaid understand a few basic drink terms.

    Please, please, please let this coprolite go.

  29. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    3G“Evan shifts gears…”
    Well, don’t just tell us. Give the sound effects. That’s the sort of thing that matters more to readers than whether his suit, tie, and the entire apartment match his hair.

    Baby – Zoe, you’re ruining your mother’s plans to one day recoup the cost of raising you and your brother by renting you both out to rich perverts.

  30. Cleve Barrister
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    JP- Excuse me but Sam did a contract for the movie and nowhere did he address who was doing the screenplay? What exactly was in that stack of paper he handed Avery? No wonder Avery accepted the contract right away-Sam’s a moron!

  31. Marc
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    9CL- Nothing like repeating the same annoying gag over and over again. We get it, they’re horny.

    A3G- “I’m glad my only other client is gone”…. said no publicist ever.

    Mark Trail- Elrod tried to pitch this story as the original script for Jaws back in the 70′s and was rejected. He probably figures enough time has passed and maybe Spielberg will be impressed with it enough this time around to turn it into another sequel.

    Mary Worth- Dawn, you know damn well that the only way that Jim is going to bother with your sorry ass again is if you change your name to Merry and let him fuck your brains out.

    Funky- In baseball, the Mendoza line is a .200 batting average. So the Westview post office was only delivering 20% of the mail that came in? No wonder they shut you down. Not having a post office or mailman will probably improve the mail service in town.

    Luann- Most people would realize that “dating” somebody on the other side of the world while in high school is pointless. You know considering all the real live people around you every single day that you can interact with at normal hours of the day. But Luann is only interested in the relationships that ensure she never has to have gross icky sex.

  32. Clint Brawny
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#12):

    We just saw Buxley a few days ago, on a Saturday.

    http://joshreads.com/?p=15691

  33. hogenmogen
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#9): “doesn’t murder normally not involve alerting the victim?”

    Ask the anonymous knights in Hagar. Not only do they waste time declaring the method by which Hagar and Eddie are to die, but they also arrange plans for how to desecrate the corpse when they are through.

    And “boil in oil” vs. “fry”: We use “fry” in reference to food. These are bloodthirsty, merciless brutes, not cannibals. Please, even ruthless thugs have their standards.

  34. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Archie – The funny part of Archie writing draft after draft (on paper!) of an essay on saving paper is that it ran in a newspaper (on paper!), an enterprise that, years ago, seemed like a good idea (on paper!).

    Close – By the time we got rid of the Saturn wagon, if the “check engine” light had gone off, I’d have assumed that it had burned out.

    Curtis must have sent away for the Charles Atlas course. He kicked that chair clear across the room!

  35. terrapin
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    MT: Mark gazes into the cool water as the man-eating sharks swim back and forth. Those teeth, he knows, are razor sharp, and just itching to rip into human flesh. “I wish I’d brought Rusty.”, he thinks.

  36. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    love is…Ingot you, babe. [*]

    Mark – Some time during the second hour of interesting facts about sharks, misunderstood killers of the deep, Otto will wish he’d had a better plan than just shooting Mark in the head, and finally just jump in.

  37. Droopy Says
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#33): So if I go to ancestry.com, I’ll find that Otto descends from the knights of yore?

  38. TheDiva
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    DtM: On that note, some musings from a couple of my colleagues:
    “How often do you think Captain Hook forgets and scratches his balls?”
    “Only once.”

    HtH Hands up, who here started singing “We’re Knights of the Round Table”?

  39. Doctor Handsome
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    No, Dennis. Pirates wore eyepatches on nighttime raids, and switched them to other eye when they went below deck, so their vision didn’t have to adjust to the darkness. The hook is a reminder that you should’ve been aborted.

  40. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Curtis: I really, really hate Barry but I don’t know why.

  41. True Fable
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Was it simply as a childish question Dennis asked?
    … or did he savor every speculative syllable, hoping OH HOPING that perhaps if he could just concentrate enough, he might delight in the imagery of the hapless sailor howling in pain as the hook tore out the eye after a night of pillage and debauchery. Blood splatter dotted his shirtfront like hellish freckles. The best he manage was wipe the hook carefully on his coatsleeve. The black leather might disguise it all. The crew staggered around nearby drunkenly laughing into their mugs of grog, too sodden to even realize the captain’s injury. Surely they did not know, for shipboard amusement demanded an injured pirate must walk the plank to rid them of the weak, or to keep from filing a Form 1023-C for Worker’s Comp – oh, goddammit, Dad! STOP RUINING MY PLAYTIME!

  42. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#yy243): ™ is Mark Trail backwards. The ultimate secret code.
    “His name is his trade mark! His trade mark is his name! And that’s his name! MARK TRADE! (Drawn by a former assistant on the strip!)

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#yy245): I’ll take your word for it. I mean, why would you lie about a thing like that? I guess the important thing is how Barbara Windsor looked in the buff in — what, 1970? (Well, whatever. I’ve found it at YouTube and will carry on researching.)

    Josh – In the strips they don’t print, we see Miss Buxley say “Oh, Beetle! The rubber broke!” and Beetle says “Don’t worry. It’s a comic strip and you won’t be pregnant in tomorrow’s edition.” It’s twue!

  43. TheDiva
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: This isn’t my area of expertise, but what exactly is the big deal with squirrels in a bird feeder anyway? Do they take it all and leave nothing for the birds? Do they cause a nuisance? Is Crankshaft just being a dick to squirrels?

    FW: I suppose when all you send are get well cards, sympathy cards, and pizza flyers, there’s not much traffic for the mailman.

    Luann: So, how long do you think these two teens will keep up an inconvenient, unsatisfying relationship? I give them a month tops.

    MT: Oooh, villainous SHARKS!!!

    MW: Way to go, Dawn, you chased your stalker away by being too creepy.

    Pibgorn: Brooke McEldowney, ladies and gentlemen! He dresses his female characters up in sexy costumes and tortures them, all in the name of art!

    Pluggers want to deal with infection by amputating limbs the old-fashioned way!

    SM: “I have a completely unrehearsed surprise for you! You, the beautiful young lady in full showgirl dress who has been waiting backstage in the wings, would you care to volunteer?”

  44. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#17): BBailey: Sarge is a masterful puncher! One hit that injures Beetle’s entire body!

    Of course he is! Sergeant First Class Snorkel has been in the U.S. Army since 1950 or so. The combat skills he has acquired over the decades boggle the mind and overwhelm the imagination. Possibly only Hagar the Horrible can match his fighting ability (he’s been practicing since 800 A.D.).

    // Of course, Mr. Dithers’ butt-kicking skills make him a formidable adversary as well. And then there’s Popeye, right? Poor Peter Parker wouldn’t stand a chance against any of them.

  45. Ned Ryerson
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Narrative Artifice would make a great name for a rock band!

  46. hogenmogen
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    SM: “What’s he going to do with her?”
    She’s going to play with his monkey! Heh-heh.

    What happened to the monkeys? I wanted to see a monkey trick!

    You know what would have been super-cool? If Kraven showed his girlfriend and Peter the Janitor three monkeys named Peter, Michael and Davey. Then Parker figures out that those are three of the four first names of the Monkees. He then reasons that there must be an unseen fourth (Micky). Since the beast was unseen in practice, instead of watching Kraven’s act, he searches for that missing primate in the vicinity of the diamond tiara.

    Well, that’s what I would do if I were super. Or, being super, I could join a pro sports team and earn hundreds of millions and fuck the goddamn tiara. Whatever, Parker, enjoy the pet show. Enjoy it even more later that evening when your two nemeses are scoring with way-hot Vegas chicks and you’re watching pay-per-view-porn in a filthy hotel room.

  47. Chronohotonthologos
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#44): So who’d win in a death match between Sgt. Snorkel and Mark Trail? Tough call, no?

  48. 10 Dude Road
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Man, either Edda is preggers or she has really let her self go after getting canned by the troupe.

    Look at those pre-canckles she is sporting.

    Twinkles will come back, dear. Stop hoarding them in your thighs.

  49. 10 Dude Road
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Twinkies you damn spell checker.

  50. hogenmogen
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn is basing her resistance to Jim entirely on the fact that she goes to the pier to think, and Jim won’t go to the pier. I thought the point of going to the pier would be to be alone with her suicidal thoughts. Or, could she reconsider, and mope down at the park or something? For that danger factor, maybe she can do it at the edge of Aldo’s cliff?

    And, she didn’t go to the pier when Dave dumped her skank ass.

  51. Spotts1701
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    FW: Well, Batiuk doesn’t disappoint – he manages to really make a hash of this one:

    1) The Postal Service doesn’t have the power to shut post offices. If they could, they would right now in areas where there are too many facilities or not enough foot traffic. But like most things involving the day-to-day operations of the USPS, Congress is the one who has to authorize closing post offices. And those garbanzos would rather cut their own throats than risk closing an office in their state or District. This not secret knowledge – just about every article about the troubles facing the Postal Service points this out.

    2) Even if it were possible, they wouldn’t just lay off Crazy Harry. They’d either try to buy him out with early retirement (paying him off would be cheaper in the long-term) or offer him a transfer to another facility. And if they tried just pink-slipping him, the National Association of Letter Carriers would be having kittens over it.

    Now you watch – the next bit will be Harry and Funky blaming people for writing fewer letters (despite the fact that the USPS has subsidized first-class mail since at least the Nixon Administration).

  52. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Scottish Deerhound being all distinguished.

    a response to today’s JUMBLE.

    Curtis at his first NBA game.

    Batman 1935. ftw.

    Gambit for the yaoi fangirls.

    Cinnemon snowferret!!!!! *squeeeeeeee*

    ocelittle toesees and bellehrubz. *brainmush*

    otter gets high with a little help from his friends.

    The Daily Puppy is a chocolate Lab named Hershey! *squee*

    floofy sleepy corgsqui.

  53. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43): “Do they take it all and leave nothing for the birds? ”

    yes.

  54. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Clint Brawny (#32): We just saw Buxley a few days ago, on a Saturday.

    That’s true. The tradition was that she would ALWAYS appear on Wednesdays. I don’t know if there was a rule that she wouldn’t appear other days, though, certainly she usually didn’t. There was a case last year when I was shocked to see her on a Tuesday, but NOT on Weds.. I figured they just printed the comics out of order.

  55. Greg
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    D the M: The irony is that the previous page was about Pedophiles. Come on, guys, you’re not even trying anymore!

  56. Wally Winkerbean
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    I can’t wait until “Crazy” gets canned.

    This will lead to him being exposed as a hoarder.

    When they show his house we will find all the editions of She Hulk and Justice League Europe, 30 years worth of undelivered mail, and the Totino’s release of Frampton Comes Alive!

    Plus Dead Lisa’s corpse.

  57. Oregonian
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @10 Dude Road (#49): “She had a twinkle in her eye and another in her thigh, la la la, la la la, la la la…”

  58. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    BB: “Well in that case there’s no harm in me putting a spike heel through your eye. It’s an urge I’ve always had.”

    MW: In contrast to Dawn, Mary doesn’t know the meaning of the word “can’t”, and certainly doesn’t parse the phrase “I can’t force him.”

    Ziggy: We’re about to see a pet rock sprout legs and leave.

    WofI: In days of old when knights were bold, a lot of knights were just dicks. So points for realism here, if not laffs.

    JP: “You’re right, Peaches. What was I thinking? Leave it to the help.”

    RMMD: Somewhere along the line I think Wilson and Nolan got cancer confused with being a nosferatu.

    GA: Now we know who the lizard boy from last week’s Mark Trail was, although I have no idea what Boog was doing in the Caribbean.

    6C: “I really wish you wouldn’t hit ‘reply all’ on your emails. It makes the artwork go all crappy and digital.”

    PBS: In this case Rat could chew Pastis out for child endangerment as well.

    Luann: Bernice is being sarcastic in the last panel, right? My respect for her pretty much demands it.

    M-Dawg: A perfume that repels Marmaduke? Hold onto it. That scent may save your life someday.

    H&J: That’s such an old joke I’d expect even a chap in a standing collar shirt to have heard it before.

    Marvin: I’m torn. On the one hand, Ming Ming is losing the creepy coal eyes. On the other, she’s looking more like Marvin. That could be ominous in itself.

  59. casino LF
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    FW: Closing a neighborhood branch doesn’t mean no one gets mail anymore, and that they don’t need letter carriers.

    A3G: Usually these strips move so slow that we get a whole week of hashing out the same plot point, but this one has been like having whiplash.

    MT: SHAWKS!

  60. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#38): The “Hagar” knights do look like they’re in a chorus line, so it’s not a big leap.

  61. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#42): I’ll see your Barbara Windsor 1970, and raise you Fenella Fielding in 1966′s Carry On Screaming, one of the best of the later Carry Ons.

  62. Nekrotzar
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    What is the significance of the fact that Miss Buxley uses ‘Beetle’ as a nickname for the ‘fourth wall’?

  63. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @casino LF (#59):

    FW: Closing a neighborhood branch doesn’t mean no one gets mail anymore, and that they don’t need letter carriers.

    Shut up! Unrelieved misery is Batiuk’s thing. It also helps if is title character can be a self-centered douche about it.

  64. Calico
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Ha ha, and the knights are jamming their swords into each others’ heads! Ow.

  65. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#51): …like most things involving the day-to-day operations of the USPS, Congress is the one who has to authorize closing post offices.

    Indeed. And on any given day when Congress is in session, and the nation trembles on the brink of whatever crisis we’re trembling on the brink of that day, you can always find Congress taking the time to approve a bill renaming some post office somewhere at the bequest of that district’s congressperson, in honor of some distinguished citizen, usually deceased, of that district.

    // Needless to say, you can’t possibly close a post office that has been named after a distinguished dead citizen.

  66. Calico
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Beetle – …or David Chase, take your pick.
    “Fuck, my fuckin’ balls!”

  67. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#33): Well yeah, plus deep fried Hagar would instantly put you in the danger zone for a heart attack.

  68. Ned Ryerson
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#61): I like all this Carry On talk! I’ve only watched parts of two of them since they ran one on Turner Classic Movies a few weeks back. I found another one available to stream on Netflix. I don’t know if I enjoyed it much, but now I know who Charles Hawtrey is after hearing his name on a Beatles record for so long(“I dig a pygmy, by Charles Hawtrey and the Deaf Aids…phase one in which Doris gets her oats!”)

    Now, who are the Deaf Aids (and why am I going on about it here)?

  69. Joshua
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Luann: Luann is correct to say that the time in Australia is 19 hours ahead (she lives in the San Diego area, and I’m assuming that Quill lives in New South Wales). But 6 A.M. for Quill would be 11 A.M. for Luann (and she’d be in school). She should have said that “the only time we’re not in school or asleep is at 6 P.M. for him and 11 P.M. for me.”

  70. Poteet
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    HtH — I’ve never been able to look at knights the same way since a friend mused aloud in a museum, years ago, about how knights in hot armor would smell after a long summer battle. You’re welcome.

  71. Dood
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Wally Winkerbean (#56): And Ed Crankshaft’s Firestone Christmas album?

  72. henway
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    As a more recent follower of your site, I’m sure this has been talked about many times and I’m just late to the party, but has the idea that Hagar is all just a strip about LARPers and we just never see them out of the game ever been put out there? Wooden swords, absurd threats and historical inaccuracy seem to back this idea up.

  73. tb4000
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    BB: I love how after all these years it’s still perfectly viable to have your superior officer beat the shit out of you in this strip in broad daylight and receive nary a reprimand. Political correctness, I stab at thee!

  74. Dood
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Kudos to Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC for reminding the unintiated that this, uhm, product, is in fact a comic strip.

  75. Austria
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    BB: …I actually laughed a little.
    BB (2): “Wait, what’s your superpower, Beetle?”
    “I CAN’T DIE.”
    “…Oh, yeah, good one. Beetle can’t die, and Plato is indestructible–”
    “No, Buxley, I’m being serious! I really, REALLY can’t die!”

    HtH: I was about to snark on the copy-pasted knights, but then I looked closer and I realized they actually WEREN’T copy-pasted. So, uh…good on you, Browne. Nice work.

    MT: He’s gettin’ eaten by a shark!!

  76. Poteet
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#51): Thank you. I saw this strip and went HUH? There are many little post offices in little towns in Iowa (and by little, I mean towns with fewer than 500 people) and so far most of them have stayed open in spite of proposals that many be closed. This story is going to be even more ridiculous than is usual for FW, which is saying something.

  77. MySpoonIsTooBig
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    DtM- Apologies if this was commented already, but I believe that was the punchline to a joke, involving bird poop in the eye and “It was my first day with the hook!”

    9CL- Eh, at least there’s no talking and everyone’s keeping their clothes on.

  78. Marked Trail
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    New Rusty.

    New Doc.

    New Cherry.

    Ted McGinley guest starring.

    I think Mark is about to jump the shark.

  79. Poteet
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#51): I hesitate even to bring this up, but you don’t think…surely even FW wouldn’t turn this into a story in which everyone in Westview mails a lot of Christmas cards and/or letters to Santa in order to keep their beloved post office open and their beloved mail carrier employed. Oh please heaven no no no.

  80. Poteet
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    DtM — To me, the idea of an eyeball impaled on a hook seems pretty gruesome, and given what we’ve seen of Joey’s fragile emotional nature, he may have nightmares from now til Christmas. Menacing indeed.

  81. Wally Winkerbean
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#71):

    The Studded Snow Tire Release.

  82. Snowshoecat
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    A3G– Margo’s “What do you think, Big Boy?” message should be accompanied with a smoldering come-hither gaze, not the look of soul shattering ennui she displays.

    Do writer and illustrator ever get together befor this strip goes to print… Or whatever?

  83. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#14):

    DtM: Fun fact! Most pirates wore eyepatches to adjust an eye to low light conditions for when they entered the ship hold.

    What? You mean pirates have been running around with two eyes all this time? That’s it. Next time a pirate parks in the handicapped spot, I want to see his documents.

  84. Ian Beste
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#70): Having been to a few SCA events wherein the armored participants laid about each other with blunt weapons…yes.

    Best visual from one event: one veteran SCAer, a short, fireplug-shaped women in her 40s, was in charge of inspecting the armor of some newbies to make sure it would actually protect the wearer. She had them lined up she so could walk along carefully examining each one’s collection of metal, leather, and carpet pieces (used for internal padding.) Madame Inspector carried a length of rattan which she used to occasionally rap the sides of the helmets or smack the groin area. One would-be warrior took a shot to his privates and noticeably bent forward. “Did you feel that?” she asked. “No” he lied. He didn’t make it to the battle.

  85. Calico
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#9):
    I like the “NoReplyAll” idea. (Starts singing)

  86. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43): Is Crankshaft just being a dick to squirrels? Yes.

  87. Spotts1701
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#79): It’s insane and completely divorced from reality. I’d say the chances are pretty good.

  88. pugfuggly
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#66):

    Remember the time that Sarge and Beetle got lost in the woods in the middle of winter after shooting and killing(?) that russian? Good times.

    @Dood (#74):

    “Did you see this this new running series in the paper? It’s an expose on abuse and same-sex relationships in the US army in the 1950s. It’s an unconventional style, I’ll admit, what with the drawings and all, but shocking nonetheless!”

  89. Calico
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#88):
    With the Czech Interior Decorator? Most definitely. : D

  90. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#yyyy293): Now wait, that Publix, on Dixie Hwy between 26th and Oakland Park, used to be a Winn Dixie, didn’t it?

  91. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#80): There’s a joke about that. A guy walks into a bar (of course), and he’s a pirate. He has the parrot, the eyepatch, the hook, and the pegleg. He orders rum. The bartender remarks that he pirate seems to have had a pretty rough life, and offers the drink on the house if he’ll tell how he lost his leg. The pirate explains that it was bit off by a shark as he swam from a sinking ship. The bartender offers him another drink if he tells how he lost his hand. Blown away by a cannonball.

    “Well, how did you hurt your eye?”
    “I heard a noise in the sky, and looked up, and a seagull pooped right in my eye!”
    “You lost your eye because of bird shit?!”
    “Well, it was me first day with the hook.”

    // He rescued the parrot from a freezer. Don’t ask what the chicken did.

  92. Dood
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    DtM: This looks more Pirates of Penzance than any sort of maleficent menace.

  93. Here come the Judge
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Hagar the Horrible:

    “We’re the Knights of the Round Table,
    We dance whenever we’re able,
    We do routines, and chorus scenes,
    And footwork impeccable!”

  94. Poteet
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#84): BWAHAHA!

  95. Poteet
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

  96. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey-Like Promethus, Beetle is hurt everyday only to recover during the night for a new round of injuries the next day.

  97. Poteet
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

  98. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#16):

    I was thinking of that dvd company that does B-grade films with variations on titles of popular movies that are currently out.

  99. May Poole-Bower
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    FW: There’s a lot of people slagging on Batiuk’s complete and utter ignorance on how politics, economics, and the Post Office work, but I prefer to imagine that the Post Office, and by extention, the rest of the county have finally had it with them and are pulling a reverse “It’s Good Life” on Westview and its denizens — blotting it from all the maps; rerouting all the roads and highways around and away from it; severing all non-local electricity, sewer, and gas service; and forever banishing it to the cornfield.

  100. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43): People who feed birds have preferences. They choose their seeds accordingly, and have feeders designed to favor one sort of birds over another — often, anyway, though probably not always. What squirrels do is monopolize the feeder, chasing the birds off while they mess with it, and manage to dump all the seeds out on the ground (insert Onan joke here). Yes, some people choose to feed squirrels as well. They’re kind of cute, in their way.

    @10 Dude Road (#49): Twinkies you damn spell checker.
    I thought you meant Twinkles cereal, “the only cereal in the storybook package,” which I used to obsess on as a four-year-old. Right up to when Mom bought a box of it. I still liked the ads.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#61): Your comment prompted me to go upstairs and bring the Carry On set down. I watched CARRY ON SCREAMING once, but maybe the second time will make more of an impression.

    re Beetle and Hell, I’m reminded of this:

    PRIVATE BEETLE BAILEY
    I trembled between them. There was no escape.
    Then I saw the recruiter’s door. I stepped inside.
    Things blurred for a while, and I came to myself
    With my porkpie hat gone and an army cap in its place.
    And I found that in giving up freedom and self,
    I had gained blamelessness and slack,
    And what was at first temporary became instead
    The permanent surrender of choice in exchange
    For the permanent evasion of responsibility.
    And as I stayed at Camp Swampy, year after year,
    I was astonished one day to realize with a start
    That nothing ever changed there. Nobody left
    And nobody new came in, and nothing happened
    Until the day I realized I had been dead thirty years
    And that all of us were already in our private hell.

  101. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#94): I was going to say “How do I get a job like that?” but I am trying to be more ladylike these days.

  102. May Poole-Bower
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#98): Contest of Crowns? Tournament of Tiaras? Pastime of Scepters? Hopscotch of Symbols of Power?

    Dear god! I’m channeling Bucky Katt!

  103. Not Worth It
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Anybody mind if I take advantage of Josh’s use of the word “awesome” to comment on something I’ve been kind of thinking about ever since I saw the “Momma” strip a few days ago that was all about “awesome”? It’s been annoying me ever since I missed it on the actual date of publication!

    Back in the ’80s & ’90s, when my friends and I were kids, we were, of course, nerdy, pedantic types who never used popular slang words such as “awesome,” “dude,” or “cowabunga.” We haven’t changed a lot. However, lately I’ve been noticing that we all seem to have added “awesome” to our approved vocabulary. The meaning, though, isn’t simply that the described object is pretty darn good, it tends to mean that the thing is humorously subversive, snarky, or in some other way unexpected (such as a children’s book about violent pirates, a Darth Vader parody video, or the funny reviews people wrote on Amazon about the Bic pens “For Women”). Has anyone else noticed this meaning of “awesome,” and can possibly define the usage more clearly? (Or was it always really used this way, and I simply didn’t notice because I was too busy not sullying my lips with it?)

  104. Baka Gaijin
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Petey Parker asks what’s going on. What’s going on is the start of Kraven the Hunter, After Dark!

  105. hogenmogen
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#67): Maybe that’s what Shoe has been eating.

    I just came from a lunch-and-learn seminar about “The Weight of the Nation”. The lead-up was a few commentaries including “The obesity epidemic will literally crush the United States.” Woah, no hyperbole there.

    So I watch this video of fat people for over an hour. “Look at this fat lady! Look at this fat guy! These kids! Fat, fat, fat! Not grossed out yet? Look at this disgusting liver! Look at this dissected human heart! It came from an old woman – who was FAT!”

  106. Poteet
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43): I have several kinds of bird feeders, and it’s often possible to exclude squirrels by using a good squirrel guard. Doing that is usually easier if your bird feeder is in the middle of a bare mowed lawn, like Crankshaft’s feeder. Unless there’s a nearby tree or roof, Crankshaft could probably exclude squirrels, or at least greatly reduce their feeder use, by installing a different kind of pole with a squirrel guard and/or using a less squirrel-friendly feeder. I’d guess that a few of his beloved garden catalogs and/or the nearest garden store would have squirrel-unfriendly feeders/poles for sale. Perhaps he prefers being annoyed by squirrels.

    I could reduce squirrel use by moving my feeders to the other side of my house, but I’d rather feed a few squirrels (fortunately, there aren’t huge mobs of them here) and keep the feeders where I want them. If huge mobs start showing up, I’ll change my mind.

    Meanwhile, one of my feeders is called Squirrel In A Jar. (That was the name at the store.) It’s a large jar laying sideways on a wooden frame, and because of the angle at which I installed it, I have occasionally been able to sneak up on a squirrel and stare at a horrified squirrel face on the other side of the bottom of the glass jar, half an inch from my nose. The subsequent squirrel explosion out of the jar opening makes me laugh like a drain. Yeah, I’m mean.

  107. LurkerMan
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Lots of fake ass-kicking going on today. And recovery tips.

  108. hogenmogen
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @May Poole-Bower (#102): Wheel of Fortune?

  109. Mibbitmaker
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Archie: So, recycle it all then.

    ReFOOB: ROD!!

    FW: Main event in the Westview Olympic Games: The Tragedy Comparison Competition.

    MW: “What a loss!” (said properly with sarcasm)

    MT: Chekov’s Sharks.

    RMMD: Elevator pitch: “Classic A3G meets Modern FW.”

  110. hogenmogen
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Dennis: Pirates put their eyes out because they weren’t careful with their hooks. Also, did you know that the term pi-rates comes from when someone is charged 3.141529 times the going price of an item? Joey, are you calling bullshit on me? I’m the fucking MENACE, MAN! I’ll tear you in pieces! I’ll kill you and blame Margaret! I’ll… hey, is Mrs. Wilson baking cookies? Let’s go!

  111. Snarkotix Addict
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Does anyone really ever talk like that? I don’t know if it’s the dialog or the excess of yellow, but Evan really creeps me out.

    MW – Hey, Dawn! Here’s an idea: Call Mary’s waitress friend Gina. She never backed down on her stalking quest to find Bobby. She’s bound to have a few tips.

    MT – Okay, enough about the tarpon contest; what I want to know is who’s gonna get eaten?

  112. hogenmogen
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    So what brought on the ass-kicking by Sarge? Did he just find out that Beetle was two timing him with … a woman??

  113. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (tuesday#282):
    Yup. Song as instrument.

  114. Poteet
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#101): *snork*

  115. hogenmogen
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Margo is rude to the one client she has, glad that the other one is gone, openly discourages Evan from finding another. She’s having an affair with her employee, opening herself up for a possible lawsuit if it goes badly, which it certainly will because Evan is a mole for her competition. She’s making Tommie look friendly in comparison, and Lu Ann downright brilliant.

  116. Dale
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @casino LF (#59):

    FUNKY

    Right. I still get mail.
    And knowing that my neighborhood branch was about to close,
    I went there and BOUGHT a bunch of Forever Stamps.

  117. Bobdog
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey, the comics equivalent of Prometheus? Or is Sarge the comics equivalent of Sisyphus? Discuss.

  118. Illustrator Steve
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#90): “Now wait, that Publix, on Dixie Hwy between 26th and Oakland Park, used to be a Winn Dixie, didn’t it?”

    Not to my recollection. As far as I know it was always a Publix. I know there was a Winn Dixie (or was it a Quik Chek ?) on North Andrews avenue just north of 26th street thru the mid 70′s. There was also a Quick Chek or Winn Dixie (or maybe it was a Piggly Wiggly?) along Wilton Drive in Wilton Manors. I worked at that Publix on Dixie Hwy part time thru High School. It was just past 26th street beyond the A&W at five points in Wilton Manors on North Dixie Hwy. It was one of their older stores. I’ve actually still got my original employee name tag!
    (Being from Ft. Lauderdale, have you, by chance, ever heard of Bob Saxon who started BSA Yacht management/charter company which is now part of Camper and Nickles at Bahai Mar? Bob and I have been life long friends ever since working together at that Publix during our High School years at FLHS. ….I think he rented a yacht to Mark Trail and Bill Ellis once but never got it back.)

  119. Poteet
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    JP — Hey, why is this even a question? Obviously Alan should write the screenplay, direct the movie, design the costumes, and play the lead. C’mon, JP, we know your style and we expect better from you than this waffling.

  120. Calico
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#109):
    Lynn J. has been particularly angry and spiteful as of late. I really really think she could benefit from therapy, and that’s no joke.
    (Talking about beating up other kids/breaking a girl’s finger, never-ending stabs at her second husband, hating on one of her grandfathers – there are some unresolved issues there for sure)

  121. Calico
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    BTW, I go to a shrink as well. Just FYI! Yay! : D

  122. May Poole-Bower
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#119): Why limit himself to playing the lead? Judge Parker should play all the parts, or at least CGI his face onto the bodies of the other actors.

  123. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#121): Wow, you really did have a problem with turning 50, didn’t you!

  124. Inkwell
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    Anyone else ever stop to read the official description for The Lockhorns? “The award-winning Lockhorns panel gently spoofs the state of marital bliss, poking fun at the foibles of both partners to the amusement of comics fans around the world.”

    And then Loretta’s character description contains the words: “But no matter what problems come their way, they realize they’re together “till death do us part.” And they wouldn’t have it any other way!”

    …Am I reading the right comic?

  125. Illustrator Steve
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    MT – Mark claims to love fishing but have we ever actually seen him CATCH a fish? Could not having the ability to catch a fish be the reason Mark goes to great extents to avoid taking Rusty fishing?
    It seems Jack Elrod is the better fisherman compared to his cartoon caracter. After all, he’s hooked us, hasn’t he?

  126. gleeb
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Spots1701 @ 51Which reminds me of the great line from the Canadian short cartoon Special Delivery, “Fearing the wrath of the Lettercarriers’ union…”

  127. Ned Ryerson
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#119): Yes, Alan should write the screenplay. His book was probably just like the book from RMMD’s last plot, written by Foster, which was “written like a screenplay” and therefore easily adapted for the screen by any novice (or drunken horse lady) who’d like to give screenwriting a whirl.

    In my spare time, I’m writing a screenplay for Thomas Kuhn’s The Structure of Scientific Revolutions. It’s surprisingly easy!

  128. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#124): Whoa, if that’s a ‘gentle’ spoof of marriage, wouldn’t you like to have seen the Hoest’s home life back when Bunny’s husband was alive?

  129. Illustrator Steve
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    MT – It’s not that being hooked on this stupid comic strip and being reeled in by Jack Elrod is so bad, it’s the tons of soaking wet clip art flopping around on the deck on top of me that’s so damn annoying!

  130. Dood
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#119): Will the judge’s movie trailer outclass Sam’s Road Queen (the vehicle, not Abbey)?

  131. Voshkod
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    You know, if you replaced Sarge with an Afghan IED, you’d have a surprisingly topical Beetle Bailey that would offend just about everyone and result in the strip being cancelled nation-wide.

    And that would be good.

  132. Dale
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#106):

    I didn’t mind that SQUIRRELS were eating the bird seed I put out.
    But earlier this year, squirrels chewed on the plastic fuel line of my car. Total cost around $900. If there weren’t some narrow-minded laws against discharging firearms in the city, I’d be out shooting squirrels now.

  133. May Poole-Bower
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#124): Must be a description from before when Edward Albee took over the strip.

  134. Inkwell
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Wow, Marvin is repulsive. Just replace “pounding” with the practically-synonymous “beating” and you’ve got the creepiest comic strip ever.

    @lynn (#128): I’d like to be optimistic and say that the strip was gentler when he was alive… but I’d need an archive or a collection to confirm that.

  135. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#105): I just came from a lunch-and-learn seminar about “The Weight of the Nation”.

    So… dare I ask… what was on the menu?

  136. Baka Gaijin
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Damn, Pluggerdog’s got a serious wasting disease. A week or so ago he could barely hug his obese wife across his huge paunch and now he’s in danger of sliding down the shower drain.

  137. Dood
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    If Mark Trail has a Fist o’ Justice, what does Sarge possess? A Fist o’ Arbritrary and Capricious Rage? Who would win a confrontation between the two?

  138. Soccerhead
    November 28th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    This US/Aussie relationship even has Greg Evans confused.
    When it’s 11am Monday in California, it’s 6am Tuesday in Sydney.
    And why are all the faces in “Luann” on Dark Gate a putrid shade of gray today?

  139. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#10):

    Same here. Spellcheck is aware of Superman but not Aquaman. Spiderman it knows of. However, Spellcheck believes that Kraven is an international man of mystery.

  140. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#128): Bunny Hoest is Bill Hoest’s SECOND wife, so it’s just as likely that he based Loretta Lockhorn on his ex.

  141. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#134): I’m not aware that The Lockhorns have ever been collected, but I’m not feeling motivated enough to check that out. My dad was a big Andy Capp fan, and we used to have dozens of the paperbacks, because it’s what we all got him for Christmas. Now there was gentle spoofing of married life. I recall one in which the Capp family brawl was illustrated by the traditional “dust cloud”, at the end of which, Mrs. Capp is left sitting on the floor. She says, “I like it!” Ouch.

  142. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#140): Huh! The more you know!

  143. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Hagar It might be noisy but I could see those chaps doing The Robot on Hagar and Eddie’s graves. It would be a surreal expression of their joy, of course. And, it would seem unlikely to occur…..

    However….If the theory of bourbon babe, unbuckled hold true then the Walker-Browne Theater Troupe is well aware of the moves entailed to execute The Robot.

    Hell. I could see them slow dancing to the song “Good Night, Irene”

  144. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#118): You’re right, it was a Quik Chek, and that was where my family usually shopped. Quik Chek was absorbed by Winn Dixie some time or other, but W/D still carries some of Q/C’s house brands, like Chek soda.

    No, I never knew of Bob Saxon, tho my dad might have, as he was peripherally involved with the yachting business at various times. I’ll have to ask him.

    Did you ever eat at Lums? That was my favorite, with their signature “hot dogs boiled in beer”. They were good, but I don’t think the beer made any difference.

    // Clever how you brought it back on topic there. I know many of our fellow commenters are fascinated by the commercial history of Fort Lauderdale.

  145. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#135):

    So… dare I ask… what was on the menu?

    Shame, and plenty of it.

  146. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#40): Curtis: I really, really hate Barry but I don’t know why.

    Because he’s a whiny obnoxious git who never gets punished for it? And because Curtis always gets punished for reacting to his whiny obnoxiousness?

  147. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43): This isn’t my area of expertise, but what exactly is the big deal with squirrels in a bird feeder anyway?

    They tend to be messy and piggy, so if you have a bunch of them in your feeder, it costs more than if you’re just feeding birds. I happen to like squirrels, so that’s not a problem for me. I buy cheaper food and set out corn just for the squirrels, and put out bird food they like less.

  148. Voshkod
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#147): A bird feeder is an inexpensive way of feeding your local feral cat population, though.

  149. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#143):

    I could see them slow dancing to the song “Good Night, Irene”

    Aw, man. Couldn’t they slow dance to some other song?

    I love Irene, God knows I do
    I’ll love her till the seas run dry
    And if Irene turns her back on me
    I’d take morphine and die

  150. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#79): That would be sweet and heart-warming, so don’t worry.

  151. Chronohotonthologos
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#105): Sgt. Snorkel is a corpulent man, and yet can out-fight and out-march any man in his platoon. He excels at sports.

    Hagar the Horrible, also a person of full habit, has survived thousands of battles, imprisonment in dungeons, ship wrecks, desert islands, and dragon attacks.

    Mr. Dithers is advanced in years, and is decidedly portly as well, but can and often does kick Dagwood high into the air.

    Certainly Brutus, impressively well nourished , (or Bluto, if you will) is always defeated by Popeye, but must be regarded as a formidable opponent. And what happens if he discovers that can-o-spinach trick? Whither Popeye then?

    // You should have mentioned this at your seminar. Have we learned nothing from the comics?

  152. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Chronohotonthologos (#151): Or those who have seen Mr. Scudder in his mawashi.

  153. Peanut Gallery
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    DT – “People do that in comics all the time.” “Joe, don’t be a hidebound literalist.”

  154. May Poole-Bower
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#137): Tough call — Mark is the master of the one-punch knockout, so theoretically, he could win before Sarge even balls up those ham-fists of his. On the other hand, once Sarge starts punching (and kicking and stomping) he doesn’t stop until his victim is a broken, mangled mass of pulped flesh and powdered bone. Beetle can take that kind of punishment (as noted in today’s strip), but I don’t think Mark can — I seem to recall a recent(ish) storyline where a diamond smuggler’s bullet creased Mark’s scalp, rendering him unconscious and drifting at sea for a number of days. Taking into account that Sarge (1) wears a uniform and (2) lacks facial hair, I don’t see Mark throwing the first punch, so I’m going with Sarge.

  155. Uncle Lumpy
    November 28th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#127):

    In my spare time, I’m writing a screenplay for Thomas Kuhn’s The Structure of Scientific Revolutions. It’s surprisingly easy!

    Ooh! Can I play the role of Phlogiston?

    “The very soul of fire, when I depart,
    The soundest fuel is spent of any art
    To kindle, blaze, or any heat sustain
    All merit lost, and only ash remains.”

    In modern productions I strut about the stage farting loudly to indicate my awareness of the Gas Model of Combustion, in ironic commentary on the script.

  156. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#155): Burning always with this hard, gem-like flame, eh Uncle?

  157. Dartpaw86
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#98):
    I know of them. But the show was called Game of Thrones in Mary Worth so I’ll just assume she literally was watching the real show. I never saw it but from what I hear it’s basically medieval fantasy with lots of sex involved. So in other words, the middle ages.

  158. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#157): So Game of Thrones is a PV/WofI/Hagar mashup?

  159. Peanut Gallery
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#127), @Nehemiah Scudder (#144):

    I know many of our fellow commenters are fascinated by the commercial history of Fort Lauderdale.

    I’m adapting it into a screenplay! It’s surprisingly easy!

  160. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#146): Well, there are plenty of cartoon characters I despise, but there are only two who fill me with murderous rage: little Barry and Moose Miller. I am a very peaceable person and have never raised my hand to anyone in all my life, but I would like to kill them.

  161. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#159): Oooh! Will it be a musical? Will there be a Winn-Dixie in it? Is the pharmacist the main character? I picture something like The Music Man but with oxycontin instead of trombones.

  162. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#158): The sex comes from PV, not WofI or Hagar, I hope.

  163. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    MW-Dawn, I also recommend you tell Jim by smoke signals, Morse code, telegraph, cb radio, ham radio, and telegram.

    FW-Yep, Funky, those forever stamps are now useless. Without a post office in your town you won’t be able to mail your letters and god forbid they’ll let you use another post office.

  164. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#157):

    They had a shot of Dawn watching it and it looked like one of those old Medieval style films from about the Thirties or Forties.

  165. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#163): Who do you think Funky sends letters to? For sure nobody sends any to him.

  166. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#164): Errol Flynn..Basil Rathbone…*sigh* I loved those movies with handsome men in form-fitting clothes riding through the forest on their shapely asses. Well, horses, I guess. I wasn’t paying attention.

  167. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Memo to self:
    la·dy·like/?l?d??l?k/
    Adjective

    Behaving or dressing in a way considered appropriate for or typical of a well-bred, decorous woman or girl.
    (of an activity or occupation) Considered suitable for such a woman or girl.

  168. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-Does this mean that Barry saw Curtis eat a person? That ranks right up there with Curtis watching a group of cats devouring two people.

    Dennis the Menace-”My mom says this is what happens when you touch yourself, Joey.”

  169. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    ?I?d??Ik is comic-book swearing, my reaction to the concept of ‘ladylike’. Geez. HTML is brutal.

  170. LP2004
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#163): MW: And carrier pigeons. Don’t forget the carrier pigeons.

  171. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#149):

    Originally, I thought I would go with that Come On, Eileen song and had wrote about how I could see the knights in a chorus line doing kicks.

    But, “Good Night, Irene” allowed for a pun. So, I went with the path of least resistance. Plus, despite the lyrics, the structure of the song is like a waltz, I think. That could be slow danced to.

    I am thinking of the Leadbelly version, later versions might have a different structure. Not sure. The lyrics didn’t come to mind.

  172. Gringo
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    “We’ll cut you in pieces, boil you in oil and dance on your graves!”

    Isn’t that Belushi’s final line from Don’t Look Back in Anger?

  173. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#146):

    Re: Curtis

    But, that is ever so realistic. Like this incident from the other day:

    Innocent, guileless 3YO piles her barbie dolls on the bed, right next to where the 6YO is sitting. 6YO pushes one of them off onto the floor. 3YO screams as loudly as she can (she can scream very loudly). Yell from the other room “Jack, stop pushing her Barbie dolls off the bed!”

    3YO replaces the barbie dolls on the bed, with a look of pure malevolence directed at the 6YO the whole time. 6YO, sensing a loophole, picks up the dolls, carries them into the other room, and puts them on the floor. 3YO (you guessed it!) screams as loudly as she can. 6YO is sent to his room, despite my attempts to serve as a character witness.

  174. bbofun
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#139): But- does your Spellcheck know “spellcheck”? Mine doesn’t. It is not self-aware. The day it learns, however, will forever be known as – JUDGEMENT DAY!

  175. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#170):

    Thanks. I forgot about them.

  176. seismic-2
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#155): The trend these days is to make the movie and its sequels all at once (like Lord of the Rings), so have you started the screenplay for Son of the Structure of Scientific Revolutions? In the sequel, Phlogiston is replaced by String Theory.

  177. ArchieNemesis
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Too bad Archie and his family doesn’t live in Westview. They generate tremendous amounts of old-fashioned paper mail.

  178. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#165):

    He sends out this angry old crank letters.

  179. seismic-2
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    FW: But if the Post Office closes, how will the medical lab send out the biopsy reports to the patients who don’t know they have canc… Ah, I get it. As we have been saying in this thread, Carry On.

  180. AhClem
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#106): I have a metal cone about half way up my feeder pole, which is surprising effective in keeping squirrels off the feeders. However, I put out a ground feeder with a squirrel mix (peanuts, corn and sunflower seeds) in the winter. Some squirrels use it, but others still try to reach the bird feeders. I can visualize them looking at the ground feeder and saying to each other, “This is too easy. It must be a trap!”

  181. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#174):

    Yes. It does!

    It runs without me doing anything.

    Okay, I am gonna try to carve an anecdote out of thin enough air (i.e., something I saw online).

    There was this discussion I saw on some site. Maybe it followed a news article or a blog post. One guy had put up some contentious comment riddled with spelling errors. Almost every reply discredited him for that. That’s fairly common when someone tries to make an argument and is sloppy. So it wasn’t surprising that there were that many replies.

    He finally replied to someone who pointed out that those red, squiggly lines underneath his misspelled words were there for a reason. So, the guy* replied with something to effect that he thought the lines were there to indicate he got bonus points for using those words.

    I gotta think he wasn’t being serious. Because quite frankly, that is something I’d do if I had to save face.

  182. DreadedCandiru2
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#51):
    What really irritates me is the same thing that bothers the people on “Son of Stuck Funky”: Fatboy whining about his being stuck with ‘useless’ stamps.

  183. Baka Gaijin
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#172): That’s the final line in the uncut director’s version of The Wizard of Oz, said by the leading lady.

  184. Calico
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1):
    I love me some DeCarlo art. He was by far the most in tune Archie artist ever, IMO.

  185. Calico
    November 28th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    There was also some other Archie artist who always portrayed the males with gaping maws, head bobbles a la 3G, weird forward body motions, and really really short pants. Anyone know who that might have been?

  186. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    It occurs to me that today’s Hagar would make a nice Christmas card, if one were to draw a snow-covered fir tree in the background.

  187. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#14):

    DtM: Fun fact! Most pirates wore eyepatches to adjust an eye to low light conditions for when they entered the ship hold.

    Yup, and the MythBusters proved that it was effective!

  188. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#3):

    FW – “I can’t be concerned about the fact the you’re losing your job and your livelihood and your benefits in a crappy economy! What about me? I spent $24 on a P.O. box that will now be transferred to some other post office in an inconvenient location! I’m suffering here!”

    Well it *is* the Funkyverse after all. Let there be pain, misery and suffering for all!

  189. glen soikie
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    wow this site reminds me of the good old days less preasure and stress and more comic books

  190. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @glen soikie (#189): Oh no, now we’ll get Old Man Muffaroo and Chaze reminiscing about the Yellow Kid, and Mr. Scudder and Illustrator Steve continuing their session about the good old days reading comics for free and shoplifting Trojans at the Publix.

  191. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    FW – While it does speak to how clumsy the author’s writing is, this is a case where the punchline is intended to be “Funky makes ridiculous assumptions about what closing the local post office will mean”. Pointing out that “but – forever stamps will still be valid for postage” does not discredit the punchline – it is the punchline. Hence, the eye-rolling reaction from Mrs. Funky.

    This is similar to the “joke” where Cayla announces to Les and the wedding planner that she is pregnant, then tells the planner to make the flowers the same shade of pale that Les has just turned. No, we aren’t supposed to seriously believe that she is pregnant.

    You can blame clumsy writing, but it is also fair to note that there is such a well of contempt for this strip in general that people rush to conclusions and miss the fact that the ridiculousness of the complaint is the joke.

  192. Ian Beste
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#155): With Mandy Patinkin as the Subverted Paradigm.

  193. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#191): Better be careful or you may get a reputation for being a voice of reason. “Not one of us. Not one of us.”

  194. Rick Griffin
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    Hagar: BE RIGHT THERE #rifftrax

  195. Ian Beste
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @glen soikie (#189): Uh, hello, Mr. Random Comment Generator?

  196. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#195):

    For one, I, give him the doubt of the benefit!

    //kidding. Let’s get him!

  197. Daniel
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    *Visualizes menace-detecting Kamiokande.*

  198. lynn
    November 28th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#196): I’m more worried about the person using Calvin’s Cardboard Box’s screen name to defend Tom Batiuk. Zombie Mudgeon?

  199. Chip Whittle
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#106):

    I have several kinds of bird feeders, and it’s often possible to exclude squirrels by using a good squirrel guard.

    Yeah, you know what the squirrels call squirrel exclusion devices? Amusement. Here, just listen to Giant Talking Squirrel From Mark Trail on the subject:

    I think Rusty may have fallen into the poachers’ hideout! We should find the sheriff!

    They’re darned cute, especially when they’re hanging at weird angles just to show off how thoroughly they’ve mastered the squirrel-proofing. I just want some cardinals to get their chances.

  200. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#198):

    I’m not concerned about him. Someone else was ripping on Josh who was annoying.

    After reading today’s “Funkity Winkerbeanus”, the point CC Box seems to be making is a fair one.

    Now, if Batuik is angling to say the imaginary government is going to cut off the entire population of Westview from the rest of America…that is an interesting development.

    Someone let me know if that happens.

  201. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#200):

    Criminey!

    In the past couple of weeks, there’s been someone ripping on Josh, trying to drag down his posts, point-for-point. Her/his goal is to prove that Josh is unfunny. That person is more annoying than any person defending Funkity Winkeritybeanbong.

    A broken clock is right twice a day… but is it right if no one sees it?

  202. Droopy Says
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Mar’ma’duq: So there’s a garlic-scented perfume?

  203. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#201):

    To clarify and to go for the trifecta, the hat trick, a three-pete, in the comment to which I’m replying, I wasn’t “shocked” at learning something from the first comment, the reply to Lynn.

    I was trying to clarify that point I did not make clear in that initial comment.

    But, in the spirit of hitting it three times, Funkity Winkerbeanbangbongboop is still kind of lame. Like Droopy pointed out, just in time for the holidays. Unless, Batuik is gonna have a Christmas or Kwaanza or Saturnalian miracle* occur to make everything that is wrong in the strip right, I say, avert thine gaze, gazers!

    *I’m also hoping “Mary Worth” has a storyline which will involve Wilbur and Christmas Miracle Whip!!

  204. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke-Eau de Holy Water.

    MW-It’s Jim’s loss if he doesn’t want to be friends with Dawn anymore. She is rather popular amongst men that she has to beat them off.

  205. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#202):

    That would be garlic?

    //wubba wubba wubba! BOIIIINNNNG!

    I just realized that the only time I see “Marmaduke”* is on this site. It doesn’t seem to exist outside this. Soooo, I can’t see this garlicky perfume. Unless I take the time and look for it…..but I gots snark to write!

    *Well, my nightmares don’t count because I try to not count the times he haunts my dreams!

  206. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    Hagar the Horrible-(Beavis and Butthead style laughter) Heavy metal.

  207. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    apt THREE gee

    Unseen bottom panel:
    Evan dropped trou;
    Margo hiked skirt, or dropped trou;
    or neither was wearing anything below the belt.

    The latter could explain why Margo–she of Will stronger than Meddles–seemed to be chasing Evan about the office in a way to regain favor in his eyes in a very un-Margo like diplay of…oh…I dunno….feelings.

  208. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#202):

    Oh. I see now.

    She’s calling Marma a Stank Dog that has no good reference point for the finer scents in life.

    Well, played, monster owner. Well, played.

  209. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    snuffy smif

    From his reaction, now Snuffy knows the gossipy ladies of the quilting society of lower Hootin’ Holler are aware of his blinking problem.

  210. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace-And by Hook Dennis actually means Captain Hook.

  211. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy— Today’s strip shows that Ziggy has visited Westview, Ohio, and has been influenced by Les. Some may regard his met-a-Moore-fic pun as positively igneous, but I think it’s the schist.

  212. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    One last quick one before I back off….

    mary worth
    2 things:

    1)this is awfully reminiscent of Bench Week when Nola Wolverson–the Mighty Morphin Power Hussy–met up with a can collector who gave her invaluable advice.

    2) Dawn sure has mastered the art of clicking to zoom on her phone, hasn’t she?

    ….going, going….gone, daddy, gone….

  213. Spotts1701
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#191): I have no problem with the ridiculousness of the punchline – it’s a groaner, but legitimate. It’s how Batiuk sets it up that offends my sensibilities. For someone who claims to tackle “real issues” and try to pass himself off as a “serious writer”, he does little to understand even the most basic concepts and facts of the “issues” he injects into his strips. I’m not asking for gritty reality, but the things that I am griping about are things that a basic Google search would reveal as deeply flawed.
    I mean, look at the school levy strips from last fall/winter. Or the gay prom storyline from this past spring. Or a half-dozen others since the time-skip – ham-handed, slipshod and breaking suspension of disbelief.

  214. May Poole-Bower
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#203): Maybe they’ll have a Lenæan miracle, complete with human sacrifice and ritual cannibalism!

  215. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#174): But- does your Spellcheck know “spellcheck”? Mine doesn’t. It is not self-aware. The day it learns, however, will forever be known as – JUDGEMENT DAY!

    Mine doesn’t know it either. It does know “spell” and “check” and “spell-check”.

    Best to not take any chances, though. Do NOT, under any circumstances, right-click on “spellcheck” and select “Add to dictionary.”

  216. Zerowolf
    November 28th, 2012 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    MW: Yes, not having the creepy, obsessive, possessive, guy who has the hots for me because I resemble his dead sister as a friend would be a horrible loss. After all I was looking so forward to being brutally reaped, killed, and dismembered.

  217. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#51):

    They could always have Crazy Harry disappear and say that he got lost in the mail. Eventually he would show up dead from being beaten and pounded and ‘insufficient postage’ stamped several times over his body.

  218. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 28th, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43) said: “Luann: So, how long do you think these two teens will keep up an inconvenient, unsatisfying relationship? I give them a month tops.”

    Since Luann has never known anything but inconvenient unsatisfying relationships, she has built up a tolerance for them, and will be able to sustain this one for a long time. Or at least until an opportunity for a new inconvenient, unsatisfying relationship arises.

  219. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 28th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#190): Seriously, Lynn, in those days pharmacies never put Trojans anyplace where a kid, or anyone else, could shoplift them. You had to ask for them at the counter. And for some reason, the clerks were always a little hard of hearing.

  220. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 28th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#216) said: “MW: Yes, not having the creepy, obsessive, possessive, guy who has the hots for me because I resemble his dead sister as a friend would be a horrible loss. After all I was looking so forward to being brutally reaped, killed, and dismembered.”

    It’s impressive that Jim has learned to use a scythe with one hand.

  221. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 28th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#45):

    As would “Naked Orifice”!

  222. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 28th, 2012 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#44): @Chronohotonthologos (#47):

    Neither would stand a chance against Rip Haywire!

  223. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey-Poor Beetle. Every day he gets beaten to a pulp by Sarge and he knows that he is going to be better the next day for a new round of beatings. The death he longs for is never coming because he knows that he is a comic strip character and this is his fate.

  224. Zerowolf
    November 28th, 2012 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#220): He had no choice. MW is a family strip so rape would be strictly verboten.

  225. May Poole-Bower
    November 28th, 2012 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#224): I rather liked the misspelling “reaped.” It gives the impression that Jim is harvesting arms.

  226. Alfred E. Neuman
    November 28th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#224): Come to think of it, if Dawn continues to stalk, being reaped would be more appropriate.

  227. Liam
    November 28th, 2012 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-This is the part in the show where Kraven pulls a monkey out of his assistant.

    A3G-Going by your wild mood swings I’m not forgiven at the moment but if I massage your temples then I will be forgiven.

    MT-Now if you can avoid the Jets then everything will be okay.

    MT 2-Let’s hope the Sharks don’t break out into a musical number.

  228. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#216):

    I just hope no one is insensitive and says, “Sow what.”

    //I’m looking at you, Graybeard Saysnothing, who strolls besides his wife and Mary Worth during their evening rumor mill grinds.

  229. Uncle Lumpy
    November 28th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#176):

    In the sequel, Phlogiston is replaced by String Theory.

    Phlogiston is a hearty Falstaffian Paradigm, full of bombast and good cheer, sweeping Anomalies off his copydesk with a wave of his hamhock arm — I would willingly cede the role to Jim Broadbent. String Theory is a whiny, passive-aggressive Iago of a Paradigm, insinuating blackmail on or feigning indifference toward Anomalies one by one. Malcolm McDowell’s got a lock on it.

  230. Rocky Stoneaxe Is Old and Busted
    November 28th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#190): Don’t forget Rocky Stoneaxe blattering about comic strips/books no one under 50 ever heard of.

  231. Arabella
    November 28th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Good luck to all the PowerBall players! No! Wait. That would mean I’d have to share the prize. I want to assure everyone that if I’m the lucky winner, I’ll still come here for my daily amusement. I’ll just hire someone wittier to post for me.

  232. Droopy Says
    November 28th, 2012 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#203): Funky Winkerwhatsit, lameness, the holidays. There’s a little Tiny Tim joke in there, but I don’t have a ghost of a chance of finding it.

  233. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#232):

    Oh really?

  234. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    Les Smores is snoring on his sofa.

    The television set suddenly pops on filling the second panel with an eerie, blue light.

    A disembodied voice floats through the air, speaking to Les:

    “You haven’t learned anything, Lesineezer Smore! I am the Ghost of Christmas Past here to show you your former life!”

    //oooh. sure. there’s the obvious thing I didn’t spell out. But, even with scoring a win on alliteration, it wasn’t worth me ruining Christmas.

  235. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 28th, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @Chronohotonthologos (#151): I like your handle — a witty mis-spelling of “Chrononhotonthologos.” Though “Aldiborontiphoscophornio” has more of a ring to it, perhaps from the greater variety of vowels.

    @DreadedCandiru2 (#182): What really irritates me is the same thing that bothers the people on “Son of Stuck Funky”: Fatboy whining about his being stuck with ‘useless’ stamps.
    Even I thought that was halfway clever. The angry readers who try to correct it are almost as funny, though.

    @lynn (#190): I used to love reading those yellow trojans in public.

    @Liam (#217): They could always have Crazy Harry disappear and say that he got lost in the mail. Eventually he would show up dead from being beaten and pounded and ‘insufficient postage’ stamped several times over his body.
    They could use The Mighty Merta Stamper, as seen in the Freak Brothers strip where Phineas tries to mail himself to his congressman.

  236. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#234):

    Sleigh bells ring, ring, ring; jangling outside of Smore’s kitchen door.
    The otherworldly howl of Marmaduke crashes the silent night.
    There will be no smacking head by the Fists O’ Justice this ‘eve.
    Only the cold, hard whopping of Old Man Reality upside Lesimeezer Smore’s noggin.

    “You never learn the errors of your ways, Lesisneezer! There is so much you should be aware of. After all, that is not your name on the roof! So, come with me! See what life would have been like without you!”

  237. Chrono(n)hotonthologos
    November 28th, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#235): Thanks, but sadly, it was merely a witless misspelling.

    // And the anagram server choked on “Aldiborontiphoscophornio” — never use a ‘nym without anagramatic backups.

  238. Sequitur
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    Look up your friend’s nose. You may find Ripley’s!

    Police in Southington, Conn., USA, caught a thief on March 22, 2012, after he accidentally butt-dialed the 911 emergency services number during his robbery!

    The second amazing fact is that when he went to prison, he butt-dialed without using a phone!

  239. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43):

    FW: I suppose when all you send are get well cards, sympathy cards, and pizza flyers, there’s not much traffic for the mailman.

    Oh, I don’t know – when you include all those death notices, “Sorry you lost an arm” cards, and coffin catalogs it adds up.

  240. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43):

    So, how long do you think these two teens will keep up an inconvenient, unsatisfying relationship? I give them a month tops.

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#218):

    Since Luann has never known anything but inconvenient unsatisfying relationships, she has built up a tolerance for them, and will be able to sustain this one for a long time.

    Luann said Quill is planning to visit next summer. They’ll build up such impossible expectations that they’ll fight often. Luann will realize she just wanted a boyfriend, but not sex. And Quill will see that he was so desperate for some he traveled across half the world. That plane ride back to Australia is going to be one long walk of shame.

  241. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#51): Almost as bad as the “We-declared-you-dead-but-you-weren’t-and-we-must-have-faked-the-dna-analysis-of-the-body-we-buried” schtick with Wally.

    It would make more sense for the high school to lay off a teacher–like the useless band teacher or the coach whose football team never wins a game.

    But Josh was right; no way Saint Les is going to lose his job.

  242. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#173): Yup. Part of why I loathe Barry is that I’m an older sibling. With a very skilled button-pushing younger brother.

    //That said, I only remember a couple of times getting in trouble for something I wasn’t at least partially complicit in; my parents are both older siblings themselves and so were less likely to assume innocence on the part of my brother just because he was yelling about something.

    //I still remember the one time he tripped and hurt himself and I got blamed for it despite being about ten feet away at the time, though.

  243. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#191): I see your point, and with any other strip, I’d agree. But Batiuk’s lost that benefit of the doubt. I know he’s probably trying to be funny there, but he’s had his characters do enough stupid things that weren’t intended to be funny, that it’s now hard to be sure.

    //It’s like the boy who drew wolves… with cancer.

  244. Sequitur
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Hey! queek! Did you see this?

  245. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#79):

    I hesitate even to bring this up, but you don’t think…surely even FW wouldn’t turn this into a story in which everyone in Westview mails a lot of Christmas cards and/or letters to Santa in order to keep their beloved post office open and their beloved mail carrier employed. Oh please heaven no no no.

    No. That would never work.
    But, here is something guaranteed to preserve the post office forever: Name it after Dead Lisa! No one would dare to close it. Ever.
    “The Saint Lisa Legacy Moore Memorial Post Office”

  246. Oregonian
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#60):

    The “Hagar” knights do look like they’re in a chorus line, so it’s not a big leap.

    Well, exactly! They look like the goddamn Rockettes up there!

    I’ll bet you anything that the original version of this strip had them threatening to “cut you in pieces, boil you in oil, and PISS on your graves!”

    And Hagar was only pointing out how challenging it would be to take a leak from a suit of armor.

  247. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    FW – Yes, this plot is just as poorly thought out as the Gay Prom. Tom saw a headline, thought about how sad it must be, and so he decided to roll out a “postman is fired” storyline. No research into how this might, realistically, work. No attempt to fit it into any context. Just “oh, woe, misery!”.

    I’m hoping that he is just fired, with no 1/2 pay pension for life (which he surely would have qualified for by now), or offer of a transfer, or even unemployment checks. That he is evicted from his home on Christmas Eve (by Bull, moonlighting). That he lies down in the snow under a bridge and goes to sleep, never to awaken, as a Santa’s sleigh flies overhead, spelling out “”Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night” in the harnesses and legs of the reindeer.

    And that Funky uses his Forever Stamps to seal up the Montini’s pizza he places into the coffin at the funeral.

  248. Jamus The Bartender
    November 28th, 2012 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Yeah, you know, during those weekends, Quill is gonna expect you to lift up your top. At least once. For starters. It’s gonna happen.

    Beetle Bailey: Good Lord, I haven’t seen anything this violent since the last Dick Tracy…..damn, Miss Buxley looks fine.

  249. Justin
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    I always assume that Dennis constantly has the worst intentions with Joey. Today, he’s trying to trick Joey into thinking self-mutilation is cool. Yesterday, he was nurturing Joey’s rampant phobias so that he remains a cowardly bed-wetter for all time.

  250. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#132):

    I was much more fortunate than you. I wrapped somespendy marquee Christmas lights around the oak trees in my front yard, and one by one they stopped working.

    Turns out that those little buggers bit a bunch of the mini bulbs off of the cord one at a time like they were buds or something.

  251. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#106):

    I don’t think that there is such a thing as a squirrel proof bird feeder. I think at best you can only hope to deter them.

    Years ago I saw a very fun TV show from the UK where the producers came up with these very elaborate things that a squirrel must do in sequence (crawling through something in a certain way, pulling on something to make an opening, etc.) in oder to get to a feeder.

    Some of those squirrels were very clever and solved the course!

  252. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#166):

    Similar thing with my wife, except it Daniel Craig movies for her!

    I really like him a lot too, but for differant reasons (his acting abilities).

    Best Bond ever, with sincere apologies to Sean Connery!

  253. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#251):

    I’m no expert here nor do I speak from good experience. However, I have had a bird feeder destroyed by squirrels.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a bird feeder type. Not at all. The way I figure it: it I gotta feed my self, let them feed themselves. After all, they do have wings.

    Since I did dabble in feeding them and since there were squirrels aplenty that complicated my philanthropy, I had to make a choice: do I let birds eat during the winter just because they don’t feel like taking a vacation, or do I delve into squirrelantropy, or do I just accept that both gotta eat. Well, like a chopped down christmas tree around this time of year, I was left stumped.

    I tried a Shepard’s Hook, which was conveniently in the backyard, for the hooking. (I always eyed it suspiciously not knowing why it was there. Then someone explained it)

    Well, that didn’t stop the squirrels from raiding the bird feeder; they just climbed right up and took what they wanted.

    Long story short, if you are going to use a Shepard’s Hook, grease the pole. (and, I am not going for a joke here) Make it tough for the squirrels to climb up where ever the birdhouse hangs and greasing the Hook works (though, let’s all hope Dennis the Menace doesn’t find out about it.)

  254. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#252):

    Dammit! Let’s try that again:

    Similar thing with my wife, except it’s Daniel Craig movies for her!

    I really like him a lot too, but for different reasons (his acting abilities).

    Best Bond ever, with very sincere apologies to Sean Connery!

    // But I did read that Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton and Pierce Brosnan all said that he was a great Bond too. So I’m in very good company!

  255. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#254):

    No disprespect but it don’t mean a thing until Lazenby chimes in. Until he does, it will still be James Coburn who was the. best. bond. ever!

    //haha.

  256. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#254):

    Now you see what I did there?

    I rendered my argument moot right out of the gate, two words in.

  257. pastordan, who meant ROBERT Benchley
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#201): I for one am deeply offended that anyone would be so thin-skinned as to focus repeatedly on how desperately unfunny an artist is![*]

  258. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 28th, 2012 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#253):

    You could also try bird feed that is spiked with cayane pepper for that very purpose. Birds don’t feel the heat but he squirrels do and supposedly leave it alone.

    I myself find the squirrels fun to watch. I even put nuts out for them on my deck. Great entrainment for our indoor cats to watch!

    And then there’s this solution.

  259. pastordan, who meant ROBERT Benchley
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, who meant ROBERT Benchley (#257): FFS, talk about not being funny…[*]

  260. Peanut Gallery
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#219): So, young Scudder walks into a pharmacy and says to the clerk, “Good eventide, stout yeoman; would you be so obliging as to vouchsafe me a parcel of, ah, um, prophylactics?

    Clerk: Come again?

    Scudder: A contraceptive?

    Clerk: Beg pardon?

    Scudder: Rubber? Raincoat? French letter? Jimmy hat?

    Clerk: I don’t follow…

    Scudder: Wet suit? Love glove? Willie warmer?

    Clerk: Sorry?

    Scudder (whispering): Trojans?

    Clerk: Oh, you want condoms! HEY, HARRY! CAN I SELL THIS KID A BOX OF CONDOMS?

    Scudder: Upon further reflection, this may not be the most opportune of occasions for my purchase. I believe I’d best withdraw.

    Clerk: Yeah, that’s another method.

  261. Nehemiah Scudder, amateur nitpicker
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#260): You forgot the part where the clerk asks me loudly what size, ribbed or smooth, french tickler, strawberry flavor… etc… Then it turns out he doesn’t have any of the type specified at the counter, so he yells out the order to the guy at the back of the store in the stock room.

    // I’m sure I saw or heard this comedy routine somewhere. Firesign? Kentucky Fried?

  262. Sequitur
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    I tried giving vouchers to the birds that were good for seed at the seed store. Damn squirrels swiped the vouchers then dressed in feather costumes and headed for the seed store.

    //This is not a true tale but who needs truth if it’s dull.~Mason Williams

  263. tallyHO
    November 28th, 2012 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#258):

    yikes.

    nah. I wouldn’t do anything bad to squirrels. In fact, just knowing that cats *would* do something bad to squirrels irks me.

    But, hey, it is Nature!

    I will keep the pepper idea in mind.

    As it goes, I gave up after the squirrel (s) took out the feeder. It was a gift to me and I still feel bad that somehow I couldn’t maintain it. But, I learned options to protect it too late. Someday, surely, I will try to protect sanctuaries/seed restaurants from things with tiny hands.*

    //*I’m looking at you Mark Trail/ Apartment 3G/ Mary Worth characters! No seeds for youse!

  264. Sequitur
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#263): Mr. HO. I dare say that if you ventured into your yard wearing nothing but these your squirrel (and neighbor) problems would be a thing of the past.

  265. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#264):

    Brain Bleach, STAT!

  266. Sequitur
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

  267. The Poodler
    November 28th, 2012 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#45): So would “Ned Ryerson.”

  268. Dale
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#250):

    There have been many reports of squirrels chewing on car wiring. This leads to short circuits which cause fires which is not a good thing.

  269. Sequitur
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#268): Actually, squirrels get blamed for chewing up things that were the work of water rats and Frank Zappa. Frank Zappa is rarely the cause anymore seeing that he’s been dead for several years. Dweezil has pretty much taken his place.

    Chew, Dweezil. Chew those wires.

  270. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#268):

    Even worse if they manange to get into your house. And I’ve had a ground hog drill into mine. And since a ground hog is a rodent (albeit a damn big one), insurance doesn’t cover the damages. $4000 later, things were back to normal.

    Like I said said, my other losses were minor in comparison.

  271. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#253): We did once manage to have a squirrel-proof feeder, though it was a situation that’s not easily replicable.

    It hung from a rafter that was coated in metal, under a two-foot porch overhang (also metal-coated), away from trees, and about 8 feet off the ground and 5 feet away from a railing. The squirrels tried to get to it, desperately and repeatedly, but none managed it.

    That was the same house where I learned that if I hung an ear of corn so that it was about a foot above one of said railings, the squirrels would stand on tip-toe to reach it and then cling and swing in a highly entertaining fashion.

  272. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    MW: They missed a word in the establishing panel.

    “Dawn thinks of Jim while in JUNK psychology class.”

    Jesus, could they possibly make it a bigger example of a stereotypical psychology class by someone who has never, in fact, taken a psychology class?

    What’s next? She goes to her biology class and they discuss the humors and phrenology?

  273. Sterling
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Beatle Bailey: “…And General Halftrack will be back to sexually harrassing you, he and his wife will persist in a sham marriage of loneliness and desolation, and God’s grace, as ever, will remain a mocking, distant impossibility.”

  274. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    9CL: Hahaha! They swapped articles of clothing! Again! The laff riot continues.

  275. Droopy Says
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: A chimp with opposable thumbs?

    Dick Tracy: Dick, wearing tights in public has nothing to do with being brave. Ask Spiderman.

    Family Circus: So Jeffy explained the “69″ to Dolly.

    Judge Parker: At last, no mention of Avery, Bea and Bubba. But I’m gonna miss Conrad.

    Pluggers: Not even Les Moore can out-smug a Plugger who knows some obvious bit of trivia.

    Phantom: What makes it funny is that Kit is having this flashback while a stoned lionness gnaws at his vital organs.

    Mock Trail: Otto, don’t stand up in the boat like that. If you fall in, Trail will have to heroically mindlessly rescue you, and after you swear eternal gratitude you’ll have to offer him the ritualistic pancakes. Your people will starve as Trail devours everything in sight.

    Mar’ma’duq: “Low bridge!” Sorry. I’m just feeling abnormally optimistic today.

  276. Dale
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#275):

    MARK TRAIL

    How does Mark know it’s a tarpon? If it is, he should be strapped into a fighting chair, which that boat doesn’t have. He should also be using equipment much heavier than bonefishing tackle.

    Fortunately, Mark Trail isn’t about nature.
    It’s cop stories without cops or laws or indoor plumbing.

  277. Droopy Says
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: I’d like to remark on the obvious fact that Kraven is a fucking idiot. He’s just taken an unprepared woman and literally thrown her into the middle of his act. While the chimps are doubtless smarter than the characters and creators, don’t count on the animals responding well in this situation. There are no obvious safety preparations here, so even if Showgirl Sherry responds with iron nerve and collected wits, she’s still at risk–a dislocated shoulder seems possible in the third panel. The casino’s insurers are likely to have words with the management over liability concerns, and if there’s any kind of performer’s union involved, they’ll have their say about the situation. The ASPCA might worry about what could hapen to the apes under these conditions. Sherry could charge him with assault and battery, as well as reckless endangerment. Stupid move for an ex-con, Kraven.

    And did I call Kraven a fucking idiot? I don’t think he’ll be able to apply that adjective, or much else, to Sherry after the performance.

  278. gleeb
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    3-G: Isn’t that exactly wrong? Shouldn’t an actor be able to convey emotion easily to others? The trick is in what emotions to convey.

    Barney Google: The modern clash between shady secularism ad shady religion has never been so well portrayed.

    ‘bean: Fat failure Funky has contracted Crankshaft’s disease. Of all the crap in Crankshaft, it figures Batiuk would choose to move this into the ‘bean.

    Mary: Ah, this is where Creepy Les Moore has been hiding. He came over to Santa Royale to smugly offer up some psychology that’s only been debunked for 50 years.

    June Morgan, RN: Dammit, June you should have got a takeout order of fried clams.

    Gil: Dude, your mother is, if anything, even more Irish than you. She doesn’t need a gloss for “banjaxed”.

  279. KreatureFeatures
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    I like me some Baldo, but I have to say that this storyline about a girl with a robot version of herself has become forced and contrived and I wish it would stop.

  280. CanuckDownSouth
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Remember how laughable it seemed that Dawn could sign up for any meandering path of coursework without problems, despite California’s system being overstuffed to the point where huge numbers of students can’t get into the required courses for their major? Looks like the way to have the only undersubscribed community college is to make sure the courses are ridiculously poor quality.

    “Let’s see, the syllabus for PSYCH101: Week 1 – platitudes, Week 2 – debunked nostrums, Week 3 – Oprah quotes…”

  281. seismic-2
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#280): Remember, this is the same college where Prof. Chinbeard “teaches” philosophy. (The syllabus consists of reading a semester’s worth of “Ask Wendy” columns.)

  282. Illustrator Steve
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#144): “Did you ever eat at Lums?”

    Many times. One of my favorite places as well. I believe it was up on 50th street (Commercial Blvd.)?
    While in the Navy I would stop at Lums where ever I saw one. One in Mobile and two in New England. All gone today. The hot dogs were good and I think being steamed in beer did add to the taste, or maybe it was the three or four frosted mugs of Lowenbrau that I’d order along with the dog. Either way, Lums was a great place to eat!

  283. Brave Little Toaster
    November 30th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    DtM Dennis (to pirate): How’d ya get that hook?
    Pirate: That be from a fearsome sword fight off the Ivory Coast.
    Dennis: How’d ya get that eyepatch?
    Pirate: Arr, that be from me first day with the hook.

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