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Metapost: Josh’s feeble attempt at social media domination

Hey everybody! Social networks: They exist! Many find them annoying. Many others find them a good way to keep up with info about people they’re interested in. Some people fall into both camps! If you’ve ever said to yourself, “I wish Josh Fruhlinger, the Comics Curmudgeon, were followable on the social network of my choice,” then I have good news for you: he is! Assuming the social network of your choice is one of the following:

I post more or less the same things to all of these, which is to say: links to things I’ve written (including a link to the Comics Curmudgeon when it’s updated), announcements when I am appearing live at events (did you know that I am doing stand-up intermittently now? well, I am!), links to things I find funny/interesting, and random jokes and observations, somewhere between zero and several times a day. There’s no need to follow all of them, just whichever network you like best (though I do post the random jokes and observations somewhat more often on Twitter). There’s no need to follow any of them, obviously, but some people like doing so, so here’s the info if you didn’t know it.

Most of you are probably aware of all these, as I have links at the top of this page and also used to announce them like this once a month, but then I got lazy about it, so I thought I’d let the newbies know. Also: everyone should be made aware that I will be doing a live comedy thing at Baltimore’s famous 14Karat Cabaret, in a couple of weeks! Here is the Facebook event for that if you like keeping track of your schedule with Facebook events.

101 responses to “Metapost: Josh’s feeble attempt at social media domination”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    MT — Blick Bassy called, and he wants his name back:

  2. pugfuggly
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    I dunno Josh. If Mary Worth has taught me anything, it’s that interacting ‘on-line’ with people leads to insomnia, depression, manic episodes and eventual insanity!

    What if I get addicted to the ‘twitters’ and I can’t find a kite in time to undo the damage?

  3. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (Y130): The site was molasses, but you made me look. Now I’m not as sure as I was before. I don’t know all the character names, but here’s the timeline.

    September- “Yellow” is a genie who lives in the land of It, with a mermaid friend, and is periodically funnelled through a wormhole to manifest in vessels ranging from funeral urns to toilet bowls.
    9 October – Green smoke starts to swirl out of a soft drink can discarded by a “Troll” who leers at pink-haired “swordwoman” in a video game.
    12 October- Troll has the game stab swordwoman and she pixelates.
    15-19 October – Unrelated characters Pibgorn and “half-glasses man” neck (yeah, I use that word) in a wormhole until Pibgorn is drawn away by the wormhole.
    24 October – McE apologizes for not posting for a week; his computer died.
    29 October – Pibgorn arrives in It. Yellow manifests in the discarded soda can. Troll leers through the computer monitor at swordwoman.
    30 October – Yellow goes all love-at-first-sight with swordwoman, and lightning zaps her into reality, outside the computer.
    1 November – Swordwoman decapitates Yellow.
    5-9 November – Back in It, the unconscious Pibgorn is tended by a mermaid, then turns into a djinn, which the mermaid says indicates the previous djinn’s death.
    12-15 November – Yellow isn’t dead. He reconstitutes and plays kissyface with swordwoman until she pixelates and disappears.
    16 November – Yellow informs Troll that he will grant him three wishes. Swordwoman chops up Troll. Yellow implies that he will infer the first wish to be resurrection.
    17-21 November – Swordwoman chops Troll into smaller pieces.
    22-28 November – “Dru” is snatched from a meditation session by the wormhole. She is also turned into a genie in It, where she discovers she can’t fly to escape.
    29 November – Yellow resurrects Troll and asks for his other wishes.
    30 November-3 December – Troll interrupts swordwoman’s attempt to kill him again by wishing for Swordwoman to be his sex slave.
    4-7 December – Yellow grants the wish.
    10-13 December – Yellow and swordwoman fight and then neck.
    14-15 December – Yellow leers at a television character and licks the screen.
    17-20 December – Pibgorn and Dru discover that It exists in a bubble on the sun, but try to escape anyway, unsuccessfully.
    4 January – Yellow returns to It.
    5-11 January – Swordwoman and Troll fight over the computer keyboard, resulting in Swordwoman being pixelated. I think that meant she was being sucked back into the computer. She is lying in an open field of technicolor grass, not in Troll’s room, and the laws of physics are inapplicable, seeing as three swords just hang in the air until Troll hits a key to make them fall.
    14 January – Swordwoman gets up and cuts two of the swords in half with the third.

    The bits in the wormholes where people crash into each other crotch first didn’t seem to contribute to the plot. My contribution to the sword type discussion is that on November 1st the video game character who wields it specifically refers to it as a katana, and it looks more like the katanas my eastern martial arts practising friends have in their homes than the keyboard wielded by the troll looks like a keyboard.

  4. seismic-2
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    MT: Rod Bassy and Catfish may think they’re hot stuff on the competitive lure-casting circuit, but my money’s on Avery Blackstone to totally whip their ass,

  5. Sequitur
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Catfish” is Rod’s dog. He and Andy won’t get along.

  6. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#3):

    Well, of course, if you explain it that way, it makes perfect sense. I feel like such a beefwit!

    Except that I do remember that Yellow made the mistake of allowing the Troll to precisely word his wish, lampshading and avoiding the usual trope of the Genie perverting the intent via literal interpretation of the words used to express the wish. And, yet, once the part about dressing her like Barbara Eden was implemented, we seem to have simply disregarded the part about her having to obey her master, thus allowing the current ‘action’ where she had to be banished to World of Warcraft because she was ignoring her master’s voice and assaulting him.

  7. seismic-2
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#y151): Yeah, them fish ‘rasslers sure do get into some mighty low-down trash-talkin’. You ain’t hear nothin’ ’till you’ve heard a confrontation between Rod Bassy and Freddie Blassie.

    Of course, when it comes to spectacle, pyrotechnics, ultra-violence, blatant cheating, and overall nastiness, nothing comes close to the Santa Royale Cake Design Tournament.

  8. Bob
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#3): “The bits in the wormholes where people crash into each other crotch first didn’t seem to contribute to the plot.”

    Perhaps, but the dialogue on those two days seemed to imply that Yellow and Dru are old acquaintances. I guess we’ll find out relatively soon.

  9. KreatureFeatures
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Sneak peek at next week’s Mark Trai: They Call Me Catfish.

  10. hogenmogen
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Mark’s interview (which MAKES a good story):

    MT: Mr. Bassy, do you like bone fishing?

    RB: Heh. Heh-heh. He said “bone”.

    MT: And you, uh do you go by “Mr. Fish” or just “Cat”?

    CF: Yes.

    MT: Mr. Bassy, why are you into fishing?

    RB: Just for the halibut.

    MT: Cat, where did you learn to fish?

    CF: In a school. Of fish.

    MT: You fish all day for a living. Are you living your dream?

    RB: It seems pretty reel to me.

  11. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#6): I tried to leave out the parts that were merely characters talking to themselves without advancing the plot. It does appear that Yellow fell short of excellence in wish-granting when it came to granting the “love-enthralled,” “obedient,” “completely-subjugated” parts of the sex slave, but he did go above and beyond on the reanimation. He took initiative and granted a wish that Troll lacked the physical integrity to express, and even fixed his teeth into the deal. Compare before and after.

  12. Sequitur
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#10): Fish puns can seem to go on forever…

  13. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    “Before” is here. Always preview your work.

  14. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#12): The possibility that it could go on forever is why it is so important that a fish pun be scalable.

  15. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Bob (#8): This is the most attention I have ever paid to Pibgorn, so I don’t know which of the characters are already familiar to regular readers and which aren’t. I assumed that Yellow and Dru knew each other from previous fairy porn impalement orgies. I also omitted mention of Dru’s droid, Swordwoman losing her sword, and Yellow’s missing lower half. Should they become plot-crucial at a later date, I will have to revisit the timeline.

    Also if you read too much of McE in one go, it’s an effort not to talk like him.

  16. Chip Whittle
    January 14th, 2013 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#15): There’s also how Pibgorn herself is actually a cyborg-fairy with her nether regions composed of idiot-space-alien sexbot parts. At one point she was having some emotion about this but I forget just when, or if she decided to have a reaction besides boinking her boyfriend Mushy Faced Nice Guy Who Probably Plays Viola And Is Not At All McEldowney’s Stand-In.

  17. I speak Jive
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan – When are Rex and June going to report back to Hideously Madeover Melissa, so Melissa can foot the bill for the stripper’s cancer treatment? I am really bored with this story.

    Jumble – I was standing at that very spot three weeks ago! (The Beefeater’s uniform is missing “EIIR” on the chest.)

    Between computer problems and being away, I have a month’s worth of comics to catch up on. It doesn’t help that my local newspaper started publishing only three days a week, and their schedule has completely disrupted my comics reading routine.

  18. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    I suppose some more crap in my Facebook feed won’t be a problem.

    I mean, more delightful musings and announcements would be great!

    *peruses recent offerings*

    Al Roker sharts at the White House. Guess I was right the first time!

  19. Mr. O'Malley
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

  20. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#16): I notice Pibgorn’s boyfriend–a fan site tells me his name is Geoff–wears the same half-moon eyeglasses as the yellow genie. McE himself wears round glasses with a quite prominent half-moon bifocal insert. But what’s the fun of writing fiction if you can’t be the hero?

  21. Horace Broon
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @Morgan Wick (#y175):

    Should have checked there. although as it turns out, they don’t really know where it comes from either. Although they agree with hogenmogen that contrary to my statement it does happen in RL. so fair enough.

    I feel I should add that I do know where the other two shorthands I mentioned came from, even if they don’t literally happen; the elephants are obviously the DTs (so should technically appear when an alcoholic character hasn’t been drinking) and the red nose is based on rosacea, sometimes called “drinker’s nose”, even though there’s not much evidence supporting a connection (and even if there were, it’s a fairly permenant condition once you’ve got it, whereas comic characters only have a red nose if they’re actually drunk).

  22. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#21): You’ve just made me realize that, when I first encountered the pink elephant trope long before I ever drank alcohol, I assumed alcohol caused hallucinations. By the time I did start drinking I was so used to pink elephants representing drunkenness that I never noticed the discrepancy.

  23. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

  24. Droopy Says
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    Those aren’t swords in Bigporn. Neither are they phallic symbols undergoing symbolic castration, nor a willing suspension of disbelief as one blade cuts, undamaged, through blades made of the same substance. What they are, is McEch’s latest effort to call everyone beefwits for not understanding his message.

  25. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    Reposted from yesterthread.

    @Aviatrix (#Y199): I miss you guys over at the new thread. Or is there a rule I don’t know about not continuing discussion on a metapost?

    An interesting question. Sometimes metaposts become the new Main Thread, sometimes they don’t. Perhaps one of the cardinals will explain how this works?

  26. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#21): FWIW, in Japan, drunkeness in cartoon characters is always depicted by bright blushing rosy cheeks. I suppose in real life one does get a little flushed when inebriated, but not so obviously. But it is a convention, and yes, it had to be explained to me.

  27. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#25): I don’t know about anyone else, but I consider being ignored in a new thread a slight improvement over being ignored in an old thread. At least I’m moving forward…

  28. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#26):

    I’ve known Japanese people who had extreme reactions to alcohol, where even a small amount caused them to become extremely flushed, which may explain the popularity of the trope there.

  29. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (Y207): I can totally do random inconsequential and nothing to do with the comics! I do that on normal threads.

  30. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#27): It gives us the illusion of exclusivity, rather than abandonment.

  31. tallyHO
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#7):

    You ain’t hear nothin’ ’till you’ve heard a confrontation between Rod Bassy and Freddie Blassie.

    Well, I’ve heard they are a little gassy.

  32. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#3): …video game character who wields it specifically refers to it as a katana,

    So she did. I had forgotten it. Though it is more like what I’d call a “fantasy” katana. There is, as you may know, a sizable cottage industry of people making “fantasy” swords, most of which would be useless as weapons. (Except as clubs. We may be thankful for this, I suppose.) There’s a guy I know slightly, who sells them at a booth at the weekly flea market down the road. I am always amazed by his wares (he doesn’t make them himself), which look as if they were designed by Frank Frazetta during a bad acid trip.

    // Ok, that probably isn’t fair to Frazetta, whose work I genuinely admire. Just saying that swords with double and triple blades with crystal skulls and runic symbols embedded in them are just not practical.

  33. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#27): I don’t know about anyone else, but I consider being ignored in a new thread a slight improvement over being ignored in an old thread.

    Ignored? Do what I do, say something nice about Brooke McEldowney.

    // Works every time. Can’t think of anything nice to say? I feel for you, bro. Nobody ever said it was easy being an attention whore.

  34. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#33): Not that I’m implying anything about you… I speak for myself alone.

  35. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 14th, 2013 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#34):

    Oh no! Now that there are two of you, that makes it twice as much work to ignore you!

    And I’ve failed already. Maybe I should have stuck to ignoring people over on the main thread.

  36. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#32): Just looking over Google images of Frazetta’s stuff, I was reminded that he really was pretty good with bladed weapons. And other stuff.

    // Maybe the finest assegai artist ever.

    // Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.

  37. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#29): I can totally do random inconsequential and nothing to do with the comics! I do that on normal threads.

    I used to do SIX random inconsequential and nothing to do with the comics posts before breakfast — just to test myself.

    // I was so much older then; I’m younger than that now.

  38. Sequitur
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

  39. Majicou
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#26): Optional bonus: Necktie tied around the head.

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 14th, 2013 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    a corgi for lynn, who has been good.

  41. tallyHO
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

  42. Sequitur
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

  43. Peanut Gallery
    January 14th, 2013 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#22): By the time I did start drinking, I was so used to pink elephants that a few more didn’t make any difference.

  44. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#42): *SNURK!*

    that’s why “Accessible Focus” is a limitation, folks.

    (lets see, Telekinesis, special effect is a corgi that yoinks the item and runs off with it. . . .)

  45. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#y205):

    “Mark Trail”: I dunno why everybody’s picking on “Rod Bassy”. This is the best name for a fisherman ever. I would really like it if everybody in this strip had a name relative to what they do (Mark Puncher, Rusty Nevergofishing, etc).

    For sheer lunacy, nothing beats what Paul Ryan’s son “Reef” does for a living:

    Because saving a pot-bellied undersea monarch from tentacle rape by an ocktray isn’t for just any Tom, Dick or Harry.

  46. Ranger™
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#45): Reef(er)? Pot? I see what you did there…

  47. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#32): There is even some overlap. I know a guy who bought a longsword for his western martial arts class and to his embarrassment the one that best fit his height, strength and price range is a fantasy sword, modelled after something in LotR. It doesn’t have elven runes on the blade or anything, and it doesn’t glow blue when I read Pibgorn near it.

    And yay, everyone’s over here now.

  48. Aviatrix
    January 14th, 2013 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#45): I love his adorable little pinhead, and matching undersea diving space helmet.

  49. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#48): One of the writers on the “Reef Ryan” comic book series was Huxley Haldane. Presumably, his friends called him “Hux” for short.

  50. yaoi huntress earth
    January 14th, 2013 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#16): In the arc before this one (A Brunch With Death) she was a bit burned out from the cyborg surgery and demanded that Death herself give Pib her job. Overall, Pibgorn is totally out of character acting like a hateful bully to sex-obsessed nympho to cold-hearted bitch and back to normal with no character development gained.

    I think the series has gotten to the point that Brooke is finding any excuse to dress his females in sexy outfits (mileage may vary given Death-Pibgorn’s pube skirt).

  51. Droopy Says
    January 15th, 2013 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Arrest Spiderdick? On what chrges, Jameson? Loitering?

    Flunky: Actually, anonymous character, all of Westfield was encased in lead to protect the universe from its radiations. I don’t know how you prevent the radiation of utter negativity, but that’s quantum mechanics for you.

    Family Circus: Oh that Jeffy, always eager to help people deal with the allergic reaction he provokes.

    Mock Travail: Rusty, we all want to know how Trail does his stories without doing any actual writing.

    Phantom: Isn’t it too bad that the queen’s wariors never dragged off the lion’s body whenever they killed it? You’d think they’d want it for the bragging rights. “Look, your majesty, even though we live in the twenty-first century we were zany enough to attack this ravening beast with spears!”

    Gasoline Alley: You hope Chubby wil keep cracking jokes? Don’t encourage him, officer, not even if it’s sarcasm.

  52. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 15th, 2013 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#51): we were zany enough to attack this ravening beast with spears!”


  53. Droopy Says
    January 15th, 2013 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#52): This is the Phantom! Why drag realism into it?

  54. tallyHO
    January 15th, 2013 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#45):

    That’s some Reef-Madness, daddio!

  55. Aviatrix
    January 15th, 2013 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#50): She thought Death had an easy job? I may have to scroll back to see Death in a sexy outfit. Fortunately there’s no shortage of reasons for women to change their clothes: Fairyland Fashion Show anyone? I’m surprised Swordwoman doesn’t change her clothes every time she gets blood splattered on them.

  56. seismic-2
    January 15th, 2013 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    And of course, all “Phantom” lions like exactly alike, just as all Phantoms do. You can never tell when the tall one replaces the short one.

  57. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 15th, 2013 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#Y165): I understand the association with the Cavalry – you need a curved sword rather than a stabbing one, to minimize the risk of it becoming stuck in the target and you being forced to abandon it when you ride off for your next victim. Use by the cavalry would also mean less of a chance that you are engaging in sword-to-sword combat – you are most likely riding down a fleeing victim – and thus less need for the basket guard on the hilt. A slashing sword can more quickly disable your routed foe, with less arm movement, and allow you to ride down the next one.

    In fact, the most recent US Army cavalry doctrine (1914), by one George S. Patton, calls for a straight sword with an emphasis on thrust rather than slash. This is especially (and counterintuitively, to my thinking) effective against lancers, according to Lieutenant Patton. This particular field manual repays close attention, as it contradicts the advice given by the mostly British experts in the 1911 Britannica.

  58. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 15th, 2013 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#57): Sorry, forgot to put in the link.

  59. Mr. O'Malley
    January 15th, 2013 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#57): I seem to recall that the last recorded cavalry charge with swords was the Australians in the Middle Eastern campaign some time around 1916 or 1917, and according to the description given by the last surviving cavalryman, they used sabres for slashing. Admittedly they were not charging lancers.

  60. Aviatrix
    January 15th, 2013 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    MW: In a Santa Royale cake design competition, all cakes they must all conform to the regulation standard of two to three tiers decorated with even piping garlands. The theme of the contest is reflected only in the name each contestant gives to his or her creation. John and Mary will present The Beauty of Nature: Intestinal Parasites.

    FW: Wow, someone hacked the site and replaced the smarmy dialogue with a crack about happiness being forbidden in Funkytown.

  61. Droopy Says
    January 15th, 2013 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#59): That was the battle of Beersheba in late 1917. There are stories of American, British and Russian cavalry charges in WW II, but I haven’t seen any first-hand accounts that confirm it (supposedly an American cavalry troop in the Philipines charged and overran a smal Japanese unit in December 1941 . . . but Alistair Cook quoted an actual cavalry vet who said “Our horses were good for only one thing. We ate them.”)

  62. Mr. O'Malley
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#59): After further research…

    To be more exact, I was referring to the charge of the Fourth Light Horse Brigade at Beersheba in 1917.

    There were cavalry operating in the Italian-Ethiopian War and WWII, but I was unable to discover whether swords were used. Cavalry operated in Angola, Rhodesia and South Africa during the 1970s. There was a major cavalry battle in Afghanistan in 2001. Cavalry is still being used in the wars that are going on currently in Africa. In the more modern use of cavalry, they generally operate in concert with vehicles and I doubt that swords are used.

  63. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#59): @Droopy Says (#61): At the risk of being considered chauvinsitic, IRT my fellow countryman, I think I agree with Patton. A thrust, delivered accurately, at a gallop, will nearly always be fatal, or at least disabling. A slash can be deflected with light armor, or even an thick coat. It might not even wound.

    // It should be pointed out that while Patton felt that a well trained swordsman had an advantage over a lancer in a face to face charge, the swordsman was doomed when retreating or pursued by the lancer.

  64. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#63): chauvinsitic? What use, I ask, is spell check?

  65. seismic-2
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): It is a bug deliberately introduced into Spell Checker by its Korean software programmers, to make users of the American English version seem like idiots.

    I’m sorry, that was being chauvinsitic.

  66. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#65): I knew it. Rotten bugtards!

  67. seismic-2
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    BTW, this is the cavalry sword that was used to great (and lethal) effect from horseback by Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest during the last two and a half years of the American Civil War. Curved blade or not, I say it looks like mighty damn deadly.

  68. jnik
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    FW: NO ONE is allowed to be happy in Funkytown! The cruel god Batiuk will smite with cancer anyone displaying this “happiness”!
    That’s Lisa, calling from the great Beyond, to warn her son!

  69. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#67): Ok, not to be much of a bugtard about it, but did Gen. Forrest personally kill a lot of people with that sword?

    That said, you will note that it is a relatively straight sword, suitable for thrusting. This was, my research tells me, in line with the French and US cavalry traditions. The Brits went more for slashing.

  70. yaoi huntress earth
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    9CWL: Who wants to force these two to watch an old Red Foxx comedy routine?

  71. seismic-2
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:59 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#69): Yes, he killed 7 Union soldiers from horseback using that saber (which, according to the accompanying article, was in fact a US Army Cavalry Officer’s Saber model 1840, replacing the 1833 model, and it was patterned after the one used by the French). Forrest was (in)famous for charging directly into the enemy at the front of his troops, and he often used the sword rather than the pistol in that close-range combat. As evidence of Forrest’s personal involvement in his cavalry charges, it is recorded that he had 30 horses shot out from under him during the course of the war. It is also reported that he claimed to have killed 31 Union soldiers, so that “I was a horse ahead at the end.”

  72. seismic-2
    January 15th, 2013 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    Today’s Non Sequitur is NSFBG. I hope this scary-clown alert does not come too late. Think of the children!

  73. Mr. O'Malley
    January 15th, 2013 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#62): The Italian cavalry in Ethiopia, under the command of the remarkable Amedeo Guillet are recorded as using swords as well as firearms and hand grenades against British armored columns in 1941, with limited success.

    Apparently sabres were used in the charge of the Italian Royal Savoia cavalry at the battle of Izbushensky in Russia, August 1942. They also used hand grenades to destroy some Russian armored vehicles, and had machine gun support.

    I see references to later cavalry actions by the Italian Cavalleggeri di Alessandria at Poloj, Croatia, in October 1942, and the 1st Warsaw Cavalry Brigade at the Battle of Borujsko, March 1945 (supporting the Soviets). But no mention of swords.

    Many people cite Izbushensky as the last cavalry charge by a regular army, but Beersheba seems to be the last one that relied primarily on swords.

    Interesting stuff, it makes a change from slide rules.

  74. seismic-2
    January 15th, 2013 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#73): The less said of the ill-fated Charge of the Slide Rule Brigade, the better.

  75. Baka Gaijin
    January 15th, 2013 at 3:15 am [Reply]

    Wahoo! The Professor made it off Gilligan’s Island. He’s the chair of the Making Things Out Of Coconuts Department at Patterson U. He knows nothing about opening 30year old Woolworth’s lockboxes, hence the call to Dick Tracy.

  76. Da Coconino Kid
    January 15th, 2013 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    I’m still stuck on the revelation that there are two Nehemiah Scudders. Does this explain how lynn and badlynn could both be infatuated with what we had previously taken to be a single (‘tho not necessarily unmarried) man?

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 15th, 2013 at 3:30 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#71): Well, refreshing to learn of a general officer personally slaughtering the opposition, rather than outsourcing it to enlisted troops. Sadly, one doesn’t see that spirit much anymore.

  78. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 15th, 2013 at 3:36 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#76): Zwei Seelen wohnen, ach! in meiner Brust, die eine will sich von der andern trennen: die eine hält in derber Liebeslust sich an die Welt mit klammernden Organen; die andre hebt gewaltsam sich vom Dust zu den Gefilden hoher Ahnen.

  79. seismic-2
    January 15th, 2013 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#75): Ironically, smashing open a rusty strongbox fastened with a simple padlock is one thing for which coconuts are in fact especially useful.

  80. Da Coconino Kid
    January 15th, 2013 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    Nehemiah Scudder
    and his previously-unsuspected evil twin brudder
    would turn smiles frowny
    eulogizing Brooke McEldowney.

    “Eulogizing Brooke McEldowney” seduces
    with that gerund’s multiple uses -
    from flowery words that go to his head,
    to funereal blossoms that mean he is dead.

    (I think I just wrote the first “clerimiah”!)

  81. Da Coconino Kid
    January 15th, 2013 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#78):

    Also Spracht Albrecht Kamu.

  82. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 15th, 2013 at 3:51 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#80): I am deeply honored. That is so cool!

    // Take that, Muffaroo! No one named a verse form after you!

  83. seismic-2
    January 15th, 2013 at 4:17 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#82):
    I shall compose a Clerihew
    in honor of (O.M.) Muffaroo,
    and being his bold fan
    I shall call it an “OldMan”
    By rambling on too long
    As old men are wonttodo.

  84. Baka Gaijin
    January 15th, 2013 at 5:34 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#79): Yes, you know that and I know that (now) but does Prof Hinkley? Methinks not based on his years on Gilligan’s Island.

  85. Ned Ryerson
    January 15th, 2013 at 6:09 am [Reply]

    MT: Hol-eee Shit! Mark is offering to take Rusty on a fishing related outing! (Why does Mark have a tiny baby arm?)

  86. Little A.
    January 15th, 2013 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    CURTIS: So dad’s got a new chair? This is going to be a really exciting week in Curtis. I can’t wait to see how this plays out.

  87. seismic-2
    January 15th, 2013 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#85): It’s actually Mark’s way of taunting Rusty and making his suffering even more grievous. “Hey Rusty – let’s go on a trip together so you can watch someone fish! Up close, even! Just don’t touch any of the rods, reels, lures, lines, or nets, because of course that’s against the rules of the contest.”

  88. gleeb
    January 15th, 2013 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Darrin’s mom is an agent of the Happiness Police! I assume he means adoptive mom and not Blessed St Lisa.

    Sam Driver, deal/matchmaker!: That look in Gloria’s eyes in the last panel. She knows Sam’s done something stupid again and yet, is going to be rewarded. It’s a good think she and Steve are embezzling from the firm.

    Dick: OK, so if Lake Freedom is what covered the old Japanese concentration camp, what’s our story? Well, you know about guys like Hiroo Onoda, who lived for years on Pacific Islands, unaware that the war was over?

    Thorp: The Town of Milford decided on that typeface for the sign back in 1978, and they’re sticking with it. Good for them. Also, Gil and Kaz are again saved from having to provide coaching for a student. Dude probably just wants to keep that creepy Luhm guy away from his boo.

    Mark: That’s cold, Mark. You know you’re not going to let the boy do any actual fishing.

  89. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 15th, 2013 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#77): Personally slaughtering the enemy was quite declasse’ and beneath the dignity of a British officer. There is the apocryphal tale of the Lieutenant at Hougoumont Farm during the battle of Waterloo, who picked up the musket of a dead enlisted man and handed it to a still-living Private, with instructions to shoot the French trooper entering the building they were defending.

  90. Ned Ryerson
    January 15th, 2013 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#88): Re: Gil Thorp. Any idea what that typeface is? I tried to identify it, but couldn’t figure it out.

  91. seismic-2
    January 15th, 2013 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#90): Mudlark Sans Perspective.

  92. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 15th, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    AD: old joke is old.

    HotC: oh! that’s what happened yesterday.

    Lio: hockey returns!!!

    R&R: is about dog poop.

    Bizarro: self-referential meta, and a movie pun. impressive.

    DT: FOOB reference?

    FW: ok, now Batty is screwing with us.

    JUMBLE: *grrrrroooaannnnnnnnnnnnn*

    PMP: Bracketology. . . .

    RwO: those of us who have seen “Into The Woods” know better. (also, Shrek sequels, but trying to stay classy here.)

    6Cx: liberal bias in the media.

  93. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 15th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . being a regular.

  94. Mardou Fox
    January 15th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Now they’re talking about Trout Bum in Judge Parker. Is he going to enter the fishing contest with Ron Bassy? A Mark Trail – Judge Parker crossover could be pretty awesome! It would be interesting to see if Mark could maintain his ice-cold chill factor in steamy, sex-drenched Parker universe.

    Also, why is Mark WEARING that white shirt and blue JEANS? Seeing him out of his UPS uniform made me feel funny!

    oh boy oh boy… I’ve got the best feeling that something terrible is going to happen to Rusty and/or Sassy! Yay!

  95. Serendipity Shrug
    January 15th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#59):

    ” I seem to recall that the last recorded cavalry charge with swords was the Australians in the Middle Eastern campaign some time around 1916 or 1917…”

    Oct. 31, 1917; the Australian capture of Beersheba from the Turks.

    see page xi in

    As it happens, I was just reading the introduction and notes to THE YELLOW WAVE earlier this week.

  96. Serendipity Shrug
    January 15th, 2013 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Serendipity Shrug (#95):

    ….but apparently I couldn’t be bothered to read one screen further down on the comments today before posting information that had already been passed along.


  97. Colorado
    January 15th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    What, no Pinterest?

  98. lynn
    January 15th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#76): lynn handled the “Liebes” whilst bad lynn was in charge of the “Lust”.

  99. lynn
    January 15th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Colorado (#97): You mean like
    //far better looking than either Nehemiah Scudder. I always suspected Mrs. Scudder was responsible for many of his posts.

  100. Mars
    January 15th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    2000 followers on Facebook and you’re begging for more? You don’t know what a social drought IS, Josh.

  101. Pogo the anthropomorphic
    January 15th, 2013 at 4:50 pm [Reply]


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