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“Odds and ends” = the bones of his victims, probably

Mary Worth, 1/25/13

You guys, John and Mary aren’t just practicing baking a cake. That’s only a part of the elaborate stagecraft that goes into Santa Royale’s elite cake-baking contest! They also have to carry their cake from one place to another, and are thus quite sensibly going through a trial run of that as well. Probably in real life the reason this stack of tins is the exact same color as the practice cakes Mary and John have been making is because the colorists can’t be bothered to distinguish among the various cylindrical objects the strip’s been featuring over the past few weeks (additional data point: freestanding set of cookbooks, all the same dull steel grey), but I’d like to believe that John carefully painted each tin after filling them with odds and ends, for added verisimilitude.

Dennis the Menace, 1/25/13

Good lord, Dennis is one of those people who go around smugly informing everyone that they don’t watch TV. Menacing factor: Increased!

Pluggers, 1/25/13

COME ON PLUGGERS YOU HAVE MULTIPLE CHARACTERS THAT AREN’T DOG-MEN WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US

169 responses to ““Odds and ends” = the bones of his victims, probably”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    I don’t understand today’s “joke.” Earl IS a dog, isn’t he? Although he probably has to put in his dentures whenever he wants to play with the chew toy his wife left out for him.

  2. Comrade Denny
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    MT: I was mightily perplexed about Rod Bassy’s lack of facial hair — I mean, how can I be sure he’s really a bad guy? — but I see today that Mr. Sinister there favors his left hand, and my world makes sense again.

  3. pugfuggly
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    MW Why all this practice hoisting a cake around? Dill’s actually entered the cake decorating at the highland games: first you decorate the cake, then heave it to the starting point, then toss it like a caber.

    Pluggers Poor old Plugger. He does all he can to act human. He bought some clothes, got a job, bought a house and retired after a full life. Yet every time he and his wife get in an argument, she leaves little traces of his canine heritage around, just as a painful reminder of what they really are.

  4. Alice
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Luann: Haha, it’s funny because Mr. Fogarty is a burnout who hates his job, despite the fact that none of the students ever seem to misbehave even slightly in his classes. At most he has to cope with Tiffany giving a “Teehee, makeup and clothes!” report. How awful for him.

  5. Droopy Says
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): That’s the problem. Earl chewed on his wife’s favorite toy and now she’s geting even.

    MW: I’m not the world’s greatest cook. But I’ve never baked a cake so leaden it makes people groan under the strain of lifting it. Bread, yes, but never a cake.

  6. debussy fields
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    MW– Moy has finally worked ridiculousness to perfection. I honestly can’t wait to see what happens next with this cake-carrying bullshit!

  7. Doctor Handsome
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    “Oh, no… not again?!”
    That is officially the most you can fuck up punctuation in one sentence.

  8. Liam
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    MT-This is the great and wondrous fishing lure. It looks like an ordinary everyday average fishing lure.

    MW-”These are old film cans. I was in a lot of art films back in college. Maybe later I’ll show you some of them and you can see some of my other methods.”

    MW 2-Those tins are pink!?! Why did they paint those tins pink? You are supposed be approximating weight not color.

    A3G-That’s right, Greg. Use an ax on a door that you’ve been told is kept unlock.

    A3G 2-That is the worst kind of fire when the smoke is pink. This is a fire that defies all types of regular fires.

  9. bad wolf
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Luann–any hope that all this talk of careers and colleges was going somewhere dies with the words “junior class”–close enough to the end of high school to talk about, but so far away that the strip will never actually reach it. Basically the comic strip Zeno’s arrow…

  10. Dartpaw86
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Technically to an anthro dog, wouldn’t dog treats be the equivalent of cookies? Thus kind of doesn’t make sense with the whole “diet” situation.

  11. Chareth Cutestory
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Most doctors and personal trainers agree: the best way for elderly people to practice carrying heavy weight is to initiate the exercise from chest level and rapidly dropping down to waist level. It puts a strain on the back muscles and brittle skeletons of old people which results in long-lasting quality of life. Get active today, seniors!

  12. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#3): … And he occasionally lapses and starts sniffing his wife’s ass.

  13. Dartpaw86
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#7):

    Yeah, why is there a question mark? It wasn’t even a question it was an exclamation.

    It should be either “Not again!” or “Not again…”

  14. seismic-2
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    MW: Although for years Mrs. Dill crushed John’s dreams of being a cake designer by oppressively coercing him to stay in his menial job as a hotel manager, now her cremated remains will aid him in finally bringing those dreams to fruition.

  15. Mr. Fogarty
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    @Alice (#4):
    Hey, you try staring at Knute’s idiot grin for an entire period. And that backwards hat of his – IMMORAL, I tell you!

    “Knute, what career are you looking for at the fair?”

    “I want to be TJ… in a hat!

  16. pugfuggly
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    A3G Aristotle, true to his namesake, takes a more philosophical view on this whole ‘fire’ issue.
    “Isn’t the axe a bit extreme? Fire does many good things for us: keeps us warm, cooks our food, keeps wild animals away. If Fire needs an apartment in our building shouldn’t we be at least willing to hear it out?”

    MT “Here that, Trail? This lure is the only reason I win tournaments. And any loser can go to the store and buy one. Get a picture of me holding the lure that wins all the tournaments that is available to any fisherman with $5 to spend, and make sure to let them know that they can be just as good as me, or better, if they get one. Does this sound suspicious at all? I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE!!!!

    FW Don’t worry, Darrin, I’m pretty sure it’s going to be Girl-Darrin who puts off her hopes and dreams while you work to make money doing…uh…that computer stuff, I guess?

  17. Dartpaw86
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#11):

    I suddenly just thought of Grandma Ben/Rose from the “Bone” graphic novels. An elderly woman that would punch through a wooden wall and outrun a cow stampede. She should be the mascot for fit seniors :)

  18. Perky Bird
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Since everyone knows colors have weight, it shouldn’t be a surprise that Mr. Dill painted the tins the same shade of pink as the real cake. What, did you expect him to leave them their original silver color? Do you realize how many people it would have taken to lift a stack of silver tins that tall?

  19. pugfuggly
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#12):

    Actually, she likes that. It’s how they usually make up…

  20. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    MW: Those look like movie reel canisters. Home movies. In pink cannisters. Dirty, filthy home movies in pink cannisters.
    “Bad little girl, you’ve been squeezing the Charmin again!”
    “Oh, John dear, I’ve been naughty! Put icing on my nipples and lick whereever you like!”

  21. Doctor Handsome
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    You can tell Dill is just fake-lifting here, while Mary does all the real work. MARY ALWAYS DOES ALL THE REAL WORK.

  22. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#2): We haven’t met the mysterious Catfish yet. Perhaps there is still hope for facial hair. Catfish is probably cheating for Bassy without Bassy’s knowledge.

    How could Bassy know? He shaves the vile facial hair every morning to keep it from sprouting like weeds in the Garden of Eden.

  23. pugfuggly
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#8):

    “Back in the 60s we were experimenting with all kinds of new film medium. I produced a 6 hour version of Waiting for Godot, filmed completely on rolls of Bazooka Joe gum. But during post the assistant editor got high and chewed up the third reel of the second act, so it never made it to the festival circuit….”

  24. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Add me to the list of menacing individuals that brag about not watching TV. I’ve gotten the impression that it’s more “smugly annoying” than “menacing”, but I want to put out the message that ALL SHOULD FEAR ME, FOR I DO NOT WATCH THE IDIOT BOX. Although I do spend multiple hours surfing goofy sites on the internet.

  25. Mibbitmaker
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Also, she’s now only feeding him dog food for his meals. Now all he does is ignore those dinners and begs her for people food.

    DtM: What Josh said!

    MW: This’ll be the only “cake baking contest” with a “feats of strength” category!

    Also the only cake bake-off to be entered into the 2016 Olympic Games!

    Mark Trail is going to make pancakes for the discus throw!

    It’s the only bake-off where the cakes are baked with a file cabinet in them!

    I’ve heard of gaining weight from eating baked goods, but this is ridiculous!

    Olive Oyl ate some of their cake, now she’s Bluto!

    You can use one of Dill’s cupcakes as a wrecking ball!

    It’s the only cake you cut a slice from using a jackhammer!

    It’s the only cake baking contest with a weigh station!

    A pie fight in this contest is assault with a deadly weapon!

    Take my biddy… please!

    (no… seriously… the woman’s insufferable)

  26. pugfuggly
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#22):

    Like I said yesterday, I’m pretty sure we haven’t seen Catfish yet because he is an actual catfish, tricking the biggest bass into taking Rod’s lures. They both have shares in the Killer Rod Fishing Lure Co., and they split the Tournament money 50-50 (Catfish takes his cut in doughballs and sardines).

    Of course, if the deal starts to sour, who will come out on top: man or fish? I mean, most likely man of course, but it’ll be interesting to see how it plays out.

  27. Hibbleton
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    OBH: If the woman is Queen Bee, then it’s art.

    MT: I find Rod’s statement to Mark; “Even a guy like you can fish with it!” slightly offensive. You shouldn’t make fun of animatronic silicone based beings ..or the undead. Which is Mark again?

  28. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: Silly Wizer. It’s: Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop.[*]

    Apt. 3-G: Little pink flame, little pink flame…
    //With any luck, this will end with the grotesquely burnt corpse of Evan being discovered in Margo’s closet.

    Archie: ARCHIETRON 3000 RECOGNIZES HUMAN COMESTIBLES. AUTOENGAGE LAUGH UNIT NOW.

    9 Chickweed Lane: All right, everybody, on the count of 3: “Aw, it is so hard to be you, Brooke…” …1…2…

    Judge Parker: “If this keeps up, we’ll have to send out a serf to see what’s going on.” “That Dr. Morgan is just arsing around in San Diego. We can send him.” “Right ho. But…leave the wife her. I exercised droit de seigneur with her, and I’m interested to see how it’s progressing.”

    Luann: Mr. Fogarty’s going to show them all! He’s going to quit his job and draw a comic strip about what beefwits they all are!

    Mark Trail: Let me see if I have this straight. Rod Bassy has nothing to hide. He uses standard recon techniques and a lure that’s available in fine stores everywhere. But he wants everyone to see what a fine fisherman he is. When does he grow facial hair?

    Mary Worth: “Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because meddling produces hernias.” Albert Camus

    Ziggy: Admittedly, I would attend, though I’d like something higher than a sock. Perhaps the waiter could suggest a suitable marionette?

  29. Mumblix Grumph
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    A world where dogs refuse dog treats?

    IT’S A MADHOUSE…MADHOUSE!

  30. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    MT:
    I am reminded of Spike Lee’s Nike commercial circa 1989. He keeps asking Michael Jordan why he’s so good. “It’s got to be the shoes, right?”
    “No, it’s not the shoes.”
    “The shoes, the shoes! Money, it’s gotta be the shoes!

    I didn’t quite understand how Nike would approve the explicit message that no matter what shoes MJ wore, he’d still be great, and ordinary people wearing Nikes would still be ordinary. I also didn’t understand the late 80s when calling someone “money” was a slang term of endearment. Or Duran Duran. I could never figure out why no one in that band was named “Duran”, but I’ve clearly gone off-topic.

  31. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Archie: Jughead always eats like that and never gets fat. That’s his schtick. The only thing I get out of this is that he’s not wearing his ridiculous crown anymore. Call the help desk, AJGLU3K is malfunctioning.

  32. Horace Broon
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#5):

    What we haven’t been told is that John is a Discworld fan, and is using the official recipe for dwarf cake.

  33. seismic-2
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#22): Right, Catfish will of course have whiskers. Rod Bassy explores the pond in advance to find all the deepest spots, so that Catfish can then hide in the bottom there, breathing through Scuba gear, and hooking bass onto Rod’s namesake lures. Rusty will get a photograph of a bewhiskered man bringing Scuba gear to the fishing tournament, and so his camera will get stolen yet again. There’s plenty of clip art to recycle there, you bet!

  34. Mary Worthless
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    I hear that Jouko Ahola has moved to Santa Royale and is entering the cake design/lifting contest.

    Better step up your game Team Worth-Dill!

  35. BigTed
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    So John is baking a 10-layer cake, each slice of which will be two feet high. Sounds pretty good — except for whoever will bite into a marble, a pin or any of the other “odds and ends” that Mary will “forget” to remove from one of the tins.

  36. Christopher
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Fortunately for Mary John abandoned his dreams of becoming a sharpshooter in favor of baking cakes, but he still finds uses for old skeet.

  37. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#26): That’s an interesting theory. Catfish telling the bass “Hey! Check out the free food!” The ruse doesn’t have to be complex; they’re bass.

    I can see Catfish holding his own against Bassy. “Listen up, Air-Breather, I speak fluent Shark. You don’t want to become Great-White Chow, do ya?”

    “I fish in freshwater lakes.”

    “Barracuda! I’m really good friends with a Barracuda street gang.”

    “You have ‘streets’? That mermaid song lied to me?”

  38. Aesop
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I’m guessing the writers are basing their cake contest off of Food Network Challenge?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Food_Network_Challenge

    Usually after you build the massive cake, you have to move it to the judging table directly in front of you. At least that’s my guess.

  39. Doctor Handsome
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#30): Wasn’t the name Duran Duran taken from Barbarella?

  40. Pozzo
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    “You’re ready, Mary?”

    “Yes!”

    Man, if that isn’t a set-up for the most anti-erotic porn ever, I don’t know what is. The fact that her next line starts with “Oof!” only adds to an image I’ll never be able to drink away.

  41. Mr. Magoo
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    MW: How did Mary and John suddenly switch sides? Did they turn around somehow?

  42. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    MW: “They’re filled with snips and snails and puppy dog tails, Mary, for practice. Anyway, do you know any local families with young boys they might not miss?”

  43. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    protip to yesterthread: wanting to GLOMP teh kewt doesn’t make one aggressive, nor is bubblewrap popping a valid methodology to measure such.

    sheesh.

  44. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#40): Thanks for sharing your pain. *shivers*

  45. Not Just Any Dipstick
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    MW. If pink tins was not bad enough, a tiny bit of clip art skill would prevent them from changing diameter and depth. Oh wait, this is MW.

  46. dmsilev
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Oooh, a training montage. I think we all know how things will play out: A week from now, Mary and the cake man will be in a meat locker punching sides of beef. Three weeks after that, they will triumphantly run up the steps of the local museum, carrying their practice cake over their heads.

    A month after that, they’ll lose the contest to the Apollo Creed of cake decorating.

  47. Alice
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Fogarty (#15): The scary thing? Knute is the closest thing Luann has to a likeable character. He doesn’t have cowardly almost-relationships. He doesn’t take a job in order to play a malicious, illegal cat-and-mouse game with his boss to punish her for expecting his best friend to do his job. He doesn’t let his mom infantilize him. He doesn’t constantly hit on a foreign exchange student despite said student showing absolutely no interest in him. He doesn’t respond to everything his friends say or do with a sarcastic put-down.

    In the Luann universe, that practically makes him a saint.

  48. Not Just Any Dipstick
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    MW, Gads, and the bottom gray platter turned into a gray tin.

  49. Lawyerbob
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    MW: Maybe those really are film canisters of old Hollywood horror movies, because Mary sure does look like the Bride of Frankenstein.

  50. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#30):

    Oh, by the way, which one’s Pink?

  51. Nekrotzar
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    When I first saw MW, I thought that was the cake they were carrying around, and I was impressed that they had actually done something interesting. A bit abstract, perhaps, but Frank Lloyd Wright had his detractors too. So I was quite disappointed to learn that they were just carrying around containers of butterfly clips and staples, in a bizarre foreplay ritual.

  52. Deep Voiced Announcer
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MW: “Today, the part of John will be played by Vincent Price.”

  53. Doctor Handsome
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Dennis is actually being incredibly nice here, making believe that Margret’s homely ass could ever be on TV.

  54. missal
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: And thus begins the greatest episode of “Killer Karaoke” EVER!

  55. Troostie
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Dennis. I always had my suspicions that Margaret was part triggerfish.

  56. Gringo
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Luann: So, from what I’ve been able to gather based on the college/job fair, the entire student body of Pitts High consists of the seven regular characters, recent addition Rosa, big dumb Ox and oily Leslie Knox, plus the occasional exchange student. Fittingly, the staff consists of only two members, Miss Phelps and Mr. Fogerty.

    Do I pay too much attention to Luann? Definitely.

  57. sporknpork
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    This episode of The Twilight Zone where dog people are forced to face their true nature kinda sucks.

  58. Holly Folly
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    You know, the longer the strip runs, the more I get the impression that Mary Worth’s face is just sliding around on her head like some sort of old women mask. I think i just creeped myself out.

  59. Digger
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    It’s about time for Mary to be on the receiving end of some meddling, possibly from a personal trainer named Biff Powers who will help her to build her upper-body strength for a fee of $39.95/month (seniors discount included).

  60. Mardou Fox
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    It’s starting to seem like Dill and Mary are entering a cake gymkhana (which, in case you didn’t grow up in 4-H, is a day of weird games on horseback, such as egg and spoon race, musical stalls, etc. etc.). I like the idea of a cake gymkhana.

  61. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#y342): Dick: Yep, that mysterious box can wait. And finding out what happened to your daughter-in-law’s folks? Not as important as a steak dinner. Say, Tracy, where’s your wife? Wouldn’t Tess like to have a lovely night out?

    At least we’re allowed an occasional glimpse of Tracy’s family. The creators of Gil Thorp haven’t so much as mentioned Gil and Mimi’s minor children (a son and a daughter) for several years now. But I know both Thorps are still among the living because no peacocks have suddenly appeared on the streets of Milford.

    Oh, wait…

  62. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    A&J: OOOF! o dear. . ..

    HotC: proves my previous point. (I think. . . )

    Lio: *gigglez*

    SBp: KLANG!!! bottled water, biggest scam EVAR!!!

    Zits: panel 5 is at 4:20. just sayin’.

    Bizarro: o_O

    JUMBLE: “get half-way there” doesn’t fit.

    RwO: shows where FW’s kids are going next.

  63. Noel Schornhorst
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Pluggers… why you break my brain? :(

  64. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary: Oof! What is in these tins?
    John Dill: Oh, mementoes from my previous vic—Ah, knickknacks but certainly not teeth and femurs… I have no idea what you’re talking about.

    DtM: Dennis is always glued to the TV set whenever a baseball player or generic cowboy is on the screen. Where did this knee-high Newton Minow act come from?

    FW: The exclusion of everything else is an unrealistic ideal which would probably be undesirable in real life. A better goal is not having one spouse stew in resentment in the waiting room while the other is in critical care.

    Crock: Wow, sorry about your husband exposing you to the clap, Grossie. Still not sure how that happened.

    9CL: Eh, there’s only so much you can do to this guy. Someone or something already knocked out all his teeth.

    Archie: Jughead has heard about this obesity epidemic and he wants in. Sadly that would require updating the clipart file, which will never happen.

    GA: “Joel, you an’ me have already been thro’ a lot together…”

    BB: You miss one rehearsal for the Camp Swampy Soul Revue and this is what happens.

    Luann: Mr. Fogarty lacks Miss Phelps’ talent for self deception.

    M-Dawg: “I know dogs can’t talk but I could swear Marmaduke is mouthing ‘soon, old man’ in our window.”

    SFx: To draw a bunny, start with an erect nipple. You really do learn something new every day.

    A3G: That “tiny flame” looks amazingly like one of those fake plants you put in an aquarium. It’s apparent now that Frank Bolle and the colorist are conspiring against Margaret Shulock.

  65. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . not having to turn on the red light anymore. [*]

  66. Rusty
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#53): You must not watch any reality TV shows.

  67. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Pluggers on a diet must adhere to strict species essentialism. Sheila Roo would have to chow down on grass and chew her cud.

  68. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#66): I’m trying to think of the reality show that would be looking for someone like Margaret. “Real High School Librarians of Terre Haute, IN” maybe?

  69. fillmoreeast
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Is it possible that Brookins has somehow forgotten that his strip features anthropomorphic animals? Does he look at the mutant kangaroos, chickens, rhinos, and, yes, dogs that he draws, and his brain just goes YUP PEOPLE YUP YUP, leaving us with madness like today’s strip?

    Or … does he think real dogs are people too? Does the his pet schnauzer sit down with him at dinner, with a plate and knife and fork and confused expression, to eat people food every night? Is he constantly irritated at its lack of conversational skills and outside interests? And after a couple glasses of wine, lights turned low, maybe some R&B music on, does he sidle up and

    ABORT ABORT DO NOT CONTINUE THIS POST STOP ABORT

  70. CleverNameIsaac
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Wait, is Dennis agreeing with Margaret that, one day, she will be a TV star? He’s encouraging her dreams! Not very menacing.

  71. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    A plugger’s cookie jar: Pink, cylindrical, floral design. Coincidence?

    I used to have a cookie jar… then I turned 8. Who puts them in a jar anymore?

  72. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#28): Here‘s some more help with that earworm you were talking about.

  73. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    MW — John Dill’s faux cake is made of pink-painted weights from the set of barbells that he keeps in his bedroom (it’s next to the shrine he built to Buddy Valastro, the Cake Boss).

  74. seismic-2
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#68): Perhaps the reality series is “Beverly Hills Chiropractors”, since television’s Margaret is one.

  75. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Isn’t a fire ax (sic) a little extreme?” Since Margo’s door is ajar, I’d agree with the esteemed Professor.

    Greg calls it “3G” instead of “Margo’s door”? Does he normally refer to neighbors by their address?

  76. Liam
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    RMMD-That counselor was terrible. She wanted to know every single aspect of not only Delores life but ours as well. She spent all day here meddling in our entire lives.

    MW-”In these tins are the remains of Mrs. Dill. All you know is that I am a widower. You never knew how Mrs. Dill died and what happened to her body.”

  77. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#30): @Doctor Handsome (#39): Duran Duran did indeed get their name from the (needless to say in that movie) pervy scientist in “Barbarella.” They anglicized the spelling from “Durand Durand.”

  78. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: The earing, curly hair, and mustache give her a nice piratical look!

    TASM: So, disturbing the peace can get you put in jail, but you can get right out if you can prove you already have a reputation as a loud-mouthed jerk? I guess the cops are just trying to discourage the amateurs.

    FW: Cancer, strokes, heart-attacks, amputations. That’s just the glittering surface of Batiukland. But hopelessness is the key, the essense, the heart of the matter!

  79. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#64):
    “MW: Mary: Oof! What is in these tins?
    John Dill: Oh, mementoes from my previous vic—Ah, knickknacks but certainly not teeth and femurs… I have no idea what you’re talking about.

    Are you implying that I’m doing something illegal, Mary??”

  80. Ian Beste
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#50): And if we tell you the name of the game, boy,
    it’s called riding the frosting train.
    (vaguely unsettling guitar riff)

  81. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    “What is in these tins, John?”

    “I have nothing to hide!”

  82. Chip
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    “OOF! What’s IN these tins, John?”

    “Just my 16 MM porno films. You can’t buy bulbs for that projector anymore!”

  83. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#67):

    As a herbivore, Sheila (Kanga)roo probably has a salad for every meal.

  84. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#77): Thanks for the explanation. Now I regret that I didn’t spend countless hours listening to such sublime musical moments as

    Why-yi-yi-yi don’t you use it?
    Try-yi-yi-yi not to bruise it
    Buy-yi-yi-yi time don’t lose it
    The reflex
    is an only child he’s waiting in the park
    The reflex
    is in charge of finding treasure in the dark

  85. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Archie – I see that while I was unavoidably away, Henry Scarpelli started signing strips. It’s like the return of an absent friend.

    Arlo – Heh. Foreplay is this strip’s middle name. “Arlo Foreplay Janis.”

    Beetle – I was reading about the Stonewall riots this week, and it appears that Julius was the name of one of the gay venues around Christopher Street in the late 60s. Say, when was the character of Julius introduced, anyway?

  86. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    love is… – You’re doing ‘dick in a box’ wrong.

    Marmaduke – The neighbors are watching The Mime Channel again. Tonight: GLASS BOXING MATILDA.

    Nancy – I’m getting a warm and fuzzy feeling at the back of my tongue, where my gag reflex is.

    non-plugger plug – Van Morrison’s Contractual Obligation Record is back! A whole disk worth of apathetically exemporized tunes about sandwiches, ringworms, and personal grudges, recorded in real time. It’s a side of Van Morrison you never really gave much thought to before; am I right?

  87. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#y339): Re MT: Ook ook! (And that’s good.)

    @pugfuggly (#16): You make a valid point. Perhaps… perhaps fire good.

    @hogenmogen (#24): You make a valiant effort, but, sorry; you’ve got a ways to go before you approach the level of “here-he-comes-again” of this one guy in a USENET group who inserts himself into any discussion of television with the news that he has not owned a TV set since 1985. (I have a mental image of his last TV set. It would be a small black-and-white portable with a busted aerial like the one we finally put out by the curb when we moved from Virginia in 2005.)

  88. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Say, is the final panel of Gil Thorp an eclipse or the eye of Sauron staring into my soul again?

  89. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#28): re Alley: Yes, but would that be the Hollywood Argyles version, or the Bonzo Dog Band’s version? [*] [I see the latter's been linked to while I was updating.]

    re MT: When Rod lets his whiskers grow, they’ll turn out to be two long, thin trailing whiskers from the corners of his mouth. That’s when everyone will realize that “Catfish” is as real as Mrs. Bates — and as deadly.

    @Not Just Any Dipstick (#45): “Li’l pink tin, li’l pink… OOF!” (Appy polly loggies to all those who have made the same joke, or nearly the same, in the last couple of days. I haven’t been able to follow along. Had to get the trash out.)

  90. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    MW – The facial expressions really are the frosting on the cake for today’s strip. From Gill’s leering look in panel 1, to Mary’s worried grimace in panel 2, it really sells the viewer on just how difficult it is going to be for these two to carry a two-foot-high cake approximately three yards across the room.

    Here’s hoping that, during the actual competition, J.G. will drop to the floor in the middle of the carry, screaming in agony. On-site medical personnel will hurry out, and the other contestants will huddle around, taking a knee and praying together in worried anticipation. Finally, the lead paramedic will gesture for a cart to come out, and John will be loaded onto a stretcher and carted out of the auditorium, giving a thumbs-up to the crowd and the TV cameras as they cheer for him. After a few moments of respectful silence, during which the remains of the dropped cake are swept away, the contest will resume.

  91. Greg
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Earl is so fat that he needs to take Viagra to get his stubby, varicose-veined tail to wag even a little.

    Enjoy your breakfast, everyone!

  92. Marc
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    9CL- I don’t get it…. yet again.

    A3G- For a professor names Aristotle, he sure sure is stupid. Everyone knows that the only way to put out a pink fire is to hack it repeatedly with an ax.

    Mark Trail- If Mark were to bring a few of those lures to the islanders that he promised to help, you know, the one’s that he’s already forgotten; they would be able to catch all the bonefish they can eat. They’d never go hungry again.

    Mary Worth- I see John is using his collection of silent movie porn to simulate the cake.

    Funky- That will be you guys in 30 years, so you mind as well get used to the feeling now.

    Luann- When I look at the seven kids who make up that junior class, I don’t see bright futures. I see a bunch of future Weenie World employees and a whole lot of camel toe.

  93. Illustrator Steve
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    MT – “Hello, T. Rading Company? This is Mark Trai… er, I mean, this is the purchasing agent for the Great Lost Forest Bass Fishing Tournament. Yes, that’s right, for competitive fairness we want ALL of the participants to be using the same type of fishing lure. We noticed that your 90% marked down clearance items include the RON BASSY KILLER fishing lure. Yes, that’s right, we would like to buy all you have in stock! You say they were a bad selling item and you have 50,000 left in stock? Hey, at 10 for a dollar it’s a deal to good to pass up! Please have UPS send them to the fishing camp by tomorrow. THANK you!”

  94. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    MW: John, I make this recipe at home, but maybe the cake would be easier to carry at the competition if we used flour instead of mortar mix and iron filings.

  95. NoahSnark
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Every true Plugger knows dog treats aren’t that bad if you dip them in maple syrup and vodka first.

  96. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#92): You can’t catch bonefish with a bass lure. That’s like duck hunting from a deerblind. That’s like catching moose in a bear trap. That’s like playing go-fish with a poker deck. It just can’t be done!

  97. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#92): Re: 9CL

    This is entry # 156,392 in the “Beefwits: They Just Don’t Get It” file. The Internet Troll/Commoner is under the belief that Amos merely plays the Cello as a hobby, and is asking what his real job is. He has failed to recognize that Amos is a Creature of Pure Art and a world-renowned cellist. Maybe he only knows Amos from the xtube video, filmed through a window by balloonists, of him lying unconscious on the floor while Edda mounts him?

  98. Casino LF
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#22): Is Catfish Rod Bassy’s fake internet girlfriend? Maybe last name of “Kekua?”

  99. Casino LF
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Chip (#82): I suppose that’s cinema … of a kind.

  100. Majicou
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    9CL: Death by beheading is the merciful fate of all beefwits who dare question the Creatures of Pure Art! ALL GLORY TO THE CREATURES OF PURE ART!

    // That what you wanna hear, Brookie baby?

    GT: Seeing a peacock is a sure indicator of sanity? No doubt the APA will be interested to learn of this.

    Stone Soup: I swear, if the teacher lets the girl make up for her plagiarism by writing a song, I’m gonna start punching people.

    S-M: Visit a fantastical realm of wonder where cops in Vegas give a shit about some jerkoff who publishes a low-circulation tabloid rag in New York.

    Bigporn: Okay, Brooke, we know you have no idea what you’re doing. You don’t need to dramatize the fact.

  101. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    The Metapost is up already. Congrats floaters!

  102. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    MT – So what’s up with Rod Bassy’s crooked mouth? I see he talks out of both sides of it!

    // Possible stroke victim perhaps?

  103. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – Let’s see…dog treats for a dog…..DUH!

    // Stupid Pluggers!

  104. Illustrator Steve
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    MT – “Yes, Mister Trail, I am the BEST fisherman because I use my personally endorsed RON BASSY KILLER fishing lure! And yes, even YOU, Mister Trail, even a guy like YOU can fish AS GOOD, or even BETTER than me by using the famous RON BASSY KILLER fishing lure! Hell, even the most novice fisherman could fish as good or better than me by using the RON BASSY KILLER fishing lure! Why, my 94 year old Grandmother could catch more fish than me by using the RON BASSY KILLER fishing lure!”
    “I think, by revealing such things, mister Bassy, you may be digging your own grave as far as winning this tournament.”
    “Well, Trail, it’s like my old endorsement promoter always told me, “endorsement money ends up in your pocket, fishing lures end up on power lines!”

  105. greghousesgf
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#53): well, Sarah Jessica Parker was on TV for years (and now they’ve got Margaret doing the “I think I look hot” hand behind the head gesture! It’s spreading!)

  106. bats :[
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#10): unless you just sit back, relax, and consider Occam’s Milk Bone.

  107. Jeff Soesbe
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Seems to me that “Oh, no!” should be an “Oh, YES!!!”.

    - yeff

  108. Cloudbuster
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    9CL: This is how gay porn starts. Or so I’ve been told. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  109. Illustrator Steve
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    MT – “If you ever take Rusty fishing, Trail, use this lure…it’s got some english to it so while casting it, it will almost always snag the side of the head of the person standing next to you…WHERE does Rusty stand when you are fishing, Trail?”

    “Where does Rusty stand when I am fishing? Well, from what I’ve been told, Rusty is usually standing outside alone on our old rotted fishing dock in Lost Fores but I am really not sure since I am never there. But I remember one time while I was away fishing for bonefish I actually called home to find out where Rusty was standing while I was fishing and my father told me that he was probably outside.”

    “You know what, Trail? I think I should show you how to cast with this famous lure of mine. …Here, stand next to me while I show you how it’s done!”

  110. bats :[
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#71): I do. We have a large, clear glass cookie jar with a teak wood top. It’s a nice cookie jar, but it was REALLY nice when mr. bats :[ old roommate gave it to us one year as a Christmas gift — loaded to the top with Godiva chocolates.
    Good times.

  111. Illustrator Steve
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    MT – (today’s panel #2): “If you ever go fishing, Trail, use this lure! It is easy to find in the store because it’s the only one that comes with this big golden aurora circling around it!”

  112. Cloudbuster
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    FW: Even a supposed “compliment” is destroyed with bitter sarcasm:

    “I suppose I’m just a hopeless romantic.”

    “Well, hopeless, anyway….”

    In other words, his wife is telling him that, despite his own self-image, she doesn’t consider him romantic. She just considers him hopeless. At least she loves him for it? Another blossom on the tree of misery that grows in Westview.

  113. Illustrator Steve
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    MT – Today’s strip is nothing but a bunch of cheap recycled ripped off clip art! To present my case, I refer you to panel #1, in which Ron Bassy is clearly holding a dead mouse in his left hand. But, as the jury can see in panel #3 Ron is NOW clearly holding a baby alligator in his left hand! ….TRY explaining THAT, Jackelrod, or is this RON BASSY KILLER fishing lure some sort of SHAPE SHIFTING FISHING LURE?!

  114. Cloudbuster
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: If you contemplate this panel too long, your brain will be sucked into an all-consuming vortex of circuitous, self-referential metaphor. Dog man … cookie jar … dog treats … madness … emptiness … all is vanity and striving after wind…. For the fate of the sons of men and the fate of beasts is the same. As one dies so dies the other ; indeed, they all have the same breath and there is no advantage for man over beast, for all is vanity.

  115. Cloudbuster
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#71): Some friends of mine were housemates for a few months after the wife left the Air Force and they were shopping for a house. She would bake cookies for us and put them in a cookie jar. When they finally found a house, I told them it was perfectly OK with me if she stayed forever. For the cookies. :)

  116. Cloudbuster
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#113): Kids! Try this neat trick! Copy the following comment:

    “MT – Today’s strip is nothing but a bunch of cheap recycled ripped off clip art!”

    Now, try pasting it in as a comment on Mark Trail every week day! See how it always fits? Amazing! Watch here for more Curmudgeonly tricks you can use to amaze your friends!

  117. Sequitur
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Color monkey madness!

    Here is the Pluggers from Josh.

    Now, here is the Pluggers from Go Comics.

    Colored differently! Same crap.

  118. Mardou Fox
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#60): Hey, I found a gymkhana cake, if not a cake gymkhana. Dill and Mary, maybe you should take notes. See the green color? That is found in nature!
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/handmadebyhannah/5042609788/

  119. Government Cheese
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wow. These guys can’t even lift a cake? How many pounds are we talking about? 20? Between two people? I’m not a cake scientist myself, but come on. Besides, isn’t Mary supposed to be in there, waiting for the moment to pop out and grace the judges with her nudity? Maybe Wilbur is doing that instead; that would explain why the cake would be so heavy.

  120. Anonymous
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: $10,000? That’s it, Sam? You guys splurge on RVs like every week and Abby dropped like seven figures on Neddie’s apartment, and you’re freaking out over $10,000? Just have the Judge tweet something on Twitter and someone is bound to throw at least that at you to make it up.

  121. Will
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    JP: In the immortal words of Tim the Enchanter: Get on with it!

  122. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Just got caught up with Doonesbury. Hearing about Alex’s “unplanned” pregnancy reminds me that Alex herself was unplanned. Speaking of which, so was Jeff Redfern. And I’m not going to look it up, but I’m pretty sure Sam D. was, too. My point is, Alex should turn her engineering genius toward inventing contraception. She could make millions.

  123. Sequitur
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#119): It’s not the cake itself it’s the girl inside who will later pop out that adds the extra weight.

  124. Government Cheese
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#123): Dawn? Toby?

  125. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#117):

    Serious question: Why don’t they just match the colors that the strip creator used? Why is this so hard?

  126. Sequitur
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#124): In a comic crossover it will be Mrs. Angelini from Heart of the City.

  127. Sequitur
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#125): Serious answer: I don’t know.

  128. Government Cheese
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#126): I like, I like.

  129. Old Folkie
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Table and chair in the apt bldg hallway? Margo runs a lemonade stand on the side?
    A3G(2): Margo’s pink boa got stuck in the door.
    JP: Looks like Mary Worth makes Sam’s sausage roll.

  130. Sequitur
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#129): I thought it was Abby who made Sam’s sausage roll. If it does, indeed, roll.

  131. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Will (#121): Get on with it!

    Actually, the plot has been roaring along at breakneck speed!

    1/17 – “Uh oh! A note from Neddie’s banker!”
    1/18 – “Neddie’s banker says there have been a number of large withdrawals from her account!”
    1/19 – “There was a large withdrawal! There must have been an unintended (sic) expense!”
    1/20 – Recap!
    1/21 – “Sam is concerned about the large withdrawals!”
    1/22 – “Remember, there is another plot, concerning the wedding!”
    1/23 – “Abby, I’m worried about Neddy’s expenses!”
    1/24 – “Her banker is worried, too!”
    1/25 – “Abby is also worried. About the large withdrawals. From Neddy’s account. That are taking place.”

  132. Amos Snarkadder
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Hey, that’s not a tiny flame, it’s a pink feather boa. There’s a drag queen stuck in the door to 3G!

    BG&SS – Why can’t all of our impoverished be as cheerful as the fine citizens of Hootin’ Holler?

    FW – Truer words…

    MT – Lurid prose.

  133. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 25th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#122): Ironically, her uncle Benjy is head of sales of Dr. Whoopie condoms…

  134. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 25th, 2013 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#129):

    JP: Looks like Mary Worth makes Sam’s sausage roll.

    God in Heaven! I thought this was a euphemism at first.

  135. Amos Snarkadder
    January 25th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @ #129 Old Folkie, A3G
    Oops! My phone is smart, but I am slow.

  136. hogenmogen
    January 25th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    FW:
    “I’m just a hopeless romantic.”

    “You’re hopeless, anyway. Any shred of romance is long gone.”

  137. commodorejohn
    January 25th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    In the absence of isometrics, John Dill is employing weights!

  138. Government Cheese
    January 25th, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I like how despondent Gunther looks in that line-up. You m-m-m-mean we are not going to have steamy conversations anymore in the library (as he stares at her boobs)?

  139. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 25th, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    MW – How is it that the medium sized cakes they’ve made for practice weigh as much as a large stack of plates? What’s in those things?! Concrete?

  140. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 25th, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#127):
    Seriously?

  141. Marmaduke Franz Ferdinand
    January 25th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Oh, no… not again?! Head: injured. ConcussionlikelyMUST … do bad Shatner! impression! call … nineoneONE

  142. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 25th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

  143. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 25th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#142):

    Tins, not plates. Whatever again.

  144. Jackbishop
    January 25th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    MT: I liked Double Whammy more when Carl Hiaasen wrote it. I kinda doubt Jack Elrod has as good a sense of humor.

  145. Pogo the anthropomorphic
    January 25th, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    OMG, no one has posted for an hour.

  146. KreatureFeatures
    January 25th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#92): Good call on the islanders in Mark Trail. Wasn’t Mark supposed to get them help right away? Now that he’s been hypnotized by Rod Bassy’s fishing lure, Mark has completely forgotten to contact the man from the government about Otto’s subjugated minions. Also forgotten: Rusty’s fishing trip, that dangerously dilapidated dock, and those two marijuana growers tied to a tree.

  147. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 25th, 2013 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#4): Trust me, one can get to teaching burnout without the students being a factor.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#67): So what you’re saying is that Pluggers have gone Paleo?

    @Marc (#92): The theme, such as it is, for this week’s 9CL is people who say or do annoying things to the main characters and those characters’ unexpressed thoughts in reaction. They are misled by the characters’ vague or amiable expressions to believe that the characters are fine with what they’re saying or doing, but in reality those expressions are masks for a seething cauldron of resentment and a wish to commit horrible acts of violence against the offenders.

    //McE is probably writing from experience, in other words. It helps to explain a lot of Pibgorn, too.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#131): That breakdown of the plot points in JP reveals that, unlike other strips where the Sunday comic summarizes the events of the previous week, JP takes the Sunday comic and stretches it out across several weeks.

  148. Shrug, Skinwalking
    January 25th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#22):

    “How could Bassy know? He shaves the vile facial hair every morning to keep it from sprouting like weeds in the Garden of Eden.”

    Clearly Bassy is a bad guy, so by definition he must have extreme facial hair. Since we cannot view it, clearly it is growing INWARD from his skin into his skull.

    In other words, he’s a werewolf. It’s the only logical explanation.

    /// I suppose he could be a werebass — a furry one, though.

  149. Shrug, Going Postal
    January 25th, 2013 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#75):

    “Greg calls it “3G” instead of “Margo’s door”? Does he normally refer to neighbors by their address?”

    Sure. In the last election he intended to vote for “1600 Pennsylvania Avenue,” but he couldn’t find him on the ballot and left, confused.

  150. demoncat
    January 25th, 2013 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    mw at long last john has found the limit to marys power lifting a cake even for practice. at least he did not put weights in the thing.

  151. Alison
    January 25th, 2013 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#4):
    I know! Mr. Fogarty has an incredibly easy job. All he does is sit at a desk and sigh a lot as his students pretty much behave perfectly. On the rare occasion real trouble happens (like when Gunther was supposedly going to get the shit beat out of him) Fogarty is nowhere in sight.

    “Mary Worth”: It would make my day if Mary dropped all those tins on her feet.

    “Dennis the Menace”: What on Earth is up with Margaret’s….teeth? Tooth? I think it’s supposed to be her two front teeth, but it looks like one giant curved mutant alien tooth.

  152. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 25th, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#151):

    Gunther!? GunTHUR??!! GUNTHER???!!!

    Error, error, this does not compute! Error, erRoR, ERROR! /Star Trek’s TOS Nomad

  153. MWDG
    January 25th, 2013 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: We all know Mary is soaked with urine after lifting that “practice cake.” Why can’t John lift that GD cake by himself? John looks totally demented in the first panel and check out Mary’s weird eye…did John slug her? I bet he used to give his first wife a Rihanna style beat down at least once a week. Perhaps he “helped” his dearly departed mate “purchase a ticket to meet her maker.”

    I can’t wait to see what they practice next, the interview with the judges? What will John insist they wear… Let’s hope Mary doesn’t have a bare mid drift or tube top.

    I hope the whole Charterstone gang (including resident lesbian, Terry Bryson) is there to cheer on Mary and John.

  154. Mr K Martin
    January 25th, 2013 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    PLUGGERS: Dog people eating dog biscuits. This triggers the exact same mind bender you get from thinking about if Goofy is a dog. Well, he’s a dog but not a real dog just like Mickey is not a real mouse. Pluto is a real dog because he walks on all fours and doesn’t talk. But wait! Chip and Dale live in trees and scamper like real chipmunks AND YET THEY CAN TALK! What’s wrong with Pluto then? Are Chip and Dale real chipmunks or – BLAM!!!!!!!

    Brain just exploded. Big red splattered mess on the computer screen. This hasn’t happened since I watched “Pluto’s Christmas Tree” on youtube. I’m blamin’ you, Pluggers!

  155. Ratiocinator
    January 25th, 2013 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Amos’ regular job is decapitating people.

    ASM: Because Jonah is know across the nation for doing just what he was arrested for on numerous other occasions, the cops have decided to release him early.

    FW: Oh boy Darin, you don’t know ANYTHING about marriage! As Les would tell you if he were there, marriage is being so deeply in love that after you die (and one of you WILL die young!) you haunt your spouse, watching as he half-heartedly fucks other women while trying to imagine they’re you, and swapping ectoplasmic spit with you on New Year’s Eve.

    Pibgorn: “What now?” More like “What the fuck?” Oh well, I guess I’m just some kind of beefwit for not understanding this.

  156. User McUser
    January 25th, 2013 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Man, that guys wife is such a bitch…

  157. Tonio
    January 25th, 2013 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Mr K Martin (#154): That was my reaction. Aren’t dog biscuits the canine equivalent of cookies in the first place? If the Pluggers were human, the joke would have had Thin Mints in the cookie jar.

  158. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1):

    It scares me a bit for your sake that you know Plugger Dog’s first name.

  159. Alison
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    All this talk about dogs eating dog biscuits being a dumb joke (which it is) reminds me of a FOOB strip where Grandpa was on a strict diet and resorted to eating dog biscuits because his family wouldn’t let him have snacks. I was a member of another site at the time which had a large thread for all things FOOB (that was either before Josh’s site existed, or was new enough that I didn’t know about it-I can’t remember the exact date). I recall that the “Gramps has to eat doggie treats, har har” strip was the strip that left literally every single poster enraged and horrified. What I am saying here is, dogs complaining about eating dog biscuits is stupid, but a strip with humans complaining about eating dog biscuits is even more awful. Perhaps “Pluggers” could have solved the problem by showing chicken-people complaining about eating dog biscuits. Hmm.

  160. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#159):

    BOXCAR!

  161. Sgt. Stoned
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: This business about carrying your own leaden cakes around is bound to exclude the physically disabled from participating in the contest and is in clear violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act. Shut ‘em down! Where the hell is the Santa Royale ACLU when you need them?

    BB: An ancient Three Stooges gag. You would think that Beetle of all people would be expert in all the techniques of avoiding volunteering.

    Snuff Smif: The Hootin’ Holler boys’ tongues are all flesh-tone instead of the usual bright red. The flu pandemic has begun!

  162. Aviatrix
    January 25th, 2013 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Metapost –> This way –> C’mon!

  163. Alison
    January 25th, 2013 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#160):
    I stared at your post for the longest time because something in my brain was telling me I should know this reference. Finally I had to go use the search engine. This very site came up! Now I can’t believe I forgot that one. Poor old Grandpa. Iris was such a shrew to him and so was Elly.

    I still remember “Going roadside” though, so I haven’t completely forgotten all the gems of FOOB.

  164. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#163):

    Sorry to put you through all of that! I was just trying to be snarky!

  165. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 25th, 2013 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    @User McUser (#156):

    Yeah, it’s as if all female dogs are bitches!

  166. Alison
    January 26th, 2013 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#164):
    Don’t be sorry, it was hilarious! I have been snickering about “Boxcar!” ever since! It’s just so…random, or something.

  167. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 26th, 2013 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    @Alison (#166):

    No, prompting you to review old FBOFW info is punishment enough!

    Glad I could make you snicker a bunch though!

    // My kind of humor CAN work!

  168. Lenoxus
    January 26th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @fillmoreeast (#69): I think your first paragraph there is mostly correct. Basically, Brookins read the reader contribution and understood the original joke, but before committing to the final draft, some part of his creative instincts thought “Hmm, ‘dog biscuits’ relate to ‘dogs.’ I may as well draw dog-people, to really drive the point home.” Of course, the actual effect is the opposite.

  169. saluki
    January 26th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Margaret is comfortable enough with her, ahem, “look” that she knows there will be no movie stardom for her. She’s got her sights set on the wacky sister or neighbor on a multiple camera sitcom. Of course that also could be because she is too young to have seen Bridesmaids.

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