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Metapost: COTW and soaps from ancient days

Your comment of the week coming shortly (and yes, I know I’m RIDICULOUSLY early today), but first: comics superstar Julia Wertz is also an abandoned-building-exploring superstar, and she spotted this decaying bit of newspaper from the ’60s on the floor of the projection booth in an old theater. Check out who’s there!

Yes, it’s a very special episode of Mark Trail, in which he and his friends decide to euthanize a buffalo, with a shotgun.

Anyway! In the here and now, here’s your comment … of the week!

‘Our Becky? I mean — my Becky?’ Alas, Rufus and Joel were having Becky in common with nary a care in the world, but now the threat of monogamy has allowed jealousy to rear its ugly head. In keeping with its usual value system, Gasoline Alley gives us the important moral: bestiality is fine; fight the real enemy: Marriage.” –Sock Puppet

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Note the smirk in Darrin’s face as he shovels. He knows it’s killing the old man. He knows.” –Freakin Hemingwad

“Don’t interpret this strip in such a negative way! Maybe look on the bright side of things and hope that FW is setting us up for some Hitchcock style Rear Window suspense. That would then mean someone in the Funkyverse is going to get murdered! That’s good news, see?” –Chareth Cutestory

“Pluggers know that subject-verb agreement is only for smug elitists with their fancy ‘basic education.’” –Meg

It’s me, Claire! Don’t sugarcoat it. I want a chocolate shell around a nougatty center!” –Dood

“Of course Dill’s team won. Did you see what those other cakes looked like? They did not represent nature in any way whatsoever.” –Liam

“In case you were wondering how well Newspaper Spider-Man’s powers work, a blind man with normal human strength just threw sort of a stiff-arm in the midst of an uncharacteristic freak-out, and Spidey blindly swung into it with such force that he’s apparently broken some ribs, lost his grip on his webline if that’s possible, and is suffering from full-body convulsions as he plummets to his doom, all the while asking, ‘?’” –Doctor Handsome

“Am I a freak for thinking the A3G storyline is kind of exciting right now? I am on the edge of my seat waiting to find out whether the fire was intentional or an accident, and what will be Evan’s fate. I should probably get some nice cushiony diapers because with the pace of this strip I will be on that seat edge for a very long time.” –Currer Bell

“Most people would take a minute to say something like, ‘What an asshole!’ or ‘What do people in San Francisco have against calling it Frisco?’ or ‘Why does my wife fall asleep every time I call her?’ But not Peter Parker. There’s Something Wrong and he’s going to find out what it is, if it kills him. I’d suggest starting with therapy.” –The Right Venerable Pasdordan

“It’s funny because Dagwood is getting his news from a newspaper while wearing a bow tie at the breakfast table, and it’s 2013.” –Squeak

“Does the fact that Becky appears to be sentient and to understand human language make this better or worse?” –junk science

“Let me go out on a limb here and suggest that Rusty’s camera holds evidence of Rod Bassy’s nefarious plot to win the fishing tournament by having his morally bankrupt sidekick attach genetically-enhanced farm-raised record-sized bass to Rod Bassy’s patented Rod Bassy Lite-Up Serial-Killer Bass Lure using the remote control midget submarine secreted in The Rod Bassy Serial Killer van when not in use. Either that, or pictures of goats humping.” –flatsixes

“I’m sure that image of Dill and Mary Worth standing in front of a star field in space is how Kubrick wanted to end 2001. Sadly, the studio told him to ‘be less weird, Stan.’” –Voshkod

“Oh, sure. That’s ALWAYS been Crock’s problem. Too MANY jokes.” –Daniel

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158 responses to “Metapost: COTW and soaps from ancient days”

  1. gleeb
    February 15th, 2013 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    Wow, Luann has lost a lot of weight over the years when she was the dowager of 3-G

    ‘bean: More band crap. I ain’t readin’ that.

    Dagwood: Blondie the reactionary will call in Dennis and Curtis as scabs to break the union.

    Driving Miss Sophie: After all, she’s used to the monastic experience of the Driver-Spencer household.

    Phantom: It is mean, but you have to admit, he was just thrown through a window.

    Dick: Rough jowl-grabbing action!

    Thorp: Will embattled Peacock Pope Bobby Ottewill resign?

    June Morgan, RN: What’s with the look? “Put your cancery lips all over my baby? Ew.”

  2. Mr. O’Malley
    February 15th, 2013 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    It’s a shame we don’t have Steve Roper any more. Allen Saunders also did Mary Worth (doing the transition from Martha Orr’s Apple Mary) and Kerry Drake.

  3. gleeb
    February 15th, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#1): “over the years”? “Since the years”, is what I meant.

  4. Ratiocinator
    February 15th, 2013 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    9CL: Stop saying “Randy Ackfinaki”! Better yet, just shut the fuck up.

    ASM: Tomorrow, Daredevil will slam into the side of a building and/or the pavement below, because Spidey pulled him off-balance in mid-swing, because he thought this would make Daredevil willing to talk to him. Nice work, Parker.

    FW: Oh no! All of those brass instruments have been cursed by Neptune, God of the Sea, to forever spew forth water! In mere minutes, the convention room will be flooded and filled with bloated, floating corpses! Rather than trying to flee the deathtrap he is standing in, Harry Dinkle smiles and makes a lame joke. He knows that he lives in the Funkyverse, and that there would be little point in fleeing as doing so would only subject him to a much more painful and prolonged death later on.

    JP: “I was literally listening between the lines. As in listening to you and Abbey talk in between snorting lines of cocaine. Neddy’s sent me a total of eight times my body weight in the stuff; says she has more of it than she knows what to do with! Anyway, I wonder what she could be spending so much money on!”

    Luann: Tantrum about Quill being too cheap to buy himself a plane ticket and surprise her with dinner in person in three, two….

    Pibgorn: Hey, you know how dolphins ejaculate with the force of a shotgun blast? Even the dolphin shooting the deadliest load of all time would have nothing on this djinn.

  5. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 15th, 2013 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    Phantom — Why do I think we can expect a hugging in the next few days?

    Congrats to this week’s winners!

  6. Little Guy
    February 15th, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    9CL: ‘Ackfinaki’ is also the reaction by most reader to this strip.

  7. Little Guy
    February 15th, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    That’s readers.

    And congrats to the Post-Mardi Gras COTW and Floaters!

  8. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    The Mark Trail radio show broadcast an episode called “Chief Lightfoot and the Buffalo” on February 6, 1950. It was the second episode of Mark Trail to air in a series of 125.

    I wonder if the MT buffalo/shotgun newspaper serial was an adaptation of the “Chief Lightfoot” radio episode.

  9. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    Unfortunately, since I posted the previous comment, I’ve had an earworm of Gordon Lightfoot’s “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” stuck in my head.

  10. AhClem
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    FW – This is what happens when the band director tries to save a few bucks by buying instruments without spit valves.

  11. Chareth Cutestory
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    On this post-Valentines Day COTW, I am flattered that Josh would choo choo choose me!

  12. KreatureFeatures
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    The van was strictly forbidden. Will someone please call Child Protective Services and remove Rusty from Mark Trail’s care? This is almost as bad as the time Mark parked his station wagon on Rusty’s chest.

  13. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Oh, phew, Jeffery is the BUFFALO; I thought that Mark and his friends were casually planning a mob-style murder.

  14. Mibbitmaker
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    MW: “What do you mean ‘we’, Kimo Sabe?”

  15. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    MW: John Dill just won $10,000. Three words: Epic. Pool. Party.

    An epic pool party, at which, let’s hope, Dill publicly proposes to Mary, resulting in an equally epic fall from triumph to humiliation faster than Mary can snarl, “Capiche?

  16. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    And congrats, early-bird float-folk! I missed many of these the first time around.

  17. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    MT: “Did you get inside Rod’s van? And what about the museum? Did you gather your monkey friends and get in there to steal the diamond tiara?”

  18. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 15th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Because nothing says “family bonding” like getting together to mock others’ appearance.

  19. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 15th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    9CL Randy Ackfinaki = “Yank If Acid Nark”, or maybe “A Fakin’ Yarn Dick”

  20. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 15th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Wow! I am in such illustrious company! Absolutely speechless. I’d like to thank my agent, my life-partner Bruce, my adorable puppies, and (looks up to heaven) Mom and Dad. Thank you.

  21. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Well, after getting an article published in a distinguished dead tree periodical, AND making the float AGAIN, the Right Venerable Dan won’t have to worry much longer about those unsold books of his. They’ll be flying off the shelves (watch your heads!). Dude’s on a roll!

  22. seismic-2
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    I remember that Steve Roper story arc from the 1960s!!!! Mike Nomad was trying to help an old lady escape some bad guys, and the only way to flee was in the old lady’s antique jalopy that has been sitting idle in her garage for decades! Would the battery charge up? Does it matter that all the gasoline no doubt evaporated long ago? Of course not – this is the Roperverse, and that’s Mike Nomad at the wheel!!!

    Damn, I may not remember any high school English, French, or chemistry, but by God I remember what was truly important about the 1960s!!!

  23. Ian Beste
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Blondie Somebody just got a SAG card.

  24. wossname
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Congrats to Sock Puppet and all the funny folks on the float!

    A3G – Good thing Tommie’s speech balloon in panel 2 includes *sob* *sob*. Otherwise I would have thought those things floating in front of her face were her contact lenses popping out.

    Archie – “Condusive”??? Really?

    Phantom – Now that there panel one – that’s some great dialogue right there. “Boss, this is just plain mean!” and especially the response — “Ha, ha!” Batiuk, take note.

  25. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#24): Phantom: Yeah, you wonder what the guy would have to do to be cruel or brutal. But life is brutal, I’ve heard.

  26. Lumaca Morente
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#21): Is this the second volume of Pasdordan’s autobiography, containing details of his non-Papacy? Or just another Red Rascal adventure?

  27. Leonard
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Becky that Gasoline Alley characters are fighting over is in Funky Winkerbean.

  28. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    You know, before I’d pick up an old newspaper on the floor of an abandoned movie theater, I’d want to know just what kind of movie theater it used to be.
    //just sayin’.

  29. Leonard
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Luann… can’t think of a Manti Teo joke…

  30. bats :[
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Luann: OTOH, don’t get your hope up with that spiffy little package, bitch…

  31. bats :[
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Oh! And I hope this week’s Funnee Floaters are tossing out lots ‘n’ lots of Discount Candy Day/End o’ the World goodies!

  32. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#26): Is this the second volume of Pasdordan’s autobiography, containing details of his non-Papacy? Or just another Red Rascal adventure?

    You remember that best seller from the sixties, The Gospel According to Peanuts? This is the Rt. Ven.’s extended essay on the theological significance of Mary Worth.

    // Good stuff. It was blurbed by Nobel prize-winner Albert Camus!

  33. Dood
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Look at Mark lighting up during an ecological discussion at the local hipster coffee house/espresso bar.

  34. Mibbitmaker
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    FW: Calling Joan Girardi! Calling Joan of Arcadia! There’s another dopey piece of “art” you need to smash to bits with a chair! Urgent! Urgent!

    a) He’s not there — now THAT would’ve been impressive!
    b) She probably thinks he crawled out of the laptop and arranged all that himself before going back in. Luann that stupid? No, she’s that self-centered.

    Making A3G, with Conan prop guy Bill Tull
    “Take a Tommie picture with a blank expression, add a couple drops of water — BOOM — Heartbroken sobbing!”

  35. Lumaca Morente
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#32): I’m surprised I didn’t hear about the Kickstarter campaign.

  36. Lumaca Morente
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#31): Absolutely horrifying to me when Valentine’s Day falls within Lent. Normally I run out and buy up all those marked-down heart-shaped boxes at the CVS.

  37. TheDiva
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#34): Luann that stupid? No, she’s that self-centered.

    Can’t she be both?

  38. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#8): If I were writing a Mark Trail radio episode based on Friday’s comic, it would probably sound something like this:

    While attempting to flee Rusty in his Rod Bassy’s van, a panicked Catfish strikes a young deer, grievously injuring it. As the deer struggles to drag its bleeding and broken body slowly…painfully… inexorably… toward Mark’s cabin, Trail and Rusty are in the middle of a conversation about the latter’s photographs.

  39. Illustrator Steve
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    MT – “LOOK, Mark! There’s a picture of the seven hundredth time you promising to take me fishing!”
    “Don’t believe everything that you see printed, Rusty!”

  40. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#38): Couldn’t it be Sassy who gets hit? By the deer, as it flung by the van?

  41. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    A&J: o hells yeah. *does bow-chikka-bow dance*

    GF: Bucky hits the nip.

    NAoQV: o win.

    SBp: Adam is at half-mast.

    Bizarro: /facepalm.

    FW: featuring multiple Rusty Trombones. UNSPEAKABLE FILTH!!!

    JUMBLE: nice cameos from Mr. Howell and The Skipper.

    MG&G: thinks that they are in Get Fuzzy.

    RwO: WIN with tasty chicken.

    SFx: showing the power of puppy eyes.

    Retail: d’awwwwww. (nice save)

  42. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .calling Dr. Love.

  43. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Josh missed the big story from that old comics page. It’s not that Mark Trail is going to kill a buffalo, it’s that Mary Worth would appear to be guest-starring in a special MW/3G crossover! The old gal’s lost a bit of weight since those days, it would seem.

  44. Poteet
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    A big hooray for Sock Puppet and the other float-riders!

  45. Poteet
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    MW — I’m probably not the first to point this out, but if Chef Pierre is an actual professional chef, faxing him a photo of the winning cake might solve Mary’s dilemma immediately.

  46. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#45): I’m not sure why we all assume that the contest was to make the BEST cake, especially considering that the prize is, essentially, baking lessons.

  47. Sequitur
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#45): Fax? People still fax? We don’t even have a fax machine any more in the department I work.

    However, a black and white fax of that horrendous cake would, indeed, do the trick.

  48. Poteet
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#46): True. Maybe the contest was really a very elaborate scheme put together by Chef Pierre’s rivals and enemies.

  49. Poteet
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#47): Now I’m glad I didn’t use my very first thought, which was to take a photo of the cake and send it off in an envelope.

  50. bats :[
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#36): yes, a dilemma. But that’s also why God created freezers. For later.

  51. Poteet
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    LUANN — The most amazing aspect of this strip is the possibility that Shannon’s alleged father might actually be taking care of his own kid for a change.

  52. Poteet
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @AhClem (#10): I am divided between admiration for your cleverness and the effort of trying to keep my breakfast down.

  53. Lumaca Morente
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#50): Ah! (runs out to the CVS on lunch break…)

  54. Lumaca Morente
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#51): Did you notice the plates on the table? Who’s serving dinner?

  55. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#38): While attempting to flee Rusty in his Rod Bassy’s van

    The poor announcer is going to have a conniption for sure when he sees what I wrote for him.

    BONUS: I managed to find the entire Mark Trail “Chief Lightfoot and the Buffalo” radio episode:

    Incidentally, there are actually two versions of the Mark Trail radio program. “Chief Lightfoot” is from the first series. Also, the first series broadcast a total
    of 174 episodes. What I said before was incorrect — it’s the second series that ran for 125 episodes.

  56. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Westie, the mighty hunter.

    corgibutt for bb,u. *gigglez*

    a Poe-etical Valentine.

    another Valentine for Poteet to use.

    Feels. you will have them. *sniffle*

    corgi bedouir shot.

    Hovercorgi Mk II.

    don’t EVER forget your towel.

  57. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    towels, even.

  58. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#15): $10k can buy a lot of salmon squares.

  59. Droopy Says
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#48): The contest was a clever way for Chef Pierre to get eight months of free labor out of people who already know how to bake cakes and apply icing. All that remains is for him to teach them the basics of good taste. Okay, it’s not a good plan, but with adult supervision John and Mary will make adequate indentured servants.

  60. Sock Puppet
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Wow! Long-time reader, first-time winner! Thanks, Josh. Although I can’t help but suspect that my post being sort-of-love-themed-albeit-in-a-horribly-disturbing-way might have had something to do with it.

  61. Chip Whittle
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    So what superhero’s poster is that on Dennis’s door? The look has really captured that “40′s Batman ripoff that DC bought the rights to in the late 50′s without knowing it” chic.

  62. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    the thought occured recently, if Margo was drunk when the fire started, would that make her a burnt bent bint?

  63. Not-Pope Dan
    February 15th, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#21): Here I thought I’d get scorched for saying there’s no money in publishing the other day. (There is, in fact, no money in publishing. There. I said it. Again.)

    Anyway, congrats to all the other floaters and Sock Puppet.

    Now here’s a thought to send a chill down everyone’s spine: I am in fact in the beginning stages of writing book #2: The Pastornating. This time, it’s personal.

  64. Not-Pope Dan
    February 15th, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sock Puppet (#60): No one ever lost money over-estimating the perversity of Josh’s comment section.

  65. astroboy
    February 15th, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Retro Mark Trail : “Isn’t there SOME WAY we could dispose of Jeffery? Maybe go in with the car and shoot him!” With the part of Cherry being played by Rita Hayworth, plus this exciting murder plot, no doubt related to a Mark-Cherry-Jeffery love triangle…gee, Mark Trail used to be pretty damn exciting!

  66. Calico
    February 15th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    MW – “Hossenfeffer Incorporated!” We’re gonna do it…
    …oh wait, that was Milwaukee. In a beer factory.

    Chef Pierre is just going to use two people as his enslaved pastry chefs, waking up at 2:30 every AM and performing back breaking work for Pierre’s restaurant for 12 hours a day. Talk about Hell’s Kitchen.
    “Bread is a living thing.” – Marco Pierre White

  67. Calico
    February 15th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    CS – Lettuce, latkes (yum!), linguine, lengua casserole

    Also lemon pie, lemon bread, lemon cookies, lemon jello…OK, Forrest, I’ll stop now!

  68. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 15th, 2013 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#66): Chef Pierre’s kitchen is like the funeral home in Phantasm!

  69. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 15th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    The Amazing PBS, Pickles, Andy Capp triple mash!

    // Now, with Weirdly goodness!

  70. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 15th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    If I may be so bold…

  71. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 15th, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Not-Pope Dan (#63): “This time, it’s parsonal!

    …if I might suggest…

  72. Calico
    February 15th, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#68):
    Edwina Currie, who was in the very first GR HK, was really funny describing her time in the Hell House:
    (She is the former UK Health Minister, who created a fiasco years ago when she claimed all eggs in UK were tainted with Salmonella)
    “Mad as a March Hare”
    Go to 2:29

  73. bats :[
    February 15th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#69): YESH! (I think Count Weirdly and Count Morgu are related, which can only be A Good Thing.)

  74. Calico
    February 15th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#67):
    Oh, and liver, ew (not my cup of tea)
    Lichee (sp?) nuts

  75. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#48): Maybe the contest was really a very elaborate scheme put together by Chef Pierre’s rivals and enemies.

    You suppose it’s Blondie Bumstead? It was Chef Pierre who was horning in on her catering racket, so she kicked it up a notch. Makes sense to me.

  76. Alter Ego
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    love is… playing doctor.

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#73): “The word count came into English from the French comte, itself from Latin comes—in its accusative comitem—meaning “companion”, and later “companion of the emperor, delegate of the emperor”. The adjective form of the word is “comital”. The British and Irish equivalent is an earl…” — Wiki

    So we see that Counts (and Earls, like the older gent in Pickles) are all really companions — members of a noble fraternal (or, rather, comital) order. They probably have a secret handshake, and all that stuff. Count Weirdly, Count Morgu, Earl Pickle, Count Chocula, and Count Count party together all the time, I shouldn’t be surprised.

    // This explains why, “Count Weirdly has access to secret time-share hideouts around the world”, as we were informed the other day.

  78. Cheese It, It's Shrug
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#74):


  79. Leapin' Rats, Shruggy!
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#69):

    In my dead tree paper, if Rat simply steps off the end of the panel, he will fall onto Garfield. On the other hand, if he does jump with a normal trajectory, he will cross the center fold and land squarely on the head of Rusty Trail.

    It’s all good. (Well, not for Rat, but for me.)

  80. Sequitur
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

  81. Shrug, Don't Touch That Dial!
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#55):

    Other extant MARK TRAIL radio shows — will sell you the lot on an mp3 disc for $5. The titles sound rather more exciting than the typical MT comic adventure of recent times:

    36 shows – total playtime 16 hours 41 minutes

    MT 500130 Lumber King of Timber Mt 01
    MT 500130 Lumber King of Timber Mt 01 (alt)
    MT 500201 Polluted Waters-Floating Death 02
    MT 500203 Satan and the Devil’s Heard 03
    MT 500206 Chief Lightfoot and the Buffalo 04
    MT 500215 Whisperfoot-Sheepkiller 08
    MT 500303 Wildlife Acres 15
    MT 500306 Vampires from the Deep 16
    MT 500308 Killer That Strikes from the Sky 17
    MT 500317 Rapids of No Return 19
    MT 500320 Rabid Foxes 22
    MT 500322 Eyeglass Monster 23
    MT 500324 Deluge 24
    MT 500327 Terror of Big Horn 25
    MT 500403 Coyotes of the Sky 28
    MT 500419 Miracle of Junction Valley 35
    MT 500424 Thumping Beaver 37
    MT 500426 Guardians of Tepee Rock 38
    MT 500510 Mystery of the Missing Deer 44
    MT 500515 Snake Hill Survey 46
    MT 500517 Claws of the Killer Bear 47
    MT 500922 White Camel
    MT 500925 Purse Strings of Danger
    MT 501006 Highway of Terror
    MT 501009 Monster of the Gulf
    MT 501011 Forty-Year Freeze
    MT 501013 Witch of Lost Forest
    MT 501016 Strange Invitation of Death
    MT 501018 Wings of the Vampire
    MT 501020 Killers of Lost Forest
    MT 501023 Sticks of Fear
    MT 501025 Silver Sky
    MT 501027 Avenging Arrow
    MT 511003 Snowy Owl Bounty
    MT 511005 Operation Eager Beaver
    MT XXXXXX Mystery of Satin’s Glade

    I think my favorite is “Thumping Beaver.” But it would probably disappoint.

  82. Bootsy
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#56):

    The Westie! Great rubber alligators! Is that a piece of the Mary Worth cake?

  83. bbofun
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Blondie- okay, the joke’s not great, but Daisy is ADORABLE in that 3rd panel!

    MW- “…$10,000 and a surprise! It shouldn’t really BE a surprise, since it’s in the Official Rules, which you were all expected to read. But it’s obvious none of you did, since you were suppose to celebrate nature with your cakes, and judging was to be based on originality and beauty, yet this pink monstrosity was the only thing that remotely qualified!”

    FW- I’m sure the hotel appreciates their carpet being ruined for the sake of a bad joke. (Honestly, how is that thing running? What’s driving the water? Where is the water coming from? It can’t be circulating, or, of it is, it’s gonna run dry, with all the splashing out of the”drum.” And what sort of drum is that? It’s far too large for any human being to carry. What the hell’s wrong with me?)

    GT- “I was referring to the artwork in panel 1.”
    “So was I.”

    JP- Just reminding everybody that this car (looks to be a luxury SUV from the size of the interior- look at the headroom!) is now Sophie’s car. She’s going to be driving it, once she gets her license. Because that’s what you want your teenager driving.

    RMMD- Unseen thought balloon fro June in panel 3- “Ugh, the cancerous ex-stripper wants to kiss my baby? UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!”

    And, as others have mentioned- I think Wilson has lost the thread of the narrative. This wasn’t about the old lady planning to buy the apartment complex/condos/whatever- it was about Invisible Junior’s stewardship of her property. Of course, what with all the boobs, pregnancies, boobs, old people dying, boobs, hero worship, boobs, free food, boobs, cancer, boobs, and boobs, I can see how he’d get distracted.

    LUANN- Everyone saw that the “ring box” Luann found on Monday is on the table, right? Yes. there will be no proposal for Toni this Valentine’s Day (unless there’s going to be a twist on a twist). I assume it holds a friendship ring, or, given these two, a chastity ring.

    So, 3 cheers to Greg Evans for fooling us all. Hip hip- ah, screw it.

    9CL- Since we undoubtedly won’t find out what the big crime is until (at earliest) Monday, anyone care to guess? We know that she’s a veterinarian, right? And there was a reference to Juliette being a “silent partner” in the practice, so it probably has to do with that. Hmmm…

    Is Fleurrie (yes, that’s her name) treating a human? Or, similarly, selling drugs to sick people who couldn’t otherwise afford them? Has she started selling animals to labs? Or, conversely, is she part of an “animal-rights” group, “liberating” animals from labs?

    Or is she just screwing her patients (insert “animal husbandry” joke here)?

  84. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#77): “It’s De Mo-NAY!”

  85. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#80): drat.

    sorry for the oversnark.

  86. bats :[
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    After 9CL, Pibgorn, Luann and many other nasty little bits and pieces, there’s at least one thing that makes life worth living — money. Lots and lots of it. Oh, and maybe a couple of other things…

  87. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#82): Mary Worth, devoured by Westies, would be a good name for a plot.

    (corgis perhaps?)

    meanwhile, at the Vets in Westview.

  88. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Luann – So, this elaborate setup was put into motion in order to spring a big surprise on Luann! She gets to Skype with Quill in an entirely different room than the one she usually Skypes him from!

    Really, I don’t get why they went to all this effort “tricking” her this way. They could have got the exact same reaction just by surprising her with a shiny quarter, or a ball of yarn.

  89. hogenmogen
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    The Wiz of Id’s magic wand is the one below his waist. Heh heh. That’s why this couple never had kids.

  90. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 15th, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Don’t Touch That Dial! (#81): Many thanks for the list of MARK TRAIL radio shows.

    After listening to “Chief Lightfoot and the Buffalo,” I can say with 100% certainly that it has nothing to do with “euthanizing a buffalo with a shotgun” (to paraphrase Josh).

    I understand Bill Finger, the uncredited co-creator of Batman, contributed a few scripts to the Trail radio program. However, I’m not sure if Finger wrote for the first or second series. Or maybe he wrote for both.

  91. Calico
    February 15th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Cheese It, It’s Shrug (#78):
    “You got Limburger on my Lengua casserole!”
    Two great tastes, together at last.

  92. Anonymous
    February 15th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Luann has always been a whiny, lazy, entitled, self-centred, shallow, boring, dumb bitch. But she was never actually pathetic, like her brother, Bwa– I mean, “Brad”. Look, she had friends. She went out. She did things. Other than TJ, does Bwa–Brad have any friends? Any activities which show promise? (unlike the car he has been “working on” for TEN FUCKING YEARS now!) Bwad was, and is, pathetic.

    But now with her Skype-Valentine chat in a little room with paper crud hanging over her head and a “romantic” candle, she truly has reached Bwad-inagian proportions of . . . patheticness? patheticity? pathetician? Anyway. Officially, Luann and B-wad are now B-wuann . . or . . . Luaad. The most risible, boring, whiny, nasty, and, yes, pathetic characters in daily-comicdom.

    Way to go, Evans!

  93. Sam
    February 15th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: Let me guess: the Special Surprise is a new wife.

  94. Shrug, Don\'t Re-Touch That Dial!
    February 15th, 2013 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#90):

    Actually, this OTR supplier has a longer list of available episodes — plus titles of some of the episodes which have not survived. (Apparently none of the second series survive; all available are from the first series. The second series apparently specialized in multipart serials; the first in standalone episodes.)

  95. Dood
    February 15th, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Why wouldn’t Curtis, peering over the border of the strip that bears his name, demand that Greg and Diane treat he and Barry more along the lines of how Sam and Abbey treat Neddy and Sophie?

  96. Liam
    February 15th, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    MW-”John, I have an exciting career as a hospital volunteer, a boyfriend I keep refusing to marry, and legions of followers who would be lost without me. I can’t give that all up to move to New York City where I don’t know anybody.”

  97. Hibbleton
    February 15th, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Love is…Giving him a baked potato?

  98. seismic-2
    February 15th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Please, when Luann opens the mysterious box, let it start emitting pink smoke.

  99. popamatic
    February 15th, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    It appears that Mark Trail and Judge Parker have given up plot progression for Lent.

  100. bats :[
    February 15th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

  101. word-doctor
    February 15th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    MT: [Rusty] “Mark, how do you spell ‘Catfish’”?
    [Mark] “G-A-C-Y, or maybe C-O-R-L-L.”

  102. bats :[
    February 15th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#98): oh, that is TOO wonderful…

  103. Calico
    February 15th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

  104. Lumaca Morente
    February 15th, 2013 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#100): Oh, the bats:[, the wonderful bats:[! (Next up: a ‘Love is…’/FC mashup…)

  105. tallyHO
    February 15th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to Sock Puppet and to the Floaters!

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (earlier today#90):
    “Pickles Johnson”
    Sweet Pickles Johnson!

  106. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 15th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#100): He wouldn’t try that stuff with Count Weirdly!

  107. Majicou
    February 15th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Panel one, in which badly-drawn tears fall from Tommie’s utterly fixed expression, tells you all you need to know about Frank Bolle as an artist.

    OBH: Yeah, I think I’ve seen that show. It’s on the Contrived Set-Up Channel, right?

    Pluggers: The elder chicken lady would go into an Italian restaurant and say, “I’d like the spaghetti and meatballs. But instead of round, thin noodles, make them big and flat. And instead of the meatballs, have a crumbled mixture of seasoned beef. And instead of tossing it all together, layer the beef with some ricotta in between the flat noodles.”

    Zits: I’m all for Jeremy rebelling against his awful, Agnes-Skinner-esque mother.

    And a note about HotC’s current storyline: I naively felt that JJ Abrams’s taking up Star Wars Episode VII might lead to a detente among the obnoxious elements of the Star Trek and Star Wars fandoms who are constantly at odds with each other. Instead, it appears to have turned the usual nerd bickering into a love triangle.

  108. Erich Clapton
    February 15th, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#86): Why the hell can’t you get a job writing comics? They’re a hell of a lot more entertaining than everything else we “have” to read.

  109. Lumaca Morente
    February 15th, 2013 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#106): Who, Jeffy or Daredevil?

  110. Dale
    February 15th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#83):


    I did notice the box. I never thought it was a ring, partly because it’s wrapped like a gift. Brad could hand a ring over like that, thinking he was proposing: Toni could just pocket the ring, knowing Brad is stupid.

    Why does Brad spend so much time hanging out at his parents’ house? They should charge him for meals.

  111. Sequitur
    February 15th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Erich Clapton (#108): You even has her comics title in your comment. Bats :[ from Hell.

  112. Huckleberry Fink
    February 15th, 2013 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#y90): Mary Worth could always book a room for herself at New York’s Sarah Cragmore Hotel for Women. Unfortunately, there’s no room at the inn for a MAN like John Dill…

    …which would lead to an interesting plot twist if John put on a wig and dress (like Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari did on Bosom Buddies) and registered at Sarah Cragmore under the name of “Pickles Johnson”!

    John Dill would have shave off his mustache. Or is Pickles Johnson one of those uggo “women” athletes the Soviets used to enter in the Olympics?

  113. Calico
    February 15th, 2013 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#100):
    : )
    Ben oui!

  114. Sequitur
    February 15th, 2013 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#111): has? have

    //Gaaa! Subject/verb no agree.

  115. bbofun
    February 15th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#110): Why does Brad spend so much time at his parents’ house? Well, he lives with TJ, so, given the alternative…

  116. Peanut Gallery
    February 15th, 2013 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#77):
    Who controls the British crown?
    Who keeps the metric system down?
    We do, we do!

  117. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 15th, 2013 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Luann Wow. I can’t wait to see what Quill has planned for Arbor Day.

    MW John… I can’t go back to New York. Um… Chef Pierre… you see, when I lived in New York… Pierre and I… well, it’s complicated.

  118. One Shrugwich, Extra Snark Sauce
    February 15th, 2013 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#107):

    Re PLUGGERS: Ironically, the elderly Chicken Lady is emulating Jack Nicholson’s ploy in FIVE EASY PIECES. All Jack wanted was toast, but he had to order a modified chicken salad sandwich to get it. Chicken Lady is working up to just asking for a sandwich bun, but she doesn’t have the chutzpah to start out by asking for “chicken salad on a hamburger bun.”

  119. bats :[
    February 15th, 2013 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Erich Clapton (#108): probably because I get SO MANY GREAT IDEAS from the folks here — I suspect an illustrator would want the story a few weeks before a story, rather than the day of (or a day or two after ;)

  120. Steve
    February 15th, 2013 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    S-M: In today’s comic, Spider-Man (the hero) is chasing down a blind man while taunting him over his relative lack of ability. I don’t know what Kingpin (the villain) is doing, but I’ll bet it’s something a rational adult might do. Maybe he’s paying bills.

  121. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    February 15th, 2013 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Don’t Touch That Dial! (#81):

    “Thumping Beaver”

    One could have a heyday with that title!

    //*snort* He said “THUMPING” *chuckle* and “BEAVER” *chortle* /Beavis & Butthead

  122. Huckleberry Fink
    February 15th, 2013 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#107): Pluggers: The elder chicken lady would go into an Italian restaurant and say, “I’d like the spaghetti and meatballs. But instead of round, thin noodles, make them big and flat. And instead of the meatballs, have a crumbled mixture of seasoned beef. And instead of tossing it all together, layer the beef with some ricotta in between the flat noodles.”

    Except everything the chicken lady says comes out sounding pretty much like: “cluck… cluck… cluck… BACAW! cluck… cluck… cluck… BACAW!” Not that it matters to the owner of the restaurant. Seeing dollar signs in front of his eyes (like the preacher in yesterday’s Herb & Jamaal), he leaves a trail of cracked corn for mother, daughter and granddaughter to follow into the kitchen… where he quickly delivers the coup de grace.

    Remember, it ALWAYS ends badly for the chicken.

  123. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 15th, 2013 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

  124. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 15th, 2013 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#56): Aw, corgi lovebutts!

    (And the flower story was sweet.)

  125. The Ridger
    February 15th, 2013 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    The talk about poodles always being girls in comics reminds of Francis the ladybug in A Bug’s Life: “So! Bein’ a ladybug automatically makes me a girl. Is that it, fly boy? Eh?”

  126. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    February 15th, 2013 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Bigporn: Gives “spriit in the sky” a whole new meaning.

    Luann: Only works if there’s a vibrator in that box.

    FW: Weak tea again.

  127. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke has succeeded in one-upping Superhombre for a change. The Hellhound used an ordinary garbage can to trap that magical Mexican jumping being from another dimension… Señor Mxyzptlk.

    (Sheesh, talk about undocumented aliens!)

  128. tallyHO
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#117):

    “well, it’s complicated….”

    “Perhaps it is best that I let this long-haired, spandex-wearing heavy metal band explain my relationship with Chef Pierre. Take away, Heavy Meddle Salmon Squares!”

    “Thanks, Mary! You rock!”

    Chef Pieeeeeeerre,
    Apple of my Eeeeeeeeeeeye;
    He could squeeze a lemooooon
    And, make my pie-yi-yiiiiiii!

    Chef Pierre
    Whip the batter up!
    Chef Pierre
    Don’t forget the nuts!
    Chef Pierre
    Chef Pierre

    He’s my muffin maaaayaaan!

    //btw, on a phonetically related note, We should all be grateful for the legendary Muffin Mayan. I think he averted catastrophe by suddenly disappearing before finishing up the calendar. Though I guess it could be said he caused centuries of speculation by vamoosing in the first place.

  129. Peanut Gallery
    February 15th, 2013 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    MW – I was really hoping the surprise prize would be a free trip on Triumph the Insult Cruise Ship.

  130. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 15th, 2013 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to the COTW prodigies. I know the thread’s been up for 15 hours now, but I always save the Comments of the week for after I get home. Anyway, ya done good.

  131. I speak Jive
    February 15th, 2013 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – An eight month apprenticeship – translated to comic strip time, that means that the next four years of MW will be Mary and John transferring cakes for Chef Pierre. I don’t know if I can stand the suspense.

    Pluggers – This was the most jarring thing I saw today. It was a shock that all three generations were the same species – usually the grandchild is a bear or a dog. But if they are the same species, shouldn’t the grandchild be a peep instead of an adult chicken?

  132. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 15th, 2013 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @popamatic (#99): You must be right. Lent lasts about 11 months, right?

  133. tallyHO
    February 15th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#129):
    How would that go?

    “The power’s out, there’s no more food and what’s left is rotten, the toilets don’t work; here’s some trash bags…..

    for you to poop in!”

  134. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 15th, 2013 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#83): re 9CL:
    His educational career began interestingly enough in agricultural school, where he majored in animal husbandry, until they caught him at it one day ~ Tom Lehrer

  135. tallyHO
    February 15th, 2013 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Weekend Bourbon Update

    Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have a glass in this race with Maker’s Mark. It is just weird how people are supposedly “surrounding” the recent decision with a “storm of protest “.

    I guess it is better than a snowstorm. The after effects probably melt away quicker, too.

    According to the comments, bourbon is used in Manhattans? I did not know. So, I guess I haven’t had one.

  136. Mibbitmaker
    February 15th, 2013 at 9:52 pm [Reply]


    (skipping all the intro stuff and getting into the main bit)

    ED: “…the first envelope…”
    CARNAC: “Margo burned.”
    ED: “Margo burned.”
    CARNAC: “What happens when someone verbally one-ups Margo?”

    CARNAC: “Sticking one head-first into a wastepaper basket.”
    ED: “Sticking one head-first into a wastepaper basket.”
    CARNAC: “What happens when someone verbally one-ups Margo?”

    C: “Fwip.”
    E: “…Fwip.”
    C: “What does Jeffy from Family Circus do through the pages of a book?”

    C: “Ackfinaki.”
    E: “Ackfinaki.”
    C: “What’s the sound made by combining Bill the Cat with Morris the Cat? (pause) ACKFINAKI!!!”

    C: “Crankshaft.”
    E: “Crankshaft.”
    C: “What does the movement of a Mary Worth storyline sound like?”

    C: “Oedipus Rex.”
    E: “Oedipus Rex.”
    C: “What literature did Barry Wilkins write an A+ school paper about?”

    C: “Rod Bassy.”
    E: “Rod Bassy.”
    C: “Name a made-up Lynn Johnston curse word.”

    C: “Catfish Hunter.”
    E: “Catfish Hunter.”
    C: “What do you call someone who shoots at Mark Trail fishermen?”

    C: “Dingburg Serious.”
    E: “Dingburg Serious.”
    C: “Name Yahoo Serious’s less successful brother.”

    C: “John Dill.”
    E: “John Dill.”
    C: “What do you call a restroom pickle?”
    (audience boos)
    C: “May a sexed-up djinn start dating your sister!”

    C: “Trebuchet.”
    E: “Trebuchet.”
    C: “What comes after twobuchet?”

    C: “Pibgorn.”
    E: “Pibgorn.”
    C: “What’s the sound of Brooke McEldowney being hit by a runaway bus?”

    E: “Ladies and gentlemen… the LAST envelope.”
    (audience cheers)
    C: “May you get a storyline in Funky Winkerbean!”

    C: “Jeremy Duncan, a night with the Lockhorns, and Marvin.”
    E: “Jeremy Duncan, a night with the Lockhorns, and Marvin.”
    C: “What are Zits, snits, and shits?”



  137. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#135): Interesting article (and I pretty much agree with a lot of the opinions expressed in it).

    I think that Manhattans can be made with bourbon or rye; recently, I’ve started to like them better with rye.

  138. seismic-2
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#135): Bourbon Manhattans, as well as Manhattans made with (blended) Canadian whiskey, exist and are even becoming predominant these days. However, the traditional Manhattan uses rye whiskey instead. The “controversial” part is whether the other ingredient (vermouth) should be of the sweet or dry variety. I tend to split the difference by ordering a “perfect Manhattan”, which uses a half-portion of each. BTW, if you use Scotch whisky instead of rye, it’s a “Rob Roy”.

  139. Liam
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    MT-”Rusty, how many times have I told that if there is a strange van driven by a strange man get into it?”

    MW-”John, I borrowed money from a person in New York and I’m trying to avoid them.”

  140. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 15th, 2013 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#129): MW – I was really hoping the surprise prize would be a free trip on Triumph the Insult Cruise Ship.

    “For the added convenience of our passengers, Carnival Cruise Lines has installed poop decks on all of its ships. There’s poop below deck, poop above deck…”

    And, of course, there’s this unfortunate allusion to crapping in a swimming pool:

  141. Liam
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    I’m impressed how in a week of weak comics we were able to get such a long list of comments.

  142. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#138): I love the things I learn at this site. I usually just drink brandy old-fashioneds, though.

  143. tallyHO
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#137):

    I posted it because it is apparent that the column/article addresses the sales aspect of it. It also mentions, via the comments, that a watered down bottle is a price increase. That is where the indignation will rest.

    Less for More!?! This means WAR!

    In some places around the country you must buy 3.2 % beer. You can’t get anything stronger than that. I think even main, cheap enough brands like Bud sell 3.2 versions.
    So, having grown up with that may be the reason why this 80 proof thing doesn’t seem like huge problem to me. Believe me, I have had stronger. Oooooh boy. That Amazing Carnac* I was not! Though it was impressive I did not hurl!

    @seismic-2 (#138):

    Rye. I have had the bread but not the booze.

    Should see if a Manhattan or a Rob Roy are palatable.

    I’ve played around with a mix of vermouths in Martinis. I generally stick with one and that is usually the dry kind.

    *@Mibbitmaker (#136):
    Carnac? I thought it was Carmac or Carnack. Lip Balm. An extra letter. I dunno.

  144. Sequitur
    February 15th, 2013 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    Where the hell did that come from? Department:

    When we were children my sister used to say that Alfred Hitchcock always looked like he was about to say the word “poop.”

    //As far as I know he never did.

  145. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#144): He could have. (Scroll down to #3.)

  146. Sequitur
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#145): Well, I hope ol’ Alf had the decency to purchase the poor fellow a new pair of trousers along with a case of self esteem.

  147. Uncle Lumpy
    February 16th, 2013 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#142):

    Brandy Old-Fashioneds = Wisconsin, which at one time consumed half the brandy in the US (and may still). On out-of-state vacations, I remember my Dad telling waiters, “ask the bartender to make it like an Old Fashioned, but use brandy instead of whiskey.”

  148. Droopy Says
    February 16th, 2013 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: If you want to see Spiderdick crash, haul out a sofa and bait it with a TV. But since he’s a crashing bore anyway, why bother?

    Funky Whatasnore: If there’s a joke here, Batiuk blew it.

    Family Circus: Jeffy can’t even do a good job of tying his laces together? And even when his head is facing the right way, it still looks like it’s on backward. Ladies and gentlemen, our zero.

    Pluggers: The implication is that the kangroo woman, or deer, or whatever that creature is, isn’t really a Plugger. Maybe she’s a misanthropologist studying Pluggers and has gone native.

    Mock Travail: You know what kind of animal would make this panel complete? Porky Pig. If only he would pop out of that giant circle and say “Th-th-th-that’s all, folks!” Well, we can hope that Rusty will sneak out of bed with his camera to spy on Mr. Bassy and Mr. Catfish.

    Luann: Still not gonna look, still not gona break my New Year’s resolution. But here’s a predicion based on the snarking: Gooann and Squid will keep up this treacly non-relationship until a new boy threatens to enter the Brainless One’s life. Then the Aussie will return to enroll in The Local Community College (because Australia doesn’t have comparable schools of its own, right?).

    Phantom: The bad guys have to be pretty fucking stupid not to disarm Walker before they fed him to the lions. But this could be better than any show Nero put on for the Romans, because that lionness looks like she remembers her one-season stand with Ghost-Who-Doesn’t-Call-Again.

    Shoe: The joke surprises me. Brookins really knows that the Cyrillic alphabet is now transliterated so that it’s “tsar” and not “czar”?

  149. Kelvin the Clown
    February 16th, 2013 at 4:45 am [Reply]

    Joel, your Becky is “hands on”…she’s a “gig”! She’s “roadside,” man!

    You mean…she’s “been there,” Rufus?

    Yeah, an’ once you’ve “been there,” you ain’t comin’ back!

  150. Dale
    February 16th, 2013 at 5:16 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#143):


    Interesting article.

    A 3 percentage point drop, starting from 45%, is not a 3% drop.
    It’s 6.67% (slide-rule accuracy).

    I don’t see how he got the 20 drops number. It would help to know how many drops in an ounce. I just found a source that works out to 456.
    Is he pouring 2 ounces and then adding water or replacing the alcohol before pouring? Either way, 20 looks small.

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    Thorp: THE PEACOCK SPEAKS! Scott Fowler is chosen new Peacock Pope!

    Mark: No, tomorrow is Sunday, and Mark’s gonna tell us all about lichens or something.

    Rex: In a secondary tragedy, Honey has athlete’s foot, and is going to spread it to Rex and June.

    Webslinger: So, Our hero’s first step in stopping the notorious Kingpin of Crime is to attack a blind man. Keep flyin’ high, Spidey!

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