The Comics Curmudgeon

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Going to the dogs

Slylock Fox, 7/29/08

It took me a while to figure out exactly what the storyline was in today’s Six Differences — dog mauls little girl to seize her ice cream, little girl weeps for the loss of the treat that she’d been looking forward to all day, little boy laughs sadistically at her pain, squirrel is horrified by the quotidian cruelties that selfish humans and animals visit upon each other, bird lands on dog’s head and stares at the viewer with huge, soulless eyes. At first I didn’t make the connection between the fallen ice cream cone and the brown goo in the dog’s mouth, and just assumed that the mutt was eating his own feces; while I realize that this is more or less a daily event in kennels and dog parks all across this great nation of ours, I was shocked to see it in a family newspaper.

Ballard Street, 7/29/08

But then again, today’s Ballard Street is about a dog licking his own ass, so perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised by anything anymore.

Marmaduke, 7/29/08

This may be the first time I’ve used the phrase “I like” in relation to Marmaduke, but: I like the way the other dog is hiding behind his owner in today’s Marmaduke. It really helps emphasize the unspoken conclusion to Marmaduke’s owner’s sentence, which is “… considering the enormous, murderous hellbeast he’s become today! OH MY GOD DON’T MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HIM NO NO NO”

Judge Parker, 7/29/08

In non-dog news, Sam Driver recently discovered that just touching this little red book has magically improved his golf game, in a sequence that involved Abbey wearing ludicrously short shorts but also involved Sam shooting golf balls at a driving range — possibly the most boring thing I can imagine — so I couldn’t bring myself to comment on it. Today, though, I’m intrigued by the fact that Sam has scored one of those bulkhead seats at the front of coach — you know, the ones that have twenty feet of open space in front of them. That’s just one of the benefits of flying Teal Seat Airlines! Another benefit: stewardess ass crack.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 at 08:34 pm and is filed under Ballard Street, Judge Parker, Marmaduke, Slylock Fox.

149 responses to “Going to the dogs”

Uncle Lumpy
July 29th, 2008 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

Josh –

Flight attendant ass crack!

Pig!
t007
July 29th, 2008 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

Okay Lumpy, you made beer come out my nose.
Tim
July 29th, 2008 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

Two abreast seating? Extra-wide armrests that could accommodate the arm resting needs of two humans seated next to each other?

On any commercial plane I’ve ever flown on, those are hallmarks of first class seating.

I’d be interested to know if womens collegiate golf coaches tell prospective recruits that even if their dreams of making the tour don’t pan out, there will be many, many lucrative opportunities for them in the airline industry…
yani
July 29th, 2008 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

Isn’t the story in Six Differences actually a case of “Instant Karma”… girl sees squirrel, gets scared, drops icecream cone, boy laughs, dog eats boy’s icecream while he’s distracted.

Although your story is much filthier…
yani
July 29th, 2008 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

And I just noticed… with those few wisps of loose hair, does it look like Miss Ass Crack Flight Attendant has joined the Mile High Club recently?
Jill Smith
July 29th, 2008 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

Wait…

Chairman Mao wrote a golf book?
The Ghost of Jarrod
July 29th, 2008 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

Good to see Sam is just as disinterested in a female flight attendant throwing herself at him as his wife. Now, if a male flight attendant had thrown himself at him, we’d finally know whether Sam is gay, or simply has no carnal needs.
migellito
July 29th, 2008 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

Is it just me, or does miss asscrack look vaguely British, in a forties way?
Harold
July 29th, 2008 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

Aaaaand Sam Driver cock-blocks himself! Yes, sensing that the touseled-heaired flight attendant might be striking up a conversation as a way of flirting with him and possibly finding a way to amuse herself during the downtime between flights, Sam leaps into action to defuse the situation by demeaning the flight attendant’s past accomplishiments, thereby undermining her self-esteem and…

Sam! You clever bastard! I see your game! Take her down just to bring her up again! Well, you may find that this human isn’t such easy prey!

* * *

Wondering what delightful singers Mary and Dr. Jeff were going to see? Intrigued as to whether “The Doofuses” (or whoever they were) were the only option for the night? Dip into the Many Worlds Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics and explore the concerts that might have been…

http://www.yo-god.com/comics/mw_the_concert.htm
Poteet and ChattyGenes, together at last
July 29th, 2008 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

Poteet: If there is ANY justice in this universe, Sam is sitting in front of, or will soon be visited by, an extremely flatulent little kid.

ChattyGenes: I haven’t been able to read the comics or CC for the day or two it took me to get to Iowa. And I just learned from Poteet that the date of the FOOB wedding is AUGUST 23rd. Thank God they missed MY wedding anniversary–but just barely. (mine is the 24th!)

True Fable and wedding crashers, HERE WE COME! (gee, still gotta find something to wear…)
zenvelo
July 29th, 2008 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

anyone notice that Mary Worth bears a strong resemblance to E.T. with his neck extended today?
Big Sims
July 29th, 2008 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

Hey Sam, try out that line on the lawyers from whom you’re trying to wrangle a better contract for your boss. You’ll be looking like that dog in today’s Ballard St, all the way home.
zenvelo
July 29th, 2008 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

that flight attendant was an amateur in college when she did the whole fraternity in one night.

Now she’s a $5000 a night pro that Eliot Spitzer can’t afford…
O\'Brien
July 29th, 2008 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

Once again, only proles fly coach. That’s business class at a minimum (see also Mary Worth.)
Rusty
July 29th, 2008 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

Ballard Street: seriously, WTF? I’ve never seen this strip before, but aiming at the lowest common denominator will always find you an audience.

JP: Sam is just letting the stew know that he, too, was a rank amateur in college. Oh, at golf?
Jeremiah
July 29th, 2008 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

MW – Somewhere a professor of literature just felt a piece of their soul die and doesn’t know why.

OBH – *yells, runs away, and is found cowering under a table two weeks later*

RM – I’m relatively new to Rex Morgan. Is Sarah always this scary?

JP – I wasn’t, you smug asshole.

9CL – Straight male dancers are dogs. Just watch “Center Stage.” Wait, don’t do that thing I just said; that would be bad.

Possible story developments for “Mary Worth”:

Mary and Toby’s dinner is interrupted when a terrorist group takes the restaurant hostage. A three day standoff ensues during which Dr. Jeff Cory works closely with the loose cannon negotiator. Meanwhile, Mary manages to wrest the gun away for the leader. In the following gun battle, Mary expertly kills off the entire terrorist group with the exception of their leader, but not before Toby is critically hit. The police burst in to find an enraged Mary emptying her gun into the leader’s head and yelling, “And a flight of angels sing thee to thy rest, you fucking bastard!”

Toby quotes Andrew Marvell. Mary says something about Dr. Jeff. They pay and go back to Mary’s apartment to watch “The View.”
Arcaner
July 29th, 2008 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

Ballard street is made worse because ChiChi LaRue is a world famous ghey pr0n director. Don’t ask me how I know that.
Nathaniel
July 29th, 2008 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

I just keep on wishing the Judge Parker story were about the Little Red Book and how in some form of late capitalist postmodern appropriation it is being passed by legal and business types to improve their golf game and possibly life due perhaps to a cargo cult misidentification with the esteemed work of Mr Penick. I see Sam Driver looking down at the chapter headings, “Hmm, dare to struggle and dare to win…sounds good, I don’t do that. I wonder if they have this thing on tape. Golf’s a lot more complicated than I thought, though. Going to need to become a lot better at the game before I even understand some of this shit”

Encountering an attendant, she responds positively and reminisces about her time in the Red Guard. She was even one of the leaders in the famed Peking University section before being sent down to the countryside. Sam Driver doesn’t care, though. “Wasn’t everyone?”, he muses dismissively, while admiring her leather-limned asscrack.
ralph
July 29th, 2008 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

Poteet and Chatty Genes in Iowa: I hope you have the best visit ever.
AeroSquid
July 29th, 2008 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

SFx: I’m sure the Korean color guy screwed up and selected Feces Brown rather than Drool White/
Big Sims
July 29th, 2008 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

#10 P&CG,
I’ll be there. When I bought this crazy old house I found some over the top Mardi Gras gowns in the attic. I’m not one for cross dressing, but for the Foob wedding I’ll make an exception. Hopefully I don’t attract all of Liz’s cast off men but I’ve left weddings with stranger people.
Blue sequins, here I come!
Tom the Pirate
July 29th, 2008 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

In Marmaduke, we learn exactly how such a massive canine developed his affection for the human male penis. Apparently in his puppy years, Adolf’s “frank and beans” were his only chew toys.

As the villainous vultuer smashes through the penthouse window in today’s Amazing I’ve-Got-the-Flu-Man, how is it that Peter finds time to check MJ’s forehead for a fever? (At least he isn’t using a rectal thermometer; talk about awkward timing! “Excuse me, Jonah, could you hold this while I snap a few photos?”)

The picky reader in me can’t help but mention that, for a folded newspaper to show its “Local News” banner in the upright position like that, our doggish Plugger would have to be reading the lower half of the page upside-down. This confirms my long-held position that Pluggers can’t read — and don’t even notice when the people in the pictures are standing on their heads.

Is Family Circus really robbing Rose is Rose for material? Really? Has the well gone so dry?

OK, so we know the Foob Gwampa is just suffering from a dental intrustion into his left nipple, but shouldn’t Elly be a little concerned by his posture and expression … and be dialing 911 or something? That satisfied smile suggests she has been plotting is sudden demise for years and believes she has finally attained it.
Deena in OR
July 29th, 2008 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

Random question for Jamus the Bartender-

Do you have the “Cassandra Cat” narratives archived anywhere on the ‘nets?
DavidMac
July 29th, 2008 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

Slylock Fox: The dog’s eating CHOCOLATE ice cream; one difference will be the dog is dead in the second panel.
Perky Bird
July 29th, 2008 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

Curtis: “Someone” needs to “tell” Andy that the “frequent” use of “quotes” isn’t “cool” with the “peeps.”
AeroSquid
July 29th, 2008 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

SFX: Wow….I just thought of something….dude…*snicker*. What if ? The Korean dude that lives in Osan ? That does the coloring for Skylock F ? What if he did ‘The Brown’ on purpose ? Mebbe he thought that a fecal color of the visqous (sic) fluid dripping from the dog’s mouth would be more acceptable than something that resembles one those ‘Bukkake Pet’s that are so popular in Japan ?
Poteet and ChattyGenes, together at last
July 29th, 2008 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

# 19 ralph — Thank you, kind sir! Chatty is getting through jetlag amazingly well, so that’s a start.
Alfred E. Neuman
July 29th, 2008 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

#10 Poteet and ChattyGenes— Congratulations on your reunion! Unfortunately, MY wedding anniversary (#36, thank you very much) is August 23rd. The comics section of my paper will probably go straight to the trash that day, as I don’t want my anniversary celebration spoiled by exposure to foobian marital dreck.

On second thought, maybe Mrs. Neuman and I will read it, so that we can feel superior to LizAnthony and the years of passionless, mind-numbing coexistence that lie ahead of them.
Kaitlyn
July 29th, 2008 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

3 golf things that are not boring –

miniature golf = the courses rule, plus my sister and cousin spent too much time 2 summers ago laughing about the “mini golf guy” in Southern Nebraska

Wii golf = except I suck at it

Caddying for relatives = $$$
someschmuck
July 29th, 2008 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

from the look of that ~~stewardess’s~~ flight attendant’s hair, I’m thinking she just upped her dues in the mile-high club
Mooncattie
July 29th, 2008 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

bats:[ from yesterthread – Josh has indeed been an inspiring figure re: taking lots of holidays! This trip, like Sally Forth’s first child, wasn’t really planned. Also, like SF, there will be lots of smirky conversations with friends to come – in my case, from starting the beer consumption part of the vacation in Switzerland and ending it off in Munich. Are my impossibly delicate hands up to the task? Will I, again like SF, think back on all of this 11 years from now, picturing myself with Rockin’ Hair? Dare I appear in the Alps with a Cassandra Cat t-shirt? Stay tuned!

And: Have a great Iowa Visit, Poteet and ChattyGenes! We should have had a massive ‘mudge meetup at the Dyersville Field of Dreams – another holiday, a long time ago, but I still have my “Is This Heaven?” ballcap!
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 29th, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

You missed a couple of things in SlyFox

Boy fails to notice dog has stolen his own ice cream.

Crow marks boy as easy prey.

Dog breaks into hives from eating chocolate.
Nate
July 29th, 2008 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

Sam’s derisive dismissal of the airline stewardess is a new height in comics-pages douchebaggery. Take notes, Jeffy Keane: You’re going to be talking to people like this in a few short years.
yeff (Jeff Soesbe)
July 29th, 2008 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

Apparently, the other book in Sam Driver’s carryon is “Score with the Ladies By Being A Jerk”.

We’ll see if it works any better than that golf book.

- yeff
Red Greenback
July 29th, 2008 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

Judge ~~Dredd~~ Parker: What’s happening here is S.G. is bustin’ a move
rhymes with puck
July 29th, 2008 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

MW: As it’s also been said, “Tobey is a stupid bitch.”

DT: Today’s Dick Tracy is awesome! In panel 1, Dick is cleary just sniffed about 10 lines of cocaine. In panel 2, the loch ness monster eats a steak, and in panel 3, we see that nothing is more menacing that a couple of criminals with dog whistles in their mouths.

Phantom: Is that a huge monkey wrench in his pocket or does he just think the Phantom looks hot in purple spandex?

Spider-Man: Do vultures have the power of flying through plate glass windows without severing arteries? If not this is going to be a pretty short fight.
avatarjk137
July 29th, 2008 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

Curtis: That Asian kid seems to have decided ‘cool’ is synonymous with either ’stereotypical and dated black person’, or ‘Randy Jackson’, neither of which is quite right. He can only get closer, though.

JP: ‘Stewardess ass crack’ is almost always a benefit. ‘Flight attendant ass crack’, being a gender-neutral term, is a much riskier proposition.
yellojkt
July 29th, 2008 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

Sam is really reading the Mystery Method To Seduction that calls for gently insulting your target in order to get her intrigued in you. Then comes the physical contact. And then the Mile High Club-Backdoor Chapter invite.
yellojkt
July 29th, 2008 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

And the answer to the unasked question in Ballard Street is “Because he can. Because he can.”
Buck Ripsnort
July 29th, 2008 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

Yay! I’m the first one to notice that reading Mao’s Little Red Book has turned Sam into Patrick Swayze– AND a douchebag.
Milo
July 29th, 2008 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

The answer list on Slylock appears to be some sort of weird code for a bizarre witch recipe: “tooth, ice cream drop, squirrel’s ear, boy’s hair, bird, and cherry.”
AmandaTheGreat
July 29th, 2008 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

You know, I figured out that the girl dropped her ice cream and the boy’s got stolen while he was laughing at her, but somehow it wasn’t until after all that that I figured out that I had just spent all those precious braincells on Slylock Fox’s Six Differences. I’m college educated!
Doug Puthoff
July 29th, 2008 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

PBS- -WHY DON’T THESE PEOPLE HAVE JOBS?!! They probably do. But people of our age don’t have regular 9-to-5 jobs. Instead we all work at service jobs at odd hours. (Of course, that doesn’t explain why we’re paying half an hour’s wages for a stinking cup of coffee?

Jump Start–In the history of the human race, has there EVER been a reason for people to run with scissors.

Non Sequitur–Yeah prepare for dealing with life in the real world by seeing how much “The Dark Knight” made this past weekend.

S4th– No, Ted, you do not want to go back to the Greg Howard years–the badly-drawn era. Trust me on this. (On second thought, Bush wasn’t the President then, you might want to go back there.)

GF–”Like a robot golfer on a flagpole.” I’m going to google that after I’ve posted.

GT–Rubin would have to take the two least interesting characters and make a storyline out of them.
Doug Puthoff
July 29th, 2008 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

Oops, Forgot a couple.

FW–Summer and Jinx seem to have an intimate relationship. They’ll probably get married when they’re out of school–since by the time the strip takes place, gay marriage will be legal everywhere.

Zits–Jeremy now seems to want to inflict pain on himself. He’s behaving creepier than usual.

Medium Large–Bob the Tomato looks disturbing like Elmo’s head.
Tom Bombadil
July 29th, 2008 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

SFx: Note that the dog’s eyes are directed downwards. I think he accidentally caught a glimpse of something below SFx on the comics page, like Mary Worth or FBOFW, and spontaneously vomited. Who can blame him, really?
Harold
July 29th, 2008 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

Josh, just so you know, you have a Posse.

http://anothermonkey.blogspot.com/2008/07/josh-fruhlinger-has-posse.html

I’m guessing at your height and weight based on your appearance on Jeopardy.
Josh
July 29th, 2008 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

#46 Harold, I’m touched! But FYI, subtract six inches and add 50 pounds. (My two opponents were both wee folk; I’m not even going to ask how you got the weight, as I kept thinking my shoulders looked unnaturally broad on TV.)

Josh
Poteet
July 29th, 2008 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

# 28 Alfred — Thank you! And on behalf of myself and ChattyGenes (she’s offline now), deep sympathies re the Foobian date. However, I do agree that as an opportunity to feel superior, this one looms large, especially considering you’ll be celebrating # 36. Congratulations!!
The Ghost of Jarrod
July 29th, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

#43 — I will say, S4th did just do the best retcon ever, what with simply eliminating everything that happened before 1998. Now if only FOOB could retcon itself out of existence completely, we’d be hoppin’…
C. Havoc
July 29th, 2008 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

Phantom: Andre’s packing the BFPW again. We’re freakin’ saved.
Bunnë, Offical Comics Execrator
July 29th, 2008 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

Josh — “chewing”, not “licking”. That dog in clearly chewing.

I’m reminded of why I wouldn’t let the dog sleep in my room when I was a kid. The noises! The chewing and licking, licking and chewing, echoing in the silence of my — OK enough poetry, I’m grossing myself out all over again.
Poteet
July 29th, 2008 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

# 31 — Thank you, Mooncattie! And have a wonderful trip. Based on my decades-old beer-fogged memories of Munich, I bet you’ll find your delicate hands are up to the task.
Deena in OR
July 29th, 2008 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

Jamus-
Never mind. I answered my own question. :)
Vakar
July 29th, 2008 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

Big Sims: As you asked yesterthread, we are indeed expecting a baby any… day… (gets up to check sleeping wife) …now…
Really, we’re at 37 weeks, doing fine. Getting tense. Our toddler knows what’s going to happen, and yet has no idea…
So how about your new one? How are the other two dealing with the baby?

Poteet & ChattyGenes: Have a great little family reunion, you two! Could you make a side trip to South Dakota, and save the prairie through the power of snark? Could happen, you know.
Poteet
July 30th, 2008 at 12:05 am [Reply]

DT — Guns. Guns could solve this problem easily. And after the bullet-riddled dead bodies of all the dumb animals were lying together on the floor, the Humane Society could come and provide food, water, and shelter for the dogs.
P
July 30th, 2008 at 12:12 am [Reply]

RMMD: This just in!

RUBY PRODUCTIONS HIRES JAPAN’S YOUNGEST PORN ACTRESS!!

Tokyo: Today, Ruby Productions, known for hiring the 73 year old porn star, has just hired the youngest porn actress known in Japan. “4 year old Sarah Morgan has been learning the basics quite some time.” said Vice President Graham Nolan. “We hope that we can pair her up with our old star someday.” President Woody Wilson added.
TOMORROW: Max Mallory is flown in to a taping of Maury to find out if he’s the father of the MRSA.
FC: They still do, Grandma, you just forgot that they were watching Educational TV!
LTBF
July 30th, 2008 at 12:15 am [Reply]

Elly is glad Iris went out of town so they could have time to talk? Why can’t she go over some other time and give Iris a break? She is a full time caregiver and she is around 80 years old. She has to leave town to get some rest.

What a bitch Elly is. Now we see where Elizabeth, who didn’t even go inside when she picked up April, gets her family compassion.

“All the kids” are in the wedding? You only have two grandchildren. I think “both” would be a better choice of words.
Poteet
July 30th, 2008 at 12:16 am [Reply]

# 54 Vakar — Thank you! And best wishes for the impending arrival and Arrival’s sib. Decades ago, as a mere infink staring suspiciously at Chatty for the first time, I had no idea what a great gift she was. Your toddler will learn the same.
Eric the Baker
July 30th, 2008 at 12:21 am [Reply]

#44: re Zits: Don’t forget, only two days ago on Sunday, Jeremy saw his parents in a passionate embrace. Now he sees their technological ineptness. No wonder he’s attempting to injure himself. His sanity has fled.
BigTed
July 30th, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

“Wasn’t everyone?” Ha! Obviously, Sam is trying to seduce the stewardess by lowering her self-esteem with a traditional “neg.” Who knew that even comic-strip characters watched “The Pickup Artist”?
True Fable
July 30th, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

# 10 Poteet and Chatty Genes – My queen and my duchess, what a powerhouse combination of charm! Oh, the forces of bad comics do not stand a chance before you!
#21 Big Sims – I’ll have the Ginormous Trailer ready to roll to the Foobtacular Wedding And Glurge Festival. I’m torn between wearing a Patently Hideous High-Waisted, High-Water suit so as to fit in with all the Mom Jeans wearers of Foobland, or wear a black swallow-tailed topcoat with black formalwear out of respect for the death of good taste that is bound to be on display in Milborough. At any rate, we’re ready to go when you are!
#54 Vakar – Congrats! It’s always good news to hear about new babies and their imminent arrival!
True Fable
July 30th, 2008 at 12:53 am [Reply]

Cathy (Must Die!) Prius will forever be associated in my mind, with a graspy, needy, self-centered spendthrift ditz from the comics. I sure hope Ford paid plenty for the product placement because they are paying heavily in terms of respect as far as I am concerned.
FBoFW Jim is considering pouring cheap glue from a brown bottle with a slanted rubber tip, all over his wife in an effort to keep her close by so he will never have to be alone with his annoying daughter ever again.
Joe Btfsplk
July 30th, 2008 at 1:03 am [Reply]

Slylock Fox (Yesterday’s) – I searched the intervening threads for “cass,” “clock” and “libr,” and didn’t find anyone pointing out that Rodney Rat must have learned the alarm clock trick from Cassandra Cat, who tried to use the same scheme to steal a rare book from the library back on May 14 of last year. Cassie at least had enough class to use a tasteful single alarm clock rather than Rodney’s extravagant dozen or so. And of course she looked better doing it.

Fred Basset – We learn today that Fred has no fur. The thought of a hairless basset hound, toddling about like an enormous, smooth, rubbery sausage, gives me the willies. At least I hope it’s the willies, ‘cuz my health insurance doesn’t cover the heebie-jeebies.

Dick Tracy – This is the first time in many months when I have actually been interested in seeing what happens next in this strip. Will the hellhounds accept the T-bones, or hold out for sirloins? Will the villains, already holding a conversation not only with their mouths closed but also while simultaneously blowing continuous blasts on their dog-whistles, wow their audience even further by drinking glasses of water as well? Will Tracy’s face freeze that way, like his mother always told him it would? I’m going to stay up late tonight, just to find out!

Phantom – Again, the first time in ages that I’ve actually cared a whit about what happens here. The Phantom himself is an outdated relic, but I love this Andre DuPierre character. I want a spinoff superhero strip about him and his giant wrench.

Spider-Man – I’m not sure what kind of protective qualities The Vulture’s suit has, but no matter; he’s shattering the window of the Chrysler Building with his bare fists and face. I do not expect to be given any explanation of how he does this without slashing himself to ribbons. Realistically, tomorrow we would see him staggering around the room holding his face and shrieking in agony as a fountain of blood pours down his arms, and Peter and MJ and Jameson point and laugh. But I know pretty much what to expect instead.
bats :[
July 30th, 2008 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Hump-day Funnies:

JP: aww, come on now, Sam isn’t that bad. He hates golf…I hate golf. Sam hates sex…I hate golf.

MW: ooooh, finally that greatly-anticipated storyline: Toby hires a prostitute for Ian’s birthday!

RMMD: the suspense is terrible! (I hope it lasts.)

9CL: I love Mark (well, in one of those platonic ways…).

FOOB: well, at least we were spared all the “fun” things Elly had planned for Jim. Iris isn’t a bad sort, and Jim seems a lot happier to see her than he was with the prospect of being entertained at by Elly…
texas buddha
July 30th, 2008 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Hello Comics Curmudgeon,

I’m a big fan of yours. Not stalker big or anything, but big.

Please check out my blog. It is pretty new, but I think you will enjoy my Family Circus parody.

I have about 30-odd installments of the New World Order Family Circus, and I try to add a new one each day.

Check them out before the cease and desist letter from Bil Keane arrives.

Your loving fan,

texas buddha
Bobdog
July 30th, 2008 at 1:11 am [Reply]

Sure, let the ass crack and mussed up hair distract you from the fact she’s a goth chick.
Poteet
July 30th, 2008 at 1:41 am [Reply]

# 61 Sir Fable MTK, what a sartorial dilemma — to join the Foobs (and some of the rest of us) in our merry orgy of ugly outfits, or to hold the standard high for human dignity via topcoat. Whatever you choose, I look forward to seeing you at the debacle.

JP — Before this story began, I merely disliked golf. Now I hate it. White-hot loathing is on the way, especially if that (Saturn) book gets more discussion.
Poteet
July 30th, 2008 at 1:46 am [Reply]

MW — Oboy oboy oboy. Just a few short hours until ChattyGenes awakens and I can tell her about our new mantra, which I hope we’ll chant together often — “We’re splendid, as usual! We’re always thinking of each other!”
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
July 30th, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

FOOB: Fuck Gwampa Jim. Just effin’ fuck him. Oh, yeah, I was all for cutting Jim a little slack, but then he had to go and make puns in his aphasic thought balloons.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
July 30th, 2008 at 1:48 am [Reply]

ChattyGenes & Poteet: Congratulations and enjoy! I’ll raise a glass in your honor.
True Fable
July 30th, 2008 at 1:48 am [Reply]

Bizarro For the first time in a long time, I openly laughed when I read Bizarro. Good going, Ces!
Curtis Awwww. The More You Know….
DtM I know he’s supposed to be a menace, but why Alice looks so terrified is a mystery to me. It’s a Goldfish, it’s not as if he’s manhandling a Beluga whale he stole from the Georgia Aquarium, honey.
(WT)DT I’ll probably get scolded by animal lovers, but I don’t see why the guards don’t just shoot the dogs. They are helping criminals Break Into the Bank; shoot ‘em.
FC Your WHITEBOARDS are white, kids. Blackboards are still black. I can’t help it if you can’t tell the difference.
FBoFW Well, I guess Grampa’s going to live to see the nuptials after all. He may want to hang himself when he realizes all those disgusting slobs can be traced back to his loins, however.
FB Here’s another dog Dick Tracy can shoot.
FW Oh. I guess that second panel is supposed to indicate POWER. I thought it was just a guest shot of Screech from “Saved by the Bell” being typically awkward.
Scenes from Suburban Hell I don’t get why someone has to tell as REALTOR not to let her child draw on walls. And the realtor, Lois, has to ask “why?” WHY? Why, you suburban moron?!? Give me that gold jacket, you are not worthy. Oh, and Bespeckled Lecture Lady? STFU, you are a gateway medium to Repressed Artistic Expression. Have neither of you ladies ever heard of Drawing Paper?!?!
JP What do you want to bet, that’s the guy Sam’s supposed to meet? Still, I have to applaud Sam. Saying you don’t hate golf is tantamount to treason in the comics world.
MT Jackelrod was so pleased that Uncle Lumpy recognized and praised the Diamond Hitch or whatever the hell it is called, that he ran the same panel as before. Calling Uncle Lumpy, Jackelrod wants to be praised again!
MW A Threesome of Horror is in the works.
Phantom “That’s your plan? When you could nag them, scold them, meddle them, insult them, sic a Big Dog after them, menace them, whine at them, ack at them? You, sir, are an amateur.”
RMMD Look, up in the sky! It’s a spider! It’s a vulture! It’s….MRSA MAN!!! Yes, MRSA Man, able to leap reality and common sense in a single panel, to outrun a speeding bacterium and wield double entendre against all foes! Rex Morgan, the man who does more in one slow boring story arc than Spider-man does against five villains in a row. That’s…pathetic, Spidey.
Uncle Lumpy
July 30th, 2008 at 2:25 am [Reply]

Hey, Jackelrod, you goddamn lazy bum: nice hitch.
True Fable
July 30th, 2008 at 2:56 am [Reply]

#72 Uncle Lumpy – That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout! lol, you made my evening.
PeteJayhawk
July 30th, 2008 at 4:15 am [Reply]

WTF? No, not everyone was a good amateur golfer in college. Some of us were too busy drinking to golf. Is “amateur golfer” some sort of godforsaken slang for “malt liquor drinker”, because if so then yes – maybe we were all “amateur golfers”.
Mordock999
July 30th, 2008 at 5:47 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann – -7/30/08

Hmmm, a ‘mature’ sixteen year old CAN have a car,

but a ‘mature’ twenty-something, firefighter who puts

His life on the line daily CAN’T stay with a hot

twenty-something fellow firefighter.

Yep, makes REAL sense, Greg.

Five will get you ten, there’s something VERY wrong

with the car, considering its source…..,

__________________________

DEATH to TJ!
Jp
July 30th, 2008 at 5:58 am [Reply]

Only a few more years until Marmaduke’s owner can finally drop this whole “no, there really was a puppy in my pocket yerhonor” schtick. Statute of limitations, don’t fail him now!
Frank Parsnip
July 30th, 2008 at 6:26 am [Reply]

Bizarro: Go, go guest guy!

Mark Trail: “I take risks, that’s why I’m the best! I also create risks, and that makes me even better! And then I even remove what flimsy bits of safety protections exist, and I AM A GOLDEN GOD!”

Mary Worth: Tobey answers questions in a way that makes me think she’s actually Jan Brady. “We’re splendid as usual, in fact … George Glass … and I are always thinking of each other.”

Funky Pantysniffer: I guess I had forgotten that the very people entrusted with teaching gym are usually the fattest, least-fit people in a given high school. Squatting down behind the plate, Bull looks like a pig taking a crap.

Sex Organ, M.D.: Yes, Rex could be a very good MRSA-Man, able to leap onto boy-infested wrestling mats with a single bound.

Marvin: The big man in a dog costume has found a way to get around the health risks inherent in wearing a thick fur outfit in summer heat. However, if you ever thought a wet dog smells a bit icky, just wait ’til you get a whiff of a sweaty grown man zippered into a dog costume infested with mildew (and, if we’re lucky, MRSA).

Gil Thorp: “Well, you actually did take somebody’s job,” said the manager. “But he was just a wetback we harrassed so badly he finally quit baseball entirely. So, anyhoooo, is Vargas an Irish name?”

A3G: Let’s hope that Jack has lots of questions about Gabriella … it’s about time that we had a plot arc about Margo’s mom as a love interest.

FC: In Billy’s segregated school, even the blackboards are white.

My Cage: Is Ashley going somehere with Norm? There she is, “getting comfortable” and he’s rushing to get ready so that they can leave the office together. Out here in sunny Taihoku, there would be a wide variety of hotels with 2-hour “nap” rates that Norm could use within a short radius of their office. Unless, of course, they’re heading to an off-site meeting with customers. I didn’t think I’d say this, but I think Ed has built more dynamic tension into this strip than Charles Atlas gets with a full-page ad.

Sally Forth: The reason why young Sally wants to get out of the house is that she has a vague recollection of having killed several of those 12 after crawling out of the TV set soaking wet.

Spider-Man: HITLER VERSUS THE VULTURE! Let’s hope that for the love of God the Vulture wins this one.

Foob: Now, they’re going to boxcar.
Pozzo
July 30th, 2008 at 6:38 am [Reply]

Is it just me, or is Sam being kind of a condescending dick in panel 3? “Yeah, nice that you consider your skills to be worth mentioning, little lady. Now do your job and bring me a gimlet.”
Big Sims
July 30th, 2008 at 6:38 am [Reply]

The bank robbery in Dick Tracy looked like a meeting at the House of Commons. Groups of old men shouting at each other from either the left or right of the frame. I’m glad there is a little action, such as is, today. I’m particularly fond of the gent caught at a complete loss in the background, dismayed by the SWAT team member’s predicament, but unable to assist in any way.
Moss_Moses
July 30th, 2008 at 7:09 am [Reply]

Buck? Wasn’t the Kelly Wellian pornstachioed cohort called Roger before? Buck was Molly’s owner. Perhaps Kelly is calling him by his pornstar nickname…
Wanders
July 30th, 2008 at 7:19 am [Reply]

In panel two it appears that Mary Worth has once again gotten her straw stuck on that little flap of skin that connects her gums to her lips.
Moss_Moses
July 30th, 2008 at 7:25 am [Reply]

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080614&name=Mark_Trail

Toe_bee has quite the dilemma on her hands. What do you get for the pompous, chinbearded knowitall husband who already has everything, including a trophy wife? A bottle of Johnny Walker Green for a long drive off a short cliff comes to mind…
Mollie
July 30th, 2008 at 7:35 am [Reply]

Wait, does Marmaduke have a new artist? Is that old news to everyone else? I don’t think there’s any way Brad Anderson’s scribbling produced that cute little dog. Or its owner. And it looks like the panel is now signed “Paul & Brad”… Is Paul the son of Brad? Man, I hope this doesn’t mean Marmaduke is going to become an uncomfortably autobiographical rehearsal of old injuries. Wait, what am I saying? That would almost certainly be an improvement. Although I do hope that we’ll see less of the sexual tension between Marmaduke and the owner-lady. I’m in favor of that no matter what happens.
man behind the curtain
July 30th, 2008 at 7:41 am [Reply]

MW — Of course, Toeby needs Mary to go along. How else can she find the right gift for an old fart than to heed the advice of an even older fart. Plus, Mary’s company will keep her from straying. Either that or Mary will be her cover and alibi. Toeby, why do you keep disappearing for brief periods? Don’t worry Mary. You just look around the store and I’ll be back in about an hour. The new, improved Toeby makes it even harder to believe that she’s hanging around with Chinbeard and at least not getting something better on the side.
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 30th, 2008 at 8:07 am [Reply]

Ces-zarro is fuckin awesome today.
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 30th, 2008 at 8:17 am [Reply]

Also, Cathy is offering a week(s?)-long object lesson in why we shouldn’t necessarily be too annoyed at Herb and Jamaal’s notorious nonspecificity. Or, if I can put that another way, Cathy: Shut the fuck up about the Prius already.

And.. in My Cage, Ashely removes her shoes with a FWIP! FWIP! noise. Some nonzero fraction of the curmudgeonly masses responds with a FAP! FAP! noise.
Hogenmogen
July 30th, 2008 at 8:19 am [Reply]

7/29 JP: Just so happens that beautiful flight attendant throws herself upon handsome Sam, decked out in his macho sportsman vest. Ah, but to no avail. He deftly steers the discussion to big sticks putting little balls into holes.

As for the ass-crack, I’m looking, I’m REALLY looking, but I just don’t see it. Is this maybe a little wishful thinking on your part, Josh?

7/29 Slylock – It took me a long time to figure this one out, too. Longer after pouring through Josh’s interpretation, which really doesn’t contain much explanation behind the squirrel. The squirrel is a mysterious figure, sitting in the fringes and little thought of. But who is he? Why is he there? Where did he come from? Sort of like the Magi in the Nativity story, no one knows for sure. I suspect that he sees the crying girl’s buck teeth and gets some kind of dental envy. Or, is he the culprit behind the girl dropping her cone, thus accounting for his almost apologetic stare? I’m thinking that since the cone, even compressed into the grass, reaches the boy’s chest height, my CSI analysis suggests that fully laden the cone must have been as high as his chin. Its weight being far too much for the young buck-toothed lass, she had little choice but to forego the caloric feast or risk possible hernia.

I do like the way the comedy of errors continues to the right. The boy laughs, but his cone is eaten by a grinning dog, who himself is crapped upon by the blackbird of despair, who’s unhatched eggs have been pilfered by the guilty looking squirrel.

Today’s Foob: Mucilage. Oh what a pun, LJ. Sounds like something that I would have come up with, actually. I do some cartooning, and one day I plan to post them somewhere on line for the pleasure of fellow CCers. Yes, you will all say that they are great and should be published, mostly because I use disgusting puns like:
A knock at the door “Sperm bank! We’re looking for donations!”
Guy answering: “Sorry, I gave at the orifice.”

Yeah, I could get a lot of mucilage out of a yucky sounding pun. But no paper in the country would publish them because who the hell wants to read about disgusting puns?

Oh, Foob-lovers, apparently.
TB Tabby
July 30th, 2008 at 8:20 am [Reply]

9CL: Yep, nothing better than having an undeserved reputation as a two-timing scumbag. Just ask Sturdivant Kleeb!

BB: Otto doesn’t want Miss Buxley to know that he knows about the conspiracy between the military, the Illuminati, the Vatican, the Martians, the Atlanteans, and Coca-Cola. Or maybe he just doesn’t want her to know he was staring up her dress.

CtH: “Ha! You can’t possibly hide your mark of shame…unless you, y’know, put on a shirt.”

Curtis: Yes, he’s finally being himself…which is exactly what he was doing before Curtis started messing with him.

Garfield: Three measly panels for a two-panel joke. At least we can take confort in knowing that Garfield’s ice cream has dirt and leaves all over it from being in that bush..

(DT)GT: “But…I’m Mexican! I HAVE to take someone’s job! Can I at least have the bat boy’s job?”

MC: I know quite a few people who would love to be in Norm’s place right now.

OBH: Okay, I understand why Ruthie’s dressed like the is, but why did they dress her brother up like a constipated Jehovah’s Witness?

Ghost-Who-Nay-Says: “Fine, Stipeybutt, what’s YOUR plan?”
“We hit then first, THEN brain them, THEN shoot them, THEN beat them!”

Popeye: Okay…Swee’Pea’s condition has granted him telekinesis. And according to a previous comic, several of history’s most powerful conquerors, such as Alexander the Great, have had the same condition. So why’d they leave it out of the history books?! It would’ve made class a lot more interesting. Guy must’ve been like a Jedi Knight, tossing aside whole battalions of Persian soldiers with a wave of his hand!

RMMD: “She’s not really our daughter!”
“YES!” *high-five*
Whippersnapper
July 30th, 2008 at 8:22 am [Reply]

Foob: For once, the pun is dead on. Both the name “mucilage” and the appearance of the product gross me out. Much like Foob.
Hogenmogen
July 30th, 2008 at 8:24 am [Reply]

7/29 Marmaduke: Talking about vaguely gross things, Phil is holding Marm’s leash, but its not connected to the collar on his neck. Where is it pointed?

Hey, I like a little kink here and there, and if Phil is a closet homosexual, that’s his business. But I have to draw the line here. S&M animal fetish is a no-no.
Weaselboy
July 30th, 2008 at 8:27 am [Reply]

So you’d like to get something special for Ian, eh Toby? May I offer a suggestion?
Brick Bradford
July 30th, 2008 at 8:29 am [Reply]

When Fooberdammerung reaches it’s hideous climax (which is more than Liz will do–RIM SHOT–)
Saturn Sadie and I will be at our secret woodland headquarters, which has no internet. I have to face this horror without the solace of snark.
John C Fremont
July 30th, 2008 at 8:39 am [Reply]

A3G – TV’s Rick Jason confesses; “I got spooked, too!”

MW – Oh, how I wish Toby wouldn’t look at Mary like that while asking her to come.

JP – Yup. Ladies and gentlemen, Dewey Cheatham!

MT – To paraphrase TV’s Frank, “Good? She’s the best!”

RMMD – Geez, kid, it’s just Rex Morgan.

GT – Fran?
Hogenmogen
July 30th, 2008 at 8:42 am [Reply]

Luann: I am mature. Just look at my breasts! They’re as big as Mom’s!

Oh Why Do I Read This Shitty Strip? Bruce Tinsley wakes from his alcoholic stupor and offers up a watered down version of last week’s Tom The Dancing Bug. You’ve been scooped, Tinsley, AND outdone.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
July 30th, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

It’s too late for me, and for some of you – but in the interest of humanity, I offer this warning: Do not – repeat, do not – look at the final panel of today’s FOOB. The usual desperate, unfunny pun today nearly made me deposit my breakfast on my keyboard.
Hogenmogen
July 30th, 2008 at 8:47 am [Reply]

MW aka Fear And Self Loathing In San Royale: Toeby wants to get ol’ Chinbeard a birthday gift? May I suggest an electric razor?

Is this what passes as the new story line? Toeby buys her fat husband a birthday present? Ye Gods. What hateful depths have Moy and Giella lead us to? I shudder upon the realization that watching Jeff grovel on an answering machine provided greater amusement.
Dingo
July 30th, 2008 at 8:52 am [Reply]

Created a new video last night some of you may enjoy. It’s safe for work.

Mary Worth: Dancing Queen
Hogenmogen
July 30th, 2008 at 8:55 am [Reply]

Rex is now revealed to be the secret identity of MRSA-Man! Still under wraps, the identities of Anthrax-Man and Ebola-Man.
Hogenmogen
July 30th, 2008 at 9:01 am [Reply]

Rex: Chickenpox-Man and Smallpox-Man are still around, but fail to strike fear in the hearts of their enemies. “Chickenpox? Eh, I’ve been vaccinated. Now get outta here before I splooge you with my .45!”
Smallpox-Man is restricted to foiling crimes that take place in a cryogenic state in one restricted access lab. He’s been waiting a long time with nothing particular to do, but the comic strip about his life is still more interesting than JP’s glacial plot lines.
Tweeks_Coffee
July 30th, 2008 at 9:03 am [Reply]

A3G: Jack’s Hulk-esque growing is even frightening Margo. Good to she’s ~~human~~ a reasonable facsimile of a human after all.
Bizarro: Bravo, Ces! I’d say, if anything, Piraro should be concerned about this week completely overshadowing the last couple months of Bizarro.
Curtis: So that was our payoff? A crappy cliched moral about being yourself!? When can we expect some half-assed resolution to the former Disney animator story?
F-: The joke’s fine, but the guy’s anti-ass is creeping me out a bit.
FC: Well this is more inane than usual. These are the engaging conversations that go on in the Keane household.
JP: What, did Sam take the all golfers plane?
MW: Oh man, this is going to be classic. What could Toby possibly buy the pompous gas bag she calls a husband that won’t be awesomely ridiculous? Also; I dare someone to attempt to drink out of a glass how Mary is in the last panel.
Momma: Dear lord, is this woman actually a retired Tom from Tom & Jerry?
S-M: Huh, if Vulture drops JJJ that would seriously ratchet up his villain cred.
colonial
July 30th, 2008 at 9:04 am [Reply]

#93: (DT) GT — Fran Riordan is the real-life manager of the Kalamazoo Kings. The team says he and the squad’s GM will be characters in this storyline…

http://www.kalamazookings.com/

Alas, no “Gil Thorp Night” is planned at the stadium.
Sequitur
July 30th, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

This dog thing with the feces.. It’s everywhere!

http://wondermark.com/index.html
Dingo
July 30th, 2008 at 9:15 am [Reply]

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a comment on here about the comic strip Troy but today’s strip makes me mad. The last few strips have dealt with Rigo going out to a bar in the L.A. suburbs after gaining weight. He won’t go out in West Hollywood because of the gain. He ends up in a bear bar and meets a man. The way Troy Derry — who does not like having his spelling corrected — depicts Rigo meeting a “daddy bear,” the bear movement is about eating. Eating as much as you possibly can and getting as big as you can. That is not what the bear movement represents. It started as a reaction to AIDS and morphed into self-acceptance first among gays and then others. I’ve heard in Australia the bear movement even includes women. Check out today’s strip and go to the archives to see the rest of the story. Then email him and complain!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 30th, 2008 at 9:24 am [Reply]

And now, it’s time for Spider-Brick Goes Too Far!

9DQ: I don’t know why, but I find whatshername here in her little dress sexier than Edda stretching all over in her more-revealing leotard. Maybe it’s because there’s the tantalizing thought of something being just out of sight. Maybe it’s because she’s a raging slut, instead of being a raging bitch like Edda. Maybe I just like having something to rip off her.

…What?

A3G: “I know that going into the city at night has you rattled, but even so, we don’t call them ’spooks’ any more, we call them ‘African-Americans.’”

…What?

Beetle: What he wants from you may end with “-ookie” but it doesn’t start with a “c.”

…What? It’s implied right there in the strip.

Bizarro: And this is exactly why Ces will never get a gig writing a daily comic strip.

…What?

C’Shaft: Sorry, Ed, I made this joke two days ago.

(WT)DT: Good thing about having a dog chewing on your foot is, you should know exactly where to point the gun. Unless you’re a member of the Tracyville Police Department SWAT team, in which case you’re probably only armed with a starter’s pistol. And somebody tell that guy in the back… This is no time for jazz hands!!!

GA: That’s it? Just like that the plotline’s over? Didn’t anyone explain to Rufus that Chef Meowrice is just a cartoon character? I wanted to see his naive, childlike worldview shattered, until he could see no path forward that didn’t lead to him lying on the floor bawling his eyes out because he couldn’t fit his knobby toes through the trigger guard on the shotgun in his mouth!

…OK, I admit that was mean.

thorps. Oh, man! I lived in Chillicothe, and the local team really was called the Paints. The name refers to the “painted horses” (appaloosas) ridden by the local native Americans, until whitey came in, gave everyone smallpox, and force-marched the survivors to South Dakota, where they died of exposure in the harsh winter.

…OK, OK, less dark… how’s this: “Welcome to pro ball, Elmer. We do this 96 times a year. Granted, we win only about 26 of those times, but…”

HotC: Here, I’ll trade you. You take these “My Little Pony” and “Care Bears” notebooks, and first day after school, you’ll find out what hard blows really feel like.

Luann: That’s not the kind of bouncing on the bed I want to see Luann doing.

…What?

Momma: Ah, she’s a Funky Winkerbean character. You forgot about the cancer!

Phantom: “Sounds good to me! Let’s roll!”

The Fabulous MRSA-Man: Superman never made any money
For saving the world from Solomon Grundy
And sometimes I despair the world will never see
Another man like him

JP, Shoe, ZtP: Ha ha ha! It’s funny because it’s GOLF! No, seriously, if it weren’t for GT, Cleats and Tank, you’d think golf was the only sport cartoonists have ever heard of.
strawberrymom22
July 30th, 2008 at 9:32 am [Reply]

I haven’t read any comments this am so I’m sorry if I repeat:

FOOB “the feeling is mucilage” should be more like mucus

Baby Blues: The father’s nose needs its own tent

FC: Back in Grandma’s time we now know there was chalk – I figued they were still writing on cave walls back then.

MW: I’m starting to be concerned about Tobey, she’s married to a geezer, friends with a geezer, lives in the old age home that is Charterstone. She seems to have a geriatric fixation. Maybe being around old people makes her feel good about herself. I never thought I’d say this but maybe Mary should take her shopping for a new shirt. Tobey is wearing what looks like those half shirts we had in the 80’s with the sleeves cut off.
Muffaroo Wuffaroo
July 30th, 2008 at 9:35 am [Reply]

SFx – (still Tuesday) Obviously, something happened between the panels, because in #2, the girl has lost her cherry.
Chennuxfangrl
July 30th, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]

mucilage [mew-sill-ij]
Noun
1. a sticky substance used as an adhesive, such as gum or glue
2. a glutinous substance secreted by certain plants [Late Latin mucilago mouldy juice]
mucilaginous adj

I think FOOB is funnier when the 2nd definition is applied.
Islamorada Girl
July 30th, 2008 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Poteet and Chatty Genes! Together at last and better than ever!
We’ll ride to Canada together! Maybe Chennux can get us a tank to roll into the festitivies! MMmwah, sisters!
Hogenmogen
July 30th, 2008 at 10:07 am [Reply]

Spider Brick – obscure Crash Test Dummies reference – well played. MRSA-Man doesn’t change his clothes in dirty old phone booths, though, he undresses in a casual manner in the locker room of a local golf course. The course may not be very convenient, but unlike phone booths, they still exist.
Hogenmogen
July 30th, 2008 at 10:08 am [Reply]

Of course, what is the point of changing clothes in a phone booth when it had windows on four sides anyway?
Harvey Penick
July 30th, 2008 at 10:09 am [Reply]

Boy, I’m just pleased as punch to see Sam Driver’s reading my Little Red Book! Sure hope it does him some good.

I remember, back in the day, we used to have a children’s golf program at the Austin Country Club that included some kids who grew up to be pretty fine golfers, like little Ben Crenshaw and Kathy Whitmore. Well, one day a bunch of them kids came running over to me and said “Mr. Penick, Mr. Penick, we caught a toad!” Well, I was pretty concerned right away, because you don’t want to mess with some of them toads we got down in Texas – a few of ‘em are downright poisonous! So I went along to take a look and here it turns out they’ve got little Tommy Kite tied to a tree! Haw! Oh, thems was good times….
man behind the curtain
July 30th, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

#96 Hogenmogen — Not an electric razor. More like a straight razor to the throat.

#97 Dingo — great video.
man behind the curtain
July 30th, 2008 at 10:13 am [Reply]

MW — So what gift can Toeby get for Chinbeard? A new personality? Divorce papers? The sex tape of her and the delivery boy that’s all over the intenet?
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 30th, 2008 at 10:13 am [Reply]

7/30

6C: Shouldn’t that be Oceanic Airlines?

A3G: “On the plus side, some bald guy sold me a DVD player for fifteen bucks.”

MW: If Mary needs both hands to hold her glass, that means she’s totally plastered. So hell yes, she’s in perfect shape to go gift-shopping with Tobey.

Cathy: I think we’ve established that the Hillmans really want a Prius. And that Irving has never bought or negotiated for anything in his life. That, in fact, Irving was raised like Kaspar Hauser in a damp cellar, and Cathy was the first person he ever met, thus accounting for his compleat ignorance of human behavior. But go ahead, Guisewite, bang it into the ground for three or four more weeks.

Phantom: “Because I’m not gonna lie to you, Andre. I love this plan!”

SFx: I think we can all agree that this has been a rough week for ice cream cones.

SSmith: How is it possible Lukey doesn’t know where Snuffy is? Isn’t Hootin Holler like, 500 square feet?

OBH: “Aaaaahh! Lloyd Bridges!”
Hogenmogen
July 30th, 2008 at 10:18 am [Reply]

#69 – Spotted Horse: ” Just effin’ fuck him.”
Doesn’t “effin’” stand for the “f” word? I mean, WTeffin’F?
DAS
July 30th, 2008 at 10:19 am [Reply]

Once again, only proles fly coach. That’s business class at a minimum (see also Mary Worth.) – O’Brien

Also us members of the Outer Party.
Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
July 30th, 2008 at 10:19 am [Reply]

#65 Texas Buddha: I find your take on the Family Circus to be a huge improvement! I haven’t laughed this hard in awhile.

Which is more than I can say for the rest of the strips I’ve seen so far. If I were Margo, I’d watch my back,”little” Sarah Morgan has avarice down so pat, she could eat Margo for a tasty snack.
survivor
July 30th, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

90 – The reason Marmaduke is so well-behaved today is because the owner attached the leash to his balls.
Niall
July 30th, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

Wednesday! Oh Frabjous day!

It’s like the creators all colluded to make this the best comics day ever!

In BB, Otto is eating Ms. Buxley’s cookie. ANd she seems to understand what he’s “saying”, if he’s speaking like Marvin. And he definitely understands what she’s saying. Interspecies communication!

In Blondie, we have a great mindfuck going on.

In DT, we finally have pain! Injury! The start of mayham and massacre! Payoff at last!

In H&L, we have an artist confirming that all younger artists are debauched crazies who must be repressed as soon as any tendencies emerge. Okay, so it’s the usual despair and depression.

In JP, Sam’s first class neighbour looks crestfallen and alarmed; it’s a requirement that all first class passengers must play golf and Love The Book, but now a heathen is present. He must be chastised or brainwashed. He’ll be One Of Us, or he’ll be out the door.

In MT, the Education of Kelly Welly continues. My personal t-shirt contender phrase: “YOU’RE TOO RISKY FOR ME”

In MW, our minds are fucked by the prospect of Toeby and Chinbeard having a “special” party arranged. A threesome with Mary would not be agonising because they’re all older adults, but because she’d constantly say platitudes about everything she sees, and is mentally unable to enjoy a second of it, even if she was bound and gagged. (There, now it won’t be just my brain broken.)

In MC… siiiigh… *soft smile*

In Phantom, our hero has just been out-vigilanted. He’s not happy.

In RM, we get proof, absolute proof that Wilson must be a mudgeon lurker. Who was it that made the song “MRSA MRSA Man, I wanna be a MRSA Man” months ago? Because, really, come on!!
texas buddha
July 30th, 2008 at 10:27 am [Reply]

Patrick said: #65 Texas Buddha: I find your take on the Family Circus to be a huge improvement! I haven’t laughed this hard in awhile.

Hey Patrick,

Thanks so much!

I wish I had thought to post here earlier… My hits are going crazy. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to check out my blog.
DAS
July 30th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

MW: Did Tobey just propose that Mary join her (Tobey) and Prof. Chinbeard in a 3-some? Judging by the look on Mary’s face and the aforementioned ET neck, that seems to be how Mary interpreted the remark.

MT: We want less arguing between Dale Evans with a bad perm and bad dye job and Dale Evans with her hair overly straightened and bad dye job and more of Mark Trail’s patented fist of death. Could at least some animal actually attack Dale Evans with her hair overly straightened and a bad dye job that way at least something happens in this strip?

RMMD: Don’t worry Rex, the test results show that Billie Jean is indeed not your lover nor is the kid your son … of course, like Jacko you were actually wishing the test results would come out the other way to distract from the real story involving you and Nikki.
tbell61
July 30th, 2008 at 10:37 am [Reply]

#97 Dingo, that was excellent…you made me spit up my coffee!!
tbell61
July 30th, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

Good work, Texas Buddha…keep it coming…anything to improve the Family Circus is a welcome
Hogenmogen
July 30th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

One liners:

Didn’t the Village People do a song called “MRSA”?

Texas Buddha: What’s your link?

Phantom is amazed because Andre the Giant not only forms a plan, but one that does not include bitch slapping his opponent or throwing down bizarre lines like “That puts us in conflict!

That red book in JP isn’t a golfing manifesto, it’s subtitled “How to Lose Friends and Insult People”. Sam seems to take to its advice as if he were born for it.
AsleepOrDead
July 30th, 2008 at 10:54 am [Reply]

JP: Hey Sam, I’m in college and I HATE the golf course that takes up half of my frickin’ campus. The only pleasure I take from the waste of space is driving next to it and honking at the smug bastards on the course in the middle of their back swing.
Laska
July 30th, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

I predict that if gas prices go much higher, those barcaloungers are the first thing ripped out of those airplanes. Sam better get his negotiations over quickly, or he’ll be traveling back on folding chairs.
Muffaroo Wuffaroo
July 30th, 2008 at 11:10 am [Reply]

Bunnë, Offical Comics Execrator @51 –

So anyway I thought Augie, being a collie, would have at least some
intelligence, despite the fact that when my editor and I would walk into his
house, Augie would not notice us, sometimes for upwards of a half hour. When
she finally did notice us, talking and drinking beer, she would bark as though
the Manson gang had just burst in, so my editor would have to go over and sort
of say, “Look! It’s me! The person you have lived with for 10 years!” This
would cause Augie’s lone functioning brain cell to gradually quiet down and go
back to sleep.

But I still thought she was roughly on a par with Shawna, IQ-wise, until the
night — you may remember that night; it was the longest one we ever had –
that I slept on my editor’s couch in his living room, which is also where Augie
sleeps. Only she doesn’t sleep. What she does is, first, she lies down. Then
she scratches herself. Then she engages in loud personal hygiene. Then she
thinks, “Maybe I can go out!” and she walks across the floor, which is made of
a special kind of hard wood so that when a dog walks on it, it goes TICK
TICK TICK TICK at exactly the volume you would use to get maximum benefit from
the Chinese Ticking Torture.

When Augie gets to the front door, which is of course closed — it is always
closed at night; even the domestic insects have learned this by now — she
bumps into it with her head. Then she backs up and bumps into it with her head
a couple more times, in case there has been some mistake. Then she senses,
somehow, that there is a person sleeping on the couch, and she has the most
innovative idea she has ever thought of, which is: “Maybe HE will let me out!”
So she walks over to me and noses me in the face, using the same nose she uses
for hygiene, and I say, “Dammit, Augie! Go to sleep!”

So she lies down for one minute, which is how long it takes for her brain
cell to forget everything that has ever happened to her since she was born. And
then she starts again: SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SLURP SLURP SLURP (think) TICK
TICK TICK TICK BUMP (think) BUMP (think) BUMP (think) TICK TICK TICK TICK NOSE
“DAMMIT, AUGIE! GO TO SLEEP!” TICK TICK TICK TICK (pause) SCRATCH. . . .

Thank you, Dave Barry!

True Fable @62 – To me, “Prius” always makes me think of “that Nisi Prius nuisance, the Judicial Humorist” line in Ko-Ko’s “little list” from The Mikado.

re: FOOB — Mucilage doesn’t work like that.

Joe Bgtfsplk @63 – Your Tracy comments are an inspiration to us all. Well, to me all. I really can’t speak for the rest of us. I mean, I can, but… never mind.

Spider-Brick @104 – 9CL: She’s Annie from Little Lulu, all growed up, right?

Hogenmogen @115 – Yes, it stands for fuck, but used in combination like that, the effort is ineffably effective.

Hogenmogen @124 – Actually, I did the Village People “MRSA” song here many weeks ago. It sunk without a ripple.
texas buddha
July 30th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

Texas Buddha: What’s your link?

http://texasbuddha.wordpress.com/

Thanks again everyone! My blog hits are out of control this morning!
Muffaroo Wuffaroo
July 30th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

Wednesday:

AD – I think we’ve gone beyond the days of indexing and re-using Hart’s old art for the strip. Bit by bit, Mason’s going to make the characters her own. Drawing-wise, I mean. So far, at least, they still have the spirit I’m used to. Oh yeah, the snark: Look at those stupid birds in the background. They are so stupid!

BB – “You’d like a cookie too, wouldn’t you, Otto?” “Too”? In addition to what? What did Otto just “get”? And how long has Otto been thinking in complete sentences, anyway? Is he a real Sergeant now?

FC – “What’s a ‘blackboard,’ Grandma? What’s ‘chalk’? What’s ‘used’? What’s ‘they’?” (”Okay, you kids! Who gave Grandma that fatal brain embolism?” “Not Me!” “Ida Know!”)

FC – alternate: Give it up, Gran. These kids haven’t heard the word “blackboard” since the Carter Administration, when they were making jokes about them being green.

H&J – “I… I drink… Pepsi.”

MT – In times of stress, the normally maloccluded Kelly Welly becomes Kelly Wall-eye. Apparently, the happier she is, the closer her irises are to each other. She still has one more inch of ire left. Beware the angry inch!

Marvin – Panel 1 works all by itself, in a very sick and twisted way.

Wiz – Funny today.

Zits – Cool! Jeremy’s doing a protest song. Sing, it, Jeremy!
sangwij
July 30th, 2008 at 11:15 am [Reply]

DT: If only we had something that would stop these vicious dogs! Meat doesn’t seem to be working. Quick! Run down to the sporting goods store and buy twelve whistles! Meanwhile, let’s all try wetting ourselves!
commodorejohn
July 30th, 2008 at 11:15 am [Reply]

Curtis – Well, that was over mercifully quick.

DT – Say what you want about the gruesome, over-the-top violence in Dick Tracy, you’ve got to admit that the sight of one guy getting his groove on in the midst of the chaos in panel three is pretty charming.

FOOB – God, does Lynn just flip through the dictionary on a daily basis, looking for potentially punnable words?

FW – PHYSICS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY.

H&L – Hi & Lois actually made me laugh today.

JP – Well, I don’t know what I was expecting out of today’s Judge Parker, but I’m fairly sure it wasn’t seeing my old Computer Science prof harassing Clark Kent about golf while Margo poses in the aisle. Is this a whole plane full of golf obsessives, or what? Some kind of golf-themed cult, perhaps? Are they flying back to the compound?

Luann – When you’re truly mature, you never get excited about anything. Ever wonder why Pete Townshend hoped he’d die before he got old?

MT – Lamest. Mark. Trail. Denouement. Ever.

MW – So…what would you get ol’ Chinbeard? In the real world, a book of quotations might be a good choice for the man, but in the Worthiverse I think quotations are just kind of a byproduct of respiration…

Pibgorn – Whoa, this strip just got pretty kickass in the three days it was out.

RMMD – “Hi, Rex, this is Andy. Turns out the mats weren’t infected at all, so you just harassed the hell out of poor Max Mallory for nothing. Nice going.”

Ziggy – Ha ha, welcome to 1989, Tom Wilson.
cubiclemonkey
July 30th, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

Every Marmaduke strip just makes me thing of that old episode of Daria were Daria’s dad is at the breakfast table reading the newspaper when he suddenly pulls it down and says exasperatedly: “Why don’t they just put Marmaduke to sleep!?”
dimestore lipstick
July 30th, 2008 at 11:31 am [Reply]

Well, crud.
The one time I’m going to be in Kalamazoo this summer, I won’t get to see the Kings.
Elmer’s got an away game on Saturday.
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
July 30th, 2008 at 11:32 am [Reply]

127 — “SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SLURP SLURP SLURP (think) TICK TICK TICK TICK BUMP (think) BUMP (think) BUMP (think) TICK TICK TICK TICK NOSE “DAMMIT, AUGIE! GO TO SLEEP!” TICK TICK TICK TICK (pause) SCRATCH. . . .” is the funniest thing Dave Barry ever wrote that doesn’t have the word “booger” in it.
Paul1963
July 30th, 2008 at 11:53 am [Reply]

FW, 7/30: So apparently Summer can throw a 90-mph fastball underhand. Yyyyyeah.

GA, 7/30: What? That’s it? Are you kidding me? And it’s only Wednesday, which means we’re probably going to get at least three more days of goddamn Rufus and Joel before there’s any chance of seeing an actual Wallet family member in the strip. Man, I’m ready to register at GoComics just so I can comment over there…

True Fable @ 62: Ford? The Prius is made by Toyota. Although the concept of Ford paying Cathy Guisewite to make all her readers sick of hearing the word “Prius” is kind of interesting. Meanwhile, Cathy and Irving should maybe consider checking out other dealerships (Toyota stores are fairly common, y’know?) or maybe even–gasp!–considering a used one? Or maybe one of the other hybrids now on the market? Or just settling for a gas-engine car that gets decent mileage? Or pursuing any of the other alternatives available instead of throwing conniptions because the closest dealer still hasn’t figured out how many Priuses to order, eight years into the car’s run?

Luann: Luann hands over the money. TJ hands her the title to the car. Luann realizes it’s handwritten on a piece of butcher’s paper. She turns around and TJ is nowhere to be found.
Joe Btfsplk
July 30th, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

Spider-Man – Peter Parker is laid low yet again by a completely unanticipated blow to the head. This guy shouldn’t get out of bed without wearing a friggin’ helmet.
spike
July 30th, 2008 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

#92 Brick Bradford: “Fooberdaemmerung” should earn you COTW.

MW: Great! Ian is about to have another birthday and another post-midlife crisis.
Mr. Plow
July 30th, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

Big Nate: After today’s joke about his dad’s childhood “alone time” I think I may as scarred as poor Nate who has to sleep in that bed tonight.
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 30th, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

Mary: “If you’re doing steak-and-a-blowjob for his birthday again, Toby, I think I’ll stay home this year.”
Renee J
July 30th, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

MW: Toby is looking for something special to give Ian. Did anybody else’s mind go to a dirty, dirty place? And after she asked if Mary wanted to come along, too, I think I found a way to successfully supress my appetite.
Sobek
July 30th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

Today’s Judge Parker didn’t make any sense at all to me until I realized his pissy little “wasn’t everyone?” was directed at an attractive female.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
July 30th, 2008 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

#115 Hogenmogen:

Doesn’t “effin’” stand for the “f” word? I mean, WTeffin’F?

Indeed it does! Sadly, that’s what passes for “humor” in the HØrse household. Also, I was feverish and raving. I think.
Paul1963
July 30th, 2008 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

#136 Joe Btfsplk: Wait–Spider-Man is felled by a “completely unanticipated blow to the head”?
Um. Spider-sense? Y’know, that thing that allows him to sense danger? Usually depicted by a series of wavy lines emanating from his head? Part of the character’s powerset for forty-six frickin’ years?

Yikes.
Harold
July 30th, 2008 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

Paul1963 @143, you may want to check with The Spectacular Spider-Brick on the origin of his name. Appaently, Spidey Sense does not apply to head trauma.

King Dingo, brilliant Mary Worth video! Now, are you up for a regouping of the 300 Curmudgeonites for another march on Canada? There’s a wedding to crash!

Blandthony had better take a good hard look at Gwamps. His fate is the same one which awaits all of the other Patterfoob males, even those who have married into the family!
Harold
July 30th, 2008 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

Wait…is “Andy” in the comic “strip” Curtis actually wearing a Black Terror t-shirt?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Terror

Nawww…probably just a plain old skull-and-crossbones. Still…that would be the coolest t-shirt since Starfish-Head Boy wore a Black Adam t-shirt in the dull “Rex and S-HB go fishing and wind up tangled with bank robbers” Rex Morgan storyline.
Harold
July 30th, 2008 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

Josh, I have made the corrections you recommended in #47! (Scroll down to the bottom of the post I linked in #46.)
eatenmyeyes
August 2nd, 2008 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

Ballard Street? I thought that was Pluggers.
Will
August 4th, 2008 at 7:21 am [Reply]

Teal seats…stew’s ass crack….That’s Aer Lingus! Sam must have made a bundle to be able to afford the dollar-euro conversion for a trip to Ireland.
HsvsRsvsesv
September 6th, 2009 at 7:22 am [Reply]

muscle relaxants

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