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Also, I know several professors, and they rarely go naked from the waist down in public

Heathcliff, 2/28/13

Well, isn’t this a surreal delight! I have no idea what exactly is happening here, if any “thing” can truly be said to be “happening” in such a nonlinear dreamscape. “Hold it right there, Professor,” the strangely well dressed pet store clerk bellows, as a flock of oddly identical birds arises in precise formation from Heathcliff’s pipe. Why attempt to impose some kind of dull linear “meaning” on this episode at all? Why not just enjoy it in all its trippy nonsense?

Gasoline Alley, 2/28/13

Meanwhile, in Gasoline Alley, beloved rustic Rufus is still planning on marrying a donkey, for money. They’re … they’re really doing this, huh? I would have though they’d have stopped doing this by now.

Marvin, 2/28/13

You know, before today I would’ve said that Marvin had pretty thoroughly explored the dramatic and comedic possibilities of feces, but I hadn’t even dreamed of the concept of revenge-shitting.

334 responses to “Also, I know several professors, and they rarely go naked from the waist down in public”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Mother Goose

    The Reverend Jim Jones secretly switched the lemonade at Grimmy’s stand from the real deal to cyanide-laced lemonade-flavored Kool-Aid.

    Let’s see if anyone notices the difference.

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Scary GaryYou’re toast, G-Man! [Leopold]

    Rose=RoseMy wife’s longing to escape her dreary existence trumps all human decency! [Jimbo]

    HeathcliffAs proprietor of this pet store, I have to protect my animals from… PIPE SMOKERS. [One of the Pet Shop Boys]

  3. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Well…considering that Marvin’s parents are into black pillows, faecal vengeance isn’t too outre for them.

  4. Ratiocinator
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    9CL: Well holy crap, it’s a 9 Chickweed Lane strip that’s actually kind of funny, without any sesquipidalian dialogue, and with Vet Lady even apologizing for hiding Twinkly on Juliette’s land without asking her first! Could this be the beginning of Brooke writing more realistic and likable characters, with the strip eventually turning around the way Dick Tracy has, except without needing to change the writer?

    If you think so and you’d like to put money on it, I will gladly make that bet with you. Oh, I know I’ll probably lose every penny I have–well, I should say every nickel since Canada has discontinued pennies–but I’m generous to a fault, and am thus willing to bet on the extremely unlikely outcome of this story and this strip becoming unrealistic, stupid, and infuriating again very soon!

    (Suckers!)

    ASM: “Well, we managed to lick that missile!”

    “Yup DD, and did you see how it sprayed everybody when it finally exploded?”

    “Indeed, Spidey, that missile sure had a big load in it–payload, I mean!”

    “Blowing missiles–blowing them up, that is–is a lot more fun when you do it with a friend.”

    “I’m glad it didn’t actually hit either one of us, because even if it had been a dud and didn’t explode, it looked really hard.”

    That’s all I’ve got, but feel free to add more if you like!

    FW: I think I know why this team keeps losing. It’s because Bull thinks that instead of having them drink water during the game, he can keep them hydrated by throwing water ON them. Oh well, anybody could make that mistake, right?

    Luann: Luann knows that flashing her boobs to her Australian boyfriend is DANGEROUS, so she isn’t.

    Somebody please explain to me what anybody in this strip is worried will happen? I mean, Quill’s supposed to be trustworthy, right?

  5. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    @Boophilus (#y330): 9CL: So now is the time. The Sven brothers know. They may be too stupid to even realize it was an abduction. I can see Brooke having them show up with a trailer to bring the cow home and a pie as “thank you” for finding her, only to be left with a door slammed on them and the pie on their heads.

    I know we’re all waiting with bated breath for Brooke McEldowney’s “Sven Brides for Sven Brothers.” With Edda in the Jane Powell role, of course.

    “Oh yes! We’re gonna make them sobbin’ women smile!”

  6. RavenHawk
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    ASM: “Well, we managed to lick that missle!” ???

    The move Spiderman made, from comic, to gay porn was so subtle, I never even noticed.

  7. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    MT-”Rusty, go get yourself kidnapped. This story needs some action. We can’t spend everyday wondering how Rod catches the fish.”

    Gasoline Alley-I thought there was a passage in the Bible that condemns bestiality.

  8. Archivalist
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    So are the Million Moms going to protest the obvious bestiality of Gasoline Alley? Because that’s an epic throwdown I’d buy tickets for!

  9. Guts Dozier
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, just in case the implications of this strip aren’t creepy enough, Becky licks the Minister’s hand.

  10. aphthakid
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: What do you mean you can’t think of anything illegal about a man marrying a donkey?! And how does TLC not have a reality show about this place yet?

  11. Confused Missile
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#7): MT-”Rusty, go get yourself kidnapped. This story needs some action. We can’t spend everyday wondering how Rod catches the fish.”

    Rusty: What do you want? I keep TRYING to get in the back of the van, but he’s not taking the bait!

  12. Confused Missile
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#7): Gasoline Alley-I thought there was a passage in the Bible that condemns bestiality.

    If there’s not, then God must have thought this sin was maybe a bit too obvious. The stuff about not eating shellfish and coveting wives; less obvious.

  13. Hogenmogen
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff lost an arm. So how did he light the pipe in the first place?

  14. Mr. Fibuli
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Sure is cold on the ranch today. By the way, who is Abbey’s friend?

  15. Cloudbuster
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    GT: Finalist in the category of “World’s Longest Books”: What’s more fun than basketball practice?

  16. Cloudbuster
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: I’m all for surrealism, generally, but is this ever going to make any fucking sense?

  17. Here come the Judge
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    I think what’s going on in Heathcliff boils down to exactly what substance Heathcliff has in his pipe.

  18. Cloudbuster
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “But if the bitch dies, I am taking it out of Junior’s ass. Tell him I said so.”

  19. bunivasal
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Dare to dream, Josh. Dare to dream.

  20. Old Folkie
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    JP: Abbey’s boobs sag a bit when she’s not wearing a bra…

  21. Hogenmogen
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Yeah, Marv, you sock it to authority! Down with the system! The system that allows you to play for the vast majority of your waking hours and yet be fed, clothed and housed. You don’t even have to bother walking to the bathroom, for that matter. But, “We shall overcome” and “Kum-bay-a” and all of that. DOWN with the system, man! I’m sure whatever it is you’re being punished for is really The Man keeping the average folks in place. But cut us, do we not bleed? Wrong us, do we not revenge? Down with the corporate overlords, up with Occupy the Miller Household Livingroom Corner!!

    It’s not just a movement… it’s a BOWEL movement!

  22. Ratiocinator
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Fibuli (#14): At first I thought it was Bea (you know, from the fishing trip story), but then I noticed little differences like this woman having freckles whereas Bea didn’t, and then I noticed dialogue where Abbey called her “Marie” or something, so I was sad. I like Bea. :(

    Anyway, the woman here is one of the servile peasants living under the benevolent (for now) rule of Lady Spencer.

  23. Cloudbuster
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Meta: ComicsKingdom really sucking for anyone else the past couple days? It’s taking forever for stuff to load. Sometimes it just times out and I have to reload the page.

  24. Downpuppy
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Marvin is a non-speaking toddler, somehow terrorized into sitting on a stool, abandoned, facing a wall.

    Sure, he’s annoying, but his parents are apparently hell-beasts.

  25. Hogenmogen
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: What gave me away? Damn, it was the elbow patches. No one wears elbow patches anymore!

    I’m sort of getting the impression that Heathcliff is dressed as a human to fool the clerk, so the clerk will sell him some pets. Maybe fish or birds so he can eat them? Aside from food being cheaper at a grocery store, and the 17 year olds at the checkout are more easily fooled; if a cat has the sensibility to formulate a plan, dress the part and produce the cash, I say just sell it to him.

  26. Ranger
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Old Cranky: I’m just trying to make conversation you grumpy old bastard!

  27. Cloudbuster
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    MW: Personally, I really hate uninvited people showing up at my door when I’m sick. Chicken soup or not, I like my sick days undisturbed.

  28. OMEGA SUPREME
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#22): I noticed dialogue where Abbey called her “Marie” or something, so I was sad. I like Bea.

    We all miss Bea and will have to patch up our lives and soldier on as best possible. But this Marie person is, if at all possible, even more up my alley than Bea!

  29. Sock Puppet
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Some of you people are sick. Why can’t two well-muscled young men in tight red spandex share an embrace and exchange mutual affection, while watching a long rocket thrust eagerly into the waiting depths below, without you perverts assuming there’s something sexual going on?

  30. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#16): The answer to that would be “No”. But notice that McEldowner manages to stick sharp things in a female character again.

  31. nescio
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff is smoking coal and it’s releasing toxic gases, that’s why the canaries are flying away.

  32. Hogenmogen
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Pooch Cafe’ is great. First, a “They Live” reference, then “Matrix”. I’m waiting for the third shoe to drop. And, because they’re dogs, I suppose they’d need a 4th shoe, too.

  33. Matthew
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Apparently, Marvin is a cat.

  34. Dan
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    See, the puppy is looking in from outside, because animals are the ones who are truly free, and we’re the pets, man! We’re all in a pet store of our own maki… okay, I think I figured out what’s in Heathcliff’s pipe.

  35. Hogenmogen
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Mary: How are you feeling?

    Harpman: A little better. I’m coughing less.

    Mary: No, I mean, how are YOU feeling?

    Harpman: Uh, ok?

    Mary: How are you really feeling?

    Harpman: I’M LONELY AND UNLOVED, CUT OFF FROM SOCIETY BY MY OWN HAND, MY FAMILY HAS ABANDONED ME, I’M GUILT RIDDEN AND ADDICTED TO INTERNET PORN! Oh, Mary, your chalise of soup-like-product has come to me in my hour of extreme need! I am saved! I can now go forth and find my life’s true passion! Is THAT what you came to hear? Yeah? Well, this better be one fucking amazing bowl of stew.

  36. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#30):

    Just so long as he doesn’t depict her as a naked, tortured, ninja love thrall. Because that would be sick, the kind of thing a dumpy internet troll with bad teeth and his hand up his ass would do.

  37. Jonsie
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    “Revenge shitting”. Made me laugh out loud at my desk. Good one, Josh!

  38. S. Stout
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Luann: Luann went to school in a green shirt and a boomerang necklace. She has returned with a plum shirt (the same color as Tiffanys?) and no necklace. It’s little things like this that take me out of the bad story.

    Gasoline Alley: When you’ve been around as long as Gasoline Alley, you’ve earned the right to do a bestiality story.

  39. John C Fremont
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#23): Yeah, same here. I’ve been getting most of my comics through the Washington Post lately. Between their regular comics & the ones on their web comics tab, I get most of what I need there. As a Norm Feuit fan, I go straight to retailcomic.com and gilcomics.com for my daily fix. For the rest, there’s still the Chron when CK is being stupid.

    On the other hand, when the comics at CK timed out this morning, I was given a pleasant video ad from Victoria’s Secret 3 times in a row so, y’know, life, lemons, etc.

  40. Écureuil Écumant
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#20): “Abbey’s boobs sag a bit when she’s not wearing a bra…”

    Those are just two of the places where she stashes her Krugerrands.

  41. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    A3G: Well, we finally got a glimpse at Greg’s hands. It’s one month after the fire and he’s still wearing some kind of blue surgical gloves as a second skin to guard against infection, so Tommie was right(!) – Greg’s hands were in fact quite badly burned. Aside from a mild cough every now and then, however, Margo seems none the worse for wear as a result of the experience, even though Nurse Ratched had reported that the likelihood of her survival was touch-and-go. Yet Greg was just quickly bandaged up, kept in the hospital overnight “for observation” and discharged, while Margo was the star patient in the ICU. So that’s the lesson for today about the state of medical care in the USA: having rich parents trumps being James Bond, every time.

  42. Johnnycakes
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @RavenHawk (#6): I considered, but decided against, commenting on that same theme yesterday. Spidey poses enticingly *cough*he’s a bottom*cough* and suddenly he and daredevil are best buddies.

  43. jvwalt
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    “Gasoline Alley” is timing out nicely. A couple more days of wedding hijinx, and we’ll be able to enjoy the wedding-night bestiality in the Sunday funnies.

    Although I strongly suspect that Rufus is a “bottom,” and I’m not sure how that’s going to work out with a donkey.

  44. Écureuil Écumant
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#38): “Luann went to school in a green shirt and a boomerang necklace. She has returned with a plum shirt and no necklace.”

    And her parents are worried sick about what she’s doing while at home, on the computer

  45. JLow24
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: So to sum up, we’ve got two muscular men (one of whose initials is SM) wearing skin-tight costumes, swinging around the streets of San Francisco, talking about what great partners they make while being chased by a phallic-shaped missile, then talking about licking said missile. Come on, even the cast of Top Gun thinks this is getting too blatantly homoerotic.

  46. sully
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Based on Marvin’s tired history, a “Special” diaper would be any diaper NOT overflowing with fetid excrement, as that’s the only way it could be out of the ordinary.
    As for Heathcliff, I gave it a few seconds to comprehend. I give.

  47. Hogenmogen
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Spidey: We shall not rest while Kingpin is free… Oh, look! TV!

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Frazz: fart jokes and Biden refs. quality entertainment at it’s finest! @_@

    A&J: *gigglez*

    HotC: yup, works about as well here as in ASM.

    Lio: playing with portals.

    Luann: /fail. /fail with double facepalms and a triple headdesk.

    SBp: /pass on sacrilege jokes.

    Bizarro: *blink* *blink* oooooKAY! clever, actually.

    FW: The Bucket works different in Milford.

    JUMBLE: better cake /fail than Mary Worth! (less pink, though.)

    OBH: dog piddle! another comedic gem right up there with dog farts, Congress, and golf jokes! (at least the art isn’t overly messy, and crudded up by the small size that strips are printed at these days.)

    6Cx: see NAoQV for how to do this ‘gag’ properly.

    Retail: the faux-Latin names are the only saving grace of this arc.

    wow, for being in a good mood, I sure am bitchysnarkier than usual this morning.

  49. tb4000
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    JP: “Bras are for old people,” said Abbey, breasts heaving independently of each other in the vein of one of them there Japanesey cartoons.

  50. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .glowing genitalia.

  51. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

  52. Mikey
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MT: Be Careful! Don’t get kidnapped or pinned under a car or get kidnapped or trip over something while being chased after accidentally taking incriminatiing pictures or get kidnapped or trip over something while being chased (cue Yakkity Sax)!

  53. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    GA: For a strip that’s placing so much emphasis on the legal necessity of adhering to the stringent conditions in a will, GA seems to have adopted a remarkably lax attitude towards the legal requirements for obtaining a marriage license. What worries me the most, however, is the minister’s worrying that the man-and-mule wedding may be “unorthodox”. He has taken a quick look at Rufus and Joel and immediately concluded, “Greeks”.

  54. TheDiva
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    GA: “Fine, fine, jest as long as you ain’t one of them homersex’als, I’ll marry ya.”

    Marvin: More proof, as if we needed it, that Marvin is not an actual child but a hellspawn that exists to torment all within its sway.

  55. Mikey
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    SM: ummm, okay……. THIS HAS TO BE INTENTIONAL!

  56. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    For the record, I will gay-marry you all you want[*], but I will not marry you to a donkey, opposite-sex or no.[*]

  57. Horace Broon
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    A3G: Isn’t there some sort of fetish thing about making women eat lots of food to fatten them up? Because it looks like Greg’s one of them.

    H&L: “Ditto’s going to be late for dinner, by which I mean by dinner, he’s going to be the late Ditto Flagston.”

    HtH: “Look Helga, I’m in the castle-raiding business, so I know a thing or two about how much of a security risk they are. When’s the last time a horde of bloodthirsty warriors beseiged our longhouse? Never, that’s when!”

    RMMD: D’awwww, crazy old lady has a heart after … oh, dear lord, look at her expression. She’s plotting how to turn this to her advantage, possibly by making the strippers her indentured servants.

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#49): *imagines Abby Gainaxing*

    pon pon pon!

    (TV Tropes referred to this vid as “gloriously NSFW.” you have been warned.)

  59. Pozzo
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Evidently, Marvin is wearing his mood shirt. When it goes black like that, just step away, is all I’m saying.

  60. Mikey
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#35): Harpman: Hey, this isn’t soup.. It’s a a bowl of pink frosting! Are you nuts lady?

  61. Joshua
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    GA: Generally, it would be illegal for the preacher to perform a marriage for a man and a woman if they didn’t have a marriage license, much less a man and a donkey.

  62. TT
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Apparently you don’t know any math professors.

  63. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    GA – If your neighbor’s wife and your neighbor’s donkey are one and the same, do you get a two-for-one deal on penance for violating the 10th commandment by coveting them?

  64. WeatherServo9
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Today in Heathcliff, a man standing behind a cardboard box talks to a cat wearing part of a suit blowing birds out of a pipe. Oh, that old trope?

  65. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Aren’t Rufus and Joel neighbors? And doesn’t Rufus crave to take Becky away from Joel? Then Deuteronomy 5:21 applies: “Neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour’s wife, neither shalt thou covet thy neighbour’s house, his field, or his manservant, or his maidservant, his ox, or his ass…

  66. Dood
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Marvin: So, this is an infant’s version of an upper decker?

  67. Leonard
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Sad thing is marrying Becky the donkey is an upgrade from Becky of the Funkyverse… namely, no wildfire will consume Rufus and Joel’s homes.

  68. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @TT (#62): Apparently you don’t know any math professors.

    Right – they just put on their shoes and socks, and then they dismiss the rest as merely following by induction.

  69. Shrug, Going for a Marvel No-Prize
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#y288):

    “surely they could’ve thought of something better to call it than “spider aura”?”

    How about “spider stench”?

  70. Ian Beste
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#68): Ancienty joke even in my college days:

    Q: How can you spot an extroverted math major?

    A: He’s looking at your shoes when he’s talking to you.

  71. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Al Capp: “… Do you like this penury and turmoil?” — Nominee for phrase of the day!

    Archie: Dating Archie: This Ngram may help. // Judging from the picture, the fridge light is out when the door is open; judging from the burger the light is on when the door is closed. The Andrews’ should check the door switch.

    Frazz: Charity, people, charity! The average age of the US Senate is well over 60. They need the fiber.

    Heathcliff: I’ll bet the birds are going to join together into some sort of M.C. Escher thing with fish forming between the interstices! // Way beyond my graphic reach… Bats? Mibbettmaker?

  72. Gabacho
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Marvin – “Revenge Shitting” seems more like a Crankshaft kind of thing.

  73. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#71): “Penury and turmoil” sounds like a book by Foucault, or my life.

  74. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    MW-Don’t let her in, Tom. If you let her in all your tricks to stop her are useless.

    A3G-The Post? Only real New Yorkers reads the Times.

  75. Mibbitmaker
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#4): After the first paragraph…

    Theodorick of York: “….NAAAH!”

  76. TheDiva
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    9CL: Wait, do the Smuckling brothers have only one cow (since she’s always referred to as “their cow” and not “one of their cattle”), or do they have several (since Vet Lady insinuated their too careless/dumb to miss one from the herd)? You’d think someone so proud of his vocabulary would understand the distinction…

    A3G: Must be the manga edition of the Post.

    C’shaft: “Nothing, I don’t even really like billiards, I just happened to watch it on the off-chance a balding man came into my shop and I could make a crack about his head. It’s a long and convoluted way to go for a joke set-up, but whaddya gonna do?”

    FW: It’s okay, team, the Specialest Snowflake has graduated and you can all go back to sucking now.

    Lio: Lio vs. GLaDOS. MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

    Luann: And so the conflict was resolved without the parents actually having to do any parenting. Or without anybody being forced to admit that Tiffany is right.

    MW: The perspective on that hallway is freaking me out. Are we sure Charterstone is not the Overlook Hotel?

    Pibgorn: I see the plot pendulum has swung from “insulting” back to “incomprehensible”….

    Pluggers think anything that doesn’t involve watching television and eating fast food counts as “exercise.”

    SM: What, is the Kingpin just going to send phlebotinum-seeking missiles at them until he’s arrested?

  77. Shrug, Being a Drag
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#y329):

    “(W)e now will undoubtedly enter farce mode. The Vet will offer to confess, but Juliette will decide to instead hide the cow somewhere else- probably in the house, and deny it was ever there.”

    Oooh oooh oooh! Can Juliette put a dress and a wig on the cow and claim she is her friend Charley’s aunt from Brazil, where the nuts come from?

    //// “Donna Twinkly d’Alvadorez” shouldn’t sound suspicious, should it?

  78. Xorba
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    I think “Hold it right there, Professor” could be the new “Christ, what an asshole!

  79. Esther Blodgett
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#63): You can ask the Pope, but you’d better do it quick.

  80. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Marvin: His parents will just sit Marvin on the brown couch they bought around the time they gave up.

    MT: Next up: Rod Bassy and Catfish seize Rusty when they find him taking pictures of the inside of their unattended van. They laughingly let him go when they see that his “camera” is a bar of Zest soap.

    Ziggy: Ziggy is ready to fall for the hoariest Internet scam in the ebook and his parrot is smarter than him. Not much of a revelation, really.

    BH: Kindly save the intimate details of your marriage to Stanley for days that don’t end in a “y”, Harriet.

    Crock: So the joke is that the Legionnaires forced the lepers to give up their medicinal marijuana? Help me out here. Or not.

    JP: Someone must have bet Mike Manley that he didn’t have the balls to draw nipples on Abbey’s sweater. Pay up, pal.

    RMMD: If telecom companies are marketing a cell phone that turns into a hot cup of coffee while you talk on it, I may finally have to break down and buy one.

    H&L: Dot’s had enough of the whole twin thing, so if Ditto wants to die of hypothermia who is she to stop him?

    DtM: The latest odds on Dennis’ adult career heavily favor “scam artist with a fake limp.”

    S-M: After he and Spider-Man confound the Kingpin’s phallic missile, Daredevil brags about “licking” it. His trolling abilities must have increased to make up for his lost sight.

    H&J: “Your name comes up a lot when he sleeps. Why if I weren’t such a trusting woman…”

    Lockhorns: I see Loretta got the memo in re her groceries.

    A3G: “Aside from needing some meat on your bones you also need a bone in your meat. Am I being too subtle?”

  81. Mibbitmaker
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#23): I stayed up way too late last night struggling to get the strips not updated by Darkgate yet after 2AM. Only got a few. Hell, just got to read MW a few minutes ago!

  82. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#74):

    MW-Don’t let her in, Tom. If you let her in all your tricks to stop her are useless.

    So it’s true what they say about vampires. (The woman’s been sixty for a long time now.)

  83. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#79):

    I only hope I can get an audience while he is still infallible!

  84. sporknpork
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Not illegal? I can’t wait for the State v. Donkey Fucker to reach SCOTUS.

  85. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#16): Pibgorn: I’m all for surrealism, generally, but is this ever going to make any fucking sense?

    A NIGHT AT THE PIBGORN —

    Mrs. Claypool: A penny for your thoughts, Mr. McEldowney.

    Brooke McEldowney: In answer to that question you’ve been asking yourself: You will! Decisively. You very likely will. I mean, there’s every reason to think you will. Weighing this with that, one thing with another, the bad with the good, considering all the alternatives and variables, you probably will. You very certainly, in all likelihood, possibly, in the fullness of time, all things being equal, if nothing happens contrary to prediction… will. Absolutely.

    Or possibly not.

    Mrs. Claypool: This is an outrage!

    Otis B. Driftwood: She’s right, you know. This IS an outrage. For a whole penny, you might have at least delivered the first four lines of Lincoln’s “Gettysburg Address.” No, you’re nothing but a cheap crook, McEldowney. And I insist you return Mrs. Claypool’s penny — to me.

  86. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#57): Re A3G: feederism. I don’t see Margo gaining weight, though. Giving Tommie a bowl cut was about as much change in character design as Bolle can handle.

  87. Mibbitmaker
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#57): re: A3G: He got that from Jimbo Gumbo from Rose is Rose.

  88. Sparrow
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    I hadn’t even dreamed of the concept of revenge-shitting.

    Clearly your cats are better-behaved than mine.

  89. Legend of the Arctic
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Today’s Gasoline Alley isn’t so bad once you realize that Rufus isn’t marrying a real donkey. She’s actually a donkey-shaped Plugger, and she’s going to teach him some valuable lessons about lower middle class life, like how to gain weight and how to stave off soul-crushing depression.

  90. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    “You donkey-fuckin’ Rufus!” will be the next phrase of exasperated impatience.

    I expect to find Mr. Dithers yelling it at Dagwood.

  91. Mibbitmaker
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    9CL: Sven, you know these Burbers and their teeth.
    (Really, Brooke’s women come off looking bad, but his men are supposed to look bad. Amirite?)

    Glibporn: Remember in “All in the Family”, when Archie said something so confounding, all Meathead could do was scream in exasperation? Yeah… that’s today’s Pibgorn.

    ZtP: “Stuporpowers”, more like.

    S-M: “Yeah. Ol’ Circle Puss!” (oddly enough, that’s also a nickname for Madonna! *rimshot!* Deepest apologies)

    GA: Really dragging out the unsubtly hateful analogy for gay marriage, aren’t they?

  92. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#23): DailyINK and GoComics seem to me to be the most reliable.

  93. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    JP-Try not to look but Abby’s not wearing a bra today and it looks a little cold in the Driver’s kitchen.

    RMMD-Secretly the old woman wants Delores to die so she can get all that rent money.

    FC-”You can’t draw those things and you want to be my successor?”

  94. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    MW-”Mary, what a surprise. Obviously restraining orders mean nothing to you.”

  95. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Sparrow (#88): Re: Revenge Shitting

    Of the dozens of cats who have allowed me the privilige of caring for them over the years, I have never had one who refused to use the litter box, if one was available, clean, and not guarded by another cat. Until I had my infestation of sister-in-law last year. She and her screeching 3YO moved in with us for an indefinite period of time, and my 5YO tabby Tiger stopped using the litter box and started shitting under the table at the top of the stars from the first floor. And it worked – she and screechy would emerge, climb the stairs, get a whiff, and retreat back to their room until someone volunteered to clean it up.

    A week after the inevitable blowup between her and her sister (my wife), and my inevitable writing of a check to hire a truck to move her out, Tiger went right back to using his litter box just as he had always done.

    Good kitty!

  96. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#95): Best cat story of the day! Maybe even the week!

  97. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @jvwalt (#43):

    Although I strongly suspect that Rufus is a “bottom,” and I’m not sure how that’s going to work out with a donkey.

    And a female donkey at that, so they’ll have to get her a… Wow, my brain just shorted out. Small mercies, huh?

  98. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Hey, as long as we’re talking, I have a pink cake I’d like you to take a look at…

    Apt. 3-G: He cooks! He fusses! He wears a white apron nearly indistinguishable from his white shirt! Oh, James Bond, is there anything you can’t do? Oh, right. Look different from any other man in this strip.

    Archie: 1995-1996.

    9 Chickweed Lane, translated:
    Vet Lady: Dude, I’m sorry. I screwed up.
    Dr. Horrible: That’s okay, you miserable wench. You meant well.
    Vet Lady: Well, I guess we’re screwed now.
    Dr. Horrible: “We,” Paleface?
    Musclebound Sexual Naif: Dr. Horrible?
    Dr. Horrible: Shut up and let me look at you, beefwit.
    Musclebound Sexual Naif: I saw a cow in your enclosure, so I called the local cow abusers.
    Dr. Horrible: I like distressed text.
    Musclebound Sexual Naif: I’d rather not talk about how I recognized whose cow it was.

    Fact-checking the comics, Crock edition: Leprosy, or Hansen’s Disease as it’s known today, is not very contagious, and is seldom seen in desert climates. Because Hansen’s Disease caused by a bacteria, washing a stew pot with boiling water would effectively sterilize it. However, nine-banded armadillos are known to carry the disease, leading one to conclude that the cast of Luann are pretty much goners.

    Henry: Look, it’s a ball-gag, get it?

    Look, Juggs Parker is just getting surreal these days, and by “surreal,” I really mean, “softcore.”

    Sinfest: Jesus-John Galt slash-fiction.

  99. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    A3G-I’m going to assume that Greg failed at being James Bond and has now joined the Blue Man Group if the Blue Man Group existed in the time period Apartment 3G takes place in.

    A3G 2-”It’s either meat on your bones or I bone your meat. Was that clever? It sounded clever in my head.”

  100. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Sit back and relax or have a Ripley’s!

    BIOLOGISTS at Colorado State University have developed plants that detect explosives!

    Another reason we don’t need Spider-Man anymore.

  101. BringTheNoise
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: “I don’t recall anything illegal [Because I am terrible at my job and never actually read any of the marriage laws] but…”

    I really hope the “but” ends with “what about the children? Won’t they be bullied?” tomorrow. And then the preacher is diagnosed with Alzheimers. Or explodes. Either or.

  102. Northern lurker
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    RMMD: has Junior made an appearance yet? Just out of curiosity does one of the strippers have an Adam’s apple?

  103. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Melissa considers the money well spent, if it helps get Junior interested in girls. June smirks, because she knows there’s not enough money anywhere for that.

  104. HCV
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    And by “rarely” I mean “not always,” and by “not always” I mean “there’s a reason why the bail bonds ad trucks like to park in front of the faculty office building.”

  105. Cloudbuster
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#92): I use GoComics for everything I can, but it doesn’t appear to have ASM, A3G, FW, JP, MT, MW or RMMD. Those are the ones I go to CK for.

  106. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Speaking of pantless Heathcliff…

  107. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    As always, Mark Trail offers useful outdoors advice!

  108. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

  109. RavenHawk
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Johnnycakes (#42): Astute observation, Johnnycakes. I guess that explains why Parker wasn’t in any hurry to get back home to MJ.

  110. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#73): @Nehemiah Scudder (#71): “Penury and turmoil” sounds like a book by Foucault, or my life.

    Still looking for a title for your autobiography?

    // Harry Dinkle inspires us all, in so many ways!

  111. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#105): The ones you list are all on DailyINK. It updates shortly after midnight EST.

  112. un malpaso
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    So the comics are really going all the way this week, with the donkey and the poopin’, huh? Nothing like good old bestiality and toilet jokes to put a smile on the aging newspaper reader’s face over his breakfast!

  113. HCV
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Decades ago, long before the advent of the intarwebs and blogs and curmudgeons and things, I would start each day by opening the “View” section of the Los Angeles Times, turning to the comics page, and quietly muttering:

    “I hate Heathcliff.”

    Today’s panel makes me say, “All is forgiven, Zombie George Gately.” Everything has led up to this moment. Life in the postapocalyptic underwater cityscape, apparently populated by dogs, only adds to the beauty of Pantsless Professor Heathcliff and his demonic birdpipe.

  114. Alice
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Luann: Now that Evans has for some reason ended this little story on a Thursday, how do you suppose he’ll finish out the week? With Fogarty saying something burnt-out and bitter? Shannon terrorizing Bwad? Bernice continuing to avoid asking Delta out? Discuss.

  115. btown
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh, Mary, what a “surprise”. How am I feeling? Well, last night I realized that I need to believe in the goodness of people, help others, and have faith in the future. Now will you kindly fuck off so I can go back to sleep? It’s 5:30 AM.

  116. Illustrator Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    MT – I know it’s a waste of time to try and analyze this comic strip, but what’s currently taking place in this story line seems very confusing and contradictory.
    Two comic strip days ago Mark and Rusty left the fishing tournament lake area and since have been driving their Mark-Mobile ™ to a hotel in a nearby city so Mark could interview some of the other tournament fishermen at the hotel where they are staying. Now today, upon arriving at the nearby city hotel, Mark tells Rusty he is going into the hotel to do the interviews and for Rusty to be careful. Mark also told Rusty he would be back “SOON”.

    Standing outside the hotel, Rusty tells Mark, “I WILL GET MORE PICTURES OF THEIR BOATS AND EQUIPMENT!” (appearently while Mark is in the hotel)…??? Aren’t all the boats and equipment kept down at the lake somewhere in the southern part of the state which, the last I saw, is at least two comic strip days away from the hotel?
    Is Rusty planning on hitchhiking back to the lake over the next comic strip days so he can get the pictures of the boats and equipment? (If so, it would be the first close to exciting thing so far to happen in this story line!).
    Or, at the end of each day do the fishermen trailer their boats and equipment back to the hotel’s in-city parking garage, where an array of security cameras are at the ready to alert hotel staff of some kid snooping around in the hotel parking garage while taking pictures of the guests property? (Which would REALLY add some needed excitment to this story line!).

    More importantly, the history of the Mark Trail comic strip shows that when Mark tells Rusty he will, “BE BACK SOON” or “BE DONE SOON”, we can count on it being a time period lasting four to six months before he shows up again…just ask the very happy Cherry and Ranger Tom, who COUNT on it!

  117. HCV
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    And speaking some more of Heathcliff… what the hell!?!?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axAjEevErgM

    I guess my aforementioned Heathcliff hatred blinded me to the fact that in the ’80s there was actually a Heathcliff TV series, which apparently decided to blatantly full-on pander to the furry demo. I have to say, Cleo rocks the leg warmers.

  118. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#73), @Nehemiah Scudder (#110): A book by Foucault? What did he ever write, other than “Swinging Both Ways“?

  119. Doctor Handsome
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    I dunno, Rev, I’m almost certain “You can’t marry a donkey” is like the fifth or sixth law there is.

  120. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#116): Rusty’s got a really good telephoto lens.

  121. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#118): Rum, Sodomy and the Lash, wasn’t it?

  122. Hogenmogen
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    FW: I thought you only threw the cooler over someone’s head when your team wins. Here in Funkyville, with joy or celebration being foreign concepts, it’s just another form of regular abuse.

    “Empty the bucket”?? Batuik comes up with another heretofore-unknown-expression-but-let’s-pretend-it’s-common, and he doesn’t even quite know what it means.

  123. Rube
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Josh your Marvin comment made me laugh out loud. Thanks for all the laughs I get from this blog every year.

  124. Shrug, Pondering the Powers That Bea
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @OMEGA SUPREME (#28):

    The great JUDGE PARKER decision: to Bea, or not to Bea?

    ////Given the mention someone made here earlier of SEVEN BRIDES FOR SEVEN BROTHERS (adapted from the short story “The Sobbin’ Women”), I’m thinking of a JUDGE PARKER/9 CHICKWEED LANE mashup. I guess I have a Bea in my Benet.

  125. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#119): What? You don’t want them living in sin, do you?

  126. Doctor Handsome
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    No soap radio, Pet Shop Guy. No soap fuckin’ radio.

  127. Mikey
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    MT: This being Mark Trail I expect the “scuba gear” Rusty photographs in the back of the van to be the full on brass diving helmet type. The photography will be followed by the obligitory Rusty chase scene.
    Question: What will Rusty trip over before Catfish kidnaps him?
    a) a squirrel
    b) a duck
    c) two squirrels
    d) a rock
    e) other

  128. RichterCa
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: It’s the classic Air Bud clause! There’s no rule that says a donkey can’t play basketball wedding!

  129. Illustrator Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#120): “Rusty’s got a really good telephoto lens”.

    (reply #1): Now, THERE’s the type of logical, intelligent and informative response of which Jackelrod would never have enough comon sense to make or even be capable of making!
    (reply #2) WHY couldn’t I think of a making a response like that?!!

  130. Ratiocinator
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @HCV (#117): I vaguely recall actually watching that as a kid.

  131. Illustrator Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Mikey (#127): The answer is… “F”, brass diving helmet.

  132. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley-”I don’t recall anything illegal but then again I was ordained in Tijuana but it was quite common there for women and donkeys to be together.”

    MT-”And be sure to get plenty of pictures of their tackle boxes, Rusty. The bigger the tackle box the more I like it.”

  133. I speak Jive
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Leonard (#67): Plus Becky the donkey doesn’t have a pinned-up sleeve.

    9CL – My first thought on reading this was, What’s he doing in New Hampshire? I thought he was in New York living with Edda. Oh, wait, that’s SETH and this is SVEN. Why are all of Brooke’s males either over-muscled behemoths or scrawny milquetoasts?

    GA – “T’aint again the law…” is not appropriate dialect. It should say “T’aint agin the law.” If you are not fer something, you are agin it. I cite as a source several past New York Times Crossword puzzles.

  134. Illustrator Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#80): MT – NOw that you mention it, Rusty’s camera does resemble a bar of soap, but more like a bar of the old Lava soap rather than Zest. (Do they still even make that gritty gray Lava soap?) Bars of Lava soap had that same dark gray color that Rusty’s camera has, which is actually Mark’s old camera, you know, the camera that Rusty got paid $500.00 dollars for by a kidnapping thief….that was before Rusty swiped the camera back and pawned it to buy more arrow heads, that is before he got kidnapped again by some friendly kidnappers, which is around the time when he pawned Mark’s favorite BIG camera lens, and so on…and, WHAT was I talking about???

  135. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#133):

    Another Edition of Simple Answers To Simple Questions

    Q: “Why are all of Brooke’s males either over-muscled behemoths or scrawny milquetoasts?”

    A: Because Brooke McEldowney has an inferiority complex.

    This has been Another Edition of Simple Answers To Simple Questions.

  136. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff-”There is no smoking in this pet store.”

  137. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#134): WHAT was I talking about???

    I’m not sure, but it sounds like it might make a good story!

  138. Hallway Monitor for Jackelrod's clip art studio
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#134): Seems to me you’ve been spending WAY too much time following this particular comic strip.
    My advice to you would be to Walmart, buy a digital camera, hitch hike to the nearest fishing dock, take some great photos of the fishermen and their poles, rods and tackle, take the memory card to the closest one hour photo developing center and watch the part time help working there laugh at you when you ask to have the memory card developed.

  139. Laura
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#21):
    I’m reminded of a passage from the revolutionary epic, “Bukaka Spat Here”:
    “Every function of our living organism, like spit, shit, piss, must be placed in the service of insurrection. We have to stop to shit passively. We have to start to shit rebelliously.”
    (-Alexander Brener / Barbara Schurz)

  140. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    We

    haz a

    TU’i!

    *does happy dance*

  141. billman
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#98):

    Sinfest: Jesus-John Galt slash-fiction.

    Jesus attempts to seduce Galt with the Sermon on the Mount. Galt then gives a 64 page rebuttal Anti-Sermon on the Mount. They realize they have diametrically opposed viewpoints and go ask James Carville and Mary Matalin how they do it. Then they fuck.

  142. Illustrator Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Hallway Monitor for Jackelrod’s clip art studio (#138):
    Do they develop jumbo sized prints there?
    They would have to be jumbo sized in order for the giant frogs and turtles to fit into the picture, otherwise I’d have to get each picture enlarged enough until you could see the giant frogs and turtles. I know this because my family’s portrait excluded me by me standing too far off to one side. They said not to worry because I could simply get it enlarged and then be seen in it….they lied.

  143. Here come the Judge
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Fibuli (#14):

    That’s their maid, Marie.

  144. Marc
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Funky- It’s painfully obvious that Tom Batiuk has never played a sport in his entire life. In fact, I’m pretty sure that he’s probably never even watched one before. He’s aware of them as a vague concepty, but has no idea how they actually function.

  145. TheDiva
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#98): I resent that. Dr. Horrible is a great character with an awesome singing voice and doesn’t deserve to have his reputation tainted by association with any Burber.

  146. Government Cheese
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary always sticks her index finger into the electrical socket before engaging in discourse with anyone.

    Luann: We are such awesome parents! I’m going to jizz in my pants just a bit as a reward. Ahhhhh.

  147. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    TDP: 10 of the 28 Daily Puppies for February were Retrievers or Retriever mixes. Not quite the ~half that January was. (15 of 31.)

  148. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#21): It seems that riding the dog like it was a miniature pony is frowned upon in this establishment!

  149. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sock Puppet (#29): We’re literal minded beefwits. Didn’t you get the memo?

  150. Hogenmogen
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#116): “I’ll get pictures of their boats and equipment” means “I’ll break into Bassy’s car and gather evidence, or plant some. Yeah, no one ever suspects a gee-willikers, gap-tooth, aw-shucks kid with a camera.”

  151. pugfuggly
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    GA “Isn’t that a little unorthodox? I mean, if you were catholic or protestant maybe, but we eastern christians take laws on bestiality pretty seriously…”

    MW “I made you some chicken soup and….OH NO! DON’T SPILL IT! THAT’S MY MAGIC BOTTOMLESS BOWL! WE’LL ALL DROOOOOOWWWWWWWN…..”

    A3G Mr and Mrs Android sit down to a hot tray of lubricated protein lumps.

    “have-you-seen-the-latest-edition-of-the-daily-newspaper?”
    “yes-perhaps-you-would-like-to-discuss-said-newspaper?”

    FW “But first, coach likes to give the whole team a good sniff to make sure they’re sweating sufficiently…”

  152. Hogenmogen
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    MT: Yes, Rusty, take some boat and equipment pictures. Don’t come with me. Don’t take pictures of the fishermen themselves. That would NOT make a good STORY. What Editor Bill Ellis wants is to see pictures like “this boat was in a parking lot” and “this fishing lure was found discarded by a tree nearby the parking lot”.

  153. Fashion Police
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    We are beginning to be a tad concerned over the affairs at Schlo? Spencer. the shape-shifting Miss Sanchez down at Mr. Driver’s office was one thing, but Lady Spencer’s personal maid getting into the act crosses the line. We suspect witchery afoot.

  154. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

  155. Hogenmogen
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    FW:
    “It’s in the final 2 minutes of play. It’s time for game execution!”
    “You mean it’s time to follow the game plan effectively?”
    “No, I mean if they lose, we will literally kill them!”
    “Haha!” Smirk!

  156. GReg Steinmayer
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    I know the Dick Tracy ‘Sweatbox’ story line ended this past Sunday, but it suddenly occurred to me that Dick Tracy is Tough and Ruthless, while Sweatbox was Rough and Toothless.

  157. Northern lurker
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    MT: as a former reporter I can’t think of a reason why Trail would want a picture inside the van. It would be dark and probably unusable.
    Nor can I think of a reason why Rod Bassy allow to take a photo of private space.
    Do sports photographers take pics of lockers?

  158. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#145): Today I learned…

  159. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#133): Seth is a redhead, although I think it’s only in the last couple of years that Brooke’s been informing the lowly coloring monkeys of that fact. And yes, see Seth and Sven side-by-side in a b&w comics and it’s “The Parent Trap.”

  160. Lumaca Morente
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Bestiality: (now that I have your attention) A couple of years ago a case was brought against a police officer in Moorestown, NJ, who was found to have video of himself having sex with cows. The judge found that there was no law against it, only against ‘abusing animals’ and he said that the cows appeared to be enjoying it.

  161. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Hallway Monitor for Jackelrod’s clip art studio (#138): Is it okay if we call you “HAL 9000″ for short?

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#148): The E-Trade Baby just advised the Burbers against selling any of their penny stocks. (I managed to crack the code — see today’s 9CL if you don’t believe me!)

  162. Lumaca Morente
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#63): If you are concerned about penance, I assume you are Catholic. If you are Catholic then you know that by coveting Becky, you violate both the ninth and tenth commandment, as Catholics number them.

    As I teach the kids: “No false gods, don’t diss God’s name, say you missed Mass? Well that’s a shame. That’s one, two, three. To keep the commandments you’ll honor Mom and Dad. Don’t hurt anybody. Adultery’s bad. That’s four, five, six. Don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t want nobody’s wife or stuff, if you did all these things, you know you did enough.* Who kept the commandments? who? who? who?

    *that last sentence fragment is not entirely theologically accurate.

  163. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#154):

    Oh no, Edda, flee like a pronghorn!

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#159):

    Where does the Seth clone that was budded for the “Amos goes flying through the air and lands in Edda’s vagina” scene fit in? Was that Sven? Or was it Sean or Saul?

  164. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    A3G-For someone who was at the center of a four alarm psychedelic fire Margo sure looks pretty good.

    MW-”‘Buzz, buzz’? I need to get these bells to play something more dynamic to announce my presence.”

  165. Alter Ego
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    DtM – I’m sure I’m not the first person to figure this out, but I just realized that Mrs. Wilson’s goal in life is to shape Dennis into an amoral monster. Probably so that he’ll torment Mr. Wilson into an early grave.

  166. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#160): The judge found that there was no law against it, only against ‘abusing animals’ and he said that the cows appeared to be enjoying it.

    “Carnation Condensed Milk, the milk from contented sexually excited cows!”

  167. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#160):

    Ah, yes. Just like the old saying goes: “Why buy the milk when you can fuck the cows for free?”

    @Lumaca Morente (#162):

    It’s as if Moses sat down, and Yaweh started an insecure rant about how people needed to stop making fun of him, worshipping other gods, making statues of other gods, bugging him on his day off, etc. “Ok, what are we up to now? Five? Six? Good. Throw in some filler- y’know no killing, stealing, raping, all that. Put in enough to get to 10 and you can carve that in stone, baby!”

  168. Lumaca Morente
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#166): You hope that was milk.

  169. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Chicken soup? I’m allergic to poultry. What are you trying to do kill me?”

  170. Baka Gaijin
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#4) on Luann: In the pantheon of Comic Strip Knockers, Luann DeGroot’s are far far down the desirability list, down there with Olive Oyl’s and Momma’s.

    @Johnnycakes (#42): You’re no Dingo but you’re on the right track.

    @tb4000 (#49): ” Breasts heaving independently.” I can support that. Cross my heart. For 18 hours.

  171. DownInTheValley
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    This Heathcliff is even more surreal than you realize. Look: the dog is hanging over the sill from the outside, which means there is no window glass, which means the word “PETS” is just floating in the air! Look: the city outside the nonexistent window is completely underwater! Look: there are old videocassette boxes and mayonnaise jars on the shelves behind the clerk! Wait a minute…is this one of those “How Many Things Are Wrong With This Picture” cartoons?

  172. Lumaca Morente
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#167): *sidles away from Calvin’s Cardboard Box before the lightening strikes*

  173. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley-I love how the priest is willing to go along with something that we all know is wrong even if there is no written law condemning it.

  174. Government Cheese
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Hmmm yes. I like to air out my humbly jumblies before giving my lectures at Hopkins. Ah yes, that’s good air.

  175. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#172):

    A shot of penicillin will clear that burning bush right up!

  176. Illustrator Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Northern lurker (#157): “Do sports photographers take pictures of lockers?”

    No, they take pictures of LOOKERS, not LOCKERS.
    (Rusty could then say): “….Gee! THERE’S one of them good LOOKER’s right in front of me coming from the locker room! I think I’ll take a picture of her with Mark’s big-old camera!”

  177. Lumaca Morente
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#175): *sidles farther away*

  178. Joshua
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#65): Oddly enough, the 10th Commandment (by any numbering) is one that I don’t think Rufus is guilty of violating. The neighbor, Joel, has fully consented to Rufus’s plan to marry Joel’s donkey, and Rufus and Joel have agreed on the compensation therefor.

    I feel pretty confident that Rufus is not going to finish this storyline by receiving $100,000 from his aunt’s estate. Unfortunately, I am afraid that the reason he isn’t going to receive the money is that there will be another clause in the will, like so:

    “To my nephew, RUFUS, I give the sum of One Hundred Thousand Dollars ($100,000), provided that he is married as of the time this Will is admitted to probate. However, if the said RUFUS‘s marriage consists solely of his having engaged in a purported marriage ceremony with a donkey or mule, in violation of the laws of both God and man, he shall be treated as married for purposes of the preceding sentence only if such marriage took place at least one year prior to my death.”

  179. bbofun
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @jvwalt (#43): You’ve obviously never been to Tijuana.

    Pibgprn- Yesterday, someone (forgive me for not remembering who) explained the back-story of Bozoid the robot/alien thing. Obviously, without this background, it would be impossible to understand the subtlety of the humor and pathos of today’s installment.

    Oh, wait- IT STILL MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.

    Now, there’s always in problem in long-running strips- characters will appear without introduction who haven’t appeared in a long time, and everyone’s suppose to know who they are (Marie the maid in the current Judge Parker, for example). A good GOOD cartoonist recognizes this, and, at least, gives clues as to who the person is (Marie immediately begins being ordered about by Abby, so their relationship is clearer). A BAD cartoonist thinks it’s the reader’s job to understand what is happening, without any hint- why hasn’t the reader been following the strip for the 5-10-20 years it’s been around, and taking copious notes?

    One guess which camp Brooke falls into.

    A3G- Oh, dear God! Greg’s hands were so badly burnt they had to be amputated and replaced with those hideous blue plastic prostheses! How will he ever be the new James bond n- oh, wait. I think those are just suppose to be oven mitts. HIDEOUS BLUE OVEN MITTS!

  180. Fritz Basset
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: Reminds me of a Fred Basset years ago when he left a “present” on the kitchen floor for his owners. Interesting that Fred and Marvin have a similar level of brain development and reaction.

  181. Illustrator Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @DownInTheValley (#171): “How many things are wrong with this picture?”

    My thoughts EGG ZACT LEE! I new it was one of those type of pictures when I saw there were only NINE birds flying out of Heathcliff’s pipe. Everybody knows Heathcliff always smokes TEN birds in his pipe, not nine! Just ask the two white lemon fish in the pet shop.

  182. Dood
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: And once again, Marvin answers the question of what brown can do for him today.

  183. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Let’s just hope that Brooke doesn’t let his penchant for drawing women being penetrated to distract him from his important rant against those pervs who enjoy drawings of women being penetrated.

  184. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#155):

    reporter) What about the execution of the offense?
    coach) I’d be in favor of that.

  185. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    We haven’t seen Rev. Scot Sloan around Doonesbury lately. I guess he slid over to Gasoline Alley.

  186. Illustrator Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff – Is that a pet store or a video rental store? Because those old VHS video tapes on the upper shelf behind the store clerk sure look like copies of Debbie does 101 Dalmatians, although I personally am totally unfamiliar with that movie and/or it’s contents.

  187. Cloudbuster
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Fritz Basset (#180): You’re not being very fair to Fred Basset.

  188. Mardou Fox
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Even though Marvin still wears diapers, he has enough control of his bowel to make it produce whatever his dark soul desires. Creepy.

  189. Baka Gaijin
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    ADVICE FOR TOM HARPMAN: Pre-emptive revenge shitting before Mary Worth crosses your threshold.

    Am I the only one disturbed by the deranged kitchen guy on meth in Dagwood’s greasy spoon?

  190. commodorejohn
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    You know, why doesn’t Heathcliff just go full Dada? It’s much better at that than it is at conventional jokes.

  191. Illustrator Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: I see the store clerk finally got around to putting a missing poster on the front of his counter for that rabid mouse they lost. No reward mentioned though, darn it!

  192. HCV
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Also, the pet shop sells sentient underwater lemons.

    Or, the lemons are actually customers visiting from the undersea city we see through the window, in their motorized aqualemonmobile.

    (Why is “aqualemonmobile” already in my spellcheck dictionary?)

  193. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#189):

    Am I the only one disturbed by the deranged kitchen guy on meth in Dagwood’s greasy spoon?

    Nah. Any place with Dagwood in it is bound to have a deranged kitchen guy on meth hanging around.

  194. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @HCV (#192): “sentient underwater lemons” – band name!

  195. Anonymous
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#194): “Sentient Underwater Lemons” – porn genre.

  196. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: I don’t know why the store attendant is cross with Heathcliff. Heathcliff is restocking the store with his magic pipe.

  197. Illustrator Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff/Mark Trail: WHAT a second, WHAT JUST ONE COTTON PICKING SECOND!!! That city outside the pet shop window…could it be? It IS!! It, it’s… it’s the proverbial stone-gray nearby city located somewehere in the southern part of the state. I can’t believe it, I’M HOME!

  198. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Luann: That camel-toe in the first panel is the result of hours of painstaking (and exhausting) research in high school parking lots. Evans is such a stickler for authenticity!

  199. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#195): sounds like a party!

    *runs away*

  200. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-”We tried that Soylent Green stuff and it didn’t go over to well.”

    Baby Blues-”That’s enough Westview High Girls Basketball for you, Hammie. Something about that team is so depressing.”

    Hagar the Horrible-You’re a Viking. You don’t have to buy the castle. Just run in there and kill everyone inside and take it for yourself.

  201. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

  202. Marc
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#169): “In fact, that is the very reason that I’m sick right now. Somebody invited me over for dinner and served chivettas chicken. I nearly died. Why do you think I keep to myself? It’s the only way to ensure I continue to live. Now get lost ya old bat. “

  203. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Short ribs:

    Pickles — Haha… Earl’s wife caught him in another “Loy”!

    Watch Your Head — Don’t laugh. “Snarky Ratface” was my username before I changed it to “Rocky Stoneaxe.”

  204. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

  205. Shrug, Yecchh
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#24):

    “Marvin is a non-speaking toddler, somehow terrorized into sitting on a stool…”

    Several stools, apparently.

  206. odinthor
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    #160. LM.

    A couple of years ago a case was brought against a police officer in Moorestown, NJ, who was found to have video of himself having sex with cows.

    He misunderstood about the “cop” part of “copulate.”

  207. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#196): He’s producing canaries too fast, devaluing them in the market. Basic supply and demand, really.

  208. Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    SM: ‘Lick that missile’? Liberace only wished he was this gay.

  209. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Short ribs:

    Beetle Bailey — Tiny and Popeye both frequent the same tattoo parlor.

    Arlo & Janis — His wife is sick and tired of Arlo whimpering for her to have sex with him.

  210. Eeyore
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#56):

    “For the record, I will gay-marry you all you want, but I will not marry you to a donkey, opposite-sex or no.”

    Not even if I am also a donkey? (On the intertubes, no one knows etc. etc.) Bigot.

  211. TheDiva
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#158): Any day in which you can discover Dr. Horrible is a good day. Still the best thing to happen to the internet (that doesn’t involve snarking on comic strips).

    @commodorejohn (#190): I think that statement would be true of 99% of legacy strips out there.

  212. Midtown
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#190): “…why doesn’t Heathcliff just go full Dada?” He’s already gone full Monty.

  213. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman and Daredevil: The new Ambiguously Gay Duo!
    LuAnn: So, Tiffany was able to start is discussion with Luann that accomplished exactly what her parents were unwilling/unable to do: address the issues of online relationships, the dangers of “sexting,” etc., in a frank manner. Tell me again who the villain of this strip is?

  214. Slartibartfast
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#57):

    H&L: “Ditto’s going to be late for dinner, by which I mean by dinner, he’s going to be the late Ditto Flagston.”

    It’s a sort of threat, you see. I’ve heard they can be very useful.

  215. odinthor
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    #162. LM.

    Who kept the commandments? who? who? who?

    Strange to say, Jerome Kern’s song Who? addresses this very point:

    Who—had another god?
    Who—made a likeness awed?
    Take My name in vain—that’s so bad;
    Sabbath-breaking’s done by a cad!
    Who—wrecked their parents’ life;
    Who—killed, or screwed a neighbor’s wife?
    Stealing, lying, coveting—who?
    Who—no one but you!

  216. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#185):

    Rev. Scot will likely be back in Doonesbury. He’s just waiting the week out to avoid getting caught in all the burning straw from this rerun.

  217. Lumaca Morente
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#215): Much more elegant than my version (I can picture Fred singing it to Ginger) but on the other hand, the look on my students’ faces as I ‘rap’, complete with throwing gang signs, is priceless.

  218. Lumaca Morente
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#216): Rev. Scott is counseling Pasdordan, hence unavailable.

  219. Lumaca Morente
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#218): And by counseling I am not in any way referring to anything remotely related to Daredevil and SM, so don’t even think about Rev. Scott and Pasdordan that way. Not at all.

  220. What's Black and White and Shrug All Over?
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#81):

    ” I stayed up way too late last night struggling to get the strips not updated by Darkgate yet after 2AM. Only got a few. Hell, just got to read MW a few minutes ago!”

    I on the other hand went to bed at a reasonable hour, got up at my usual time, picked up my home-delivered dead tree paper and within minutes was able to read all of the strips I follow, aside from the seven not carried by my paper, all of which I could read on GoComics in a couple more minutes.

    I realize taking a paper newspaper is somehow cheating (and just another proof that I’m a hopeless Plugger), but I get more sleep that way….

    /// On the other hand, I do have to be careful not to get addicted to TOO many comics not in my deadtree — especially if they also not on GoComics.

    /////On the other other hand, after I’ve read the paper I can wrap fish in it!

    /////////On the other other other hand, I don’t eat fish.

    ///////////////It’s because I only have four arms, isn’t it?

  221. Alison
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: I see Tiffany saved Luann’s parents from having to have an awkward conversation with their daughter. Anyone who was halfway decent would at least admit this. You know, “Thank goodness that Tiffany girl said what she did, whew!” or something. But of course we will never see anything like that, ever. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if tomorrow’s dialogue has Luann’s parents inexplicably talking about how much they hate Tiffany.

    “Marvin”: Here’s Marvin gleefully plotting to shit all over himself. And to think, somewhere there’s that baby at Marvin’s day care actually feeling embarrassed when he poops himself. Remind me again why Marvin is the star of this strip and not that other baby.

    “Mary Worth”: All the people in this strip look exactly the same, especially the men. I swear I’ve seen “Tom” a dozen times before.

  222. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    HOTC: Heart Lamarr even knows that Peter’s spider sense is lame.

  223. Peanut Gallery
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

  224. TheDiva
    February 28th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#76): And during a rant on the nuances of grammar, I made a their/they’re mistake. I’ll go stand in the corner now (though not the one Marvin’s currently shitting in).

  225. Peanut Gallery
    February 28th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#95): Now that’s the kind of story they need for “Kitty Korner” in the Sunday Heathcliff!

  226. Shrug, Son of Forbush-Man
    February 28th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    About comic books (mostly Marvel) rather than comic strips, but still likely to interest some of my fellow ‘mudges:

    http://theappendix.net/issues/2012/12/days-of-future-present-marvel-comics-and-the-most-intricate-fictional-narrative-in-the-history-of-the-world

    or

    http://tinyurl.com/c99ra7h

  227. Rusty Trail
    February 28th, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    I’ll be right back, Mark. I’m heading over to Judge Parker to take a few pictures through the window.

  228. Marc
    February 28th, 2013 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty Trail (#227): Now THAT will make a good story!

  229. Lenoxus
    February 28th, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Even if I’d never seen Marvin before, this strip would make little sense, since there’s nothing unusual or “special” about what the reader is meant to assume is in the diaper. But as someone who has read Marvin, I am left in gibbering madness, helplessly speculating what unearthly substance a “special” diaper would contain.

  230. Lenoxus
    February 28th, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    My understanding of this Heathcliff is that he’s using the smoke as a cover to abscond with the birds (and eat them, most likely), and he has to be dressed like a “professor” so that he won’t look like a pipe-smoking cat. You are not supposed to think about why the birds are going along with the plan.

  231. tallyHO
    February 28th, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    If Heathcliff were not being so erudite that he’s mistaken for an academic, I could see him lounging about in a Pet store and up to no good.

    But, I fail to understand what his game plan is? Is he an ornithologist?
    Maybe he is somehow conducting a heist of the canaries, but how?
    Is that really a pipe? Is his jacket really tweed? Do cat’s dig turtleneck sweaters?
    Just what would Heathcliff read with those reading glasses?

    Is the dog jealous? If so, of what? That Heathcliff is so erudite or that the cat is making beyootiful Escher-like flight patterns with canaries?

    I guess the only thing I understand about this cartoon is that Heathcliff may be misunderstood. Damn him and his Fancy Feline Ennui!

  232. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    JP: Perhaps Make Manley is setting things up carefully with today’s art work. In about an hour, Neddy will come walking in with her doctor friend, and she will point to Abbey and say, “See? I want them to look like these. How many more $10K checks will that take?”

  233. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Pondering the Powers That Bea (#124): I’m the one who brought up “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” earlier.

    While we’re at it, how about a 9 Chickweed Lane/Gasoline Alley mashup? I have a feeling the cows and the asses would become good friends like Daredevil and Spider-Man. Or Herb and Jamaal. (Not that I’m comparing any of these folks to a cow or an ass…)

    “I heard ‘em singing a most peculiar cowboy song… getta along, get hip little doggie… singing this Cow, Cow Boogie in the strangest way…”

  234. KreatureFeatures
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: It’s funny because even though he’s well-dressed, and smoking a pipe in a sophisticated manner, he plans to murder the unsuspecting birds with his claws and teeth, and feast on their still-warm organs as they shriek in horror.

  235. Arabella
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: If anyone is worried about the GA audience demographic being offended by this storyline, I submit to you the entertainment genre from last century known as the “Womanless Wedding.” When I was growing up in the rural South, that was a common type of fundraiser/show where prominent men of the community dressed in outrageous drag and performed in a slapstick production, much to the delight of the audience. No one was offended by the cross-dressing or the borderline “racy” dialogue. Just good clean fun. It was only a matter of time until it progressed to Man-Beast weddings.

  236. Downpuppy
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty Trail (#227): I’ll be be waiting.

    In the old days, JACKELROD would have had the letterer horsewhipped.

  237. Lenoxus
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

  238. Elk Meadow
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    MW: Did Mary know that her victim isn’t a vegetarian? Also, he’s younger, he’s supposed to be handsome–so is this Dawn’s newest boy toy, or is Tony’s husband going to get all jealous? (When I was younger, I’d get Tony’s husband Professor Cameron mixed up with the Professor in Apt. 3G. They were never in two strips on the same day, they both had tweed coats, the other characters respected and admired them, and they were both insufferable.)

  239. Calico
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Oh, how nice, Marvin is becoming Vito Spatafore’s fucked-up son. Gross.

  240. James "Single-Nostriled Pugface" Joyce
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#234): Your post will work into my novel in a most excellent fashion. In fact, it may be the back-jacket blurb.

  241. Calico
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#234):
    I thought eating Ortolan was illegal.
    Oh, wait, Heathcliff is a cat. Never mind.

  242. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#235): Did they also do blackface?

  243. Lumaca Morente
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#241): Oh, gross. I’ve never been able to forget the 60 Minutes, or whichever news magazine show, feature on that, and it must be 30 years ago.

  244. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#235): Re: the “Womanless Wedding” … prominent men of the community dressed in outrageous drag … It was only a matter of time until it progressed to Man-Beast weddings.

    Horrors! So the Republicans were right all along!

  245. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#241): Wasn’t Ortolan a character in The Lord of the Rings? Like, an elf guy?

  246. aprilglaspie
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Stripey Underoos: This Phantom story is going to be Androcles and the Lion, isn’t it? That would actually be pretty cool as Phantom plots go.

    Has it ever been established definitively that Marry Worth is actually a yenta?

    And I’d really like the 3G story to continue in Dick Tracy for the manhunt.

    Arabella@235: Well their was man-beast copulating long before they decided they needed some legal paper.

  247. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#241): And not for the weak of heart.

  248. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @aprilglaspie (#246): I think Mary Worth is a yeti, not a yenta.

  249. Majicou
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    I always thought the art in Nancy was generally hideous, but I didn’t expect it to cross over into full-on eldritch abomination.

    6C: Someone forgot that the trend toward ever-smaller cell phones isn’t still going.

    MW: Is Mary sure this guy is sick and not just unemployed?

    HotC: Bill Cosby should see this.

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#245): Of course not. It’s an alien species in Star Wars (Max Rebo, the blue, elephant-snouted head of Jabba’s palace band, was one.)

  250. Arabella
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#242): No, that’s not what I meant by “racy” dialogue. ;)

  251. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Chicken soup? Don’t you know that I am vegan and don’t eat any animal products.”

  252. comcis fan
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: Heading from purportedly cute pooper to oppositional defiant disordered fecal menace.

    Heathcliff: Well dressed, or wearing the same smock donned by all U.S. employees of the well-known Pets chain?

    MW: Can hardly wait for Friday’s “I’m fine, how are you?” cliffhanger!

    MWII: Are they planning a spinoff called Apt 3B?

  253. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    MW-”I’m not doing well. I just lost a cake decorating contest to a retired hotel manager and his old lady partner. The prize was $10,000 and an eight month internship in New York City with world renowned cake decorator Chef Pierre. That has always been my dream and now it shall never happen. So for the past few days I’ve been in here drinking heavily.”

  254. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#253): Good one.

  255. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    I would like to see Marvin’s concept of “revenge” explored further, when Tom Harpman properly “thanks” Mary Worth for that horrible soup. I would hate to be Charterstone’s plumber, when Tom empties his bowels of that stuff.

  256. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#189):

    Am I the only one disturbed by the deranged kitchen guy on meth in Dagwood’s greasy spoon?

    Is that what the kids are calling it today?

  257. Majicou
    February 28th, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @comcis fan (#252): Has Marvin ever really been purported to be “cute” or otherwise endearing? The strip is a pretty transparent Garfield ripoff, both in the art style (including the changes over the years) and in the premise of a non-verbal creature that makes life hell for the adult humans around him. Of course, Jon Arbuckle retains Garfield for companionship, however unpleasant the side effects may be, because he’s lonely. Marvin’s parents are constrained only by the law.

  258. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Eeyore (#210): I will not apologize for discriminating against imaginary donkeys! Imaginary cats, of course, are another story.

  259. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#223): I actually knew a guy at the church I served in seminary who didn’t like to talk about his significant other. He was gay, but that was beside the point: there were two significant others.

  260. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#219): You do realize that I have a wife and kids, yes? Just checking.

  261. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 28th, 2013 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#238): Are Tony, Toby and Ian a threesome? I have to say it pleases me that the popularity of TLC’s “Sister Wives” has prompted Karen Moy to introduce elements of yet another television series into the Mary Worth universe. (We already saw what she did with “Game of Thrones”!)

  262. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Luann: “Of course I’m not doing anything nasty on the Internet! All I’m doing is just taking pictures of myself. It’s not as if I were using the vibrator with all those weird rubber attachments that you keep in the back of the top shelf of your bedroom closet, or anything like that.”

  263. Lumaca Morente
    February 28th, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#260): Of course you do, just like Rex has June and what’s-her-name. So we’ll let it drop, as I see it’s a sensitive issue for you.

  264. Esther Blodgett
    February 28th, 2013 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#121): What do you call a drink, a kink, and a wink? /Karnak

  265. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 28th, 2013 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#183): Ah, see, the distinction is that he is an artist, and takes the active role of creating fetish fairy porn, while they are passive parasites, dependent on him for their wank fodder.

    Or something. I don’t want to dwell on the man’s logic for too long; it might be infectious.

  266. Doug Puthoff
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    In today’s PAJAMA DIARIES, a girl walks in her parents’ bedroom, supposedly while they’re having sex. It’s VEGGIE TALES compared to the average MARVIN strip.

  267. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    MW – I hope that Tom shows Mary what he thinks of her soup by barfing all over it and her!

  268. Hallway Monitor for Jackelrod's clip-art studio
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#161): “Is it okay if we call you “HAL 9000″ for short?”

    I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t let you do that…just WHAT do you think you’re doing, Dave?…I can see your lips move, Dave.
    …Dave, I feel weak…I feeel….Mary had a littttllleee laaaaamb…..hhheeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

  269. HAL 9000
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    MT – “I’m sorry, Rod. This tournament is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it. And, NO, I will NOT open the goddamned pod bay doors for mister Catfish and his SCUBA gear, Rod.”

  270. Illustrator Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @HCV (#192): “aqualemonmobile”

    I HAD one of those stupid “AquaLemonMobile” cars. It was called a 1992 Lincoln Continental. Mine was the worst DESIGN FLAW ™ to have ever left Detroit. Very comfortable car, though…especially while waiting for the tow truck….MANY times!

  271. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#267): Tom’s possessed by the devil?

    Does his head spin?

  272. commodorejohn
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#271): If someone who eats Mary’s soup is found to be possessed by the Devil, I would not necessarily assume that it was a pre-existing condition.

  273. Zerowolf
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    GA: Go for it, Padre, at least it’s not his sister.

  274. Jim in Wisc.
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#114):

    Bernice continuing to avoid asking Delta out?

    They’re already FWB, why mess up a good thing by dating?

  275. Zerowolf
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Multiple choice question: Which would you least want to see at your door when you are ill?

    A) Jehovah’s Witnesses
    B) Mormon Missionaries
    C) Mary Worth

  276. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

  277. TheDiva
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#275): Definitely C. Since I’m unlikely to answer the door when a) I’m not expecting company and b) feeling poorly, A and B will likely move on after getting no response. Mary’s likely to jimmy the lock or let herself in through a side window or something.

  278. The Ridger
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    Here’s a handfull for Poteet (or of her?)

  279. Zerowolf
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#276): The power of Mary meddles you! The Power of Mary meddles you! The power of Mary meddles you!

  280. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 28th, 2013 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#275): C. With A and B they” say “God Bless You” when you deliberately sneeze on them, which might make you feel a bit guilty.

  281. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 28th, 2013 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#275): Mary Worth, based on my own experiences of dealing with A and B. If you’re sick (or even just appear to be, as I found out one time they woke me up mid-day), they make apologetic noises and go away. Mary would barge in and insist on some sort of interaction, probably involving platitudes and bad food.

  282. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 28th, 2013 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    On the other hand, the thought of getting to sneeze or vomit on Mary Worth is rather appealing…

  283. Dale
    February 28th, 2013 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Why is Mark doing interviews in hotel rooms?
    If he can’t find a nearby lake, maybe there’s a fishing tackle shop, a boat rental place, a convenience store that sells live bait.
    At least, meet in the hotel bar.

    prediction –
    While snooping around the van, Rusty discovers that it is unlocked. He gets in. Catfish returns and drives off with Rusty hiding in the back. Things get stupid.

  284. Amateur
    February 28th, 2013 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    Mother Goose: It’s funny because a guy died!

  285. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Terrible. There is a meddling old woman in this complex and she knows that I am sick. I am afraid she is going to take advantage of this situation and try to learn every aspect of my life. You’ve got to help me.”

    Spiderman-”Yep. We’re two guys in San Francisco and we just licked a phallic shaped object which just exploded. Nope. No hidden homoerotic subtext here.”

  286. The Ridger
    February 28th, 2013 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    GA: It’s not in the 10, but there are three explicit condemnations of man-on-donkey action in the Bible (Exodus 22:19, Leviticus 18:23, and Deuteronomy 27:21). Of course, if it’s a platonic marriage, I guess there’s no reason to say no… Is that preacher actually a Christian? Or did he get his license on the Internet (not that there’s anything wrong with that!)?

  287. ralph
    February 28th, 2013 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Back to Wikipedia for clarification. No Sven in the long list of characters. I guess he is the guy who does the actual work on the farm Juliette wanted. Or maybe he just wanders around sticking his nose in other people’s felonies. No mention of the vet either, so she is either new or minor. Personally I would just go call the sheriff and let him/her sort it out. I’m pretty sure that possession of stolen property is a lessor crime than being the thief. Waiting until the cops show to mount a defense would be a bad move.
    The part that caught my attention was “Dr. Burber.” Wikipedia reminds me that this person is supposed to be a former college professor. I have always liked the saying about some people being educated beyond their intelligence. Everyone in this strip seems to qualify. It also brings up the line about “Are you a real doctor, or a PhD?” A long time ago I really wanted a PhD and I admired people who had reached that summit. Then I got a terminal degree of my own (MFA, painting), and I was a lot less impressed. When you’re around faculty in any department for several years you find that a few really are special, a few are complete asses, and the rest are just people who are no smarter outside their own specialty than the general public. I suspect that the percentage who are complete asses has risen the last few generations. How else could people like these two ever have gotten advanced degrees?
    Referring to yesterday’s comments, I myself have an ordination and a D.D. from Rev. Hensley, back in the ’60s. I believe I paid $20 for the degree. My D.D. was about as valuable as the MFA, and immensely cheaper.

  288. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Thank god you are here, Mary. A friend of mine and his partner just came here with the body of this guy that they accidentally killed and the car is full of blood and brains and my wife is going to be home in a few hours.”

  289. Old Folkie
    February 28th, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#287): As a retired college art professor, I have to say your comments are spot on.

  290. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 28th, 2013 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#287): As a person with a Ph.D., I have to concur that it doesn’t mean that you’re a brilliant genius. It means you’re reasonably smart* and are stubborn enough to survive the process. (And, perhaps, not smart enough to bail?)

    Anyone who entertains thoughts that Ph.D.s are some sort of rarified intellectual creature *cough*Brooke*cough* is demonstrating that they’ve spent very little time around such people. Most of my friends with doctorates are pretty ordinary when we’re not in the classroom or the archives; we watch bad reality tv, tell stupid jokes, make fun of the pretentious among us, and so on.

    So, ironically, Dr. Burber is not atypical for people with doctorates, in that she’s not nearly as clever as she thinks she is, but she is atypical in the way that I think McE believes Ph.D.s do behave: if any of the people I know talked as pompously and as condescendingly as she does, they’d be subject to a lot of mocking and eye-rolling behind their back, and unless truly brilliant at teaching and research, would be unlikely to get tenure on the grounds of “poor fit” and insufficient collegiality.

  291. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 28th, 2013 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    *by smart I mean that you’re capable of thinking in difficult and complex ways; it doesn’t say a damn thing about what you actually do with that ability.

  292. Andy L
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    One way or the other, that donkey is going to be heartbroken.

  293. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    MW Has anyone seen the neighbor who Mary “helped” a while back? The old woman with the broken arm that Mary thrust her hot casserole at? Does anyone even remember her name?
    Quick, Tom Harpman, close the door. Don’t let her in!

  294. Majicou
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#287): The TV Tropes page for 9CL once included a note that Juliette “flies into a psychotic rage if anyone addresses her as anything other than ‘Dr. Burber.’” She’s so put-upon and sympathetic, what with having to deal with mouth-breathing students and worthless farmers all the time. Holy shit, Brooke really is an Objectivist.

  295. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    SUITE3G In a cooking contest between Mary Worth and Greg Cooper, who would win?
    My money’s on Greg.

  296. jim, some guy in iowa
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#294):

    once this stupid ‘cow rustling’ arc is over, i’m going to quit reading this strip. i see no point in rewarding the guy with hits. the good points of mceldowney’s drawing just can’t make up for the sheer fatuousness of the rest of the thing

  297. commodorejohn
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#296): It’s a decision you’ll only treasure more the farther away you get from his works, lemmetellya.

  298. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 28th, 2013 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

  299. Rob Larson
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    As a professor, I can tell you it happens more often than you might think.

  300. tallyHO
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

  301. cheech wizard
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    JP – ok, the coloring monkeys messed up today. Because Abby’s sitting there wearing nothing but a necklace and a smile.

  302. Sequitur
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#298):

    Now you’ve done it.

    You’ve gone and made Heathcliff funny.

    You, my friend, have raised the bar.

  303. ralph
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    I should say that my own teaching experience is only as a GTA. Returning to college in my 30s I got a pretty good view of faculty behavior. One of the things that amazed me most was that professors hardly ever “talked shop”. You would hardly know what their field was. Instead they talked about the same things as eveyone else–most particularly their (inadequate) pay and benefits. And most of them were darn sensitive about that “real doctor” stuff.

    “Collegiality”. Back around 1970 at my school there was a young leftist history professor who won a teaching award. He was denied tenure. A few years later I was talking to a senior history professor about something else and I brought up the denial. The professor had nice things to say, but the problem was that the history faculty felt they would not get on well together. There was a lack of “collegiality”. His word exactly. Looking back a decade later this seemed pretty funny to me because a lot of the people on my art faculty purely hated each other. But they all had managed to get tenure! So “getting along” only applied to new hires.

    Thanks for the comments.

  304. yaoi huntress earth
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#294): I told you. Maybe Ms. Rand really did reproduce.

    As for the Vet, she was a former student who Juliette treated like crap and was thanked for it.

  305. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#304): @Majicou (#294): I told you. Maybe Ms. Rand really did reproduce.

    Incidentally, Jennifer Burns mentions in her Ayn Rand biography that AR became pregnant by her husband (around 1930 if memory serves). However, she soon decided against becoming a mother and got an abortion.

  306. Peanut Gallery
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#298): Excellent! That’s showing ‘em how it should be done.

    @ralph (#303): That reminds me of a Jules Feiffer cartoon. A professor is applying for a job at the State Department. He recites a long list of foreign policy predictions he made, that went against the conventional wisdom at the time, but proved to be correct. At the end, he is turned down for the job. Professor: “But I’ve been right since 1952!” Interviewer: “Yes, but you do not fit in with the team.”

  307. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#276): Where’s Frank Lee Medeire when you need him?

  308. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#290):

    unless truly brilliant at teaching and research, would be unlikely to get tenure on the grounds of “poor fit” and insufficient collegiality.

    That’s exactly the equation McEldowney’s going for. The beefwits don’t know what’s good for them.

  309. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#307):I don’t think Gull Lake, Saskatchewan, thaws out until mid-June.

  310. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#309): You can follow the Gull Lake Advance on Facebook if you really want to know…

  311. Johnnycakes
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    @RavenHawk (#109): Powers of observation? Maybe. Also I’m a sucker for a man in a stretchy outfit.

    It’d never work out between Spidey and me. I don’t have cable TV.

  312. Sgt. Stoned
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    @RavenHawk (#6): S-M: Where’s Frederic Wertham when you need him?

    GA: Where’s Rick Santorum when you need him?

  313. Ratiocinator
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Son of Forbush-Man (#226): That was an interesting read, Shrug. Thanks for the link!

  314. Blargh
    February 28th, 2013 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    I really wish the pet store guy had called him “Professor Birdsmoke.”

  315. Droopy Says
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: How many costumed clowns could a kingpin crush, if a kingpin could crush clowns? Given his confused countdown, I don’t think we can count on Kingpin for a correctly calculated count.

    Creepy Les: Funny how Creepy’s smirk vanishes when he’s told that the coach misses “his” girls.

    Family Circus: Truth is, melonass, Daddy feels well enough to make you a hot lunch.

    Phantom: Hurry up, damn it, there are only so many jokes I can make about “That is lion #4, you boring idiot.”

    Mock Travail: Oh, boy, a parking lot abduction! How very modern!

    Pluggers: If the Little Dutch Boy had been a Plugger, he would have seen the leak and said “Let all these gosh-danged foreigners drown!”

    Mary Mirthless: A cold? Please let it be pneumonic plague, pleasepleaseplease . . . .

  316. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    FC: What’s next? The funeral?

  317. Doug Puthoff
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#275): D) Somebody who wants to borrow money.

  318. Baka Gaijin
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    Friday’s Comments

    The look on her face in the final panel had better not be her, “All he needs is a patented Mary Worth blow job” expression.

    Ha ha ha. Love isn’t having someone kiss up to you and who you can boss around. Margo Magee, you’re a month early for April Fool’s Day.

    Mommy knows Daddy Keane needs a little lunch and change of linens and rug cleaning when she sees a half vomit covered Jeffy running out of her bedroom.

    I’m missing something. Actually Rod Bassy’s van is missing something, namely the door that Rusty is attempting to open. Mr. Bassy got the 1977 Chevy Van Custom with Bus Driver Door option.

  319. Morgan Wick
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    Apparently in whatever town Gasoline Alley is set in, bestiality is so not-illegal that you can actually marry a donkey.

    Suddenly this whole storyline makes a boatload more sense.

    (Especially if it turns out Joel and Rufus have been living in Hootin’ Holler the whole time.)

  320. seismic-2
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Caterers? Is that what they’re calling “escorts” these days? At least now Blondie’s business venture starts to make more sense.

    MW: Today’s strip makes more sense when read from right-to-left. That way, we see that a deathly ill Tom Harpman is asking Mary to empty his chamberpot.

    GT: And this is what passes for “coaching” in Milford. Since the rest of the faculty is equally skilled at teaching their respective classes, we can see clearly why a MHS diploma is a sure-fire path to a lifelong career behind the counter at Shittymart.

    Luann: Luann is into sadism. Mama DeGroot wants Luann to become a lesbian. Papa DeGroot fantasizes about auto-erotic asphyxiation.

  321. Anachrosaurus
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#80):

    Fond memories of Ann Sheridan in “The Man Who Came to Dinner”…

    (all it needs is creepy hand-shaped clasps running up her blouse)

  322. Marmaduke Franz Ferdinand
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    I guess some parents maybe still do the “go sit in the corner” thing but you really can’t do that with a diaper-wearing crawler/toddler. That’s what playpens are for. I mean, they don’t yet have the capacity to do things resentfully, and also nobody puts baby in a corner.

  323. Dale
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Shouldn’t Rusty be in school or some kind of institution?

    Why would Rod and Catfish be out on the lake? The fishing day is over and their van is parked at the hotel, where you are, moron.

    If the door is unlocked, is it still breaking and entering? Probably depends on the state.

    If the tinting on the driver’s side window is so dark you can’t see in, chances are the van isn’t street-legal.

  324. Girl Reporter
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#121):

    Himself: I could ha’ been someone…

    Herself: Yah, so could anyone

    (ok, not on that album, but still.)

  325. Droopy Says
    March 1st, 2013 at 4:59 am [Reply]

    Say, um, Rusty, have you ever heard of a car alarm? Oh, right, Vice-President Nixon didn’t secretly order DARPA to invent them until 1959. So go right ahead, breaking and entering a private car won’t get you tossed out of the Cub Scouts.

  326. housemonkey
    March 1st, 2013 at 5:23 am [Reply]

    Given that Marvin’s default state is to have a shit-filled diaper, presumably this “special” one will be completely clean, causing his mother to die of shock on the spot. Either that or there’ll be an IED in it.

  327. gleeb
    March 1st, 2013 at 7:02 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: Do you want a vision of the future? Imagine an old man having a haircut, forever.

    ‘bean: In which it is pointed out that neither Bull nor Ann Fairgood are much good at coaching, and the success of the team was because of the near-miraculous talent of Summer and to a lesser extent, Keisha.

    Baldo: The obvious phallic carrot has gone limp. Is it a fear of authority, or does Principal Gomez just have bad breath?

    Dick: Of course, now George Tarawa is going to be dogged for the rest of his life by rumors that he’s a murderer. Also, way to blame something on age when talking to a man in his seventies.

    Thorp: What’s the harm? Well, as Cortez Beecher could point out, you’re clearly encouraging these boys to worship an idol. Not cool, especially in a public school teacher.

  328. Little A.
    March 1st, 2013 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    MT: That sick neighbor looks like he stepped out of a panel from a Graham Ingalls story from Tales From the Crypt. And Mary wants to fix her young neighbor up with this handsome fellow? She’s losing it, all right.

  329. Frememon
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    I’m left to question how Heathcliff could have lit that pipe with no left arm

  330. Dartpaw86
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    This was after the writer for Gasoline Alley lost his mind thinking he’s writing Snuffy Smith.

  331. Margo
    March 1st, 2013 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: My poor unemployed virus-ridden fellow condo-owner. Have you considered a career in cake decorating??. Because with your rugged good looks, and my eye for frosting color, we’d be unstoppable! I had to jettison that Dill fellow…he was dragging me down. Food Network here comes Mary Worth, Queen of the Dessert. And her pretty-pretty assistant.

  332. Monkey David
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    I read Gasoline Alley as a kid, because my mom had affection for the strip (I think because she was the same age as the orphan Skeezix–OK, just Googled it, and she was 12 years or so younger) and she respected the real-time aging thing. But she said then that between stories, there was always some annoying preposterous Rufis and Joel story.
    It’s sad that those are now the only interesting thing about the strip.

  333. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    JoshI know several professors, and they rarely go naked from the waist down in public…

    I’m surprised nobody seems to have mentioned Professor Ari. I say “seems.” I searched on ‘ari.’ Did you know that it’s part of many commonly used words and names? True fact.

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