The Comics Curmudgeon

Main content:

Is there a “ghost of a chance” he’ll make it to the wedding?

For Better Or For Worse, 8/22/08

A lot of my readers have been appalled by Ellie and Phil yukking it up as their father lies dying, but I think you’re missing some vital context here. This is For Better Or For Worse, where all emotions are expressed over three to five panels in the form of puns and wordplay. Making a little verbal jest, as our worried siblings do here, is the highest form of concern that anyone can express in this universe’s culture.

Ha ha, just kidding, they’re obviously terrible heartless monsters. Phil would probably be angry, but as his eyes in the final panel indicate, he’s completely baked. It’s a good thing he had time to freshen up his mustache wax before he got there.

Gil Thorp, 8/22/08

I feel like every time we see Jimmy (like here and here), he’s impossibly wide-eyed, intoxicated by either absolute power or angel dust. Today is no exception, and this comes after sitting through Elmer’s attempt to produce some kind of interminable Midwestern tribute to the work of Bela Tarr. The only way he should look like that after seeing nine hours of roadsides is if this is the kind of “roadsides” we’re talking about, and even then only because of the chafing.

The payoff here — that Jimmy will go to college because an older has-been never-was also went to college before embarking on a poverty-level semi-professional sports career — makes absolutely no sense, and is therefore the perfect capper to yet another Gil Thorp plot.

Mary Worth, 8/22/08

You may ask yourself: Why would a sexy, naturally hirsute man like Ian Cameron go through the discomfort and expense of waxing his prodigious belly so it’s all ultra-smooth? So that his wife can rub her be-swimcapped head all over it, naturally! These kids like to get freaky.

The only way my brain can accommodate the sentence “It’s never boring with you around, Ian” without exploding is to imagine that Toby is saying it an extremely sarcastic tone of voice. Or perhaps she’s pretending that she’s talking to someone interesting named Ian, like Booker Prize-winning novelist Ian McEwan or deceased Joy Division vocalist Ian Curtis.

Archie, 8/22/08

Though the dialogue is ludicrous, I think the Riverdale gang’s expressions of stunned horror pretty accurately display the reaction you’d get if you brought a severed human head into a beloved teen hangout.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/22/08

This comic didn’t make me want to gouge out my own eyes at all, right up until the part where I saw the look of coquettish satisfaction on the cow’s face.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 22, 2008 at 02:52 pm and is filed under Archie, Barney Google & Snuffy Smith, For Better or for Worse, Gil Thorp, Mary Worth.

377 responses to “Is there a “ghost of a chance” he’ll make it to the wedding?”

Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

The first thing I noticed is how haggard Elly looks.
Chipper
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

Where have Ian’s nipples gone, long time passing.
scruffylove
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

I feel bad for the poor girl who got rushed into a wedding just so her dying grandfather could be there and then he doesn’t attend–and he has the audacity to still be alive.
Cranky
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

I will donate a cash prize to the first person to write “slash” fiction of more than 2000 words devoted to Ian and Toeby having hot hot old-man-on-trophy-wife sex.

Said cash prize will be very, very small.
Anonymous
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

Twist of fate at the reception.

Elly is going to have a stroke and not be able to finish her prime rib.
Uncle Lumpy
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

You know, despite the slow start, this year’s Gil Thorp “Summer o’ Nuts” does not disappoint.
Uncle Lumpy
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

#4 Cranky –

Said cash prize will be very, very small.

And that’s not all!
Calico
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

Let’s hope Toby is fantasizing about Ian Anderson.

And Re: FOOB, yes, Uncle Hoser Phil looks completely baked indeed-he looks like Phil Collins circa 1976. Rock on, funnel boy.
Sobek
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

Must … not … make … skin-flute … joke … about … Barney Goggle …
scruffylove
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Oh, and I see that Jimmy has the newest Rotting Apple Mac. It will serve him well in college and for watching roadside porn.
Randy
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

I’m betting Grandpa Jim will shuffle off this mortal coil at the precise moment Liz and Anthony say their “I dos.” I can’t say I would blame him.
Madeline
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

Not that I’m some sort of cow scholar or anything, but don’t only the MALE cows have horns? That is, the bulls?

HOLY SHIT IS THAT A BULL THAT HE IS “MILKING.”

The implications of this are too much for me to handle. It’s like that “Home on the Range” movie from Disney (right?) where the male cows have udders.

*Shudder*
Anonymous
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

I notice how Elly’s assessment of Liz’s emotional state didn’t include words like “happy,” “joyful,” or “excited”…
TheDiva
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

#13–That was me. Dumb work computers.
MustacheMike
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

I’m surprised that no one’s mentioned the progressive move in Blondie to feature a black character. Although, one step back for the line “You da man, Dag.”
survivor
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

Josh –

The ‘For Better or for Worse’ comic that you posted today is missing a panel. Here it is in its entirety:

http://i388.photobucket.com/albums/oo326/survivors_photos/Untitled.jpg
Pozzo
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

I think “Archie” and “Snuffy Smith” should spin off a strip called the “Adventures of Jughead and Jughaid,” detailing the adventures of a pair of inbred, burger-gobbling chronic masturbators who travel the word solving crimes and milking cows.
B
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

Ian looks like he’s suppressing the urge to hurl in the first panel. Perhaps this is his normal reaction upon seeing Toby wet and glistening in a swimsuit. It would be mine, as well.
Phred22
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

Blondie: I’m a little surprised today’s episode didn’t make it into the blog here, not for Dagwood’s run but for his (new-to-me) applauding, black co-worker crying, “You da man, Dag!” Slowly our comics advance to the real 2008 world.”
tom
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

I’ve waited all day and that’s all I get? Well at least you didn’t leave Mary Worth out, when I saw that I was hoping it would make it here, and you didn’t disappoint. I too wonder why Chinbeard has no nipples, but then became disgusted with myself when I realized I was like checking out his body. Ugh! Oh and like someone said the other day, who stil wears a bathing cap?
And the cow is enjoying the “milking” a little too much.
Pozzo
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

And, incidentally, has Jughaid EVER shown any interest in musical instruments prior to today’s strip, or did the writer just come up with a joke that he thought was too good not to use? (Note to writer: it wasn’t. By any stretch.)
The Diabolical Squid
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

The bulls didn’t have udders in Home on the Range, but they did in “Barnyard”. Nothing like seeing a movie starring Kevin James as a lesbian cow.
Weaselboy
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

Foob: I can’t decide which is more disturbing, Ellie’s completely inappropriate “joke” or the fact that they’re both looking right at me in panels three and four.
Oddball Cargo
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

If anyone in BGSS were going to be playing an instrument, it’d be a gutbucket, wouldn’t it? Is that squeezed like a bunch of elongated nipples? No, really, I want to know. I played the bassoon, so I haven’t a clue about what hillbillies play. I’m elite like Barack Obama.
Mac
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

Oh, do I wish the finger of God would strike Elly down. It’s absolutely clear that Lynn Johnston is totally boxcaring deranged, and actually thinks that this is somehow charming. In a just world, this edition of FBOFW would seal the strip’s fate as hundreds of newspapers dropped it for criminal insensitivity, but in a just world the strip would long ago have been discontinued.
Yanni
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

MW: AAAAHHHH! OH MY GOD!!!! MY EYES!!!!!
Annon
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

That’s not a black man in “Blondie” — that’s Fyvush Finkel in blackface.
Freezair
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

Hate to be a bubble-burster, but “slash” fic generally only involves characters of the same gender.

There’s no possible comment I could make following that statement that won’t make brain bleach rocket in price, so I’m just going to spare everyone’s eyeballs and sanity and let that statement lie low.
ScienceGiant
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

Oh, Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000! What will perplex you next about us hu-mans? How we initiate conversations, or our horror at decapitation?
target4cactus
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

#12: Some cows do have horns. Bulls usually don’t like to be “milked”. Make you wonder how they handle artificial insemination…

I once took a New Yorker to a rodeo — during the steer roping event, he asked “Are those real horns on those cows?”

Over in Pickles, Grandma is having Grampa pose for his obituary photo. I wonder if Brian Crane follows FBOW?
Oddball Cargo
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

I wonder how many horrified Coffee Talk letters will flow in over this? Should I contribute?
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

MW: Hmmm. Chest hair, but no belly hair, and no nipples. Chest hair also in awkward configuration, staying in the center and avoiding the nipple area (or should I say “nippleless”).

I’m fascinated by the odd sense of propriety that keeps nipples (and more chest hair) off the funny pages, especially when it results in something like this.

Also, either he has no navel, or it’s tucked under his belt-line. Hmm, I do see a bit of hair creeping up there, so let’s hope it’s from the half-hidden navel and no crotch-related.

I hear myself saying these things in the impassive voice of a forensic scientist making a report: “severed hand discovered across highway, some maggots at wrist”.
Big Sims
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

Juvenile, inept, fumblings = Roadside.
Waxed bellies, swim-caps mature, deliberate freak nasty = Poolside
However, Toby remains a ‘gig’. Ian likes it that way.
gh
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

#24 Oddball Cargo –

I played the bassoon, so I haven’t a clue about what hillbillies play. I’m elite like Barack Obama.

Funny coincidence
bats :[
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

5. Anonymous re FOOB: no, if there were Justice and a Vengeful God (or any combination), Elly would CHOKE to death at the reception.

12. Madeline: both male and female cattle have horns (some breeds are bred to be natually polled, or hornless). And another commenter was correct that it was the animation crapfest “Barnyard” that had lesbian cows. Although cows in heat will often try mounting other cows, or allow themselves to be mounted by cows.
This TMI Moment courtesy of the University of Arizona College of Agriculture.
aloria
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

MW: Um… are those pubes I see poking out of Chinbeard’s trunks? Someone please kill me now.
Jenn C.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

Curse you for making me look more closely at that Mary Worth panel and seeing that we can actually see pubes poking out of the top of Ian’s swimsuit.

Now I wish I were blind.
Gypsymoth
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

Archie: I don’t think that the Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 is aware of the “Three Laws of Robotics”.
bats :[
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

5. Anonymous re FOOB: no, if there were Justice and a Vengeful God (or any combination), Elly would CHOKE to death at the reception.

12. Madeline: both male and female cattle have horns (some breeds are bred to be naturally polled, or hornless). And another commenter was correct that it was the animation crapfest “Barnyard” that had lesbian cows. Although cows in heat will often try mounting other cows, or allow themselves to be mounted by cows.
This TMI Moment courtesy of the University of Arizona College of Agriculture.
Oddball Cargo
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

gh – THAT was awesome. Thank you.
Bookworm
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

“How’s Dad?” “Why don’t you go check on him yourself, you self-righteous, self-absorbed, sister-o-mine?” – at least that’s the dialogue that’s running through my head right now. In spite of Foobian beliefs to the contrary, weddings can be delayed a few minutes or even an hour in order to take care of emergency situations (if not canceled or postponed indefinitely, PLEASE!).

And why is this conversation taking place at the head of the aisle? In front of everyone? Is Elly feeling THAT overlooked with Elizabeth the center of everyone’s attention?
onetet
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

as a former video americain manager, I’m just excited to see a Bela Tarr reference here.
bats :[
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

16. survivor: oh, nicely done! The Eyes finally are shown for what they are.

And you know…I don’t have all the answers. I like to pretend I do, and I certainly wish I did for the likes of FOOB. But I think it’s best to start small and solve little, niggly problems first:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2787869134/

30. target4cactus: if a real cow is used for semen collection, the bull’s apparatus is merely diverted into an A.V. (artificial vagina) and he does what he does quite naturally — and yes, usually a grad student is hunkered under the bull and cow with the A.V. Many, many pounds of agitated hamburger on the hoof flailing above him…
If a dummy cow is used (kind of like a pommel horse used in gymnastics), sometimes the bull can be fooled to do the same thing. Otherwise he might be encouraged with a bit of an electric shock under his tail. Yeah, there.
Another TMI moment…
Anonymous
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Ok, how about if Elly chokes to death on a hunk of grisly, free from Sam the Butcher, prime rib?
Lou Shumaker
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

” or deceased Joy Division vocalist Ian Curtis.”

Before or after his death, Josh.

Oh wait, this is Mary Worth we’re talking about. It doesn’t matter.
Twinkles the Elf
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

So buying a DVD is enough to put a “dent” in BBShell’s checking account… how much does even a really expensive DVD cost? $100? But then her husband casually offers to take her to Scotland, which will cost a couple of thou, easy. Weird economics here!

I can only conclude that Ian has his wife on a strict and tiny allowance. Probably to prevent her from running off with the pool boy, who doesn’t have any money, either…
Anonymous
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

What creeps me out about Elly and hoseboy is that they are not only looking out at me, they are looking down at me, as if I were on the ground.

Or in a casket.

Maybe LJ has done the ultimate author revenge, killed her audience.
Islamorada Girl
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

MW: Suddenly, it becomes clear why Toby married Perfesser Chinbeard. She gets off on his shrieks of pain when she waxes his back and shoulders.
Perky Bird
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

Re: Archie: True story here–one of my best friends in college had an actual, honest-to-goodness human head in a jar. Seriously, it was like the one in Silence of the Lambs. He “liberated” it from one of the science labs. It often resided under a blanket on his coffee table. I often wondered what ever became of the head, and now I see my friend sold it to Jughead.
Lolsworth
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

ARE THEY EVER GOING TO FRICKEN GET MARRIED ALREADY
Ptycho
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

Did you notice in yesterday’s FBOFW they referred to the father of the bride as the “FOB?” Dare I venture to explain this as a connection to FOOB/Foobiverse, and thus a subtle threat to Josh? Watch out Josh, dear lord watch out.
survivor
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

Remember when it was noticed that Chinbeard’s ‘beard’ was a fake (no sideburns, appears glued on). No explaination was ever given for the disguise.

But Panel 1 makes everything perfectly clear:

Chinbeard = a 44 year old Chris Farley
mojo
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

Unfortunately in the first panel of today’s Mary Worth, Ian’s giant, giant belly didn’t leave enough room for his SECOND dialog balloon, which had Ian saying something like, “I … won’t … *BE* … a-round … my …lit-tle … Brain … Trust. *I*’ll … be … at … the … CON-ference. Since … *YOU’RE* … not … a …TEACH-er … *YOU*’ll … be … sit-ting … a-LONE … in … the … ho-TEL … room.”
ChattyGenes
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

#13 Anonymous, on FBOFW. Right on!

Let’s see…on my wedding day I remember feeling excited and very happy. I was not giddy, and I was certainly NOT TIRED!

And as for the rest of this comic…when I first read it (in the wee hours of the morning today when I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep), I think my mouth hung open for at least two minutes. Lynn Johnston, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

MARY WORTH: I used to be a member of, and swim at a local pool in Japan. They had a rule that female swimmers had to wear tank suits. No two-piece suits, and certainly no bikinis. I had no problems with that; I was in my late forties at the time, and the days when I had looked good in a two-piece suit were long past.

A few months after I joined the pool, I realized that they sold “prescription” goggles at the front desk. (For any non-swimmers who may not know, you don’t need an eye exam to get a pair; you choose them the way you choose a pair of reading glasses—-you try them on at Kmart or Walmart, and buy the pair that enables you to see the best.)

So I bought a pair. And was immediately sorry. Not only could I suddenly see where I was going, I could also see all the figure flaws of the middle-aged and elderly guys I was swimming with. Some of the hugest beer-bellies in the world had found their way to my pool, I was sure. I found myself longing for the turn of the century when, for modesty’s sake, guys wore full-body swim suits, just like women.

And since my pool was mostly frequented by people my age and older, there was no young-guy eye-candy to rescue me. *sigh*

(Thank God for men’s diving in the Olympics…)
Anson Pants
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

MW: Thanks everyone for pointing that they did, in fact, illustrate the beginning of Ian’s “ball-fro”.
Cornwhacker
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

Just to bring things full circle, someone needs to post that “You da man ~~now~~, Dag” to ytmnd.com.
Merrideath
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

Oh lord. The crotchbeard.
Scherzo
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

Some cows do have horns. Bulls usually don’t like to be “milked”. Make you wonder how they handle artificial insemination…

How do they handle artificial insemination?

Very,
Very,
carefully.

And Bats[? I think you are right — grad students are usually involved — or some other agricultural red-shirt type.
Violet
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

I was not at all prepared for this unseemly development in the deadly game of naked-Chinbeard-cat-and-mouse Mary Worth has been playing with us all week. On Tuesday we had the unsettling image of Toby fantasizing about a shirtless Ian, but were collectively relieved he was shown only from the neck up, presumably because even in her imagination Toby doesn’t want to see Ian naked. Then Wednesday disturbed us with a robe-clad Ian about to go swimming, and we clung to that robe like a life-preserver. Thursday raised the stakes with full-on topless Ian, but mercifully only seen from the back, with a tactfully placed chair and towel. I thought we were being spared, but that sick bastard Giella was just toying with us. Please, for the love of ascots, let it end here!
Perky Bird
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

Does Ian expect Toby to attend the conference, itself? Why else would he think she would be bored? It’s Chicago, for Pete’s sake! There’s tons to do there, and a convenient transit system to deliver you wherever you want to go. Granted, it’s no Scotland, but Chicago certainly ain’t boring.

And if she missed Ian while he was at the conference, she could just go visit the beluga whales at the Shedd Aquarium, and thought-ballon his smiling visage.
Bonwah
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

FBOFW is plunging off the rails at the very end of the track, that’s for sure.

But it all makes a twisted sense if you think it through from Lynn’s logistical point of view. She can’t leave Gwampa crippled in a hospital bed for all eternity. (Can she?) So that means that before September 1:

1) The wedding has to happen
2) Gwampa has to die

You can see her dilemma: If Gwampa dies first, that ruins the feel-good wedding. If the wedding happens first, then Gwampa’s death is the very last thing to happen in the strip — what a downer!

The solution: Have both happen at the same time.

But Gwampaw can’t die AT the wedding, either, without it being a *super* downer. So Lynn must have settled on the solution playing out here: Gwampaw has a heart attack just early enough so that he can skip the wedding and gallantly die elsewhere while everyone else, unknowing, has the heartwarming marriage moment.

And now Lynn’s trying to paper over the problems with that scenario that everyone else has outlined here — in particular, why the wedding goes on after Gwampa’s heart attack. That’s what she’s working on today, having Phil say that the poor old guy is going to pull through — so they can joke with relief and think it’s OK for them to go on with the wedding.

(And yes, surely Elizabeth will feel a pang just as she says “I do” that will let her know that Gwampa has died and floated over to smile on the proceedings.)

A better scenario, since it’s an oudoor wedding, would have been to have Gwampa *come* to the wedding, then have his fatal heart attack while saving Robin from drowning in a nearby stream. Why should the dogs get all the heroic deaths in this strip?
goldamarlin
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

Bravo, Josh. Satantango reference for the win.

Foob: “Hey, Sis! Remember when I said Liz shouldn’t find out about dad’s heart attack? One good way to make that happen would be NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT OPENLY IN FRONT OF ALL THE GODDAMN GUESTS. Ah, never mind, where’s that bong I made out of the hose-a-phonium?”

Also, I do not truly believe that Elizabeth has been “giddy,” ever, in her entire life. That would involve too much unclenching. And “tired,” seriously? Is she practicing for the wedding night*?

My absolute favorite image, however, is the talking Apple logo in Gil Thorp. I wonder if it sounds like Steve Jobs or Justin Long.

* OH GOD THE WEDDING NIGHT NOOOOOOOOOO
Andrew Leal
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

Snuffy Smith feels like the extended set-up for a “more cowbell!” joke, which it naturally fails to capitalize in. Forget the sex comments, though, Jughaid is following in the grand tradition of abusing the bodily organs of animals for musical diversion; see Mickey Mouse in “Steamboat Willie” some time (especially the way Mickey yanks the tails of piglets suckling at their mother’s teats).

The cow’s smile doesn’t have any sexual connotation, outside of the fact that she’s clearly a masochist. The look of ecstasy when she’s slaughtered for food will be a sight to behold.
elyse
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

MW: You know those signs they put up in factories? “X Days Since Our Last Hazardous Spill” or whatever… they should have one of those in this strip that counts back to the last identifiable plot line.
Scherzo
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

Merrideath? I’m hoping it’s just supposed to be wrinkes as Ian stuffed himself into that swimsuit (”Look, Toeby!! I can still wear my old swimsuit from my undergraduate days!”) and not what we are all fearing.
survivor
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

Based on Jimmy’s expression in Gil Thorp, I think Zeno is holding up a photo of himself when he was fucking the NC State cheerleading squad.
4EvahFan
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I don’t have any sisters, but I have two brothers and neither have ever called me “sis.” Why do comics characters always call each other “sis?” It’s so stupid! Even more stupid when siblings who are grandparents are using “sis.” Petty, I know, but it drives me nuts! (Stone Soup is also a prime offender).
Orinoco
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

Elly’s nose is a completely different shape in profile than it is straight on.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

Bats :[, Scherzo
My father explained bovine artificial insemination to me with a single gesture that left me temporarily blind.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

4EvahFan –
I used to call my sister “sis” all the time! (When we were playing “civil war orphans”, mind you. Yes it was a strange game.)
MrsIrB
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

#4 Cranky

The game is on! Give me an email addie and prepare your mind bleach!
Anonymous
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

@68 – Maybe LynnCo is practicing for the new-strips-in-old-art-style? Elly’s nose used to be quite petite.

BTW, a 2nd post today at Foob’s Paradise
Tweeks_Coffee
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

What IS with cartoonists and heavily waxed mustaches anyway? Are they under the impression that there are railroad barons named Thaddeus still running around?
LTBF
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

I’m going to do the unthinkable and defend Liz for not asking about Grandpa. I think a lot of people thought she had been at the wedding site all along and hasn’t noticed his absense. But she just got there so maybe she hasn’t had time to look around.

but, considering she wouldn’t ride up an elevator to check on him, I doubt she really cares.
PeteMoss
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

Don’t be dissin’ my man Ian’s manly frame! He is built for the 21st Century, people. That’s Grade A Academia, baby, and it’s built to last…oh, maybe 58 years. He’s taken years to develop that form.

I wonder how awkward it is when it’s matress flipin’ time at the Cameron household. You know Chinbeard leaves an enourmous divit.
Tweeks_Coffee
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

#73 – me: Huh, guess that’ll teach me to wing it and not use the preview function.
Niall
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

Y300. Mollificent: oh great; redheaded, plays the harp and loves FrÜvous. Of course you’re across the continent. :) Yes, we gave the world one of the best bands around. I almost was part of that – I dind’t hear the Philly concert I was at was part of a live taping until later than they used footage, otherwise you’d have heard a french Bravo after Michigan Militia. :)

Angry Kem: I make fun of Canadian beer too – the Molsons and Labbats anyway. Go micro, anywhere, even the US, and you never go back. :) And I’ll have to check out that strip you link to. I go to T.O. often enough, I should compare next time. :)

From a few talking yesterthread, I found this site when someone told me of a quickly-retracted fan drawing of Slylock adult art. Since the concept seemed impossible to me, I kinda asked more details. They had a copy of the KT bit, I blinked, and checked it out in situ. Several thigns happened: I found out about Cassandra and upped my respect for Weber and Slylock as a whole; I read Weber’s exchanges and definitely upped my respect for him by an order of magnitude; and found that this place was a treasure-trove of funny adults who knew when and how to be childlike when they wanted without really being childish.

And I’ve been left wanting ever since, but I keep trying. :)

4. Cranky: just give the money to Dingo. And stop encouraging him. :)
Uncle Lumpy
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

#68 Orinoco, #72 Anonymous –

Whenever an established Foob character like Elly or Connie is drawn in frontal view, the drawing is crabbed and picky, and the head never quite fits on the body — like those old ads for Johnny Carson clothing.

Now I’m no artist, but it looks like clumsy use of photo references, or agonizing hours drawing the head first, then scribbling in the rest of the frame on deadline.
StrangeRover
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

More information on lesbian cows can be found on the internet.
Uncle Lumpy
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

#79 StrangeRover –

More information on lesbian cows can be found on the internet.

No links?
Carapace
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

Y’know, I was nervous and tired before my wedding, because I’d been too wired to sleep the night before, and I’d had to work out the planning and payments, and the whole thing had generally been a lot of work. I’d have been a lot more relaxed if everything had been paid for, designed, and arranged by professionals inexplicably working for free.

Then again, I knew I was marrying a man I loved and had chosen for myself. I suppose wrestling with the knowledge of your own predestination could make for some grim pre-wedding jitters.
Batman Beatles
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

I want to buy a yoga DVD from amazon.com. Should I press the enter key with one finger, while pointing towards the ceiling with my other finger?
Cherie
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

From behind, with a swim cap on, Toby could pass for Mary.
Baron Bizarre
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

Pardon me for asking, but – If we suppose for the sake of argument that Jughead is not completely insane, and did not bring a severed human head to Pop’s shop – then what in the blue hell is that thing supposed to be?
Chromium
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

Yeah, Johnston’s definitely losing it. I wonder if she’s planning to go all “Family Circus” and have Ghost Grampa (and Ghost Farley) running around the wedding reception. I wouldn’t be surprised.
Islamorada Girl
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

Oh, sweet mother of pearl, don’t make me contemplate the FOOBymoon. I bet they both pass on the bed, sexless and exhausted and maybe fully clothed. This will please the glurge addicts on Coffee Stalk no end, because sex is a Bad Thing, even with a wedding ring. “It’s just like my daughter and her husband! I feel as if you’re capturing my family, Lynn!”
Scud
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

Archie: It looks like Jughead decapitated Funkywinkerbean’s comic book store owner and put it on a pedestal.
compass rose
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

#336 (from previous thread)
Bats :[
I love your RMMD strips – nice touch in this one with the naughty nautical flags!

Here’s hoping Andy Count Morgu will continue to appear now and then….
ScienceGiant
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

#64. elyse : Funny you should mention that — I was just thinking to myself, how long has it been since we’ve seen Mary? Apparently, not since August 1st!

How much long is it going to be? We can’t even be at the halfway point of this enormoushop.com nonsense of ID theft yet, so it might easily be another month before we get treated to sage advice like “Music is medicine for the soul.” and like “As it’s been said, if music be the food of love, play on.”

.

.

.

.

.
I’m being informed that in fact, it’s Toby who offered those bon mots. How can I miss Mary if her meddling won’t go away?
Lunch Lady
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

FOOBS / I predict a bedside wedding, followed by a bedside funeral service, at Foob City Hospital very soon.
Dingo
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

I was all about to snark on Ian in the chair but — man! — look at that ass on Toeby! If black is a slimming color then that rumbleseat is the size of a ‘57 Buick. Wonder if it has fins.
gnome de blog
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

61, bonwah:

The obvious solution is for Gwampa Jim to survive and everyone else to die when Wally Winkerbean slips in and Jonesvilles the punch (a team of Curmudgeons in electric-blue tuxedos wielding portable magmacannons would work, too).

However, since Lynn’s still at the tiller I expect Gwamps will just keep on living. If he had a vote, I bet he’d go for the magmacannons.
Baron Von Foobenstein
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

As I suggested in the Discussion Forum, Gwampaw will kick off before the wedding, then appear as a Family Circusesque ghostly form. His dead wife (whose gown is being recycled here) will be there too. They will whisper sappy platitudes into the ears of the living, who will repeat them with gobsmacked looks on their faces. As Manphony and Loserbeth recite their vows, Gwampaw and Gwammaw will repeat theirs, then sprout angel wings and fly off to ~~fairyland~~ heaven.

When predicting Lynnuck Johnston, always err on the MAUDLIN side.

Meanwhile in the last panel, isn’t Uncle Phil Phoob giving the Sally Forth “sly look?”
Red Greenback
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

MW: Toeby Cameron, lousy taste in men, great taste in music.
Dingo
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

For Cranky…

She emerged from the pool, water cascading off of her body in tiny droplets like Mexican children running for an ice cream truck. The water was cool and helped soothe the Santa Royale heat. Grabbing a towel, Toeby dried her hair and wiped her eyes. She opened them and saw him sitting there. Her man. Her pale-white polar bear of a husband. Her Ian.

Walking toward him, ensuring that both her left and right foot were given equal strides, she thought again of her gift for his birthday. It wasn’t every woman who would so generously traipse onto the internets and find more information about Scotland and its documentaries. Toeby was a good woman. No, Toeby was a great woman. If others called her a trophy wife, she didn’t care; she knew that she was to be prized. The self praise made her vagina tingle.

Ian sat in the lounge chair as royalty. King of the Charterstone Pool! She imagined him in Scotland of old, dressed in a kilt and presiding over court. Sean Finnery would be the peasant begging for his life! She leaned down so that her tender bosom hanged like a sword of Damocles before Ian’s eyes.

“Ian, dear, it’s too bad we’re not in Scotland today.”

“And why is that, my love?”

“Because,” she whispered, “then you would be here in but a kilt and I could express my love to you at the pool.”

Their eyes met. Soulless red-tinted eyes that spoke of a devil’s inferno waiting to be unleashed. Ian grabbed her and brought her to him. Toeby screamed and giggled and emitted a tiny, silent fart.

to be continued…
Shoshi
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

36 aloria — Why did you make me look there! Because not only do I see the hair to which you refer, but there is also a suspicious outline, masquerading as a fly-flap. The whole thing is much creepier than I realized at first glance.
davidh
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

I can only pray that a meteor lands smack in the middle of the FOOB wedding, vaporizing to whole lot. Grandpa, getting the news of the event would be shocked out of his strokiness and be the only survivor of the clan. He could then try out for a job as Mary Worth’s paramour.
willethompson
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

Since a search of ‘Zeno Windley NC State’ has shown him to be a 1968 graduate of the textile school, I’m guessing that he traded those four years of Wolfpack baseball for a rubber Merciless Ming mask. I think he came out ahead on the deal.
Colinski
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

Jughead: “Yes, but it does the job!”
Archie: “Oh? What is it?”
Jughead: “A mouth that can’t say no! Now, excuse me while I take it to do its job.”
Mr. Lemon
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

After failing once again to generate the praise and adulation he wanted with the latest trophy from one of his many victims, Jughead leaves to plot the cruelly ironic deaths of the entire cast of Archie. Later that day Archie will have to choose between Betty and Veronica once and for all, and this time, it’ll be a matter of life or death, for all of them!
Islamorada Girl
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

Wille—does Zeno design tasteful Laura Ashley prints in the off-season?
PeteMoss
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

Sure, you can have your Michael Phelpses and such. But Ian Cameron – that man is built for comfort, baby! He ain’t built for speed!

#95 Dingo
Nicely done, sir. I especially like the “tiny, silent fart” part. Very titillating.
Crankenstank
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

Josh, don’t know if you have noticed this, but your witty cultural reference to the (suicided) Ian Curtis generated a delightful pile of links on the eBay adlink. One can only wonder what delightful souvenirs (Jughead’s trophy notwithstanding) will be generated by future bon mots. Will there be a run on Dead Grandpa Jim t-shirts, depicting him walking his former bride down the aisle in ghostly synchronicity with Lizardbreath and Mustacheman? Or perhaps some Billy shot glasses, featuring “NOT ME” smirking along with another casual lie/denial? I can easily see the _Curmudgeon_ becoming one of those engines for tens of thousands of jobs that Presidential candidates oddly like to cite as evidence of a “new economy”. Keep up the good work, my friend, and you too might someday own $13 million worth of housing!

Excuse me, time to go place a few choice bids.
PeteMoss
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

FC – I think the Smithsonian looks more like Hogwarts, but you’re writing the “jokes” here, Jeffy. By the way, why isn’t your name Jef?
Draktyr
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

Rather than join Toby in the pool and risk a harpooning by a wandering fleet of Japanese whalers, Ian has instead chosen to bask in the sun, thereby slowly deep-frying himself in his own fat…
BigTed
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

The one thing I don’t get in today’s “Archie” is why Big Moose is wearing a bustier over a kilt. I guess all that working out must be overcompensating for something.
Steve the Pocket
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

I just had this frightening vision… that Mary Worth is going to just plod on and never return to what we thought was the setup to a dark tale of identity theft but was really just a meaningless sidebar in an ~~otherwise~~ perfectly mundane storyline.

Then I wondered why I care.
PeteMoss
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

Foob – This truly is a Foobocalypse! You can see an enormous rip in the very fabric of space and time in Panel 1, behind the arch, eh? The universe rebels!

By the way, I think Grandpa Jim is faking it. Boxcars, that man’s got the right idea. I predict Uncle Phil and several others will follow his lead and soon be having sudden “attacks” and “flair-ups,” excusing themselves from this ritualistic eye poison.

The part of Elly in panel 3 will be played by Grover.
doug
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

Does anyone else think gill thorp looks like he has just hacked into the NATO network and is about to call the president?
Mighty Sam
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

BG&SS: Imagine the third panel without the cow in it.
Mountain Mama
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

When I read FOOB this morning, I was appalled with 10 p’s. (Bonus points for getting that reference.)

I thought, “Good Lord. She couldn’t have joked about her father’s possibly DYING?” I tried to think of another, less soul-scarring, way to take it, but couldn’t.

Wow. Bitch is COLD. I got nothin’.
Thursday Next
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

I read somewhere, though it may just be rumour, that Lynne Johnston decreed that no characters would die before the strip was over. Of course, she also said the strip would be over, and we all know what a big, fat, lie that was.

Many, many compostable strips by her have only made sense if you figured that Lynne knew what the outcome was, and wrote the characters as though they could know what the outcome was. That way shocking and tasteless though Elly & Phil may be, in a day or two we’ll find out that Jim didn’t die, so all’s well that ends well, what were we complaining about?

All I can say is, if it’s really true that Johnston’s strip reflects her fans’ lives “like a camera in my living room!” then this world is filled with an awful lot of complete sociopaths.
tevhig
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

H&J: How can the lady folk not flock to Jamaal? I mean, c’mon, in order to woo his last potential mate, he whipped out Li’l Jamaal and jerked off while staring at the Queen of Clubs. Women sure are a finicky lot.
Poteet
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

After seeing that first panel in SNUFFY and considering the possiblities, I was relieved to see that the last panel featured a cow.

Foob — I don’t know which view of Unca Phil is more unnerving, the second panel or the last. But apparently part of being completely baked is hearing the voice of God in your ears, assuring you that Gwampa is gonna be fine, juuust fiiiine.

Personally, were it my parent, I would have insisted on talking with an actual medical professional instead of taking the word of Iris the Terminal Optimist, who sadly told Phil at the hospital that Gwampa “has been fine for so long.” Doesn’t that assessment make you question her medical judgement just a wee bit, Phil? But hey, I can’t blame you. If I were trapped as a Secondary Character in Foobville, I’d be toking every chance I got.
Mooncattie
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

MEMO
TO: K. Welly
FROM: Mooncattie
SUBJECT: Your Current Predicament

In your situation, it is essential that you immediately display maternal affection in order to calm down nervous Mother Lion. Suggest you rush towards lion cub and pick it up, hugging it tightly and offering non-threatening verbal reassurance such as “What a cutey little furry woosums”.

Cannot vouch for Mother Lion’s reaction, but feel sure that those of us OUTSIDE the cave will purr contentedly!
doofus
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

Lay off the big man. I have seen some of the meet up pictures and while I may not be eager to see a poolside meetup, I also would not be offended.
Beatrice
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

MW: Hairy bellies and corsets are incompatible. Ian (or Ianna?) needs to do the chest, though, and airbrush his pierced nipples back in.
mikey k
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

The man references Joy Division in a blog about Mary Worth. Amazing.
Kiesha
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

My favorite part of today’s FOOB is right off the bat when Elly says, “I was afraid you were going to be late!”

Subtext: “Um, if Dad’s not dead, why the fuck did you not leave earlier?”
targemQ8
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

Look, people, there just isn’t enough freaking out being done about IAN’S VISIBLE PUBIC HAIR.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

Baron Bizzare @ 84: Jughead’s getting a jump on his Halloween prop shopping. Though the whole Archie gang strikes me as more “Hell House” types.
Violet
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: Well, that works out perfectly.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

Dingo @ 95 wrote:

Their eyes met. Soulless red-tinted eyes that spoke of a devil’s inferno waiting to be unleashed. Ian grabbed her and brought her to him. Toeby screamed and giggled and emitted a tiny, silent fart.

I LOL’d at this. I LOL’d like I have not LOL’d in a long time. I tip my Spectacular Spider-Hat to you, sir.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

111, Mountain Mama — “I’m Stormee, with two e’s”
gnome de blog
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

95, Dingo:
Lord preserve us from the sight of Ian Cameron in a kilt.
Dagger
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

You shouldn’t joke about spirits, Elly. You may have moved out of your old house, but you DIDN’T MOVE THE BODIES.
Mountain Mama
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

#124–Bunne, I think I love you. :-) Bunne, FTW!!
commodorejohn
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

Wow. I was so taken aback by the fact that Elly and her brother were japing about their own father’s slow march toward the grave that I didn’t notice that her nose is almost a full moon.
Kimble
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

Wow — Jimmy’s viewing the DVD on a P-P-P-Powerbook!
Jnoble
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

Barney Google: If someone could photoshop out the cow, hence changing the entire premise to a much dirtier and thus funnier one, please do.
Neon Umbra
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

anyone else notice that the cow has no udders? It’s NOT A COW It’s a Bull and that isn’t milk!!
Niall
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

63. Andrew Leal: Wow, imagine meeting you again here of all places. :) I hope you’ve been doing well!

Yeah, I knew 95. Dingo was going to appear. The man needs little prodding. :)
Rose
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

Family Guy already did the what your thinking about that cow.

http://www.tv.com/uservideos/?action=video_player&id=cnVmlWPx5bsIuTLd
Islamorada Girl
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

I finally figured out why Elly has that potato nose, like WC Fields.
She secretly starts out each day with a quart of Pride of Baltimore vodka and keeps on boozing until bedtime. Yes! It all makes sense now. Elly’s a closet drinker. Lynn just choses not to sketch in the gin blossoms.
Red Greenback
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

Here ya go, Jnoble: The Go Gos got nothin’ on Jughaid!
Zac
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

Strangely enough, my girlfriend says exactly the same thing when I try to play with her udders.
Uncle Bobby
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

The horns on the animal in Snuffy Smith indicate that it’s a bull…..making the strip even more disturbing!
MaggieMarvel
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

I’m pretty sure all of the FOOBers have been toking up offpanel. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be having this wedding at all, and they wouldn’t be so delighted with Anthony.

(Hey, from what I’ve noticed, everything gets far more interesting than it really should be when you’re baked. That’s why so many college students watch preschool programming.)
JohnE
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

Lord in heaven, did anyone see today’s Blondie, in which Dagwood’s black co-worker tells Dagwood he is “Da Man”? Must be seen to be believed.
Bobdog, Jungle Patrol - SVU (not an Elephant, not Spam)
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

MW: Have mercy on that poor chair!
anonymous
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: A bathing cap. A white bathing cap…..I haven’t seen such a thing in decades. I thought they went out with girdles, little white gloves, and pillbox hats. No one wears bathing caps any more. That’s why they sell lotions and potions and cures for chlorine-green hair.

FOOB: Everyone here is so worried about Gramps left behind in the hospital, one foot in the grave and the other foot on a banana peel. No need to worry! He had Iris there, and he will live by the sheer force of her will! He’s been “fairly well for so long” (in spite of unable to speak, shuffling awkward from the TV to the bathroom, and looking every hour of his 80 something years). And he’s receiving such skilled care at the hospital! Why, he’ll be just fine! He’ll be back home tomorrow, in time to watch The People’s Court!
Little Guy
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

Snuffy Smith: A worthy successor of the Archie panel of Coach Kleats “slapping” himself is Weezie “squooshing” herself.

Now, if you excuse me, there’s an icepick waiting for a date with my ear canal….
dimestore lipstick
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

Thursday next @112
“All I can say is, if it’s really true that Johnston’s strip reflects her fans’ lives “like a camera in my living room!” then this world is filled with an awful lot of complete sociopaths.”

For further proof of the world sociopath population, click on Spider-Brick’s Hell House link in post #121.
FOOBed again
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

God, I thought that was Elly’s mom there for a minute.
Pester
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

Snuffy Smith- This is one of those comics where pretending that the main character was just pissing in a bucket is prefererably to whatever the author was thinking.
LUJBEM FEJF
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

When I got married, my mother could care less if my uncle’s were there. Phil certainly has a, “The deed is done Ellie.” look on his face. There’s got to be some inheritance that we don’t know about.
Strider
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

Greetings, Friends.
With all due respect to # 135 Red Greenback, I thought I would take things to the next step.

Apologies in advance:
http://derekparker.com/Comics/Artwork/001.jpg

All complaints can be directed to Jnoble.
bats :[
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

137. Uncle Bobby: you’re one of those city-slickers, aren’t you? See my comment at #35. :)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kecko/1383740891/
Evidently, new herd management techniques in Switzerland are causing some issues; instead of bringing cattle home every evening, there’s been a trend toward leaving them out in the pastures to fend for themselves, only wrangling them to bring into barns as winter approaches. The cattle have begun to discover their ‘wild roots’ and are now far more distrustful of and agressive toward humans, to the point of charging hikers and ramblers.
That brown one over there has shifty eyes.
scale-a-mari
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

as for ian being so uninteresting, what do you suppose he’s hiding underneath that old beer gut?

im confused as to which one’s the trophy wife. and who’s into rubber and rubbing or rubbing on rubberse…

all i can say is, let’s hope he brings home a hot substitute from the local teacher’s college to keep mary on the sidelines temporarily.

that makes sixty-one words so far… Roger Maris would be bored. if i keep going, maybe i could earn a hot two bits…

but i think i’ll keep my tiny happy trail in the interim.

mark trail, call the troop to eat our hearts out…
Red Greenback
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

Strider -BWAHAHAHAHA!-Excellent !
Uncanny Valley of the Dolls
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

Ian is built for comfort, not for speed. Just like the Mary Worth comic… built for coma, not for consciousness.
Uncanny Valley of the Dolls
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

148:
“there’s been a trend toward leaving them out in the pastures to fend for themselves”

… so THAT explains the Patterson siblings’ parental care strategy! This pasturage trend must be catching on in the plains of Canada as well.
Sarcastro
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

GT: “Cupertino, California: Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced a new product today, a laptop to replace the successful MacBook line. Called the ‘Rotting Pepper,’ the unit is geared towards underachieving high school athletes. ‘We achieved significant penetration into the creative market,’ Jobs said, ‘But were getting killed in the slacker segment by Windows machines. We’re hoping that the Rotting Pepper ™, which combs pre-loaded with crumbs in the keyboard and questionable stains on the LCD, will help us capture this lucrative market.’”
Paperback Rifler
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

Hey all,

Just a couple of songs to share. Yeah, I know — just bear with me, ‘kay?

So the first one goes out with apologies to the writers of “When You Wish Upon a Star,” Ned Washington and Leigh Harline. Apologies also to musician and “Jiminy Cricket” vocalist Cliff “Ukulele Ike” Edwards; and, just to be on the safe side, additional apologies to faithful Curmudgeon reader, Ukulele Ike; and further apologies to everybody everywhere:

When you phish a ditzy blonde,
Like Ms. Toby Cameron,
In a flash, you’ll break her e-security.

Say you’re from “Enormoushop;”
Through her firewall you’ll pop!
You can make a steal with her identity.

Scams aren’t kind;
They can mess up the lives
Of brain-dead trophy wives
And pompous husbands.

Like a bolt out of the blue,
Her accounts you’ll soon run through . . .
To her credit rating, she will bid, “Adieu!”
Troutfacer
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

Dingo-
that’s funny– i need a good screaming to make my vagina tingle. but it’s more like it quivers and wells up and cowers and hides. and i don’t hardly know if i notice it, but i don’t think much or didnt much about that how it’s hard or taut or not and generally that i doesn’t like it. self praise makes my vagina grimace and titter a bit. praise from elsewhere, it’s generally a (thank you) toss up between a grimace and laminate shine.

i wish i could learn to be more successful a wide web surfing slut like our old girl toebangers and bloody no he’s not an oaf mash. but i guess i’ll have to stick to stalking girls i knew in middle school and such.

…that is hot some type there. glory be. stop the presses. gentlemen, ladies, hot damn.. i need tissues almost as much as tobey might benefit from a string of ben-wa pearls.

With retro-active respect to the light shed on matters by #28, in my opinion, it could only make things juicier.

Lesbian cows, huh? Were they from India?
Orange Doorhinge
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

MT: Kelly is going to photograph those cute ol’ mountain lions. It’ll be interesting to see the mama react to the flash. But in the end it will turn out Kellys stupidity saved the day, for it was only by seeing the flash and hearing the growls and screams thal Mark was able to locate the women.
KT
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

I’m gonna second Scud @87: Jughead’s conversation piece is totally the severed head of John the comic book guy.
Paperback Rifler
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

And then there’s the following, which is shorter than the original since I left the recitative bits out. Anyway, apologies to the estates of Frederick Loewe and Alan Jay Lerner; to fans of My Fair Lady and particularly the song, “Get Me to the Church on Time”; and to everybody everywhere:

I’m getting married in the morning!
Ding, dong — The bells are gonna chime!
Smirks and bad punning would send sane folks running;
But get me to the glurge on time!

I gotta be there at the altar!
I’m getting wed, no matter what!
My dress is moldy, but my man will hold me —
He’ll need both hands to grab my butt!

If Dad complains, just kick his knee —
We’ve made our friends put on this mess for free!

And I’m getting married in the morning!
Ding, dong — The bells are gonna chime!
Can’t wait to show up, though folks might throw up;
Just get me to the glurge — get me to the glurge —
For Foob’s sake, get me to the glurge on time!

Yes, I’m getting married in the morning
While I’m as fair as any rose!
It’s now or never, ’cause though I’ll endeavor,
I’ll soon have Mom’s potato nose!

I gotta be there at the altar!
We’ll marry under heaven’s dome!
I’ll be so placid, and he’ll be so flaccid:
Together, we will make a hoooooome!

If Grandpa dies, it’s not a sin
To take our pics and Photoshop him in!

I’m getting married in the morning!
In a free limo I will climb!
Break out the towels, ’cause Rob’s loosed his bowels;
Still, get me to the glurge on time!

Yes, after today I will be married!
A love like ours is so sublime!
To please my feller, I’ll stay in the cellar;
Now get me to the glurge — get me to the glurge —
For Foob’s sake, get me to the glurge on time!
Sour Kraut
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

How long will the Foob nuptials take? Well, the Bataan Death March only lasted a week, and you know how Elly/Lynn hates to be upstaged.
scale-a-mari
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

#151 That last sentence would be done alot faster if you left off the endpoint.

#154 That’s so funny, it’s actually sad
Dingo
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

It’s not Jughaid’s squishy-squashy motion that made me laugh. It’s the look on his aunt’s face as she pats her own ample breast and remembers the early days with her man. Ah…
Poteet
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

# 141 anonymous — I just checked (argh, this is what Foob has brought me to) and on August 19, Iris said “He’s been fine for so long, Phil.” So she really does believe in thinking positive. And I suppose Gwampa would indeed opt for THE PEOPLE’S COURT. I, being more vicious, prefer an occasional JUDGE JUDY.
Poteet
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

# 161 Dingo — Ye gods, you’re right. I just checked her eyes in the last panel.
The Conqueror Flerm
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

#158 That’s so funny, I have to take a hold myself not to lose it in cyberspace..

hold my knuckles, Tobey, darling, i’m gonna grab your garters an a makesa makesa scraping shoes against the concrete walls and baby hold me tobey baby baby toeby baby baby mark it well

wait a second–was he wearing shoes?
The Conqueror Flerm
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

So, was he wearing shoes or what? Inquiring minds want to know.
The Conqueror Flerm
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

Excuse me, enquiring minds. Ask Doug Llewelyn, he was there.
essteess
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

#94–Way to go, Red!
So, maybe Ian’s response should be:
“I ain’t no flippin’ thicky
I’m Billerickie Dickie
And I’m doing
very well!”

Now, if you’re talking about middle-aged Scotsmen with their shirts off, you have to start here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxU18UvWM-s

(But please be assured that this is an excellent band.)
Norm
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

As an Avant Garde musician, I am deeply offended by today’s Snuffy Smith comic. Who is to say which sounds are musical or not musical. A cow becomes a musical instrument when I decide to play it as such. Shame on you Snuffy Smith.
strawberrymom22
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

Over the past several days I’ve noticed that some of you have compared Ian to land and sea animals such as whale, porpoise, manatee and polar bear. This is just wrong. These are innocent, beautiful animals that don’t deserve to be put into a category like Ian. It is demeaning to all the animals.

btw #89 ScienceGiant: “As it’s been said, if music be the food of love, play on.” Looking at Ian, it doesn’t look like music is feeding his love. It looks like bacon, cheeseburgers, ribs, and cheesecake is doing that job.
KT
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

Spider-Man possesses the proportionate having-a-wife-who-can-use-a-camera…….-ness of a spider!
BenG
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

BG&SS- With utters out of sight, I can’t help but contemplate the horrifying possibility that that steer ain’t female. I think I need to take a shower.
commodorejohn
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

#168 Norm – It’s entirely possible that she means nothing is a musical instrument in the hands of Jughaid, which is irrefutable.
Bonwah
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

After this is all over and Lynn finally kills Jim, as she’s so plainly been planning to for so long, I hope Iris takes the seniors’ gambling bus to the native Canadian casino for seven days straight and throws all caution to the wind by upgrading from nickel slots to quarters. She needs some “me” time.
KT
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

Fixed today’s Mark Trail so it makes more sense:

http://kinkyturtle.masemware.com/pictures/other/Mark_Trail20080822talkinglion.gif
Muffaroo M. Muffaroo
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:15 am [Reply]

9CL These silhouettes sure save a heap of drawing. And since they don’t convey enough information to know what’s supposed to be happening, they give the reader the opportunity to write his own comic strip in his head.

Curtis – Curtis is embarrassed now, because his secret identity as Plastic Man was revealed when his brother tricked him into pinching his mother, five feet away.

DTracy – Jesus H. Boxcar! Are we going to Tuckerize the name of each and every character from the Sherlock Holmes universe? This could take all night, and that would be like, months, at the rate they’re going.

FOOB – I think some of us are missing a nuance, because the strip doesn’t have room for all the dialogue. They probably meant to invoke the ancient jest: “He’s at Death’s doorstep — but we think he’ll pull through!”

H&J – I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief today, and say thank GOD for nonspecificity! Just imagine the expression of disgust Herb would be wearing if Jamaal hadn’t hid behind such an elaborate wall of tasteful metaphor; or, worse, if he’d used a much more descriptive one, like, “…and I ended up playing my usual one-handed game of ‘Spit in the Hanky’ with Lady Thumb and her Four Daughters, and the one-eyed snake was wild.”
I Saki
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:16 am [Reply]

When I got married, we had one person who offered to play the organ for us “as her gift”…if we’d fix the organ and then take it to and from the church. And then she wouldn’t play the songs I asked for. But it was a GIFT.

May the FOOBs get gifts of the heart such as that one.

24. Hillbillies play the warshboard, of course. They hit ‘em with their hockey sticks. (Go Preds!)
Muffaroo M. Muffaroo
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:17 am [Reply]

MFillmore – Yeah, voting for the Chief Executive doesn’t entail any responsibility at all! Mallard has to believe that, because Tinsley voted for Bush twice.

Muke – Ha ha! The dog has completely unloaded one side of the family fridge and carefully stacked his bones in it. See, the funny thing is that dogs can’t really do that! Oh, man, I think that one gave me a brain embolism.

Ask Marvin – Dear Marvin. Would you just quit it already? You can’t really read, you can’t really type, and you haven’t been funny in weeks. Just retire to the home for ugly show biz infants. Put the pacifier on! I’d rather listen to the wry observations on life from the point of view of the suckee, rather than the one-who-sucks.

MW – What does Toby see in that Scotsman? Hint: look at the size of the “reservoir tip’ latex device she’s holding. Hoot, mon! The Campbells are comin’! Thro’ the rye!

OBH – I am snickering quietly as I type this. You just never know what’s going to turn out to be funny.
Muffaroo M. Muffaroo
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:21 am [Reply]

PBS – Personally, I think the authority comes from the brick. I feel this urge to call him “Offisa Pigg” today.

PCity – Four different drawings today. I have to give this one a solid “C,” and it would have been a “B” if it had been discernibly humorous in some way.

R=R – I’m truly disappointed not to see Elly and her Brood choffing and belching away in this wretched fantasy Squat ‘n’ Gobble. What’s really disturbing is the guys in back who seem to have paid just to watch this display of simian behavior with smiling “oh boy” approval.

Shoe – The Shoe crew is reading my old joke books again. The ones with chapters of jokes about Scotsmen, Irishmen, Jews, drunks, and darkies. (My favorite example from one of those enlightened gagfests:

A cop drags a Scotsman and a Jew into the precinct house and tells the desk sergeant they’re crazy. (Just for the trifecta, we’ll give him an Irish accent when we tell it.) “Sure, an’ these two is crazy.” “They look okay to me,” says the sergeant. “What makes you say they’re crazy?” “Well, this one,” he indicates the Scotsman, “was standing on the curb throwing dollar bills into the gutter.” “I see,” the sergeant says. “And what about this one?” The cop points at the Jew and says, “He was pickin’ ‘em up and handin’ ‘em back.”

Wiz – Credit where due — a snappy punch line, and everybody’s in character.
Muffaroo M. Muffaroo
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:25 am [Reply]

Madeline @12 – The horns don’t make it a bull — but the mustache makes me wonder.

MustacheMike @15 – Reminds me of Alan Moore in “1963″ comics, writing in “Al’s Amphitheatre” about how proud they were about their groundbreaking introduction of a light grey character in the background of one of their comics, with plans to make him completely black if they didn’t get any complaints from readers.

Kimble @129 – Oh, man! I just linked to the P-P-P-Powerbook this very week, over on bOINGbOING. Best anti-scammer attack ever, and the pile-on from the forum goons was the icing on the cake. I especially liked the “congratulations for purchasing this product” letter one of them drafted.

…Yes, with a P-P-P-Powerbook, the world is yours. Except Korea. Stay the hell out of Korea!

Niall @132 – Hey, where do you know Andrew from? Should I ask?

Rose @133 – The best version of the old milking gag that I ever saw was on “Rocko’s Modern Life,” where Rocko’s roommate Hef ends up sleeping in Uncle Gib’s barn. The hired man comes in, finds only one “cow” and hooks the milking machine up and leaves. Hef, seen behind a partition that comes up to his chest, wakes up with a look of shock horror on his face as the machine makes loud noises. He looks down in puzzlement. Then he gets this look of goofy happiness, and then he falls asleep. … At the end of the cartoon, they’re leaving the ranch, and Hef stops off to say goodbye to the machine. “We’ll always have the barn,” he says, sadly.
Mibbitmaker
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:31 am [Reply]

8/23:

FOOB: Whew! Back to mundane, FOB down-the-isle stuff. In the middle two panels, we see Liz. In the first and last panels, we see… some weird-looking woman in Liz’s borrowed/vandalized wedding dress. Skin tone aside, she looks like someone from Mtiguffin (?)! And the punchline makes no sense whatsoever; it doesn’t even qualify for cheap irony. Anyway, there’s Liz and April and others WHO HAVE NO IDEA GRAMPA’S ON HIS QUASI-DEATHBED!!! The unspoken elephant in the room is deafening!

FW: Oh, come ON!! That dweeb exists as everybody who read/made comic books, even in the ’30s? Hey, Tommyboy! One of Supermoron’s creators can’t look like a FW geek who actually looks like Neil Friggin’ Gaiman!! Jeez, this is like one of those stupid dream sequences on that stupid “Gilligan’s Island” (hey, I was a dopey kid when I used to watch that) where everyone is just like the regular characters.

Self indulgence, thy name is Batiuk.
Uncanny Valley of the Dolls
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

nobody has yet expressed the creepy alternative possibility.. maybe Jughaid is not milking the cow at all.. maybe that’s just his favorite “private place” and he just happens to be sitting there…

The possible sick scenarios are endless, thanks to John (”Fred Laswell II”) Rose’s subtle auteur’s touch with cartoon eyes.

Seriously. The cow, Loweezy, and Jughead are all expressing more hideousness with their eyes than the rest of the art could ever depict.
bats :[
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:36 am [Reply]

A few Saturday observations:

MW: “…in a box, on your nightstand.”

Phantom: ooooh….could it be The-Ghost-Who-Carries-a-Muckin’-Big-Wrench? I’ve heard tales about him…

RMMD: Rex is going to be so distraught when he discovers that Lenore’s crew is made up from all the “Littles” at the Morganville Big Brothers association… Dammit!

FOOB: meh. Not bad. LJ’s been scraping the bottom of the barrel so much, it ought to be clean of Vegemite (or it Canada has an equivalent) by now…
WarOfTheBees
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:41 am [Reply]

You know, I didn’t wake up thinking “I really don’t want to see a shirtless Professor Chinbeard today,” but in retrospect, I wish I had.
CanuckDownSouth
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:51 am [Reply]

Saturday FOOB –

the true horror is only seen in the lavender & teal splattered across the page. It wouldn’t be bad if (1) you see it in B&W and (2) we hadn’t been treated to the Gramps context, turning John, Elly and Phil into manipulators who must see Liz married – no grandfathers at death’s door are permitted to distract from this.

You’d think we were in a bad fantasy novel and the marriage were, unbeknownst to the bride, a magic ceremony that must be concluded to ensure the survival of the world. Or of this trio of magicians. It’s being treated as that frickin’ important to keep it on schedule.

Oh, and someone on the Foobiverse noticed that Yahoo swapped the flowers girl top & bottom dress colours. Not that it helps. If you had to go lavender & teal, have one flower girl in all lavender & one in all teal. Have white flowers, with teal & lavender ribbons for the bride, and lavender ribbons for the bridesmaids. Have dark, sober teal vests on the tuxes with white boutonnieres.

Better to not have lavender & teal in the first place, but if you must, don’t splat them both all over on everybody.
Mr. Barkie
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:03 am [Reply]

How is it that a soporific Spamloaf like Ian, who, by the looks of that chest-sucking scar depicted in Panel 2, had his heart removed, could ever attract a hot piece of poon like Toby. Do extremely boring people have some kind of magnetic attraction.
Uncanny Valley of the Dolls
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:31 am [Reply]

Mr. Barkie: Maybe he puts on an accent when they start talking about Scotland..
Either that or it’s just his body hair… ach, soft as a Highland sheltie…
(sorry, channeled Groundskeeper Willie for a sec)
Kris
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:32 am [Reply]

Ian Curtis was incredibly boring.
Farley's Revenge
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:39 am [Reply]

Saturday’s FOOB: Aaand they’re off in a swirl of teal and lavender nausea!

I made the mistake of hopping over to Glurge Time on the FOOB site. Good lord. Except for a couple posts, it was grim wading indeed.
Poteet
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:40 am [Reply]

# 184 CanuckDownSouth — You are so right. Having looked at that color Yahoo version, I’m trying not to claw my eyes out.

And other ghastly themes continue. Like “I’m so THRILLED to be in this wedding that I just can’t keep my eyes open!” And the shape-shifting, age-shifting, and hair-shifting of the rugrats. And John’s massive nose.

I deeply fear Sunday.
Mibbitmaker
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:43 am [Reply]

More 8/23:

A3G: Then don’t bring it up!!

BBlues: Liz Patterson says, “STOP!!!”

DtM: “Tide the Menace”

GA: Yeah, trap.

MT: Panel 1: The Lioness: “Tsk, tsk! Two human women, afraid of a tiny little lion baby. Pathetic.”

MW: Has her heart? I thought he had her brain. Must’ve just misplaced it, then.

MC: Oh, just arrest Hitler Bunny on a drug charge and get it over with.

Ghost-Who-Just-Imagined-The-Whole-Wrenchman-Thing-All-Along: What my parody title said.

PC: And Stantis would fit right in on Joe McCarthy’s committee. Seems he got some really old talking points, unaware that the nowadays right-wing namecalling gimmick is supposed to read “socialists!”.

RMMD: Alternate dialogue for the last panel: “Tubes tied, as if it’s any of your business!”

S-M: Do we have to know? I’d rather not, myself.

ZtP: No. I watch TV for entertainment and information, thank you very much.
True Fable
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:48 am [Reply]

Hey, it’s Snark Time with Truman!

A3G Ari gets shutdown! Zing ‘em, Ruby!
BC What can I say, I liked today’s offering.
BF You know, if I was a teenage girl, I’d be less concerned with how the house looked, and more concerned that I have flesh-colored hair.
Cathy MUST Die I am so everylastingly TIRED of seeing Mr and Ms. Conspicuous Consumption. Die already, Cathy.
C’haft Don’t worry, Rose. I’m sure Flo Miller went to heaven, so you’ll never see her again.
DtM Damn it, Dennis, you are supposed to menace. Why aren’t you chortling with glee and pointing and laughing at the Shrinky-Dink Man?
(WT)DT Brace yourselves; we’re about to have a plot involving Diet Smith. You recall Diet Smith, do you not? Inventor of the Two-Way Wristwatch and the Moon Floatie Car Thingies, whatever they were called? eyeah.
FC Relax, Dolly. Jeffy touches his Command Module all the time, you just don’t notice it.
FBoFW Good Lord. I sincerely hope with all my heart that when my daughter gets married, I will not behave like a shell-shocked asshat who can’t handle a simple walk down the aisle.

What does John have to be so worked up about? He and Elly chose the groom and pushed him at her until she finally settled for him; she’s going to live right there in town, he’ll probably see more of her after the wedding than he did in the seven years before it. Most of the expensive items have been more than generously donated by Family Worshippers so he’s not going to be out all that much, unless he’s having to pay for the food at the reception and he knows Elly came hungry.

John only has to SHUT THE FUCK UP DURING THE WALK DOWN THE AISLE, say “I give up” or whatever fathers say at that time, and then turn her over to the man with the chain-link playground in his basement, and then sit down beside a woman with a potato nose and big starey round eyes and a Muppet mouth. In fact, I’d enjoy that long quiet stroll for all it was worth, just to put off that very last part about sitting with the woman.

And Liz is sporting the Lissome Bride look. Yeah, wait until the wedding night. She’ll wish like hell she’d married a man who looked like Judge Parker’s Sam Driver, had the sex drive of Least I Could Do’s Rayne and was as generous with his money as Little Orphan Annie’s Daddy Warbucks. Instead she’s getting Anthony Caine, the bland accountant for a garage with a restaurant attached to it. Greaseburgers half off.
JP That’s a stupidly suspicious answer, counselor.
Luann I am officially awestruck. Get down, Evans!
MW …She said as she ripped it out of her chest!
Mutts Today’s strip is one I would like to enlarge into a poster and put up on my office wall to look at whenever I’m frazzled. Just a nice silent little interlude.
MC I love Ed and Melissa. Srlsy.
OBH Damn, kid, okay! Good god, and to think she knows where you hide the good scissors!
Phantom So, do you just fly around claiming random spots on the globe for your own? Are you THAT omnipotent, Stripey Briefs Man?
RMMD It all sounds like gang code to me. RMGM = Rex Morgan, Gang Member.
SFx Bob Weber Jr. has captured the moxie of my Ginormous 5 year old goldfish Dooley perfectly!
SnSm “AND we have a bull that gets off on getting milked!”
S-M Yeah Spidey, embrace your secret wife in public so someone can see it, tell a supervillain and arrange to have your wife OFFED in revenge. Stupid buttflake.
Zits Dear Mama Zits, Why sweat it? The kid’s an idiot despite your best efforts. There’s always the prospect for a G.E.D. in his future, of course that is if he wises up. That’s a big if, I know.
Trilobite
August 23rd, 2008 at 2:36 am [Reply]

I have a fever…for Saturday’s comics! And an actual fever, too, as it turns out, so I’m really regretting having looked at the color version of For Better or For Worse, because that would be nightmare fuel enough even without running a temperature of 101:

Dick Tracy: Ah, I see we’ve finally reached the obligatory Dick Tracy thirteenth-hour inexplicable plot twist, in which whoever was the bad guy suddenly reveals that there was in fact a different bad guy never even vaguely hinted at before who was actually behind everything, well after such a revelation could have any impact whatsoever on the story, and LONG, LONG AFTER any reader could possibly care about it. This story is now finally at an end…after we get some mind-numbing repetition of “Professor James Moriarty?” “He’s the sworn enemy of Shirl Locke Holmes!” “The detective from the London Police is actually James Moriarty!” “Shirl Locke Holmes’s enemy is pretending to be a detective from the London Police!” “His name is James Moriarty, he’s her sworn enemy!” Oh, and there will almost certainly be a few interminably long and utterly pointless biographical notes about these people who are never ever going to appear in the strip ever again after this. And maybe another gory shot or two of Baskerville’s dog-shredded corpse, just for good measure.

So I guess what I’m saying is, the story’s finally at an end, except that it’ll keep grinding on for a few more weeks anyway. And then we’ll finally get to find out what’s so exciting at the Diet Smith corporate headquarters (”All the flavor of regular Smith, and only half the calories!”) that they absolutely have to share it with a homicidal police detective.

Judge Parker: Actually, Sam, seeing as your client’s $100,000 advance was decided on by Cheatham’s idiotic golf wager, and Cheatham got shot before any papers got signed or anyone at the publishing house was advised of it, it’s more accurate to say that the negotiation went very badly for your client. Or are we supposed to believe that the publisher is going to just take your word for it when you say “No, seriously, I hit the golf ball farther than Cheatham did before he got murdered, so you have to pay Judge Parker an extra 50 large!”?

Still, this terrible crime may finally crack the most puzzling unsolved case of them all: who killed Sam’s libido? Perhaps this ridiculously hot homicide detective can untangle the twisted skeins of fate which drove Sam to become a sexless golem, unable to even contemplate physical intimacy with another human being without standing at least four feet away and wearing a slightly indulgent but noticeably skeptical expression on his face.

Or at least she can hit on him relentlessly while he remains resolutely free of any hint of a sex drive. That’s the Judge Parker way, after all.

Mary Worth: Where’s a traffic cop when you need one? Toby’s driving so fast that the wind whipping through their convertible is actually stretching their faces into stranger and stranger shapes! It’s a new low in failing to stick to the character model from panel to panel, even for Mary Worth!

Rex Morgan: Lenore is clearly thinking, “So, Doctor Cabin Boy thinks he’s too good to oil up his nipple-free chest and be my Regatta bitch? Well, let’s see how he likes it when I play hard-to-get!” And to her credit, she apparently understands Rex’s conflicted psyche better than anyone else, because I’ll be damned if it doesn’t seem to be working. Rex will no doubt talk himself right onto that boat and right into that little patent-leather sailor outfit by next Friday.
True Fable
August 23rd, 2008 at 2:36 am [Reply]

One other thing:

Thank you Josh Fruhlinger for making me LAUGH MYSELF GOOFY with your commentary this thread! I am at work and I ended up leaning sideways in my chair, laughing uproariously with tears in my eyes. Each strip’s commentary from you sent me into fits of laughter all over again. I’m sure the security camera will make it look like I’m stoned out of my mind and I don’t care if it does.

You ROCK, and so does every ‘Mudgeon who contributes to this site. Thanks, y’all!
Donald The Anarchist
August 23rd, 2008 at 2:43 am [Reply]

Bringing up Ian Curtis did it. Don’t blame me, blame Josh. (Apologies to the Wombats)

I’m back in Milborough
And everything just seems so lame
My grandpa had a heart attack
The credibility is strained
This is a so-so strip
That’s taken twenty-nine years to write
And I have to say it now
It’s gotten oh, so trite
It’s gotten oh, so trite
Let’s dance to 4EvahandEva
We’ll celebrate the Foobery
It’s gotten really mawkish
But we’re so Punny
Let’s have a stupid wedding
And pile the glorp to the ceiling
This has gone so wrong
But we’re so punny
Yes we’re just so punny

Let Liz and Paul get torn apart
It’s time for Blandthony to start
(Let a silent but deadly fart
Let a silent but deadly fart)
Let Liz and Warren stay apart
Granthony will heal your heart
(Let a stinky fart
You can call it art)

Let’s have a contrived ending
Without a trace of irony
We don’t need character or plot
‘Cause we’re so sappy
Let’s get these suckers hitched up
To magnify their misery
And we’ll start over again
‘Cause Lynn’s so lazy
‘Cause Lynn’s so lazy
God, she’s so lazy
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 23rd, 2008 at 2:59 am [Reply]

8/23

C-Shaft: With all the spite Rose is demonstrating toward her dead neighbor, it’s only a matter of time before she and Crankshaft are making sour, sour love.

Phantom: Here we see Kit’s greatest superpower: his callousness. By the second panel, he’s all, “Wait, Andre who?”

6C: Despite what Ice-T said, it seems pimpin’ really is pretty easy.

Ziggy: Ha! It’s a random technological buzzword dropped into a stock “Ziggy” panel. I love those!

9CL: Thanks for pointing that out, Edda. Guess you must really know him well.

Baldo: We see Joey under the counter quite a bit. My theory is that he fulfills some “special duties” for Mr. Rod down there. That would account for him still having a job.

GA: PLUMBER’S CRACK ALERT!

Garfield: I think the scale should be saying “with tusks” although it’s as much a knee slapper either way.

BB: Raising the question: If you’re struck in the head by a nine-iron thrown by a doddering general, will you be buried in Arlington?

H&L: Walker and Browne take on Julian Schnabel!!! Man, these guys aren’t afraid of anyone!

PBS: Sad. The crocs even fail at catching animals that are already dead. Nice costume, though.

Dear Marvin,
I am trying to become a more discriminating comics reader. So, goodbye.

Luann: Dollars to donuts most of her blog’s readers are middle aged pervs hoping that she puts up titty pictures. She may actually catch on, and install a PayPal button in the run-up to her 18th birthday.

RMMD: “Fixed? Menopause was a lifetime ago, you smug idiot. I take my leave of you.”
Mr. O'Malley
August 23rd, 2008 at 3:50 am [Reply]

The “Jughaid/musical instrument” connection reminds of the Archies, since earlier today I heard part of a 4-hour radio tribute to Ron Dante, whose birthday it is. (As well as the Archies, Ron Dante sang lead for the Detergents and the Cufflinks, and produced all of Barry Manilow’s hits). There could be a connection with today’s Archie strip, if that severed head was formerly attached to a recording industry executive.

Re the comments on Ian in a kilt—kilts are rather flattering to men with a little bit extra about the waist. See some of these (unfortunately I don’t see a way to link to individual ads, but it’s worth browsing). Ian would look far better in a manly kilt than those dopey shorts. Perhaps this will be the start of a redeeming “Awa wi breeks” storyline in MW.

Re bathing caps. I swim at a pool that has a lot of college-age swimmers, and I see quite a few bathing caps. Probably more than I see skimpy bikinis. (Though without prescription goggles there’s a limit to what I can see.) This is the kind of pool where most people are there to do serious laps. I think if you have long hair and swim regularly, having to dry your hair would become a serious time-waster. Our pool is a low-chlorine salt-water pool, but still you’d have to rinse the salt out of your hair if you didn’t wear a bathing cap.
Mr. O'Malley
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:13 am [Reply]

BTW, when checking out the site I just linked, for practical aspects look at “Why I Wear a Kilt”. I didn’t figure out how to link directly. Try also “The Kegarator”, “Good Girls” and see “Metamorphosis” for where I hope MW is heading.
Lithros
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:31 am [Reply]

I’m gratified to see that the proud Gil Thorp visual tradition of presenting everyday sights with a horrifying non-Euclidean perspective extends even to that most unadulterated of images, the Apple logo. Truly, here no fruit escapes unscathed.
Jack Parsons
August 23rd, 2008 at 5:58 am [Reply]

Barney Google: “and Zeke is hung like a horse”.
Jack Parsons
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:01 am [Reply]

I always want to pronounce it Utilitklit.

My friends all have them and the damn things look like poodle skirts. If they were black leather poodle skirts that would be something…
WilliamPorygon
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:03 am [Reply]

I can tell where the current Gasoline Alley plotline is heading… everyone in town gets one of Rover’s gas saving doohickies, then everyone in town ends up with a blown engine, then an angry mob beats Rover to a bloody pulp.
Cass
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:21 am [Reply]

Between the way that last GT panel is shaded, that smile Jimmy has on, and the way the corner of his eye looks like it’d be twitching like a finger on the trigger of a gun if Gil Thorp had FOOB-style eye animations, I feel like I’m looking at the birth of a supervillain. “Nine hours. Nine hours of roadsides, and for what? Two trite sentences of encouragement? I’ll make them pay for this, I’ll make them all pay! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Tim
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:52 am [Reply]

What cow? Dude, that thing in Snuffy Smith is a bull. Yikes.
And The
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:41 am [Reply]

GA: OK, I suppose that in Gasoline Alley land, our guileless wunderkind couldn’t even contemplate *selling* his miraculous gasoline saving invention for that filthy money that ensures moral corruption. But he’s never even thought of producing the damn things? What, was he just planning on forgetting the whole thing after he souped up his own vehicle?

DT: I can just picture Locher laughing and wondering how many Dick Tracy fans will work out his clever references in this storyline. Those lil’ Junior Crimestoppers sure love that kind of highbrow stuff along with having men ripped to shreds by murderous dogs.

GT: It’s the single final panel in Gil Thorp that really fascinates me. Just a naked final score for a game for which nothing else was shown. Is there any human being who would find this in any way satisfying? A shout-out to readers keeping precise track of the wins and losses of the Kings?

Monty: This week certainly has convinced me all over again that Monty is a dreadful human being. Can we get Robotman back?

A-3G: Good, Ruby, now shut up about it. You were mildly entertaining when conflicting with Margo, but you’ve been mooning uselessly around this strip wasting everyone’s time almost as much as Tommie.

Popeye: Ugh, this storyline is going to end with Swee’pea’s evil removed by another bonk on the noggin, rather than his being executed swiftly by guerilla resistance, right? Darn.
Jesse Cline
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:14 am [Reply]

Ask Marvin straight up makes me angry
Sue D. Nymme
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:22 am [Reply]

FOOB: Where did Elly’s forehead go?
Whippersnapper
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

MW: It’s too bad Toby’s credit history is going to ruined by that phisher. They could really use a new car, as it appears that their heads are soon going to poke right through the roof of the one they have now.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

B.C.: I admit it, I smirked.

BH: Ah, that explains it. It’s a physiological response over which they have no control. Kind of like heroin, only without the euphoric high.

C’Shaft: If you don’t want to be buried next to people you don’t like, why don’t you have yourself cremated and have your ashes scattered somewhere more befitting your personality, like a slaughterhouse? Or a rat poison factory? Oooh, how about the Holocaust Museum? That place is like The Improv to Batiuk characters.

(WT)DT: Is she… caressing Dick’s face? Does she think coming on to him will help her case? I got news for you sister, the only thing that gets Dick hard is bloody, ironic mayhem.

Also: You’re a career criminal, Shirl. Saying that someone who just introduced himself as a cop is your archenemy doesn’t really contradict that.

Also also… Diet Smith Labs, isn’t that where Anna Nicole invented Slim-Fast?

FC: This is why they don’t put the real command module at kid level without a railing. Then again, the real command module doesn’t have casters, either. This must be the new Apollo-Bump-’Ems ride at Six Flags Over The Smithsonian. We’ll know for sure if that creepy dancing bald guy shows up dressed like Buzz Aldrin.

thorps. Wonder Twits powers activate! Shape of Command & Conquer’s Kane! Form of an M.C. Escher drawing!

H&J: It looks like the Git Yo Ass To Church Boy Society of America has become a regular sponsor of this strip.

Big Dog: This strip’s recent fascination with the skeletonized remains of Marm’s victims is getting kind of morbid.

Marvin: “Dear Marvin: How can I become a more discriminating juice drinker?” “Dear Reader: Refuse to share your juice with spics, gooks, and darkies.”

RMMD: “Oh, I’m not fixed, just post-menopausal!”

6C: Ha, ha! It’s funny because it’s objectification of men, not women! Hoo boy, now I know how my bitches feel!

S-M: Don’t worry about that, I think everyone on the street knows you’re Mrs. Spider-Man by now. Instead, shouldn’t you be regretting giving JJJ your husband’s only camera, instead of just the memory card?

Ziggy: Alternate captions that would make just as much sense:
“It’s an iPhone!”
“It’s a telemarketer!”
“I can hear the hollow echo of my empty soul!”
“I feel like a Zagnut bar!”
“Little is known about the life cycle of the mysterious Sumatran swallowtail!”
“Signs point to yes!”
“Zingle broob umtinfle ama repetroub gafleek!”
“If gravity could swim, you’d be in porcelain soup by green o’clock!”
“Top o’ th’ consumer chain, Ma!”
“I lead a bleak and meaningless existence and would like to die now!”
Angry Kem
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:00 am [Reply]

Well, this is it. It is the Day of the Foob. Somewhere in a fictional sliver of southern Ontario, the Wedding from Hell is beginning its nightmare grind, and Grandpa Jim is getting ready to have his selfish, inconsiderate heart attack. The temperature is climbing towards 30 C (for real). There is no chance of rain until this evening.

We can still stop this incredibly stupid event if we all aim our projectile vomit at the same geographical point.
CanuckDownSouth
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:37 am [Reply]

Let’s see … plot prediction for Dick Tracy: do a repetitive storyline, then a nonsequitur. What’s the most out-of-the-blue thing we could have with Moriarty? I’m guessing he’s been mindcontrolling Shirl, who’s actually a GoodGuy. Despite there being no foreshadowing in Shirl’s interactions with the robbers and that she’s still acting defiant like a criminal when saying Moriarty is her enemy.

Why? Well, we wouldn’t want DT to have made a mistake in saving her from the dogs, now, would we? All suspects important enough to name get killed – The DAs in this strip hang out with the Maytag repairman.

And then there are the eyes. They just went nor… what passes for normal in that strip. Note to illustrators: if your art style is 3 abstractions away from reality, you can’t use a minor physical quirk as Significant Foreshadowing.

Oh, and a posting at Foob’s Paradise for Saturday.
blammers66
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:37 am [Reply]

FC: Either Dolly has created a yet another new euphemism for the female anatomy, or the Keandom has a special code phrase for Jeffy’s insufferable incestuous habit.
Weaselboy
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

Ziggy: Oh look! Tom Wilson learned a tech term and found a way to work it in to his little cartoon! Isn’t that cute?
gleeb
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:40 am [Reply]

Doonesbury: OK, we get the point. The tyrant bought himself a lousy team. Stop repeating it. Who do you think you are, Mike Peters?

Phantom: Next: The Phantom Meets Hugo Chavez!
Topliff
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:48 am [Reply]

Mary Worth has been spinning its wheels in the muck of Toby/Ian for so long now the only conceivable way to work out of this non-plotline will be for Ian go arrive in Chicago and have his credit card rejected because of Toby’s birthday bungle. Ian will then be saved by a young comely third grade teacher who offers to share her ample bed with the ample Ian (90/10 Ian). Turns out comely teacher has been to Glasgow once and after trading stories of castles, towers, moats, goats and tartans, they have their way with each other. Ian returns to Charterstone, scolds Toby for her stupidity, says nothing of his inamorata, tells Toby he is sick of all the Scottish crap (leading to a week of SNL references) and has no interest in going there, and they disappear from the strip for nine months, just long enough for the teacher to give birth to a lovely pot-bellied white haired girl.

Or maybe his plane goes down.
Poteet
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

GA and DT — And the Stupidity Showdown continues, as each strip vies to prove that its characters have the lowest collective IQ. Close as the competition is, I think I have to support GA, and also hand over the motto sometimes attached to my state, the name of which has been accused of standing for Idiots Out Walking Around.
Poteet
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:53 am [Reply]

STONE SOUP — I’m starting to long for September.
bats :[
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

191. Truman re The Dream Man: where do I sign up? (shhh, don’t tell mr. bats :[ ). You’ve been keeping up with Rayne’s escapades in Vegas?

189. Poteet: I don’t worry about Sunday’s FOOB. LJ and/or the syndicate have farked up the order of Foobiverse for the past few weeks, so Sunday will focus on Liz and Asshathony agonizing how they’ll ever be able to cut down the guest list to a manageable size.
Which is easy, of course. Since Asshathony apparently has no friends or family (unless they’re donating something to the wedding), all of “his” guest allotment can go to Liz…
Daniel
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:14 am [Reply]

This comic didn’t make me want to gouge out my own eyes at all, right up until the part where I saw the look of coquettish satisfaction on the cow’s face.

I’m sure that’s because it’s not really a female bovine that boy is milking there.
commodorejohn
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

DTM – That’s an interesting expression on Alice’s face. Something along the lines of “my God, really? I haven’t seen his penis in years,” I think, but I could be wrong.

DT – What. The. Hell.

FOOB – Liz is turning into Happy Cat! Now there’s a twist I didn’t expect!

FW – I’m sure the Siegel estate is just charmed by this. Also, why is he portrayed as a teenager in this particular house if this is the one he was living in in 1938? Was he really still living with his mom at 24? Also also, I want to believe that those are just argyle socks, but I think Batiuk just drew the creator of Superman in fishnets.

GA – Hey, God? I’m asking a favor here: could You please let the combination of “rickety wooden building” plus “acetylene torch” result in a fire that kills everybody in today’s strip? Just give probability a little nudge; I’ll owe you one.

GF – Okay, it doesn’t look like it’s supposed to be dirty in context, but could someone explain what the hell “we need a shaft for this food” does mean?

Luann – All the thrill and excitement of any whiny teenager’s LiveJournal, right here on the comics page!

MC – Haha, win.

PC – Could you possibly have put any less drawing effort in today’s strip, Stantis?

Popeye – Please let this storyline end with Swee’Pea being gruesomely killed. It’s the only way to be sure.

SM – Hey, Mary-Jane, I would like to point out that calling the Vulture a “dangerous criminal” is about as much of a stretch as calling your husband a superhero.
Braniff
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:55 am [Reply]

FC–Jeffy touched a command module? Daddy–you and Uncle Roy have got a real problem!!!
TheDiva
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:13 am [Reply]

219 commodorejohn re PC: Given that today’s strip recycles the same tired “liberal commie” rant that conservatives have been tossing around for decades, I have to question whether Stantis could have put any less effort period into today’s offering. Really, I expect this sort of thing from Mallard Fillmore, but come on…
Master Mahan
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

Forget pulling through – imagine how much better the universe would be if Ellie’s father had pulled out instead.
LTBF
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:26 am [Reply]

Who is that guy in drag who is Liz’s last bridesmaid?
odinthor
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Retail — I would advise a wider course of antibiotics to contain the spread of PSA which has begun to infect the comix.

The Meaning of Lila — Ha ha! Lila wonders why a man doesn’t make a woman who is bizarrely obsessed with shoes feel sexy and important!

FC — Jeffy, bud, first thing you gotta learn about guy-ness is not to touch your command module in a public place.

GT — “Amazing what a few guys and a few camera batteries can do! But enough about our remake of Seven in a Barn.”

MW — “To tell the truth, it’s not your heart I’m interested in, baby!”

Apt. 3-G — Ruby is anguished because she can’t think of a PSA for Apt. 3-G.
ladadog
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:54 am [Reply]

MT: I have new found admiration for Cherry Trail.
Today, she shows off her ventriloquist skills by throwing her voice to her vah-jay-jay. Although, how that will help her elude the protective mother lioness escapes me.
John C Fremont
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

# 195 Afka Ben – “… it’s only a matter of time before she and Crankshaft are making sour, sour love” made me laugh a lot. Until I pictured it in my head. Now I am very, very sad. And my head hurts.

# 208 Spider-Brick – You made me go back and read Ziggy, something I try not to do. Hysterical stuff, man!

A3G – Now that The Professor has completed his make-over, I shall henceforth call him Ericstotle.

Hey, I thought Ancillary Characters Week was over.

MT – Aw, come on, Kelly. Scritch the little feller behind the ears and see what happens. Momma kitty probably won’t actually eat you much.

MW – Nice suit, Whaleboy. (Oops! Sorry, Strawberrymom22, I forgot! I’ll try again.) Nice suit, Michelin Man. Um, Macy’s Balloon Guy? Detective Frank Cannon? (No, I’m sorry, I’m sticking with Whaleboy. Please find it in your heart to forgive me!)

PBS – I’m suddenly hungry for free cheeken.

Phantom – What? He said goodbye, already. Did you really expect him to stand by the rail and watch you until you disappeared over the horizon? It’s not as though you told him you were going to do a flyover. Hey, he’s probably got important pipe wrench stuff to do. Those babies rust right up near sea water, you know. (Maybe he should consider upgrading to the Ridgid 31115 Aluminum wrench. Professional strength in lightweight aluminum. Offers the same durability and ease-of-use found in all RIDGID heavy-duty wrenches.)

RMMD – What the hell just happened?

JP – Panel two features Baretto’s patented peep-cam. Dude knows what his readers want. Cleavage, and lots of it.
Poteet
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

A3G — I suspect that Ruby’s dark forboding thoughts are about Luann’s family in South Dakota. So could we, like, quit hanging around the apartment and GO there? I was promised this trip to SD weeks ago, and I’m tired of standing around holding my suitcase.
Uncle Ed
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

When I was in Rome, before we could get in the hotel pool, we had to get a swimcap from the poolboy, who was hot. For several years I have been wearing t-shirts in the lake or the pool, for the sake of humanity.
Marzipan
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

Perhaps the Foobiverse is being invaded by the same smirking misanthropy that plagues the denizens of Funky Winkerbean. I know the Lizanthony craptacular has really amped up the enjoyment *I* take in the suffering of others.
Poteet
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

# 227 — “Foreboding,” sorry. Let’s go! Rev up that plane and get ready for takeoff! It’s not like Luann has anything else important to do, and SD would be a big improvement over the Foobocalypse.
lostsynapse
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

B.C. I’m glad that the marketing department didn’t go the other way with brand extension to advertise their product as Vaseline: Tramp Grease.

As a side note I actually just looked up Vaseline’s product line. They have Vaseline Men’s Hand Lotion now. Glad to they are offering a peace branch for the Original Vaseline and Hand Lotion factions to both grab onto. Now men can go back to simply debating sports, boobs, and beer.
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

Mountain Mama, 127, BACK ATCHA! ; )

Bats :[, on behalf of city slickers everywhere, I must say I appreciate the enlightenment you’ve provided re: animals and animal husbandry. I’m realizing there’s a lot more to you than funny commentary and comic mashups. So that’s nice.

Dingo, 95, awesome. The fart is the piece-de-la-resistance that made me snort.
astroboy
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

#61 bonwah – I believe you may have actually untangled the freakishly twisted mind of LJ. Nicely done, but you scare me : )

I wonder how the Lynnions over at Coffee Squalk are going to justify this? Aw hell, they’ll just go on on autopilot as always…

“Oh Lynn, you’re strips are so filled with realism. They are the most realistic depictions of real reality that I have really ever seen. It’s like you’re a member of my family and you’re writing my story! Why I can’t count how many times my relatives and I have had a good chuckle over the impending death of a loved o…um…well anyway, Anthony is the perfect choice for Elizabeth. And my daughter is only 4 years older that Elizabeth and she also has an “e” in her name. It’s like you’re writing my story! You are awesome Lynn!!!”
True Fable
August 23rd, 2008 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

#217 bats :[ – yes, Rayne’s adventures in Lost Wages has been a hoot!
Saluki
August 23rd, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

Don’t worry Crankshaft’s son-in-law’s mother, the Sun will go nova and incinerate the earth in a few hundred million years. Then you and Flo will be going your separate ways.
Saluki
August 23rd, 2008 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

Only Alice Mitchell knows what has been unleashed on the poor unsuspecting coast line!
girleditor
August 23rd, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

MW: Notice who Toby’s admiring in her rear-view mirror as she murmurs, “You have my heart.”

Pledging love to herself will come in handy when her identity is stolen; at Charterstone, “loss of identity” means that she will no longer know who she is, and dooms MacChinbeard at the arrivals terminal next week without a ride home. Thank goodness, Toby will always have … Toby.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 23rd, 2008 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

#226 John C Fremont,
Welcome to my world.

On another note, I looked at “Prickly City.” It’s like Stantis said, “Yeah, ‘Mallard Fillmore’ is okay, but there’s too much drawing and too much subtlety.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 23rd, 2008 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

#228 SSB,
You’re making me wish harder than ever for a head-on collision between Ziggy and Zippy.
Gold-Digging Nanny
August 23rd, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

Today I accidentally looked at the drawing in the second panel of Momma and read the word balloon in the third panel before I read anything else. *Shudder*
Molly
August 23rd, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

Actually, McEwan has never won the Booker prize, although I believe he’s been nominated for it numerous times.
Joe Blevins
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

Random observations:

FOOB: In Panel 5, Elly looks like Guy Smiley in old-lady drag. How does she unhinge her jaw like that?

GT, Panel 3: That kind of underlighting should only be used when you are: (1) diabolically planning to take over the world; or (2) opening the “Pulp Fiction” briefcase.

MW: This man is NOT Santa Claus! Do NOT sit on his lap, Toby!

ARCHIE: I’d put Jughead on 24-hour suicide watch. Notice how for the first panel and a half, Jughead just passively absorbs verbal abuse from his so-called “friends.”

BG&SS: Loweezy is living on borrowed time. Eventually, someone is going to mistake her for a life-size matryoshka doll and cut her open hoping to find the seven other, incrementally smaller Loweezys inside her.
Orange Doorhinge
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

Ruby is really Luann’s Mother. Her seeming parents just adopted her to avoid scandal, which (in comix land) explains their indifference (in real world adoptive parents adore their miracle child).
dimestore lipstick
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

FOOB, panel three:
Elizabeth, staring straight ahead with a gaze zombified by large doses of traanquilizers, states that she is perfectly calm. In the background, her sister-in-law the pill jockey grins proudly at the pharmacological masterpiece she has wrought.

And looks more than a little baked herself, I might add.
FOOBed again
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

What’s up with Liz and April seemingly unironically calling John “Pop”? Is that a Canadian thing? I thought calling your dad “Pop” went out out with the 1950s. I grew up in the 1960s and don’t even remember anyone using it then–we all said “Dad”.
Jnoble
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

Ziggy: Hasn’t the “random inanimate object causes Ziggy to remark about current technology” gag been done at least 4 dozen times before? Holy Christ on a pogo stick, can we get something fresh for this stupid strip?
CanuckDownSouth
August 23rd, 2008 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

@245 – not where I grew up in Canada. Maybe it’s from LJ’s generation. LynnCo doesn’t get teenage speech patterns right, I guess there’s no reason for young adult speech patterns to be any better.
Bud
August 23rd, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

Liz farted
Angry Kem
August 23rd, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

#245 FOOBed again: Like CanuckDownSouth, I’ve never heard anyone say “Pop” for “Dad.” We used to call our grandpa “Papa,” but this was fairly unusual even within our own family (our cousins used “Grandpa”). Lynn Johnston was raised in Vancouver…but so was I. I’m around the same age as Saint Michael, too.

I expect LJ is living in a delusional universe in which “Gee willikers, Pop!” is something people habitually say without irony.
MWDG-Mary Worth Discussion Group
August 23rd, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

MW- How is Drew doing in Vietnam?
Carly
August 23rd, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

How about former Olympic swimmer and current swimsuit designer Ian Thorpe? (I think this is what he’s doing now. I could check but I’m lazy.)
4EvahFan
August 23rd, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

245 Foobed Again: My brothers and I always called my father “Pop” (children of the 70s), never “Dad,” but it was consistent. We didn’t pull out the “Pop” at crucial moments of our lives, like walking down the aisle, to show how hipster we could be.
doug
August 23rd, 2008 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Yesterday’s FC: So the Keans are not only treacly, but also lacking in any understanding of architecture, or even chronolgy.
Baka Gaijin
August 23rd, 2008 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail: Over 250 comments and no one has questioned why Mama Cat hasn’t pounced on bacon-scented Kelly Welly yet? Mmmmm, bacon! Also, why is the renowned nature photographer calling the little cat by the wrong name?
Poteet
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

# 217 bats — Good point re the Sunday Foob. And I suppose it’s much too much to hope that it will feature a beautifully-colored giant flaming meteor crashing down on that flowery arch just as Liz and Anthony kiss.

Also, I hereby join the chorus thanking you for all the good cow info. One small Iowa town not far from my house used to have a small plastics factory that manufactured, among other things, artificial cow vaginas. I still remember the discussion of the vaginas that appeared on the business page in my local paper, and if I’d had my wits about me at the time, I would have clipped the article and kept it forever. Sigh.

By coincidence, I discovered a few hours ago that a few stray cows have been trespassing on my land, which is not intended to be a pasture. I like cows, but I also like neighbors who keep their fences in good repair. Moo.
Shermy Glamrocker
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

#191: John only has to SHUT THE FUCK UP DURING THE WALK DOWN THE AISLE, say “I give up”

My daughter is only 5 years old, but I’m going to do my darndest to remember to say “I give up” after I walk her down the aisle, if I’m still around and if she’s still talking to me.

As far as the FOOB wedding, I’m hoping for a misguided Coalition missile that was aimed for a wedding in Afghanistan.
John C Fremont
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

Now I’m going to spend the entire evening sounding like Zippy, repeating, “Artificial cow vaginas. Artificial cow vaginas. Artificial cow vaginas!”

I feel so sorry for my family sometimes.
Shermy Glamrocker
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

You can make a living manufacturing artificial cow vaginas? Yet another in the long list of career choices my high-school guidance counselor failed to mention.
John C Fremont
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

What I want to know is what kind of sales pitch would an artificial cow vagina sales rep use. I’ll bet they’d use a variation of that old Joe Penner “Want to buy a duck?” line.

Hey, I wonder if the ‘09 models are out yet.
Shermy Glamrocker
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

“Tighter than a goat and three times as durable.”
bats :[
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

A couple of years ago, I found a coffee cup at a yard sale that was promoting an artificial insemination company somewhere in Montana. On one side with the company name is a happy-looking bull carrying a brief case; on the other side, in large, red letters, is “COLLECTION CUP.”

I’d feel sorry for my family and friends, but when they come over, it nearly comes to blows as to who gets to use this cup…
Pepperoni Détournées
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

“And my daughter is only 4 years older that Elizabeth and she also has an “e” in her name. It’s like you’re writing my story!

HAHAHA. This is so accurate. It always cracks me up how many glurgers think her stories mirror their own when they’re actually pretty far off. :)
Twinkles the Elf
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

My father is called Pop. I think it correlates with German heritage — when I was little, I didn’t have “Mommy and Daddy”, I had “Mama and Papa”. Which of course got clipped to something less childish when my brothers and I got older: “Mom and Pop”. I would never, NEVER call the old man “Dad”. “Dad” sounds unbelievably dweebish to me! Pop ROCKS.
Islamorada Girl
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

Mmmm….Pop Rocks. If you ate them and drank a soda, wasn’t your stomach supposed to explode? They debunked that on Mythbusters, much to my disillusionment. I heard that was what killed Eddie Haskell from Leave It to Beaver, and I so wanted it to be true.
stumps
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

FOOBS – Mein Gott – it is not over yet, how long can you drag this poor old man’s death out – Lisa from FW died quicker and with less agony (and much better taste) Gramps has been brought back so many times he is like a yo-yo. Let the poor bastard die with some dignity. You have dragged this out whenever you could not fill a story line (I know, lets have Gramps shout “Boxcar” because I can’t think of an original story line..) I gave up reading regularly when you tried to compete with FW on the death-race, now I keep hoping for a drunken orgy followed by a drive-by shooting from the folks from snuffy smith.
Scherzo
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

Bats[,
Re: Rayne’s trip to the Star Trek Experience in Least I Could Do” (http://www.leasticoulddo.com/comic/20080821)
I really appreciated the sublety of the allusion of the title of the 8-21 strip ( “Friendly Angel, Come to Me.”) Rayne and his brother were talking about the Michael Jackson show that will take over the ST Experience space. Not only was the punch line funny (”Michael Jackson: The Without Adult Supervision Show”), and Rayne’s reply funny (”Children under the age of 12 get in free”), but the artwork was fabulous (Rayne in a Ferengi prosthetic should not be missed). The strip’s title refers back to a TOS episode called “And the Children Shal Lead” in which a non-corporeal being corrupted the children of a lost colony. Nice touch.

In that episode, the children summoned the alien by chanting,

Hail, hail, fire and snow
Call the angel we will go
Far away, for to see
Friendly Angel, come to me

heh. Sohmer’s almost as big a ST geek as me!
teenchy
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

I haven’t seen it mentioned here yet, but here in the Philly suburbs we Inquirer subscribers get our Sunday funnies a day early…

…so I won’t play the spoiler except to give you two bits of advice: (1) make sure you read FOOB before eating breakfast (b) if your paper doesn’t run the throwaway panel of SF, hunt it down online.
lingin
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

Delurking after a few months of reading this site.

I don’t care about FBOW one way or the other although I have been feeling a bit sorry for LJ given all the vitriol that’s been thrown her way. I don’t have a history with the strip but I can understand how if you loved something and feel betrayed then you can get really angry (Spock dying and being resurrected in ST-WOK and ST-SFS; original Trekker here.)

That said, I expect this site to spontaneously combust after y’all read Sunday’s FBOW.
lingin
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

Damn, Teechy. I live in Huntingdon Valley. Did we just read the Inky’s comic section at the same time?
Poteet
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

# 257 John, # 260 Shermy, and # 261 bats — BWAHAHAHAHA! Thanks, I needed that. Speaking of artificial cow vaginas, look what I just found:

http://www.freepatentsonline.com/6554811.html

As a side note, turns out the trespassers on my land were bulls, not cows. Glad I wasn’t there at the time.
lingin
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

I delurk and manage to not only echo a previous poster but also manage to misspell his/her name (on the internet no one knows you’re a dog — or a male or female, for that matter.)

Anyway, Teenchy, props to you.
ChattyGenes
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

#270 Poteet. Speaking of such things, it seems to me that, once upon a time you or someone you know once gave Mr. ChattyGenes a baseball-type cap with “Boar Semen” written on it…or am I finally losing my mind?

It might have been when we visited a hog farm on one Iowa visit…
Poteet
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

# 272 Chatty — Yes, I do remember that cap, but I can’t remember who gave it. I did just find what’s below, and get a load of the graphic. Woo-hoo. Ian Cameron, eat your heart out.

http://www.piggene.com/IBS/ibs_home.htm
strawberrymom22
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

#270 Poteet

“Glad I wasn’t there at the time.”

That was exactly what I thinking re the artificial cow vagina. And the insertion of the said “acv”.
And the retrieval of the semen collection bag.
Anonymous
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

(b) if your paper doesn’t run the throwaway panel of SF, hunt it down online.

should I be hunting for S4th or SlyFo?
strawberrymom22
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

#273 Poteet

“Fresh and Frozen Swine Genetics”

frozen boar semensicle?

eat your heart out Ian, indeed.
Anonymous
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

273
“International Boar Semen, a division of Universal Pig Genes, Inc.”

oh, man.
bats :[
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

266. Scherzo: oh, yeah, Sohmer’s a big Star Wars geek, too (and Transformers, etc.) — I love “Little Vader” as one of the character’s conscience. The Star Trek Experience panels have been great (I’ve been there, so it’s all too easy to imagine Rayne running around in it, hassling the help and all). Today’s is a stunner (and I’ve even learned a new sorta, kinda euphemism!), 23 August:
http://www.leasticoulddo.com/
FOOBed again
August 24th, 2008 at 12:31 am [Reply]

Anonymous @ #275: I think they mean S4th:

http://timesunion.com/comics/?feature_id=Sally_Forth&feature_date=2008-08-24
Farley's Revenge
August 24th, 2008 at 12:40 am [Reply]

FOOB: And I promise to make as much noise as possible as I’m hurling.

I should go test my blood sugar…and I’m not diabetic.

S4th: Is that shout out to the ‘Mudges for real? Ces! You rock!
bats :[
August 24th, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

A few Sunday, Sunday! observations:

FC: feel free to slog through the non-funny balloons for me. I’m feelin’ a little too much like Mommy and Daddy to listen to the rugrats.

FW: not funny. And it’s going to be even less so when the first two panels are cut out of my newspaper’s comics section in the morning.

JP: da lady dick has style! Look at those glittery red fuck-me pumps!
Not that Sam will notice.

MT: and to his credit, Mark didn’t pee over the side of the canoe until after the last panel. Then again, he does a lot of getting out of and getting into the canoe.

MW: duhn-duhn-DUHHHH!
(Retiling the kitchen?!)

Mutts: Shtinky Puddin’ to the rescue!

RMMD: duhn-duhn-DUHHHH!
Rex and Shtinky Puddin’ to the rescue!

S4th: OMG! The Meta to end all Metas!

FOOB: “…and I’m Walter Cronkite.”
CanuckDownSouth
August 24th, 2008 at 1:14 am [Reply]

Sunday FOOB Way to remain stoic on the way to the gallows, Liz.

Am I wrong, or did I draw more wedding-day smile on Liz in one panel than in all this combined?
True Fable
August 24th, 2008 at 1:18 am [Reply]

FBoFW For those of you who don’t want to look at the cheerfully colorful Foob wedding with its impressive Wall O Text, here is the Fable version:

Panel 1 – Foobsite graphic, complete with John’s tugging on his wank as he marches Pretty Princess Pose-a-lot in front of a firing squad full of eyeless people.
Panel 2 - John selfishly thinks about the marvels of marrying off his daughter to an accountant for HIS benefit. Maybe he should have held out for a bank president. Meanwhile Elly looks on in waddle-necked glory as her eyeless lover Connie stands behind her in a now PINK dress, rather than the black mourning outfit she wore a couple of weeks ago.
Panel 3 – Liz’s posse is bunched up and leaning away from the couple, while Anthony’s sole friend in the world stands painfully obvious on the groom’s side. Where is Michael? Where is Gordon? Is this Lawrence, was it not enough that he sprang for all the flowers, now he is inexplicably Anthony’s best man? Did they even KNOW each other in high school?
Panel 4 – As the officiant drones on and a purplish silhouette with a flattop looms in the background as in the foreground, Anthony looks cheerful and Liz looks glum as ever. The girl doesn’t even lighten up on “the happiest day of her life”, which speaks volumes.
Panel 5 - Liz and Anthony glance at each other as the officiant continues a load of sentiment neither of them paid any attention to during Ant’s first marriage, the part about marriage being the most important obligation they will swear to uphold. I’m guessing the first affair will be Liz’s, within oh say 6 months, tops.
Panel 6 - As we look at April doing her standard sidelong glance at no one, and John looking constipated ,and Elly carefully posing in order to look appropriately glurgy for Lynn’s gushing fans, and Mike in the back unwilling to stand up with Good Ol’ Anthony, the officiant reels off a list of characteristics no one but April can ever claim. Patience, giving, caring, faith, honesty, openness, thoughtfulness, truth. Huh? What’s he saying, when’s the food getting here?
Panel 7 – As Walt Disney continues, Liz still looks like she realizes the mistake she’s making, and Anthony is still smug knowing he will be Just Like John in every way, only creepier.
Panel 8 – As Lynn shows a cross section of their guests, she makes certain to put the words Differences – Weak and Strong directly over their heads. This is to point out that all these Lesser People are different from the Pattersons and even though that makes them Weak in Foob terms, it will make the Pattersons stronger.
Panel 9 - Disney concludes with his opening remarks (!) by saying a lasting successful marriage is a promise kept again and again and again. For some strange reason, Anthony and Liz agree in their mutual thought balloon with him, and Elly and John do too, only in separate thought balloons. Anthony of course has no idea what a lasting successful marriage is like and Elly and John only TECHNICALLY know what it is, it’s something they endure; nothing to do with being happy or satisfied, right? Liz is like a lamb at slaughtering time, wide-eyed and trusting. April is about to bust a gut holding in her wild guffaw of derisive laughter, and who the hell can blame her.
Mibbitmaker
August 24th, 2008 at 1:27 am [Reply]

Sunday FOOB:

“…I’m gaining an accountant.” Priorities, John, priorities.

There must’ve been a reason my paper was delivered earlier than usual (pre-12:30, instead of pre-2 AM), ironically while watching the arguably best SNL (Steve Martin/Blues Brothers, s. 3 DVD) ever. No waiting to deal with the FOOB debacle on here!

So, in FOOBle feebville, we have Walter Cronkite going through his sermon (finding his moustache in the process; shades of the SNL monologue where “magician” Steve eventually rips a ’stache off Bill Murray, who, in other SNLs played Walter Cronkite, but anyway…)

Walt goes through his sermon filled with hyperglurge, stinging ironies given the happy couple’s exploits during this decade, and other yadda yadda… The entire Stepford wedding party, esp. bride and gloom, just smiling, precious, happy, and oblivious to the LACK OF GRANDPA — hell, at one point April borrows Liz’s Mtiguffin facial features, even — making this reader both roll his eyes and grumble comically all the way. Then it happened!

No, not both luvahs finally understanding the farce this all is with an “Arrested Development”-al “I’ve made a huge mistake!” bubbling from their teeny weeny little brains! What happens is — well, seems Lynn added, with no likely sense of self-awareness, a welcome touch of accidental irony to the intended-as-soppy ending of the strip.

For, you see, the happy, lobotomized couple promise themselves to each other for life. Promising the forever marriage. Never stop promising over and over and over… And joining in the promise: Elly and John. The same Elly and John that are based, more or less, on Lynn and Rod. Yes, THAT Lynn and Rod!

So our yecchy couple’s promise of FOREVER!! matches a forever that ain’t exactly forever (except, of course, on the comics page). Right, Lizardbreath and Blandie — good luck on that staying together thing! [maniacal evil scientist laugh here]

Hey, it’s my way of getting through this horror. Beats vomitting like in “Monty Python’s Meaning of Life”!
bats :[
August 24th, 2008 at 1:29 am [Reply]

Pthththth! on the Foobiverse! I’d rather commune with nature like Mark Trail does!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2791879152/
True Fable
August 24th, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

S4th I bow to you, sir! Very nice shout-out to the Mudgeon Assembly!
RMMD Rex’s face in the final panel shows what is on my mind: “Well, if they all said NO then I guess that means they aren’t actually on fucking BOARD now ARE THEY?!?!
MW They’re onto you, Toby. You’re a fraud.
JP Sam’s little “aw shucks I’m just a humble lawyer” schtick is sounding pretty thin to Hot Police Babe. Since the Cute Blonde Babe in panel three is quickly passed by in favor of Sam spouting some more nonsense, we at least get a glimpse of watching Hot Police Babe playing Stroke-Your-Calf on Sam with her Hot Police Issue Red Pumps. After Sam tells her the incredible story that he wagered his client’s book deal with the deceased and claimed to win (wink wink) he then claims he doesn’t gamble. Book ‘em, Danno.
On the other hand, it’s such a far-fetched story it MUST be true, no con artist is going to tell such a half-assed story like that and expect to get away with it. Aloha, Danno.
mumbles
August 24th, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

FOOB: It’s too bad Anthony didn’t hear this sermon about “patience and giving” when he was marrying the woman who was wrecked by post-partum depression after bearing his kid. Or the stuff about “honesty and openness” when he was emotionally cheating on said wife with a former girlfriend.

Move over, Sylvia Plath and Mr. Rochester’s wife-in-the-attic, a generation of women’s studies majors have a new icon, and her name is Therese.
Poteet
August 24th, 2008 at 1:51 am [Reply]

Foob — It’s all being said, and will be said, by other Mudges. Thank you.

I will confine myself to observing that Liz’s Cluster O’ Curls seems to have an uncanny tendency to shrink, swell, and change position on her head from one panel to the next. Maybe the COC is actually an alien being controlling her brain, or what’s left of it. And now, as I look again at this teal and lavender nightmare, I’m feeling kind of…eww…oog…excuse me, back later.
bats :[
August 24th, 2008 at 2:22 am [Reply]

Or maybe I’ll just hang around the pier, waiting for the Regatta entrants to show up! Yeah!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2791969626/
Mibbitmaker
August 24th, 2008 at 2:28 am [Reply]

The 24th, continued…

One more note on FOOB: Actually, Truman, I think April’s glance in p.6 is directed at someone: the reader… especially us. It’s like she’s “telling” us, “Can you believe these people? Pretty dopey, eh?” She’s still one of us, mostly.

FW: Oh, now who the hell are those idiots? The nerdboy version of “Of Mice and Men”? A little-person Robin Hood with “Little John”? A very, very failed comedy team from the 1930s? And there they are, in comic book Hell (for an indy reader like me), with the “Hey, Kids! Comics!” and the all-superzero books showing, etc. Wait, lemme guess: Really low-rent G(r)eek Chorus? “K-Man” and “Big Mac”, huh? That does sound like a failed comedy team to me. Or the worst “Morning Zoo” DJs ever (and that’s saying something!)

Zits: Well, it is a Jolt! Cola. What’d'ya expect?

FC: In Washington, DC, even with children blowing bubbles in the summer air, the bubbles get filled with useless rhetoric.

S-M: Oh, when doesn’t J. Jonah Jameson have a sinister secret?!

Tiger: Literalist!

Doonesbury: More like “Worst Ideologue-Devised List of Hatesmears, Half-Thuths, and Very Occasional Good Points From a Self-Contained Media Culture With an Agenda Ever!” — though tied with the radio-dominated right-wingers out to get Bill Clinton during the ’90s. (Not that Dubya’s Dummies deserve any praise, mind you)

MT: …And it’s at lecture’s end that Andy whizzes off the side of the canoe!
Niall
August 24th, 2008 at 2:30 am [Reply]

Sunday:

BB: So the Army is made up of big children? Wonderful message to send to the nation’s youth. I’m particularly queasy about the guy in the orange perm – is he a regular?

Blondie: E. Nough. Al. Ready.

Curtis: Someone’s coasting on his Kwanzaa goodwill…

FC: This for once is a pretty accurate depiciton of family vacations – but it is neither funny nor endearing. Just brutally honest. Enjoy it, it’ll be back to mindless malapropisms tomorrow.

HtH: No. No, please, just… can we have a moratorium on “jokes” that strictly involve a wider field of vision than the framing does, since they never work logically? “Haha, lookit the stupid moron” shouldn’t work long-term.

Suburban Morosity: Yup, my daily dose of despair and world-weary fatigue.

JP: There’s text, but who cares? Lookit the pretty pichures! (The text only induces headaches anyway.)

MW: Okay, I know I’m not the first who thought “Aldo moment!” with panel 1. The last panel makes me think of a strong accent: “This is Bank of Santa Royale… This is message… We calling with Fraud alert…” Do small retirement gated villages get their own bank now??

MC: Is it just me, or is Ashley a little less petulant and flippant at Norm? Is she caring a little more? Is she being hoisted on her own petard or something? Especially with the last week’s level of strips… Hmm. Character development and change, in a syndicated strip? Ed Power, you’re playing with fiyah! :)

Phantom: Sensing that his gig is about to be finished, the lead pirate is now auditioning in the last panel for a role in Rex Morgan. He has the incredulous look reaction down quite well.

SalF: Okay, a completely direct shout-out this time! Haha! And Ted shall forever be a geek. There is no cure.

Sly: Is this another shout-out to us? “C.W. L C.C.”? Or are those the initial of the green woman in a toga we saw earlier?
Niall
August 24th, 2008 at 2:35 am [Reply]

289. bats :[ : Oh bats, we love you so, so much. :)
name
August 24th, 2008 at 2:49 am [Reply]

Here’s a question for all the Beetle Bailey fans out there: Does anyone know the name of the guy with curly red hair who appears in Sunday’s (Saturday’s in Canada) strip?
http://www.arcamax.com/beetlebailey
I’d like to think I have a fairly good grasp of who’s who in the strip, but neither myself nor the people who wrote the surprisingly extensive wikipedia section on Beetle Bailey characters have any idea who this guy is. He looks sort of like he’s related to Sarge.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beetle_Bailey#Cast
Jimmy Olsen
August 24th, 2008 at 3:03 am [Reply]

Name @293: I took the red-haired guy to be Julius, the general’s driver. Though I don’t recall seeing him around the barracks lately…
P-Supe
August 24th, 2008 at 3:44 am [Reply]

Sounds like Archie’s joke machine has been reading Herb & Jamaal for dialogue cues.
Bookworm
August 24th, 2008 at 4:02 am [Reply]

S4th – Hey back at ya, Ces!

A3G - A new low/high in Sunday recaps.

MW – A new low/high in Toby’s artistic endeavors – retiling the floor.

Shoe – DO NOT make hurricane jokes in hurricane season while I’m sitting through a tropical storm – thank you.

Pooch Cafe – I read the first panel and thought it said “Pee Pee.” Got to the third panel and realized it was “Poo Poo” with extra fancy “o’s.” Got to the last panel and realized that I’m really not sure anymore.

FOOB - Words fail me………
Jack Parsons
August 24th, 2008 at 4:21 am [Reply]

Lio: great Gahan Wilson homagetoday!
lynngineering
August 24th, 2008 at 4:22 am [Reply]

FBOFW: The recent, desperate LynnCo switch in long-term strategy seemed to keep them too occupied, to the point that they managed to bungle what would have been the equivalent of a great poker hand, one with a few aces: Grandpa on the death bed, Elizabeth finally getting married, and so on.

It’s interesting to note, on C.C. during the time after the whole after-rape-court-drive-home-with-parents-telling-Liz-about-Anthony thing, and so on, there were something like twice as many comments as now, one of those record days.

That alone would tell any research analyst as to how effective this more recent LynnCo-managed comic has been. Like any company taken over by another who just wants it for a cash cow, a crucial step is sell the assets that are worth something, and “streamline” the situation down to something functional and more predictable (in the end, to slowly erase everything but in name, and that can sell too).

And so here we are, LynnCo terminated most of the running sub-plots, the better to invest in finally cashing in these “Kodak moments” (Liz wedding, Grandpa death, circle of life etc..) and then shoring it up for the public with a spokesperson promising a turn-around of MORE ahead, rather than call it quits… But what they have now, isn’t even Hallmark-Lifetime channel cringe-worthiness.

The one FBOFW constant to be seen in Sunday’s strip, is that it begins with the self-absorbed naive selfishness of John, as a retired dentist who dreams of an accountant, and it ends up with Elly and he psychically grasping at the last panel text space for THEIR words to be the last ones.

Elly is the center of this universe and don’t you forget it – she nudges out (”shares”) the moment of Elisabeth, as if to remind – it was US! that got you there girl, OUR marriage was the story! MEMEME.

Surprisingly, not even the emotion or the drawing matches the recent “aaaaaaaaaaaah” scene where Warren is confronted by Liz’s engagement ring. Why so much time spent on THAT drawing and yet nothing here. There’s more animation and life in observations as to the way the animals play.

Of course, the “I do” is still to come, that will be the money-shot I assume. If it doesn’t show a bit of work, I’m going to wonder what was being stated in the early Warren storyline and now.

And then of course, we need some symbolism for whatever variant of Grandpa’s demise (including living on in Boxcar hell) occurs.

Like at any party, it got severly boring as soon as the ego arrives who won’t shut up, and who doesn’t seem to realize they continue endlessly about themselves, their spawn, their recent divorce, instead of finishing the story about these OTHER people…

I can already imagine what to anticipate — years from now Granthony walking his daughter down the aisle just like John before, only now here’s an accountant dreaming of (his daughter’s) marriage to a dentist.
Baka Gaijin
August 24th, 2008 at 4:39 am [Reply]

Sally Forth: Wait a minute. One Big Happy does a Comics Curmudgeon shout-out and now Sally Forth does, too? In the next few weeks if someone at the Bum Boat mentions Jeopardy, sailfish, and swordfish, I’ll know Josh has officially Jumped the Shark.
Baka Gaijin
August 24th, 2008 at 4:46 am [Reply]

Sunday’s Cathy: The throwaway panel. You could run that every day and provide the exact same entertainment value.

Slylock Fox: Not trying to tell you how to do your job, Fox, but shouldn’t surveilling a subject, uh, be not painfully obvious to the subject? You know, not peering in the window and agitating all the mutants and setting off the cat tail puller?

Slylock #2: The board by the cat tail puller, is that a shout out to the CC?
Kiesha
August 24th, 2008 at 6:16 am [Reply]

FOOB: “I’m gaining an accountant.”

THE TRUTH COMES OUT.
Kiesha
August 24th, 2008 at 6:18 am [Reply]

And another thing – I just realized that John and Elly’s two older kids have both chosen careers that do not directly benefit John and Elly, but Deanna and Anthony on the other hand….

Deanna can hook you up with some oxycontin at price, and Anthony will cook the books for you.
Niall
August 24th, 2008 at 6:59 am [Reply]

Last night, on my way home from a fun night of boardgames, I passed a new café where a band was ending a break, so I peeked in. Violin (which piqued my curiosity), electric guitar, electric bass, drums.. hmm, small space.. the guitarist asks everyone to quiet down and make sea noises.. and the drummer picks up two hose lengths and twirls them above his head.

It took a lot not to burst out laughing, I tell ya. :)
notToby?
August 24th, 2008 at 7:23 am [Reply]

Sunday’s BC with the throwaway panel. It stunned me for a moment that there was actually some slight touch of clever in a six inch blurb of mundane.
KA
August 24th, 2008 at 7:59 am [Reply]

FOOB: Did anyone else notice that, while Elly and John and Lizzie are all thought-ballooning, “I promise,” Blandthony *isn’t*????
Niall
August 24th, 2008 at 8:22 am [Reply]

141. Anonymous: okay, at least my bathing cap isn’t white.

179. Muffaroo: If it’s the same Andrew Leal, and his blog definitely says so, we met on a webcomic forum and corresponded for a while, the highlight being his coming up here for the Ottawa International Animation Festival one year, and him finding me a copy of Bozzetto’s Allegro Non Tropo on DVD – which I was able to have autographed at a subsequent Festival. A fine fellow is he, in all manners!

195. AfkaBen: don’t become too discriminate a reader, or you won’t follow anything mocked on here. :) But yeah, sometimes a particular strip is just too painful. I’m ditching Edge City (the bellydance segment hooked me in, but nothing’s really kept me since) and switching to MG&G.

196. Mr. O’Malley: I knew of Utilikilts, but not the ads. Good Girls is priceless. :) Alas, though I can trace my ancestry to the Scots Gallowglasses coming in Ireland, and therefore… actually.. not have any claims on a kilt since they didn’t exist back then… but in any case, you do need a certain girth and body proportions to wear one nicely. Beanpoles need not apply. And boots. One needs the boots.

200. JackParsons: there certainly are black leather utilikilts possible.

204. And The: I know of no storyline where a bonk on the head being the inciting incident of a plot is not resolved by another conk on the head. Which never result in any concussions, of course.

261. bats :[ : “Collection cup”?? Somebody has a wicked sense of humour!! And then there’s you and your family. :)
Angry Kem
August 24th, 2008 at 8:41 am [Reply]

Just excuse me while I go put FBOFW out of its misery by beating it to death with a lacrosse stick.

Only the existence of the Sally Forth shout-out will keep me from then turning the stick on myself.
CanuckDownSouth
August 24th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

289-Bats Your mashups are the only reason I seek out & read RMMD.

305-KA Actually, follow the bubbles – it’s worse. The mindmelded Lizthony has arrived. 1 thought bubble, two heads.

… and more of my fanfic for Sunday-reader-wedding-day.
blammers66
August 24th, 2008 at 9:04 am [Reply]

Do you supposed LJ’s therapy sessions – oh, and you KNOW that there is therapy in her life – had anything to do with Sunday’s FOOB? “Lynn, here’s something to try: contemplate your vision of marriage, no matter how Pollyanna it is, and in some sort of creative outlet, torture the rest of the world with it. It’s not likely that your ex is going to read it, but there’s always a chance that he’ll hear about it from somebody, who heard it from somebody, and so on, and so on, and so on …”
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 24th, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

That picture of Ian cannot fail to bring lines of Burns to mind:

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an’ strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive
Till a’ their weel-swall’d kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
” Bethankit ! ” hums.
C. Havoc
August 24th, 2008 at 9:20 am [Reply]

S4th Shout Out “Quisp & Quake”….cool. Ces has the greatest, obscure pop culture references that continually warm the hearts of all us aging, watergate-era children.

And now, the Curmudgeon joins the list of Ted’s Favorite things…way cool.

One word of caution: Do you remember, back in the early 80’s, when everyone suddenly “discovered” The Clash?

Next thing you knew, true fans had to endure stuff like “Rock the Casbah” & “Should I Stay or Should I Go” played incessantly on the radio and in department store elevators.

Hope that doesn’t happen to us.

Carry on, Josh, and congratulations on the continued growth of this cultural phenomenon that is the Comics Curmudgeon.
Calico
August 24th, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

Yes, nice shout to Josh by Ted.
Ces, you’d probably like the site http://www.roadode.com, if you haven’t yet looked at it.
Islamorada Girl
August 24th, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

FOOB: I can’t wait for the reception. Will Shannon sing?
Old School Allie Cat
August 24th, 2008 at 10:07 am [Reply]

FOOB – Wow. Nice work in picking out flowers in possibly the only two shades that don’t appear in nature. So many dyed carnations gave their lives for twu wuv! I’m sure Lawrence about crapped his pants when he realized his name was going to be associated with that disaster.

When I got married, the ceremony went so fast, all I remember is my chin wobbling and trying not to cry, I remember walking down the aisle with my new husband and laughing. Everything else…a blur. And I got married three years ago, so it’s not (as Toby would say) that my memory is becoming faulty. It’s always a blur.

And as to what my father might have been thought ballooning? Probably something like, “Damn, it’s hot – I hope the beer upstairs at the reception is cold.”

And it was.

MW – So, weeks of excruciating build-up, and they’re setting off the denoument with an answering machine message? BOOOO!
anonymous
August 24th, 2008 at 10:08 am [Reply]

This one is in danger of being eclipsed by the Wedding of the Year, so I’m going to shout:

*** MUTTS ***

Quietly simple, haunting, devastating.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Mutts is a work of genius. I love this strip. unto. death.
Pendragon
August 24th, 2008 at 10:12 am [Reply]

S4th – Only four hours? Ted must be a speed reader.
astroboy
August 24th, 2008 at 10:16 am [Reply]

I know Josh doesn’t usually post on Sundays but wow, I thought he might with two shout-outs to CC in one day!

Sally Forth just about made me spit-take my coffee, then Slylock Fox which I caught right away. Simply awesome.

As for the Greatest Wedding In History, it helps to ease the pain if you replace the word “marriage” with “settling” throughout this strip. Or you can just get baked out of your gourd like smElly, Trainman and Uncle Pothead all did.
astroboy
August 24th, 2008 at 10:20 am [Reply]

SFx – We love you too Count Weirdly! Today’s strip has more kinds of crazy than I can count, but what really caught my eye is that the Count keeps a First Aid kit handy. And he has a baseball for crying out loud! This guy’s as American as apple pie!
And The
August 24th, 2008 at 10:30 am [Reply]

S-M: Wow, Mary Jane looks almost like her old self in one of those panels! But any joy I take from that is squashed by the despair offered by the Next box. For God’s sakes, this is the *Spider-Man* strip, not the JJJ strip, damn it! The only secret I want to learn about JJJ is about his quick, painful terminal illness.

JP: Oooh, now you know Sam’s serious. He’s taken the ultimate step of putting his Very Intellectual and Serious glasses on in the last panel! What brilliant insights await, dear readers?

DT: Gee, Locher, what a twist. Shirl Locke Holmes can take the padded cell next to your own.

MW: Man, Chinbeard must packing a whole lot of hidden machismo, if Toby’s already got the sweats. No doubt the torment of separation will lead to even greater heights of artistic creation. Ha, ha!

Phantom: Man, I didn’t know the Matiwaan police could call in a bow-tied, suspender wearing Morgan Freeman style detective to solve their cases! Forget the Phantom, this case is closed!

Popeye: Wimpy may be lazy, but he still puts on a suit, tie and porkpie hat to mooch. He may be a fat slob, but he dresses better than most of the managers in my company.

RMMD: Rex, she’s playing you like a cheap violin. If you were any more of a sucker….I better not complete that thought.

9CL: Edda is making fun of another character’s overbite? The Chinless Wonder should expire right there from Pot-Kettle Syndrome.
TheDiva
August 24th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

317 astroboy: What I did was imagine Anthony hearing the exact same speech as he stood at the altar with Therese. The irony helped take the edge off the glurge.
John C Fremont
August 24th, 2008 at 10:34 am [Reply]

# 284 Mibbitmaker – Ooh! Mister Kotter! Ooh, ooh! Another SNL connection! Before becoming Walter Cronkite, the minister in panel four is being played by The Mighty Favog, which could make Foobville The Land of Gorch! And if you imagine the sermon being voiced by Frank Oz, it’s kind of entertaining.

Seriously, though. In panel seven he even has the Cronkite posture! Crikey!

MW – Watch out for cliffs, Toby! And snakes!

Phantom – Oh, the tension! Will he – identify himself?! (Duh-duh-duuuhh!)

FW – Here are a couple of characters that just wren’t fleshed out very well. And yet, I predict big things for Big Mac and K-Man. Or maybe just cancer.

S4th – I guess I’m going to have to add Sally Forth to my regular comics rotation.

JP – I’m really enjoying the lady cop in a way that’s not as wholesome as I’d like. In the immortal words of Arch Hall, Jr., “Wowy, wow-wow!”
left of the pyle
August 24th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

GT: The real reason Jimmy will take a partial scholarship to go to college is (1) Rubin & Whigham have stretched out this plotline so long that Jimmy missed the MLB draft signing deadline (Aug. 15) by a week, and (2) since colleges have an NCAA limit of 11.7 scholarships to spread amongst 27 to 35 players, virtually no college player gets a full scholarship.
gleeb
August 24th, 2008 at 11:07 am [Reply]

I never called my father Pop; I called him Soda.

Close to Home: McPherson knows he’s not a good enough artist to draw Rabbi Kushner.

Dick: If Tracy and the bank manager had normal arms and hands, they could shake.

‘bean: I don’t remember the dwarf. Can anyone clue me in?

Mark: “Also, don’t build golf courses in Arizona. I’m looking at you, Judge Parker.”

Phantom: You can trust a detective to be thorough if he wears a belt and suspenders.
Gold-Digging Nanny
August 24th, 2008 at 11:13 am [Reply]

S4th — Hi Ces! Hi Ted!

A3G — Those things are still never going to be said if you don’t actually talk into the phone, Eric.

JP — “So Mr. Cheatham agreed to your client’s price before you’d even begun negotiating?”
“That’s right.”
“Basically he caved to your client’s request just for the chance to play a little golf and do a little gambling with you.”
“Well, when you put it like that….”
“What’s your fee for all this?”
“I plead the fifth.”
“You know, one of my girlfriends, Rusty Duncan, said she recently met up with an old friend named Sam Driver. That you?”
“Oh, yeah, Rusty!”
“Yeah. She told me she tore up a contract that would have given her client controlling interest in your friend’s vineyard. And she said she did it not because of any legal pressure from you, but just for the opportunity to kiss you.”
“No comment.”
“Do you actually practice law, Mr. Driver?”
“Sure! … Inasmuch as Rex Morgan, M.D., practices medicine.”
“We call that equivocation in my book, Mr. Driver.”
“Look, can we just skip to the part where you give me what I want, which is to go home without wasting any more time in the interrogation room, in exchange for something trivial you want?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know … a back rub, maybe … or this spiffy copy of Harvey Penick’s Little Red Book?”
“The Little Red Book! I love that book!”
teenchy
August 24th, 2008 at 11:54 am [Reply]

## 269, 271, 275, 279: Yes, I should’ve used S4th instead of SF – we don’t get Mr. Weber Jr.’s strip in the Inky.

#271 specifically: (on the internet no one knows you’re a dog — or a male or female, for that matter.)

I think you’re the first person here to pick up on the fact that my screen name refers to a fictional dog. FWIW I am male, as is the fictional dog.
John C Fremont
August 24th, 2008 at 11:55 am [Reply]

DT – That’s not Inspector James Moriarty. That’s Lt. Mike Torello. And that’s not Diet Smith, it’s either Terry-Thomas or Billy De Wolfe’s character from Frosty The Snowman. Or maybe Duke Phillips. And, for that matter, that’s not Shirl Locke Holmes. That’s just unfortunate.
Mars
August 24th, 2008 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

S-F: Wow, that was the biggest shout-out yet. But this means the Forths love being insulted.

Sally: “Ha ha! Josh just called me a whore again!”

Where is the reference in Slylock Fox? I don’t see it.
KA
August 24th, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

Canuck–you are absolutely right; and it is indeed scarier than my original (hasty) reading made it out to be.

And, btw, your fanfic has been great–I swear I give it more than the quickgetitoverwith reading I give FOOB!
mollificent
August 24th, 2008 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

Sunday’s Bizarro: Damn you, Ces! (LMAO). I’m scarred for life now. ;)

Sunday’s Sally Forth: Woo! You are on FIRE today, sir! :D

FOOB: Heh heh heh…even the Brooke-haters must agree that this wedding could use a serious dose of Thorax. Hehehe. The look on Elly’s face would be PRICELESS. No, I’m totally serious…Thorax, save me! Aaaaaggghhh! (one hand flails about uselessly as she sinks beneath the glurge…)
Angry Kem
August 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

#327 Mars: Check out the…yellow board thing…near the window on Count Weirdly’s floor…right behind the blobby grey creature.

Canuck: I have been following Foob’s Paradise religiously, perhaps in an attempt to cling to some sort of hope that LJ’s terrible Foobtopia is redeemable.
tuesy
August 24th, 2008 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I like the part where the words “openness and honesty” are over Elly’s head, while we all know there is a rather large Grandpa-esque elephant in the room.
cbee
August 24th, 2008 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

why are Elizabeth and Anthony getting married by Walter Cronkite?
John C Fremont
August 24th, 2008 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

# 332 cbee – Because “That’s the way it is…”
ThursdayNext
August 24th, 2008 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

S4th-Thank you, Ces! That was excellent to see. And I really dig Ted’s names, too. Maybe it’s time he got a dog? Some hamsters? Something to name, anyway.

Tho’ I love True Fable’s (289) panel-by-panel rundown, I just couldn’t really raise the ire. Mysteries remain, like who the hell is on the groom’s side, anyway? Why wasn’t Gordon the best man? That guy looks like Lawrence. The flowers are fugly. April looks straight out at us, weird. Fwancie is suddenly Mewwie’s age, not younger than Wobin. Anthony is instructed to hold to his promise–this time–Psych!

I disagree with you, Blammers (309). I think the strip is the work of someone who has adamantly refused therapy, and her id is leaking out all over the ink on the page.
LTBF
August 24th, 2008 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

Way back, somebody suggested a final episode of Foob with Liz awaking form a bad dream as a little girl in 1980. I think we should go back further than that.

Let’s have Elly being awakened by her college roommate as she screams in bed. When the roommate asks what happened, Elly says, “Nothing. But I’ve decided not to go to the student dental clinic. I’d rather pay for it myself with an actual dentist rather than run the risk of something horrible happening.”
Poteet
August 24th, 2008 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

# 315 anonymous — Amen, amen, amen.

Foob — MONDAY SPOILER ALERT! Theme: When you kiss your new bride, you get to make a wish. (Huh?!) Characters: Liz ‘n Anthony. My reaction — How the hell does Anthony make his shnozz look so much smaller whenever he’s in profile? And in order to imbibe enough single malt to get me through the rest of this story, I’d have to attach myself to a barrel of it with a hose.
Poteet
August 24th, 2008 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

# 334 ThursdayNext — Thank you, thank you for pointing that out about the ages of Fwancie and Wobin. I don’t even have kids and I keep noticing the age-shifting. Lynn is a parent, and these are her own characters, so how…never mind.
ThursdayNext
August 24th, 2008 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

Poteet, how on earth do you see the comics a day before?
John C Fremont
August 24th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

# 338 – She has the power to see into the future, just like those ladies from New Orleans that Andre the Pipe Fitter was talking about.
Anonymous
August 24th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

SF – Not to play Devil’s Advocate… well, ok, exactly to play Devil’s Advocate, but the board could be Weirdly admitting a crush on _C_assandra _C_at; seriously, could you blame him?

Of course, Weirdly is a balding, lonely man with thick glasses and a skin disorder of some sort… I suppose declaring love for a website in the way many would write out childhood crushes during recess wouldn’t be out of stereotype at least :3
Saluki
August 24th, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

I’m sorry about the bad teachers Mallard. Although that does explain why you’re a complete moron.

By the time Rex Morgan finishes talking about sailing and starts actually sailing in the race it should be Christmas time, when hopefully the boat will hit an iceberg.

Wow, a shout out from the Sally Forth crew.
LTBF
August 24th, 2008 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Robin is actually older than his future stousin Squiggly C. Yet she is able to converse on an adult level and he speaks in gibberish. Yet, the other day he asked about the limos. But then returned to his gibberish once inside the limo being driven by his great-grandfather’s twin brother.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 24th, 2008 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

Was the Rush reference deliberate, Josh?
Poteet
August 24th, 2008 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

# 338 ThursdayNext — My magic powers only extend to Mondays, owing to my local paper not publishing then. So my paper runs the Monday comics every Sunday. It’s a very cheap thrill, especially since the only soap comic I see ahead of time is Foob. Well, okay, also Luann. Hey… never thought of that. Thanks! Just this once…

LUANN — MONDAY SPOILER ALERT. Theme — Fighting fire while flirting. Characters — Brad and Toni, who else. My reaction: Even on a routine prairie fire, I’m too busy to flirt. Of course I’ve never had an incredible stud like Brad to tempt me. Yowza!

# 339 John — Thanks, John, and you are right. My forecast for the coming week — MORE GLURGE!
Baron Bizarre
August 24th, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

FBorFW: Is that Walter Cronkite performing the wedding ceremony?
Mibbitmaker
August 24th, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

#336 (Poteet):

SPOILER ALERT!! (I haven’t seen Monday’s FOOB yet, myself)

Really??? Kissing your bride gets you a wish? Okay, so Blandie makes a wish.

Cut to: Terese on a Sunday drive, alone. Suddenly, the road just stops with no warning! A sudden, unmarked cliff! As she flies over it to her doom, she can only utter a mild “oh, no.”

Back at the wedding: Liz (getting a sudden chill): “Anthony, darling… I – I’ve never seen you grin like that before….”
Baron Bizarre
August 24th, 2008 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

Oops – Cbee beat me to that particualr observation. I am filled with shame.
Mibbitmaker
August 24th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

S4th: Four hour break to read this blog/comments section? How does Ted do that so bloody fast??
Red Greenback
August 24th, 2008 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

Simple, Ted employed “Evelyn Wood Reading Dynamics”.
The Wild Sow
August 24th, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

I am happy to announce that Miss Karen DeV. (the youngest Wild Sow-let) & Mr. John J. (a terrific Wild Boar-in-Training) were married yesterday in a simple outdoor ceremony — and even if they do have to forever share their anniversary with the FoobPocalypse, nobody cares! LOLOLOLOLOL

Of course, she actually chose him herself (although her parents DO like him very much) — and since they’ve lived together for the past 23 months & are the parents of an adorable 7-1/2 month old Wild Piglet, I expect that “virginity” thing is moot!

Wild Piglet “helped” me read the funnies this morning — & I still can’t find the 6th difference in Slylock Fox – even after looking at the answers! What’s “different” about the string???
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
August 24th, 2008 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

The portion of the string right next to the yo-yo on the ground is angled differently, and is attached to the yo-yo at its bottom instead of its middle.
Bookworm
August 24th, 2008 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

gleeb @ 323 – His name is Kevin and he is a regular customer at the Komix Korner (and apparently fills in some behind the counter (kounter?)). But since we don’t see the KK very often, we don’t see Kev very often either. He was first introduced (or the first time I remember him) when John was being sued for selling obscene materials and for having said materials where children could access them. Turned out that someone mistook Kevin for a child and thought John was letting children look at “adult” themed comics.

I know way too much about the Funkiverse.
Calico
August 24th, 2008 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

Let the Purity Ball begin in FOOBville!

Damn, she still doesn’t notice Gwamps missing? This is a serious Saturn Margoing of continuity.
But then again, Lynn only has 30 seconds, right?

Dad’s little girl – *retch*
Calico
August 24th, 2008 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

#350 – Congratulations! On a real wedding where the bride is autonomous and thinks for herself!

: )
Baka Gaijin
August 24th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

#344 Poteet: Regarding your FOOB forecast of Glurge in “For Better or Worse?” – [fans self with hanky] The vapors, I have the vapors from the shock. Totally unexpected, I tell you. Next you’ll predict that Dolly will say something stupid in FC or Cathy will obsess over something or Dennis will be not menacing. Say it isn’t so, Poteet, say it isn’t so!
Smaug
August 24th, 2008 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft: “From an angry young man to a bitter old man.” You can’t say it any better than that, I think. Unless you work in a crappy pun.
bats :[
August 24th, 2008 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

299. Baka Gaijin: if all that comes to pass, Josh isn’t so much jumping the shark as Riding the shark! And that’s cool!

303. Niall: uh huh. You were intrigued by the violin. Riiiiiiiiiiight.
(Nah, I suspect you were…this is kind of like all those classic Mary Worth ad-lines, though: “Come for the violin, stay for the hoseophonium!”)

308. CDS: wow, I missed the Saturday triad entirely (what a nice surprise, having FOUR strips to read…certainly getting that bad Foob taste out of my mouth — minty fresh at last!).
Thanks for the nice words — but take a bow for being so prolific and talented all at once! :D

317. astroboy: I’m perplexed by Slylock Fox (honestly, I usually am — I RARELY find all six). I’m thinking that the message on the board means something to the effect of “Count Weirdly Loves Cassandra Cat,” rather than the Comics Curmudgeon, but something like that usually entails a heart between the sets of initials. Maybe the Count is just learning to wield a wood-burning iron and thought it best to stick with block letters rather than going for graphics just yet…
I wonder if Count Morgu has a wood-burning kit.
Dingo
August 24th, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

Ah. The FOOB wedding is finally dying like Grandpa Chinnuts. What next big excitement in the life of Liz? A membership in BMG CD club? Winning a blue ribbon at the county fair for her quilting skills? No, no, no. If there be a benevolent God in the heavens, let her use Anthony to concoct the perfect recipe for Soylent Green. Make it up in the basement, next to the cage.
Girl Reporter
August 24th, 2008 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

MW: What do you suppose the L stands for?
bats :[
August 24th, 2008 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

350. The Wild Sow: congratulations to the whole herd / clash / sounder / drove / singular of boars ‘n’ sows ‘n’ piglets (love those collective nouns!)! It sounds like it was a fun and memorable day, and probably just enough skewed that it won’t blend into most folks’ memory as one of those weddings…you know, the one with the bride in the white dress…and that white cake…and the bouquet thing… and the little cocktail weenies…where everything is so terribly cliche’ that it was no different than Cousin Tiffany’s or Aunt Marylou’s…

Snorts all around!
essteess
August 24th, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

#359 Girl Reporter>MW: What do you suppose the L stands for?

“Tiberius”
rhymes with puck
August 24th, 2008 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

DtM: Translation: Mr. and Mrs. Wilson are closet homosexuals.

BB: Really, a bunny? Just how much do the Walkers hate the US Army?

Doonesbury: ooh, subtle!

Crankshaft: Like father, like son!

FW: I don’t know who either of those guys are – can we kill them?
Red Greenback
August 24th, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

Girl Reporter- It stands for “Jamaal”
Lou Shumaker
August 24th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

Thanks, Bats, for this!

“A couple of years ago, I found a coffee cup at a yard sale that was promoting an artificial insemination company somewhere in Montana. On one side with the company name is a happy-looking bull carrying a brief case; on the other side, in large, red letters, is “COLLECTION CUP.””

Josh? Can we have an official Snuffy Smiff model?
Citric
August 24th, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

I’m glad the attempt to sex up Mary Worth ended.
Scherzo upstairs
August 24th, 2008 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

Dingo at #358:

What next big excitement in the life of Liz? A membership in BMG CD club?

OH NO! I CAN’T HANDLE THAT KIND OF COMMITMENT!
Angry Kem
August 24th, 2008 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

#358 Dingo: My sources tell me that LJ has pushed back her not-really-retirement-’cause-there-will-be-old-strips-an’-old-looking-new-strips-an’-stuff until January so that she can treat us to four months of Liz an’ Anthony shopping for a microwave at Costco.
ThursdayNext
August 24th, 2008 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

Mibbitmaker & Poteet
So what do you think Anthony’s wish was last time? “Gee I hope this works”? In which case the idea is a failure, or “Gee I wish Therese was Liz” in which case it’s a horrible and icky success.

What does Liz wish for? “I hope this works,” or “Gee, I wish this was Paul, or Warren, or even Dennis.”
Old School Allie Cat
August 24th, 2008 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

#368 – Well, if it were Dennis, Liz wouldn’t have to give up the goods, so…there’s that.
tuna help
August 24th, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

#198 Yay to screwing with the paradigm of realism found on occasion in the funnies.

It is so well juxtaposed with the flat line of non-humor that pervades the verging on pleffy “trueblue” dedication to propriety of the American Wilderness’ good man Gil Thorpe.

Which is one of the reasons this is such an invaluable and steadfastly awesome site–there will never be a lack of screwy and inspired perspectives. It is inveterately so, thanks to the wit and vision of its everpresent and dogged fearless leader :)

thank you, josh! Fuck yeah!

p.s. if FOOB were on television., they could make the day last an entire season… but we are thankfully all saved (as of yet) from that dire fate.

So, then, just to be piquant… who can explain the feminist mill of grist behind the transformation of Cathy into moving pictures? That bitch is wack she needs to crawl into a box of chocolates and make worm food.

Maybe she eats too many fortified and niacin enriched products, thereby bucking the reaper, and promising to linger for many years beyond her fair share–whimpering, croning, muttering and fretting her way straight through the albumen-lined organic composition of our modern Trojan sensibilities, with the mumph of a hey-i-got-one, devil-yet-may-care, feed-me-bob, lace-draped housedress-wearing moonfaced bang-framed viper.
tuna help
August 24th, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

sorry, missed a dash… post should read, “share–whimpering”.
tuna help
August 24th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

damn it, double-dash! yeearghh
Doug Puthoff
August 24th, 2008 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

8-24: S4th: Dammit! If I’d had a cool fake name, it would’ve made it into today’s strip. And if I’d had one, I may have one Comment of the Week once in a while, too.
Muffaroo M. Muffaroo
August 24th, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

odinthor @224 – Re: RMMD: Damn straight. I heartily endorse this comment.

astroboy @233 – Actually, earlier this year when Mom died, my sisters were dispensing little bits of black humor. I’d give an example, but it would take too long to set up, involving family history that precedes my awareness on earth. Nonetheless, when families get together for an unhappy occasion, they still joke, and the occasion itself comes in for some of that. (And yes, this is still shorter than an explanation of the joke would have been.)

Foobed Again @245 – I most always use the monicker “Dad.” On special occasions, I will say, “Crazy, Pops!” at which he will grin and usually say, “Let’s all eat again, real soon.”
MissionMan
August 27th, 2008 at 10:34 am [Reply]

I’d like to thank the Mary Worth artist for that splendid rendering of Ian’s massive shirtless girth, followed by the panel where toby holds her swim cap like a bag full of bull semen. I’m off to wash my eyes with Clorox now.
Victor Von
August 28th, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

I am strangely shocked by the accuracy of this Gil Thorp. Zeno is a genuine North Carolina name, a fact I know first-hand, since it is my middle name. And my father’s middle name. And was his father’s middle name. What I’m saying is, we have a tradition of cool/stupid middle names.

And I worked for NCSU until last month. Worked there for seven years. No one ever mentioned that we had a baseball team.
RangerGordon
August 29th, 2008 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

I have to admit, I’ve got a thing for Ellie’s hot daddy-bear brother Phil, although I get the feeling that the family trait of making odd puns based on word spellings would drive me over the edge in no time at all.

I suppose that’s why god invented ball gags.

Please read the posting and discussion policies before posting. You are not required to supply an e-mail address to comment; however, doing so decreases the likelihood of your comment being flagged as spam. E-mail addresses will never be made public or seen by anyone but the site writers, who may use them to communicate with commentors.

Archives:

Comment of the week:

Main navigation:

Main content:

Is there a “ghost of a chance” he’ll make it to the wedding?

377 responses to “Is there a “ghost of a chance” he’ll make it to the wedding?”

Leave a Reply

All the cool kids…

Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery