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Thursday quickies

Apartment 3-G, 9/18/08

Enjoy this moment of the Apartment 3-G Crazed Dopeheads On Parade storyline. We’re sliding through deliriously wonderful high camp right now, but we’ll no doubt end up in awful kitsch soon enough.

Beetle Bailey, 9/18/08

I find it kind of poignant that Otto is staring at the newspaper in the first panel, despite the fact that his thought balloon implies that he’s illiterate. I find it kind of confusing that he says “astrology forecast” instead of “horoscope.”

Gil Thorp, 9/18/08

“But then I noticed she was wearing some kind of terrifying vest-thing with a skull and crossbones on the front and a heart on the back! So now I’m just hiding behind these bushes until she goes away.”

278 responses to “Thursday quickies”

  1. Jack Parsons
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    MW: The security expert is starting to look quite the domme.

    “I gotcher fish right here, baby!”

  2. shMerker
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    Otto is smiling in the last panel, presumably because he finds it comforting that the horoscope is correct, therefore the universe is orderly. He’s obviously given up on justice seeing as the prediction is that his pathetic bid at being accepted into human society is never going to pan out.

    It’s too bad he’s surrounded by imbeciles who make up derogatory horoscopes to taunt him for not being able to read rather than sane people who would notice that he’s a dog who wears a military uniform better than most of the reservists he lives with and sleeps in boxer shorts.

  3. Sheila Sternwell
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:04 am [Reply]

    Garfield: Forgive me, but I find the Thursday strip unendingly hilarious. It’s an odd day when Garfield makes me laugh more than Get Fuzzy.

    MW: Terry looks like she’s about ready to strangle a bitch. I don’t blame her, Toby is positively cross-eyed with stupidity today.

    FW: Oh lord, it IS a pizza intervention. Why did I look?

  4. Mr. O'Malley
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:07 am [Reply]

    26, thread 1717. Lesser Whark. If Terry mentions the “NTFS file system” it’s really time to get worried.

  5. Ray
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    “She’s been known to lie, and frankly I don’t much like her.”

    Wait, I’m sorry.

    “SHE’S A LIAR ‘N’ I HATE HER!!”

  6. RaJ
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:18 am [Reply]

    Because he is bald, I’m going to assume that dope fiend is an economic analyst for CNBC, and that his anger is due to the current financial crisis. Also, the government just bought out 80% of the word “and,” which is why he can no longer pronounce the word in its entirety.

  7. Dub Not Dubya
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:21 am [Reply]

    Sorry to repost this from two threads back, but I just had to make sure that True Fable doesn’t miss it:

    http://www.wpri.com/global/story.asp?s=9026345&srvc=developing

  8. Mibbitmaker
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    Like so many cartoonists these days, I’ve been slacking off lately. I missed a chance to hear Spider-Man sing “Born Under a Bad Sign” on Tuesday (or even know if anyone already did that joke in comments), and….. stuff.

    Here’s a little 9/18, in any case:

    Monty: I’m fully expecting this storyline to end with a fully blackened panel, or maybe two with the second having “Meddick” signed in the middle.

    FC: Well, Dolly, God invented light refraction so that the colors happen to… Aw, nevermind, Dolly!

    Tiger: Looks like Stripe has a similar problem to Otto’s. Also, wouldn’t “Stripe” be a better name for a military dog? The Tiger one can be “Otto”.

    S-M: Besides being a singer of Cream songs, Spidey is a fashion designer now. Oh, good, another comic strip male is stereotypically gay. With all this is-he-or-isn’t-he, the comics are getting like late night TV (re:Joel Goddard, LaBamba, and Craig Ferguson).

    A3G: “She’s a liar ‘n’ I hate her!!” I think we have our new comicsnarking catchphrase! It’s even more too-easy than MT speech balloon pointers.

    Cranky: NO!!

  9. RaJ
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    With Gil Thorp, I count my blessings. What a relief that the girl dressed up like Avril doesn’t speak in text-messages; that the man in a porkpie hat doesn’t indulge in any Jazz Era-style antics; that Jeff has a chair to break his fall when Trisha collapses onto him in a drunken heap. Mostly I just thank god that we are merely exposed to the term “cowboyed up,” and aren’t forced to witness the actual act of mounting.

  10. RaJ
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    Considering how dogs typically employ newspaper, I think Otto is trying to avoid the comics page, so as not to relieve himself on his own image. Such an act would be too metatextual, I think, even for the rollicking postmodernism of “Beetle Bailey.”

  11. Aramael
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:48 am [Reply]

    RaJ: saw the Daily Show last night?

    I love Gil Thorpe; not enough to, you know, actually read it or anything, but the surreal nature of the episodes that turn up here just charms the hell out of me. It’s like three frames from an art installation that one might find at SFMOMA, or a 1920s German experimental film; it doesn’t have to make sense, it’s more of a mood piece.

  12. tymime
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:18 am [Reply]

    Trisha is obviously taking fashion tips from Danae from Non Sequitir.

  13. aric
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Anyone with any experience with getting high will find this comic unbelievably stupid….UNLESS the next strip shows Alan raiding his friends and families medicine cabinets for Oxycotin or taking a road trip to Baltimore (that is what I do anyway when I am out).

  14. True Fable
    September 18th, 2008 at 5:51 am [Reply]

    # 7 Dub not Dubya – GOAT! Goat returned unharmed!! Thanks for reposting that, I missed it earlier!

    Now see there, you have to give the guy credit for at least recognizing the worth of a goat in the first place, not to mention the ability to ride off on a bike holding one, and continuing to do so until the cops caught up with him.

    And just look at that little goat, ain’t s/he cute? I can’t blame him for wanting to take it, although I’d rip his lungs out if he ever stole one of my goats.

    A man can’t be too protective about his goats.

  15. Bobdog
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:07 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp — I saw that skull and cross bone pirate flag design on a black sleeveless dress pull over thing the last night in a window display while I was in downtown SF on Sutter Street near Montgomerey, though it actually looked a like badly pixelated version of said skull and cross bone design. The dress looked out of place next to all the pink handbags. I found it kind of disturbing, like Paul Frank had gone Goth. So I moved down a couple of feet to stand and wait for the bus in front of the New Balance store instead.

  16. zenvelo
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:16 am [Reply]

    gee, Otto, that’s the first time I’ve heard “humping every leg in sight” as “frequent romances lead to nothing”.

  17. WarOfTheBees
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    I get that Jeff is supposed to be about 6 foot 9, which, though very tall, is not unreasonable. But Trisha, in comparison, seems to be about 7 and a half feet tall in panel two. That may explain the gigantic adirondack chair in the background: Gil Thorp’s world is inhabited by a race of giants.

  18. zenvelo
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    When Jeff Ponczak “cowboyed up” doesn’t he mean he’s “going all brokeback” on his buddy?

  19. Brian
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:19 am [Reply]

    Kids these days. The last time I cowboyed up, I got hospitalized for three weeks and we had to replace most of the windows.

  20. mustard seeds
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    A3G: hee hee, i keep seeing, “she’s a liar AN’ I hate her”, as if we were getting some Canadian teen crossover action here.

  21. gleeb
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    Brenda: What, the horse doesn’t get a turn?

    Between Friends: What will happen tomorrow? Will these two continue to denigrate yet voraciously read this “blog”? Say, whatever happened to the woman who was being pushed around by her husband?

    ‘bean: He has failed Montoni. Come the next full moon, Funky will be fed to the Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young.

    H&J: “Shut up, you moralizing fool! And where’s my damn gumbo?”

    Sally: Ted! Ted Forth took Ray’s stash!

  22. Eau de Plugger
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    A3G: Uh oh! Mr. Clean ain’t so clean no more! In that last panel he’s displaying a vitriol usually reserved for those damn scrubbing bubbles.

  23. Little Guy
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    Thorp: “Cowboyed up?” So 2003. Only Idiots get to second base and score.

  24. Little Guy
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    Thorp: “Cowboyed up”? So 2003. Only Idiots get to second base and score.

  25. Lolsworth
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    Clearly Sarge has a vested interest in keeping Otto crushed and servile. They’re obviously running out of human soldiers fast.

  26. Hawkeye
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    A3G: Is Lennie from “Of Mice and Men” guest-starring as Ray, or is that some other large, bald man-child?

  27. Bryan
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    A3G: Wow, John McCain as photographed by Jill Greenberg has some pretty strong emotions about Haley.

  28. Uncle Balustrade
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    “Activate the Burnout Ray, Mr. Sulu!”

  29. Ham Gravy
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    Cathy: Eats constantly, complains constantly. Now she’s got fat feet. Fat crusty corny feet. I’m thinking it’s the gout. Still unexplored: fat hair.

    MT: Part of his job? Mark has a job? Sure, he always wears some kind of generic uniform-like clothing, but a job? Really?

    FC: Dolly, God didn’t decide. Roy G. Biv was the decider.

  30. Little Guy
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    23/24: Sorry about the repeat, gang.

    A3G: “She’s a liar ‘n’ I hate her!!” Watch it, Bald Dope Guy, you’re gonna get Cockpitted!

  31. Anonymous
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    Lex Luthor ‘n’ hates her cause she hocked his dentures for ‘dope.’ Of course he’d already sold his hair and the buttons from his shirt, so what was left?

    I think Jeff is hiding from tits ‘o’ death because she’s actually taller than him, and craves his seed to foster her hellish brood of giants.

  32. Patrick
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Apparently, all of New York is out of dope. It’s a stupid, cleaned up city an’ I HATE IT!!

  33. anon e. mouse
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Has anyone actually tried that “Which comic are you game?” What a PIA!

    After you fill out the questionnaire – and at least half of them have one misspelled word – you have to fill out six screens of sales offers. Maybe there were more, but I gave up after the sixth. And it wanted your email, your DOB, address and phone number, no doubt to spam you some more.

  34. Stephanie
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Diiiiiiid anybody else notice that Otto’s foot is clearly broken and pointing in the opposite directions it’s supposed to in that last panel??

  35. Brick Bradford
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    A3G Two junkies can’t score in NEW YORK CITY? Go to any middle school, morons.

    MT Is it just me or is Mark’s hair looking reeeaaalllly good these days?

    GT I think she bought the vest the same place Mary Worth gets the t-shirts with the amazing moving palm trees.

  36. rainbird
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    what? No comment on sally forth? Gosh Ces,how obscure a quote could you have come up with? The last starfighter. Ted is more geeky then I. I surrender.

  37. Harry Worth
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Phishing?

    Isn’t that what they do to get the catch of the day at the Bum Boat?

  38. Brick Bradford
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    MT That axe in the foreground expresses Cherry’s real feelings about Mark going off AGAIN, I think.

    JP “Dewey was kind and considerate. Everybody loved him”. She totally did it.

  39. Tara
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    If Ray the newest dope addict in Apartment 3G had said “an’ I hate her!” instead of “‘n’ I hate her!” I’d have discovered the mystery behind this riveting storyline: it would have been written by Lynn Johnston! An’ Ray would be, like one of April’s friends who maybe went roadside a little early in life and started down the dope trail as a result! Maybe he’s even really Jeremy Jones who’s gone bald and aged significantly after years of consuming too much dope.

    Either way… I think the best way to get through Apartment 3G these days is to turn it into a drinking game. Every time you see the word “dope” you take a drink. Pretty soon you’ll be flying as high as Alan.

  40. Angry Kem
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Dagwood, you completely deserve to go back to 1380 or so.

    9CL: Gosh. I didn’t see this coming. No, actually, I did. Why didn’t you? When I had the (real) flu, my hallucinations were along the lines of, “The bed is shaking! Ooh…there are three of me.” If they had involved energetic sex with an inappropriate person, I would have started to worry.

    A3G: This has got to be the funniest comic out there today. Too bad it’s unintentional. I love you, Ray the Burnout Pal.

    BB: Oh, good: a nice reference to a dog licking his balls to wake me up in the morning.

  41. Tweeks_Coffee
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    A3G: No, Charlie Brown!
    FOOB: Elly’s never looked more psychotic than she does in the last panel. I think we’ve found the moment in time when it was decided that nobody could be happy unless they’re married.
    GT: So I guess this chick is supposed to be goth. That still doesn’t explain the fella with the fedora. Hot Topic meets the roaring ’20s is the theme for this arc, apparently.
    MF: Except that Mallard’s just as worthless as that guy on the couch since he’d never vote for one of those damned hippie-liberals and their communist ideas.
    MW: Damn, Terry gets pissed when the subject of phishing comes up. “I’ll never forgive phishing for killing my husband and daughter, someday I’ll kill phishing”.
    Phantom: Boy, Phantom sure is a bastard punching a guy in mid pop-lock like that.

  42. Hogenmogen
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Sally: Ces broke the cardinal rule of the 180 degree switcharoo. But I’m intrigued by Ted hearing voices. Maybe tomorrow the voices will tell him to form a neo-punk band with Faye.

    Phantom: Semi-gratuitous stripey ass shot for all those stripey ass shot fans in CC land.

    Crank: I’m not sure what’s up with that. Wearing the same baseball hat every day for 35 years doesn’t make you an expert in baseball, it just makes your head stinky.

    Curtis and his mother have lost the point. Clearly, mom didn’t get out of bed in the wee hours to check on Curtis’s nutritional choices – especially when chicken is superior to any of the junk food that he could have had or the dope that mom stashes in the back of the freezer.

    Herb & Jamaal: “Picked out? Like a booger?”
    Seriously, this guy needs some personal accountability. He wasn’t picked. He and his wife volunteered.

    JP: There was once a CSI episode where Brass had a hunch that this guy killed his wife because when he was interviewed, the guy referred to his wife in the past tense and people close to a recently deceased loved one usually still refer to them in the present tense. This chick uses past tense. Hot or not, she’s looking guilty. Now about the way that CSI character is allowing Sam to hang around while she conducts an interview – WTF?

    Mallard: Mallard hates democracy.

    Mark Trail: Mark talks about wildlife conservation, but the last panel shows an axe, an impliment of forest destruction that he also kils the Thanksgiving turkey with. Chilling, really.

    Spidey: I thought the purse brightened up an otherwise drab outfit. But you can’t tell me the same goes for Spidey’s outfit. Pink & red is a fashion “ick”. Peter Parker makes is as inept on the wardrobe department as he is in superheroism.

  43. colonial
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Garfield: That’s one fancy restaurant for five-alarm chili

    GT: Desperate to find any scoop for his Web site, Matt Drudge asks the latest on Milford’s social scene in Panel 1.

    MW: “Do you know what phishing is?”

    Toby: “No, I don’t care for seafood. You should ask Mary, though. She’s a regular at the Bum Boat.”

  44. Cranky
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    “Frequent Romances Lead To Nothing.” Well, Bob Barker can rest easy, at least Otto has been neutered.

    Having thought too much about Beetle Bailey for one lifetime, Cranky rode off to think about something – anything- else.

  45. rachel
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Gather round children, whilst I relate
    The Great Dope Depression of 2008!
    No drugs to be had! We’d given up hope,
    Until we realized that we WERE dopes…

  46. Gabacho
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Family Circus – God chose the colors so they would look really good on the Gay Pride Flag.

    Mallard Fillmore – My, aren’t we elitist?

  47. Gypsymoth
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    BB: To me, it looks like Otto is still in the paper training stages.

  48. steve
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    A3G: Ray looks like he escaped from the Funky Winkerbean cancer ward. Frankly, if I escaped from the soul crushing world of Funky Winkerbean, I’d be fiending for some “dope” as well.

  49. mattt
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    A3G“SHE’S A LIAR ‘N’ I HATE HER!!” AND SHE’S A BIG FAT POOPYHEAD!

    MW As lame as this storyline is to most of us, it’s probably actually going to be pretty instructive to the strip’s primary audience: Old folks who’ve been reading it for ages.

    But still, “Do you know what that is? Here, let me…show you…” Boomchikkawowwow

  50. fishmorgjp
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    “SHE’S A LIAR ‘N’ I HATE HER!!”… maybe the characters will now re-enact scenes from Reefer Madness and develop dark circles around their eyes, eat entire turkeys, laugh maniacally, frantically play the piano while shouting “faster, faster,” etc.

  51. zenvelo
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: I thought that was Howie Mandel looking for “Deal or No Deal!”

  52. Calico
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Funny comments Josh-especially the underpants thread.
    I baked a nice little chicken with vegetables the other night, but it wasn’t wearing undies.

    MT – that is one strong bird there, chopping wood for the Trail family! He doesn’t have underpants on either.

    DtM – the final emasculation of Joey happens at a game board, before he finally goes all postal on Dennis’ family and the entire neighborhood.

    FC – if God colored that rainbow, I think He needs eyeglasses. ROYGBIV, Dolly.

  53. Gabacho
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth – There’s no such thing as an office friend, merely an enemy who has been temporarily neutralized.

    Sally knows this and she should tell Ted. Look at Sally’s office friends – Ralph who openly despises her and wants her out of the way and Alice. Yes, Alice.

    Remember when Sally laid the blame for a failed project on Alice? Instead of Sally saying, “I did a poor job of managing this.”, she pointed the finger at Alice.

    During the faux pregnancy scare, who was it who told the whole damn office – Alice. She was probing to see where Sally was weakest.

    Alice is biding her time.

    There is only one real way for Ted to make office “friends”. Find a common enemy, play it up, and then crush his friends.

    Since Ted is in Strategic Sourcing, the natural enemies are Sales, Accounting and Human Resources. Pick one and then start trash talking them to your coworker. Your coworker will now start to like you.

    Then when his guard is down, set him up.

    For example, if Sales is pushing Strategic Sourcing hard to get Indonesian made Massage Chair and just doesn’t understand that Strategic Sourcing can’t change scheduling immediately, suggest to your coworker that he propose substituting the Chinese made version.

    Coworker will bring that up to Sales as his idea, only to find out that nobody wants the Chinese made chair since furniture made by soon to be executed prisoners is not nearly as comfortable as that made by 8 year olds who still have some illusion of hope.

    The coworker will be humiliated and demoralized, but won’t blame you as you sympathize and aren’t even mad that he stole your idea.

    Now go to Sales and quietly say, “I’ll handle it.”

    Soon you will be the King of Strategic Sourcing and have many, many friends.

    More information about corporate careers and backstabbing can be found in books.

  54. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Today’s guest snarker: Ray, the Hilariously Bipolar Dope Fiend from A3G!

    JP: Hey, Ray, any comment on Dixie’s testimony in today’s strip?
    SHE’S A LIAR AND I HATE HER!
    Kind of a strong opinion, but OK… how about how she looks? Pretty sexy, huh? And how about that hairdo?
    IT’S LAYERED AND I HATE IT!
    Let’s move along…

    GA: Hey Ray, what kind of plane do you think Sultan Pepper parachuted in from the other day?
    IT’S A LEAR AND I HATE IT!
    And what do you make of that look the Sultan is giving Rover in panel 3?
    IT’S A LEER AND I HATE IT!
    Sorry, folks. Just like Ray himself, this schtick is getting old faster than I expected. ‘Scuse me a moment.

    Okay, while Ray discovers the joys of huffing Sharpies, let’s do some real snarking:

    Archie: I have a note from ENIAC excusing the AJGLU3K from writing a good joke today. It looks forged.

    Blondie: Alexander’s first sentence was a statement, not a question. So Dagwood didn’t answer a question with another question. Alexander did in the second panel, but asking for clarification doesn’t really count, so neither does Dagwood’s clarification of his initial question, since that was in direct response to Alexander’s request. So this whole sequence makes no sense.
    IT’S A NONSEQUITUR AND I HATE IT!
    Shut UP, Ray…

    Curtis: Ha, ha! That black kid sure does love his fried chicken! Actually, I could bring Ray in on this one…
    FRIED CHICKEN DOES TASTE GOOD THOUGH! WOULDN’T IT BE JUST AS INTELLECTUALLY DISHONEST TO PORTRAY A BLACK CHARACTER WHO NEVER ATE IT BECAUSE OF SOME POLITICALLY CORRECT HYPERSENSITIVITY?
    Christ. Ask a junkie to do one thing, and he gets all philosophical on you… Here, take this.
    OOOH! REDDI-WHIP!
    That’ll keep him busy a while.

    (WT)DT: Speaking of racial sensitivity, TRAZE-R is wishing Diet Smith a happy Martin Luther King day. Nice effort, but you’re juuuust a few months early there, guy.

    thorps. I knew it! “Trisha” really is A3G‘s dope-dealing beatnik Jones in drag! The black vest clinches it.
    DOPE? DID YOU SAY DOPE?! JONES IS HERE? WHERE? I NEED MY DOPE, MAN!
    (*sigh*)… Yes, Jones is right over there.
    WHERE? I DON’T SEE HIM… I REALLY NEED MY DOPE, MAN!!!
    Uh, he’s magical. You can only see him if you face that way and stand really still and don’t turn around. That’s good, just like that…
    I GET IT, LIKE ONE OF THOSE MAGIC EYE POSTERS. YOU EVER LOOK AT ONE OF THOSE WHEN YOU’RE HIGH? IT’S TOTALLY–
    ((***SMUNK***))

    Ow, that stings. But at least now we can snark in peace.

    MT: That tit bird’s talking out of its ass. Ha ha! Tits and ass!

    Big Dog: It’s bad luck for these passing priests that Jehovah’s Witnesses have learned to avoid Marm’s block.

    MW: “Terry” is just randomly spewing advice and not interacting with Toby at all. She must be some kind of pre-programmed security droid. But can she open a carton of milk?

    Pluggers: Or perhaps it’s the grisly remains of your neighbor the Chicken Lady, YOU UNSPEAKABLE MURDERER!!!

    One-Eyed Sailor: Didn’t Swee-Pea say it was a big white egg just yesterday?!

    6C: Please, Ms. Gibbons, leave the political commentary to Garry Trudeau. This just doesn’t make any sense.

    S-M: Oh no! Look behind you, Spidey, it’s your arch-nemesis, a brick wall!

    HEY, WHAT HAPPENED? WHY AM I ON THE FLOOR?
    You, uh, got high and passed out.
    WHY IS MY HEAD BLEEDING?
    It was really good stuff.
    OH, OKAY, MUST HAVE BEEN! HEH! AND WHERE DID THIS BEARD COME FROM…?
    You better hurry after Jones, I heard he went over to visit Mark Trail.
    OK! THANKS, DUDE, YOU REALLY DID ME A SOLID!
    Oh, you have no idea…

  55. Bootsy
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    The guy in Gil Thorp is wearing what I call a “hipster hat”. It’s usually worn by 20 somethings who are also wearing a shirt like the kind Kramer wore, and sunglasses no matter the hour. Sax players wear them, but not guitar players. I never gave them much thought before now, except to tell Mr. B on occasion, “Hipster hat alert!” when we’re in a club.

    # 42, Hogenmogen:

    Phantom: Semi-gratuitous stripey ass shot for all those stripey ass shot fans in CC land.

    You meant me, didn’t you? ‘n’ you were right!

  56. Calico
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Phishing = looking for drugs (excuse me, I meant “dope”) at a Trey Anastasio concert, or in your local art gallery’s work room.

    Toby really doesn’t get out at all, does she? Going to the C-Stone pool is like a Carnival Cruise to her.

  57. gnemec
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    It was cruel and wimpy of Sarge to pass off his own horoscope as Otto’s. Sarge needs to cowboy up and face the truth.

  58. Hibbleton
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Hey, Baldo’s grandma better get over to Haley’s place stat!

  59. survivor
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Wow – if Jeff is 6-foot-9, than that lawn chair must be the size of a throne!

    Could it be that Jeff had been sitting in the chair while pretending to be a king just before the arrival of Trisha-the-skullhead-girl? I could picture him sitting dignantly while pretending to have a royal sceptre in his hand.

    It would explain why he has an expression of, “Refer to me as ‘Your Royal Highness’, please” in the 2nd panel.

  60. Journeyman Softheart
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    It’s time for today’s Softhearted Meditations:

    FOOB: I’m honestly not sure how to read this without a lesbian subtext. “Are you looking?” “No, why?” “Just asking.” The theme of sexual frustration, repression, and tentative exploration among lonely young housewives and mothers that LJ has decided to emphasize in her retro-strips is certainly artistically daring.

    BC: It’s deeply disturbing to me that I actually check this strip these days even when it’s not featured here. For dark humor, today’s almost matches the classic Charlie Brown strips in Peanuts.

    JP: Would anyone here believe me if I said that I read Judge Parker for the storylines? Well, darn it, it’s true.

    Doonesbury: For someone who has been reading this strip for a long, long time, seeing Rick lose his job is both brilliant in terms of character development and a wonderful piece of commentary on the transformation of the news “industry” over the last 15 years. The poignancy really touched me.
    Now get back to making fun of John McCain’s real estate and tweaking other Democratic talking points more effectively than the Obama campaign.

    FW: These sad, prematurely aged, passionless husks of mankind shuffle through a toxic fog of despair, soulless puns, and occasional stale, dark irony. With human empathy numbed by tragedy and their hunched, aged bodies repulsive even to themselves, a fleeting sensual pleasure from the taste of good food is all that tethers them to life; and you, Funky, have denied them even that with relentless cost-cutting, unskilled assembly-line cooking, and the substitution of inferior ingredients. When you think about it, the fact that these people have come to hate you almost as much as themselves and their creator kind of makes sense.

    Garfield: Speaking of the fleeting sensual pleasure of good food, I think that’s the only sensuality Jon will be enjoying tonight – um, unless Liz has some strange turn-ons that… wait, what am I saying? She’s dating Jon Arbuckle and brought his cat with them to the restaurant. I withdraw the comment – have fun, kids.

    Marmaduke: Their faith in the power of prayer is touching, but we who read the strip know that no benevolent higher power will intercede to protect them. May they face death with courage and dignity.

    MT: The juxtaposition of animals that are intended to be some kind of system of metaphors in panel one and the symbolism of the abandoned, deathlike axe in panel three give this strip a sense of immanent meaning that remains somehow elusive no matter how long I consider it. The archway formed by the wing of the flying ducks that frames the dog staring directly at the reader. The white bird – perhaps representing a soul or the spirit of the divine – perching on the ax handle. The silhouette of the deer that connects the panels. God, it’s like trying to figure out the lyrics of a Tori Amos song. Well, at least the transporter effect is cool as Mark and Cherry are beamed up in panel two.

  61. UncleJeff
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Happy 91st birthday June Foray!
    (Rocky the Flying Squirrel, Natasha Fatale and Nell Fenwick of the great “Bullwinkle and Friends” series along with many other cartoon characters.)

  62. John C Fremont
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Oh, boy! Time to “cowboy up!”

    A3G – You can tell he’s a “burnout” by the way he says ‘n’ and “ya gotta.” Of course, that could also make him a Patterson kid.

    MT – In the second panel, Mark and Cherry begin to beam themselves over to the third panel.

    MW – Beware the Ides of March? That was good advice. Beware of the Blob? Now that’s just common sense. But Beware of Phishing? That just sounds so awkward.

    Phantom – “Oh well, the third time’s the charm.*

    *Old Wambesi Terrorist saying.

    RMMD – I’m starting to like this Tweaks fellow, although he looks as though he’s about to push his Pepperidge Farms products on me.

    JP – Oh. Poor Dixie needs someone to console her. I’ll bet that sexy cop needs some consoling, too. I just want to point out that I’m available, is what I’m saying.

    SF – Aw, Ted’s found a friend. A geeky friend.

  63. John C Fremont
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    # 60 – Darn it, Journeyman, if I’d previewed one more time I’d have caught your MT/Star Trek comment before posting mine. Sorry!

  64. CanuckDownSouth
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    What, no snark on the disturbing theme of retcon-o-ramaFOOB? Elly is very, very excited by the prospect that married-with-two-kids Anne might be “lonely and looking”.

    Now it would be quite the interpolated retcon if cheatin’ Steve was just getting back for Anne’s infidelity (never mind the – brain bleach! – idea that Elly was involved). But I just can’t see that being LynnCo’s point, what with LJ’s history. I can only conclude that LynnCo’s meds need adjusting if LJ can’t see what her writing is saying here. Or LJ had a bad med balance while drawing and had no idea what emotion she was putting on each face. Which would explain a lot about FOOB.

  65. CanuckDownSouth
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Dang – 60 posted while I previewed.

  66. Hank
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    RE: Dick Tracy. Waitaminnit, does the Dickbot respond only to Tracy’s voice or not? Because in today’s strip it’s clearly conversing with Diet Smith.

    RE:Garfield. I’d like to know what fancy French restaurant serves Chili. Or did Jim Davis’ clip art assistant pull the wrong sequence off the computer when he meant for a diner scene?

    RE: Funky. Geez. He looks older than Crankshaft in that last panel.

    RE: Monty. Good to see that the author’s on the cutting edge of pop culture with his “Sopranos” parody. I look forward to 18 months from now when he gives us a take-off on the final season of the “the Shield”.

  67. commodorejohn
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    9CL – I bet the flu doesn’t stop her from doing her job, eh, Spider-Man?

    A3G – Best sentence never uttered by any actual user of illegal substances: “It’s Haley’s burnout pal, Ray. Perfect! He always has drugs.”

    AS – HAIR DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.

    Crankshaft – An old white guy giving a young black kid baseball advice? Hey, it’s a Reverse Clambake!

    Curtis – I will stand behind this line of reasoning. If there are leafy plant products involved, it’s a salad.

    DT – That’s what she said!

    FC – “Well, He invented this thing called the electromagnetic spectrum, and…ah hell, you’re not even listening. Little shit.” Also, way to include only two-thirds of the visible spectrum there, Jeff.

    FW – If Funky is going to be turning into Droopy, could we at least get some cartoon violence? Or will we have to sit through another week-plus of people lecturing him about turning into a corporate sellout?

    GA – Why can’t mullahs in random Middle Eastern countries get all pitchfork-and-torchy about this comic? I know I wouldn’t raise any particularily vehement objections.

    GT – Whoa, she’s like one of the few female-like creatures in Gil Thorp to ever come reasonably close to “attractive.” I love the vest (er, vest-like thing that doesn’t open in front) with the skull on the front and heart on the back, on top of the zoot-suit pinstriped coat. The Ronald McDonald stockings are also a nice touch.

    JP – I can’t believe that, with both Dixie Julep and Detective Heidi Roberts in the scene, Baretto wasted a panel on a friggin’ house. C’mon, man!

    Lockhorns – Offhand, I’d say it’s because neither Hoest nor Reiner have the slightest clue how a hospital works. (I mean, cripes, they even drew her in one of those anime fetish-nurse costumes. Did any nurse in the history of medicine ever actually dress in that?)

    Luann – Actually, Brad, I think the bigger problem is your face. You look like the Yellow Kid with hair.

    MF – Glass houses, duck.

    MT – Man, look how completely resigned Cherry is to this. Poor woman.

    Marmaduke – September 18th, 2008: Marmaduke’s demonic nature acknowledged!

    MW – Ha ha, Giella even drew the default XP wallpaper. That’s just awesome. Now if only he could draw a keyboard that wasn’t from the original 1981 IBM PC. If Toby knew enough about computers to buy an AT-to-PS/2 adapter, I seriously doubt she’d actually be dumb enough to fall for Mr. Abu Ibrahim’s wily schemes.

    Momma – Dear Mel Lazarus: if you have Sonya attempt to set her daughter up with a certain mustachioed, adulterous accountant, I promise to never say anything bad about your comic ever again.

    OBH – Josh, why no love for this most recent appearance of Earl?

    Pibgorn – Roger, put some freakin’ clothes on.

    PBS – Awesomeness. Now all we need is for Rat to get married to an atrociously big-haired hag, embroiled in a sex scandal, and then investigated for fraud.

    Popeye – So is everybody in this strip but Wimpy completely insane, or what?

    RMMD – I guess Tweaks has bugged the restaurant or something.

    SFx – I’d make a crack about the out-of-context potential of panel one, but Bob Weber has already proved impervious to Rule 34. (And besides, how could you possibly top the Cassandra Cat fan-porn?)

  68. Sam
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    A3G-Where are all the cool catch phrases I heard in the late ’70′s, early ’80′s during my puffing days?

    “I need to cop some weed”

    “Smoking a spliff” or “twist a doob”

    We never called another pot head pal a “burnout”

    They need to have a panel of Alan with serious munchies, that would be good.

  69. cheech wizard
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    12/Tymime – Today’s GT is totally a shout-out to Non Sequitur – having both the skull and crossbones and the heart is just can’t be a coincidence. Although Stacie has a much nicer rack than Danae.

  70. kelsy
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    If I’ve learned anything about dope fiends from Apartment 3-G, it’s that they wear their freshly ironed shirts unbuttoned in wild ways.

  71. syro0
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Re: astrology forecast

    Family-friendliness not only brought you the very oblique “frequent romances”, it also took the “whore” out of “horoscope”. I wonder why that canine still calls himself a dog.

  72. Anonymous
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    SHE’S A LIAR ‘N’ I HATE HER!

    It sounds like a store almost. Toys ‘R Us!

  73. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    SF: I think Ted’s new friend will be a woman. That’ll test Sally’s “Ted needs a friend” theory.
    All Sally will be able to say…

    “SHE’S A LIAR ‘N’ I HATE HER!”

  74. Steve the Pocket
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Yesterday I complained that Mallard Fillmore was coming so close to making decent commentary, but missed by this much. Today it inches towards the same issue from another angle.

    And speaking of politics, is it just me or is Six Chix pulling the old stay-in-the-kitchen on women in politics? And using Condi of all people to do it, too… I can only guess the strip was written just before the Palin announcement, and that the writer was kicking herself over it afterwards. Can’t say I’m sympathetic.

  75. AtomicDog
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Popeye – If a robin’s egg hatches into a robin, and a crocodile egg hatches into a croc, does a moon egg hatch into a moon?

  76. AtomicDog
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Rubes – Lunar Rovers do not work that way!

  77. Uncle Lumpy
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Abigail Fallis is the Bob Weber, Jr. of the art world.

  78. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    #75 AtomicDog :

    That’s the same logic as, “if a smoking jacket is used to smoke, what’s a windbreaker for?”

  79. Carly
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Otto, Sarge just made all that up to be mean. The astrology pages never look like that because no one would buy the product.

    Trisha: why are you standing on your tip-toes? Weird.

  80. Davin
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    So Col. Tigh was a junkie before her joined the crew of Galactica? That explains a lot, actually.

  81. Trogdor
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    73: That was my first thought when I read SF today as well. (Okay, my second thought. My first was actually, “Oh my God, that’s a quote from The Last Starfighter.”) But I think you’re right. Ted will make a friend and it’ll be a woman. She’ll be as geeky as he is. And Sally will feel threatened.

  82. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    #81 Trogdor:

    And she’ll be cuter than Sally (not that hard to do).

  83. Comcis Fan
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    #60 and #64: I also wondered what was going on in that FBoFW strip. Agreed it’s probably unintended, unless the new strip really is taking a different, funkier tack. She really needed a proofreader, however, if she wasn’t intending what appears to be a come-on from Elly to her housewife friend. This seems to be the case of a backfired semi-pun, where Elly is trying to be cutesy, and sounding like she’s checking out Anne.

  84. nerowolfgal
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    A3G – Ah, we begin to see the true horror of drug addiction! “Burn Out Ray” is using contractions; no longer in his drugged state able to manage the “a” and the “d” of a simple “and”. As well the terrible toll of drugs is apparent as he also cannot button his shirt.

    Oh Alan, Alan, look and see your future…….

  85. David Willis
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    It wasn’t immediately clear how hackers broke into Palin’s Yahoo! account, but it would have been possible to trick the service into revealing her password knowing personal details about Palin that include her birthdate and ZIP code. A hacker also might have sent a forged e-mail to her account tricking her into revealing her own password.

    OMFG SARAH PALIN IS THAT MARY WORTH STORYLINE

  86. Fra. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    RaJ@10 — I was scanning comments and misread “metatextual” as “metrosexual”. The thought of little Otto the dog as a metrosexual made me a little queasy. On the other hand, metrosexuality is officially “out” (in favor of burly manly men), which means it’s ripe for appearance in the likes of Beetle Bailey.

  87. Fra. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    David Willis –

    AWESOME! COMICS MADE REAL!

  88. Daveh
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:37 am [Reply]

  89. Fra. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    A3G — OK, I love the mild, pleasant smile Alan has in the second frame. Isn’t he supposed to be “jonesin’”? Ray clearly is.

    But what REALLY sells it for me is the `N’, with two apostrophes, the first one notably backward, like some esoteric Unix command.

    And glancing through the comments today, I’m feelin’ a whole lot of love for that `N’.

  90. Dingo
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    “And then, thanks to Mary Worth, John McCain and his fellow Luddites learned the vagaries of modern computing technology. All of their little blonde camel-toe wives slept easier that night and the world seemed at peace. Little did they know what awaited them in Charterstone apartment B-17.”

  91. Fra. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Dub Not Dubya
    OMG, Goat theft stories from my home state! By law in Rhode Island every third man looks like that guy. They are not usually seen on bicycles carrying goats, however. Question of the hour: why is he shirtless in the photo?

  92. TheDiva
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    Garfield: Wow, today’s strip actually got a smile out of me, if only because this is the sort of thing my husband would do (but in better clothing). For him, it’s not “spicy” unless it makes him sweat.

    MW: The PSA continues. I expect Toby to be warned about the dangers of playing in abandoned refrigerators before too long.

  93. viscosity
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    A3G Irealise the stoner-fest has been very exciting – almost comingto blows today with Burnout Ray. But I must point out that back at the crack-den Luann is till contemplating the skimpy shirt and looking at Alan’s meisterwork? Did I miss something in the meantime??

  94. t007
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Don’t you wish drug addicts were so polite?! Their language is peppered with apostrophes but otherwise they’re very tame. “C’mon in Ray.” (And he’s Hailey’s “burnout” friend rather than that crackhead m****r f****r.)

    As well as using tampons for crack pipes they can’t talk smack worth a da*n!

  95. Aging Hipster
    September 18th, 2008 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    I like that Apartment 3G is rehashing an old Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers plotline (The Great Dope Famine of 1969), but without the fur or the fabulousness. I am pretty sure that Ray is a freak, however.

  96. C
    September 18th, 2008 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Wow, Gil Thorp has reached a new low of terrible drawing. Look at those Jeff’s physics-defying hair and freakish hands in panel 3.

  97. Gold-Digging Nanny
    September 18th, 2008 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL: What’s Burkhardt holding in panel two? A kazoo?

    Doonesbury is just ripping my heart out this week. It’s kind of cathartic.

    GA: If he’s going to argue that he doesn’t deserve all that money because it’s just made of spare parts, I’m going to pitch a fit. Rover, a frickin’ Mercedez-Benz is made of car parts. Now, go let your wife handle the negotiations, ideally with some automakers, and get yourself down to the courthouse to legally change your name to something you wouldn’t use on a dog.

    Marmaduke: Is the prayer something along the lines of, “The power of Christ compels you”?

    S4th — I may not have recognized the reference, but I recognize “well played” when I see it.

  98. crossbuck
    September 18th, 2008 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Poor Alan, can’t even curse his bad fortune. Or even get up a look of desperation over where he’s gonna get his next hit of crack. Not a drop of sweat or a hair out of place. Ray’s a burnout without a sign of the incorrigible drug user – no tats, no scars. Why, he even buttons the cuffs of his shirt!

    Unfortunately, I smell intervention cooking. I wanted this story line to go on an on until Alan became a hardcore addict as would be shown by his shirt having one more button undone.

  99. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    September 18th, 2008 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Foobretcon: Aside from the apparent obliviousness of the subtext in today’s installment of whatever the hell Elly is doing, I am reminded that whenever I feel tempted to re-do an old painting that I consider the following:

    1. Why? Just plain why, never hurts to ask.

    2. Was there something about the image that I truly in my deepest heart loved so much that I wanted to revisit with all the things I hope I learned over the years?

    3. Can I keep it new instead of merely copying something I’ve done before?

    If I ignore any of the three, giving in to that temptation usually results in a disaster canvas that gets gessoed over and something else painted over it. I should know.

    How do I think Lynn did?

    1. Probably never thought about why.

    2. There is not a drop of love in any of the retcon. All of the poisoned mindsets of the Patterbots bludgeon anyone who casts their eyes in that direction.

    3. She probably thought she could keep the mechanical aspects of drawing fresh, but without #2, there is no point but we already knew that.

  100. Anonymous
    September 18th, 2008 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: The “frequent romances lead to nothing” reminded me of Achewood’s take on dogs in this strip.

    Speaking of which (and I’m sure this general issue has been brought up before): As much as I don’t like Assetbar, it’s sure got a lot more handy features than what we’ve got going on here. Like being able to log in, have an avacon, post pictures, actually reply to people without referring to them by name and number, etc. Anyone else support a switch?

    (If you don’t know what Assetbar is, go to the strip linked above and click on the strip — you’ll be taken to the commented-up version of the page.)

  101. Yitzchok
    September 18th, 2008 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and 100 was me, by the way. As if it matters.

  102. Lettuce
    September 18th, 2008 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Haley’s burnout pal, Ray, is displaying three behaviors common with drug addicts:
    - he’s quick to anger;
    - isolates from his former friends
    - slurs like a For Better or for Worse teen.

  103. Hank
    September 18th, 2008 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    RE: Dingo, September 18th, 2008 at 11:49 am PLEASE KEEP THE POLITICS OUT OF THE TALKBACK!

  104. gh
    September 18th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Yester-yesterthread #125 queek –

    Thanks for that! I completely missed the icky-saurus skeleton! How wry! After the four fish skeleton weekend, I guess I let my guard down.

  105. Saluki
    September 18th, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure what Jeff Ponczak means by “cowboyed up” but if it has something to do with Brokeback Mountain this whole “dating girls” thing probably isn’t going to work out.

  106. PeteMoss
    September 18th, 2008 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    My wife’s going to love today’s MT because it’s chock-full of animals in every frame. Ms PeteMoss only reads the MTs that have animials in them. However, I’m unsure how she’ll feel about the ax-weilding chickadee in panel 3. I, for one, find it awesome.

  107. Amy
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Aw c’mon, “cowboy up”?? People, this just reinforces the stereotype that comics readers (except me and Little Guy, whose comment is wicked ahhwsome) are so nerdy they completely miss an (admittedly outdated) sports reference :-)

  108. NoVan
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: “Plus she was attempting some kind of Thriller dance move when I looked over. So I cowboyed down.”

  109. Angry Kem
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    #97 Gold-Digging Nanny: My theory is that that is Burkhardt’s clumsily drawn transparent forefinger. I could be wrong, of course.

    The perspective in panel 2 of Gil Thorp is making my eyes bleed. Yes, perspective can be tricky, but this artist is getting paid.

  110. johnbpt
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    A3G – It’s Alan Arkin, and he ALWAYS has drugs. At least he did in Little Miss Sunshine.

  111. Eric the Grate
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    A3G: During an attempt to travel back in time in order to prevent the filming of White Chicks, the USS Enterprise-E’s quantum reflux engager conked out. The crew was stranded, with no hope of returning to the 24th Century. Captain Picard, racked with guilt over the incident, fell into a deep depression. His only solace now comes from sweet, sweet dope- a sad end for a man who once captained the Federation flagship.

  112. commodorejohn
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    #97 Gold-Digging Nanny, #109 Angry Kem – I believe that’s actually a TV remote, although it’s so devoid of detail to where it’s easy to confuse it for…well, just about anything else. I guess Burkhardt is from the Peter Parker school of post-coital relaxation.

  113. Idols of Mud
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Wait a second — Ray can’t be a drug addict! He doesn’t any hair to tousle!

    Ray and Alan will surely look back on this “I thought you had the smack!” incident and laugh. After one of them shivs the other at Rikers.

  114. PeteMoss
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke – Two hat-wearing men are walking along a sidewalk, hand-in-hand, when they are confronted by a large, ravenous, homophobic beast. They both pray for devine intervention to rescue them from certain death.

    Ha!

  115. Angry Kem
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    #112 commodorejohn: Ah…I think you’re right. It does, however, seem to be a two-dimensional, see-through TV remote. At any rate, it’s rather odd. Maybe it will gain definition once she’s tossed him out of bed.

  116. boojum
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Just wanted to say that skulls-with-hearts is a bona fide fashion trend. Eros and Thanatos is, apparently, teh hawt. It may even be on its way out: shopping for school supplies last month, we saw a backpack at Office Freaking Depot — black bag, gray skulls-and-crossbones, little pink hearts. Special-edition Lucky Charms cannot be far behind. They will taste like Dope.

  117. Pigita
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Long time reader, first time poster. The comics today were so incredible I had to get in on the snarking.

    Foob: I know, reading it after the wedding is heresy, but I have to know, did anyone else get the same horrifying impression that the last panel was the lead in to some truly horrid Elly on Anne action?

    A3g: Words can not describe my deep, deep, love for this story line. If it get any better, I’m going to die of laughter.

    MW: Sweet zombie Jesus. Apparently,Toby managed to get Chinbeard’s weird smooth crotch disease from phone sex. That’s a potent STD.

  118. Josh
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    #100 Anon/Yitz — I’m not sure what Asstebar is, but it sounds like it would be complicated and hard for me to implement and maintain. Keep in mind that I have no IT department and am only half-assedly capable or running the fairly simple existing WordPress software myself.

    If there’s an easy-to-use WordPress plug-in that allows threaded conversations, I might be up for it, but I am reluctant to set anything up that might require actual user accounts for commentors, as that seems like it would open a can of worms in terms of more work for me. Sorry.

    Josh

  119. AsleepOrDead
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    DTM- Wow, does Dennis have caring parents or what? I love how his mother just sits there reading her magazine while her son turns Joey into an emotional puddle.

  120. Deena in OR
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    JB @ 204 yesteryesterthread:

    If you know a Deena in FG, OR, then we should talk :)

  121. commodorejohn
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    #117 Pigita – Holy crap, you’re right. And it’s made even worse by new-FOOB Elly’s habit of adopting Slylock Fox’s wide-eyed zombie stare.

  122. PeteMoss
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    A3G – I’m really having a hard time deciding who’s right in this Haley / Ray controversy. I hope to have a more clear view after the upcoming debates so that I can vote responsibly. In the meantime, they can both pander for my vote by promising more dope.

    Sincerely,
    Undecided but registered A3G reader.

  123. Bootsy
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    “Burnout Ray” sounds like something our galatic overlord Chennux might use on the Houston Chron site when he is displeased with the comic offerings.

  124. evil_bacteria
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    It appears Ted is about to make a friend, but since we can’t hear the mysterious person’s voice, we can’t tell if it’s a man or a woman. Could it be a woman? Could Ted have an affair with someone who, rather than emasculating him, shares his love of things that happened twenty years ago? You might scoff, but if this could happen anywhere in the comics, it would be Sally Forth.

  125. Hogenmogen
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    BB: What’s up with that? I’ve never heard of an “Astrology Forecast” that was so pitifully dismal. Why not just say “Your friends whisper behind your back that you have nasty B.O.”? Oh, they did say that. Ok, why not just say “You will be a dismal failure at everything you try”? Oh, they said that, too. How about “You’ll never get a date because you are frequently seen humping legs, trees, fire hydrants and whatever is convenient.”? Oh, they said that, too. Still, I’m suspecting that Otto mistakenly got the forecast intended for Beetle.

    As the Moon enters the seventh house of Saturn, I just read the “Astrology Forecast” for various comics:

    A3G: Many romances come and go and never get developed beyond a few brief dates. They all amount to nothing in the end because you are vapid, self absorbed people to whom “emotion” is just another word for “head bobble”.

    FC: You will inspire violence with rage inducing bon mots and mangled lyrics to songs that few people under the age of 60 have ever listened to.

    Cathy: You are simple minded and give in to your hedonistic desires too often. As a result, you feel guilt ridden and awful. Then you try to break that feeling with further indulgences. Grow a spine.

    Garfield: You are a lazy shit who never has anything nice to say, and you harbor an undeserved grandiose self opinioin. Please find some tainted pet food and have a feast with it.

    Thorp: Your season will be a great success, and you will eventually reach the playdowns. Evil Spock will still not be impressed. Ignore him, everyone else does.

    H&J: A planet enters a constellation that is well known and has astrological significance. This determines the path of certain humans on Earth a local, inhabited planet in or nearby to the Solar system. The combination of speech, thought and actions of the depicted life forms results in an observer to these life forms having a reaction commonly referred to as “humor”.

  126. odinthor
    September 18th, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G — Well, actually, a team of experts (me) has determined, by close examination of the lettering, that our pal Ray is ejaculating “She’s a liar ‘n’ I mate her!” (emphasis mine; note the difference [in the comic, not here, silly] between the initial letter of mate/hate and that of “her”). Hard-hitting social commentary from Apt. 3-G.

    Baldo — Hahaha! Aging proletariat females are held in labor-filled subjugation by game-playing members of the idle class!

    DT

    If you think big, you can be big.

    The Tracyverse thus casts a vote for Lamarckian (as opposed to Darwinian) evolution: That the organism paves the way to developmental change through personal effort. For a real example of this, we all know how much humans have always wanted the fruit at the top of the fruit tree; this desire is what caused that development in human physiology which culminated in the 25-foot arms we all have today. Famed biologist Cole Porter also supported this theory, as we see, for instance, in his lyrics to the scientific song “Experiment”:

    The apple at the top of the tree
    Is never too high to achieve—
    Just take an example from Eve:
    Experiment!

    FC — Dolly, you wanna see colors, check with Ray.

  127. Hogenmogen
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    A3G: What struck me first about this installment was the sudden rage of Ray about Halley instead of my first question “Why have you been hanging out with my girlfriend?”

    If Ray was really an addict, he’d probably be more pissed that Halley was getting stoned without him rather than having sex with Alan, the only Wonderbread school-boy druggie artist in lower Manhattan.

    I also find it disturbiing on a certain level because A3G is trying to show the deccrepit behavior of drug users, and yet I can’t help but ask how he gets his shirts so white (with no ring around the collar).

  128. bat guano
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    phantom: I’ll go out on a limb and predict that Chatu-the-bat-whisperer and the purple guy will team up and fight some sort of mightier evil, like kids who draw on buildings perhaps.

    MF: I bet Tinsley has a pile of these types of “jokes” where it’s a woman saying she’d vote for Hillary because she’s a woman, and now he can’t use them anymore! I guess he can still hope for 2012 and a Palin flame-out.

  129. Laura c
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    I find myself becoming more and more concerned about Bonnie and Boo-Boo. Do they not have parents? Do they live in some kind of post-nuke world in which they are the only survivors? Are they brother and sister or mother and son? Each appearance they make seems sadder and sadder, as they fill up their neglected lives with futile jokes.

  130. Spunde
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    #29: Still unexplored: fat hair.

    Spike Jones explored it in “The Man on the Flying Trapeze”:

    Speaking of hair, a man came up to me and said, “Doodles, your hair is getting thin.” And I said, “Well, who wants fat hair?”

  131. Muffaroo-who-walks
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G – For cryin’ out loud, Alan! Never mind your own problems. Get Sluggo some Ritalin!

    Crock – So CROCK stands for Chicken Relies On Calvin Klein. If only there was an ounce of humor in the situation.

    DtMenace – The artist caught Dennis at the exact moment when he was swallowing between one smirk and another smirk. Poor Joey will never catch on to this game of hypercheckers, on a 12×12 board where you can re- and re-re-king your pieces so that they can also move under the table and onto different color squares. I expect it’s a sort of Calvinball of checkers, with new rules being revealed each time the poor little sap thinks he’s going to get to jump one of Dennis’s pieces. Say, Joey! What say we put a little money on it next time?

    DTracy – Every day is MLK day for Diet Smith, and we learn that if a giant robot thinks small, he can shrink to the size of a malnourished church mouse and walk through rabbit holes. Meanwhile, across town, Tinsel Grin is preparing to put one of my old comic strip ideas into effect:

    First Guy: What are you making?
    Second Guy: It’s a remote control for a giant robot.
    First Guy: You don’t have a giant robot.
    Second Guy: The next one I see is MINE.

    Only when they do it, it’ll be more tragic than anything else.

    HtHorrible – ha ha he’s a viking but his wife still nags him that joke never gets old

    JParker“Dewey was a kind and generous man… everyone liked him! I suspect Julep, because she’s already setting up an insanity defense.

    MFmore – Remember, kids: Democracy sucks!

    Phantom“I killed you Twice!” “Ha ha! You only think you killed me twice. Actually, you killed my dad and my grandfather. Go on, shoot me! I have a son who’s ready to put on the stripey shorts and mess with your head!”

  132. Muffaroo-who-walks
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Brick @54 – Bird eggs get white because birds sit on them and poop white. Swee’pea’s egg is slowly turning brown. Okay?

    Journeyman Softheart @60 – The saddest thing about Rick Redfern losing his job is that after 30-some years as an award-winning journalist, the last thing he gets to cover is that insane press conference about John McCain losing one of the houses. He’s probably wishing he could have gone out on a better note, like a fire, or even somebody rescuing a cat from a tree.

    UncleJeff @61 – Oh, yeah! Happy 91st, June! Witch Hazel was another great voice.

    John C Fremont @62 – Mmmm, Pepperidge Farm. Or, as I used to say, “Heah at Pep’idge Fa’m, we nevah p’nounce the lettah ‘ _ ‘.”

    DTracy again – Diet Smith keyed the robot to Tracy’s voice, but left in a backdoor for his own commands. …strange, now I feel sick for some reason…

    everybody – Clam down and cowboy up! I’m joining the Jungle Patrol — it’s like the JLA of comics.

  133. Islamorada Girl
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    33: I agree! Avoid the Which Comic Are You at all costs! It’s some kind of phishing expedition, and it refuses to allow you to close the screens if you want out. I had to shut down my computer to get rid of it when I realized it was a very bad thing. I feel really stupid, like Toby only worse.

  134. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    GT: You know the comics world has changed when the “Gil Thorp” artist knows how to draw perkygoth halters from Hot Topic.

    OBH: Worthy of a standing ovation today.

    A3G: So withdrawal is basically like being a five-year-old in a snit. Hey, I haven’t known many hardcore druggies in my life, so I’m just asking.

    BB: “Frequent romances lead nowhere” seems to be a euphemism for “Your balls were removed when you hit puberty.”

    FC: I don’t know, Dolly. He seems to have forgotten a couple of colors today, though.

    RMMD: What, are you telling me Ollie Tweaks hasn’t stroked out already?

    9CL: Oh sure, scoff. But at one time or another haven’t all us guys slept with a girl so we could try on her gown?

    DT: Oh, so that’s the kind of high tech crime Mr. Braceface is going with. Penis enlargement scams.

    Marvin: “A terrier once tried to test me. I ate his liver with fava beans and a nice chianti.”

    FW: Yes, it’s the moment where Tony reminds Funky of the True Meaning of Pizza. And then ascends to heaven, if they can find Masky McDeath.

    C-Shaft: Oh sure, he’s the center of attention now. But wait until someone Googles him and finds out that no “Ed Crankshaft” ever played in the Caucasian Leagues.

    Pluggers: Ptomaine poisoning, it’s what’s for dinner.

    S-M: When the muggers you catch are stupid and chatty like this one, does it really count?

    Big Dog: Two priests are going to try exorcising Marm from the street. This isn’t going to be pretty, guys.

    DtM: “We’ll keep playing til you win… keep playing til you win… til you win.” 45-year-old Joey McDonald heard his childhood friend’s voice echoing over and over as he gambled away his rent money on the Atlantic City craps tables.

  135. Hogenmogen
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Who posted this? Who are you, Alicia Ashby?
    http://www.toplessrobot.com/2008/09/the_10_newspaper_comic_strips_that_need_to_fking_e.php#more
    It has to be a CCer, because it said “Foobacalypse”.

    Hilarious article. Kudos to the writer. I’m going to have to disagree with some of the rankings. I think Snuffy Smith is a bizarre depiction of hillbilly life that never existed. Alicia has it wrong, though, SS is from Kentucky, not WV. I also think that it is good for a chuckle every so often, unlike several notable absent strips from the list Garfield, Heathcliff, Hi & Louis, Mark Trail, Hagar and Marmaduke.

    I was confused when I saw “Born Loser”. I’m not sure, but wasn’t that a strip that used to appear occasionally in Playboy’s racier days? The title character would badly strike out with women and the last panel he’d get a grip on things, if you know what I mean.

  136. Little Guy
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    131: Re StripeyButt, the Next Generation: Wait until he freaks out when he sees Heloise as Seven of Stripey.

  137. Hogenmogen
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Rex: The plot line that none of America was waiting for:
    Battle of the Sailing Octegenarians

  138. Seismic-2
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    BB: Otto, in the astrology forecasts no one knows you’re a dog.

    MW: “Phishing? You mean my identity was stolen by Gill Thorp???”

    GT: Ah, so giant-guy-in-drag “Trisha” is really The Punisher. I trust he will do to the entire population of Milford exactly what needs to be done to the entire population of Milford.

  139. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    ***
    GT: You know the comics world has changed when the “Gil Thorp” artist knows how to draw perkygoth halters from Hot Topic.

    OBH: Worthy of a standing ovation today.

    A3G: So withdrawal is basically like being a five-year-old in a snit. Hey, I haven’t known many hardcore druggies in my life, so I’m just asking.

    BB: “Frequent romances lead nowhere” seems to be a euphemism for “Your balls were removed when you hit puberty.”

    FC: I don’t know, Dolly. He seems to have forgotten a couple of colors today, though.

    RMMD: What, are you telling me Ollie Tweaks hasn’t stroked out already?

    9CL: Oh sure, scoff. But at one time or another haven’t all us guys slept with a girl so we could try on her gown?

    DT: Oh, so that’s the kind of high tech crime Mr. Braceface is going with. Penis enlargement scams.

    Marvin: “A terrier once tried to test me. I ate his liver with fava beans and a nice chianti.”

    FW: Yes, it’s the moment where Tony reminds Funky of the True Meaning of Pizza. And then ascends to heaven, if they can find Masky McDeath.

    C-Shaft: Oh sure, he’s the center of attention now. But wait until someone Googles him and finds out that no “Ed Crankshaft” ever played in the Caucasian Leagues.

    Pluggers: Ptomaine poisoning, it’s what’s for dinner.

    S-M: When the muggers you catch are stupid and chatty like this one, does it really count?

    Big Dog: Two priests are going to try exorcising Marm from the street. This isn’t going to be pretty, guys.

    DtM: “We’ll keep playing til you win… keep playing til you win… til you win.” 45-year-old Joey McDonald heard his childhood friend’s voice echoing over and over as he gambled away his rent money on the Atlantic City craps tables.

  140. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Oh, sorry for the duplicate post. I thought WordPress screwed up, but it looks like it was me.

  141. Hogenmogen
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury shows a news guy being let go and pushed into blogging for a job. Best Friends shows how profitable it is.

    Well, Josh, isn’t it?

    What’s that? I should keep my day job? Sorry to have asked.

  142. rahga
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    I thought I would warn everybody that Sunday’s Family Circus features a transvestite Billy.

  143. PeteMoss
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Islamorada Girl @133
    I have some sympathy for that “Toby” –feeling. I get that every once and a while in any number of situations, including when I’m dealing with computers, inter-webs, applications (or applicators) and such and sometimes I just want to stand around my office striking dramatic poses in reaction to my misfortune and frustration. I do try to resist wearing tacky sweat suits or sweaters with boiling kittens and hearts on them. Still, it can be ever so distressing.

  144. Deena in OR
    September 18th, 2008 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @133-Islamorada Girl:

    Yeah, the irony of ‘mudges being caught in a phishing scam through a link on the CC page hasn’t been lost on me :)

  145. Anson Pants
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    A3G Why does Stephen Covey think that Alan has dope ?

  146. commodorejohn
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    #61 UncleJeff, #132 Muffaroo-who-walks – Holy cow, she’s 91? Well, a happy birthday to one of the greatest voice actresses in all of ever.

    #132 Muffaroo-who-walks re: DT – Oh, everybody who creates a protected system leaves themselves a backdoor.

  147. commodorejohn
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    #142 rahga – I had to take a peek after reading your comment, and I’d just like to say that this is the very best Family Circus ever. I cannot wait until it is inevitably mentioned in Josh’s commentary.

  148. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    42 – Hogenmogen re Crankshaft — Didn’t Batiuk do the “Crankshaft is a great pitching coach” scenario about 15 years ago?

  149. ellcee
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Nothing says “strung out dope addict” like a bald guy stamping his widdle feets and throwing a temper tantrum. The use of ” ‘n ” was particularly effective in conveying the scourge to our society that is this “dope.”

  150. Aging Hipster
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Artist Formerly Known as Ben…

    Withdrawal is such an ugly word. We like to say “when the dope wears off”.

  151. JB
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Deena in OR

    So….how, w/o posting info for all the ‘mudges to see?

    Not that I don’t trust you all to keep my inbox empty of Toby-phishing scams. Well, actually, yes, because I don’t trust you. ;-)

  152. Islamorada Girl
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the support, Pete and Deena. I haven’t tossed myself into a Sarah Siddons pose yet, but that stupid Which Character thing made me want to. I should know better. I’m not Toby. Yet.

    Beeeeeewaaaaaare, Mudges! Beeeeeeware!

  153. Muffaroo-who-walks
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Hogenmogen @135 – You’re thinking of a strip called something like “The Loner,” drawn by a guy who I think did panel gag cartoons for years. The name eludes me, of course, but I’m thinking there was a “Frank” in it somewhere. Baginski? [Google seems to be saying that Frank Baginski drew Loner, but it only says it once, which has me worried. If I was right, it should say it like ten thousand times.]

  154. odinthor
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    152. Islamorada Girl.Sarah Siddons as the Tragic Muse.

  155. odinthor
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Appendix, 154. Me. Or perhaps this one is more to the point…

  156. Dingo
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    Hank #103: Um… that wasn’t a political comment. It’s well-documented that Mr. McCain isn’t a user of computer technology. Many men his age aren’t. My father is 73-years-old and spent his life as an electrician before retirement but can only play Solitaire on my mother’s computer. No email, no internet searches… nothing but Solitaire. Mary Worth as a comic strip seems to fall closer to that demographic than any other. Last time I checked, Luddite wasn’t a political term either. It references workers during the Industrial Revolution in Great Britain and their aversion to the technological changes that took place in their workhouses. Toby Cameron is supposed to be a young wife. Her husband is a learned academician. Yet, somehow, she’s never heard the term “phishing” nor found a pair of slacks that slenderize the hips and remove the terror of cameltoedom. Or was it that I chose B-17 after the bomber?

  157. Deena in OR
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    JB@151-

    Will you be at Chalk Art Saturday? If so, it’s all easy :)

  158. Yitzchok
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Josh:

    No prob, Bob. Just a suggestion. I don’t have to tell you that the more active and robust your comment area is, the more hits you obviously get — although as you mentioned a more complicated setup has its downside.

    As to Assetbar, you could ask Chris Onstad about it, since all Internet-famous comics people have brunch at an undisclosed location on alternating Fridays.

    Oh, and thanks for actually replying! I’m (obviously) a huge fan.

  159. Dingo
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    odinthor, if you put a Pabst Blue Ribbon can into her left hand, that second posing of Sarah Siddons would look just like my Aunt Judy on a Saturday night behind the bingo hall.

  160. docweasel
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Drugs have affected Haley’s sense of gesticulation, his pointing and thumbing back at himself seem oddly placed.

  161. bats :[
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    159. Dingo: I hesitate to ask which picture of Sarah Siddons your Aunt Judy more resembles. In the first, could it be that your beloved aunt is agonizing over how many bingo cards to buy? In the second, I think Judy has discovered that she came.this.close to winning a frozen turkey at the annual Thanksgiving bingo bash. But didn’t.

  162. Annon
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    73 & 81 and others…My first thought as well: Ted’s new friend is a woman.

  163. Seismic-2
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    162 – But if she is the female Ted, will she therefore have “gentleman hands”?

  164. Ned Ryerson
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    #145 Anson Pants:
    He’s doing some research for his new book:

    7 Habits of Highly Mostly Reasonably Mildly Barely Effective Junkies.

  165. Wynne
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    So all the drug addicts in New York are all dependent on the same dealer? Which alternate reality does this take place in? I mean, SOMEONE in their druggie circle must have at least dealt weed in high school besides Jones.

    Anyway, doesn’t Alan realize how ironic his thought in the first panel is? I mean, Burnout Ray is probably thinking on the other side of the door, “It’s Haley’s burnout friend, Alan. Perfect! He always has drugs.” Also, it appears that drugs have altered Burnout Ray’s mind so much that he has begun talking in FOOB-speak. Talk about the tragic side of drug addiction.

  166. JB
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Deena…no, I’m in Seattle.

  167. Poteet
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    A3G — A local theater group is performing “Reefer Madness” this month. Thank you, A3G, for putting me in the right mood and preparing me for the somber, sophisticated portrayal of drug addiction I’ll see onstage.

  168. DAS
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    BB: “astrological forecast” for horoscope is venturing dangerously close to H&J “that prediction based on those constellations through which our central star appears to travel” territory.

    GT: I dunno … if I weren’t for me being already married and an age difference that would get me locked up in jail … I’d hit it (as the kids probably don’t say today) in spite of (or perhaps because of) the vest

    A3G: most un-strung-out looking strung out druggies EVER!

  169. DAS
    September 18th, 2008 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    FW: I’m allergic to milk and tomatoes, so I don’t know from pizza, but judging by the “stink lines” emanating from the pizza “made the way they used to make it” (perhaps it actually is one of those old pizzas saved in a vault for comparison purposes with later pizzas?) and the toxic waste colors chosen by the coloring gnomes, my guess is that it’s probably all for the best that Funky is a corporate sell-out and has turned the pizza into a bland nothingness … a bland nothingness would be better than what is depicted as the pizza “made the way they used to make it”!

  170. CanuckDownSouth
    September 18th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    90- 156- Dingo Uh, not going political, just a point of correction: McCain is well aware of e-mail and internet websites, but has others show / type for him. He can’t type much and is uncomfortable using keyboards because of his POW injuries.

    More information about whether political candidates are Luddites can be found on the internet :-)

  171. Dingo
    September 18th, 2008 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ #169: It is the image of her with a dagger hanging from her right hand as she staggers. That’s why I immediately thought of her left hand (the empty one) holding a Pabst Blue Ribbon. Aunt Judy was a Pork Queen of Bureau County at the tender age of eighteen and… pork queens tend to not age well. In Apt. 3G, she’d be the relative that Luann’s Ruby is ashamed to admit is kin. Yet, you know she makes the best fritters in the state!

  172. Dingo
    September 18th, 2008 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    #169 should be #161. Guess I had 69 on the brain.

  173. Dingo
    September 18th, 2008 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    CanuckDownSouth, I thank you for that correction! If you ever see the Dixie Chicks’ documentary Shut Up and Sing, John McCain is one of the few breaths of fresh air that they encounter. He grills some radio industry executives and appears to fully be on the Chicks’ side.

  174. CanuckDownSouth
    September 18th, 2008 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    173-Dingo No prob. While I have my own electoral stuff to worry about, I have enough things drop in my inbox about the American election that I’ve gotten used to checking things out against snopes and factcheck.

  175. Islamorada Girl
    September 18th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Odinthor–Your Sarah Siddons links have made you my new Norse
    diety. I will be sacrificing some lutefisk at your altar later.

    Fun factoid: Sarah and the Luddites were contemporaries. Go, Ned Ludd! Wreck those knitting machines!

    Another fun factoid: if you want to contact a fellow Mudge privately,
    go over to the forums, where you can sign up for Private Messaging. Only you and your designated Mudge will see the message, if that person is also signed up. Beats giving out your email to thousands. Ah, the miracles of computer science.

    Off to burn the lutefisk now.

  176. odinthor
    September 18th, 2008 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    171. Dingo. — Strangely enough, I happen to have run across a picture of Mrs. Siddons enjoying her libations in the non-dagger pose (top pic at site)…

  177. odinthor
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    175. Islamorada Girl. — Mmm, thanks! We are a bit starved for attention at Valhalla these days. If you please, a side-bowl of lingon would be just the thing…

  178. Poteet
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    # 115 Angry Kem — I am mildly enchanted by Chaucerian Dagwood. I’d be interested in knowing if people back then used slang and slurred their words, etc. Otherwise it seems to me that they sounded classier than we do today, forsooth.

  179. Baron Bizarre
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: If that bird in the last panel does use that axe to go on a killing spree, this will instantly become the greatest comic strip ever.

  180. docweasel
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Re: Dingo, McCain

    I’m a McCain supporter and that factoid actually goes on his minus side. Whatever you think about President Bush, the “Chicks” are insufferable jerks, especially the little fat one.

  181. Charles
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Alan quest for dope is less the frantic struggles of a helpless, ruined addict and more of a ho-hum Sesame Street “Sir, have you seen the number 4 anywhere?” kind of an adventure.

  182. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    Natalie Maines is hardly fat.

  183. Dave
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    It appears that in A3G the number of unfastened buttons on your shirt is a handy indicator for your level of drug addiction. Alan is a misguided-but-redeemable Level 1 but Ray is the A3G equivalent of a toothless crack addict who tries to shank you in the street for spare change.

  184. bats :[
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    As a fat little woman (oh, god, say it isn’t so, that I’m not a real bat!), I’m hoping that Josh puts a squish on the politics here. Go out and play in the alley, kids.

  185. Lisa
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    (wouldn’t “Stripe” be a better name for a military dog?)

    It would also be a better name for a dog with stripes, not a dog with spots……………..

  186. Islamorada Girl
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    I’d pay good money to see Mrs. Siddons and Aunt Judy down to the fire hall on bingo night. I bet neither one of them would take the Marlboros out of their mouths when they cussed out the state trooper.

    No lutefisk for you, Docweasel! Please stow the political gab. Thank you.

  187. Josh
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    #184 bats :[ — Happy to oblige. Hey everyone! Shut up about politics! And calling people “fat little ones” (unless we’re talking about Jeffy).

    Also, if someone does start politics-baiting, the best way for it to go away is to ignore it, not to bitch about it.

    Josh

  188. Violet
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G’s delightfully unnecessary narration box “At the lobby doors…” really captures the essence of the strip in its boring pointlessness. I hope Mary Worth adopts the same technique, opening installments with phrases such as “Mary picks up a doily” and “Meanwhile, near a fern.”

  189. Mooncattie
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    A3G – You can call me “Ray”, or you can call me “Jay”, but ya doesn’t has to call me “Haley’s Burn-Out Pal”! How long before they’re out on the sidewalk hawking LuAnn’s paintings for $20 each?

    From Mondaythreads, thank you so much bats:[, for is there any greater honor than being featured in one of your parodies? I think not! I’ve gone through a combo-busy/depresso kind of week at the office, and until now haven’t really had the finger or brain power to express my total admiration and thanks. Showing up as Anthony’s “best man”, with copies of Stone Season? Wow! If LJ hadn’t so rashly pulled the plug on her Foobots, I’d have had time to slightly revise Patterson’s second novel Bloody Cargo, the adventures of a disgruntled singleton baggage handler at Heathrow. It would be a lot like Bridget Jones’s Diary, only with pages of filler about baggage handling. Many thanks again!

    And thank you Niall for your very kind comments! I had such a great time in Toronto this past Sunday, and I hope to participate in another Mudge Meetup one day soon. The thing I’ve found in these get-togethers is that the first smile leads quickly to laughter, and one just feels better with every minute. It’s like the opposite of a Hi and Lois strip.

    To SS-B, re: showing up at a Madison, WI meetup – no, that wasn’t me…that was, erm…Cheeseheaddie, yeah, that was his name, honest! I’ve never actually been to Madison, but I have friends who are looking at moving there from Chicago, perhaps in the next year. If they make the move, I’ll certainly visit – I hear it’s a very nice place, and I’d definitely like to be part of a Mid-West Meetup.

    Speaking of which, Yoo Hoo and Hello to you too, Poteet! How about a Dyersville Field of Dreams Mid-West Mudge Meetup?

  190. Lisa
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    46- Family Circus – God chose the colors so they would look really good on the Gay Pride Flag.

    Comment of the Week, I insist!! :oD

  191. Hasty Penguin
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    He’s six-foot-nine? What’s she, 6’4? Gil Thorpe in the land of the fashionless giant people.

    I have to wonder how many times Jeff has had a coach or teammate come up and say “Good game,” followed by a very awkward pause of Jeff awkwardly stuttering as he attempts to muster the courage to act like a cowboy and ask them out.

  192. PeteMoss
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    odinthor @176.
    Wow, I never knew that brand has got such a legacy! If it was good enough for that Siddons lady way back then, it’s good enough for me now, mkldarnit! I’m picking up a six-pack on the way home tonight!

  193. Joe Blevins
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Now we can tell Alan’s truly entered the seedy underworld of narcotics becase he’s using vulgar slang expressions like “c’mon” and “what’s up” which are normally only used by heroin-addicted jazz musicians. Kudos to the A3G creative team for bravely including this kind of salty language in the interest of realism.

  194. PeteMoss
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    me @192
    …Or maybe I’ll just stop by the gallery and see Alan and Ray. I’m sure they can hook me up.

  195. Dingo
    September 18th, 2008 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Baron Bizarre, thanks for writing what I was trying to think. I saw that image today and burst out laughing. And Odinthor, that Sarah Siddons image is priceless.

    To the Cockpit!

  196. bats :[
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t even know Pabst Blue Ribbon was still around! Was that the one known as “The Champagne of Bottled Beers”?
    I also remember Schlitz and Hamm’s (from the land of sky-blue waters — when you’re a kid growing up in Phoenix, that sounds so exotic!). Are they still around?

  197. Chip
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    #42: Hog- I can’t believe I’m actually telling you this, but Crankshaft was a pitcher in the minor leagues before his current life. I either don’t recall or they never told what happened to his baseball career. P.S. He only learned to read a few years ago in a pact with his “Rough rider” gang that he agreed to put through college if they graduated.

    I’ll go get a life now…

  198. Chip
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    OK now- I think Ray’s use of ‘N’ instead of “and” pegs him as a washed up child star of comics yesteryear. Maybe he was a nephew of the Keane family. I give it a few months before he’s knocking off liquor stores with Todd Bridges.

  199. Mr. O’Malley
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    196. bats :[. It used to be that most breweries had a premium brand and a budget priced brand. Most of these were regionally based.

    Most of the breweries producing budget brands like Jax, Grain Belt, Falstaff, etc. went under, but many of the brand names have been bought up and could possibly be re-activated.

    The rise and fall of an American beer
    Beer list

  200. Mr. O’Malley
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone know how Peanuts Classics works? I notice the Houston Chronicle and the Washington Post are running a nice strip from the classic period, whereas my local print paper has one of the not-funny cringe-worthy WWI Snoopy strips.

    Do papers have a choice?

  201. P
    September 18th, 2008 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    Since we were promsed a “Pizza Intervention” on July 5th, and we are getting to it on 9/18, here’s a “Funky Winkerbean” Timeline.

    7/7: Coaches Meeting!
    7/14: Les goes to New York!
    7/21: Les goes to New York Part 2!
    7/28: Big Softball Game!
    8/4: Pre-Me Reunion!
    8/11, 8/18, 8/25: A Visit to Superman!
    9/1: New School Year!
    9/8: Maddie gets a temp!
    9/15: Intervention! (Finally!)

  202. commodorejohn
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    #201 P – Admirable scholarship, but I have to confess Funky Winkerbean just kind of blurs into a grey, dismal streak of pain, resentment, and misery to me. I seriously had forgotten all about the “Funky is a sellout” plot until this Monday.

  203. Beatrice
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    A3G: The NYPD should have had Kojack sit through a screening of A Scanner Darkly before they sent him out to work undercover.

  204. Poteet
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    # 200 Mr. O’Malley — I have the same question. My local and regional papers have run different “classic” strips, and some are a lot more classic than others.

    And thanks for the beer info. It was fun to read about Stroh’s, the beer I saw most often when growing up near Detroit. I’m one of those heretics who doesn’t like beer (apologies to the devotees), but I especially hate Bud Light, which is the brew of choice for Iowa idiots who like to throw beer cans (and boxes) in rural road ditches, forcing me to play cleanup when the ditch is mine.

  205. Tred
    September 18th, 2008 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    Wait, Otto is a dog? All this time I thought he was a mute albino midget with hairy ears.

  206. docweasel
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    re: fat little dixie chick

    Homer Simpson says she is, that’s good enough for me:
    Sideshow Bob: “Homer, think carefully. Of all the people you have known, who might have reason to do you ill?”
    Homer: “Hmm, well there’s Mr. Burns, Fat Tony, the emperor of Japan, ex-president Bush…”
    Marge: “…the late Frank Grimes…”
    Homer: “…PBS, Stephen Hawking, the fat little Dixie Chick…”
    Marge: “…and the state of Florida.”

    Anyway, fat, not fat is subjective. What is not subjective is, proven by that pic you linked, she is one of the fugliest little po-faced shovel-slapped dwarves you ever want to see. If she is female, which seems to be debatable as well. I’ve never seen anyone that ugly without the help of testosterone.

  207. Anonymous
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    #88–Daveh–Thank you so much for that link, it was hilarious. I wondered that Hagaar the Horrible was left off, though.

    The thing I liked best was the lists people made of comics that should be on the comics pages. I went looking and agree with
    Frazz
    Pearls (of course)
    Brevity
    Big Nate
    Housebroken
    Agnes
    Speed Bump
    Rhymes with Orange (which is there already, I just love it)
    Pooch Cafe

    And I still usually like Zits, Sally Forth and Baby Blues, and a lot of the time, Get Fuzzy.
    But of the bunch I saw, I’m really liking Frazz.

  208. Vince M
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    61,132,146: Well, in her honor I had to cue up ‘Bewitched Bunny’ and June’s tour-de-force as Witch Hazel therein.

    Bugs: Aren’t you ashamed of yourself – roastin’ children!
    Hazel: Call it a weakness…

    Gold. Pure gold!

  209. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    206: Dude, that’s pretty harsh. What did the Dixie Chicks ever do to you? I sense issues.

  210. Norm
    September 18th, 2008 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    Otto’s horoscope was written by Herb and Jamaal. They were chosen by the newspaper for of their knack for writing vague phrases that could sound meaningful while being non-specific enough to apply to anyone. They aptly named their column “Astrological Forecast”, since it so accurately and inexplicitly describes what they do.

  211. Brick Bradford
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    bats–Yup–PBR is still with us–in spite of bad management/marketing (reportedly). I used to love the Hamm’s commercials. I believe Miller High Life was the “champagne of bottle beers”.

    Yup, Poteet, now everybody and their dog seems to drink Bud Light–probably because it doesn’t taste like beer.

  212. Mibbitmaker
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    I’d love to see A3G Ray blow his lines (so to speak) and accidentally shout out, “MORE ZIPPERS, MULE!”, needing another take.

    I like Ray.

    He reminds me of a bouncer at a punk music club.

    He reminds me of Murray Slaughter falling on hard times.

    He reminds me of a guy giving Larry David a hard time on “Curb Your Enthusiasm”

    He reminds me of a punchdrunk fighter coming out of retirement at the wrong time.

    He reminds me of a right winger in a liberal editorial cartoon.

    He reminds me of the obsequious assistant to a faded silent movie star.

    He reminds me of the hot-headed Mafia assassin blowing a hit.

    He reminds me of the really bad cop being cornered.

    He reminds me of a bitter, aging Alan Brady during his ill-fated comeback.

    He reminds me of the unreformable skinhead that comes to loggerheads with the hero of a TV drama.

    He reminds me of the sore loser of a James Carvelle lookalike contest.

    He reminds me of the bitter old dummy in a comedy ventriloquist’s act.

    (apologies to David Letterman)

  213. molly
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    lmao – this was on the foob coffee talk site:

    Dear Lynn Johnston,

    I seem to remember reading that your new-runs are intended to flesh out some of your old stories starting from the beginning. When Elly Patterson was suddenly shown to be wide-eyed in anticipation at the thought that Anne Nichols might be looking for someone, was certainly not what I was expecting. However, it does bring a whole new perspective to the comic strip later when Elly was so disappointed that Anne did not leave her husband Steve when she found he was cheating on her. I would have never guessed she was disappointed because she wanted Anne for herself, until I saw this new-run. I must admit I was a little doubtful that you would be able to add much to the existing storyline with the new-runs; but you have definitely proved me wrong.

    Paul S, Oro Valley, Arizona

  214. commodorejohn
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    #213 molly – This is well and truly a case of EPIC WIN. Paul S., you are my new hero.

  215. Poteet
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    # 213 molly — Thanks, I needed that. I’m surprised at how much Foob Redux is depressing me. A child sadistically offering chewed-up raisins to his supposed friend, a young mother sadly contemplating her delusional friend’s rotten marriage, a husband hopelessly longing for a dog, a toddler whacking her head on a table and screaming in pain. Oh yeah, this is funny stuff. Hand my my hip flask.

  216. Muffaroo-who-walks
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Mr. O’Malley @200 – When we were in Virginia, I believe the two papers chose different streams of Classic Peanuts. One of them had the good, inventive strips, and the other had the rousing adventures of Woodstock ‘n’ Peppermint Patty. It’s like they had a coin toss, and the loser got the late stuff.

  217. Poteet
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    # 215 — Hand ME my hip flask. I need it more than I thought.

  218. LTBF
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    If all the strips mentioned on the site at that link were removed from the comic pages, Josh would be out of a job.

  219. Angry Kem
    September 18th, 2008 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    #178 Poteet: There was certainly slang in the Middle Ages, but even slang looks and sounds pretty when it’s dressed up in unfamiliar, oddly-spelled words. For instance, the Middle English word “swyve” is a good approximation of our own “f” word, whereas “queynt,” while meaning both “quaint” and “quenched,” also has the same meaning as its modern descendant, which contains four letters and begins with a “c.” You probably don’t need me to tell you what “in he throng” means (a hint: he “throng” into her in a tree while her blind husband waited below).

    I don’t really know many ME contractions, since the stuff I read tends to avoid them, but I’m sure they existed orally.

    Famously (well…famously among medievalists), Chaucer’s Reeve’s Tale contains the first instance of an English author deliberately reproducing in writing a dialect and accent not his own.

    In other words: yes, medieval people were just as slangy as we are, but seeing as we have only examples of their writing and none of their speech, it’s hard for us to know exactly how their contractions worked. However, wiser medievalists than I may be able to shed more light on the subject.

  220. Scherzo
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    In Gil Thorp, panel 2, look how HUGE that Adirondick chair is… You almost expect Lily Thomlin’s Edith Anne character to appear on it, swinging her feet and saying, “An’ thath’s the Twuth! Thbbbtt!”

  221. Someone from Texas....
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    209: S Q Beavispants.

    Actual cartoonists sometimes post here. Perhaps #206 is from the pen of Bruce Tinsley himself.

    At least he’s not out on the road DRIVING in that condition!

  222. Paperback Rifler
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    Hey all —

    Just wanted to share a couple of items inspired by the plight of Apartment 3-G‘s Alan, who, I think we all agree, isn’t talking about any sort of illegal drugs when he talks about “dope.” It’s more likely that what Alan calls “dope” is actually Benadryl or Hostess Twinkies or an acronym for Dried Orange Peel Extract.

    Anyway, the first item for your ignoring pleasure goes out with apologies to J.J. Cale, to fans of “Cocaine’ by J.J. Cale and/or Eric Clapton, and to everybody everywhere:

    If you’re feelin’ real low
    And can’t deal with Margo,
    Try “dope.”
    What it looks like it does,
    Is cause you a slight buzz;
    Try “dope.”
    Haley lied; Haley lied; Haley lied — Try “dope.”

    If you can’t specify
    How it makes you feel high,
    It’s “dope.”
    Is it weed? Is it coke?
    Is it snorted or smoked?
    It’s “dope.”
    Haley lied; Haley lied; Haley lied — Try “dope.”

    Just what could make you swear
    And slightly mess your hair?
    It’s “dope.”
    If you’re pasty and bland,
    And you’re dating LuAnn,
    Try “dope.”
    Haley lied; Haley lied; Haley lied — Try “dope.”

  223. LTBF
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    If you thought there was a lesbian subtext in Thursday’s Foob, get a load of the closing panel of Friday’s strip.

  224. Paperback Rifler
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    And here’s another entry, despite the utter lack of popular demand. Apologies to the Velvet Underground, to fans of “Waiting for the Man” by the Velvet Underground, and to everybody everywhere:

    I’m looking for some “dope;”
    Or else with Margo I can’t cope.
    I’m lookin’ through the gallery;
    If I find my stash, I’ll have me a spree.
    I’m looking for some “dope.”

    Hey there, Ray; I thought that you had more hair.
    Hey there, Ray; mebbe you have “dope” to share?
    He’s got none; things can’t get more dire;
    And now he’s sayin’ that Haley’s a damn liar.
    I’m looking for some “dope.”

    Got no “dope,” and I’m feelin’ real down.
    That damn Jones, well, he up and left town.
    My supplier, he’s gone and left me;
    He’s the only source of “dope” in NYC;
    I’m looking for some “dope.”

    Yes, I’m a junkie; I’m a pitiful sight,
    From my well-combed hair to my shirt so white.
    I need my fix now; you see, I can’t stand
    The thought of being sober when I talk to LuAnn.
    I’m looking for some “dope.”

    I’m a-gonna holler; I’m a-gonna bawl and shout;
    I’m gonna whine; y’know I’m gonna sit and pout.
    If there’s no “dope;” I’ll raise a big stink;
    It’s just so bad, it might drive me to drink.
    I’m looking for some “dope.”

  225. Poteet
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    # 189 Mooncattie — Yoohoo again! And if someone organizes a Midwest Mudge meetup, I’ll either make it there or enjoy the report and photos.

    # 219 Angry Kem — Thanks! Very interesting, and you brought back a happy memory. Back in the day, my high school English teacher suggested that I do an extra-credit report on three Chaucer tales that we weren’t covering in class. I was a nerdy dateless bookworm, and reading racy Chaucer was as racy as I got that year. Thank you, Geoffrey C:-).

  226. commodorejohn
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    #219 Angry Kem – Ah, it still brings a tear to my eye to remember my homeschool curricula (written from a Christian denominational viewpoint that was almost “1970s Mormon folk-family group” in its dorkiness) waxing eloquent about the importance of the Canterbury Tales and how generally awesome and more moral and such things were back then, and then opening up the book itself and finding a story about a slutty, adulterous wife throwing her husband off the scent by having her lover convince him there was going to be a second Deluge. The illustration of the other paramour running bare-ass naked through town with a scorched tuckus was particularily wonderful in its irony ;)

  227. commodorejohn
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    Oh, excuse me, did I say “almost” in reference to that curriculum? I meant “well beyond.”

  228. Mibbitmaker
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    9/19 FW: Those two in the background are making up their own cruel fat joke.

  229. Dingo
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    Angry Kem, I dare say that only on Comics Curmudgeon could one find the phrase “wiser medievalist.” It has the same catchet as “wiser Mary Worthist.”

  230. Angry Kem
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    #229 Dingo: Hey, now. Be gentle. We medievalists tend to be downtrodden enough as it is, what with all the jobs not out there for us and all.

    A3G continues charming, by the way.

  231. Dingo
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Angry Kem, no, no, no! I’m saying that this site tends to draw the same type of person that would get into really looking into medieval dialects and such. Dios mio, look at all the information we seem to cull on FOOB. And take heart, young sparrow. Many of the older ‘mudgeons know what my life was like for the last three years. It took a long time but I’ve finally landed a phenomenal job at great pay. It’ll happen. And you won’t have to paint to cover your boyfriend’s NY dope bill!

  232. Cheese-n-Pear
    September 19th, 2008 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    9CL: OK, right here. This is why I really can’t stay mad at 9 Chickweed Lane for too long. We all know Margo in Apartment 3G wakes up next to some unexpected man and makes snide remarks to him all the time. But we’ll never get to see that.

    A3G: I’ve seen lots of comments about the SHE’S A LIAR ‘N’ I HATE HER remark, but what I really like is that Ray is lazy enough not to say “and” but the writer is careful enough to add both apostrophes to fill in for the missing “A” and “D”. It works, since Ray is one of the neatest junkies I’ve ever seen.

    ‘Shaft: Is this going to be a flashback where we get to see the ‘Shaft back when he was a cranky young man? And do we need this “Jefferson Jacks” person when we could just borrow “Clambake”?

    DT: This is getting lazy even for Dick Tracy. First off, our typically horribly disfigured villain’s disfigurement appears to be nothing more than a combination of braces and a bad case of lockjaw. Meanwhile, we’re setting up the inevitable moment where the LOL-Speakin’ giant robot will fall over and crush said villain, probably while speaking some pathetic last words, such as OH NOES, I FLL DWN GO BOOM!

    GA: Is Scancarelli channeling the spirit of Al Capp? Didn’t the creepy, and possibly racist, image of the overwealthy oil sheik go out of style some time in, like the early eighties?

    MT: I’m trying to find the logical connection between the various statements in this discussion. First Mark tries to find out whether Cherry minds that, once again, he’s running off somewhere. Then Cherry points out how wetlands are so important. Then Mark for some reason mentions the extra importance in migration season. This is a conversation that could only happen either in Mark Trail or in a rather warped laxative commercial. And we all know that migrating season is when it’s hardest to stay regular.

    MW: My eighty-year old parents are both quite computer literate and would never be taken in by phishing scams, though I admit that they’re not Mary Worth readers. Still, I’m not sure this comic is trying to educate older retired people. I think it’s trying to drive its point home to dim-witted trophy wives.

    Phantom: I understand that the Phantom is one of a long line of Phantoms who have each been replaced by a successor. Other than that, I’m not really into the whole mythos. So did I miss the part where two previous Phantoms were recently offed by the guy in the wifebeater?

  233. Angry Kem
    September 19th, 2008 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    #231 Dingo: Ah…sorry. I misunderstood. I suppose I’m reacting in the typical medievalist way, hunching my already bruised shoulders against Life’s potential blows.

    Of course, I did choose to become a medievalist. I certainly can’t blame that one on fate.

    And I would do it again. I defy you, universe! My name is Joe,* and I…am…a medievalist!

    *This is a lie, of course.

  234. nerowolfgal
    September 19th, 2008 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    For all the medievalists out there…….About six months ago I was reading a book on how humans perceive time and came across the lovely titbit that in medieval England a common phrase was “As quick as a squirrel fart”

    I now try to work that into most conversations.

  235. Citric
    September 19th, 2008 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    So TJ really, really wants to take pictures of half-naked firefighters now? If this was any more gay, I’d think I was reading Rex Morgan.

  236. bats :[
    September 19th, 2008 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    234. nerowolfsgal: little do most people know that that is still the official unit of time in Lost Forest.

  237. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 19th, 2008 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    9/19

    FW: Funky, no good can come of your claim to be spreading yourself a little thin.

    Momma: If the girl is so smart, I don’t think she’ll be showing up.

    DtM: Which do you think bothers Henry more as he starts a painful new training regimen: His son’s innocuous mockery or his wife’s look of abject pity?

    BB: I’ll give Beetle that one. The sight of his face on two sheep being pursued by a ravening Sarge-hound is like something out of Hieronymous Bosch.

    A3G: Ray is the very picture of “miffed” right now and it’s a beautiful thing to behold.

    H&L: So the relationship between thirsty and his wife has become so asexual they might as well be brother and sister? And to think a baby was the first to pick up on it.

    DT: At the Genesis Corp they draw up plans to create a new world. It looks to take about six days, which will leave the engineers with a day to rest.

    S4th: Dragonslayer isn’t that bad. Or at least it’s amusing to think back on the days when Hollywood would promote Peter MacNicol as an action hero. Wonder if Sally will be kicking herself for telling Ted to make friends at work.

    Blondie: “Hey, bite my ass, kid. I’m on a postage stamp.”

  238. bats :[
    September 19th, 2008 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    TGIFunnies!

    MT: there’s June and Abbey and Dixiemint Julep and hawt Phoenix cop…and instead we get field mousey porn! There is no justice.

    MW: uh oh. I just finished all my Christmas shopping on enormoushop.com. Should I be concerned?

    FOOBlite: no, Elly. No one wants your life.

  239. Foolkiller
    September 19th, 2008 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    Could Trisha be the Phantom’s long lost daughter? I smell a Phantom-Gil Thorp crossover!

  240. WilliamPorygon
    September 19th, 2008 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    Friday:

    BC: I particularly like the joyful look Clumsy has on his face while watching fish having sex.

    Gasoline Alley: Ha ha, Rover’s going to sell his wife to the Sultan instead of the gas saving thingamawhachacallit.

  241. Mibbitmaker
    September 19th, 2008 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    More 9/n-n-n-n-19 (19):

    A3G: On, no! Look! The last panel: Ray suddenly becomes a bald version of every male character drawn by Frank Bolle! They’ve broken him!

    I like Ray.

    He reminds me of a genie in an old B movie.

    He reminds me of an older, homely woman without her wig on while exasperated by her incomprehensible husband.

    He reminds me of a loser in an extreme martial arts contest.

    (again, sorry, Dave!)

    Archie: Of course. These guys have been teenagers for over 60 years now. It’s always thus.

    BBailey: “… or a sweet, sweet dream of paradise on earth!”

    DT: The needlessly extreme close-ups in this feature are getting worse — looks like they’ll soon exist only as giant, panel-filling mouths! Next, you’ll just see a ginormous tonsil wagging to its own inane dialogue.

    GA: Stop, though, when the Sultan gets to the part where women are to be obedient to their men by strict Islamic law.

    GT, last panel: Either that’s the guy with the heart condition (but without his hat), or the most intollerant man in comics.

    HotC: Uh-oh, Heart’s catching Ruthie’s insanity. She’s looking for a guest spot in OBH, I recon.

    JP: Yeah, I’m not buying that, either, guy.

    MT: Pop Johnson — The name that launched a thousand dirty jokes! (Most of them on this site, I’m sure!)

    MW: This entire storyline will be reprinted into a handy comic book to be distributed in schools across the country. Once that happens, though, it will suddenly be a Popeye comic book drawn by Tony Tallarico, with a George Wildman cover.

    PBS: Pirate motif aside, I’m waiting for him to say, “I shall return!”

    Popeye (Tallarico-free): Of course, this is nothing like “Pod People”.
    Swee’Pea: “…Trumpy?…”

  242. GG
    September 19th, 2008 at 3:37 am [Reply]

    So according to Apartment 3-G junkies either look like Lex Luthor or Young Republicans, resort to beatniks for drugs, and start talking like middle schoolers in FBOFW when they’re really jonesing for a fix. Seriously, these are the whitest, squarest drug addicts in all of New York. They probably put on Dave Matthews Band when they shoot up.

  243. True Fable
    September 19th, 2008 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    Today is Delusional Friday combined with Important Lesson Day!

    A3G Clam down, Ray.
    BB Even in his dreams Beetle realized Sarge’s amorous pursuit of rough trade still haunted him.
    Cathy Must Die Delusional people do not understand numeric value. Ha ha ha retch.
    C’haft omg, it’s going to be an Important Lesson! An ABC Afterschool Special about getting along with others from Crankshaft of all people! How much more unlikely can you get?
    DtM MenaceWatch2008 says you lose 25 menace points because minor slights are nowhere near as menacing with a feather to the back of the old man’s knees just as he’s lifting the weight to its highest point.
    (WT)DT “Good looks and charm”? good lord, this must be Delusional Day in Comics!
    FC This looks like a job for the Nietzsche Family Circus, because this shit just isn’t funny as is.
    Canadian Zombie Oh, this is DEFINATELY Delusional Friday. No one in their right fucking mind wants to be like you, Elly.
    WTFGT Yeah, this whole living and breathing on planet Earth is really starting to annoy the hell out of you, huh? Fucktard.
    Scenes from Suburban Hell I love the look of disillusionment and despair Trixie is sporting in the third panel. The cruel cold black soul of marital hell is on full display before her as she realizes, Nobody in Walker-Browneville are EVER happy.
    JP Well alright Sam! You positioned yourself very well in panel one to Stare At the Half-Naked Chick even as you pretend to be unmoved by basic human emotion! You hidden tiger, crouching lecher you! Now the tough part: revving up for Abbey when you get back and explaining what the problem HAD been. Yeah, good luck with that.
    MFF Must…NOT…get…political…at….CC! But if I did, I’d say that Mallard’s guy already has what he wants on the Republican ticket. oooOOOOOooooooh!
    MT Mark’s delusional today! “Rusty, I want you to stay here and clear all the brush from around the cabin, pay the bills and balance the checkbook, unclog the drains when they back up, vaccinate and de-worm the livestock, clean the horses’s hooves and shoe them if you need to, check all the humane traps and take the pests to another location, water the garden, pick the ripe stuff and spread mulch and clean straw under the plants and clean out the barn. Oh, and write my articles while you’re at it. Yeah, that’s Exactly why I always leave.”
    MW “But…but… they have all the things I like to buy!” Toby, Delusion Festival Queen!
    N-S I really truly love the look of exceeding joy on the face of the beady-eyed bear standing upright.
    PMP Yeah, I know it’s a cartoon, but I know there are families who don’t read to their kids as babies and toddlers, who actually SAY shit like this. Then they wonder why their kids don’t like to read or go to school. Duh. Okay, down off the soapbox.
    The Legacy Strip in the Parlor Today I actually like Lucy, but then Freda really gets on my nerves.
    Phantom Yeah dude, like you need to eviscerate him and all; make sure he’s gutless. Literally.
    Pluggers Pluggers are golfers? Naw. Brookins just had to honor the Comic Standard that demands a yearly golf mention. And of course, did it badly.
    RMMW Today, Drunken Popeye insults Horny Old Lady and Rex the ManWhore!
    S4th Hmmm. Are we seeing the beginnings of the Last Temptation of Ted? Imagine, to have found a dork just like yourself at work, who might be attractive in other ways, while in search of a new story arc. Hmmm. I need to transfer over to Ted’s company.
    S-M Super-strength; WHAT super strength? Since when has Spidey done ANYTHING to warrant the label ‘super’ unless it’s SuperWhiner, SuperDickweed or SuperSlacker? And doesn’t he occasionally punch underlings and henchmen? Don’t they count as ordinary bad guys and not Supervillains? Goddammit, this tired old shit strip has got to GO.
    Zits Two words: Military School.

  244. True Fable
    September 19th, 2008 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    I just found out from Bored Quiz that my comic character is Snoopy: “loyal and kind but makes smart remarks at times. He’s adventurous and funny.”

    Yeah, but does Snoopy like goats? That is the clincher, man.

  245. gleeb
    September 19th, 2008 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    A&J: Arlo regrets increased knowledge of weather forecasting?

    Archie: There are two Betties!

    Doonesbury: This has been pretty good. But, one thing: I think these buyouts have been pretty big. I mean, look at how much they offered Gene Weingarten. And isn’t Rick here supposed to have worked there for decades? They’ll be fine; no need to sell any houses.

    ‘bean: Thin? How else is Funky thin? He looks like he swallowed a bowling ball! He looks like a bloated toad! He looks like…like me!

    Phantom: Yeah, I’m catching on. The Phantom’s an explosion magnet.

  246. True Fable
    September 19th, 2008 at 7:11 am [Reply]

    Arrrrg! Be it Talk like a Pirate Day? Then Rex Morgan Man Whore be just the right matey to be readin’!

    If it isn’t then I will remove the fake parrot from my shoulder and quit growling “arrrg” at everything.

  247. Ned Ryerson
    September 19th, 2008 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    I’m totally in love with the A3G doper plot. Here’s a sampling of my fanfic:

    I’m out of dope, Ray. I was hoping you’d have some. I thought that was part of the dope enthusiast’s creed: “Always carry around plenty of extra dope to share with your friends.”
    Then, why don’t you have any, Mr. SmartyPants doper??
    Good point, Ray.
    Say, Alan, I’ve got an idea. Let’s go see if Haley has some dope!
    But I thought you said she’s a liar ‘n’ you hated her, Ray?
    Yeah, I say stupid stuff sometimes. Besides, she probably has some dope.
    Yeah, maybe she does have some dope. Haley does like the dope.
    C’mon Alan, we’ll take my car.
    Oh boy, we’re gonna get some dope!

  248. Jesse Cline
    September 19th, 2008 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    Come on Jim, you really expect us to believe a fine restaurant, where the waiter wheres a tux and Liz a gown, serves Chili?

  249. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Pluggers putt from the rough.

  250. dimestore lipstick
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    bats@196
    Schlitz has been brought back with the classic 1960s “Go for the Gusto” formula, and is making quite a splash, at least here in the greater Milwaukee area. Pabst never left–although it has been brewed by Miller Brewing for years.

    The Champagne of Beers was–and is– “Miller High Life”.

    (This message has been brought to you by the Society for the Preservation of Cheap American Beer)

  251. AmazingThor
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    GT: Geez, a few dances and fedora’s at risk for a heart attack? What is he like 100 years old?

    Heath: That’s a worm. Birds have beaks and wings. I think I’d hire a lawyer who could tell the difference.

    JP: So we’re all certain that Mrs. Bikini-at-home is the killer, right? She can kill all she wants as far as I’m concerned. Giggity giggity

    LuAnn: “I have a friend who will do a deal” We get it. You’re a male prostitute and you have a bunch of male prostitute friends. Now make your homoerotic calendar and lets get on to another story line.

    DtM: Mrs. Mitchell is blushing in embarassment at the man she married.

    Foob: “I want HER life.” No, you just want her. Give in.

  252. commodorejohn
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    A3G – Man, at least someone’s finally beginning to exhibit some actually vaguely sorta kinda maybe junkie-like symptoms. But poor Tenzin’s gonna be so disappointed when he learns what his twin brother has been up to…

    A.D. – Once again, Mason uses a joke that would sent the post-Jesus Johnny into a tizzy. Bravo!

    BB – Man, either there’s some Freudian subtext here not unlike that which is sometimes ascribed to “Little Red Riding Hood,” or Beetle is also into furry and vorephilia. And thank you so much, the Internet, for teaching me what that last term means, despite my attempts not to know…

    Crankshaft – I’m not sure what’s dumber here, the idea that the notion of “insensitive” as used today applied to segregationist arguments back in the late 40s, or the fact that Batiuk is surreptitiously taking a swipe at his Funky Winkerbean ex-jock coach character’s father or grandfather. Dude, not every character’s backstory has to be interconnected with every other character’s. Unless you’re George Lucas.

    FW – Potential for recontextualization in that last panel? Endless.

    JP – Aaahhh. *smiles*

    MT – Oh man, who is Pop reminding me of here? Whoever it is, I dearly hope he’s going to do most of his acting with those monumental eyebrows.

    MW – “More information about phishing can be found on the Internet.”

    Pibgorn – Dear Pibgorn: please never again have a naked man use the term “blow” when in the presence of his sort-of-underage sister. Thank you.

    Popeye – At this point, I’m rooting for the moon monsters.

    SF – Hey, Ted, do not be dissing something with Robert Preston in it.

    SM – NEXT: COUNSELING!

  253. True Fable
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    # 251 AmazingThor – I think the whole Heathcliff joke stems from the fact that the worm is testifying against the early bird’s penchant for early worms. Don’t know why it has to do with Heathcliff unless he ATE the early bird, but then that would put Heathcliff on trial for murder, right?

    But would it be murder or simply Doing What Must Be Done In Order To Survive? The law gets pretty picky when dealing with matters like this. When is it murder and when is it sending a cow to the slaughterhouse? Likewise, is it a bird or is it Today’s Entree? PETA will be involved, I’m sure.

    But back to Heathcliff: oh, he’s toast. Those worms will crawl out of the woodwork to tell what they know. If birds sing it’s because there’s a worm inside them just tootlin’ away.

  254. True Fable
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    # 252 commodorejohn – Absofuckinlutely on the Sally Forth comment!
    NOBODY could play flim-flam like Robert Preston, and that was his last flim before he died too.

    *glances around* or so I hear. I’m not a big Nerd from Roopville; no no. I’m a Goat-Roping Nerd from Roopville, thankyouverymuch!

  255. Calico
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Safety Cats – HAHAHAHA! Rrrrreeeeoooooowwwrl!
    Do they do The Safety Dance?

  256. True Fable
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    ‘last flim’. LAST FLIM?!?!

    Last FILM!

    I really need to clam down before I watch another flim.

  257. athena
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Two confessions:
    1) I’m feeling kinda sorry for Funky in FW. Probably because I remember the first intervention, back when the strip was pretty good, and Funky was slim and attractive (in a comic-strip cartoon way).
    2) I had a dream last night in which both Ted Forth and Ces figured prominently.
    Obviously I need to get out more.

  258. Duckman30
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    DtM: Mrs. Mitchell smiles while anticipating that “Muscles” will get here 30 minutes after Mr. Mitchell leaves for work and Dennis goes to school.

  259. commodorejohn
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    #254 True Fable – Don’t worry, we’re all nerds here, my friend.

  260. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 19th, 2008 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Yarrr! True Fable @ 246 be right! Truly it be Snark Like a Pirate Day!

    A3G: Yul Brenner has a powerful hankerin’ for his dope.

    Archie: I have no idea why thar be two Bettys in yon strip, but I not be complainin’.

    Elmo: Avast ye, lad! Ye know who was both rich an famous? Edward Teach, that be who!

    C’Shaft: Bushhka?! Be that the same name as the knave in FW? Methinks this be his pater or grand-pater, and we’re now to believe assholery be hereditary. Yarrr, tis true, Bull Bushka be the Funkyverse version of Biff Tannen.

    (WT)DT: Rum luck for ye, Braces, that it be competence an’ skill that interest Genesis Corp. Mayhap ye should try thy luck at Elite Model Agency.

    GA: Arrrr! When did the wench Hoogy grow eyeballs? She be a witch, I tell ye!

    thorps. Not anymore you’re not, dork. I mean, ye scurvy dork.

    JP: Dewey Cheatham IS Tyler Durden IN Golf Club! Um, arrrh.

    PBS: Pastis got the memo!

    Stripeybutt of the Jungle: Next time, hoist him from the gibbet!

    SF: Who be yon winsome lass who prates on about nerdly pleasures? I be hoping she joins yon cast as a recurring character. Ted do need more mateys.

  261. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    September 19th, 2008 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Post #206 for transphobic comment of the week!

  262. Wally Limpingbean
    September 19th, 2008 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Ok, they have trashed Funky for ignoring his kids.

    for ignoring the pizza.

    I hope they keep piling on and blast him for his slump back into the bottle, his beating his wife, his cruising the high school for young boys, his ignoring everyone else’s cancer, his ignoring his cousin Wally, his disrespect of the American flag . . .

    Oh I hope they beat him down and good.

  263. Tweeks_Coffee
    September 19th, 2008 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    A3G: What does Ray do that he’s expecting a check? Payoff for his barber malpractice suit?
    Archie: Veronica’s so distraught that she accidentally wore her S&M harness today.
    BB: Well that’s mighty Freudian.
    ‘Shaft: Don’t even try ‘Shaft; there’s no way your sepia-toned flashback can compete with Clambake and his tales of the negro leagues.
    FC: Billy’s head appears to be on backwards. This strip is greatly improved. Hopefully projectile vomiting is on-deck.
    FOOB: Arrrrrggggghhh!!!! NOT EVERYONE WANTS THE BUTTON DOWN, SUBURBAN FAMILY LIFE YOU SELF-CENTERED BITCH!
    Heathcliff: What….but…but, that’s a worm. Right?
    Luann: Good to see they’ve let an openly gay character into a strip as a regular. What’s that, you say? He’s not gay? Pfft, yeah right, I’ll believe that when I actually see him with a female.
    MF: Luckily this guy’s got McCain/Palin to vote for.
    MT: Jesus, speaking of gay undertones…
    MC: Sadly, I might find this funnier if I didn’t have to deal with a constant stream of morons at work.
    S4th: Credit where credit is due: Ces, I LOVE the Ted-Finds-A-Dorky-Female-Friend story.
    6C: Grey. Very grey.
    EdisonLee: Credit where credit is due Pt. II: Much as I dislike this strip, I laughed at the kid’s line. I remember trying for something awesome in those things and getting some piece of crap.

  264. Mary, Quite Contrary
    September 19th, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    FW: I was hoping that Gordon Ramsay might pop in, taste the pizza and shout, “this is the worst f**king pizza I’ve ever tasted.” Then he might jump up from the table and race to the bathroom to vomit. Of course, after that, he’d have to fall to the floor, writhing in pain and then die — because, this is, after all, Funky Winkerbean.

  265. Hibbleton
    September 19th, 2008 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    What’s up with Family Circus today? The heads look normally proportioned but seem like they’re pasted on the bodies like colorform stickers.

    I wonder how many of the creatures of Lost Forest Mark has to slaughter to feed that enormous dog of his?

    As much as I’d like to like “la Cucaracha” it’s often as forced as one of Tinsley’s train wrecks.

  266. UncleJeff
    September 19th, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    245 Gleeb: The Washington Post probably is giving out pretty good lump-sum payments to their “retiring” veteran reporters, editors, etc….but
    there still is the threat that some other megacorporation might buy the Post and just decide to oh, claim that the pensions promised were not really its problem (see what happened to many pension programs in industrial America in the 1990s) and at some of the smaller papers, they’ve gotten to the point that many younger journalists are bailing out, taking what they can get and trying to find jobs in or around the industry. It’s going to be much harder for people in their 40s and 50s. It’s a really nice storyline for Doonesbury.

  267. Perky Bird
    September 19th, 2008 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MW–Why is Toby showing Terry her computer? Is Terry some sort of “Computer Whisperer” who can tell just how Toby was scammed, simply by looking at the computer? Or does Toby just want to show off her new screensaver of two purple kitties sitting in a heart-festooned stewpot?

  268. Muffaroo-who-walks
    September 19th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Angry Kem @219 – Not exactly medieval slang, but a great read: Grose’s 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue is, as the link will tell you, a free download at Project Gutenberg, and the inventiveness of it is an inspiring reminder that other generations were crazy, gross, and callous too. When I read about the “choak pear” — a mechanical device that was thrust into someone’s mouth, after which a key was turned and it became impossible to remove without the key, and then a ransom was demanded — I knew we weren’t even the most depraved generation ever. I was actually kind of glad.

    Cheese-n-Pear @232“OH NOES, I FLL DWN GO BOOM! (You might find this hard to believe, but the version of the popular 1920s song — and catch phrase, as seen in “Mutt and Jeff” and others — was not the most painful on the ears, though it just might be the most painful to the soul.)

    nerowolfgal @234 – (Great handle, by the way.) I was reading at random in a multi-volume set of the Arabian Nights and found the story of Abu Hassan, a well-loved prince who, at his wedding, “let fly a fart, great and terrible.” He flees in shame and slinks around in foreign climes for seven years, finally sneaking home to see if it’s been forgotten. Listening outside a tent, he hears a little girl ask her mother about the date of her birth (for astrological purposes). “You were born, my daughter, on the very day Abu Hassan farted.” says the mother. A.H. woefully leaves his homeland. Forever.

  269. nerowolfgal
    September 19th, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Perky Bird 267 – Love the story!

  270. docweasel
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    re: 261
    So it IS trans! I knew it! I knew it! No one could be that ugly without testicles.
    That still doesn’t explain the long horse face, Rondo Hatton chin and the truncated body. Can you get acromegaly just in your head?

  271. Deena in OR
    September 19th, 2008 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    Docweasel

    I quote below from Josh’s posting and discussion guidelines. Good luck.

    quote on:

    I am usually content to allow a free flow of discussion, whining, cuss words, and so forth go on my site, and I cheerfully proclaim that all comments are the responsibility of those who post them, not me. However, this is my private playground, and if I feel that someone is being so disruptive as to make other users’ lives unpleasant and drive away traffic, I also cheerfully reserve the right to erase any comment I please and ban any user I please, for any arbitrary reason.

    So, how can you avoid such a sad fate? Just follow the four golden rules:

    1. Don’t post a FIRST POST! just for the sake of posting a FIRST POST!
    2. Don’t post commercial spam.
    3. Don’t consistently, persistently, and mean-spiritedly attack your fellow commentors or forum members, and remember that this is a very diverse community and that racist, sexist, homophobic, and other prejudicial stuff will inevitably be an attack on one of your fellow commentors.
    4. Don’t be an insufferable prick.

    Quote off.

  272. Jumper
    September 19th, 2008 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Remember when you went and watched a rerun of Gomer Pyle USMC years later, and you suddenly realized that every single regular character was not telling, and not being asked? Especially Sgt. Carter? I hope Beetle Bailey is not coming to this. NTTAWWT. But the chance of getting this gig into Stars and Stripes grows fainter by the year. In any case, Beetle’s dream needs the appearance of Otto’s body with a HUMAN HEAD to properly convey the horror of the nightmare.

  273. P
    September 20th, 2008 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    142, 147: How could you get access to the FC on Sunday when it’s Thursday?

  274. Anonymous
    January 22nd, 2009 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    you suk poutho or a

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