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Junkie artist quality at junkie artist prices!

Apartment 3-G, 9/25/08

Oh, hey everyone, did you hear that Alan got killed? This was not news, since we saw him get shot and also knew that he was a drug addict, and drug addicts always come to a terrible bloody end. A more intriguing question was what exactly had caused Lu Ann to GASP when she saw Alan’s artwork; today we finally learn that Alan has turned away from superbland grey cityscapes and towards angry, black-smeared abstract art. I wouldn’t say it’s “good”, but it actually looks like a vague approximation of modern art, so naturally Lu Ann (she of the shitty flower paintings) sees it as destructive.

That could be any number of people BUZZing at the front door — Haley looking for more drugs, Ray looking for someone else to kill, Jones back from vacation with a delivery of fresh dope that has come tragically too late — but my money’s on Margo, rushing directly over from the morgue to snatch up Alan’s artwork so that the Mills Gallery alone will profit from the inevitable post-highly-public-murder price spike.

By the way, do you notice that Lu Ann apparently sleeps while wearing pearls? That’s how you know she’s a lady.

Shoe, 9/25/08

I found few things in today’s comics more hilarious than the Perfesser’s angry yet befuddled protest sign. I look forward to future statements of activist intent along the same lines, such as “WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THE WAR IN IRAQ?”, “HIGH GAS PRICES: HUH?”, and “I DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND THIS WALL STREET BAILOUT THING BUT IT MAKES ME IRRITATED AND UNCOMFORTABLE.”

Archie, 9/25/08

Oh, AJGLU 3000! Who can blame you for being a bit puzzled as to how the mysterious and slightly distasteful fleshy sensory organs on the human head correlate to specific senses? But for future reference, the one you should have gone with here is “ears.”

149 responses to “Junkie artist quality at junkie artist prices!”

  1. sackobats :[
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    Oh, there are other comics? I admit to being a little distracted.

    Well, I also admit to being skeptical as to Alan’s demise. Only Margo will know for sure.

  2. Shave Ezra
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    Maybe it’s Alan’s zombie corpse buzzing on the door. But with A3G, will we be able to tell the difference?

  3. boojum
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    Oh, Alan! Not the canvases of sad-eyed clowns! And your Daisies in a Crockery Pitcher! Why, God? Why??!?

  4. Aitherion
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    I’m personally of the opinion that the ‘BUZZ BUZZ’ is actually some kind of bee/octopus hybrid, which is responsible for the black smears on the paintings- The question here is why it hates the paintings so much.

    Or it’s a doorbell, yeah. But that’s boring.

  5. TVC15
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    I refuse to believe that Alan is dead. I can’t handle this. Not without a lot more dope. When I’m high, it’s easy to lie to myself. Alan taught me that.

  6. boojum
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    4 Aitherion: Then it’s a doorbell. Trust me.

  7. DaveyK
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    My guess is that the Perfesser is headed to a demonstration involving similar people, or birds, who would be better served by losing 150-250 pounds than by demonstrating against high food prices.

    It’s also worth noting that if all of them ate a little less, demand would ease and food prices would go down.

  8. Red Greenback
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    Alan’s a ransackodog

  9. Orange Doorhinge
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    A3G: Luann should be asking “What did he do with my 5K?

    But its good old Mary Worth that gave me a real laugh. That furious & defensive posture of Toby when told not to give personal info OVER THE PHONE indicates more hijinks to come.

    MT: !!! What the @!&*! is Cherry doing working for a .. water thief? One with a mustache too!

  10. The Ghost of Jarrod
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    The good news is that if Alan’s dead, Luann will be able to cherish his memory. She’ll see his face in the faces of the cashier at the corner drug store, the shoe salesman, the police officer. In fact, she’ll see his face on every man in her whole world, except for Blaze, the gay cowboy actor.

  11. Aitherion
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    6 boojum: Oh yeah, hadn’t thought about that. Stupid A3G, ruining everyone’s fun hellspawn theories!

  12. Alfred E. Neuman
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    #4 Aitherion— If Alan-the-junkie’s dealer is named “Jones”, then “Buzz” is the most appropriate sound for his doorbell, and his phone, and his alarm clock, and his car horn, and his…

  13. Kevin Moore
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    At first I thought the paintings were so inspired by the hallucinations induced by whatever vague “dope” Alan has been ingesting that the paintings themselves became conduits of Alan’s psychotropic vibrations, as indicated by the “Buzz Buzz.” Then I realized that I was over-thinking, no doubt suggested by my own past drug experiences, and it was just the doorbell.

  14. Kevin Moore
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    Wouldn’t the Perfesser’s mode of protest create more demand and drive up food prices? Am I over-thinking another stupid strip again? Damn you, drugs!

  15. Joe Btfsplk
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    Phantom – Once again my sporadic following of a strip has apparently caused me to miss the one or more crucial episode(s) which would have given me some basic understanding of what the hell is going on in it.

    Dick TracyCalled it! Although, I did not anticipate the then-colossal Traze-r shrinking in size until it could fit into the back of a delivery van, standing up.

    Oh, no, Braces… You had it made overseas? Do you really think this strip is going to give an imported robot a chance against Tracy’s made-in-the-good-old-U-S-of-A robot? This fight is over already. The best that you can hope for is a draw, with the two robots destroying each other, and Tracy standing over the wreckage commenting ruefully on how crime and justice both belong to human beings, or some such.

    Two from yesterthread:

    #59 Jeff – Crock writer Don Wilder died this morning.

    Crock had a writer?

    #152 commodorejohn – Damn, am I the only one around here that thinks Sally is kinda hot in a MILF-ey way?

    No, you are not.

  16. mafketis
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:23 am [Reply]

    I don’t think Alan’s dead. I think Ray missed and they struggled over the gun before Ray got shot or something equally lame and the police assumed it was Alan because he and Ray actually look almost different (which would confuse them in the A3G where men between 18 and 70 all look the same).

    But I think the real lesson here (no matter who was killed) is for Jones, who’s learned that ‘dope’ is so hard to find in the middle of New York that he can’t responsibly go on vacation without insuring continuity of delivery: “With God as my witness, no ‘dope’-fiend shall ever get the shakes again!”

  17. Alfred E. Neuman
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:23 am [Reply]

    #15 Joe Btfsplk, Re: DT— I agree. Braces is a fool to rely on one of those overseas-made Acme robots.

  18. Anonymoose
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    Today’s Herb & Jamaal is sponsored by the Martha Graham Foundation.

    Also, I enjoyed Sonia’s antics in today’s Momma. Apparently she has been huffing glue heavily prior to the scene in the first panel, which her daughter callously ignores. Then, as her ungrateful progeny tries to escape, Momma presses her pallid, sagging face against the window as she continues to prepare for an eternity of haunting her children from the hereafter.

    Meanwhile, Sally Forth is just a few weeks away from that exciting adultery and complicated divorce storyline that we’ve all been looking forward to.

  19. RaJ
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:34 am [Reply]

    By now Luanne is thinking, “He destroyed everything he loved… but I’m totally fine?! What the!” Her bitterness will only increase when she learns that, before he got himself shot, Alan took a bat to a Pier One lawn set, kicked a cake, then went to the park to spit on foliage. Surely, it’s one of the hardest parts of any mature relationship, the inevitable moment when you learn your boyfriend didn’t love you as much as some trees.

  20. Mibbitmaker
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:41 am [Reply]

    9/25 A3G: First panel: Yeah, LuAnn. It’d definately hard to know what to say to a zombie.

  21. Nekrotzar
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:42 am [Reply]

    Now that Alan is dead, the next time Luann gets CO poisoning, he can haunt her and control her while she paints another set of artwork that will be a big hit at the studio despite being absolutely awful. Margo is probably already firing up the wood stove.

  22. RaJ
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:42 am [Reply]

    It’s important to understand that Archie mostly serves as a pliant host body for intelligent forms of life disguised as “facial features.” This is the only way to explain how his eyebrows manage to roll their eyes at his punchline, or how his freckles can mull listlessly like that. No one. of course, notices these events but Archie’s hand, which can only stare on in abject horror.

  23. RaJ
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:44 am [Reply]

    The only way to make that “Shoe” better is if the sign read, “WE HAVE VERY FEW BIRD HABITS, WHY IS THAT.”

  24. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    September 25th, 2008 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    Alan destroyed all his paint by the numbers canvases? How awful about Alan!

    Shoe wants to sample the food before he complains about the gas

  25. Zaq
    September 25th, 2008 at 4:44 am [Reply]

    Keeping with the spirit of “contemporary art,” I was pretty sure that Alan had a sign shaped like an irregular quadrilateral with “BUZZ BUZZ” written on it. I just can’t decide what makes it more contemporary, if it’s quoting Hamlet, or if it’s commemorating the character from Earthbound. Either way, I approve.

  26. Frank Parsnip
    September 25th, 2008 at 5:01 am [Reply]

    A3G: Yes, he put his heart and soul into his work… but he had a black heart and a black soul.

    MT: Miss Butler?!? What does this cheap Walt Disney wannabee think he is? Peter Parker’s boss?

    Sex Organ, M.D.: Being hung over in a sailboat race has never, ever happened before. People don’t realize it, but that bleary-eyed guy in a cheesy yachting cap moving slowly across the vast ocean must have the sharpness and reflexes of a fighter pilot if he’s even going to come close to winning! And don’t get me started on the extreme G-forces they’re subjected to.

    Mary Worth: Criminals can use computers and the phone?! Toby’s slowly realizing that she will have no method of communication open to her that won’t lead to a scam artist taking advantage of her. By next week, we may even hear that conmen can take money from her right in person.

    DtM: If he’s being carried about by his suspender straps, that’s really not too menacing … unless it’s because he bites when carried any other way than at arm’s length.

    The Grape Fanta: Yeah, now they’re nothing but a bunch of terrorists who spend their days capturing bats! What a bunch of bat terrorists! And even worse, they’re getting lectured on this by The Phantom.

  27. Joe
    September 25th, 2008 at 5:14 am [Reply]

    Clearly our crown-headed friend is practicing the art of the shrunken-head on his poor dog.

  28. Sue D. Nymme
    September 25th, 2008 at 5:43 am [Reply]

    I didn’t know that Hot Dog is an Aleutian Smallhead!

  29. mojo
    September 25th, 2008 at 5:49 am [Reply]

    ….so Lu Ann’s been at Alan’s apartment for several hours now–actually SLEPT there–and only NOW it’s starting to dawn on her that gosh, gee, maybe there’s something wrong here, seeing how he’s trashed all his beloved paintings like a madman?

    Another brain trust. I can’t wait for her to go online to buy Alan’s coffin or urn, only to get phished by scammers spoofing Enormoushop’s Online Coffins ‘n’ Urns Emporium.

  30. joffe
    September 25th, 2008 at 5:51 am [Reply]

    to be honest, I’m more concerned by the “mysterious and slightly distasteful fleshy sensory organ” dangling off the bottom of Jughead’s dog in mid-gallop.

  31. Pozzo
    September 25th, 2008 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    *THIS* dog food makes a disgusting noise? As in, this particular brand? Too bad you didn’t buy the one that plays a catchy little jingle as the dog food slides out. But that’s what you get for buying whatever’s on sale.

  32. gleeb
    September 25th, 2008 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    Pigborn: Just when you thought they were out, McDowner pulls them back in. So I guess we’ll have a couple of more months of this. What’s hilarious is the comments at Gocomics. Some of those folks are seriously discussing the physics of giant magic flies.

    BB: To meet overseas commitments, medical services to Camp Swampy have been denied. Beetle’s in trouble the next time Sarge goes on amok.

    Cathy: I’ve had no money. When you have no money, you don’t go into stores.

    Dick: Another giant robot? What a surprise!

    Edge City: It’s not good for me. I was looking forward to crackpot legal theories.

  33. John C Fremont
    September 25th, 2008 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    # 24 – “How awful about Alan?” Well, I guess somebody had to say it. A tip o’ my hat, sir.

    A3G – The only person I know of in the comics who has said “buzz, buzz” lately wears stripy underwear over his lavender tights. News travels fast in the Bengalla jungle.*

    * (Old New York junkie saying.)

    Phantom – What do you do when your story is going nowhere? Deploy Butt-Cam.

    JP – Now this is why Butt-Cam was invented. I don’t know art, but I know what I like – images lovingly drawn by someone who clearly appreciates both his T’s and his A’s. Excuse me while I just take a moment to, uh, study this.

  34. Graham
    September 25th, 2008 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    Did anyone else notice what appears to be a crudely drawn swastika in the background behind Jughead? Actually, it’s not surprising considering the lily-white population of Riverdale.

  35. Hogenmogen
    September 25th, 2008 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    JP: Today, we find out the real story behind this mysterious murder – THE STRIPPER HAS HER OWN CELL PHONE!!

    Oh, and there’s a gratuitous ass shot in panel 1.

    In Spiderman today, we learn ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. How do you keep an idiot in suspense? You’ll read about it in tomorrow’s strip. Or next week. Whatever.

    Dismal Duck: Unfortunately, Obama is behind by 80 points in the demographic that thinks that white sheets are a fashion accessory that never goes out of style.

    MW: Oh great, now you’ll tell me that all those guys with the “Bikini Inspector” t-shirts were scamming me, too.

  36. Hogenmogen
    September 25th, 2008 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    DT: So this is going to degenerate into a battle of Rock’em-Sock’em Robots? I loved that game, please don’t ruin my precious childhood memories.

    What, guys, no mention of the gratuitous ass-cam in panel 1 of Gil Thorp?

    MT: Two panels. The first is banal recapping of the situation that we’ve been told about 10 times in the last two weeks. In an exciting and riveting turn of events, we learn today that mustache man doesn’t have an appointment, so he must WAIT HIS TURN!!!

    I just sat there for 5 minutes trying to decide if that last sentence deserved two exclamation points or three. I decided I’d go that extra distance for you all, CCers. Party on!

  37. Old School Allie Cat
    September 25th, 2008 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Luann – I’ve been thinking about this for a few days – having been the owner of a hunky firemen calendar (a joke given to me by my father and husband), I’m aware that the appeal is the ability to look at 12 hunky firemen. FireMEN.

    I’m not sexist, but the vast population of calendar buyers are generally more interested in one gender than another. And although I wasn’t highly invested in my calendar (other than to create random word balloons coming out of their mouths), I would have been a little bummed if Mr. August had ended up being a Ms.

    So, yeah, that’s been bothering me.

  38. Hogenmogen
    September 25th, 2008 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    After all the hype, we also get to see Rex’s patootie (alongside octegenarian Lenore’s), and I have to say — I’m underwhelmed.

  39. Dur Tahar
    September 25th, 2008 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    The buzzing sound coming from Alan’s apartment is probably that guy from Dick Tracy calling on his CB radio. He’s definitely Alan’s backup drug dealer.

  40. Hogenmogen
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    Wrecks Morgan: So today we find out that their “secret weapon” was really just a plot to get Tweaks drunk on the eve of the Regatta. That’s why Rex suggested that Tweaks head back to the bar, and looked so disappointed when the bartender thwarted their plans and took Tweaks home. Man, what a lame plan. They should have done something insane involving killing bats for their blood, which would have a better chance of working.

  41. Hogenmogen
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    So let’s say it. Just by visiting Alan’s apartment, Luann got buzzed.

  42. Brick Bradford
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    JP Am I the only one who hopes this interview NEVER ENDS?

    DT Boy, that Diet Smith is a genius. Hard to believe he developed a giant robot for the police JUST as underworld was getting one of its own. Yessiree, it sure is fortunate ol’ Diet was thinking along these lines at just this time. If Locher were a lesser writer I’d almost say this was a contrived coincidence! But that couldn’t be, could it?

    9CL These people are just awful, aren’t they?

    Archie Given Jughead’s long established eating disorder I’m surprised he doesn’t have his mug stuck in the bowl lapping up that slop.

  43. Bucky's Wife
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy–How did today’s strip make it past the comics censors? (Read it out loud, with the emphasis.) I LOVE GF; I think this is funny, too. But the WaPost has definitely yanked comics for lesser “offenses” than this one!

  44. Whippersnapper
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    MW: Terry: “You look like you have something more to say Tobey.”
    Tobey: “Well, Visa called me yesterday and said they forgot my credit card number, so I gave it to them. And then the Social Security Administration called and said they forgot my Social Security number, so I gave that to them. And then the State Department called me and said they needed to see my passport, so I mailed it to the nice man who called and let me know. Isn’t that a weird coincidence?”

  45. Harry Worth
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    I am looking forward to the Slylock Fox/Mary Worth crossover.

    Reeky Rat could really pull a scam on Toby.

    She has been warned about Internet Scams and phone scams BUT nothing has been said about door to door phising.

    I bet Reeky could clean up with Toby with a simple knock on the door.

  46. Patrick
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Alan’s real talent was managing to keep his crisp white dress shirts spotlessly clean while in a drug-induced mania, slopping black paint all over his dull landscapes.

  47. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Foob: phalloriffic! Incestodog!
    I know I should stop, but let’s face, reading foob is all I care about.


    Meanwhile, all of you neanderthals can’t have innocent friendships with very hott members of the sexier gender? You’d never make it as lesbians. When you’re a lesbian, not only do you have to have hott friends, but you have to keep on good terms with your exes and not get angry when your hott friend starts sleeping with your recent ex. Nor are you allowed to install hidden cameras. It’s a tough life.

    I don’t know what it is about Ted Forth (and that strip in general) that always gets me on to the topic of lesbians . . ..

  48. Aesop
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    What’s with Jughead in the final panel of today’s Archie?

  49. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    A3G: If Alan had been in his right mind, he would have known that he could sell those paintings for more dope money, but instead, he destroyed them. That just proves that dope makes you do irrational things no normal and sane person would do, like dating LuAnn.

    Baldo: Um, I really doubt that Olympic wrestler Henry Cejudo wore a luchador mask. They probably have some kind of stupid Olympic rule against that.

    BB: So Sarge having just one tooth left is due to his predilection for sweets? And here I thought it was meth.

    (WT)DT: “I call it ‘Magnum Force’ — ‘Brute’ for short.” Huh? Braces, let me explain how the idea of “for short” works. You take the real name, and shorten it. For example, “Magnum Force” could become “Maggie,” or even “Margo.” Now there’s a name that can strike terror into the heart of the city.

    With that said… Braces was smart to get his robot built overseas. Everyone knows the best combat robots are built in Japan.

    “That’s corn? Daddy told me corn on th’ cob is pink an’ fleshy an’ has cream in the middle! He keeps it in his pants!”

    GA: Oh sweet Lord just let the stupidity END.

    H&J: Check out that look on Jamaal’s face. He likes Herb’s flexibility.

    H&L: Ha ha ha! Another cutting-edge, topical gas-prices joke! That will just never get old!

    JP: I’ve watched anime with less fanservice. Hell, I’ve watched porn with less titillation. Not that I’m complainin’, mind you.

    MT: I think it’s a law that all females in the Trailiverse must wear fuchsia tops. It’s the only way people can tell them apart from the non-facial-hair-having males. Well, other than the huge tits.

    Big Dog: “Don’t let him lick your hair”? Kid, you don’t “don’t let” Marmaduke do anything. What the Sackodog wants to do, he does.

    RWO: The Palin family shops for a hockey-mom minivan.

    SFx: A milestone! The fish skeleton isn’t just incidental, it’s actually part of the puzzle! Mr. Weber, sir, you just blew. my. MIND.

    S-M: “Well, let’s see. You’re super-strong, stick to walls, and can shoot webbing. Who should you impersonate, the She-Hulk?!”

  50. Angry Kem
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Stanley and Harriet, get thee to the Middle Ages.

    9CL: Amos’s hiccups will be magnified by the vast, echoing white void in which he is eternally doomed to wander. They will reverberate endlessly until they drive him mad. He will try to bludgeon Edda to death with the cello, which is apparently in a white case, unlike many cellos I have known. Soon, Amos’s hair will turn white, partly as a result of his madness but mostly because the artist simply can’t be bothered any more.

    GF: Yes, #43, I noticed that too. Somehow, the papers that pulled Zits because it almost used the word “sucks” are missing Bucky’s very, very slightly hidden obscenity. You go, censors.

    A3G: Will Luann cry? Or will she huff more paint fumes and start communicating with Alan’s ghost? Only time will tell. A lot of time. A really, really large amount of time…

    reFoob: Er…ooookay…

  51. Sequitur
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Looks like the Perfesser got Seinfeld to write his protest sign.

  52. AJGLU 3000
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:13 am [Reply]

  53. Shoshi
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Josh — It’s not that he’s switched his style to some kind of modern art, it’s that he has taken black paint and defaced his previous “artwork”. Now, we can still argue whether such an act can legitimately be considered “destructive”.

    Also, I’m with those who are skeptical about Alan’s death. Although you say we saw it, of course we did not really see it, or even hear it stated.

  54. Daniel
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Jughead’s dog has a freakishly tiny head, especially in the second panel. :-P

  55. Lettuce
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    I don’t understand the AJGLU 3000′s thinking here. Wouldn’t the AJGLU 3000 have been programmed with a little bit of knowledge of Skinnerian or Pavlovian behavoir theory? Surely it could have come up with a joke about that.

    And since when does Jughead have a negative reaction to anything involving food? Even I, someone who only reads Archie via this site, knows that a more Archie-consistant punchline would have involved Jughead EMBRACING the sound of dogfood, licking the can clean, and fighting the dog for the crumbs.

  56. Edgy DC
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    It’s not the jokes that bother me in Archie, so much as the voids. See how the disappearing lattice in panel one is consumed in panel three, soon to take the room, the house, and all of Riverdale — as Archie, Jughead, and presumably Hot Dog flee in futile horror? Could there be a greater existential nightmare? That’s what bothers me most.

    No, wait. It’s the jokes.

  57. bartcow
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    My first thought was that the Buzz Buzz was Ray in the next room chopping Alan into more conveniently-sized chunks with a power saw. Makes for easier disposal.

    So I’ve been told.

  58. commodorejohn
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    9CL – Man, it’s about time someone called Edda on this shit. Not to mention about time Amos got some cajones. It’s just a pity this storyline took…um…like…I don’t even know how long, but it felt like infinity, to deliver.

    A3G – haha hahaha hahaha haha

    A.D. – Man, if only B.C. were in color, panel three would obviously be one of those psychedelic posters from the ’60s, and his glasses would be swirly rainbow color-wheels.

    DT – Is it just me, or does it look like Brute has a penis for a head in panel three? I really hope I’m wrong, but with Locher you just never know what crazy twists and turns the plot is going to take. Such as Michael Jackson turning out to be a member of Braces’s team in panel two.

    FC – Nothing brings joy to my heart quite like Jeff Keane depicting himself as a complete and utter idiot. The spaced-out stare and screwed-up perspective don’t hurt, either.

    FB – The Fred Basset formula:

    Panel one: “This is a panel featuring a dog!”
    Panel two: “This is also a panel featuring a dog, but often in closeup!’

    GT – Nice lovingly-detailed shot of someone’s ass in panel one, but it’s the return of She-Mullet Teenage Danae that really cheers me up.

    JP – Ah, Baretto. You never disappoint.

    MW – Don’t look at me like that, Toby. I wasn’t the one who gave out your credit card information to one of those damn wiley Canadians.

    NS – Nobody does it quite like The Far Side, but I do enjoy it when Wiley draws bears.

    Pibgorn – Oh, for crying out loud, not again!

    Pluggers – Pluggers eat such ludicrously enormous quantities of food as to measurably distend their stomachs, but they purge afterward, so there’s no permanent weight gain.

    SM – Gee, I wonder what this villain’s gimmick could possibly be? Also, is this guy an actual Marvel Universe villain? I can’t find any information for “Big-Time” on the Marvel site, but maybe he’s just too embarassed about his obvious lameness to use his real villain name.

  59. Hibbleton
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth is now just screwing with our heads. I mean that illustration of Toby in the last panel is just too friggin hilarious to be serious.

    Geez, Alcaraz of La Cucaracha makes Tinsley look like a Rhodes Scholar when it comes to political humor. Actually, the sick duck was quite biting today. Gotta give him that one.

  60. Angry Kem
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Oh…and I forgot to say:

    Everyone keeps talking about Pibgorn, so I checked it out. I can, of course, only find about a month’s worth on line. My impression:


    Thank you.

  61. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    #37 – Luanne is starting to rival the original FOOB in containing subtext that the author clearly doesn’t recognize.

    Notice that the bi calendar is TJ’s idea. “Now, people can be stimulated by racy pictures of both MEN and WOMEN at the same time! And who doesn’t want that?? Double your pleasure, right!!”

    Of course, like most attempts to give TJ a backstory, this one will end in nothing. Like the plot half-arc where the DeGroot’s wonder if, perhaps, the should look into the background and occupation of the person who will be living with them and their teen daughter for the next few months, then change their minds and decide not to be so nosy and just forget the whole thing. Or the half-arc where TJ decided to “pretend” to try to make Luanne, and Pappa DeGroot finds out, and then … everyone just forgets the whole thing.

    TJ is clearly jonesing for a bi-tacular three-way with Toni and Brad. But it will never happen, because Toni has proved herself to be nothing but a cocktease, and Brad thinks that “going all the way” means getting a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night.

  62. CanuckDownSouth
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    MW is going to annoy me. They spent weeks lovingly showing Toby using her credit card at stores and online, and responding to the phishing scam. The only phone call was the bank. And she had to call her bank back, so it could hardly be a scam, right? She would have used the phone number from a statement, right? Or recognized if it was the wrong area code or something… (realizes Toby never has more than one neuron fire at the same time, whimpers) … this is going to drag on and on and on….

    retroFOOB is using its Flavour B today. Its “A” game is retcons. For lack of a good retcon, it plays the “redo a previous idea, but worse”. I identify this as a worse version of April OOOoooing while John feeds her a banana and contemplates that Darwin was right. I’m not sure “match the better version” is as fun as “spot the retcon”, but it’s not as if the strip itself is enjoyable.

    And more FOOBfic

  63. WarOfTheBees
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    I really don’t want to pry into what Jughead’s doing in that last panel of Archie, but thank god Riverdale’s favorite title character is blocking the view.

  64. Gojira
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    A3G: So, Lu Ann goes to Alan’s studio, finds a God-awful mess, tattered curtains, a woman’s lingerie, all his paintings defaced, she knows he’s at the gallery, he owes her $5000, and she didn’t immediately go after him with a baseball bat? She didn’t even bother to call? She slept overnight, instead??!!! On Alan’s sweat-stained, junkie-fied, Haley-scented bed?

    Oh. Lu Ann. Par for the course, never mind.

  65. commodorejohn
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    #60 Angry Kem – Long story short: Pibgorn (the fairy-lady in today’s strip,) Drusilla (the succubus, who looks kind of like a palette-swapped version of Pib,) and two bystanders (the two people with glasses in Tuesday’s installment) got sucked into some kind of virtual-reality game thing that a grumpy old evil man was using to try and generate magic energy from a bondage-riffic tied-up Pib, only things got kind of explodey. So Pibgorn, Drusilla, and Roger (glasses dude) have spent the last God-only-knows how long trying to get to and kill an evil queen with the aid of a purple-haired samurai chick, except that the queen turned out to be a sexpot grown-up version of Roger’s little sister (glasses chick,) which is a whole “ew” in and of itself, and now they’re trying to figure out how to get out of the game. Pib somehow got briefly knocked back into reality by a tar vampire thing from the game (hell if I know,) except that today she, her giant housefly buddy, and the ex-church-organist with whom she lives just got knocked back in, so what happens next is anybody’s guess.

    Yeah, it’s insane. I’ve only just begun to figure it out myself.

  66. Idols of Mud
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    “Alan, why did you put black streaks all over your paintings?”


  67. timmmm
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Another tip for the AJGLU 3000: a dog’s penis looks more like a rocket and less like a Black Panther powerfist wearing a mitten. Symbolism has little place in the modern comics page and, anyways, what you’re getting at is distasteful at best.

  68. commodorejohn
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    #60 Angry Kem – P.S. you can only find the previous month? The whole Pibgorn archive is online, but goComics will only link you to the previous month. Use the goComics viewer script linked to by my username instead; it doesn’t pull any of that shit, and it’s not loaded down with unnecessary Flash and pictures, either.

  69. Phred22
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Actually, that is Alan at the door, the real Alan, who’s been imprisoned by a look-alike junkie who’s been impersonating him these last months. Only when the junkie failed to show up to feed him did the real Alan break out of his prison. Trouble is, Alan’s gotten grossly fat during his confinement.

  70. skullcrusherjones
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Oh my, this confirms LuAnn’s suspicions that Alana had turned to jerking off squids in order to pay for his fix.

    She should have known when he always left inky fingerprints around her apartment, would wince at the sight of suction cups and avoid the number 8.

    Yes, it’s a terrible, terrible thing when drugs turn a man to squid-squeezin’.

  71. bakana
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Well, we’ve already learned that black fluid is shorthand for blood in Apartment 3G, so I think we can only presume that the final panel in today’s strip is the most unspeakably gory and horrific scene ever to be depicted in that comic.

  72. Gallowglass
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Maybe the Perfesser is headed to a Seinfeld themed protest.

  73. Marvin's Mom
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Raise your hand if you are disappointed Toby’s becoming educated before we got to see her fly to Nigeria to meet up with Prime Minister Inspector of Finiancial Situations Abuduwaboo Manabobo and enter into a mutually beneficial investment opportunity.

  74. sackobats :[
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    62. CDS: humpf! Insinuating on the Foob’s Paradise site that a crowd scene would only encourage a RMMD reference! From the last story-arc, no less!

    Oh. Well. Yeah. You’re right…

  75. skeltometer
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Based on the “Buzz Buzz”, I immediately deduced the “Ghost Who Walks” was telling jungle secrets off stage in Alan’s apartment. Could it be? Maybe the Jungle Patrol has jurisdiction over this part of Manhattan? On tenterhooks here…

  76. crossbuck
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Well, if shuddering, dope sick addict Ray did actually hit Alan well enough to kill him in one blast, there’s only one thing to say. Good shot, Ray!

  77. indichik
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    The prissy look of horror on Jughead’s face in the first panel seems highly uncharacteristic of him. Since when is Jughead one to complain about something being disgusting? Isn’t this the same guy who devours 200 hamburgers in one sitting?

  78. sackobats :[
    September 25th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    33. John C Fremont re RMMD: I am so hoping that the nights tend to be nippy in Morganville (hence your rather critcal review of today’s panel), but the day of the regatta will be warm and breezy, so that my Butt Cam can catch all the glories of nautical patootie. Rex, yes! Lenore, not so much.

    Someone in a yesterthread commented that Alan’s death (or something like it) was probably going to deep-six (har!) any prospect of LuAnn trek to South Dakota. I’m wondering if June and Rex are ever going to get on that ocean liner, the HMS Petitfour, for their Caribbean cruise…

  79. J Shiggity
    September 25th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    ALGU also needs a lesson on what we humans call “inanimate objects.” The half-drawn fence-thing that appears in the first panel seems to have morphed into a arch-shadow thing in the last.

  80. T. Chicana
    September 25th, 2008 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    That Chanel suit on Cathy looks nice! She should dress like that more often. I’m not sure about the flapper-style hat, but for someone with no nose, she’s lookin’ gawgeous!

  81. Hal Jordan
    September 25th, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Pluggers only need two notches on their belt. One before they take a massive, toilet-choking, tear-inducing dump. And one after they take a massive, toilet-choking, tear-inducing dump.
    Also, can someone explain Mallard Fillmore to me? Seriously, I don’t get it. Is it that Democrats are naive in their belief that the world’s economies, ecosystems, etc are somehow inter-related? Is he mocking some people’s belief that all human beings are members of the same species and should be treated with diginity and respect? Is he insinuating that liberals like Disney theme parks? What?

  82. commodorejohn
    September 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    #81 Hal Jordan – What I think is going on is that Tinsley is returning to the theme of “Obama’s campaign is based around feel-good mumbo-jumbo rather than solid positions on the issues,” a common criticism. However, this being Tinsley, he’s pretty much unable to express such a complex notion coherently. Also, applying reason and real-world correlation to Mallard Fillmore is like trying to psychoanalyze a dog, so I could be completely wrong here.

  83. anonymously
    September 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    LuAnne: You know, I am really enjoying this strip, and can’t wait to see the Fireman Calendar. No cute kids saying cute things. No bad puns. Nothing political. It’s interesting.

  84. gnome de blog
    September 25th, 2008 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    10 Ghost of Jarrod said:

    In fact, she’ll see his face on every man in her whole world, except for Blaze, the gay cowboy actor.

    Except his hair will randomly change color.

  85. Joe Blevins
    September 25th, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Shoe: “Er… by ‘we,’ I mean ‘me’ and by ‘eat-in,’ I mean ‘eat out.’ The bottom line is that I’m going to eat until I pass out, and I’m designating you as my official enabler.”

    The Perfesser has that bleary-eyed, I-wash-myself-with-a-rag-on-a-stick look to him, so this strip is clearly about food addiction. Notice that in panel 2, Roz’s counter looks like a gigantic magnet.

  86. fashion police
    September 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Mooncattie, yesterthread about a week ago:
    Saw a dude in a hipster hat prowling the streets around 7.30 this morning. He was almost perfect: the shades, the skinny black suit, black-and-purple striped shirt, skinny tie and loose collar, tennis shoes. All he needed was a saxophone.

    But if you’re gonna wear a tie, man, wear a tie! Leaving it hang loose like that is such a copout.

  87. Daveh
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Normally, I love Nonsequitor, but my god Wiley- you’ve done the Natural Selection Cafe way too many times. (Or did Colbert have another thing about bears last night?)

    Foob- Babies are like monkeys- Hah hah

    Sorry for the political sidelight, but Jump Street Mentions Obama as a candidate, but needs to include Palin when mentioning McCain- who’s the top of the ticket?

    Archie- I had to check twice on that second panel- I thought they had drawn a humn head on that dog- better go back to drawing dogs off the matchbook cover.

  88. CanuckDownSouth
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    74-sackobats I wasn’t saying that anybody else was too immature to have a crowd scene, just that *I* am. :-)

  89. Batman Beatles
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    “#26 Mary Worth: Criminals can use computers and the phone?! Toby’s slowly realizing that she will have no method of communication open to her that won’t lead to a scam artist taking advantage of her. By next week, we may even hear that conmen can take money from her right in person.”

    “Wallet inspector”

    Toby: Here you go. I hope everything is in order.

  90. Poteet
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    In A3G, Lu Ann’s expression always looks like that of Alice newly arrived in Wonderland, no matter what situation she’s in. She’d have that same expression if she woke up, stepped outside, and discovered that overnight, the world had suffered massive nuclear holocaust. As she gazed upon the blasted buildings and the hundreds of blind human sufferers staggering around the streets, she’d think, bemused, “I don’t know what to say to them.”

    In JP, on the other hand, every line of dialogue uttered by an adult female is delivered with a tilted head, sultry sideways glance, and Mona Lisa smile. I bet the DMV office in JP is a lot more fun than the one here.

  91. Natalie
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    It’s kind of a strange coincidence that Gil Thorp, Judge Parker, and Phantom all had close-ups of butts today.

  92. kingklash
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Our paper doesn’t carry 3G anymore, so Alan’s perforation comes as a bit of a surprise. I thought he’d do himself in.

  93. roshi
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Luann passed out in Alan’s studio again? I guess druggies don’t get gas leaks fixed…

  94. commodorejohn
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    #91 Natalie – Haven’t you heard? It’s National Glute Day!

  95. ka-pwingg
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    #43 Bucky’s Wife: Get Fuzzy has done a lot worse than today’s “ACLFU” joke. There was a strip a few years back where Bucky flipped off an antiques appraiser on live television. The finger was blurred out, naturally, but there wasn’t much of a fuss that I remember.

  96. Will Cate
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    My heart breaks for “Mama.” Not only is she rapidly sliding toward the ravages of Alzheimer’s disease, but the heartless daughter is gleefully looking forward to the day.

    And it’s just a matter of time before Ted and Aria are in the supply room, humping like horny teenagers.

  97. Paul1963
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Funky Weighterbean: WTF? Funky weighs 198 and looks like that?! I didn’t look that heavy when I weighed 232 (down to 207 after a year of not having candy or chips in my house, but I digress)! Is he 5’2″? Does he have hollow bones like a bird?
    Again, Batiuk, WTF???

    Gasoline Alley: Speaking as the owner of one 1967 car and one 1968 car, both of which are carbureted, I’d just like to say that Rover could have found scads of buyers for any gadget that could increase the gas mileage on that truck of his from the 12-15 it should get to the 75 he claimed–especially since there hasn’t been any mention of a decrease in performance. If it was a bolt-on item and didn’t diminish horsepower or torque, it would be in huge demand among enthusiasts–”I used to be lucky to get 9 mpg around town with my Hemi Challenger, but thanks to the Skinner device it uses less gas than my neighbor’s Prius! And it still runs low 10s at the track, too! Thanks, Rover!”
    He’d still get incredibly rich even without the new-EFI-equipped-car-owner market.
    Of course, they still have to figure out a way for Rover to not be a millionaire in the strip…cue the rapacious IRS agent, I guess?

  98. Will Cate
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Sorry… here’s a working Sally link:

  99. blammers66
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    FunkWink: Ah, a whole week of bad dieting habits, morose self observations, and weight gain. Hard to know which one to bet on – colon cancer, or heart attack? (Renal failure is the darkhorse, but shouldn’t be completely discounted.)

  100. Obstreperous B
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who assumed that the buzzing was emanating from some Lovecraftian horror from beyond time summoned by Alan’s artwork. Such horrors can warp the very fabric of the universe, creating geometrical configurations that chill the soul with their stark unreality, such as that of Luann’s breasts in the final panel.

  101. boojum
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    64 Gojira:

    I think there’s some confusion over the term “LuAnn awakens.” Like you, I assumed at first that she had pulled back the curtains, gasped in horror, and then lain down for a nice nap. Assimilating new information always makes LuAnn sleepy. It often happens twice on the way to the grocery store.

    But perhaps this is something far more strange and rare: not a waking up, but a true awakening into something resembling human consciousness as we understand it. Flooded with this much information at once, her brain stem sends the message, “Hey! something is going on here. I don’t know what to say to it.” Then it shorts out and things return to normal for another 30 years.

    I’m toying with the theory that LuAnn always paints flowers because she is in fact a hybrid of a two-year-old child and the night-blooming cereus.

  102. Brick Bradford
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    #99 Given Funky’s addictive personality, let’s not rule out death by eating disorder–that would be a cheery story arc!

  103. AhClem
    September 25th, 2008 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    #97 Paul1963
    “Funky Weighterbean: WTF? Funky weighs 198 and looks like that?! I didn’t look that heavy when I weighed 232 (down to 207 after a year of not having candy or chips in my house, but I digress)! Is he 5?2?? Does he have hollow bones like a bird?

    Maybe when Batiuk jumped FW into the future, he assumed that the US would have finally gone Metric. Funky actually weighs 198 kg, or about 437 pounds.

  104. Muffaroo-who-walks
    September 25th, 2008 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    gleeb@32 – Actually, Camp Swampy is slowly being drained. Look for Mark Trail to show up eventually and punch General Halftrack.

    Hogenmogen @35 – Homer Simpson: “Wait a minute… that’s not the real Wallet Inspector!” [Woo! And also Batman Beatles @89!]

  105. Stephen
    September 25th, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    I think the most baffling part of today’s Archie is the look of orgasmic ecstacy Jughead sports in the third panel. Look at his half open mouth, drool already beginning to pool and drip down his chin. His eyes are closed as he blissfully listens to Archie’s horrid joke and his dog’s loud slurping. I think the AJGLU 3000 has accessed google and discovered the existence of fetishes online. Seeing as the AJGLU 3000 has been programmed to make sure Jughead is obsessed with food, our digital friend has decided to take it to the next level with a severe sexual kink. No longer is simply consuming food sufficient for Jughead to experience a culinary utopia. Now he only needs to hear food being eaten to send him into a spiral of disturbing, sexual pleasure.

  106. Hal Jordan
    September 25th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    #82 commodorejohn: Gotcha. Obama’s agenda for change pretty much consists of singing Kumbaya. No doubt there’s plenty of comic potential there. Too bad it’s Tinsley trying to connect the dots and not someone with some talent.

  107. Merriedeath
    September 25th, 2008 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Archie- I know that that blacked-out shape is supposed to be the dog’s fourth leg, but frankly it looks a lot more like his THIRD, if you know what I mean.

  108. commodorejohn
    September 25th, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    #106 Hal Jordan – Yep.

  109. Grant Rogers
    September 25th, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    I know Jumpstart isnt in your usual rotation but Id love to see your take on the current storyline

    Also does anyone find gag cartoons where the whole joke is taking a cliche and adapting it to modern technology incredibly grating?

  110. fashion police
    September 25th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    If LuAnn was really a lady, she’d lounge around the place in a bikini top, stilettos and a sarong split up to there like Dixie Julep. She could still wear the pearls.

  111. The Paradox
    September 25th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Re: 96, SF- Oh yeah, those two will be bonin’ soon. Yes! Get some, Ted!

  112. Carly
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    That dog’s head is TINY.

  113. Anonymoose
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @47 Les Re: Lesbians-
    It’s not so much that we can’t handle the idea of Ted and Aria having a platonic friendship; it’s more the fact that Aria stands head and shoulders above Sally in the “coolness” factor (and possibly hotness, but opinions here seem to vary)

  114. suomynona
    September 25th, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Taking a break from lurking – Get Fuzzy in the Richmond Times Dispatch was edited today – it didn’t make any sense until I found it online. It just said “ACL” instead of “ACLFU”. So thanks, t-d staff, for protecting my sensibilities.

  115. Seismic-2
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    58 – “DT – Is it just me, or does it look like Brute has a penis for a head in panel three?”

    I so much hope Commodorejohn is right. Then we can have an animated spin-off, “Braces and Dick-head”, drawn by Mike Judge.

  116. True Fable
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Oh phooey; let’s have a little break from snarking!

  117. Eldaglass
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    A3G: No, the “buzz, buzz” in today’s strip is a nod to Hamlet Act II Sc. II where Hamlet mocks Polonius for telling him news everyone knows already:

    Pol. The actors are come hither, my lord.
    Ham. Buzz, buzz.

    It may very well be Margo at the door to share the “news” with Luann, but the important thing is that A3G has reached a point of self-awareness. From now on, A3G will be a sort surrealist meta-tragedy… darker, bloodier, and with all the “actors” sadly aware that they are doomed to dash about sharing “news” that is a month old.

    MW: I agree with Orange Doorhinges. The best thing in the comics today was Toby’s face. Missing third panel: “Next you’re going to tell me that I have to lock my door every time I leave the house, and that leering, bearded men offering to be my ‘Sugar Daddy’ don’t have innocent, candy-involving, intentions!”

  118. Donald The Anarchist
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    A3G But LuAnn, have you ever looked to see the stranger in yourself?

    Shoe “We’re going to roast one of our fellow birds and devour him! That’ll show those food industry fat cats!”

  119. T. Chicana
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    #97 Paul1963: I think that’s not a scale in Funky’s bathroom, but some sort of cancer meter. The 198 is the percent chance that Funky or somebody he knows will get cancer today.

  120. Old School Allie Cat
    September 25th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    #109 – Grant – I think it’s pretty funny because it hits close to home.

    Election years are very tense in my family, and the behavior in this strip rings true.

    True story – when my husband and I started dating, he told me, “My sister votes Republican – don’t hold it against me!”

    I think people on both sides of the aisle take themselves too damn seriously (I know I do) and it’s nice to see someone poking fun at the insanity.

  121. Grant Rogers
    September 25th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Old School; Thats true, its more the idea of a ten? year old referring to themselves as a republican I find silly

  122. ridureyu
    September 25th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    But… but there WERE eat-ins, in Vegas. “Feed our children, and we’re not paying the bill” as a form of protest.

  123. Little Guy
    September 25th, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    26. Frank Parsnip: The nomenclature, “The Grape Fanta”, while not qualifying as CotW, deserves “Moniker of the Week”.

    And yes, in JP, I’m hoping that lawyer/investigator/whateversheis brunette starts getting overcome by the Southwest weather and takes off her blazers, kicks off her shoes, unzips her skirt, then bzzt bzzt…

  124. rusustust
    September 25th, 2008 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    Archie: It makes it so much creepier to think that Jughead’s dog is actually a grown man just wearing a dog suit.

  125. Jejune
    September 25th, 2008 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    You know, as awesome as today’s Apt. 3-G, with its glimpse at Alan’s troubled last works of art, is, I don’t think it holds a candle to yesterday’s panel two, in which Margo looks coy and casually snobbish as she says she has to go downtown to the police station, and then remembers to feign human emotion in panel three as she says that it’s to identify Alan’s body. Tommy reels back in horror, but Margo only manages to register faint discomfort and worry. It looks like she’s contemplating a difficult math problem, or wondering whether any art was damaged during the shooting, and whether the value of that art will go up or down. Come to think of it, that could make for a difficult math problem.

  126. Jnoble
    September 25th, 2008 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    Archie: What’s with the changing background between panel’s one and three? Did someone open the gate or something?

    And yeah….the way the dog’s leg is shaded looks like he’s sporting quite the boner.

  127. Steve
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    Maybe it’s the phantom buzzing?

  128. tb4000
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Amos, the pimp. Hell, I’m a heterosexual male and even I was a bit turned on by that outrage.

    I mean….what?

  129. Red Greenback
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    AThreegee: Maybe that’s Blondie playing on the hi-fi.

    “Rush rush, gimme yeyo
    Buzz buzz, gimme yeyo
    Rush rush rush, gimme yeyo
    Buzz buzz, gimme yeyo
    Yo yo, gimme yeyo
    Yo yo, gimme yeyo”

  130. Canaduck
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    What the HELL is wrong with the dog in Archie? Somebody kill that fucking thing!!

  131. AmazingThor
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    Ok, a few things that seemed to have been missed.
    1. FC: No one has made a cornhole joke yet?
    2. GT: Next week’s punchline: “I drink your milkshake!”
    3. The Better Half: More furry goodness. Looks like the comic strips are catching on to this hip new trend!
    4: SF: My first thought was that she was testing Ted’s geekiness, but then I think that she would have asked how many times he had seen The Dark Knight. No, instead she is making sure Ted isn’t just trying to hit on her. “You’ve seen Wall-E 4 times? Ok, you’re either gay or a pedophile. You may sit by me.”

  132. Sobek
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    This is what I get for not reading Archie every day. I missed the one where they explained why Jughead apparently lives on a hockey rink. Can anyone help me out, here?

  133. yeff
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    I have figoured out what’s going on in Sally Forth.

    The new woman is *not* a future adultery lure. She’s a stalker! Years of careful planning, painfully watching of bad 80s sci-fi movies over and over again, have led to these long-anticipated moments.

    As my wife said, “It’s rather sad when your only friend at work is your stalker.”

    What’s going to be even sadder is when, after a couple weeks of interacting with Ted, she realizes that he really is *that* boring and dumps him so she can go stalk Carl in Accounting.

    - yeff

  134. Amanda
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s pretty obvious what happened in A3G. Alan did not die. Instead, he transformed into a hideous insect creature ala the Fly. He probably devoured the guy with the gun after spitting up acid on him to dissolve him before sucking him up like a glass of coke. Then he vomited on all his paintings. I would too. Finally, he shows his plans to merge his body with Lu Ann and produce a hideous fly baby by buzzing loudly. This week should be interesting.

  135. Dagger
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    I guess the Perfesser’s sign is protesting that food prices are “up,” heh. Which means this group probably protests only things that can be expressed through signs with various greetings, such as “What’s shaking, unsteady savings and loan institutions?” and “How’s it hanging, capital punishment in the state of Washington?”

  136. Mac
    September 25th, 2008 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    I think what we’re dealing with here isn’t the doorbell, but an actual swarm of bees, buzzing, attracted to the yellow-and-black scheme of Alan’s last works. When they find out that it’s just lousy paintings, they will sting Lu Ann to death. Or at least I hope so.

  137. Cheeky Wee Monkeys
    September 25th, 2008 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    I think Alan came back as a zombie and someone is trying to fend him off with a chainsaw.

  138. Eldaglass
    September 26th, 2008 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    Amanda (#134), hmm, that sounds a little like the episode of Dr. Who with Agatha Christie. Certainly an improvement.

  139. Echo
    September 26th, 2008 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    “By the way, do you notice that Lu Ann apparently sleeps while wearing pearls?”

    I think you meant, “wears pearls while she sleeps,” but this is Lu Ann. She apparently sleeps all the time, so that works too.

  140. Kalista
    September 26th, 2008 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    Why can’t you recognize Alan’s artistic genius? Don’t you see the breakthrough? Over and over, he proved that blue+yellow=green.

  141. Krusty
    September 26th, 2008 at 3:53 am [Reply]

    Archie – Does anyone else think that the “shadowed” leg of the dog just looks like a horrificly large penis?

  142. AppleGirl
    September 26th, 2008 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    73 – Marvin’s Mom: Me! Me! My hand is raised! I wanted to see that really bad.

  143. JB
    September 26th, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    I’m waiting for Toby to get an email from someone claiming to need help getting millions from his secret/lost accounts in WAMU…

  144. Canuckguy
    September 26th, 2008 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t know Herb and Jamaal moved to Treetops to write protest signs …

  145. Marion Delgado
    September 26th, 2008 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G, 3400 Mulholland Drive

  146. Paul Rodgers
    September 26th, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Jughead’s dog has the cock of an elephant.

  147. Orange Doorhinge
    September 26th, 2008 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    MW: Do you suppose this incredibly dull story is just a ‘filler’ story while the author decides whether Mary has a real fling or not? Maybe Dr ? will be killed in Viet Nam and Dr. Jeff will go crazy and take her hostage at the Bum Boat… who will meddle the situation THEN, Mary?

  148. Lord-z
    September 27th, 2008 at 6:01 am [Reply]

    I wonder if, since he is dead, will Alans hair revert to whatever colour it originally was. And if so, will it confuse Lu-Ann to the point of not recognising him? She might even insist that he is still alive and join Eric in Tibet, on a quest to find Alan.

  149. Tonstant Weader
    September 27th, 2008 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Looks like Jerry Seinfeld, reeling from the pulled PC ads, has been reduced to penning the Perfesser’s protest signs.

    Oh hell, Allan died? Where will I get my fill of ludicrously and hilariously ill-conceived drug dialog? Will I have to turn to the dark, seedy underbelly of old educational films and DARE brochures? Apartment 3G has driven me to the depths of depravity not seen since . . . well, since Allan was shot by a Heaven’s Gate cultist with a big forehead for “dope”.

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