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Metapost: Curmudgeon commentor call-out COTW!

Comments of the week shortly, but first, a few items!

Let’s begin with yesterday’s One Big Happy, a strip that I still read in the newspaper, the old-fashioned way. My newspaper cuts off the throwaway panels at the top of the Sunday strip, so I didn’t see this:

Ruthie’s grandpa is in fact enjoying Scratch Golfer, the fine comic novel written by faithful Comics Curmudgeon reader and frequent commentor willethompson! It is available for purchase for your enjoyment, and makes a good gift for a golf-loving family member.

Also! I Found All Six, the blog by faithful reader Gold-Digging Nanny that focuses on the six differences puzzles in Slylock Fox, has taken time out to explain the difference between Lu Ann’s cousin Blaze and South Dakota heartthrob Cody Stiles.

Also also! I meant last week to link to a fine project from faithful reader LunarHalo, Riverdale Sonnets, which combines the most demandingly structured of the poetic forms with … Archie, for some reason.

And now, at long, last, it’s your COMMENT OF THE WEEK:

“My thinking is that either Frank will be choked to death by Lynn with the ‘designer scarf’ or Lynn will become paralyzed in a tragic auto-asphyxiation mishap with said scarf. Either way, that scarf is up to no good.” –Dingo

And your runners-up — so many to choose from!

“Mark Trail has his punchin’ face on! Note the engorged eyebrows — a sure sign of impending fisticuffs.” –buckyswife

“You know, despite the painful, wooden awkwardness that defines this strip, Mark is really the best heroic vigilante in the comics. Why? Because his banter is nothing less than awesome. Today’s cross-panel ‘I think I’ll go make a wager … and I’m betting that this Rabbit fellow is going to lose’ is better than anything Spider-man has ever said and even competes with the snark provided by my personal hero, the narration box in the Phantom.” –Journeyman Softheart

“Man, I can’t even imagine that kind of lifts they had to put in Ice-Dad’s shoes to make him appear taller than the 6′ 8” Mary Worth. It’s for naught, though, as Mary’s sense of moral superiority towers over all.” –Tats

“I wonder why Dolly’s soup was cold in the first place. Was Thel so lazy that she just dumped a can of soup straight into the bowl, and it was only Grandma’s pity for the little melon-head that prevented Dolly from having to eat a cold, can-shaped, gelatinous glop?” –Perky Bird

“What is with the freakish kids in the serial strips? Don’t even get me started on the Sneaky-ownin’ kid with the blonde flip ’do in Mark Trail. Her forehead is so big you could show movies on it.” –Bootsy

“I think what Mary is trying to say is ‘You can buy my love, Frank … all it will cost is your soul.’” –Eldaglass

“I for one am confused by such exotic accessories and appreciate that they went that extra mile to illustrate the — how do you say? — scarf. Of course, if they had really cared, they would have written the word SCARF underneath it with an arrow. Then all I would need is someone loudly and slowly over-enunciating as they read the strip to me.” –Mel

“Does it LOOK like I’m kidding? No, seriously, does it? Because I don’t know how to change my facial expression to reflect my emotions!” –Joe Blevins

“If someone ran up to me saying ‘That’s a PET raccoon and I am taking it home!’ about the only response that would make any sense is ‘You’ve got to be kidding.’ Although, ‘Get the hell away from me, you rabies-infected freak!’ would be a close second.” –DaveyK

“Wow, Mark must be particularly riled up this time. At least four hairs have broken free of whatever that blue-black matrix is that holds the rest of his ’do together.” –Joe Btfsplk

“No wonder ladies swoon over Mark Trail. If he would face a gang of drunken bloodthirsty rednecks to rescue a rabid raccoon he would have no problems spending the holidays with her family.” –IronMouse

“Is he named Rabbit because of his sex drive? Could you imagine Mark taking him home instead of hitting him and having a three way with Cherry? You can now.” –Anonymous

“Judging by the big smile on Peter Parker’s sleeping face, I’m betting he got himself some good Spidey lovin’ before going to sleep. Either that or Jay Leno’s monologue was particularly funny tonight. Both things have the same effect on him.” –Perky Bird

“I would be a little worried if in my doctor’s examination room I set eyes on a bag of french fries, a waffle, and a plate of grits. The rural health care system must indeed be stressed if doctors have to see patients while they’re having breakfast.” –Mr. O’Malley

“I think it’s great that Lu Ann’s hometown is populated by the cast of the musical Oklahoma!” –Johnny Bacardi

RMMD: “I have to laugh when Sarah coos, ‘Maybe I should do the talking.’ Otherwise I’ll be overcome with terror. This! Is! No! Child! Never before has she looked so much like a four-foot woman in white lipstick.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Mary has insinuated herself into Lynn’s bed in record time. What happens next will be fodder for many a nocturnal emission, no doubt.” –Tom the Pirate

“I like the throwaway panels in Beetle Bailey. We all know that Cookie’s ‘classic’ cake is simply vanilla and baking flower mixed with enough arsenic to kill the entire U.S. Air Force.” –Erik

“Is there anything I can do to help? Like, for instance, may I disturb your probably set and comfortable pre-skate practice routine and make you think about other things, which in turn might possibly distract you which will lead you to lose the competition and send your father, who’s living vicariously through your success, spiraling into an alcoholic depression from which he, and you, will never recover? Or get you a glass of milk?” –Smokehouse

“I don’t know which will be the cause of more nightmares — Mary’s eyes, or Mary’s outfit. Rest assured, though, that she constitutes 99% of my nightmares. Mary, Mary, Mary, all night long. ALL NIGHT LONG. Rest assured, because I cannot.” –Lithros

“Today’s test question: Mark Trail is in the backwoods breaking up a raccoon/dog fight, surrounded by a bunch of slack-jawed yokels. What is conspicuously absent from this scene? (a) A photographer/reporter from a well respected regional newspaper whose ‘scoop’ is going to land on page one; (b) Firearms, or any weapons for that matter (unless you consider ‘the right fist o’ justice’ a weapon); (c) The line ‘let me hear you squeal like a pig’; (d) An endless series of rabies and tetanus shots; (e) A plot line that would make even the greenest tree-hugging card-carrying animal rights advocate utter ‘Seriously?’ when it plays out.” –blammers66

“Mary’s really full of advice for a woman who stole her sweater from Bill Cosby, circa 1985.” –Patrick

“To: Cathy
From: Humanity
RE: Phrases we never wish to read in a Cathy strip
‘Urinary Tract Health.’
Thank you.” –AmazingThor

“Complaining about how fast 9 Chickweed Lane moves is grounds for sentencing you to three months of reading Judge Parker, during which the following will happen: (1) Sam will get in his car. (2) There is no #2.” –Cranky

“Jamaal becoming a plugger could tell us that America is entering into a new era of post-racial consciousness. Or that cartoonists are trading the same five jokes back and forth. Whichever’s more likely.” –Beatrice

Also of note is a comment by Mooncattie from earlier today that’s too long to reproduce here, but is essential reading if you want to hear the vaguely Faulkerian take of how Lu Ann Powers sort of lost her virginity in the back of a pickup truck.

Anyway, thanks go out to everyone put some change in my tip jar before heading out to the big bad city! And our advertisers will never forget their country roots:

Josh teams up with MST3K alums! Enjoy MST3K-style ribbing of the weepiest Spider-Man ever — with Bill Corbett, Kevin Murphy, and your very own Comics Curmudgeon!

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This entry was posted on Monday, November 17, 2008 at 11:26 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Archie, One Big Happy, metaposts.

123 responses to “Metapost: Curmudgeon commentor call-out COTW!”

Red Greenback
November 17th, 2008 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

Uh, Josh? Let’s begin?
Josh
November 17th, 2008 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

#1 RG — Cursed spell-checker-passing anagrams! I fixed.

Josh
Filthy Assistant
November 17th, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

That first One Big Happy panel looks more like grandpa is masturbating with the book…

I’m sorry, I…

I just couldn’t help noticing.
Muffaroo [almost back]
November 17th, 2008 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

Way to go, Cranky! I knew that was quality material!

And congrats to you other winners too. I’m glad I don’t have stitches in my stomach or anything like that.
bats :[
November 17th, 2008 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

Prince Dingo and His HUGE Snarking Court! Congratulations! The float is riding mighty low this week with all the smart-alecky goodness — it’s as though it were populated by Dolly Keane an’ Sarah Morgan an’ Smartass Sophie…
…only I’m not hoping that the COTW float doesn’t careen into a 250-foot-deep limestone quarry lake.
Cactus Berry
November 17th, 2008 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

I’ve actually gone all the way back into the musty old archives of this wonderful, wonderful site, and read every single post you’ve made since July 2004.

…

I think I have been hardened considerably by the rampant cynicism that has pervaded my mind the last few weeks. A tragic example:

I was reading Tuesdays with Morrie the other day, and I couldn’t help but think that Morrie’s wise proverbs were nothing but cringeWorth-y aphorisms.

Thanks, Josh. Thanks a lot.
Red Greenback
November 17th, 2008 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

Yay Dingo!! And also youse other ones, also, too! And nine C’sOTW about Mark Trail, no less! That’s why I’m ending every sentence with an !
Erik
November 18th, 2008 at 12:00 am [Reply]

Woohoo! My first appearance as a COTW runner-up… clearly I’ll have to be EXTRA creative in the future as to sustain my exquisite title…
Citric
November 18th, 2008 at 12:06 am [Reply]

Here’s that picture of Brad Wall I mentioned earlier. Look at his finger quotes! They’re awe inspiring!
Angry Kem
November 18th, 2008 at 12:38 am [Reply]

Congratulations, everyone! Hurrah for bitter, bitter snarkery!

I have named my comic-creating medieval monks here. The Better Half monk has been busy today.

I hope that when Lynn is finished shredding the scarf, she takes her fingernails to Mary’s face, all the while wailing, “Shredded! Shredded! Like my soul!”
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 18th, 2008 at 12:43 am [Reply]

Thanks for the shout-out, Josh! I should really do one of my own, though — have you come across I, Snuffy yet?
Stroker Ace
November 18th, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

#3 – Couldn’t help noticing as well. Reckon it’s a softcover & not a hardback. More like ‘One Flaccid Not-So-Happy’.
KAS
November 18th, 2008 at 12:49 am [Reply]

Man, this stupid Mary Worth storyline is seriously depressing me. I don’t have the greatest relationship with my mom: it was especially strained when I was a kid. She kind of reminds me of Mike’s wife’s mom in FOOB–she’s an immigrant, so she has extremely high expectations of me, gets angry when I fail to meet them, and can be materialistic. We butted heads a lot when I was growing up, although now that I’m an adult, we’ve been getting along a lot better. One thing we do is read along the soap opera comics together and gently mock them. Unfortunately, she’s totally on the side of Ice-dad in this stupid Mary Worth storyline, and thinks Mary is going to meddle with the girl! She called whatsherface an ungrateful brat earlier today, and says that Coach-dad has every right to be mean and aggressive. Gawd. I thought things had changed so much between us. But they haven’t. I really hope Mary opens her eyes to Ice-coach’s behavior.
commodorejohn
November 18th, 2008 at 1:04 am [Reply]

#13 KAS – I’m still trying to reconcile with the idea of Mary possibly accomplishing something good through her meddling. I know, from a dramatic standpoint, that theoretically the outcome here will be Frank backing off and easing up on his daughter, which is very much a positive outcome, but…Mary Worth just can’t do that. I don’t know how, but there has to be some way she’s going to screw it all up. Because her function in life is to leave a trail of human wreckage and feel good about herself for “helping” her victims.
Ulysses
November 18th, 2008 at 1:06 am [Reply]

the vaguely Faulkerian take of how Lu Ann Powers sort of lost her virginity in the back of a pickup truck

Seems more Joycean to me…
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 18th, 2008 at 1:18 am [Reply]

Mooncattie yester-yesterthread — my God, the deflowering of LuAnn was hysterical. I just read the whole thing aloud to my boyfriend and we laughed our asses off and now we both have Oak Ridge Boys earworm.

Congratulations to Dingo and all the float-riders — funny stuff this week.
bats :[
November 18th, 2008 at 1:23 am [Reply]

Toosday Toon observations:

MT: OMG OMG OMG! Villainy squared! Watch out, Mark!

Mutts: and Sneaky has finally had enough and defected.

MW: I like Mary’s miffed expression, realizing that while she might remind Lynn of her mother, the woman is also DEAD. And she probably had a better fashion sense.

RMMD: and an absolutely stunning face-plant. Kudos, Rex!
He’s probably feeling a real kindred spirit with Ted Forth right about now.
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 18th, 2008 at 1:25 am [Reply]

And another shout-out — if you haven’t seen Josh’s Rifftrax on Spiderman 2, I’d recommend it.
Poteet
November 18th, 2008 at 1:39 am [Reply]

Yay Dingo! And yay to all you others up there, waving and tossing candy!

I note with interest that out of 26 winners this week, Mark and Mary snagged eight apiece. When they are at the top of their respective games, other comic strips have to just back away slowly and salute.
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
November 18th, 2008 at 1:42 am [Reply]

Yaaaay Dingo! And everyone else.
Eldaglass
November 18th, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

I’m not sure if I’m absolutely thrilled to be a COTW runner-up, or if I’m afraid this means l’ve officially lost my youthful, naive charm.

Aw heck! I’m thrilled!
Carly
November 18th, 2008 at 1:53 am [Reply]

“Wow, Mark must be particularly riled up this time. At least four hairs have broken free of whatever that blue-black matrix is that holds the rest of his ’do together.” –Joe Btfsplk

Is that the first sign he’s turning evil? It’s sort of like sprouting upper lip hair.
Lich Barrister
November 18th, 2008 at 2:18 am [Reply]

All hail mooncattie – inspired lunacy.
Poteet
November 18th, 2008 at 2:18 am [Reply]

MW — Oh. My. Gawd. Lynn, recoil and learn from Mary’s expression. Never Ever compare the UberMeddler with any other female confidante. Not if you want to live.
Trilobite
November 18th, 2008 at 2:38 am [Reply]

Let’s see if I can link some of Tuesday’s comics:

Gil Thorp: While I appreciate that Marty Moon no longer has his sad job covering high school sports for local radio, I’m not entirely sure that covering high school sports for the local community-access cable station is any better. And more to the point, I miss his ridiculous earphones. It’s just not the same without them.

Herb and Jamaal: Today is the day when Herb and Jamaal stops being a comic strip about various characters telling bad jokes to each other, and starts to be a comic strip about how Jamaal is blackmailing everyone he knows. On the plus side, it will now actually be appropriate for the characters to avoid mentioning any specifics about anything.

Luann: Oh, hey…I didn’t really see the tool belt, either. Frankly, it’s long past time for TJ to realize that no one will ever want to look anywhere near his crotch.

Mark Trail: Man, I’d love to hang out in the Daily Gazette newsroom when exciting stories like “FAMOUS CONSERVATIONIST RESCUES RACCOON” are breaking. I mean, that’s the kind of story that just demands a full front page treatment, doesn’t it? What do you suppose got knocked onto page two to make room for it, “MAN DOZES AFTER LARGE LUNCH”?
Poteet
November 18th, 2008 at 2:47 am [Reply]

A3G — Why are they bouncing? In Iowa, a two-lane is a blacktop county road. Usually the ride is pretty smooth. Gravel and dirt roads can be another matter entirely, but they’re never called two-lanes. Lane-and-a-half would be more like it.

Uh-oh. I can tell this storyline is going to bring out the rural prairie pedant in me. This won’t be pretty. I’ll put warnings in front of future outbreaks.
Grandstanding Oddball
November 18th, 2008 at 2:48 am [Reply]

All of you rock so so much that you have made my night. Which is good, now that I have imposed a no-Wonette rule upon myself for all eternity.

BTW, Josh, I’ll need you to forward all CC work on Wonkette from here on out. What with the ban and all. That I imposed. On myself. Such as. Also. The Iraq.
True Fable
November 18th, 2008 at 2:55 am [Reply]

I hope you all realize that Scratch Golfer is one of the funniest books I’ve ever read, and if you don’t have a copy you are missing out on a winner. Congratulations, willethompson! Man, and I thought having the occasional goat show up in comic strips was cool, but this wins hands down!

And congrats to Dingo! Wear that tiara proudly and toss some baubles this way! *waves wildly at float*
True Fable
November 18th, 2008 at 3:23 am [Reply]

(WT)DT I want to try to use “we’re pinned down by a belligerant robot! Can you send a tank?” in everyday conversation. And not mean it, of course.
FC Never thought I’d say it, but I wish Bil still wore opaque glasses. Those staring eyes really bug me.
Canadian Zombie See, this totally makes sense when you recall the platter-sized hamburgers she used to make for her and John. I imagine that one cookie for Liz was the size of an end table.
Garfield This REALLY works as Garfield minus Garfield.
GA Kill Slim.
WTF GT Okay, we’re back to the thrilling mano-a-mano Flattop Gil versus Manard G. Moon storyline again! W00t!
Heathcliff a.k.a. Garfield’s Less Marketed Brother They used this recently, and it seems like it had the same caption. Dammit, I HATE reruns!
Scenes from Suburban Hell Only in Suburban Hell will you find a housewife who has to write seductive notes to her husband in order to get any action, and plumbing is also involved somehow.
JP I’m just about fed up with Hot Detective who insists on looking back over her shoulder to speak to Sam every other sentence.
Luann T.J. and Papa DeGroot attempt a watered-down version of Chandler and Joey.
MT You mean, there might be MORE fist-swinging action? Oh be still my heart! This is more than I could have possibly hoped! Or not.
MW Meddling aside, that is the WORST looking ponytail in the history of Ever. I draw better ponytails than that; hell, I bet my cat coughed up better ponytails than that along with the average hairball.
MC Lookie at Bridget’s liddle wed nose! She’s so cuuute!
Phantom Bandar Medicine! Guran’s Gift to the Phantom! Phantom had Other Plans! Guran’s Heart Broken! Guran Seeks Meddling Advice! Crossover From Hell, NEXT!
RMMW I love the quiet little breakdown in panel three. “Oh dammit, I thought we were well rid of old Saggy Baggy Elephant.”
RiR WALNUT ELVES!! See, every once in a while this strip does something goofy that despite all the schmaltz and goo, just charms the living hell out of me.
S-M Fake tears! You can always tell fake tears because when you think about it, people almost never cry from the middle of their lower lashes, tears always come from the corners instead. Of course, this is Spiderman, which means fake emotion in a fake comic strip is expected.
Max
November 18th, 2008 at 3:25 am [Reply]

One Big Happy: I never expected to see a hooker on the comics page, but I can’t say I’m not pleasantly surprised.
moe99
November 18th, 2008 at 3:50 am [Reply]

I can see the next Rex Morgan adventure will involved pirates off the coast of Africa as our intrepid little family make a wrong turn in their maident voyage in Lenore’s sailboat……..
Donkey Hotey
November 18th, 2008 at 4:08 am [Reply]

Imagine my delight when my OTHER favorite blogger, James Lileks, included this in his blog “The Bleat” today:

Which reminds me: this week’s Entertainment Weekly has a Stephen King column. I will take second place to no one in my admiration for Mr. King – he’s written 48,034 novels and there was but one I didn’t want to race to finish, and he is one of the most by-God American writers in the Republic’s history, and people in the distant future will have a better chance of understanding this culture by reading “Christine” than a dozen dry dissertations about the Symbolism of Chrome in Postwar Transportation Modules. But. He has a best-and-worst column in the latest EW, and takes a look a comic strips: he likes Get Fuzzy, which is good, but says this about “For Better or For Worse.” (It) “used to be a winning combination of humor and patjos. Now the Patterson family has been dumped down some weird wormhole in time and I have no idea what’s going on or who anyone is.”

It’s a repeat of the beginning of the strip! She’s drawing it all over again, in an attempt to see if an entirely new level of fourth-panel unfunny “ironic” punchine is possible. And it is. A little googling would have explained everything.

As much as the strip sets my molars on edge, at least now I do know who everyone is, since towards the end all the kids blended together into the same Gentle People Making Wise Realizations In Their Thought Balloons.
Donkey Hotey
November 18th, 2008 at 4:11 am [Reply]

Oops, meant to include the link to the above quote. It’s http://www.lileks.com/bleats/archive/08/1108/111808.html.
Mr. O'Malley
November 18th, 2008 at 4:14 am [Reply]

An interesting guide to cartooning from the 1940s:

http://www.animationarchive.org/2008/11/education-how-to-be-cartoonist-in-16.html

I’m not sure how it helped the war effort to teach the soldiers to draw better cartoons.
Zaq
November 18th, 2008 at 4:27 am [Reply]

Tuesday comments!

Phantom: Today’s Phantom contains a lampshade-hatted jungle witch doctor silently weeping while the narration box bellows sentence fragments to no one in particular. Stripeybutt’s kind of a dick, isn’t he? Also, Guran’s little leather purse is quite charming. Do not mock the purse of the lampshaded one, for his feelings get hurt and he cries! -Old jungle saying in the Bandar tongue

Garfield: Wow, this reminds me of Garfield of the mid-eighties, back when it was still usually pretty funny. Relatively speaking. I mean yes, the punchline’s incredibly stupid (and so much better in GmG form), but it’s a good sight gag that beats the hell out of three motionless panels of Garfield And Jon At The Table. Also, it helps that I only ever cook rice in the tiniest pot I own, which can barely hold a pint or so of water, so I’m imagining the Wall o’ Rice coming from my itty-bitty little pot. Made me chuckle a bit. That’s a win for Garfield.

Curtis: I’ve long since given up on trying to care about the strip itself. Now I just supervise Billingsley’s quotation mark usage… and he’s on probation right now. You’re clean for today, Billingsley, but I’ve got my eye on you.

MC: Today’s strip is a lot darker than it seems at first blush (ha! See what I did there?)… Norm automatically assuming that the only reason that inebriation is the only way that Bridget could be acting like she is, and that he’s going to be doomed to suffer as a result… ah hell, who am I kidding. Look at Bridget! She’s so adorable! It takes skill to pull off a character who can have random emotion-sparkles appear in the air, unironically, and have it work, but My Cage manages to do just that.

Comics that feature really unnerving facial expressions (more so than usual) today: Mary Worth, Spider-Man, Zits, Gasoline Alley, Funky Winkerbean, Judge Parker, Archie.

DT: I don’t know what I love most… The very idea of Dick calling for a tank, Liz’s possibly sarcastic response while Dick’s being invited to “try taste of laser,” or the adorably tiny “ZAP” in panel 3.

Luann: Holy shit, TJ has eyes!

Popeye: Holy shit, Wimpy has eyes!

H&J: This is so telling. Herb asks for a clarification, a request to become more specific… and Jamaal is silent. Amazing.

MW: I’m almost positive I’ve seen Margo make that exact expression that Mary’s making in panel 2. Look at that sneer of disgust! So disapproving! So passive-aggressive! Mary is a grandmaster at what she does, without question.
Little Guy
November 18th, 2008 at 7:51 am [Reply]

Congrats to the COTWers. I feel like I’m in the AL East.

Zits: Okay, that’s just gross.

Candorville: It’s Cockpit Week for the strip.

Curtis: So, how long before Curtis finds out the mail *was* lost?

MT: Sleezy Developer is working too hard. Make J. Jonah Jameson the new editor of the paper and accuse Mark Trail of being Spiderman. The Right Fist O’ Justice is proof enough!

JP: Screw you, Al Gore and Carl Sagan! This town needs more night lighting. Otherwise, how else to enjoy detective fanservice?
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 18th, 2008 at 8:25 am [Reply]

Lockhorns: I’m thinking it’s the “salad” thingy, because it’s green and leafy and it’s in a bowl on your dinner table with salad dressing next to it. These are some of the differences I notice between salads and Lambeau field.

MC: Bridget drinks Zima? The shine is off.
Pastor Z
November 18th, 2008 at 8:28 am [Reply]

Mooncattie’s epic on Ol’ Blue brought back memories of being in high school… unfortunately they’re of Faulkner.
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 18th, 2008 at 8:30 am [Reply]

A plugger, bitterly disappointed in her daughter’s abandonment of traditional female roles, begins none too early indoctrinating the succeeding generation in the virtues of staying the hell home and taking care of the goddamned kids.
Jimbo
November 18th, 2008 at 8:40 am [Reply]

Dennis the Menace–Not menacing. Menacing: “With my dad’s blood on my hands, I’ll be able to hold onto those passes…and make passes at my mom!”
Chyron HR
November 18th, 2008 at 9:07 am [Reply]

Future Police Traz-R: “Diet Smith! Tracy’s requesting authorization for Final Fusion!”

Pedal to the Meddle: “You know, dear, I am a magnificant confidante. Also, I am witty, handsome, and above all, humble.”

Moondog: 1099-MISC DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Foob – “One time… I only let him do it without a condom one time.”

Funky Gymshorts: What’s to know about coaching basketball? Just shout some cliches like “Good hustle!”, “Guard the center!” and “This is the only pussy you people are going to get!”
Whippersnapper
November 18th, 2008 at 9:21 am [Reply]

Congrats to the float-riders, especially Perky Bird with a double appearance! You are some funny people!

A3G: Well, first a ghost helped me paint and then tried to kill me and then my boyfriend, who I was too dense to figure out was a junky, got shot and killed. It’s super fun!

FW: Oh, the girls’ basketball coach is just moving. I assumed she quit because she was suffering from cancer of the basketball.
gleeb
November 18th, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

H&L: Is that an incontinence joke lurking below the surface of Hi & Lois?
captain bee
November 18th, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

tues
RMMD: “I told you not to mention that family thing to me! Furthermore I have a thriving practice to manage and have no time for. . .boats. . .and. . . sailing. . .Doh!”
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
November 18th, 2008 at 9:53 am [Reply]

Congrats to the many, many commenters who are much, much funnier than me! Now on to next week’s losing comments!

BB: Yeah, and I wonder why you’ve never been in one.

BB (the other one): There are worse things he can suck on.

BF: So it only took her 10 years to get from a desperately poor divorcee whose only experience is as a barista to a fully trained oncology nurse? Did she just happen to hit the Super Lotto along the way?

C’Shaft: Ah, she’s the substitute bus driver. That means we won’t have to put up with this relatively attractive and potentially interesting character for long. Soon, we’ll be back to the same ugly, spiteful, senile, bitter old crew we already know and hate, as soon as her potential for bad puns is exhausted.

DtM: That ain’t pancake syrup!

(WT)DT: “Gee, you’re right, chief, why don’t I just use Diet Smith’s robot, because I never would have fucking thought of that on my own. NOW SEND THE GODDAMN TANK!!!”

Dilbert: I’m sure this strip is absolutely hilarious to anyone who knows off the top of their head what heuristics is. Or are.

Garfield: Garfield wa gohan wo tabemasu-ka?

thorps. Once again, ~~Dante Hicks~~ Marty Moon starts talking while there’s still two seconds to air, which explains why he’s still doing a cable-access high-school sports show instead of doing snooker play-by-play on ESPN 8 (”The Ocho”).

Luann: “If you want me to take you seriously, you might want to find somewhere else to keep your Astro-Glide and butt plugs.” “Whoops! Wrong tools!”

MT: Wow, I’ve worked for some small-time newspapers before, but even we had standards.

OBH: She’s lookin’ at a minx, all right, but not the jacket.

Stripeybutt of the Jungle: You are CUT OFF, Mister!

R&R: So, Dad’s special request is “I love you”? Heartwarming tribute to veterans… or prelude to pedophilia!?

Shoe: It’s his refrigerator. Why would he put anything unappetizing into it?
Perky Bird
November 18th, 2008 at 10:20 am [Reply]

Oh my gosh, I got two comments posted this week?! Wow! Thanks, Josh! And I’m lucky to be among such other great snarkers, too.
Amateur
November 18th, 2008 at 10:39 am [Reply]

#32 — Lileks rocks! (And, like Josh, he has also done a RiffTrax!) Thanks for the quote. I’ll have to make sure I read that one.
Dingo
November 18th, 2008 at 10:41 am [Reply]

Thank you, all, for your kind words. I am humbled, truly humbled. What a wonderful bunch of people on the float this week! Congratulations to you all.

I’ve brought Tootsie Rolls, plastic beads, and those paper fans on sticks that ladies use in church. Start tossing to your minions!
Calico
November 18th, 2008 at 10:43 am [Reply]

#48 – Yes, congrats – I was hoping you’d get the COTW for that scenario.
Calico
November 18th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

I’m not sure who the better shredder is – Sneaky or Lynn.
But Mary will always, always top them both.
Mel
November 18th, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Thanks for the float ride, Josh. And hail to Dingo our COTW King!
buckyswife
November 18th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

Someone with much more time on his hands than I have should start to catalog all the recurring comics plot devices. I noticed two today that I’m quite sure I’ve seen (lots of times) before:
-Peter Parker is saved from an awkward explanation by a ringing phone (although I am intrigued, I confess, by the fact that Maria is so bereft at the loss of Jonah that her eyes are melting out of her head!).
-The Mark Trail Mustachioed Corporate Villain (TM) hires Overalled/Ball-Cap-Wearing Rube with Hick Name (TM) to do his backwoods dirty work for him (Ah, but have we seen such a rube, once punched, come back for more? That’s the kind of intrigue that keeps me comin’ back to the Trail!).

And a new plot device that could become recurring:
-The creation of a noir atmosphere in JP through the elimination of Sam Driver’s eyeballs (although one might be making a comeback today).
bats :[
November 18th, 2008 at 11:12 am [Reply]

Witch-Doctor Guran is making me have flashbacks to the late 70s and early 80s, when a certain Polynesian-themed restaurant in Tucson ran a commercial with a fellow called “Little Chief,” decked out in feathers and beads. His side-kicks were the Announcer Fellow and Lovely Girl in a Grass Skirt.
The plot was something to the effect:
AF (as Little Chief smiles): Little Chief loves Kon-Tiki!
AF (as Little Chief scarfs everything that LGGS offers to him): Little Chief loves all of the food and drinks at Kon-Tiki!
(Little Chief looks maudlin, gets all sniffly and starts to cry.)
AF: awww! Little Chief is sad because Kon-Tiki reminds him of home!
LGGS (sympathetically to Little Chief): oh…Samoa?
Little Chief (grinning like an idiot): Don’t mind if I do!

Gotta love local television. And yeah, the Phantom is a dick.
Dingo
November 18th, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

9CL: I love the phrase “rampant on a Bosendorfer” and wish there were a way to put it in casual conversation as easily as “chained to a log.”

A3G: Where is this new man’s right hand? In panel one, it’s on the steering wheel and Luann looks like a Margaret Bourke-White photo from the Depression. In panel two, he’s driving with his left hand and the right hand has mysteriously disappeared. However, Luann’s countenance has changed. She looks like a rogue Catholic girl who’s snuck out of the dormitory for cigarettes and illicit sex. In panel three, the right hand is still missing but Luann has the look of a woman who’s man has… “found the spot.” Indeed, the answer to “Are you happy there, Luann?” seems to be “Yes! RIGHT there.”

Luann: Today’s strip is bothersome. I can expect TJ to be standing behind Luann’s father while wearing a toolbelt. I just can’t imagine him standing behind Luann’s father while wearing a toolbelt and clothing.

Mary Worth: Oh, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn. Mary should remind you of an older sister. A much older sister. The only modicum of motherhood Mary has ever shown was to a beagle. Unless your ears are tied up in that pony tail, you won’t get a tear out of her for your plight. By the way, I realize it’s easy to match drapes to a bedspread and pillowcase but where’d you find an entire set of mauve books? That takes some skill, girl. You sure you want to be an ice skater? You seem destined for actuarial sciences.
Zaq
November 18th, 2008 at 11:22 am [Reply]

54 Dingo: At first I was amazed that Lynn managed to find any books that weren’t gray (think about it… all the books we’ve ever seen in the Worthiverse are gray. For a particularly egregious example go back to the beginning of the Donna Amalfi storyline.) Then I realized that it’s just all the books in Santa Royale that are gray, and that they’re color-coded by region. Lake Nyquil has mauve, Santa Royale has gray. Any guesses as to what color the books are in Vietnam?
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 18th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

11/18

Thanks to the COTWers for the lulz. And thanks to Josh for putting me in such fine company. Now onto new business.

MT: Who do corporate schemers turn to when they need to get things done? Why, unemployed redneck gamblers who have just been beat up, of course.

A3G: Ah. I thought Lu Ann was going to South Dakota, the state. Turns out she actually went to South Dakota, the Rural American (TM) theme park, located just outside Buffalo.

SFx: What we’re looking at is a fanged goldfish about to bide the protruding Simmonsesque tongue of a swooping bat. Both versions of the picture score pretty high on the insanity meter.

Crock: The “joke” makes no impression on me at all, but I have to admire the deep tan on the cactus.

BB: Yes boys, there are wars going on all over the world. Ever wonder why you don’t get sent to any of them? No, I guess you don’t.

GT: As Matt the Hatt is ostracized for his part in Bumtickergate, and as the Czak skates on it, Marty Moon emerges as the unlikeliest of avenging angels.

S4th: Oh dear, Sally. You are so close to jumping the marriage shark.

Marvin: Bitsy just saved Marvin from a fateful tumble down the stairs. Man, his parents are gonna be pissed. Why do you think they put him in a big boy bed?

Lockhorns: Hey, Leroy made a reference to something. Can you handle the hilarity?

Baldo: He charges extra for foretelling the customer’s death.

Phantom: As action-packed as a Sunday installment of Apartment 3-G.

H&J: He had it cunningly hidden in the “old pictures” box, but yes, Jamaal has found his porn stash. And he’s been waiting all day for another look at That Magazine With the Genitals.
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 18th, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

#54 Dingo,
How about this?

“If Jeffy doesn’t let him read the sports section in peace, Big Daddy Keane is gonna go rampant on a Bosendorfer.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 18th, 2008 at 11:40 am [Reply]

#36 Little Guy,
Re: Mark Trail as Spider-Man: Ridiculous. The Trails don’t even seem to own a TV.
Hogenmogen
November 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am [Reply]

Phantom made the pygmy cry. Man, I did NOT see that coming.

#29 – True says “JP I’m just about fed up with Hot Detective who insists on looking back over her shoulder to speak to Sam every other sentence.”

It’s symbolic. Sam is constantly looking over her shoulder, commenting on what the cops should be doing. “Why don’t you check Dewey’s cell phone records?”
“We are.”
“I think I’ll drive to Dewey’s house to search for evidence.”
(at Dewey’s house) “Hello Sam.”
“Dewey owned guns? Did you check the gun case?”
“Yes, we’re checking.”
“Dixie said that Duggan and Dewey were rivals for her hot ass. Why don’t you check him out?”
“He’s not my type. Oh, I mean, we are checking.”
“Did you check Duggan’s cell phone for prints?”
“Yes, we checked.”
“Did you check the battery?”
“Yes, we checked. Now are you convinced that the police department is meeting its level of competence? On the other hand, Mr. Driver, did you get Dewey’s offer in writing? No? Then isn’t that $50K only an advance on future royalties instead of an addition to the signing bonus? And were you planning on separating your reciepts, because everything after Dewey’s death is not eligible for being reimbursed as a business expense. While we’re at it, did you wash your hands after you went to the bathroom?”
Hogenmogen
November 18th, 2008 at 11:48 am [Reply]

A3G: Yes, Ol’ Blue is exactly like I remember. And look, here are my old panties still hanging from your rearview mirror. Ha ha! With the old skid marks, too! Good times, good times…
Hogenmogen
November 18th, 2008 at 11:51 am [Reply]

Crank: If Nick was talking to the black guy, she would have said “You only get to say that once.” She must be referring to the letcherous, dirty old man Crankshaft, who is groping her in a most inappropriate way to determine if she really is a she.

He certainly lookes very pissed off to be crammed in to a partial head shot at the very bottom of his own strip.
Dingo
November 18th, 2008 at 11:52 am [Reply]

Ohmigosh, I just made the mistake of reading Mooncattie’s Do you remember Ol’ Blue? at my desk at work. I think people three aisles down could hear my laughter. Great story!
Old Doc Yak
November 18th, 2008 at 11:55 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: “You only get to do that once!”

No, motherfucker, this is Crankshaft. He’ll make shitty puns a thousand times. Oh, or did you mean the smirk? He’ll do that to.
Bootsy
November 18th, 2008 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

OMG! I’m on the float! This has made my week! (Hey, I don’t get out much.) Congrats, Dingo, Mooncattie, et al. It’s an honor to be in such company. Thanks, Josh!
queek
November 18th, 2008 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

Lio: WIN! That is just so, so awesome. (yo, Dennis, THAT’S how its done!)

Speaking of Lio, can anyone clue me in on Monday’s strip? Elephants use up the last of the peanut butter? I think that I’m missing something.

RwO: lame, but the intro panel mini-joke makes up for it.

AS: Hilburn, you hack. Give it up. This strip sucks, and if the art was any worse, it’d be The Family Tree.

Zits: clever, but I really could have lived without seeing panel 2.
P
November 18th, 2008 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

In other news, congratulations to the The Bakersfield Californian, who dropped FC after Sunday’s strip.

It’s the second major newspaper to drop it after the Cincinnati Post back in 04 or 05.

Let’s just hope this ban keeps going on.
queek
November 18th, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

oh, forgot to mention, for those that aren’t offended by “New York” style ethnic humor, today’s Medium Large is a pretty funny shout-out. Very edgy, Ces, well done.
Calico
November 18th, 2008 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

Oh, and The Mouse is 80 today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RexXDDA8RoI

Happy Birthday Corporate Shill!

(FYI-His original name was to have been Mortimer, and his character actually was originally developed as a different animal-Oswald the Rabbit)
Red Greenback
November 18th, 2008 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

Just curious. Has Mark Trail ever done a Sunday installment featuring bearded lizards? If so, I wonder how Mark handled that one?
Tim
November 18th, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

Remember a few weeks’ back when Dagwood was blatantly trolling for product endorsements? Must’ve worked. Yesterday’s strip features the ’smart car’ prominently in every panel touting its ‘gas mileage’ benefits.
commodorejohn
November 18th, 2008 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

9CL – So evidently a lot more happened than we saw, there just weren’t any jazz hands to indicate it. In which case, it says a lot about Edda that the only time she’s not embarassed about people knowing she had sex is when she’s using it to spite someone.

A3G – “Nothin’ changes much around here. No, Lu Ann, I mean it. Look at me, I’ve been in walking stasis since the ’70s. Oh God, get me out of here. GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE.”

BBlue – Baby Blues touches on infantilism. The world thanks its lucky stars that it wasn’t Momma that did.

BB – Because you get to kill people and take their shit, man. Ask Hagar, he’ll tell you all about it.

Crankshaft – If only she’d tell that to everyone in the Winkerverse.

Crock – Do you think it’s possible that Crock co-creator and (as near as I can decipher that hairball of a signature) current artist Bill Rechin is actually, literally mentally ill? I mean, we joke about cartoonist senility on occasion, but freaking look at this thing. Can anybody explain it without using the term “Alzheimer’s?”

DT – The police department can call in tanks and Dick hasn’t used them before? If it weren’t for the probability that he likes his police brutality personal, I’d find that very hard to believe.

FC – Yeah, “Moby Dick.”

Garfield – Okay, this one is just made for Garfield Minus Garfield.

GA – Okay, sounds like a plan.

GT – And Marty Moon’s insane vendetta against Gil is the perfect closer for this one, I think. But I wouldn’t object to a few more panels of 6′9″ and Goth Pirate Chick reenacting album covers.

H&L – That clue is very…open to interpretation. But shouldn’t Lois be the one on that “treasure hunt?”

Lio – WIN.

Love Is… – high as a goddamn KITE.

MF – Look at that poor thing. It’s like an overweight, badly miscolored pelican. The poor firefly is even more egregiously wrong. Dammit, Tinsley, how hard is it to actually go on Google Image Search and find out what these things actually look like before drawing them? Given how wrong the rest of the strip is, I’m honestly surprised Santa isn’t wearing a fez.

MT – BWAHAHAHA AHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHA HA

MW – Mary Worth…good confidante…good…mother…*falls to the floor, doubled over laughing*

MC – I’ve said it before, but Melissa is the absolute best colorist in the funnies. Today’s strip is a particularily nice example, with the slight drunk-blush on Bridget; it backs the dialogue up nicely, but doesn’t draw attention to itself the way, say, Leroy Lockhorn’s booze-bubbles do. Bravo, Ms. deJesus!

Phantom – Finally, the narration box gets an entire strip all to itself! I would love it if Spider-Man did the same. “Mary-Jane is sexy!” “Petty bitching between Peter and his boss!” “Oprah is on!”

Pibgorn – Every time I see this guy, I confuse him with Thorax’s pap from 9 Chickweed Lane. Think you could vary your character designs a bit, Brooke?

Popeye – Is it just me, or are Wimpy and the Sea Hag the only characters in this strip with a lick of sense?

PC – Maybe you should jump ship to the Libertarian Party, Carmen.

RMMD – Rex is skirting around the real problem: he doesn’t want to be reminded of the things that happened to him on that boat.

SFX – A Drakee appears!

> FIGHT
MAGIC
ITEM
RUN

Edison Lee – Putting aside my grudge against this strip for today, I want to say that “LEGO particle accelerator” is the awesomest toy concept there ever has been and ever will be.

Ziggy – what
bats :[
November 18th, 2008 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

29. True Fable, re JP: methinks the gentleman doth protest too much. If it were a full-length shot of Det. Heidi looking over her shoulder (and back. and butt. and legs.) at Sam Driver, I don’t think you’d have quite so much of a problem. :)

29. True Fable, re FC: I think Big Daddy Keane just painted two black dots on his opaque glasses to give stupid little Jeffy the impression that Daddy gives a rat’s assworth of attention to him.

48. Dingo: oooooooh, Tootsie Rolls!

And, gee whiz, the more I think about it, dang, is the Phantom a dick!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3040615447/sizes/o/
Llarry
November 18th, 2008 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

A3G: I’m glad to finally get some explanation of those neckerchiefs, and how to use them to tell Cody and Blaze apart. Between the white shirts and the neckerchiefs, I was starting to think that they were Basques, and I was wondering what the hell Basques were doing in “South Dakota”.

Hmm. Maybe Cody is secretly a member of terrorist group ETA and is kidnapping LuAnn in order to…wait, now *what* would that accomplish? And shouldn’t he get a medal for it?
UncleJeff
November 18th, 2008 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

DT: Panel 2: replace caption with “Who is this and how the hell did you get my phone number???”
odinthor
November 18th, 2008 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

Apt. 3-G — The Saga of Cody’s Right Hand. “Are you happy there, Luann?” [moves hand] “Are you happy there, Luann?” [moves hand] “Are you happy THERE, Luann? Gotta say, I’m sure bustin’ out in a grin!”.

DtM — Dennis, take it from me: The sticky hands part should wait until after you try making any passes.

H&L — Somehow, I wish I hadn’t read “Jiggle me and I stop dripping” right after I read about Dennis’s sticky hands… No, let me rephrase that. I’m pleased as hell that I read “Jiggle me and I stop dripping” right after I read about Dennis’s sticky hands.

MC and MW — Ulp! Lavender . . . robin’s egg blue . . . pink . . . Time for an intervention, fellow mudges! My Cage is only a little bit of salmon and magenta away from having the color scheme of Mary Worth…

Crock — This is obviously a specimen of the rare chamaeleon cactus, Pseudosaguaro variabilis, trying to match the color of Grossie’s burka. Mark Trail, where are you when we need you?
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 18th, 2008 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

A3G — Am I the only one who thinks Cody looks like Joe Scarborough in that last panel?

MC — Bartender! No more Zima for anybody!
Marthas Rolling Pin
November 18th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

#31 Moe99, let’s make that off the Bangallan coast, and it could get so awesome.
gnome de blog
November 18th, 2008 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

31, 77:
Let’s hope it involves roo-roo…and Bandar medicine.
Hogenmogen
November 18th, 2008 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Phantom: It would have been funnier if Dr. Lampshade had given Phantom some poison instead of medicine.

Does Ghost-Who-Votes-Liberal realize that even if Bangalla doesn’t have a death penalty, Chatu is likely going to be extradited to a country that does for his international terrorism adventures? Is giving your arch enemy a secret formula to make him super-strong really a raging hot idea, Phantom? And, Dr. Lampshade also told Phantom that Chatu was not just unworthy of saving on a moral level, but that he was too far gone for medical intervention, either. And if Guran had this special herbal cocktail for boosting performance, why didn’t he let Phantom know until now?
Dingo
November 18th, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

Hogenmogen, you have to give Phantom a break here. If you want to make fun of a doctor, look at Sunday’s Desperate Housewives. You’re a doctor who specializes in the criminally insane. You find that your patient has gone to the town that caused him harm. He’s changed his name. He’s in a band with the man who killed his brother. You let him walk you into a storage room where he strangles you. This world-reknowned doctor was the male equivalent of Luann Powers in a summer dress.

Comparatively, Phantom is a John Cheever novel.
Hogenmogen
November 18th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

Gil: Evil Spock would have used that mysterious alien device that allows him to peek into everyone else’s cabin and ascertained what they were doing. When he saw ‘Czak and Hatt switching medical forms, he would have pushed the red button that eradicated them.

Too much ‘Trek trivia? Sorry.

Heathcliff is supposed to be a silent cat who puts on airs of grandeur. So he sits on top of four cans of stinking shit to woo his kitty friend.

But the disturbing thing to me is that ominous black cloud with a wrench head carved out of it. What the hell is that??
Bootsy
November 18th, 2008 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

Um Josh? Wouldn’t that be Faulknerian?
Brick Bradford
November 18th, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

Poteet #26 I’m guessing the “creative” team at A3G couldn’t find South Dakota on a map, so some unrealistic portrayals of life on the great plains should be expected (and relished!).
Shermy Glamrocker
November 18th, 2008 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

I think Mary should have an “intervention” for Lynn, which will drive her into getting drunk and skating off a cliff.
BabblingBeth
November 18th, 2008 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

Lynn: “Yes Mary, you remind me of my Mother…she too tried to stop my Father’s insane plans and horrible abuse. She disappeared one day, my Father said she had run away because of my lack of commitment. I believed him until the day I found her hand half buried in our back yard. So yes Mary, continue your meddling but you have been warned.”
T. Chicana
November 18th, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

MW: Skater Lynn is more of a sick puppy than we realized. I’m just disgusted. She’s opened the door to a full-on meddle now. It’s like she invited a vampire inside. No turning back from here. And is that her scarf all shredded up? That was a great idea, Mary.

S4th: I can’t believe Sally did that! No she di-in’t!!

Zits: I, too, am super grossed out by this. That pierced-up kid, uh, Pierce, is just sort of ick, now that I think about it.
gnome de blog
November 18th, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

The Morgan family yacht shipwrecked off the Bangalla coast does indeed have awesome potential, including:

Rex and Phantom don their gay apparel;

Rex vs. Guran: Health Insurance vs. Bandar Medicine

June vs. Diana rack-off;

Awed by her freakish appearance, the Bandar adopt Widdle Sawah as a Goddess.

Let the sailing begin!
Cranky
November 18th, 2008 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

#4 Muffaroo, belated thanks. Please catch my collected posts in my upcoming book Brief, Sarcastic, and Full of HTML: Posts from My Grandma’s Basement, available at “The Bucket,” in the Charterstone lobby, and at “Herb and Jamaal’s Restaurant Which Provides Edibles Generally Enjoyed by Various Ethnic Groups.”
Bootsy
November 18th, 2008 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

# 87, gnome, don’t forget:

Count Morgu’s Health Department vs. The Jungle Patrol!
willethompson
November 18th, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

Many congrats to Dingo, et. al!

And, Josh, the ‘package’ is at BWI, restroom next to the USAir ticket counter, third stall from the left. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more.
Gordo's Cat
November 18th, 2008 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

DT – Awww, Dick looks all nice and cozy snuggled into that giant skunk he tackled in yesterday’s strip. Hey, maybe Brute Force’s weakness will turn out to be an allergy to mustelid perfume. If not, Dick better hope that skunk’s fur is laser-proof.
CanuckDownSouth
November 18th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

dittos on the COTW congrats

Now, let me get this straight:, in S-M Jonah

- calls Maria’s “Ex” by a ridiculous alias, not by a human name like “Bob” or “Steven”

- called the aforementioned Ex a “hood” yesterday

- and is shocked when Peter calls the Ex a crook today.

I’m not sure which is more worrisome: the idea that a major news editor can’t connect the chain of logic from ‘hood’ to ‘crook’, or the idea that he’s unaware that the former is nearly synonymous of the latter … and man, the libel suits the paper must get in that case!

(obligatory FOOBfic plug)
Niall
November 18th, 2008 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

A3G: Due to Mooncattie’s epic, I mentally discarded the second line of panel 1’s narration box, which gives a mental image just about the same as said epic: “(As the pickup bounces along)” “This old truck hasn’t changed at all, Cody.” “Nothin’ changes much around here.” Yeah, listen to those springs getting a workout… too…

MC: Having Bridget drink Zima is a hell of a way to establish dark sides for those characters. But I can’t call it a break-off matter, lest I look a bit of a hypocrite. I’m learning a lot these days as to how flexible some supposed hard lines can suddenly be.

BC: Sad; Mason was showing signs of breaking away from Hart’s formula and doing new things. Then there are these days where the joke is so absent, there is such a Zero Sum of Humour, that I wonder why he’s trying to keep it alive.

GT: Um, Marty, if Sacko6′9″ hid his condition, that means even Coach Thorp didn’t know about it, so how is it irresponsible of him to send a good player he believes is healthy out on the gridiron? Isn’t Moon fabricating a controversy from nothing, which the most basic of thought would unravel, and which he supports strictly from his boastful ego? And which is likely to work anyways? …I guess Moon is ready to hit the major networks then!

(Note I’m not pinpointing any in particular – they’re all guilty of this to some degree now.)

Pluggers: more menacing than Dennis. (Which isn’t saying much. Or anything at all these days.) As soon as I read the text, I mentally see grandma whispering: “And if you don’t tell mama bye, you’ll never see her again.” All while smiling nonchalently.

Sly: Utterly disturbing scene. Surreal. Completely insane. Mr Weber, I salute you for your efforts to subvert the young minds of many nations with your unbridled creativity without regards to silly conventions. May the lesson be taken to heart.
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
November 18th, 2008 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

45 Dilbert: I’m sure this strip is absolutely hilarious to anyone who knows off the top of their head what heuristics is. Or are.

I know, and it only minimally improves the joke. Basically, heuristics are a computer’s way of making an intelligent guess based in insufficient data. Flipping a coin or going eeney-meeney-miinee-moe are examples of heuristic algorithms. In Asok’s case, waking up at random intervals and checking to see if PHB is still talking is a pretty decent heuristic — it is one I use at work quite often.
Angry Kem
November 18th, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

Yes, Zero, there is a medieval context for your comic.

OBH: How awesome is Rose today? Rose is really awesome today…that’s how awesome she is. I think I am going to start going around calling people purple minxes and making a note every time nobody notices the insult.

9CL: Fine. Now get back to the competition, damn it.

S4th: If this doesn’t end in either divorce or murder, Ted truly will have proven himself to be a hollow shell of a human being, impervious to the pain of human interaction. Sally, on the other hand, will have outed herself as Voldemort.
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 18th, 2008 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

Niall, Niall, Niall. There are hard lines that have to be drawn. Kicking puppies. Invading Poland. Drinking Zima. The line must be drawn here!
commodorejohn
November 18th, 2008 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

#93 Niall – Note I’m not pinpointing any in particular – they’re all guilty of this to some degree now.
No kidding. I don’t even watch or listen to the news any more, because no matter where I turn, it’s all sensationalistic manufactured crises; it’s just a question of in whose favor it’s spun. Gah.
Little Guy
November 18th, 2008 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

Pardon me for asking, willethompson, but why is your book farting laughing gas on Ruthie’s granddad?

*Props for the Shoutout!*
Perky Bird
November 18th, 2008 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

Beetle, a U.S. soldier, has to read the paper to discover there are wars going on. That’s kind of like an orthopedic surgeon listening to a children’s song and learning that the knee bone is connected to the leg bone, and the leg bone is connected to the hip bone.
Hank
November 18th, 2008 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

re: Mark Trail. If you’re going to hire a henchman to take care of Mark Trail, is a really a good idea to hire the guy that Mark already felled with one punch?
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 18th, 2008 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

Two punches, Hank. Two punches. And that’s the closest anyone’s gotten to defeating him yet!
bats :[
November 18th, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

92. CDS: yay for Foobfic! And Wilf!

Just as a segue indicative of nothing, David Letterman had the Arizona woman who was bitten by the rabid fox on his show last night. The account was pretty harrowing, and he (and I) were genuinely amazed by the lady’s calm and thoughtfulness in light of being attacked by. I wonder what Mark Trail would’ve done.
CanuckDownSouth
November 18th, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

Bats-102: That may be the only circumstances under which punching and animals meet in Mark Trail :-)
Lake Eerie Log Chains
November 18th, 2008 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

Congrats to Dingo and the float riders.
Yeesh, you people can write – I used to think I could!
Seismic-2
November 18th, 2008 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

Phantom: “Oh Kit –that was completely uncalled for, to say that this lampshade makes me look fat.”

Blondie: For his school’s “Show and Tell” this week, Elmo will demonstrate how to administer a colonoscopy.

Spidey: Peter’s got himself into a real jam, because he can’t say that the reason he knows that Big-Time is a crook is that he remembers reading in The Daily Bugle about how Spiderman captured him and sent him to prison. Jameson would see through that alibi right away, since no one ever reads The Daily Bugle. Now, if the Bugle would just junk all that Spiderman coverage and replace it with some front page headline-making stories about rescuing pet raccoons, then they would really have something!

MW: Mary reminds Lynn of her mother?!?!?! No wonder the kid’s so messed up. If her mother was anything at all like Mary and her Dad was – er, anything like her Dad, then this kid will be a train wreck for the rest of her life, no matter how many shrinks she sees. Lynn will be shredding up everything, and everyone, for decades to come. I predict that when she grows up she will marry a dentist in Canada and draw a comic strip.

DT: Ever since yesterday, I’ve been trying to use the phrase “Try taste of laser” in casual conversation. Today it got me only a strange stare when I addressed that remark to my co-worker who was changing the toner cartridge in the printer, but it drew a nod and a wink from the supermarket cashier to whom I explained that in order to get my money’s worth fully, when I buy over $100 worth of groceries I always ask if I can lick the scanner clean.
UncleJeff
November 18th, 2008 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

76 GDN — And soon there won’t be Zima for anybody! Miller-Coors LLC has discontinued the brand.
They want to promote their highly-caffeinated alcoholic beverages as an alternative to the Red Bull mixes those kids drink these days. What! Rum and Coke not good enough for ya?
AmazingThor
November 18th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

SF: So his sister-in-law is going to “set Ted straight”? Hate to break it to you, sis, but Aria is Ted’s last chance for heterosexuality.
Lake Eerie Log Chains
November 18th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

Things I loved in the comics today:

1. The chief’s casual disregard of Dick Tracy’s safety. Her best detective is in mortal danger, asking for a TANK, and she responds with, essentially, “YAWN. Didn’t we get you a robot for this?”

2. The appearance, sans context in Mark Trail, that Clark Gable is picking up a hillbilly gigolo named after John Updike’s most enduring character.

3. Mary Worth’s withering despair. I almost expect her to say, “I AM big. It’s the pictures that got small.”

4. The assurance that even trashy yet pretentious (?) skanks in One Big Happy dare not run afoul of PETA by wearing real fur.

5. The existence of Marty Moon’s cable access show, assuring me that there are worse sports programs than ESPN’s version of MNF.

6. Drunk Duck’s opening salvo in this year’s War on Christmas (though I expected him to be pro-)

7. June Morgan!!

8. Bucky Katt, race baiter.

9. Absolutely nothing about anything that Tom Batiuk produced.
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 18th, 2008 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

106 UncleJeff — I know — that was my point.
Little Guy
November 18th, 2008 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

58 Ben: And, that, according to JJJ logic, just certifies it! Only SPiderman wouldn’t need a TV because….. he’s Spiderman!

13 KAS: Please tell me she isn’t calling the skater “pickyface”…
gnome de blog
November 18th, 2008 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

107 Amazing:
There are those of us who believe Jackie is the real mother of Ted’s child (Hillary). As such, she might have some influence that his 24/7 tranny roommate (Sally) does not.

You know, this could really get amusing later on if we learn that Aria is having an affair with Ralph.

#89 – Right you are, Bootsy. Nice catch.
Niall
November 18th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

95. Angry Kem: I saw today’s BB and immediately thought “There’s fodder for Japes!” Looks like I was right. And a world without an Angry Kem would be most dreary and dull!
willethompson
November 18th, 2008 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

#98 Little Guy: Oooooooo, this is the thanks I get for seconding Dingo’s motion to have your “punch a Rabbit out of his pants” line nominated for COTW?? I have no further use for you, sir! Good day!

I said GOOD DAY!

(book farts laughing gas… must steal that for next book signing… yesssss…)
commodorejohn
November 18th, 2008 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

#105 Seismic-2 re: MW – COTW nominee!

#106 UncleJeff – Wait, wait, wait, they’re selling a depressant with a stimulant mixed in? The hell? Well, it’s not like the energy-drink demographic really understands what caffeine is or does, anyway…
Poteet
November 18th, 2008 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

# 83 Brick — Good point. I shall mentally prepare:-).
Gabacho
November 18th, 2008 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

After finishing a seminar today which apparently was an experiment to see if it is possible to die of boredom, I barely escaped with my life and came here to read: Some of the best comments of the week ever. Dingo, you are the winner but by a slim margin, my pretty. On normal weeks, every one of the floaters would be a winner. The heat is on and CC is at a new level!

Then I read the comics for today. Sadly they are for the most part no better than they were last week, except for Sally.

Mary Worth – I have only seen Mary’s expression on a human face once before – it is the same look that Dr. Christian Szell had in Marathon Man just before he started drilling.

Rex Morgan – Doh, Rex, those darn women get you every time. Seriously, I keep the getting the creepy feeling that the Morgan marriage and the Larry Craig marriage look the same on the inside.

Sally Forth – Sally contracts out the batshit by getting her sister Jackie involved! There’s no way that this is going to turn out to be anything but a Thanksgiving stuffed with awesomeness. I predict marital mayhem and meltdown by time Curtis runs the Kwaanza strip.
Angry Kem
November 18th, 2008 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

#112 Niall: Yeah…sometimes, the fodder just leaps right off the page and hits me between the eyes. Good old Zero.
IrishLass
November 18th, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

Meddling:

1) You think Mary Worth has got the meddle going on this week? What the heck was Jackie thinking, by starting up stuff with Hilary? Hilary doesn’t know the extent of the drama going on the house. But I bet Jackie will waste no time filling her in!

2) Almost willing to bet my paycheck that Barry “forgot” to give Curtis the invitation from Michelle.

Other thoughts:

*I want the cable package the people in 9CL have, to get TV shows from Belgium.

*I admit I’m interested in seeing how the divorcee spent the past 10 years of her life in BF.

*That image of Hammy is just scary.
Sally Villarreal
November 18th, 2008 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

Did Grandpa’s book just fart?
Muffaroo [almost back]
November 18th, 2008 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

Trilobite @25 – Your MTrail comment reminds me of the conclusion of a classic Wonder Wart-Hog story where WWH threatens to pull the arms and legs off of every reporter in town if they don’t stop running sensationalistic news stories, so the next day’s paper has the headline “PUPPY DOG LOST.” Other articles include: “MAN EATS PIE” and “KITTY UP TREE: Can’t Get Down.”

Old Doc Yak @63 – She didn’t say “You only get to do that once” to Crankshaft, but to one of his fellow drivers. She was only speaking a fact, which translates to: “You are a minor character. You only get one punch line. Ever. The rest of your existence will be as a non-speaking character who gets to agree wordlessly with the strip’s star once in a while.” And he’ll think “You mean, a nodding acquaintance.” — and he won’t even be allowed to say it.
Lunarhalo
November 19th, 2008 at 12:41 am [Reply]

Thanks for the plug, Josh

Congratulations to all the COTW!
Lunarhalo
November 19th, 2008 at 12:42 am [Reply]

Thanks for the plug, Josh

I was so excited by my webstats
it was difficult to crank out the pentameter

Congratulations to all the COTW!
LTBF
November 19th, 2008 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

I would buy the book, but after reading the one mentioned in Judge Parker, I know all there is to know about golf.

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