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Listen to the wisdom of the cactus

Crock, 11/18/08

You know, I’ve become accustomed to being unamused, irritated, or actively angered at the jokes in Crock; but I’m a little unsettled at being completely befuddled by the jokes in Crock, as I am today. Passing over the oddity of someone insulting an immobile desert plant for spending all day in the sun, what on earth are we to make of the cactus’s riposte? Is it meant to mock us for driving, as if the only way to get out of the sun is to drive to shade? Is “sitting all day at four bucks a gallon” a reference to all the time we sit in our cars, which is a choice we make, whereas a cactus must spend the day in the sun due to biological necessity? Is there a heretofore unexplored traffic problem around the Foreign Legion outposts in the Maghrebi desert?

Anyway, normally I’d see something like a giant orange cactus and think “Ha ha, another colorist screw-up!” But in this case, I think it might be an attempt to distract the reader from the nonsensical punchline.

Mark Trail, 11/18/08

Oh my God, if you work at a newspaper, and/or have access to newspaper layout software, and you can create a fake newspaper front page like the one in panel one — with FAMOUS CONSERVATIONIST RESCUES RACCOON screaming across six columns of type, and an enormous picture of Mark and Sneaky, and what appears to be some kind of sidebar story in the rightmost column (“Mysterious ‘Rabbit’ Unrepentant, Soggy”) — then you will be my personal hero. Well, one of my personal heroes, anyway, because right now my personal hero is Jack Elrod, for not letting this story end with a single punch but rather setting up further punching opportunities by having our two villains join forces. I’m particularly in love with the image of Charlie cruising around the rough part of town (or the local gas station, whatever) looking for a raccoonnapping yokel with a chip on his shoulder and a bruise on his jaw.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/18/08

The next two to four weeks of Funky Winkerbean, in a nutshell: HOLY CRAP GIRLS PLAY SPORTS NOW smirking, foreboding

Crankshaft, 11/18/08

The next two to four weeks of Crankshaft, in a nutshell: HOLY CRAP GIRLS DRIVE BUSES NOW smirking, terrible puns

284 responses to “Listen to the wisdom of the cactus”

  1. Dingo
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    Either a sexual harrassment suit or wild insatiable love: either one between Nick and Crankshaft will do.

  2. commodorejohn
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Given previous “old man watching teen girls play sports” jokes in Funky Winkerbean, what do you want to bet that Bull is nervous about this because he’s afraid of the rampant pedophilic lust that will be inspired in him by his traitorous penis at the sight of young women in moderately close-fitting garments playing basketball? ‘Cause, you know, all men are inspired to raging erection by the merest sight of an attractive female in anything other than a burqa. I dunno, that seems like more of a Lynn Johnston plot, but I’m having a hard time explaining his reaction any other way.

  3. Holy Prepuce
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    I’m also pleased that the Daily Gazette, newspaper of record for whatever godforsaken part of the universe Mark has found himself in, refers to malefactor punchees not by their legal names, but rather by their street (swamp?) handles.

  4. Poteet
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    MT — The chained-to-a-log punching was quite lovely. But now I’m back to gritting my teeth over this ridiculous wetland story that blithely ignores realities like federal permits, and also reminds us that Mark is a TOTAL DOOFUS when it comes to basic research on land ownership, zoning, etc. I’d suggest that Mark send Sneaky down to the auditor’s office to do the intellectual work, while Mark himself practices with a punching bag for when Rabbit shows up.

  5. Uncle Stumpy
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Check out my new “swamp handle”!

  6. Non-Shannon
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    “Non-Shannon” is already a swamp handle.

    Shannon’s part Cajun.

  7. Tom the Pirate
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    Great googly moogly! Look at those peepers on Bil Keene! Is it possible he isn’t just reacting in surprise/fear at his son’s musical interpretations, but rather is actually asleep with a clever pair of “novelty” eyeglasses?

  8. Gal Friday
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    MT: I like how Charlie is addressing the JackElrod ball in panel 2.

  9. Tom the Pirate
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    Ha ha! TJ is a tool. In a tool belt.

    The only reason I can figure that TJ remains welcome in the DeGroot household is that he is sexually servicing each and every member of the family. Including the dog.

    And he has pictures.

  10. Dingo
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    commodorejohn, you’ve given us a second phrase to work into our conversations: “traitorous penis” and “chained to a log.” Somehow, I can see the combination being used with Ted Forth.

  11. Tom the Pirate
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Woo hoo! Ted Forth is getting feisty! The best moment here isn’t the little chat in panel 3, but rather the expression on Sally’s face in panel 2. You can see the exact moment it dawned on her that her squirrely husband has grown a pair — and she doesn’t like it.

  12. Violet
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Rabbit: I am so sick of all this endless inquiry and doubt as to whether my name is actually “Rabbit”! For the last time, OF COURSE NOT!!!!

  13. Dingo
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Violet, maybe his last name is Stew.

  14. Tom the Pirate
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    I don’t so much mind Jon’s sudden death in today’s Garfield, but the image of his death throes in the third panel — with his mouth and lungs filled with Uncle Ben’s Instant Rice — is being partly blocked by a fat and inconsiderate cat.

  15. Eli
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    MT: Slowest. News. Day. Ever.

  16. Erik
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Forget girls playing basketball… I’m more shocked that Funky Winkerbean has actually let a person of color sit behind a desk, instead of in front of it, grovelling and moaning. Clearly the times are changing.

  17. David poirier
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Sitting all day in the “Fourbucks” drive through waiting to order a “Tall” (small) cup of foam. I wish I had the patience of the cactus, even the ability to go for days without a sip of the Fourbucks.

  18. Jeremiah
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    AP3 – LuAnn is either shocked that Cody has been educating himself via Dr. Phil’s Correspondence College of Subtle Psychobabble or she just didn’t understand the question.

    MT – Our mustached villain’s plan is full of dramatic irony. “I need help dealing with Mark Trail. I’ll ask the one other unscrupulous person the audience has seen Mark punch out in the last few months!”

    RMMD – Rex doesn’t understand his wife. Rex doesn’t understand his shirt. Both buying the shirt and getting married seemed like such good ideas at the time.

  19. Ohma
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    If I were the editor of the Daily Gazette I’d have gone with: “Famous Conservationist Punches Man!”

  20. Jesse C
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/sbsavg.asp

    Gotta love the witty, topical humor of Crock. How do they stay so current???

  21. Shoshi
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    Why does she say “Cactus are”? Is that just some weird way the desert womings talk, or does she think “cactus” is plural?

  22. Shoshi
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    #20. So apparently he lives in Alaska…and uses diesel.

  23. Mariko
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    I was going to say that it’s Grossie who’s dumb for not knowing how to distinguish plants from animals, but then I realized that this could open the door for a multitude of similarly hilarious, witty, contemporary, biting conversations that could start the same way.

    “Moss is so dumb just to sit all day on sharp rocks”
    “Yeah, sorta like how kids these days all have iPods”

    “Kelp is so dumb just to sit all day underwater!”
    “Yeah, sorta like not conserving your precious bodily fluids”

  24. Tom the Pirate
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    #21: The plural form for your standard, desert-variety green catcus is catcuses or cacti. However, orange cactus retain the singular form. It has something to do with their singular lack of chlorophyll.

  25. Hawkeye
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    MT: Facial hair guy is back! Jack Elrod didn’t let us down after all!

  26. PeteMoss
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Think I already gotta “swamp handle.”

  27. Dingo
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    In Mark Trail you don’t despair /
    Villains must have facial hair /
    Fans of justice, hear the call! /
    Get behind the Elrod ball

  28. Aesop
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    If Hi is able to complete the treasure hunt, maybe Lois will “jiggle him so he stops dripping.”

  29. Cranky
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    The picture of Sneaky, apparently perched on Mark’s shoulder like a freaking parrot, will be hard for anyone but the most talented Photoshop mavens to reproduce. My suggested caption: “Moments after this photo of Hero Magazine Writer Mark Trail and PET raccoon Sneaky was taken, the rabid animal chewed off Trail’s right ear and ran for the hills.”

  30. The Other Commenter
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

  31. Albtraum
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    I think I’ve figured out the intent originally behind that bizarre “Crock” strip -

    It was a plea in favor of solar power.

    Cactuses are cars in this scenario, and while that hideous belly dancer woman wastes her time and money filling HER cactus with expensive gasoline, this sarcastic orange cactus is using renewable energy. So if cacti were cars this orange one is Al Gore’s Prius. Or something. Sigh.

  32. PeteMoss
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    I imagine that the Crock Cartoonist (I’m too lazy to look up who “creates” this masterpiece) is already at an .09 Blood Alcohol Level or higher by breakfast. By the time he/she makes it to the the drawing board he/she is drooling a bit and barely able to balance in the chair. “Theresss sahh nother on…frr the synnddicate! Now, issss the mail here yet, dammit!! Wherrrs my check? Wherres my pants?”

  33. christian
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    The editor looks like a combination of J Jonah Jameson and Robbie Robertson

  34. Erik A
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    FC: HOLY CRAP GIRLS PLAY DRUMS NOW… oh, wait…

    Curtis: This will all end in tears. Whose, I’m not yet sure. Barry is the usual favourite, but the pent-up anger and the remorse might drive Curtis to a hissy fit.

    9CL: Could any less work have gone into drawing this strip? They could’ve at least drawn some random, hypnotising shapes on Edda’s shirt.

    DtM: With any luck, this will end in amputation.

    Phantom: One syllable away from a haiku. I’m new to Phantom – does the narrator always abuse exclamation points like this?

    MW: I’ve got it! She’s dressed like a giant pink soccer ball!

  35. ka-pwingg
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth looks particularly beastly in panel two today. Almost likes she’s transforming into The Creature.

    “Don’t make me meddle. You won’t like me when I meddle.”

  36. Lake Eerie Log Chains
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    32 PeteMoss
    Hey, that sounds like my normal morning. Is there a problem with that?

  37. blacksheepboy
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone else notice the strange spelling in Crankshaft. “Nichole“? I want to look it up on Urban Dictionary, but I’m afraid of what I’d find out.

  38. PeteMoss
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    MT – Soooo, there was a photographer/reporter righ there at the scene. I guess if Mark hadn’t shown up to punch ol’ Rabbit and resuce a pet racoon, the Gazette would have ran the dog/racoon fight story in the Sports section?

    What other exciting headlines did the Gazette run this week?

    - HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA TO SERVE STARCHES
    - COUNTY SUPERVISOR DOUBLE PARKS AT 7-11
    - NEWBORN NAMED AFTER FAVORITE PICK-UP

  39. blacksheepboy
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Hah, and did anyone else notice my strange punctuation in my last comment? Feel free to replace that first period with a question mark, you know, for the sake of making sense.

  40. PeteMoss
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Lake Eerie Log Chains @ 36

    I’d hate to see your keyboard.

  41. Uncle Balustrade
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    Re:”Crock”: The Sun appears to be spinning around at such high speed that it is becoming lopsided. If this isn’t already a sign of the cartoon apocalypse, it definitely should be.

  42. Bryan
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    13, Dingo: Violet, maybe his last name is Stew.

    Or “At Rest”

  43. Master Softheart
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    After having one of my comments appear as a banner on Ces’s weblog and and a second be honored among the runners-up for COTW, I was allowed to undergo the trials and take my place on the Council – I assume my new rank of master with great humility and commitment to the virtues I began learning as an apprentice.

    Now, on to today’s comics.

    FB: Fred breaks the fourth wall and subverts the British comics gender paradigm firmly established by Andy Capp; well done indeed, my canine friend. While showing that pubs, debauchery, and games of darts can be enjoyed by married women and that Fred’s male owner does the washing up, what is actually interesting is that it appears that Fred is accompanying our liberated heroine out for beer and bar food. I sincerely hope that this does not foreshadow Fred’s transformation into a Plugger.

    Garfield: I can’t remember the last time a good sight gag appeared in Garfield. Someone in Jim Davis’ studios is stretching their creative muscles, but a better final comment and Garfield using chop sticks would have made this comic a win for me.

    RMMD: Rex doing the facepalm in the last panel is almost absurdly charming. I choose to interpret it that way, at any rate, because the alternative is that Rex is honestly disgusted at the prospect of spending free time with his family.

    MT: The best thing about this comic is not the dada humor of the newspaper running a “Pearl Harbor Bombed” style headline about a naturalist rescuing a raccoon. It is also not the logical questions about why “Rabbit” (which, by the way, tastes good with “Onion”) was not arrested and his animal cruelty ring broken up by police – I guess the Wherever This Is PD doesn’t read the local paper. What is best about this comic is the conspiratorial way that Ms. Butler’s Evil Corporate Minion is looking at the Elrod Ball in panel 2 as he contemplates his villainous plans. I can almost imagine him as a Shakespearean character, descending into madness as he loses his job, the boss whose love he desires above all, and probably his facial hair while giving impassioned monologues to the only character who truly understands him.

    Of course, the scene is made even more poignant by the fact that Butlerco’s evil middle manager doesn’t realize that Mark’s writing isn’t what endangers the project, but his growing influence on the nubile Ms. Butler herself.

    Phantom: Kit shows us again that being a hero sometimes means doing the right thing, even if that happens to be epically stupid. Honestly, if the Phantom has this much faith in the institutions of Bengalla justice and the operation of the rule of law, why doesn’t he just stop the whole vigilante justice project and go to law school to become a public prosecutor? Actually, I don’t think that I want an answer to that, because it would almost certainly involve the fact that Kit couldn’t bear to give up the purple tights.

    And as much as I love the Phantom narration box, it really isn’t very good at haiku.

    JP: I love this strip and I trust Woody Wilson to know where he is taking it, but I have to question the decision to take a page from Bob Weber’s playbook. I mean, if you are going to have comics where basic deduction is used to interpret evidence and catch criminals, you probably don’t want to cast your main character as Max Mouse to Heidi’s Slylock Fox. I suspect that the ominous shading on Sam’s face in panel one reflects his growing foreboding at the realization that Detective Roberts is mentally fitting him for a bowler.

    Luann: TJ’s pose in panel one caused me to mentally replace his word balloon with “I can fulfill your Village People fantasies for free!” After that, the rest of the strip just fell into place.

    9CL: Edda is happy that the internet porn clip featuring her upsets her sexually rapacious rival. From stories told me by friends in the world of classical music, this is actually a disturbingly accurate portrayal. It’s probably for the best that Becky from FW doesn’t know what she’s missing.

  44. Lolsworth
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    I have no idea who the vaguely Latin “colleague” of Crankshaft is. All I know is that in the real world someone, probably Nick, would have punched him in the face in the third panel.

  45. Shermy Glamrocker
    November 18th, 2008 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Maybe someone could create a Swamp Name generator?

  46. Ford Dent
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who looked at todays Crock and immediately thought “Oh my god she’s got a penis why does she have a penis AAAAAAAGH!”

    Too late I realized it was supposed to be…I don’t know, I guess a fold of clothing or something? Either way, NOW YOU CAN SEE IT TOO.

  47. D.E.I.
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    The Orange Cactus is making a reference to OPEC. Crock is getting topical. Tomorrow’s strip will have a vulture conversing with the kid who, I believe, is the son of Maggot. The vulture will end up complaining about his dwindling 401K, but only through allegory employing putrefaction of decaying human flesh.

  48. Joe Btfsplk
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    Ooo, I’m on the float again! Whee! Brrrrrr! Can we get this thing glassed in for the winter, please?

    #21 Shoshi – One cactu, two cactus. Don’t you know that?

    Get Fuzzy – You know… dead cats are not difficult to dispose of. Just a couple of minutes with a meat cleaver, and you can flush everything. Hmm? Oh, sorry, did I say that aloud? Well, we’re all thinking it! Oh yes you are too!

    Grin & Bear It – I was thinking that very thing just the other day. They’ve obviously learned nothing, if they’re still sending those things to me.

    Fred Basset – Dammit! All right – you’ve won this round, Fred Basset. But I’ll be ready for your little mind games, next time, you just see if I’m not!

  49. Carly
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t even notice the odd color at first; I just assumed the cactus was well on its way to being dead.
    However, “Cactus are so dumb” just makes me shake my head. No one caught that?

  50. Erik A
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    #46… that’s a she?

  51. Signorina Cosa
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    #46 you call that a penis? I think it’s her vagina with ahem… a tampon string hanging.

  52. Moss_Moses
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone else have “Little Dog Lost” in their paper. That is the comic that replaced FOOB in the Washington Post and it is some really awful dreck. It is so horrible and unfunny it almost makes me wish the Post would just run the nused zombie Foob. They still run “Classic Peanuts” from well beyond the grave. Mary Worth would be so much better than either of those crappy strips but I guess the liberal weenies who run the Post don’t like it.

  53. Outside Food (North American Mammal, logless)
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think I’ve seen this mentioned yet, but via Stan “Usagi Yojimbo” Sakai’s blog via PW “Publishers ‘no apostrophe’ Weekly” Beat’s blog I must report mysterious news of a strange banquet at which people like Greg Evans, Cathy Guisewite, Mell Lazarus, and Jeff Keane snarked at Bil Keane, and Bil Keane snarked back, then there was drunken naked dancing in the aisles, except not that last part. I was very confused and had to come back here for comfort. Then I wasn’t sure whether #7 Tom the Pirate was referring to the banquet or today’s FC. And I was confused again. Then I thought, “Wait, Bil Keane is alive?” And now I’m not sure of anything anymore. I will read some Mark Trail, and my sense of a just and forthright universe will be restored.

  54. Lithros
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    The flesh-colored cactus obviously represents Grossie’s profound fear of the masculine. She tentatively approaches the giant, spikey phallus, lamely belittling its hotness in an attempt to hide her anxiety. And then she suffers the ultimate in humiliation — the enormous prick completely ignores her question, as men have ignored her all her life.

  55. teddytoad
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    “You only get to do that once.”

    “Aw, shucks, I bet you say that to all the guys.”

  56. Mooncattie
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    Ythread – Congratulations to Dingo and all the COTW gang for lots and lots of very funny comments! And thank you to Niall, Gold-Digging Nanny, Dingo and others for your nice words about Lu Ann’s Big Night in Ol’ Blue. It was the product of 2 weeks of non-CC related depression, the Elvira earworm virus, a fondness for words like piggery and wheeze, the notion of a brother named Woody Stiles, and the whole AG-3 storyline madness in general. Anyways, it made my week to have been mentioned alongside such top-line Snarkers, and my spirits are raised considerably to think that I helped deliver a chuckle or two.

  57. rapid turtle
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    13, 42

    or run…

    or redux…

    …maybe I should have left that for a more competent mudge…

  58. Joe Blevins
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    MT: “An angry, gray-templed, mustachioed man holding a newspaper? What is this, Spider-Man? Oh, wait. The title character of this strip actually accomplished something. Whoops. My mistake.”

    ‘SHAFT: This is the great thing about being old. You no longer have to be discrete when you check out a woman’s rack.

    FUNKY: Count your blessings. In this universe, that’s one of the happiest utterances ever to begin with the words, “I’m afraid it’s true…”

    CROCK: Is it possible — just possible, mind you — that the cactus is referring to the oil itself, selfishly hiding under the desert sand when it could be out there in the world, fetching $4 a gallon? I mean, that’s where oil is, right? The desert?

  59. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    Cactuses are so dumb just to sit all day and photosynthesize.

  60. Yanni
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    Based on Grossie’s footprints, I’ve got to wonder why she walked all the way across the desert just to insult a cactus.

    I was also going to comment that I never noticed how freaking short Crankshaft is, until I glanced back to panel 1 and figured he’s just sitting down. Maybe.

  61. Eric
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    Crock – The hooker from Total Recall has really let herself go.

  62. Erik A
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    #52 – I like Little Dog Lost. FOOB has dulled my comical taste buds that much.

  63. gnome de blog
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    #4 Poteet said:

    MT — The chained-to-a-log punching was quite lovely. But now I’m back to gritting my teeth over this ridiculous wetland story that blithely ignores realities like federal permits, and also reminds us that Mark is a TOTAL DOOFUS when it comes to basic research on land ownership, zoning, etc. I’d suggest that Mark send Sneaky down to the auditor’s office to do the intellectual work, while Mark himself practices with a punching bag for when Rabbit shows up.

    Especially since he didn’t bring Andy to bird-dog the legal work for him.

  64. bats :[
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    The only time a saguaro cactus looks like that is just before it falls over. Mind you, it has probably been rotting from the inside (due to bacterial and fungal infections) for the better part of the year, and when it falls, what’s left of the outside integrity of its surface splits open easily, and what you have is several hundred pounds (not unreasonable to estimate, a couple of tons) of smelly, fermenting glop. Think of your Halloween jack-o-lantern rotting on your front porch — now multiply that little bit o’ horror by hundreds.

    Yes, this is from personal experience.

  65. Shoshi
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    58 Joe Blevins – Actually, that’s sort of how I interpreted it to begin with. I wasn’t sure exactly what the sentence would mean, but it did cause the desert and oil neural circuits to fire together.

  66. lisathelion91
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    I’m glad the former girls basketball coach from Funky Winkerbean moved to Seattle, we have a special rehab center specifically of people who have moved out of the Funkiverse where they will learn to grow accustomed to a world with less smirking.

  67. LITTLE A. WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL WHO HAS NEVER WON THE LOTTERY
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    CURTIS: Remember folks, you read it here first — take a look at that little bastard’s eyes — HE HID THE INVITATION FROM HIS BROTHER or threw it in the garbage or something. The truth will out in the next few days!

    Or I am a monkey’s uncle, as we used to say in The Bronx.

  68. notToby?
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    “Am I the only one who looked at todays Crock and immediately thought “Oh my god she’s got a penis why does she have a penis AAAAAAAGH!”

    I don’t think I see a penis. She does have 3 boobs, tho.

  69. troutmaskreplica
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    The “GIRLS DRIVE BUSES!” storyline is all the more confusing to me since I have never seen a male school bus driver.

  70. Cheeky Wee Monkeys
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Curses! The wetland-drying project was foiled once again.

  71. Phred22
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    RABBIT: What can I do for you, Mister?

    CHARLIE: Is your name Rabbit?

    RABBIT: Yeah, what about it?

    CHARLIE: Can you grow some facial hair and join me in villainy?

  72. Comrade Denny
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Some of you may be wondering, where’s the joy-killing gloom? Where’s the soul-crushing doom? Well, as a (former) teacher, let me tell you that nothing is more soul crushing than to have an administrator saddle you with a major project because they’re too lazy to bother finding a eager-beaver First-Year to dump on.

    Mary Worth: Oh no, Lynn. You did NOT just imply that someone else has meddling powers on par with Mary. Judging by the look on Mary’s face in Panel 2, you’re lucky you’re mom’s already dead! Fate for you, my dear, will not be so kind. Once Mary comes into your life, you either end up like Toby… or like Aldo…

    Revised Dialogue for Panel Three of Mark Trail

    EBM (Evil Business Man): Is your name Rabbit?
    Rabbit: For a sawski it’s whatever you want it to be, baby.
    EBM: Hop in.

    Tarzan: Yes! I don’t know what was wrong with my widget, but it’s back to the current storyline! Tarzan and Captain Wildcat are getting the evil Obia-men to fight amongst themselves, implementing a plan first used by the good captain’s grandfather (the one who used to hunt buffalo on the res.) against those wicked Navajo witch-doctors you hear so much about… you know, the ones who conduct the Enemy Way Ceremony to help warriors get over the evil things they’ve done in war.

  73. Potootie
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    # 5 Uncle Stumpy — Nice! You inspired me.

  74. Poteet
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    MT — They call me MISTER COTTENTAIL!

  75. Isaac
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    MT: Normally, Elrod attempts to provide some background to each panel, even if it is a nondescript windowy thing [panel 1] or a gas pump [panel 3]. Evidently, he forgot all about panel 2, and left our villain having an epiphany in what appears to be a blank abyss. Small comfort: in total blankness, there still are bubbles labeled “Jack Elrod”.

  76. Poteet
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    # 63 gnome — HAR!!

  77. Jeff Soesbe (yeff)
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    Seems Tom Batuik has been looking up “Sexual Harassment” on Wikipedia recently.

    Gal Friday @8: This is a classic case of “Breaking the Fourth Wall” on the part of a character. Ask the creator for something, and you shall receive…

    - yeff

  78. the crock
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    I wish Mr.Green Hat would say something nasty in panel three:
    “I can’t wait to rub butter on your face!”
    “You only get to do that once!”

  79. Saluki
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    It’s too bad that Mary Worth was watching figure skating when she started to jones for a meddle tour. This storyline could have been better if something else was on the tube. Imagine if she had been watching Amy Winehouse! It could have been awesome.

  80. Shoshi
    November 18th, 2008 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    48 Joe Btfsplk – Ha! “cactoos” are so dumb, in other words!

  81. Poteet
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    # 10 Dingo — Somehow, I think “Traitorous Penis” should be the title of a country song. Sung by a guy who goes to a drinking establishment and sees the person who dumped him three weeks ago flirting with someone else, and is able to maintain stony-faced indifference except for his you-know-what.

  82. Farley's Revenge
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    HOLY CRAP GIRLS DRIVE BUSES NOW

    And some of us are even qualified to drive big rigs.

    Y’know, I’ve lived in some small towns where a story like the one emblazoned across the Yokel News Daily paper would be the main headline. Not in that big of type, but centered on the page, with the requisite photo of MT and Squeaky, along with interviews of everyone even remotely associated with the story. Then there would be follow-up stories, eventually leading to “where are they now” stories.

    Small town editors can milk a story like that for years, if they must…and most of the time, they must.

  83. kurt
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    RM: The “WHY ME?” or “WHY AM I HERE”? pose of today’s last panel should have at gotten an honorable mention this day for the amazing amount of 1 liners it could have spawned:

    “How can I put up with this woman?”
    “They expect me to race a boat AGAIN?”
    “Why didn’t I prescribe myself a MIGRAIN treatment?”
    “Why didn’t I take Viagra last night?”
    “I shoulda had a V8!”
    “Somebody keep me from PUNCHING HER OUT!”
    “Why aren’t I in Judge Parker’s strip oggling those sexy asses?”

    or to bring back the classic RM line of this year:

    “HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KILL IT?”

  84. thatquietkid
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Ask and you shall receive:

    file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/index.htm

  85. thatquietkid
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/index.htm

  86. Digger
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    Luann – TJ, the reason Mr. DeGroot won’t hire you as his contractor is because you’re wearing that hideous yellow sweater. Okay, I lied. It’s not the sweater. It’s that stupid shit-eating grin you have on your face 24/7.

    Sally Forth – obviously it was a bad move for Sally to invite her idiot sister to visit. This will probably be what drives Ted to have the hot sex with Aria. Actually, the sex will likely only be lukewarm since it’s bound to be frequently interrupted with obscure sci-fi references and crossword clues.

    Mark Trail – “that damn famous conservationist is ruining my business deal! What to do? I know. I’ll bring in the leader of a dog/raccoon fight ring to help me. Perhaps he can chain that Trail fellow to a log.”

  87. Iraff
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Although Crock‘s razor-wit and breast dragging antics rarely disappoint me, I was surprised by today’s massive plot-hole. A cactus with the ability to coherently think would have killed itself long ago.

  88. Mischief Maker
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    I like the Winkerbean principal’s strategically greying hair. It’s like his own personal dark cloud of doom looming over him at all times.

  89. Poteet
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    # 82 Farley’s Revenge — You mean the kind of small town paper with a social column that reports the visit of Helen Hurley’s cousins Vern and LaVonne Klemme from Ottumwa, who came for lunch on Thursday, April 20th and later enjoyed a visit to the county historical museum?

    I love papers like that.

  90. Joe Blevins
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    So, uh, here’s today’s Garfield remixed by me. Whuddya think? Has someone already done that joke?

  91. Amateur
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    #24 — Thank you for explaining that. It was bugging me.

  92. dyslexic dog
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    Rabbit are so dumb just to sit around all day and take Mark’s punches in the grille.

    Yeah, sorta like sitting around all day greasing the monkey.

  93. Red Greenback
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    “What can I do for you, mister?”
    “Is your name Rabbit?”
    “Actually, my name is Nichole.”

  94. ChrisV82
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    The Crock joke is even less amusing now that gas is under two bucks a gallon. Why, where I live, it’s down to $1.81. Suck on that, cactus.

  95. Farley's Revenge
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    #89 Poteet: Yup, that kind. I agree, they’re great entertainment to read.

    My aunt gets mentioned all the time in her town’s small paper. She’s very active in several different organizations AND the family name is one of the pioneer names. She’s damned near royalty in that town. When we go to visit, everyone always knows we’re in town and I am invariably identified as “her” niece.

    Even more fun is listening to a police scanner in a small town. Listening to the chatter on my aunt’s police scanner was way better than watching TV.

  96. Kevin Moore
    November 18th, 2008 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    Rabbit is becoming my favorite character in Mark Trail — not that there is stiff competition for that dubious honor. He already had me at “You got to be kidding” and now comes “Yeah, what about it?” I think this guy should be re-cast from MT villain to Mark’s curmudgeonly sidekick. Every time Mark utters some awkward bon mot as he punches someone, Rabbit can stand to the side, commenting: “Give me a break.” “Jesus Christ.” “For the love of Pete.” “Blow it out your gas-hole.”

  97. Poteet
    November 18th, 2008 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    # 95 Farley’s Revenge — I’m envious. No kidding.

    # 96 Kevin Moore — I SO hope that comment ascends the float.

  98. bats :[
    November 18th, 2008 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    90. Joe Blevins: it makes no sense, but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying it far more than any Garfields I’ve bothered to read for a number of years. Well done!

  99. Spotted HØrse, Swamp Hoss
    November 18th, 2008 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    #74 Poteet:

    MT — They call me MISTER COTTENTAIL!

    Laffin’ my swampy hoss ass off!

    Crock: Wookie weiner?

  100. Tats
    November 18th, 2008 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    A3-G: I can’t wait until the cab of the old, malfunctioning pickup fills with exhaust, and the scene slowly morphs into “3-G in 3-D: Albert Pinkham Ryder’s Revenge!” Now at an IMAX theatre near you.

    MW: Nothing can compare to the look of sheer disenchantment on Mary’s face in panel two. It’s the photo they’ll use tomorrow night while they report the bloodiest ice-skate bludgeoning ever splattered across the evening news.

  101. Spotted HØrse, Swamp Hoss
    November 18th, 2008 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    #64 bats:[

    The only time a saguaro cactus looks like that is just before it falls over.

    Oh, man, I’ve seen those sick saguaros. They look desperately turgid and unhappy about it. Like poster boys for Viagra gone wrong.

  102. Buck Ripsnort
    November 18th, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    FC: HOLY CRAP! BIL KEANE HAS EYEBALLS! So why can’t he see there’s no background in most of his panels?

    Funk: The REAL fun starts when Bull absent-mindedly orders the girls to practice “shirts against skins”.

  103. heymikey
    November 18th, 2008 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    Crock: Better response for the Cactus? “Yeah, sorta like standing in the hot sun talking to a Cactus,” or “Yeah, sorta like reading Crock.”

  104. Amateur
    November 18th, 2008 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    MW: “My mother had that way about her too, of spreading doom and destruction wherever she went.”

  105. Brick Bradford
    November 18th, 2008 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Poteet–I was born and raised in Ottumwa.
    The REALLY good small town papers used to tell what was served for dinner/supper/snack when Vern and LaVonne came to visit.

  106. Black Drazon
    November 18th, 2008 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    Like #49 Carly said, this cactus really does seem dead, which begs the question: am I more baffled by the insult towards a dead cactus stuck in the sun in panel 1, or am I more baffled by the zombie cactus trying to insult me in panel 2?

  107. Idols of Mud
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    MT: Jeez, there are plenty of better headlines than that one:

    TRAIL TO RABBIT: DROP DEAD
    BIG CHIN BELTS THIN PRIG
    SWAMP STRIFE SAVES RODENT’S LIFE
    TREE-HUGGER NOW BIG SLUGGER

    And why is the Gazette putting that story on the front page? Don’t the editors know the blogosphere owns the raccoon beat now?

  108. Muffaroo [almost back]
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    Cshaft – Bad Yuk gets a double dumbass on me by fooling me the first day and not doing a stupid pun on “Nick,” only to slide it between my ribs today instead. I’d say I hope he has it out of his system now, but we all know better. It is his system.

    Curtis – Okay, Billingsley, okay. You can show us the ‘lost’ invitation any day now. Do it now and surprise those three guys in Iowa who never see it coming.

    DTracy – I like the way Dick’s face flattens out to avoid the laser beam in panel 3. It’s like his head is an inch thick at this point. I’d ask about the jaggy black shapes crawling on him, but I’m afraid someone will ruin my illusion that they are electric moles that Magnum Brute manifests from his armpits.

    FCircus“Any requests?” “Yes, Jeffy. Go play On the Road Again. By which I mean, go out on the road and play. Preferably on the interstate. The real busy interstate.”

    Garfield – Ah, rice. Maybe that’s what Tracy is drowning in. Black, electric rice. Garfield, meanwhile, loves rice because he can eat it, and it’s just like cat litter. As far as he’s concerned, anyway.

    MFmore – Does Tinsley take requests? Because I haven’t seen anybody zing airline food in a while.

    MTrail – Ah. Well, obviously Rabbit is a bitter masochist who was hoping Mark would give him a Foot of Justice right in the basket. Silly Rabbit! Kicks are for trids.

    Mduke – I’m guessing hubcaps are the only part of a car that Marmaduke can’t digest. Maybe they pass through unchanged.

    Phantom“Bandar Medicine! / Guran’s gift to the Phantom! / Phantom had other plans!” “GURAN-SHAVE!”

    Pluggers – I’m playing a game with myself of trying to guess the caption before I look at it. Today’s was “Plugger moms carry their damn puppets around all the time and force you to talk to them.”

    R=Rose – Aw, how sweet! She’s feeding the widdle squiwwels! Next she’s going to scatter cornflakes in the basement for the rats, and after that she’s off to the drainage ditch to offer a friendly arm to the leeches.

    SFox – My god, that bat is hung like a rabbit!

  109. Anonymous
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    MT: If the developer is right and Mark wrote this article as well, I’m fascinated to see him getting front-page placement of first-person tales of fisticuffs derring-do as a “famous conservationist”.

  110. Muffaroo [almost back]
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    Erik A @34 – There’s no law that a haiku has to have seventeen syllables. They can be shorter. The subject matter and compression are more important. Seventeen syllables of pidgin about computer error messages is not haiku, for instance.

    Poteet @89 – I used to walk to the library to read microfilmed newspapers. Those were the days — from around 1971 to maybe 1979. I would mostly read the comics. I’d narrow my focus to three or four strips and read weeks and weeks of them, right up to the point where motion sickness would set in from watching the pages zoom past. But I also used to look at other things, and it was charming that around 1959-1960 (when we moved to Fort Collins) they would have little inset boxes with “News of Loveland” and “News of Timnath” and such, and it would be just like you said. “Mrs. Edna Fitch was visited by her cousin Lorna and her family from Iowa, and they watched color slides of her vacation after dinner.” And they had a radio program guide, too.

    ChrisV82 – All this talk about that unnatural saguaro is making me flash back on a 1978-or-so issue of Weekly World News with an article: SCIENCE ON VERGE OF CREATING PLANT PEOPLE. The article noted that there is a plant in South America with a sap that somewhat resembles petroleum, so maybe science would kindly whip up a plant person that would dispense fuel into gas tanks with its twig-like fingers. I think the cactus is full of what it fondly believes to be $4 gasoline (or $100 a barrel cactus), and it thinks it’s going to be rich soon. Stupid, stupid, stupid cactus!

  111. Red Greenback
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    (WT)MW: YI!

  112. Amateur
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    #107 — You forgot “TRAIL HOPS DOWN BUNNY.”

    Okay, it’s awkward, but it’s the best I can do at this hour.

  113. True Fable
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    #112 Amateur – Not bad, not bad!

  114. Idols of Mud
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Amateur (#108): Ha! How about:

    RACCOON SAFE; BUNNY CRITICAL

  115. Idols of Mud
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    Er, and that should be 112. I can count. And a shout-out to Muffaroo at 108 for this one:

    “FCircus – “Any requests?” “Yes, Jeffy. Go play On the Road Again. By which I mean, go out on the road and play. Preferably on the interstate. The real busy interstate.”

  116. mollificent
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    Apologies for any redundancies…I wrote these while reading the comics, before catching up on reading CC posts.

    9CL: Edda’s Catholic schoolgirl shame is no match for schadenfreude. (P.S. “Rampant on a Bosendorfer”? Who is she, Tori Amos?)

    A3G: “This old truck hasn’t changed at all, Cody. I’ll bet my hymen is still around here somewhere.”

    (I know I’m late to the party with the whole “deflowering” theme, but what the hell.)

    Cathy: I know laughing at Cathy is an offense punishable by excommunication, but after a huge recent fight with my mom over her buttinsky-ness, this was actually pretty funny. Yikes.

    DT: Is it just me, or does Dick look suspiciously Zac Efron-esque in the last panel? *shudder* Now I can never watch “Hairspray” again.

    H&L: Smut! Unimaginable filth!

    Luann: Oh, we’re seeing the tool, all right.

    My Cage: Hmmm…Bridget looks suspiciously like the photo of me flirting with my cousin’s cute friend last year after about three screwdrivers (and his insisting that I try his White Russian). Good times. :)

    OBH: Usually this strip annoys the hell out of me, but I really like today’s. As Michael Kelso would say, “Burn!!”

    Phantom: Poor Bodhran.

  117. bats :[
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    108. Muffaroo re SlylockFox: although I *think* that is the bat’s tongue, let’s just say with real and fer true bats, even the small species, you’d have absolutely. no. difficulty. whatsoever. identifying a male bat. Really.
    [And bats were the first mammalian Order (they still may be the only group) in which males and females will copulate but the females can "hold onto" the sperm and keep it viable for months before actually having fertilization occur.]

    Does this count as TMI?

  118. Dingo
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    I have no idea about the origin of this photo but I’d like to imagine Mark Trail, Rabbit, and an offscreen raccoon in jodphurs chained to a log.

    Blue S / Red N

  119. bats :[
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    Well, hmmm, Dingo’s link didn’t work, so I’ll link to a news story that I’m torn between making a Rex Morgan comment (for the medical content) or a Crankshaft comment (for the crotchety — ahem — content):
    http://www.azstarnet.com/sn/fromcomments/267737.php

  120. Poteet
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    # 105 Brick — Yes! You’re right! “The Hurleys and Klemmes lunched on tuna casserole and jello salad, followed by Helen’s famous chocolate-chip cookies.” There are still papers like that in Iowa, but their numbers are declining. *sigh*

    I’m not surprised at your birthplace. Brick Bradford, as I recall him from my childhood reading, had that Iowa look:-).

  121. Poteet
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    # 110 Muffaroo — Ah, memories. I occasionally looked at microfilmed newspapers back in the day to try to catch up with Dick Tracy.

    Now I’m feeling a major urge to drive to the nearest little town that has a paper with visitor-lunch news and buy one. And read it while eating cinnamon toast.

  122. Dingo
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    bats, they must’ve changed their website right after I linked it. It was two Asian guys in Borat-style singlets making “fist o’ justice” poses at the camera.

  123. Trilobite
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    As I thought about Mark Trail throughout the day (and yes, I know what that says about my fragile grip on sanity), the more I’m hoping that Evil Businessman Charlie’s plan involves having Rabbit go out and kidnap TWO pet raccoons. And then Charlie will show up on the night of the big fight and rescue both raccoons, thereby getting twice the publicity as Mark “Famous Conservationist” Trail. This will lead inevitably to Charlie winning massive public support for the wetlands-draining project, as well as the girl.

    Alternate theory: Charlie gets Rabbit to dress up like a giant tree and punch out Mark Trail while yelling “You kidnapped my log friend’s kidnapped pet raccoon!”

  124. Minnie
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    Oh how I love Mark Trail! No action-dragging here. It satisfies my most primal hungers and is about the only comic strip I can stomach any more. So much story in each stiff frame!

  125. Toronto
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    I knew a guy called “Rabbit” in grade 7. His brother was called “Beav” but that was a tooth thing, not a “Hinterland Who’s Who” moment.

    It turned out Rabbit’s real name was Stu. I don’t recall ever hearing Beav’s name. Perhaps it was Theodore. They both ran off towards Prince Rupert in January, and got caught somewhere west of Dawson Creek. Considering it was about -40, they may not have had the smarts to qualify as a Mark Trail bad guy (never mind the facial hair.)

  126. Red Greenback
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    #122- I saw the link, Dingo. One guy is “N” for north, and the other guy is “S” for south, and they’re both holding magnets! That makes them easier to chain to a log!

  127. Poteet
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    A3G — Oh, rapture! Margo, Tommie, and Ruby are going to get plastered together! It doesn’t get much better than this.

  128. bats :[
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Humpday observations:

    A3G: ladies, ladies! Booze is not the answer!
    Booze is the question.
    “Yes” is the answer.

    FC: Jeffy finally grows a pair:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3043026000/

    JP: I’m not saying anything…

    Phantom: “The Python will probably live now, Ghost-Who-Lords-It-Over-Us-All. You might as well chain me to a log.”

    RMMD: oooh, you can almost see those little gears spinning in Rex’s head — crewing his sailboat with Little Brothers, all able-bodied, youthful seamen…

  129. Poteet
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    # 127 — In other words, this bourbon chug-a-lug will feature See No Evil, Speak No Evil, and Evil.

  130. Poteet
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    # 128 bats — BWAHAHA! Excellent, Jeffy.

    That sendup reminded me that Gramma Keane’s hair is almost as weird as Mary Worth’s hair. Or is it more so? Wasn’t there a comic strip hairstyle contest awhile back?

    MW — I just spent an unhealthy amount of time trying to figure out what their hands are doing. I think Lynn’s index finger is coyly parked on Mary’s wrist, while her thumb is tucked demurely under Mary’s little finger.

    Oog.

  131. Poteet
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    # 74 — As Sister Chatty kindly pointed out in a private message, it’s Cottontail. Cottontail. Cottontail. *headbang headbang*

  132. Toronto
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    Poteet@81:

    Traitorous Penis

    I went down to the Dawg Saloon
    Had an MGD or two.
    Heard a laugh and I turned my head
    And clapped my eyes on you.

    You were having fun with some sonovagun
    You were dancin’ awfully close.
    I acted cool, and swiveled my stool
    But my wood was like a post.

    I was betrayed by my traitorous penis!
    It lept right up at your sight.
    My jeans were tight and getting tighter
    It was gonna be a long night.

  133. Notebook
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    In my delirious, drowsy state I thought that Rabbit fellow called Jack Elrod “master” as opposed to “mister” in that last panel, which conjured up an amusing image of Rabbit growing a hump on his back and the finale of this story arc involving Mark punching a Frankenstein monster in its face to stop it from destroying the swamp or whatever it is he’s supposed to be protecting.

    And man, that has got to be one of the slowest news days ever.

  134. IronMouse
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail also reinforces an important lesson of the Mark Trail Universe – facial hair equal evil.
    If those villains would just shave they would instantly become animal loving Americans instead of evil commie terrorists. Please note that the lack of facial hair on Rabbit (and a name any adult male would be proud to have) shows him to be just misguided, someone for Mark to show the true meaning of what it means to be a good God fearing (and righteously clean shaven) American.

  135. True Fable
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    JP Sam, Sam, Sam. She said she’d be an hour and then offered to stop by your hotel when she’s done. (wink wink nudge nudge!) But YOU can’t take a damn hint, you brush it off and tell her you’ll see her tomorrow. Now unless you plan to roll over and nudge her awake tomorrow, you sir are a WEINIE.
    MT Oh, Rabbit’s getting quite a following around here, and I can see that it is justified. Not everyone can pull off “It’s a deal, mister!” quite like our bunny boy.
    MW Can’t keep my eyes off the encroaching gloom over to the far right of panel two. It’s as if Mary’s soul is made manifest and is ready to spread deep dark gloom over the skating world.
    RMMW Ladies and gentlemen, this is Bee Grinding at its finest! The plot is over and done, the guest stars have retired to their dressing trailers and there’s nothing left to do but drone on endlessly about some damn sailboat. Grind those bees, kids.

  136. Donkey Hotey
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    Wednesday…

    BBlues: Foreshadowing. Ten years hence, Zoe walks in on her brother Hammie doing something ELSE embarrassing in his room.

    BF: I’m going to be very annoyed if Jake doesn’t wind up with a broken nose at some point in this epilogue.

    ‘Shaft: It just hit me how much Lena has grown to resemble ‘Shaft in both appearance and demeanor. When I first started reading the strip years ago, she was still a driver, not the manager, and was always cheerfully making cookies and coffee for the other drivers, which were always received with their disdain and insults. No wonder she’s bitter. She probably sees her younger self in Nick (which ought to be spelled “Nich,” since it’s short for Nichole).

    Crock: WTF??

    Curtis: Time to serve up that order of crow we all predicted days ago.

    H&J: Ha ha! Self-made man! Cheap labor! Such original humor!

    H&L: Lois looks so dejected as she realizes her suspicions are true: her youngest daughter IS delusional.

    Lola: YES!

    Luann: For once, Mr. DeGroot, DON’T give in!

    MT: Missing final panel: “Wait…did you mean Trail or my wife?”

    MW: “Do you have friends your own age I can meddle?”

    SForth: Honestly, I’m growing to hate everyone in this strip.

  137. Dingo
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit. You only have to say one word to get Mark Trail to leave town: commitment.

  138. Zaq
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    2 commodorejohn: I first read that as “traditional penis,” which caused all sorts of confusion and horrors. More Momma than Funky Winkerbean, really.

    Buxley day observations!

    A3G: GOOD HELL WHAT IS MARGO’S HAND

    (…it just occurred to me that my statement could easily be a Jeopardy-style exchange. “Good hell.” “What is Margo’s hand?” “That’s correct!”)

    GT: I really can’t tell if that’s better if that IS Kaz or if it ISN’T Kaz. Also, “barbecue?”

    BF: “And you see me! Somebody new! I’m not that chained up little girl still in love with you!” Seriously, this whole arc is better if you imagine Tamara’s dialogue in Gloria Gaynor’s voice.

    DT: I continue to be charmed by the fact that Evl Rbt speaks with exclamation points to Traze-R, but with calm, collected periods to Tracy. It’s like he’s sick of dealing with a couple of preschoolers who think they’re “spying” on him. “You’re not hiding. I can see you. You’re right there. Seriously, this stopped being funny an hour ago. Can’t you go bother your sister or something?”

    Curtis: Two days so far.

    JP: “Maybe I can stop by to fill you in? Or perhaps you can fill ME in, if you know what I mean?” Sigh. You’re wasting your time, lady. You’d have better luck with Rex Morgan.

    MC: I love The Brain Trust. Really do. Though this strip would have been slightly improved by the removal of panel 3.

    MW: “No, Mary, I’m not all right! There’s a goddamn portal to the Plane of Shadow behind me that wasn’t there ten seconds ago! Do I LOOK all right?!”

    Phantom: Was that really two bangs worth of surprise? I’d hardly even call it one bang. Given that it’s 1) Not a surprise and 2) not supposed to be.

    RMMD: Wow, June’s really rockin’ the Link-Flip in panel 2 there. Also, how weird is it that I think that panel 3 is an example of GOOD art because I can’t tell what he’s thinking?

    H&J: Wow, they’re being so nonspecific that they’re removing each other’s names. I wonder when they’ll just remove nouns altogether? Do you think they’ll stop there, or lose the adjectives too, then the adverbs, then the verbs, and be left with just articles and prepositions for a few months before lapsing into the ultimate vagueness of silence? Yeah, me too.

    Zits: HAW HAW TEENAGERS ARE STUPID AND BAD BECAUSE THEY SOMETIMES DO NOT ENGAGE IN CONVERSATION ON THEIR PARENTS’ TERMS!

    Momma: And when I read Momma, I can feel my brain cells committing suicide one by one.

    S-M: A bang to indicate surprise at something that’s not even a little bit surprising? This can only mean one thing! Is Spider-Man The Phantom? THINK! Have you ever seen them together?

  139. Some Guy Here
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:02 am [Reply]

    I do have to wonder why a young, presumably level-headed woman like “Nick” would want to be a bus driver anyway – hasn’t staring at Crankshaft (and Lena, the equally crotchety and geriatric female bus driver who’s also Crankshaft’s supervisor) and looking into her future sunk in yet?

  140. Ideal Prequel Mine
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:31 am [Reply]

    Hey there. I read this blog everyday and I haven’t posted before, but I quickly drew up my own version of the Mark Trail picture from the front page. Thought you all might enjoy it.

    Just click on my name to get there.

  141. Mibbitmaker
    November 19th, 2008 at 5:06 am [Reply]

    Above strips:

    MT: Finally, the two storylines meet! Looks like Evil, Greasy-Haired Wetland-Drainer has enough mustache for two villains.

    Aw, c’mon, Batiuk! — Women still can’t get to be President or Vice President (twice!) in this day and age. Will ya at least give them basketball and bus driving already?! Yeesh!

    Crock: This strip’s name really isn’t as applicable as it seems at first-through-9,000th blush. Tuesday’s one could’ve earned this feature a better name, but “Non Sequitur” was already taken.

  142. Tiberius
    November 19th, 2008 at 6:19 am [Reply]

    Note to the artist on Crock -

    Saguaro cacti are green, not orange.
    Saguaro cacti grow in the Sonoran Desert, not the Sahara.
    Saguaro cacti have “arms”, not clit stimulators.

    Thank you.

  143. Seismic-2
    November 19th, 2008 at 6:32 am [Reply]

    Popeye: “The sound it makes is a strange ‘quark’”? Are we to assume that there are other species of moon beasts that make the sounds of up, down, charmed, top, and bottom quarks?

    SF: So Jackie predicted that Sally “would go soft” on Ted? No surprises there, since Ted has been going soft on Sally ever since their honeymoon.

    ‘shaft: Gee, long ago when I was in school, almost all the bus drivers were students, namely high school seniors picking up some extra bucks before and after school. Of course, this was way back in the era before panicky parents and massive law suits, and it was in the sort of backwater school district where the highlight of the academic year was the annual hound-vs-coon fest, in which the grade-school kids would get the prized assignment of chaining the raccoons to a log (those who were nimble and quick enough to do it without getting bitten got the nickname “Rabbit”, and the ones who weren’t got the nickname “Rabid”), and where girls like Lu Ann would lose their innocence in pickup trucks like Ol’ Blue, with the result that when they moved to New York City they could no longer achieve ecstasy unless they could hold onto the Easy Rider Rifle Racks affixed to the headboards of their beds.

  144. Mordock999
    November 19th, 2008 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann – 11/19/08

    TJ:

    “Brad could HELP.” ?

    “Why don’t YOU and Mrs. D HELP.” ?

    “Make it a DeGroot Family PROJECT.” ?

    Hey Frank, I got a “DeGroot Family” project for ya.

    Why don’t you tie TJ’s skinny ass to a tree and have the family take turns using the little SOB’s head for Nail-Gun PRACTICE?

    For the LOVE of God, will SOMEONE PLEASE Hi-jack this strip?????

    _________________________________

    SLOW, LINGERING, AGONIZING DEATH to TJ!

  145. AmazingThor
    November 19th, 2008 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Margo + Bourbon = WIN!
    I love that the mere mention of alcohol sets off Margo’s “Liquor sense” and she comes running in from the street.

  146. AmazingThor
    November 19th, 2008 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    .FC: You don’t have to draw child pornography, Mr. Keane. We don’t want to know what it looks like.

  147. One-eyed Wolfdog
    November 19th, 2008 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    “Here, grampa, gramma said to bring you another mason jar full of gin.” — a plugger antidepressant.

  148. Hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2008 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    #7 – Tom the Pirate says “Great googly moogly”
    Don’t tee me off, Tom. It’s one thing when a dipshit like Jim Davis says stuff like that, but if my fellow CC’ers start in, well, I think I’m just going to cry.

    But on the topic of our screen names, or in the Mark Trail universe a “swamp handle”:
    #46 – Ford Dent – are you named for a mashup between Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent, or an unfortunate auto accident?
    #47 – D.E.I.: Wow, I work for the Department of Employee Insurance, too.

    11/18/08 MT: The front page splashes the story on how Mark saved a raccoon. The sports section covered all the other raccoons that got mauled by dogs and drowned for the amusement of a few dozen hillbillies – with pictures, too.

    Today’s MT is hilarious! “That guy got in a lucky punch! And he had the nerve to duck my honest punch borne of skill, training and careful planning.”

    “For that kind of money, I’ll get my wife to leave town!”
    Legally, this is a counter-offer, and mustache man agreed. If Mrs. Rabbit isn’t runout of town, Mr. Rabbit won’t get the rest of his cash.

    H&J: “Look at me now!” Constantly alone in a diner late at night devoid of customers. Yeah.

    The Adventures of Sam Driver: Wait, there’s an hour’s worth of police activity and Sam won’t be included and consulted? But, what if the cops really need someone to ask them what’s going on? What if they find fingerprints on a bullet casing and they need someone to ask if they’ve dusted the bullet casing for prints? What if they run low on coffee? Man, they’re really risking the whole case, here.

    Phantom (soon to be renamed “Python”): I see the sweet gesture. Phantom desperately wants to hold Guran’s hand and embrace him man-to-man, skin-to-latex. But alas, the Ebola…

    Now if Guran was smart, he’d whip out his cell phone and round up a team of Bengallans to start rounding up enough of the rare herbs to get another dose of the magic medicine together. But Guran is no community activist. He would rather wallow in self pity.

    Spider-Man: Parker isn’t so shocked that Maria hung up, but he’s blown away by Hitler Flattop having human emotions other than rage or extreme impatience. Not… POSSIBLE!!!

  149. Whippersnapper
    November 19th, 2008 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    A3G: Bourbon for Tommie? Not likely. Tommie is the type who finds warm milk too thrilling to be a sleep aid. She’ll take her milk room-temperature, thank you very much. But maybe she misheard and thought Ruby was offering a glass of “boring.” That’s just Tommie’s speed.

  150. Hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2008 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Crock: I don’t suppose this strip would lend itself to doing some research on cacti. They are not naitive species to the middle eastern deserts. Some have been planted in recent decades as decorative items. I doubt anyone would plop one down on a featureless sand dune, and doubly doubt there would be enough rain or hard soil to allow a cactus to grow. Not that a cactus would be concerned with or knowlegeable about the price of gasoline, in the desert, the price would almost certainly be different than here in the continental US and almost certainly noted in the local currency. They’re generally not known to be self aware creatures, either, but the human characters in this strip never seem to rise to a level that I would call sentient, either. More information on cacti can be found on the internet.

    Today, Crock shows a palm tree. Since it is in the background, we are not given insight to know if it is capable of thought, or if it exists in the same mindless state as the incidental characters on Mary Worth. But appropriate? The palm tree, or Arcaceae, is tropical, not desert flora.

  151. kalki
    November 19th, 2008 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    9CL: As I thought…Amos was doing the Minute Waltz with Edda’s ass on the piano keys. Somewhere, Victor Borge is spinning in his grave and Liberace is checking him out.

    Beetle: What does it say about Ms. Buxley that she only dates enlisted guys and treats officers like crap?

    Archie: “Maybe he’s dead? ACK, He moved!!! Zombie dog! Kill him! Kill him!”

    Blondie: You think Blondie is pulling a “Basic Instinct” on old Ron there to get a discount on the insurance?

    Crank: “Nick is the one who won’t be munching your carpet, Lena.”

    FamCirc: Apparently, grandma is the family butler.

    FW: Way to yank those nads off the old Bull!

    Hi/Lois: Again with the high UV radiation?

    GA: “Multi-thousands”? I guess whenever the plural form of a word doesn’t make you understand that you mean more than one, include the word “multi” to emphasize your stupidity.

    Luann: Please…Just kick TJ in the ding ding and go hire a reputable contractor. Why does TJ keep thinking that he is going to move back into any repaired home anyway? This family is nothing but a bunch of victims.

  152. buckyswife
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Three things I did NOT need to see while eating my cereal this morning:
    1) Jeffy’s naked, lumpy, elephantine legs.
    2) Rabbit’s apparent metamorphosis into an R. Crumb character.
    3) And worst of all: Garfield’s protruding, semi-erect tongue.

  153. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Traitorous Penis would be a great nom du snark for somebody. But anyway…

    Blondie: Don’t they already live in a house? Have they been living uninsured this whole time?

    Crock: Every time I read Crock, I think, “Would you eat me?”

    (WT)DT: “NT QUITE – UR EVN MOR VULNRABL, MEAT BG.”

    Garfield: I would love to see Garfield as drawn by Big Daddy Roth.

    GA: <voice="NelsonMuntz"> HA-haa! </voice>

    thorps. The team at Jefferson High is called the Jeffs? I wonder if anyone calls the Milford team the MILFs?

    MT: “Sounds like a great deal, but I don’t have anything against your wife. So, how much to take care of this Trail guy?”

    MW: “Friends come and go,” Lynn says, inadvertently revealing why her fellow skaters refer to her signature move as the “Lake Tranquil Steamer.”

  154. Iggy
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    The Daily Gazette must have had one damned slow news day.

  155. Hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Margo! Boxcar! Saturn!

    First funny Marmaduke – EVER. Marm takes a dump on old lady’s lap and thinks its hilarious – AND SO DO WE!! Seriously, I have tears in my eyes and my face has gone red trying not to laugh out loud at work.

  156. gleeb
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    3-G: Bourbon-soaked hijinks are soon to ensue, unless some drama interrupts. But how likely is that?

    FC: She just wants to get you bare-assed, Jeffy.

  157. Hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Here’s the Big Dog link. Sorry, must have been a typo.

  158. Angry Kem
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Jeffy’s naked legs have gone all medieval.

    I think perhaps “Traitorous Penis” would be a good name for that horrifying camel in today’s Crock. I don’t really understand why the “artist” thought that thing resembled a camel in any way. Its nostrils…are looking at me…

    9CL: GODDAMNIT, EDDA, WE DON’T CARE! JUST GET BACK TO THE FRICKIN’ COMPETITION ALREADY!

    Garfield: I’m with buckywife on this one: I did not need to see that. Ever. In any context. Urg.

    Marvin: What…didn’t Bitsy just keep the kid from going down the stairs? Is the fridge upstairs? How is this house laid out? Why am I thinking so hard about it?

    S4th: And thus it begins. Sally is mad at Ted and Jackie. Ted is mad at Jackie and Sally. Hilary will shortly be mad at all three. When Faye turns up, she’ll start screaming, “I hate you all! I don’t know why! I just do!” Sally’s mother will arrive and squash the spirits of everybody present. The whole time, each character will be wearing a tiny little smile that never, ever changes.

  159. Calico
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    #117 – Seriously, how does the female bat know when is a good time to have fertilization occur, or is this weather, season, or temperature controlled, perhaps?

    Is it sort of like when Mary knows to turn on the meddle full blast (i.e., through her DNA)?

  160. Dingo
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Nice work on that Mark Trail, Ideal Prequel Mine, and welcome to the snark!

    I’m concerned. Ruby and Tommie are set for a glass of bourbon and Margo has agreed. This can only end in a pantyless pillow fight or someone standing over the other two’s lifeless bodies with a bloody knife, cackling. My bet, as usual, is on Margo.

  161. Calico
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    #157 – OMG. Must have been a good ol’ methane blast to accompany the gigantic turd.

    Have you ever smelled a Rottweiler’s farts?
    No? Very very good. Your olfactory glands are safe for the time being.

    MT – Se?or Pelfreeze is just asking to be punched again, and again. Stupid Bunny.

  162. Calico
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Haha, my Tilde wasn’t accepted. Oh well.

    “Lynn, are you all right?”
    “Oh, sure Mary – emo and suicidal, but otherwise ok.”

  163. AMSTERDANG
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    DT: I’m not sure it is a go-to quality one looks for in heroes, but Dick Tracy is just about the only comic strip character who really gets in touch with his fear. In just about every conflict, no matter how minor, he completely loses it for at least a handful of panels. I yike it! To Protect & Serve — While Peeing Pants.

  164. Hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail prognostications: The hillbilly’s plan to trick Mark out of town will inevitably fail, because as everybody knows, Silly Rabbit. Tricks are for kids!

    Evil Mustache Man will then find a new evil conspirator. He drives around the mountains of Pakistan “Are you Osama?”
    “Yeah, what about it?”
    “For five thousand dollars, I want you to blow up Mark Trail’s car.”
    “For that kind of money, I’d disown my own half brother. Infidel! INFIDEL!!”

  165. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 19th, 2008 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    11/19

    A3G: A unanimous vote for drinking. The ayes have it. If you hear the words “truth or dare” out of Margo’s lips, run!.

    JP: Now they’re really takin’ it to the Cinemax. Detective Roberts will be tied up for at least another hour, as her B&D switch lifestyle starts to bleed into her work hours.

    FC: Grandma just saw Jeffy almost naked and heard one of his atrocious puns. That’s two shots of vodka she’ll need when she leaves the room.

    FB: You get the doggy bag when you say something funny. We’re wating.

    GA: You know what? I’m just going to sit back and enjoy the schadenfreude. Ha-ha!

    SFx: 5. This kid shouldn’t be allowed to brush his teeth unsupervised, at least not when he’s off the clozapine. True.

    S-M: What’s this? Spidey’s been clock-rocked? Jonah gets cock-blocked? Tune in tomorrow, for much much less!

    WofI: One guy doesn’t make much of a picket line. Also, he can’t kill you without being a scab.

    Popeye: Here we see why Haggy had to drop out of Advanced Particle Physics. Girl’s got issues.

    MT: “But seriously, how much extra if I get my wife to leave. I know I can do it. She’s already sleeping with my brother.”

    OBH: Advertisers are always looking for new ways to get the word out. Why not use the medium of coke-snorting skanks?

    BB: I’m not going to speculate here.

    Crock: A talking camel? I’d show it around to the TV networks before converting it into desert steaks. Even if it was kinda malformed.

    Garfield: You know rule 34? If it exists, there is porn of it? Paws Inc. have made it way too easy for Photoshoppers here.

    M-Dawg: I see the traumatizing big dog/little dog/matron threesome, and verily I raise my voice to say “No!”

  166. Calico
    November 19th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    3G – Bourbon, tears, and maybe a little Emmylou Harris and then some Annie Lennox on the CD player. Prof. Papa will join in the fun as well, and end up wearing a Toga, and then nothing at all, passed out on the living room floor.
    I hope they have a camera and a few good magic markers. This could be hilarious.

  167. Seismic-2
    November 19th, 2008 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Yore cheatin’ heart
    Tears us apart
    Yore lyin’ brain
    Gives me much pain
    But when your traitorous penis
    Comes in between us
    That’s when yore nose’ll
    Go in the garbage disposal

    I can hear a chorus of this ballad being sung right now in Apartment 3-G, as the second quart of bourbon is emptied.

  168. Anon
    November 19th, 2008 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Margo is giving Ruby and Tommie the finger. Nice.

  169. Piper Grey
    November 19th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3G: I wonder whether LuAnn is a teetoatller because the minute she’s away, the other girls turn into the Bourbon Broads.

    Phantom: Will someone please have mercy and kill this story?

    Rex Morgan: Yeah, the ‘we’ll do all the maintenance work, we promise’ will last about as long as it does for ‘we’ll feed the puppy and take it for walks, we promise’.

    Mark Trail: The headline writer should be sacked. The headline should read ‘Raccoon Rescued from Rabbit’. A picture of a victorious Elmer Fudd would nicely illustrate the point.

    Judge Parker: OK folks, that’s it, nothing’s going to happen here tonight, so move along, yes, just keep moving…

  170. Muffaroo [almost back]
    November 19th, 2008 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Bizarro – A textbook example of how to set it up and knock it down, directing the reader’s eye and all that. Funny, too. I snickered.

    Blondie – Looks like another shout-out to a friend of the creative team.

    Curtis – Barry’s “?” in panel 3 indicates that he didn’t contrive the situation himself, but his “O” face in panel 4 seems to indicate that he couldn’t be more pleased if he had.

    TRAZE-E – Don’t be such a wimp, Dick! Throw a magnet in its face. Spray paint nipples on its chest, where it can’t reach. Try asking it to make a cup of coffee. Don’t just stand around moaning.

    TRAZE-E mark II – “We’re as vulnerable as Traze-R-” “Nt quite-” (Traze-R struggles to sitting position and kneecaps Tracy.) “OK- Now U R as vlnrbl as me.”

    FCircus – “That’s nice, Jeffy, but try and keep your mind on our little game of ‘bullfighter,’ Okay? Toro! Toro! Eh, toro!”

    Garfield – I refuse to comment on this perverted smut.

    GAlley – “Quick! I’ll go snake the toilet while you go buy an un-shredder!”

    H&Jamaal – Who’s he talking to? How does me make his voice do that??

  171. Muffaroo [almost back]
    November 19th, 2008 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    MTrail – Lucky? Ha! It’s tough beans for you that Trail’s best move is his rabbit punch. Ever think of changing your nickname to ‘Whippet’? It’s obvious that your feet aren’t bringing you any good luck.

    Mduke – Marmaduke’s what we call a ‘power bottom.’ You’re actually kind of fortunate, lady. Your dress should smell okay after a couple of washings, and the vet can get your kitten out of his ass.

    Marfield – I guess in Marvin’s world, you’re only obliged to try and be funny when you’re awake. It might be an improvement, actually.

    MWorth – Uh oh, the lowering soul darkness behind Lynn is almost down to the ground now.

    PBSwine – Are we talking normal hot here, like humans can drink, or McDonald’s hot? Or perhaps some even hotter cartoon level of hot?

    Phantom – Shhh! Don’t disturb Guran when he’s practicing his immobility skill, which enables him to stand behind the chair in a suburban living room for hours on end, or until somebody tries to turn his light on.

    Pluggers – Pluggers really get off on being called “Grampa.”

    Popeye – I suddenly feel a great kinship with the Sea Hag.

    SFox – 3) I tend to chew on the side where my teeth hurt the least. 4) Excuse me? Walt Disney had wooden teeth? You mean, that he wore in his head? I call BS. Just because it’s on a page of unsourced trivia ‘facts’ on the internet doesn’t make it true.

    S-Man – Next thing you know. Flatler is going to be sobbing all over his underpaid shutterbug. Please don’t let these two bond.

  172. Muffaroo [almost back]
    November 19th, 2008 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Poteet @131 – I figured you were talking about a Joseph Cottentail.

    Dingo @137 – Bullseye!

    Ideal Prequel Mine – It’s a good portrait. Raccoon needs some foam. (Just my opinion, of course.)

    Spider-Brick @153 – I clicked on the link and it was taking its sweet time coming in, so I went back to this. But it gave me an idea that a play called “Waiting For ‘Big Daddy’ Roth’” should be a runaway hit. Your thorps snark was a real groaner in the “Why didn’t I think of this?” way.

  173. un malpaso
    November 19th, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail:
    Even in the tiny hickburg where my dad grew up in South Georgia, this headline would not be considered front page news.

    Well, OK… maybe not above-the-fold front page news.

    OK, OK… I will grant that, in South Georgia, anyone rescuing any life form, rather than murdering it with a high-powered hunting rifle, would be REAL news.

    So run it, front page, above the fold, 72-point type. And get me a picture of that raccoon, Olsen!

  174. One-eyed Wolfdog
    November 19th, 2008 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    #170 – Muffaroo, re Bizarro: it is perhaps an idiosyncracy of my own character that I sort of honed in on the “pie” van and thought about pie for awhile and then moved on to the next comic without actually noticing the blimp. So you could say my eye was directed, I suppose.

  175. Muffaroo [almost back]
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    But, Wolfdog, it made you think of pie for a while! I’d call that a success.

  176. Red Greenback
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Mook: Geez, Phil, ya didn’t have to take Big Dog to the vet. I’m no geologist, but even I can see what’s wrong with him. He’s obviously drunk! … Aquavit, I daresay.
    Garf’d: What’s the obverse of “subliminal”? Superliminal? Yeah, that’s the ticket. Today’s Garfield is disgustingly superliminally sick, and I wish to register a complaint.
    Spider-Brick @153: Your “Milf” query has already been tackled *snicker* on these very pages back around 2007ish.

  177. One-eyed Wolfdog
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    I have no complaints. Bizarro provided a totally satisfactory comic panel experience for me today.

  178. Little A. Not Quite a Monkey's Uncle Yet
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: All right, I didn’t expect this, I thought for sure that little rat had thrown the invitation in the trash. HOWEVER, we don’t know yet until tomorrow whether he didn’t knock it down behind there on purpose. I grant you all, he looks pretty innocent today, but remember, he is a clever little runt, that little Barry, sneaky and clever. So until tomorrow, I am not a monkey’s uncle JUST YET. Almost, but not quite. By the way, were Derrick and Onion invited to the pasrty? Was Gunk invited? Will we ever know?

  179. Phred22
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Cheer up, Jonah–Maria really loves you. I know because she’s crying the kind of tears only seen on romance comic book covers before.

  180. willethompson
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Extra! Extra! Famous conversation guy rescues raccoon! Getcher “Daily Gazette” here! Hot off the press!

  181. tom
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    What era does Mark Trail take place in? No computer on Evil Business Man’s desk, an old car and look at the gas pumps. So Mark Trail takes place sometime in the 50′s? Did they care about the environment then? Or is it some alternate universe that looks and has the social norms of the 50′s? Sneaky, help me!

  182. Red Greenback
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    #180: Nice find, Wille! Btw, I noticed a typo in the Earnhardt story; “nucular” was misspelled.

  183. Stroker Ace
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    MT – R rated panel #4: Men’s Room assignation involving log, collar & pet raccoon. Bit of ‘Brokeback Mountain’ might avert future fistings of justice.

  184. Nurse with a penis
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    O mon Dieu
     
    #2 commodorejohn – “traitorous penis” has the same poetic sound as King Missile’s “Detachable Penis”
     
    #46 Ford Dent – you were not the only one.
     
    #64 bats :[ – I envy that you live near the Saguaro National Park, one of my favorite places on earth. 
     
    #150 Hogenmogen – I was gonna say what you said.  Saguaro cactus are ONLY found in the NORTH AMERICAN Sonoran Desert.  Perhaps the strip is an indication that we’ll all be wearing birqas in the U.S.

  185. commodorejohn
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Which part would that be, exactly? If they’re showing people having sex on a piano, I have a hard time imagining that they’re going to be particularily prudish about it, so I guess the blurred parts would be their faces, and unless Edda has some ginormous birthmark on one of her breasts or something, that’d really be the only definitively identifying thing about her (especially since all the women in Brooke’s works except for Gran and Tomboyish Dancer Chick are slim and stacked.)

    A3G – Oh hell yes. First Bridget and now the 3-G ladies; is this Comic Women Getting Drunk Week?

    A.D. – “Sincerely, Mary Lou Hobbes.”

    BS – Cornelius! The ’70s rock star look suits him, I think.

    Curtis – So, if it just fell behind the dresser, what was with all the guilty looks from Barry? In any event, Christ, what an asshole.

    DT – Brute Force’s dialogue is even better if you imagine it in Sauron’s voice.

    FC – So, is Jeff going to keep it up until he’s drawn every member of the Keane family with minimal or no clothing?

    FW – Look, first the softball thing, now girls’ basketball is a problem? Does Funky just have an acute case of gynophobia to go along with his chronic alcoholism? What other obscure but crippling mental health problems might the characters in Funky Winkerbean be concealing?

    Garfield – Uhh…

    GA – Ha ha, sucks to be you, dolts. Maybe if you’d sold the thing, instead of throwing it away, you’d at least have gotten something out of it.

    GT – The Jefferson Jeffs? That is either the lamest or most awesome team name ever.

    JP – So is the entire rest of the storyline going to consist of Heidi dragging Sam out of his hotel room for half an hour before realizing that he doesn’t actually contribute anything at all to the investigation?

    Love Is… – Groundhog Day.

    Marmaduke – So…seriously, does Brad Andersen get off on depicting dogs sitting on people? Given the near-infinite number of repetitions and variations on this theme in Marmaduke, I’d almost guess that’s the case. Or is this really a behavioral characteristic of Great Danes? Help me out here.

    MT – I’m not sure what’s funnier: the idea that Rabbit is married, or the possibility that “are you kidding?” may in fact be his catchphrase.

    MW – This is like sweet, sweet nectar to Mary, you know.

    NAOQV – A little dated by now, but as long as there’s mockery of UAC involved, I’m not complaining.

    OBH – I sincerely hope this lasts all week.

    SF – Yeah, bright idea there, Sal.

    SM – Um, Jonah? What exactly are you holding to your ear in panel three? …never mind, I’m not sure I want to know.

    Zits – This just in: HAVE YOU NOTICED THE TEENAGERS THEY DO NOT IMMEDIATELY OFFER UP EVERY INFINITESIMAL DETAIL ABOUT EVERY EVENT IN THE COURSE OF THE ENTIRE DAY WHAT’S UP WITH THAT

  186. commodorejohn
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    RE: “traitorous penis” – I wasn’t really expecting that to catch on, but I’ll take my coinages where I can find them, I guess…

  187. Craig
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    MT: Am I the only one noticing this point? Crooky LaCrook frets about Mark “writing” about the wetlands, yet the headline, in all its 96-point glory, praises Mark for his punchy, raccoon-saving ways. Did Trail write the article at issue? And, if so, he could perhaps give Terrell Owens AND Paris Hilton lessons on self-promotion.

  188. Gal Friday
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Re #134

    MT: Rabbit may be clean shaven on the outside, but he has facial hair on his SOUL!

  189. willethompson
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    #182 RG: So is “Trail.” The Daily Gazette can’t afford that prissy spellcheck software. Or a dictionary.

    #186 commodorejohn: How could ‘traitorous penis’ NOT catch on? I would have designed the T-shirt by now, except… well, I really don’t want to accidently pack it in my gym bag. It sends the wrong message so many different ways.

    (that doesn’t mean that I’m not humming it to the tune of ‘Beautiful Dreamer…’)

  190. queek
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    today’s My Cage is full of win and awwwwww. Well done, Ed and Melissa!

  191. Edgy DC
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    You can see one third of Crankshaft’s face, but that third is not happy with his colleague punnng at a pretty girl.

  192. Little A. a Fan of One Big Happy
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    OBH: I love grandma. I love everybody in this strip, this is a great strip. Detorie has a great sense of humor and he can actually draw funny to suit the humor! Easily one of the best strips to have come along in the past 20 years. And not just in comparison to the dreck that fills the comic pages, it’s a great, funny strip.

    There’s not a character in this strip that isn’t well personified, if that’s the right word, each has a well-defined funny personality and the humor frequently obtains from that, not from stupid gags. Look at the way Grandma Rose is interacting with Andy’s girlfriend in this week’s panels. These panels would no be as funny if we didn’t know Gandma Rose’s personality so well.

    I guess this is kind of obvious, but I just felt like saying it.

    And James? What a funny little bastard!

  193. Lake Eerie Log Chains
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    180 willethompson
    That is 27 different kinds of awesome – I especially like the repeated references to Mark “Trial”

    185 commodorejohn re: Gil Thorp
    There’s always the Philadelphia Phillies.

  194. gnome de blog
    November 19th, 2008 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    I would have bet money that Margo was a scotch drinker.

  195. Little A. a Fan of One Big Happy
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Apropos of nothing but two substantial somethings: how come we haven’t seen that blonde Christian Singles babe lately? Did she finally meet the man of her dreams and retire from modelling?

  196. Dingo
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    willethompson,

    Now I have that phrase stuck in my head. That is, “traitorous penis” as sung to Beautiful Dreamer. Someone has to write out the entire lyrics. I’m editing today and don’t have time but would love to see that song. Oh, and I’d wear that shirt to my gym.

  197. willethompson
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    #194 gnome de blog: Scotch, Irish, Canadian, even Latvian. Margo will drink anyone’s blood, regardless of nationality.

  198. Barry
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    I may be late to the party, but how’s this for a front page?

    http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k245/funkychuck/Mark-Trail.jpg

    Incidentally, thanks to this site, I’m now the top Google Image Search result for Mark Trail raccoon.

  199. willethompson
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    #196 Dingo: I tried, but like the Foole Killer at the door of the House of Representatives, I walk away at the enormity of the opportunity. The actual lyrics:

    Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,
    Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee;
    Sounds of the rude world, heard in the day,
    Lull’d by the moonlight have all pass’d away!
    Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song,
    List while I woo thee with soft melody;
    Gone are the cares of life’s busy throng,
    Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!
    Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

    …I mean, geez! All you have to do is substitute Traitorous Penis and, oh, substitute “thong” for “throng” and “piss’d” for “pass’d” and it’s Mission Accomplished.

  200. temporarilyjaded
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    willethompson…I didn’t see mention of that Earnhardt shaped gourd being put into the #3 Shrine in Charlotte. Is it going on tour first?

  201. boojum
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    willethompson: I would, I admit, hesitate to wear a Traitorous Penis tee shirt. My momma would somehow hear about it — and she lives five states away.

    But I would KILL for a Cock Fight for Cancer tee!!

    Seriously. Pick somebody.

  202. Ned Ryerson
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Ewwww, Keane Kid Kankles!

  203. blammers66
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    I’m glad that FunkWink High isn’t spending money on any of those silly extraneous assistant coaches, or even those coaches who work with the younger kids. Nope. When a head coach goes down at FunkWink HS, you got nothing left but disinterested, bitter, lazy administrators who are happy that football season is over. Any school board will tell you that’s the way it should be!

  204. Alan's Addiction
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Because I’m a science geek, let’s discuss Mark Trail’s magnificent fists o’ justice mathematically. As demonstrated earlier this week, if we, the audience, behave ourselves, we will be treated to twice the number of punches per villain. We also note that the appearance of the fists o’ justice appears to increase proportionally with the distance of Mark’s body from the person he’s punching. With the addition of this new villain hiring the old one, we can therefore expect at least four (4) punches in upcoming weeks if we expect ourselves. However, if we consider the previously-discussed correlation between distance and punches, we can also arrive at the conclusion that by placing vast amounts of distance between Mark and his enemies, the more they’ll be punched; ergo, by sending Mark to Jupiter, we could multiply those four upcoming punches into… well, my calculator can’t count that high, but it would be awesome.

  205. Alan's Addiction
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Because I’m a science geek, let’s discuss Mark Trail’s magnificent fists o’ justice mathematically. As demonstrated earlier this week, if we, the audience, behave ourselves, we will be treated to twice the number of punches per villain. We also note that the appearance of the fists o’ justice appears to increase proportionally with the distance of Mark’s body from the person he’s punching. With the addition of this new villain hiring the old one, we can therefore expect at least four (4) punches in upcoming weeks if we’re good. However, if we consider the previously-discussed correlation between distance and punches, we can also arrive at the conclusion that by placing vast amounts of distance between Mark and his enemies, the more they’ll be punched; ergo, by sending Mark to Jupiter, we could multiply those four upcoming punches into… well, my calculator can’t count that high, but it would be awesome.

  206. Batman Beatles
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    MW – Lynn’s friends must be buried in the backyard.

  207. Angry Kem
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    #199 willethompson: I think you’re onto something here. There are probably a number of songs that work quite well with minimal changes and the insertion of the words “traitorous penis.” Behold a transformed “Suddenly Seymour”:

    Traitorous Penis
    Is standing beside you.
    You don’t need no makeup,
    Don’t have to pretend.
    Traitorous Penis
    Is here to provide you
    Sweet understanding
    Because it’s your friend.

  208. JonnyT
    November 19th, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    I remember Stone Soup once addressed the whole “girls playing basketball” thing in a very funny way. The mom suggested watching basketball with her boyfriend, much to his enthusiasm. When he expressed surprise that it was actually WOMEN’S basketball, she responded, “What tipped you off? The sports bras or the teamwork?” A little feminist leaning, but it made me laugh.

  209. trey le parc
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Crock: “Anyway, normally I’d see something like a giant orange cactus and think “Ha ha, another colorist screw-up!” But in this case, I think it might be an attempt to distract the reader from the nonsensical punchline.”

    Or an attempt to distract us from the inexplicable third breast present on the cow commenting upon the immobility of the cactus. My apologies if I was not the first to be grossed out by this.

  210. Brick Bradford
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G All right! They’re going to put on their warm robes and fluffy mules, get likkered up, and talk about how they lost their virginity. Except, when it’s Tommie’s turn there will be an awkward silence.
    Bonus: Margo three sheets to the wind.

    9CL I’m betting it was her tuckus.

    MW “Are you all right?” “I will be when you get the hell out of my room, you awful old biddy!”

    DT Guess we’re getting a Terminator 2 moment–Diet made Traze R self repairing. Big surprise there. Hope we get to “hear” Dick scream like Dolly Keane again.

  211. Seungmina
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Wait, how come J Jonah is in Mark Trail? Is he moonlighting as “animal hating villian #39″? If so, shouldn’t that headline have something to do with Spiderman?

  212. Old School Allie Cat
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    #184 – Nurse – “Detachable Penis” was a mainstay of my Sophomore/Junior years of high school, along with “Jesus Was Way Cool”. And TMBG’s album “Flood”. Happy times!

    A3G – I’ve had such a terrible work week that I printed out today’s strip, because it so eloquently captures exactly the way I feel. Well, almost exactly. While I live in the Land of Bourbon, I actually prefer beer. Or, rum.

    And yeah, on closer inspection, Margo is flipping Tommie off.

  213. cheech wizard
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers – Judging by his expression, I’d say Plugger-dog grampa has just realized 1) he’s getting hungry and 2) his granddaughter is a rabbit

    A3G – With the gals breaking out the hard liquor, can a game of strip poker be far behind? Too bad LuAnn’s out of town this week.

    Big Dog – Some have said it looks like Marm’s taking a dump in the woman’s lap. But I think the poodle is actually the doggie world’s “Miss Snap-On Tools of 2008″ and is grinding it into Marm’s ass.

    MT – I think people are being kinda hard on the Daily Gazette. I used to work at a small newspaper, and I suspect their page one choices were either “Man saves raccoon” or a large color photo of an adorable toddler picking his nose.

    Family Tree – I don’t know how many of you see this comic. But it’s so gawdawful it makes me wish I had a puppy so it could take a dump on it.

  214. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    And yeah, on closer inspection, Margo is flipping Tommie off.

    A daily occurrence, I’m sure.

  215. odinthor
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    GT — Ladies and gentlemen, we are delighted to announce that, for tonight’s performance of panel 1, Mr. Doug McClure will be appearing in the role of Coach Kaz.

    RMMD — The words And you can be in charge of everything else! echoed again and again in Rex’s mind. “Hiring the deck-hands . . .,” he thought, as, involuntarily, he felt his pocket for his little black book. Suddenly, life seemed to hold great promise. Rex smiled. “Yes, June,” he said aloud; “that would be great!” June looked at him. Outside, a seagull screamed. Soon it would be evening.

    MT — Rabbit, if I know you, you’d get your wife to leave town for five bucks and a half-smoked stogie.

  216. commodorejohn
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    #212 Old School Allie Cat – Holy cow, Margo is giving the finger! I can’t believe I missed that.

    #213 cheech wizard – I’m with you on Family Tree. Not only is it baboon-ass ugly, it’s twerpy and condescending enough in its environmental themes to make Al Gore drive a Hummer and club baby seals. I may rag on Edison Lee, but at the very least, it isn’t Family Tree.

  217. Lake Eerie Log Chains
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Oh, don’t get me started.

    To the tune of Leonard Cohen’s “Famous Blue Raincoat”

    It’s eight in the morning, in middle November
    I’m telling you now that you will be coaching
    Ohio is cold, and we hate where we’re living
    There’s cancer, depression and premature aging

    I see that you’re growing your little gut
    Clearly you’re balding
    You’re waiting for dying now
    I hope you’re watching some of your numbers

    Yes, your wife came by with a lock of your hair
    She said that you left it for her
    In the tub that you neglected to clean
    Did you ever then clean?

    Each time we see you you look so much older
    Your traitorous penis though makes you look bolder
    You go to your office to duck high school girls
    And you sneak home without giving them whirls

    And you’re treating your fam’ly to misery, your life
    You embarrass your daughter, you anger your wife

    I see you there with the red in your face
    One more fat waste of space
    Well, I see your erection
    Is starting to wane

    And what can I tell you, my athletic director
    Who can I possibly name?
    I guess that we need you, I guess we can pay you
    I’m glad you at least know the game

    If you ever get caught here, with girls on your team
    Tom Batiuk will get you, and make cancer your dream

    Yes, and thanks for the trouble you’ll take for the school
    Just keep that thing in your pants, so we’ll be cool

    Yes, your wife came by with a lock of your hair
    She said that you left it for her
    In the tub that you neglected to clean
    Did you ever then clean?

    Sincerely, Principal Nate

  218. shermy glamrocker
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Well, it’s allllll righhhht now.
    In fact it’s a gas
    But it’s alll righht, traitorous penis
    It’s a gas, gas, gas

  219. BuckysWife
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    #181 Tom–Perhaps the Mark Trail office universe is the same as the Beetle Bailey office universe. Seriously, can a functioning office have absolutely nothing in it–no computer, no file cabinet, just Miss Buxley and two sheets of paper?

    Wait, I think I just answered my own question….

  220. Red Greenback
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Ths one kinda works, with apologies to Bob Seger and all of his fans, Alan Sherman, “Weird” Al, The CC’s own Paperback Rifler, my own penis, the Professor and Mary Ann.

    He’s your oldest and your best friend,

    If you need him, hell be there again.

    He’s always springing like a joke snake,

    From a novelty peanut brittle can.

    Traitorous Penis, why pitch your pup tent now?

    In my Hagars, why must you raise a row?.

    …you cant have it now, you cant have it now,

    Oh, oh, … cant have it now.

    He’s outside the laws of gravity,

    He shivels up if he’s caught in a freeze.

    He’ll never ask, hell never say please.

    Traitorous Penis, like a telemarket call

    cause you’re a nusaince, don’t need you at all,

    I don’t need you at all

  221. willethompson
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    #200 temporarilyjaded: It’s at DEI outside of Mooresville. Ask for Teresa.

  222. Colinski
    November 19th, 2008 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Seeing as there are no species of cactus in the Middle East, I’d say that cactus has done more than its share of traveling already, Grossie.

  223. bats :[
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    140. IPM: nicely done! Mark is appropriately wooden (but not at all a traitorous penis), and Sneaky is looking properly malevolent, which is how raccoons are, no matter what ANYBODY tells you. I bet his eyes would glow like little red LEDs too…

    159. Calico: it’s apparently a seasonal thing; I don’t recall what the typical gestation period is, but it tends to be much shorter than a year, and the only time males and females get together are in late spring/early summer, soon after the babies are born.
    The young-born-in-spring is a pretty typical strategy to make sure there’s enough food for mom and her need to provide for the young, but for some reason, males and females only get together around the same time (maybe because there’s ample food for everyone); colonies tend to be fairly strictly divided into female/offspring nursery groups and bachelor groups.
    Maybe this is why Batman has issues. No chicks.

  224. teenchy
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    # 185: Zits – This just in: HAVE YOU NOTICED THE TEENAGERS THEY DO NOT IMMEDIATELY OFFER UP EVERY INFINITESIMAL DETAIL ABOUT EVERY EVENT IN THE COURSE OF THE ENTIRE DAY WHAT’S UP WITH THAT

    I find Zits an easier read if I imagine it narrated by Bill Cosby or Art Linkletter.

  225. willethompson
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    #220 Red G: who said, Ths one kinda works, with apologies to Bob Seger and all of his fans, Alan Sherman, “Weird” Al, The CC’s own Paperback Rifler, my own penis…

    Red, ol’ buddy, you’re apologizing to your penis? What did you do, have a three-way with Mary Worth and Margo?

    …I think I just threw up a little.

  226. teenchy
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    # 212: “Traitorous Penis” does indeed sound like a TMBG song title, no?

  227. Comrade Denny
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    43 Rare Clocks Recovered in France! While Peter Parker was whining about how much het hates that the police hate him, Arthur le Fantôme Justicier was on the case!

  228. Red Greenback
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    wille: Yup, that’s it! I found out the hard way that Mary Worth doesn’t have a vag, and Margo is one!

  229. bats :[
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    197. willethompson: by sheer coincidence, the November issue of Natural Science magazine has a keen article on vampire bats. One species has learned to get the drop on chickens in order to feed from them without getting hurt (like being pecked to death) by exploiting a hen’s own broody behaviors. The article is online (cool!):
    http://nhmag.com/master.html?http://nhmag.com/1108/1108_feature.html

    213. cheech wizard: “Family Tree” is what replaced Opus in our Sunday paper. Yes, I have written to the editor begging that it be replaced with at least three alternatives.
    (Also, to dump FOOBlite, which was also of interest to the Powers That Be as to whether it ought to be retained. Of course, there are several loons who commented on line how they love love love it for its blazing reality…)

  230. Dr. Weird
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    “Family Tree” had a two week test run in the AZ. Republic a few months back when they were thinking about replacing BC. It felt like two years… I think it has the most aggressively ugly and unpleasant art of any comic strip today, on top of the preachy and ill-informed writing.

    “BC” won the contest and was its own replacement, a testimony to the weakness of the other candidiates.

  231. bats :[
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    229. bats :[ Drat. That’s Natural History magazine…

  232. LTBF
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    My local paper dropped Cathy a few months ago and has run a differant strip every month since. They call them “test comics”. Family Tree was one of the better ones. We also got F Minus, Little Dog Lost, Cul de Sac. This month we have Home and Away. I’m not sure what it is about. For the first few days it seemed to be about life at college, but now it seems to be a family strip with small kids. It isn’t too bad.

    All in all, they have made me miss Cathy. But we still get FOOB.

  233. willethompson
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    #207 Angry Kem: I think you’re onto something. Try the second verse of The Beatles’ Paperback Writer:

    It’s the dirty story of a dirty man
    And his clinging wife doesn’t understand.
    His son is working for the Daily Mail,
    It’s a steady job but he wants to be a Traitorous Penis,
    Traitorous Penis!

  234. Uncle Lumpy
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    Traitorous penis
    Died in his pants and won’t let him deliver the goods
    Wishes he could.

  235. Lake Eerie Log Chains
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    And how about a little Wednesday snark, or rather wishful anticipation of Thursday action

    A3G – And when Tommie awoke the next day alone on the floor, wearing only a blouse, an empty fifth of Old Grand-Dad by her head, she felt … different

    Crock – And the camel embarked on a killing spree that ended after his peaceful surrender amid the bloody mess of the North America Syndicate offices

    DT – And with “Hai Brt Frc, I ddnt heer no bell” the robot trash talk started anew

    FW – And when Bull awoke the next day on Les moore’s couch, wearing only a shirt, an empty fifth of Jim Beam on the end table, he realized why he had picked on his nerdy friend so mercilessly in their high school days

    GT – And with the help of his numerous assistant coaches, Gil makes several adjustments at halftime to help protect his quarterback, knowing full well he does not have a 6’9″ tight end to hide other deficiencies

    JP – And Sam pulled his cell phone out of his cellphone with the intention of calling for a cab.

    MT – And upon returning home, Rabbit discovers his wife had indeed left, with the kids in tow. He then wonders if he can get additional money out of his new john.

    PBS – Rat lays off half his workforce doubles his own salary and spearheads a campaign for a government bailout of the coffee shop industry

    SF – And with a disastrous Thanksgiving looming, Ted left Sally and filed for divorce, hoping they could remain smirkily amicable, share custody of Hillary and continue to split storylines between them

    SM – Stunned by Maria’s rejection, and suspecting that it was more than his safety she has in mind, Jonah sold his flailing tablod to Rupert Murdoch, got a makeover to remove the stache and crewcut and started an anti-Spiderman blog.

  236. Uncle Lumpy
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    #235 Lake Eerie –

    Jonah sold his flailing tablod to Rupert Murdoch, got a makeover to remove the stache and crewcut

    dyed his hair red, moved to Baltimore

    and started an anti-Spiderman blog.

  237. queek
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    232: Family Tree basically replaced Little Dog Lost as my most hated strip in the local fish-wrapper. I’m saddened at the loss of Cow & Boy and Ink Pen in the same switcheroo, especially since they added the loathsome plageristic stylings of Argyle Sweater at the same time. I would have much preferred losing Overboard and gaining My Cage. I’m overdue for another missive to the comics editor asking for MC to be added.

  238. Lake Eerie Log Chains
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    236 Uncle Lumpy
    Say, what does the first J in J. Jonah Jameson stand for anyway?

  239. Comrade Denny
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    #238… Jawohl … which explains the inspiration for the Hitler ‘stache.

  240. Dingo
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    I’m from a small town (18,000) with a local newspaper. Everyone here is right. I can actually see the Ottawa Times sending a sports reporter to cover the dog/raccoon-chained-to-a-log deathmatch. There would be the interview afterward with Rabbit, photos of the fight in action, and possibly commentary from the yokels who came out to see it. It would be a half-page story right above a recipe on how to make tiramisu using Cool Whip (yes, that actually did appear in the Ottawa Times a few years back). My one quibble would be the headline. OUTSIDER LEAVES RABBIT IN A STEW seems more appropriate. Or DOG-GONE RACCOON? WRONG!

    I haven’t seen Family Tree but it cannot be worse than The Dinette Set. That’s handsdown the worst comic out there in the daily papers.

  241. willethompson
    November 19th, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    #236 UL:

    You never give me your money
    You only give me your traitorous penis
    And in the middle of negotiations
    You get soft.

  242. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Channeling Depeche Mode:

    Your own
    Traitorous
    Penis
    Something that lets you down
    Making you frown

    Your own
    Traitorous
    Penis
    Something that lets you down
    All over town

  243. Lake Eerie Log Chains
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    235 Lake Eerie Log Chains

    “JP – And Sam pulled his cell phone out of his cellphone with the intention of calling for a cab.”

    Christ, what an asshole. Ever hear of preview?

  244. Red Greenback
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Terry meets Julie, traitorous penis
    Every friday night
    But I am so lazy, dont want to wander
    I stay at home at night
    But I dont feel afraid
    As long as I gaze on traitorous penis
    I am in paradise

  245. BuckysWife
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    I’m so relieved to hear that others hate Little Dog Lost. It’s badly drawn, too vaguely conceived, and not clever or amusing–though it tries tries tries to be both. It even tries to be topical–maybe striving to be the Pogo of the new millennium?

  246. Angry Kem
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    #240 Dingo: You haven’t set eyes on the Canadian monstrosity Backbench. I would link to it, but it isn’t online. It appears only in the Globe and Mail, further cementing the Globe‘s reputation as having the worst comics page in the history of comics pages. There’s a sample near the top of this page and another one here. My hatred of this comic is deep and abiding. The guy who draws it also does editorial cartoons for the Vancouver Sun…the poor, poor Vancouver Sun.

    I have just discovered that he has another comic called UFO on Comics Sherpa. *Shudder*…

  247. commodorejohn
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    #223 bats :[ – I bet his eyes would glow like little red LEDs too…
    “Oh my God! They’re not even human!

  248. Uncle Lumpy
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, but all those bad comics are safe while Quigmans lives.

  249. Hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    232 – LTBF: Go with Cul de Sac. It’s not much at first, but it grows on you. It initially smells like a saccharine suburban parent/kid thing with weak artwork. But the kids are real-ish enough not to launch into existential diatribe (Calvin & Hobbes) or deep psychology (Linus in Peanuts) or sickly sweet treacle (Love Is..) or smirk while dispensing high level observations about the world (Marvin) or defy the laws of physics because the artist doesn’t understand them well enough to make a joke (The Bowel Movement of Edison Lee). NO, Cul-de-Sac is slightly weird but real-ish kids talking in kid ways. I’d vote for that one if your paper is doing it that way.

  250. commodorejohn
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    #246 Angry Kem – That’s…wow, that’s just…no, but seriously, what the…ARGH WHO WRITES THIS GARBAGE AND HERE I THOUGHT FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE WAS THE WORST THING TO COME OUT OF CANADA

  251. Joe Btfsplk
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy – Given that the probablility of any event occurring in the DT universe increases in inverse proportion to the probablilty of that event occurring in real life, the only conclusion that I can draw from Panel Three is that we are about to be gifted with the arrival of yet a third robot, probably assembled out of junk car-parts by B. O. Plenty.

  252. Angry Kem
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    There needs to be an American/Canadian/World/Whatever Idol for bad comics. People have done lists, but those lists are compiled by single comic-loathers. In a vote for the worst comic ever, which festering pile of crap would triumph?

    Commodorejohn: As we Canadians have known for years now, no, sadly, FBOFW is a shining beacon of intelligent and subtle humour in comparison to the horror that is Backbench.

  253. Hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    242 – Skullturf – YES! That’s it! I was thinking all day long “I know I’ve heard a song that’s almost exactly that title. What is it?”

    My penis must have been diverting the blood that would have othewise gone to my brain to figure it out. That traitor.

  254. Comrade Denny
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Is the scientist in Dick Tracy really named B.O. Plenty? ‘Cause that really describes most of the robotics guys I’ve met from CMU…

  255. Bootis
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    Charlie wishes Trail would stop writing about the wetlands as he reads the front page article of today’s Gazette. Conclusion: Mark Trail wrote his own raccoon saving hero article, dubbed himself a famous conservationalist, and went on down to Sears Portrait Studio to get a shot with him and Sneaky- He chose the classic blue background with clouds for the article, but made sure to get a few with the neon lasers background for his scrapbook.

  256. Anonymous
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    #213 cheech wizard: I had the exact same thought about the Plugger grampa. He has that “cat who spied a canary” face on.

    H&L: Is Lois feeding Trixie out a dog bowl?

  257. your father isn't mr. cohen
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Balls, #256 was me.

  258. Hogenmogen
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think that Dick Tracy has considered using a mirror or anything. Nah, better just hide in some bushes with your head sticking out as you continue shouting.

    But, to Dick’s credit, if that is his plan, the evil robot must spend at least an hour trash talking before taking any offensive action, so maybe Dick’s request for a tank will be granted.

    In fact, so much time will elapse while Magnum Frce is monologing that Dick will be able to fill out his request in triplicate for a tank from Homeland Security Dept of Tanks, Anti-Robot Branch. The form will document and establish the demonstrable need for a tank, the location to which the tank will be delivered, the duration and scope of the project and proof of insurance that covers tanks from Dick’s insurance carrier. The request will be mailed hard copy, logged in, approved and sent back in kind. Magnum will then be getting to the real personal insults like “Fleshling, you can not resist me!”

  259. UncleJeff
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Traitorous Penis…stay in my pants.
    Keep to yourself if she asks me to dance….

    (sorry, I got nothin’ else)

  260. Dingo
    November 19th, 2008 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    B.O. Plenty is NOT a scientist. He’s married to Gravel Gerty. Oh, dear God. I know that. And I remember the Moon Maidens.

    Worst comic ever? A toss-up between Dondi and Fred Bassett.

  261. Red Greenback
    November 19th, 2008 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    2 More and then I’ll STFU:

    Traitorous penis, traitorous pe-ee-ee-nis
    Is makin’ me late
    Is keepin’ me waitin’

    ————————

    Oh say youll always be my baby
    We can make it shine, we can take forever
    Just a minute at a time.

    Traitorous penis, traitorous penis to me
    Traitorous penis, traitorous penis to me
    Traitorous penis, oh, oh, oh.

    ————————

  262. Uncle Lumpy
    November 19th, 2008 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    B.O. and Gravel begat Sparkle Plenty, second wife of Junior Tracy and mother of Sparkle Plenty, Jr.

  263. Dagger
    November 19th, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    I like how Charlie seems to imply that Mark Trail himself wrote the front page article screaming about his heroism. I also imagine the editors at the Daily Gazette leaped on Mark’s story as soon as they could, realizing they could scoop the other papers on such raccoon rescuing heroism, albeit at the cost of bumping the pelican brief story up a few weeks.

  264. Brick Bradford
    November 19th, 2008 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    Poteet, I followed his adventures, with the glorious Saturn Sadie (an early crush) in the Ottumwa, Courier. I was crushed when they replaced him with Alley Oop.

  265. Francis
    November 19th, 2008 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    Ah, autumn, when the cacti turn delicate shades of orange, and women in veils forget that the plural of cactus is “cacti.”

  266. Ginger Yellow
    November 20th, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Isn’t “Conservationist saves animal” the ultimate “Dog bites man” headline? Why is it the top story in a newspaper? “Famous conservationist skins raccoon alive”, now that’s a headline.

  267. Ginger Yellow
    November 20th, 2008 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Oh yeah, another thing. Which is dumber: a photosynthesising plant sitting all day in the sun, or a photosynthesising plant sitting all day in the shade?

  268. Paul1963
    November 20th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I figured out what scanner settings to use for pencilled sketches! Here’s a Family Circus gag I roughed out back in 1994:
    http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3283/3045266752_9b300c1d91.jpg

    By the way, Jeffy had underwear on in the version of FC the Sun printed yesterday. Was this not the case everywhere? The only other version I’ve seen was another ‘Mudge’s recaptioned mashup.

  269. Bootis
    November 20th, 2008 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    Sand? Check.
    Cactus? Check.
    Arabic attire? Check.
    Now what else can you find in a desert? Oh yeah. Camel toe? Check.

  270. Stephanie
    November 21st, 2008 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    man, i am fucking high as hell and STILL don’t understand that cactus comic.

  271. TheIncredibleJerk
    November 24th, 2008 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Wow Crankshaft is a progressive thinker. College funds for the underpriveleged, women bus drivers. Whats next a gay boss? Aids? That old bitch making good coffee??

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