The Comics Curmudgeon

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Coming soon: A3G hangover PSA

Apartment 3-G, 11/19/08

So, that killjoy Lu Ann has finally left town, and we all know what that means — BOOZE PARTY IN APARTMENT 3-G, WOO-HOO! Even though it probably won’t end with drunken makeouts, it will still be the greatest: Margo will go on at length about all the men she’s ever slept with and all the men she’s ever killed (the two lists have significant overlap), Ruby will giggle girlishly and tell increasingly humiliating stories about how stupid Lu Ann was as a little girl, and Tommie will sit on the couch staring blankly ahead with her collar buttoned up to the very top button.

Mary Worth, 11/19/08

Oh my God, Mary and Lynn’s hands are about to touch in panel one. Hot … HOTT. Unfortunately, something happened in panel two that worried Mary. We know it must be something serious, because Mary’s far too unflappable to be startled by a little bold font, but I’m at a loss to say what it might be. Is Lynn spontaneously urinating with grief all over the bed? I guess I’ll be forced to tune in tomorrow to find out! And then back to the hand touching.

Mark Trail, 11/19/08

Oh, Rabbit! With each panel in today’s strip, your sneer gets more twisted with hate for everyone — hate for Mark Trail and his lucky punches, hate for your long-suffering wife who always complains about you spending all your time chaining raccoons to logs, hate for this fancy businessman who just thinks he can buy and sell you, which is all the more galling because he can — and yet you work your way further into my heart. I won’t be sorry when your blue baseball cap goes flying through the air again, three to six weeks from now, but I’ll still feel a little bad about your failed search for a place in a world you never made.

By the way, if Charlie gave me an offer like the one he’s giving Rabbit here, this is how I’d go about things:

Take the $2,500.
Give Mark $2,000 to leave town.
Get the other $2,500.
Use $3,000 to hire a production company to pitch “Dog vs. Raccoon” to the Discovery Channel, Versus, or ESPN 3.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 at 05:05 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Mark Trail, Mary Worth.

256 responses to “Coming soon: A3G hangover PSA”

Jimbo
November 19th, 2008 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Lynn’s going to confide in Mary W. all about her anorexia, bulemia and being sexually abused by her father…for 7 weeks or more, given the molasses in January pace of the strip.
Poteet
November 19th, 2008 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

I thought those hands WERE touching. Weirdly touching, but touching. What’s the consensus, folks?
Flummoxicated
November 19th, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

MW: Yes, it sure is tough for 40-year-old ice skaters to find friends their own age.
Poteet
November 19th, 2008 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

# 2 — With the clear understanding that if our Pope says they’re about to touch, that’s the canonical truth. I’m just wondering about the consensus on the minority opinion.
150
November 19th, 2008 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

MARGO: That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day!

TOMMIE: I agree, Margo.

MARGO: *gives Tommie the finger*
Dingo
November 19th, 2008 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

Traitorous Penis
to the tune of “Beauty School Dropout” from “Grease”

Your story, sad to tell,
A phallic ne’er do well,
Most devious delinquent on the block!
It came as quite a shock.
How’d you ever become my cock?
Can’t even get a trade in on your wiles!

Penis Angels: (La lalala lalala lalala…)

Traitorous penis,
No sense of elation for you.
Traitorous penis,
Got my balls feelin’ so blue.
Well at least you could have taken time
To give a little show up
‘Nother evening being wined and dined
Oh, please! Just can’t you grow up?

Traitorous penis (Traitorous penis),
Why keep my feeble hopes alive?
I’m in a bathtub (A bathtub),
Feelin’ Cialis deprived!

If I gave you Tovah Feldshuh,
Would you finally ooze some drool?
You’re just a teasin’ cock and
I’m back in high school!

Traitorous penis (Traitorous penis),
Copperfield copying with “More!”
Traitorous penis (Traitorous penis),
It’s about time you knew the score.

I couldn’t teach you anything,
Contented as a lurker,
Experience I want to bring
No longer just a jerker!

Traitorous penis (Traitorous penis),
I feel as if chained to a log,
Traitorous penis (Traitorous penis),
C’mon let’s show ‘em who’s a “hog.”

Now your circumcised and oversized
But still the world is cruel.
Wipe off that pre-cum ooze
You’re not back in high school!

Wipe off that pre-cum ooze
You’re not back in high school!
Comrade Denny
November 19th, 2008 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

Repost:

43 Rare Clocks Recovered in France! While Peter Parker was whining about how much he hates being hated by the police him, Arthur, le Fantôme Justicier was on the case!
Poteet
November 19th, 2008 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

And for anyone who resolutely avoids yesterthreads and who contributed to the Traitorous Penis mania on the last one, I thank you profusely. I laughed so hard that my traitorous bladder almost…never mind.
Joe Blevins
November 19th, 2008 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

Rabbit can never tell when people are kidding. He must have a faulty sarcasm detector, which goes a long way towards explaining his haircut.
Lake Eerie Log Chains
November 19th, 2008 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

And Dingo for the win in #6. Bonus points for referencing Tovah Felshuh!
Dingo
November 19th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

Poteet, I was about to send that post when I realized Josh had another thread up so… continue on with the traitorous penises!
Poteet
November 19th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

# 6 Dingo — And now you owe me a keyboard.
Red Greenback
November 19th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

MT: Man, that Rabbit, or whatever his name is goes from Craig T. Nelson in panel 2 to Rondo Hatten in panel 3! Amazing. Meanwhile, Charlie there looks like he should be saying “Luuucille!” in every panel he’s ever been in.
Lake Eerie Log Chains
November 19th, 2008 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

2 & 4 Poteet
The hands appear to be inexplicably fused – it could be that Lynn’s bedroom is a hot spot where numerous dimensions are clamoring for control. Check out the bed to the right of – and behind – Lynn.
Poteet
November 19th, 2008 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

# 11 Dingo — Specifically, I spit all over the keyboard when I came to the Cialis bathtub. Excellent.
Poteet
November 19th, 2008 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

# 14 Lake Eerie — Oh. My. Gawd. How did I miss THAT??? Suddenly I’m reminded of that horrid pastel room in THE SHINING where the corpse stepped out of the bathtub.

Run, Lynn, run!!!
Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
November 19th, 2008 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

I may have to change my username — we now have an Asian Dating site add on the comments page! Anybody else see it?
Paul
November 19th, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

If you hadn’t seen Mark Trail before today, wouldn’t your life be wonderful?

Also, wouldn’t you have the impression that Rabbit had his ass kicked by a raccoon? And was now to be paid to run said varmint out of town?
Comrade Denny
November 19th, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

DtM: To steal one of Josh’s complaints, this isn’t very menacing. I propose either retitling this comic ‘Dennis the Dumb-Ass’ or the creation of a new 1 Panel precocious youngster comic called ‘Montressor the Distressor.’
Harold
November 19th, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

looks like rabbit grew an earlobe during the course of this encounter…
Jay-El
November 19th, 2008 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

Mary appears to be staring into space rather than looking at Lynn in panel 2. Maybe the spontaneous urination scenario is indeed occurring, and she has to look away. Me, I’m concerned about that sinister, amorphous blackness (hovering? descending?) over Lynn’s left shoulder….
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 19th, 2008 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

“Do you have any friends your own age you can confide in?”
“No, I just make do with the shitloads of pushy know-it-all antediluvian white-haired harridans I get traipsing through my bedroom all hours of the day and night.”
Tom the Pirate
November 19th, 2008 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

“Lynn, does it help you to feel better if I do … this?”

“Oh yes, Mary! Oh frickin’ God yes!”
AmazingThor
November 19th, 2008 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

MT: If I had that offer? Take the $2500, beat the ever lovin’ crap out of mustache man, take the other $2500, hire an assassin to pick off Mark from a distance (thus rendering his fist-based artillery useless). Then go back to gambling on raccoon fights to suppliment my miserable job as a gas station attendant.

MW: Mary is worried because it’s too easy. She’s been in that room a mere two minutes and Lynn’s already an emotional heap of clay to be molded any way Mary sees fit. Add that to the fact that in our last plot line Mary delegated her meddling job to a lesbian internet security expert and you’ve got some long overdue meddling. Don’t be surprised if she snaps at the competition and begans tearing down psyches left and right.
Tom the Pirate
November 19th, 2008 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

I bet Sally’s sister tries to prove Ted’s infidelity by seducing him. Then, in the midst of their hot and heavy action, Sally walks in … but, rather than being angry, she slips out of her jumper and joins in.

Later that night, Ted writes feverishly. “Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought these letters were real, until…”
Rex Worshipper
November 19th, 2008 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

The look on Mary’s face is due to the sudden realization that no matter where Lynn puts her hands, Mary can no longer feel anything down there.
By the way, Mary having sex, even lesbian sex, would be as unattractive as Herb and Jamal getting it on.
Rusty
November 19th, 2008 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

Margo killed a drifter just to get an erection. (apologies to SNL, Neil Diamond, anyone else who has posted this previously, etc.)
Violet
November 19th, 2008 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

I’m trying to imagine how I could be more passionately enthusiastic about this turn of events in A3-G. Ruby’s going to soak her achin’ spirits in a glass of bourbon? Margo is giving her screamy, desperate assent from off-panel? Even Tommie is on board?! The only way this possibly could get better is if they go to a seedy bar and Mary Worth is the sassy, advice-dispensing barmaid, she and Ruby get in a hair-pulling catfight, and Margo and Tommie have a drunken threesome with Rabbit, or whatever his name is (their words).
cheech wizard
November 19th, 2008 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

237/queek (previous thread) Based on the comics you describe, I assume you’re a Freep reader? I concur with most of what you say, though I still enjoy Overboard – I just like the bizarre dynamics of it. Still, I’ll join you in sending off a note urging them to add My Cage, preferably by axing Family Tree.
magic8ball
November 19th, 2008 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

#18 Paul: actually, due to structural ambiguity in the preceding sentences, I believe Rabbit has just agreed to get his own wife to leave town.
PeteMoss
November 19th, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

One-eyed Wolfdog @ 22
COTW-worthy! What a nightmare that would be!
Islamorada Girl
November 19th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

MT: Rabbit had a sneer. Not just any sneer, but the kind of sneer that would make Dick Cheney kick a bishop through a stained glass window.

-with apologies to Raymond Chandler
PeteMoss
November 19th, 2008 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Crock – Unspeakable filth!

Marmaduke- MORE unspeakable filth!
Comrade Denny
November 19th, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

#28 – VIolet:

Imagine Tommie’s surprise when she walks into that bar and see Gary and Rex Morgan sharing a quiet drink in the far corner. All at once Tommie realizes why Dr. Kelly was so surprised to hear that she and Gary were dating.

(It also explains when Gary chose her for his beard… the boyish haircut, the name, the deep, husky Barry White voice…)
JC Lisbon
November 19th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

If you look closely, you can see that Mary’s forearm has actually absorbed a bracelet so that it is now lodged under her skin. I suspect this is the source of her meddling powers.
Jeremiah
November 19th, 2008 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

A3G – Unfortunately, no enough of bourbon is going to make that hideous yellow and blue background disappear.

MW – Mary, haven’t you already established that Lynn is not alright? Also, is that the monolith dissipating/materializing in the background of panel two?
Comrade Denny
November 19th, 2008 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

#33 PeteMoss

Marmaduke’s wink is especially lurid.
Jeremiah
November 19th, 2008 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

Sorry, I meant “no amount”…
bats :[
November 19th, 2008 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

17. You bet, Al! The International Asian Dating Site (or as it is informally known, IADS, which is a lot like the pet food company IAMS).
I wonder if any of the cuties are also single Christians…
PeteMoss
November 19th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

JC Lisbon @ 35
or maybe her powers emanate from those tiny, glassy, blue, insect wings growing out her back.
Comrade Denny
November 19th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

#36 Jeremiah…

Does that mean some ape-men are about to come along and beat Mary to death with some gazelle bones? I think that was in the director’s cut…
PeteMoss
November 19th, 2008 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

Pluggers – Ya know, Rabbit, or whatever your name is, when a big dog is smiling at you that way, you really aughta high-tail-it outta there, ya here?
bats :[
November 19th, 2008 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

41. Comrade Denny: it was tapir bones. Sorry to niggle, but there just aren’t enough movies with tapirs.
PeteMoss
November 19th, 2008 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

ya hear….ya hare?
Comrade Denny
November 19th, 2008 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

#43 Bats :[ -

Whichever. Just so’s some ape-men beat Mary to death with something… why, even a raccoon chained to a log would be fine by me.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
November 19th, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

“Beautiful Stranger” by Madonna also has the right number of syllables and the right stress pattern for “Traitorous Penis”.
Dingo
November 19th, 2008 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

Actually, Paperback Writer by the Beatles would also work for “traitorous penis.”
Chris Opperman
November 19th, 2008 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

Let’s see…$5,000 dollars to get Mark to leave town. Well, say Rabbit gets arrested for various crimes and goes to jail for 10 years. So he makes about $500/yr. for 10 years. Well, I suppose that’s more than most hillbillies make, so go for it, mate!
Red Greenback
November 19th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

Skullturf: The chorus of “Indian Reservation” also works nicely.
Duckman30
November 19th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

# 36 Jeremiah

She has, but Mary’s not truly satisfied until she can make the person she’s meddling with say it. Watch for it, when Lynn “confesses” Mary’s eyes will roll back in her head ever so slightly and a shudder will pass through her Cosby sweater-clad body.

MT – After the tepid pace of the mountain expedition cougar den tale this story line is flying off the pages. I really hope that at some point Andy will get involved and we’ll see some Right Paw\Jaw o’ Justice action.
Lake Eerie Log Chains
November 19th, 2008 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

46, 47 & 49
Actually, I like how “Famous Blue Raincoat” works with it, meter and all. The original song is as depressing at living in Batiuk-land.
(Yes, I’m shamelessly pimping my song from yesterthread – perhaps someone should put together a greatest hits Traitorous Penis album)
Lake Eerie Log Chains
November 19th, 2008 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

Whatever can Rabbit do with that sort of scratch?
Two words:
Meth lab
Aging Hipster
November 19th, 2008 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

I have never seen/read the Vagina Monologues, but from now on, I fear, when anyone mentions the Vagina Monologues, I am going to be thinking about Mary Worth.
Tom the Pirate
November 19th, 2008 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

#53 – What, so you think Mary’s vagina dispenses unwanted advice, too? Or does it just meddle a lot?
Pfooti
November 19th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

You don’t suppose “friends come and go” is a thinly-veiled innuendo about all of the gentleman “friends” her father has inflicted upon her, is it?
Red Greenback
November 19th, 2008 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

This oldie but goodie was originally an English drinkin’ song before Francis Scott Key stole it, so why not traitorously penisize it?:

“Oh, say does that traitorous penis yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?”
Erik A
November 19th, 2008 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

Why is Rabbit such a cynic? Rabbit, that’s a pet raccoon, and I’ve come to take it home! “You’ve got to be kidding!” Rabbit, do you think you can get him to leave town? “Are you kidding…” What would his reaction be if something truly unprecedented happened? “I’m gonna soak my achin’ spirits in a glass of bourbon”?
cheech wizard
November 19th, 2008 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

51 – Lake Eerie – I thought most Leonard Cohen songs were inspired by a traitorous penis?

And has anyone mentioned Eleanor Rigby as a possibility?
PeteMoss
November 19th, 2008 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

cheech wizard@58

Traitorous penis
Wearing the sock that I keep in a drawer by the jar.
It is argyle

Traitorous penis
Although I shake and I tap the last drop’s in my pants
Why must I dance?
Lesser Whark
November 19th, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

One of the previous week’s Comments of the Week items was AmazingThor’s complaint about Cathy using the phrase ‘Urinary Tract Health’. I was just browsing the CC archives, and found that it was first used back in January. Wholly unscientific extrapolation from these two data points tells us that we’ll see it again in September 2009. Mark your calendar, AmazingThor…
Alan's Addiction
November 19th, 2008 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

Over the past few weeks, we’ve seen Mary Worth engaged in some of the finest meddling ever, Mark Trail’s magnificent fists o’ justice (twice!) and a robot fight in Dick Tracy. However, all these special moments will pale with the upcoming promise of a massively intoxicated Margo. If you think she’s egocentric, obnoxious and obsessive now, wait ’til that third appletini.
I can quite honestly say that I find the concept to be as intriguing and improbable as an entertaining and plausible Spider-man strip. I still don’t know what the best path for Margo is – should she be a mean drunk, a sloppy drunk, or a sad drunk? The possibilities for each are endless. What do you think, folks?
Squeak
November 19th, 2008 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

Best head-spin ever! If you scan your eyes on Tommy quickly, back and forth, it’s animated!
bats :[
November 19th, 2008 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

Traitorous penis sits in my pants at my desk while I’m surfing the Net
Stays dry, not wet
Acts like an angel, sleeping away as I scope out a little more porn
God am I bored

My cute co-worker, slaving away at a project that no one will read
She won’t concede
She keeps on working, doing her job after hours when it’s just her and me
She’s quite a beauty

Traitorous penis suddenly wakes when she stands and she walks to my desk
Don’t be grotesque!
Tenting my trousers, I dive to erase the big boobs from my screen
What has she seen?

All the horny people
Where do they all get off?
All the desp’rate people
She stares at me and scoffs
D.E.I.
November 19th, 2008 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

This guy’s getting in my well-pomaded hair. I think I’ll pay a visit to this Rabbit character I read about in that front-page article about the raccoon. I have a hunch I’ll find him at that service station out on that road that goes near the airport somewhere. I’ll just offer him $5000 to get Mark Trail to leave town, and give him $2500 in advance on the spot. There, problem solved.
commodorejohn
November 19th, 2008 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

#61 Alan’s Addiction – Oh, tough call. On the one hand, I’d vote “mean drunk” because hey, it’s Margo, she’s mean. That’s her defining character trait. On the other, Bun-Bun, the psychotic, switchblade-wielding rabbit from Sluggy Freelance, is arguably the comic character closest in personality to Margo, and he is a happy drunk, a quirk that offers no end of hilarity. So I guess I’d vote for either of the above.
bmrr
November 19th, 2008 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

Finally! A truly menancing dog in a comic. For all the snarking about Marmaduke eating small children and door to door salesmen yesterday’s Herman has an actual man eater in it. Though you do have to wonder what brand of canned dog food tastes like people.
Harold
November 19th, 2008 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

Mary glanced at the clock on the wall. The Rohypnol should be kicking in any minute now…

Lynn, who had been leaning back on her hands a moment before, now pitched forward, eyes closed, head teetering. “Besides,” she said, her voice becoming a dreamy drawl, “friends COME and GO.”

I won’t, Mary thought. “Lynn, are you all right?” she asked.

“So…sleepy…” Lynn’s head lolled weakly. She looked so much like Vera, but younger, prettier…fresher…

“It’s OK, dear,” Mary said, running her hand up Lynn’s arm to apply gentle pressure to her back. “You must be very tired. Rest your head in my lap. Tht’s my girl…”
Rex Worshipper
November 19th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

#61 – Alan’s addiction – Margo as a drunk: slipping her arm around Tommy, french kissing, moaning and panting. When Ruby tries to join in, Margo jumps up and screams, “Quit it Missy! We’re not lesbians! OK? YES I’M TALKING TO YOU! THERE ARE PEOPLE UP IN THE BRONX WHO FEAR ME AND NOT JUST MY MOTHER! SO WATCH IT OR YOU”LL BE SHARING A GRAVE WITH MY EX EMPLOYEES!”
temporarilyjaded
November 19th, 2008 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

@#6 Dingo

Props on the Traitorous Penis, but Tovah Feldshuh, could you have picked anyone more obscure?
Lolsworth
November 19th, 2008 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

Every other person Mary Worth ~~stalks~~ helps is the same god damned sad-faced blonde with a different name.
Comrade Denny
November 19th, 2008 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

#70 – Lolsworth

Could it be that Mary Worth is much deepe rthan we give it credit for? Could all of these sad-faced blondes by Mary Worth Mary Sues and our titular hero is in fact working out some severe damage with her meddling?

What color was her hair in that flashback way back when?
Muffaroo
November 19th, 2008 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

9CL – I hope they blurred their faces. If they were making those godawful viagra-ad expressions. Her friends could still recognize her by her distinctive tattoos, “ass” and “elbow” in the appropriate locations.

Tom the Pirate @25 – In 1975-6, I worked in a shop that sold Penthouse, so I would read the letters. My favorite one started off like a typical “I never thought I’d be writing this,” and went into a story of his girlfriend and her roommate, and he decided to surprise them by walking naked into the room they were in. They proceeded to beat him up, and his girlfriend left him. I think the staffer who wrote that was having a good time.

Moving right along…

It pees ungratefully
Over rocks and trees and sand
Whizzing off of cliffs, pale drops float down to land
It proudly lifts its head erect for one and all
And goes metaphorically singing
OOH! OOH! AHH!

You’re a tool,
Traitorous penis,
Settle down and leave me be
I’m a fool,
Traitorous penis,
I don’t know what’s come over me
With you, that’s where I went wrong
With you, where you didn’t belong
You dink, you lousy fink!

TTTO: Lesbian Seagull
odinthor
November 19th, 2008 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

Trait’rous penis is icumen in,
Lhude sing cuccu!
Groweþ sed and bloweþ med
And springþ þe wde nu,
Sing cuccu!
Awe bleteþ after lomb,
Lhouþ after calue cu.
Bulluc sterteþ, bucke uerteþ,
Murie sing cuccu!
Cuccu, cuccu, wel singes þu cuccu;
Ne swik þu nauer nu.
Pes:
Sing cuccu nu. Sing cuccu.
Sing cuccu. Sing cuccu nu!
odinthor
November 19th, 2008 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

For those who might wonder what the hell???, it’s:

Trait’rous penis has come in,
Loudly sing, Cuckoo!
The seed grows and the meadow blooms
And the wood springs anew,
Sing, Cuckoo!
The ewe bleats after the lamb
The cow lows after the calf.
The bullock stirs, the stag farts,
Merrily sing, Cuckoo!
Cuckoo, cuckoo, well you sing, cuckoo;
Don’t you ever stop now,
Sing cuckoo now. Sing, Cuckoo.
Sing Cuckoo. Sing cuckoo now!
gnome de blog
November 19th, 2008 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

Tommie’s tight collar makes it easier to chain her to a log.

Meanwhile, back in South Dakota, LuAnn keeps her collar fastened too, remembering the log in the back of Ol’ Blue.
Trix
November 19th, 2008 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

Dingo, you have a thing for Golda Meir? You made me google Tovah Felshuh. Very interesting.
papa zita
November 19th, 2008 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

MW: Oh, poor Lynn. I’ll bet your tired. So tired. Friends keep coming and going and going and coming and always too soon.
SFMarcus
November 19th, 2008 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

A3G, panel the second:

I’m glad to see Ruby has decided not to let economic woes at home and abroad and get her now. “I just need a little fix-me-up makeover…hm…how about decorating my ‘do with fistfuls of cash?”
SFMarcus
November 19th, 2008 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

Goddam me not previewing (I do that on Facebook too)

Should be “…decided not to let economic woes at home or abroad get her down.”
McPerson
November 19th, 2008 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

Grand Avenue: Can someone explain to me who this cross between Cruella DeVil and Amy Winehouse is and why she appears to be dating Ruthie’s dad?
Tom the Pirate
November 19th, 2008 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

A few little verses, to the tune of “Wild Rover”…

I’ve been an old meddler for many a year
And I’ve ruined more lives than coke, pot and beer.
I know what you’re hiding and I’ll see through your lies,
But don’t bother me now, I’ve got Lynn ‘twixt my thighs.

I went to a ‘coon fight with violent intent,
In the chin of that Rabbit, I placed a great dent.
I’m sick of those rednecks who mess with my friends
So my right fist of justice will be used to good ends.

I’m afraid I have cancer, my friends have it too,
My arm’s gone necrotic, my hand’s turning blue.
My wife’s dead, my friend’s fat, my daughter is hot –
Who thought this would be a hall monitor’s lot?
teddytoad
November 19th, 2008 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

“…hate for your long-suffering wife who always complains about you spending all your time chaining raccoons to logs…”

And he was just about a find a way to reduce his racoon-chaining time by a significant margin! It had a collar on! Everyone knows it’s easier to chain to a log a racoon with a collar! O, the O.-Henryan irony of it all!
Kate
November 19th, 2008 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

On a completely different subject, where is Grandma’s body in today’s Family Circus? Is she floating horizontally above the floor?
Shermy Glamrocker
November 19th, 2008 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

“Stairway to Heaven”?

There’s a lady I’m sure
Who thinks I lust after her
Cuz she’s seen me and my
Traitorous penis.
Tom the Pirate
November 19th, 2008 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

#83 – Grandma has been dead for years. She’s stuffed with preservatives, and they keep putting her around the house in various “homey” poses. It’s kind of creepy. However, because she can’t bear to be reunited with her clingy dead husband, her astral form hovers around the house, too, doing whatever she can to help, hotting up soup, spying on her naked grandsons and the like.
Red Greenback
November 19th, 2008 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

I always get Tovah Feldshuh confused with Ernest Borgnine’s wife, Tova Traesnaes.
Lake Eerie Log Chains
November 19th, 2008 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

58 cheech wizard
Come to think of it, Famous Blue Raincoat WAS inspired by a traitorous penis – it just wasn’t Cohen’s, but his friend’s.
Mr. O'Malley
November 19th, 2008 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

Since no one has been discussing whether Mary Worth is going to return to Vietnam, I wonder what content triggered the Asian Dating Site? I remember that the Christian Singles Girl turned up after a discussion of some point of theology.

The mysteries of Google’s heuristic algorithms …
Shmork
November 19th, 2008 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

If Rabbit really wants Mark to leave town, he should hire a cheap prostitute to just come on to him. He’ll be running home ASAP.
Mr. O'Malley
November 19th, 2008 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

Websites of real transistor radio collectors. The rare radio shortly to create hilarity in EC is not on the list.

http://www.transistor.org/collection/collection.html
http://tabiwallah.com/radiowallah/
http://www.fiftiesradio.com/Radiosalpha.html
http://www.flickr.com/photos/transistor_radios/
Paperback Rifler
November 19th, 2008 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

Well, heck! I’m late to the thread, and submitting “treacherous penis” songs has probably already become passe. Well, I’m going to post some lyrics anyway, starting with . . .

(from previous thread) Well, if Dingo, our reigning CotW honoree, asks for a song about traitorous penises set to the tune of “Beautiful Dreamer,” then by God, he oughtta get one! (The usual apologies to Stephen Foster and to everybody everywhere.)

Traitorous penis, often I’ve said,
Would that you wouldn’t keep rearing your head.
All of my nights out end up the same:
I wake with a girl, and I don’t know her name.
Traitorous penis, I can’t resist,
Even though I might now have syphilis.
Out of her bedroom, half-naked, I flee —
Traitorous penis, why do this to me?
Traitorous penis, why do this to me?
Niall
November 19th, 2008 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

7. Comrade Denny: AUUUGH!! I had managed to forget Arthur le fantôme justicier!! Curse you!! Oh, the childhood memories of silly stories…
Paperback Rifler
November 19th, 2008 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

73, 74 odinthor: Wherever that particular rhyme arises, some fool always has to bring up the Ezra Pound rebuttal. Today, I am that fool:

Trait’rous penis is icumen in,
Lhude sing Goddamm,
More than oft it stayeth soft,
Just like a boiled yam!
Sing: Goddamm.
E.D. meds cost too much bread;
I’ll try oysters with jam.
Nonerectile, ’tis so vile;
Damm you; Sing: Goddamm.
Goddamm, Goddamm, ’tis why I am, Goddamm,
Impotent is what I am.
Sing goddamm, damm, sing goddamm,
Sing goddamm, sing goddamm, DAMM.
Ptychozoon
November 19th, 2008 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

Oh dear, it appears Margo has misunderstood Ruby’s quaint, folksy phrase of “I’m gonna soak my aching spirits in a glass of bourbon” to mean “I’m gonna drown the tormented, captive spirits of the damned in a grotesque bath of blood-colored wine.”
It’s an easy enough mistake to make though.
Paperback Rifler
November 19th, 2008 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

This one was easy, although it’s just not the same without the drum solo. Apologies to Iron Butterfly, to fans of “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” by Iron Butterfly, and to everybody everywhere:

Got a traitorous penis, honey;
Even though I love you
Got a traitorous penis, baby;
That is why it’s so hard to be true.

Oh, now I’m beggin’ you
For just one chance;
But I can’t keep the little dude
Inside my pants.

Got a traitorous penis, honey;
Even though I love you
Got a traitorous penis, baby;
That is why it’s so hard to be true.
Paperback Rifler
November 19th, 2008 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

. . . And apologies to Van Halen, to fans of “Hot for Teacher” by Van Halen, and to everybody everywhere:

T-t-teacher, stop that pointing;
I know you can see;
I know it’s just these damn hormones.
I could stay in study hall
Or just always face a wall
So that you can’t see how things have grown.

It’s too embarrassing to face the world like this;
And it’s so tricky for me to take a piss . . .
I got it bad, got it bad, got it bad —
Traitorous penis.
I got it bad — So bad —
Traitorous penis.

When it’s fully tumescent, there’s no way I can hide;
I am just completely screwed.
I can’t make it go away though I’ve even tried
To picture Marg’ret Thatcher nude.

It’s too embarrassing to face the world like this;
And it’s so tricky for me to take a piss . . .
I got it bad, got it bad, got it bad —
Traitorous penis.
I got it bad — So bad —
Traitorous penis.
Paperback Rifler
November 19th, 2008 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

. . . And apologies to songwriters Paul Williams and Kenneth Ascher, to Jim Henson, to fans of “Rainbow Connection” as sung by Jim Henson’s “Kermit the Frog,” and to everybody everywhere:

Why are there so many
Girls in tight halters?
I’m trying hard not to stare.
Always I am betrayed
By my own phallus —
I can’t get up from my chair.
I will not ever switch to briefs from boxers;
And I can’t just cover my crotch.
Someday I’ll tame it,
My traitorous penis;
I just hope that no one will watch . . .

(bridge)
Though I’d still want it to swell,
It picks the wrong moments like magic . . .

Have you been half asleep,
And have you heard voices?
I’ve heard them calling my name —
Followed by giggling
At my sheet’s tenting;
There’s no way to cover my shame.
I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it;
It happens each day by the clock.
Someday I’ll tame it,
My traitorous penis —
Or just get a door with a lock —
La la la la la la la;
La la la la la la la la!
Victor Von
November 19th, 2008 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

I think Mary’s mainly worried about the freaking OBELISK FROM 2001 materializing over Lynn’s right shoulder. As you know, that darned monolith gives people– and apes– ideas. And Mary hates ideas.
Paperback Rifler
November 19th, 2008 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

. . . And apologies to songwriters Harold Arlen and E.Y. Harburg, to Judy Garland, to fans of “Over the Rainbow” as sung by Judy Garland, and to everybody everywhere (though if you’d prefer to set it to the Israel Kamakawiwo’ole version, then by all means, knock yourself out):

Oh, my traitorous penis — I complain,
It’s as though it is acting with its own tiny brain.

Oh, my traitorous penis — It’s too true
That it knows what it wants, and it makes me want it, too.

Someday, when I meet pretty gals
They will not see my randy pal —
Subdue it!
But now I say “hello” and see
That my treacherous “mini-me”
Has beat me to it.

Oh, my traitorous penis — I will say
It always gets me screwed, but not in the real good way.

If I could keep control of my
Traitorous penis . . .
Why, oh, why can’t I?
Paperback Rifler
November 19th, 2008 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

. . . And that’s all I have. Maybe someday, I’ll get back to snarking on comics.
willethompson
November 19th, 2008 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

#100 PR, you magnificent bastard, I’ve read your snark! DO you have a day job? And if so, can I have one like it?

Traitorous penis, treacherous gland,
Your acts of betrayal are way out of hand;
Limp when confronted with teenager’s buns,
Firm at the wrong time (say, looking at nuns).
Traitorous penis, mendacious dork,
Not what I want from my sausage of pork!
Getting hard looking at pictures of Bork?
Traitorous penis, you’re such a prick,
Traitorous penis, you stupid dick.

That’s it. Light the cigaratte, look at the ceiling and think of Yugoslovia. I’m spent.
Niall
November 19th, 2008 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

..WTF did I miss by not having time to read yesterthread… traitorous penises all around… do I want to know…

Ah well. I’ll distract myself with a friend coming over any minute now with Pirates of the Caribbean 2. I’m providing the (organic) tortillas and the (Jiffy-Pop) popcorn. Yes, I know it’s a long movie. No, I’m not planning on letting her go alone into the cold, cold night…
ChrisV82
November 19th, 2008 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

I just love how two people were having a private, normal discussion when the topic of drinking comes up. All of a sudden, Margo – from another room, or even perhaps from three blocks away – suddenly shouts “YES!” Of course Margo is in for some bourbon or anything that packs a punch. “Come on, girls, it’ll put hair on your chests!”
Aging Hipster
November 19th, 2008 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

Is Margo flipping Tommie off?
Carly
November 19th, 2008 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

I’m thinking of a half dozen ways the second panel of MW could end, including “but meddling old ladies are forever.” However, I am really hoping this will be followed by a long and overwrought narrative involving the only friend Lynn ever had, a catapult, pink tulle, and beer.
OKStan
November 19th, 2008 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

Say what you want about Rabbit and his lack of facial hair to punch off, and his sneer that would be right at home in Crankshaft. Dude keeps a clean garage, with cutouts for his wrenches, hangers for his wires, and a special place for his jackelrod circle.
Red Greenback
November 19th, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

#104-Aging Hipster: Yes, indeed she is! She has evolved from “Finger Quoting Margo” to “Finger Giving Margo”.
messybessy
November 19th, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

Now wait, I’m confused. It’s Rabbit’s wife that he has agreed to pay $5,000 for Rabbit to get out of town. What does Mr. Mastachio have against her again? Will it cost him another $5,000 to get rid of Mark too?
Shlomo
November 19th, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

MW- Lynn are you all right? That smell that is making my nostrils flare up higher than usual, smells like a Chinese food fart.
commodorejohn
November 19th, 2008 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

#102 Niall – My fault. I accidentally coined a phrase when trying to figure out just what the hell was up with Funky Winkerbean. And with the wide variety of talented deviants we have around here, it was pretty much inevitable.
Joe Btfsplk
November 20th, 2008 at 12:17 am [Reply]

Does Josh still track the Google search terms that lead people here?

Traitorous penis!

Just doing my part.
Seismic-2
November 20th, 2008 at 12:19 am [Reply]

Did someone say, “earwig”? Ok, then, sing this to the tune of the “Woody Woodpecker” theme song:

Traitorous penis! Traitorous penis!
Oh, that’s the naughty bad pecker song.
Traitorous penis! Traitorous penis!
Yeah, it’s been peckin’ strips all day long.

Subject to its own will, it finds its own thrill
Wherever those thrills may be,
In “Brenda Starr”, or Dixie Julep’s bar,
Or maybe even in Apartment 3-G.

Traitorous penis! Traitorous penis!
Oh, that’s the naughty bad pecker theme.
Traitorous penis! Traitorous penis!
It sees Toby Cameron in its wet dream.

It scans all the strips, Miss Buxley and Pvt. Blips,
It thinks Blondie has a nice rack.
Alice Mitchell is hot, but Sally Forth is not,
And it craves Abby Driver in the sack.

Traitorous penis! Traitorous penis!
Oh, that’s the naughty bad pecker tune.
Traitorous penis! Traitorous penis!
It wants a physical from Nurse June.

This lecherous pole is out of control,
It wants boobs whenever it can see some.
See Veronica’s chest! Or is Betty’s the best?
It summons Luann over for a threesome.

Traitorous penis! Traitorous penis!
Its puny mind is caught up in a fog.
Traitorous penis! Traitorous penis!
That wood should be chained to a log.
Angry Kem
November 20th, 2008 at 12:21 am [Reply]

#102 Niall, #110 commodorejohn: We all helped. We all helped a lot. We are terrible people.
Henning Makholm
November 20th, 2008 at 12:31 am [Reply]

Perhaps Mary just noticed the goth-black lipstick that Lynn appears to be wearing. Clearly she’s moments away from suicide. What appears to be printed books on the shelves behind her are in fact loose-leaf binders that store the pages yet written of her monumentally angsty (if a little verbose) farewell letter.
Poteet
November 20th, 2008 at 12:43 am [Reply]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I wish I had time to thank all you T.P. songwriters individually, instead of having to finish a bleeping overdue project. But skimming two threads’ worth of your shining demented genius has been a joy. Now I’m just waiting for y’all to put out your Traitorous Penis holiday album.
Dingo
November 20th, 2008 at 1:06 am [Reply]

Good King Wenceslas woke up
With a traitorous penis
Aiming itself toward a wench
Not his love, Queen Enis!
Brightly shone the moon that night
On his sweet lovemaker
Would wench give him turnabout
Or be a lovetaker?

“Whoa! Look how it stands!” said he
If thou know’st it, telling
Wench woke from her slumber deep
Penis she was smelling
Grabbed it by the staff she did
Morals be forsaken
Asked him, “Is this gift for me?”
If then it is taken

“Take me flesh and bring me wine
Bring me pine logs hither
A raccoon tie it to with twine
Place it in the river.”
Conjugate with me, my dear
In a nun’s black habit
Mark the trail of love sublime
With a punch of rabbit.
ChattyGenes
November 20th, 2008 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Good grief, it’s amazing what Mudgies will take hold of and run with. I’m with Poteet @115. Great efforts, all!

My personal favorites are Seismic-2@112 and Paperback Rifler@99. Somehow, I laugh the hardest when the parodies involve the most innocent of songs.

As of yesterthread I was considering trying to write a Traitorous Penis parody of my own, but I’ve given up the idea. Nothing I could come up with could ever equal what has already been written here. Which is probably just as well, because I have other things I should be doing.

(Besides which, I’d be too embarrassed to write down some of my best lines:-)
sally
November 20th, 2008 at 1:24 am [Reply]

OK, I’m really late to this party — great penis songs everyone — but I wanted to put in a request for whoever does the MT Daily Gazette mock-up for Josh:

Please, please, please, make it historic by having a small one-column item at the bottom of the page, below the six-column Famous Conservationist article, titled “Obama Wins Election”.
Hawkeye
November 20th, 2008 at 1:32 am [Reply]

MT: Rabbit is a terrible pimp.
mollificent
November 20th, 2008 at 2:03 am [Reply]

You all are sick, sick, sick! I love this site. :)
Kevin Moore
November 20th, 2008 at 2:03 am [Reply]

Is it possible Rabbit is the first Mark Trail character to have a personality? If he doesn’t get it completely punched out of him, maybe he can go liven up Crankshaft.
Joe Btfsplk
November 20th, 2008 at 2:35 am [Reply]

#5 150 and #104 Aging Hipster – Hey, she is! How did I miss that? Finger-flippin’ Margo indeed.

Actually I don’t think she’s targeting Tommie in particular. She’s probably had that finger up ever since she left home this morning.
Lisa
November 20th, 2008 at 3:00 am [Reply]

I particularly like the Good King Wenceslas parody…. though I wish another name had been chosen, equally euphonious …. not because I am a prude, but because that would make it even funnier, imho. Not that I can come up with anything myself……

and now, goodnight.
Jack Parsons
November 20th, 2008 at 3:08 am [Reply]

Rabbit’s last profile there looks R. Crumb-ish. Or H. Bosch.
IronMouse
November 20th, 2008 at 3:10 am [Reply]

Mary deftly covers for her complete lack of interest in the emotions human beings by staring blankly into space while reciting pre-recorded platitudes….one can almost hear Mary’s sweet Borg like voice “Lynn are you all right?”
Better answer her Lynn…resistance is futile.
True Fable
November 20th, 2008 at 3:14 am [Reply]

A3G She had to identify the dead body of a guy she didn’t even like, and this is the thanks she gets! Yeah, sucks to be you, Margo!
Curtis No More Closeups! Please!
FC I’m just waiting for you to explain whole notes, Billy.
Canadian Zombie Now we get to endure the creation of Lizardbreath. Be still my heart.
Scenes from Suburban Hell Lois was just about to add the rat poison to the family cookpot, when Dot’s incessant tattling startled her so much, she picked up baking soda instead. Damn! Another missed opportunity!
JP I don’t know if that is Dixie Julep in the hoodie or not. Not enough skin showing to identify her.
MT Rattled by another venture into the wetlands with the blonde bombshell, Mark began talking to himself and eventually developed a split personality. That way he could have his blonde, with a Cherry on top. Yowza!
MW She’ll be just fine if you take hold of that crank handle sticking out of the back of her head and give it a few twists.
Phantom All I can say is, I can’t wait to see what bats :[ or Dean Booth or Red Greenback will do with panel two.
RMMW The horror of witnessing Ancient Mariner Sex Rituals has finally gotten to our intrepid ManWhore, who actually angles for a kiss from his wife. Or maybe he’s just going to bite her nose.
True Fable
November 20th, 2008 at 3:23 am [Reply]

Sometimes a traitorous penis results in scenes like this but then you might end up with something this cute

Nyaaah! No worries, it’s all SFW!
Alfred E. Neuman
November 20th, 2008 at 3:34 am [Reply]

Thursday snark contest!
Hey, gang, let’s use our favorite new phrase in our snarks today! I’ll go second (True Fable has already gone first):

MW— Just as things are getting hot and heavy between Mary and Lynn, Frank comes knocking. I hate it when some Traitorous Penis interrupts a potentially juicy lesbian sex scene.

RMMD— Can it be that Rex is about to have sex with June? Impossible you say?! Not when Rex’s Traitorous Penis clouds his judgment.

9CL— If Edda fails to tell Amos about their sex video, does that make her a Traitorous Pianist?

See how easy that was? Have at it!
True Fable
November 20th, 2008 at 3:46 am [Reply]

#128 Alfred E. Neuman – I nearly answered the phone “Traitorous Penis” just now, and trust me, that would have landed me squarely in the unemployment line REALLY FAST.

….but it would’ve been funny as hell just the same.
Alfred E. Neuman
November 20th, 2008 at 4:27 am [Reply]

#129 True Fable— Hopefully, at this time of night you’d have gotten a pass if you’d done that, but it definitely would have been hilarious. It looks like commodorejohn has created a classic CC earworm/earbug/earwig or whatever it’s called.
Zaq
November 20th, 2008 at 4:41 am [Reply]

129 True Fable: Memes are funny things, ain’t they?

Thursday!

Curtis: Three days and counting. I’m still watching you, Billingsley.

MW: The question is, do you regret it more or less than leaving your vibrator out on the dresser like that? It’s more “incriminating” than “traitorous,” and it’s only a penis to a certain degree, but hell, this is Mary Worth, you can only expect so much accuracy and/or verisimilitude.

Ghost-Who-Fingerpoints: Panel 2 made me laugh out loud. And, of course, with his condemnation of lying for just cause (rather than just ’cause), Phantom further cements his Lawful Retentive alignment.

S-M: Panel 1: Spidey’s looking over his right shoulder at Flattop Hitler. Panel 2: In the space of a sentence, Flattop Hitler has teleported across the room such that Spidey has to quickly whip his head around (with the proportionate action lines of a SPIDER!) to look over his left shoulder to see him. Orbiting characters, inhuman relationship drama, epic head swivels… what is this, Apartment 3-G?

A3G: Margo delivers the line well, but half a beat later, a snicker escapes her, and the three collapse into laughter. Then Margo punches Tommie.

Assholine Galley: Aren’t all of the nouns in the non-punchline names of characters in this strip? That’s profoundly unsettling.

Zealous Intergenerational Taunts & Scorn (Z.I.T.S.): HAW HAW TEENAGERS OFTEN PROCRASTINATE

DT: It’s so CUTE! I want one!

Dilbert: For a short time when I was in, oh, second or third grade, “gadget” was the term du jour for “vagina.” This changes the meaning of the strip slightly, but interestingly enough makes it no less applicable or true.

FW: Expression count – Disgust: 1, Despair: 3.5; Poorly drawn/inscrutable: 2.5, Smirk: 0.

RMMD: Aha! Found it! THERE’S the missing freak-hand from Gil Thorp… it was on Rex’s shoulder! That wacky hand! Okay, time to go back to Milford.

Snuffy: IS “Catch ‘n’ Release Man” a closer relative of “Ass Man vs. Breast Man” or of “Hat Man?” Maybe I should shut up before I inadvertently spawn a Mega Man game.

…Goddammit, now I’m imagining Ass Man and Breast Man as Robot Masters. And their powers that you steal when you beat them. Hat Man, on the other hand, doesn’t bother me.

Garfield: Holy crap, a background! Quiet, I don’t think it saw us yet… maybe we can sneak up on it!

AJGLU3K: Our robotic friend has been catching up with those newfangled video games! However, today’s joke has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a traitorous enough penis to rescue the joke?
Sheila Sternwell
November 20th, 2008 at 5:59 am [Reply]

A3G: Okay, that last line is just vile, even for Margo. But at first I thought Tommie had said it and I was just a little bit proud of her for a moment.

Juggs Parker: Looks like Sam’s staying at the fabulous Apache Santa hotel, world renowned for its reindeer meat buffet.

Mark Trail: Sue, look, Mark is way beyond help. He solves every problem — traffic tickets, lost socks, undercooked casseroles — with violence, and now the man is talking to himself. You got him out of the car, so now’s your chance. Drive off, honey. Just hit the accelerator and drive.

RMMD: I guess if he closes his eyes he can manage a kiss every so often.
Alfred E. Neuman
November 20th, 2008 at 6:07 am [Reply]

Inspired by my fellow ‘Mudges, I’m going to post the very first poem I have ever written (I’m completely left-brained). With apologies to William Blake and all of the true poets among us, here is my version of “The Tiger”.

Traitorous penis burning bright
With V.D. you caught one night
What immortal bug or e. coli
Could drain thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deep or thighs
Lit the fire when thee did rise?
On what flings did you acquire
That throbbing tube now seized with fire?

And what shoulder and what craft
Could twist the sinews of thy shaft?
And when thy shaft someone did beat
What dread hand could feel the heat?

What the hammer? What the chain?
(Did Sneaky ever feel such pain?)
In what orifice? In what gap
Lay the deadly terrors of clap?

When those bugs threw down their spears
And clogged thy urinary gears
Did They smile Their work to see?
Did they make a painful pee?

Traitorous penis burning bright
Inspiring ‘Mudges to write and write
Do not get a big “swelled head”
‘Cause soon you’ll be a yesterthread
The Restless Mouse
November 20th, 2008 at 6:35 am [Reply]

I like how serious Margo is about the bourbon being a good idea.
gleeb
November 20th, 2008 at 7:30 am [Reply]

Brenda: “You know, fear, greed, barbarism. Soon no one was joining the volunteer fire department because they were too busy choking and stabbing each other.”

Sam Driver, awkward taxi passenger: Awkward in his posture as he pays the fare, and awkward in small talk. They drove all the way to the hotel and only mentioned the weather when they arrived?
Patrick
November 20th, 2008 at 7:31 am [Reply]

Margo’s not giving Tommie and Ruby the finger, she’s giving them The Shocker!

This night of bourbon and lesbian love is going to be classic!
John C Fremont
November 20th, 2008 at 7:55 am [Reply]

Man, I’m gone for a couple of days and all the while y’all have been singing the praises of the Traitorous Penis? And I missed it?!

Oh, and I don’t want to hear any disparaging remarks about Tovah Feldshuh. I used to have a thing for her which was based entirely on the trailer for “Cheaper To Keep Her.” I think that makes us spiritually linked or something.

MT – I think Elrod must have been over at A3G having bourbon with the ladies when he placed those word balloons today.

And what is that thing she’s driving today?

GA – Dag nab it, they dropped that damned meteorite months ago. Why am I still reading this?
Phoebe Katz
November 20th, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

“Mary, friends come and go,” said Lynn. “You know that hot guy who was skating on the practice session? Well, I thought I was his girlfriend, but I found out today that I was just his beard. My father is the one he really likes.”
Brick Bradford
November 20th, 2008 at 9:10 am [Reply]

Okay, Aging Hipster has inspired me–which comic characters would you most like (as in, the very thought sends you screaming into the night) to see performing the Vagina Monologues?

While it’s hard to top the idea of Mary Worth, how about Blondie and Tootsie? Alice Mitchell and Martha Wilson? And, of course, Thel and Dolly Keane!
Others?
Dingo
November 20th, 2008 at 9:14 am [Reply]

I’m hoping that Lynn accidentally killed her mother. Well, either that or went rampant on a Bensendorfer in Belgium and it ended up on YouTube.
BuckysWife
November 20th, 2008 at 9:16 am [Reply]

I think I’ve finally figured out Beetle Bailey. The endless training for war, but never going to combat? General Halftrack’s desire for Miss Buxley, never to be requited? And even his name–”Half,” not “Whole.” Plus, the unconsummated, frustrated man-lust between Sarge and Beetle, which can only express itself in tangled, sweaty beat-downs?

Today’s strip, at last, presents Mort Walker’s bleak worldview. He’s not writing an outdated military hi-jinks strip. No, it’s a comics Godot, an ennui-filled, existentialist comic worthy of Sartre.

Is there a purpose to life? No, Beetle, it doesn’t do any good.
Dingo
November 20th, 2008 at 9:16 am [Reply]

Oh, Brick! For the Monologues:

Momma
Diana, wife of Purple Spandex Ass
June Morgan
Tiffany and TJ, from Luann
Winnie Winkle
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 20th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

Could Dick Tracy be turning into something like the Stephen King short story Battleground? If so – and I do so hope! – could it please have a similar ending? Thanks.
Ginger Yellow
November 20th, 2008 at 9:36 am [Reply]

“Do you have friends your own age you can confide in?”

This is pretty obviously the Mary Worth equivalent of the serial killer’s quesion: “So, do you have any family?”

Mary’s just trying to ascertain if there’s anyone who actually cares about Lynn who will get in the way of her meddling.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
November 20th, 2008 at 9:40 am [Reply]

Ganbacchau! Yacchachau! Son to “catch and release,” yo!
Ase! (Woo!) Ase! (Woo!) No tanima ni, darlin’, darlin’, please!

9CL: At first, I didn’t realize he was asking about the laptop. I thought he was doing his Pacino impression.

A3G: “Yeah, Luann’s far from home, with no support system, visiting emotionless and unsupportive relatives, just a day after the violent death of the man she loved! Lucky bitch!”

Blondie: “I’ll tell you what’s wrong! It was your idea Thursday would be titty-fuck night, and you FORGOT! Oh, boo-hoo-hooo!”

(WT)DT: Either TRAZE-R is suddenly 50 feet tall, or the little remote robot is suddenly the size of a house cat. I don’t know which one would boggle my little mind less.

JP: Yeah, I bet it’s Dixie. She just came from work, where she does this totally hot “Kenny McCormick” number.

MW: Sounds like she got knocked up.*

Ghost-Who-Watches: “Guran, you lied! And stop masturbating while I’m talking to you!”

RMCB: Last time I saw a nose as pointy as June’s, it was attached to a cowl with pointy ears.

6C: I don’t get it… while they were asleep in history class, they were assaulted and stripped naked? What college is this and where can I sign up?

* A little joke for our British friends.
kalki
November 20th, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

9CL: Edda doesn’t seem to have the conflicted look of someone who sees that a porno of themselves is online. Since this is Edda and not a normal young woman, she should be torn between outrage at her privacy being invaded and arousal at seeing herself being plowed by Amos. I wonder how Amos will react? Hiccups anyone?

Archie: Yay! Archie broke his neck. Hurrah for the gene pool today!

Beetle: Is the artist on this strip giving up? First, he turns his back on war a few days ago and now no Sarge beating the crap out of Beetle? Just retire this strip!

Blondie: Poor Dagwood. This is where he finds out how many guys it takes to satisfy Blondie’s lust. She’ll just hit him with the “A” section of the phone book tonight.

Crank: “You have such pretty teats-I mean teeth.Teeth.”

DTM: I think Dennis is beyond being isolated in the corner. It is far past time to break a 2 X 4 over his insolent ass.

FamCirc: Is this a good time to use the “traitorous penis” phrase?

FW: “How bout ‘men without penises’ or ‘the ones I see on my hidden camera in their locker room’?”

Hi/Lois: ho ho timely economic humor, is it?

GA: Break out the tire irons. It is “Rufus Season”

Luann: Yay for mom! She apparently has the brains in the house. Why does the cartoonist draw her with a mouth that looks like she had a heck of a career in the porn industry before she became a mom.
Jen
November 20th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

Anyone else notice that Rabbit’s got some tiny, tiny fists there in panel one? No wonder he’s getting his ass kicked.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
November 20th, 2008 at 9:59 am [Reply]

Dingo @ 142: What performance of The Vagina Monologues would be complete without a contribution from the one comics character whose vagina actually talks, Cherry Trail? “That’s what I’m going to have to figure out!”
Sequitur
November 20th, 2008 at 10:23 am [Reply]

Would someone explain Argyle Sweater?
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2008/11/20&name=Argyle

And while you’re at it, how ’bout Six Chix?
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20081120&name=6Chix
Lardella
November 20th, 2008 at 10:29 am [Reply]

I’m with Sequitur. Josh, I’m counting on you to say SOMETHING about Six Chix.
Hogenmogen
November 20th, 2008 at 10:49 am [Reply]

#126 – True Fable “She had to identify the body of a guy she didn’t even like”

That’s not really a bad thing. She didn’t like him. He’s toast. Saves her the trouble of answering uncomfortable cop questions.

Mark Trail:
Mark: Hey, Sue!
Mark: Hey, Mark!
Mark: You look great today, Sue!
Mark: So do you, Mark!
Mark: What do you say we get more familiar with each other?
Mark: Sure, Mark, rip off this business suit and chain me to a log!

Beetle Bailey:
Ah, there is the conumdrum. Why take action that you will simply have to perform again? Why eat, when your hunger is certain to return in the future? Why bother going to war when any country that you invade will certainly remain destabilized? Why boff Ms. Buxley when she’s just going to want MORE? Why read BB when it will be equally unfunny tomorrow? Ah, such deep thoughts…

Dick:
The little robot is called “bomb”? It’s sentient. If this thing goes in close to Magnum and self destructs, that’s suicide. Of course, spending your life inside Traz-r’s crotch is pretty close to death as it is.

But what if Lil’ Buzz Bomb decides that life, even one so miserable, is preferable to the finalityof death? He sides with Magnum, of course, and becomes a TRAITORIOUS PENIS.
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 20th, 2008 at 10:51 am [Reply]

11/20

MT: All the classic elements are here. In panel one, we see Mark making pleasant small talk with himself. In panel two, the action is taken over by Volvo-sized birds with tragically tiny beaks.

MW: That’s Lynn’s older sister buried behind the wall. She failed to rank nationally in gymnastics. Evidently she’s not as dead as Frank thought, because she’s rapping to get out.

Ziggy: It takes a special kind of out of touch to make this joke a year and change after the last of seven Harry Potter books has hit the shelves.

Archie: “Oh yeah, and Mr. Svenson? You’ll want to mop up this glob of Archie’s brain matter on the floor.”

Luann: “Aw, come on Honey. If we don’t hire TJ, how is much wackiness going to ensue?”

H&L: Dolly is a tattletale whose metaphors go over mom’s head. She’s a baffletale.

A3G: Today the new revelation that Margo lives in a Margo-centric universe.

BC: That’s because you’ve never seen a picture of George without pants.

9CL: Nothing turns Edda on like porn of herself. It’s official. Edda is Paris Hilton.

PBS: Eh, maybe he should leave this material for Dogbert.

GT: Apparently we’ve dropped the somewhat compelling storyline of Matt and ‘Czak facing the (rather unequal) consequences of their actions, and we’re back to Milford sucking. Plus Kaz with bad eighties hair.

OBH: Ah, this is going well.

S4th: If you;re going to deliberately trigger a Dogme 95 family breakdown, couldn’t you at least send Hil to a friend’s house for the night? Where do the Forths live, and what’s the number for Child Services?

6C: I’m not sure I get it, but there’s always room for naked women in barrels.

DT: This is really crazy. Some hacker has broken into the Chron’s site and vandalized Dick Tracy. You won’t believe this, but it looks like TrazeR just ejaculated a tank and started talking to it.

Crock: Looking in mirrors must be entertaining when the length and style of your hair changes by the second.

C-Shaft: Possibilities: The drivers warn Nick off the brownies because 1) eating one might make her larger than a size zero, and thus hideous; 2) the plate of brownies is an Ex-Lax laced prank on a hated coworker; 3) these are very “special” brownies, and you need to be done with your shift so you can appreciate the high. #’s 2 and 3 might actually be funny and interesting, which makes 1 the most likely.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
November 20th, 2008 at 10:52 am [Reply]

Re #146 – Luann

With lips like that, it’s a wonder she ever became pregnant at all, ifyouknowwhatImean
Hogenmogen
November 20th, 2008 at 10:55 am [Reply]

Crank: “Appearances can be deceiving.”
Yes, that’s true, Nick. Crank may look like an overweight wizened old grouch who is nothing without several handfuls of Viagara. However, he is a powerful sex god of epic stamina and unlimited endurance.

#149 – Sequitur: My take is that the #2 pencils are leaving “skid marks” in their wake. I had to think about that for like, six hours.

Six Chix: I think it mocks the usefulness of your average history class when preparing for a lucrative career in – uh barrel manufacturiing?
Hogenmogen
November 20th, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

6 Chix: Because, you know, history majors are one hot ticket these days. I think it’s kind of funny, actually.
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 20th, 2008 at 10:59 am [Reply]

Argyle Sweater is a lame pun on “Number 2″.
Hogenmogen
November 20th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

Mallard: I don’t get it. That’s not what Ted Stevens looks like at all.
Sequitur
November 20th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

156 One-eyed Wolfdog.

Thanks. You’re right. It’s so lame it went right past me.
Jude
November 20th, 2008 at 11:06 am [Reply]

#152 – In fairness, The Tales of Beedle the Bard is coming out in a couple of weeks.

Gah, I’ve gone and defended Ziggy, I feel dirty, and not in a good way.

Also, I’m pretty sure the rock-like consistency of the brownies in the bus driver lounge is a standard joke in Crankshaft.

This is not much better.
Hogenmogen
November 20th, 2008 at 11:07 am [Reply]

Worth: Everyone has done something in their past they’d rather forget.
Lynn: What’s that banging?
Worth: The ghost of a man that I drove to suicide. Ignore him. I usually do.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
November 20th, 2008 at 11:10 am [Reply]

6C – It means that they should have studied the Crash of 29 and the Great Depression, so that they could learn to avoid repeating the mistakes made back then. If they had been paying attention all along, they would have been hoarding scrap metal and learning to drive a Sherman tank, so that when the Japanese attacked, they would be sitting pretty, not broke and wearing a barrel.
Sister Sestina
November 20th, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

Love all the traitorous penis lyrics, but I can’t forget that the basic concept’s been treated on Broadway — well, off-Broadway — already. In the musical “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee”, one of the ousted contestants sings a song that blames his failure on “My Unfortunate Erection” :

My unfortunate erection
Is destroying my perfection….
Because of Marigold Coneybear
Because there’s something and not a thing between us
I don’t blame my brain but I do blame my penis.
My unfortunate protuberance
Seems to have its own exuberance….

This sung by a guy in a boy scout uniform slinging bags of chips and such at the audience. On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t have eaten those pretzels.
Hogenmogen
November 20th, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

6 Chix: See, it’s funny because if they weren’t sleeping during history class, they would realize that impoverished people never actually wore barrels. Ha ha! Now they’re stuck with them!
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 20th, 2008 at 11:28 am [Reply]

#139 BB
My nominees
Margaret Wade from DtM
Cherry Trail with Kelly Welly
Gran from 9 Chickweed Lane
Mary Jane Watson Parker (because a trannie will spice things up a little)
Jackie Forth
Hogenmogen
November 20th, 2008 at 11:29 am [Reply]

#145 – Spider Brick “(WT)DT: Either TRAZE-R is suddenly 50 feet tall, or the little remote robot is suddenly the size of a house cat. I don’t know which one would boggle my little mind less”

Every time I read Dick, I just keep hearing Jefferson Airplane’s White Rabbit in my mind.

“When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead… “
Les of the Jungle Patrol
November 20th, 2008 at 11:39 am [Reply]

I am in love with Sally Forth’s sister right now. I want her to break my heart next!

Oh, Sally, with your boring “what??”s and middle class normative monogamous values, why can’t you be more fun like your sibling? Sure, you have some social status, but at what cost? Who do you think has the more passionate life? Who has better Saturday nights? Who is at least alive and not dead and buried, yet continuing to breath and trudge the earth in corporate drudgery?

It would be even more exciting if I could remember the sister’s name.
bats :[
November 20th, 2008 at 11:45 am [Reply]

Oh, heck…go with what you know:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3045337823/sizes/o/
Brick Bradford
November 20th, 2008 at 11:54 am [Reply]

Dingo–The thought of the ad line, “Winnie Winkle IS The Vagina Monologues” will put a smile on my face for days to come.

Let me add my voice to those asking of “Six Chix”–”What the hell?!?” Always happy to see cartoon cleavage, though.
Sequitur
November 20th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

6Chix: Ok, got it. Now, wouldn’t those vintage barrels cost more than, say, a dress from the Salvation Army or Goodwill?
Straw
November 20th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

When I saw the first part of Ruby’s sentence, “Me too, I’m gonna soak my achin…” my mind automatically filled in, “bones in a steaming hot bath.” So when my eyes skipped down to, “Care to join me?” I just about blacked out. I’m still not even sure what month it is.
Jesse C
November 20th, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

I usually soak my aching spirits in a bathtub full of Beefaroni.

Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it
commodorejohn
November 20th, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

9CL – I dunno, is it bad form for Amos to wear a longer gown than his girlfriend? In any event, Edda is clearly a novice at discreetly viewing Internet porn, as she has the screen turned away from the wall and towards the middle of the room. Listen, girl, if you’re really trying to hide it, put your back to the damn wall!

A3G – This is pretty much exactly what I wanted out of the “hard liquor for a hard day” thing. Now if Margo will just start slurring her insults while Tommie clings adoringly to her bosom and Ruby continues to monologue about being a wedding planner, I think we might just have the best Apartment 3-G storyline ever.

AS – Okay, what really depresses me is that Hillburn actually took the time to find out various toilet paper brand names, from the obvious (Charmin) to the more obscure (Angel Soft,) but didn’t realize that details and research are all pretty much wasted when the joke isn’t very funny to begin with. The one time he bothers to come up with an original joke and puts some effort into it, and it’s a dud like this.

A.D. – That’s because you’re not Martha Washington! Zing!

Crankshaft – With the enormous forehead and emaciated limbs, I’m starting to wonder if Nick isn’t actually an alien. She’s come from a far-away star system to study the cultures of other species, and will return home to recommend that her entire race euthanize itself on the off chance that it might ever become like Earth-W.

DT – I’m fairly sure I stumbled onto something like this on deviantArt, once. Or at least, so I assume from the claw marks on my eyelids when I regained consciousness.

FC – And thus does Billy reaffirm his complete lack of knowledge about absolutely anything. Join us tomorrow, when he will explain the title of “Five Per Cent For Nothing.” Wrongly.

FW – Ah, Funky Winkerbean! Only here would anybody bother to get pissy about the proper way to address a group of young female athletes. I like Summer’s expression of “geez, are people around here really this petty? What the hell am I doing with my life?”

GA – Yeah, Slim, you are an idiot.

JP – Well, that can’t be Dixie; I don’t think even a jacket that baggy could hide her figure. By the way, bats :[, what exactly constitutes “nippy” in Arizona?

Lockhorns – Is that a vacuum tube? Do they even make TVs that big with vacuum tubes?

Love Is… – taking him up by going down.

MT – That car is so impossibly angular it could pass for a Gil Thorp character.

MW – “Tell me all about it. Every. Last. Detail. Mmm…”

NAOQV – Okay, Pastis, you heard the man. Cameo demanded!

OBH – After the just-starting “Apartment 3-G After Dark” storyline, this is my favorite current thread in the funnies. Detorie’s got a nice handle on doing expressive faces without veering into caricature (Joker Lady excepted, anyway;) it’s a shame he doesn’t take advantage of it more often.

Phantom – As much fun as it is to poke fun at Mister Stripey Shorts, this is actually some pretty nicely-handled drama, for the funny pages at least. I particularily like panel two; it’s not your typical penultimate silent panel at all.

PC – Of course they stand for something, Carmen! Just like the other major political party, they stand for acquiring and retaining power by any means that can be made to look ethical, with the aid of whatever adopted schtick woos the electorate most effectively this term. Oh, also, there’s something or other about “positions” in there, but it’s not really that important.

RMMD – Wait, did we stumbled into Bizarro World Rex Morgan, where he’s straight? Somebody explain this to me.
Perky Bird
November 20th, 2008 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

RE: Six Chix

I think the joke rests on the saying “Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” The two girls slept through history class, didn’t learn about the Great Depression, and are now suffering from the current economic crisis—they are drwan wearing barrels, which is the cliched way of showing someone who is very poor. Very lame, I admit, but I think this is what they were going for.
Perky Bird
November 20th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

Oh, dang, I waited to long to post–someone already explained 6 Chix better than I did!
Gypsymoth
November 20th, 2008 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

DT: Why is it I feel that LTL Buzz Bomb’s voice chip sounds like Scrappy Doo? Lemme at ‘em! Lemme at ‘em! I’ll splat ‘em!
Old School Allie Cat
November 20th, 2008 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

#172 – commodorejohn – Agreed, if A3G for some reason switches over to Eric climbing some unspecified mountain in Nepal, I’m going to be pissed.

If it cuts to LuAnn and Blazcody getting reacquainted in a haystack, that might be ok.

But I say, bring on the drunk, complaining broads!

GT – If you’re going to give a post-game breakdown, can you at least show us a shower scene and not a bus scene? I demand satisfaction!

S4th – Why can’t my sister be entertaining like Jackie? The most interesting thing Sister Cat wants to contribute to our dinner is a cranberry pie.

Also, in a completely tangential and unrelated note – someone on this site (and I can’t remember who) about a year ago recommended ‘My Favorite Year’ as a must watch.

Well, it finally, FINALLY came up on our Netflix queue and I’ll hopefully get to watch it sometime in the next week. I’ll keep you posted.
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 20th, 2008 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

Hey guys! Today I am serving as a judge in my local alt weekly’s annual Bad Cartoon Contest. I’m psyched! I feel as if I’ve been training for this for years!
Harry Worth
November 20th, 2008 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
What happened Lynn?
What happened Lynn who?
What happened to Lynn after she cleaned Mary’s garage!
Zaratustra
November 20th, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

Margo can instantly teleport next to any person that says the word ‘bourbon’ within ten blocks. I’m pretty sure that makes her more of a superhero than Spider-Man.
commodorejohn
November 20th, 2008 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

#177 Gold-Digging Nanny – Ooh! Make sure to repost the judging here!
teenchy
November 20th, 2008 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

MT: The combo of the orange coloring and the 11-19 date on the left chest might lead one to believe Rabbit is an escpaed convict.
teenchy
November 20th, 2008 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

Aargh, “escaped” not “escpaed”! At least I didn’t type “espaced” else someone might confuse Rabbit for a Renault minivan.
odinthor
November 20th, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

As I Ponder’d In Silence,
by Wlat Whitnam.

As I ponder’d in silence,
Reflecting upon my comix, considering, lingering long,
A trait’rous penis rose before me, with distrustful aspect,
Terrible in beauty, age, and power,
The genius of porn of old mags;
As to me directing like flame its slit,
With shaft pointing to many immortal japes,
And menacing throb, “What snarkest thou?” it said;
“Know’st thou not, there is but one theme for ever-enduring Mudges?
And that is the theme of Margo, the causer of battles,
The making of indistinguishable male characters?”
gnome de blog
November 20th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

I like the way Tommie and Margo changed places so Margo could reply to the back of Ruby’s head instead of to her face.
willethompson
November 20th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

(WT)DT: “REMEMBR TH TINY REMOTE CRAWLER IN MY LOWER COMPRTMNT?”

WHY YES! IT MST B YUR TRATRUS PNIS!
willethompson
November 20th, 2008 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

…although a ‘tiny remote crawler’ named ‘LTL BUZZ BOMB’ in one’s ‘lower compartment’ is more likely a “VBRATNG EGG WTH THREE SPDS.”
Crankshaft's funky smelling corpse
November 20th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

9CL: You know, that clip is going to be on the internet forever now.

FW: Next story arc: How tubby’s life will be ruined by false accusations of sexual harrassment/advances/etc. Ripped from the headlines no less.

Cranky: Hmmm..hot young new driver chick? Combined with FW, maybe Batuik is just going through his dirty old man phase.
bats :[
November 20th, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

172. commodorejohn: I don’t read AS on a regual (ahem) basis, but I looked at this one when someone asked for an explanation. Sad to say, I am always moved (ahem), or at least amused by bathroom humor (coff), so I thought this one was clever.
What’s that? One out of fifty, though? A hundred?
Muffaroo
November 20th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

Note: Todays’ special edition of comments is presented in wholly inauthentic rhyming slang! Just because!!

Sick Spacey – “Something up my sleev, so to spk. Remembr th tiny remote crawler in my lower comprtmnt?” Yeah, I think we’ll just call that a sleeve and ignore the truly unsavory associations that brings up in our meat brains. What’s important is that Diet Smith seems to have invented at least two things with more personality than Tracy. Three if you count his improved snow shovel blade.

Dead Facet – It’s funny because he sucks.

Spill Gorp – Looks like there’s no joy on the zombie bus of the dead. Hey, maybe that guy smirking in front has some brains! No, wait, that’s Peter Parker. Nope, no joy, just a one-way ticket home to Palookaville.

Beggar Adorable – Helga is bemoaning Hagar not sticking to his diet as she stands by the table laden with food that she just set before him. Hey, Helga, I’ve got an idea for you! Don’t be a freaking idiot!

Verbin’ the Malll – Wow! The transvestite clown chicken seems to be developing an actual beak in panel 3 today. Did she start as a human? Is this where pluggers come from?

Fudge Packer – For some reason, I was looking at this thinking, “What the hell has happened to the storyline in “The Phantom”? Seeing my error, I’m thinking, “What the hell has happened to the storyline in “Judge Parker”? I see I’m not the only one who figures the ambiguous figure in the hood will turn out to be Dixie Julep on a mission of evil and cleavage. IhopeIhopeIhopel!

Snark Fail – Mark’s holding down both sides of the conversation again today. Even the quail are bemused. At least Sue knows who she’s dealing with now. He should carry a cell phone so people won’t think he’s crazy. I mean, so they won’t know.
Muffaroo
November 20th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

Note: We’re still doing the rhyming slang thing, because Obscurity is the Soul of Wit! Write that down, kids!

Scary Birth – Lynn started out kind of cute, but she’s looking like she’d be more at home on Easter Island now. Are we going to find out who’s locked in the closet and banging to get out now?

The Bantam – Hey, Guran! Between you and me, your figure would probably look better if you wore the girdle around your waist instead of on your head.

Blows is Blows – It’s the cat’s balls! (And a tip of the Hatlo Hat to the Dysfunctional Family Circus!)
Tats
November 20th, 2008 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

A3-G: Some people are angry drunks, some are giggly drunks, some are weepy drunks. Judging by Margo’s hand in the last panel, she’s a pinchin’ drunk. I’d be lying if I said I were even remotely surprised.

FOOB: Ha. Taunt away, you smug bitch. You’re gonna be married to Anthony Caine in thirty years. God, FOOB is so much more fun when you can mock the characters with your knowledge of their bleak, dismal futures.

MW: Lynn: “Have you ever regretted doing something so much you can’t get over it, even after a long time?” *Mary looks pensive. Cut to Aldo’s smoldering corpse in a twisted pile of wreckage at the bottom of the cliff. Flashback to present.* Mary: “No. Never.”
commodorejohn
November 20th, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

#188 bats :[ – A hundred? Oh, at least.
fashion police
November 20th, 2008 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

We applaud Miss Thompson for continuing to wear crisp whites long after every other nurse in America has abandoned taste for practicality. However, we are concerned that loosening her collar could lead to further shoddiness, even so far as failing to starch it properly.
Dingo
November 20th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

I finally saw today’s Argyle Sweater. Oh. Oh, my. If y’all hadn’t forewarned me I wouldn’t have got it.

How drunk will Ruby have to get before she asks for a flagon of mead?

Oh, and I can’t stop thinking about Ol’ Blue without immediately thinking of the Oak Ridge Boys.
AmazingThor
November 20th, 2008 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

A3G: Margo never sips her drinks. She’s already on her third bourbon.
Crank: The old “Immodium Brownies” trick just backfired.
DT: You remember this little Deus Ex Machina I just thought up, don’t you?
JP: Watch out Sam, it’s the gay Unabomber!
Lockhorns: I’m guessing the appliance he’s working on is the TV, but that’s meeting them more than half way.
MT: I see Mark is back to holding conversations with himself. Really takes the pressure off his dates.
MW: You’re gonna regret letting Mary into your room, even after a long time.
Phantom: Guran, you tried to cure my ebola! You lying son of a bitch!
Plug: You’re a plugger if your cell phone is bigger than your granddaughter’s head.
RMMD: I was worried that Rex might (Yuck!) kiss a woman, but I see by the last panel he’s merely moving in close to take a bite out of her nose.
SF: So, Ted is cheating on Sally because she’s not the hottest man?
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 20th, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

commodore john

RMMD – Wait, did we stumbled into Bizarro World Rex Morgan, where he’s straight? Somebody explain this to me.

Haha. Of course not. Note from the dialogue that even though he’s taken June in his arms, he also has them halfway out the door to the airport. He may be willing to start something, but he’ll let her Hitachi Magic Wand finish it.
queek
November 20th, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

29: yes indeedy, Freep reader here. Silly buggers reduced GT in size in the sports page this week. Guess Drew Sharp needed more space for his snark. @_@

on to the funnies!

MG&G: I laughed.

I have a friend who used to be a phlebotomist and is now a librarian. Therefore, both RWO and Lio made me think of her.

A&J: o man! That last panel is Picasso-esque.

F-: Pinky and the Brain, brain, brain, brain.
commodorejohn
November 20th, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

#196 Artist formerly known as Ben – Ah, you’re right. I thought that seemed a little fishy. As opposed to Lenore, who is most likely a lot fishy.
Jana C.H.
November 20th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

For those still interested, The Star Wars of Penzance continues at The Flying Sasquatch: http://jana-ch.livejournal.com/

Jana C.H.
Seattle
Saith JcH: Those who can’t write poetry write prose; those who can’t write prose, write free verse; those who can’t write free verse use emoticons.
Hogenmogen
November 20th, 2008 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

DTM: Scuffing the walls! Ok, now we have a menacing streak going. One day and counting.

Heathcliff likes to spray his farts outside. Oh god, Heath, global warming. Think of all that methane, dude.

You’re a Plugger if you think jokes about kids knowing technology better than grownups are still funny.

Or, Wiz of Id that has an “eat fattening foods and you will die” punchline, which hasn’t been funny since the middle ages.

Marmadude (no link required): He’s still a BIG DOG. ha ha ha ha!

Spiderman: Parker was so unnerved by JJJ’s sudden humanity that he’s earnestly trying just about any excuse to get the hell out of that office. He’s about to leave, when JJJ gives him a NEW assignment. “Yeah, get pics of Spidey. Got it. Bye!”
“No, get pics of SOMEONE ELSE!!”
No wonder why Parker was awestruck.
bats :[
November 20th, 2008 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

188. bats :[
And this would’ve been so much more funny if I’d previewed and spelled “regular” correctly.
I feel like a No. 2 pencil…

(I showed it to mr. bats :[ , who didn’t get it either. What he did appreciate, however, was some Mudge’s comment about leaving skidmarks. He has an even more base sense of humor than I do.)
Hogenmogen
November 20th, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

Hey Jackie! I’ll take ya. And all my friends are really UGLY.
Muffaroo
November 20th, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

kalki @146 & Calvin’s Cardboard Box @153 – Roger’s Profanisaurus (see VIZ #179, Oct 2008) defines those thusly:

blotox n. Characteristic felatrix’s trout-pout. The sort of over-developed lips sported by the type of girl who has cooked plenty of socks in her time. ‘Oi, Gillian. Have you had your gob done?’ ‘No, it’s just a bit of blotox, Geoff.’

Sequitur @169 – The barrels don’t cost anything. They’re a perk of being a character in a comic or cartoon, like instant bandages if you’re wounded, a big mallet out of nowhere to smite your foe, or a huge plate of garnishes if you think you’re finally going to catch the Road Runner.
Muffaroo
November 20th, 2008 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

The operatic version, after Verdi:

Traitorous penis!
Always a bo-ther.
Limp for my sweetheart,
Hard for her mother!

Coming betwee-n us
Too soon or not at all
Not at my beck or call,
This time or other

Treacherous pecker!
How you upset me
You never let me
Have it my way!
(last line repeats)

TTTO: La Donna e Mobile
Seismic-2
November 20th, 2008 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

Phantom: I don’t like the look in Guran’s eyes in panel 2. It’s probably a good thing that Kit has chained him to that log.

MW: Yes, Lynn, friends come and go. Now take us out in the back yard and show us the shallow graves, so that we can get back to that competition for the strangest skating costume.

FC: So how much did you get paid for drawing this nickel comic, Jeffy?

JP: It’s getting a little nippy tonight? That’s what I like about the desert, too. So for heaven’s sake, Dixie, take off that damn hoodie!
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 20th, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

FC: “I don’t know what the part of a piano that’s not keys looks like, so fuck it, I’ll just jam everything over here in the left half of the panel.”

MW: “Have you ever regretted doing something so much, you couldn’t get over it, even after a long time?” “Oh, my, yes, dear. I once sent a poor sad man plummeting to a fiery death, and I was so upset I had to skip my biscuit at teatime that afternoon.”
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 20th, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

I finally saw today’s Argyle Sweater. Oh. Oh, my. If y’all hadn’t forewarned me I wouldn’t have got it.
Sorry ’bout that.
bats :[
November 20th, 2008 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

126. True Fable re Phantom: right now, I’m so cheesed off at the Phantom that I could spit ~~traitorous penises~~ nails:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3045747853/sizes/o/

I’m sure Dean Booth or Red are more clever, or at least less vexed.
Stij
November 20th, 2008 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

I know I’m probably late for this, but “More Than a Feeling” would make an excellent Traitorous Penis song.
Calico
November 20th, 2008 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

I reckon this is what Margo sounds like on Bourbon and cocaine:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmIQvx6r1yo
gnome de blog
November 20th, 2008 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

208 bats:[
Old Jungle Saying*: The Phantom is cleverer than a medicine man.

There is a shortage of criminal masterminds in the world. Chatu will be able to execute his terroristic schems from inside Boobsby Prison, and will eventually escape. The Phantom realizes that without an evil empire to thwart, he’s just a gaudy freak.

*In the Bandar tongue, of course.
Poteet
November 20th, 2008 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

Thanks a lot, all you Traitorous Penis posters. Now I have a bad case of hiccups.
One-eyed Wolfdog
November 20th, 2008 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

There’s a cure for that but apparently it involves closer contact with Edda than I’d care to risk.
PeteMoss
November 20th, 2008 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

Theme to Star Wars (with apologies to Bill Murray)

Peeeeenis!
Treacherous peeeeenis!
Such a bad peeeeenis!
What have you done!

Peeeeenis!
Like a light saaaaaaber!
A Wookie you faaaavor!
Treacherous one!
Comrade Denny
November 20th, 2008 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

Here’s to hoping that Lu Ann stays in South Dakota popping out babies in the back of Ol’ Blue and that Ruby becomes the new girl of Apartment 3G.

Now, according to Wikipedia, Tommie is based on Lucille Ball, Margo on Joan Collins, and Lu Ann on Tuesday Weld. So which famous actress from back in the day is Ruby? She looks a little like Mae West to me…
boojum
November 20th, 2008 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

215 Comrade Denny:

Joan Blondell. Or Shellie Winters.
odinthor
November 20th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe that everyone forgot the familiar

Old MacDonald had a Traitorous Penis,
E-I-E-I-Owwww;
And on that P. he had a sore,
E-I-E-I-Owwww;
With a don’t work here, and a don’t work there,
Here a blank, there a blank, everywhere a blank blank,
Old MacDonald had a Traitorous Penis,
E-I-E-I-Owwww!

Then of course there’s also the “Mary had a little” one.
Comrade Denny
November 20th, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

Shelley Winters… as in Rosanne’s lesbian mom? I like it…
boojum
November 20th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

133. Alfred E. Neuman — Nice! And particularly valiant as a first effort: rhyme and everything. Bonus points: I understand it a lot more than I do the original. Of course, that was by Blake…
Rex Worshipper
November 20th, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

A3C – Dang! LuAnn is barely even gone and those 3C bitches are already dissing her!
MT – Ha ha ha! Mark Trail has finally gone off the deep end telling himself he appreciates spending time with himself.
commodorejohn
November 20th, 2008 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

#215 Comrade Denny – I’d wager a guess that Ruby is a younger Marjorie Main, a.k.a Ma Kettle.
boojum
November 20th, 2008 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

218 Comrade Denny:

Shelley Winters… as in Rosanne’s lesbian mom?

That’s the one. But as for inspiration “back in the day,” I think the artist would have looked more to films like South Seas Sinner and Phone Call from a Stranger. Always brassy and ready to speak her mind, Winters was a minor bombshell. There’s a reason her tell-all books raised a few eyebrows — and hackles. And anyone who roomed with Marilyn Monroe and taught her to “act pretty” for the camera obviously had something going on.
Comrade Denny
November 20th, 2008 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

220 Rex Worshipping

3C bitches? Are those the riot grrls who live down the hall?
UncleJeff
November 20th, 2008 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

214 Pete Moss: for some reason, instead of hearing Bill Murray…I’m getting Dr. Zoidberg from “Futurama”
ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
jtranser
November 20th, 2008 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

DT: Apologies to the Rip Chords:

Hey, Little Buzzbomb, don’t you know
You’re gonna shut ‘em down

I took L’il Buzz Bomb down to the truck,
We were going off to fight a mighty schmuck,

Everyone was there just a waiting for me
There was ugly Brute Force and Dick Tracy,

Spring little Buzz Bomb getting ready to strike
Spring little Buzz Bomb with all your might
Spring little Buzz Bomb getting ready to strike
Spring little Buzz Bomb with all your might

Hey, little Buzz Bomb, don’t you know
You’re gonna shut ‘em down

When I went down, you could see the lasers burn,
Then Brute Force pulled me going into the turn

L’il Buzz Bomb raised a gun and shot him in the eye,
When he blew out Mr. Brute Force, he waved bye bye.

Spring little Buzz Bomb getting ready to strike
Spring little Buzz Bomb with all your might
Spring little Buzz Bomb getting ready to strike
Spring little Buzz Bomb with all your might

Hey, little Buzz Bomb, don’t you know
You’re gonna shut ‘em down

Around the turn into the straight driveway
He was blasting off everything that got in his way,

Braces’s rat pack of fools were so far behind
I let Buzz Bomb go back and roast all the swine.

Spring little Buzz Bomb getting ready to strike
Spring little Buzz Bomb with all your might
Spring little Buzz Bomb getting ready to strike
Spring little Buzz Bomb with all your might

Hey, little Buzz Bomb, don’t you know
You’re gonna shut ‘em down

Shut’em down, shut’em down, shut’em down…
Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
November 20th, 2008 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! KNOT YOUR VARIOUS ORIFICES IN TERROR! CHENNUX SPEAKS!

SO! EARTHERS MAKE JOKES ABOUT TRAITOROUS PENAE! THAT IS LIKE MAKING JOKES ABOUT HUMOR IN THE COMIC YOU CALL CATHY! IT’S TOO LITTLE TO CARE ABOUT! HAHA!

BESIDES, TRAITOROUS GENITALIA IS NO LAUGHING MATTER! MARNOXX THE ENDOWED, CZAR OF THE FORGBLOT CLUSTER, WAS STRANGLED BY HIS OWN SKXCRITORT WHICH ASSUMED THE FORGBLOT THRONE! AND HIS SUBJECTS THOUGHT THEY WERE RULED BY A REAL PRICK BEFORE THAT HAPPENED! HAHA!

END TRANSMISSION!
Jana C.H.
November 20th, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

“Trait’rous penis” also fits nicely into the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s Messiah.

“For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth!”

Jana C.H.
Seattle
Saith Georges Bizet: As a musician I tell you that if you were to suppress adultery, fanaticism, crime, evil, the supernatural, there would no longer be the means for writing one note.
Marthas Rolling Pin
November 20th, 2008 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

#227, YOU try singing it to Handel’s sixteenth notes, and then tell us how well it fits!
Uncle Lumpy
November 20th, 2008 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Modern children grow up far too fast,
Their beliefs make their parents aghast:
All the skater gals know
That your friends come and go –
But that traitorous penises last!

#228 Martha’s –

OK, here’s a slow one:

Penumbra mai fu
tam infidelibi,
cara ed amabile,
soave più.
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 20th, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

180 commodorejohn — They were all submissions from local readers. No one you’d have heard of before — in fact, no one I would have heard of before. I was surprised by the fact that most of the strips were actually pretty funny. It’s like I’m not used to that any more. Some of them were extremely poorly drawn, and some of them had a really nice style to them. I’ll have to link the article about the winner when it runs next week so you can see the winning strips.
Uncle Lumpy
November 20th, 2008 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

Oh, what the hell:

Freude schöner Götterfunken
Penischer Verräterische,
Heine Jungfrau im bescrüben
Heiligthumthum Himmelische!

Deine Zauber binden wiener –
wen der streng ist awfultheilt;
Balle Frauschen Büüm-büüm-büümer
wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.
Dingo
November 20th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

For those of you who haven’t been on here very long or for those of you who have thankfully forgotten, let me remind you of the local woman in my hometown and her comic strip, Harriet Thimble.

Ottawa Times article

Sample of Harriet Thimble – get a load of that vaginal scar!

It makes Family Tree look like Normal Rockwell.
Dingo
November 20th, 2008 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy,

This is what Babelfish gave me as the translation:

Joy of beautiful God sparks Peni traitorous one, Heine virgin in the bescrüben Heiligthumthum Himmeli! Your charms bind Viennese – whom that strictly is awfultheilt; Clench Frau Büüm büüm more büümer where your gentle wing stays.

Perhaps not the most accurate software.
Uncle Lumpy
November 20th, 2008 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

Dingo –

Hmm. “Clench Frau Büüm büüm more büümer where your gentle wing stays” is pretty much dead on!
Hairhead
November 20th, 2008 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

Luann – Look, Greg Evans MUST be a heavily-closeted gay man who HATES women with a passion. Why else would that explain why every female person in his comic strip is a celibate, castrating, controlling, sadistic cocktease, and why every male is a quivering blob of uncommitted, cowardly, ball-less (and closeted) rice pudding.

Hmm. Actually, that could mean that Greg Evans is WOMAN who HATES MEN — which is why they are the victims all of the time.

Or . . . geesh! I really can’t get inside that guy’s head; it’s just too confusing and unpleasant.
Comrade Denny
November 20th, 2008 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

226 Chennux:

It’s “penises” or the more Latinate “penes” … not “penae,” which is what it would be if were spelled “penus” which it is not.

Learn your Latin you gelatinous glop of inter-stellar feces!

TRAITOROUS PROLETARIAN PENES UNITE!
DOWN WITH THE MORONARCHY!
Dingo
November 20th, 2008 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

Hairhead, trust me when I say that Greg Evans CANNOT be gay. Brad and TJ have been cohabitating for quite some time and have been friends forever. Yet, neither one has ever “accidentally” walked in on the other while he masturbates to a Miley Cyrus concert video or episode of The Golden Girls. Brad cavorts with a hot, hot firefighting woman but has – so far – done nothing more than kiss her and hold her in a photo. If Greg Evans were gay, we’d have Luann’s friends explain fellatio to her at a cafeteria table so that Gunther could finally get rid of his hiccups (wait, wrong strip). We’d see the “shower buddy” that Mr. & Mrs. DeGroot keep in the mud room so that their strap-on anal sex is sanitary. If Greg Evans were gay, TJ would look like an actual man instead of a dark-haired Martina Navratilova clone.

Plus, gays have Stephen Sondheim. Have you heard Ode to the Mall off of Evans’ CD? That’s a 40-year-old man trying to pick up his waitress at Hooter’s if there ever was one.
gnome de blog
November 20th, 2008 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

#231 – Unc Lumpy

Beethoven would approve – even though he was an awful sourpuss generally.
bats :[
November 20th, 2008 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

Be free, Guran! Be free!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3046891234/sizes/o/

(Yes, I’m avoiding work. And I’m trying to get all of this out of my system before we go out of town for a few days. Viva Las Vegas!)
Angry Kem
November 20th, 2008 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

You want to be stuck in the past, Ziggy? Go back to the Middle Ages, then.

To the tune of “Away in a Manger”:

O traitorous penis,
Why are you so small?
Some girls whom I sleep with
Can’t see you at all.
They stumble away with
Bright tears in their eyes.
O traitorous penis,
Why won’t you arise?

I cradle you nightly
In my gentle hand.
I sing to you softly
And tenderly, and
I stroke you a lot as
I urge you to grow.
You stay very small, little
Penis. Ah, woe.

If I were to beg you
To lift up your head
As I lay with Suzy
All snug in my bed,
Would you listen to me
And come out to play,
Or would you continue
To hide fast away?

O traitorous penis,
Why are you so light?
I need some more weight in
You, penis, tonight.
I’m sad for the girls whom
You’re causing to weep.
Please help me, my penis:
Emerge from your sleep.

I am so, so sorry.
Alfred E. Neuman
November 20th, 2008 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

#215 Comrade Denny— How about Agnes Moorehead as Ruby?

#219 boojum— Thanks! I never got the original either, but I figured it would make a good basis for a parody because MAD Magazine once did it in their classic poetic snark of the Detroit baseball team called “The Tigers”.
Spotted HØrse, Swamp Hoss
November 20th, 2008 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

#236 Comrade Denny:

Learn your Latin you gelatinous glop of inter-stellar feces!

Wow, you’re taking on the Emperor, so soon after he’s posted? That’s kind of like going into the knife business with Mr. Rose.

More traitorous penises, mules!

#231 Unca Lumpy: I know less about Beethoven than I do about German, which is …considerably little. Is that “Ode to Joy”?
I Hate Bernice
November 20th, 2008 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

Hagar: How dare Helga be all up in Hagar’s business about his diet? She’s not exactly writing any bestselling fitness books herself.
Seismic-2
November 20th, 2008 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

#231 Uncle Lumpy – It works just fine, to be sure, but of course you really need the giant traitorous penis from A Clockwork Orange to get the full multimedia effect.
Uncle Lumpy
November 20th, 2008 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

#242 HØrse –

Yes, to that mad, unfettered joy that comes only from penises of the most traitorous kind. Except Kem’s kind, of course — that Master Soft, um, “Heart” of organs.
Islamorada Girl
November 20th, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

236: Ooooh, Comrade Denny, what you said and who you said it to!
Prepare to be megacannoned in a hail of syrup and potatoes. You’re as dead as the Romanovs at Ekatrinaberg! You brought a knife to a gunfight, my Marxist friend.
Uncle Lumpy
November 20th, 2008 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

#246 I-Girl –

Ooh, Ekatrinaberg!

I once knew a tech analyst named Ekaterina — she managed to go through the entire dot-com boom without changing her name to e-Katerina.

Now that’s character!
Anonymous
November 20th, 2008 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

241 – Alfred E. Neuman

I think you might me right!
Anonymous
November 20th, 2008 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

#246 – Islamadora

He may have fleets of interstellar star destroyers and pan-galactic neutron canons on his side, but the Material Dialectic is on mine!
Comrade Denny
November 20th, 2008 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

248 & 249 were me. I’ve gone underground…
Red Greenback
November 20th, 2008 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

Comrade Denny: Good wing sauce, man! I sure hope you’re a great tap dancer!
Poteet
November 21st, 2008 at 2:09 am [Reply]

# 250 Comrade Denny — On one hand, I’m impressed by your mad foolhardy courage. On the other hand, not wanting to be fried to a crisp, I have to disavow all knowledge of your actions. Good luck.
Poteet
November 21st, 2008 at 2:15 am [Reply]

# 240 Angry Kem — You should be sorry — now my hiccups are back again.
Pinokeyo's Wife
November 21st, 2008 at 8:58 am [Reply]

It’s a shame that Lynn is is so wrapped up in her own textbook sports despair and teen angst that she is unable to remember that Stoker’s rule for vampires also applies to Mary: you have to invite either of them in in order to get bitten.
Phoebe Katz
November 21st, 2008 at 9:16 am [Reply]

Mark Trail 11/20: What’s up with the ginormous birds in the second panel?

That freakishly disembodied bird’s head is very disturbing. These birdzillas, having sucked all semblance of life from the surrounding plants, are now lurking in wait for the unwary Mark and Sue to drive closer and then, like a nightmare scene from Hitchcock’s movie ‘The Birds’, they will peck them to death.
gzuckier
November 21st, 2008 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

“for that kind of money, you can rent my wife for a weekend”

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