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Maternal Sunday

Mary Worth, 5/26/13

Oh, did you think that Elinor was going to react to her daughter’s betrayal with verbal abuse or physical violence? No, that’s not her style, you see. She’s more into faking various medical ailments. This will be her toughest challenge yet! Malinger, Elinor! Malinger with all your might!

Marvin, 5/26/13

Ha ha, Marvin isn’t fooled by his mother’s “love” or whatever. As soon as he learns to poop in a toilet, he’s going to narc her out! (Don’t worry, Marvin-mom, that will never happen.)

Crankshaft, 5/26/13

Pam would much rather just take her chances fleeing into the woods than listen to any more of her husband’s terrible jokes, and nobody can blame her. Run free, Pam. Don’t know where you’re heading. Don’t know what you’ll find when you get there. Maybe you’ll end up sleeping by a creek, eating berries and insects to survive. But the wordplay — the wordplay will stop. It’ll finally be over.

160 responses to “Maternal Sunday”

  1. Elk Meadow
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    MW: With the sweat beading up on Elinor’s head–which would be pretty hard to fake–I’m thinking that this is the real one, and Beth is going to go, “Mom, I know what you’re doing, and I’m not going to put up with your faking it anymore. I’m going off to Bermuda downtown Santa Royale with Tom.” The story then follows Elinor lying on the floor until Mary shows up two weeks later.

  2. KreatureFeatures
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: I love the look on Dr. Lauren’s face as she realizes both her rescuers are bumbling morons.

    Funky: A more satisfying comeback would have been: “The only thing I’m going to take … is a big smelly dump. Then I’ll add glasses and a little goatee to it.”

  3. Ratiocinator
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    9CL: Hey, it’s Solange! Although for people who’ve been told how entertaining this cat can be, they’re probably wondering what the big deal is.

    She’s yowling instead of yawning, it looks like. And ordinarily I’d say there should be a speech bubble, but since Siamese cats can be infuriatingly noisy compared to other cats, maybe Brooke is sparing us.

    Solange has the least terrifying mouth in the strip, btw.

    ASM: “Okay, I’m sick of everybody saying that I’m lame!” says Spider-Man. “I’ll show you all! BOOM! There, I bashed a hole in the wall, see how strong I am? Sure, now we’ll drown even faster, but I got to look like a badass for a second there, and that’s what matters!”

    Garfield: Bah, the Garfield I grew up with wouldn’t just smashed the cookie jar to get around the lock. He’s getting soft.

    Luann: I think that you’re sending a very questionable message here, Evanses. (I’d warn you about TV Tropes, but it’s Sunday. If you don’t waste time today, when will you?)

    RMMD: “The shrimp didn’t agree with me because it wasn’t WAFFLES!!! GIVE ME WAFFLES!!!”

    Serious question for ‘Mudges who have been pregnant or know a lot about pregnancy: is it bad for June to be drinking coffee?

    Slylock: Max is not allowed in the same boat as Slylock and thus has to sit precariously on the…hood, I want to say, but I don’t know enough about motorboats to be sure…due to the oppressive speciesist maritime segregation laws in the Slylockverse.

  4. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    I was pretty certain I’d see “Curtis” here today. Surprised it isn’t.

  5. Ratiocinator
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    I meant Garfield would’ve smashed the cookie jar, not “wouldn’t”. D’oh.

  6. Ed Dravecky
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    “Hey, Jeff, what do a group of crows have in common with what Pam is planning for you? Give?”

  7. Powers
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    When did “give” become an acceptable and widely understood abbreviation of “I give up”?

  8. John Small Berries
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    Marvin’s going to report his mother for quackery… to Dr. Oz? What’s next, complaining to Fred Phelps that his dad can be intolerant?

  9. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: The mentally challenged man who lives in a van down by the river will soon help Pam forget she was ever married to Jeff. Sorry, bro. You haven’t satisfied your wife’s EMOTIONAL needs for a long time. And now your ED* has driven your missus into the arms of another.

    *Erectile dysfunction — NOT the other “Ed” in his life. Although a case could be made for Ed Crankshaft being the cause of Jeff’s problems in the bedroom.

  10. comcis fan
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    MW: I’ve seen this story before, on a post-shark-jump, in-living-color episode of “The Andy Griffith Show,” in which Howard Sprague’s domineering mother malingers to stop Howard from dating a pretty lass that Andy has found for him. I wouldn’t even be surprised if Howard also was a keeper of secrets.

  11. Amateur
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Wordplay? More like word torture.

  12. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth, LaCuc, Grand Avenue, Luann remember the holiday. Speed Bump is in the vicinity, but isn’t really a tribute.

    SG: *golf clap*

    Lio: that describes the first half of May around here.

    RwO: they can’t all be winners, even for Ms. Price.

    PBS: *SNURK!!!*

    JP: Neddy is looking more like Jenya/Katie Fey* every day. Plotwise, can you rent time on a Predator? (*googling those names will yield lovely, but NSFW, results.)

    Bizarro: just wow.

    Mutts: nice tribute of a different sort.

    6Cx: it’s a long way from the glory days of “Coffee, Tea, or me!”

    SFx: *SNURK!!!!* dat’s some big crawdads, yo! (also, Reeky has turned blue, so at least he has been in the water. . . .)

    rIP: Training MONTAGE!!!

  13. Horace Broon
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    HtH: I thought Vikings were supposed to be great navigators, but if Hagar travelled “thousands of miles” and experienced “very hot weather” while going from Norway to Wales, he must have got very lost indeed.

    MW: It’s all a gossiping neighbour’s fault that Elinor knows the truth! Damn those gossiping neighbours! (Of course, when Mary discusses the Tom/Beth situation with Toby, they’re not gossiping neighbours because of reasons.)

    OTF: So if Dethany offers you a salad, check she hasn’t washed the vegetables…

    PV: “My friend thinks he’s in love! Access to easy women ought to bring him back to normal!” Not for the first time, Val’s sexual politics strike me as a bit regressive even for the 11th century.

  14. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

  15. pugfuggly
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    MW This Sunday, Steve Buscemi is Elinor ‘No Love’ Kinsley in Mother’s Revenge: The True(-ish) Story of One Woman’s fight against Needless Romance!

    Marvin Report her to Dr Oz? What, so he can line up a more expensive placebo for you to take? “Kisses for boo-boos? What hogwash! Boo-boos can only be treated with a combination of Reiki, crystal therapy and this jar of ‘special water’. I happen to sell a kit for that, by the way, if you have your credit card ready…”

    C’shaft Listen to your wife, Jeff: she gives in! Whatever you wanted from her, you’ve broken her down enough to get it.

  16. Rusty
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Is somebody new drawing Marvin? His face looks different.

    Crank: Mrs. Batiuk heads to the nearest divorce attorney.

  17. Mibbitmaker
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    MW: The goal of the storyline seems to be to force readers to really, really HATE Elinor. Well… mission accomplished! The constant faking health calamities just seems cruel, forcing her daughter to have all that concern for her own mother, all for a big, fat, fake nothing. Just to ruin her life, essentially (though can ruining a gloppy, nauseatingly loveydovey TWOO WUV really be a bad thing? But still…). Well, Elinor, you’re no Fred Sanford, with his truly comical, exagerated, see-through attempts at sympathy. If Beth were canny enough to truely see through the fakery, it might be a different thing. But Beth is a romance glurge-writing sap who takes to sickeningly super-sweet romance with some pathetic dude, so no…..

    Marvin: I love a good pop culture reference. Not some of the stuff overloaded in our entertainments these days, but the really cool kind in ’40s Looney Tunes, Tex Avery cartoons at any studio, or the more deliciously fun ones on Community. But this…? This is just lazy. Lazy as Garfield (pop culture ref!). Even by nowadays’ standards. I’d expect nothing more from Marvin, which, by the way, should be called Baby Jerkypants (covering his assholic tendencies, and his diaper).

    Crank: Cranky’s watching all this, and is embarrassed. “Jeez, at least I put some work into it! Pizazz (not “pizzas” — this is Westview, after all). None of that lazy jokebook crap!” Honestly, if the man whose malapropisms are torture to read thinks your puns are bad……

  18. John C Fremont
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    MW – So that’s Elinor Kinley’s “Beth! Oh!” face.

  19. Dartpaw86
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    I guess congratulations are in order… or NOT!

    Yeah, I totally burned you didn’t I Beth, with that “Not” I mean that’s how the kid’s converse these days right? Fo Shizzle and all that. I mean I am not rad like kid’s these days but I know the lingo boy howdy.

  20. TheDiva
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: This is precisely what I imagine spending time with Tom Batiuk to be like.

    Marvin: Sorry, Dr. Oz is only interested in stomping out the unauthorized use of his name to sell quack medicine, because it’s a detriment to the authorized use of his name to sell quack medicine! (What? He comes on right before Jeopardy and sometimes I catch the tail end of his show…)

    MW: Huh, I didn’t take Elinor for a Wayne’s World fan.

  21. Ratiocinator
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#18): Ew ew ew ew ew ew!

  22. Rusty
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#20): Batiuk quality time, exactly. Plus he asks you if his ponytail still looks good.

  23. Briane Pagel
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    I think marketing yarn to that no-doubt huge group of people who also are familiar with the higher-level physics that string theory requires is perfect. As perfect as making a pun that requires one to know what ‘string theory’ is, because as we all know, there is nothing more cerebral than a pun.

    I bet I can come up with way more puns about yarn that require far fewer advanced degrees to appreciate. How about “Knit Happens”? Or “Knit One, Purl YOU!” or “Macra-Make My Day” or “Sew It Goes” (That latter one appealing to the coveted Vonnegut-loving nihilists who also engage in craft projects.)

  24. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: Reposting this from last night, because it took me way longer than it should have.

    Bizarro: Okay, I giggled. By the way, monks and other holy men who live on pillars (sometimes natural rock outcroppings) are called stylites. And there is your word for the day.


    Hägär the Horrible: Stylites: they’re everywhere!

    Mark Trail: Cassowaries are so badass, although I’m curious to know who considers them “the most dangerous bird in the world.” Anyway, have they considered flinging themselves at the feral pig tower to destroy their power?

    Mary Worth: Has anyone mentioned how dementedly batshit awesome this is? Because yes! All we need is the organ to have us a real soap opera!!

    Slylock Fox: Dammit…ice cold water, lighthouse, no pine trees…there’s a joke in there somewhere, I just can’t find it.

  25. Morgan Wick
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Marvin confronts the consequences of his constant refusal to leave diapers and insistence on being doted on by everyone: inability to report their negligence. When his parents run off to Aruba never to be seen again when he’s 3, he’ll be sorry.

  26. TheDiva
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    9CL: At first I thought Solange was yawning instead of yowling, and took comfort in the fact that someone in-strip found the characters’ sexcapades at least as tiresome as I do.

    A3G: “Damn, this is good publicity for Greg’s new movie! I wonder who came up with it…”

    FW: I don’t know if Batiuk has created a villain as shamelessly heavy-handed as the one in Pibgorn, but he’s sure trying his damnedest.

    Luann: Well, Frank, it looks like you’re going to have to go out and shoot someone in order to earn your daughter’s respect. Lucky for you, there are an abundance of worthy targets. Might I suggest starting with TJ?

    Pluggers think the worst part of a drought is not being able to mow your lawn.

    SM: Great, now they’ll drown even faster.

  27. the REAL Mark Trail
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail Sunday page was done by me and is my favorite as of late and about my favorite of the Ratites! LOTS of detail in that final panel! I hope you all enjoy! -James

  28. sporknpork
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#18): Geez, isn’t it a little early in the week to win the COTW? I think my laughing scared birds away outside.

  29. ralph
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Spare Pam a little love. It’s hard work being the only fairly likeable character in a major cartoonist’s output. Unfortunately the likability comes largely from being cast as a straight man for the follies of other characters, and having no particular personality or life experience of your own.

    9CL: So that’s the famous cat. The drawing is nice enough, but the point, if I even got it, is thin.

    RMMD: continued from Sat. I’ll give Sarah this–she has the necessary attitude for success as an artist, although this superior attitude should only be displayed to select customers. I had a brother-in-law who considered himself the second coming of Cellini. My wife said he had an uncanny ability to size up anyone and feed them the line most likely to take them in–genial hippie, street smart tough guy, sharp businessman, etc.

    Marvin: In one of the old, old Peanuts, when Lucy was the youngest, she got a scrape of some sort, and one of the other characters kissed it. She responded, “Of what medical value was that?!!”

  30. Jim in Wisc.
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Meddlin’ Mary: C’mon, Beth. She’s teetering on the edge. Finish her off.

    Dysfunctional Family Circus for May 26, 2013.

  31. greghousesgf
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @Powers (#7): I agree. Batiuk seems to come up with more unnatural-sounding dialogue every time I read his strips.

  32. Mibbitmaker
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Garfield: Jeez, Garfield is worse at winking than Lucille Bluth!

    “…..And this sort of activity is best left to Winslow from Prickly City.”

    Mutts: “Until those furshlugginer squirrels stop dropping acorns on everyone. Gettin’ real old, McD!”

    RMMD, throwaway panels: June was having a heated philosophical argument with a short guy. Or maybe her daughter.

  33. commodorejohn
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Powers (#7): When did “give” become an acceptable and widely understood abbreviation of “I give up”?
    Right around the time people started referring to vending machines as “vendos,” I think.

    I hate Jeff. Sweet Jesus do I ever hate Jeff. Die die die die die.

    I wish Elinor Kinley could spare a day or two from the Anti-Tom Crusade to hate him to death for us.

  34. Zerowolf
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    MW: Sorry, Mom, but I can’t take care of you anymore. But thanks to the advance on my next novel, I found a nice home for you, Santa Royale Shady Pines.

  35. TheDiva
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    @Powers (#7): To be fair, if I lived among Batiuk’s characters I’d want to limit my communication with them as much as possible myself.

  36. Zerowolf
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    FC: Having been caught digging an escape tunnel from Keane Kompound the boys know punishment will be swift and harsh.

  37. ralph
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    FW: Expressions that aren’t smirks! We’re breaking new ground in Funkyland. Batiuk must have had to consult his facial expression manual. And on the color front (possibly the most interesting thing about this confrontation), in Josh’s Sat. comic Frankie is off-white while his associate is serious brown. In the Sun. PI, their color is identical beige.
    FW: Really, these two are acting exactly as I would expect show business types to act. It’s like a reporter shoving a microphone into a disaster victim’s face–it’s offensive but it’s their job. And as a documentarian, the chick is in the same business, messing with people’s lives, not necessarily with their consent, or with their best interests in mind. So what’s her beef?

  38. revenge4Aldo
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    FW: OOOOh, I’ve seen this in 9 Chickweed Lane. This means she’s attracted to the filmmakers, right?

  39. ralph
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    FW: I don’t know if I would be more gratified to find out that Frankie fathered both of Lisa’s kids, or that he fathered both the blond kids. How about all three!

  40. Jacquilynne
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    String Theory is already the name of a yarn shop. Also, a yarn company. And 2 users on Ravelry. And about 9 kabillion knitting patterns.

  41. Digger
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    MW: Wow, this Sunday Mary Worth strip is so action-packed, there wasn’t even room for an irrelevant quote from a somewhat famous person.

    C’shaft: Pam should have responded with “what do you call something that cracks nuts?”
    “My knee.” (knees him in the junk and then runs away).

  42. agony
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Just who is Marvin’s target audience, anyway?

    I work with babies and small children, and will fairly often get a “it’s funny because it’s true” chuckle from kid centred strips. From the great ones like Cul de Sac, from the OK ones like Baby Blues or One Big Happy, even sometimes from Family Freakin’ Circus. But I’ve never seen anything even remotely true-to-life from Marvin – babies just aren’t like that.

    So I don’t think the strip is aimed at people like me, people who really love babies, because we find the assumptions behind the strip offensive and repelling.

    But I don’t think it’s aimed at people who don’t like babies much, either, because they just find it repulsive.

    Is there a demographic of shit-based humour lovers I’m not aware of? Seven year old boys, maybe?

  43. agony
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#27): nice work-around about just HOW those seeds get dispersed. See, Marvin, this is how you talk about shit in the funny papers.

  44. Ursula
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#13): Agreed. That’s why Aleta keeps him at a distance.
    Val doesn’t seem “unaffected” in that opening picture. He seems seriously irritated. I think he just doesn’t want to lose an adventuring companion to boring romance.

  45. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    re MW: THIS is a Keeper of Secrets.


    also, add DT to the list of strips that mentioned Memorial Day.

  46. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Digger (#41): MW: Wow, this Sunday Mary Worth strip is so action-packed, there wasn’t even room for an irrelevant bogus quote from a somewhat famous person.


  47. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: The secret hideout is filling with water from one hole in the wall. So Spider-Man and Daredevil make ANOTHER hole to let the water out, right? // I think I saw this tactic in a Three Stooges short. Only in that case, it was a rowboat instead of a secret hideout.

    GA: I suppose it is otiose to point out that this is a very, very, old joke.

  48. Lenoxus
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    The string theory “pun” really bugs me. Whereas the other two are logical products of the two things they combine (wine + publisher, wine + gossip), there’s no reason for a store to have “theory” in its name. All he did was take a pre-existing phrase with “string” in it and call it a day. Grr.

  49. seismic-2
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    GA: Dear God, please smite this strip, once and for all. Smite smite smite smite smite. Then smite it some more, just because. Thank you.

  50. bats :[
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#14): darn straight! On both accounts! (Only there’d be a bear shot across the bow on the W&W cover.)

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#24): re A3G: hahahahahahaha!

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#24): and if they’re wearing the latest fashions from Byzantium (most like Constantiople), they’re stylish stylites.

    @TheDiva (#26): yowling or yawning, I think Solange speaks (or grows increasingly numb) for us all…

  51. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#26): re: “funky” & “pibgore” — what westview needs is a penis headed djinn to liven things up

  52. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    a brief diversion into webcomics.

    Yesterday’s Sinfest was a thing of awesome beauty. I had tears rolling down my face from laughing at the final comment.

    Song of FREEDOM! would be a nice name for a band. . . .

  53. Droopy Says
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#47): There was a joke in Gasoline Alley? Thanks for the confirmation, but please don’t identify it. I plan to spend an intense hour trying to identify the joke.

  54. Baka Gaijin
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Will someone please buy Elinor Kinley a high colonic already!

    Why does Slylock Fox suspect Reeky Rat of plundering a sunken wreck? He’s DWR (Diving While Reeky). That’s all the evidence Slylock needs.

  55. the REAL Mark Trail
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @agony (#43): THANK YOU VERY MUCH! that was indeed an issue.. “how can we say these birds eat and shit a lot, therebyleanding to the growth of more vegetation!?” I think it cam out nicely.

  56. Marzipan
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Man, Elinor is great. Now SHE is a gossipy old angry biddy I can really support. yes, transform your ever-present fear of dying alone into an abusive, manipulative relationship with the only remaining member of your family who cares about you; it’s the only way to convince her no one else will take her. Man, Mary Worth hasn’t been this authentic in YEARS. Can we send Mary to the Comics Retirement Home, and keep Elinor? Now she’ll give some advice: “If you love her, LOVE IS ILLUSION!!” “Why converse honestly when you can secretly manipulate them into doing what you want!” “If you are really worried about that, FAKE A HEART ATTACK!”

    What is the deal with “give”? Is that a thing? Ugh, I hate these people.

  57. Anonymous
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#55): Not as nicely as our trees and grasses have come back in our local areas that were destroyed in a forest fire last year.
    Thanks, guano!

  58. Poteet
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#14): Thanks! I carried a relative of that cute little traveler off a road not long ago.

  59. Guano
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#57):

    Thanks! It’s a crappy job, but somebody’s got to do it.

  60. Joshua
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Luann: This is stupid. How would Luann not know whether her father had ever been in the military?

  61. bats :[
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Marzipan (#56): “hate” is such a strong word. “fear”…”am terrorized by”…”quake in my Doc Marten’s”…perhaps a wee bit better…

  62. bats :[
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Guano (#59): never speak ill of guano! I do what I doo!

  63. Peanut Gallery
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#47): Did you ever see the Disney cartoon about Pablo, “The Cold-Blooded Penguin”? He goes to sea in a bathtub. The stopper comes out of the drain hole, and a gusher of water starts shooting up through it. Pablo sticks the pipe from the shower into the drain hole. Water starts shooting out of the shower head. By directing the spray of water out over the back of the bathtub, Pablo not only stops the tub from sinking, but also achieves perpetual water propulsion.

    That was some advanced cartoon physics.

  64. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#50): Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? ‘Cuz I don’t see nobody else sitting here…

  65. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#3): Serious question for ‘Mudges who have been pregnant or know a lot about pregnancy: is it bad for June to be drinking coffee?

    Current thinking is that up to 300mg a day is fine – so a cup a day is fine. You just don’t want to be drinking whole pots’ full or chugging a bunch of espresso.

  66. Liam
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Peanuts-Or anyone else after Linus took the bully’s head off.

    Crankshaft-”I would rather deal with those creepy looking guys over there than have to listen to another one of your lame jokes.”

  67. The Ridger
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Cranky: I have to confess, it wasn’t till the last panel that I realized she wasn’t saying “Give me the answer”. I couldn’t understand why she was encouraging him, but …

  68. Liam
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    FW-What’s the matter, Batiuk? Did some big mean reality show producer show beat you up once and shoved your face in the dirt?

  69. Liam
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    MW-”I’m as willing to go as high as faking a stroke to keep Beth away from that man…Tom Harpman.”

  70. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]


    yeah, had some time to play. didn’t turn out as well as I’d hoped in places, but the concept still works. :-D

    (with apologies to Pudge.)

  71. Calico
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#4):
    I know, that is one F-ed up family.
    Greg still hasn’t gotten Koop’s message.

    CS – “And what’s a shitty comic called? Shitty.”

    MW – But is Elinor a method actor?

    Marvin – “Wam” must be indicative of a super-turd.

  72. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#61): YAY!!!!

    a greater daemon from Warhammer appears in Charterstone!

    *does happy Chaos dance*

  73. Calico
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#33):
    “Come on, Beth, give!”
    (I guess she has though, to Tom)

  74. Jim in Wisc.
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#60): The only things Luann is interested in are herself and whatever boy that evil tramp Tiffany is interested in.

  75. Faceless Unbooked Shrug
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#27):

    “I hope you all enjoy!”

    All of us can’t enjoy, since some of the all of us are not on Facebook and thus cannot view this. Perhaps just as well, since otherwise I’d start making puns about being easily emu-sed and like that again, and I used up all the ratite puns in a post last year.

  76. bats :[
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

  77. FOOBed again
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#48): As Jacquilynne mentions upthread, there is a yarn store with that name, logical or not.

  78. Doctor Handsome
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    “Wine Press” and “Grapevine” actually work as puns because “press” is another word for news media, and “through the grapevine” is an idiom meaning hearsay. With “string theory,” you’ve not only abandoned your wine premise two-thirds of the way through your Comedy Triplicate, you’ve abandoned any notion of what a pun is. “Theory” doesn’t mean “store,” and string and yarn are different things. Also, Pam pointedly didn’t say “give,” and neither did we, so maybe shut the fuck up when you’re marginally ahead.

  79. Unsalted Shelled Shrug
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#32):

    “Mutts: “Until those furshlugginer squirrels stop dropping acorns on everyone.”

    But AGNES found use for one of them today, so it’s not all bad.

  80. bats :[
    May 26th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Faceless Unbooked Shrug (#75): The Arizona Republic runs a LOT of comics online, even the Sunday editions,

    No one should be forced to go Cassowaryless…

  81. bats :[
    May 26th, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    WOO HOO! Thatababy reveals a sad, sad truth about Rex Morgan, M.D. in today’s edition (and Thatababy is way better than Sarah Moran, too).

  82. Withering Heights
    May 26th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    ‘shaft: I don’t usually read Crankshaft, and this installment makes me glad of it. Batominc has already ruined Ohio for everyone, and now he’s going after my home state of California. Screw you, Tom!

  83. Calico
    May 26th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    I just learned that Alison Bechdel’s Mom passed away about a week and a half ago. You can leave condolences if you wish at her DTWOF site.–Bechdel.html?nav=5010
    I read “Fun Home”, but not yet “Are you my Mother?” Next up on my list.

  84. Liam
    May 26th, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth-Ted is just joking about those being veggie burgers. He killed a bunch of the neighborhood dogs to make those burgers.

  85. Liam
    May 26th, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    JP-You would need to know exactly where the hideout is. All African buildings look alike.

  86. Poteet
    May 26th, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#60): That was my reaction too. She’s in high school, not nursery school.

  87. Doctor Handsome
    May 26th, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Why is Marvin’s whole family staring at me like I just walked into church soaked in hobo blood? Never mind where I’ve seen that look before, let’s focus on how strange the first panel of Marvin is.

  88. Poteet
    May 26th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    MW — Geez, Elinor, faking ill health so you’ll have to stay inside that ghastly condo complex all the time and never ever leave? Really? That’s your solution? Watch Livia in I, CLAUDIUS sometime and see how REAL badass women deal with people they want gone.

  89. Baka Gaijin
    May 26th, 2013 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#60): The first part of your comment answered your question. Luann is stupid. Answers a lot of questions about that strip.

  90. BigTed
    May 26th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    In Marvin’s defense, Playskool makes some safe and fun musical toys. When parents just throw the kid a pot and serving spoon from last night’s spaghetti, you know they’ve given up.

  91. Doctor Handsome
    May 26th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Man, why can’t Alan Rickman just let Beth and Tom be blandly happy?

  92. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 26th, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    corgisquirell improved a bit.

  93. Calico
    May 26th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    MW – “Oh, Mother, not this dramatic bullshit again!”
    (Turns and leaves)

  94. dyslexic dog
    May 26th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Powers (#7): Give.

  95. Peanut Gallery
    May 26th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Faceless Unbooked Shrug (#75): I’m sure the RHEA Mark Trail appreciates your restraint.

  96. mojo
    May 26th, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    MW: “I guess congratulations are in order… or NOT!” is going to become my new favorite method of communicating vague displeasure with loved ones. Consider the endless possibilities: “I love you, honey… or NOT!” “Yes, as a matter of fact I did already feed the cat… or NOT!” “Yes, I believe I AM suffering a heart attack this very second… or NOT!” Hours of amusement!

    (On another, more disturbing front, every time I see “Kinley” my brain reads “Kinsey”. Ick.)

  97. bats :[
    May 26th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

  98. demoncat
    May 26th, 2013 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    mw elinor sure has taken faking an illiness to an art form by producing sweat like she now having a real heart attack over beth having love. time to get mary involved and really show elinor some pain.

  99. Elk Meadow
    May 26th, 2013 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @comcis fan (#10):

    Wait…”Keeper of Secrets”. I missed that when I read Mary Worth today… So Beth is a house-elf?

  100. Anonymous
    May 26th, 2013 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    I was surprised u passed up the “fat wang” in Wizard of I’d t today.

  101. Sean
    May 26th, 2013 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    I was surprised you passed up the “fat wang” in Wizard of I’d today!

  102. Liam
    May 26th, 2013 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    MW-At least Beth being with that man Tom Harpman is better than being with that man Wilbur Weston or that woman Mary Worth.

  103. bbofun
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    ASM- Oh, I get it- Spidey thinks that being trapped in a room that’s flooding is like being trapped in a car that’s sinking- he’s just trying to equalize the pressure to make it easier to open the doors! Ha- he’s stupid.

    FW- What’s most disappointing about this (other than it actually being Funky Winkerbean, which is pretty disappointing in and of itself) was how much Frankie’s EEEEEVVVVIIIILLL was played up- and now it turns out he’s just a jerk, with no clue how most people would respond to his ideas, and a henchman who’s just as tone-deaf to how people act. Honestly, batiuk- Mary Worth is beating you on the villainy front here. MARY-FRICKIN’-WORTH.

    CS- In regards to “give” thing- I’m just imagining that this has been going on for half-an-hour or so, and it started with Pam saying “I give up. What would you call a …” finishing up with the premise. A few minutes later, it became just “I give up,” then “I give,” until, finally, she could only manage the single, pathetic “give,” praying that he would stop- or have a heart attack, whichever.

  104. Illustrator Steve
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#14): Love the photo of the Irish Setter pup. Brought back pleasant memories from long ago of my Irish Setter and the litter she had. Thanks :-)

  105. Alison
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: I guess when characters never age it can get confusing to remember who did what, and when. Luann has been 17 for about 30 years now, right? She’s probably just lost track of time, and can’t remember exactly how old her dad is. Oh, and, she’s also a moron. I wouldn’t be surprised if she asks next if her dad ever tried to kill Hitler.

    “Mary Worth”: I’m assuming Beth never takes Elinor to the doctor. Elinor’s fakery would be nipped in the bud pretty fast if an actual doctor examined her.

    When you think about it, Beth is awfully neglectful. Sure, she cancels dates to stay home with her mom, but she never calls an actual professional. As far as Beth knows, her mother’s moans and groans of pain are real. Pretty cold of Beth not to get her some help.

  106. Uncle Lumpy
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#103):

    … turns out (Frankie)’s just a jerk, with no clue how most people would respond to his ideas, and a henchman who’s just as tone-deaf to how people act.

    Well, at least it opens up the possibility that Darin and Jesica will be inspired to produce their own, “true” Lisa documentary, and that the kerfuffle of competing Lisa narratives will make Les’s producers drop his project.

  107. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    C-Shaft: Hey Jeff, don’t close your eyes when you run. You might run into a ditch, or have a low tree branch hit you in the nuts. And we’d all hate for that to happen, right?

    WofI: Brought to you by Acme Penis Enlargers. Yes, send away now and you too can have a fat wang.

    FW: The justified—inevitable really—hostility from the young ‘uns isn’t the only obstacle. These two guys seem incapable of making a decent pitch, and I don’t see them getting the rights to Joan Osborne’s “One of Us” either.

    SFx: Slylock never trusts anyone in a hot pink Beatle wig. He’s had some bad experiences.

    Momma: I don’t know why the cemetery doesn’t have anyone guarding this open gravesite. The important thing is, here’s your chance, Mary Lou.

    Archie: Why is Archie’s hi-fi blasting an endless loop of Austin Powers quotes?

    GA: Someone’s been trolling Scancarelli by writing to him and requesting “more naked Slim.”

    DT: The other day these two were making plans to publicly announce the Mysta Tracy cloning. I’m a little in the dark as to how the Tracy’s themselves are going to be kept out of the loop. Send them all to Amish country for a month?

    JP: Sophie winks as she says this, as both of the Spencer-Driver girls have their own private MQ-1 Predators.

  108. Uncle Lumpy
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#105):

    Hey, I tried to kill Hitler once! Turns out I was too late.

  109. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#103): Re FW: I wouldn’t be surprised if Batiuk stole Mary’s ideas as to how to finish off antagonists either. Don’t know the exact topography of that part of Ohio, but there’s gotta be something high Frankie can drive off of.

  110. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#81): The sight of Rex getting even that close to performing surgery will keep me from getting to sleep.

  111. Amos Snarkadder
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    MW Oh, please! Come on, Elinor! Beth is seeing some guy on the sly and all you can manage is faking a fainting spell to try to break them up? You’ll have to do better than that. Even that old harridan Marie has got more game.

    FW I hope they have recorded all this outrage. Jessica is such a putz.

  112. Cloudbuster
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#103): ASM- Oh, I get it- Spidey thinks that being trapped in a room that’s flooding is like being trapped in a car that’s sinking- he’s just trying to equalize the pressure to make it easier to open the doors! Ha- he’s stupid.

    Exactly how is being trapped a room that’s flooding different than being trapped in a car that’s sinking?

  113. Ratiocinator
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

  114. Sgt. Stoned
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Zits: I honestly thought all that “dinka-doinka” business was Jeremy’s bedsprings creaking while he was doing the nasty with Sarah or, much more likely, with himself.

    BB: Meanwhile, in the vincinity of Camp Swampy, Ms. Buxley is hooking to bring in a little more cash. Who said “Never on a Sunday”?

    C’shaft: If they are jogging on the Appalachian Trail, Kim just might run into Congressman-elect Mark Sanford.

    DT: Lt. Cmdr. Dick Tracy, whose last command, given his age, was the USS Monitor, wishes one and all a happy Memorial Day. As do I.

  115. tallyHO
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    The fact that Slylock Fox and his best pal…um….Mortimer? No. Max! are in a tricked out speed boat up on Lake Superior makes me question just where Count Weirdly’s Nightmare Valley is situated. Let’s face it, a place where anthropomorphic animals do people stuff would not stay fully populated for long if:

    a) it is a well known place; the only way it could get away with being well known is if it were a zoo that you paid to visit; Even then, that postulates the anim-people would be getting a cut of the take; if they are not getting paid then what incentive do they have to be exploited?

    b) there’s areas of this country where Nightmare Valley would be known as Smorgasbord City; I’m thinking those areas are filled with hunters;

    c) If those animal people realized they have Freedom of Mobility (which they seem to believe, as evident that they have speed boats!) and that they understand they are not beholden to living in particular geographic environments with certain climates. Furthermore, they are not required to follow migratory instincts so “Going North…” or “Going South…” isn’t hard wired into their radioactively modified DNA. The point being, if these civilized animals know they don’t need to be in NV then they will boogie and that means they will bail on Nightmare Valley!

    Let’s face it: if this were a TV show, Slylock Fox (of course, the show would just be called Fox) would have already moved to Seattle and became a radio talk show therapist/ detective.

    Occasionally, certain creature friends, like Max, would visit and reminisce about Nightmare Valley. Once a year, Count Weirdly himself would show up and wreak havoc for a half an hour before, hooking up with some Seattle chick and then bidding a fond adieu to Slylock and to Seattle and then hopping a plane by to Nightmare Valley.

  116. tallyHO
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#115):

    “hopping a plane”!

    Good Gravy! As if there isn’t enough evidence that Count Weirdly wouldn’t just pop in using his time machine or by just staging the entire scenario that has Slylock Fox making a career move in a decade-long experiment in his holodeck?

    But, if holodeck tech is being used, that does provide a potential explanation for today’s Slylock. Reeky Rat might be in the holodeck and fantasizing about being in an episode of “Miami Vice”. Instead of drug smuggling, he’s smuggling martian lobsters….until Slylock needs to chase him down in an awesome music accompanied chase scene!

    Maybe the pink wig gives that away?

  117. Elk Meadow
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#111):

    I’d sure like to see Beth call an ambulance. But, nooo, we’re going to see Elinor be tucked into bed with a glass of water and an antacid, and promises that Beth will never leave her side.

  118. Uncle Lumpy
    May 26th, 2013 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#115):

    There is no possibility that you are overthinking this.

  119. Jadashay
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know what is worse, the terrible smug face in the final panel, or the fact that “String Theory” is kinda an awesome name for a yarn shop.

  120. tallyHO
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#118):

    Oh, I know! That’s just what I was thinking!

  121. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#104): Irish Setters are gorgeous dogs, it’s just too bad that they’ve show-bred the brains out of them. :-(

  122. tallyHO
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#118):

    Seriously though, I am obviously being facetious.

    The entire conceit of the Slylock stuff is just funny to me.
    All in all, it is a nice strip that is somehow like a version of a variety show on TV. Everyday gives something different enough so that unlike a narrative or gag driven strip the odds are good Bob Weber Jr isn’t bored by what he does and hopefully what he is doing works for his loyal readers, regardless of their age.

    For someone like me, the strip is enjoyable given the silliness of the Slylock “mystery”/puzzles. However it is just as entertaining to just look at it for what it is, more literally.

  123. Uncle Lumpy
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    Program note: Twice a day or so, I use the admin console to comb through the comments and delete spam. It’s pretty easy – the console sorts comments chronologically, and spam comments typically show up on old posts (which outnumber new posts 3,650:1, so statistics). I just scroll down the logs, look for comments to old posts, and zap ‘em when they’re spam. Ten minutes, tops.

    But every once in a while, an actual person shows up making comments on old posts. Sometimes it’s a one-off “har-har finger-quoting Margo amirite?” — but sometimes it’s some intrepid sherpa completist reading the entire Comics Curmudgeon oeuvre in chronological order, Godalmighty.

    For the past week or so, I’ve watched the progress of such an adventurer, who today reached April, 2005. For him, Rex’s Great Gay Golf Game lies ahead and unimagined, along with Aldomania, Gail Martin (“The Rock and Roll Carole King!”), Count “Andy” Morgu and the MRSA mats,, Lucky the Unfortunate Animal, and so many more delights!

    Climb, intrepid sherpa! Climb to the light!

  124. Uncle Lumpy
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#122):

    On Saturday mornings when I was a kid, I used to watch Rocky and Bullwinkle (in black and white, thass right!) with my Dad. It kept us both in hysterics, but every once in a while, he’d ask, “Do you know what they’re talking about?” I’d assure him that I did, because the humor worked for me as well as it did for him. It’s a rare gift, but Jay Ward, Bill Scott, and Walt Kelly had it in spades, and so does Bob Weber, Jr.

  125. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#123): now *that* is kind of bizarre. i certainly hope this sherpa isn’t trying to engage anyone on those old threads – because i think that would mean the jogging guy from today’s ‘crankshaft’ is on site

  126. Elk Meadow
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#123):

    Oh, poor sherpa! To be commenting and to have no one to comment back, no one to share snarks and tidbits and compliments! To never, ever have first post and always being the last before the jump. Oh, poor sherpa! Is there anything any of us can do to encourage this adventurer?

  127. gleeb
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#123): What a lucky reader. I remember when Rex Morgan was about infected wrestling mats and not about the perils of avoiding fried clams. Dude has quite a ride ahead of him.

  128. Pinewood Tom
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @Amateur (#11): Crankshaft: Wordplay? More like word torture.

    You’re a hard man/woman to please. Unfortunately, I promised Jeffy Keane (under threat of a NOOGIE) that I’d take his “Silly String Theory” to the grave with me.

    This much I can say: It comes in a can. And it was thunk up by Pam’s husband while he was SITTING on the can.

  129. Erich Clapton
    May 26th, 2013 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#121): Oh, not true. That may have been true in the ’70s, but no so now (my latest (since 1972) being the smartest dog I’ve ever had). Maybe, I’m just getting more stupid that makes the dog smarter? Don’t know. She does seem to be able to tell time better than I. Also, GREAT running companion!

  130. Pipe Smoker
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @Pinewood Tom (#128): Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

  131. tallyHO
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#127):

    I remember when Rex Morgan was about infected wrestling mats and not about the perils of avoiding fried clams.
    To be quite frank, neither of those subjects sounds delightful or engrossing. Gross, yes. They both sound gross.

    @Uncle Lumpy (#124):

    I know what you mean (and I spent years of my own life not knowing what color Rocky the Squirrel was or the colors of the opening titles of the show).

    A while ago I cracked myself up when realizing part of what makes the soap opera strips funny is because they are filled with tiny people. Just look at how small the people in A3G. They’re tiny!

    It can be a tricky thing to make good comic strips and cartoons. You work against somethings, like the size they are printed at, and worth with other limitations like how you may not be able to add too much detail.

    But, in terms of content and entertaining people, the best ones make great cartoons and, exactly like what you pointed out, they entertain a lot of people. They don’t exactly exclude potential readers/a potential audience. That –in this hyper-polarized period of time where there are many thin skins and people read between lines which may not even be there* –is a trick in and of itself. So, B. Weber, Jr. accomplishes something pretty keen.

    *and find “messages” which irritate their thin skins; claried to avoid the appearance of hypocrisy; I’m in into reading between the lines for The Funny–which is why I read Snuffy Smif (which normally, does not have Text which is funny. however the sub-text and inter-textual and cross-textual readings can divine The Funny)**

    **haha! I’m blowing smoke like a feline college professor/ bird thief*** with that rationalization!

    ***mamas, don’t let you babies grow up to be feline college professors/bird thieves!

  132. Pinewood Tom
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    Monday’s Love is… makes the case that drinking and smoking can cause your wee wee to fall off.

  133. Pinewood Tom
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    Henry: Feculent!

    Snuffy: It’s the classic bait and switch.

  134. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    “funky” — wow. i can’t quite believe how quickly and completely this storyline got botched

    “judge t-n-bux” — “the eggs just came out of the poacher”? is a ‘mark trail’ crossover in the works?

    ‘mark trail’ — in a way, i think this could be slowed down a bit and gain from improved continuity. but still, action-packed is good

    ‘rex$ md’ — good thing milton and – sarah?- aren’t interacting. one of them would have learn they aren’t the center of the world

  135. Pinewood Tom
    May 26th, 2013 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @Pipe Smoker (#130): No, but I have Dr. Pepper in a can.

  136. bats :[
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:07 am [Reply]

  137. bats :[
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#108): I’ve been reincarnated, too. I once was Cleopatra. No! Really!

    @Ratiocinator (#113): now Irish coffee is a whole different matter…

    @Uncle Lumpy (#123): Go! Go! GO!

  138. Droopy Says
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    The Oral Spiderman: I don’t think this new straight-porn idea will work any better than the gay-porn effort.

    Family Circus: Come on, Bil, what can be more restful than the sound of melonheads playing with sharp objects?

    Funky’s Flunkies: You just know that when this pointless chatter ends, Darth Bungler is going to congratulate himself on how all is going according to plan.

    Flatulent Aley: If it ends this arc, Walt’s survival will be a small huge but almost-bearable price to pay.

    Phantom: You need to ask about hot air, Ghost-Who-Babbles?

    Mark Trail: With that mauled shoulder, I guess Cherry needs Mark to pick her nose for her. It’s nice to know that he can smile and express affection while she’s bleeding from a mauled shoulder.

    Pluggers: Pluggers fight gummint bureaucracy by refusing to carry those convenient wallet-sized cards issued by Social Security, instead hoping that the wife won’t get mixed up in her old age.

    Tortureporn: What is this, an effort to build an insanity defense for a planned heinous murder? Get help, McEldowney.

  139. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#126): I agree! Wherever you are on the climb, Intrepid Sherpa, I’m tossing you an extra canister of oxygen just in case and am waving in a friendly manner!

  140. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#136): BWAHAHA!

  141. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    MT — Whose hand is nose-touching in that last panel? Inquiring minds want to know.

  142. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    MW — When Elinor is taken to the hospital, I think the doctor should take a good hard look at her expandable chin and immovable hair. She may not be human.

  143. bats :[
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    Yesterday’s Jumble focused on attendees at the Ruben (sic) Awards! Jeff, who were all the handsome folks represented (I did recognize Stephan Pastis :).

    Oh, and good night, New Hampshire. There will be no encore.

  144. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    Brooke. GET HELP.

  145. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#144): It just goes on and on and on and on. *moan* But at least the cow finally escaped. I’m happy for the cow.

  146. Baka Gaijin
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    Monday’s Early Comments

    “Old phone number?” Pluggers have been in the same house and have had the same black Model 500 dial phone for the last 50 years. What “old phone number?”

    Only in Keeneland is it acceptable to give pre-schoolers real tools. Yup, giving Billy a saw will not result in severed limbs. And Jeffy wielding a hammer is not going to result in a concussion.

  147. Squid Countess
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:18 am [Reply]

    MW: Elinor is such a desiccated harpy, she gets a compression fracture when she exhales. Meanwhile, Tom gets more fulsome and feminine every time we see him. I don’t know how, but I think Tom’s tube of VO5 and Elinor’s estrogen cream have gotten mixed up. It’s probably Beth’s fault; she hasn’t had new glasses since 1986.

  148. Cloudbuster
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:00 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: If the next 999 days of Pibgorn are Dru being tortured and murdered in inventive ways, I … I will not be at all surprised. But Nicola McEldowney should pack her puppets and get herself back to France, or someplace else far away from Brooke, as quickly as possible.

  149. Odie Odo
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#137): @Uncle Lumpy (#108): I’ve been reincarnated, too. I once was Cleopatra. No! Really!

    Stop making an asp of yourself.

  150. Odie Odo
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:30 am [Reply]

    Lio: It’s Calvin! Can Hobbes be far behind?

  151. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:11 am [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#1): That would be cool.

  152. John C Fremont
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    MW – Hey, this is just like that scene in The Waterboy! Except that in this case, I just don’t care.

    And yet another Mary Worth character morphs into Willem Defoe. The hell??

    I know, I know. Forget it, Jake, it’s Charterstone.

  153. Huckleberry Fink
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    Dogs of C-Kennel: Hooray! Someone finally had the intestinal fortitude to turn the “all poodles are female” trope on its ear:

    I salute you, Mick and Mason Mastroianni. I also salute the myriad U.S. flags in today’s comics!

  154. Rusty
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#148): I haven’t looked at her blog in a couple of years, but I believe she was Brooke’s muse for Edda in Catholic school. Poor kid. And she seems to be his biggest fan.

  155. gleeb
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Slylock: This is assuming the octopus doesn’t whip out some jiu-jitsu to protect his grisbi.

    3-G: Hey, he appeared in one strip. That’s as much concern as any kid deserves. Plus, he has to get rid of that jacket.

    ‘shaft: Ed’s back. Hide the children.

    ‘bean: Nope, just drawing it out. Pad, Batiuk, pad!

    A Shadow Hangs over Spencer Farms: Again, Marie does all the work, and Abbey grabs all the credit.

    Dick: What? She doesn’t want to stick to the simplicity of the underwear-and-opera-gloves look?

    Pluggers: …would starve to death if wartime rationing were ever re-introduced.

  156. Antiquated Tory
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Why would you “report” a quack to Dr. Oz? That’s like reporting a bank robber to John Dillinger.

  157. The Diceman
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    As usual, no matter how hard the creators try, Marvin comes back to shit jokes.

  158. Chip
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    So… I’m not sure whether this particular Mary Worth storyline is intended for people who have never seen Now, Voyager (and therefore would be surprised by Elinor’s brazen, self-made, faux health crisis) or for those who have (and would smile at how familiar this scenario is). For my part, I’ve smelled this coming for weeks. Which, I guess, is equivalent to about a half-hour in the Worthiverse.

  159. McBain
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    MW: Sorry I’m late guys. Now why exactly is Christopher Walken so upset with this “Beth” lady?

  160. Cori
    May 28th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    The Grapevine is the name of the newsletter for Alcoholics Anonymous. There is a yarn shop in Illinois named String Theory. Suck it, Crankshaft. More than usual, I mean.

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