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“I mean, I’m going to want to eat your face eventually”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/31/13

Haw haw, that Snuffy sure is a notorious lazybones and/or narcoleptic! And … there was a TV program, or maybe a local news broadcast, that showed Snuffy asleep? Or perhaps he curled up for a nap atop Hootin’ Holler’s only television set? The second panel would’ve been a good opportunity to cut to a depiction of Snuffy that might clarify the sense of the joke, but sure, just show these two guys laffin’ it up, that’ll work too.

Better Half, 5/31/13

Fellas, I don’t pretend to be a “relationship expert,” but I do know one thing: under no circumstances should you imply that your wife’s face is a putrefying flesh-mask of rotting meat

183 responses to ““I mean, I’m going to want to eat your face eventually””

  1. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#y300): 9CL: Sven….the most normal motherfucker in this entire strip, even if he is named Sven.

    His brother Sveth has always been the more normal of the two.

    @Huckleberry Fink (#y286): @Poteet (#276): You underestimate Ed Crankshaft. He planted leftover kernels of Orville Redenbacher’s Gourmet Popping Corn in his garden because he was too lazy (and cheap!) to order from the seed catalog.

    There are at least a couple of comic strips with planting themes this week: Agnes and Crankshaft. The difference? One strip is genuinely funny (Agnes) and the other isn’t (Crankshaft).

  2. Ratiocinator
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    9CL: So…he just stopped being mad at her automatically?

    ASM: “Your web is sticking to all of us!”

    “That’s what she said. Seriously, she said that. Part of what that spider-bite did to me was give me web-jizz.”

    Garfield: Look Davis, or whoever writes this strip nowadays, it was a step in the right direction to have Jon get a steady girlfriend, but in order for it to be remotely believable that they’re happy staying together you need to make Jon somebody who doesn’t constantly irritate and enrage his significant other. You haven’t done that, and the result has been lots of strips where Jon has acted like a complete moron and embarrassed Liz, and Liz has just kind of endured it, making people wonder why she’s with him if she hates being with him so much.

    Now, with today’s strip, we have Liz abruptly hanging up on Jon when he says he’d like to talk to her for hours, and while in a way that’s better than her just doing nothing and staying with him no matter what, when one person in a relationship hangs up on the other, things are going badly. If Liz starts getting angry at Jon all the time or trying not to spend time with him, then it makes less sense than ever why these two haven’t broken up yet.

    At the very least, it means we’re looking at a dysfunctional relationship, and not funny-dysfunctional, but instead disturbing-dysfunctional. Rant is over now, back to snarkage.

    RMMD: “That’s all fine and good, sir, but titanium is expensive. Our prosthetics are made of plastic. And you don’t seem to be missing any limbs, although you are sorely tempting me to take a machete to you, so maybe you’re planning for the future?”

  3. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:29 am [Reply]

  4. CanuckDownSouth
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#Y280): What a horrendous childhood *Gunther* must have had, if the only compliments or encouragement his mom can give is that he’s not a *total* jerk.

    (Is all this angsting over prom dancing even a thing? Do the kids these days even use dance moves that you’d practice?)

    RMMD is a bit less insane if “expensive” were to mean the pay for delays as the design team works on strengthening the piece, but I’m sure it’s because titanium is expensive. Materials aren’t necessarily going to drive the cost, compared to multi-engineer team man-hours, launch vehicle, etc.

  5. Little Guy
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    9CL: If I didn’t know better that Juliette lost her swimsuit, much less swam away, I’d swear we were seeing a rare lesbian kiss, albeit, from under water.

    *pause*

    Wait, this still could be, in McEcch’s world….

  6. pugfuggly
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    BG&SS “Boy that Matt Lauer sure was pissed! How’d Snuffy get invited onto the Today Show anyhow?”

  7. Chareth Cutestory
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    BGSS: My hilarious comment was going to be premised on inserting a snoozing Snuffy into different tv shows, but then I ran into the question of WHICH tv show and I balked. Oh well, dammit, have a great weekend everybody!

  8. KreatureFeatures
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    I know it’s counterproductive to quibble with B.C., but I’d like to point out that genetic mutations occur naturally, on a regular basis. They are a key factor in evolution. GMO’s are not responsible for a higher mutation rate. Also, your fence is incomplete.

  9. dranoel48
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    Baby Blues: I find this particularly disturbing…

  10. Mibbitmaker
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    (BG&)SS: TV Announcer: “The penguin — oh, I’m sorry — the hillbilly on your television set is about to explode.”

    (BG&)SS, meta: ….Or, with those tongues, lapping it up. Like a kitty at its milk dish.

    Better 1/2: Even Leroy Lockhorn is like, “Not cool!”

  11. Liam
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Web is sticking to all of us” “I know you can’t answer with your mouth full” Boy the sexual innuendos run deep.

    A3G-”Do you realize what’s in the kitchen? Do you have any idea what my father can do?”

    Gil Thorp-”Now the person who caused you to break your wrist is going to have to pay.”

    JP-”I would like to help but things are tough for us at the moment. All we have is our endless vault full of money.”

    Love Is-RAPE!

    MT-”Now let us never speak of the forest fire or the plane crash ever again.”

  12. KreatureFeatures
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    FW: “It’s a shimmy shame about your kidzel not wanting to bowl the ballerino.”
    “No big walnuts, I walked it off to the vendos, just like when I was batching it on solo car dates. Anyway, a restricted message told me that sunshining my way to the carwashery would make me feel betteriffic about my childishsupportubishareeno. Don’t you agreementism, Frankophile?

  13. Dennis Jimenez
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    BG&SS – WWGAD – What would garbage ape do?

    BH- Didn’t the pioneers also use fresh rendered hog lard instead of K-Y Jelly?

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  14. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    how evil can frankie’s henchman lenny be? he put his seatbelt on

  15. terrapin
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    MW: “I say we tell her everything. About in the car, on the stairway, on her couch while waiting for the paramedics to arrive. If she can’t handle it, tough. Sort of a ‘If you love someone, set them free.’ thing”

    Luann: Oh don’t worry, Gunther. I think Rosa is going to lead anyway.

    A3G: “I didn’t tell you about the headache because you were painting and I didn’t want to interrupt the creative flow. Oh, he had a stroke too.”

  16. pugfuggly
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    ASM I’m kind of liking this ‘no talking’ Spiderman. Any way we could modify his powers slightly so his webbing comes out of his mouth instead?

    A3G “He’s in this kitchen. Here, this little dwarf dressed in the same outfit as me will point you in his direction.”

    FW Jesus, can we just put a black mustache and a top-hot on Frank and be done with it already? We get it, he’s a slimy creep, a shameless huckster, an immoral opportunist. The only thing I can’t figure out is what is great about the supposed ‘good guys’ here, other than the fact that they aren’t Frank.

    MT “They sure do disagree on their appreciation of the outdoors! I’m going to give this one to Shelley though, given that God Himself has made it clear that it is His will that she never enters a forest, ever.”

    MW I guess the doctors enjoyed seeing Elinor suffer so much that they set up her bed in the doctor’s lounge

  17. Señor Tortilla
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Okay, I know that I haven’t been here in a while (at SoSF), but in Beetle Bailey, WHAT are those things supposed to be?

  18. Squeak
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    I heard them artists waz told t’ draw Snuffy on a TV set.

    Yep, I herd it wif me own ears!!

    I swear them fellas can sleep on da job ennytime.

  19. Droopy Says
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#16): The good guys in FW aren’t Creepy Les, either, which is the default setting for “great” in Cancervile. I’ll admit I’m eager to see morbidly curious about the inevitable Les/Frankie encounter.

  20. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    MW: The overcrowding at this hospital is so bad, they had to put Elinor in the the doctors’ lounge.

  21. pugfuggly
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#19):

    I’m picturing an old western-style duel, but instead of guns they shoot smug grins at each other until one of them can’t stand to look anymore.

  22. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    Darkgate: Stupid free aggregation site.

  23. bbofun
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    9CL- Um- at the end of your date you, quite rightly, were angry with her for being a total jerk. So- is this a hate-kiss, leading to hate-sex (with Edda watching the whole time)? And how will Brooke depict underwater hand-sex, anyway?

    LUANN- Mom’s going to take over the dance lesson, isn’t she? And it will be uncomfortable for all of us. (Plus- the whole “crushed toes/crushed spirit” thing- in addition to being REALLY clunky writing, just how well does Mom know Rosa? Is it common knowledge in town that Rosa’s been in abusive relationships? For that matter, has she? Or is Mom just projecting, in which case, ewww.)

  24. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    FW: In times of stress Frankie likes to sing his favorite Nancy Sinatra song:

    These boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do
    One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

  25. Grant Gould
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

  26. gleeb
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#12): Excellent, but it could use some devil strip.

  27. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#5): Brooke is now McEcchi in my head.

  28. Walker of Dog
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    MT: A couple having more than one opinion is the worst!

    Plug: At the gym, are the Pluggers the ones who wander the locker room naked for hours, or the never-nudes?

    A3G: Yes, the doctors at Casa Magnetica Hospital really know their stuff.

  29. TheDiva
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    BGSS: o/….La-Z-Boys, La-Z-Boys, whatcha gonna do when they snore at you?…o/

    BH: It’s funny because…sea salt really is a good exfoliant, and can make your skin look healthier and therefore younger?

  30. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    A3G: It’s not a tumor!

    Crankshaft: Who will take care of the corn after Ed dies from pneumonia?

  31. Walker of Dog
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: Lu Ann: “He had a bad headache. It might have been from sticking his head in the oven. I’ll ask him when he wakes up.”

    RMMD: A physical exam won’t get him off the phone, but that sweet saddlebag of an ass might.

    FW: Frank’s head is this close to going all Terrance & Phillip. Good luck walking that off.

  32. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Looking forward to the Dilbert crossover where we see the engineers on the other side of this conference call rolling their eyes at PHB’s last-minute demands, pretending to agree, then gleefully trashcanning the whole discussion.

    Or, they could just respond with the truth. “OK, I’ll open an ECO for your last-minute re-design. We’ll schedule the preliminary FMEA update for next month, V&V testing for 3Q-4Q, then we should be ready to regression test the entire design sometime in 2015. We should be ready to launch sometime around the fifth anniversary of your death.”

  33. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Now I’ll find out what spider strength has done for my breaststroke. Dr. Lauren, if you’ll just unbutton your shirt…

    Apt. 3-G: Apparently, Lu Ann’s therapy project consists of leaving kids alone to draw for an hour. This may explain the artwork in A3G. On the other hand, the characters in panel two look almost like those in panel one, so apparently Frank Bolle’s had an hour or so to improve.[*]

    9 Chickweed Lane: Oh, Christ that’s perverted. I actually haven’t read the strip today, since Darkgate’s down, but I figure I’ve got at least a 2/3′s shot of getting that one right, with the remainder either “Christ, how pretentious” or “Christ, this makes no sense at all.”

    Beetle Bailey: Worst monkeys ever, on a par with the worst dog ever in Crock.

    The Better Half: ♫If you liked it so much, you shoulda put some salt on it…♫

    Judge Parker: Wow, Thalia: you need better insurance. My company pays up front, and they offer forgiveness for the first kidnapping. To be fair, they do demand at least two fingers as proof of claim.

    The Lockhorns: Leroy reading CAPTCHA codes? What’s next, Herb & Jamaal acknowledging what year it is? Properly-sized fauna in Mark Trail? What’s that you say? Both of those things recently came to pass? THE ESCHATON IS UPON US.

    Mary Worth: Is it just me, or does the sign in panel two not say very clearly “Doctors’ Lounge”? Apparently, we’re going to discover either that Elinor is a retired surgeon who’s kept her hospital privileges à la Gray’s Anatomy, or Beth is going to meet a hunky doctor who will replace the Gunter-level loser that is Tom Harpman. I’m down on that possibility.

    Moose and Molly: ♫Climb up on ol’ Becky’s back, and let’s ride to the Western picture show…♫

    Shoe: The tombstones of the half-bird, half-human chimeras behind the Professor seem oddly compact and jumbled, clustered under the boughs of a sheltering tree. Or…or are those the graves of the baby chimeras who fell from the tree and were buried where they lay? This is unbearably sad, and along with recent macabre undertaker jokes and exploding senators and whatnot, it marks a distinct embrace of the existential, much as Heathcliff has taken on dada and Apt. 3-G becomes more and more expressionist every day. Who knew the comics were so highbrow? Highbrow, and very, very disturbing.

    Slylock Fox: And then we’re back to “How To Draw A Kitty.” Situation normalized, return to the bleak unknowingness of your lives, Shoe will be sure to clue you in to the fragile nature of your existence in a way Funky Winkerbean never could.

  34. Greg
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    BH: And she’s a double-fisted face cream user. Best to slowly back away.

    Another technically aberrant comic from 1979: http://www.ceeminusminus.blogspot.com

  35. TheDiva
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    9CL: Nobody is allowed to stay angry at a Burber, or even a proto-Burber, for very long. But it was refreshing while it lasted.

    A3G: “Well, you know your session tuition is non-refundable, right?”

    C’shaft: So that’s the answer! Instead of sitting Crankshaft’s decaying shell in the rain to watch a baseball game, we should sit it in the rain so he can watch plants grow. Perfect!

    FW: Zzzzz*snurk* Oh, I’m sorry, are we moving on now? Good. Anyway, you can tell Frankie is evil because he frowns during his lame wordplays rather than smirking.

    Luann: That’s right, ladies, you should get down on your knees and thank the Nice Guy, because he’s not a psychologically abusive monster! It’s the best you can hope for in life!

    MT: “Actually, after that trip they both agree never to set foot outside Central Park West for the rest of their lives. In fact, Wes was talking about pouring his fortune into logging and strip-mining.”

    MW: I’m impressed–that hallway is pitching and tilting like the hotel in Inception, but Beth and Tom stay grounded.

    Pibgorn: Quit pretending there are rules, Brooke. You’re just going to forget they exist anyway.

    Retail: Isn’t this the kind of thing you’re supposed to talk about before you pay for the trip? Just sayin’.

    SM: …Too easy.

  36. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    JP: Luckily, Allstate will pay for your husband’s good hands… and feet.

    DtM: You’re asking the wrong person, Dennis. He just watches the news so he can catch a glimpse of the weather girl’s ass.

  37. Oregonian
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Stanley better start apologizing soon if he wants to preserve his own meat.

  38. Dennis Jimenez
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#29): In Hootin’ Hollar they are just called Boys – the La-z is taken for granted….

  39. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    PIB – Does anyone have the sneaking suspicion that McEcc is just making up the rules (as well as the plot) as he goes along, so far as who can enter into the computer program, how they can do it, and what they can and cannot do once they are there?

    By this point in a well-told (and pre-planned) story line, we should have a good idea of the rules, and either be agreeing with Sword Girl (“Yes, it’s been established that only Troll has control in this program, because of the reasons.”), or feeling smart for realizing “Wait, when Dru was in the program the last time, she was able to control Troll and subdue him, because of the reasons!”. If none of the rules make any sense, or have any feel of logical consistency, after several months spent telling this story, maybe your lesson for next time is to decide how the story will go FIRST, then start telling it, rather than just taking off, typing with one hand, and seeing where it takes you.

  40. Carbunicle
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    My original purpose in coming to this site lo these many years ago was to validate my WTF reaction to FW. FW is still WTF but your comments restore my equilibrium. Thanks!

  41. Dennis Jimenez
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#28): A plugger takes a dump at the gym, cuz his grand kids ran of with the plunger and lost it while playing with it. Thanx to B.M. Daily! Stool Bend, IN.

  42. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#33): Re: Judge Parker: Wow, Thalia: you need better insurance.

    She should talk to EditorBillEllis about what policy he has. Apparently, they just hand him a suitcase full of cash, and then send him out the door, no strings attached.

  43. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#42): Ah, yes, see here: Bill Ellis has the “tiny-but-mighty fists o’ justice” rider in his policy. I suppose Thalia could get a similar provision for Neddy’s Mighty Breasts Of Doom.

  44. STColeridge
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    BH: Why quibble over the price of toiletries when you can afford an enormous Mondrian painting?

  45. Ranger
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    GT: I see the author has no idea how to draw a female shape, or he’s a cubist.

  46. Poteet
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — Some good comic strips have made good gardening jokes over the years, but it doesn’t work when the protagonist is so batshit-crazy that he might well decide to plant grated cheese and expect it to grow packages of Velveeta.

  47. TheDiva
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#39): With Brooke, the only rule that matters is, “Is it sexy?” [*]

  48. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    FW: This premise only works if we believe Les never wrote about Lisa’s rape, and Les seems like the kind of guy who would totally do that, so all anyone has to do is say “this is the dude that raped Lisa” and storyline over. Plus I can’t think of many networks that would sign up for a reality show made up only of Lisa’s acquaintances and random townsfolk. Well, okay, The CW would do it.

  49. Liam
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Pluggers-It’s not the size that matters. It’s how you use it.

  50. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    MT: “They certainly disagree on their appreciation of the outdoors!

    It’s your own fault, Mark. When will you learn that when you break someone into the Great Outdoors you do it in baby steps. You should have rented an RV and hung out at a KOA campground. But nooooooooO! You had to go for the crashes and fires and bears routine. Oh, my!

  51. Dennis Jimenez
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#48): Les seems like the kind of guy who would have written about Lisa’s loose bowel movements. Just sayin’….

  52. Illustrator Steve
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    MT – “They certainly disagree on their appreciation of the outdoors. Wes appearantly enjoys outdoor life so much that has a fond appreciation for breaking his foot and paying the costs involved with removal of his crashed aircraft off the mountain. On the other hand, Shelley appreciates the outdoors only for what she feels iit’s good for…receiving a strong cellphone signal.”

  53. LurkyMcLurkerson
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

  54. Liam
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    MT-”There they are son. The ones who burned down our home. Tonight we shall strike and burn down their home.”

    MW-”We reassure her that we love and care for her.” You’re talking to a grown woman not a child whose being told that their parents are getting divorced.

    Zits-Jeremy is staring at his father with a vacant look in his eyes. “Printer?” he thinks to himself.

  55. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#30):

    Crankshaft: Who will take care of the corn after Ed dies from pneumonia?

    You mean this strip won’t end with the death of Crankshaft?

    I can see it now. It will become “The Ghost of Crankshaft” with all his hilarious hauntings and hijinks.

  56. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    BC: It’s worse than I thought. No only has it grown two heads, it’s mutated from a cow into a dinosaur.

  57. revenge4Aldo
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    FW: Frank’s transformation into an evil muppet was so slow, I almost didn’t notice.

  58. Perky Bird
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Real Pluggers don’t go to the gym. The most exercise they get is moving their chair from the “recline” to the “upright” position.

  59. pugfuggly
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#31):

    FW: Frank’s head is this close to going all Terrance & Phillip. Good luck walking that off.

    “Hey Lenny, I’ve got a joke for you: what did the high school rapist say to his selfish son?”
    “I don’t know, Frankie, what did he say?”
    *FARTS!*
    “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!”

    @LurkyMcLurkerson (#53):

    Hey, man, I know he’s bad, but really: don’t sully Hitler’s good name by comparing him to Frankie…

  60. cheech wizard
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#39): Brooke does make it up on the wing – he draws each Pib the day before it appears, and admits he doesn’t always know where the story is going. He’s far from the only storyteller to do that, in all fairness, but it still leads to some annoying disjunctions – for example, Dru and Pib’s conversion to genies early in the story line seem to have been completely discarded.

  61. Écureuil Écumant
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MT: “It sure feels good to be back at Lost Forest”. But just wait till you notice that someone swiped your water tower while you were over to Crysanthemumumumum Lake playin’ camping.

    Anyway, I’m sure it does feel good for Mark although he’s still a little creased from being folded up into that valise for transport home.

  62. Dood
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: “How will you raise the money Thalia? Is there family who can help? Because we won’t be kicking in one thin dime.”

  63. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    whelp, now the Troll has a second plaything. @_@

    (today’s P1bpr0n is up.)

  64. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    JP: So, what’s the problem? Spencer/Driver Inc. has tons of money. Verify the policy exists and is in force, pay the ransom and get reimbursed. You doesn’t has to make such a drama out of it. It’s bidness, plain and simple. Who knows. The kidnappers may even accept a coupon. Walt from Zits will print one out for you.

  65. Shrug, on Clean-Up Crew
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Squeak (#y40):

    “As soon this foot heals, and the forest grows back, and we install a few cell phone towers in the woods, we’re back out there!”

    I’d also suggest tidying up the dead airplane before Wes gets ticket for mountain top littering and returning the canoe before the owner gets out a warrant on Mark for Grand Theft Canoe. Also, putting a band-aid on the bear would be nice.

    ///Eventually having to pull the band-aid off, fur and all: Not So Nice.

  66. Dood
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: “We do carry K and R insurance, but our underwriter took a heavy loss on that Woods & Wildlife magazine kidnapping.”

  67. Casino LF
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    9CL: I assume the sex will be implied via backstroke here?

    Luann: Gunther’s mom produced him via asexual reproduction, right? Has to be. By budding, if my calculations are correct.

    MT: Wait … are we supposed to want to spend time in the outdoors now?

    Re: @Walker of Dog (#31): T&P! Classic. Frankie can’t hide that he’s Canadian for much longer…

  68. Jim in Wisc.
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Loser-Ann: The real reason Gunther is upset is that he just had a spat with his one true love.

    Melonhead Circus: Way too easy re-caption this one with something about the kids being forced to work in a basement sweatshop.

    Meddlin’ Mary: How did Beth’s left hand end up on her right arm?

    Marcus Autrailius: So, that’s the whole story? Mark didn’t punch anyone? Rusty didn’t get kidnapped? Doc didn’t make pancakes? I feel ripped off!!

  69. Liam
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    JP-”How will you raise the money? Have you thought of stripping or prostitution?”

    Gasoline Alley-”So that means you’ll be late for dinner?”

    Gasoline Alley 2-You can’t go to Hawaii who’s going to be home to have dinner ready for Slim.

  70. Morgan Wick
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Ha ha, “on” certainly is a preposition with multiple meanings, such as in the idiom “on TV”, that is, being within a TV program as one of the little people the people of Hootin’ Holler almost certainly believe are inside the TV set, and also in its literal meaning of “on top of”, which can also take “TV” as its object, even though in this case it would more normally be phrased something like “on the TV” or something, which the people of Hootin’ Holler might still use to mean the idiom anyway! Seriously I don’t get it.

  71. Cobber Shrug
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#y72):

    CRANKSHAFT: “I’ll be the corn king of the county!”

    I’ve been listening in the car to OTR shows of LUM AND ABNER, currently in the continuity in which Lum, who for once made money on one of his schemes (starting a chain letter in which the “winners” — mostly him — got a free hog from each lower chain member) decides to buy and erect in town a statue of himself with the slogan “Lum Edders — the Hog King.” Abner points out that “King of the Hogs” would be even more euphonious, and Lum goes for it.

    My point (and I do have one, sort of) is that I could visualize a statue of “Crankshaft — King of the Corn.” The “jokes” here are certainly cornier than even those on LUM AND ABNER.

    ///Does the King of the Corn have to worry about stalkers?

  72. Old Folkie
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    JP: Archetypal scam methodology.

  73. Morgan Wick
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#48): I suspect Batiuk has already forgotten he revealed it already.

  74. cheech wizard
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    9CL – For someone who gets all indignant whenever people suggest that he put nipples on his nekkid faeriewimmin, Brooke sure likes to draw pictures of people fucking.

  75. Morgan Wick
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    A rarity: This Better Half would work better as a Lockhorns joke.

  76. cheech wizard
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    JP – This is a pretty transparent scam. But I would absolutely adore for it to turn out that Sam mentions the kidnapping in passing during a call to the Judge at Randy and April’s wedding, and 48 hours later the kidnapper’s heads are mysteriously discovered on pikes.

  77. Francis Hobbs
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#y274): …saw photos of Bunny Hoest. (long whistle) She’s lived. That’s all I can say. Not a stranger to a tanning booth, I’d guess. But, I am only guessing. Guessing like Mr. Lockhorn zinging his wife!

    It’s pretty bad when your nickname is “Leatherface.”

  78. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#74): Re: 9CL

    If Sveth can consummate this while dog-paddling in a nearly frozen lake, then he either has had plenty of pharmaceutical encouragement, to the point where he probably needs to see a real doctor ASAP, or neither he, Fleurrie, the author, nor any of the other characters in this strip have a firm grasp (!) on what is actually involved in the act of intercourse.

  79. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#12): I don’t know whether to congratulate you on a clever comment or worry about you for remembering all these different Winkerbeanisms. How about, “Congratugethelp”?

  80. When the Moon Maid His Your Street Like a Dead Piece of Meat, That's a Shrugg-ahh
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#y291):

    re DT: ” Explain how being firebombed didn’t take?”

    Well, yes, I was firebombed and blown to tiny Moonish bits by a car bomb. But Moon People are tought, so I just walked it off.

  81. Northernlurker
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    RMMD: so where is this ridiculous plot going? Does rich guy have a massive heart attack and recover with a different set of values? Are rich guy and beautiful blond trophy wife going to divorce? Is rich guy going to utterly abandoned and alone?
    Inquiring minds want to know.
    Better Half: is he talking about using salt rather than viagra to preserve his meat?
    JP: I’m skeptical about the existence of K&R insurance. Life insurance, however, would only require proof of death.

  82. John Myers
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    “Or sawdust! Taxidermist preserve their life-like creations using sawdust! All we have to do is gut you and stuff you!”

  83. Shrug, Who Suddenly Lost His Appetite
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#7):

    “My hilarious comment was going to be premised on inserting a snoozing Snuffy into different tv shows, but then I ran into the question of WHICH tv show and I balked.”

    IRON CHEF. The secret ingredient is roadkill possum.

  84. Amos Snarkadder
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    GT: I noticed that Darby is eating Cheezy Poofs! Is this an homage to South Park? Will Cartman be making a guest appearance?

  85. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, Who Suddenly Lost His Appetite (#83): I’m guessing that Michael Symon would have the advantage. Morimoto, not so much.

  86. Mibbitmaker
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Luann: “Gunnie”?

    Glibporn: “…Also, a sexy pose for the leg men in the audience.”

    9CL: Sveth stopped being angry with Floride because sex.

    Luann: ….. “Gunnie?!”

    A3G: Marty swivels her head while exhibiting a bored, sleepy expression.
    THIS MUST BE SERIOUS!

    JP: The con: the only way to pay “ransom” will be Spencer/Driver money. Abbey: “It’s a scam you’re pulling, Thalia. I’m well aware. However… Aw, what the hell, here [gives large bag o' $], we got plenty!” New bag falls into Abbey’s lap. “See? All set. Don’t even worry about reimbursement! We’re all…. Oh, we get it anyway? [new bag] Wow, thanks, Thalia’s insurance!”

    Ziggy: This one is!

    Stone Soup: That’s just a textnicality!
    (giggles and ducks)

    Luann: …….GUNNIE?????

  87. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#84):

    You can bet Kenny will be killed.

  88. Anonymous
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    9CL: Sven! You’re letting down the team, man!

    9CL: Why are there so few “Men’s Studies” programs? Because all you really need to know about men is that they’re born with two heads but can only operate one of them at a time. Awareness of this handicap is useful across the whole range of human activities.

    9CL: For a guy who’s been in a complete snit ever since he discovered the cow alive and well, and who delivered a couple of the best insults I’ve ever seen in the comics, Sven has turned on a dime. See paragraph two. If I had Sven’s magnetism I would go into town and see if I could find a woman who was less disturbed than these three. Also one who didn’t control my paycheck.

    9CL: So does it not count if an employee sexually harasses an employer, seeing that Sven is in fact back on the payroll?

    Shoe: A little something to brighten my morning.

    Blondie: It IS a good line, but if it were directed at me I’d be a bit more apprehensive.

  89. greghousesgf
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#47): I think maybe Brooke IS that kid from Overdrawn at the Memory Bank!

    does anyone in Hootin Holler even OWN a TV?

  90. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#86): re SS: *groan*!

    well played.

  91. teenchy
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Luann: The fact that Gunther and his mother are indistinguishable has made this strip even more squicky and disturbing than it already is.

  92. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#86): Wasn’t Ethel Merman in the original Broadway version of “Luann Get Your Gunnie”?

    I bet Gunther memorized all the tunes from this show…

  93. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    The Daily Puppy Retriever Index Report for May:

    Retrievers staged another late-month rally to finish at a improved 38%. The rally included purebred and mixed results, recovering most of the losses from April, but unable to fetch the gains from March.

    The Daily Otter Index continues its streak of 100%.

  94. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#51): Hey, be nice. Summer didn’t do anything to deserve that.

  95. Paul1963
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#60): Okay, not a Pibgorn reader myself, but how the hell does a syndicated cartoonist get away with not being ahead of schedule? They used to want you to be at least a couple of months ahead and they’d start breathing down your neck if you fell back to six weeks.

  96. Marc
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    A3G- What happens to this storyline when Marty’s head finally pops off from spinning it around so fast?

  97. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#86):

    So, is his junk called a Gunnie sack?

    Tell me I just didn’t say that.

  98. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#87): At which point somebody will get sued.

  99. Chip Whittle
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    I’m confused by this Mark Trail story. Why haven’t we seen Rusty get kidnapped by a smuggling bear on fire yet?

  100. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Metacomment: Don’t know if anyone’s posted this yet but Garry Trudeau will take a sabbatical from Doonesbury this summer to work on his television series Alpha House, which will be produced by Amazon Studios and streamed online.

  101. Lumaca Morente
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#33): So refreshing to see a clergyman using the name of the Lord in vain!
    //yes I’m back from vacation.

  102. Lumaca Morente
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    I came back from vacation and found most of the strips have not moved an inch forward in plotline. “Surprise” *Les Moore-style smirk*

  103. Uncle Lumpy
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#102):

    What do you mean? Darin and Jessica made it halfway across a room!

  104. Lumaca Morente
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Luann: I don’t know why I never noticed before that Knute is Mr. DeGroot. Or else Mr. DeGroot knew Knute’s mother pretty well. But I like to think that Knute is a cameo by Dad DeGroot in a ball cap with attached long hair wig.

  105. Lumaca Morente
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#103): They would have gotten farther if they hadn’t kept stopping to turn around and scowl.

  106. Lumaca Morente
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Casino LF (#67): I like to think that Gunther’s mom was once his dad, and this explains a lot about Gunther. NTTAWWT.

  107. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#101): That one made me nervous. If you need me, I’ll be watching the sky for thunderbolts.

  108. Baka Gaijin
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#43): “Neddy’s Mighty Breasts Of Doom” is the name of an establishment in Amsterdam’s red light district.

    @Sequitur (#50): That’s too big a step for the city girl. Spending the morning in a Bass Pro Shop might be a better start.

    @Perky Bird (#58): I can’t believe it took almost 60 comments for someone to make this point. Really, a Plugger exercising? That’s about as rare as Les Moore without a smirk.

    @Sequitur (#97): I wish I could say you didn’t say that. Can’t.

  109. Liam
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#100):

    So we’ll be getting repeats during that entire time. What else is new?

  110. Sans Sense
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    FC: Go ahead Thel, use the backhand. Bend the right knee and follow through with the whole arm.

  111. Uncle Lumpy
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Neddy’s Mighty Breasts Of Doom — even moss won’t grow in their shade.

  112. commodorejohn
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#78): Especially after that almighty wang-shriveler of a grin from yesterday…

  113. Sans Sense
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    MW: Tom, apparently, learned nothing from his first divorce.

  114. Liam
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    A3G-”Cole is resting in the kitchen. He had a bad headache which is why he didn’t want to get to know me better.”

    Gil Thorp-The jury was hung? I heard they were small.

  115. Liam
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    MT-Cue the “Green Acres” theme song.

  116. Calico
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @dranoel48 (#9):
    Oh no, you’re right, I just… realized…

    Snuf – yeah, Faux Noise Network will do that to a person.
    Actually, any station/network these days.

  117. Calico
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Wow, RMMD and Sally Forth are really converging with their Mini-me storylines.

  118. Calico
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#115):
    Darling, I love you
    But give me Park Avenue!

  119. Baka Gaijin
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Riddle me this. Why are Tom and Beth talking smack about her mother when Elinor’s disembodied head lies on floor next to them?

    Those brown furry-beaky things in Beetle Bailey will be stars of the new Quiznos TV commercials, keeping in its tradition of horribly deformed spokesmutants.

    Loverly. Helga the Horrible gives Honi dating advice straight from Loretta Lockhorn.

    Original Family Circus caption: “This pest swatter works great. Stay right there…”

  120. Calico
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#86):
    Wouldn’t people like Thalia and whomever other con person have kidnapping / major loss insurance, albeit expensive, say through Lloyd’s, if they were legit?

    For heaven’s sake, I think even Chef Ramsay’s palate is insured for something like 5 million pounds/quid.

  121. Perky Bird
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#108): When Pluggers are young, they may actually exercise by playing fetch, chasing squirrels, or going for long “walkies.” When they reach adulthood, however, they pretty much just lie on the porch all day, waiting for someone to fill their food dish.

  122. Illustrator Steve
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#61): OMG! Rusty PAWNED the water tower!!!!

  123. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#58) said: “Real Pluggers don’t go to the gym. The most exercise they get is moving their chair from the “recline” to the “upright” position.”

    Unless this happens.

  124. Illustrator Steve
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    MT – Now that Cherry has returned from Slumber Mountain after completing phase one of her SCORCHED EARTH POLICY she looks at all the beautiful green landscape around her cabin and realizes she can continue with phase two without even having to leave home.

  125. Illustrator Steve
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    MT – Aw, come on, Mark. Throw a beer can up in the air and watch Cherry shoot a hole through it. Better yet, why not throw something up in the air for her to shoot at that will never be used again, say for instance Rusty’s fishing pole!

  126. tallyHO
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @John (yesterdays#301):

    I know I’m a little late to the party, but apparently Healthcliff’s Garbage Ape is a recurring character:
    http://heathcliffexplained.blogspot.com/2008/03/garbage-night-ape-appears-in-daylight.html

    Up on the housetop: cling, clang, clunk!
    Garbage Ape is on the roof, dropping lot’s of junk

    Grrrrowl! Slam! Ker-bang! Slosh, Slosh, Scrape!
    Everybody, dance just like the Garbage Ape!

  127. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#108): “Neddy’s Mighty Breasts of Doom” is an excellent name for a hardcore band, and I’m not sure I’m talking about punk rock.

  128. Lucy
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS: Why is “ennywhar” rendered in dialect but “swear” is not? Hint to Parson: They rhyme, or should. Your Witness Protection sponsor, or perhaps your KGB mole-runner, should have clued you in better on these local matters.

  129. tallyHO
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#127):

    I dunno about a hardcore band. Maybe for the name/style of a hardcore bandana marketed towards extreme boob heads.

    //upon reviewing what I wrote, I had a brief flash of the futureThe Future! where men walk about with “Neddy’s Mighty Breasts of Doom” on their heads. What I can’t see–and this is where The Future is foggy–is whether wearing such accoutrements will be worn by easy going, good natured fellows or by guys always angling for a fight and trying to fight head first.
    Perhaps that fogginess is for the best.

  130. Withering Heights
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#16): FW: The good guys aren’t just good; they’re aggressively, powerfully good! Why, didn’t you see them drive away the evil Hollywood guys with their mighty cries of “stinky”?

  131. yaoi huntress earth
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Luann: A commentor on the comic’s page is right; Gunther’s mom does look like Brad in drag.

  132. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#129):

    extreme boob heads

    …Sssso most of the mudges?

  133. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#131): i dunno… she doesn’t look nearly dumb enough

  134. Liam
    May 31st, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    MT-And the sad thing about the entire camping trip is that they had a roaring fire but never roasted marshmallows once.

    MW-Your mother? The woman who nitpicks and browbeats every little thing that you do. I would think this is the perfect opportunity to get rid of her once and for all.

  135. tallyHO
    May 31st, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    After reading Josh’s analysis of the meaning of today’s Snuffy Smif, I suppose it is very possible that I initially misunderstood that Snuffy just got drunk and fell asleep atop a TV set.

    I’d like to think it was a flat panel model and he basically slumped over it, started watching what was on and not making any sense of what he was seeing as he was so close to the screen, and, people just assumed he was asleep and not dead.

    So, they walked by where ever he was (a department store?) and just pointed and laffed, tongues lollying with saliva lubricating their subsequent penchants for wagging of their tongues. All of Hottin’ Holler knows that non-dead Snuffy done slumped over a TV and no body bothered to wake him and get him off his roost.

    If something really bad ever does happen to Snuffy and he is found in pulbic in a compromising position, say, laying amongst a gaggle of chickens that are clucking and pecking at him, no one will interfere with the spectacle. Instead they shall just gab about “You wouldna believe whut Ah saw!”

    For shame, apathetic Hootin’ Hollerans! For shame!

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#132):

    The Future is Unclear.

  136. midtown
    May 31st, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    If TRMT (The Real Mark Trail) is interested in moonlighting, the folks at Beetle Bailey Enterprises could sure use someone who can draw realistic animals. WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS, ANYWAY?

  137. Écureuil Écumant
    May 31st, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Casino LF (#67): “Luann: Gunther’s mom produced him via asexual reproduction, right? Has to be. By budding, if my calculations are correct.”

    So if I’m interpreting this correctly, you’re not suggesting that Gunther’s mom has a yeast infection — you’re saying that she is a yeast infection.

    Plausible.

  138. Écureuil Écumant
    May 31st, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Francis Hobbs (#77): But it’s worse when it’s “Leatherpurse”…

  139. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    May 31st, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#Y296): 9CL: I also noticed Sven’s itty bitty slender chicken legs, but since I missed yesterday’s strip, I thought it was Edda instead. That made the story much more interesting; not interesting, mind you. Just more interesting than what we’re seeing.

  140. Écureuil Écumant
    May 31st, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#122): Well, you know that 35 mm film is not cheap these days.

  141. Illustrator Steve
    May 31st, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#140): Plus an obsolete roll of KODACHROME ™ is getting harder to find than ancient Indian arrowheads! You’re right, no wonder Rusty pawned the Trail homestead’s water tower!

  142. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 31st, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

  143. Illustrator Steve
    May 31st, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    MT – “It’s nice to be back home again and take a stroll with you, Mark. Just LOOk at what we have around us here at our home…hey, Mark, didn’t we have a water tower behind the stable?”

    “Sometimes we do, Cherry, and sometimes we don’t. Just like sometimes we have all of these giant redwoods around our place here in the southern part of the state and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we have a purple mountain range behind our home and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we…”

    “I GET it, Mark, I GET it. It’s all part of the magic of living here in enchanted LoFo.”

    “Yeah, I can hardly wait to see what kind of ‘MAGIC’ kicks in when you turn on the faucet to get some water!”

  144. TheDiva
    May 31st, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#55): About the only way Crankshaft could be more of a menace would be if he were a malevolent poltergeist. Think of it: random grill explosions, mailboxes crumple of their own accord, and a disembodied voice muttering just on the edge of hearing, “never stood a ghost’s chance in Hell…”

    @cheech wizard (#60): That…explains so much. (I would suggest that unrefined improvisation is not the best technique for writing a long narrative with multiple characters and intersecting plot threads, but what would a beefwit like me know about it?)

  145. Illustrator Steve
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    MT – It’s AMAZING! The Trails have been home for more than 10 minutes and Bill Ellis hasn’t called yet!

  146. LP2004
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#145): Yes, and Mark’s starting to get really nervous. Cherry’s getting that look in her eyes and keeps glancing towards the bedroom, and any minute now Rusty might come in and ask Mark to take him fishing.

  147. Illustrator Steve
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    MT – “HI, Pop! we’re HOME!”
    “Oh, Mark,Cherry, I have terrible news! Our water tower and Rusty have both been KIDNAPPED!
    (Cherry and Mark together…in stereo): ” AGAIN?! “)

  148. Illustrator Steve
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#146): The missing water tower would have a better chance of going fishing with Mark than Rusty will ever have!

  149. tallyHO
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Francis Hobbs (#77):

    And, I don’t mean any disrespect* by bring up how she looks. She could be a perfectly pleasant person, kind, giving and honest to a fault.

    I was just shocked.

    //* why is is every time I either write or say that phrase, I come up with a zinger which I need to NOT express? Tsk Tsk!
    (ain’t I a stinkah?!?)

  150. Dennis Jimenez
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#149): She can cook like a chef, has the sweetest personality, makes all her own clothes from Simplicy patterns, reads to the blind on her days off, gives blood every single month (yada, yada, yada) – in other words – woof!!!

  151. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

  152. popamatic
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Who has the better scowl? Neddy or the FW blonde duo, Durwood and his sister, oops, I mean spouse? I think Neddy held hers for a longer real life time period, but in FW they appeared for what, ten consecutive days?

    Judge: Incoming scam! “If only there were someone who could lend us 500,000 euros for a short time, they will get it back from our insurance right away!” Abbey is cautious, while off-panel, Neddy scowls.

    Frankie goes to Westview: What is canon for this strip? Is Lisa’s one night stand, oops, I mean rape, known to Durwood?

    Mark Trail: This can’t be the end of the story, as we haven’t yet seen the Cherry Pouring Coffee panel. I’m serious. Debate rages whether that panel signifies the end of a story, or the beginning of a new story. Don’t mess with traditions, man. First Mark hasn’t punched anyone in ages (probably due to syndicate pressure to avoid violence from the good characters). Also we haven’t seen a giant squirrel in weeks, that’s just not right. The Cherry/coffee panel MUST appear! It must! You all think I’m joking….

  153. Illustrator Steve
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    MT – ATTENTION TRMT!
    I’d like to know more about this ranger Wilson guy. For all we know he could be the one who sent those villainous wolves after those moose which caused the propane explosion and fire storm.
    Was ranger Wilson legit or was he some drifter fire bug who homesteaded the ranger cabin proclaiming himself to be head ranger?
    Wll we see ranger Wilson again in future MT strips or has he been retired after his one panel debut or was he arrested for impersonating a government official?
    Please advise.

  154. geogreg
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @midtown (#136): Beetle Bailey: There is also a serious problem with the perspective in the 2nd panel. Is the left monkey-thing clinging to the bars of the cage, the tree, or somehow both? Based on its pose, I think the creature on the right is stuffed. It’s been put there to keep the one remaining mutant company.

    Also, have animals actually talked via speech balloon before in BB? I remember Otto only having thought bubbles, like Snoopy. Maybe this is all some sort of fever-dream Sarge is having after eating a plate of meatballs Cookie made using some Korean War vintage Spam he found in an old Quonset hut.

  155. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#123):

    It’s like déjà vu all over again.

  156. Chip Whittle
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    For what it’s worth the 1950s Beetle Bailey that DailyInk.com has also features an animal, that doesn’t look a whole lot like the animal but at least looks like it’s so on purpose. I mean, it looks like they knew how to make a fox look like a Fox In Beetle Bailey Style, you know?

  157. DaveyK
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Sure, they could have shown Snuffy and tried to make it actually funny. Much easier to simply demonstrate the approved response. Which points the way to a massive optimization which the comics industry could undertake: everything could become two blank panels and a third panel showing someone laughing.

  158. The Ridger
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#139): He not only has itty bitty legs, his waist is practically on a level with Fleurrie’s. Given how he towers over her, something is seriously wrong with him, physically.

  159. cheech wizard
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#78): I think a firm grasp is all Brooke ever has, which is a big part of his problem.

  160. tallyHO
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#151):

    Don’t get me wrong, I figure she herself would not say she is a Spring Chicken.

    That photo you link to is really kind. She looks a bit more weathered in the ones I saw.

    And, there’s nothing wrong with that. It happens. Years get carved on us even if we choose not to scribble on our skins and find that the ink stretches and fades.

    I just did one of those Curley Stooge takes when I saw the photos of her.
    Gnnaaaagh! Gnaaagh! Woof! Woof!

    Because I’m a jackass! sometimes.

  161. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#155):

    You mean vuja de?

    Or is that the uncanny feeling that this has never happened before?

  162. cheech wizard
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Paul1963 (#95): Because Big Porn isn’t syndicated – it’s a web comic, where is seems the rules are looser. I strongly suspect he has to have his 9CL strips delivered on time, but the magical ginger is sometimes interrupted by bouts of the flu or a balky computer, and he posts a note saying he was stricken “yesterday.” He’s also occasionally posted comments about creating Pib on a day-by-day basis.

  163. Liam
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Better Half-Just rub your face raw and then dump a bunch of salt on it.

    JP-”I hope you loved your husband because I can’t think of a single thing to do. Looks like he’s just going to die.”

  164. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 31st, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#159): I think a firm grasp is all Brooke ever has

    Maybe if he loosened it up a little, he could maintain interest in a plot all the way to the end.

    Reminds me of an old David Spade bit where he would review porn videos:

    “I was a little interested. Then more interested. Then very interested. Then, incredibly interested!! Then, suddenly, I wasn’t interested at all any more, so much so that I stopped watching and wandered off. When I came back 1/2 hour later, it was still on, so I watched some more. First, I was a little interested …..”

  165. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    9CL: So, are they gonna shag or what? Or is this just a shaggy dog story?

  166. Calico
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#163):
    So, is this the new/fad facial peel and scrub? : P

  167. Francis Hobbs
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#160): @Mr. Yezpitelok (#151): Don’t get me wrong, I figure she herself would not say she is a Spring Chicken. That photo you link to is really kind. She looks a bit more weathered in the ones I saw…

    I believe the saying is: “ridden hard and put away wet.”

  168. Sequitur
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Pastordan? Nehemiah Scudder? Are they talking about you?

  169. Alison
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: I know Elinor is a vile character and all, but Tom is acting very insulting. He wants to “reassure [Elinor] we love and care for her”? Dude, you only met Elinor once, and have spent the rest of the time sneaking around dating her daughter while pretending you aren’t because you know it will upset her. That’s not something you do to someone you “love and care for”. What a bunch of phoney baloney.

  170. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#158): 9CL He not only has itty bitty legs, his waist is practically on a level with Fleurrie’s. Given how he towers over her, something is seriously wrong with him, physically.

    There is no way that the towering giant in panel 1 is the same as the slender twig from panels 2 and 3. This is non-Euclidianism of Worthian proportions.

  171. Stroker Ace
    May 31st, 2013 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    Love Is … chasing her around the house after upping her life insurance. Accidental death pays double.

  172. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon of the Belgian Congo
    May 31st, 2013 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#33): Glad to see you found a use for those musical note HTML codes.

  173. Mr K Martin
    May 31st, 2013 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    BITTER HALF: Two minutes later Harriet took this very helpful advice and used salt on Stanley’s corpse.

  174. Mr K Martin
    May 31st, 2013 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#2):

    BARFIELD: Jon Arbuckle started out as just a clueless klutz, but in recent years he’s been a major candidate for a rubber room. It’s as if Jim Davis said “Damn it! I can do the ironic humor of ‘Garfield minus Garfield’ all by myself!”

  175. billman
    May 31st, 2013 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

  176. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#168): Simple answers to simple questions: yes.

  177. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 31st, 2013 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

  178. billman
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#175):

    That is, the standard TVTropes warning .

  179. Peanut Gallery
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, on Clean-Up Crew (#65):

    Grand Theft Canoe

    I would definitely play that video game!

  180. Cloudbuster
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    The Lockhorns: When I read the Wikipedia page for this strip, what struck me was how pure and focused the strip really is. It’s just hateful sniping between a couple in a loveless marriage. Every panel. Day in and day out. And it’s proud of that. Bravo. *slow clap*

  181. Cloudbuster
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#153): I’d like to know more about this ranger Wilson guy.

    I don’t know much, but I’ve heard he’s very popular in the community.

  182. Peanut Gallery
    May 31st, 2013 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#105): <Groucho>They were planning on leaving in a huff. But that was too quick, so they left in a week and huff.</Groucho>

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