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Slylock: Origins

Slylock Fox, 6/3/13

Ha ha yes blah blah blah geography facts it’s the Pacific not the Atlantic very good, Slylock Fox, now let’s get at what’s really happening in today’s puzzle. Weirdly, self-appointed Count, green-skinned and twisted and one of the last remaining inhabitants of Earth that we might recognize as “human”, has an illegal island lab (forbidden by what legislation? Does Slylock even know the sources of the law code he so ruthlessly enforces?) where he dabbles in genetic experiments. Experiments that might explain a little something about the strange menagerie of creatures ruling the crumbling cities where human beings once lived. Experiments that might transform a species of smallish and clever but nonsentient canids into bipeds capable of ratiocination and operating an airplane and distinguishing between — well, if not between right and wrong, then between what is permitted and what is forbidden. Assuming that Slylock’s enhanced intelligence gives him the skills to somehow land a jet plane on a tiny island with no airstrip, the worst that’s in store for Weirdly is that he’ll be hauled before an animal-run judiciary and thrown in an animal-guarded cell. Slylock, meanwhile, will find out some harrowing details about himself, about where he came from, about his relationship to his Creator. Somewhere in the endless levels of blood-stained cement-walled corridors below that island, there is a cage, and inside that cage is a fox, a fox that doesn’t wear a deerstalker or walk on two legs or solve crimes. It just skitters back and forth in its little prison, eating pellets and drinking water from its automatically refilled bottle and hissing at whoever comes into the room. Will their eyes lock when Slylock finally enters this chamber? Will they both finally understand what has happened, the one with only dim animal instincts, the other with terrible clarity?

Apartment 3-G, 6/3/13

Never mind whatever’s happening with Marty and her dad. Let’s all give a big hand to Doris, who received a Laurel of Merit at the Purple Olympics!

283 responses to “Slylock: Origins

  1. Écureuil Écumant
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    “Let’s all give a big hand to Doris, who received a Laurel of Merit at the Purple Olympics!”

    For her Chard Series, no doubt, proudly hanging on the walls in the background.

  2. Herr Kommissar Denny
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    MW: “In a strange way, Mother’s deathlike silence has given me a sense of peace. With meditating that she must die once, I have the patience to endure it now.”

  3. J. Robert Oppenheimer
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox takes place, apparently, in a world where Dr. Moreau’s creations escaped Noble’s Isle and took over the world from there. Count Weirdly is trying to reverse the process, but Slylock isn’t about to let him allow humans to dominate the planet again.

  4. LP2004
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: I’ll have to give ol’ Slylock some credit here – you have to be pretty tough to fly an open-cockpit jet.

  5. jasper jinx
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Actually, as a fox Slylock is not a canid at all, but a vulpid. But more to the point, is that the CROSSOVER ALERT sounding? Once on that island Slylock may be forced to confront the sickening truth — NOT that he derives from a non-sentient wild beast, but that his world is only a practice world — a rough draft, as it were, abandoned in favor of the final revision. This island finally explains the origin of the Pluggerverse. Motivations for such a creation still remain obscure.

  6. Colonel Sanders
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#y110): Pluggers: Somethin’s cookin’ at the Cracker Barrel — and it sure ain’t the pot roast. Chicken Lady has already turned a golden brown (but some moron forgot to remove her feathers!).

    An egregious error on the part of Cracker Barrel. They obviously don’t know
    the first thing about how to cook a chicken.

    Not to mention, the competition’s cooked chicken can’t compete with my “11 Secret Herbs and Spices”!

  7. Old Folkie
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    Hi&Lois: Apparently Hi and Lois don’t recycle.

    MT: As I noted Saturday, an alien seems to have taken over Mark’s body.

    9CL: Fleurrie’s body shrinks if she spends too much time in the water.

  8. Clint Brawny
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    “Three miles off the North American coast”? Very specific tip.

  9. Doctor Handsome
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    “That week,” might not be the worst-ever start to an expository text box in a serialized daily strip, but I can’t quote a worse one off the top of my head.

  10. Arabella
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    FW: “For those who came in late…” So, we have a recap of all the fast-paced action of the last several weeks. Except they forgot to mention Jessica’s father, John Darling.

  11. Chareth Cutestory
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Since my handle here on the site is from a reference to a tv show character’s brief stint impersonating a maritime lawyer, I feel somewhat obligated to fixate on the piece where it says he’s 3 miles off the coast of North America doing his illegal experiments.

    In the US, there don’t seem to be uniform or specific laws against human genetic engineering (at least, according to my cursory layman’s googling) unless he’s using public funds–which is doubtful. Information for Mexico and nations in the Caribbean weren’t easily found.

    However, more specific laws do exist in Canada. So, by stating the experiments are definitely illegal and within territorial waters for North America this proves that Slylock Fox takes place in Canada. WHO’S THE DETECTIVE NOW??

  12. Illustrator Steve
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    MT – “I’m lucky to be here, and my shoulder wound has about healed!”
    “That’s GOOD, Cherry! Thanks for the update….now, WHERE’S those PANCAKES !”

  13. Illustrator Steve
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    MT- IT’S THE COFFEE POURING SCENE! The official ending to yet another story of the on going struggle to survive the LoFo wilderness and other nearby wilderness areas in the southern part of the state not too far from Slumber Mountain and Rododedumdumdendron Lake.

  14. Doctor Handsome
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    It actually makes a lot of sense that the pin-up painted on Slylock’s Fantasticar isn’t a buxom lady-fox, but a stylized portrait of Slylock himself, literally eating the Constitution.

  15. Setec Astrology
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    Doris, who received a Laurel of Merit at the Purple Olympics

    And just think, only a few short years ago, before the advent of full-color daily strips, we would’ve been deprived of this enlightening realization. Technology marches ever forward, my friends.

  16. pugfuggly
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    SFx Jesus, that got unnecessarily dark. Couldn’t Slylock just have been questioning Sammy Shark about a petty theft to set up a simple geography question? Are they all going to be like this now?

    “After Count Weirdly’s doomsday device went off, most human and animal life has been wiped off the earth. As Slylock scavenges for food and safe drinking water, he comes to a vast pile of concrete and scattered human debris beside a dead ocean. As he cries bitter, lonely tears, he gives in to his aching hunger and begins gnawing on the charred remains of a brown pelican. Is Slyock sitting on the radioactive rubble of New York, or Los Angeles?

    ?uoos p??p ?q ll?? ?H ???o??u? s?????? ?u???oN :???su?”

    A3G My favourite part of all of this is that right after freaking out about her dad taking a nap and screaming at Lu Ann that she doesn’t understand what’s going on, Marty went home without explaining a thing. At least I assume that’s what happened, it could be that Lu Ann has just forgotten…”

  17. Dennis Jimenez
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    SFX – Does this fact-based psycho-drama have anything to say about the effects on the crainum -of flying 300 mph in an open cockpit – helmet not withistanding???

    A3G – I’m digging LuAnn’s many renditions of spinach – and to top it off, a potted spinach plant on the sideboard! She puts the triangle guy to shame….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  18. pugfuggly
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#16):

    Crap, I swear that upside-down text worked in the preview. In any event the solution to my hypothetical SFx is “It doesn’t matter; he will be dead soon.”

  19. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Phantom: So we have Mandrake in the Sunday strip. Who is this new cameo in the weekdays? Terry Lee?
    //(Terry and the Pirates)

  20. Doctor Handsome
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Is that fish-eating bird flying as fast as Slylock’s jet, or are we literally seeing a still frame of the last second of his life, just before he’s cut in half?

  21. Downpuppy, pigging out
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#11): Ahh, the palm trees of the Canadian tropics. Surely this can’t be the west coast of Florida or the Bay of Campeche….

    I think they’re in Count Weirdly’s secret dome.

  22. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#y113): MW: Maybe she needs time to digest the rat
    poison Beth put in her coffee.

    Ratiocinator gets first dibs on all things “rat.” Read the FAQs if you don’t believe me!

  23. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Slylock: The little island is missing the little sign tacked to the little palm tree: “Blackwater Corporate Headquarters”

  24. Illustrator Steve
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    MT – “I saw some Otters on Hunter’s creek the other day … do you want to get some pictures, Mark?”

    “WHAT? You say HUNTERS are after OTTERS down at our creek?!”

    “Um, no, Mark. I said I saw Otters on Hunter’s Creek the other day.”

    “WHAT?! OTTO is HUNTNG down by our creek?! I didn’t think that guy would ever travel this far north of the Caribbean! Sorry, Rusty…the photography and fishing trips will have to wait. I must jump into action immediately and punch the lights out of that VILLIANOUS KIDNAPPING DRUG LORD once and for all!”

  25. bbofun
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    @Colonel Sanders (#6): I’ve always wondered about the 11 secret herbs and spices- the spices are obviously Sporty, Scary, Baby, Posh, and Ginger- but who are the Herbs? Alpert, Edelman, Brooks… but who else? WHO?

  26. bbofun
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#16): Are you having a stroke? Or am I?

  27. Holly Folly
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Ah yes. I too love to crumple up purple tissue paper and wear it on my head.

  28. odinthor
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Slylock.Well, Mr. Cartoonist Solution-Writer, you’ve made an assumption, haven’t you? The problem posed has specified that daylight is fading. While, yes, this normally means that it’s the end of the day, the daylight could be fading at dawn because clouds are gathering. So there.

  29. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    @Holly Folly (#27): Oh, thank goodness I’m not the only one!

  30. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Thanks for a chuckle I badly needed, Josh.

    I want to ask a question: has anyone else on this forum ever gone through a phase where he/she felt a sudden revulsion towards comics? Not just boredom, or a disinclination – but an actual physical reaction towards the entire comic genre? I’ve been afflicted by this for the last few days, to the point I don’t even want to think about comics. I hope I’m not alone – that someone’s had it before and got over it.

  31. Jack Scat
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Slylock: You know it is the Pacific, because if it was the Atlantic Ocean you would see the half buried Statue of Liberty and County Weirdly on his knees pounding at the sands and screaming “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”

    That would be a great strip.

  32. Horace Broon
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    BB: Wouldn’t the joke work better if Beetle was behind Plato and Killer in the second panel? As it is, it looks like he’s the only one who took a step at all.

    DT: I’m beginning to understand the origin of the word “lunatic”.

    RMMD: A while ago, I read an article online about why men shouldn’t use Fifty Shades of Grey as a “how-to” manual, and one of the things was that if you have the sort of mobile phone conversations Grey has (according to the article, he hastened to add) your prospective partner will not assume you are a high-flying businessman, but that there’s no-one on the other end of the line, and every day you put on a suit, pack a lunch, then go and sit in the park until five o’clock. Every time I see Milton, I’m reminded of that article.

  33. bbofun
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    SLYLOCK- Yes, yes- genetic experiments, open-cockpit jet, maritime law- but good animal god look at the expression of horror on that fish’s face!

    FW- Shouldn’t Jess be saying “Darrin’s bio-dad Frankie?’

    GT- Your “reading of the law” is pretty damn awful there, buddy. Have you heard the phrase “frivolous lawsuit?”

    JP- “It’s a cancer hospital! If I run out of power, I’ll just unplug someone’s respirator and charge up!”

    DT- Honeymoon Tracy, aka “The littlest CSI.”

  34. sldawgs
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    @odinthor (#28): Or Slylock is flying over the Florida keys which also has islands that can have a sunset as a backdrop and could possible have some sort of voodoo ritual that turns normal animals into terrifying dectectives.

  35. sporknpork
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    I wish I could own a successful art gallery with only paintings of collard greens and crab grass.

  36. Drewbear
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Now, the artwork in A3G has never been the greatest, but the last couple of strips are far below par. Does anyone else get the feeling that the “Marty” character is actually a self-insert for the art-therapy teen who’s drawing the current storyline?

  37. wossname
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Rex is so astonished at Milton’s assholery that his exclamation point came right through the phone.

    FC – “If you find anything this particular shade of beige, it belongs in this drawer.”

    MT – Oh geez, is Rusty going to get kidnapped by angry otters this time?

  38. Chareth Cutestory
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    @Downpuppy, pigging out (#21): Genetically engineered palm trees, why not?

  39. Illustrator Steve
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    MT – Dealing with her emotions and feelings of isolation from living in a remote cabin with a senile father and mutant son, Cherry continues to recite her Phycologist’s prescribed phrase, “I’M LUCKY TO BE HERE!” at the beginning of each of her sentences while at the same time reassuring herself that within minutes she will be pouring coffee in “friend” ranger Tom Martin’s cup once her husband leaves on another one of his “adventures”. Afterall, knowing Bill Ellis will be calling any moment, Cherry has already packed Mark’s bag and placed it outside on the front porch for him.

  40. Oregonian
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Judging from the oil-drenched bird, I’m going to guess that Slylock is somewhere off the west coast of Florida in the vicinity of a BP drilling rig.

  41. LurkyMcLurkerson
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#25): Tarlek

  42. K. Ivan Ruppert
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Leave it to this blog to turn Slylock Fox into Jack (Link NSFW). Soon Slylock will find himself in a rage fueled by ethical indignation, and at the end of that bitter, blood splattered rampage, he will cast off his flesh to become something more; A dark shade walking the earth to observe tragedy and atrocity, never interfering until after, where he judges those who acted, and those who failed to act.

  43. Chyron HR
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    A3G – “It’s about my dad. He’s started wearing lilac dresses and calling himself ‘Doris’.”

  44. Liam
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    A3G-”He is suffering from a bad ‘headache’ and instead of calling a professional I decided to call you.”

    Spiderman-As the pollution in the Bay messes up Daredevil’s radar he runs in the opposite direction beats up the scientists.

    FC-”Is my sense of self worth in there?”

    FW-Darin’s bio-dad is so despicable that Jessica can’t even put the guys name after bio-dad.

    JP-”But it’s also Mexico, dear, and why do you think all those Mexicans are coming over here.”

    MT-That sounds like fun, Rusty, but first let me get in touch with my editor.

    MW-I would be upset too if I found out that my daughter was cheating on me with that man Tom Harpman.

    Pluggers-Those are Pluggers sexual devices.

  45. Liam
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-

    Dear Writers of Slylock Fox,

    I am sorry but your depiction of Slylock and Max in an open cockpit jet is wrong. Due to the speed and height that they fly an airplane’s cockpit must be sealed. Slylock and Max should be shown battered by wind or frozen.

  46. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#30): Only when I read Pibgorn, Raggie.

  47. Amos Snarkadder
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    MT: “I’m lucky to be here.”
    Cherry should really get in touch with Wilbur Weston. That would make a good story!

    Meanwhile, Rusty abandons all hope of fishing and tries a new approach: Wearing a camera should be a big hint that he wants to take pictures. You could say that he’s camera-ready.

  48. Illustrator Steve
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    MT – “MARK! I saw some otters on Hunter’s creek the other day!”
    “That’s nice, Rusty!”
    (Ranger Tom Martin): “Mark! I saw some otters on Hnter’s creek the other day!”
    “Nice, Tom!”
    (Best fishing buddy Gene Jackson): “MARK! I saw some otters on Hunter’s creek the other day!”
    “COOL, Gene!”
    (Call from other fishing buddy, Catfish): “Hey, Mark! I saw some otters on Hunter’s creek the other day!”
    “Ya don’t say, Catfish!…ya don’t say!”
    (Call from Ron Bassy, cell#46, LoFo penitentury): “Hey, Trail! I hear there are otters down at Hunter’s creek!”
    “Simply amazing, isn’t it, Bassy?”
    (Tired from hearing about otters on Hunter’s creek, Mark turns onthe dial of the old floor model Zenith radio to hear the latest news)…
    “Buzz! m-m-m–m-, POP! Snap! Z-z-z-z-, THIS IS STATION WXLOFO BRINGING YOU THE LATEST NEWS…in a developing story, eye witnesses claim to have observed OTTERS in the vicinity of HUNTER’S CREEK! We will have more on this breaking news story later!”
    (Mark): “Must stay brave until phone rings….must stay brave until phone rings…must stay brave until phone rings!”

  49. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#39): Did you mean ‘psychologist’ or are you comparing Cherry to algae? Because you might not be wrong either way.
    //What’s it all about…algae…

  50. Dennis Jimenez
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#33): I’ve never understood the denial of the ichtho-maity of Freddy Fish either – all other species are entitled to anthropomorphic respect – I could accept this inconsistency from a strip with little connection to reality – say, Pluggers or TDITYET, but I’d expect a higher standard from SFX….

  51. terrapin
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    A3G: Well, I know the first thing I always do when my dad takes ill is call my art instructor.

    MT: “Yeah, Rusty…taking pictures of otters sounds like fun. You do that. I have to go fishing with…somebody…not you.”

  52. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    MT: “My shoulder wound has about healed.” “That’s good, Cherry; that coffee isn’t going to pour itself, you know.”

  53. Dennis Jimenez
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#49): Ditto, didymo bro….

  54. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#45):”Slylock and Max should be shown battered by wind or frozen.” – why not both?

  55. Illustrator Steve
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#47): If hanging his camera around his neck works in getting Mark’s attention, Rusty’s next plan is to hang his fishing rod and tackle box around his neck too!

  56. TheDiva
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    A3G: I really pity Marta if all she has to turn to in times of trouble is her hopelessly dim art therapy mentor.

    SFx: But will the revelation of his origins cause Slylock to embrace his nature, and finally kill and devour his small rodent sidekick? Also, shouldn’t he be more concerned about whatever oil spill that gull climbed out of?

  57. Nekrotzar
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    The terrible nuclear accident that wiped out nearly all non-chlorophyl-producing members of the human race, and put numerous other species on a strange, unnatural, and accelerated evolutionary path, also reversed the rotation of the earth; not only that, but it caused strange, rapid changes in continental drift as well. So the ocean in question is actually the ‘North Antindolantic’ , although the sentient creatures living in its vicinity refer to it as the ‘Lake of Salty Fish.’

    Alas, I do not have an explanation for why Slylock’s airplane is producing contrails of blood.

  58. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#25): Old crankcase drippings from Herbie the Love Bug is the SECRET secret ingredient!

  59. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#53): I’m sorry, I don’t speak Jive.

  60. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando V
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    9CL: well, THAT is a different take on hand-sex.

    A&J: I’ll be in my bunk.

    Luann: Toni the Wrench Wench shows up again!

    Dilbert: ok, that’s supposed to be a real person. ID, anyone?

    OBH: *SNURK*! they all look like squished tomatoes at that age.

    Ghost-who-describes-poorly: rather old and haggard for a kid.

    PMP: umm, WTF?!?

    RwO: Pibgorn, explained.

    rMC: ooooh yes, I remember this one. blue-haired catgirl is hawt!

  61. Downpuppy, panic slapee
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#38): Wait a second. They’re eyestalks. That’s not an island!

    Turn back, Slylock!!!!

  62. Illustrator Steve
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#49): No, but…. IT WOULD MAKE A GOOD STORY !

  63. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando V
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    re Dilbert: ok, I’m guessing it’s supposed to be Paul Krugman.

  64. Marc
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    9CL- Unless the multiple choice is what hole should he stick it in, I have no idea what he means.

    A3G- Anyobe have any clue as to what those things in Doris’s hair are? Big pieces if purple aperture mâché? They certainly don’t look like anything I’ve ever seen.

  65. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#62): As a person who read the collected works of Loren Eiseley in middle school, I think that “Slime Mold Attacks Lost Forest” would make an excellent story. “Where IS Rusty?” “HE’S probably OUTSIDE.”

  66. Marc
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#64): It’s supposed to say “big pieces of purple paper mâché”. Damn iPhone autocorrect.

  67. Illustrator Steve
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    MT – “Hey, Pop, didn’t Cherry pour YOU a cup of coffee too?”
    “NO! It’s probably outside!”
    (Mark, Cherry, Rusty and Andy): HAHHAHAHAHA-woof!woof!-HAHA!

  68. Voshkod
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    I just have to applaud Josh for today’s Slylock comments. Fan-tucking-fastic.

  69. Toby
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile over at Funky’s alternate universe.

  70. Liam
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-And that source is Shady Shrew.

  71. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#30): Not to that extent, but I think everyone needs a break from just about everything at some point. (Wow, that was almost H&J-esque in its vagueness.)

    @Marc (#66): I think they’re supposed to be hair bows. Now that Doris is a married lady, she needs to start wearing grown-up hair adornments, just as Ruby does.

    (Seriously, does any grown woman wear hair bows nowadays—not to mention a bow just above each ear? How long has it been since Frank Bolle was last allowed out of his isolation cell?)

  72. Mikey
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    MT- Auugghh!! WTF? Rusty looks…well Human!

  73. Uncle Lumpy
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G — That is not Doris.

    God damn it!

  74. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#30):

    I often have the revelation that most of these comics are written for children, and that Scooby-Doo rules apply – it isn’t supposed to make any sense, just to be something to keep them entertained while they watch it.

    Amazing Spider-Man is the primary example here – yes, none of it makes sense, noone would act that way, etc. etc. It reflects a child’s view of how the world works, and a child’s ability to follow plot details. So why should an adult care, or bother to criticize it?

    Then you have a strip like A3G, that reads as if plotted by children with no idea of how the world works, but actually is written and drawn by adults who are apparently too senile to remember how the world works. This makes it even sadder to follow and criticize. Mark Trail has also been in this category for a long time, though I’m encouraged by the recent changes.

    Finally, you have Mary Worth, which is apparently not written for children, but is instead a mirror-image of A3G in that it is written for people who don’t want to remember how the world works and want to slide back into a happily-ever-after haze as the meds kick in.

    It is strips such as 9CL, Judge Parker, and Luann, written for a post-pubescent audience and with varying delusions of grandeur that are the most fun!

  75. TheDiva
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    9CL: Todays McEldowney-to-Human translation:
    Sven: Now that we’ve got all the comical misunderstandings out of the way, can we have a serious discussion about our relationship? Perhaps involving our expectations, or how it might affect our ability to work together on a professional level?
    Fleurrie: What? NO!!! Our relationship is sexy and involves much sex, what more do you need to know? Now shut up and kiss me, I’m not dating you for your brains!
    Sven: .oO(Good thing our genders aren’t reversed, or this would really look fucked up.)

    C’shaft: Oooh boy, pointless nostalgia wrapped up in middle-age anxiety and depression! This week should be a barrel of laughs!

    FW: So help me, Batiuk, if you pull a “Jess miscarries because Evil Frankie pushed her or yelled at her or existed in her presence,” there will be no place on Earth where you will be safe from my wrath.

    Luann: Step One: By junked-out food truck. Step Two: ??? Step Three: PROFIT!

    MT: So that’s it for the last arc, then? Shelly hates the outdoors. One horrible camping trip later, she still hates the outdoors, but with even more justification. That’s not even a shaggy dog story, that’s a story where the dog never even bothered to show up to begin with.

    MW: “Or maybe she needs time to digest the sleeping pills I ground up and put in her dinner…”

    SM: It was nice of the villains to come ashore right next to them, rather than finding another spot on the long Pacific coastline to disembark.

  76. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#66): If I break open her paper mâché piñata head, will small toys and pieces of candy spill out?

  77. Cloudbuster
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    SF: Are there such things as open-cockpit jets?

  78. Liam
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    A3G-”I’m having my monthlies and since my dad is a man he wouldn’t understand and you are the only woman that I know.”

    A3G 2-It shouldn’t be surprising that Marty is turning towards Lu Ann for advice. People turn to Mary Worth all the time for help.

    MW-”That’s a good idea. You’re always running off whenever I bring up my needs or Rusty wants to go fishing.”

  79. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    I assume the paper the fox in Slylock’s insignia is angrily chewing is an enumeration of defendants’ rights.

  80. Morgan Wick
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Forget what awaits Slylock there, how must Count Weirdly feel? His creations have created a world where he regularly gets hauled before a literal kangaroo court and convicted on flimsy pretenses. Now he works feverishly to correct the damage his creations have done and take back the Earth for the humans. This is the most important mission Slylock has ever engaged in.

  81. Morgan Wick
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#74): Which still doesn’t explain how Peter Parker acts all the time.

  82. Liam
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    MW-”She’s not hurling insults or objects at me as her way of saying that she loves me.”

  83. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    A3G: Apparently, lettuce paintings actually are a thing.

    In fact, this one hung in the gallery, too, until Wilber Weston bought it for his personal collection.

  84. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#83): Better Wilbur Weston than Charlie Wilson.
    //Lord of mercy, I can’t remember my PINs but I remember Charlie Wilson. Why why why.

  85. Jim C
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    “What will Slylock find out there, Doctor?”
    “His destiny.”

  86. Cambias
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    There’s a bigger problem with the Slylock puzzle: the picture doesn’t make any damned sense!

    We’re told the island is 3 miles off the coast of North America. Slylock’s flying in search of it with the setting sun off his left-side wing. That means he’s traveling north.

    There are only two places you can fly north from North America over ocean: off the Arctic coast (which is ruled out by the ice-free water and palm trees), or off the Yucatan peninsula or the coast of Honduras — which are both on the Atlantic basin.

    So the published solution (the Pacific) is actually the only answer which is genuinely impossible given what we’re shown in the picture.

  87. Marc
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#76): Tootsie Rolls and Skittles for everyone!

  88. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Kingpin’s Mad Science Department are the good guys? Yesterday, Kingpin and his strongarm crew were wading ashore, but today he’s helping them out of their sub? Kingpin helps anyone? We don’t need a scorecard, for what? No no, please. A scorecard would be nice today, along with a translation from the Italian or whatever it is they write opera buffo in these days.

    Apt. 3-G: I – ugh, I just can’t. It’s like making fun of your grandfather as he’s coming apart at the seams. Can we please organize a buyout of the A3G property and turn it into a proper continuity strip like Judge Parker or Rex Morgan? Even shoulder wounds from mama grizzlies would make more sense at this point.

    Arlo and Janis: Fun fact: Lou Reed credits his longtime t’ai chi practice for getting him through liver disease and ultimately a transplant. Does this mean Janis made Metal Machine Music? I don’t know, but it beats contemplating whatever the hell is going in today’s Archie.

    9 Chickweed Lane: In a normal world – a world run by a just and sane deity – we could predict that True Romantic Love having been consummated, all storylines about cows, veterinary services, perving from couches, etc., would now be discarded, and we’d be on to something fresh and new, if not better. However, the world of 9 Chickweed Lane is not ruled by a just or sane deity, but by whatever Brooke McEldowney pulls out of his ass at the last minute. Rocky, Twinkles, and nosepicking beefwit troll farmers will be back any minute now.

    Crock: You showed ‘em, Mr. Rechin – you sure showed those telemarketers what’s what!

    Dilbert: Anybody got a guess as to why Scott Adams now has a hardon to insult Paul Krugman? Anyone?

    Frank and Ernest: reminds me of the time I used my Special Wisconsin Powers to convince a friend from Georgia that her father wasn’t pulling her leg when he said chocolate milk comes from brown cows. You see, they produce a special creamy milk well suited to the production…

    Heathcliff: Oh, my

    Mary Worth: Given the 80′s look you’ve got going on there, Tom, I’d say she’s had about thirty years to digest the news. Move on, Tubbs and Crockett have a better chance with her now.

    Oddly enough, both Piranha Club and Popeye feature women dressed up in suits. I think that’s probably enough internet for me today, what do you think?

  89. gleeb
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#118): Certainly the cloning story is full of holes; the evidence that Honeymoon is collecting should point in the correct direction. But consider this: just a few months ago, she flew to the Moon in a magnetic-powered space coupe.

  90. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    A3G: I think it’s a fine idea that Lu Ann has decided to start painting bok choy in a delightful rainbow of colors, but I’m just not okay with jamming the stalks into your secretary’s hair when she’s not looking.

  91. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#13): You can tell it’s going to be a thrilling ride, too, because she’s not using the pot with the orange band at the top. Otters, anyone?

    // Dunno what anyone else thought, but I found yesterday’s page on rododedumdumdendrons was adorbs.

  92. Johnny Q
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Could Count Weirdly’s island be on Florida’s Gulf coast?

  93. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#30): Take two volumes of Windsor McKay and call me in the morning.[*]

  94. TheDiva
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Cambias (#86): Maybe the cataclysm that left the animals in charge has also radically altered the geography of the planet?

    In any case, the thought process for this problem is bizarre. “Okay, there’s the island where Count Weirdly is performing his hideous experiments, no doubt as part of some elaborate plan for world domination or destruction. But the important question is: which ocean am I flying over right now?”

  95. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#43): FTFY: A3G – “It’s about my dad, John Darling. He’s started wearing lilac dresses and calling himself ‘Doris’.”

  96. Majicou
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    H&J: Hey, Borland only wanted to tell you about his C++ compiler.

    Pluggers: They mean actually the same. Cracker Barrel sends people to swipe this shit from pluggers’ homes.

  97. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#55): … A little lower, I should think.

  98. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#94): An even better question: “And how much fuel do we have left?”

  99. Erich Clapton
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    FW: A timing belt? Jeez, where do you find those? Since distributors are normally driven off the cam(s) system to ensure accurate fuel delivery, I just don’t know how a “timing belt” would work. I know, “HE” knows as much about mechanics as he does everything else. What a maroon (Yes, I know I’m ripping Bugs off).

  100. Erich Clapton
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    FW: I meant Luann. What a moroon. . .

  101. Victory Garden
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    A3G: why does it seem like Marty’s hair length is changing between each panel?

    9CL: This is gross. McE could have stopped with “oral” but as usual had to shade it the extra 9 inches into TMI.

  102. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando V
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

  103. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando V
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @Victory Garden (#101): Sveth’s packin’ major meat, then?

  104. the REAL Mark Trail
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    well folks the daily storyline of Mark escorting Wes and Shelley Thompson has ended. It is a storyline I did, but today a new daily begins. It is a story that Jack Elrod wanted me to do… as some of you may know “Wes and Shelley” were based on REAL people… friends of mine. Well, I had another friend… he was aware I drew Mark Trail. He asked if he would ever be put in the strip. I promised him that he would be a major character in the very next strip! That friend? Jason Smith Now sadly, I have to tell you that the REAL Jason Smith passed away last Friday night. Aside from this writing, I am at a loss for words. I don’t know how many of you following this group knew Jason, or, for that matter, how many of Jason’s friends read Mark Trail but I hope you will all read the daily online somewhere to see Jason. He is a newspaper reporter in the upcoming daily storyline and (Bootie, if you’re watching) he saves Mark Trail’s life! I love my friend Bootie and will miss him …

  105. the REAL Mark Trail
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Mikey (#72): THANK YOU! stay tuned… I have BIG plans for Rusty!

  106. bats :[
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#7): re 9CL: no, it’s not shrinkage, it’s sexual dimorphism in humans taken to elephant seal, gorilla, McEldownian proportions. If the difference between the two of them gets any larger, Sven is going to sprout silver fur all over his back and have a penchant for making beds out of foliage.

    FW: for the record, I was going to mash this, but it wasn’t worth it. Just replace the current text with “blah blah blah” in 7-point Comic Sans.

  107. Nehemiah Scudder, Living in the Past
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @jasper jinx (#5): Actually, as a fox Slylock is not a canid at all, but a vulpid.

    Wikipedia seems to go with Josh on this one.

    “The Canidae are the biological family of carnivorous and omnivorous mammals that includes domestic dogs, wolves, foxes, jackals, coyotes, and many other lesser known extant and extinct dog-like mammals. A member of this family is called a canid.”

    // And “vulpid” doesn’t seem to be a real word, either. It’s not in any of my paper dictionaries, and Google just points to some imaginary or fictional critters, possibly from the Star Wars universe. (Of course, Slylock is a fictional critter himself…)

  108. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#64): 9CL- Unless the multiple choice is what hole should he stick it in, I have no idea what he means.

    It is the classic Junior-High “Tee-hee-hee! They are talking about S-E-X! It doesn’t even have to work as a single-entendre, because we all know they are talking about sexy-sex-sex, which inherently makes everyone giggle!!!!

    I hope we transition to the rest of the week with Edda watching from the dock. “Wait, he is still conscious? And what is that thing coming out of the front of his crotch, and where is he putting it? This is too complicated, and would involve including my partner when I’m trying to get myself off! I think I’ll just stick to ‘Amos passes out and I climax using my vibrator and thinking about Sveth’.”

  109. A-wel Cruiz
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean:This strip needs Dark Helmet from Spaceballs saying “Everybody got that?”

  110. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#104): Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss.

  111. Amos Snarkadder
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @ bourbon babe, unbuckled #52
    Bwahahaha! COTW!

  112. odinthor
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Baldo, H&L, Zits. — OK, is today National Do a Cartoon About Taking Out the Trash Day?

    9CL. — Multiple choice? I choose (e) All of the above.

    Heathcliff. — Why does this remind me of 9CL?

    H&J.Whom, dammit!

    #30. RtFNT.

    I want to ask a question: has anyone else on this forum ever gone through a phase where he/she felt a sudden revulsion towards comics?

    Only after my fussy virus protect gets in a regular maintenance mood and commands me to do a quick scan, which inevitably wipes out my selections at Darkgate, so I have to spend five minutes resubscribing. And that means five minutes less for YouPorn other important things.

  113. Meddle Head
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    9CL: Call this Fleural Sex.

  114. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#88): Contemplating Janis in her red bikini beats contemplating Archie and the gang.

    Oddly enough, both Piranha Club and Popeye feature women dressed up in suits. I think that’s probably enough internet for me today, what do you think?

    Today’s Lio and Monty both feature walking on ceilings/walls. Oddly enough, today’s Spider-Man DOESN’T feature any walking on ceilings/walls.

  115. Droopy Says
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

  116. Droopy Says
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

  117. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#114): Actual meaning: we spend too much time reading comics.

  118. Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    The problem with Slylock Fox is that the island may be three nautical miles from the coast, not three statute miles. Whipping out my handy slipstick (today’s model, a restored POST Versalog II, model 1460 — a real beauty, 10 inches long, leather holster, and 22 scales!) I calculate that the island is about 2750 feet farther out to sea than S. Fox thinks!

    // Also, from the palm trees, I deduce that the island is off the west coast of Florida, in the Gulf of Mexico (which could be regarded as a branch of the Atlantic).

  119. Jwalk
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Are all of the animals in Slylock Fox sapient? If so, is the gull telling his “friend” the fish how they will be together forever above the waves? “Forever,” of course, being defined as the the time it takes for Gary Gull to consume and digest Floppy Fish and then poop on an unsuspecting beachcomber.

  120. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#104): Aw, crap, sorry for your loss.

  121. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

  122. Pinewood Tom
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#114): I’m seeing a BLACK bikini on Janis. Ralph Drabble’s the one wearing a red bathing suit (eek!).

  123. Bunivasal
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    I notice that for the second time in two weeks, sly lock isn’t depicted actually enforcing the law, merely being present near a crime scene. He’s looking for weirdly not to punish him, but to demand genetic favors in exchange for amnesty.

  124. Oregonian
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, on the little island, Reeky Rat is scuttling across the beach shrieking “Da plane, Boss! Da plane!”

  125. Amos Snarkadder
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @TRMT #104
    James, So very sorry for the loss of your friend. Online obit says he was just 41. That’s rough.
    What a wonderful tribute that you will put him in your story.

  126. wossname
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#104): Aw, sorry about your loss. I hope you can get some comfort from the fact that you’re honoring his memory in the strip — even if that wasn’t the original intention.

    And nice job on the previous arc – the art and pacing were way beyond older strips. OK, it had some wacky plot points, but it wouldn’t be MT without wacky plot points.

  127. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Meddle Head (#113): 9CL: Call this Fleural Sex.

    Is that where he sticks his widget into her Sprocket?

    That would be fitting, as by definition a sprocket has teeth surrounding the opening.

    Given that, in addition, she has already shrunk to the point that, while she is kissing him on the lips, her crotch is resting on his upper chest, the usual advice about not sticking anything into a Burber if you ever hope to see it intact again applies here as well.

  128. Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#40): Judging from the oil-drenched bird, I’m going to guess that Slylock is somewhere off the west coast of Florida in the vicinity of a BP drilling rig.

    Excellent point!

  129. Francis Hobbs
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#114): Today’s Zits and Baldo both feature teens and trash bags. Today’s Hi & Lois doesn’t feature a teen OR a trash bag.

    I guess we know which strip Hefty® forgot to pay off this month!

  130. Droopy Says
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#89): And found the abandoned lunar civilization (which was my first experience with Dick Tracy in 1964, and turned me off to DT for most of the intervening years). If DT is going to play at science, it’s fair to criticize it on that basis.

  131. Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#88)Dilbert: Anybody got a guess as to why Scott Adams now has a hardon to insult Paul Krugman? Anyone?

    That is weird, isn’t it? It sure looks like Krugman.

    // OTOH, Google “nobel economist” images, and it seems that the vast majority of those guys have beards. And are guys. Do you have to grow the beard when you win the prize? Or do you have to have a beard before you can win the prize?

    // I have a beard. Can I haz prize?

  132. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides (#131): Adams has done a lot of strips mocking men with beards, especially IT guys with beards. I remember one where Dilbert couldn’t attend a convention without putting on a fake beard and suspenders.

  133. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    June 3rd, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides (#131): I know the funny pages aren’t held to the same standards of logic and reasoned discourse as the editorial page, but this seems…random. When Adams went after Bill Gates a few years ago, it at least made sense at the time – Gates was making headlines for the wonders of his new house. What has Krugman, or any other bearded economist (great band name), done to make news lately?

  134. Alter Ego
    June 3rd, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    love is… infinite recursion.

  135. bats :[
    June 3rd, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#30): I rarely read the daily comics in the Star, even when I have a chance. Most of them are the really lousy ones, and the ones in the paper that I do read, I have bookmarked to read online.
    (Also, it drives me nuts if I read a mashable comic in the paper and don’t have immediate access to my computer!)

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#74): absolutely agree with this!

    MT: honestly, I really do LOVE Mark Trail…and I kid because I love!

  136. Herr Kommissar Denny
    June 3rd, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    As futilely as Max Mouse trying to impress a woman, Slylock Fox strained against the iron chains. Weirdly continued his monologue.

    “After my creations escaped and humanity fell, I sought to make up for my mistake. In a world grown to resemble a Jack London novel without the socialism, I strove to bring some semblance of order … of law.”

    The self-titled Count paused to let the implication sink in. Slylock look toward the wild, unaltered fox skittering in its little prison. Their eyes locked.

    “My mistake,” said Count Weirdly, his thyroid eyes spinning madly with regret in their sockets, “was in choosing the wrong literary antecedent. I failed to account for the fact that a master of deduction is only as good as the rules from which he deduces, and what’s more, if those rules, is in your case, are divorced from any sense of justice, proportionality, or basis in reality, the result is even more savage, dare I say, inhuman, than a world left to run, red tooth and claw, on its own. So I have decided to correct both of my mistakes in one fell swoop.

    “Rather than a ‘detective’ who deduces ‘truth’ from unreliable assertions, I have looked back to an earlier literary antecedent for inspiration — one who rather than reasoning deductively starts with observation, then moves to a hypothesis that accounts for the observations, seeking to explain relevant evidence to arrive at the truth, that is, abductive reasoning.”

    As if on cue, the dark threshold brightened as stepped through it stepped a tall, young gentlefox carrying a brightly burning tallow candle. He wore a velvet bathrobe and smoked a mellow-smelling meerschaum pipe.

    “Slylock Fox, allow me to introduce you to F. Auguste Vulpin.”

    Slylock at last found his voice. “Ah-ha! You’ve made your last, greatest mistake, Count Weirdly! You said you’ve created a master of abductive reasoning, and I assert that abduction is a capital crime! What’s more, it is well-known that assertion is nine-tenths of the law, so you have no choice but to immediately execute sentence on yoursel–”

    Shaking his head sadly, Weirdly forced the last stone into position; he plastered it up. Against the new masonry he re-erected the old rampart of bones. For the half of a century no mortal has disturbed them. In pace requiescat, vulpes stultes!

  137. bats :[
    June 3rd, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#83): after our first weekend of 100+ F temperatures here, that lettuce painting sure looks cool and refreshing!

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#105): YAY!

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Living in the Past (#107): but I think he can have vulpine characteristics and tendencies…

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#120): I just know you’ll do your friend proud!

  138. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 3rd, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#135): That MT mash-up is a thing of beauty (unlike Rusty, who is, of course, just a thing).

  139. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 3rd, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#137): I thought a number of the lettuce paintings were quite beautiful—which means that those are not the paintings hanging in Luann’s “Can You Tell What This Is Supposed to Be?” Gallery.

  140. Marc
    June 3rd, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Luann- You’d think that with all his independent wealth, TJ would be able to buy and actual, you know, functioning food truck.

  141. The Ridger
    June 3rd, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#32): I’m having some trouble following Milton’s wheeler-dealering. I thought his problem was that the French firm he’d hired had proven to be inexplicably crap at their go-to specialty. Now he’s yelling at the people who want to buy the satellite the French are building? Is he just a glorified middle-man, trying to escape the consequences of his flawed business plan by alienating his customers? Or is he suffering from delusions, and is at the moment actually yelling at some guy his long-suffering secretary hires to keep him distracted?

  142. The Ridger
    June 3rd, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#50): I’m reminded of a review I read of the remake of The Incredible Journey, in which the reviewer wondered why we only “heard” the hero animals, not the bear or – poignantly – the fish eaten by the cat: “Oh, god, I can’t breathe, the air, the air, I can’t breath – help, that hurts, I’m being eaten, o god, the teeth the teeth”. He felt it might have added a certain je ne sais quoi to the movie.

  143. Hart of Johnny
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    I started to laugh at the Slylock Fox scenario, then I got all sad.

  144. gleeb
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#130): Exactly. The cloning could be legit (although with Dr Zy Gote’s beard, I wouldn’t bet on it). This “Moon Maid” could be another Lunarian, given plastic surgery and massive brainwashing. Or the whole thing could be an elaborate fraud to get hold of Diet Smith’s space coupe for reasons not yet explained. Anything goes in the topsy-turvy world of Dick Tracy science!

    But at least we don’t have to put up with Mumbles. Can’t abide Mumbles.

  145. The Ridger
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#88): Rocky, Twinkles, and nosepicking beefwit troll farmers will be back any minute now. And with any luck, they will cause Fleurrie and Sven to be tossed in jail – possibly Juliet, too – and then we can see Fleurrie give birth behind bars. Perhaps Edda can raise the resulting calf baby.

  146. the REAL Mark Trail
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#125): Yes, Jason was only 41. I can say that he was surrounded by family and friends as he passed.

    @Droopy Says (#116): Actually, you’re not too far off!

    @wossname (#126): Thank you!

  147. Mikey
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Luann- Call me crazy but I think my Luann Theory from last week is holding true. One of us mudgies had suggested reading ‘Brad’ as ‘B-Wad’ about a year ago (?) That was truly awesome, but my theory is that ‘Garbage Ape’ is even better in certain situations. I just read Luann and replace ‘Brad’ with ‘Garbage Ape’ and I think it works. My only regret is that I may have insulted the solemn Garbage Ape. I’m sorry Garbage Ape! I meant this only in jest! You Rock!

  148. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando V
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#145): that is uncomfortably close to the legend of the Minotaur.

    instead of a large mechanical bull to hide in, we just have McEchhi and his bull. . . .

  149. TheDiva
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#140): As we’ve already seen with the Ann Eiffel affair, TJ is the sort of person for whom the question of money is secondary to “What is the most elaborate scheme I can concoct that will inconvenience the greatest number of people?”

  150. Mikey
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#104): Sorry James, very nice thought and keep the faith, Mike

  151. MK
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    FW: Whoever had “Stress from Darrin’s dad showing up” in the Jessica Miscarries pool is about to hit the jackpot.

  152. Morgan Wick
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @J. Robert Oppenheimer (#3), @jasper jinx (#5), @Doctor Handsome (#14), @pugfuggly (#16), @Jack Scat (#31), @K. Ivan Ruppert (#42): At least two of these have to be COTW contenders.

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#136): And if it weren’t for length this one might be the leader in the clubhouse.

  153. Morgan Wick
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @MK (#151): Please don’t tell me Funky Winkerbean is about to give me Ctrl+Alt+Del flashbacks.

  154. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    I tried self-therapy by updating my strip.

    And, voila, I just noticed Slylock’s “jet” is fuelled by tomato juice. Bloody Mary!

    OK, it’s past midnight, so I’m hitting the sack now, See yer awl tomorra.

  155. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 3rd, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Why is he dressed like a Private 1st Class French Marine (Troupes de Marine) from French Indo-China?

  156. Calico
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    3G – Wow! Thank you, Josh, I just remembered thanks to you that I need to buy bay leaves at IGA (I used up the last of ours making soup last night)!

    SlyFox – Peter Gabriel wrote this 32 years ago:
    _________________________________________________
    This is an announcement from Genetic Control:
    “It is my sad duty to inform you of a four foot restriction on
    humanoid height.”

    Extract from coversation of Joe Ordinary in Local Puborama
    “I hear the directors of Genetic Control have been buying all the
    properties that have recently been sold, taking risks oh so bold.
    It’s said now that people will be shorter in height,
    they can fit twice as many in the same building site.
    (they say it’s alright),
    Beginning with the tenants of the town of Harlow,
    in the interest of humanity, they’ve been told they must go,
    told they must go-go-go-go.”
    _______________________________________________

    Maybe The Count is a Monsanto shill as well.

  157. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#155): ‘Cuz he STEAMPUNK, man!

  158. Mikey
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#135): That was one of your best ever! Oh man!!!

  159. Mikey
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#135): “My trombone solo’s this really sad and deep Bluesey riff I call ‘Fish Ain’t Gonna Bite Today.’ I’m not sure what inspired it! Oh Boy! I can’t wait for the Fourth of July!”

  160. popamatic
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    YYYEEEESSSSSS!!!! Today is the greatest day! (queue Smashing Pumpkins..)

    Mark Trail: The Cherry Pouring Coffee scene! And a whole new view to the action, as well! Plus as a bonus, in panel one we get the flying carpet.

    Seriously though, it’s sad to hear about the loss, and look forward to seeing the coming story. I was hesitant to post today about the Cherry/coffee thing.

    Slylock Fox: Check out the Bell X-14. It is an actual open cockpit jet, used for VTOL training by some of the lunar astronauts. http://zzakkslab.blogspot.com/2010/07/classy-ride.html , as well as wikipedia, has more info.

  161. Mikey
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#159):
    “Fish ain’t gonna bite today!
    Feel the blues a’comin my way!
    Cherry was bit by dat big ol’ bear!
    Chill o’ kidnappin’ in the air.”

  162. Calico
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Alter Ego (#134):
    Love is…even more disturbing in color.

  163. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#88): 9 Chickweed Lane: In a normal world – a world run by a just and sane deity – we could predict that True Romantic Love having been consummated, all storylines about cows, veterinary services, perving from couches, etc., would now be discarded, and we’d be on to something fresh and new, if not better. However, the world of 9 Chickweed Lane is not ruled by a just or sane deity, but by whatever Brooke McEldowney pulls out of his ass at the last minute. Rocky, Twinkles, and nosepicking beefwit troll farmers will be back any minute now.

    Time will tell, but I’d be stunned if this were the development. I’ll predict another two weeks of pond-sex ribaldry and single-entendres and Burber mother and daughter watching the action from the dock. After this, with the purpose of the entire story line fulfilled, we will send Edda home and move on to the next story.

    I hope it doesn’t linger for a third week, because by that time Fleurry will have shrunk to microscopic size, while Sven will be too large to fit in the lake any more.

  164. Calico
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Zits – Oh yeah. Know that feeling. It totally sucks.
    Glad I’m almost over that waterfall. It really isn’t pleasant at all.

  165. commodorejohn
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @jasper jinx (#5), @Nehemiah Scudder, Living in the Past (#107): Canidae is the family, Vulpes is the genus. Simple as that!

  166. commodorejohn
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#156): Thirty-two years ago. Gosh, how time flies…

  167. The Ridger
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#165): Right. They’re canids but not canines.

  168. Mibbitmaker
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    In the distant future, around the year 2095, comics readers will be looking back at late spring of 2013 with a sense of amazement. They will then-currently be fed up with what one strip is doing with the longest storyline in its history. Beating Krazy Kat’s Tiger Tea epic by decades. They’ll be looking for answers, ever more resentful of our current situation involving the comic. And, in doing so, will echo our own times, they being almost in unison, with almost the same exact words as each other. Their plaintiff cry:
    WHAT THE FUCKING HELL’S WRONG WITH MARTY’S DAD ALREADY?????!!!!!
    (A3G still being drawn by the remains of Frank Bolle’s skeleton, of course)

  169. commodorejohn
    June 3rd, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#168): “Plaintiff?”

  170. Mibbitmaker
    June 3rd, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    In other A3G news………
    Doris of Margo’s Art Gallery has indeed gotten an award, but not from the Purple Olympics. She’s won a special shapeshifter award for Most Ages Maintained by One Female, Scattershot Division. It was noted how she went from a young adult to a sudden upper-middle aged lady, back to a young lady, and, as in today’s strip, a woman in her early-mid 30s. As a treat for the award show’s audience, she went up to accept the award as an elderly lady of about 93 years of age, but left the stage visibly as an 8 year old girl. This will be talked about in comics circles for minutes to come!

  171. Mibbitmaker
    June 3rd, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#169): Shit! I mean “plaintive”.

    I’ve been writing my PCK characters too long!

  172. Mibbitmaker
    June 3rd, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#171): Now that I think of it, I may have been right the first time. The population portrayed in my original post may very well have a valid lawsuit against the A3G creative team for emotional distress or something.

  173. Cloudbuster
    June 3rd, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#171): The defenestrator rests.

  174. Cloudbuster
    June 3rd, 2013 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @popamatic (#160): Bell X-14 Want!

  175. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 3rd, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Josh/Slylock— You want yer REAL foxes? I’ve got yer REAL foxes, straight from my back yard.

  176. Calico
    June 3rd, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Off-comix topic, but I wanted to share this amazing and wonderfully preserved souvenir reel from 1939 in NYC – apparently a French tourist recorded these scenes. They must have kept the film refrigerated or it was just luck that it survived this long in such impeccable shape.
    The music is nice but kind of boom-chicka-pow-pow too

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/leonoraepstein/this-1939-color-footage-of-new-york-is-hands-down-incredible

  177. Baka Gaijin
    June 3rd, 2013 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#175): What’re you trying to pull? I don’t see any magnifying glasses or deerstalker capes.

  178. Alison
    June 3rd, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#140):
    I don’t understand that either, and while I’m on the subject of “What I don’t understand about TJ”, I’ll add that I still don’t know where TJ’s wealth even comes from. Has it been stated in that strip that he has oodles of money? Or do people assume he does-a fair assumption, since he never works (except for when he is trying to screw over a fast food manager for firing his deadbeat friend). Also, if TJ does have money, why does he live with piggy-man Brad’s family on and off?

    “Mary Worth”: Beth, I know it hurts at first, but sometimes the best thing is for a toxic relative to decide they don’t want to speak to you anymore. I’ve been there, and one day you will be very happy that you don’t a spiteful idiot saying nasty things to you anymore. Cheer up, you unfortunate little Dawn Weston clone, you!

  179. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    June 3rd, 2013 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#163): You, sir (ma’am) are quite correct. I had forgotten that the primary purpose of 9CL isn’t to tell a story or to amuse readers, but all-too-literally to indulge McEldowney’s onanistic tendencies.

    I hand over my prophet’s mantle to you!

  180. TheDiva
    June 3rd, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: ….If you weren’t absolutely sure that McEldowney is just making this shit up as he goes along before, you will be after today.

  181. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#177) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#175): What’re you trying to pull? I don’t see any magnifying glasses or deerstalker capes.”

    And there’s not even a mouse companion. In fact, when the foxes are visiting, most of the local rodents disappear, including squirrels. (Gray foxes can climb trees.) That Max Mouse is a damn lucky fellow, I tell you.

  182. Majicou
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    RwO: Out of nowhere, Price (of all people) draws a naked fairy, without this McEldownian bullshit of “Oh, she has body paint, or scales, or whatever the fuck, I don’t care.” And she does a better job than Brooke ever could.

  183. Lumaca Morente
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#176): It’s not off-topic; it’s obviously the inspiration for the A3G artwork!

  184. Droopy Says
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#180): Are McEclowney and Batyuck holding a contest? “Let’s see who can make the more repugnant villain, and drag it out as long as possible?” If so, I nominate Spiderman as the judge: the world’s most useless superhero is the perfect choice to call the winner in the world’s most useless competition.

  185. Mibbitmaker
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    MW: Sure, Tom, but actually, Elinor will hang on for over 50 more years just for spite. Good luck with that one, Tom.

    Glibporn: Revenge scenario # 83 in a 7,864,578,975,389,800 scenario series, brought to you by McEldowney Creepy Spite Productions. Collect them all, beefwits!

  186. Anonymous
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#184): What happens when Spiderman get’s Fronnncked out cold by a piece of shitty pizza? Worse yet, he’s already been exposed to radiation so there’s little chance he’ll make it out of Westview alive. Hmmmm….

  187. Mikey
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    What happens when Spiderman get’s Fronnncked out cold by a piece of shitty pizza? Worse yet, he’s already been exposed to radiation so there’s little chance he’ll make it out of Westview alive. Hmmmm….

  188. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#187): Spider cancer?

  189. Poteet
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    I saw the squicky 9CL with a weirdly-shrunken Fleurrie sexing up a seriously-steroidal Sven, and thought “yep, McEldowney’s ahead today.” Then I saw Batiuk’s infuriatingly-stupid FW and can’t decide which is worst. Also I kinda lost my will to live.

  190. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#178): Simple. It is easy to have gobs of money when you don’t spend any of it, and can bum off of other people for life’s necessities. Allegedly, this is how Oprah W. operates, and it makes sense because both her and TJ both have time and resources for multiple wild-ass schemes where somebody else eventually pays the bills.

    In TJ’s defense, why buy new-and-reliable when you have a willing roommate and his equally-willing fiance, both capable of rebuilding an engine with noting more than a bobby-pin and a toothpick?

  191. tallyHO
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Oooohhhh!
    I get it now.
    The hoverjet Slylock and Max are flying is called the “Flying Fox”. Like the name of a kind of bat.

    Slylock is Batman, with a tail, and has a traveling companion who is a rough and scrabble, hard knock life mouse.

    And, for the record, I thought Nightmare Valley was the big ol’ socio-genetic experiment. Not unlike that movie “The Truman Show”, I thought Weirdly considers the goings on in NV to be “The Non-Human Show”.

  192. Oh migod they Shrugged at Kenny!
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#75):

    “Luann: Step One: Buy junked-out food truck. Step Two: ??? Step Three: PROFIT!”

    Well, sure, that’s why they HAD to buy the truck — they needed a place to store all those underpants!

  193. Margo
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    I’m no Magellan, but I spot a logical error here. The sun appears to be setting in the West no matter where you go. EVEN WHEN YOU ARE ON THE EAST COAST. Weirdly’s Shutter Island could just as easily be off the coast of Maine.

    Moral: One should never rely on the navigational skills of a yellow field mouse. Also, why is the plane spewing blood from its engines? Isn’t that at least as illegal as whatever half-man/half-woodchuck Weirdly is cooking on the Island? The whole scenario is pretty ironic to me, since ever cast member in this strip is clearly the product of genetic engineering.

  194. The Island of Dr. Shrug
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#77):

    “Not to close the cockpit on the jet like a sissy would; that is the Law. Are we not Foxes?”

  195. Margo
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#104):

    So sorry. I wish you all possible comfort.

  196. UncleJeff
    June 3rd, 2013 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#45): How do we know, Liam?
    Slylock might be one of those “careful” flyers who go just fast enough to avoid a stall but slow enough not to ruffle his fur (one of the Curmudgeons can probably calculate that speed).
    Besides, Weirdly creates plots so slowly that Sly and Max could get there in a mailboat.

  197. Diet Smith
    June 3rd, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#89):

    The nation that controls magnetism controls refrigerator magnets!

  198. Shrug for the Non-Win
    June 3rd, 2013 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides (#131):

    “I have a beard. Can I haz prize?:

    I have mutton chops. Can I beez runner-up?

  199. Pinewood Tom
    June 3rd, 2013 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#176): Color footage from the 1939 New York World’s Fair (including Frank Buck’s Jungleland):

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/leonoraepstein/this-1939-color-footage-of-new-york-is-hands-down-incredible

    A couple of the shots seem to linger lovingly on female backsides, so I take that to mean the photographer was a hetero male.

  200. Pinewood Tom
    June 3rd, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Pinewood Tom (#199): Weird. It keeps substituting Calico’s link for the different one I used. Sorry for the cockup!

  201. Mikey
    June 3rd, 2013 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#188): I’m hoping for ‘Super Crabs’. Since the sign Cancer is a crab it makes sense in Westview. Plus you’ve seen those Westview womenfolk.

  202. Mikey
    June 3rd, 2013 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    SFox- After a whole day I finally get it. That island clearly has some form of disease and the sun does set in the west so I’m thinking that the island is actually Westview. When you think of genetic experiments and malignant mutations look to the sunset! Count Weirdly has a bizarre creepy smirkish look sometimes too. THe only other theory with the island is that Count Wierdly has an underground hideout there and mini-subs and….nahhhh!

  203. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 3rd, 2013 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Hey kids—The delightful and funny Mooncattie will be stopping by the DC area this summer–July 1, to be exact. If anyone would like to get together for dinner while he’s here, please send me an email at bourbonbabeunbuckled@yahoo.com!

  204. Doyle
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Margo (#193): I had the same thought, but the logic is that since Sherlock is only 3 miles from the North American coast line, he should be able to see land from his viewpoint, especially since he’s in a helicopter/miniature jet.

  205. ratnerstar
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    Say what you will about genetic engineering, but I’m willing to blur the line of morality if it can help teach my dog to distinguish between what is permitted and what is forbidden. Ratiocination wouldn’t be so bad either: maybe she can solve the mystery of “who pooped on the floor and then rolled in it?”

  206. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @ratnerstar (#205): I’d just like my dog to be able to tell me how (and why) she ate the five 1-inch rocks that she threw up this morning. With that, science will have met all my needs.

  207. Mikey
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @ratnerstar (#205): “Say what you will about genetic engineering”
    One GE example: Rusty Trail. Super camera misplacer….

  208. Sequitur
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#206):

    I didn’t know you had a rock hound.

  209. Anonymous
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Erich Clapton (#99):

    TIMING BELT (Luann)

    The timing belt, sometimes a chain, is driven by the crankshaft. The belt drives the camshaft(s). There’s no way she could tell it needs tightening by just looking under the hood. She probably couldn’t even see it.

    The distributor controls the spark plug firing, not the distribution of fuel.

  210. bats :[
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#175): and of course you throw us a curve…these are gray foxes (Urocyon sp.) while Slylock appears to be a red fox (Vulpes sp.).

  211. bats :[
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#177): of course, this might explain the lack of capes, deerstalkers and magnifying glasses in Alfred’s little pack.

  212. Dale
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#209):

    That was mine. Power outage, and in this case I really meant to hit Preview.
    There are times when I Preview, I forget to Post.

  213. Thibault
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Not only is Slylock’s strange aircraft emitting blood red contrails, but also donut-like smoke rings. These were often seen in the exhaust from early pulse-jet engines such as those used on the German V1 “Buzz Bomb”. So… Strange aircraft piloted by sentient fox and mouse. No proper cockpit. Blood red contrail. Smoke rings. “Foxstag” emblem on nose of craft…

    I’m going to go crawl under my bed for a while, OK?

  214. bats :[
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    And now I begin to wonder: are Garbage Ape and Trunk Monkey related?

  215. The Ridger
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

  216. Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#137): @commodorejohn (#165): The Latin word for fox is vulpes. There doesn’t seem to be an English word “vulpid”, which was my point.

    // Though we do have “vulpine” and “vulpicide”. And, logically, there is no reason why “vulpid” shouldn’t be a word — but it hasn’t been used in the past, and it would have to be considered a neologism.

    // And you know how I feel about neologisms!

  217. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Marty’s dad is having an episode? So is Doris, judging by those bows she has glued to her scalp.

    MT: “My wound has just about healed. You know, the one I got when the fucking bear mauled me.”
    “That’s great, Cherry. Well, gotta go.”
    Yeah, this marriage is working great.

    MW: It’s true that living in the vicinity of Mary Worth is likely to mess up your digestion.

    Ziggy: It’s a little man with no pants talking, so I’m not making any assumptions about what “it” is.

    WofI: Mrs. The Wizard is so right. God only knows what kind of health hazard is caused by children playing in dragon shit.

    9CL: Congratulations, Brooke. You worked the word “oral” into your strip. Guess you can retire now.

    JP: Katherine is going to be one of those tourists who talks to Spanish speakers by speaking English loudly and slowly, isn’t she?

    GT: That index finger frightens me to no end. Kid is one hypertrophied shyster.

    EC: That means you can confiscate their pot and they’ll just be relieved you didn’t toss them out.

    SSmith: Teddy Roosevelt was a New Yorker. What’s he doing on the bench in hillbilly country?

    S-M: In this arc when you ask, “Who’s the guy with the red spandex and inane dialogue?” you get two answers.

    S4th: Nona! Way cool!

    Lockhorns: Unless Leroy’s ass is a lot wider than it even looks, he’s more of a chair potato.

  218. The Ridger
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#203): Dammit, I will be in Tennessee then!

  219. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    Josh, that’s not just snark on Slylock, it’s a full-fledged short story. Brava.

  220. Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#215): How ’bout that? He has a sense of humor about it, anyway: “The Ultimate Honor”.

    // Still, as the Right Ven. rightfully enquires, WHY? What beef does Scott Adams have with Krugman?

  221. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#215): Glad he’s taking it well.

  222. Sequitur
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#175):

    CAGE FREE, FREE RANGE FOXES!

    (coming to a theater near you)

  223. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 3rd, 2013 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#77): For aviators who like to feel the 5m/s wind in their hair.

  224. Sequitur
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#214):

    They’re related to Zonk! the go-rilla in Popeye.

  225. Francis Hobbs
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides (#220): Beef. The other nonwhite meat.

  226. Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @Margo (#193): Um, no. Slylock is right. If the island was only three miles off the coast, you would see the sun setting into the shoreline if the island was in the Atlantic. If the island was in the Pacific (or the Gulf of Mexico, west coast of Florida) you would see the sun setting into the sea, as we observe it in the cartoon.

    // And if you have to ask yourself if you are on the Atlantic or Pacific coast, you probably shouldn’t be piloting a jet airplane.

  227. Francis Hobbs
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#214), @Sequitur (#224): Garbage Ape, Trunk Monkey and Zonk are all related to “Grape Ape, Grape Ape”!

  228. Liam
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”It’s about my dad. My dad is really my mother.”

  229. Sequitur
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides (#226):

    Because of global warming, Slylock is approaching a tropical island located at the exact (not magnetic) North Pole. Weirdly took over Santa’s workshop and is experimenting with elves.

    It is summer and the sun is making little circles in the sky and not totally setting.

    Yeah, it could happen.

  230. midtown
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#175): Be careful with those critters in your backyard. There’s been a number of rabid foxes in these parts. My neighbor was attacked by one last year.

  231. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#210) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#175): and of course you throw us a curve…these are gray foxes (Urocyon sp.) while Slylock appears to be a red fox (Vulpes sp.).”

    Red foxes are relatively rare in the southwest, but the gray ones are abundant. Even when I can’t see them, I hear them thumping around outside our house late at night. So far, no kits this year, but we still hear an occasional thumping fox.

  232. Odie Odo
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @Francis Hobbs (#227): Grape Ape, Garbage Ape, Trunk Monkey and Zonk! the Go-rilla walk into a monkey bar…

  233. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 3rd, 2013 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    @midtown (#230): We steer well clear of them, staying indoors when we know they’re out there, and they usually steer well clear of us. However, one mother fox showed an unusually high level of interest in Mrs. Neuman and myself as we were observing her from our living room. You can see this curious fox here.

  234. Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#133): What has Krugman, or any other bearded economist (great band name), done to make news lately?

    The simple answer is that K. is famous, and has a column and a daily blog at the New York Times, and is often on the political talk shows. So, he is, almost by definition, making news. He is also left of center politically, which means he annoys people who are on the right. I don’t know if Adams can be considered rightist or not — he makes his living by making fun of corporate culture after all — but perhaps something K. said bothered A..

    Who knows? But it seems kind of cheap impugning the fellow’s hygiene.

  235. hibbleton
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#228):
    Well, sometimes a he makes a better mudder than a she.

  236. greghousesgf
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#232): hey hey we’re the Monkees!

  237. Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#233): Very, very refulgent! I love the kits playing.

    // BTW, you oughta sweep your patio. Or hire the foxes to do it for you.

  238. Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#229): Oh. Yes. Makes sense. Hadn’t thought of that. Thank you!

    // You are totally nuts, you know?

    // I mean that in the Pickwickian sense, of course.

  239. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#208): Aw, little Lolly-type pups! (I never had Lolly as a puppy—she was an adult adoptee—so I can only imagine how cute she was.)

    @The Ridger (#218): Dammit, indeed—it’s always a good time with Mooncattie!

  240. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#218): Dammit, I will be in Tennessee then!

    I’ll be in Alabama. Just next door. Drop by for barbecue and beer!

  241. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#240): And kilts, tilted or otherwise?

  242. Dale
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#178):

    LUANN

    TJ’s finances have been discussed more than once. There was an explanation that he had a trust fund, but it’s long gone. I have no idea where that story came from.

    I am absolutely convinced that few years ago, he sold his car to Luann for $400 because he couldn’t afford to keep it.

  243. The Ridger
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    SF: Ha ha – that fish looks very much like the noble salmon who was Canada’s ally in WWII.

  244. Sequitur
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides (#238):

    Don’t think of me as nuts. I am perspicaciously challenged!

  245. Lowell
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    It’s fairly easy to deduce what sport Doris won in the Purple Olympics– judging by her extraordinarily long right arm. Shot put?

  246. Sequitur
    June 3rd, 2013 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Lowell (#245):

    It was probably opposite cheek butt-scratching. One must only use their little finger.

  247. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides (#237) said: “// BTW, you oughta sweep your patio. Or hire the foxes to do it for you.”

    The foxes usually visit during May, at the height of our thunderstorm season, so there’s often a lot of debris from our trees. I don’t use my leaf blower when they’re around because I don’t want to scare them off (their den is directly under the patio), and I’m too lazy to sweep it by hand. I tried to hire the foxes, but their rates are too high — they have a really tough union.

  248. Droopy Says
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#146): Actually, you’re not too far off!

    Whether it’s an explanation for the giant LoFo animals or Cherry in a bikini made from curtains, everyone is looking forward to it.

  249. Poteet
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando V (#102): I’d take him over Sven. Totally.

  250. Huckleberry Fink
    June 3rd, 2013 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#232): Bartender: “If you’re looking for Magilla, he ain’t in!”

  251. Hei of the Zaraki Company
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @Erich Clapton (#99):

    I had the timing belt go out on my car last summer. It’s one of those repairs jobs in which the part is pretty cheap, but you will pay out the ass for labor. It is a labor intensive job where you have got to pull out a lot of crap to get to the timing belt, and then you get to put it all together again. Oh, and if you are lucky, like I was, your engine won’t go kablooey. Basically, a $400 timing belt repair could have turned into a over $1000 engine repair. So, I hope TJ has a lot of moolah for a new motor because if Brad is in charge of timing belt repair….

  252. Robert Ripley
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#247): You could hire “The Foxes of Harrow” actor Rex Harrison to clean your patio. Although his monocular vision* would probably produce mixed results.

    *For most of his life, Harrison was all but blind in one eye. Believe It or Not!

  253. walt d.
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    Dilbert: Prior to reading the comments I would never have guessed Paul Krugman was such a beloved and admired figure. You guys have actually read one of his columns, right? (I’ve even read two of his books.) For that matter I wouldn’t have guessed that so many people read Dilbert, since it is rarely commented upon here.

  254. Sgt. Stoned
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#45): Or, depending upon speed, parboiled by air friction.

  255. bats :[
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Ruling with Slides (#216): the “group” words appear to go as far as family names, but no farther: canid, felid, mustelid. Then it breaks into the -ine forms for the genera: canine or vulpine or lupine, feline or leonine (and not all genera seem to be represented either). It almost makes sense, English being fulgent! and all…

  256. bats :[
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#231): SO COOL!!! The video compilation is great.
    And once again, I trot out my bit of interesting zoology, appropriate for cocktail hour small talk…

  257. Robert Ripley
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#253): Paul Krugman has been married twice — both times to women named “Robin.” And his middle name is “Robin.”

  258. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 3rd, 2013 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#104): I’m sorry to hear about your friend. :(

  259. Droopy Says
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: A hotfoot! Yes! Kingpin can spend the rest of the week revealing a new weapon, and next week Spiderman can defeat it! Two weeks of padding in one gimmick!

    Family Circus: Eric’s smile says it all. Step one of his plan is working. In step two, he’ll convince Billy to put his entire head under the pillow. Step three, Eric presses down on the pillow until Billy is no longer a nuisance.

    Dick: Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, girl returns from the grave. Always go with the classics, although it worked better in “Dracula.”

    Creepy Les: Pam and Jeff! I forget who they are, not that I ever cared, but if anyone can drive Frankie into leaving town in despair, they can do it.

    Mark Trail: Tomorrow, Rusty notices that you can’t see the sun at night!

    Phantom: If you say so, Stripey-Butt, but that’s the scrawniest, most timid doughboy ever. Or maybe the gray color means he’s from an alternate universe where the rebels won the Civil War?

  260. Poteet
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

  261. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    June 3rd, 2013 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    I have to say that Monday’s Pibgorn is confusing. Since the guy doesn’t have a finger in his nose and the other hand in his ass, it’s hard to tell if he’s supposed to be a bad guy.

  262. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 4th, 2013 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    heathcliff gets weirder and weirder

    judge parker very much needs a kick in the crotch

    rex morgan, you should see a doctor about your weird fingers. and don’t june and the other woman (heather?) have *anything* better to do than watch you talk on the phone? like, say, go out for pizza?

    “funky winkerbean” — when you’re having a council of war, so to speak, and the stroke victim is the only person with *anything* to offer, might well raise the white flag now

    & monday’s “arlo & janis” — has jimmy johnson been reading ’9cl’?

  263. Joe Btfsplk
    June 4th, 2013 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    @J. Robert Oppenheimer (#3): I’ve always believed Pluggers to be the descendants of Dr. Moreau’s beast folk.

    They only sicken me with a sense of failure. I take no interest in them. I fancy they follow in the lines the Kanaka missionary marked out, and have a kind of mockery of a rational life, poor beasts! There’s something they call the Law. Sing hymns about ‘all thine.’ They build themselves their dens, gather fruit, and pull herbs–marry even. But I can see through it all, see into their very souls, and see there nothing but the souls of beasts, beasts that perish, anger and the lusts to live and gratify themselves.–Yet they’re odd; complex, like everything else alive. There is a kind of upward striving in them, part vanity, part waste sexual emotion, part waste curiosity. It only mocks me.

  264. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    June 4th, 2013 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    Paul Krugman has been aggressive lately about the lack of the inflationary spiral which our enormous deficit is supposed to cause, and which conservative economic guys have been and still are predicting. Krugman has been, arguably, taunting his critics. But the substance of the comic is apolitical, just a cheap but very mild shot at the beard. And you can hardly make a joke about a beard without implying that the person is filthy.

  265. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    June 4th, 2013 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Tuesday’s Pibgorn, again, fails to drive home the point that the Troll is evil via a finger in the nose, or worse. Now one of the several nearly naked nymphs will rescue the nearly naked succubus, and together they vividly torture and kill the Troll, then he vividly tortures and kills them, until finally someone sort of wins. Lots of torturing nearly naked women, but only in the cause of showing how very, very bad it is to portray and enjoy the torturing of nearly naked women. Showing it as vividly and sensuously as possible. Sorry, I just made myself sort of sick.

  266. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    June 4th, 2013 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    Pam and Jeff are the horrible Elderly Yuppies who live with Crankshaft? Just when you thought that the Funkyverse couldn’t get more dismal.

  267. Victory Garden
    June 4th, 2013 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando V (#103): Well, you have to assume that that kind of author avatar probably is.

    Also, 9CL Tuesday: Ya don’t want to get the lake bacteria a) in your mouth or b) up in Fleurrie’s business, so just come on back up for air, son. This is why the gods invented bedrooms.

  268. Mr. O'Malley
    June 4th, 2013 at 3:44 am [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#265): The recent buzz about Krugman has to do with the paper by Reinhart and Rogoff, two Harvard economists, whose analysis was cited by all the anti-deficit crowd. Now it turns out to have been based on cherry-picked data and incorrect Excel formulas, and Krugman (not a Harvard guy) has been blasting them for not withdrawing it. In return they complained he was being rude to them. More here.

    That may be what Scott Adams is getting at, but he seems to have dropped the topic today.

    My father was an economist, and he didn’t have a beard. In fact I don’t remember anyone in his department having a beard. Although none of them won a Nobel Prize either.

  269. Huckleberry Fink
    June 4th, 2013 at 5:26 am [Reply]

    @walt d. (#262):

    “To expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modern intellect.” — Oscar Wilde

  270. gleeb
    June 4th, 2013 at 5:39 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: “Just look at our hair and clothes”, followed y two panels where the readers cannot see them. Well done.

    ‘bean: So, you have a complicated problem, and who do you ask for help? Sam Driver? Nah, you couldn’t afford him. The Phantom? Too violent. I’ve got it! Ask the rest of the sad sacks unable to escape the pull of Cancerdeathville! No doubt whatever Pop Mumbles said will turn out to be a miraculously good idea.

    Alan Parker, loving husband!: It’s a good thing ex-Judge Parker retired so he can focus on how very much he despises his wife.

    Milton Avery, multitasker!: That lead apron isn’t getting any lighter, lunkhead!

    Dick: I’m trying to make sense of that last panel. Is Junior about to t-bone “Moon Maid”‘s car?

  271. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 4th, 2013 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#269):

    Like most Nobel economists, Krugman’s work was important decades ago, and established new areas for research, but is hardly state-of-the-art by the time the Nobel committee gets around to recognizing it. Now, he has become a shill for fiscal stimulus, i.e. the government spends as much as it possibly can until the economy recovers. This makes him a useful idiot for politicians who want to spend all they can, forever, which is a class that constitutes 99% of all politicians.

    He’s a target long overdue for ridicule, but this “he has a beard!” reads like someone neutered the original strip into something a Mary Worth reader could peruse without experiencing a case of the vapors.

  272. Oregonian
    June 4th, 2013 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#272):

    “For the record, no one has been more correct in his analysis and prescriptions for the economy’s problems than Paul Krugman. The blind hatred for him on the right simply pushed me further away from my old allies and comrades.”

    - Bruce Bartlett, writing in “The American Conservative” 11/26/12

    http://www.theamericanconservative.com/articles/revenge-of-the-reality-based-community/

  273. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 4th, 2013 at 7:19 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#272): @Oregonian (#273):

    So Krugman wrote brilliant stuff decades ago, but now has devolved into a useful idiot? Possible, I suppose.

    I’m not an economist, but I do read his columns occasionally, and they seem quite lucid.

    // Of course, my “sell by” date passed several decades ago, as well, and I have a beard, so naturally I’d stick up for the guy.

    // I do think this conversation is edging perilously close to Josh’s ban on politics, so I shan’t say anything more about it.

  274. UncleJeff
    June 4th, 2013 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    re: Dilbert & Krugman.
    It was (kinda) funny and Mr. Krugman seems to have taken it in good humor.
    That’s all that needs to be said.

  275. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 4th, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    Agreed. Now, what’s going on in Beetle Bailey? :)

  276. Matt
    June 4th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    I just caught up on the last month of Apartment 3G (God help me), and I have a complaint, Josh. Lu Ann’s governor boyfriend used the phrase “It just proves I can work with both sides of the aisle.” and you had nothing to say?! What’s happening to you?! The governor talked about working with both sides of Lu Ann’s aisle and you sat there in silence! What has become of you?!

  277. parcheesi
    June 4th, 2013 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Count Weirdly is the High Evolutionary?

  278. Squid Countess
    June 4th, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#43):
    Bwahaha!

  279. Squid Countess
    June 4th, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    A3G : Phil Hartman returns from the ether as Doris. He’s very good in ensemble works. I hope we see much more of him.

  280. Grimler143
    June 5th, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    I knew I solved this one too quickly! This is partially because the mystery could actually be solved without additional information from the characters (like being able to read a watch that clearly doesn’t have enough detail to show the time), but mostly because this Slylock fox is essentially a repeat of a strip in 2007!

    http://joshreads.com/?p=914

  281. Margo
    June 5th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

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