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Splashy Saturday

So it’s June 15 and I think it’s safe to say that the spring Gil Thorp lawsuit storyline isn’t ever going to get interesting, but I do think that an ending in which the Jarbo family wins its case because the sue-y guy who fell down got his gas stations mixed up is at least suitably farcical. Wouldn’t … wouldn’t this have come to light during the discovery process? I mean, I’m neither a lawyer nor someone foolish enough to expect Gil Thorp plots to mirror reality in any way, but … DAMN IT I THINK THIS WOULD HAVE GOTTEN SORTED OUT AT SOME POINT PRIOR TO THE ACTUAL TRIAL.

Blondie, 6/15/13

This is just your reminder that Dagwood is so dedicated to not being a normal husband who showers that he literally does not have a shower in his house. Also, he is a crazy person.

Luann, 6/15/13

DAD RELAX IT’S CALLED A SUICIDE PACT OK IF YOU DON’T SEE THE ROMANCE IN DYING TOGETHER IN A TWISTED HEAP OF METAL AND AGONY THEN IT’S NO WONDER YOU’VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME

246 responses to “Splashy Saturday”

  1. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    June 15th, 2013 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    FW: At least Batiuk isn’t retconning the Dread St. Lisa’s propensity to stupidly and inexplicably ignore her own well being.

    GT:

    DAMN IT I THINK THIS WOULD HAVE GOTTEN SORTED OUT AT SOME POINT PRIOR TO THE ACTUAL TRIAL.

    What’s more, Gil’s kangaroo court shockingly failed at basic fact finding. MY WORLD MAKES NO SENSE!

    MT: A rival reporter? With facial hair? Urge. To. Punch. Rising…

    MW: Which 70s former beefcake actor is playing Tom in panel 2? Can’t quite place him … Jan-Michael Vincent?

  2. Baka Gaijin
    June 15th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    Boy, do I regret reading Mary Worth today. The mass of stink coming off it gave me third-degree stench burns.

  3. Digger
    June 15th, 2013 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    Luann’s father might have a better idea of what’s going on if he hadn’t covered his glasses in white paint. But at least now he doesn’t have to watch his daughter attempt to make out with this Aussie dude.

  4. Ratiocinator
    June 15th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Luann: Today’s strip may have actually been funny if not for that last word balloon.

    9CL: The only way for this to not be a horrible thing to do to Amos is if he and Edda are both into cuckolding.

    ASM: Haha, it’s funny because of the hellish conditions in prisons!

    FW: Look at Cayla in panel two, staring through the fourth wall pleadingly, begging to be released from this awful strip.

    RMMD: I know it’s easy to make jokes about lesbian sex whenever two women interact in a non-hostile way in one of Woody Wilson’s strips and that lots and lots of people do it and that it’s juvenile and so on…

    …but what the hell: “Join me in my office…my office of carnal delights!”

    Slylock: Monkey, that elephant is touching you in a bad way with his hind foot. You need to run to an adult and tell them what happened right this second.

  5. Illustrator Steve
    June 15th, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    MT – “A man has been SHOT!”

    (Mark): “He’s still alive and I know this poor fellow!”

    “You KNOW this guy? I’mm with the local paper and this fellow called and said he had a good story!”

    “Yes, he’s name is ‘Pop’. He lives in a small hut on a small caribbean island not too far from the main island. His main purpose in life is to catch 100 fish each day to feed his fellow starving villagers. I lived in his hut with him while I was kidnapped and waiting for two million dollars in ransom money to get ther. That is until the drug kingpin decided to give back the money and let me go.”

    (local paper guy): “Talk about STORIES!”

  6. Ratiocinator
    June 15th, 2013 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#1):

    FW: At least Batiuk isn’t retconning the Dread St. Lisa’s propensity to stupidly and inexplicably ignore her own well being.

    This story is filled to the brim with stupid, but as far as Lisa not reporting what happened to her, and deciding to just try to forget it ever happened and move on…that’s a real thing that happens, isn’t it? It might not be the healthy thing to do, or the socially responsible thing to do (since if you don’t report somebody, they may go on to do the same thing again, either with you or with somebody else), but it’s what some people do.

    And I don’t know if I’d call somebody who didn’t report a sexual assault stupid. Coming forward with an accusation of rape, having to testify about it in court, having to listen to what people are saying about you (not all of which will be sympathetic)…that’s not easy.

  7. Illustrator Steve
    June 15th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    MT – “I’m Mark Trail, WHO are you?!”

    “I’m Jason Smith with the local paper! …I used to be Gene Jackson, you best fishing buddy. Don’t you remember, Mark? You stayed in my prison cell with me…just you and me with each other for an entire week!”

    “*blush* Um, NEVER HEARD OF either one of you, Gene, er, Jason!”

  8. JB2
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    Re: Gil

    Actually, these are just depositions, not the trial, so we’re still in discovery. But yes, this probably should’ve been sorted out earlier. Other asinine elements to this storyline include: the ostentatious, Shylock-ian clues (“neon sign” “lotto”) dropped by the plaintiff on Thursday, thus setting up today’s dramatic reveal; ALL gas stations sell lottery tickets.

  9. J. Robert Oppenheimer
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    Luann: Josh, I didn’t know you were into J. G. Ballard’s novels.

  10. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#6): Batiuk having Lisa react to being raped with “At least I have something to write in my diary” is the stupid to which I was referring. I should have been more clear.

  11. Illustrator Steve
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    MT – The man called the local paper and said he had a story? Mark had better keep a close eye on THIS old fellow because he just may be after Mark’s job!

  12. CanuckDownSouth
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    GT – isn’t this a deposition? So yes, this is getting sorted out before the trial. If the plaintiff’s on the record (IIRC, established) then that lawsuit’s going away.

  13. Ed Dravecky
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    I see Quill and Luann as the Romeo and Juliet for the 2010s, in that I hope they’re each dead by their own hand through a pointless series of miscues abetted by the adults they trusted most.

  14. Lumaca Morente
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, in 9cl, *BLEARGHHHH!*

  15. Illustrator Steve
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    MT – “Help, mister! This poor old fellow has been shot and is still alive!”

    (Mark): “Hmmm, SHOT, eh? Hmmm, No signs of blood on his blue shirt could only mean one thing. This fellow is a BLUEBLOOD!”

    (Local paper guy): “THIS will make a good story!”

    (Mark): “Hey, watch it…that’s MY line!”

  16. Ratiocinator
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#10): Ah, okay. Sorry for misunderstanding.

    I suppose it’s possible that she was trying to use gallows humour, but a good writer wouldn’t need me or anybody else to try to think of excuses for why his protagonists act the way they do; a good writer would have his protagonists act in a way that made sense.

  17. Ratiocinator
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#14): You could pretty much say that about 9CL on any given day, couldn’t you? It kind of works like “Chris, what an asshole,” that way.

  18. The Ghost of Jarrod
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Luann – Oh please…oh please….

    FW- Yeah, I really can’t blame a victim of sexual assault for not wanting to come forward. Given the way we treat rape victims, I’m amazed and awed by those who do. Of course, Lisa wasn’t a rape victim until Batty got angstsy, but still…

  19. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Lio: the hazards of trying to lolCybil.

    A&J: been there, done that.

    DT: *grin* nice guest-starring.

    MG&G: Random bolding is spreading.

    RwO: should be a hotdog, and banks often have treats on the drive-thru.

    6Cx: Monty Python did it better.

  20. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . fillin’ up her in-box.

  21. tb4000
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    9CL: To dust off an old chestnut, people don’t act like this.

  22. Spunde
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Luann: The creepiest thing about Quill’s smile in panel 2 is that it makes me realize that TJ’s constant smile is not supposed to be creepy.

  23. The Ridger
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#4): Amos? Isn’t he in another state? For Edda that might as well be “never existed in the first place”. I’d say she was into “if you’re not near the one you love, love the one you near” (or I would if it wasn’t more “what’s love got to do with it?”) except that for her, it’s “I’m out of sight you’re out of mind”. In other words, I’m surprised she didn’t say “Who?” when Sveth reminded her she was engaged. (Although given how she reacted when Amos proposed, she might be looking for a way to get out of that.)

  24. Shran
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Blondie: I would ask if Blondie has a some kind of sick fetish for boys in men’s bodies. However, since she’s the only person in this strip that even comes close to sanity, I don’t want to start thinking that she’s a closet pedophile…. Aw shit, too late!

  25. TheDiva
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    GT: Isn’t making sure you have the right address one of the first things they teach you in law school?

    Luann: This explains so much. Luann is under the delusion that she is the heroine of a Nora Ephron-esque romantic comedy. She believes her insufferable, shallow attitude counts as “quirkiness,” and that she’s entitled to the blandly handsome leading man of her choice because she’s just so gosh-darn endearing! After she endangers Tiffany’s life by setting fire to her designer halter top (“but it’s funny because she’s the mean evil slut who deserves it!”), she will be admitted into a high security mental ward, where she will spend her days clutching a coffee cup in both hands and flinging one-liners at her psychiatrist, who she’s mistaken for her gay best friend.

  26. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#14): Dimples?

    // No. Nevermind.

  27. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Disney Princesses with attitude.

    very ikkle kittehs.

    double corgsqui.

    satursquee is scarce. ;_;

  28. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#21): people don’t act like this.

    Oh, but they do. People are much weirder than you think. Much weirder.

  29. Arabella
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    FW: Time to fess up, Cayla. What did you do with Lisa’s diary???

  30. John C Fremont
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#1): I’m not seeing Jan-Michael Vincent, but I am seeing David Soul. Come to think of it, Beth does look a bit like Paul Michael Glaser. Odds fish!

  31. TheDiva
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    9CL: At least the objectification in this strip is equal-opportunity.

    A3G: Yeah, if Gov. Russo isn’t satisfied walking down the red carpet with a woman who likes a kindergarten teacher from the 1970s on his arm….

    C’shaft: Come on, Lena, you’ve got to fire him after this.

    FW: As others have noted, victims of sexual assault refusing to come forward is an unfortunate and well-documented reality, so that much I believe. What I do not believe, however, is that Lisa’s old journal has been in the Moore household all this time, and Cayla (and presumably Les and Summer) knows it’s there, and yet when Frankie showed up their first thought was not, “Let’s look in Lisa’s high school diary and see if she wrote anything about this creep!” but “Hey, Ann and Fred used to live upstairs from a guy who is the brother of the wife of Jessica’s father John Darling who was murdered, and he and his wife had a one-time encounter with Lisa so maybe they might know something? I guess?”

    MT: But what about the otters?

    Pluggers are morbidly obese, and unsurprisingly bad at sports as a result.

    SM: Yes, Dr. Lauren set him up, Daredevil knocked him down, and Spidey…um….he hit his head on a pipe?

  32. Buck Ripsnort
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Judging from Blondie’s expression in that last panel, she can’t imagine it, but she sure wishes she could.

  33. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (y#56): I’ve always believed funny pages characters are like carnies: few, if any, branches on the family tree.

  34. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#14): 9CL is slowly eroding my faith in humanity. When I start looking up to Zorak, you should probably put me out of my misery.

  35. Liam
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Luann-”I’ll drive into oncoming traffic if my dad keeps backseat driving.”

    A3G-Lu Ann, you aren’t one of the blue people that inhabit this town. You already stand out.

    FC-Time to put Grandma away then.

    FW-Where’s the journal, Cayla? You know where the journal is don’t you.

    FW 2-”We took her home that night and took advantage of her. Nine months later she gave birth to you and told everyone that it was Frank’s kid instead of mine.”

    Gasoline Alley-I am creating plants that will be able to duplicate people exactly. The wondrous thing is that they won’t be burdened by emotions that plague people already.

    MT-Is this man married? Maybe he was shot by his wife and her lover. Quick check the area for any trash that could be considered clues.

    MT 2-Why take him to a hospital? Mark knows a doctor who will patch that guy up with no questions asked.

    MT 3-”He had found an otter with a gold band around one of it’s legs.”

    MW-Watch as Tom keeps trying to convince Elinor even after she gives her approval.

    RMMD-You say that now but an hour later the two of you leave her office with your clothes disheveled and looks sexual content on your faces.

    Archie-Jughead is in disguise because he thinks the fish are plotting against him and he doesn’t want them to recognize him.

  36. Rusty
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#31): Lisa’s diary would have been sitting front and center on the mantelpiece, with one of those little spotlights trained on it. And she would have mentioned it in one of her numerous videos, probably one meant for Summer when it was time to explain how she has a half bio-brother with another man.

    Plus, no one in the history of the world would consider being the victim of date rape as just another diary entry. This retcon doesn’t work because all of the parties’ actions at the time scream that it never happened. She got busy in the back of a van and came to regret it, probably immediately. I heard there’s a tv reality show about girls like her.

  37. Huckleberry Fink
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: Grandma is off her rocker — and Billy (age 7) is off his meds.

    Spider-Man: “Your comments are moderated to reduce profanity and offensive speech. But the male characters are free to make fat jokes and hit on the female characters.”

    Dick Tracy: Asp and Punjab are STILL working for Oliver Warbucks? After seven decades, I thought those two would be dead or living in comfortable retirement somewhere!

  38. Chris H
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    “What’s that toy you have there?” “Oh this thing that lets me breathe underwater? I use it to hold my breath.”

  39. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Can anyone blame Cayla for not looking shocked? Jff and Pm ate assholes for not at least talking to Lisa’s parents. Lisa’s parents are assholes for not having shown any interest in her well-being (how old was she when this happened–fourteen? Sixteen? What were they doing when she came home late?) Lisa herself may have wanted to keep it quiet, but a lighthearted remark about a diary isn’t what you expect in a beaten and raped kid–not unless she’s already been badly abused. And Creepy Les must have known about the rape all along, and never mentioned it. It’s like watching “The Bad Seed” and realizing that the little girl may be a vicious killer, but all the “adults” in her life are stark, staring mad.

  40. Sequitur
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#28):

    @tb4000 (#21): people don’t act like this.

    Oh, but they do. People are much weirder than you think. Much weirder.

    You know, I think you’re right. People say that a lot when I’m around.

  41. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Schwing! Bad Machinery is back on Monday!!

  42. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#39): “Are assholes,” not “ate assholes.” Or maybe my typos are more alert than I am. Well, Cayla, you married into this mess of loons. If I walked into that scene I’d turn to the audience and say “Scary, isn’t it?”

  43. Bonwah
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    “Annie Hall” flashback in LUANN! So that means that in the movie version of the strip, Quill will be played by a young Christopher Walken.

  44. Bonwah
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

  45. Liam
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Blondie-Dagwood was then taken to the hospital when his spear gun went off and snagged something much softer and more sensitive.

  46. Bjorn Rustberggard
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#37): I wish Frank Bolle’s current employer would release him from his contract to draw Apt. 3-G. Then King Features would be free to hire him to work on Family Circus!

  47. Stroker Ace
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Luann – Matthew Broderick and Jennifer Grey aren’t amused.

  48. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Any second now, Dr. Lauren is going to hop on her big wheel and tell DD and Spidey what a bunch of patronizing dumbwads they really are. Then DareDevil will go home to his well-guarded mansion to reflect on how empty his life truly is while Peter Parker’s mirror image looks at spider porn[*] all night. Astonishingly, this will be progress for the strip.

    Apt. 3-G: Margo’s right. Blonde bimbos in Peter Pan collars and wigs too trashy for Geraldine do tend to stand out in a crowd.

    9 Chickweed Lane is the equivalent of Alice Otterloop’s new dress: it looks pretty at first, and screams “pay attention to me!” But in the end, it is itchy and uncomfortable and in the background somebody is going “HERNK HERNK” on an oboe.

    Crock…is embarrassingly bad today, even for this strip.

    Luann: If I had an ounce of initiative today, I’d ignore the things I’m supposed to do and animate these people getting hit by a bus. Maybe a train.

    Mark Trail: Does anyone else think that if Mark – the writer – has lived in Lost Forest long enough to know the neighborhood poachers by their first names, he might have some inkling as to the local newspaper staff’s names? Also, since when do journalists wear UPS uniforms with a tie? Is that Gannett Corp. rule?

  49. Kosher Corn
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    GT: Um … actually, Josh, this is the plaintiff’s deposition, not the trial. Deposition is indeed a part of the discovery ordeal … uh, process, and in this instance it’s doing what it’s supposed to do – reveal the weaknesses in a party’s case-in-chief. Sorry, man; I know it’s not as funny this way, but that’s what’s supposedly happening here. No, I’m not an attorney, thank God, but law is what I do for a living, so I’m well-acquainted with all sorts of goofy civil action minutiae. Be glad that it’s my cross to bear, and not yours.

  50. mary_worthless
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    GT: Josh, Josh, Josh…this is a deposition, not the trial. Give them SOME credit.

  51. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#28): FTFY:

    @tb4000 (#21): people don’t act like this.

    [Checks diary] Oh, but they do. People are much weirder than you think. [Checks diary again] Much weirder.

    // Is it weird that the author-avatar is having his package checked out? That’s not psycho-sexual or anything, right?

  52. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

  53. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @mary_worthless (#50): Are there fat bottoms? Are there dimples? When will people ask the important questions?

  54. walt d.
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    9CL: Don’t bother.

    FW: A high school girl in the 1970s would call it a diary, not a journal. A young person keeps a journal because their English teacher is making them, and will be reading it.

    FW: I’m still waiting for the strip which provides justification for the Fairgoods (school employees, as I keep pointing out) and the Murdochs (witnesses of imminent battery, if nothing else) shrugging and saying, okay, no problem here.

    FW: It would certainly move the story along if Les or Cayla knew where the journal was, but in that case they would already know what was in it, and probably have published the damn thing. Perhaps Jessica’s mother, Jan Murdoch Darling, wife of celebrity Father John Darling, was a neighbor of the Crawfords and bought the journal at an estate yard sale after the untimely passing of Lisa’s parents in a car wreck caused by a drunken Funky Winkerbean, who escaped on a technicality. Speak up, Jessie! “A journal by Lisa Crawford? That’s easy. My mother (etc. etc. etc.) got one of those in a box of stuff at a yard sale. You guys want it?”

    FW: Regardless of what’s written, it’s the word of a teenager, now dead, against the word of a living adult. And Jeff has removed himself as a possessor of information about any sexual activities.

    FW: Where was this girl’s mother anyway? Normal lecture: Remember, honey, boys only want one thing. Lecture upon the occasion of dreary wallflower happily announcing a date with big-deal high school football player from another school: Over my dead body!

  55. Mibbitmaker
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Quickies:

    GT: Mr. Jarbo is scary!

    Blondie: Even Ted Forth is shaking his head.

    Luann: “Backseat banterer!”

  56. Calico
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Josn,good AM – I cannot believe you didn’t mention anything about Cayla’s demi-visage of sheer horror! This is by far one of the greatest FW panels EVER.

    Henri – Ia!

  57. Calico
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Oh, and how did Gil Thorp dude end up in Mark Trail with a wounded stranger?

  58. commodorejohn
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Luann – Don’t tease us like this, Evans!

  59. walt d.
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @walt d. (#54): Continuation of first FW post above. Possible development. Ann Fairgood, retired teacher, remembers a box of old student papers in the attic, just possibly including. . .

  60. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#51): … weird that the author-avatar is having his package checked out? That’s not psycho-sexual or anything, right?
    Yep. So. Two of those Belgian Abbey ales right? I like the dark ones, but, your choice.

  61. Liam
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-And so the day was saved thanks to Daredevil and not Spiderman who is the star of this comic.

    Tiger-If you are going to cry at least cry into the bowl.

    FW-Cayla’s got that look like she burned Lisa’s diary in a fit of jealousy.

    Lockhorns-And so another attempt to murder Leroy has failed again.

  62. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    I haven’t read any comics at all today, so I’m not qualified to snark.

    However, I have drawn hard, bouncing, round buttocks for Herr Reverend Scudder. Unfortunately they aren’t exactly human…or alive…but you can’t have everything.

    Oh, and there’s the promised pinata as well.

    http://ragheadthefiendlyterrorist.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/raghead-weapons-of-mass-distraction-2/

  63. Calico
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#56):
    Josh, I mean – not Josn, whoever he is

  64. Calico
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#62):
    Not much to snark on so far – except maybe Granma’s fit of despair and insanity in FC

  65. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#64): Thanks. Might as well go to bed then.

  66. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#y56): Yay, Judge PissyFace!

    Can we have a whining contest between Judge PissyFace and the Amazing Spider-SulkyFace?

    ASSF: My wife just won a Tony! ((sulks))
    JPF: Stupid gorgeous successful wives!

  67. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    “fw” – credit to batiuk for that last panel. he isn’t usually that visually interesting. i imagine cayla found the diary, quit reading it after the 127th entry about ‘nobody likes me except that dopey les’ and put it away. certainly an unenviable position to be in, replacement spouse/stepmom for the christ figure lisa

  68. ghost-who-snarks
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Man, those are some bad-ass otters.

  69. Uncle Lumpy
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean — OK, so we brought Jff all the way over and forward from chrononormative Centerville to do the Big Reveal of Lisa’s “journal”? What are the chances that Les and Summer, who pore over every frame of Lisa’s tapes (“Get your prostate checked!” “Change the oil in the Toyota!” “Are you sure you didn’t leave the oven on?”) wouldn’t crack the diary at least once in more than a decade — oh, say, for example, when writing a damn book about the lady? And if they somehow didn’t know about the diary, what are the chances Cayla would? And if she somehow ran across it, what are the chances she wouldn’t tell them?

    Dead Lisa is the real hero of Funky Winkerbean, responsible for all the strip’s action: prodding Les to write his book, saving his life from deferred aircraft maintenance, giving him permission to marry Cayla, driving the two-thirds of the Westview economy that isn’t pizza, comic books, and postage stamps, and on and on and on.

  70. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @walt d. (#54): 200% agreement on your point about the written word of a dead teen versus versus that of Frankiestein. “She wrote that I assaulted her? Look, if everything she wrote were true, wouldn’t Jff and Pm, or Lisa’s parents, have been required to call the police? And, jeeze, if I’d known she had these violent rape-fantasies, I’d have run like hell from her! I was a Big Name jock, fer chrisesakes! I could have had any chick I wanted! Why would I need to rape anyone, much less a schlub like her? I thought I was doing her a favor by letting her be seen with me!”

    What I’m saying is that Frankie has the makings of a good reality show after all–but it’s about the horrifying effects of the Cult of DFL on people Batiuk’s characters.

  71. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#69): “Dead Lisa is the real hero of Funky Winkerbean, responsible for all the strip’s action”

    That’s why it’s a zombie strip.

  72. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#69): i could see cayla finding the diary and mentioning it or even looking at it out of the desire to live in the present with les and their family. apparently there’s something *wrong* about that in batiuk’s mind

  73. SurrealKangaroo
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    I think Blondie and Dagwood have a shower that is separate from the bathtub. You just can’t see it from the angle this comic is shown in.

  74. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#72): *not* mentioning the diary. (preview is the friend i don’t see much of)

  75. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#60): Hmm, I think I like the light ones better, but I’ve literally never had a Belgian beer I didn’t like. So there’s that.

  76. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    ^^^^^^^^^
    Thinks he’s Martin Luther

  77. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    A gas station that doesn’t sell lottery tickets??

    Does he also not sell cigarettes, beer, and Slim Jims?

  78. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#30) & @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#52): Those are some really good suggestions, but after reviewing yesterday’s strip, I stand by original assessment — definitely Jan-Michael Vincent.

  79. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Naked Bunny with a Whip (#77): He sells sisha and non-alcohol beer, and the Slim Jims are strictly halal.

  80. Baka Gaijin
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#36): Is the reality TV show the one with Honey Boo Boo? I’ll bet it is.

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#75): I asked yesterthread and I’ll ask again. What’s the big deal with Americans and Belgian beers? They’ve got more alcohol and those funky caps, I grant you that. There’s gotta be more.

  81. The Ridger
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    FW: Anyone else thinking Cayla’s making that face because she found and burned the journal in a tiny moment of can’t-take-it-anymore?

  82. Uncle Lumpy
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#80):

    They all taste like orange juice. We loves us some orange juice, and it’s not just for breakfast anymore.

  83. yaoi huntress earth
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    9CWL: This comic is getting more Randian in morality. Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Ayn Rand herself make her husband accept her cuckolding and later dump him when she grew tired. Then had her followers ostracized her new boyfriend cheated on her? Because I could see Edda doing that if Amos/Sven were unfaithful.

  84. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#81): Yeah, Liam, on the sixty-first floor. And maybe Cayla has just realized she could be burned at the stake for sacrilege. But I think she’s having a Twilight Zone moment–and the worst of it is, Batiuk has deposed Rod Serling.

  85. Arabella
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    FC: You had to get a dig in at Grandma, didn’t you Jeffy aka “little Billy”? Do you have some issues there? Were you the least favored grandchild? It’s not even a pun, just visualized hostility.

  86. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#83): She never dumped her husband. He disappeared into his studio to paintdrink, and died in 1979. She went on to collect survivors benefits from Social Security. (Also, if you look him up on Wikipedia, it redirects to Ayn Rand’s entry. On his IMDB page, his marriage to Rand is mentioned in the very first sentence before his work as an actor. That’s some Funky-level sadness right there.)

  87. Mibbitmaker
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    FC: …and the old lady broke a hip! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    FW: Aw, I can’t believe Lisa would consider a sexual assault of herself a neat opportunity to get a diary entry in her journal! Someone who’d have her cancer diagnosis botched badly by a doctor/hospital and, while being a really effective attorney, never even slightly challenge them in court in a case she’d easily and deservedly win would never do such a thing!

    (Sarcasm… broke… from… overload….)

  88. tallyHO
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    We’ve all seen Heathcliff’s nurturing side.

    But, if we saw his nurturing side when a six foot tall bear was outside of our house, digging through our garbage, would the love Heathcliff gives be equally impressive as the fact that there is a freaking bear outside of house?

    Personally, I find seeing that the bear is partaking in the love of Heathcliff is a sight to behold. MFing Heathcliff even made trash can steps in order to administer his Heathcliff Maneuver! Dang!

    One day he’s meting out his brand of comical justice and the next he shows his understanding of the Love Supreme. Maybe all of the nighttime strips should be best appreciated with Coltrane playing in the background.

  89. Baka Gaijin
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#82): Oh. Orange juice is a delicacy here, especially Tropicana Pure Premium without Pulp.

  90. Rusty
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#80): Nah, 16 and Pregnant. Although one of the Boo Boo family I believe got knocked up in high school recently. Having kids in high school and middle school, there’s plenty of unplanned pregnancies that didn’t result from having a fist aimed at someone’s face. If Batiuk wanted realism, he would have had to depict a half-clothed struggle in the back of the van, with Lisa shutting Frankie down or at least some argument over the meaning of the word “no.” Unless he’s saving that for journal flashbacks, so more grim fun to come.

  91. Calico
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#81):
    I’m considering the fact now that she may have inadventently tossed/recycled it.
    Whoopsie.
    Now here comes a fun day at Waste Mgmt. Services!

  92. Poteet
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    9CL — I know I shouldn’t bother, but Dumbasse, the Goddess of Wasting Time, is compelling me to point out that Edda has lived for years with a guy who looks almost exactly like Sven and she works with male ballet dancers who are presumably extremely fit, so why in hell she would obsess over Sven’s…oh shut up, Dumbasse, I’m done.

  93. Steve
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    ASM: “Ha ha – thanks, Daredevil! But in a more ‘legally liable’ sense, it was just you two, okay?”

  94. Doc Bill
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    FW – Les is such an unobservant dope he’s probably had the journal/diary all this time but his total lack of curiosity (or personality, for that matter) prevented him from reading it. Cayla, on the other hand, has a full deck of cards, found the journal years ago and read every page, but didn’t tell Les because that would have been “snooping.” My prediction is that Les is going to say, clueLESsly, “What journal?” And because of the seriousness of the situation Cayla will be forced to say, “Uh, this journal which I found and sort of thumbed through …”

  95. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#91): I’m just going to imagine Creepy Les burrowing through layers of garbage at the county dumb . . . fetid pizza crusts . . . comic books with stiff, stained pages . . . pools of dioxin . . . only to find that Lisa’s diary has largely rotted away, the only legible words being ” . . . talked to my best friend about what Frankie did . . . “

  96. Baka Gaijin
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty (#90): Really? 16 and Pregnant. I’m not Googling. It sounds positively skeevy and explotative, not necessarily in that order.

  97. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Bjorn Rustberggard (#46): Frank Bolle has already pitched an idea for a humor strip to King Features. The new comic is based on Frank’s nephew Walter Bolle and his family. Walter, a comically inept high school chemistry teacher in Albuquerque, New Mexico, is diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer* in the first strip. Walter then decides to change careers and become a a comically inept criminal mastermind.

    Frank’s title for his newest magnum opus: Breaking Bad with the Bolles.

    *Frank’s friend Tom Batiuk is serving as creative consultant on the strip.

  98. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    County dump. Clumsy fingers! But then again, this is FW. Clever fingers!

  99. Amos Snarkadder
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#31):

    MT: But what about the otters?

    They shot the old man. All this started with that misguided 2nd amendment talk about the right to arm bears. Then someone pushed things too far and decided to arm otters.

    @TheDiva (#31):

    What I do not believe, however, is that Lisa’s old journal has been in the Moore household all this time, and Cayla (and presumably Les and Summer) knows it’s there…

    As long as we’re suspending disbelief (and for FW, that has been, what, centuries?), I’m hoping Cayla sold the journal to Beth Kinley, who turned it into a manuscript for a romance novel. That has been repeatedly rejected.

    @Bonwah (#43): “Annie Hall” flashback in LUANN! So that means that in the movie version of the strip, Quill will be played by a young Christopher Walken.
    That’s better now, isn’t it?

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#48):

    Luann: If I had an ounce of initiative today, I’d ignore the things I’m supposed to do and animate these people getting hit by a bus. Maybe a train.

    Well, all right! What can we do to motivate you? And, can you make that a threshing machine, while you’re at it?

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#78): And I just knew someone would bring up JMV’s full frontal (“Buster and Billy”).
    // Just what is that hanging off the edge of the driver’s seat?

  100. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#80): Sorry, didn’t see your question in yesterthread. The “more alcohol” bit is a big part of it, actually. Big American Beer tends to be watered down, so it’s nice to have something with a little potency. I think English beer also tends to be relatively low alcohol, yes?

    The other thing is that Belgian beers, well, they taste like something. If you ever see a Coors Light in Jolly Old, give it a try. There’s a reason they says it’s like making love in a canoe.

    So Belgian beer tastes good and it gives you a nice buzz. What’s not to like? (For the record, I also like plenty of American craft beers, but Belgian styles tend to be my favorite, and if I’m going to soak Rev. Scudder, well then, by God, I’ll soak him proper.)

  101. Rusty
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#96): You live outside of the US? It’s one of the pop culture touchstones here, many of the girls have become d-list celebrities.

  102. Midtown
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    FC: Nice Father’s Day tribute to Daddy Keane — make fun of his mama!!

  103. Ian Beste
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#80): I’m agreeing with the Rt. Rev Dan-no here. Belgian beers display a variety of tastes, some “earthy,” some spicy and some sweet, in combinations that put most American Heavily-Advertised Brews to shame. I’m not saying AHABs are bad, just that there is a lot more to beer than being ice-cold and golden. The higher alcohol content is, for me, secondary, but works nicely with rich meals.

    As for craft brews, well, drink better, drink local. I might be one of the few who can remember buying and drinking the original New Albion. When it was good, it was a real switch from what we regarded as the “premium” brands at the time (i.e. Heineken, St. Pauli, or Guinness.) (Not to slight Guinness–it deserves the praise it gets and is still a good intro to non-Pilsner beers.) When New Albion was bad, it was sad. Fortunately, Anchor made its resurgence and the Beer World Changed.

  104. bats :[
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#85): since Billy was grandchild #1 and Dolly #2, there just weren’t enough arms-to-give-hugs to Jeffy #3. Well, that’s the theory…

  105. Ian Beste
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#62): Hey hey, somebody else noticed the Law of Increasing Reciprocal Firepower.

    Also, nice drawing on what I am assuming is a T-54–round turret, auxiliary fuel tanks on the rear, heavily exported to the Third World. (I’m guessing you’re Pakistani, yes? Your army uses Chinese-built T-59 versions I’m told.)

  106. Lisa Crawford
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Dear Diary,
    Boy, I have something interesting to write about tonight! Well, interesting is not the word – freaking hilarious is more like it. Frankie and me were foolin around in his van parked in the same spot as always, the alley behind that apt building with all the old creeps living in it. We were pretty high, but after we came down a little and got us “presentible” we thought we’ed have some fun. We stood outside the van screamin and cussen at each other waiting to see if we could get some attention. We carried on like that for 15 min and were reddy to stop, but then we saw someone comin up the alley. So I says to Frankie, Act like your gonna hit me, and he starts to laugh, but then grabs me and pulls back his fist. Then those really homely college kids that live on the 2nd floor runs up and starts to say somethin at Frankie. So then I run up to them all teary-eyed and shakin (well, really tryin to keep from laughin my ass off) and grab the girl while Frankie stares down the guy whose about as wimpy as that loser Les Moore. Then Frankie jumps in the van and takes off like he’s real scared and I go to the apt with the two creeps to see if I can score some booze. Then they just give me some pop but I really wanted some of the hard stuff or at least a beer – you know to “calm my nerves” after such an “ordeel” but they say I can’t have anything, ’cause I’m underage. Funny thing is that I was worried they would call the cops or somethin but they just sat and stared at me like they were dumb as dirt. I think we really musta freaked ‘em out. So I got outta there quick and found Frankie and we cruised around some, ran over a few mailboxes, then circled back and threw some beer bottles at the apt, and he brought me home. Tomorrow Frankie’s gonna score some more stuff, so we’ll have some more fun. His van is so cool!
    Lisa

  107. commodorejohn
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#80), @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#100), @Ian Beste (#103): God, don’t get me started on American megabrand beers. That shit was the reason I thought I just didn’t like beer at all for a good five years after I was drinking age. I still remember trying Miller and wondering why anybody would want to drink stale cigarette smoke.

    Belgian beers are pretty good, but I’m all about the American craft brews, myself. As with a lot of American endeavors, they do a lot of borrowing from and experimentation with basically everybody else’s styles, and get some great results from it.

  108. Baka Gaijin
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#100): I’ve not seen it with my own eyes since I don’t live in England but I see Coors advertised on Sky TV (UK satellite) when I’m in hotels. Coors. Shocking I know but this is a people who mix beer and lemon soda. Maybe Coors makes a better shandy, I don’t know.

    @Rusty (#101): I have no words. Have they completely run out of respectable concepts for TV shows? Next thing you know there’ll be a show on a bunch of guys building duck blinds or something.

    @Ian Beste (#103): With the AHABs getting so big, I predict they’ll die due to sales falling below the minimum needed to support such huge organizations. We’ll be back to the 1950′s where every major city had its own brewery.

  109. Ratiocinator
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#86):

    She went on to collect survivors benefits from Social Security.

    Heh. Wonder if she was aware of the disparity between her actions and words there.

    @Poteet (#92):

    I know I shouldn’t bother, but Dumbasse, the Goddess of Wasting Time, is compelling me to point out that Edda has lived for years with a guy who looks almost exactly like Sven…

    Only from the neck up. If Edda’s unfaithful to Amos (and yes, I’m aware that she’s probably not going to actually do anything with Sven, but the way she’s transparently lusting after him and flat out telling him that she’d love to be living with him is still not cool), then it’s just his own fault for not injecting himself with HGH and working out more.

  110. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    GT: Turns out that this lawsuit was so ill-conceived, Saddam Hussein’s good twin was right to blow it off.

    Blondie: You know, if another woman said, “I walked in on my husband while he played with his spear in the tub,” I’d figure she meant something else.

    MT: Smith, you have no idea that Mark’s hands are busy checking the other guy’s pulse. You are such a tempting target.

    Ziggy: If he’s abandoning priceline.com he must be blind to the charms of Kaley Cuoco as well. Somehow I think she can live with it.

    FW: Lisa was concerned with having interesting things to write about? Why? As her widower shows, self-important glurge will get you to the top of the best seller list.

    C-Shaft: There, Crankshaft is giving Lena ample cause to fire him, if only she has the (whatever ladies have instead of balls) to do it.

    Archie: It’s a little disconcerting to see that the Archie artists of the early 90s could draw so accurate an ensemble of Madchester rave wear. Would the fish be more amused if Archie and Jughead popped ecstasy and made out?

    RMMD: Sarah’s book proposal is so loony that even her nanny is breaking in to say, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

    BB: I see the museum puts their exhibits at a convenient level where any toddler can put his gooey hands all over them.

    FC: If we want a cute visual representation of senile dementia, we’ll ask for it.

    S-M: “C’mon, blondie, get with the program. Where’s your fat joke?”

    H-Cliff: “Oh, also we have bears roaming loose in the neighborhood. Should we be concerned about that?”

    A3G: Lu Ann doesn’t need a stylist to stand out. She’d need to be dyed blue in order not to.

  111. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#1): Gil Thorp + failure ? massive shock

  112. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#111): Huh, I copied and pasted a “does not equal” sign, but it didn’t come through.

  113. seismic-2
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#100): Most English beers (but not all) are “session beers” and are thus fairly low in alcohol, yes. (Even the famous British “stouts” tend to be of moderate ABV (alcohol by volume) percentage.) Moving further north, however, you will find that Scottish ale comes in a stronger type (simply known as “strong ale” there, but marketed as “wee heavy” in the USA) that can pack more of a punch. (Hey, the Scots have to make some use of the barley that doesn’t go into malt whisky, right? And since hop flowers grow rather poorly that far north, Scottish ales tend to be heavy on the malt instead, and hence on the alcohol.) I just had a Skull Splitter, imported from the island of Orkney, last night. Expensive, but hey, what’s money for, right?

  114. bats :[
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#73Y): a meld of Cayla and Rex Morgan would certainly convey something of the utmost horror, but what on earth could it possibly frame? Nothing is that bad, is i….OMG OMG OMG

  115. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#13): Sadly, Brad de Groot is no Tybalt.

  116. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

  117. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#48): Aargh. Your comment on 9CL reminded me that it’s probably going to outlast Cul de Sac by decades.

  118. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#116): Something to try next time.

  119. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#92): Apparently Edda’s “art” has never been hot enough to make Seth temporarily drop his avowed gayness. Forgive a brief chuckle of schadenfreude.

  120. Amos Snarkadder
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Beer. When will the conversation turn back to scotch?

  121. Calico
    June 15th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#98):
    And during the foul fetid dry-heaving search for the journal, one of them (or both) lose their wedding rings.

  122. Baka Gaijin
    June 15th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#121): Foul fetid dry-heaving sounds like Plugger sex.

  123. Uncle Lumpy
    June 15th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#112):

    ≠ = “≠”

    The reference here is worth bookmarking.

  124. Calico
    June 15th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#121):
    Anf then a junkyard dog bites off Les’s thumbs and eats them, but barfs them up in 10 minutes.

  125. Francis Hobbs
    June 15th, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#97): That title sounds too much like the King strip TAKE IT FROM THE TINKERSONS. Why not call it BREAKING OUT IN BOLLES instead?

  126. Alter Ego
    June 15th, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @SurrealKangaroo (#73): And they never show Blondie in the tub. More’s the pity.

  127. the crock back from the dead
    June 15th, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Third panel: “Relax, Dad, it’s just romantic banter.”
    Fourth panel: Relax, Dad, I’m just giving him a handjob.”

  128. I speak Jive
    June 15th, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    JP – “I’m going to enjoy traveling with your parents…they’re very easy-going.”

    Is she talking about Katherine? The woman who heard that April and Sam wanted to elope and have a quiet wedding, and then took over and made arrangements for herself and most of the rest of the family to go along on the trip? Has this story been dragging on for so long that Woody Wilson doesn’t remember the main points of it?

  129. Jim Anchower
    June 15th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Hola, Amigos! Been a while since I rapped atcha’ but Life has dealt the Jimbo a funny hand. I was headed over to this chick’s apartment – she’s about 24 and always has MGD in the refrigerator, so tonight’s the night, right? I got all showered and even managed to get the KFC stench off my skin and was sportin’ mad Brut. What I saw as I wheeled the Pinto Wagon into the apartments made my blood run cold. I think it was a chick … something… having really frizzy, even electric hair. glasses like square pie plates, but the kicker was that both eyes were on the same side of her head. I puked in my mouth a little, tasting the rancid fury of reburpitating MGD. This big, really angry galoot was fi’n to punch her lights out, when up rolls The Captain and Tenille who hauls the…girl-thing off to the apartment building for who knows what filthy enterprise. The galoot just climbed in his Chevy Van and laid a bad patch of smokin’ rubber getting out of there. Just goes to show – if you want to lay the mad patch, you need a 327 Chevy Van.

  130. Morgan Wick
    June 15th, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    “YEAH, EXCEPT I NEVER AGREED TO THIS SUICIDE PACT!”

  131. Violet
    June 15th, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    A-3G: Uncharacteristic as it may be, it actually seems like Margo means “Style you, LuAnn?” as a compliment, but I prefer to think she’s getting at more of a “rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic” kind of thing.

  132. Liam
    June 15th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Luann-Isn’t that sweet Luann is seriously thinking of committing suicide and taking some people with her.

  133. Morgan Wick
    June 15th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    In other news, Josh would like to remind us all, and himself, that Luann is still a thing that exists.

  134. Mr K Martin
    June 15th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    BLONDIE: And yet somehow he’s still saner than Jon Arbuckle.

    TINA’S GROOVE: So Rob’s a transvestite?

  135. Dale
    June 15th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Even MARK TRAIL knows the name of the magazine he writes for.

    Mr. “Smith”?

  136. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2013 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Morgan Wick (#133): I’m still keeping my New Year’s resolution not to look at Luann, although seeing it here doesn’t count. I’m surprised that the paternal unit has enough sense to accompany its descendant, but even more surprised that it would let the ditz drive. And I won’t be at all surprised if the deGoof parental units never conferred with the Quill-spawners about the potential reproductive behavior of their offspring.

  137. Liam
    June 15th, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    MW-I don’t want to see these two. I want to see Elinor freaking out the hospital staff with her sudden mood change and declaration that she’ll always keep Christmas in her.

    MW 2-”You’re listening to my words, Tom, but your not paying attention to my hand gestures. I’m pointing at all the exits. I want you to exit now.”

    Snuffy Smith-”Stop following me around, Pig. I said I would call you and I will.”

    Crankshaft-Isn’t that sweet. Cranky is proud of his failed attempts to run kids down.

    Dennis the Menace-C’mon, Dad, it’s not like Dennis was painting the walls with the neighbors’ blood.

  138. Zerowolf
    June 15th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    FW: And that folks is why Blessed Dead Saint Lisa is not only the patron saint of recurring cancer, she’s also the patron saint of retcon date rape.

  139. Zerowolf
    June 15th, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Widdle Sawah gets a book deal. Guess they give anyone a book deal these days, right Les?

  140. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#103): I actually think the best beer I ever had was from Czechoslovakia. Sadly, it is not imported to the US – a friend brought it with him.

  141. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#108): Why did I think you lived in London?

  142. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#113): I have not had an actual Scottish beer, but I have had American-made “Scottish style” beer or sometimes “Scotch Ale” (making a play on the thriftiness of a strong beer) that’s really quite good. Wouldn’t want to drink it all the time, but once in a while, it’s very nice. I will keep my eyes peeled for Scottish imports, however.

    (And to think, I’ve actually cut way down on my beer intake. Gotta watch my girlish figure, you know.)

  143. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#88):

    Maybe all of the nighttime strips should be best appreciated with Coltrane playing in the background.

    I agree, resoundingly.

  144. Liam
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Luann-Luann is willing to kill herself and a car full of passengers just to see how Tiffany would top it.

  145. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#142): is Scotch Ale anything like a Scotch Egg?

    beer wrapped in sausage and deep-fried sounds like a winner to me!

  146. Alison
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: Have Beth and Tom had even one single conversation that wasn’t about Elinor? I honestly don’t think they have. That’s so unhealthy and weird. It also begs the question, what will they talk about if Elinor gives their relationship her blessing?
    “Why, Beth dear, um… Your hair is very blue.”
    “Right, Tom dear. And, um, I guess you’re divorced.”
    “Yes, I am. Uh, I see it’s raining, Beth dear.”
    “Yes, Tom dear, it is indeed raining.”
    *Awkward silence*

    “Luann”: Ugh. Flirting right in front of Luann’s dad? If Luann and Quill were allowed to age in this strip they would totally grow into that nauseating couple who giggle and play footsie at the dinner table despite friends and family being around and getting grossed out.

  147. Dr. Pill
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    So in Big Nate a main character moves away, and a new character is introduced. Within a few weeks, main character returns, and new character goes away. So we’re right back to where were before and changes in the cast were just a passing tease. Mr. Pierce needs to take lessons from George R.R. Martin on how to handle main characters.

    Meanwhile, why does Dick Tracy have Oliver Warbucks personal phone number and Diet Smith doesn’t? Two rich and powerful industrialists, two peas in a pod, right?

  148. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Pill (#147): Diet is too liberal. Warbucks and Tracy, on the other hand. . . .

  149. Shrug, Going Out on a Limb
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#y81):

    “I’ve never heard it in the plural. Just “a fin”. Probably because when the phrase was in vogue, nothing cost more than one fin.”

    Except for tropical fish. They cost an arm and a leg!

  150. Shrug, Thinking Nice Work if You Can Get It
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#y83):

    “Also why can’t movie stars dress themselves?”

    That’s what I always wondered when I read in the history books about the Relief of Ladysmith.

  151. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @ 105. Ian Beste

    No, I’m Indian, but thanks for not assuming I’m an Arab :)

    You’re right, the Pakistani army used T 59s. But I intended the tank to be an early model T 72. You’ll note the delta-shaped splash board on the glacis plate and the shape of the main gun, without the T 54/55′s terminal muzzle brake.

    I’m, personally, surprised that everyone hasn’t noticed what you call the Law of Increasing Reciprocal Firepower. It’s as obvious as the sun in the sky.

  152. John C Fremont
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#78): I can’t believe I missed that yesterday. I also can’t believe Jan-Michael went through a Fred Willard look-alike phase.

  153. Shrug, Divvying Things Up
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#y121):

    “I know everything. Why?” That’s kind of like saying, “I’m invulnerable. Ouch.”

    That was a laughoutloud comment.

    Margo’s brag reminds me of the joke about the fellow who told his blowhard companion, “You know — between you and me, we must know everything there is to know in the universe. You see, you seem to know everything except that the fact that you’re an irritating asshole — and *I* know that!”

  154. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#151): I’m, personally, surprised that everyone hasn’t noticed what you call the Law of Increasing Reciprocal Firepower. It’s as obvious as the sun in the sky.

    Ambrose Bierce wrote about it in The Devil’s Dictionary. It was profitable even a century ago.

  155. bbofun
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    FUNKY(sigh)- I’m taking Cayla’s expression to be “Oh, cripes, she kept a journal! More wanking material for Les!”

    I do want to point out that if there is a written account of that night, and it says Frankie raped her, or (more likely) describes the situation to make it obvious that he did, but that she couldn’t bring herself to call it that, it doesn’t matter if there’s no legal action to take against him. They just have to point out to Frankie that if he continues with his show, they’ll release the journal to the tabloids, who would run with it, or just to the cable networks, who probably wouldn’t want the controversy. Remember, folks, this is America- it don’t have to be proven to ruin your life!

    DICK TRACY- So, for Father’s Day we’re going to get “Daddy” Warbucks? Cool. It would be even cooler if they decided to show Annie, but let her grow up- as in the MAD parody “Little Orphan Melvin” https://safelinking.net/d/7e288bca04 “Yi Yi Yi!” indeed.

    RMMD- Museum lady is handling this all wrong- you say, “well, that’s interesting, little girl. Let me get your name and phone number, and I’ll talk to mu bosses,” then, a month or two from now, you call back with the “we’re doing this series of books and I’ve persuaded them to let you be part of it.” See, that way, you can claim it’s all your idea, and had nothing to do with the darling child. (Yes, I have a devious mind. No, it hasn’t gotten me anywhere in life. there’s a lesson in there somewhere.)

    JP- Normally, I’d be disappointed that “They’re very easy-going” wasn’t followed up by the Judge (Sr.) bellowing “WE CAN’T STAY IN THIS ROOM! THE DESK IS TOO SMALL AND DOESN’T HAVE THE RIGHT KIND OF ELECTRICAL OUTLET!” and Mrs. judge responding “BUT THE VIEW IS PERFECT!” “WELL, I’M NOT STAYING HERE!” etc. On the other hand, the fact that cancer dad has personal security (is he the cartel leader? God, I hope so- except that just means he’ll be talked into turning his compound into a fishing chalet.) and Judge, Jr.’s reaction makes it all worthwhile.

    PHANTOM- I’m not saying they didn’t, but did they have Ray-Bans in WWI?

  156. cocky
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood is often seen in the shower while getting ready for work. So does he have a separate shower stall in another bathroom?

    So Lisa never discussed her conception of Darrin? It seems like something you’d discuss with your spouse.

  157. Yukon
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Blondie- “I can hold my breath for five minutes too! You know, with a snorkel.”

  158. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#155): I’ve never seen pictures of anything like Ray-Bans from the Great War. Hinged glasses didn’t appear until 1922 or 1923. There were tinted lenses back then, but they were meant to help with visual impairments. (You find pictures of front-line soldiers wearing glasses, but again, no tinted lenses of any sort.)

    The nearest I’ve seen to anything that looks like War Horse-riding Phantom would be Theda Bara. This arc may turn interesting after all, in a Spiderman-goes-to-San-Francisco way.

  159. bats :[
    June 15th, 2013 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#119): brief chuckle?!?? Earth-shattering guffaw, if you ask me!
    And considering Seth back-pedaled mightily with that oboe player — I feel another earth-shattering guffaw coming on…

    @bbofun (#155): re RMMD: your devious mind just hasn’t benefited you…yet.

  160. seismic-2
    June 15th, 2013 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#142): Agreed. The Founders Brewing Co. of Grand Rapids, MI, makes a “wee heavy” ale (Dirty Bastard) that’s incredibly tasty and that costs considerably less than a Scottish import. The main difference from a true Scottish beer is that the Founders’ brew has noticeably more hops (which is almost inevitable in an American beer, since the USA consumers generally demand it). If you’re looking for a first-rate beer with more alcohol than most (8.5% ABV), this would be a great choice – unless you live in Alabama.

  161. Damien
    June 15th, 2013 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: that speargun is the kind of toy I would have killed for/with as a child.

  162. Wolfebane42
    June 15th, 2013 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Blondie- Y’know, speaking from experience it’s actually pretty darn difficult to hold one’s breath with a snorkel on… Maybe Dagwood has one of those throat flaps like alligators! Abnormal indeed!

  163. Ian Beste
    June 15th, 2013 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#151): Yep, you’re right, I missed the bore evacuator which is one the most distinguishing differences between the T54/T55 series and the later Soviet MBTs.

    I’ll save everyone else the time: tank nerds!

  164. Uncle Lumpy
    June 15th, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#140):

    … the best beer I ever had was from Czechoslovakia.

    Budweiser? Not that Budweiser, of course — this one. ‘Cause it’s damn good beer.

  165. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    June 15th, 2013 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#152): All men go through a Fred Willard phase. It’s kinda like a male menopause,

  166. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 15th, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#155): PHANTOM — I’m not saying they didn’t, but did they have Ray-Bans in WWI?

    I don’t know about Ray-Bans, but smoked spectacles have been around since at least the late 1800s:

    http://www.riverjunction.com/Late-1800s-Eye-Spectacles–Smoked-Oval-shaped-Glass_p_244.html

  167. jp
    June 15th, 2013 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#25): I want to take this comment out for dinner and a movie.

  168. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    June 15th, 2013 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#62): Well, the important thing, as always, is that furnishing small arms enables us to feel better about ourselves.

  169. tallyHO
    June 15th, 2013 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#143):

    That made my day.
    If I had one quibble, it is that getting larger versions could have allowed for a two-shot sequence.

    Shot one: focuses on the absurd visual; cropped in close
    Shot two: shows the reveal of the commenter and the gagline.

    But, it takes higher res versions and more time to put together.

    It’s great. There were some that are new to me so that doubled the treat.

    I’m saving that link and hope to show it to folks.

  170. tallyHO
    June 15th, 2013 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#143):

    I know.
    I know.
    Believe me, I know.
    It is Saturday.
    For some of you it is the evening.

    But, Check out what Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny done did. Just click his link.

    Heathcliff mellows at night and the Coltrane does pretty much compliment that side of him.
    It is like by Day Heathcliff is the Angel of Vengence, the Prankster Pope or a snitch that canines hate.
    But, by night, he’s completely different. (well, except for the one with the canon; that seems a little malevolent, especially since it involves a mouse)

  171. Poteet
    June 15th, 2013 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#109): I’m referring to Seth, her roomie, and he looks like Sven pretty much all over. Or did I misunderstand you?

  172. Northern lurker
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    MT: for many years I worked for a local newspaper and never even once did I introduce myself as Lurker from the local newspaper. Oddly enough people always new the name of the paper.

  173. tallyHO
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm. This looks like a job for Slylock MFin’ Fox!
    A man’s been shot on Mark Trail ’s watch!

    But, just so that I’m up to speed on what happened:

    So, Mark is standing about 50 yards from a cabin, he yells to see if anyone is home, he finds an unknown car (and then) Some dude pops out a door which is about ten feet away from Mark, the man asks for help because someone’s been shot, Mark doesn’t recognize the victim or the man who called him in.

    Think, tallyHO, Think!

    Well, the unknown car probably belongs to the reporter. The man who was shot probably isn’t Part-Time Poaching Eddie or Mark would know who he was. The man called the reporter after he was shot. Eddie is missing. That floor is so spotless, I’d say it is 100% poach-free flooring…if there weren’t a wounded man laying on it. Then I’d say that.

    Mark’s next move should be:
    “It’s obviously someone was trying to poach this man! The question is who would be so brazen to poach his fellow man? Think, Mark Trail, Think!”

  174. tallyHO
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#173):
    To help himself think, Mark begins to pound out a rhythm on the floor.
    Somewhere over the hills, a bear’s ears perk up, a rabbit arches forward to get a good listen and Ranger Tom Martin ™ is shtuping Cherry as is usual per their Saturday Night Rendezvous.

    It appears the only one within earshot who might reply to Mark’s Plea for Justice, as played on a hardwood floor, would be Sheman Shaman, the King/Queen of the Wild Frontier!

    Shemaaaaan
    Sheman Shaman!
    King/Queen of the Wild Frontier!

  175. Amos Snarkadder
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    Lukey’s Lovesick Hog would make a great name for a New Grass band.

  176. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#163): I know what you mean – the glassy-eyed stares you get when you start discussing the difference between, say, a Merkava and a Leopard 2.

    I don’t know if you know this, but Indian Army T 55s were refitted with 115 mm main guns with bore evacuators, so their guns looked like the later MBTs’.

  177. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#144): And the commentators on GoComics would sigh at the depth of Tiffany’s depravity.

  178. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#175): Is Lukey’s Lovesick Hog a sow or a boar? I dare cartoonist John Rose to go there!

  179. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Talking about beer, while I no longer drink (my girlfriend doesn’t like it), the worst beer I ever had was called Flying Fox, and tasted as though it was laced with vinegar. It might actually have been, come to think of it.

    Then there was Stenka Razin, which I drank in a cafe opposite Vitebskii Vokzal in St Petersburg. It was, um, revolutionary. At least it made me rise in revolt.

  180. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#123): So bookmarked. Thanks, Uncle.
    @bats :[ (#159): Chuckle, guffaw, a roaring rumble that follows you into sleep. It’s all good.

  181. Ian Beste
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#179): To the barricades, comrades, for better beer! (Hums “The Intenationale” while pouring a Zywiec.)

  182. Ian Beste
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#181): “No, really, I meant the ‘The Internationale’! I’m not a wrecker!” (SFX: Trotskyite being bundled into a car, doors slam, tires screeching.)

  183. gleeb
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    3-G: After all, she was just “made over” by Mama Kat.

    Old Man Bizarro: GIZMOES!

    ‘shaft: An incompetent old jackass misses the whole point of his job, and it’s funny!

    Dennis: Remember, old man, this could be blood.

    ‘bean: Tough shit, Cayha. You married the horrible old bastard. Oh, and there’s a throwaway comment that will lead to Lisa tape #CRM 114: “How to Stop Frank Pierce If He Turns Out to Be a Predatory Reality Teevee Guy”.

    Judge Privileged: Security People? Tough shit, Judge Randy, you’re out of you jurisdiction, and your depth.

    Mutts: You’re a cat. You’ll be dead.

    Spidey: She had to deal with a couple of cowboy jackasses, but the prosecution should hold up anyway. Well done, Dr Lauren!

    Petey, center of the storm!: Petey’s face is perfect.

    Dick: Meh, Get Everett True on the phone and I’ll show some respect.

    Chix: I like goat cheese, but I like this gag more.

    Norm: It’s called gin.

  184. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2013 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#176): (nods) Talk about the seven versions of Gotha bombers does that to some people, for reasons beyond comprehension.

  185. Huckleberry Fink
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#178): I double dog dare John Rose to go there!

  186. Peanut Gallery
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#176): You can probably bring queek into this discussion if you connect it with Girls und Panzer.

  187. Bjorn Rustberggard
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#7): Doc Davis, Gene Jackson and Jason Smith walk into a bar…

  188. Peanut Gallery
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#182): (Hums “The Unintentionale”…)

  189. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#178): either way there is a lot of potential for sagging

  190. Bjorn Rustberggard
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Bjorn Rustberggard (#187):

    Bartender: “What are you, a bunch of doppelgängers?”

  191. Huckleberry Fink
    June 15th, 2013 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @Bjorn Rustberggard (#187):

    Bartender: “Sorry, gents, the Patrick Stewart look alike contest was last night!”

  192. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

  193. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#160): I think I tried Dirty Bastard at a local brewfest. We may have been joking about it being made by – and for – Ol’ Dirty Bastard hisself. I don’t know, since I no longer remember much about that evening. Why do suppose that is?

  194. Sgt. Stoned
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    Complete ignorance of science on the part of the Walker-Browne Comics Consortium:

    BB: Not only are these the smallest dinosaurs I’ve ever seen, but they are also equipped with skin and eyes all of which would, in the real physical world, have decayed away millions of years ago.

    HTH: In the real physical world, a waterfall cannot and will not be contained by a small ditch at its base.

  195. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#164): Nah – I’ve had that Budweiser, and while it’s good, Stella Artois is better, and more easily available. It might have been from these fine folks. Whatever it was, knocked me on my ass, and it wasn’t exported to the US. Pooh.

  196. Dale
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Northern lurker (#172):

    MARK TRAIL

    I’m confused about you handled this type of situation.
    Smith didn’t recognize Trail. Trail didn’t recognize Smith, so he asked.
    Why didn’t Smith respond with the actual NAME of the paper, local or not?

  197. bbofun
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    I will not enter into the beer conversation, except to note that the Hansons (remember them?) have entered the world of craft beers. Their beer is called Mmmm-Hops.

    No, really.

  198. FOOBed again
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#41): Cool! But I do hope there’s another installment of Giant Days some day. Susan seemed like a really interesting character– I wanted to know more of her backstory.

  199. Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#169) & @tallyHO (#170):

    If I had one quibble, it is that getting larger versions could have allowed for a two-shot sequence.

    Something like this? (I have literally never made a PowerPoint before today, so I don’t know much about schmancying it up.)

    (well, except for the one with the canon; that seems a little malevolent, especially since it involves a mouse)

    Ah, but the mouse is in on it. (Note the helmet.)

    That made my day.

    Glad you liked it!

    On a side note, Mrs. Komerad watched me make it and was mightily perplexed by Heathcliff. She couldn’t even find the words articulate her perplexity or its sources. Eventually she just started laughing, perhaps to keep from going mad.

  200. commodorejohn
    June 15th, 2013 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    @FOOBed again (#198): This Giant Days…there do not seem to be any giants in evidence. At all.

    False freakin’ advertising.

  201. tallyHO
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny (#199):
    Yeah. That’s nice.

    You didn’t really need to change it though. That was extra time + effort.

    The way this second version works out is better as it allows for the gagline to be revealed. In a weird way that is kind of unique for a one-panel gag cartoon. For instance, I could see someone having displayed the cartoon and allowing the gagline to fade in. Maybe that’s been done before. Either that way or your way works fine.

    As for the Mrs. Komissar’s reaction. Isn’t it swell?
    The strip has this absurdity to it that somehow seems like it isn’t being forced. Something like the Far Side or one of the successive versions the FS, kind of came across as filling deadlines. With “Heathcliff”, he’s just doing his thing. It might freak out one person but the other person has that cat’s back; they defend his absurd actions.

    I’ve been trying to turn people on to the strip ever since the “Hold on there, Professor” cartoon, where he was smoking a pipe and it looked like the flock of canaries were flying from it. Even if the cartoonist is going bonkers, it is a good type of bonkers because we get to see the fruits of it. They are hilarious fruits.

  202. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @FOOBed again (#198): Worr, I’m glad you reminded me! I forgot to read the last installment, had to make sure I went and did that before it disappeared into the mists of an ancient midnight graveyard!

    @commodorejohn (#200): This is simply the latest installment of a previous series. Presumably the name made more sense when it first came out.

  203. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    The Hopeless Spiderman: Whoever you are–jump! Keep us out of your misery!

    Frankiestein: That Father’s Day tribute makes today’s Family Circus almost enjoyable.

    Mark Trail: Nothing to snark at, not when it’s this good. Well, there’s always Monday.

    Wrecked Morgan: Avery’s back, and he’s gonna have a stroke when he finds out the Turks paid their bill with garage door openers.

    Bullshoe: Texting is a great way to communicate when you don’t want to talk to someone? Brookins is generating this at random, isn’t he?

  204. tallyHO
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#193):
    I can not really see Old Dirty Bastard having ever been a brewmaster.
    I could see a s beer being named after him, maybe even post-humously.

  205. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#201): there is something different about heathcliff, sort of a deadpan weirdness that doesn’t seem forced… it just *is*. so when one day heathcliff is pitching with his south paw and another he is wearing the mitt on the left paw, i don’t see it as a continuity error like i would in ‘mark trail’ or ’9cl’. it’s just that in heathcliff’s world, *anything* is possible

  206. tallyHO
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#205):

    It might be obvious but I’m hardly critical of it. I doubt I’ve even noticed anything that would be called a continuity error. And, the logical consistencies of just him being a Pest Control Expert (he’s a small biz owner!) who has in his arsenal not only a circus canon but also a horse and cowboy duds for when he goes out on a job in the Old West. One day he’s catching mice, the next day he’s tickling them. With one hand he is spanking mice and with the other hand he’s giving them cheese.

    Like you mention, it just is.

  207. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 15th, 2013 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    mark trail : always depressing to see what we’re doing to some of these animals, especially when it boils down to profiting from superstition

    funky w: o for god’s sake. the only thought these two clowns provoke is “who the hell thought *any* of this was worth doing?” it makes whoever greenlighted the movie of ‘lisa’s story’ look like a ’30s hollywood mogul

    judge pissypants: ‘hardware salesman’ = ‘gun runner’

    rex$ morgan: (rolls eyes)

    sally forth: this is the ted i was accustomed to

    retail: ah, the simple pleasures of doing nothing. also, fiona’s hair calls to mind a lost ‘jetsons’ character.

  208. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth:
    Elinor is only happy for Tom and Beth because now she can use her monobrow to browbeat two, two, two schlubs with one (monobrow)*

    Spider-Man:
    How long did all of that take? Is Mary Jane still sitting on the couch or did she just file for divorce and hook up with Mr. Fantastic (who I hear is on the re-bound). BOING!

    Hi & Lois:
    The things some people do to stay sober.

    *Let it be Lowenbraaaaaaaaaaaaaaau!**

    **which surprisingly didn’t start out a Beatles song, thank God!

  209. Droopy Says
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    9CL Good news: it’s a Solange Sunday.

    Lio: Nice Harryhausen tribute.

  210. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#201): Yeah, Heathcliff definitely has a unique vibe to it. It does naturally the kind of things Dan Piraro works for, and I have to admire that.

    (Though of course Piraro’s got the upper hand in the art department.)

  211. Poteet
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    MT — Nice elephant images!

  212. Poteet
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    MW — “And look, dear children! Now that I’ve stopped hating and resenting your twoo wuv, half my wrinkles are gone! It’s like I’m in an Oil of Olay commercial! And somehow I know that soon, very soon, I must go on bended knee to the shrine, er, apartment of Mary Worth, and thank her!”

  213. Poteet
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#209): Even better news: it’s a Solange-Only Sunday.

  214. commodorejohn
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#212): It’s them Grape Nuts, that’s what it is. Soon: awkward incident at the pool!

  215. Poteet
    June 16th, 2013 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    FW — Who in the name of Grabthor would ever want to watch this reality show? The only interesting part is how Frankie manages to maintain his horrid expression all the time, 24/7, without his facial muscles giving up and collapsing.

  216. Poteet
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:01 am [Reply]

  217. Poteet
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    PV — I dunno. As cold, drear homelands go, Val’s seems rather green and scenic.

  218. tallyHO
    June 16th, 2013 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    G. Gordon Liddy!

    That’s who that guy at the top of the page looks like. It’s been bugging me all day.

    @commodorejohn (#210):

    Yup. The thing that gets me about the strip’s batting average is that even the bad ones still look funny. The Lockhorns, Ziggy, Dennis the Menace, and New Yorker cartoons can all be funny with the words and the pictures contrast or compliment each other. But, Heathcliff works well enough that it seems to be passable even on bad days.

    For a while the Far Side was like that in that you cut him slack for the strip not being another example of genius. Doing 7 days a week is tough and being c leer everyday? Yikes!

    Part of me knows there is a formula (simple or simple enough) that is at play here. But, there’s also a formula for most gag strips.

    Oh well, I dig the comic.

    On another note:

    Saturday would have been Saul Steinburg’s b-day.

  219. walt d.
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    FW: Lenny, you disappoint me. Did you just meet this guy?

    FW: It’s better than seeing Les fussed over. An inventive soul might have taken the opportunity to show Bull with his adopted child. A less inventive one might have shown Darrin with his real parents. Of course neither of those would advance the bad Frankie, saintly Lisa story line.

  220. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#215): When you develop and maintain a weird expression from childhood, it makes it easier to do it when an adult, as the muscles have had a chance to build up. This also explains the classic FW smirk.

  221. Chip Whittle
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    Good grief, I just figured it out. Batiuk is going to reveal that Dead Lisa never actually had sex with Frankie, she just fooled him into letting him think he was, the way Bull fooled everyone into thinking he was bullying Les, and it turns out Darin’s real father was Les Moore. Frankie never suspected because he’s a dumb jock and didn’t know he had to take his clothes off before sex could work. Les Moore never suspected because he was a nerd and didn’t know you could have sex with things that weren’t cardboard cutouts at the time. This is Tragic and Serious stuff because this way Les finds out he was a parent for decades before he even knew it, and more tragically and seriously, his son was Darin. And even Darin gets to find it Tragic and Serious because now he has to face having Les as Bio-Dad. Frankie gets humiliated, Les gets humiliated, Darin gets humiliated, even Lisa gets humiliated, because this proves she had sex with Les twice. All I need is to find some way to work in Crazy Mail Guy having sex with his Jungle Jim toppers to have a perfect Batiuk Bingo.

  222. Baka Gaijin
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:15 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#141): I lived in England and visit a few times a year.

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#142): I don’t remember seeing a Scottish beer. Scottish whiskey, yes, but no local beers. Next time I’m visiting Nessie, I’ll stop by Tesco to look.

  223. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#179): The worst beer I ever had was called “Hoppin’ Gator”. It was cheap lager beer, mixed with Gatorade. The inventor of Gatorade thought that the chemicals in Gatorade would help in the absorbtion of the alcohol in the beer. He may have been right. He was a doctor, after all.

    All I know, is that at 99 cents a six pack, it was grossly overpriced. I never needed a buzz that bad.

  224. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:31 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#221): You are a freaking crazed genius.

  225. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#215): By Grabthar’s Hammer! By the Sons of Warvan!

    // I think the accepted spelling is “Grabthar” rather than “Grabthor”. But I have seen both “Sons” and “Suns”.

  226. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:52 am [Reply]

    Agnes:
    – My spirituality has hit a wall.
    – Mine too.
    – Ha! You have the spirituality of drunk dog!
    – I have spirituality. Butt loads of it! Big honking piles of it!
    – Sorry. I was distracted by your honking piles of carnalness.
    – When people say I’m not spiritual, I just want to punch their lights out!

    Ha! Like she said, Right Ven.! I have butt loads of spirituality!

    // Ok. Belgian it is. Now, what are your thoughts on bratwurst?

  227. Droopy Says
    June 16th, 2013 at 4:59 am [Reply]

    @walt d. (#219): What’s this about advancing he Frankiestein story? It just sits there, endlessly making him look bad. We don’t even know how he’s going to destroy DFL’s reputation, other than she accepted a fate worse than death.

    If Batiuk had been inventive, he would have shown Creepy Les with Summer and Keisha. That would have made for a suitably unpleasant Fathered-by Day, but the world has to stop while we’re reminded that Frankie is very wicked. I’m looking forward to the day when flowers wilt as he walks through a garden.

  228. Droopy Says
    June 16th, 2013 at 5:06 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#221): Wow. That’s grim enough to be the Call of Fame. It would even explain Frankie’s plan. He’s going to claim he raped Lisa; he’s really impotent, but this way people will think he’s virile. (Hawaii Five-O had a plot like that, about forty years ago. Yeah, Batiuk just might steal feel inspired by that.)

  229. Miriam
    June 16th, 2013 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#109): Actually, Sven has the exact same face as Seth and their hair is similar if not identical. Brooke genuinely doesn’t believe there are men who don’t have perfectly coiffed hair at all times—Mark was an exception who Brooke clearly got tired of drawing.

  230. Liam
    June 16th, 2013 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    RMMD-”Wow…That was too easy! I didn’t have to spend time as a stripper or spend time living in a van and writing about those experiences before they published the book I wanted to write.”

  231. Little A.
    June 16th, 2013 at 6:52 am [Reply]

  232. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    @walt d. (#54): Re: FW, I think I mentioned this before, but when I was a high school senior in 1974, my AP English teacher gave me mash notes, folloed me around the school staring at me, and made disgusting suggestions. My mother (who worked at the school) went to the principal, who said, basically, ‘So what?’ and my mother told me to just keep my mouth shut about it. The teacher gave me an ‘F’ in his class and I graduated in the summer make-up session instead of with my class. Years later he ran into my mother in the supermarket and asked her to apologize to me on his behalf. I nearly threw up. My point is just, in the 1970s, yeah. Nobody cared too much if it stopped short of Ted Bundy.

  233. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#232): My mother – and not to criticize her; she was a wonderful mom – told me that I should try to understand how the teacher was feeling because ‘his wife has been sick for a long time.’ It was a different era, that’s all.

  234. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#114): Thank you, bats:[! But Cayla’s expression isn’t nearly horrified enough for *that* scenario. Ewww!

  235. Lumaca Morente
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#225): I think “Grabthor” refers to Amazing Spiderman homoerotica.

  236. CanuckDownSouth
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    RMMD: about the only thing that could redeem this now is a self-publishing scam on the Morgans. Even little Sarah recognizes that this is too easy even by entitled-comic-strip rules!

  237. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#186): eeyup!

    I’m not a hardcore tankgeek, but I do so enjoy a good military hardware discussion, especially warbirds. Or Strike Witches. either way, me gusta.

  238. Baka Gaijin
    June 16th, 2013 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Sunday post full of feline nakedness is up.

  239. Abel Undercity
    June 16th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#45): I was going to say. Dagwood canuse that plastic marlin as a dangle for the Prince Albert he’s about to give himself.

  240. AJM
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    “I snagged a plastic marlin!”

    Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  241. greghousesgf
    June 16th, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#110): I don’t know about the fish, but I’d be amused.

  242. k-otic
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    I was always under the impression that the only reason Blondie stayed with Dagwood was his ability to hold his breath for five minutes.

  243. Chip
    June 17th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Besides, if little Elmo came over to bother Dagwood while he was in the shower, that would actually be sort of… pervy. Or at least messy.

  244. Sterling
    June 19th, 2013 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Luann’s “I’m engaging in romantic banter” face is exactly as her “Dad you’re so annoying” face. No wonder her father is terrified. “Dad, I’m going to murder you and Mom in your sleep HA HA HA HA. No, silly this is my ‘I’m engaging in dark humor’ face, can’t you tell HA HA HA HA.”

  245. The Diceman
    June 19th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Kosher Corn (#49): I’m not a lawyer (though I do work in a law office), but plaintiff’s depositions usually don’t have the actual defendant present, do they? Defense attorney, yes, but defendant? I’ve yet to see that happen here.

  246. Dale
    June 19th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @The Diceman (#245):

    GT

    I described the story to my friend who is a real attorney. Both the plaintiff and the defendant could/would be present.
    The problem – no sane attorney for the plaintiff would depose his own client.
    It leaves a sworn record to be challenged later.

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