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Mostly one-panel horror

Dennis the Menace, 8/24/13

Dennis dreams of fleas, monstrously huge fleas, fleas the size of dogs, fleas with a terrible thirst for blood that’s proportionate to their size, fleas that sink their awful probisci into hapless, screaming victims and drain them in an instant, then leap dozens of feet after the panicked citizens, covering the distance faster than any poor human can run. Dennis dreams of putting collars and leashes these beasts and bending them to his will, of gathering a bloodsucking army of nightmare-insects. Dennis is clearly increasing his menace levels in a hurry.

Family Circus, 8/24/13

“When will the lustful sin-urges finally leave their bodies and their minds? When will they finally be able to live together in chastity, like you two do?”

Blondie, 8/24/12

The joke is that Dagwood’s dead, right? He used to be alive, but now he’s dead?

213 responses to “Mostly one-panel horror”

  1. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    Ripley’s: Craft beer made from roasted bull testicles? Bollocks!

    (Can I have that with a steamed-in-beer hot dog from LUM’S?)

  2. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . the minute he walked in the joint. (perhaps not the best thing to be watching at work, but hey, it’s Saturday, amirite?)

  3. J. Robert Oppenheimer
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    RIP Dagwood. Say hello to Happy Hooligan for us!

  4. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: Strangely enough, Lou Costello and Don Ameche have never consummated their marriage. (Thel was adopted!)

  5. Lily Sincere
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    I think Dolly’s also responding to having seen re-runs of things like “The Dick van Dyke Show.” She knows the economic life of the US isn’t up to what it was in the 50s and 60s and thinks that if only married people slept in separate beds again, we’d once more enjoy that heyday.

    Where would comic strips featuring children be without post hoc ergo proctor hoc?

  6. Droopy Says
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    9CL: Brooke?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhyCL-ELRxg

    Stuff it, Brooke.

  7. Lumaca Morente
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Bucky Katt recites the Comics Curmudgeon creed: “I tried being open-minded, but it interfered with my sense of humor.”

  8. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:04 am [Reply]

  9. John C Fremont
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Is our Ms. Lanning supposed to be smitten with Rex or trying her best to cover her fear and loathing?

    @Dale (#y64): I was so curious about that thing Mary has strapped to her hip that I googled “insulated fanny pack” and found several dealybobs that looked very similar to Mary’s uncomfortable looking baggie thing. But then I realized that I’d clicked onto too many sites that are almost guaranteed to cause unending banner ads and pop-ups for fanny packs… so I quickly re-clicked that Kmart bikini ad from earlier a few times just to play it safe. Now the banner ads are back to normal. Balance has been restored and bullet has been dodged.

  10. Baka Gaijin
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    I think Daggy’s in a food coma. He’s gone “one [egg] yolk over the line.”

    //Apologies to Brewer and Shipley
    //Another “tell” that Dagwood’s not dead. His eyes are not in the shape of X’s nor are there flies nibbling at his soft fleshy parts.

  11. tb4000
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    9cl: only this strip could ruin comic fanserice for me.

  12. KreatureFeatures
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: “Without being spotted”? You’ve driven a truck afire across the tarmac, swung from tall buildings, crashed several helicopters, stolen an army vehicle, been shot at by a large military force, probably killed a few soldiers, imperiled every passenger on a transnational flight (including the lovable Wilmer). And now you’re going to inconspicuously stroll down the street.

  13. Illustrator Steve
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    MT – It’s incredible how much TRMT’s remarkable artistic talent has improved this strip, especially his efforts of making the main caracters appear more of a human form with free flowing form and not as rigid as they once were. And though the jury is still out on whether or not Rusty Trail is supposed to be a human, with the improved art you can almost feel Rusty’s pain and hear his jawbone snap each and everytime his free flowing form falls flat on his face. Yes, I LIKE it. I like it very much!

  14. Izzy
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    “Yes Dolly, on the day Mommy’s chin grows to the same length as her nose.”

  15. KreatureFeatures
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#13): The art is much-improved, no doubt. But you can still see where Rusty’s full-grown stunt double has replaced him for the panel 3 faceplant.

  16. Illustrator Steve
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    MT – Rusty never has been very careful when running through the forest. Mark has warned him time and time again to watch out for the dreaded Fallenbranchosaurus that lurk in the grass just waiting for some idiot who’s not watching where they are going so they can easily trip their prey and bring it down to their level and rub it’s face in the grass before letting them go ahead to encounter the next Fallenbranchosaurus.

  17. seismic-2
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    FC: Since Dolly has clearly awakened Grandma at sunrise to ask her profound question, the only acceptable response would be “In a just world, your parents would already have moved into separate beds and stayed there, immediately after Billy was born. Since they didn’t, Grandpa and I will now have to take matters into our own hands and rectify that situation, retroactively. Here, Dolly, help Grandma take her pills. You swallow the first bottle.”

  18. Doug Wykstra
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    One day, Elmo is going to look back at his life and realize that a series of turkey-sandwich-induced tryptophan hangovers are all that kept him from being beaten to death.

  19. Illustrator Steve
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    MT – Besides being eaten by a T-rex while dreaming, the next worst thing that could happen would be to fall face first into a freshly built mound of very upset and very hungry VILLIANOUS RED FIREANTOSAURS!

  20. Flonatin of Bologna
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Well, Dag is over 100, so it’s not a surprise. Elmo will debut in your local paper come Monday.

    BB: Wow, the official Walker-Browne font includes tildes?!

    A3G: Aw, Marty’s dad is her AA sponsor. How sweet.

  21. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#15): I was thinking along similar lines when I read MT.

    great minds, and all that.

  22. Mibbitmaker
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    DtM = Dennis the Moron.

    DtMeta: Josh, that would make a great horror movie — or maybe already has. Either way, it’ll keep giving RiffTrax material, so hop to it, movie producers or archivists!

    Blondie: Give the man a break, kiddo, it’s Saturday.

  23. Illustrator Steve
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#15): “Rusty’s full grown stunt double”

    Creepers! Being Rusty Trail’s stunt-double has got to be the most humiliating, most embarrasing job for anyone anywhere on the planet’s shifting tectonic plate system! … no matter what millenum it supposed to take place in!

  24. Ratiocinator
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Luann: We prefer you keep yourself covered too, Gunther.

    Slylock: Do birds fly around carrying their nests with them? I’m not an ornithologist and I never look up when I’m outside, you see, so I don’t know these things.

  25. Baka Gaijin
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#23): I thought of one: EVILSCARYCLOWN!!!! EEEEE!!!!! Rusty’s stunt-double is maybe scary but not evil. Or is he?

  26. Mibbitmaker
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @Lily Sincere (#5): Then get Dolly to some episodes of “The Brady Bunch”, pronto!

    On second thought, the ’70s were inflationary and recession-bound, so forget that idea.

  27. Ratiocinator
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#6): On that subject, why the hell would the lawyer faint or whatever? He can’t see Edda’s cooch and/or ass since he’s looking at her from the front. (And, judging from the way that dress seems to keep on covering her pelvis despite her bending forward like that, neither can Thorax.)

    @John C Fremont (#9): I tried to think of some good snark for Ms. Lanning’s expression upon seeing Rex, but I had no idea how to describe it.

  28. Mibbitmaker
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    9CL: This is a ponderous travesty of comic strip!

  29. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Blondie-Better get a shovel, Elmo.

    Spiderman-”That’s weird. I’ve never noticed this mole on the back of my hand before.”

    A3G-”This place in no way whatsoever looks like the art gallery we just left.”

    FC-Sure if they ever get tired of each other and constantly wishes the other one would die.

    JP-Have you tried holding a bake sale? Maybe a bikini clad car wash.

    Love Is-”Oh. I’m sorry. I see that someone has already given you a pearl necklace.”

    Love Is-Don’t do it, man. She’s a black widow. In a few days we’ll be reading about how she’s mourning your death.

    MT-Isn’t that the standard ‘Rusty running’ pose in the first panel?

    MT 2-”I’m glad no one was around to see my awkward fall.”

    MW-Arizona air is easier to breathe because it isn’t full of smugness that the air in Santa Royale is full of.

    MW 2-Nope. It’s Jim Morrison and his Indian companion.

    RMMD-”That’s Rex Morgan? The famous doctor to all the strippers in San Diego?”

    Sally Forth-”Have you ever seen a dead hobo?” “All the time. My dad has a freezer full of them.”

  30. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    MT: Where’s The Real Mark Trail this morning? That Rusty Face-Plant is a thing of beauty, and I’d be very happy if it showed up in future strips whenever possible.

    “Rusty! The pancakes are ready!”
    “Yay! Panca—” SPLORT

    “Sassy, come back he—”” SPLAT

    “Rusty, do you want to go fishing?”
    “Boy, do I, Mark! I’ll run and get my fishing ge—” SPLOMMP

  31. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Archie-Betty is feeling a tingle as Archie wraps his arm around her.

  32. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

  33. Droopy Says
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#27): I don’t know what made the lawyer faint, but you have to admit that it helped him escape the scene. You have to admire his ingenuity even while you resent the way he kept the explanation secret.

  34. Bunivasal
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    I’m not the only who sees it, right? Thel’s dad is actually American president Andrew Jackson?

  35. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    9CL-Not just a ponderous travesty of justice but also a ponderous travesty of logic and a comic strip. I swear the way the men in here act around women it’s like they’re characters in a Xanth novel who haven’t been inducted into the Adult Conspiracy.

  36. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    FC-”We sleep in two beds because we are in a loveless sham of a marriage.”

  37. Mibbitmaker
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “THE Rex Morgan?!” SWOON!

    FW: Even Crankshaft is going, “No! ……well…..maaaaybe….”

    Nobody’s Likable: Curtis & Chutney — Jerk & Psychotic.

    MT: Rusty trips as a child, falls as a man, and gets up as an elderly gentleman.

  38. damanoid
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Oh Dennis, your ambition woefully exceeds your grasp. Fleas can leap distances of over a hundred times their own length! Your hypothetical giant flea would rocket hundreds of feet into the air, spanning entire football fields at a bound, all the while dangling your severed arm from the leash, gruesomely yanked from its wet socket by the acceleration. Even as the vile swarm drains his lifeblood, Mr. Wilson’s last moments are spent cackling merrily at your hubris.

    Meanwhile, ‘Family Circus’ helpfully establishes that Dolly’s grandparents no longer enjoy an active sex life, in case we were wondering. Future historians will identify this as the panel that launched a thousand Thel’s Mom-on-Bil’s Mom lesbian granny fanfics.

  39. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: You can’t fool me. Today’s strip was clearly shot in Dubuque.

    Apt. 3-G: Speaking of Dubuque: that “super cool” apartment!

    The Better Half: That is one strange-looking slice of pepperoni pizza.

    Blondie: I thought for sure that the mention of “Life on Mars” in panel one would result in a Ziggy Stardust wig in panel three. I blame Anton Chekhov.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Mock all you want, but feet up is the recommended posture for viewing this strip. Also, with a lily between your clasped hands.

    Heathcliff: I dunno, my cats sing very sweetly at times. Now keytarsthere’s a mistake.

    The Lockhorns: It’s fun until somebody has their arms pulled from their sockets by a poorly-guarded silverback gorilla. Then it’s hilarious.

    Luann: I cannot wait until it’s revealed that Gunther doesn’t want to show off his body because of the years of horrific abuse at the hands of his whip-happy pappy.

    Mark Trail: It’s probably been said before, but only Rusty could dream of getting himself kidnapped by a T-Rex.

  40. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#30): Okay, I snorted at the sound effects, which made Mrs Pastor wonder what was so funny. You officially win the morning.

  41. Walker of Dog
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    AS-M: Peter: “But you’re wearing gloves..?”

    Phan: Ted comes dangerously close to using the sports conditional tense. Walker lets it slide.

    RMMD: So Rex is Ms Lanning’s supplier?

    A3G: Urge to yank out that plug of hair rising…

    MT: Faceplant! Could Rusty’s face be so severely injured that he’s no longer hideous?

    MW: Arizona air is perfect for Mary, because it comes pre-desiccated.

  42. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    A3G-”Vodka, gin, or me?”

  43. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Blondie-”But then I murdered you and set your body up here in the backyard and tell people that you’re sleeping so it doesn’t seem suspicious.”

  44. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 24th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

  45. Amos Snarkadder
    August 24th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    MT Monday: Rusty dreams he is being eaten by a carnivorous dinosaur.

    A3G Tori must be pretty hardcore if she drinks gin and vodka straight.

    CS/FW It’s going to be an awfully long time until June 2014 and these “jokes” are finally over.

  46. Flipper
    August 24th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    A3G: That Tori is a ba-a-a-d girl! You can tell because she wears her top button just a little bit loose.

    FC: It appears bedtime is when Grandma loosens her corset and lets go of the hourglass figure for a while.

    MT: In your dreams, you can fly away from an attacking T-rex if you want to. Rusty, however, is not you.

  47. Mincemeat
    August 24th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    ASM: If you idiots want to be less conspicuous, perhaps you should ditch those ridiculous get-ups and wear normal clothes. Santo y Blue Demon you ain’t.

  48. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#45):

    What happens in June 2014?

  49. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Blondie-”Now I’m going to go inside and have sex with your wife.”

  50. True Fable
    August 24th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

  51. Count Istvan Telekey
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    MT:
    Hey Rusty!
    Whut?
    The Devil!
    Huh?
    The devil is everywhere….

    Hey Rusty!
    Whut?!
    Carnivores!
    GAH!
    The Devil is everywhere.

    Hey Rusty
    Whut?!?
    Peyote!!
    Mbbllw..
    The devil is everywhere…

  52. commodorejohn
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#39): Now keytars – there’s a mistake.
    Hey, now. Anything with the legendary Moog filter in it is automatically sweet as hell. (And the Liberation’s actually got quite a few nifty features, even if nothing has ever quite lived up to the Minimoog.)

  53. GeoGreg
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    MT: The T. rex unzips its skin, revealing itself to be Rod Bassy. Rusty wakes crying.

    “Mark, I dreamed about him again!”

    “Well, Rusty, you did what you had to do to help me catch that notorious cheating fisherman. Maybe someday we’ll be able to afford therapy for you.”

  54. Amos Snarkadder
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#48): The school year ends – no more school buses, no more team sports, and no more “jokes” about either. Cranky returns to gardening and burning down the neighborhood and Bull… I dunno… eats pizza and gets fatter?

  55. UncleJeff
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    MT: I have a feeling that those expository boxes explaining Rusty’s “dream” were inserted by the editors at the syndicate.
    Jackelrod and TRMT are really trying to end the CC trope of “mutant Rusty” by having Rusty eaten by a dinosaur.
    They’ve tried and tried to fix Rusty’s “look”. Now, they’ve just given up and will write Rusty out of the strip in a spectacularly gory way.
    No “disappearances” like the Gil Thorp children.
    No shift of the story and characters like “Safe Haven.”
    Just a simple “chomp, chomp”. Rusty problem solved!

  56. GeoGreg
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#52):

    Heathcliff as an analog synth gearhead? I can imagine the lame captions now:

    “He’s no Keith Emerson.”
    “It’s been a long time since I heard ‘Popcorn’”
    *Heathcliff accompanies his cat lady-friend* “They’re no Captain and Tenille.”
    “So THAT’S why the electric bill has gone up lately.”

    All of them with that resigned look of Heathcliff humans, by now used to the fact that a monstrous cat-like being is doing things once reserved for people.

  57. Amos Snarkadder DBA Curmudgeon Farm
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    MW The desert. The place where Mary seeks a spiritual awakening. To face her past and her future. To get in touch with her true self…
    even if it is a bit foul.

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Count Istvan Telekey (#51): Michael J Fox is the Anti-Devil. He has no Devil in him.

    (with apologies to Mojo Nixen)

  59. commodorejohn
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @GeoGreg (#56): “He loves a visit from the Pitch-Drift Ocelot.”

  60. Heathcliff
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Some lyrics from the set list:

    I
    Am
    Garbage Ape!

    Give me more can lid,
    you jackanapes!

    Up, Up and Meow!
    In a beautiful, beautiful
    Balooooooooon!
    Baaaalloon!

    Hot town,
    Summer in the kitty!
    Sitting right down,
    Looking real pretty!

    She’s in heat!
    It is Summer!
    She’s my kitty!

    (long, drawn out keytar solo)*

    Hey, Mr. Meat Market Man,
    Slice some ham for me.
    Sandwich thickness, please.
    Throw on a slice of cheese.
    Make the bread rye, please.

    Later I will make a Ham Vest
    To match my
    Ham Helmet!

    It’s the end of meow meow
    As we know it!
    It is the end of meow meow
    As we know it!
    And, I feel Meooooow!

    We didn’t start the fire!
    That garbage can was burning
    As the hairball was turning!

    Fly me to Meow
    Away among the stars.
    Let’s take the Heathcliffmobile
    And go to Jupiter and Mars.

    Meowmeow, it will be flea free
    Meowmeow, it will be just you and me
    (and some tuna)

    Cat scratch fever!
    I don’t know the words to this song!
    Cat Scratch Fever!
    I’m Heathcliff, how can I go wrong?

    *aren’t they all long and drawn-out?

  61. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#54):

    I was hoping that Baituk was retiring and that was when his strips were ending.

  62. BigTed
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    “Also, do you think Mommy and Daddy will ever live on a golf course like you do?” Dolly wonders. “With an enormous picture window whose curtains are left open all night, so the early golfers can accidentally peer in and see them sleeping? Or is that the sort of thing that only grandparents enjoy, for some reason?”

  63. Poteet
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @damanoid (#38): If you check the previous thread, there is a message for you at #71. I try never to repost. Now if I could just stop posting on dead threads.

  64. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Hagar the Horrible-”Recently this old woman has been coming by. The only problem with her is that she wants to know every detail of my life and why I want to live in the desert.”

  65. yaoi huntress earth
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Dustin: Given how the dad treats cashiers, that’s a blessing in disguise.

  66. Amos Snarkadder DBA Curmudgeon Farm
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#61): Maybe we could all dream that – sort of like Rusty’s dream.

  67. Inkwell
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    “Mr. B., did you know your wife tried to bury you? And that I tore you from her shaking arms and set you back up on your hammock where you belong?”

  68. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace-In Soviet Union dogs infest fleas.

  69. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder DBA Curmudgeon Farm (#66):

    And the tripping over the branch and falling flat on our face is the realization that Baituk isn’t retiring.

  70. Amos Snarkadder
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#69): *sighs*

  71. Chip Whittle
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#39):

    Now keytars – there’s a mistake.

    Hey, that guy from the Buggles–I mean that other guy from the Buggles, the one who joined Asia (that other Asia)–begs to disagree.

  72. greghousesgf
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Apparently, they’ve gotten so lazy at Blondie that not only can the writers not be bothered to think up any good jokes, they are now doing the art on a Xerox machine.

  73. Peanut Gallery
    August 24th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Finally, a Mark Trail strip that pays off with a funny gag in the last panel!

    MW – “This Arizona air is easy to breathe” sounds like a stupid thing to say — what kind of air is hard to breathe? — but I’ve experienced Baltimore in August.

    Zippy, panel three – I love it when Zippy mocks Griffy’s seriousness.

  74. tallyHO
    August 24th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#72):

    You’ve never seen film director David Lynch’s comic strip have you?

    For today’s “Blondie”, you have too look very close at the differences beyond Elmo but all three panels are different. Notice, in panel three Dagwood’s legs are crossed.

  75. pugfuggly
    August 24th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    A3G Don’t worry about drinking alcohol Marty: I’m pretty sure that’s a bottle of malt vinegar.

    BB Hey, it’s my favourite show :Breaking Beetle! Ah-ha-ha-ha…ha…ha…ahhhhh…..I’ll show myself out.

    MT Even in his own dreams, Rusty is a clumsy loser.

    MW Sensing a less-than-fulfilled life somewhere nearby, Mary uses her remote meddling powers…

    SM Yeah, try not to attract too much attention to yourselves in those bright, colorful outfits as you go right to the secret rebel hide-out.

  76. Alter Ego
    August 24th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    DtM – Tune in tomorrow, when Dennis exercises his wit in the plus-sized bra department at Macy’s.

  77. Poteet
    August 24th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#10): Not to be too technical, but the flies, because of their mouthparts, would need to suck from his soft fleshy parts rather than nibble, and they would also lay eggs so that their maggots could also suck from his soft fleshy parts. The nibbling would be done by carrion beetles, which compete with flies and their maggots during the four stages of decomposition, which are fresh, bloated, decay, and dry. You’re welcome.

  78. Poteet
    August 24th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#74): Wow, crossed legs in the third panel. I missed that. And his right arm is mysterious in that it hasn’t fallen down. If the reason is rigor mortis, than how did his legs get crossed? Slylock Fox, where are you?

  79. Dale
    August 24th, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#9):

    My Sunday paper usually has a Kmart flier. I will be most surprised if those ads are in it.

  80. Illustrator Steve
    August 24th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    MT – In Monday’s strip Rusty Dreams he’s attacked by the dreaded and highly toxic and stinky Garbage-Apeosaurus. …Upon waking after sleeping for five days, Rusty finds the source foul smell was just his uneaten lunch covered in magots.

  81. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 24th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#77): *queues up Monty Python’s “Decomposing Composers”*

    and people wonder why I like Poteet so much.

    *does biology geek dance*

  82. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 24th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    for those that are curious, the biology geek dance looks nothing like the Anglerfish dance.

  83. Illustrator Steve
    August 24th, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    MT – A reliable source that wishes to remain anonymous tells me it was TRMT who placed that tree branch on the ground for Rusty to trip over!

  84. Calico
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    “Mr. B? Mr. B?”
    (“Oh, shit!”)

    DtM – While Dennis dreams of giant fleas, dude in back is totally cruising sales guy with the bow tie.
    “And they call it Puppy Love…”

  85. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-It’s truly amazing how much a dead person looks like they are sleeping.

  86. Calico
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Alter Ego (#76):
    48 DDDD
    Then, Dennis expounds on all of the melons at the grocery.

  87. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Louis Vuitton Outlet (#y172):

    “Is this still good news for the JT-Ozouf fiber optic investment in Jersey?”

    Oh dear, no, I thought for sure you would have heard. JT-Ozouf fiber optic investment in Jersey called me a few weeks ago to say that he’s lost his job, his wife had left him, he’d smashed up his car, his piles are getting worse (a little “fiber” black humor there), and the local RSPCA goons were after him for animal abuse after discovering just what he actually had “invested” in that comely young Jersey of his.

    I’m really surprised you haven’t heard. I thought you were claiming to be, like some old and special friend of his. I mean, I just went bowling with him a couple of times, and we don’t even exchange Christmas cards any more, and still he went out of his way to let *me* know.

    ” My house in the UK was linked up to broadband 20 years ago.” ”

    I wouldn’t brag about that if I were you. It makes your house’s ass look big.

  88. Calico
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#85):
    Except after they are embalmed. Then they usually look like a shiny mannequin, sometimes with too much cotton in the cheeks.

    See, all those pizzas and meaty sandwiches finally caught up with poor Dag’s heart.

  89. Calico
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Lily Sincere (#5):
    You wrote
    “I think Dolly’s also responding to having seen re-runs of things like “The Dick van Dyke Show.”

    Rusty too, apparently.
    Wheeeet bomp

  90. K. Ivan Ruppert
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    You know, those collars on that display are clearly not the kind of collars designed to administer medicine that kills and repels fleas, so I think that Josh’s interpretation must be the intended one.

  91. Calico
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Bunivasal (#34):
    He’s exhausted after all the duels and from trashing The White House with his buddies after his election.

  92. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    MT: Rusty Trail appears in the mother of all Rusty Trail scenes.

    MW: Mary mistakes a shaded rock formation for the sharing group leader. It’s a meddle mirage.

    FW: “Wide asleep” is close enough to “Eyes Wide Shut” that I’m guessing Bull will be dreaming about masked orgies when he gets home.

    C-Shaft: “Just to help you out I whizzed in it.”

    BH: What is… What is Stanley eating? I think it was supposed to be pizza, but the coloring gnomes have turned it into the tentacle of some fantastic blue creature.

    9CL: Fleurrie, you’re already basically convicted of killing Edda and chopping up her body. You have nothing to lose by actually doing it, and your window of opportunity won’t get any bigger.

    RMMD: Seen in the second panel, a good-looking but lifeless ass made of stone. Also a statue.

    Garfield: Yeah, sure, spending the week with her parents.

    HtH: The dog won’t be lonely for long. He’s next on the menu.

    H-Cliff: On some level I can’t explain, once you show Heathcliff on a hippo, a keytar is inevitable.

    SFx: Monday, Slylock will bring the beaver in on charges of reckless endangerment of children.

    A3G: “Neither of us would ever get carded. Like, we could run for the US Senate without ID.”

  93. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood has indeed moved on from this veil of tears. Luckily Alexander has been groomed lo this many years and is ready to take on the mantle of Dagwood Bumstead. The name change is the least of it. He’ll be fitted for the one-button shirt. He’s already been trained in the art of doing basically nothing at Dithers Inch. The chief task now is to find him a patient and tolerant blond buxom wife. It may be necessary to explain to him once again that it can’t be Cookie.

  94. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s “Blondie”…with a special guest star!

    Elmo: Is Mr B…dead?

    Torgo: NoT dEaD tHe WaY yOu KnOw iT…hE iS WiTh Us aLwAys…NoT dEaD tHe WaY yOu KnOw iT…

    Elmo: Say, didn’t you used to work for The Master and his Manos cult?

    Torgo: YeS, BuT tHe SaNdWiCh CuLt PaYs BeTtEr…aNd i OnLy LoSe mY HaNd iF i GeT CaReLeSs WiTh tHe MeAt sLiCer…

  95. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace-Dennis wanders into a sex shop. “I would like to see the dog that would wear these collars.”

  96. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @GeoGreg (#53): I hold out hope that if Rusty ever gets therapy, it will be a lot like the sessions between Rorschach and Dr. Malcolm long, only with more liberal use of the word “gosh.”

  97. Baka Gaijin
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#30): Somehow I glossed over the epic face plant. Reading it again, I have to agree. That panel has to reappear at infrequent intervals. Has. To. Hell, it can appear in other strips. Imagine an Epic Rusty Face Plant during a Mary Worth bloviate-a-thon. Imagine the opportunities.

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#39) on Luann: I thought Mr. Gunther’s Dad abandoned his family a while back. Those scars are from Momma-luuuvin. Squicky.

    @Walker of Dog (#41) on Apartment 3-G and Mary Worth: Yes, seconded on both.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#44): Is that a tapeworm?

    @Flipper (#46) on Mark Trail: Early COTW contender.

  98. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#29):

    Spiderman-”That’s weird. I’ve never noticed this mole on the back of my hand before.”

    Hat tip on the wily use of “mole”‘s double meaning, sirrah.

  99. tallyHO
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail:
    Ah, the mystery has been solved. The Faceplant has pre-historic roots.

    This is yesterday’s Spider-Man:

    So, The Tarantula self-pleasures to slowly descend to the ground. Gotcha.
    And, Spider-Man can “walk” down the side of the building. The way he does this is by crawling. Riiiiight!

    Today’s Spider-Man: Missing Panel Three:

    The Tarantula: “Oy my Estrellas and ligas! I had no idea today was Drag Queen Dress Up As Spider-Man Day! Willya look at the size of this crowd! This trip to Costa Verde will be well-worth risking your life for, Spidey!”

    Blondie:

    Why do I get the notion that today Elmo is pretending to be the Grim Peeper?

    Mary Worth:

    Ooooooh Snap! Mary Worth is bustin out her “mind’s eye” and is seeing…no, wait. She’s probably not psychic, is she? Ha! I guess Mary is having a good old fashioned hallucination.

    Why, “Shannon” is probably wading in the luxuriously, well-vegetaded oasis and is dipping in a pond while being surrounded by mermen (Mermen-The Original Seamen!) who unlike popular myth don’t have tails instead of legs; instead, they have flippers instead of arms.

    (which is helpful as they can flap them to help cool maidens with whom they have dalliances. Also, flippers mean if they ever want to…um…stiffen their resolve and partake of connubial delights they must hook up with someone and flop around like fish. Obviously, flippers mean they can’t get effective pleasure by reading magazines about Mermaids and…you know…).

  100. Baka Gaijin
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder DBA Curmudgeon Farm (#57): Visual Mash-up COTW contender!

    @pugfuggly (#75) on Mark Trail: Damn, another early COTW contender.

    @Poteet (#77): If I’m hearing you correctly, carrion beetles won’t nibble on Mary Worth as she’s well beyond the dried up stage.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#92) on Garfield: It sounds like you’re implying Liz is going to a kinky deranged sex resort for a week and will need a year of kegels to, ahem, get back to normal. I can believe it.

  101. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-This Dagwood is no more. He has ceased to be. This is an ex-Dagwood.

  102. Rimpy
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    DtM – Since when do flea collars just hang unwrapped from hooks?

  103. tallyHO
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood.

    Isn’t his neighbor named Woodley or Woodson or something? What is up with the wood in that neighborhood?

  104. Calico
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Rimpy (#102):
    Since when have their been actual flea collars? I think Josh is right on the money, these are for giant fleas from Rusty’s dream.
    (Please don’t use flea collars for your pets-they are cheap and can irritate the neck and skin. Use veterinary prescribed meds like Revolution, Advantage, or Frontline)

  105. Baka Gaijin
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#101): He’s pining for the fjords.

  106. Calico
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    *there*
    Sorry

  107. Calico
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#101):
    Croaking quietly and hopefully pain-free in a hammock on a sunny, breezy late summer day, after a huge breakfast and/or lunch, with a not-too-menacing kid checking on your well-being while he trolls the mysteries of our solar system. I say, not a bad way to go, shooting star!

  108. Peanut Gallery
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @Lily Sincere (#5):

    Where would comic strips featuring children be without post hoc ergo proctor hoc?

    You mean, after leaving the kids as collateral for a loan, have the pawnbroker watch them to make sure they don’t cheat on their SATs?

  109. commodorejohn
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#87): Well, JT-Ozouf’s investment in the Jersey still hasn’t gone as bad as the poor Smucker bros.’ investment in the Holstein…

  110. Amos Snarkadder
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#100): Why thanks!

  111. Morgan Wick
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Coming soon to SyFy from the makers of Sharknado: Fleapocalypse!

    If Dolly were Dennis or any other cartoon kid, she’d be reminding Grandma of how the life has completely gone out of their marriage and they’ve become Pluggers.

  112. Dale
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Rusty is caught! But the TRex has turned into a large bearded Man!
    “Take off your clothes and dance while I play these panpipes!”
    Is Rusty still dreaming or is Eddie back from the hospital and living in the woods?

  113. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    MT-”Come back. I just want to tie you up and keep you in the back of my van.”

    JP-Time to go to the tried and trued method of making money when a woman is desperate for money, stripping.

    Spiderman-”We made it to the ground without being spotted,” Spiderman says disappointed that they didn’t come across more people to ‘accidentally’ kill on their way down.

    Sally Forth-”That’s slightly better than the ‘Come with me if you want to live’ line my dad used on my mom.”

    MW-Poor Shannon. She became so despondent after that session that she has wandered off into the desert without water to die.

    MW 2-”My meddling sense is tingling.”

    FW-”I want you guys to play like your half awake.”

    Gil Thorp-”Is wrestling as fake as that guy who ran the tattoo parlor’s Australian accent?”

    Hi and Lois-Thieves usually take the tires this one took the engine.

  114. Cloudbuster
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#35): You know, if you read up a little bit on the strange proclivities of Piers Anthony, the author of the Xanth novels, you might discover you’re on to something. I suspect Anthony and McEldowney are kindred spirits.

  115. Cloudbuster
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#37): MT: Rusty trips as a child, falls as a man, and gets up as an elderly gentleman.

    That sphinx!

  116. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke-”Keep it distracted, Martha, while I load the shotgun.”

  117. revenge4Aldo
    August 24th, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Freud weeps.

  118. Lily Sincere
    August 24th, 2013 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#108):

    Wasn’t there a “Mary Worth” about that? I think that was the essential plot of the Wilbur and Dawn storyline. Or it should’ve been, anyway.

  119. Poteet
    August 24th, 2013 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#81): Why, thank you! Anyone who sees the images you provide knows why I like YOU:-).

  120. seismic-2
    August 24th, 2013 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    MT: It’s nice to see Rusty’s dream of taking a pratfall face-first into the Cretaceous dirt. It would have been even nicer if Rusty had landed face-down in a pile of triceratops turds, but then that’s my dream.

  121. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 24th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    9CL: actually, Dr Spocket, what this is is a ponderous travesty of a comic strip

    or

    Edda saw Fleurrie had gone with the padded brassiere (I’m beginning to think Mike Manley has some sort of subconscious influence on me) for today’s session and called her bluff with the toe-touch/butt-wiggle routine

    either way this has been, to quote Arcamax’s 9CL blurb, another edition of “B McE’s own special brand of intellectual humor”

  122. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 24th, 2013 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    a deadpan Keith Moon, smashing and bashing away, with a Chrysler Imperial parked in the swimming pool and fire trucks coming ’round the corner, would be more in line with my expectations of Heathcliff

  123. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 24th, 2013 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: P.M. was married to Henrietta from Pluggers — and he discovered on their wedding night that her chicken breasts were fake. (They were made out of soy “meat”!)

  124. Poteet
    August 24th, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#100): Come to think of it, she may be fossilized. How can we know?

  125. Odie Odo
    August 24th, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

  126. Illustrator Steve
    August 24th, 2013 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    MT – The part of Rusty Trail’s stunt double for today was played by Dagwood Bumstead wearing a Rusty wig.

  127. Alison
    August 24th, 2013 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    Fantasy follow-ups for tomorrow:

    “Mary Worth”: “Shannon? Is that you, lying in a pool of blood, with a knife pressed firmly into your back? What’s this? A note? ‘Now you’ll learn not to interrupt people at the sharing circle! Signed, A’. Oh my! What could that mean? Who could ‘A’ be? Why would someone not sign their entire name? We humans sometimes say and write things that are not appropriate! Well, I suppose I should tell someone about what I’ve found…but first…a drink of water! It’s important to stay hydrated!”

    Rex Morgan: “June, wait up! Widdle Sarah just told me she hates drawing horsies now. The deal is off! Gosh, who could have guessed a five-year-old would be so fickle?”

  128. Girl Reporter
    August 24th, 2013 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    This whole like the back of my hand thing always gets me. Does everybody but me memorize the backs of their hands? I’m not sure I could pick a photo of mine out of a stack of backs of people’s hands photos.

  129. Winky's Spleen
    August 24th, 2013 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#33): There’s a story of a Roman who faked his own death so he could get himself carried out of one of Nero’s poetry readings. Maybe that’s how the lawyer’s trying to get out of this case?

    @Amos Snarkadder (#54): Or, given what strip this is, eats pizza and gets cancer?

  130. Amos Snarkadder
    August 24th, 2013 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#127): Has Mary ever investigated a crime? I mean other than the rainbow swirl scam.

  131. Droopy Says
    August 24th, 2013 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    MT: I can’t wait for next week, when the ceratopsid rescues and adopts Rusty. The fun begins when we discover that this is a fish-eating dinosaur and it doesn’t have the time to take Rusty fishing.

  132. Amos Snarkadder
    August 24th, 2013 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

  133. Poteet
    August 24th, 2013 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    MT — Technically, since this is a dream, Rusty could teleport to the top of a nearby lepidodendron or sprout huge horns and impale the T rex or suddenly find himself sitting in a large tank with machine guns that could turn the T rex into a giant sieve or he could just become invisible, poof! But the kind of dream he’s having is much more realistic in my experience in that the badness in the bad dream just goes on and on until one wakes up. My brain hates me.

  134. Poteet
    August 24th, 2013 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @Winky’s Spleen (#129): Dang, I wish they could have found some excuse to work that Nero story into I, CLAUDIUS.

  135. Poteet
    August 24th, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#128): Next time I’m standing in line somewhere, I know what I’ll do. Just in case.

  136. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    Hey hey Happy Sunday.

    Drone Man returns on the latest strip (warning: viewer discretion advised). No awardees this time for obvious reasons.

    The latest story, completed last night. A bit of science fiction.

  137. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    A far better pseudo-SF story, one of my personal favourites of my own writing.

    Now I’ll go check GoComics et al so I know what to get angry at.

  138. Winky's Spleen
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#128): Sounds like someone went to of of those newfangled schools where they teach art or music instead of back of the hand memorizing.

  139. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    FC-”Because I hate waking Mommy up when I want to sleep with Daddy.”

  140. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    I hope the Right Ven. is paying attention to the last couple of days of guest artists at Questionable Content, which really living up to its name. That’s serious animation education right there.

  141. Calico
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#113):
    MW 3 – “Oh my God, it’s Shannon…impaled on a cactus! And I forgot my meddlephone!”

  142. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    129. Winky’s Spleen

    ” There’s a story of a
    Roman who faked his own death so he
    could get himself carried out of one of
    Nero’s poetry”

    Better than what happened to the lisetners of Grunthos the Flatulent’s Magnus Opus.

  143. Odie Odo
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    Señor McEldowney’s Nueve Carrile Pamplina: iPLOP!

  144. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-”Don’t sign any papers yet. It’s all a scam. They just want to take your money and not make any books.”

    RMMD 2-”Husband? Then there’s no way I can talk you into bed with me.”

    MT-Rusty will discover that he accidentally crushed a butterfly and when he wakes up the world will have changed. The Lost Forest will have become an outlet mall.

    A3G-”Wow. You have a lamp and paintings and look a big purple curtain. This place is so cool.”

    A3G 2-Looks like Toni started drinking a little before you.

    A3G 3-”Fine. I’ll have a drink. I’ll have a scotch and soda.”

  145. Calico
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#144):
    MT –
    Put up a parking lot.

  146. Odie Odo
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Happy birthday! to Keith Knight (“Knight Life”) and Jim Scancarelli (“Gasoline Alley”). Knight is 47 and Scancarelli is 72.

  147. yaoi huntress earth
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    9CWL: I wonder if Fluerre is based off of a relative of Brooke’s that shot him down not too long ago and this is his way of getting revenge.

  148. Snarky Parker
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#146): Tomorrow is Ted “Hazel” Key’s birthday.

  149. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#142): Many years ago I read about a banquet in the Soviet Union attended by hundreds of the most important Party members, where Stalin had given a long speech. When he concluded, everyone rose and gave him a standing ovation. The applause continued on, and on, no one daring to be the first one to stop clapping. Finally, an Old Bolshevik stopped clapping, and sat down, and everyone else was able to stop, too. Everyone marveled at old man’s courage, and wondered whether he would be punished. As it happened, he was not punished, as he had died, at that moment, of a massive stroke.

  150. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#35): @Cloudbuster (#114): There does seem to be some similarities, especially with regards to how weird both men are with regards to women.

    //I have to admit people like this always make me wonder what sort of women are willing to interact with them on more than a passing basis. Weird, somewhat hostile yet insecure ones, I would guess.

  151. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    *do* seem. Oy.

  152. Cloudbuster
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#133): Or, he stands up and realizes he has no pants. Then there are dead otters everywhere, and the dinosaur is wearing scuba gear. Suddenly an airplane swoops down. It’s piloted by bighorn sheep with rifles. They’re trying to poach him!

  153. Alison
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#130):
    I don’t think she has, besides Emily From Goleta as you mentioned, and that wasn’t really a whodunnit kind of thing since Mary already knew from missing posters that Emily was a kidnapped child, and just happened to see her in a diner, as far as I can recall. I’d like to see a real whodunnit with Mary finding a body and investigating. Meddling comes naturally to her, so why not?

    You know, if the MW writers had played their cards better, they could have had a lucrative career writing one of those “sassy amatuer detective solves wacky crimes!” book series instead of this tepid strip. A lot of people seem to like that genre, and Mary’s character would be perfect for it.

  154. bats :[
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Sometimes you kinda wish the characters would have more of a back-story…

  155. seismic-2
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#146): Ah! I was wondering why we had a “guest cameo” (which I assumed was the artist) in today’s GA. Happy birthday, and celebrate by writing Slim out of the strip!

  156. Odie Odo
    August 24th, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: She’s tired of working around naked statues day in and day out. So at the sight of a fully-clothed man (even if it’s Rex), she’s like “Oh là là!”

  157. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @ 149. Nehemiah Scudder

    Been reading Solzhenitsyn’s The Gulag Archipelago, have you then?

    Rev, have you heard of Velupillai Prabhakaran?

  158. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    FC-I’m digging that you can see the golf course from the grandparents’ bedroom window.

  159. Les Moore Fan Club, LLC
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    For crying out loud, Bull, put a cork in it! How much longer do we have to listen to the malapropic ravings of this pathetic excuse for a coach? And why does this dumb lummox still have a job while ENGLISH TEACHERS ARE BEING LET GO??

    Sure, he pretends to be all buddy-buddy with Les now, but I’ve heard the tales of how he bullied him in high school. No wonder Les turned out like he did, with “performance issues.” Or so he confided to me, saying we’d have to Just Be Friends (no benefits). But maybe I’ve said too much…

    The point is this: We need to bring the focus back to the Inimitable Les Moore, the true Leading Man of this narrative. All together now — More Les, Less Bull!!

    Missing our Hero,
    Susan Smith, President

  160. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#157): No, I’ve never read Gulag — is it in there? — but I think I came across that somewhere else. Probably really happened, or should have, and the story was well-known. And no, I haven’t heard of Prabhakaran. Any good?

  161. Odie Odo
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#155):

    Plans are already underway for Slim to move over to Prince Valiant, where
    he’ll begin appearing as Val’s gluttonous new companion: Sir Loin of Beef.

  162. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#157): Oh! Velupillai Prabhakaran! Head of the Tamil Tigers. Good gracious! I thought he was an author you were recommending.

    Yes, quite a piece of work, was Mr. Prabhakaran, by all accounts.

  163. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Velupillai Prabhakaran was a Tamil terrorist leader in Sri Lanka. Put Stalin to shame. Killed even his own officers if they showed the slightest signs of getting too powerful, popular or independent. Forced the Tamil villagers to “contribute their children to the struggle” – meaning used them as cannon fodder.

    The Sri Lankan army wiped him out in a bloodbath in May 2009. And good thing too.

  164. Snarky Parker
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#161): It’s Sir Loin of Beef vs. Volstagg the Brave in the epic
    Prince Valiant/Thor crossover: “When Gluttons Clash!”

  165. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#163): I HAVE been reading Donald Rayfield’s Stalin and His Hangmen, Viking/Random House, 2004. Highly recommended. Just when you think Stalin can’t possible top one horrid crime, on the next page, he does!

    // I’m about half way through it. The applause story, now that I think about it, was from the memoirs of a Russian diplomat who defected to Canada in the fifties. Can’t think of his name right now.

  166. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-Goodnight sweet prince. May flights of angels sing you to your rest.

  167. Northern lurker
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    MW: so is Shannon doing the downward facing dog?

  168. Liam
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-”Just think, Mr. B. Millions of years ago dinosaurs roamed this land.”

    Blondie 2-Fortunately Dagwood died doing what he loved, sleeping after eating a big meal, instead of being beaten to death by his boss.

  169. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Snarky Parker (#164): If the theme is obese men with swords, surely Hägar the Horrible should be in there!

  170. seismic-2
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    OK, I apologize in advance, because this doesn’t really have anything to do with comic strips (except that the Simpsons are of course stars of several series of ongoing comic books). However, it’s late, the blog is not so active on weekends as during the week, and so maybe I can get away with posting this here, just because… well, see for yourself. Homer Banana.

  171. Calico
    August 24th, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @Northern lurker (#167):
    More like the Downward Prickly Pear.
    Ow.

  172. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    9 CL:

    The only way I can think of that Thorax and the lawyer could do that would be if they put some kind of support behind the backs of their chairs and tilted them back carefully to exactly the height where they can put their feet on their respective tables without either kicking over said tables or crashing to the floor.

    Fuck you, Brooke.

    Cul de Sac:

    Yes, Petey, go play in the ocean. There are all kinds of stinging jellyfish, biting bull sharks, spiny sea urchins and roaring riptides for you to play with, Petey.

    Tom the Dancing Bug:

    Nobody will be surprised to learn this is one of my favourite strips.

    Luann :

    What I wouldn’t give for a diving suit like that.

  173. Splendid Ear Lobes
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#39):

    “Blondie: I thought for sure that the mention of “Life on Mars” in panel one would result in a Ziggy Stardust wig in panel three. I blame Anton Chekhov.”

    If Dagwood woke up in 1973, would he even notice?

  174. damanoid
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#63): Opps! Thanks for the heads-up… um, if you also check the previous thread, there is a rather lengthy reply to your message, which I posted before I read this thread, obviously…

    Come to think of it, I hope I posted on this thread early enough that you see this message… or else I guess I’d need to post to tomorrow’s thread… to let you know about this post… directing you to yesterday’s thread…

    YOU TOLD ME TO POST MORE OFTEN

  175. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    170. seismic-2

    And here I was imagining that all bananas were good for is to whittle dildos out of.

    Come to think of it, you can’t really ignore the Alien’s penishead in that.

  176. Hägar the Horrible
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#169): Don’t call me “Shirley”!

  177. Snarky Parker
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#169):

    Wasn’t Shirley Hägar the Horrible once married to Sammy Hägar the Horrible?

  178. Sgt.Stoned
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    MT: Even in his dreams, Rusty is a loser. Here’s hoping that he fell face down in a huge pile of dinosaur shit.

    MW: Depressed at being chastened by the neurotic Aggie, Shannon has swilled down a fifth of Johnny Walker, passed out in the desert and, thus, being unable to drink water, has died of dehydration.

  179. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    154. bats :[

    You DO know I’m a dentist, right?

    That last panel shows one of the worst cases of chronic generalised periodontitis I’ve seen in a while.

  180. Odie Odo
    August 24th, 2013 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    Hägar the Horrible, Volstagg the Brave and Sir Loin of Beef walk into a tavern…

  181. Joe Blevins
    August 24th, 2013 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    Dennis comes into the pet store every afternoon at 3:05 exactly, does this same joke, and leaves. Never buys shit, of course. Doesn’t have shit to buy shit with. What’s he going to use for money? The twigs, pebbles, and dead insects he keeps in the pockets of his never-washed red overalls? Nine previous cashiers have gone insane. At least three have hanged themselves, two of those on store property. A fourth is missing. The latest cashier, the redhead seen here, knew all of this when he took the job, but he really needed the money. Wife and a sick baby at home. Sad, really. He knows the little bastard is coming, and he tries to brace himself. Note the steely determination in his gaze and the way he steadies himself against the counter. (Just ignore him, Trevor. Ignore him and he’ll go away.) Silently, he counts backwards from ten…

  182. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 24th, 2013 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#180): Hägar the Horrible, Volstagg the Brave and Sir Loin of Beef walk into a tavern…

    … and the tavern keeper says

    “What is this, some kind of joke?”
    “I’ve got a great idea for a cartoon, wanna hear it?”
    “Ok, you’ve got the comically oversized bit down, now what?”
    “Your fathers put ketchup on so many inappropriate things,”

  183. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 24th, 2013 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    In one of the stories Shahrazad tells the king Shahryar in The Thousand Nights and The One Night, there is mention of a louse which, put into a jar of olive oil, fed on it till it grew to the size of a buffalo. Wonder if it works on fleas, or do they stick to Mr Wilson’s blood?

  184. Baka Gaijin
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#149): A massive stroke. Someone tell that blonde bimbo at Charterstone how to fake ‘em. She’ll never have to listen to another extended Mary Worth self congratulat-a-thon.

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#159): I don’t follow Funky Winkerbean but from your description, Bull sounds like the original eldest Keene Kid, the one who escaped the circle and is aging at a more appropriate rate.

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#183): Why would anyone want a louse the size of a buffalo? Seems like a waste of perfectly good olive oil.

  185. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    @Splendid Ear Lobes (#173): Simple answers to simple questions: No.

  186. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    MT: well, if things don’t go well for Rusty on Monday, his fossil record is probably going to be rather disarranged

    FW: what a dick. I’d say some angry parents are going to be calling the school superintendent on Monday

    JP: is this whole strip a front for the national security apparatus?

    Rex, MD: I wonder if Ms Lanning won’t be offering *Rex* a book deal, among other things

  187. Droopy Says
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    Spide and Spiderer: Of course your spider-sense is tingling, Parker! You’re standing next to an entire wall of bricks!

    Family Circus: Aw, innit so kyewt? Widdle kids don’t unnerstan that the past wasn’t always like the present! For that matter, can Thel explain it?

    Funky’s Flunkies: And so we wrap up the week’s Footbawl Foulies with something that, in a technical sense, is a functioning display of humor. It isn’t too funny, but the final line is an actual pun and is relevant to the admittedly pointless and delayed question.

    Pluggers: Hurry, Chicken Lady, it’s a classic Jeopardy episode! You know, what non-Pluggers refer to as a re-run.

    Mary Mirthless: Mary, an old fossil like you should know better than to roam the desert with more meddle than water!

    Mark Trail: Told you so, Mary! But at least the new-and-improved Rusty gets the chance to learn about dinosaurs.

  188. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    182. Nehemiah Scudder

    “Your father puts ketchup on so many
    inappropriate things
    Like the jaunty buttocks of giant fleas
    Or Pigborn’s pornographic wings,
    But never could he put ketchup on me
    Or on the Rustysaurus high-
    Steppin’ it through Lost Forest
    It’s your mailbox’ turn to die.”

  189. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    @ 184. Baka Gaijin

    It’s skin came in handy for riddling suitors. “If you want to marry my daughter, tell me what that is. Or lose your head.”

    A ghoul solved the riddle, so riddling isn’t the best solution in such cases, not at all.

  190. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    *Its* skin, not “it’s”. Damned phone.

  191. Joe Blevins
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Click on my name up there to see a de-Mitchell-ized version of this Dennis the Menace panel.

    I call it Unmenaced. Enjoy.

  192. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Phantom! Narration boxes! Written to make the dialogue look less! Stilted!

  193. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 24th, 2013 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#189): Probably a translation issue, but technically, lice don’t have skin, do they? Exoskeletons, right?

    // Now I remember reading somewhere, I think it was one of Asimov’s science articles from F&SF (90% of what I know of science is from there) that there are physical limits on how big an exoskeleton critter can get. A buffalo sized louse just isn’t a possibility on this planet.

    // But as Mark Trail might say, it makes a GOOD STORY.

  194. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 25th, 2013 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#191): That’s very nice. So calm. Thank you. You should do more like that. Think of Mr. Wilson, dozing in his hammock, enjoying his golden years, Dennis-free! Hasn’t he earned this respite? The Mitchells, enjoying adult conversations with adult friends… without Dennis embarassing them. How pleasant!

    // Dennis the M. without Dennis! Refulgent!

  195. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 25th, 2013 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    It’s more the fact that the writer of that particular tale didn’t know much about lice either, Rev. For instance, the fact that they don’t consume olive oil. Now Olive Oyl – that might’ve been another story.

    A bigger problem than the chitin exoskeleton is the fact that the insect breathing apparatus – spiracles with tracheal tubes – can’t work above a certain size. That’s why we don’t have fleas the size of Marmaduke.

  196. Baka Gaijin
    August 25th, 2013 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#189): It works both ways. Were my future father-in-law to ask me that question, I’d know insanity runs in the family and that I should run the other way.

  197. Baka Gaijin
    August 25th, 2013 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Early Comments

    Slylock Fox Mystery: “…who will Slylock Fox advise Chief Mutt to arrest?” Reeky Rat. He’s always guilty.

    I laughed at The Lockhorns, lower right panel. It has that je ne sais quo I can’t identify.

    Retail shows exactly what’s wrong with big retail. The customer-facing personnel have no skin in the game.

  198. Baka Gaijin
    August 25th, 2013 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    Oh boy. Mary Worth’s “help” appears to involve pinching Aggie until she’s Aggie-ravated into having a stroke and can’t speak to complain. Clever, Mary, clever.

  199. tallyHO
    August 25th, 2013 at 3:36 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man:

    Your Spidey Sense says that? Well, I’m picking up a breaking news bulletin! Oh, noes! A-Rod is on the juice!

    Mary Worth’s Bon Mots:

    In a pinch, the thumb and the forefinger will do if one needs to Shamin’ Square a Sharing Circle!

  200. Mr O'Malley
    August 25th, 2013 at 3:49 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#189): So the princess had to marry a ghoul? Seems like a tough break. Although after living with a father who bred mammoth lice, it might have been an improvement.

  201. Droopy Says
    August 25th, 2013 at 4:33 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#183): This suggests that “Burber” is a corrupt (what could be more appropriate?) form of “Berber,” and Brooke’s recent djinn story is an old family legend passed down from an ancestor who bathed in olive oil.

  202. Dale
    August 25th, 2013 at 5:35 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth turns into Mark Trail

    I had convinced myself this wouldn’t happen. Aggie must be nuts if she takes whatever her complaint is to resort management. She probably can’t even remember the details.

    But here we are- improbable situation with a simple solution.
    Mary will now go Mark Trail on Aggie: track her down and force confessions out of her.

  203. Cloudbuster
    August 25th, 2013 at 5:53 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#202): I would have thought this was completely unrealistic, too, until my daughter’s recent experiences with an utterly incompetent manager. What we’ve deduced is that this manager allows herself to be manipulated by every over-dramatic troublemaker on the staff: she feels like she needs to insert herself into every trivial complaint and “do management” on the poor victim of the complaint (by “victim” I mean the alleged aggressor in the so-called complaint) such that my daughter has found herself getting confronted by the manager for things as trivial as snapping at a male co-worker who kept repeatedly querying her about whether she’d tried the cupcakes in the break room, to things as bizarre as, I kid you not, accusations of witchcraft.

    My daughter, a Monty Python fan, took a certain pride in that one! “What makes you think she’s a witch? Well, she turned me into a newt! A newt? .. I got better”.

    The accusations of witchcraft came, again I kid you not, because when it was her turn to select the music in the lab, she played Kate Bush’s Waking the Witch. Unsurprisingly, my daughter’s applying elsewhere.

  204. Liam
    August 25th, 2013 at 6:10 am [Reply]

    MW-Don’t answer that question. Don’t answer that question.

    Spiderman-”I smell raid.” “RAID!”

    JP-She wouldn’t even eat any of your pie, Abbey.

    JP 2-It’s a shame that Spiderman is in Costa Verde or you could get him to help.

  205. Lumaca Morente
    August 25th, 2013 at 6:29 am [Reply]

  206. Lumaca Morente
    August 25th, 2013 at 6:30 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#204): You’re up early this morning, Liam.

  207. Lumaca Morente
    August 25th, 2013 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#190): Yeah, right, blame the detonator -err, I mean, phone.
    //”not me” “Ida know”

  208. CanuckDownSouth
    August 25th, 2013 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    MW: Here’s the thing: saying that the friendship might have ‘run its course’ and has she reviewed ‘past interactions’ for causes does sound a bit critical. It’s very easy to interpret as saying maybe Aggie did something to end the friendship. Apart from the fact that nothing like this should probably have been said in a supportive ‘sharing circle’, Shannon didn’t try to phrase it to prevent Aggie from self-blame. (Maybe something acknowledging Aggie’s distress, noting that it is hard and unfair to have such an abrupt end to a relationship, but that maybe there were other things going on in the friend’s life that led to this – were there perhaps any clues in their interactions beforehand?)

    SSoup: Has the writer been perusing 70s-era Archie comics for ideas? Because by about the 90s college was expected to get a chance at a good job, not something to vaguely try to entice a kid to think about.

  209. Liam
    August 25th, 2013 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#206):

    Sunday is the day I go visit my parents and I wanted to post my comments before I went to see them.

  210. Braniff
    August 25th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    FC: Grandpa is a philanderer-perhaps the greatest since John F. Kennedy. Grandma has put him in a different bed; unfortunately he has yet to be put in a different house.

    Not sure about Daddy Keane–perhaps Mommy enjoys playing sadistic games with him, perhaps Daddy or Mommy have menages-a-trois with Uncle Roy or the neighborhood woman. We can only speculate!

  211. Braniff
    August 25th, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Hägar the Horrible (#176): How about Lenny, Squiggy or Laverne?

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