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Metapost: Open feedback of the week

Guys, I was looking at the numbers from my CafePress store, and it turns out that these Open Feedback Sharing items haven’t sold a million units yet, which doesn’t really make sense. So go click the clickies and buy what looks delightful to you! (Hint: It all looks delightful.)

And now that you’ve gone and done that, enjoy … your comment of the week!

This is my daughter, Anne Marie. The ‘Marie’ stands for ‘marionette.’ Because she’s a life sized puppet, see? Look upon her grim visage and her badly permed 80s hair, ye mortals, and tremble.” –bunivasal

And your runners up! Very funny!

Mary Worth: “Being healthy is being able to adapt. For example, I plan to grow a reflective exoskeleton to help me survive the radiation barrage as our sun goes supernova. Skol!” –La Cieca

“I don’t know about Sam, but Barfy’s name should be a dead giveaway why he’s not allowed in church.” –greghousesgf

“Someone should tell little PJ that pride is a deadly sin.” –Chip

“Yes, Spider-Man. The guy I’m pointing at in case anyone confuses two grown men dressed in spider-themed body suits. No, not you Scorpion … that guy … on Mosquitoman’s right … my right, your left…” –Kevin on Earth

“Mark Trail can change the size of his hand to ring any doorbell, no matter how tiny.” –Ned Ryerson

Bull, five seconds later: ‘A flask! THANK FUCKING GOD.’” –Windier E. Megatons

In his skin! Or, at least, in someone’s skin. Guido’s a skin-changer, Dad, but I didn’t want to tell you, because I know you hate Italians and eldritch horrors. You’re such a racist, Dad! In his thousand hearts, Guido may be a multifarious mass of gibbering mouths — some of them Italian — but in my heart, he’s the demon for me.” –Voshkod

“Oh, I thought Bull looked through the lost and found because he was laid off six months ago and needs stuff to fence on the street to keep from starving. So ‘keys to victory’? I’ll let him know you made that wisecrack.” –Alex Blaze

What happened to Mr. McKenzie? Did he die? Or did he leave you for a younger woman? That happened to a lady down the street. She had a bunch of cats. They ate part of her face when she died. Is that why you don’t have any cats?” –Christopher

“I’m not fooled — that little kid clearly came up with that pun in advance, and led into it deliberately. By William’s Rules Of Punsterism, this means the resulting pun is null and void, and the old lady gets to make two at him in turn. So … it’ll be a long week, is what I’m getting at.” –The Ben

“My sabermetrics analysis on the Mudlarks teams always begins with the same note each year: ‘Don’t assemble athletes around bonfire at start of season inhaling smoke fumes.’ Glad to see that now the cheerleading squad is also enjoying the performance non-enhancement of smoke from old couches and other garbage.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Love the sympathetic look on the dog’s face. He knows. Dolly reads to him, too.” –Myrtle

“Mark, the surveyor’s results were very positive: we think that, with the right fracking chemicals, we can recover thousands of barrels per day from Rusty. I know you outdoor people can be sentimental, but fully exploiting him could create hundreds of good paying jobs that our state needs and help America become energy-independent.” –Master Softheart

“Did I miss the plotline in Gil Thorp where the population of Milford was replaced with aliens desperately trying to disguise themselves as human but just never quite managing to get it right? Or was that just the premise of the strip from day one?” –Dragon of Life

“It’s clear in the first panel of the Gil Thorp strip that the young girl is wearing a mask (see that line going down the side of her ‘face’?) Thusly, it can be safely assumed this is the nefarious she-demon that requires the annual sacrifice to ensure the football team is … okay … at best?” –Justin T.

“So a patron gives Herb a friendly, colloquial compliment on the quality of the food, and Herb’s reaction is to say, ‘Uh … OK’ before backing away slowly and panicking in the back room while peeking nervously over his shoulder at the man. This makes Heart & Soul the opposite of the Olive Garden. When you’re here, you’re treated like an untrustworthy and possibly dangerous stranger.” –Joe Blevins

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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69 responses to “Metapost: Open feedback of the week”

  1. LP2004
    September 13th, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to bunivasal and all the worthy floaters!

    Moving on to what I was just about to post on the previous thread -

    GT: I can just imagine the planning meeting before the annual bonfire: “Well, obviously sacrificing freshmen to Moloch didn’t do us any good last year, and the less said about the previous year’s offerings to Cthulhu, the better. Any suggestions for this year?”
    “How about Ba’al?”
    “Okay, it’s been moved that we sacrifice to Ba’al this year.”
    “Seconded!”

  2. bats :[
    September 13th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all! Funny, FUNNY stuff this week, in spite of the challenge of having to improve a lot of less-than-funny stuff!
    Throw stuff!

  3. tallyHO
    September 13th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to bunivasal and the parade of floaters.

    Funny funny fun knee!

    Now if you aren’t already drunk for you happy hour or lunch break then what are you waiting for? It’s Friday.

    So, if your class is being impatient, take a snort from your hipflask and smirk like Les Moore;
    beam like Mary Worth after polishing off a bottle of vino;
    but, please, just do not march off and try to challenge your arch nemesis, like Heathcliff.

    Give a hoot when you light up a toot! Never be a sloppy bird!

  4. Master Softheart
    September 13th, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    I felt badly laughing at Christopher’s Crankshaft comment, but it fit the tone of the strip so perfectly that I had to go back and confirm that this wasn’t Batiuk’s actual dialog.

    And Voshkod’s captured the Uncanny Valley-dwelling, insane, doll-eyed, gibbering, failure-to-credibly-imitate-humanity madness of Gasoline Alley like a lyric poem. Except calling Slim a racist, of course. After the meteor incident, no one is willing to call Slim on racism.

  5. Mr. Yezpitelok
    September 13th, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#yy254): MG&G: NSFBG

    @Huckleberry Fink (#yy256): Mother Goose: “Stop clowning around and bring me the Botox!” (NSFBG!)

    @Baka Gaijin (#y159): SPECIAL TO JOSH: You know what’s really fucking terrifying? BOZO TOXIN! EEEEE!!!! [QLUNQ!]

    Seriously, what’s the point of “NSFBG” if you aren’t going to heed our warnings, Baka?

  6. Baka Gaijin
    September 13th, 2013 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#5): Sorry chap, this website loaded much slower than DailyInk. I got to the NSFBG before I got the NSFBG warnings.

    And congratulations to all the great snark on today’s float. I’m not just saying that to score extra candy thrown my way (hint hint).

  7. Calico
    September 13th, 2013 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Pax, a place of learning thruogh anger and conflict!
    What is with the round lights or whatever above their heads? I thought they were outdoors under a canopy or gazebo.
    Mary always seems to have this type of light fixture above her head, as if they are halos and she is beatific.

    Congrats floaters! Please throw allergy meds.

  8. Calico
    September 13th, 2013 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#6):
    Yeah, WP is acting geriatric again. It ate a couple of Alison Bechdel’s personal blog posts a while back as well. : (
    *punch*

  9. Baka Gaijin
    September 13th, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#8): If *punch* doesn’t work, try *ass-punch.*

  10. Lumaca Morente
    September 13th, 2013 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    I missed a couple of days here this week, and I see I missed some fantastic stuff. Congratulations, COTWer and float-buddies! Show us your shoes!

  11. Myrtle
    September 13th, 2013 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Wheeeee! I’m honored to be riding on the float with such illustrious company! This was completely unexpected so I did not stock up on candy or allergy meds to toss. But I do have some extra tissues, fresh and unused. Wow, the wind really carries those!

  12. Horace Broon
    September 13th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all! As Herb’s customer would say, I’ve ain’t never read no comments that ain’t not as funny as these ones aren’t! I think…

    (There’s a joke about a linguist giving a lecture in Glasgow, who explained that in some dialects two negatives made a negative, and in some two negatives made a positive. But in no dialect did two positives make a negative.

    And a voice from the back of the hall said “Aye, right!”)

    ASM: “Now put down that random pile of metal brackets, and get some chains!”

    EC: “I realised I wouldn’t stop nagging you unless I did something different.” Obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin aknowledges that she’s an obsessive neurotic. I believe that’s the first step. Also, obsessive-neurotic-in-training Carly Ardin is horrified by her parents showing affection for each other.

    RMMD: Is Heather supposed to look absolutely dejected about what she’s telling June? I mean, I certainly don’t blame her, but I’m not sure it’s in the script.

  13. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 13th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#y44): @Illustrator Steve (#y97): Those old wool 13 button pants must have shrunk ’cause they sure as hell don’t fit me any more!

    So, um, Steve. Are you trying to tell us you have a problem with your pants?

    // Don’t feel too bad. I have a box in my attic filled with Old Navy clothes that seem to have developed a Gap when I try to button them. I put it down to muscular development.

  14. Calico
    September 13th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#12):
    How about Aggie saying something like “I love to hate all of you, I do!” ?

  15. Uncle Lumpy
    September 13th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#12):

    “I realised I wouldn’t stop nagging you unless I did something different.”

    Or stopped doing anything at all, I suppose.

  16. Lumaca Morente
    September 13th, 2013 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#13): So, your hats don’t fit you anymore?

  17. Shrug
    September 13th, 2013 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to bunivasal and the other float riders! Throw cheerleaders!

    My favorite this week was Kevin on Earth, by a slim margin over Christopher.

  18. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 13th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#16): I know what you’re getting at, wicked snail! But, as a matter of fact I have many hats, of various sizes. I usually only get one haircut a year, at the beginning of spring. I see no point in frittering away $10 or so on a haircut every week, as I used to do. I’m quite shaggy by the end of winter, and my summer hats are way too small.

    // It’s a system, of sorts.

  19. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 13th, 2013 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    And, of course, plaudits to the mighty floaters! I’m particularly partial to Joe Blevins’ contribution this week, which I somehow missed en passant.

    // What are they throwing this week? Are those pluots? Ooh, I love pluots!

  20. Odie Odo
    September 13th, 2013 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    This makes the what?… 10th week in a row that I’ve been honored with a COTW.
    Thanks, Josh. And congratulations to my fellow winners.

    (I didn’t win as Odie Odo, but that’s a trifling detail…)

  21. tallyHO
    September 13th, 2013 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#15):

    the REAL Mark Trail has some Cherry Trail Binkini Modelling on his Facebook Page
    (I really don’t know the meaning of what I just wrote)

    And, people are not all able to view it.
    (I tried but I turned and stormed off in a huff and swore off environmentalism. From now on I’m only practicing Mentalism.)

    So, in the previous thread, he wrote maybe it can be copied and shared here.
    (Sesame Street taught so many of us more than Charles Dickens and Ayn Rand combined)

    So, what say you, Old Lumpy Chum?
    (This mid-day sobriety is stifling my creativity. So, being pithy, as the funny helmet wearing crowd is prone to say, is endangered and is tagged with a flag. When will the hour roll around when I tack on three sheets, confront the heavy Summer wind and can become inGINious again?)

  22. tallyHO
    September 13th, 2013 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#20):

    Waitasecond! Hold the Phone! Then try dialing Nine Wait! What? once. It is like hearing the Three Stooges fix the plumbing before a big fancy party.

    Are you saying you are a member of team Odio Odo? That there’s other Non-Odos that you knowed Posted during the timespan of this weeks competition?

    Now, I’m not country lawyer as the time I have between salvaging dried chewing gum for resale and the time spent painting the town red (just a touch up here and there), I don’t have much time to pursue inter-pretending the law.

    Wouldn’t it be in the best interests to all of the participants if one of your keyboard names won that we had a good reference to all the Members of Team Odo?

    I’m not saying the fix is in. Far be it from me to do no more than type it.

    But if, for instance, Ziggy won CoTW, I’d work my way through my coping mechanisms and accept that Ziggy only posts to peturb me. But, hey when Ziggy Posts, for me it suddenly becomes Relish Shonna. Huzzah!

    (was anyone aware Ziggy is in fact Living Lox? Somewhere there is a stack of bagels next to a hole in the ground reserved for him.)

    Back to my point, if a spare you might win isn’t it fair to admit you won it?

  23. Mr. Yezpitelok
    September 13th, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to Odie Odo (my favorite fake winner), bunivasal and all the rest!

  24. S. Marty Pannts
    September 13th, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#20): And just when we thought we knew ye, Odie Odo, you pull the rug out from under us and admit to having Alter Egos. Did you use a different persona each week? Every other week? Inquiring minds want to know! I foresee a sleepless night ahead, searching for clues.

  25. Mr. Yezpitelok
    September 13th, 2013 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @messy (#y215): What’s this with “Blondie’s bullshit faux holiday crap? I’m still ticked off at the 9/11 celebration a couple of days ago.

    There’s nothing “faux” about National Chicken Lover’s Day:

    http://pollotropical.com/press-releases/give-a-cluck-on-national-chicken-lovers-day-and-enjoy-free-chicken-at-pollo-tropical-sept-15/

  26. Mr. Yezpitelok
    September 13th, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#25): That’s an old press release. Just so we’re clear: Pollo Tropical (and presumably the other chicken restaurants) is celebrating National Chicken Lover’s Day on Monday, September 16, 2013.

  27. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 13th, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    MT: First they’re sitting, then they’re standing. They must be playing Simon Says with an unseen, unheard Simon.

    MW: Ah, that’s the stuff. You’re hittin’ Mary’s G-spot, Shannon.

    Ziggy: The mountain dwelling hermit is yet another deeply misguided identity thief.

    Archie: Sorry, 90s Archie. Monica is a little busy earning her presidential kneepads.

    RMMD: Heather: Happy Otter Schools is very experienced. They turned out this lovely young boy named Rusty Tra—
    June: Noooooooooooooooo!

    H&L: “Okay, actually I just rented out my parking space for a couple of hours. Got fifteen bucks out of the deal.”

    Blondie: I’d expect the cook to collapse and scream “Oh God! The flashbacks again!”

    6C: She’s right. On that isle both of them are toast the next high tide, so there’s not much point in fishing.

    SSmith: Yeah, it’s probably time to set Jughaid up on that chicken stealing apprenticeship with Snuffy.

    S-M: The chains are for Spider-Man’s protection so that he doesn’t get loose and dent his head before the show trial.

    OBH: Should I even ask if it would be preferably that they get eaten while they’re still alive?

  28. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 13th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    And congrats to all the funny folk on the float. I enjoyed the show quite a bit.

  29. A-wel Cruiz
    September 13th, 2013 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    On the one hand, none of my comments were chosen. On the other, I did create a kickass t-shirt design for the store. So this week was a push for me.

    Now buy some merch with my design already!

  30. Mr. Yezpitelok
    September 13th, 2013 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#27): Archie: Wrong Monica. Archie was trying to date up “Fat Monica” from the Friends TV show.

  31. Snarky Parker
    September 13th, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Baha Beetle Bailey: Who Let the Dogs Out?

  32. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 13th, 2013 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    had a suspicion that many of the above quotes would be float riders.

    *furious applaz*

    the H&J triple negative conversation draws near to Bizarro World.

  33. Snarky Parker
    September 13th, 2013 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

  34. Droopy Says
    September 14th, 2013 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    Spider and Spiderer: Dude, El Condor never said he’d release your sister. You don’t even have the proportional TV-watching skills of a Spiderman.

    What The Funky?: “What kept me? Oh, there’s some silly rule about how the teams have to play two full quarters before the halftime show. You didn’t know that, Coach? Perhaps your feeble grasp of the rules has something to do with your perpetual losing!”

    Jugheaded Parker: “Come on, it’s only one square mile of buildings, inhabited by a bunch of armed guerrillas! How hard could it be to find one man who may not have been abducted after all? And you know that once your agent’s people risk their insignificant lives to rescue him, Thalia will be so grateful to us that she’ll mend her thieving ways and shower us with money!”

    Mark Trail: “Hi, honey, I’m homely!”

    Mark Trail: “Daddy, meet my boyfriend, John Darling! He’s back from the dead and he wants to talk about dumping carcinogens in LoFo!”

    Phantom: That was quite an impressive ambush and fight we almost saw here. And now, head criminal, it’s time to send out two henchmen.

    Pluggers are all over the hill, unless they aren’t.

  35. Poteet
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    Tossed blossoms and caperings before bunivasal and the merry runners-up! The asterisks this week go to Windier E. Megatons and Myrtle.

  36. Poteet
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    MT — First the bill gets passed by the House and Senate and signed into law by the President, and then the administrative regulations are developed and approved, and THEN the surveyors are allowed to start working, is the usual way it *mallet head bang* Sorry.

  37. Poteet
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    MW: WHAT the — why haven’t we seen this large waterfall and river before??? Wouldn’t you think it would be THE most popular spa hiking area? And as an aside, when I think of some “changes” people I know have experienced (cancer diagnosis, hit by drunk driver, etc.), I’d kind of like to hurl Mary into the river. Surprise! What will you learn from this?

  38. Chip Whittle
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    Based on the one panel we’ve had of his luscious hair and elephant’s-trunk left arm, Johnny Darling might be my favorite Mark Trail character since Peter the Alarmed Squirrel.

  39. Poteet
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    GA — Oh damn, I was really hoping he was dead.

  40. Ed Dravecky
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    Congrats to bunivasal and all the funny folk on the float!

  41. Poteet
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#38): You’re right — there’s a lot there to love.

  42. Poteet
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    JP — “Sure, go ahead and tell your agent that two girls and a laptop decided on the search area. But be sure to also tell him that years ago, two young orphan girls who were very poor and living in a tent in the woods dreamed that one day they’d have good-looking parents, endless flowing fountains of money, and amazing tits. And look what happened! So why shouldn’t this rescue fantasy come true? This is OUR STRIP, remember.”

  43. Droopy Says
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#36): If my-boyfriend-Johnny-Darling’s hair means anything, the oil industry has already started pumping out crude oil by the barrelful. (It’s definitely the Fifties in LoFo, what with all the greasy kid stuff he’s using.)

  44. Huckleberry Fink
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    Red & Rover: Maureen McCormick (a/k/a “Marcia Brady”) gets a licking.

    Dilbert: Apparently, she loves him enough to commit a double homicide.

  45. Huckleberry Fink
    September 14th, 2013 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    Mary Worse:

    Shannon: “There’s a bloated body floating in the river — is that Aggie?”

    Mary: “Why yes, dear, I suppose it is.”

    Shannon: “Geez, I hope that’s a DEAD bloated body!”

  46. Dale
    September 14th, 2013 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Attacking armed people without knowing who they are or how many there are is suicidal. But many intelligent people have committed suicide.

    Mark is just Bloody Fucking Stupid. He is a “writer”, but can’t make a phone call or do some checking (reading/research type stuff).
    He accosted the senator without knowing WHAT he was complaining ABOUT!
    Tom has a whole business plan in place before he goes to the Mayor.

  47. gleeb
    September 14th, 2013 at 5:04 am [Reply]

    3G-I see. She’s trying to cajole Marty into drinking by telling her liquor sharpens your hearing.

    ‘shaft-Wow, what a trip. We certainly learned a lot about these two new characters, huh? I look forward to tales of their future adventures.

    Thalia’s Grift-You’re in too deep, Thalia. Cut your losses. This family never gives up cash.

    Mary-“And if they can’t learn, I drown them in a creek.”

    June Morgan, RN-“Frankly, I suggest moving Sarah to another school. I’m selling out to the highest bidder, and when people mention Happy Otter, the word sweatshop always comes up.”

    Spidey-How dishonorable! Would Somoza do this? No, Somoza would have killed the Tarantula’s entire family years ago and sold their blood for cash.

    Dick-We already knew they wanted the moon shuttle. What we didn’t and still don’t know is what the hell Moon Maid is. Sometimes, when you delay too long, the payoff can never be good enough to make up for it. This is one of those times.

    Gil-Another adult is interacting with Gil, and his Mom is both glad and surprised. Man, it really says something, doesn’t it?

    Non Sequitur-GIZMOES.

  48. greghousesgf
    September 14th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Yay! (waves and throws candy)

  49. Cloudbuster
    September 14th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Phantom: OK, I laughed unironically at “Gurkk!” “I didn’t get that! Sounded like you said ‘Gurkk’.”

  50. Cloudbuster
    September 14th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#42): and amazing tits

    Well, OK, as long as we’re keeping our eye on the important stuff.

  51. Sweaty Shrug
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#47):

    “when people mention Happy Otter, the word sweatshop always comes up.”

    More happy zippers, otter!

  52. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Dream Body Herbal Slimming Capsules (#51):

    “I partly blame those people drugs for my %anchor% acquire.”

    It’s a poor WorkDreamBodyHerbalSlimmingCapsulesMan who blames his/her/its
    %anchor%acquiretools.

    ///You probably just put catsup on inappropriate things.

  53. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    September 14th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to the floaters!

  54. Kibo
    September 15th, 2013 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @Dream Body Herbal Slimming Capsules (#51): I partly blame those people drugs for my %anchor% acquire.

    I nominate this spam as next week’s Comment of the Week.

    I wish all spammers would acquire anchors. Preferably thrown at their heads. That might be a chance for Popeye to finally put his violence to good use! We’d need to dig up Don Martin to tell us what sound it would make, though. I’m thinking something like “%FA-KLONK%”.

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