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June wins, if you call this winning

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/31/09

“Good lord, June,” you may be thinking, “Why do you hound Rex so?” Look at the broken man before you in panel one, having been totally browbeaten into joining some kind of foolish search all over this drifting, barely-crewed ship for a probably non-existent child. Surely June isn’t doing it because she cares about little lost children or anything, or because she wants to assuage her own child’s fears, since that would require a degree of empathy that we know she lacks. No, panel three tells the story: it’s only after she completely breaks Rex’s will over some unrelated matter that he will agree to lie there and submit to her advances. June’s getting lucky, for certain extremely depressing definitions of “lucky.”

Hi and Lois, 1/31/09

The Flagston family’s turn to cannibalism will be swift and, from the reader’s perspective, gratifying.

Marvin, 1/31/09

Marvin’s family’s turn to cannibalism will be swift, even more pointless than the Flagstons’, and, from the reader’s perspective, extremely gratifying.

31 responses to “June wins, if you call this winning”

  1. Poteet
    February 1st, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    Oh Rex. Your pained face is almost as cute as your pouty face.

  2. Prosy
    February 1st, 2009 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    What are the chances that the power went out at both Hi and Lois’ place as well as Marvins?

  3. Poteet
    February 1st, 2009 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Marvin appears to have very little meat on his bones, and the thought of eating the addled contents of his oversized head is too hideous to contemplate. Pointless cannibalism is right.

  4. Matmaduke
    February 1st, 2009 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    I like that when the power goes out in the Marvin household the grandparents pull up a couple of chairs and stair listlessly at each other. Oh…and Grandpa, HAND CHECK!

  5. sugarpie
    February 1st, 2009 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    2nd panel looks like Rex is getting makeup ideas in place for the Ship’s talent show. He and June will be doing some Dresden Doll’s covers.

  6. Poteet
    February 1st, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    Monday spoilers –

    ReFoob. Theme: Does Phil have a thing about Connie or doesn’t he? Characters: Elly and Connie. I say: It’s fun to see some stories play out again even if one already knows the ending.

    Some stories. Definitely not this one.

    Luann. Theme: Luann, nobly sacrificing herself for Delta. Characters: Luann, Delta, Bernice. I say: Poor Elwood.

  7. dyslexic dog
    February 1st, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    Trixie will be quite tasty, having been turned into a brisket after chewing through the power cable.

  8. druidbros
    February 1st, 2009 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – I would have assumed that Rex had learned to know when to play stupid by now in his marriage. But some show of intelligence is just too much to ask. If he was a real man he would sleep on the cabin floor instead of next to her.

  9. druidbros
    February 1st, 2009 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    MW – And in this comic again we have a woman harassing another emasculated man. Lynn decides its time to make sure her dad can only cry, wet his bed, and take out the trash for the rest of his unnatural life.

  10. Black Drazon
    February 1st, 2009 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    This turn of man-eat-man events gives an all new meaning to the term “Belly Laffs”, except that it, too, will be portrayed in a series of cookie-cutter filler strips.

  11. Warren
    February 1st, 2009 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    Cannibalism? Are you serious? Just look at those faces. Twenty-odd years of being around that smug infant who refuses to grow up have robbed them of all will to live. Only the sweet, numbing glow of the idiot box lets them forget their situation enough that they can take care of basic bodily functions. Now they will simply sit in those chairs, staring off into space, and starve to death, while Marvin cracks jokes about the internet or something.

  12. Harold
    February 1st, 2009 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    Panel 2 could be used for any night of the Morgans’ marriage.

  13. Mac
    February 1st, 2009 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    I like to think that the power is out at Casa Flagston because they haven’t paid their power bill in three months, that they have also neglected their mortgage payments and that before the cannibalism sets in they will be evicted and forced into the homeless shelter. I’m just a softy, I guess.

  14. Erik
    February 1st, 2009 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    I couldn’t help but notice Trixie’s absence in that morose family meltdown. Has the cannibalism surfaced already?

  15. Steven
    February 2nd, 2009 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    Marvin’s parents brought him over and told the old folks they weren’t sure how to dress the baby. Sara Palin style.

  16. troy macgregor
    February 2nd, 2009 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Look at Marvin’s grandparents! Never have I seen such despair, as they look towards the audience with expressions that beg the audience to please do away with them now and liberate them from that non-aging smartassed hellspawn.

  17. fishmorgjp
    February 2nd, 2009 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    Maybe the Creatures from the Outer Darkness will finally reclaim Marvin, and take him back there! Yippee!

  18. AmandaTheGreat
    February 2nd, 2009 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    The Flagstons have clearly already turned to cannibalism, as evidenced by the conspicuous absence of Trixie.

  19. teddytoad
    February 2nd, 2009 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    Gaah, that petulant look of Rex’s in panel two! Is Rex supposed to be a likable character? At least Margo’s awesome bitchiness is to the 3-G writers’ credit. For Rex Morgan, M.D., I can only imagine the pitch to King’s Syndicate:

    “All right, we’ll have this really rich and handsome doctor who whines a lot, sort of lets circumstances dictate his actions to him, and repeatedly proves himself less competent than his wife, a vaguely lesbian nurse. We’ll have lots of inadvertent subtext and double entendre to further paint this guy as the embarrassing shell of a man. Oh, and here’s the kicker: it’s not a comedy! We make no jokes, and don’t attempt satire or social comment in the least. What do you say?”

  20. teddytoad
    February 2nd, 2009 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    Re #10 Black Drazon: My suggestion for this week’s “Belly Laffs”:

    “You know you’ve cooked and eaten your infant daughter when you gain five pounds of ‘baby fat.’”

  21. papa zita
    February 2nd, 2009 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    early Monday:

    A3G: Margo conjures up a diary, and meddles Mary Worth style, but with an open viciousness that Mary does everything to hide.

    MW: When the walls are more interesting than Mary, it’s time to move on.

    Rex Morgan, MD. No. That Can’t Be Right: Guido has suddenly turned into a generic white man. I’d count that as a medical emergency.
    P.S. It’s a medical emergency, Rex. Who cares if you’re in a spooge-stained robe. Just get your ass over there.

  22. peabody
    February 2nd, 2009 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    What exactly is Lois complaining about when she says “No lights” (I’ll just ignore the fact that she’s looking directly at a light while saying it)? No light means that she temporarily doesn’t have to see the rest of her family’s hair, which can only be a good thing.

  23. compass rose
    February 2nd, 2009 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    S.N. Tadpole, (#258, previous): It’s a porcupine.

  24. compass rose
    February 2nd, 2009 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    oops, I see that Helena already helped out, next thread. (I can’t keep up!)

  25. Gnoll
    February 2nd, 2009 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Obviously these comics are referencing the ice storms in Kentucky that caused several power outages. This can only mean that both Marvin and Hi and Lois live in Kentucky.

    Looks like I’ve got to drop out of school and move right now, there’s no way I can share a state with these people.

  26. Ethan Shuster
    February 2nd, 2009 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    I cannot think of a sadder, more “dysfunctional” image than two morose grandparents unable to even show the slightest bit of interest in their baby grandson. While other children’s grandparents take joy in watching them play, Marvin’s wordlessly say, “Is this all there is?” as they ponder a life unfulfilled. Though, I suppose most grandparents get to witnesses children as they look on their world in wonder. Instead, they got Marvin, a sardonic mean-spirited little person who may actually have some sort of undiagnosed mood disorder.

  27. bartcow
    February 2nd, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    So Rex and June turned out the lights to coit (that is the verb, right?), the result of which caused outages across the rest of the comics world? I knew their having relations would come to no good. It would be easy to assume that Rex is aware of the dangers as well; but in reality, he just finds sex with his wife icky, metaphysical ramifications or not.

    And yes, when Rex and June do it, they refer to it as “metaphysical ramifications”.

  28. Patrick
    February 2nd, 2009 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    June appears to have grown hairy knuckles in panel 3. That would certainly help her attempts to get busy with Rex.

  29. Joe Blevins
    February 2nd, 2009 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    “And you want to do this now? Tonight?” This phrase comes up in Rex and June’s pillow talk way more often than it should, which is never.

  30. Sparky
    February 2nd, 2009 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    M’Duke: Monday! OMG! They’re feeding him an entire family!
    A3G: Monday! Margo is enjoying the anguish of Nora in a weird Mary Worth-ish way. I’m shocked.
    RMMD: My call: The little tyke is a typhoid-Mary carrier of some exotic horrible disease … planted there by the godless leaders of the strike.
    FW: Sunday! “Comic John” inherits Becky from Wally? And she dumped soldierboy for being a POW or MIA. Tom Batiuk’s gloominess is sourced on his personal experience with prostate cancer. Explains tons.

  31. Catu
    February 28th, 2009 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    Sorry for commenting on a post from almost a month ago, but I must say that the dialogue in Rex Morgan reminds me of Tricky Cad. That’s how little sense it makes. And it rhymes, too.

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