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Mark Trail, 11/1/13

Ha ha, that’s a good one, Cherry, but we all know that Rusty doesn’t have any “friends”! Still, the story is plausible enough to satisfy Mark, who after all has managed to come home from his adventure, narrate the entire tale of that time he and a senator grappled with political corruption and then watched a man die, and then sit down to a delicious dinner of whole turkey and white globs before realizing that his beloved ward wasn’t around. Do you think it would’ve taken him this long to notice that Andy was missing? Anyway, that bear has already stumbled upon Rusty’s shallow grave and is right now disposing of the problem, and Cherry knows it’ll be easy enough to find another funny-looking orphan who’ll answer to “Rusty” if he knows what’s good for him.

Archie, 11/1/13

Yup, just another installment in the Terrible Ennui Of Living In Riverdale! “Must be nice to date the captain of the football team!” Betty says to Veronica. “Must be nice to not be inexplicably trapped in the romantic orbit of Archie Andrews, who’s mildly handsome and sort of nice and not particularly smart! God, what a couple of sad chumps we are!” But it turns out Midge finds her romantic links with Moose to be nothing but a crushing embarrassment. Love is nothing but shame!