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Metapost: Comment of the week all the time!

Hey there everyone! Your comment of the week shortly, but first a quick note that if you are in Baltimore or are Baltimore-adjacent tomorrow, why not come see me perform in Everybody All The Time, a delightful variety show at the Windup Space in Station North where I will be performing. I am authorized to tell you that I will be unveiling my new character there, Gary the Emotionally Fragile Substitute Yoga Instructor. If that doesn’t put butts in seats, what will?

You can stay in your current seat and still enjoy the comment of the week, of course:

“Ugh, you take us from Tommy straight to Tommie? What a cruel, disappointing arc.” –John Small Berries

And the runners up! Very funny!

“You’d think Plato would be a bit more optimistic, since today was the day when Sarge finally inspired him to mop the sky.” –Tophat

Rex Morgan, M.D.: “The very future of the museum is riding on the assumption that a five year old is going to produce, in four weeks, a book of drawings that is going to generate the necessary revenue, and/or that watching said five year old produce said book will produce additional revenue via increased attendance. If Sarah is actually able to pull this off, her arrogance will grow from merely grotesque to super-human proportions. She will be unstoppable!” –Gladly, the cross-eyed bear

“They were giving things away. I normally don’t get flu shots, but they were free, so I got twelve!” –Pozzo

“Still I admire Reeky’s spirit. He could have claimed to have just got out of jail, something that Slylock might have at least had to check. But our Reeky keeps it classy. ‘Call Queen Elizabeth. She’ll vouch for me. Here, let me give you her cell number.’” –Aviatrix

“If there was ever an underwhelmed reaction to a sudden bear attack, it’s that man reading the paper. ‘Oh man, a bear? Given the statistics, I always figured it would be car crash or a cardiac episode. Well, let’s get this over with…’” –pugfuggly

As Mother Earth’s creation, I must touch her. I just hope She can feel me through this two-foot thick slab of concrete and all the plumbing and infrastructure that must lie beneath it. Like the Princess and the Pea, y’know? Feel that, Mother Earth? THEM’S MAH FEET!” –DownInTheValley

“Is this finally it? Are we finally at the story where Walt Wallet dies? Because I can definitely forgive the strip for the annoying New Years death fakeout if Walt is violently torn apart by a mob consisting of the types of people who still read newspapers.” –Roto13

Apartment 3-G: “You girls are going to love Jim! He’s such a dear! Wait … dear … dear … deer! OH MY GOD THE DEER I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO FEED IT FOR THE PAST WEEK THAT MUST BE SOURCE OF THE HORRIBLE STENCH IN MY CLOSET!!!” –Perky Bird

“That’s right, Snuffy, lie to yourself. It’s scary to admit your best friend was an inbred old baby man.” –Inkwell

“I love the way Gina’s mom, like all the other adults in this strip, stands in the background with a look that can mean nothing but that she’s thinking of what an asshole Dennis is.” –Dr. Mabuse

“Joey’s fear is misdirected. The noodles are his friends. That brown glop in the drinking glasses — the stuff that’s slowly eating away at the plastic straws? — that’s the Foreign Menace on this happy little table.” –jvwalt

‘Wilbur will be there’ is Charterstone code for ‘Yes, I’m serving mayonnaise.’” –Dood

“You know, every time you think Funky Winkerbean is as depressing as it gets, it tosses out a little daily like this to remind you: all these people had the happiest days of their life in high school. And it was Westview High School.” –Chip Whittle

Luann: “Admittedly, it’s been a while since I was in high school, but isn’t prom typically at the end of the school year? We’re not going to be talking about prom all the way until May, are we? DEAR GOD, THE DITHERING.” –The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan

“I prefer to think that Crankshaft’s Elderly Neighbor (Rose? Who cares, right?) is recoiling not from the sight of Crankshaft’s shriveled, naked penis, but the hail of gunfire that obviously follows.” –bunivasal

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And, just as an advertising program note, I’ve started using BuySellAds as a platform for you to buy ads directly on my site on a CPM basis. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

62 responses to “Metapost: Comment of the week all the time!”

  1. Amos Snarkadder
    February 21st, 2014 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Congratz, John Small Berries and floaters! Hey, throw some Berries, Small Berries!

  2. Midtown
    February 21st, 2014 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to all the funny folks of the week! Josh, is your new character inspired by a certain yoga instructor in Mary Worth?

  3. Poteet
    February 21st, 2014 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Cheers and caperings for small berries and the other very funny floaters! Asterisks to Aviatrix and DownInTheValley.

  4. Poteet
    February 21st, 2014 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#3): Whoops, that shoulda been John Small Berries. Pardon me.

  5. Poteet
    February 21st, 2014 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#YY237): Interesting idea. Hey — let’s make the culprit Les, with whom Delta has been having a secret torrid affair! Her constantly-expressed Concern For Humankind is just a cover.

  6. Poteet
    February 21st, 2014 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think the Magic Expanding Casserole Dish should be given a regular gig in this strip.

  7. Arabella
    February 21st, 2014 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Some great comments this week — good cure for the winter doldrums. I hope someone will be throwing discounted Valentine chocolates. (please, no chocolate pumpkins)

  8. tallyHO
    February 21st, 2014 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to John Small Berries and the Juicy Crew of Floaters!

  9. pugfuggly
    February 21st, 2014 at 1:40 pm [Reply]


    Congrats to John Small Berries and the rest of the Floaters. My personal star goes next to Perky Bird’s dead deer comment.

  10. Shrug
    February 21st, 2014 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to John Small Berries and his fruitful followers on the Float. Shrug Spotlight this week goes to Perky Bird.

    Throw bottles full of water from the Fountain of Youth! Next week, after we’ve drunk them, there’ll be a surprise as all of the Mudges lining the streets of the Float Parade will have turned into Marvin!

    (Brings mops and shovels. Oh, the humanity!)

  11. bbofun
    February 21st, 2014 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#8): “John Small Berries and the Juicy Crew of Floaters: is my “Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch” tribute band.

  12. Perky Bird
    February 21st, 2014 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#9): @Shrug (#10): Thanks, guys! I don’t have any bottled Fountain of Youth water to toss, but have a Reusable BPA-Free Water Bottle of Youth that will turn any tap water into a healthy, youth-restoring beverage! Plus, it’s friendlier to the environment!

  13. Perky Bird
    February 21st, 2014 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#12): On second thought, those might not be such a good idea after all–they say “Made on Flyspeck Island…”

  14. pugfuggly
    February 21st, 2014 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#13):


  15. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2014 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail Mangroves, eh? Well, that means we are in Florida, and not only Florida, but the southern part of the state! Isn’t that great!

    // Also great are the comments this week! (Pozzo’s was my favorite.)

  16. Tom, the Sailor Man
    February 21st, 2014 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations floaters! Lots of funny stuff this week (as always!)

    Word of caution – keep one hand on your towel when you throw beads!

  17. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 21st, 2014 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#15):

    By a strange coincidence, the name of this week’s COTW is spelled “John Small Berries.” But it’s pronounced “Throatwobbler Mangrove.”

    Congratulations, everyone!

  18. Perky Bird
    February 21st, 2014 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#15): Of course Mark chooses to frequent mangrove swamps! We’ve seen the way he rejects the advances of his “wife,” Cherry, and every other female in the strip, so it would be asking way too much of him to visit the womangrove swamps.

  19. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    February 21st, 2014 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, all!

  20. Roy of the Limberlost
    February 21st, 2014 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    It’s Westview not Spokane, which isn’t much of a difference though. Was there a meth storyline I missed?

  21. Pozzo
    February 21st, 2014 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#15):

    I humbly thank you.

  22. tallyHO
    February 21st, 2014 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#11):

    I can only expect your cover of “Cold Beverages” is great. Unh-huh!

  23. tallyHO
    February 21st, 2014 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#11):
    I was thinking of G. Love and Special Sauce.

    Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch did “Good Vibrations”.

    I still think you should work in “Cold Beverages” though.

  24. Poteet
    February 21st, 2014 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT: Her reaction seems a bit much. Or is the Crank’s junk a modern version of Medusa’s face?

  25. White Rabbit
    February 21st, 2014 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to John Small Berries, and all the other Lectroids at Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems! Hope you get back to Planet Ten real soon!

  26. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2014 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    And a big tip o’ the jock strap to John Small Berries and all who float about him.

  27. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2014 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#5):

    Oh, yeah, Les! The only problem is that Les doesn’t shoot semen. He shoots mayonnaise.

    //By the way, I’m glad you’re not from Northwood.

  28. Mibbitmaker
    February 21st, 2014 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    My computer broke down and I had to get a new one. I went from PC to laptop, and I’m having a hard time adjusting (esp to Windows 8!) to it. My posts may be sparse for a little while, and my webcomics won’t be on for a while as I struggle to get the printer-scanner to connect to my new computer.

    And special note to Mary Worth: do not try to help! Thank you.

  29. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2014 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#27):

    Dang. I was thinking of Gunther, not Lesley (senior moment – YEA!). Les doesn’t shoot semen, he shoots bullets.

  30. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2014 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#28):

    My wife got a new laptop with Windows 8. I hear her yelling at her computer all the time.

    //I’m silent. I still use Windows 7.

  31. Dale
    February 21st, 2014 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#15):

    MARK TRAIL and SLYLOCK FOX are both about animals and crime fighting.
    Mark has the advantage of Time Traveling!

  32. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2014 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#28): @Sequitur (#30): I despise Windows 8 so much that I’m considering a Mac for my next computer. (Almost 40 years of working with computers, professionally, and as a hobbyist, and I’ve never owned an Apple product. Maybe it’s time.)

    // Of course, I use Linux (Mint, MATE) most of the time, anyway, but sometimes you have to use mainstream aps.

  33. Aviatrix
    February 21st, 2014 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#96): I do, and I find it irritating when someone posts the same thing again in another thread, because I might skip comments above it, thinking “I’ve seen that one, I must have already read this far.”

  34. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2014 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#32):

    I often thought of using Linux. That penguin is so damn cute.

    //Penguin also doesn’t wear pants. Just spreads it for all to see.

  35. Aviatrix
    February 21st, 2014 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I’m floating! This is great. I can just tie a string to this auxiliary float and drag it behind, for a tremendous savings on jet fuel.

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#37): Dick Tracy – I have high hopes that we’ll get to see the hyena carrier, and it’ll look like a larger standing hyena made of pressboard, hinged, with a handle on top.

    @pugfuggly (#19): Ah, now we see the difference between the two Mark Trails. Good Mark discusses his love life suspicions of potential criminals with live animals, while Evil Mark talks over his problems with his taxidermied fish, like some kind
    of aquatic Norman Bates.

    @TheDiva (#38): Phantom: This was back when tying people up in front of the police station with a note describing a crime was considered proof of guilt.

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#102): that would make a most excellent Sunday strip – one giant page of incoming fire- exploding huts, smoke, fire with cancer patients, tarantulas and babes running here there and everywhere, and in the middle of it all, like Custer at Little Bighorn, Alan Parker with a suitcase of money at his feet -deliriously happily taking notes for his screenplay

    @pugfuggly (#31): A3G I just love that up until now Tommie had no real ‘exit strategy’ for her little fawn project. As if she was just going to raise the fucking thing herself, and then have a full-grown deer wandering the apartment, grazing on the shag carpeting and rutting with the coffee table. Presumable she’d have to get another deer to keep it company, and soon enough there’d be a whole new brood of fawns waiting to be raised by her. Soon they’d be overrun with ungulates, and then they’d have to bring in wolves to balance out the ecosystem that is apartment 3G. Actually, that sounds awesome, can we do that instead of whatever Margo’s going to suggest?

  36. Peanut Gallery
    February 21st, 2014 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#30): I’m a Plugger. I still use Windows XP. ;-)

    @Mibbitmaker (#28): But even though I’m still on Windows XP, I sense that it won’t last forever, so I’ve done a bit of research to reassure myself that I could cope with Windows 8 if I have to. Specifically, I’ve noted a few links on how to make Windows 8 behave more like Windows 7. I haven’t tried any of this stuff, but it might be helpful: 1 2 3

  37. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2014 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#34): That penguin is so damn cute.

    Lyle Lovett agrees with you.

  38. Liam
    February 21st, 2014 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    MW-”But, Mom, I’ve just gotten out of a long relationship where I was the bitch. I’m not ready to be in another relationship.”

    A3G-I think it’s time that you tell Tommie that is not a deer she has that is a human baby she has.

  39. Liam
    February 21st, 2014 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley-”What’s the difference between what I’m doing and what those people who sell those bottles of water at grocery stores?”

  40. Ebenezer Wasabi
    February 21st, 2014 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Congo Bill Bailey (#y109): He came close to being discovered a half century ago when a pile of Crankscat was found near the body of Lillian’s cat “Sylvester.”

    To be fair, witnesses reported seeing Sylvester in a heated argument with a yellow canary less than an hour before his body was found.

    Congrats to everyone who was chosen this week — especially John Small Berries, Esq.

  41. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2014 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#37):

    Ah! Lyle Lovett! Fellow Texan and penguin aficionado! And former banger of Julia Roberts.

    //He makes us good lookin’ guys wonder what we’re doing wrong.

  42. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 21st, 2014 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to this week’s float folk.

    bunivasal, know that your Crankshaft snark made me audibly crack up. I’m not saying I’m proud that the mention of a senior citizen being fatally shot by police makes me laugh, but I’m glad to be among people who will understand.

  43. Liam
    February 21st, 2014 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    MW-Tommy, where’s your messiah now?

  44. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 21st, 2014 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, float-folk! I missed many of these the first time around–very funny!

  45. Elk Meadow
    February 21st, 2014 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations, floaters!


    Anyone else care to bet that tomorrow, RMMD is going to jump back to the storyline of the high school principal who said he had been in the army, but wasn’t?

  46. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    February 21st, 2014 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#30):

    I use a Mac and an iPad. All is well.

    // I use Windows 7 at work, MUCH better than XP!

  47. Droopy Says
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to all the Floaters!

    Now we know why MJ married Peter: she’s the most charitable soul on earth. Who else would give an entire penny for one of Spiderman’s thoughts?

    Family Circus: Thel’s crisp look of despair says it all: why does Billy’s first coherent sentence have to be a cruel mockery of Dowwy’s tragic lack of a future?

    FW: Oooh, Cleveland! Broadcasting directly to Cancerville! BTW, does Batass understand how network affiliates work?

    Flatulent Alley: And now Walt will tell us he heard it straight from PT Barnum’s lips.

    Jugheaded Parker: Yeah, blame the Russians. It couldn’t be any of a hundred other national police or intelligence agencies who have taken an interest in an international arms smuggler.

    Mark Trail: I’d snark, but the art is too good and this fits into the story: Let’s hire Marlin to mount Rusty’s catch!

    Phantom: Has the “artist” ever seen anyone handle two huge, heavily-laden boxes like that? Or even seen real-life hands?

    Pluggers never took drugs in the Sixties

  48. Droopy Says
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    Sorry. I was laughing too hard to complete my Pluggers snark. I’m feeling much better now.

    Pluggers never took drugs in the Sixties, and

  49. Hank G.
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    The Phantom: The Phantom stumbles into historic treasures like Bill Clinton stumbles into ladies’ vaginas.

  50. Majicou
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    GA: Ah, so it’s not fraud if the mark falls for it! Well, this valuable insight should revolutionize our judicial system.

    GA: At the tender age of INTEGER_OVERFLOW, Walt Wallet finds his true calling as a homeopath.

  51. Hank G.
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#47):

    FW: Oooh, Cleveland! Broadcasting directly to Cancerville! BTW, does Batass understand how network affiliates work?

    ABC does own a limited number of local affiliates, although Cleveland is not one of them. If he had offered to send her to Fresno, California, it would have been both accurate and plausible.

  52. Poteet
    February 22nd, 2014 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#42): I understand. Actually I wouldn’t have minded if the Crank had gone down in a hail of gunfire, but I would have been very upset if Pickles had been hurt.

  53. Poteet
    February 22nd, 2014 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    JP: All this skulduggery would make a lot more sense if the compound weren’t the size of Connecticut and easily visible from the air.

  54. Poteet
    February 22nd, 2014 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    MW: Yes, it makes perfect sense that a young man like Tommy would want to skulk around his mother’s apartment and probably have to spend time with her old boring friends, rather than take the first opportunity to decamp so he can find and hang around with his own friends.

  55. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    This is the story
    Of Tommy the tweaker
    He was a methamphetamine seeker
    He was an ex-con and he was a rat,
    But Tommy had a soul
    As small as a gnat!

    Hi-de-hi-de-hi! (etc.)

    Now one day Tommy was feelin’ sad
    ’bout all the heinous baggage that he had
    He couldn’t face
    Old Mary Worth
    The evilest biddy
    On this Earth!


  56. Mr. O'Malley
    February 22nd, 2014 at 3:25 am [Reply]

    Windows 8 has a desktop very similar to Windows 7, except there’s no start menu. I understand you can get third-party start menus. I got a Windows 8 laptop, but my wife grabbed it for reading in bed, because it’s much lighter than our other laptops.

    I have a dual-boot Windows 7 and 8, which I normally keep running 7, but recently I had a pesky virus infection, so I went over to 8 and disinfected the 7 disk from 8. Worked very well.

    Both Windows 7 and 8 will run XP in a virtual machine. Not difficult to install. Some XP software won’t run in 7 but you can install it on the VM.

  57. Dale
    February 22nd, 2014 at 4:42 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#33):

    Me, too. I also don’t like seeing the same comment on another site.

  58. Huckleberry Fink
    February 22nd, 2014 at 4:44 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan:By this time next year, Buck will be singing soprano in the Vienna Boys’ Choir.

  59. Huckleberry Fink
    February 22nd, 2014 at 5:05 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#33), @Dale (#57): As far as I know, there’s no way to control that. Especially if someone else reposts your comment in order to add a little clarity/context to their response*. If they’re posting in a new thread, most people aren’t going to go back and read the original comment.

    *Assuming, of course, they’re moved to respond in the first place!

  60. Bill Peschel
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#36): Best way to make Win8 look like 7 is to get 7. Seriously. If you can do it, go for it. (I have 7, of course).

    Now on to the comics:

    ASM: “I was just thinking how dumb I was” could hereafter be the last panel for every “adventure” Peter fails at.

    FOOB: “A nerd in the hand” raises a deeply unsettling image. Brain bleach, please.

    JP: “You work for the NSA! How do you think they knew you were coming here?” Expecting a cameo from Edward Snowden in 4, 3, 2 …

  61. Bill Peschel
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Two more:

    RM: “I have to drink to put up with you” And we get an insight into the breakup of Martha Stewart’s marriage.

    LU: Nicole Kidman? Bet he was really thinking Hugh Jackman.

  62. Chip Whittle
    February 22nd, 2014 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Ooh, thank you! I’m so happy to be among the floating after a long dry spell. Must remember to not be boring in the future.

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