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The King and His Horses is their debut album

Heathcliff, 8/12/14

Here’s an amazing fact that maybe you’re smarter than me and it’s not news to you but maybe it will blow your mind as much as it did mine — I think maybe Ryan North’s Twitter feed is where I heard it but I’m not 100% sure. But, anyway: have you ever noticed that nowhere in the Humpty Dumpty rhyme does it mention that Humpty Dumpty is an enormous man-egg? It’s true! It’s not clear from the rhyme’s history whether he was always meant to be an egg — perhaps it was originally a riddle with his eggish nature as the answer as to why he couldn’t be reassembled. Wikipedia says that “the rhyme is no longer posed as a riddle, since the answer is now so well known.” Humpty-as-egg is such a well-known bit of pop culture, in fact, that Heathcliff and his friends have named their new eggcore band “Dumpty,” which nicely fits into the narrow space between whimsically surreal and thuddingly stupid where Heathcliff has found its sweet spot.

Better Half, 8/12/14

Stanley and Harriet yearn for the days when healthy electronic pizza will be a thing. Until then, they’ll just keep on eating enormous blobs of chocolate-chip cookie dough, I guess.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/12/14

Les has finally figured out that probably nobody wants to see a movie of Lisa’s Story and definitely nobody wants to see a comic version of the story of how Lisa’s Story got made into a movie, so he’s now kicked us into a mildly more interesting fantasy sequence instead.

236 responses to “The King and His Horses is their debut album”

  1. Voyage of the Oversnark
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    Man, Heathcliff sure was quick with the Mork from Ork tribute band.

  2. Captain Emu Philips
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    @Señora Wences (#y188):

    Henry is upset because the postman keeps “losing” his Victoria’s Secret catalogues.

    And when they do show up, the furshlugginer pages are stuck together!

  3. Rusty
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    FW: You’re damning it with faint praise. It just gives a new avenue to snark, for instance, Batiuk thinks Americans in the 40′s (I guess) all spoke like British dandies.

  4. Droopy Says
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    9 Chinless Lane: There’s no way Brooke can salvage this worthless crap, so he’ll change the subject by bringing in his bozoid robots. “Look! In that wheat field, beneath our flying saucer! A crop circle, in the pattern of our ‘Invade and Conquer Me’ symbol!” I for one welcome our alien masters with a sense of relief.

    Spidercan’t: We want action, too, Jameson, but you don’t hear us complaining . . . okay, you do. Think of it as a tribute to your incompetence.

    Dick Tracy: “Not much activity here,” says a character as the strip goes meta.

    Family Circus: “Define ‘average’ ‘Daddy.’”

    Funky Stinkerbean: We interrupt this delusional storyline to bring you a hallucinatory sidebar.

    Flatulence Alley: At least we were spared that parrot today, but are these bird-brains any better?

    Jugheaded Parker: Sanchez, having Alan Parker as your only client is the perfect business strategy. Nobody sues him and people give him every possible break. All Sam has to do is notarize some papers and collect his ten percent rake-off.

    Mark Trail: Mark hears yet another strange, unLoFo name. Where do they all come from? Why do they cause him so much trouble? What is the connection? Suspicion dawns. There must be a hidden mastermind behind all the evil. Can it be? Yes! His course is clear. He will punch the beard of TRMT!

    Mary Mirthless: “I think she’s beautiful, inside and out” is code for “I understand why you think she’s a nasty little toad!”

    Phantom: Phantom, let’s discuss semantics and synonyms. Your head is not “clearing now,” it has “always been empty.”

    Pluggers see loose change and whine about being broke. They pick it up and whine about their stiff backs. They pocket it and whine about how it was worth more in the good old days.

    RM, MD: Moose, listen to Squirrel! Never trust Fearless Leader!

  5. Baka Gaijin
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: By the time this story hits the busybody gossip circuit, Mary will have telekinetically plucked Olive out of the pool during a typhoon, with not a hair on her perfectly coiffed head moving out of place.

  6. gleeb
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    Yeah, Humpty-as-egg being a riddle makes sense. Of course, the yolk’s out of the shell for everyone now, so you don’t think of it that way. I’m disappointed the egg costumes don’t have “EGG” written on them, but I guess that’s just for helmets.

  7. Captain Emu Philips
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    @Voyage of the Oversnark (#1):

    Always on the cutting edge, Gallagher plans to have them die by GATOerotic asphyxiation.

  8. Guts Dozier
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    HC – “Dumpty’s Big Fall” is how the media refers to the scandal that erupted after the it was discovered that the band uses pre-recorded backing tracks at their live shows. Their instruments aren’t even plugged in!

  9. HAnzMFG
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    Stanley and Harriet are so casual about the bizarre alien lifeforms propagating on their table. Whatever those lumpy, spotted, writhing shapes are that they ordered, they sure as hell aren’t pizza.

  10. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    MW – I’m glad they have at least clarified that it was the middle of the night when Olive fell into the pool. I suppose it is possible that the Charterstone Tire Fire casts a perpetual glow over the area, explaining why most of the incident appears to have occured in broad daylight:

  11. Liam
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Wow. That is just such a terrible name for a device. And you call yourself a newspaper editor.”

    A3G-Looks like we’ve reached the end of panel two. Now us the readers shall never know what Carol was going to say.

    Better Half-I’m waiting for downloadable digital food.

    FC-You are so far above average, Dolly, that there aren’t tests out there to study how far above average you are.

    JP-”But what about us? I thought we had a thing together. Remember that ‘raise’ I gave you last week.”

    MT-Ah women. Always getting themselves into some kind of trouble.

    MT-”Well, Taurus, I can tell you when that hippo attacked I felt like a Mighty Whitey.”

    MW-”I am the Great Mary Worth. Are you questioning me?”

    MW-”From the giant image of her that you’re projecting she doesn’t look that beautiful to me.”

    RMMD-”I see you are back without Dr. Golden’s fingerprints all over you. That’s a good sign.”

  12. Mibbitmaker
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    Goo goo goo joob, Heathcliff.

    9CL: Really pertinent question just thrown away in a (nau)sea of prurient, self-involved grossness.
    Great intellect, ladies and gentlemen!

    MW: The Psychic Friends Network at its lowest ebb.

    FW: Even in his tiresome fantasies, Les has his “I’m better than you” look, and everyone agrees that he’s just so bloody awesome! Les is a real Marty Stu(ck-up)!

  13. Aggie Mack
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Unfortunately, a woman named “Yolko Ono” will cause the band to break up.

  14. Mibbitmaker
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G tomorrow:

    Panel 1: “But what?”
    Panel 2: “Well…”

    ….and the next day…..

    Caption: “Later that day….”
    Panel 1: “You know something, Tommie?”
    Panel 2: “What’s that?”

  15. nescio
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: they are actually just doing a concert to promote Dumpty brand wearable litter boxes.

  16. Dennis Jimenez
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    Heath – The beat is regular – it helps me take a dumpty….

    B/H – Electronic coke – to help with the coke-nose….

    FW – I like the realism of the strip – Edward R. Murrow and Erich Von Stroheim consult while Les is off-camera boffing the starlet….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  17. word-doctor
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    MT: Crap. This interruption means we won’t get to hear Mark get the “They call me MISTER Childers” treatment.

    Crock: Props for staying up-to-date with the current lunar phase.

    GA: Jeez, Boog, if a digital kiss does this to you before you even hair out, your first lay is gonna be Le Petit Mort Muy Grande For Real Pull Your Panties On and Find The Defib.

  18. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    A3G – “That’s not unusual, Carol”

    “How so? I’m older than I once was, but younger than I’ll be in tomorrow’s strip. That’s not unusual? Is it strange that, after changes upon changes, we are more or less the same? Just with our faces melted in different ways?”

    9CL – A good way to deal with criticism is to keep repeating the same story over and over until your critics tire of pointing out what is wrong with it. Bill is on active duty, and has deserted his unit in the face of the enemy in order to run off with some French pastry? That critique got tired over three months ago. They keep staying in the same location from which numerous German soldiers have already confronted them, yet as soon as each one is dispatched they go right back to their witty, intellectual banter and erotic commingling? Sheesh, you were saying that two months ago, get over it!

    Isn’t it time for Bill’s head wound to act up again and move the plot forward? Please? Just anything other then endless encounters with kitten-eyed German soldiers who are inevitably dispatched when they are distracted by teh sexy, followed by more stimulating conversation, followed by foreplay, followed by more kitten-eyed Germans – please?

    We can haz different comic stripz?

  19. Pozzo
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    Unfortunately, Dumpty broke up after their drummer got hooked on crack.

  20. lorne
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    How do you balance a drum kit on a fence?

    I can handle the egg costumes and the cats playing instruments, but that drum kit is where I’ve decided to draw the line.

  21. Ratiocinator
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    R.I.P. Robin Williams. :(

    9CL: “Fuck until the war’s completely over,” got it.

    ASM: “Not to be confused with my ‘octavator’, which measures audible sound.”

    Garfield: The answer to why you would want all of those extras, Jon, is lying on the table behind you.

    JP: I like people telling Sam how empty his life is and making him question his reason to go on living it. More of this, please!

    Mutts: “If we don’t have a union based on mutual resentment and a hatred bubbling just below the surface, then we have nothing! We’re like the Lockhorns, basically, except with pincers.”

    RMMD: “Oh, she didn’t need to tell me. Who doesn’t hate those change-makers, all high and mighty with their fancy cash registers and their rolls of coins? Oooo, just thinking about them right now makes my blood boil!”

  22. Marc
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    Cranky- Sounds like NPR laughed Batiul out of the room when he tried to pitch them a radio version of Lisa’s story. Now he’s out for petty revenge.

  23. Dennis Jimenez
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#19): Or catnip….

  24. Maltmasher
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    FW- I’m waiting for the crossover with the gang from the Chickweed Lane flashback coming on the set and rogering the whole cast. It’s the only thing they did in the 40′s, right?

  25. WLP
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    Chocolate-chip cookie dough? And here I thought they were spotted slugs . . . wearing flesh toned berets on their rear ends . . .

  26. Little Guy
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    @Voyage of the Oversnark (#1): Aisle seat, and new keyboard.

    ASM: If it wasn’t a plot point, J^3 would have told Peter that a good photographer knows where Doc Ock would be, and he would have taken the cost of the device from Peter’s pay.

    Curtis: We get it. He’s an asshole boss. Move on.

  27. Dulip
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    @Aggie Mack (#13): yolko juevo

  28. aphthakid
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m just going to wait until Sunday when Mary can explain to a different friend that she spent this week explaining to this friend what we’d already seen happen in the previous week. Worthception!

    ASM: Oooh! A gigantic pager! What decade is this again? Shouldn’t there be an atrociously named Ock-App for that?

    FW: Pip pip, old bean! This is a jolly good film, eh wot?

    FW: It’s hard to believe we now have two comic strips where the “story” is an elaborate delusion one of the characters is having about the 1940′s. Borrowing storylines from 9CL is surely a sign that you’re out of ideas.

  29. Esther Blodgett
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    @Aggie Mack (#13): Hahahahaha!

  30. Jenny Creed
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men
    Could never make Heathcliff funny again

  31. pugfuggly
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff So now we know where Heathcliff gets all his money for fish and unicycles and hot-air balloons: on weekends he shills for the American Egg Board with his band, playing songs about how HDL cholesterol is actually good for you and might even reduce the chance of coronary problems. Ugh, I used to think you were cool, man…

    B1/2 Whatever ‘Electronic Pizza’ might be, it’s got to be better than sitting down to a plate of spotted beanbags.

    FW I wasn’t sure how you could make Les douchier, but the key seems to involve suspenders and a fedora.

  32. Peanut Gallery
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Better Half – That’s not chocolate-chip cookie dough. They’ve slaughtered and eaten the creature from Put Me in the Zoo!

  33. TheDiva
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    BH: I’m not sure if eating a quilt is more or less healthy than eating pizza.

    FW: So nobody really stays dead? Come to think of it, this is a perfect metaphor for BSD Lisa.

    Heathcliff: What kind of music would Dumpty play? Going by the costumes I’m guessing early Genesis-style prog rock.

  34. Mibbitmaker
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    More Proof that Dr. Kapuht was a Bad Doctor

    (Years ago, at med school)

    Instructor: “To better understand that stage of development, use the word “blastocyst” in a sentence. Kapuht?”

    Dr. K: “Okay, I’m gonna blastocyst right outta your torso, Little girl!”


    From a scene in an upcoming Crankshaft.

  35. pugfuggly
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    C’shaft Finally, someone has the guts to take on the lying hypocrites at NPR! Instead of constantly asking for money from your listeners while claiming you’re ‘commercial-free’, you should be living off the government teat, so guys like Ed could go back to their traditional complains about ‘muh tax dollers…’

    JP You’re right Sam: what’s the use of being a ludicrously overpaid lawyer if you don’t have a fancy office to hang out in? Besides the piles of money, of course.

    MT In other news, Mark learns Taurus’ surname for no reason at all. ‘Childers? I was expecting something a little more..uh..’african’, you know? Maybe something with a click in it, or one of those M-B combos? Anyhow, maybe I’ll just keep calling you Taurus..”

    MW As is tradition in Mary Worth plots, it’s not over until the giant floating head appears. It might be quite a while after, but certainly not before.

    SM For once, Peter has an expression that perfectly suits the situation. ‘Ocktivator’? Ugh…..

  36. Ned Ryerson
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    9CL & Pibgorn: You guys do know that some sociopathic fangirl abducted Brooke M. years ago, hobbled him with gardening implements and is keeping him locked up in a root cellar, forcing him to crank this shit out, right?

  37. Pozzo
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#23): I was going for an egg thing. I realize it wasn’t much of a yolk…

  38. Esther Blodgett
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    FW: Now it’s turning into Fight Club, except I hope both of Les’ personalities kill each other.

    Heathcliff: Are there many songs composed for guitar, drums, and three-stringed bass?

    Pluggers: Right. As if Pluggers keep their money in banks. When the U.S. went off the gold standard, they stuffed their life savings under their mattress where, if it hasn’t earned any interest, it at least has doubled in weight from accumulated dust mites and Plugger night-sweat.

  39. Illustrator Steve
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    MT – NICE drawing of the old Jeepster, TRMT! They’ve become more and more of a popular addition to vintage car collections … you might say they are very popular in the community.

    MT – ” Help, HELP!! Will somebody please HELP me get this cape buffalo out of my tent so I can get some shut-eye?!!”

  40. WordboyDave
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Notice that there are no notes drawn anywhere to show that music is actually playing. We are invited to picture Heathcliff and his “bandmates” dressed as eggs, holding instruments, and making no sound at all. Heathcliff has joined Mummenschantz.

  41. TheDiva
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    9CL: Robin Williams is dead, yet this misery is allowed to continue?

    A3G: Hey, if I were Jack I’d stay away from this mess as long as possible myself.

    C’shaft: Think there will be an observation on hospital food before the week is out?

    JP: “But if I don’t have an office, where will I pretend to do anything?”

    Luann: The sad thing is, none of them are being sarcastic.

    MT: Wow, they’re rolling a lot of random encounters on this trip!

    MW: “Damn it, Toby, stop asking questions and praise me already! Do you think I hang out with you because I enjoy your conversation?”

  42. Enlong
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#3): Hey, I’d speak like a British dandy all the time, if I thought I could get away with it without getting slapped inside the first 15 minutes.

  43. Ned Ryerson
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    I got bad news for you, Leslie baby. You’ve been blacklisted!
    But I ain’t no red!
    It ain’t ’cause they think you’re a red, ol’ bean, it’s ’cause every script you’ve written is a piece of shit.

  44. Mibbitmaker
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    @aphthakid (#28): re: FW: ……or that Batiuk and McEldowney are the same person!

  45. Illustrator Steve
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    MT – “Well, Taurus, I can tell you – yes, I can tell how you can’t wait for me to tell you the story again, so *ahem*, here it goes … when that hippo attacked I grabbed that flaming torch and…”

    “Help, HELP!! Enough with your story, Mark! WHAT’S a girl supposed to do in order to get some sleep around here?!”

    “Okay, okay … I can take a hint, Lori! I guess I may have worn that story out!”

  46. Liam
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    MT-”Say, Taurus, I never learned your full name but then again I don’t really care you’re just a background character who occasionally gets some occasionally lines. Oh by the way can you put this red shirt on.”

  47. Liam
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    FW-I’m hoping Les is near death at the end of this chapter and doesn’t come back for the next one.

  48. A Fat Blonde Kid On A School Trip
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Better Half- My dog can draw a better looking slice of pizza than that!

  49. bunivasal
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    The Nutmeg family stare on in dismay and horror into the alley, where dozens of cats have been stuffed, dressed in horrifying costumes, and arranged as though they’re attending a bizarre prog-rock concert.

    Iggy slowly twists some taxidermy wire between his fingers. Then he dispassionately comments in a lilting, grammarless cadence: “his new band”

  50. S. Stout
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    At the time it was written, Humpty Dumpty was a short rhyme about a drunkard who fell off a wall and died of his injuries. “Humpty Dumpty” referred to a brandy drink. It had nothing to do with an egg; humans are just as breakable given certain heights.

  51. Thomas K. Dye
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Yes, it’s a riddle. That’s how I found it in an old folk rhyme book… underneath the poem, upside down, in italics, is written “An egg.” As in, “guess what this is.”

  52. Illustrator Steve
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    MT – “CHILDERS … my full name is Taurus Childers! You might recognize my family’s name since it’s painted in big letters across the sterns of the fleet of freighters owned by my family’s questionable exporting business … as a sideline, we also specialize in kidnapping naive American tourists!”

  53. Master Softheart
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    JP: This sequence is one of the most beautifully meta-level Judge Parker conversations ever! Sam’s actual law practice has been abstracted away and the readers have been invited to assume that it was churning along in the background, ready to spit out a new plot development if needed. Sam handles the California winery’s legal needs when Trudi’s jutting proves incapable of smoothing out their business problems (is Sam even bar admitted in California? Who cares!), handles real estate and basic contract work for Rocky Ledge while giving him informal marriage advice, and ignores every rule of legal ethics to leap to the assistance of a criminal defendant when Randy can’t handle the first and only court session he’s held as the new Judge Parker. He also had vague but grandiose plans to shift his entire practice to boutique environmental law in order to facilitate sustainable industry on the advice of his pre-teen adopted daughter.

    But now, we learn (apparently at the same moment that Sam does as well) that he has no clients and no real work. Sam looks rather stunned to learn that his entire law practice has been a fiction and he does nothing professionally except collect obscene fees for performing odd jobs and mismanaging Abbey’s investments.

    And remember hiring Steve Shannon? Steve agreed to work essentially without regular pay until he had “proven” himself to Sam, despite caring for his sick and elderly mother and dealing with his own handicap and crippling PTSD? Has Steve been busily stealing all of Sam’s old, anonymous clients over the last few years by providing the prompt, courteous, and legally impeccable services that they never received from Driver & Parker and now feels himself ready to abandon his nominal boss, or has he just been boffing Gloria on Sam’s desk all day for the last few years and relying on his military pension and health benefits to keep up? I guess that’s the part of JAG work that they don’t tell you about…

    And the great thing about all of this is that Sam looks precisely as confused about these questions as we are. “You mean that all this time while I was being stalked by murderous strippers in Phoenix and getting implausible deals from murderous pot growers and Hollywood producers, no one was actually running my practice? I thought we had just abstracted the legal stuff out of this comic to focus on people giving me money and how amazing retired Judge Alan Parker actually is. No one told me that unless I practiced law on panel, it didn’t happen!” I look forward to the personal crisis of identity and self-worth that Sam is about to suffer as he wonders why he bothered with Harvard Law instead of art school and finds that his evening bottle of wine is no longer enough to keep at bay the terrible shallowness and graveyard of wasted potential that his life has somehow become.

    And you may find yourself living in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife, and you may ask yourself, well – how did I get here?

  54. gelded wildebeeste
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Some ‘mudges are thinking that Heathcliff’s band would play prog rock. The funny thing is, there was a prog rock band back in the day named Egg. Really! They were considered part of the Canterbury Scene that included such bands as Caravan and the Soft Machine. So that was a hugely accurate guess on everyones’ part! (More information about Egg can be found on the Internet.)

  55. Mibbitmaker
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#41): re: 9CL: I feel similarly about FW’s Les. A true comedic genius is done in by clinical depression, yet that comic strip douchbag is allowed to live. If you ask me, le chat bleu is not doing its job.

  56. Illustrator Steve
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    MT – “That’s nice, Taurus, but could you now please resume your work duties by cleaning up this camp? This place smells like a buffalo shit in here!”

  57. gelded wildebeeste
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff- “Rock and Roll is the Deviled Egg’s music.” – Ed Crankshaft

  58. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    FW: He fantasizes that people call him “Leslie”?

  59. MissMikey
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    9CL: My knowledge of D-Day comes largely from multiple viewings of “The Longest Day,” “Band of Brothers,” and various documentaries. And when I watch those, since I am a civilian I naturally start thinking about what civilians must have experienced. Strangely, the idea that they might have spent that time endlessly bonking in various haystacks across the countryside while casually shooting all ten of the Nazis that seem to be occupying Normandy never crossed my mind.

    FW: What is the deal with Funky Fan on Comics Kingdom? Is he for real? Are his admirers for real? These people make unironic Luann fans look like they’re writing for the New York Review of Books.

  60. White Rabbit
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    FW: Les is named Leslie? I thought he was a Lester.

    MtM: Mandrake is going for a little Mark Trail animal art. Looks like 50,000 years in the future, when the world is ruled by women, the bear shall lie down with the gorilla. Nice going, girls!

  61. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Heath: “His new band.” Duh, really? What I want to know is how you fit a drum kit on top of a fence.

  62. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @White Rabbit (#60): FW: Because it rhymes with “fester” and “molester”.

  63. Pozzo
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    I don’t think the old folks are standing behind the kid, since you can’t see their bodies. My guess is that their images are imprinted on the windowshade in a vain attempt to fool Heathcliff into thinking they’re always keeping an eye on him.

  64. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#50): I’d heard that it was symbolic of the English economy.

  65. RadonPlasma
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Better Half: Given that we can see the crust on those babies, it looks like our dubious duo are nomming down on globby slices of chocolate chip cookie dough pie, which sounds easily diabe-tastic enough to be an actual item served at actual American eateries.

  66. TheDiva
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @MissMikey (#59): I suspect he is a troll, one with an extremely limited repertoire. I’m not sure how much of the other CK commentators are taking him seriously, but I fear the number is distressingly high.

  67. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    JP: If I were to steal Sam Driver’s clients, I’d START with the Hon. Justice Alan Parker. His contracts pay very lucratively for about a half hour’s work, and you always get to write off an adventure vacation as a business expense.

    I love the last panel. “You only come in to have a cup of coffee, Sam!”

    “Oh shit, I’m so busted!”

  68. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Mandrake: For years, men did their best to destroy all animal life! Like making mink coats, snakeskin pumps and alligator handbags!”

  69. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    (#59): FW: What is the deal with Funky Fan on Comics Kingdom?

    I wonder that myself. He seems to have hijacked the entire board, chiming in as the first post most days with a wall of text effusively praising the strip in a tone that I can’t believe is not sarcasm or parody. These days, by the time I log in his posts have usually been flagged and are no longer shown.

    I know some believe that Tom has posted in the past as redronin. I don’t think he is “funkyfan” – even his ego wouldn’t particpate in such over the top nonsense. And I see that there are now a host of “Way to go funkyfan!” usernames following every missive, which then get flagged as multiple IDs of the original funkyfan.

    “This story arc gets better and better every day. It is clear that you are at the top of your game and have no intention of slowing down. You truly are a master story teller and this is the finest strip in the comics section.
    As to the idiot trolls/bullies, their cluelessness is reaching new lows on a daily basis. They have been totally owned and their stupidity is on full display. Even their childish insults and vomitous garbage are now falling flat and getting no support. They are utterly over and done with here but those wastes of board space and bandwidth have absolutely no clue. These twits are quite possibly the biggest idiots I have ever seen.”


  70. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    “Carry this walkie-talkie-like thing around all day! I call it the Ock-tivator!”

    “Maybe Ock can use the millions of research dollars to invent ‘texting’. Oh, no need, someone beat him to it by around ten years. But yeah, I’m sure this limited-purpose, singular-function, leaden block is way better.”

  71. made of wince
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: The band is performing the “Dumpty Dance” song, which is a tribute to their local hero, the Garbage Ape. So do the Dumpty Dump, or else fear the sloppy simian’s wrath.

    BH: No, Stanley, they do NOT make healthy electronic cigarettes, because you’re still inhaling harmful toxins when you use them. So think about that. And I’m sure you’ll have a lot of time to think, since you’ll be up most of the night trying to digest that….thing.

  72. The Real Mark Trail
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#39): Thank you… I wanted two distinctly different looking “safari vehicles” (for reasons, upcoming)

  73. Bill Peschel
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Master Softheart, that’s worthy of COTW longform division, if only for paying attention and recalling all the plot threads.

    MW’s friend better watch it (yeah, I can’t remember her name), she’s about to stumble on the secret of why Mary’s been on the scene all this time. Soon there’s going to be another body in the pool.

    Sally Forth should be accorded respect today for its ability to merge a huge amount of text, niftily detailed background drawing, a meta reference, and not making a hash of it. Well done!

  74. Brad
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    The Dumpty Dance is your chance to… uh, ew… nevermind.

  75. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Yo, my name is Dumpty, pronounced with an Ump-tee.
    Felines in the alleyway, please allow me to hump thee.

  76. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    BH: Looks to me like they’re folding laundry.

  77. Uncle Lumpy
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#5):

    … the busybody gossip circuit …

    Do they have a web site? If they do, I imagine Mary’s there every day at the crack of dawn, praising herself and damning ‘haters.’

  78. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    MT: Oh what the hell is it now? Can’t I complete a conversation without having to save your asses?

  79. pugfuggly
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#53):

    Very nice.

    It’s funny, I’d always thought of Sam as a kind of Tom Hagan to Alan’s Vito: a cool consigliere who had fully embraced his role in the Parkerverse and had no qualms about it. Maybe there’s more depth to him than that and this self-reflection has really caused him some sadness. Or maybe tomorrow he’ll just shrug and buy himself another yacht. Yeah, probably the second one.

  80. Marcus Theory
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Other comic strip band names:

    Marvin: Dumpy
    Cathy: Frumpy
    Luann: Humpy
    Gil Thorp: Stumpy
    Funky Winkerbean: Les and the Metastasizers

  81. Marc
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @The Real Mark Trail (#72): Is it because not only will Taurus be attacked by a hippo and stampede of Cape buffalo, but Mark will also smash up his safari vehicle collection? Man, that poor guy can’t catch a break.

  82. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#69): What does Funky Fan say about Crankasshat? Today’s joke was faint with a weak delivery. Would he commend it with some high praise, and then digress to a diatribe on spending government money for liberal propaganda?

    Whatever. I once owned a radio with a cassette player like that in 1982.

  83. pastordan
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Eh, I’m waiting for Heathcliff to join the Residents. Maybe Gwar.

  84. Red Greenback
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    HC: The previous drummers for Dumpty have spontaneously-poached for some mysterious reason.

    FW: Les has always struck me as being more of a bottom.

    MT: “Clint … my full name is Clint Taurus!”

  85. Old School Allie Cat
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Leslie Whattawriter – Les seems to have forgotten that smoking causes cancer. CANCERCANCER!

    Luann – So, a week of saying goodbye to Delta, another week of goodbyes to Bernice, and then…maybe Luann will have a SPECIAL goodbye to Quill – by which I mean she gives him a lock of hair. Come on, these two are never going to knock boots. Then what – do we finally get to see Luann matriculate at Community Jr. U?

    Nancy – You forgot QLUNQ!, Gilchrist.

  86. Occam
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    “The King and His Horses” sounds like a Steeleye Span album.

  87. Écureuil Écumant
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#38): “Are there many songs composed for guitar, drums, and three-stringed bass?” Only if Jack Bruce busts a string during the set.

  88. Écureuil Écumant
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#44): Dr. Batty and Mr. Snide?

  89. Liam
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff-And the best part is there is no need to egg the band since they are already egged.

  90. Amos Snarkadder
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @MissMikey (#59): @TheDiva (#66): @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#69):
    I figured he was our own, beloved Susann Smith, President, Les Moore Fan Club, LLC!
    There’s an eerie similarity, doncha think?

  91. Jim in Wisc.
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Family Circus Freaks: Dolly is so far below average, she has to look up to see the core of the earth.

  92. Amos Snarkadder
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    A3G Well, another man’s done gone.

    Family Circumference Girth or weight, Dolly?

    MW Oh, please! Toby’s just stringing the old girl along. That story’s made the Charterstone circuit at least twice.

  93. Crankenstank
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure this _Better Half_ is a plant from the Tobacco Institute. Notice how they got the fiction electronic cigarettes are “healthy” and then compared their harm to that of eating a delicious pizza every once in a while?

    The next thing you know, the fantasy storyline characters in Funky Winkerbean will have slices of pizza dangling out of their mouths instead of cigarettes.

    On a related note, I have an idea for a new terminal illness story line for Funky Winkerbean. Fun times with cancer!! Woot!!

  94. Arabella
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#41): re Crankshaft: “…observation on hospital food before the week is out?”
    Don’t forget about all those old magazines in the doctor’s office.

    MW: Is this the wrap? We’ve gone to the Hail Mary stage already? But what about Dr. K? Is he just going to be left there, a ticking time bomb, to wreak havoc on the NEXT little girl with a cyst?

  95. Shrug
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#18):

    Unfortunately, neither of them is going home, and no one will find some comfort there.

  96. Jim in Wisc.
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#90): At least funkyfan is only posting once a day now. For a while he was posting the same missive as many as 4 or 5 times a day.

  97. Tom, the Sailor Man
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:37 am [Reply]

  98. Frank Lee MeiDere
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Occam (#86): Went to Buffalo back in the early ’70s to see Jethro Tull. Steeleye Span opened, at which point I almost didn’t care if Tull even stepped on stage. (He did, finally, and it was amazing — but Span really knocked me out.)

    // Did a Google search. It must have been Oct. of 1971, which sounds right.

  99. Schuyler
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    FW: All this time, I thought his name was Lester. But of course. Of course no one in this depressing pit of a town would name their child something as sensible as Lester. Gotta get your knives in early. It’s not a childhood without cruel taunting, right?

  100. tallyHO
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    I can’t add much to things because Tuesday work if you are hanging with Morrie but the funnies don’t always hold much for me. But, I did post most of this way early this AM. I figure I will throw the same pitch, but this time aim for the corner.

    Heathcliff is one bombastic entertainer when he wishes. As for those fretting about how the guitarist, bass player and drummer are all balanced on the fence, my theory is that for everyone of Heathcliff’s bands they have a mini-stage behind the fence. It’s too high to be trashcans. So, I’m going with the idea that he had some colleagues build a stage.

    That cat is a show cat. The trompe l’loeil and the slight of paw is his often his thing.

    Blondie-Get up, stand up! Don’t give up the fight! I love it how the two guys just expect Dagwood to ensure this rumor doesn’t come to pass. I’ve never ever thought of Dag as being an enforcer. Though, he is often portrayed as a defender of food so perhaps that is the role he is playing, with aplomb.

    You can tell by the look of worry on Peter Parker’s face* that the “Ock-tivator” is a device which is supposed to be kept near a dangling object which will be “Ock-tivated” by a tingling sensation which will turn that dangling object into a divining rod which will point the way to Doc Ock.

    (*he’s the incredibly gullible Amazing Comic Strip Spider-Man!)

    Mary Worth You can tell by the look on her friend’s face that she is concerned that Mary went Night Swimming with that Olive kid. It looks awkward, very awkward. But, no, Mary will assuage her concerns by revealing she had been dreaming about the child. Mary should probably stifle it and she should have instead led with the revelation that she is psychic and that the child sees fairies and angels. Get the crazy out the way, I say! Once you do that it makes everything much more believable.

    a3g Say, hypothetically, Doctor Jack, Large Animal Physician, got killed by a small, aggravated fawn. Would that be ironic? Or would that be typical of this storyline? I mean, guys die often in this strip, right? It’s either death or they go to England.

    Mark Trail ™ , we know that to protect his trademark (no pun intended), Mark must introduce himself with his full name. So, it is odd that he didn’t ask Taurus what his full name was early on. Actually, it would seem like he would have done so upon meeting him. Oh, wait, that was filler to kill time until a crime was being committed. Or, is is a hornless rhino doing what a horny rhino does without thinking about it?

  101. Optimus Prime Rib
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#69):

    While I think Funky Winkerbean deserves much of its critiques; I have to admit I like Funkyfan’s daily posts. They are so over the top that they become meta-snarky–able In one fell swoop to poke fun at the strip and its detractors.

  102. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#85): Les seems to have forgotten that smoking causes cancer.

    Pfui. Everybody knows that smoking didn’t cause cancer until 1964, when the Surgeon General went and ruined it for everybody.

  103. Cloudbuster
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

  104. Cloudbuster
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#36): That shows a level and kindness and sympathy toward McEldowney not often found here. Of course, it’s batshit crazy, so that’s probably why.

  105. David
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    O you woefully ignorant human! Heathcliff and his two disciples have begun the invocation that will manifest the elder god whose glowing gold eye already stares down from its inky-black home beyond space and time. His true name is unpronounceable to our tongues, so we call him “Dumpty.” The convocants await their time, when the eldritch destructive force is unleashed, cleansing the earth of humanity and establishing the rule of cats. And you, puny human, just think that it is three normal cats dressed as eggs, playing guitars and drums.

  106. Cloudbuster
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#104): And I mean “batshit crazy” in only the most complimentary way.

  107. Ukulele Ike
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#102): Before 1964, it just stunted your growth.

  108. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    H-Cliff: Guys, if you’re going to act out the lyrics of the song, you really need a frontman in a walrus mask.

    FW: As cancer-conscious as he is, Les can’t fantasize about living in the forties without lighting up in his dreams. Unfortunately it looks like he’s forgotten how to smoke.

  109. revenge4aldo
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    FC: “Mean, median or mode?”

  110. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    MT: Just when Taurus Childersthankyouverymuch was about to open up about himself. Poor man seems stuck permanently in the Bit Character Zone.

    MW: She could tell you, but then she’d have to kill you. Bore you to death. You know what I mean.

    Crock: Are all Crocks reruns now like we were told? Or is this new somehow? I’m just trying to ass-certain whether this trick was original to Martine in 9 Chickweed Lane or she stole it from her kindred spirit, Crock.

    9CL: And speaking of, it looks like she and Bill intend to keep rutting at planned intervals until their German would-be assassin tires of life and turns his gun on himself. Or at least until someone does.

    RMMD: “Look dear, I know your husband’s name is in the title, but it’s a drag to stick on every little continuity error.”

    BB: Privatization alert. It looks like Camp Swampy’s latest monument was donated by Hasbro, and they weren’t real choosy about the design.

    6C: A line that TS Eliot excised from his first draft of The Waste Land.

    EC: Now the cell phone salesman is going to be Googling “nude MILF selfies” in the vague hopes of seeing obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin.

    DtM: Dennis attempts menace by trying to start a fight between his dad and the mailman, but I think even the post office filters out people crazy enough to take criticism of junk mail personally.

    A3G: “You’re right, Tommie, but… This is going to sound silly. He took the only copy of the script with him.”

  111. White Rabbit
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#62): Remember Fester Bestertester?

  112. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#18): So Bill and Martine’s way of evading capture and/or death is basically Brooke’s approach to writing the strip writ small? Yeah, that would account for the results. His, not theirs.

  113. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#22):

    Now he’s out for petty revenge.

    And he’s gotten the pettiest!

  114. Little Sparkle Farkle
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Pibgorn gives us two philias in one nicely-rendered package: pedo and necro. Now that’s value!

  115. Les Moore Fan Club, LLC
    August 12th, 2014 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#90): I must say I am Disappointed that you would mistake my sincere appreciation of our dear Les for the heavy-handed, sarcastic ravings of that obvious troll who appears on Comics Kingdom as “funkyfan.” His repetitive, limited vocabulary suggests that he is merely trying to “stir the pot” among the many Les detractors found there. I would NEVER stoop to post my musings on such a place! Instead I chose CC as the site where I occasionally “chime in” with my gentle observations and my (usually unheeded) advice to Les. Indeed, I have felt accepted by the erudite and open-minded participants here who can at least tolerate a contrarian viewpoint, and who, I hope, MAY develop a better understanding of “what makes Les tick” from the writings of one who is his Soulmate.

    And furthermore, I obviously DO NOT share “funkyfan’s” unbridled admiration of the celebrated Mr. Batiuk. Remember who was responsible for WRITING ME OUT of Les’s world!!!

    Somewhat fuming,
    Susan Smith, President

  116. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#53): Ah, you even wind up with a perfectly a propos Talking Heads quote. I can only stand and marvel.

  117. Ignatz
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:10 pm [Reply]


    “I’M A FUCKING EGG! You sent horses?

  118. Majicou
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee MeiDere (#98):
    >Jethro Tull
    > He did

    Houston, we’ve had a pronoun problem…

  119. Frank Lee MeiDere
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#118): True that. Still, it’s hard to keep in mind that a name like Jethro Tull is actually the group and not the front man. Unlike, say, the Doobie Brothers, which really was composed of brothers named Doobie.


  120. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#112): 9CL – Months ago, when we first got stuck in this loop, someone posted dialogue for Martine: “Keep fornicating! Maybe they will get bored and wander off!”. I’m beginning to think that dialogue applies to Brooke as well.

  121. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee MeiDere (#119): Interesting…

    Oh, by the way, which one’s Pink?

  122. Ebenezer Wasabi
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Ignatz (#117): It makes sense if they’re planning to make deviled eggs with horseradish.

  123. Ebenezer Wasabi
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee MeiDere (#119): I thought “Doobie Gillis” was played by Dwayne Hickman.

  124. Frank Lee MeiDere
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#121): Dumb question — obviously it’s Floyd.

  125. tallyHO
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#121):

    I hope you do be kidding.

  126. Amos Snarkadder
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#115): Please accept My Deepest and Most Sincere Apologies. I never meant to offend. I should add that I greatly enjoy and appreciate your insightful comments and sage advice to Les. (I can’t imagine why he doesn’t listen to you. He could avoid many of the difficulties he encounters if he did.)
    And please, please, don’t afflict me with cancer. Or whatever dread fatal disease Cayla will develop soon enough.
    Most Grovelly Yours,
    Amos Snarkadder

  127. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee MeiDere (#124): @tallyHO (#125): I thought he was one of the species of small furry animals gathered in that cave, grooving with a pict?

  128. Amos Snarkadder
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#110):

    A3G: “You’re right, Tommie, but… This is going to sound silly. He took the only copy of the script with him.”

    Oooh! Ooooh! COTW-worthy!

  129. Frank Lee MeiDere
    August 12th, 2014 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#125): Oops. A belated “I saw what you did there.”

  130. Avoiding the Madding Crowd
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Summer is going to be over soon, and we haven’t seen Luann, Tiffany, etc., on the beach in their cute little bikinis yet. Better get with it Evans, time is running out for our annual cleavage-fest.

  131. tallyHO
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#128):
    That is pretty good.
    It certainly would explain some of what (hasn’t) happened in the past month.

    I repeat myself but: either let something happen and switch to something different or Make It Stop!

    Seriously, if this “storyline” stopped no one would care. It would be like a tree hugger tripping over a log in the forest. No one would hear it, they’d get right back up off the ground and never speak of it again, and, you know, what ever.

  132. Majicou
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#121): I dunno, I still wish Hootie would get back together with The Blowfish.

  133. Peanut Gallery
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    JP – “But we have such good coffee here.”

    “It’s the same kind you drink at home.”

    “No! It’s office coffee! Office coffee is completely different!”

  134. Ebenezer Wasabi
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Ripley’s: “I Am the Walrus” (a/k/a “Why the Walrus Sucks”)

    Nancy: Where’s a real doctor Dr. Kapuht when you need him?

  135. Brandi
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    The Rock Cats are real-life Dumpty. And yes, that is a chicken playing the tambourine.

  136. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#132): I’ve always found artists with a named backing band to be interesting. I mean, how do you end up as “Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band”? Do the E-Street Band members ever ask Bruce why he is the only one with a name credit? (No, they do not. Because Bruce is the Boss.)

    I’d love to see a Garfunkel and Oates style tour featuring instrumental-only versions of hits by The Revolution and The Silver Bullet Band.

  137. Uncle Lumpy
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#115):

    You are not out, my dear — you are not even down. Just look at Les’s Fantasy Jungle Lisa gracing the cover of his pulp novel yesterday. Let your hair grow out a little, accessorize with a jungle theme, and get a lot more aggressive, and literally be the “girl of his dreams.”

    The prize is waiting, girl. Waiting for you.

  138. Yolko Ono's Boyfriend
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Aggie Mack (#13), @Ebenezer Wasabi (#134):

    ♫ I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
    I am the walrus, goo goo goo joob goo goo goo joob
    Goo goo goo joob goo goo goo joob
    Goo gooooooooooo jooba jooba jooba jooba jooba jooba
    Jooba jooba
    Jooba jooba
    Jooba jooba ♫

  139. cheech wizard
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    JP – You know how some people dream of quitting their jobs and telling their boss off, letting him know what a useless, lazy p.o.s. he is? I think that’s what Gloria is doing here.

  140. Bill Peschel
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee MeiDere (#119): Not to mention Pink Floyd. But which one’s Pink?

  141. Uncle Lumpy
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#139):

    You mean feigning with dank praise?

  142. Uncle Lumpy
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

  143. Écureuil Écumant
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    ASM: That’s no Oct-ivator, it’s a fartbox.

  144. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @White Rabbit (#111): No, I remember Uncle Fester and Chester the Molester.

  145. Bill Peschel
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Cripe! Calvin and Frank beat me to it. I’ve got to read ahead before commenting.

  146. Frank Lee MeiDere
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Peschel (#140): Someone already asked, and the answer is obviously this guy

  147. Écureuil Écumant
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Find a couple of coins every time they walk through a Walmart parking lot — because it always takes them two hours and four tours through the lot to find their car.

  148. Frank Lee MeiDere
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#141): Oh. Just — oh.

  149. hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#136): The E-Street Band produced some names that went solo. Steve Van Zant and Clarence Clemmons come to mind.

    The Silver Bullet Band, the Revolution, the Attractions, the News, et al. never seemed to have a member that would rise above “former member of the ____ which backed artist _____.”

  150. cheech wizard
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    9CL – When I was in high school, I used to draw cartoons that were full of sniggling innuendos and whose plots were little more than flimsy pretenses for people to have sex. I got sent to the principal’s office; Brooke gets published in family newspapers.

  151. Liam
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-And when Dagwood is arrested for murdering Mr. Dithers his co-workers will deny any involvement with Dagwood.

  152. Écureuil Écumant
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Popeye: Velma Viper’s vaping with Popeye and Bluto. Hey, any chance you can pick up maybe a quarter of that spinach for me, babe?

  153. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#150): At least with Greg Evans, you know that he has a secret file somewhere with the x-rated drawings of his characters, and only renders the newspaper versions sexless because he fears losing his audience.

    With Brooke, I suspect it is a Tales of Ribaldry scenario, where he is only interested in the excuses to have sex and the sniggering innuendo. If he drew them actually having sex, he would lose the interest of his audience of one.

    Either that, or he has never managed to remain conscious long enough to know what anything actually looks like.

  154. Écureuil Écumant
    August 12th, 2014 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: Difference #1: Between panels 1 and 2, the dog finished growing a tail.

  155. Red Greenback
    August 12th, 2014 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    LH’s: Leroy’s on cloud 9 when he wears that suit.

  156. Phred22
    August 12th, 2014 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: I heard that Humpty Dumpty originally was a disguised reference to the humpbacked king, Richard III, who did have a great fall. He didn’t have enough horses or men.

  157. Écureuil Écumant
    August 12th, 2014 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#155): And meanwhile in Vaseline Alley, Boog’s shorted out the flux capacitor in his starboard testicle. She cannae stand th’ strrrrain, Cap’n!

  158. skirtmanwarrior
    August 12th, 2014 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Ratting out his dad for equating Our Nation’s Man In Uniform with a cat’s anus–very menacing indeed! Dennis will be moving in on mom as soon as Homeland Security carts his dad’s seditious ass off to Gitmo.

  159. Somebody in FL
    August 12th, 2014 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Re Heathcliff: What is that large creature with the yellow eye in the upper left corner? Is it something from outer space come to feast on the raw eggs to get to the chewy center?

  160. Droopy Says
    August 12th, 2014 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    FW: I thought the hoity-toity “old top” crap had to do with The Great Gatsby. It would fit Batiuk’s style: use a pretentious bit of characterization that’s out of date by several decades, and get it wrong. And what’s with the need to explain cliffhangers? Is Les fantasizing that Mason Jarr is an eternal idiot, or is Batiuk seriously impressed with himself for knowing this? I haven’t seen such hack writing since . . . since . . . just the other day, when Brooke had a bullet fail to penetrate both the lenses in a sniperscope.

  161. Peanut Gallery
    August 12th, 2014 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#75):
    And all the readers in the audience –
    please allow me to stump thee.
    I’m dealin’ whimsy, never flimsy,
    and just like Humpty Dumpty
    you’re gonna crack up when tomorrow’s strip trumps me.
    I like to rhyme,
    I like my Winkerbeans Funky,
    I’m grumpy. I like my uncles Lumpy.
    I’m sick wit dis, weird attitude
    but sometimes I get ridiculous
    I don’t eat cat food, I prefer Swedish Fish
    hey yo curmudgeon, c’mere — are ya ticklish?

  162. Peanut Gallery
    August 12th, 2014 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#84):

    FW: Les has always struck me as being more of a bottom.

    He couldn’t call him “Old Bean” because that would remind people of how many days it has been since Funky Winkerbean has appeared in the strip that bears his name.

  163. Ratiocinator
    August 12th, 2014 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Brad (#74): Do me baby…

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#120): Damn, when parody becomes accurate prediction of what you’re going to do, it’s time to hang up the tools of your trade, Brooke.

  164. Peanut Gallery
    August 12th, 2014 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee MeiDere (#119): At least we can say for sure that doobies were involved.

  165. rbmalpha
    August 12th, 2014 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Oh man, I can’t wait for the inevitable crowd surfing accident.

    Better Half: Stanley yearns for the day that he will be able to become a human battery, and eat and enjoy anything he wants in the Matrix while his digestive tract is pumped with beige glop.

    Funky Fantasybean: Is it bad that I think Les actually looks better with the old-timey Hollywood movie star pencil moustache? As a matter of fact, fantasy Les simply has more style than real Les. I actually hope that this dream sequence never ends; sure, the characters are stuck with stupid pun names like “Les Moore” and “Mason Jarr”, but it’s still better than the usual miseryfest.

  166. giraffe-o
    August 12th, 2014 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Yes, Josh : that factoid about Humpty Dumpty not explicitly being an egg-man did blow my mind, thank you very much.

  167. Shrug
    August 12th, 2014 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee MeiDere (#119):

    “Unlike, say, the Doobie Brothers, which really was composed of brothers named Doobie.”

    Huh? I always thought it was composed of doobies named Brother.

  168. TheDiva
    August 12th, 2014 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#150): Did you use a thesaurus? It gives your writing a thin pretense of respectability that tends to fool people…

    Meanwhile over in Pibgorn, I suppose getting through this speech without dry humping would have been too much to ask.

  169. Esther Blodgett
    August 12th, 2014 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#87): Or three, if he’s playing his Fender VI.

  170. KreatureFeatures
    August 12th, 2014 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    FW: I lived in Hollywood during the 1980′s. There were pimps dressed in yachting caps and purple jackets, cruising in their convertible Cadillacs. There were working girls on every other corner. We met Bill Gazzari, and hung out at the Roxy and the Whisky A-Go-Go, and witnessed the birth of punk rock. Muttering vagrants would argue with passers-by about the Pope, and the meaning of the universe. I would hitchhike along the Sunset Strip on my way to UCLA, and screenwriters, weirdos, and would-be actresses would give me rides. It was a place infinitely more interesting than the Hollywood depicted in this comic strip.

  171. Calico
    August 12th, 2014 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Hi Josh and all – I mentioned maybe a year ago that Frank McCourt posited the very same question to his students at Stuy in NYC. Just sayin’! Hope all is well.

  172. KreatureFeatures
    August 12th, 2014 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    One more Hollywood memory was getting pushed into my first mosh pit at a Black Flag concert. Talk about your Jungle Action!

  173. White Rabbit
    August 12th, 2014 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#144): Ahhh, yes! Fester and Karbunkle were the creation of Mad’s maddest artist, the great Don Martin (Fnnnnooosht! Shtoink!)

  174. Écureuil Écumant
    August 12th, 2014 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#161): Are you Garbage Ape? Because you do smell like lutefisk.

  175. Droopy Says
    August 12th, 2014 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#170): I grew up in suburban Orange County in the Sixties. No book stores. The nearest library was a mile away and didn’t have much to offer. No museums. No parks worthy of the name. People believed in Art Linkletter, polyester and Dragnet. It, too, was a place infinitely more interesting than the Hollywood depicted in this comic strip.

  176. KreatureFeatures
    August 12th, 2014 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#176): Hey, me too. We were surrounded by miles of orange groves. It was the boondocks. I remember going for a long bike ride through the groves with my brother one day, and we came across a sign that said “Coming soon – the city of Irvine.” You’re lucky to find an orange tree in OC today, let alone the endless groves of my childhood. Yes, even orange groves are more interesting than Les’s Hollywood.

  177. Dagger
    August 12th, 2014 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who thinks there’s a distinct lack of nasally delivered punctuations of “…see?” in Les’ fantasy?

  178. Joe Blevins
    August 12th, 2014 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    FW: This really is a fantasy. Les has never been a “top” in his life. Not even topping from the bottom.

    ‘CLIFF: Okay, I give up… HOW DOES THE MOON WORK IN THE HEATHCLIFF UNIVERSE? The little yellow Pac-Man is the moon. The field of dark blue is the night sky. But what is the black circle?

    BETTER 1/2: These two are still in a staring contest which started sometime during the Carter years.

  179. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: For once, I’m totally on board with what’s going on here: Whenever I’m about to tell my friends that I had a dream-vision that led me to rush to the rescue of a drowning child who happens to be able to predict the future, I too find it really helpful to get my listeners drunk on tumblers full of vodka first!

  180. Majicou
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    I associate “old top” as a nickname not with posh mid-Atlantic accents of yesteryear, but with Buck Strickland from King of the Hill, the goodest good ol’ boy Texas ever produced. Of course, Batiuk’s dialogue is so wretched that I could never hear it in the voices of Stephen Root and Mike Judge, whatever their turns of phrase.

  181. Écureuil Écumant
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#178) on the ‘Cliff: It’s the Ape-Signal, the shadow of a garbage can projected on the Moon by Sterco T. Flocculent, Commissioner, Gotham Municipal Sanitary Authority, to remind Garbage Ape that tonight’s collection night.

  182. Écureuil Écumant
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#179): I’d have to guess that the sun’s not over the yardarm yet either. Though it’s hard to tell in this strip: Mary seems to have more mojo than Gideon when it comes to games of celestial Mother-May-I.

  183. Écureuil Écumant
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#181): Although, given its effect on the appearance of the Moon, it could equally well be termed the Gape-Signal.

  184. Les Moore Fan Club, LLC
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#137): Thank you so much for those words of encouragement!! If only…. if only I had gone to Hollywood with Les, he wouldn’t even need that rather unsettling fantasy. After reading your advice, I was ready to throw caution to the winds and take the next flight to LA.

    However, a professional opportunity has arisen that I simply cannot ignore. I have been offered a locum tenens to “turn things around” at Apartment 3-G. You are all probably aware of the mutiny that has occurred there. Almost all the cast (including those adorable animals) has abandoned ship, except for those two females(?) who are trying to ad lib their way to some plot resolution. And it was confirmed today by @Artist formerly known as Ben (#110) that one of the departing actors actually stole the only copy of the script!

    The management had heard of my successful stint as dialogue coach and lifestyle adviser at Mark Trail, Inc., so they asked me to come aboard to write some plausible ending to this moribund plot, and start a new storyline which would return the action to NYC. So instead of flying to LA, I’ll be motoring to Happiness Falls in upstate New York. A vintage auto is being provided.

    “Wish me luck, I’ll need it”
    Susan Smith, President

  185. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Luann: “What do they wear in Washington D.C.? Suits?”

    Your Pitts High School Valedictorian, everyone.

  186. Peanut Gallery
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#174): If I asked for Swedish Fish and someone gave me lutefisk, well… I’d be very disappointed.

  187. Peanut Gallery
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#170):

    There were pimps dressed in yachting caps and purple jackets

    You mean, like this guy?

  188. Bill Peschel
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#184): Somewhere, Jasper Fforde is muttering “damn, why didn’t I think of that?” and is reaching for his ipad.

  189. Peanut Gallery
    August 12th, 2014 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#184): It isn’t fair to ask the other human characters to compete with your brilliant stage presence. I recommend you kill them off — no, that’s too mean — send them all on a long cruise from which they never return, and just make the strip about you, Lily the Fawn, and Mary the Mare. You can all move into Apartment 3-G and it’ll still be about three “girls” and their wacky adventures in the Big Apple!

  190. Dr. Pill
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @aphthakid (#28): Don’t forget Dick Tracy. ‘Course, the ’40s here are and illusion apparently. ’60s nostalgia has nothing on ’40s nostalgia.

    @pastordan (#83): Maybe the Blue Man Group? Y’know, the Blue Cat Group, using instruments found in the trash.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#127): Hey, yeah, I remember! “Set the controls for the heart of the sun…”

    @hogenmogen (#149): Bill Haley and the Comets at least made sense, no?

  191. tallyHO
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#179):

    Keen eye! It never occurred to me that Mary might try and get someone plastered before embellishing The MYTH OF MARY!

    However, now that you mention it, why not? Even if Mary does not drink, there is no stopping her from acting as mixologist and making one non-alchoholic after another for herself while doubling the booze for the chump.
    Heck, it is probably Toby’s booze, too!

  192. tallyHO
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#171):

    Are you popping up because it looks and reads like you are popping up and “delurking” as the… delurkers say.

    About Heathcliff, the funniest thing to me about the fact that they have a band based on eggs is that I think the bassist and the drummer are the same cats who help him steal the ice cream truck. So, it is some gang thing centered around dairy products.

  193. Peanut Gallery
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#192): It’s just like Josie and the Pussycats. They have a rock band, solve mysteries, and steal ice cream trucks.

  194. Vince M
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @gelded wildebeeste (#54): Oh, I think I remember them – once they jammed with Eric Clapton’s band and they was known as the Canterbury Cream Egg and okay, I’m leaving.

  195. demoncat_4
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    mw come on Toby you know darn well that one of marys may gifts is her ablity to sense when some one is in trouble so she can start meddling and make them sing her praises besides meddlers never sleep. rmmd. not only did those in the building see you talk to our fearless leader june but i bribed the security for the survillance tapes showing you walking into the office. phantom. and chatu is going to need some new furniture after he finaly gets up since the phantom has regain the control. unless chatu goes for his gun next.

  196. Buck Ripsnort
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    Way, way too late for this tidbit of wisdom, but– Humpty Dumpty actually referred to a cannon during the English civil war; it fell off its turret, it cracked, and was never put back together again.

  197. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#191): Oh, Mary drinks—drinks deeply of the misery, the despair, the angst and the pain of those unfortunate souls who happen into her orbit.

    You say “Charterstone pool party”; Mary thinks, “Happy hour at the Despondency Cafe.”

    (I’m sure, though, that we’ve seen strips in which Mary quaffs the sweet wine-blood of her victims.)

  198. Pinewood Tom
    August 12th, 2014 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#y185): Crankshaft: Ed is listening to “Car Talk” on NPR because he heard a rumor that Clack (of “Click and Clack” fame) has just died from auto-erotic asphyxiation.

    You mean it took 37 years for Clack to have a “Dawggy Mountain Breakdown”?

  199. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#196):

    Way, way too late for this tidbit of wisdom, but– Humpty Dumpty actually referred to a cannon during the English civil war; it fell off its turret, it cracked, and was never put back together again.

    Huh? I thought “Humpty Dumpty” was about losing one’s virginity.

  200. seismic-2
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    I’ve always enjoyed the concept that “Humpty Dumpty” was the story of an especially large cannon used by Royalists in their unsuccessful defense against the Roundhead’s seize of Colchester in 1648. Although that origins story has been substantially discredited, it was a good enough tale that in the Jack of Fables comics book the traditional egg representation of Humpty is now adorned in an English Civil War uniform. Whenever he would fall down and crack up, he would bellow a defiant battle cry such as “Remember Colchester!” All the Fables comics are fun like that, of course.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I came home from work a couple of hours ago and learned that Lauren Bacall has died. I have some rather significant drinking to do, for the rest of the evening.

  201. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#200):

    I tip my bourbon to you.

  202. tallyHO
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#197):

    Yikes! A Psychic Succubus, who occasionally has a toddy or two from the tap of the tipsy! Typical Mary! Always leave them high and dry!

  203. Droopy Says
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    @demoncat_4 (#195): If Chatu gets hold of Phantom’s guns, it will turn out they aren’t loaded. Phantom, of course, will give Chatu another beating for defending himself.

  204. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#202):

    DID YOU KNOW… The Bloody Mary cocktail was not named after Mary Worth. In fact, Mary Worth will not drink a Bloody Mary because the name gives her the willies.

    Did you know that?

    I didn’t until I made it up.

  205. Dan
    August 12th, 2014 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Can we assume Dumpty mainly does Digital Underground covers?

  206. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @Dan (#205):

    Heh! Great reference. D(igital)U(nderground)mpty.

    Do’n the Humpty Dance

  207. Pinewood Tom
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#200):

    Thankfully, Lauren Bacall’s friend Maureen O’Hara is still with us. The latter turns 94 on August 17.

  208. tallyHO
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Dan (#205): @Sequitur (#206):

    Well, if that is so then let’s presume that they are tuning up and the cat crowd is just waiting to get into it instead of doing the Pogo or some dance from that time.

    @Sequitur (#204):

    If she drank a Bloody Mary, given the way this strip is drawn and colored, it would look like milk in a glass. The celery would look like a misshapen straw.

  209. Chip Whittle
    August 12th, 2014 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    Lauren Bacall’s died? Good heavens, this could break Brooke McEldowney.

  210. Poteet
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    FW: I agree with the “kicked us” part.

  211. Poteet
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#12): Re MW, BWAHAHA!

  212. Poteet
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary and Olive may have a close friendship, but I’ll bet Olive is the kind of “close friend” who will completely disappear from the strip after this storyline is over. And as poor Toby could testify, that makes Olive a very lucky girl.

  213. Poteet
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    MT: I assume this is an African rock python and is therefore on the CITES “Vulnerable” list and therefore a permit is required to capture it. Remove it from Lori very gently, please, and set it free.

    I think it’s more attractive than Lori, but probably that’s just me.

  214. Poteet
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT: This is the Week of the Unbearable Edness.

  215. Baka Gaijin
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Twaddle and drivel. All that comes out of Mary Worth’s mouth is twaddle and drivel.

  216. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2014 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#215):

    And that kicks off a Mary Worth tee shirt craze.

  217. Droopy Says
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#213): But before you release the snake, have it checked by a competent vet. There’s no telling where Lori’s been.

  218. World Cup Fan
    August 13th, 2014 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    BH –
    If you thought that was chocolate chip cookie dough, you obviously didn’t read the caption on the strip, where it’s clearly alluded to. That was cancerous leopard lung chunks.

  219. Majicou
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#209): this could break Brooke McEldowney
    As if he were intact.

  220. Huckleberry Fink
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “Africa Screams” is not just a movie with the comedy team of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. Or Stooges Joe Besser and Shemp Howard.

  221. Huckleberry Fink
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Lisa the Lionhearted is scaring the Les out of Moore.

  222. Huckleberry Fink
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Zits: Jeremy uses the pitchfork to discourage telemarketers. (Nice Grant Wood reference, by the way!)

  223. Froggy the Gremlin
    August 13th, 2014 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#221): I remember watching “Lisa the Lionhearted” when I was a mere tadpole. Didn’t the show also feature the Bing Crosby-sounding Sugar Bear?

  224. Cereal Killer
    August 13th, 2014 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    @Froggy the Gremlin (#223): “Can’t get enough of that Sugar Crisp… Sugar Crisp… Sugar Crisp… Can’t get enough of that Sugar Crisp… It keeps me going strong.”

  225. Captain Emu Philips
    August 13th, 2014 at 6:15 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#220): Not to mention Mark Trail wannabes Frank Buck and Clyde Beatty. Or is Mark a Frank Buck and Clyde Beatty wannabe?

  226. Captain Emu Philips
    August 13th, 2014 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#209): I actually feel sorry for Brooke McEldowney…

    ‘TOS’ Actress Arlene Martel Dies at 78:

  227. Odie Odo
    August 13th, 2014 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    @Captain Emu Philips (#226): I actually feel sorry for Brooke McEldowney…

    Well, let’s not get carried away.

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