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Ha ha! It’s funny because Josh is way behind and is doing Sunday quickies

Hi and Lois, 3/15/09

Ha ha! It’s funny because the baby keeps injuring herself!

Marvin, 3/15/09

Ha ha! It’s funny because the old man’s friend hates him now, because he’s poor!

Mary Worth, 3/15/09

Ha ha! It’s funny because Adrian is so desperate for any bit of human affection that she’s falling for the most obvious bit of scammery since, you know, two Mary Worth storylines ago!

74 responses to “Ha ha! It’s funny because Josh is way behind and is doing Sunday quickies”

  1. 150
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    I can’t read a line of Ted Confey’s dialogue without imagining a snide, mustache-twirling “Nyaaah!” at the end.

  2. Sequitur
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    H&L: It’s funny that she’s got climbing skills but still can’t walk.
    Marv: It’s funny because they can hold cards in those stubs they call fingers.
    MW: It’s funny because they have blue hair.

  3. seismic-2
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Fast and easy is my motto!” Of course, you already know that, from that one time when we had sex.

  4. Helena Handbasket
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois: It’s funny because now Trixie will look like she’s being terribly abused, so CPS will come and investigate the family, discover that since the housing collapse Lois has been supplementing her income with a basement meth lab, and there will finally be some freaking action in this strip!

  5. Windier E. Megatons
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    “Fast and easy” is his motto? Does it appear in Latin on the Confey family crest, with fleurs-de-lis surrounding a stupid little mustache?

  6. Aging Hipster
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    What is Trixie’s teddy bear made out of?

  7. NoVan
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Is Ted flipping Adrian the bird in the final panel, or is he indicating that the two of them should form a burlesque comedy duo entitled “Fast and Easy”?

  8. Sequitur
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    #6 Aging Hipster
    Lost hopes and broken dreams. Pretty hard stuff.

  9. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    Here at CC, we never do things fast and easy! We always do them fast and rough!!

    “Left a good job in the city….working for the Man every night and day”

  10. Hibbleton
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    As Ted’s nefarious plans have gotten clearer, he has gone from looking like Don Ameche to John Cleese. Pretty soon he’ll be shown sporting a bowler hat and riding a penny-farthing bicycle (whilst twirling his handlebar mustache in diabolical fashion, of course).

  11. One-eyed Wolfdog
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    “Two Mary Worth storylines ago”, or in other words, slightly after the domestication of animals, but well before the first smelting of copper ore.

  12. Calico
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    #410 Yesteryesterthread – once I feel asleep in American History class in High School.
    I thought the drone teaching the class was asking me a question, and I sat right up saying “What? what?” and got the laugh of a lifetime.

    Damn those boring droning history teachers! : )

  13. Sarah
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Haha! Babies are stupid!

    I would like to see this crest, #5.

  14. fnord3125
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    #7 – I think… weirdly… that Adrian is placing her middle finger on Ted’s chin. I have no idea why. It’s totally creeping me out, though.

  15. Calico
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Two Mary Worth storylines ago –
    When was that? 1975?

  16. Calico
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    #12 – Jesus, FELL asleep – I must be taking cues from Jeffy Keane.

  17. PeteMoss
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Has the Sunday edition of Marvin always been called “Marvin & Family?” It should be titled “Marvin & Lame Gags for Manic Depressives-Coming Down From Their Manic Phase.” Gee, what a great job cheering up a Sunday morning with a tale of economic loss coupled with the inevitable rejection by one’s friends. Who does this Armstrong guy think he is, Batiuk? Seriously, at some point this guy was looking for a punch line and finally decided to have the water-head baby though-balloon, “What a friend.”

    I would have found it 10 times funnier if Marvin had simply thought, “I crapped my pants.” If ever there was a time for a “poop” joke, this was it.

  18. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    “Fast and easy is my motto!”
    “Careful there, sailor, you’re turning me on!”

  19. Dingo
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Ted’s motto is “fast and easy.” Adrian is “moist and easy.” Together, they could be an Easy Bake oven.

  20. Aging Hipster
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    What is it with poop and pee jokes in the funny papers? I never really thought poop or pee were particularly funny. Farts, on the other hand, are always funny. But I don’t think I have ever seen a fart joke in a newspaper comic (If anyone can dig one up, let me know).

    I think the closest thing to a funny poop joke:

    What’s long and brown and sticky?

    A stick!

    See, it’s funny because it isn’t about poop at all!

    BTW Marvin in the Sunday strip reminds me of the cartoonist for the Onion. That really is the best I can say for it.

  21. Comics Review Guy
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Wait, Sunday was yesterday right? Ted is the worst character in MW since, well, the character he is going to marry (maybe)???

  22. ScienceGiant
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    MW: Oh, look, it’s Trinity from The Matrix. Or at least her fatter, older sister. Fire the artist.

    And Ted? Seriously, “I’ll pay my share in time?” Dude, every married man on Earth is doing that. That isn’t a scam, that’s matrimony.

  23. Pozzo
    March 16th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    “I’ll think about it, but I’m not swayed yet.” Wow — that’s the first time Ted’s “fast and easy” line has failed him. Usually that has the ladies eating out of his hand.

  24. bats :[
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    I just read in our daily rag that one of Seattle’s daily rags, the Post-Intelligencer will publish its last edition tomorrowm going totally online. It seems that Tucson’s Citizen will stop publication after this Saturday, too (how the fark it lasted this long, I’ll never know…the only claim to fame it had was that it ran Prince Valient).
    That is all.

  25. PeteMoss
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Aging Hipster @ 6
    There’s less chance that li’l Trixie will swallow an oak teddy bear. That’s just good child-proofing.

  26. Jumper
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    The problem with Mary Worth is that we get set up for a wonderful revenge fantasy – Ted gets messily disemboweled by an angry restauranteur, let’s say, for clandestinely pocketing a cash tip Adrian leaves on the table – yet it never happens. Ted gets sent to some minimum-security country-club jail, sure to get early-release, and brags to his fellow cons about what a smoothie he is. Yuck.

  27. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Luann 3/14 – The Degroots regret that they will miss having Brad around, because of how clean he kept the house.

    Luann 3/16 – The Degroots laugh that Brad’s new home will soon be smelly, because of how messy he will keep the house.

    And once again we have managed to hint at a backstory for TJ, then suddenly drop the whole issue without another word. America yawns in suspense.

  28. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    /me gets confused by the post’s title, starts thinking about Josh’s behind, should donate to tip jar again

  29. ScienceGiant
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Other curmudgeonly thoughts:

    DT: 1) Where is B.O. gambling? Mt. Rushmore? It can’t be Vermont – the “Old Man of the Mountains” crumbled a few years ago. Oh, is that Tracy’s face glaring out from the side?
    2) Did B.O. just say “Tracy?” WTF happend to “Macy” from last week? He pop his dentures in?

    Question: in a race between Mary Worth, Funky Winkerbean, and Brenda Starr, who finishes last?

    Broom Hilda: ha ha! It’s funny because it’s like it was written by Mallard Fillmore!

  30. jvwalt
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    H&L — Ha ha, it’s funny because the baby is suffering multiple concussions! Couldn’t the artists have found a way to work in the old fork-in-the-outlet routine? That’s a real knee-slapper!

  31. Aging Hipster
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    My revenge fantasy for Ted is to be found out and exposed by Mary Worth. I think a messy disembowling is highly preferable to watching her smug faux-concern while being led away by the cops.

    Or he could drink an entire bottle of alcohol and drive off of a cliff.

  32. late2theparty
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Ted is blowing his cover: I don’t think the word “fast” would be in the vocabulary of anyone who has spent time on a Santa Royale fan-club web site, much less be a key part of their motto.

  33. Nate
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Considering how much Adrian looks like Ms. Swan, she really should just take what she can get.

  34. ksilver
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Have I told anyone my theory about Marvin? Probably not, because this is only my fifth or sixth comment on this site. But my theory is that Marvin isn’t a real baby at all, just a doll they carry around and prop up, to contain all their innermost thoughts. Their awful, disgusting, poop-related innermost thoughts.

    Seriously, check these strips out:

    On the bright side, now we know that Marvin’s “parents” never procreated, and never will (please)

  35. trey le parc
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    MW: You know, I’m not sure this storyline could move more slowly, unless each panel is restrcited to only one word. On the other hand, a completely nonverbal Mary Worth would be…I can’t think of an appropriate word. What’s more awesome than “awesome”? Who’s with me?

    What do we want?!
    Non verbal Mary Worth!
    When do we want it?!

  36. indichik
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    When I saw that Marvin’s grandpa’s friend was named “Bernie,” I immediately thought Armstrong must have been making a subtle reference to Bernie Madoff, and his Ponzi scheme that bilked hundreds of retirees out of their life savings, in a biting critique of the greed of an American economy that will stop at nothing to pursue wealth at any cost. Then I realized that this is Marvin.

    I also like how Marvin is briefly inserted into the last panel to make some completely unnecessary commentary on a punch line that should have been self-evident.

  37. Niall
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    I was wondering if Josh was going to mention Pickles’ little sneaky trick, but I guess not.

    Best to wait a bit for the Monday post.. then wait a bit for the COTW post… :)

  38. Scott S.
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    I think Adrian suddenly turned into Ms. Swan in that last panel.

    And “fast and easy is my motto” has to be the least romantic way to petition for eloping, ever.

  39. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Somebody several threads ago linked to the Nietzsche Family Circus ( ). I can attest that ANY weekday Family Circus becomes instantly awesome if the caption is replaced with “God is dead.” It’s like “Christ, what an asshole” for the New Yorker.

  40. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    34 + 36: Maybe the Bernie name is more a reference to Weekend at Bernie’s, thus supporting the theory that Marvin is not actually a living thing.

  41. Niall
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    20. Aging Hipster: I, uh… I never knew that joke was about poop. In fact, I never quite understood what the original punchline was supposed to be. Damn you, English as a second language! 30 years later and still making me feel stupid!

  42. Anonymous
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]


    “Fast and easy” we all know leads to STD’s or its Worthian moral equivalent, identity theft. I think Adrian will be relieved to find out he is just a run of the mill grifter and not an identity loser.

  43. Captain Beefheart
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Fast and bulbous is my motto. That’s right, the mascara snake. Bulbous, also tapered.

  44. pccmdoc
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    As an obligated reporter of suspicions of child abuse and neglect, I am glad that years of cringing at subtly alluded to neglect of Trixie is now blatantly demonstrated in yesterdays strip.

    The real question is what Hi & Lois are doing while neglecting Trixie. Is it cooking up meth in the back shed? That’s the usual storyline in the real world. But with Hi & Lois likely it’s something more banal like running a high end prostitution ring mascaraded as Lois’ ‘Realty’ business and whatever it is Hi pretends to do.

  45. zooby
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    You know, I am beginning to suspect that a writer on Mary Worth has perhaps been scammed in some way by an Interwebs fraudster. In my own defence, I never thought anybody’d fall for that Nigerian princess scam.

  46. AlmostAGhost
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Clearly “fast and easy” is more than just a motto, but a lifestyle choice, by the looks of that bowl cut and moustache

  47. Sequitur
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    #35 trey le parc

    Hmm. A non-verbal Mary Worth. Then it would be like Lio. But would probably be closer to Ferd’nand. But even that would be better than what we have now.

  48. teddytoad
    March 16th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Watch out, Ted–it’s obvious the scammer has become the scammed, since your ‘Adrian’ is obviously at least three different people, as revealed in the final panels in each row. Sure, Adrian 2 may have a spotless credit report, but you’re about to elope with Adrian 3, who is a notorious bankrupt gambler, and will … ohh, who am I kidding, I’m just trying to live out my fantasy of a Mary Worth/Multiple Man crossover.

  49. trey le parc
    March 16th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    #47 Sequitir, many years ago I decided to branch out beyond my favorite comics, and check out the serial strips. I was initially attracted by the obvious charms of Judge Parker, then captivated by the stilted sexlessness of Rex Morgan. I don’t know what set me onto Mary Worth but two things stand out: it ain’t the artwork or storylines, and that which has been read can never be un-read.

  50. Dragon of Life
    March 16th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    The last panel of MW is foreshadowing the ultimate twist to this storyline: in the ultimate act of identity theft, “Adrian” is actually a Grey alien wearing the original Adrian’s skin.

  51. DrBear
    March 16th, 2009 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    (reads Cathy, Marmaduke and Family Circus) Ha ha! It’s funny because … wait, it isn’t funny at all.

  52. Crisatunity
    March 16th, 2009 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    I can hardly wait for the Hi & Lois meets the CPS story line.

  53. ConcreteQueen
    March 16th, 2009 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Poor Bea and Roy. Their whole existence is now summed up as “Marvin’s grandparents”. They’ll never live down the shame of having contributed genes to the demonspawn that is their grandchild, and will have to go into hiding for the remainder of their pitiful days as a Creepy Homeless Man and a Toothless Bag Lady.

  54. Carly
    March 16th, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    “It was probably when I forgot to shred some financial papers!” Lamest. Lie. Ever. And Adrian is apparently attempting to fall for an even more obvious scam than Toby. (Why do these people all have boy names?)

  55. Little Guy
    March 16th, 2009 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Ha HA!* I already commented on the Sunday strips on Sunday in the Friday thread.

    * Copyright Phil Ken Sebben. All rights reserved.

  56. Joe Blevins
    March 16th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’ll say this for Adrian: she’s no quitter. She clearly picked a hairstyle she liked when she was seven and stuck with it throughout adulthood.

  57. Barbara
    March 16th, 2009 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: What is UP with the hair? Her hair is scraggly and flat, you would think a doctor could afford to do something with it. No wonder she doesn’t get dates.

  58. Alan's Addiction
    March 16th, 2009 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    “Fast and easy is my motto! By the way, about that identity theft, just so you know, the name I’ve got on all my records and IDs now is Toby Cameron; I’ve been advised to keep my name separate from my identity.”

  59. Spunky N. Tadpole
    March 16th, 2009 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    And just to continue their recent theme of semi-coded child abuse antics, today’s (3/16) Hi & Lois also features a baby-takes-a-pratfall “punchline”.

    Ha ha! Trixie fell down! It’s OK, babies’ heads are soft – yuk yuk! No wonder the poor kid has motor-coordination problems.

  60. Muffaroo
    March 16th, 2009 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    Welcome once again to ‘Brief Answers to Your Questions’! Our question tonight is from Aging Hipster @6, who writes, What is Trixie’s teddy bear made out of? Well, Aging Hipster, like everything else in Hi and Loisville, it’s made out of Fail. Thank you for tuning in.

    PeteMoss @17 – This is the first time I saw it called “Marvin & Family,” but what should they call it? “Marvin & Friends”? Fat chance of that.

    Little Guy @55I already commented on the Sunday strips on Sunday in the Friday thread. Wait, there are earlier threads? Quit messing with my head, man!

  61. Dick
    March 16th, 2009 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    Someone needs to call DSS on Hi and Lois. They leave their child in a highchair unattended and the teddy bear must be made out of wood in order to have made a clunk sound when it hit Trixie on the head.

  62. Tiako
    March 16th, 2009 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    Ted’s motto being “fast and easy” certainly explains why he’s dating Adrian.

  63. Anonymous
    March 16th, 2009 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois: When my daughter was learning to walk, she bonked her forehead on something at least once a week. It was black and blue all. the. time. I was afraid to take her out in public! But as she’s graduating from college in May, it apparently didn’t do her much harm.

  64. Draktyr
    March 16th, 2009 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    Adrian’s bangs frighten me, sort of like my recurring nightmares of an undead Celine Dion, stalking me thru Medieval Europe, but more threatening somehow..

  65. Strangefate
    March 16th, 2009 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    Jesus, how many direct blows to the head does that kid have to take before it stops being funny and becomes a cause for serious alarm?

    I’m also pretty sure the current Mary Worth no longer qualifies as an ‘unfolding tragedy’. That Valentino mustache, his horrible cover story, all the clumsy ‘I’m broke’ screw ups…Ted is desperately trying to warn her that he’s about to rob her. Yet Adrian ignores all these obvious calls for help and instead brags about the size of her bank account.

    Clearly, she’s an enabler. I just hope she has the decency to apologize to Ted when he gets gored by a maddened, vengeful deer in the aftermath.

  66. 100indecisions
    March 16th, 2009 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    That intro panel thing to Marvin is the most terrifying thing I’ve seen in a long, long time. Those fixed smiles and staring, soulless eyes…if this isn’t a sign of the coming zombie apocalypse, I don’t know what is.

    Then again, this is Marvin.

  67. Emily
    March 17th, 2009 at 3:56 am [Reply]

    The thing about this Mary Worth is–you don’t have to elope to have a cheap wedding. Typically eloping is done to avoid the wrath of disapproving relatives. Which clearly WILL BECOME the case here, but Ted’s saying it NOW is tipping his hand rather flamboyantly.

    Also, whoTF calls it “eloping” anymore?

  68. Edgy DC
    March 17th, 2009 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    When did Marvin become Marvin & Family? I mean, you might as well call it I’ve Run out of Jokes or I’ve Finally Accepted That I’ve Run out of Jokes.

  69. McManx
    March 17th, 2009 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    M Worth – Is it just me, or does it look like Adrian combs her hair with bacon grease?

  70. MissionMan
    March 17th, 2009 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    The only thing worse than Ted’s attempted moustache is Adrian’s just-got-out-of-the-pool hair. I mean seriously, how strong is gravity in the Worthiverse?

  71. jerseygull
    March 17th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    I think it’s time for Judge Judy to make a guest appearance in “Mary Worth.” She can tell Adrian just how stupid it is to let Ted use her credit and talk her into “eloping.”

  72. Ned Ryerson
    March 17th, 2009 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    Looks like she’s not swayed yet.
    -The Royal Guardsmen

  73. Mr. Jones
    March 18th, 2009 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    So I guess we’re up for another three or four weeks of Ted “swaying” Adrien, and Jeff’s flaccid, passive-aggressive attempts to throw a monkey wrench in the process.

    It’s like pulling off a band-aid… really, really slowly so you can be sure to rip off a nice chunk of skin. And then douse the whole thing in rubbing alcohol.

  74. Bacter
    March 20th, 2009 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    I just don’t think we can let go “Fast and Easy is my motto” without taking a reflective moment to bask in it’s awesome creepiness. This one of those “oh god run away RIGHT NOW” things. If you hear a distant echo, it’s the tongues starting tl cluck.

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