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What’s in a name?

Judge Parker, 4/11/09

OK, I get that “Rocky Ledge” is a stage name, like Dixie Julep for Kathleen Patterson — but c’mon: “Godiva Danube”? If that’s a work alias, it’s gonna limit her professional options — just ask L’Oréal MacDowell or Lancome Rosellini.

On the other hand, if she was born with a name like that, I bet her Hauptschule nightmares make Sophie’s troubles look like ein gehen in den garten.

But hey, why speculate when you can generate your very own Judge Parker name right here! Choose a chiseled, craggy man-handle straight out of the American West, or an Old World nom d’une femme with just the slightest bouffée of elegant dissipation — we don’t judge! Then add your own title (“Sheriff”, “Vicomtesse”) and you’re good to go!

Your new Judge Parker name:

Funky Winkerbean, 4/11/09

“Susan Smith” (no, not that one) may be a commonplace name, but this gal is more than another mopey walk-on. Nope, she’s the ur-victim of Funky Winkerbean, its Dark Eve — wellspring of the miseries that rise like the cholera from every sewer in Westview. It was her incomprehensible crush on Les that launched the “Summer of Les ‘n’ Lisa” (1994) — until quite recently the most annoying European adventure in comics history. Since then, she’s endured a suicide attempt (1995), a dating abuse cycle o’ violence (1998), gross underemployment, and a divorce (2008), only to face her greatest challenge: feigning interest in Les’s 900-page opus, My Wife Was Nice But Then She Died. She comes out — well, not smiling, of course — but upright, breathing, and back for more. Tough dame!

What the hell is wrong with these people? — a new occasional feature!

Between Friends, 4/6/09 — 4/10/09

What the hell is wrong with this woman?

I’m sitting in for Josh through the 19th — if you have any problems with the site or non-public questions, you can reach me at If you need to reach Josh directly, it’s and probably a bit of a wait. Enjoy!

– Uncle Lumpy

157 responses to “What’s in a name?”

  1. rainbird
    April 11th, 2009 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    Thanks, uncle lumpy
    I have been wondering what is wrong with that woman all week. It is an odd strip, which will have a great domestic abuse story, then spend a week lamenting the state if her house because a co worker is coming over,.. Sheesh

  2. Craggy Manhandle
    April 11th, 2009 at 1:56 am [Reply]


  3. Poteet
    April 11th, 2009 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    As someone who keeps a messy house, I occasionally go through a very mild version of this myself. But compared to this poor deranged woman, I feel comfortably sane.

  4. Poteet
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    As for Godiva Danube, I figured it was sort of a takeoff on Godfrey Daniel, the famous W.C. Fields expletive. Maybe that’s too much of a reach.

  5. Mibbitmaker
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    “Summer of Les ‘n’ Lisa” 1994 — You’re speakin’ my language, UL (I “read” like a Hollywood hotshot saying that, but I’m sincere). My ’90s comics Hell! Sooooo wish there was the CC available then…

    And I’m glad I’m not the only one who remembers that as being from ’94.

  6. Poteet
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    # 3 referred to BF, sorry. And I politely decline the name Citroen Po on account of because my keyboard won’t let me spell it correctly.

  7. Poteet a.k.a. Dame Parmalat Knieper
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    Gee, I do feel different somehow. I think my bosom is swelling.

  8. Poteet a.k.a. Dame Parmalat Dnieper
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    Oops. Okay, I think I’ve got the spelling right now. And my hips feel more curvaceous.

  9. boojum
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    Rusty Mesa reporting for duty. I feel… something swelling, too.

  10. commodorejohn
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    Jesus, CDS is right; that is the new FOOB.

  11. seismic-2 a.k.a. Marshall Earp Quake
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    “It’s beautiful.” It’s a really shiny and unscratched CD-ROM, and when I hold it up to the light, it makes a wonderful diffraction grating that I can use to produce all sort of kaleidoscopic patterns to keep me amused for hours. There was some sort of crappy book recorded on it, but I just ignored that drivel, of course.

  12. Mibbitmaker
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    New strips…

    JP: If that were Dick Tracy, it’d be Onna Ledge and Lady Godiva “Blue” Danube. Lady being her title, of course.

    A3G: Last panel: ForGet Fuzzy today, it’s Britain Day at 3G! Doris is doing Neville Chamberlain, and Margo’s doing Michael Palin from my favorite Python sketch.

    Curtis: And yet, few days later, we’ll be seeing him with that stuck-up in a thought bubble, surrounded by hearts. He’s like that last Mark Trail storyline without the violence.

    DT: So the plan is to let BO “win”/take all the casino moolah, then find out where he keeps it and just get the same money back again? Of course it’s “One Eye” — it certainly ain’t One Brain.

    ReFOOB: “…Then, many happy years and kids later, he’ll suddenly cheat on you with his whore dental hygenist and skip town! Uh — what were we talking about, Connie…?”

  13. Canaduck
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy, while I love the new JP naming system, I have to admit that “Wasa Don”–the name with which I was blessed when I hit the female button–doesn’t quite…”just the slightest bouffée of elegant dissipation” that I was hoping for.

  14. Sequitur a.k.a Trojan Rubbersnapper
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    Wha… Just woke up. Red spots? Good thing it was a magic marker. I’ll make em disappear. Watch it Poteet Dame Parmalat Dnieper or whatever. I have frogs and I know how to use them.

  15. migellito
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    Score!! I’m Woody Isthmus! And I think we all know what that means.

  16. NoahSnark
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    The domestic angst displayed in Between Friends makes me wonder if the lead character is cleaning up after a particularly messy double homicide. Which would explain how the strip got its name.

  17. Sequitur
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    Beetle B: Doesn’t that rabbit work at Corkey’s diner?

    Oh, what am I doing up this late?

  18. zenvelo
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    Wadi Gulch here- I feel like the redundant bad guy in a Mark Trail adventure. Must be my mustache.

  19. Mibbitmaker
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    FW: She obviously read ’70s and ’80s Funky — It can’t possibly be that Lisa Tragedy drivel since!

    GT: “Gee, nothing gets by YOU, My WIFE!!”

    Luann: Uh…Gunther… make that two other places on/in your body…

    MT: Shouldn’t Rusty be in old Li’l Abner strips with a stormcloud over his head?

    MT (’40s Looney Tunes version): Well, here we go again…!

    MW: I’ve seen specks of dust smarter than she is!

    OBH: …..Wow……. interesting…….

    “Yeah, Mom, I bet she’d make a GREAT step-mom some day, too!”
    “Er…. kiiiids…. will you please shut up…?”

    Pluggers: That’s not a Pluggers panel, it’s a Boost Mobile commercial! (God Almighty I loathe those!!)

    Popeye: Looks like Bluto/Brutus and Alice the Goon had a child back in the day.

    RMMD: Sarah’s practicing for when she’s a teenager some day… which, in Woody Wilson land should be in a month, our time.

  20. secret bicycle
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    Godiva Danube reminds me of one of my favorite Rex Morgan names…

  21. scruffylove aka Ikea Po
    April 11th, 2009 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    @ #15: We’re only impressed if you’re a PENINSULA.

  22. scruffylove aka Ikea Po
    April 11th, 2009 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    It’s got penin right in the name.

  23. Danny Lilithborne
    April 11th, 2009 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Who the hell talks like that? “Oh, look at that. It’s Suvesh Chandiok, the Indian doctor. Doesn’t he treat Marty Homeless, the transient hunk?

  24. cj
    April 11th, 2009 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    “Stony Arroyo” – I know I’ve heard that one before somewhere. At least it’s semi-believable.

  25. Helen Krummenacker
    April 11th, 2009 at 4:28 am [Reply]

    Citroen Shannon does have a bit of flair, although I think Shannon Citroen would work better.

  26. rusk
    April 11th, 2009 at 4:43 am [Reply]

    “Tetra Thames” here. I feel like a character in a childrens show. Something American about excotic foreign places. “Sewers of the world!”

  27. Alfred E. Neuman, aka Sheikh Wadi Dune
    April 11th, 2009 at 5:36 am [Reply]

    Summer Moore’s basketball team will soon include future WNBA all-star Nestle Amazon.

    Rex Morgan’s next case will be a penetrating investigation of an S&M club led by Whip Outcrop.

  28. John C Fremont
    April 11th, 2009 at 6:09 am [Reply]

    #24 cj – Hey, I’m Stony Arroyo! Okay, I’ll try again… Craggy Gulch? Dad gum it!

    MT – I don’t know which one’s Larry and which one’s Moe, but it’s nice of the guy in the flashy orange leisure jacket to take time out from looking like Johnny Malotte to try his hand at being Vinnie Barbarino in the second panel. Well done, Larry. Or Moe.

    RMMD – Uh, I think Sarah’s ready for her close-up, Mr. Demille. Mr. DeMille?

  29. Enron Amazon
    April 11th, 2009 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    I have no joke here.

  30. Kendig
    April 11th, 2009 at 6:29 am [Reply]

    Thank the lord that “Between Friends” is finally being recognized as a deserving target of mockery on this site. Sandra Bell-Lundy makes Cathy Guisewite look like Alison Bechdel. Ready, aim… snark.

  31. Big Sims AKA Don Monty Isthmus
    April 11th, 2009 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    I might just change my name for good. ‘Random’ name generator my ass – the Judge Parker name picker saw deep into my soul.

  32. Vinyl Repair Kit
    April 11th, 2009 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    Between Friends – I don’t know who that lady is or who Joey is, but I do know the lady has one tit that points due west and one tit that points due east. I am far too fascinated/repelled by this to notice the state of the house. But Joey might be a better person than I am.

  33. Amanda M
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    My cool Judge Parker name: Nokia Oder.

  34. Anaweenie
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    You know, it’s funny. I’ve been a regular reader of “Between Friends” for a while now, and never has it inspired me to wish it to be on the C.C. until today…well, actually tomorrow. Generally, it’s a fairly reliably not terrible comic. But today…did anyone else not scroll down the entire way and just see the tops of a couple female’s head talking about landscaping and get kind of excited? No? Just me? Oh…well anyway, still a funny coinkydink to see it on here today.

  35. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Apparently, I’m Dusty Dune now.

  36. Craggy C Gulch
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    #31 – So what the hell did the Judge Parker name picker see when it looked into my soul? Nevermind, I don’t want to know, consarn it! I mean, dad burn it!

    Guess I’d better brush up on my authentic frontier gibberish. Want some rye?

  37. Big Sims AKA Don Monty Isthmus
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    36. Craggy C Gulch
    Dawg gum it? No?


  38. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2009 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    #19 Mibbitmaker: Doesn’t that book title look vaguely familiar? Saturday’s One Big Happy is a shoutout to our own Willie Thompson.

  39. R. Riis
    April 11th, 2009 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    …and who can forget that legendary cowboy porn star, Dusty Hardon?

  40. CanuckDownSouth a.k.a Dame Marmite Volga
    April 11th, 2009 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    Annnd… Between Foobs switches to a new bit without a resolution that sends to mama to therapy. For now, one could read between the lines that the dad is sane and the artist is trying (badly) to parody obsessive cleaning urges…. but just wait. “This house conserves water” is just around the corner.

    BTW, back in March, I did a bit with Foob’s Paradise on the whole obsessive housekeeping
    thing (plus followup)

    What is it with this week and the foobery?

    Phantom has mom-who’s-gone-for-months acting jealous because the dad is working with a woman. Hey, if a long-distance marriage works for ya, great, but don’t act surprised if your husband speaks to a member of the opposite sex in the months that you’re apart. I’ve never seen him act suspicious that you might speak to some Y-chromosome-endowed human being down the hall.

    The Worthitudes allows Adrian to act suspicious for two seconds before saying she’ll hand over 50 grand to help a sister-in-law whom she’s never met or spoken to.

    Brain-damaged Arachnid … stalling … Electro had no deadline … make a device to track the guy … before he returns to where you are …. starts looking for something strong to drink at 7 AM

    Oddly, 9CL doesn’t make the “extra-fooby” cut because while Flaws-Listing Pretentious Guy sets the teeth on edge, this is still soooo much less annoying than it was in the Belgian Horror.

  41. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2009 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    Mother Goose and Grimm: AAAAAhhhh! Sally Forth has escaped her strip! AAAAaaaahhhh!

    Cathy: The accountant finally found an non-suspicious way to stand far far away from the flopsweating one. Good on you, man.

    Marvin: I’m sorry, I laughed at the last panel. Bitsy in a deerstalker hat. Ha ha. A certain well-known fox could take sartorial tips.

  42. Craggy C Gulch
    April 11th, 2009 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Hell, I was born here, an I was raised here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here! An no sidewindin’ bushwackin’, hornswaglin’, cracker croaker is gonna rouin my bishen cutter!

  43. mordock999
    April 11th, 2009 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    This Week’s Luann

    Ah, and SO this week’s Luann/Gunther storyline ENDS with a monumental FIZZLE.
    NEVER has there been a group of fictional characters that needed to be FREED from the Tyranny of Their creator, than THIS bunch.

    Gunther: KILL yourself. Take Brad and the guy below WITH you….,


    DEATH to TJ!

  44. Baroness Garnier Volga
    April 11th, 2009 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Maybe I’ll change for good. Baroness Garnier Volga is a bit more up-market from Dimestore Lipstick, no? Or I could go with my stripper name, “Rags Prairie”, but that sounds more like one of the guy names.

  45. Mel AKA Dread Guinness Po
    April 11th, 2009 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Wow, Uncle Lumpy, it DOES look into your very heart of hearts. It found mine floating.

  46. monsieurjohn
    April 11th, 2009 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Rusty Fjord is my name. Women and dead parrots pine for me.

  47. regisgoat
    April 11th, 2009 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Sometimes I feel that FW is trying to get into some kind of Yasujior Ozu vibe with all this obsessive mourning. Or maybe it’s just the mopiest cartoon in the paper–

  48. Craggy C Gulch
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Hey, June Morgan in her bikini just made me rouin my bishen cutter!

  49. AhClem
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Major shout-out to our own wille thompson in One Big Happy today!

  50. Ces Poole AKA Mud E Puddle
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Does the Archie Joke Generating Laugh Unit 3000 have a name generating subroutine?

  51. Abbot of Unreason
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Oh, dear Lord, it says my JP name is ‘Funky Winkerbean 4/11/09′. I don’t think I’m up for that kind of hell.

  52. Jeff
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    The only chiseled craggy man-handle I want anything to do with is my own, thankyouverymuch.

    Oh wait–you’re talking about names

  53. ladadog AKA Wasa Po
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Okay, now I can’t keep that politically incorrect song, Wassa Matta Me? out of my head, but, who can blame me with an alter ego known as Wasa Po?

    Princess Po (I’ve bought myself a Euro trash title) loves the fact that Mrs. Ghost has a portrait of lamp shade man on the wall of her office.

  54. Don, the Rebel without a Blog
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Hey, I’m Sandy Fjord.

    monsieurjohn, I’m your long, lost brother!

  55. LurkNoLonger
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Hi Uncle Lumpy! Thanks for babysitting us while Josh is away. I love being Wadi Mesa! I want to write a book just so that can be my non de plume.

  56. Ukulele Ike
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    MW: Now the question is, does Ted take the fifty grand and run, or stick around to see just how much he can milk this big-eyed moo-cow for. “My brother has been kidnapped by the Mafia! They want $50,000 in small bills by midnight! I love him! He’s been like a brother to me! He kinda looks like you!”

    JP: But her good friends call her “God.”

    9CL: I like this. I’m not a Burkhardt fan (who is?), but he’s giving Miss Fancytoes a nice little reaming right now.

    6C: If you can’t draw an attractive human being, don’t give one lines about how attractive she is.

    Zits: Ho, ho! The men, they are uncivilized slobs!

  57. Muffaroo
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    A3G – Why doesn’t Marcy just call Margo “Sir”? Or “Mizz Duke”? Why does she keep changing her name?

    FCircus – Stow it, Jeffy, or it’s back to scrimshawing tobiko for you.

    More eggs, mule!

    GAlley – You say “tomato,” I say “tomatoly.”

    Hi & Lois – Dr. Weirdly’s transplanting again. This time he put Dennis the Menace’s mom’s hands where her elbows should be, and sewed Trixie’s head on top. With Betty Boop’s hair and Mickey Mouse’s ears. Which pretty much explains the way everyone’s looking at her.

    JParker – Rocky Ledge! He’s like the Porter Waggoner of country music!

    MFmore – With “Race Card Day” Saturday, we’re just about done with this week’s joke. Tune in Monday for another six or seven days of an equally new and novel hijink.

    MTrail – Ducks? On a LAKE? Stop the presses! Rusty, you’ve just got to get a photo of that, or they’ll never believe you!

    Popeye – Shouldn’t they have at least one sailor with binocular vision on board?

    RMMD – Why do I have the feeling that Willy’s last name is Death?

    Little Willy, for a lark
    Hides on board from dawn to dark
    Eating donuts as he pleases,
    Giving passengers diseases.

    Shoe – Ixnay on the brown acid, too.

    SFox – The duck is laughing because the sparrow is his sworn enemy.

    S-Man – “And, by changing the ‘Zik’ sound to ‘Zee,’ I can use it to call Superman!”

    Tiger – Nice shout-out to Mr. Neutron today.

    Mrs Scum: You couldn’t eat that much ice cream Mr N.
    Mr Neutron: Mrs S, I can eat enormous quantifies of ice cream without being sick.

  58. Brick Bradford
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    JP: If she’s a German bombshell shouldn’t her name be V2 Danube, or “Big” Betha Danube?

    MT: Man, I bet nobody saw THIS coming! Well played, Elrod.

    DT: If BO is stupid enough to answer then Tracy ought to halt the investigation because he deserves to get taken. Dick can just shoot a few people at random.

    A3G: If only Margo had said yes. “Okay, you’re a cab!” Rimshot!

  59. Caroline a.k.a. Lady Marmite Loire
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Oooh special JP names ……

    Lady Volga at #40 I’d like my first name back please! I am British and therefore Marmite is part of my culture. Thank you. :P

    MW: People ask how Adrian got through medical school. Looking back, I wonder how any of them got through med school, Jeff, Drew, Adrian – for a bunch of doctors they’re not very smart. Cross that hospital off my list …

    JP: I thought the cheerleader story was going nowhere fast but two blokes talking to each other – if my pulse rate gets any lower I’lll stop breathing.

  60. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    “Don’t forget your umbrella. It looks like your jacket.”

  61. Viscount Cliff Isthmus (formerly Dale K.)
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    · Ah, now this is a name befitting a viscount! I hope I can convince the Viscountess to change her name to Ikea Loire.

    · My, but spring cleaning is so taxing this year, as Thel recently demonstrated. Don’t be fooled, though; it’s far more rewarding than you think.

  62. kalki
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    9CL: The idiot engaged in a conversation with another idiot said “What?”

    Archie: “So I plunged that stake into his back. I’d bury him, but I figure nature will take care of its own.”

    Baldo: A wise decision. Now, since absolute power corrupts absolutely, Baldo will require Beatriz to submit to daily bare-bottomed spankings.

    Blondie: Mindfucking Blondie is the only kind of action that Dagwood gets with her these days.

    Crank: This all seems familiar. I got it…It’s like a lifeless more desolate form of The Lorax.

    DTM: Dennis takes someone on a tour of his home past the Alice display. It’s like the Aryan version of Bodyworks.

    CircusJerk: I can see why Jeffy is confused since his mother can seem like an ostrich from his limited height.

    FW: Huh. Must have been watching Les’ copy of 2 Girls 1 Cup. (for the love of God, don’t go looking for that one from work…or home either)

    Luann: Gunther will have to back slowly into the house to avoid catching his raging erection in the door as he closes it.

    S-M: A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!

  63. CanuckDownSouth a.k.a Dame Marmite Volga
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    59-Caroline aka Lady Marmite Loire -

    As the granddaughter of a British subject and thereby (as of yet) permitted an ancestry visa, I think I have plenty of right to the title of Dame Marmite :-D

    (Too bad Tourtiere didn’t come up, though)

  64. TruthOfAngels
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    If I was a character in a FW strip, I wouldn’t shoot myself. That would be letting my hapless audience off far too easily. Instead I would whine for decades about being a member of the most cossetted social group of people in world history.

    Last (but not least) I would either have a name so stupid that my cat pretends not to know me, or a name so banal that I forget it myself.


  65. Oavis aka Rusty Fjord
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    My JP name is entirely appropriate, given that I am of Icelandic descent and have owned more than one rusty Ford in my time.

  66. Rana
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Nokia Elbe here. I guess I’m going to go out, get my hair dyed black and slashed into an edgy cut, and wear strangely constructed outfits made out of leather and taffeta.

    Oh, wait. If I’m not careful, I’ll end up in a Dick Tracy strip!

    BF has indeed been over the top this week, but I’m with Poteet – I’ve had milder versions of those moments. I’m prone to clutter, but there was a lot of female programming that says that a woman will be judged by the neatness of her home around when I was a kid (including from my mom, also a clutterer).

  67. bats :[
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Marmite Vistula? MARMITE VISTULA?!?

    That’s the Grand Duchess Marmite Vistula to YOU!

    (Hell, at least it wasn’t some stupid and alliterative like Vegemite Vistula…)

  68. Mibbitmaker aka Mibbitmaker
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    My 9 year old dial-up won’t do the JP Name thingy. Is there javascript involved? That stuff’s making the www difficult these days.

    #38 (Baka Gaijin): I know; that’s what I found “interesting”.

  69. Peter Hillock
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    JP The “German bombshell” has a first name from England, and a last name which is English for the river called “Donau” in German. Swell.

    Oh, well, if “go-DEE-fah da-NOO-beh” floats Wilson/Barreto’s boat, who am I to judge?

    What’s funny is that audiences young enough to lust after the sex-symbol-of-the-day when coached to, would never use that word to describe anyone. “Wow, that… what’s-her-name… is so hot, she’s really a…. did you just say ‘bombshell’?”

  70. Spit Gritty
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    I’m the grizzled comic relief character who tries to steal horses sometimes, only to be reined in by the more take-their-hats-off-in-church cast members. Spit makes coffee so strong and awful only he can drink it, and whittles as he whistles through his two remaining teeth. When he’s not gumming plug terbaccy and winning spittin’ contests. Spit dies in the second reel. We are all rather pleased to see him exit. But his heart was kind, at least deep down, where it doesn’t count.

  71. Wolf Shepherd
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    I am not one to envy another guy’s man-handle. I am plenty satisfied with the one I was born with. Go ahead, take a good long look. Eat your heart out.

  72. Mibbitmaker aka Mibbitmaker
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    #68 (me aka me): Hey, maybe my JP name could be Count Java DeNada. Suddenly, I’m a mysterious Spanish rogue being drawn by Baretto.

    “You have a beautiful wife, Senor Driver. A beautiful wife, indeed…”

  73. Soccerhead
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    FC: How does Jeffy, who doesn’t have any more knowledge of the animal kingdom than any other pre-schooler, know about “ostrich eggs”?
    FW: I guess Susan meant that listening to a CD of this epic gave her a beautiful night’s sleep.
    GT: As softball pitching is done underhand, can someone explain Molly’s position regarding her hand and the movement lines?
    And what are they watching on TV? Milford’s Funniest Home Videos?

  74. Craggy C Gulch
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    #61 – Lord Isthmus, I thank you for the Milk and Cookies link! I think I’m in love with Sarah Haskins. I mean, I, uh, shore have a hankerin’ for that, um, young filly. Much obliged, pardner.

    #70 Spit Gritty – Now hold on there, sidewinder, I’m the grizzled comic relief who dies in the second reel around here. Dad gum it, keep that up and I’ll have to rouin your bishen cutter. Or biscuit cutter, depending on which subtitle you click on.

    Hey, I can’t do this “tarnation” gibberish anymore. The job’s all your’n, Spit. I’m gonna try for another name. Hey, the Name Generator says my female name is Guinness Don. I could reverse it and be Don Guinness. Donald Guinness. I like the way that rolls out. Donald Guinness, Super Genious…

    “Guinness Don,
    What’s that flower you have on?”

  75. Cliff Gulch (nee Spunky N. Tadpole)
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    I’m just wondering: how many days/weeks of JP strips featuring the inestimable excitement of Sam and Randy maundering along about zoning, industrial development and tax-break-for-Green-industry issues we will have to sit through before we get to the real point of the story: i.e.: how well-endowed IS Ms. “Godiva Danube”? And will we get a Sunday strip featuring a sweaterpuppy face-off (breast-off?) between her and Abbey?

  76. UncleJeff
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    18 zanvelo: I also got Wadi Gulch. Now, I REALLY feel “redundant”.

  77. odinthor
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Alférez Monty Arroyo, Zanjero y Juez de Campo, sez:

    Spidey. — Now, now, boys. Two well-built men in spandex all alone together, no one to see. Isn’t there something you could do together that would make both of you feel just great?

    FB. — And from a dog, no less. Oh, Fred—you’ve done it again!

    Archie. OK, I laughed. Happy now, AJGLU?

    Luann. Gunther, what I’d like you to take away from today’s session is that it’s healthy to have such normal thoughts, but that it’s important not to be satisfied with thoughts alone but also to take steps to turn pleasant thoughts into reality in a socially acceptable way.

    RMMD. — She has the child waiting on her? Aren’t there child labor laws on the high seas? This is an absolute affront to human dignity, and I am outraged, outraged I tell you, that . . . um . . . Oh, she means waiting for her. Heh, never mind.

    Love Is . . . — Carefully trimming your thought bubble so you don’t have to look at old ass.

  78. Rusty
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Between Friends: I, too, have been reading this in the past year or so after other offerings have been terminated by their creators. Im still holding out hope that the writer realizes the only interesting character is Maeve, and she needs to have random relationships at all times.

  79. Alan's Addiction
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Attention, Judge Parker; it’s officially time to quit when your characters’ names become much more interesting than the characters themselves, or the plot, or even the well-drawn, scantily-clad vixens your strip so prominently features.
    Funky, however, has stopped being interesting in any way. Its preferred method of entertaining its audience is to slowly, painfully, string out its characters’ frustrations, depression, loneliness, and isolation until they give up and finally die… Wait a minute, Funky Winkerbean has officially turned into an emo song.
    Between Friends – Haw haw, it’s funny because it’s deliberately sticking outdated, inaccurate gender stereotypes into my existence.

  80. buckyswife
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    #33 Amanda M: I think we might be related; I’m apparently Ikea Oder–you know, of the Stockholm Oders?

    #62 Kalki: Was the SM comment a shout-out to Ralphie? If so, yay!

  81. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    To suggest otherworldly sylphlike beauty combined with stout, valkyric German constitution and of course the undeniable exotic allure of a large body of moving water (??), I would have gone with Tündér Theiß. Can’t see any problems with that.

  82. buckyswife
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    MT: If the 2/3 Stooges keep having to buy cameras from Rusty, they won’t be rich for too much longer. Tune in next week as Rusty shows up with a cheap disposable, snaps the crooks’ picture, and says, “I’ll give ya this one for 50 bucks, boys.”

    A3G: How is “deja vu” an appropriate response? If Margo responds that way to any recurring weather, then that must be the first thing she shouts out upon seeing the sun each morning–well, that, and “Augh! The light of day! Shield me!”

  83. Esther Blodgett
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Wasa Vistula? Hmmm, I think I’ll go with Vicki Lester when I’m ready to make my debut…

  84. kalki
    April 11th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    80. buckyswife–yep. I reacted the way Ralphie would have at the 2nd panel of what is supposed to be a superhero action strip. I left out the part where I went back out into the world a little wiser.

  85. commodorejohn
    April 11th, 2009 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    #20 secret bicycle – Oki Merlot should have gotten her own spin-off strip; kind of a mix of Brenda Starr and Apartment 3-G. I’d read it. Religiously.

    A3G – I love Doris, because she somehow manages to both look even more bland than the rest of the cast, and still seem more interesting than any of them except Margo. Now, is the “deja vu” referring to some previous umbrella-related suggestion, or is Margo just using it out of the blue, like far too many people do?

    AS – I’d bitch about the well-known fact that the cheetah is a sprinter, not a distance runner (Gary Larson would never have made that mistake. Or if he did he’d be funny about it.) But I’m more appalled by the fact that Hillburn draws a cheetah basically the same way he draws a cow or a horse, only with spots and the face of a pug. Christ, Achewood has more realistic cats than this.

    Blondie – I have to give Blondie points today for taking an old cliche and reworking it into an amusing portrait of marital interaction.

    Crankshaft – Crankshaft: relieving you from the insufferability of its main characters by featuring a more insufferable guest character, and then having the main characters be even more insufferable by lecturing us on how insufferable he’s being. Insufferable!

    Crock – Crock has finally arrived in 1994.

    Curtis – Ambition is chilling and evil. What is this, FOOB?

    DTM – *insert court-ordered busing joke*

    DT – Oh, this is the dumbest villain plot ever. Seriously, this strip had bad guys who wanted to secretly restart the Cold War and blame it on Islamic terrorists and it wasn’t this dumb.

    Dilbert – Dilbert explains what scientists refer to as “the Anthony effect.”

    F- – What, avant-garde absurdist comedy? Just because you don’t see the humor in placing an inanimate object in front of a microphone for an hour instead of a performer doesn’t mean it’s not funny, lady.

    FW – I’m going with #11 seismic-2′s take, because the alternative is that Funky Winkerbean is doing a Michael Patterson storyline, and I’m going to live in denial on that one for as long as possible.

    GA – Maybe they could retitle the strip How Not To Dissuade A Stalker. But only if there’s a host segment with Aldo at the end of each storyline.

    GT – Poor Gil. He’s a week away from the 4chan meme, at best.

    JP – “You know, the one who’s going to be starring in the upcoming remake of Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS? You don’t? Right, of course you don’t. Never mind, then.”


    MT – So Rusty’s Spider-Sense is just as effective as Spider-Man’s. Good to know.

    MW – Her eyes are like black holes* into which Ted, the scenery, and eventually the neighboring strips are going to be drawn, until finally the entire funny pages is a singularity of cluelessness and helmet hair.
    * (in the sky…/Shine on, you crazy diamond…)

    OBH – Haha, again?

    PBS – This is officially the funniest kidnapping since No Deposit, No Return.

    Phantom – The Ghost-Who-Thinks-Without-Spaces.

    RMMD – Oh my God, that hat.

    Edison Lee – It’s not too late, Mr. Lee. There are still states with safe-haven laws.

  86. Poteet a.k.a. Dame Parmalat Dnieper
    April 11th, 2009 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Oy, it’s too much. My lips are now so full I can barely talk, my eyelids won’t go up all the way, I have a new dimple, and I just found a small tattoo in a really embarrassing place. This name is too much for me. I hereby set it free. Go forth, Dame Parmalat Dnieper, and find a way to get into JP and meet Godiva Danube.

  87. Poteet
    April 11th, 2009 at 12:12 pm [Reply]


  88. SamWibatt
    April 11th, 2009 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Off topic, but I completely missed the fifth anniversary of the end of “Funny Paper” back in February. Have Scocca & McLeod released the deathgrip on “We Read The Comics So You Don’t Have To”?

  89. Caroline a.k.a. Lady Marmite Loire
    April 11th, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    #63 CanuckDownSouth a.k.a Dame Marmite Volga – ah, it must be a family name then. We’re probably distant cousins :)

    Tourtiere? A marmite meat pie?? (Goes to look it up).

  90. Sir Donald Guinness
    April 11th, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    #82 buckyswife – Methinks the “deja vu” comment refers to the 3/21 strip, where Margo is leaving for the gallery (presumably, that would have been earlier today) and Tommie tells her, “Take your umbrella – It looks like rain.” (The correct response from Margo should have been, “It’s always a nice day if it doesn’t rain.”) Sadly, even with my new position of Delta Knight, I still have time to rummage through the A3G archives to look for “crap,” to use the parlance of our times, such as this.

    (I shouldn’t have been so quick to give up my previous handle, ’cause I suddenly got a hankerin’ for a sarsparilla.) (Dammit!!) (Hey, I wonder what Juliette Moore is up to right now…)

  91. nerowolfgal
    April 11th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    GT – Two, two, two exploding eyeballs in on strip! It must be a treat for Easter.

  92. Jeff
    April 11th, 2009 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    This comics survey is scaring me. Hagar can NOT win!
    I want my Slylock Fox, Six Differences and occasional Bonnie and Boo Boo!

  93. kingklash
    April 11th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    My new JP name is Monty Gulch! Actually, it read Gulcherbeanuntil the page finished reloading, but that works too.

    Thank you, Lumpy!

  94. Tlachtga
    April 11th, 2009 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know why I read Broomhilda, but I do.

    It reads “We’re chocolate rabbits at Easter, and we’re doomed!” But the way I read comic strips, sometimes the top is cut off, and I read it as “Were chocolate rabbits at Easter, we’re doomed!” And I became hopeful that there were were-rabbits made of chocolate. And that they ran around eating people. And this made me happy, imagining a battle between them and Gromit.

    But no, I just missed the apostrophe. Damn it.

  95. Fireball
    April 11th, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Between Friends in a sentence: “All men are scum and I can’t live up to everybody’s expectations.”

    I can’t believe my local paper carries this dreck and not Pearls Before Swine…

  96. Parmalat Loire
    April 11th, 2009 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    MW – I sit in rapt anticipation of which possible ending to the con will occur. Will Adrian lose her money, be berated by Mary, and commit suicide when she realises that she’s now dumber than Toby when it comes to falling into cons? Or will Adrian lose her money, be berated by Mary, and have pity taken on her by Toby and start receiving a stipend as one of Ian’s body servants? In any case, Adrian Cory is ****ed and Mary Worth is right there with a strap-on to ensure a round two that will burn the moral of the story into Adrian’s mind forever. And yes, Jeff will have to watch.

  97. peabody
    April 11th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    “What’s so interesting about Europa’s CEO?”

    Nothing. Nothing at all, now please stop talking about it.

  98. Moss_Moses
    April 11th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    57. Muffaroo, I also wondered what the hell is so photo-worthy about a couple of stupid ubiquiducks on a lake. That’s kind of like white on rice or stink on poop. Those bank robbers are so diabolically evil they probably won’t even pay Rusty for the camera this time…You can tell by the prominent sideburns that they are Satan’s spawn. Satan sure had some stupid spawn!

  99. zerowolf
    April 11th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    The woman’s problem in Between Friends? Forgot her manic-depressive meds and/or too much crystal-meth?

  100. Evan
    April 11th, 2009 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    What’s wrong with her? Her bones have liquified and all her flesh is pooling in her hips and elbows. Have some damn compassion!

  101. Calico
    April 11th, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Between Friends seems like a diatribe by either Elly Patterfoob or her neurotic, undersexed friend Connie, but on some sort of amphetamine.
    Just reading that thing above totally stressed me out.

    JP – “Godiva Danube” – the Chocolate River?
    Just in time for Easter…now I have an insatiable need to see “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” 37 times.

  102. Calico
    April 11th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    #96 – Good point – Toby lost $1.06 or something like that, and Adrian’s going all out for 50k. Ulp.

  103. bats :[, social secretary for the Grand Duchess Marmite Vistula
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    The Grand Duchess would have it known that “Marmite,” apparently as common in the realms of nobility as “Britney” or “Tiffany,” has hereby changed her name. Her Grace will now be known as:

    The Grand Duchess Bacardi Vistula

    Carry on. Please feel free to clap politely or to titter behind your fans.
    Oh, and please help assuage 72. Jeff’s fears about a potentially Slylock Fox-less newspaper. Vote early. Vote often. Remember that this is a democracy benevolent dictatorship.

  104. P
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:19 pm [Reply]


    Sunday’s FC: Even though I don’t live in Canada, I went onto Press Display and found a thumbnail of the Easter FC.

    Melonheads eat enough candy to feed the children of Africa for 25 years then get yelled at by Bil and Thel for not eating Easter dinner. There’s also a large “HAPPY EASTER” at the bottom right. (Uh, Bil, this is 2009, not 1955.)

    This strip was also in the funnies on 1965 and 2000′s Easter Sunday.

  105. Carol
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Thank goodness someone else is reading Luann. How the heck does anyone reproduce in that comic? The boys are all completely clueless. Luann could be on her knees in front of Gunther and he’d ask her if she’d lost a contact lens.

  106. buckyswife
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Can anyone figure out how to link to today’s Richard’s Poor Almanac, in the Wash Post? It’s by Richard Thompson, of Cul de Sac, and it’s quite good today.

  107. bats :[, social secretary for the Grand Duchess Marmite Vistula
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Okay, someone’s in for it. just told me that it recommends that I buy the latest compilation of Argyle Sweater, based on my previous purchases.
    Since when have I bought crap?
    Well, that kind of crap…

  108. Anonymous
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Ikea, Dowager Duchess of Volga here. I feel like a cross between a furniture store and a vaguely dirty joke told in a New Yawk accent.

    You can access Richard’s Poor Almanac at Link on the lower right. Richard Thompson is always funny.

  109. Howlin' Wolf
    April 11th, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    I think we can be fairly certain that Rocky Ledge and Godiva Danube are porn superstars in the Parkerverse. Of course, in a world where a man without a tie is virtually naked, porn never gets beyond second base.

  110. sugarpie
    April 11th, 2009 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Hey Uncle Lumpy! Lets ditch this bunch of whiners and hit the the My-Oh-My Club for a few boilermakers. Bats :[ is here and is certainly old enough to keep an eye on the rest of these mosters for a couple of hours. They’re all passed out again taking a nap now anyway.

    I found Josh’s coin collection and it looks like there’s enough quarters in it for the Businessman’s Lunch Special and a rightous tip for ‘Chocolate River the Dancing Duchess’.

  111. True Fable
    April 11th, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    I am Woody Mesa. Woody Mesa, goatmaster!

    I do believe I can retire now and write my memoirs.

  112. Donald The Anarchist
    April 11th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    JP Seeing as he doesn’t live in the South and has never shown an interest in country music, I find it odd that Sam remembers a country music singer easier than a world-famous actress. Of course, in the Parker-verse, he’s probably the only country-music star in existence, it being a mantle that is passed down apostolically from generation to generation.

    FW I’ve decided to pretend that’s an extra-large condom wrapper in Susan’s grasp there. Les is packing, and Susan is smitten.

    BF As I’m currently house-sitting for a friend who has nine cats (Yeah, I know, she’s working on reducing the #) I find myself unimpressed by this chick’s concerns about household odors. “Oh,no, the odor of last night’s dinner lingers in the air!” Get over it.

  113. Wings (Caffeinated Joe)
    April 11th, 2009 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    I am Woody Beach…

    Sounds more like a scent from Old Spice…

  114. Cliff Gulch (nee Spunky N. Tadpole)
    April 11th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    #106 – buckywife:

    Try THIS LINK . for today’s RPA

  115. Wadi Dune, slayer of Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    April 11th, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    FW: I knew this was going there. Now, she’ll try to invite herself in and hit on Les. Ick ick ick.

    Crankshaft: Oh, lookit the upscale, whitebread middle class American male waste precious resources! Whatta shame! Whatta bore!

    Phantom: The lady who marries a guy who has to wear a mask 24/7 and capers around in a purple leotard is now suddenly suspicious of his behavior?

    Luann: I predict that Gunther will soon unbutton the top button on his shirt, and therefore become ‘normal’ (Inso much as anything drawn in this strip is normal) and making him now safe for Luann to actually date.

    Dilbert: Instincts are inevitable.

    JP: Godiva Danube? WTF? Why not Gertrude van Hooters or Katrina Knobensitzer or Anneke Comentrinker? God, whatta disaster.

    RMMD: That daughter is too creepy for words.

    Mark Trail: He’s just phoning it in now, isn’t he?

    9CL: We get it already,

  116. bats :[, social secretary for the Grand Duchess Marmite Vistula
    April 11th, 2009 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    112. Donald the Anarchist: I’ll buy Lester’s mooning after Susan (or anything vaguely female…heck, maybe even male, or something with a hole in it), but requiring an extra-large condom? What’s he going to do with it? Put it over his head for a little auto-erotic asphyxiation (ohpleaseohpleaseohplease)?
    Probably nothing that exiciting:

  117. buckyswife
    April 11th, 2009 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    114: See, that’s the tricky thing: It’s the strip from a week ago, not the current one. (I get the print WaPo, so I can read it there–I just wanted to share the joy.)

  118. Bob Weber Jr.
    April 11th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    #92 Jeff –
    Thanks for posting the link and your wonderful support!

  119. sugarpie
    April 11th, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Ah, to heck with you guys. I’m going down to the dump and throw rocks at the rats with Eddie Haskel.

  120. Sir Donald Guinness of the Delta Knights
    April 11th, 2009 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    #90 – Julianne Moore. Dammit! I’m a disgrace to the other knights, even the guy that keeps yelling, “I’m comiiiiing!” And he’s not really even a knight, I don’t think. (sigh)

    Hey, sugarpie, wait up! And let’s get Lumpy Rutherford. He’s got a car.

  121. Cliff Arroyo
    April 11th, 2009 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    #120 Speaking of Julianne Moore, this scene

    doesn’t creep me out nearly as much as anything to do with Les.

    I would wonder about his new girlfriend he’s not dating (Summer’s rival’s mom) but she almost seems sane (then why is she hanging out with Les?) All things considered I’d just as soon he hook up with this crazy chick and make us all sick to our tummy, tum tums.

  122. bats :[, social secretary for the Grand Duchess Marmite Vistula
    April 11th, 2009 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    You kids go and have a good time. Don’t worry about me. I’ll sit alone in the dark. In front of my computer. No, no…I’ll be fine.

  123. dreadedcandiru2
    April 11th, 2009 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Foob Warning: In tomorrow’s strip, the Pattersons’ Easter egg hunt is spoiled because while the Pattersons are at church, Farley eats every last one of them. As you could guess, that happens because Elly fails to think things through and keep him from wandering around looking for something to eat. Not, of course, that Lynn intends blaming Elly for this; both author and creation insist that adapting themselves to their pets’ behavior is unfair.

  124. Winky's Spleen
    April 11th, 2009 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    PBS: Awesome use of a staple-remover.

    Candorville: Now that’s more like it.

    Mutts: I liked Mutts today; what’s wrong with me?

  125. Poteet
    April 11th, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    # 123 dreaded — Thanks for the warning. I hope none of the eggs were chocolate, or, as I understand it, they should be burying Farley on Monday.

    ReFoob — “So if you ever do get married again, hire a private eye to keep tabs on him part-time so you’ll have a little warning in case the a-hole ever decides to massage his sick ego by running off with some traitorous bimbo just as you were looking forward to retirement, because…um…*long pause*…Say, what are you planning for Easter this year?”

  126. CCMars, secretly Baroness Garnier Vistula
    April 11th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps I should rename myself, “Garnier Vistula, Baroness of Sweet Smelling Shampoo”?

    FW: Ah, the Susan Smith Suicide Shenanigans Storyline. The Sunday panel when Les and Susan’s mother found her has stayed in my head since I first read it. Powerful, but sadly it also sealed Susan’s fate as Batuik’s First Butt Monkey. At least she can now point and laugh at the misery of other Butt Monkeys (i.e. everyone else) before getting cancer and then hit by a car.

  127. dreadedcandiru2
    April 11th, 2009 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    #125 – Poteet : Fortunately for Farley, they were all hard-boiled eggs. It’s too bad that they’d been allowed to sit out for an extended period of time, though; he got an upset stomach.

    Uncle Lumpy: As for “What’s wrong with the woman from Between Friends”, True Fable has it nailed when he calls her Elly Junior. The woman has worked herself into a frazzle because she just. will. NOT. LISTEN!! when her husband says she’s making a big deal over nothing.

  128. Baka Gaijin
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    At first I kept seeing everyone’s name as “fistula.” Why in Margo’s name would anyone want to be named after a hole in, well, you can read for yourself. Link is not safe for the easily queasy.

  129. sugarpie
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    #122 bats;[ social secretary for the Grand Duchess Marmite Vistula Your supposed to be driving Lumpy Rutherford’s Studebaker. C’mon, we cant wait all day. Ya’know none of us are allowed to drive since that time with the McKenzie sisters and the corn crib.

  130. dale
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    What are the chances that the now damaged CD was the only backup copy Les had?

  131. Alfred E. Neuman, aka Sheikh Wadi Dune
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    Assalamu alaikum.
    As the original, Sheikh Wadi Dune, (see #27), I offer the following:

    A3G: May your acid soul cause your umbrella to rot in a driving rainstorm.

    Crankshaft: May a horde of syphilitic armadillos invade your garden.

    FOOB: May a diseased donkey squat on your coffee cups.

    MF: May a Chinese chef serve you well.

    MW: Ted, may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your mustache.
    Mary, may the oil from a dozen supertankers course though your bowels.

    Phantom: No curse, just an old Arabic saying about wives: “One if by land, two if by sea”.

  132. Gojira
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    #92 Jeff re: The State’s “Save a comic” survey: Did what I could. By the way, isn’t it interesting how these online surveys handle votes from different browsers on the same PC or browsers whose caches have been cleared? Electronic voting is the wave of the future.

  133. Mr. O'Malley
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

  134. Mr. O'Malley
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    133. Hey, what happened to my link?

  135. Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    I grab a bunch of comics online since I can. Pluggers this April 11 was sick …

    A dog married to a chicken who wants to meet her by the Teriyaki Chicken? WTF?

  136. Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
    April 11th, 2009 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

  137. bats :[
    April 11th, 2009 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    128. Baka Gaijin: “fistula” is just a scientific term for hole. The first use of fistula that I ever heard had to do with the studies by William Beaumont in the 19th C., who worked with a man who’d been shot with a musket (and survived!). The rather unintentional fistula (kids, don’t try this at home) allowed Beaumont to study the function of the stomach. This was a gastric fistula.

    In many cattle nutrition and health studies, fistulas are intentionally made and maintained to sample the contents of the digestive systems (the cows are fitted with plastic “portholes” tha can be opened and closed).

    Yeah, yeah. The more you know…

  138. Winky's Spleen
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    Sparky etc. etc. #135 – Now that you mention it, the chicken lady looks pretty appalled, too. Some dark, dark undercurrents to Pluggerville, no question.

  139. Jeff
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    #132 Gojira –

  140. Talking Squirrel
    April 11th, 2009 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    “What the hell is wrong with this woman?”

    This is what comes of eating bread products during Passover.

  141. Poteet
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    # 137 bats:[ — Thanks for the memories. Learning about that stomach-hole used by William Beaumont was an exciting part of growing up in the Detroit suburb that has a large hospital named after him (Beaumont, not the stomach-hole guy). I seem to recall learning that Stomach-hole Guy wasn’t too enthused about the research. Understandably, I now think.

  142. Ned Ryerson
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ :Art Garfunkel told me I should buy some Argyle Sweater. He was speaking to me through my Rice Krispies. (and I heard him add, specifically, Fuck Health Fakes!

  143. Muffaroo
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ @137 – Ah, the fistulated ruminant! Back in the dim, dark ages, my class — second grade, I think — got to take a field trip to the CSU Dairy Farm. There was a milk pipeline that ran all through the place. It was clear, so you could see the milk making its way across the wall, up near the ceiling. Odd thing to do, but impressive. Out in the barn, they showed us a sort of disembodied porthole which, they said, was a window into a cow’s stomach for a while. Massively impressive.

    In later years, I convinced myself I hadn’t really seen that. Such things, I reasoned, couldn’t be.

    Then in 1979, I got a job working for the USDA Forest Service. One day they asked me to sort the station’s slides. There it was: the fistulated ruminant, in living color, with a man reaching inside (in a slide I call “Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit outta this cow!”). It was true! It really happened! In the photo, the cow stolidly munches away, perhaps thinking how odd it is that all of a sudden, she’s hungry again. Or not.

    What a world, what a world. There was once a man whose job duties included reaching into a cow and pulling out rumen for study. Still, he was lucky. He got to wear gloves, and he got to go in by the side door.

  144. Muffaroo
    April 11th, 2009 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    Muffaroo @143 – Okay, I’ve just been looking at the photo. Guess I was wrong about those gloves. It was a simpler, more natural time… eh, readers?

  145. Sister Sestina
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    I point-blank refuse to be Marmite Don and be confused for the Mafioso of yeast by-products. Unless I could order an enforcer to smear the stuff over the second panel of Saturday’s Rex Morgan and obliterate the macrocephalic creature pretending to be Sarah.

  146. cam, aka Prada Loire
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, no content. I’m just posting because “Prada Loire” is such a cool name.

  147. P
    April 12th, 2009 at 12:08 am [Reply]


    Wow. So Rocky’s name is Milton Rasmussen, Godiva’s is Brunhilde Akerman, and Godiva is a clone of Angie Jolie.

    What next, Godiva fighting with Oct- a woman who gave birth to 8 babies over children in Europa’s Headquarters?

  148. Master Softheart
    April 12th, 2009 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    143-144 Muffaroo: I’ve read and graded three original research projects this week, and I guarantee you that none of them have expanded my mind or raised as many profound questions as you managed with a brief anecdote and the linked image.

    122 bats:[ : That was made of pure, USDA-approved, 100% Awesome. Well, if Muffaroo were doing the USDA inspection, anyway.

  149. Deena in OR
    April 12th, 2009 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    144 Muffaroo: Ummm…I started working in health care before the age of universal precautions. I distinctly remember, in the mid-eighties, having to use *food service* plastic gloves for direct care because there was a drastic shortage of latex gloves available before production ramped up. Yikes.

  150. Poteet
    April 12th, 2009 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    4/12 A3G — Words cannot express the utter awesomeness of Joe Kelly in the last three panels. He’s right out of REEFER MADNESS. If he’ll just maintain that expression for the rest of this storyline, I’ll actually be able to tell him apart from the other male characters. Smokin’!

  151. Sandy Gulch
    April 12th, 2009 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Sandy Gulch checking in. Thanks, I wasn’t sure what to call myself in comic strip land, now I know.

  152. Muffaroo
    April 12th, 2009 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    A chronological clarification. I was in second grade about the time Kennedy was shot. Probably the exact same time. I was nowhere near the… I mean, I don’t even remember hearing about it. That is, the important thing is that the photo of the guy getting ready to show the cow its own heart is that it was taken some time before 1963. Back when nobody knew anything about these little invisible “germs” that caused “disease.” We all thought they were just signs that we’d displeased one of the invisible gods. And we liked it! But you try and tell that to the youth of today.

  153. nil zed, better known as Countess Guinness Volga
    April 12th, 2009 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    32 Big Sims/Don Monty Ismuth: any relation to Monty Don, the famous gardner on the telly? He’s hot!

    46 Cousin! No matter what you say, Grandmamma the Dowager Duchess promised to leave her diamond tiara to ME!

  154. 150
    April 12th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    What the hell is wrong with this woman?

    She caught the Cathy.

  155. little red-haired girl aka Guinness Po
    April 12th, 2009 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Ooo, Uncle Lumpy, I love my name. It combines my favorite stout with my favorite Teletubbie. For a title, I think I’ll pick “Sister”. Sister Guinness Po. I’m working up to “Saint”.

  156. Charles
    April 13th, 2009 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Rusty Canyon cannot be a man’s name.

  157. Nacho Manx
    April 15th, 2009 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    Hey, wasn’t Europa a cow that was chased all over France, Germany, and the Balkans by a stinging gadfly or something? And Zeus porked her, first?

    I think the gadfly was created solely to sting the cow, and it (the gadfly, not the cow) flew, so maybe that’s the “aero” part. So, this Europa Aerospace makes “gadfly” missiles to sting “porked cow” … um, Prime Ministers? TV reporters? Help me, here.

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