The Comics Curmudgeon

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Enjoy it while it lasts, Willy

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/3/09

I lost interest in this storyline right around the time that my hopes that it would just devolve into all-out gay porn were dashed. However, today’s strip is worth noting for two bits of unusual self-awareness. First, Sarah and Rex have an uncomfortable moment when they finally admit what everyone else knows: that she’s the smartest character in the strip, other than, of course, Abbey the Wonderdog. More important, though, is Mrs. Dunsmore’s insistence that Willy is “going back.” No, she isn’t talking about deporting the little kid back to Panama; rather, she means that he’ll end up in the narrative purgatory where all the folks who have supposedly come to mean so much to the Morgan clan over the course of their adventures — Nikki, Nikki’s meth-addled mom, Hugh the histrionic heir, sexy homeless grad student Buck, and, of course, Abbey the Wonderdog — end up once the self-absorbed doctor and his family lose interest in them.

Funky Winkerbean, 5/3/09

Everyone who’s suffering from the recession, take heart! It appears that the freezing of worldwide credit markets and the subsequent economic collapse were engineered by some cruel supervillain (or the cruel God of Finance, whatever) specifically to make Funky’s life miserable. Doesn’t that sort of make it all worth it?

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 3, 2009 at 03:39 pm and is filed under Funky Winkerbean, Rex Morgan, M.D..

197 responses to “Enjoy it while it lasts, Willy”

Baka Gaijin
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

Josh, dude, fella, how could you miss today’s Beetle Bailey? Oh, and Marvin would have been funnier funny if Marvin’s binky was in the dog’s butt.
Mars
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

And where is today’s creepy oedipal Zits gag?

Seriously, when I was a teen, I don’t remember feeling the urge to passionately hug everyone I saw.
Uncle Lumpy
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Hey, that comic cover is giving away plot points -

1. Montoni is back from Florida!
2. Lisa got her color back, and may be on the mend!
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

~~Cruel supervillain~~ ~~God of Finance~~ Rob Halford with a bad sunburn.
Lorne
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

Wait a minute. Is Rex Morgan still on that same cruise ship? I’ve actually been on a cruise since that storyline started. In fact, since they embarked on their cruise of the damned, we actually decided to go on a cruise, booked a cruise, waited 6 weeks to go on the cruise, and returned from the cruise, a month ago! In fact, by now the effects of the cruise have worn off and we’re ready for another one.
Charlene
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

BB: Pitching and catching? Really? Does Mort Walker live in Pleasantville or is he just playing with us?
Charlene
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

#5, June once spent six weeks tied up in a flooded basement, and it once took Rex about a month to ski one block through Chicago dragging a tularemia patient on a sled.
Poteet
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

Thank you for rotating FW so I could actually read it. FW is bad enough without having to try to squint at it sideways.
Cool Bev
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

And just who is that supervillain supposed to represent? Some dark-complected skinny person who controls the country’s economy? I think Batiuk is going to get sent to the Cockpit for this one.
Poteet
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

# 7 Charlene — I remember those good times. And I seem to recall that Rex and June took forever to survive (barely) a river rafting trip with some sullen adolescent who has now “gone back.”
The Mighty Captain E
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

If the Comics Code Authority can’t protect us from the mind-destroying menace that is Funky Winkerbean, than what good is it I ask?
NutellaonToast
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

WTF is with the coloring in RM? In panel one old lady is half white, half some sickly gray color, while the background folk are bright orange and pastel orange. In panel two a young girl turns pea green. Then for three panels people are “normal” colored, if you count pale dead flesh without the slightest hint of natural color “normal” only to be followed by a bright blue child with two solid black adults in the background whose clothing have turned a sort of amber color, because we all know that people spontaneously take on the color scheme of traffic signs. Then it’s back to “sickly pale” and “zombie gray” for the finale. It’s like Morgan and his pukenicolor skin coats.
Crankenstank
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

I think we are going to have to give Props to Rex Morgan for discovering Mexican Swine Pig H1N1 Everybody Going to Die Flu first. With any luck the ship will be quarantined and this will become an endless cruise, like Charlie on the MTA meets Groundhog Day. Because, well, I’d endure a bout of swine flu to watch June flounce around in that outfit for another six months.
NutellaonToast
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

Oh, I just realized that those colors are the glow of the warning lights. It’s a nuclear powered ship and the reactor has gone critical. That explains why everyone is acting demented (this time anyway).
Ukulele Ike
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

9CL: I am not normally an admirer of the Solfeggio strips (or whatever that damned ugly cat’s name is), but today’s is a keeper. Those facial expressions in the last two panels…nice going, Brooksie.
Jacob
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

Is that just an Adam Strange cover copied word for word except with ‘Funky’ inserted? It is! http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_rLV-ZuNPwJ4/SVWkvg0fb2I/AAAAAAAADKk/TqxZIavjTnY/s400/Mystery+in+Space-075_01FC.jpg

I don’t follow Funky Winkerbean – is blatant plagiarism for unclear reasons a running theme?
Jacob
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

Here’s a better version of that image, sorry.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_rLV-ZuNPwJ4/SVWkvg0fb2I/AAAAAAAADKk/TqxZIavjTnY/s1600-h/Mystery+in+Space-075_01FC.jpg
Poteet
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

# 12 Nutellaontoast — Good points. And I’d also like to know why Agnes’ veil or hat shadow or whatever the heck it was disappeared by the time the last panel rolled around.
Poteet
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

And Willy, I’ve seen really cute. I know really cute. You are not really cute.
bats :[
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

Ah, well, nothing earth-shattering, but just keeping my hand in:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3497656005/sizes/o/

And wouldn’t it be SO TOTALLY AWESOME if June got into a mega-catfight with Angelina Jolie and Madonna for adopting Willy?
Red Greenback
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

Poteet @#10: That rafting trip story ended with June thinking there was a fish in her pants. That was pretty cool.
BigTed
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

Is “Funky Winkerbean” undertaking some minor trademark infringement by name-checking the Justice League of America, or has everyone’s favorite nudnik actually been acquired by DC comics? Because I’d love to see a crossover comic featuring a face-off between super-hapless Funky and Plastic Man’s pal Woozy Winks, the Luckiest Man in the World — who I’m guessing Funky could transform into an incurable pessimist in a matter of a few panels.
Mibbitmaker
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

#8 (Poteet): I 2nd that.

FW: The “cruel God of Finance” is, apparently, a purple-covered Alfred E. Neuman with floating sunglass glasses, and instead of missing one tooth is missing all BUT one tooth! All of which proves one thing: superhero comic books are stupid.

The rest of my Sunday comment is on y22… (PREVIEW — Sarah Morgan IS The Lemon ‘n’ Lime Kid!)
zenvelo
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

Slylock Fox was totally bogus today- my daughter said “this is stupid- there’s no way to tell what floor they are on. They could be on the fourth floor and Harry Ape is going to get away.”
Hank
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

RE: Funky Winkerbean. It’s bad enough that Batuik got paid to basically trace an old comic book cover. To make matters worse, he tries to excuse the blatant plagarism by claiming that it’s a “tip of the…fedora to Gardner Fox.”

Fox might have written the interior story but he was not the cover artist. The original drawing was by Carmine Infantino (pencils) and Murphy Anderson (inks). Furthermore, the odds are high that someone else (probably series editor Julius Schwartz) wrote the cover copy.

So, basically, Batiuk ripped off someone else’s work and then tried to justify doing by claiming it was a homage to a writer who probably had nothing to do with the cover in question.
bats :[
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

17. Jacob: good sleuthing. Geez, is that blatant, or what? Let me just say when I was looking at the Sunday comics late last night, I skipped FW because I didn’t want to cut-and-paste it, enlarge it, and turn it.
When I turned to it this morning in the paper, when I saw Batuituik yammering about the econmy, I skipped it entirely.
Weekday story — lose. Sunday strip — lose. Don’t go to Vegas, Batuiuik…

(Sorry for missing the color shift in Rex’s outfit on 20.’s mashup. I hate the way the relief color-monkeys are used in the Sunday strip…)
Hank
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

RE: Funky, Part 2. By the way, some articles have reported that pizza delivery chains, such as Dominos, are actually doing well in the recession because people will order pizza and watch a DVD instead of going out to a fancy restaurant and the theater. I guess Batuik couldn’t be bothered to do a little research since that might interfere with his mission to inflict more needless suffering on his characters.
commodorejohn
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

#16 Jacob – Yes, it’s a running theme; Batiuk will pull one of these ~~blatant thefts~~ “homages” whenever ~~he’s too fucking lazy to make his own points~~ it’s thematically appropriate.
Mac
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

What gets me is that Funky, the character, is so lame that he doesn’t imagine himself as Superman or Batman, but Adam Fricking Strange. Seriously, who’s next, Captain Comet?
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Crank: Was there a point? WTF?
FW: I liked the homage to Terry Lee back when Wally was in Afghanistan; I have to say Sunday’s strip referencing an Adam Strange villain who later had the entire early JLA as ‘galley slaves’ in space back in JLA #3 makes no sense at all. Even if it’s referencing the economy.
spazmodeas
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

Rex Morgan MD: There is no narrative purgatory. When people disappear, it’s because Sarah got tired of them and sent them into the cornfield. But it’s a good thing she did that! It’s a very good thing!
commodorejohn
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

#29 Mac – If he were in Gil Thorp, he could imagine himself to be a Fletcher Hanks character.
20 Miles From the City
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

Beetle Bailey: Get it? Beetle is the pitcher and Sarge is the catcher’s mitt. Hahaha! It’s funny because, well, you see, because they’re gay. Yeah, that’s the only interpretation for it that I can think of.

Momma: Thankfully, I did not have to experience any of this strip’s Oedipal weirdness when I opened my paper this morning. George Clooney, on the other hand, might be a bit less comfortable reading this strip.

Family Circus: Is Thel seriously bringing all her melonheaded kids to the supermarket at the same time? Is she crazy?
dale
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

Slylock
Many of the puzzles work better if viewed not from the standpoint of: What do I, the reader, see that proves Slylock right? but, What could Slylock know and see that would make him right?
In this, case he knows they’re on the first floor.
He also knows that all the fire exits from the stairwells are chained closed.
NoahSnark
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

The supervillain that makes life in Funky Winkerbean so miserable when there isn’t a global recession is “Cartoonist who refuses to take his medication”. He would have come up with a better villain name for himself, but couldn’t be bothered.
dreadedcandiru2
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

Canadian Zombie Spoiler Alert: In this week, Baby Lizzie says her first words for the fourth or fifth time since the reload eight months ago. At the rate we’re going, she’ll have said her first words three or four more times before Labor Day weekend.
Black Drazon
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

Winkerbean/DC Comics crossover? “By day, mild-mannered Les Moore is a father and speed dating contestant, but by night he becomes POLTERMAN. Assisted by the spirit of his late wife in issues of parenting and speed-dating, POLTERMAN will team up with fellow Winkerverse superhero DEAFMAN in this heart-pounding adventure! Can they defeat the combined might of their enemies when the laughter of THE JOKER meets their own archenemy, THE EVERPRESENT FEELING OF CRUSHING DESPAIR? 32 pages. Available now!”
Sequitur
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

Plumbing Problems

Panel 3: Cat’s on the side of the tub without plumbing.
Panel 4: Cat’s on the side of the tub with plumbing.
Panel 5: Cat’s on the side of the tub without plumbing.
Panel 6: Cat’s on the side of the tub with plumbing.

And the tile keeps changing colors (or colours to all our fine British and Canadian chaps)
ScienceGiant
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

FB: Saturday was Free Comic Book Day. As in, FREE. But I have to admit though, even free, “Mystery in Space” starring Funky and his dead wife, is staying on the shelf…
CrazyDreamer
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

Regarding Zits: The son is proudly bisexual. That is the only possible explanation.

And a bit of a whore.
Steve L
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

One has to wonder why Funky’s nemesis is a purple-skinned insectoid Alfred E. Neuman.
Amanda M
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth, May 3rd

*vomiting noises*
Sequitur
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

#42 Amanda M – Would you like a tissue?
Dr. Weird
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

FW

Everyone is concentrating on the “homage” to Adam Strange, and with good cause… but look at Funky sitting at the table! He looks like he’s lost a huge amount of weight and aged 20 years since we last saw him… like (dare I say it) a terminal cancer patient. As was pointed out earlier, he’s about the age of Barack Obama but looks older than John McCain.
Sister Sestina
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

Hank @ 25 — Hank, you’ve consistently given conservative commentary in the past, and now you show a detailed knowledge of comic books.

Are you sure you aren’t my husband?
Jamus The Bartender
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

FW: Credit where credit is due. Thirty years a die hard fan of DC Comics, and Adam Strange in particular, who, in addition to being a nod to Buck Rogers, is the epitome of The Second Life. Every couple of months or so, Adam is beamed back to Rann via Zeta Beam to his wife and child, and to fight monsters, and is shot back to his life on Earth as a single man before he can annoy Mrs. Adam Strange by leaving the seat up on the space toilet.
Mr. O'Malley
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

*-1, 3. Muffaroo. I believe it was called “When Comedy Was King”, not the film but a series like the film. At the end of each episode the narrator would say something like “On strips of film where time stands still their shadows walk forever”, which gave a one-result Google search to that title.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
May 3rd, 2009 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

The snail in Rhymes with Orange did not go for a message with erotic release.
Alan's Addiction
May 3rd, 2009 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

Today’s Rex Morgan dialogue should read, “Don’t get too attached dear… He’s going back to the shop we got him from for a full refund.” It’s a little known fact that the slave trade is thriving in the Rex Morgan universe.
I like today’s Funky Winkerbean. Or, more accurately, I like the 40’s-era comic book characters portrayed in Funky, who are more efficient, charismatic and enjoyable than any of the Funky Winkerbean characters. I’m hoping we’ll see more of them (preferably even more than we see Funky).
Jamus The Bartender
May 3rd, 2009 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

My Cage: I’m gonna have to remember this premise one day. Suffice it to say for now that Bridget looked REALLY good in the second panel in that poodle skirt. Rowf!
9CL: As did Edda naked in the bathtub. Course her cat attacking her was pretty funny too :)
Slylock: Yeah, I have to agree with the above. Hairy Ape could be on the first floor. Here, I can cheer folks up…..

The Cat And The Curumudgeon
Cat’s In The Cradle: Visiting Doctor Oliver

A day or so after getting the news, we went to see the only individual on the planet whom we figured could help us see Cassandra’s pregnancy to term. One Doctor Oliver Wendell Holmes of Bloom County, USA.
As a child, he’d been involved with an experiment involving Cassandra’s father, one Donald Trump, who has become famous as the host of that Apprentice show, and the switching of their brains.
It’s often been thought that Cassandra’s talent for theft and eye for valuable items came from Mr Trump. However, this wasn’t foremost on our minds this day.
” Okay…” said Dr. Holmes as he chewed on his pencil ” Firstly, you’re right, you’re about four weeks along, the baby seems to be doing fine, it’s too early to determine sex without an ultrasound…”
I raised my hand, ” What about our other question? ”
Oliver nodded. ” Ah…yes. The question of parentage. DNA tests show that you are definitely the father here….but you’re wondering how, exactly?”
Cassandra nodded. ” I mean, Jamus is a human, but both my parents were cats. At least my mother was…”
Holmes anticipated this. ” You’re wondering how a normal human managed to impregnate a cat lady, right? ” Holmes brought out a hammer and peg game, a square peg, and a round peg, with holes for each. ” Let’s see if I can put this in a way you’ll understand…”
He picked up the round peg and said, “Okay, let’s say this is Jamus’ penis….”
Cassandra snickered.
I looked around the room. ” I’m much more endowed than that…”
Cassandra tilted her hand a little…” Meh…”
” If I may have your attention….now….ordinarily, this is how it would work with a normal human woman…” And he fit the round peg into the round hole.
” Usually there’s more noise involved. ” I said without thinking, whereupon Cassandra backhanded me with her purse.
Oliver ignored us and said, “OKAY….now…let’s say for the sake of argument, this is a cat’s penis…” Where he picked up the square peg and fit it into the round hole. “WIthout going into a first year’s primer of genetics, this is basically why you don’t always see half men, half cat’s running around.”
” Until now.” I said soberly.
” Yes….now, ” he picked up a carving knife and carved out a rough round hole where the square hole was. You could see the corners, but he had opened it enough so that the round peg could fit in comfortably. ” This is where we are with you two. This is something nearly unprecedented in the history of the animal kingdom. This is you and Jamus, Cassandra. You have just enough human attributes to make a human/hybrid pregnancy viable.”
Cassandra thought about it for a minute, then picked up the round peg and slid it in an up and down motion, moaning, “Oh, God, yes, Jamus, do it to me…i’m a bad little girl…”
Oliver took back the pegboard. ” PLEASE…this is a very serious matter…..one which will require much in the way of study. Not to sound mercenary, but….since this an unprecedented case, there may be grant money involved.”
My eyebrows and Cass’ went up at the same time. ” Grant money?” I asked?
” Oh, yes. Harvard, Princeton, Purina…anyone with a vested interest in the animal sciences…”
Cass nodded to me, ” That would buy a lot of disposable diapers.”
” And balls of yarn.” I added.
” Where do we sign?” we asked.
To Be Continued.
Sunny Paris
May 3rd, 2009 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

I know it’s been said before, but I really have to point out how freakish the children are in Rex Morgan, MD. Why are badly thought out anime children stuck in this comic?

Is there any chance, ANY chance at all that June or Rex or any of the adults in this strip once looked like Sarah? It’s just so strikingly obvious that Sarah is a member of another species that I can’t take the family relationship they claim to have seriously.
Dan
May 3rd, 2009 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

Wow. I thought that FW thing was a fan-art mashup. Are you guys saying it’s….. real? Yikes.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 3rd, 2009 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

5/3

9CL: Hey man, I’m not Amos. I don’t need to see Edda’s mouth open that wide.

S4th: On the plus side, other beachgoers can get a prize view of Sally’s frozen nipples.

Phantom: Why is Rex trying to make his sister jealous? Oh, my brain hurts.

WofI: They finally got the king registered as a sex offender? Maybe the system works after all!
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

Tom has comic industry friends like Tony Isabella and John Byrne. Usually it’s Les who gets mashed up. Les is Tom’s ‘me’ character – so his inability to see the fictional character’s creepiness is always worth snarkiness. Truthfully, I’m more upset “Comic John” is with Becky and Wally is absent from the comic. I thought Tom was Patrick McDonnell when John introduced me to him. Heh. Had no idea he was the creator of old Crankshaft (who appeared in NextMen) until later.

But it is a real mashup of an early comic.
Stroker Ace
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

RMMD – ” I thought I’d try the club sandwich, Daddy! Want some?”. Dialogue pedophiles dreams are made of.
True Fable
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

Spider-man is a dickweed.

That pretty well sums up Our Hero. Drag a father into his injured kid’s hospital room while the guy’s wrapped up in a rubber mat and he’s still in his god-awful Electro outfit (that he just happened to have sitting around somewhere) and if that doesn’t scare the wadding out of the child, pull off the Sammy Sunshine headdress and reveal that Daddy likes to play dress-up the way Spider-man does, which really casts them both in a very interesting light.

And Spider-man often wonders why the whole world seems to be against him. It’s because it IS, you idiot. You’re a dickweed.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick of the Jungle Patrol
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

And now, for those who missed it the first time two short threads ago, a very special “Ha, ha! It’s funny because ____” edition of Snark With The Brick.

9CL: On the Web page directly to the right of today’s strip featuring a naked Edda in the bath is an ad for an online IQ quiz featuring a donkey waggling its ass seductively. Taking in the combination of the two at once has broken my brain. Expect filthy, filthy snark from me today.

BB: So, Sarge isn’t the only one who thinks Beetle’s “hot.” Dunno, I don’t see it. Besides, even I could throw strikes from six feet away.

Blondie: How does Dagwood make all that money on his computer while he ~~masturbates to German tit-torture porn~~ golfs all day? He’s the one sending out all those “get thin with @cai Berry,” “Replica ROLAX Watches” and “U need teh little blue pi11? e-mails.

Crock: Ha, ha! It’s funny ’cause men are different from women, see? But we know the truth: He might be talking about tidal waves and wrecked cars, but his hand gesture shows that what he really enjoyed was the anal fisting scene.

DtM: I’d give $500 for someone to push her down, steal her camera, and threaten her little dog in a log cabin somewhere. That would be quality comics.

(WT)DT: Um, the only entrance to the room you’re guarding is behind you. She’s a perceptive one, that Gertie. Explains her choice of husbands.

EC: It’s not funny because it’s true.

FC: Ha, ha! It’s funny because children like to eat snack food!

FW: Ha, ha! It’s funny because comics readers love being reminded that the economy is in the toilet! This was so not worth saving to my hard drive, opening in Photoshop, rotating, and enlarging. Batiuk, you owe me 45 seconds of my life back, and if I don’t have them by the time I’m ready to die, I’ll spend my last 45 seconds on this Earth cursing you.

GF: “The nut cluster”! That’s Margo’s favorite cereal.

H&L: ((”What’s more, I can communicate telepathically!”))

JP: Guy’s got a point.

Hateeachothers: Ha, ha! It’s funny ’cause usually it’s the women are the ones buying the expensive shoes! Am I right, fellas? Huh? …oh, that’s not it? Um… it’s funny ’cause Leroy is fat and lazy and therefore doesn’t need “athletic” shoes! I’m getting closer? Um… okay… Ha, ha! It’s funny ’cause they despise each other with every fiber of their beings, yet nonetheless spend every waking minute together, doing things one or the other of them hates! Yeah, that’s it. Phew, for a minute there I thought I was losing my sense of humor.

MF’r: It’s funny ’cause… uh… hey look, something stupid self-identifying as a socialist! That’ll stick it to those Democ-rats!

MT: The coloration of the flounder helps it avoid predators by blending in with the apparently flesh-colored sea bottom.

MW: Don’t get too attached, Adrian. You think you’re the first ~~beautiful~~ ~~marginally attractive~~ ~~young~~ female crime victim he’s offered his sympathy to? Hell no. This is Det. Hewlett’s regular M.O. You’d be astounded how much victim trim he rakes in with that act. “Console ‘em and cornhole ‘em Hewlett,” they call him around the squad room.

PMP: Ha, ha! Um… Women, am I right, guys? Yeah, you know it! Ha, ha!

Ghost-Who-Ought-To-Stick-To-Punching-People-And-Leave-The-Relationship-Counseling-To-Dr.-Phil: I can solve this. Prince Rex, meet Margo McGee.

One-Eyed Sailor: I wasn’t aware the Obama administration was considering a “swabs” bailout.

RMMD: Face it, Rex, your daughter is the smartest person you’ll ever meet. Just do what she says from now on and things will go a lot smoother. Hell, we might even be able to wrap up a three-day cruise in less than six months.

RwO: Ha, ha! Gastropods are funny!

S-M: I’m not sure whether Electro didn’t think this through, or Spider-Man is being a dick. Probably a bit of both. That said, the expression on Electro’s face in the next-to-last panel is absolutely priceless. He looks like he should be introducing cartoons at 6 a.m. on an Iowa UHF station.

Zits: Damn, Jeremy gets more action than the next three comic characters combined. Nice to see he’s open to both sexes, too.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

Here’s the John Byrne’s version of Crankshaft from issue 10 of the NextMen.

http://www.byrnerobotics.com/forum/uploads/GerryTurnbull/2008-06-19_031446_driver.jpg
Muffaroo
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

Golden Oldie Dept: Me, Yesterthread – “So is this John Byrne doing Batiuk doing Infantino today? Or did they just photocopy it and lay the word “FUNKY” in at the bottom?”

To answer my question, Byrne seems to be off the hook. The job of drawing Funky’s pathetic phiz over Adam Strange certainly didn’t require an industry professional.

I have to disagree with that being an “early comic,” though. That’s from the 60s, man! I could have bought that at Al’s Newsstand for cover price. Early would be twenty years older.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

Here’s the actual cover and the damn character’s name – Kanjar Ro. Timmverse-wise – he was a featured antagonist in the two-part episode of Justice League entitled, “In Darkest Night”. Actor Rene Auberjonois provided the voice for Kanjar Ro.
cranky
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

You hoped Rex Morgan would devolve into gay porn? I was hoping it would rise to gay porn’s level.
Lucifer Q. Prometheus
May 3rd, 2009 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

This episode of Funky Winkerbean marks the beginning of a format change for the strip. It will now contain the daily adventures of Space Captain Funky of the Space Patrol and the wacky crew of his starship, The Tumor.
Dr. Weird
May 3rd, 2009 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

Ah, forgot to mention earlier that the Arizona Republic has tried slashing its comic page down to a single broadsheet, a drastic reduction in both size and number of strips. They shrank the “comics” banner to about an inch tall and put “Missing your favorites look online!” at the bottom, showing Shylock, Zippy and the Flying McCoys. Doonesbury’s panels are smaller than on weekdays in this format.

I’m sure this will save them lots of money.

As a twist on PBS’s cost-saving measures, the Republic eliminated the Sunday “Opinion” section a few months back… don’t they know opinions are free and everyone has one to share?!
Eleusis
May 3rd, 2009 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

The character they’re biting off of – Adam Strange – is a two-fisted, brilliant space hero. To put Funky Winkerbean in his costume is like appointing a walrus to replace Justice Souter.
Digger
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

Did Funky Winkerbean do another time jump? Funky and Tony look like they’re 90 years old today. But I guess life in the Funkyverse does not allow people to age well.

RMMD: Willy’s going back all right, to his home planet. That kid totally has alien-wonderchild look to him.
Christian
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

I love Adam Strange, so this is another reason why Funky is my favorite comic and why I hate you guys dissing it.
What’s wrong with constant pessimism and doom and gloom and nihilsm?
Christian
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

“Winkerbean/DC Comics crossover? “By day, mild-mannered Les Moore is a father and speed dating contestant, but by night he becomes POLTERMAN. Assisted by the spirit of his late wife in issues of parenting and speed-dating, POLTERMAN will team up with fellow Winkerverse superhero DEAFMAN in this heart-pounding adventure! Can they defeat the combined might of their enemies when the laughter of THE JOKER meets their own archenemy, THE EVERPRESENT FEELING OF CRUSHING DESPAIR? 32 pages. Available now!””

Wasn’t that the end of Alan Moore’s ‘The Killing Joke’?
reminds me of the superhero I invented when I was 13: Mortality Man. he won by reminding people they would eventually die and thus depressing them
Poteet
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

# 56 Sir Fable MTK — Amen, amen, amen. My term for Spidey two threads ago was “giant unmitigated dickhead,” but I like “dickweed” better.
yellojkt
May 3rd, 2009 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

Jacob #16 – So I’m not the only comic geek that got instantly teleported to Rann when I saw that throw-back Adam Strange call-out? Now when Funky imagines himself as Kamandi: The Last Boy On Earth we have really slipped down the rabbit hole.
Poteet
May 3rd, 2009 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

# 57 Spectacular — That’s right, kick Iowa when we’re already down with a case of B.O. Plenty:-).
commodorejohn
May 3rd, 2009 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

Actually, all this mention of Dr. Strange gets “Cymbaline” stuck in my head. Wouldn’t that chorus be the perfect thing to sing when you’re three sheets to the wind?
boojum
May 3rd, 2009 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

Re: Zits. Don’t mean to stifle the snark, but today’s teenagers are a remarkably huggy bunch. It takes a minute or more for my 16-year-old to say goodbye to her friends when I pick her up — and the guys seem pretty much the same. My 20-year-old son hugs his friends as well. We’re in Nashville, so maybe there are regional differences.
Jumper
May 4th, 2009 at 12:00 am [Reply]

I firmly maintain that was Roy Orbison threatening Adam Strange.

I also believe Al Franken was the only sensible choice to play the Beast in X-Men.

Now, since we have some true comics geniuses here, I have a conundrum the internet has been unable to answer. There was in the ’60s a bright and argumentative but very likeable fan who wrote in to either Marvel or DC on a regular basis. In fact, her sort of criticism was new and taken to a depth not seen before. I and others predicted she’d take the world by storm. But she disappeared. Dianne Fortunado? Memory betrays me too often to trust. But that is close to vaguely similar to the name I remember. Help!
ChrisV82
May 4th, 2009 at 12:09 am [Reply]

No offense to Adam Strange, but if I’m going to pretend to be a superhero or comic book character, Strange may not even crack my top 100.

Funky is all kinds of f’d up.
Esther Blodgett
May 4th, 2009 at 12:11 am [Reply]

#74 ChrisV82: Funky is all kinds of f’d up.

Excellent summation.
Elliegal
May 4th, 2009 at 12:13 am [Reply]

OMG, I can’t believe Adrian has gone from Ted to the detective so quickly. Slut!
zooby
May 4th, 2009 at 12:16 am [Reply]

Boy, that economy, eh? Seems like just a couple months ago, Montoni’s was being interviewed for Pizza World magazine. The only thing keeping them afloat now is Les and his parade of dates. I predict Funky laying off Les to save money. Les won’t be able to afford Summer’s college and Summer will start taking steroids in order to play better and get a scholarship and… I could go on, but I won’t. Let’s just assume it ends in tragedy, shall we? Mime death for everyone!
Matt B
May 4th, 2009 at 12:17 am [Reply]

@ #62

The strip will appear to be the adventures of Captain Space Funky, but it will later be revealed to be happening in Funky’s mind as he lies in a stroke induced coma. There shall be no merriment in the land of Winkerbean!
Francis
May 4th, 2009 at 12:22 am [Reply]

“Our profits have taken a haircut”? Has anyone else ever heard this, like, ever? Even out of the context of strange possible misrememberings of financial metaphors that have to do with personal hygiene (such as “we took a bath on that deal”), who “takes” a haircut?
Poteet
May 4th, 2009 at 12:27 am [Reply]

# 64 Eleusis — While I understand your main point, no walrus on earth deserves to be compared to Funky:-).
Alfred E. Neuman
May 4th, 2009 at 12:31 am [Reply]

#23 Mibbitmaker Re: FW— Yeah, I did pose for that cover. I was young and foolish and really needed the money. Who knew that it would someday be all over the internet? At that time, I was also very self-conscious about my tooth gap. They told me they would “take care of it”, and they certainly did!
bats :[
May 4th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

80. Poteet: funny, when “walrus” was mentioned, I immediately thought “William Howard Taft”…

Hey, look! While I was watching “The Old Curiosity Shop” on PBS, the Monday funnies rolled in. Yay!

But, wait! Something ripped from the headlines!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3497933595/sizes/o/

FC: no, Billy. You do not have an “-itis.” You have syphilis. Get it right.

Mutts: Yay! Happy days are here again…or at least bouncy ones.

MW: just shoot me.

Phantom: bye-bye, Captain Nemette! Wow, wasn’t that exciting?

S4th: didn’t we do this last year? Granted, the economy hasn’t improved that much, but there’s something to be said about escapism…

RMMD: enough with the freakin’ club sandwich!!!!
Donald the Anarchist
May 4th, 2009 at 12:56 am [Reply]

RMMD “Sometimes it’s better to tell adults what you did, after you do it!” Three punchlines come to mind hear, from three shameful, shameful jokes, which those unfamiliar with will just have to guess at. “No, silly, it’s salty!”; “We’ve been lucky so far!”; and “I hope not. Having a baby would knock my teeth out!”

FW Is the Comics Code Authority still a litigious bunch? They used to be very protective of that seal. (He could’ve gotten away with it if he changed the words to “Cancer Code Authority”.)
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
May 4th, 2009 at 1:10 am [Reply]

The Comics Code Authority seems to approve of Funky’s misery.
True Fable
May 4th, 2009 at 1:37 am [Reply]

9 Chicks, evidently Bet he wears ladies’ panties too.

The Magnificent 3-G That’s our Margo; crisis barely averted but all she can think of is to re-arm.

Army of One Ii can’t be a map of Beetle’s ass, so what is it?

Dennis Schmenace Mr. Wilson sure does talk a lot about losing pants! He’s always walking out of his when me and Joey visit him!

Children of the Circle Billy talks to a Texas Instrument calculator.

Canadian Zombie Ah! Lizzie has learned the first and last most important word in the Patterson vocabulary.

Scenes from Suburban hell Now she’s even denying herself, Hi.

Sam Driver, Chick Magnet Hooray, I am loving this law-based plot & dialog!

Cockroach I am liking this comic more and more.

Sweet, Shallow and Smashed Good Lord, I know fire clothes & equipment is heavy but holy SHIT that’s a lot of damage! It doesn’t matter if his wang’s intact or not, he’s still not getting any, “wife” or not.

Fist O Justice Theater I just have to sit back and stare at this thing. I guess it’s another what, two or three weeks of criminal stupidity to go until The Punching begins?

Meddling Heights I feel a song parody coming on but I don’t know if I can hack up that hairball right now.

I, Platypus I’m looking forward to this.

Kit Walker, Quickie Ranger That’s IT? All that workup for this? What about Big Wrench-Toting Guy? What about the ecological damage by introducing foreign croccos to the Gulf? What about Cap’n Fast-Change’s unrequited adoration and wait, what the hell is he doing in his Phantom costume in front of her? Don’t you think the Bandar can put two and two together? This is the craziest pile of WTF so far this year. Bee-Grinding Nomination, for sure!

RMMW REX wants to get something straight! Well, I suppose SOMETHING is general enough.

Spider-Freak “Because I’m Bat-Boy!”
Jeff
May 4th, 2009 at 1:43 am [Reply]

Can someone explain Funky Winkerbean? What does the comic cover have to do with the preceding panel?
anonymous
May 4th, 2009 at 1:54 am [Reply]

#5 – Holy cow! Time really moves slow in the RMMD universe. You can probably book a round-the-world cruise and return about in time to weep with joy with the rest of us at Fat Kid’s reunion in Beantown with his sainted Mama.
Orinoco
May 4th, 2009 at 2:06 am [Reply]

“Funky fedora”? What a wanker.
Amanda M
May 4th, 2009 at 2:15 am [Reply]

Sequitur- why thank you. By the way, if this budding romance between the detective and Adrian goes on for longer than a few days, just kill me.
Wangdoodle
May 4th, 2009 at 2:43 am [Reply]

Curtis: Oh dear Lord, Mrs. Nelson got some from Mr. Nelson. Honestly? I’d rather think about Ted and Sally boinking. OH GOD I JUST SAID THAT. VOMITING NOW

Shankcraft: If it were a satire strip, that gag might be amusing. But it’s not, so it isn’t.

Luann: Exactly the sort of subtlety we’ve come to expect from Evans.

Non Sequitur: BUH BUH BUH TEH GUYS AT PENY ARCAID SAYZ U R A DINOSUAR AND TEHY R TEH SMARUTO!!1 B CAUSE TEHY NO VIDIO GAMEZ

Peanuts: But don’t worry, newsbloggerhoids! Lucy was pioneering your future years ago. (She contributes to NewsMax now.)

S4th: Don’t…don’t talk about your death, Ted. It makes me pop a very inappropriate boner. Sure, everyone nods their heads once I explain why, but still, it’s a little embarrassing.

Snuffy: You know how some webcomics have animated bits? Be thankful Snuffy’s still behind the times.

Shoe: HAW HAW BECAUSE THINGS WERE DIFFERENT IN THE OLD DAYS HAW HAW
Alfred E. Neuman
May 4th, 2009 at 3:35 am [Reply]

Monday

GT— In the semi-sensical world of GT, at last there is something I understand: A shout-out to Lio.

RMMD— “We have to get something straight here!”
Geez, I hate it when the strip writers set us up for obvious snarks. It makes it too easy, and will lead to a weakening of our snarking skills and to poorer quality snarks in the long run. Therefore, I refuse to take the bait.

Wait. Oh no! It’s happening. I can’t control myself! Aack!

Yeah, starting with you, Rex.
That’s what you kept saying to Willie.
This is the first time Rex has ever said that to a female.
You forgot to add “between us”.
I’ve heard that “something” is actually curved.

See what I mean?
Frank Parsnip
May 4th, 2009 at 4:02 am [Reply]

Funky Pantysniffer: “What’s up?” Well, you forgot to mention your weight. And I’m gonna keep on harping on it until I can tell the difference between Funky, Dinkle and Bushka.

MT: If they have any trouble, Rusty might be useful?!?! That gap in Rusty’s front teeth came from the last time bank robbers thought they could use him as a human shield against SWAT-team snipers.

MW: Dr. Adrian, always the sucker… doesn’t she know that leaning on a cop wearing a pumpkin-orange suit will always end in awkward frottage and anger? And if she thinks that’s bad, just see what awaits those who lean on cops in peppermint-green and sky-blue suits.

DtM: Mr. Wilson also says it had better put the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. Something’s menacing, and it’s not Dennis.

GT: The odd thing is that Milford apparently doesn’t have any athletes capable of administering a first-class beating.

Jugs Parker: “Talking about killing D’Vito won’t help… you have to put some action into it.”

Mallard Fillmore: Tinsley’s caricature of Obama relies heavily upon an enormously long and thin chin with enormous lips. How long will he keep it up?

Sex Organ, M.D.: Just thinking that I do hope Sarah will find a future modeling job as the unbearably cute face of the club-sandwich industry.

Spider Man: Electro always hoped that his son would learn his secret identity under circumstances in which he was not wrapped up in a rubber mat covered in about a foot’s depth of Spiderman web. My guess is that he’ll break free as soon as he realizes that despite the mat, his own pee will be capable of electrocuting anybody within puddle distance.
Strangefate
May 4th, 2009 at 4:10 am [Reply]

I like how Dr. Rex — hands on hips, jaw set — is completely talked around by Sarah within just a couple panels. I assume the next strip involves him backpedaling out the door, mopping his brow nervously as he drones: No, no, I wasn’t criticizing! What you did was a great idea, honey! I, I don’t know what came over me…

This being the strip’s hero, right?

Also, minus like two hundred points, for the poor choice of cover theft. There has to be an old Action Comics issue somewhere with a cover displaying Lex Luthor running out of a bank with a bag of loot. The kind with a big $ on it. The only question is how many times funnier that would have been (divided by how many times more likely it is Batiuk gets sued, which would only improve the gag considerably).

Also. The guy with the gong? Kanjar Ro. (And, to rub salt in the wound, go check out his wikipedia entry. The Slave Ship of Space? Also at least 2x as funny as the cover Batiuk chose).

And that’s my public service announcement for the month.
Mr. O'Malley
May 4th, 2009 at 5:02 am [Reply]

Remember when we had a discussion about some point of theology and it drove the famous “Christian Singles” girl ads to the page?

Now I’m getting “Do you know why the G-20 nations and central bankers are plotting to drastically change the world’s monetary system?”. Is this from discussing Funky’s dilemma? (Any game theorists around? Funky’s Dilemma sounds like a great theoretical puzzle. Like the Dining Philosophers Problem with pizza?)

92. Frank Parsnip. All of Tinsley’s caricatures have huge chins. He must have attended the Jay Leno School of Cartooning. But his Obama chin is much narrower than his usual generic caricature chin, and it doesn’t work. In fairness, your characterization of “enormous lips” is a bit misleading. It wouldn’t be a bad caricature if he left out the chin.

“How long will he keep it up?” He’s been drawing the evil liberals and schoolteachers with a rather Jewish look to them for years now, and despite the occasional letter of protest to the editor, shows no sign of changing. And his generic ignorant teenager is almost as oblivious to fashion trends as Archie and Jughead.

Speaking of rightwing commentary and comics, I just encountered a picture of Michael Savage here (just discussing the picture, not the page content) and it struck me once more that he seems to have gone out of his way to have his promo photo resemble Molester Mole from Pogo. (These are the only pictures I could find online. Not the best ones to make my point.)

But I did find some strips from G.O. Fizzickle Pogo available online. Those Fantagraphics collections are very good, also rather expensive. I’ve seen the Peanuts one which was great but I thought I might wait for a used copy. But I would be very tempted by the Pogo collection, when it comes out.
Mr. O'Malley
May 4th, 2009 at 5:23 am [Reply]

BTW, another LA Times comics page from 1969, with some interesting versions of strips still running and under discussion.

I don’t like to clutter up CC every time this blog puts up an old comics page, which happens frequently. Just bookmark http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/thedailymirror/ and follow it yourself.
gleeb
May 4th, 2009 at 6:21 am [Reply]

Candorville: What’s the best way to punish cartoonists that never finish what they start?

9CL: So, how long until Amos goes full drag? I give it 6 months.

A3-G: Second day with no freakin’ tea.

Buddha Bailey: He takes every opportunity to encourage others to follow the eightfold path.

Dick: How can you have such popped-out eyes and still let someone sneak up behind you?

Edge City: Does obeying the laws regarding fraud count? Sure. Obey: 4, Creativity: 1.

‘bean: Trouble has struck Montoni’s, and soon blood will be shed to propitiate the demons.

Gil: Iggy? Ramones? How old are these people supposed to be?

Sarber’s Righteous Anger!: All right, already. The old man’s angry. I get it. Move on.

Sequitur: You got a solution for this problem you’ve brought up over and over?

Pluggers: Man, you just made me think of a fat bear screwing Tim Geithner. Nobody needs to think about that.

Slylock: That fox is no recognizer of private property. Dude, if M le Comte wants to be alone, let him.

Speed Bump: Newspapers.

Other Coast: Of course, around panel three it became “Bobby’s Glass o’ Chemicals”.
Frank Parsnip
May 4th, 2009 at 6:39 am [Reply]

Mr. O’Malley (94) — My realization came the day when he drew Obama’s chin disappearing behind a newspaper. Its appearance seemd to be Obama’s neck affixed with an enormous flabby appendage that I initially believed was intended to be Obama’s chin. In the next panel it became clearer that the huge flabby “chin” was actually Obama’s lower lip.
LITTLE A. WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL WHO HAS NEVER WON THE LOTTERY
May 4th, 2009 at 6:42 am [Reply]

Just a question: does anybody, anybody, remember The Dime Bookstore on 170th Street in The Bronx, where old comic books were sold three for a dime? Just asking.
LITTLE A. WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL WHO HAS NEVER WON THE LOTTERY
May 4th, 2009 at 6:50 am [Reply]

MT: Yessiree, these are the smartest bank robbers ever. Not only are their faces on wanted posters — they are going to make themselves and their get-away (with pauses for leisurely fishing trips)even more inconspicuous by schlepping along a stupid little dog and a stupid little kid who resembles Howdy Doody with a purple neckerchief. Yes sir, this will facilitate everything.

Of course, adding kidnapping to their laundry list of crimes will help, too.

What’s next, Groucho masks and cigars? That’ll fool everybody.
LITTLE A. WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL WHO HAS NEVER WON THE LOTTERY
May 4th, 2009 at 6:52 am [Reply]

It was on Teller Avenue & 170th Street. I won’t even mention in what year it closed because then everybody will know that I am ab out 60 years old, and I don’t want that information posted, it’s private.
Little Guy
May 4th, 2009 at 7:49 am [Reply]

ySFx: Of course, since the next panel is guest-drawn by the Wachowski Brothers, he’ll just do his Superman routine and leap off.

Cassandra as Trinity……. mmmmm….

yPhantom: He’s in love with Honor Harrington/Susan Ivanova?

y9CL: There have been galleon ships which sank with a smaller gap than her mouth. Then again, it’s all regulated by the other gap. Between her legs.
Little Guy
May 4th, 2009 at 7:51 am [Reply]

96: C-ville: – Make them listen to Snuffy Smith’s “Aw aw aw”. Over and over.

Luann: “And do you want to see your new grandson in Pediatrics?”
teenchy
May 4th, 2009 at 8:02 am [Reply]

So Edge City steals from Cathy which steals from Marvin? I’m with # 96: creativity, like credit, is in short supply during this recession. Time for this dreck to go.
kalki
May 4th, 2009 at 8:02 am [Reply]

9CL: The case just keeps building up for involuntary commitment, doesn’t it, Brooke?

Archie: I’m sorry, what were you guys talking about? I was too distracted by the cameo by Ari from Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes in panel one.

Blondie: And on the other side of the sign: “What a fuckin loser…but at least his wife is bangable!”

Crank: Times were tough for Dumb Donald after Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids went off the air.

DTM: “Then it’ll get bent over and taken without lubricant. You guys wanna explain that last part to me?”

FW: Sucks to be you, Funky. Has the cancer spread to your brain already?

Hi/Lois: So that key practically guarantees a blowjob once Lois gets desperate for a sugar fix?

Luann: ha ha domestic abuse is funny ha ha

S-M: So, Spidey doesn’t believe in all that “do unto others” crap? If the positions were reversed, would he have a problem with Electro unmasking him in the ICU where Aunt May is hanging on by her Fixodent? Maybe I missed the part where Spidey got the proportionate moral values of an insect out of that radioactive spider bite.
mordock999
May 4th, 2009 at 8:24 am [Reply]

Tommorow’s Luann 05/05/09

An ANGRY Nancy Unit beats the the Living Crap out of Toni for AGAIN being the cause of injury to her son.

Nancy is arrested and charged with assault.

Frank frantically tries to SELL His BLOOD to pay for Bail.

Toni is put in a full body cast, immobilized, and placed in the same room as Brad.

And LOVE continues to Blossom!

Meantime, across town, Luann opens the front door of her home to find a leering, drooling, Elwood…,

______________________________

DEATH to TJ!
Winky's Spleen
May 4th, 2009 at 8:24 am [Reply]

FC – Billy is supposed to be seven, yes? Who the heck gives a 7-year old his own cell phone? My guess is, the militia unit he commands.
Kiyote
May 4th, 2009 at 8:40 am [Reply]

FW— So the recession we’re currently experiencing in 2009 is also being felt in the Funky Winkerbean Universe in 2019? Or is it only 2017 in the FW world— ten years after Lisa’s death in 2007?

Wow, I thought Lost was confusing!
Chyron HR
May 4th, 2009 at 8:44 am [Reply]

9 Chickweed Lane – “Amos and Edda were in love, they said/So in love, you’d want to shoot them dead.”

Edge City – Will the impoverished parents have to move in with their adult children? Because that would be so fresh and original!

Family Circus – Better caption: “The doctor says I’ve got mono. I can’t play until I’m in stereo.”

Herb & Jamaal – “He’s so lazy, he tries to pass off comic strips from a few months ago as new material.”

Non Sequitur – Gosh, Wiley, you sure showed that fictional character that you created and wrote dialogue for. Maybe he can return tomorrow and reveal that he’s a babyfur, thereby totally discrediting the kids today with their “blogs” and their lack of “beat sweetening”.

Mary Worth – “You can trust me, Adrian. I’ve got a hair color that occurs in nature!”

Spider-Man – “But dad–I do the laundry, you dumbass.”

Ziggy – Roswell reference: Predictable and unfunny. Asking Ziggy to check his brain before the trip to Yuggoth: Comedy gold.
Chyron HR
May 4th, 2009 at 8:48 am [Reply]

#107 Kiyote – Obviously a Zeta Beam accident has unhinged Funky from the timestream.

Like when Adam Strange was stranded in deep space with a topless Starfire, but his eyes were back on Earth (this really happened).
Parmalat Loire
May 4th, 2009 at 9:01 am [Reply]

Archie – So this Vanessa recognizes the feelings of rampant disgust that Archie characters inspire in human beings, and even each other, just by existing? She sounds hot, despite my not knowing anything else about her. You know what they say, though, a brain is a sexy thing.

9CL – Dear Brooke, tilted panels are not just super-pretentious, they make me angry when I am all squinty-eyed with coffee first thing in the morning trying to read them.

Luann – And here I was hoping for either a coma or a paralysis in which Toni is forced to give up her career and start waiting on Brad hand and foot for the rest of her life. Oh well, maybe she’ll have that punishment anyways, since even joking about being Brad’s wife deserves some comeuppance.
Anonymous
May 4th, 2009 at 9:23 am [Reply]

Mallard: In Tinsley world, shaking someone’s hand is “coddling and appeasing.”
Turgid Gloppage
May 4th, 2009 at 9:25 am [Reply]

Nothing interesting ever happens here. Even my uniform hasn’t changed since the 1950s.

A3G: A momentous event at A3G – a plot line has actually ended. Obviously, Tommie is far too lame a character to pull this off alone, we now see the whole ensemble that came to her defense. It’s as if Moy & Giella brainstormed to bring in as many other elements as they could for this send off.
Moy: Ok, we have Tommy fighting off Dr. Joe… Where do we go with this?
Giella: The Prof can rescue her.
Moy: He’s almost as boring at Tommie.
Giella: The Prof and MARGO.
Moy: Margo armed with… An umbrella!
Giella: Let’s bring Betsy Ross back from the dead.
Moy: … And make her wear radioactive proof gloves!
Giella: Suddenly, in walks a tazer-crazy lady! She’s “tazy!”

Gil: Is that Lio on the guy’s Mac? That’s almost cool. Tomorrow, he surfs and finds a site called Comics Curmudgeon. “Oh man, is this meta or what?”

Here come da judge: Please let me kill him? Oh pleeease?
I’m no phlebotomist, but isn’t threatening to kill someone is sort of, you know.. a crime and stuff? As a court official shouldn’t he, like… report it or something?

Whaa? Snuffy exists in this century? Sometimes I’m just amazed that he can fathom how pick-chures fly through the air and into one a dem tell-ur-visins.

Ha ha ha! Marmaduke is a really big dog! See, it wouldn’t be funny with a small or medium sized dog. It’s Marm’s bigness that makes this comic constantly hilarious!

Too bad Brad didn’t get aphasia. Because, you know, if you insert a character with aphasia, you will always have a go-to-guy when you’re stuck for a strip punch line. Making fun of people with disabilities never gets old! The only joke that works more often than that is being a big dog. Well, it’s close, depending on the size of the really big dog.

A 30 foot squirrel is about to take a dump on Andy’s head. But it’s funny because Andy is a big dog!

So when Stripey Ass is away, he leaves the Jungle Patrol in the capable hands of his nemesis Chatu the Python. No doubt he’s capable and qualified, but didn’t the hiring committee investigate the criminal record on this guy?

I also enjoy the Saturday Phantom’s lead in to the next week. In previous weeks, we’ve had the exciting “NEXT: CONFLICT!” To the mundane “NEXT: RESEARCH!” This time it was just cryptic “NEXT: WHERE!” Who? What?
Old School Allie Cat
May 4th, 2009 at 9:33 am [Reply]

Luann – I find it’s not wise to joke about spousal abuse at the hospital. My husband went for a bike ride one night, hit a curb wrong and went over his handlebars.

He was mostly OK – a little road rash, some bruises – but he jammed his shoulder, and since he’s a videographer, and it was the shoulder he uses to support a 25 pound camera, we went to the ER to get it checked out.

The nurse doing intake asked my husband if there was any history of spousal abuse – which is fine, but she asked him with me sitting RIGHT NEXT TO HIM! I just chuckled and made Margo finger quotes as I said, “Yeah, heh, heh – it was a ‘bike accident’.”

Mr. Cat jumped in to explain that there was no history of abuse, which is good, because the nurse was giving me the hairy eyeball.

So, that’s my PSA – joking about beating up your husband doesn’t go over well with the nurses.
Dingo
May 4th, 2009 at 9:38 am [Reply]

Sarah? Trust me. Daddy will never hate you for bringing willy to his room.
buckyswife
May 4th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

SM: Little Tommy clearly has his dad’s eyes–but given those ears, his mom must have been a Vulcan. So how does he know his dad’s identity? While Dad sleeps, Tommy secretly performs the Vulcan mind-meld, just to check up on what’s going on.

BB: Um, given the barely suppressed homoeroticism of the last few strips, I think it’s pretty clear what Beetle’s drawing…..

Curtis: Mrs. Nelson got laid. First: eeeeeeee. Second: How will Billingsley manage this info in his PG-rated strip? I’m suspecting that some male will show up in the classroom, and she’ll be all excited to see him, and then it will turn out it’s her son or brother or nephew or something. Why do I suspect that? Because it happened–comics deja vu.
tb4000
May 4th, 2009 at 9:45 am [Reply]

Luann: With the genders switched, this would have tied Luann with Between Friends, FOOB, AND Funky Cancerbean for most dramatic series.
commodorejohn
May 4th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

A3G – Oh my God she hit him so hard that she BROKE HER UMBRELLA

AS – Hey, nice gloves you’re not wearing, Officer Meticulous.

BrS – Captain Savarna? Nooo!!!

Crankshaft – Oh, there’s just going to be barrels of laughs in this storyline!

DTM – That’s…disturbing.

DT – Tor Johnson!

Dilbert – is just awesome.

FC – Hepatitis?

FB – Wait, a discernable and moderately amusing joke in Fred Basset? What universe did I wake up in this morning?

GA – As long as we don’t see any more of Slim, I’m good with this storyline continuing.

GT – Oh my God, it’s a Lio shout-out in Gil Thorp! And given that it’s less than two weeks after Lio did a Gil Thorp guest appearance, does that mean that the two strips decided to do this independently? Anyway, that’s a pretty wicked awesome Halo poster. Whigham might not measure up to the genuine insanity of the McLaughlin era, but he makes up for it with some genuinely cool attention to detail, in addition to the insanity he does pull off. Like panel one; what the hell is going on there, anyway? From the motion lines, it looks like he pivoted 180° using his head as a center point.

H&L – Ha ha! Anorexia! Ha ha ha!

Love Is… – ARGH

Luann – You can die from a concussion, right? Please let that be the case.

MT – This is, like, the most straightforward Mark Trail storyline ever. No subplots, no false leads, nothing but a completely simple and obvious setup for some Fists O’ Justice. It’s…um, it’s kind of like a porno, in that regard.

Marmaduke – AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

MW – This. Is. Painful.

Monty – is pretty great today.

NS – Get over yourself, Wiley. It doesn’t take some feat of rhetorical genius to make this point. Stephen Pastis already did it better, earlier, and funnier than you, and he’s not even one of you cutting-edge, elite political cartoonists.

PBS – I love this strip.

Ghost-Who-Leaves-Behind-The-Interesting-Guest-Characters – Farewell, Captain Sea Goddess. We won’t forget you.

RMMD – Bah, there’s nothing “straight” about you, Rex.

SFx – …easy-cheese?

SM – You know, there’s all kinds of coming-out jokes to be made here, but I’m more intrigued by the fact that Electro didn’t want his son to find out like this. Like how? Unwillingly unmasked by a super…um, “hero?” Or is it just the full-body coccoon that’s unacceptably humiliating? How was he planning to drop this bombshell? Was Tommy in for an altogether more awkward “The Talk” than the one most kids get?

Edison Lee – Edison, that’s just what he told you. The truth is, he just doesn’t want to be around you longer than strictly necessary. I don’t blame him.

Ziggy – I think you could make a pretty good case that this is what the world actually looks like to Tom Wilson.
commodorejohn
May 4th, 2009 at 9:58 am [Reply]

#115 buckyswife re: Curtis – I’m glad it’s not just me.
Hammertime
May 4th, 2009 at 10:01 am [Reply]

I know it’s late to ask…but did anyone – ANYONE -figure out just what the h*ll the point was of Crankshaft’s ‘play ball with Fidel and Che’ story?
TheDiva
May 4th, 2009 at 10:03 am [Reply]

reFOOB: Appalled by the first sign of independent thought from her daughter, Elly devotes the rest of her life to quashing it.

Luann: Isn’t this how While You Were Sleeping started? (Incidentally, my dad had a heart attack a few weeks ago and to the best of my knowledge none of his co-workers had to pretend to be married to him in order to get into his hospital room.)

MW: “I’m so glad you said that, because I have a wedding dress and a photographer and a down payment on a reception hall and I’d just hate for them to go to waste…”
Professor Fate
May 4th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

9CL: I’d like to think that this strip was a shout out to the late Lux Interior lead singer for the Cramps but well I just can’t.

FW: What’s worse is that your cancer treatments are making you look like you’re 70 years old – chemo can do that sometimes.
the grene kni3t
May 4th, 2009 at 10:16 am [Reply]

I’m deeply sorry… but saying you plan to kill Mr. Dvito won’t help! You’ve got to keep quiet about it, so that we’ll be more likely to release him and you can kill him without interference. God.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 4th, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

5/4

FW: Don’t really care about Funky Namenotcuteanymore bitching over bills, but at least we got away from Les, Cayla and Dead Lisa before they hit the bedroom. Small mercies.

Ziggy: Tomorrow: Ziggy gets anally probed.

H&J: That’s less “lazy” than “insane.”

DtM: “Then he reached for his belt and said he could illustrate the concept of pantslessness. I ran straight home.”

Crock: A big yellow rock. I see the colorists are spending as little time as ever on Crock, and who can blame them?

H&L: Don’t trust her, Hi. She prpbably put something in the Doritos so that she can collect on your life insurance.

S-M: Electro and Spidey are visiting Eddie Munster?

6C: It’s like reading Zippy, except there’s a discernible joke.

GT: The artist apparently got it in his head that these guys would be into punk rock, but couldn’t think of any punk bands formed after ‘75.

SFx: What I’m not hearing in all of this is any mention of Count Weirdly committing a crime. In fact if he were suspected of anything, they could come to his front door with a warrant, rendering his convoluted alarm system moot. Thus, I can only conclude that Sly and Max are on a black ops mission to assassinate the Count before he can go public.
Winky's Spleen
May 4th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

Frank Parsnip #97 – Maybe Tinsley is trying to say that the pendulous chin growth is where the president is hiding his stealth socialist agenda?

Buckyswife #115 – Oh, my. Beetle likes to pitch, and he likes to draw his catcher…

Hammertime #119 – Clearly, the point of the story is that, if you catch someone cheating at anything, no matter how ruthless they are, just throw a flaming baseball at their head. Everyone will have a good laugh, and the cheater will learn the error of his ways with good humor. I can’t wait to try this out next time I’m at my sister-in-law’s, who’s been known to cheat at Trivial Pursuit.
pccmdoc
May 4th, 2009 at 10:54 am [Reply]

Luann: WTF, I attempted to post a realistic list of injuries Brad could have suffered based on my scientific evaluation of the one image of Toni’s fall. (laptop froze after previewing).

But I’d like to see the diagram that lead to this collection. I can see the concussion from hitting his head on the ground, the broken ribs from Toni landing on him.

His forearm? Typically that would be from trying to catch himself, not Toni.

The ankle sprain? I suppose from his rapid move from under the ladder to the opposite side.

But, dammit, where are the internal injuries? Liver fracture, splenic rupture, hell even penile fracture from the instant stiffy he got when he realized his pelvis and Toni’s would touch.

Would it have been too much to ask to yank his spleen?
Muffaroo
May 4th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

A3G – All charges against Dr. Joe will have to be dropped, because nobody could pick him out of a line-up without the bucket.

FCircus – My sister took a course in medical terminology. I can tell you that “something-itis” means an inflammation of something. Better put some ice on that.

GThorp – There’s room on the laptop for Iggy and the Ramones, but where’s Gail Martin? She’s the Carole King of rock ‘n’ roll! How quickly they forget.

HtHorrible – Fight song? You’ve got to hand it to that Lucky Eddie. The things he says are SO inappropriate!

H&Jamaal – My favorite story in this vein came from a Chinese folk tale in Children’s Digest. The wife of the laziest man in the world had to go on a journey, and she was worried about her husband taking care of himself, so she made a bunch of biscuits and strung them around his neck and left him under a tree. When she got back, he had starved to death, having eaten only the ones in front.

MTrail – “Rusty probably got involved in taking pictures and forgot the time!” Mark’s a real glass-half-full kind of guy, isn’t he? Sends his kid off to the forest, maybe even warns him about the crooks they’ve already run into two or three times. When he finds him beaten and tied up, he’ll probably think he accidentally got tangled in five yards of hemp and fell down four flights of stairs. Then he’ll go dashing off to help a family of ducks get across a road.

Mduke – “Face it, dear. This thing is bigger than both of us. Because we’re wee little elves in a clown car.”

MWorth – You can always cry on Det. Hewlett, Adrian. That’s why he wears that terrycloth suit.

Pluggers – Pluggers look like animals, talk like machines.

S-Man – “Jeez, Dad! Don’t you remember ‘Career Day’ at my school? You gave a presentation and made everybody’s hair stand on end and put a light bulb in your mouth and everything!”
Muffaroo
May 4th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

Jumper @73 – Hm. The names I remember seeing over and over on comics pages were T.M. Maple and Loren MacGregor at Marvel and Marty (”Pesky”) Pasko at DC. I don’t know if cat yronwode wrote a lot of letters, but she was a leading fan who broke on through (as did Pasko, of course). Marv Wolfman, incidentally, was a Herbie fan, whose story came in third when they had a contest. I’ve since wished he’d write it up and get it illustrated by someone. Steve Rude, maybe.

Frank Parsnip @92 – Tinsley’s ‘research department’ brought him one photo of Obama, which he copied once. He made a caricature out of it by randomly exaggerating some features. Okay, all of them. By then, he’d lost the photo, so since then, he’s been working from that, ‘caricaturing’ it as he goes. By 2012, it’ll be 90% ears and chin, with little eyes to stare out at the reader and tell us we’re at the last panel.
queek
May 4th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

Love Is. . . . the thermometer.

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-boy-thermostat-fail.jpg?w=375&h=500
UncleJeff
May 4th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: OK. Who the hell is the guy with Adrian? Is it her brother, who is supposed to be in Vietnam? Is it her dad, who somehow has lost his grey tips? Is it the detective who looks like the other detective who probably shouldn’t be offering a “shoulder” or any other body part to someone who should be under investigation for stupidity? Is it some random guy off the street or one that MW sent in to get some new ideas for making Adrian’s life miserable?
UncleJeff
May 4th, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

from our friends at Tribune Media Services:
Annie: I hope Annie saw that episode of “Mythbusters” about getting out of cars submerged in water.
GA: How hard did she have to whip that broom to knock a 250-plus pound man off his feet?
Love Is: Introducing your toddler to performing in those “special” movies.
anaceofkidneys
May 4th, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

“Sometimes it’s best to tell adults what you did… after you did it!”

Also known as “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission.” One of the governing principles of my life. Very astute, Sarah.
Calico
May 4th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

FOOB – My sentiment exactly, Lizzie.
Sans Sense
May 4th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

RMMD:

“No darling, you will NEVER get in trouble for bringing willy to our room, ever. And it’s good you didn’t tell Mommy. I’m just sayin’ we have to coordinate, you know plan, so Daddy can best “help” willy and all the future willys…”

Ewww… I just creeped my self out. Gotta take another shower.
LisaB
May 4th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

AHHH!!!! Is it just me or does Detective Hewlett look like a blond version of Dr. Jeff. Yuck. Although it would be kind of awesome if he and Adrian got together and he turned out to be Dr. Jeff’s illegitimate love child from a … well I was going to say torrid affair, but I can’t imagine Dr. Jeff being torrid with anyone.
gnome de blog
May 4th, 2009 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

If Rusty were any kind of a kid at all, he would have had a slingshot in his pocket and pelted the bad guys with rocks until his stupid little dog escaped.

Why didn’t the Phantom ply Captain Savarna with a vial of BANDAR MEDICINE? How quickly we forget.
Abbey the Wonderdog
May 4th, 2009 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

I don’t so much mind the Morgans going off on a cruise and leaving me to tend the medical practice, the free clinic, and piloting the air-evac helicopter. It’s nice to get them out from underfoot for a while. However, I wish they’d told me they weren’t coming back for six months. I’m almost out of kibble and it’s really hard to sign the credit card receipts without an opposable thumb.

BARK! BARK! BARK!
Anonymous
May 4th, 2009 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

A3G: This has probably come up already but —

Do we have any reason to believe that Margo, Ruby, and the Professor even knew who Dr. Joe was?

We knew he was a nogoodnik but Tommie had just figured it out.

Shouldn’t one of them be wondering before congratulating themselves for going all Ox-Bow Incident on him?
Calico
May 4th, 2009 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

Rex sez:
“We have to get something straight.”
I don’t think he’s referring to himself at this particular moment…
Poteet
May 4th, 2009 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

# 119 Hammertime — As far as I could tell, the point was to teach the young ballplayer what suffering really is, so that in future he’ll be able to mutter to himself, “Well, hanging upside down from my seatbelt in my rolled-over totaled car is pretty annoying, but hey, at least I’m not having to listen to that batshit-crazy story about Castro.”

# 125 pccmdoc — Thank you. Your comment was far more cogent than the rant I was preparing.
Zaq
May 4th, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

Monday!

A3G: We’re still going on Monday, and that means we get another week of this! Man, look at that umbrella there. Way to go, Margo!

GT: So, um, I get that these two goons are trying to create some kind of humorous injury footage to ride GilBonk’s coattails, but… what?

MW: M’guh, creepy.

BeBa: Have the Beetle Bailey people been colluding with the Crock people? That’s the only explanation I can come up with for this.

FW: Misery despair death ruin sorrow collapse wailing!

FW, take 2: Yeah, those cancer taxes have really gone up.

SlyFo: Warrants: Now available in cans!

Big Dog: …sigh.

MT: Rusty joined the party! He may be useful!

JP: I just want to speculate on the method. Guns are flashy, but too easy. We’ve already had the whole explosive thing in the past year or two. Maybe his bare hands! Hmm, can you imagine what a Bond-villain deathtrap would be like in Judge Parker? I mean, besides taking a good year and a half to explain and activate? There’s a joke about unnecessarily hot women to be made here, but it’s Monday, so I’ll just let the reader infer it.

RMMD: Huh, Sarah looks almost human in panel 2. A little more anime than normal, but almost human.

re: Yesterthread title: Don’t be silly, Josh. This can’t possibly be worse than Elmer Vargas Sort Of Gets Deported Or Something (Now taking up your entire summer of craziness!) that we had to endure last summer.
Sans Sense
May 4th, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

#125. pccmdoc -

Well said. Having lost a spleen myself (in a wrestling match with a freakishly strong two year old), I wouldn’t wish that on anyone… except TJ… and Crankshaft… oh and that freaky overalls guy in 9CL.
Fashion Police
May 4th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

Since she’s a ballerina, Edda managing six-inch heels isn’t entirely out of the question, but Amos shouldn’t attempt anything over four.

Amos did do well choosing the suit over a skirt, but he really should have his trousers lengthened and stick to black hose if he wants to wear high heels. Furthermore, those skinny pumps are all out of proportion. He should have selected something more substantial, perhaps a lace-up ankle boot with a thicker heel. Stilettos are a little adventurous for his body shape.
Poteet
May 4th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

S-M — So the kid knew already, which means that Spidey was entirely justified in behaving like a colossal asshat. Uh-huh.

Whatever “treachery” Electro has in mind, I hope it hurts Spidey real bad.

9CL — Amos, I’d dislike you even if you were really tall. I promise.
Niall
May 4th, 2009 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

So, no one has said it yet? Beetle is a Chaosian!. Which, sadly, still doesn’t explain anything in the strip. Except probably Killer’s tree-fucking (and the trees who fuck him back). That’s chaotic enough.
Baka Gaijin
May 4th, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

Monday’s Slylock Fox: In a can? Maybe a can of those tainted pistachios? The fox and mouse can trip any wire while the Count is in the can. Salmonella can really knock someone on his can.
Deena in OR
May 4th, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

Re: RMMD-When did Willy start inhabiting the prepubescent body of Mason Reese?
Amanda M
May 4th, 2009 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth- May 4th

In regards to “Lean on me anytime”…I’m ready for that bullet now.
UncleJeff
May 4th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

146 Deena: I thought Willie was starting to look like those statues of Nero as a young boy.
Calico
May 4th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

#145 – The spirit of Suzy Quatro.
“Put your man in the can, honey…”

#140 – Yes, Margo really wrecked that parapluie, and good! She’s been all kinds of awesome lately.
The Diabolical Squid
May 4th, 2009 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

I think someone else might have noticed that playing the part of Sarah in RM:MD is L, from Death Note. This could either mean that Sarah is a master detective with Asperger’s Syndrome from Japan investigating the case of a rampant pedophile while undercover, or that the artist in charge of RM:MD can’t draw worth crap. Take your pick, either way there will be plenty of Pocky and Koala Yummies to go around!
Katya
May 4th, 2009 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

Okay, I just read all the above comments, and I’ve been laughing my head off. This leads me to one conclusion:

People who read comic strips are highly intelligent. They also are extremely witty. They also, unlike most people today, can write a sentence (maybe even more than one!) correctly! Cheers to all of you! I think I’m in love!

I wish I could “turn back time” to the days when I was about ten years old. I was an avid reader; I’d read “good stuff,” but I also loved comic books, especially “Archie” and “Betty and Veronica.” Typical girl, I guess. Anyway, every time my father, a very educated and intellectual man, saw me reading one of those comic books, he wouldn’t let the opportunity pass to tell me that I was wasting my time reading “garbage,” and that I should instead devote myself to a worthwhile book. (By the way, he himself loved MAD magazine! Ha, ha, ha!)

Anyway, I wish he could see now how intelligent all of you comics readers are, especially as compared to much of the rest of society. Sorry to appear so judgmental, but much of what I read on the Internet is so poorly written, I have to slog through it and even then can barely comprehend what the “writer” means to say. Just sayin’…

Okay, back to the important stuff — the comics:

I must have missed it somewhere along the way, but why, oh why does it seem to be taken as fact that Rex Morgan is a (barely) closeted gay? Do you guys have any real evidence to back up your opinions or are you just having fun with it all?

See ya…
Baka Gaijin
May 4th, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

Apartment 3-G: Margo, just north of Cincinnati is the Totes warehouse store. Bring in your broken umbrella, walk out with a brand new one. You don’t even have to toss a bucket on anyone’s head or taze ‘em or anything!
Ignatz
May 4th, 2009 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

Right-Wing Duck: In Tinsley-land, shaking someone’s hand is “coddling and appeasing” them. I can’t IMAGINE how loudly he’d complain if a President ever actually kissed a Saudi sheik. Oh, wait…
sugarpie
May 4th, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

Katya 151 Closeted? Rex? Rex Morgan? Oh, now that’s just crazy talk! Are you certain you’re not misinterpreting everyone’s comments?
Zaq
May 4th, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

151 Katya: The past few weeks have had a lot of homoRexual gems for those in the know, but less blatant evidence for the uninitiated. If you’ve got an hour or two to spare (being generous here… but once you start reading Curmudgeon archives, it’s rather difficult to stop. Not TV Tropes difficult, perhaps, but difficult!) I highly recommend reading back through the archives here for a few of the older Rex storylines, especially (though not limited to) Rex’s Big Gay Golf Game, the MRSA story, and anything involving Niki, but especially the fishing trip. To paraphrase Josh during the Niki fishing trip story, “every day this text gets less sub!”

It’s kind of like seeing those hidden images… (not the weird-focus magic-eye things, but, to use a mundane example, the arrow in the FedEx logo). It’s hiding just below the surface, but once you see it, you’ll never unsee it, and everything else makes so much more sense.

Welcome aboard, by the way. Always glad to have a new inmate.
Sans Sense
May 4th, 2009 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

#151. – Katya:

Evidence? EVIDENCE!?! You can sit there all safe and cozy in your herculon-covered ergonomically designed swivel chair and demand luxuries like “evidence” and “proof”!

I suggest you get yourself down to social services and meet a young man named “Niki”. Sure the bruises have healed but the poor boy can’t face a fish dinner without sobbing uncontrollably. Or the pale group of teens in group therapy whose resurfaced memories of what really went on in Max Mallory’s basement keep their horror fresh and unhealed. There is a good reason why Rex and June left the country on a unregistered bankrupt cruise ship.

And now Willy…Little Willy really drives him wild with his run-around style
Inside, outside
Willy sends Rex silly with his star-shine shimmy shuffle smile.

Nuff said? Let’s not be naive.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 4th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

#152 Baka Gaijin

You don’t even have to toss a bucket on anyone’s head or taze ‘em or anything!

But can she if she wants to?
commodorejohn
May 4th, 2009 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

#151 Katya – It’s not so much a question of proof so much as a long litany of hints, seeming innuendos, and things that just don’t quite add up in any other interpretation. Any given instance may seem innocent enough on the surface, but when you see one after another after another over severall years and several storylines, it becomes so apparent that you really can’t see how you ever doubted it.
sugarpie
May 4th, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

RMMD Oh yes, I second ZAQ /155: Welcome!
queek
May 4th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

151:

Rex’s advice to a teen boy (during the aforementioned “Nikki’s Fishing Trip”):

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20071116&name=Rex_Morgan
queek
May 4th, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

and its not like June doesn’t have a clue:

Rex is off to a cabin with Nikki:

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20071004&name=Rex_Morgan

and her suggestion?

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20071006&name=Rex_Morgan

these are just the tip of the iceburg, to put it mildly. Welcome aboard! :-)
Cedar
May 4th, 2009 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

#151 It goes back even further than Nikki and the fishing trip

http://joshreads.com/?p=529
Calico
May 4th, 2009 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

#151 – Yes, welcome. It’s always good to have more snarkers.
I have always been a big Archie fan – I still have a pile of Archie comics form the early 70’s.

Now, It’s time for you to become knowledgeable about the AJGLU3000, which writes all the puns for the gang of Riverdale.
(Archie Joke-Generating-Laugh-Unit 3000, which occasionally shows its presence in the comic itself (This textual manifestation shows what good sports the current artist and writers are). : )

Enjoy!
Calico
May 4th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

From, I mean, not form!
I can haz mad spelin skilz too!
Baka Gaijin
May 4th, 2009 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

#157 Artist: If Margo uses the taser or bucket at the Totes store, she won’t get a new umbrella. Maybe a used plastic poncho, but no umbrella. If she uses both, she’ll end up with an extra-large golf umbrella with a break-resistant fiberglass shaft when Sheila’s on duty, wink wink, nudge nudge!
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 4th, 2009 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

Average intelligence only seems high because I have made minimal contributions so far to the present thread. That’ll bring the average down in a hurry.
Jordan
May 4th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

“Don’t get too attached, dear… he’s going back.”

But I thought you can’t push Willy when Willy won’t go.
The Evil Duck (formally HC)
May 4th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

9CL (May 4) — Wow, is Amos the king of all creepsters or what? His comments about her knees and neck (but especially her knees because there is nothing NOTHING attractive about knees, they’re like freaky patches of bone barely covered by hard wrinkly skin) in panel one is bad enough but he’s clearly wearing her shoes in panel three. I bet when she’s not around (HA! As if that ever happens!) he takes them off and smells them while furiously masturbating himself and thinking about her spine or her nose hairs or something.

The Argyle Sweater (May 4) — Best part is, that’s a pube. (I’m so mature I astound myself sometimes)

Baldo (May 4) — “But that might be because your fingers are six inches from the strings.”

Ballard Street (in general) — Ballard Street is like reading your textbook in high school Spanish class. You recognize all the words and generally know what they mean but when you look at them in the given sentence try as you might it won’t make any damn sense. And then the bell rings and all you’ve gotten from it is annoyed.

Drabble (May 4) — The only way for that to actually work is if he flung his phone into the soup, which is probably an easy way to end awkward conversations.

Foob (May 4) — Powerful lungs on little Lizard-breath. I’m surprised this wasn’t her answer way back when Anthony started hitting on her. You know, during her rape trial?

H the H (May 4) — Hagar was then beheaded and, as a mark of their victory over the vicious Norse, his head was hung from London Bridge. For the next few weeks we’ll be hearing “watch your head,” “heads up,” and “he’s got a great head for heights” type punchlines.

The Family Circus (May 4) — Please be swine flu, please be swine flu, please be swine flu!!

Edge City (May 4) — Dear sweet Jesus on a unicycle!! How many comics are going to use this plot? Is it because they’re all moving in with their kids as their country club dues dry up and they are no longer allowed to go golfing?

Baby Blues (May 4) — “How did you know!? Now I have to kill you!”

A3G (May 4) — Margo’s just glad she got to beat someone senseless. Look at how beaten up that umbrella is, she must have been really wailing on him off panel. “AND THIS IS FOR TAKING AWAY MY PANEL TIME! AND THIS IS BECAUSE YOU WERE THREATENING ONE THIRD OF MY RENT! AND THIS IS BECAUSE I’M NOT MARRIED! AND THIS IS BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT!”

Lockhorns (May 4) — This just hit me, why don’t the Lockhorns get divorced? Or do they stay together to exchange “witty” banter? Are they too part of some horrifying reality show about marital distress? It would explain why their world is made up of crappy cardboard sets and even crappier cardboard extras.

Mallard Fillmore (May 4) — You know what’s funny? That Barack Obama has big ears and a long face! You know what would be funnier? Attaching some kind of bizarre baguette/dildo on his chin and have it deliver all this lines! Oh…wait…did I say funnier? I met way more disturbing.

Mark Trail (May 4) — Is Rusty crying is his eye sprouting hair? Although, if he is crying, I like that Sassy is about to lick up his tears with an expression of pure bliss on her face!

Mary Worth (May 4) — Officer McOpportunity says “lean on me anytime” but he means “have luke-warm lights off mostly clothed missionary sex with me anytime.” This is, of course, the limit of risqueness allowed in Mary Worth.

Mother Goose and Grimm (May 4) — No one in this strip is making eye contact, it’s like a middle school play. You can hear the practiced monotone “gee” and “I. Think. I love. You.”

Ziggy (May 4) — Me thinks that Tom and Tom II have no idea where or what Roswell is but heard that it has something to do with aliens. I think this is how they get all their jokes. “Yeah, I think I heard something about e-mail once. There’s a voice that says ‘you’ve got mail.’” “So…what does that mean?” “I don’t know, let’s have it coming out of the toilet.” “Brilliant!”

Rex Morgan (May 4) — “He’s mine, got it?”

Spider-Man (May 4) — “because unlike everyone else in this comic I have an IQ above 12.”

Snuffy Smith (May 4) — “Or we could just stand here and jump violently up and down. That’s almost the same thing.” Either that or their squinty eyed, opened mouthed flailing signifies one or both of them is having an epileptic seizure.
odinthor
May 4th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

It’s cuz folks who like comix ipso facto appreciate imagination and creativity, and have turned over a lot of stones looking for them. Um, or do I mean that folks who like comix are generally stoned, and it takes imagination and creativity to appreciate them? Well, whatever.
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 4th, 2009 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

Panel 1 Rex = “No, princess… you’re not in trouble. Trouble means suffering, but your death will be a swift one.”
Sans Sense
May 4th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

#169. Odinthor -

Interesting perspective. I wonder if the hot new attribute asked for on dating sites is “must read comics”?

(and which one of you is going to point out I put the question mark in the wrong place?)
Turgid Gloppage
May 4th, 2009 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

The drunken Mrs. Dunsmore tells June that Willy must “go back”. But I believe she is mistaken. Just listen to the Sweet music:

‘Cause little Willy, Willy won’t go home
But you can’t push Willy round
Willy won’t go, try tellin’ everybody but, oh no
Little Willy, Willy won’t go home

Little Willy, Willy won’t
Willy won’t, Willy won’t
Little Willy, Willy won’t
Willy won’t, Willy won’t
Little Willy, Willy won’t
Willy won’t, Willy won’t
Little Willy, Willy won’t
Willy won’t, Willy won’t

Little Willy, Willy won’t go home
But you can’t push Willy round
Willy won’t go, try tellin’ everybody but, oh no
Little Willy, Willy won’t go home
Fashion Police
May 4th, 2009 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

168 Evil Duck:
Those are not Edda’s shoes. Those are Amos’ own shoes. Edda in six-inch heels is taller than he is, so he wears them to assert his masculinity.
bats :[
May 4th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

Never say never again:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3502309910/
True Fable
May 4th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

#151 Katya – I used to steadfastly believe in Rex’s public facade of altruistic doctor and heterosexual husband and father. Oh no, I said; all those weeks talking about getting his balls in a hole with Dr. Troy was just happenstance. Oh no, I protested; the stream of double-entendre with cute teenage troublemaker Niki was just…uh… unusual circumstances. All the orgasmic panels of him licking a spoon of ice cream were just my imagination.

Then one day I snapped when June wanted to get all snuggley with her own husband, and he pretty well brushed her aside like the empty McDonald’s to-go bags and empty cups in the floorboard of a car. You just don’t do that to The Rackwielder unless you’re afraid you’ll turn out another Sarah, or you’re gay. It could go either way, one might say.

It’s like saying Sam Driver is impotent. Good looking, has all the ladies crazy about him, but even his own wife can’t rev his engines because why? – because he can’t get it up! It’s only a theory but considering the evidence, it’s as solid a theory as I’ve got.
commodorejohn
May 4th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

#171 Sans Sense – It’s not necessarily in the wrong place, it could just be that you’re using hackish quote style.
Turgid Gloppage
May 4th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

Rex: Sarah, is there something else you’re not telling me?
Sarah: Well, don’t be mad, Daddy.
Rex: I promise I won’t be mad.
Sarah: I sort of steered the ship into an iceberg.
Rex: Uh, I… That’s ok, honey… I think…. right?
Sarah: And I licked that club sandwich to make it mine.
Rex: You …. Get out of my sight! You’re DEAD TO ME NOW!
Dr. Weird
May 4th, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

RMMD

Rex: “We have to get something straight here!”

I can’t believe no one has touched that line yet! Like “Lord knows it’s not me!”
These Strange Worlds
May 4th, 2009 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

Spidy (and 9CL too)

Whine whine whine.

Everyone loves gritty anti-heroes like in Watchmen, where one of them thows a psychotic villain down an elevator shaft (offscreen) and electrocutes with a busted toilet (onscreen).

But just once Spidy goes all mindgames on Electro and incidently: (1) survives a fight against a much stronger opponent and (2) gets the power turned back on — and everyone is calling him a dick.

OK, so maybe he IS a dick, but wouldn’t it be even more gritty than Rorschach if Spidy waited until Electro and his son were reunited and then he used his super strength to pull off the villain’s head as an object lesson to the kid.

I’m just saying.

Speaking of gritty superheros, check out Tom the Dancing Bug at the Sunday Washington Post (you might have to register).

http://wpcomics.washingtonpost.com/client/wpc/td/

Next I’ll rant about how twisted 9CL’s Amos is… but not as twisted as his fairy alter-ego over in Pibgorn, where for the last week he’s been going hot and heavy with… Edda’s mother fairy Juliet.

(Usual Pibgorn disclaimer. In this context, “fairy Amos” and “fairy Juliet: are purly descriptive.

Bitter? You’d be bitter too if you lives three miles from two schools closed down due to swine flu. Do you know where those kids all go when they got turned loose? The Mall and the movie theaters, that’s where.

Ahatchoo!
bats :[
May 4th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

Re a farkin’ creepy 9CL: I’m trying to ignore Amos and his issues for the moment.
But it seems to me that six-inch heels are coming close to that type of footwear seen in fetish sites, (not what’s seen in the panel),with the rest of the foot almost perpendicular to the floor (and the toes at close to a 90-degree angle to the sole and instep). Just about impossible for anyone to walk in, but Edda is a ballerina and her feet are shot, anyway…
Just how small IS Amos’ wee-wee anyway, when his gf’s height is that much of a threat to him?
These Strange Worlds
May 4th, 2009 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

On the other hand, I really enjoyed this Sunday’s Mark Trail. The flounder is my second favorite fish, right after the neon tetra.
These Strange Worlds
May 4th, 2009 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

74 on Adam Strange

I think Strange would make my top 25, and not just because of my handle here.

What to know why? Check out:

http://media.photobucket.com/image/Alanna%20%252522adam%20strange%252522/JMPTX/thunderdome/Week%2046/Group%20C/AdamStrange.gif

(What the heck is she doing with her right leg, anyway)?
Old School Allie Cat
May 4th, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

Luann – It’s a damn shame about Brad’s broken arm. That’s the one he uses whenever he’s…whipping up a batch of crepe batter.

Or to put it a different way, he uses that arm when he’s yanking on the fire hose.

And sadly, neither of these are euphemisms for punching the clown (by which I don’t mean TJ).
Muffaroo
May 4th, 2009 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

These Strange Worlds @181 – Favorite fish! I once attended a small SF convention that happened to be in the same venue as a Bassmasters wingding. I was fascinated to see something like a mirror image of our convention, except that the basis wasn’t books but fish. They had panels about bass, dealers selling bass paraphernalia, and they watched bass movies together.

Some time later, I was sitting in a chair in front of the TV while some hapless souls on public television were giving the old college try to this humor thing that all the young people were wild about. One of their wacky ideas was to go up to politicians at highly charged moments and ask them what their favorite fish was. At some triumphal moment in a campaign, they approached Bruce Babbitt with a microphone and asked him, and without even a split second of hesitation, he said “striped bass!”

Having seen the dedication of bass fishermen, I knew he was speaking from the heart. Great guy.
commodorejohn
May 4th, 2009 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

#179 These Strange Worlds – Two things. First, Spider-Man is supposed to be a likeable hero; he’s not just the kind of person who saves the world, he’s the kind of guy you’d invite over for coffee after. Here, he’s just being an asshole for no particular reason other than that the plot demands it. Rorschach, on the other hand, is supposed to be a psychopath; he’s not even really presented as an admirable figure in the narrative (the only maybe-admirable thing about him is the way he sticks to his convictions no matter what the consequences,) he’s just one of those characters who’s so damn ax-crazy that the readers wind up loving him. And it’s this entertainment factor that makes the bigger difference. Watching Rorschach electrocute a thug with a toilet and a frayed electrical cord is so over-the-top as to be funny; watching Spider-Man screw around with Electro’s personal life for no reason isn’t, and it just makes him look dickish.
zerowolf
May 4th, 2009 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

That villian looks like Rick James crawled out of the grave. “He’s super Funk, super Funk, super Funky…..”
Hank
May 4th, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

RE: Ignatz says, May 4th, 2009 at 2:45 pm, Mallard Fillmore. Is it REALLY your intent to defend Obama by describing his actions as comparable to something that Bush did? Furthermore, if your point is hypocrisy, then I suppose you’d have to start going after the various partisans who attacked [fill in name of Republican] one thing or another and then give Obama a pass for doing the same thing.
Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
May 4th, 2009 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

Josh, you dissapoint me. I remember–it must be a month or two ago by now, though I don’t have the time to look up the exact date–you vowed that you would get to the bottom of the daily-comics-colorist mystery and enlighten us all with your findings. Well, I am still burning with desire to know why blatant coloring cues in the text of comics go ignored by the colorists. Did you discover anything?
bats :[
May 4th, 2009 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

185. commodorejohn: is “ax-crazy” anything like “umbrella-crazy”? If so, I think I have another candidate…
commodorejohn
May 4th, 2009 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

#189 bats :[ – Precisely! Margo is more subtle about her misanthropy (now there’s a phrase I never thought I’d write,) but it’s exactly the same kind of thing.
Poteet
May 4th, 2009 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

# 151 — Welcome, Katya!

# 174 bats — Excellent! If Nizzie had grabbed that attitude and held it for a quarter-century, all of us would have been spared Blandthony.

And I agree about 9CL. Now I wonder if Amos plans to wear heels every time Edda wears heels for the rest of his natural-born life. If so, I congratulate the creative soul who thought up that curse and laid it on him.
Sans Sense
May 4th, 2009 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

RMMD:

Let’s all keep in mind that the current writers of RMMD are being somewhat true to the original. As I recall reading it as I was growing up, Rex was a “confirmed bachelor” (in the parlance of the time) and June was extremely helpful but rather sexless. The new June is a fabulous improvement but I do seem the remember that the old Rex actually cared about medicine.
Black Drazon
May 4th, 2009 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

I just caught something in panel 2 of Rex Morgan there. “Go to my room? That makes me angry, daddy. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
Sheila Sternwell
May 4th, 2009 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

After reading comments the past few days, I’m reminded of one of the funniest lines in “Corner Gas” history, which involves the phrase “unforeseen Hank”. Beyond that, I shall not elaborate.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 5th, 2009 at 1:11 am [Reply]

The Erisian Shield symbol is akin to a martial version of Kurt Vonnegut’s shorthand symbol for asshole. So it must mean both. It does seem to confirm that Beetle is a bottom.
Thursday Next
May 5th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

That is one creepy hippo.
Katya
May 5th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

Hi, everyone –

Thanks for all the replies and welcoming responses I got to my post of yesterday. I appreciate them all; however, I think you all really just responded because I flattered you by calling you intelligent! Just kidding — I genuinely meant what I said.

To “One-eyed Wolfdog,” who said, “Average intelligence only seems high because I have made minimal contributions so far to the present thread. That’ll bring the average down in a hurry.”:

Dear Mr./Ms. Wolfdog,

Your comment was both clever and very funny. I have found in my life that a good sense of humor often correlates with intelligence. Methinks you do yourself a grave injustice by your (false — I see through you! Ha, ha!) modesty.

So thanks for the laugh!

To all the posters who were kind enough to attempt to clue me in to Rex Morgan’s sexuality — thank you. And I think I may be beginning to get it. Like, say, the subtle innuendo stuff. For instance…why is the little lost boy named Willy? Hmmm? Very suspicious!

So…are you proud of me for figuring that out? I’m proud of myself!

I must say, though, that I never cared one way or the other about Rex’s sexual preference(s) until last Sunday (I think it was) when he was shown bare-chested and with a towel just barely covering his hips. Oh, that masculine hairy chest and forearm; oh, those muscles! I would have loved to have been in June’s place at that moment (let’s just assume, please, for just a moment that he’s a hot-blooded straight male, or that he can’t resist me! Ha, ha, ha!)

Clothed, the guy does nothing for me; in fact, he’s pretty boring (I can hear all of you going, “Wow, no duh!”). Sans his shirt, however, yowza! (Please don’t tell my husband!)

Later…

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Enjoy it while it lasts, Willy

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